Sunday, November 11, 2012

Bug's Bleat - - GCF: Advice

Weekend breakfast – two eggs sunny side up on homemade wheat bread with a slice of bacon.

Annette’s Hybiscus blooming again inside our home.

Josiah was named "Student Of The Week"

Meanwhile, outside, her potato plant is also blooming.

Annette’s new Pansies in the front of the house.

From the '70s, the rear of our “famous” ’74 Pinto Wagon, beside the steps at our 12’ x 60’ trailer on South Pine Street.

My new “DO” after Annette got tired of reminding me to comb my hair. (Annette’s been cutting my hair since we were so poor we had to save up for a year to go to the drive-in on dollar night.)

Volume 14, Issue 44 Friday, November 09, 2012

Hello ALL,

Is there a holiday in November? Seems I remember one. Hummmmmmmmm Oh yeah, … THANKSGIVING! Or did we just do away with that one? We must have because I don’t see any turkey or pilgrim displays. On November 1 all the Halloween decorations were whisked away and … viola! Thanks … er I mean Christmas displays filled the streets, byways and store displays.

Does anyone else miss Thanksgiving?
We had a Presidential election this week? Wednesday morning at 1 am (CST) all the excitement evaporated and it was all over except the crying. I was surprised that the electoral college count was so one sided but what really surprised me was the reaction of many Christian Conservatives.

I heard several folks declare that this was the end of the world as we knew it.

Did I somehow miss the announcement that God was no longer on his Throne?
While we’re on the subject of the election - - Luke 6:28 - - Bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you.
1 Timothy 2:1-4 - - I urge, then, first of all, that petitions, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for all people— 2 for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. 3 This is good, and pleases God our Savior, 4 who wants all people to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth.
Daryl Cox - - Hebrews 13:17
Speaking of Government;

Joe Tudor shared this with us a few (11) years ago and it bears sharing again;
James, I think you need to introduce the readers of the Bleat to INATPROBU. Founded by
Jim Boren, who also founded the International School of Applied Ignorance, the International Association of Professional Politicians and Bureaucrat's purpose includes "...recognizing individuals or organizations that have demonstrated bureaucratic excellence in dynamic inaction, orbital dialoguing, communicative fuzzification, and creative nonresponsiveness.

The Boren Guidelines serve as the rudder for the bureaucratic ship of state:
When in charge, ponder.
When in trouble, delegate.
When in doubt, mumble."

You can read more about Jim Boren at:

The Boren Plan for reorganization of the government rivals any of the many McClellan Plans I've heard thus far.
GCF: Veteran's Day 2012 (Serious, not humor)

In the United States, the Veteran's Day holiday is celebrated Sunday, November 11th (this is also Remembrance Day in Canada). In the early 1970's, Veteran's Day became a "movable" holiday -- the fourth Monday of October. In 1978, at the urging of veteran's groups who realized the sanctity of the date, Congress returned Veteran's Day to November 11th (if on a weekend, it moves to the closest Friday or Monday). Please remember that this day is not to honor war, but rather to honor the sacrifice made by others for our freedom.

What we call Veteran's Day is the anniversary of the signing of the Armistice in the Forest of Campiegne by the Allies and the Germans in 1918 (the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month). This signified the end of World War I and was originally known as Armistice Day. President Woodrow Wilson signed the Congressional Resolution on Nov. 11, 1919, the first Armistice Day.

However, after World War II, the day began to lose meaning and since there were many other veterans to consider, the decision was made to change November 11th to honor all those who fought in American wars. The United States Congress passed an act to change the name to Veteran's Day and in 1954 President Dwight Eisenhower signed the act.

With that in mind, I would like to say "thank you" to all the men and women with whom I served, and to especially remember those who aren't with us anymore. As a former Hospital Corpsman, I wish a heartfelt "Semper Fi" to all my Marine friends.

- Tom Ellsworth
(HM2 USN 1965-69)


This year I want to share one item. It is simply called "The Old Gentleman"

As I came out of the supermarket that sunny day, pushing my cart of groceries towards my car, I saw an old man with the hood of his car up and a lady sitting inside the car with the door open. The old man was looking at the engine. I put my groceries away in my car and continued to watch the old gentleman from about twenty-five feet away. I saw a young man in his early twenties with a grocery bag in his arm, walking towards the old man.

The old gentleman saw him coming too, and took a few steps towards him. I saw the old gentleman point to his open hood and say something. The young man put his grocery bag into what looked like a brand new Cadillac Escalade and then turned back to the old man and I heard him yell at the old gentleman saying, "You shouldn't even be allowed to drive a car at your age." And then with a wave of his hand, he got into his car and peeled rubber out of the parking lot.

I saw the old gentleman pull out his handkerchief and mop his brow as he went back to his car and again looked at the engine. He then went to his wife and spoke with her and appeared to tell her it would be okay. I had seen enough and I approached the old man. He saw me coming and stood straight and as I got near him, I said, "Looks like you're having a problem."

He smiled sheepishly and quietly nodded his head. I looked under the hood myself and knew that whatever the problem was, it was beyond me. Looking around, I saw a gas station up the road and told the old gentleman that I would be right back. I drove to the station and went inside and saw three attendants working on cars.

I approached one of them and related the problem the old man had with his car and offered to pay them if they could follow me back down and help him. The old man had pushed the heavy car under the shade of a tree and appeared to be comforting his wife. When he saw us, he straightened up and thanked me for my help.

As the mechanics diagnosed the problem (overheated engine), I spoke with the old gentleman. When I shook hands with him earlier, he had noticed my Marine Corps ring and had commented about it telling me that he had been a Marine, too. I nodded and asked the usual question: "What outfit did you serve with?"

He told me that he had served with the First Marine Division at Tarawa, Saipan, Iwo Jima, and Guadalcanal. He had hit all the big ones and retired from the Corps after the war was over. As we talked, we heard the car engine come on and saw the mechanics lower the hood. They came over to us as the old man reached for his wallet, but was stopped by me. I told him I would just put the bill on my AAA card. He still reached for the wallet and handed me a card that I assumed had his name and address on it. I stuck it in my pocket. We shook hands all around again and I said my goodbyes to his wife.

I then told the two mechanics that I would follow them back to the station. Once at the station, I told them that I had interrupted their own jobs to come along with me and help the old man. I said I wanted to pay for their help, but they refused to charge me. One of them pulled out a card from his pocket looking exactly like the card the old man had given to me. Both of the men told me then, that they were Marine Corps Reservists. Once again, we shook hands all around. As I was leaving, one of them told me I should look at the card the old man had given to me. I said I would and drove off.

For some reason, I had gone about two blocks when I pulled over and took the card out of my pocket and looked at it for a long, long time. The name of the old gentleman was on the card in gold leaf and under his name, it said ...

"Congressional Medal of Honor Society."

I sat there motionless, looking at the card and reading it over and over. I looked up from the card and smiled to no one but myself and marveled that on this day, four Marines had all come together because one of us needed help. He was an old man, all right, but it felt good to have stood next to greatness and courage and it was an honor to have been in his presence.

Please remember ... America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the MALL.


As a final thought on my part, let me share a favorite prayer:

"Lord, keep our servicemen and women safe, whether they serve at home or overseas. Hold them in Your loving hands and protect them as they protect us."

Let's all keep those currently serving and those who have gone before in our thoughts. They are the reason for the many freedoms we enjoy.

Remember, we live in the land of the free because of the brave.

Thomas S. Ellsworth | |
Favorite Quotes:

The Mission Church - - Success in the Mission Church is not measured by how many we seat, but by how many we send. "As You sent Me into the world, I also have sent them into the world." (John 17:18 NKJV)
The following wisdom is shared by our friends.
Jimmy Baugh - - Remember, we’re not promised tomorrow, so why waste a single moment living life defeated and depressed?
Russell G. Brasel - - "Consider again that dot. That's here. That's home. That's us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every "superstar," every "supreme leader," every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there – on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam." -- Carl Sagan, born November 9, 1934
Jim Ford
Before you assume, learn the facts! Before you judge, understand why! Before you hurt someone, feel! Before you speak, think!

The best way to save face is to keep the lower half shut....

A vote is like a rifle; its usefulness depends on the character of the user. - Theodore Roosevelt

"We Should Measure Welfare's Success By How Many Leave Welfare, Not By How Many Are Added" - - Ronald Reagan
Wendell Franks - - Everything happens for a reason. But sometimes the reason is that you're stupid and make bad decisions...
Kristen Hightower - - "Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough."
Nancee Davis Law
It's not about how many times you fall but about how many times you pick yourself back up.

You may never get a second chance to make a FIRST impression...make it count.

it's not what you have in your life, but whom you have in your life that counts.
Jimmy Malone - - In a world gone crazy, sanity is a radical stand.
Gavin Morgan - - Fyi. FBI agents do NOT have a sense of humor
Psa 40:5-8
Creating Your Own Best-Case Scenario - - What to keep in your first aid diabetes kit in case of emergency
By Wil Dubois

I hadn't planned on running out of gas. Who does? When the alert tone went off in my Jeep, I started playing the device Macarena: I checked my CGM, my phone, my iPod. Nothing. Then the yellow light on the dashboard finally caught my eye. Oh crap. I had just driven my way into what I call an Emergency Poquito — Spanish for small, or tiny, emergency.

How does running out of gas qualify as an emergency? For most people it doesn't. For most people it rates, at best, as a major annoyance. But for people with diabetes, running out of gas in the middle of nowhere can quickly escalate from an annoyance to a life-threatening event. A bona fide emergency. []
Recipe of the week: Smart Starts: 7 Days of Healthy Low Carb Breakfasts

Breakfast is the most challenging meal for people living with diabetes. In this country, standard breakfast fare is usually very high in carbohydrates. Cereal, toast, bagels, muffins, danish, scones, pancakes, waffles, and even fruit are among the foods most likely to spike your blood sugar. Bacon and eggs are carb-free, but bacon comes with other downsides and even the most devoted of egg lovers can't have eggs every day.
With the help of the folks in dLife's Food Talk forum, we've gathered up some great ideas and created easy, healthy breakfast meal plans for a week.

Back-to-work Monday is a good day to go for simple toast and toppings. But a slice of whole grain toast with a tablespoon of jam on it will cost you 26 grams of carbs. And it's unlikely that one piece of toast will satisfy you. Try this:

Blueberry Danish Roll-Up
1. Spread 1 teaspoon of butter, 2 tablespoons of cream cheese and 1/4 cup of gently mashed blueberries on one half of a piece of low carb lavash bread.*
2. Roll up, using toothpicks if necessary to hold it together, and heat in toaster oven or microwave until warm throughout.
3. Have a hard-boiled egg to complete your meal.

Total carbs: 14g

*Try Joseph's Middle East Bakery Lavash, with flax, oat bran, and whole wheat (or any
whole grain, low carb tortilla or wrap). Variations: almond, macadamia, or peanut butter with finely diced apple; no-salt-added cottage cheese and cinnamon; or this dLife recipe for Raspberry Cheese Spread. If you
don't have lavash, make any of these open-faced on whole grain, low carb bread or waffles.

Click Here [] To see the other six days recipes.

dLife Copyright © 2012 LifeMed Media, Inc.
AskBob - - Bob Rankin - - I Need Help With My Mac!

Believe it or not, Apple's Mac computers do not run on magic and fairy dust. I often get requests for help with Mac-related problems. When I can answer, I do. But when I need a Mac expert, or I want to get the latest Mac news and rumors, I turn to my list of Mac websites for trustworthy advice and answers. If you have a Mac, you'll want to bookmark them all. If you have a friend with a Mac, you'll want to share this with them. Read on! []
The latest from Michael Yon, the foremost “milnews” blogger on the web.

Michael Yon
Petraeus setback

I know Paula, too. Sad all around. She is physically tough, very smart, and equally pretty. We talked sometimes in Afghanistan while she was writing the book and sometimes communicated since. There were rumors back then. Very saddening and I hope Petraeus stays in the fight in some capacity. It should not be forgotten what he accomplished. Taken in context, this fits in a small box.

GOBAR GAS: If the US Economy implodes, it's back to basics []

This is nothing major, but it is short and interesting. Given that this takes only a few minutes, I think it is worth the time to watch []

Very Respectfully,
Michael Yon
Your Writer,

Please remember that this website accepts no advertisement and is dependent on your support.

PS Please sign up for my updates at "Michael_Yon" [] (not Michael Yon).
If you would like to encourage US Troops overseas, but are not sure just how to begin, visit for ideas.
Please remember ... America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the MALL.
~~~~~ - - Adorable babies to make you go, "ahhhh!" today. Enjoy!

New Gerber Baby Is Revealed - - Ann Turner Cook, the original Gerber baby is now 85 years old and ready to reveal the next little tot to wear the title []

Dad Turns A Baby Into Action Hero - - Self-taught movie director and dad turns his toddler into "Dragon Baby" ready to take evil stuffed animal. So cute. No wonder it already has more than 5,000,000 hits online. []

ACC SmartBrief - - What will Obama's second term mean for the chemical industry? The chemical and energy sectors may see additional, tougher environmental regulations during President Barack Obama's second term, according to Reuters. The administration is expected to advance long-withheld greenhouse-gas regulations for industrial emissions, including the Boiler MACT rule, while the Environmental Protection Agency is preparing two reports on hydraulic fracturing regulations. Reuters []
Experts say misinformation about flame retardants threatens safety. Fire-science experts are questioning possible changes to California's fire-safety regulations for upholstered furniture, saying it could be dangerous and unprecedented to relax existing standards. "What's the evidence that flame-retardant chemicals don't work? ... Flame-retardant materials work when properly used," says Gordon L. Nelson, an author and past president of the American Chemical Society. A revision could be "the first time in the U.S. that the law lowers safety. That never happens. We always go in the opposite direction," says Marcelo M. Hirschler, a chemist and fire-safety consultant. Chemical & Engineering News (10/29) []
ACC President and CEO Cal Dooley congratulates President Barack Obama on re-election, reiterates industry commitment to work with Obama and Congress to advance science-based regulation and promotion of sound energy policy
Photos on the front of this week’s “Bleat” include - - Annette’s Hybiscus blooming again inside our home. Meanwhile, outside, her potato plant is also blooming. The rear of our “famous” ’74 Pinto Wagon, beside the steps at our 12’ x 60’ trailer on South Pine Street. Annette’s new Pansies in the front of the house. Weekend breakfast – two eggs sunny side up on homemade wheat bread with a slice of bacon. My new “DO” after Annette got tired of reminding me to comb my hair. (Annette’s been cutting my hair since we were so poor we had to save up for a year to go to the drive-in on dollar night.)
For the latest issue of "Da Bleat.", go to
Our photos are posted at
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.
BreakPoint - - Rights Talk Run Amok
The Supremacy of the Individual
By: John Stonestreet | Published: November 9, 2012

How far has the drive for LGBT “rights” gone? Well just about over the cliff of sanity.

Colleen Francis made himself right at home in the locker room at Evergreen College in Olympia, Washington. The forty-five year-old student showered, used the sauna and walked around naked in front of the other people using those facilities.

Now if you’re having trouble squaring the name “Colleen” with the male pronoun “himself,” you’re not the only one. Those present in the locker room also had trouble with the combination that the locker room in question was the women’s room and “Colleen” is anatomically a male.

Thus when he showers, sits in the sauna, and walks around naked, Francis is exposing himself not only to his fellow students but students from local high schools and families who also use the college’s swimming pool and locker room. Thus, among the females he has exposed himself to are minors, some as young as six.

If you’re wondering, “Why doesn’t someone stop Francis,” well, they tried to, and that’s when the story became surreal. The swimming coach from the local high school and the mother of one of the team members called the police. When the police arrived Francis informed them that he was a transsexual and that, under Washington State law, he was entitled to use the women’s locker room.

If that sounds ridiculous to you, well, it worked. The coach apologized and the college informed parents that state law, which prohibits discrimination on the basis of “gender expression or identity,” tied their hands. The best they could do was to provide screens for those made “uncomfortable” by Francis’ presence.

The Alliance Defending Freedom is representing the parents of the children and has promised to take action if any of the girls is harmed, but absent a change in the law, it may not make a difference.

That’s because what’s happening in Olympia is the logical outcome of two very potent and destructive trends in American society.

The first is what Harvard professor Mary Ann Glendon famously called “rights talk.” This “talk” is characterized by “its legalistic character . . . exaggerated absoluteness . . . hyper-individualism . . . and its silence with respect to personal, civic, and collective responsibilities.”

Despite these deficiencies, it’s the “language” Americans, more than anyone else, speak when they discuss important issues, especially social ones driven by a culture increasingly marked by a sexual free-for-all camouflaged as sexual “freedom.”

The second trend is the transition from talking about the sexes to talking about gender. Until very recently a person was either male or female and the determination was based on objective physical criteria. While it isn’t always as simple as I just made it sound, the rule generally held.

Today, we speak in terms of “gender identity,” which “refers to a person’s private sense . . . and subjective experience.” It doesn’t matter if Francis has had sex-reassignment surgery or not—all that matters is his self-identification as “transsexual.”

It’s not an exaggeration to say that there are potentially as many gender identities as there are people. And under Washington law, each of these is protected from “discrimination” by state agencies such as Evergreen College.

When Francis walked into the women’s locker room, he was a rights-bearing individual whose “right” to use the facility trumped any other interest. Even the mental and sexual health interest of six-year-old girls.

Obviously this is absurd, but it didn’t come out of nowhere—it is where American law and culture have been headed for some time. And there aren’t enough screens to cover this damage.
Further Reading and Information

College Allows Transgender Man to Expose Himself to Young Girls
Todd Starnes | Fox News | November 1, 2012 []

Rights Talk: The Impoverishment of Political Discourse
Mary Ann Glendon | Free Press | July 1993 []


Copyright © 2012 Prison Fellowship. All Rights Reserved

Residents of Columbia County, Arkansas are represented in Congress by:

Senator John Boozman (R_ AR)
1 Russell Courtyard
Washington DC, 20510
Phone: 202-224-4843
Senator Mark Pryor (D_ AR)
Phone 202_224_2353
FAX 202_228_0908
Representative Michael A. Ross (D _ 04)
Phone 202_225_3772
FAX 202_225_1314

Other states congresspersons can be found at: []

"Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today." - Groucho Marx

"The music that can deepest reach, and cure all ill, is cordial speech." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Whoever is winning at the moment will always seem to be invincible." - George Orwell

"We are always complaining that our days are few, and acting as though there would be no end of them." - Seneca

"Experience is a good teacher, but she sends in terrific bills." - Minna Antrim

"There may be times when we are powerless to prevent injustice, but there must never be a time when we fail to protest." - Elie Wiesel

"Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity." - George S. Patton

Messianic Jews, Arab Christians Pray Together - - David Lazarus (Nov 5, 2012)

In the shade of the dense eucalyptus forest an estimated 1,500 participants began with a time of personal repentance. Pastors from a variety of congregations across the land explained the need to come before God with "clean hands and a right spirit." Tears were evident as local Believers asked God's forgiveness for sins of jealousy, pride and critical attitudes.
Read Full Story []
Update on Christian Rally in Egyptian Desert: Estimated 25,000 Come to Jesus - - Jerry Dykstra (Nov 5, 2012)

"We are overwhelmed by His goodness and His heart of mercy towards Egypt, and are expecting more and more signs of revival in the coming days."
Read Full Story []

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GCF: Advice

If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! Just send an email to:

A young boy gave some serious advice to his little sister. He told her, "When you need help from our parents, don't ever tell them you made a mistake. Instead, say you want to talk to them about a recent learning experience. You get into much less trouble that way!"
_ _______________________________ _
GCF: Retirement

Two officers pulled their police cruiser up behind a car stopped on the shoulder of the highway. They got out and asked the driver if they could help. No, he replied, there was no trouble; he had just stopped to look at a map. When we turned back, they noticed that his German Shepherd had jumped in the open passenger-side front window of the police car.

"You may think there's no trouble," the first officer smiled, "but your dog obviously thinks he's done something wrong. He's in our patrol car."

The motorist laughed. "He probably thinks you've come to take him to work," he replied. "He's a retired police dog."
_ _______________________________ _
GCF: Too Helpful

Working for a judge in a common pleas court, I saw many criminal defendants. One man facing drug charges proved unusually helpful.

To determine the exact quantity of the illegal substance allegedly sold, the judge asked the prosecutor how many grams there are in an ounce.

As both attorneys checked their notes, the defendant, who had not yet entered his plea, proudly announced, "There are 28.3 grams in an ounce, your honor."

His attorney advised him to plead guilty.
_ _______________________________ _
GCF: Directions

A friend of ours from another city was on her way to our house when suddenly she realized she had made a wrong turn.

She stopped and asked a lady for directions.

"Go back down this road through a couple of traffic lights," she was instructed, "then stop and ask someone else."
_ _______________________________ _
GCF: Doorbell

I was accompanying my eight-year-old daughter who was selling cookies door-to-door for the Girl Scouts. After visiting several homes, she commented on the different styles of doorbells: some buzzed, some rang, some warbled.

We made a game of guessing what the next bell would sound like.

At the precise moment she touched the doorbell at one house, the church tower down the street began to chime.

She wheeled around with a look of amazement on her face.

"Now that's a doorbell!"
_ _______________________________ _
GCF: With the Trainer

I was working out the other day when I spotted a very attractive young lady entering the gym. I asked the trainer, "What machine should I use to impress that gorgeous girl over there?"

The trainer looked me up and down and said, "For you, I'd recommend using the ATM in the lobby."
_ _______________________________ _
/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( \
/ / | | \ \
_( (_ | | _) )
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_|<> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
America's Real Military Might

/* GCFL wants to thank all US Veterans and their families for their service to our great country! Thank you! */

The Pentagon once did a study on why so many American servicemen marry women in the countries where they're stationed.

Contrary to popular belief, loneliness had nothing to do with it.

Once the men rotated back to the U.S., all their in-laws were thousands of miles away.

Received from Thorn Shunt.


Sleeping in the Barn

A lawyer and two friends, a rabbi and a Hindu holy man, had car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer.

The farmer said, "There might be a problem; you see, I only have room for two to sleep, so one of you must sleep in the barn."

"No problem," chimed the rabbi. "My people wandered in the desert for forty years. I am humble enough to sleep in the barn for an evening."

With that, he departed to the barn and the others bedded down for the night.

Moments later, a knock was heard at the door, and the farmer opened it. There stood the rabbi from the barn.

"What's wrong?" asked the farmer.

He replied, "I'm grateful to you, but I can't sleep in the barn. There is a pig in the barn, and my faith believes that is an unclean animal."

His Hindu friend agreed to swap places with him. But a few minutes later, the same scene recurred. There was a knock on the door.

"What's wrong now?" the farmer asked.

The Hindu holy man replied, "I too am grateful for your helping us out, but there is a cow in the barn, and in my country cows are considered sacred. I can't sleep on holy ground!"

Well, that left only the lawyer to make the change. He grumbled and complained, but he went out to the barn.

Moments later, there was another knock on the farmer's door.

Frustrated and tired, the farmer opened the door, and there stood ... the pig and the cow.

Received from Big Mac Clean Joke Attack.


Bad Hair Day

"What happened to you?" asked the bystander of the man lying on the sidewalk outside of the beauty parlor.

The man shook his head groggily and rubbed his bruised chin. "Well, the last thing I remember was my wife coming out of the beauty salon. I took one look at her and said, 'Well, honey ... at least you tried.'"

Received from Thomas Ellsworth.


Slim Jim Tool

First I had to work late. Then I discovered that I'd locked my keys in the car. But the last straw was learning that roadside service couldn't get a locksmith to me for at least two hours.

Finally the guy showed, looking exhausted.

As he struggled with my door, I joked, "Do those Slim Jim tools come in purse-size?"

"Yeah," he muttered. "They're called keys."

- from Jessica Zamadics (via Reader's Digest)

Received from Doc's Daily Chuckle.


Speedy Chicken

I was driving down the interstate in a rural area when a chicken passed me doing 65 mph. I sped up and passed the chicken. A few minutes later, the same bird passed me again;
this time he was doing 75 mph. Startled, I floored the accelerator, got my car up to 85, and blew by the bird, for good I thought. But sure enough, five minutes later he went by me again. This time he passed me at 95 mph and made a right turn off the freeway onto a farm next to the interstate.

I immediately exited and drove up to the farmhouse and knocked on the door. When the farmer opened the door, I told the farmer of my experience with his speedy poultry and he told me, "Oh, that must be one of my three-legged chickens!"

I asked, "How did you end up with three-legged chickens?"

He responded, "I have nine children. They all love drumsticks, so I bred three-legged chickens to keep my kids satisfied."

It sounded logical to me, so I curiously asked, "How do they taste?"

The farmer answered, "Don't know -- can't catch 'em!"

Received from Peter Puleo.

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Brought to you by The Good, Clean Funnies List A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a) Mail address: GCFL, Box 100, Harvest, AL 35749, USA

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Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Humor - -

Limerick Riddle
November 9th, 2012

Can you guess the last line (or last word) of this limerick? I’ve left empty spaces between lines 4 and 5, so you can guess before reaching the end. (If Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me! can do this, why can’t I?)

Limerick Riddle
By Madeleine Begun Kane

It’s often left after a flood.
When you throw it, I might say, “Oh, crud!”
I’m beginning to fear
That my meaning’s unclear…

The word that I’m slinging is “mud.”

(Thanks to Sunday Scribblings for the inspiration.)
© Madeleine Begun Kane. All Rights Reserved.
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Inquiring Minds Want To Know

Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?

Why is the third hand On the watch Called the second hand?

3. If a word is misspelled In the dictionary, How would we ever know?

4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, Where did he find the words?

5.Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?

7. Why do "fat chance" and "slim chance" Mean the same thing?

8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?

9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" When we are already there?

10. Why are they called "stands" When they are made for sitting?

11. Why is it called "after dark" When it really is "after light"?

12.. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" Make the unexpected expected?

13.. Why are a "wise man" and A "wise guy" opposites?

14. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" Mean opposite things?

15. Why is "phonics" Not spelled The way it sounds?

16. If work is so terrific, Why do they have to pay you to do it?

17.. If all the world is a stage, Where is the audience sitting?

18.. If love is blind, Why is lingerie so popular?

19. If you are cross-eyed And have dyslexia, Can you read all right?

21.. Why do you press harder On the buttons of a remote control When you know the batteries are dead?

22. Why do we put suits in garment bags And garments in a suitcase?

23. How come abbreviated Is such a long word?

24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

25.. Why doesn't glue Stick to the inside of the bottle?

26. Why do they call it a TV set When you only have one?

27. Christmas - What other time of the year Do you sit in front of a dead tree And eat candy out of your socks?

28. Why do we drive on a parkway And park on a driveway?

Thanks to Waneta
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"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." __ Franklin D. Roosevelt
"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle."
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. _ _ George Carlin
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" _ _ Queen E. Watson
“A political class of Republicans and Democrats that look after themselves, not the Nation. A media hostile to the very precepts of this nation. A generation of Americans who see morals as vices, and are ignorant of America's Actual History.”
"The things that will destroy America are prosperity-at-any-price, peace-at-any-price, safety-first instead of duty-first, the love of soft living, and the get-rich-quick theory of life." - - Theodore Roosevelt
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Emergency Phone Number 911
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )
Central Dispatch 234_5655
(Non _ Emergency Number)
Direct Numbers
Ambulance _ 234_7371 (24 Hour)
Jail _ 234_5331 (24 Hour)
Poison Control _ 800_222_1222 (24 Hour)
http://www. aapcc. org/
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Interested in getting in touch with the Banner_News through e_mail? For the editor, For news and sports items, Coming Events, Diary, Church News, school and civic events. []
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"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." __ "Bug"
"I read the end of the book. We win!" __ "Bug"
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." __ "Bug"
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." _ _ "Bug"
"It's no big deal doing what God tells you to do. A big deal would be NOT doing what God tells you to do. Just ask Jonah." _ _ Paul Troquille
“Nam et ipsa scientia potestas est.” Knowledge is power. _ Francis Bacon
"The problem is here and now. The time for talk is past. The time for action is now."
Comments on the first Earth Day _ James F. McClellan via John "Fuzzy" Thurman
Hope you enjoy the newsletter.
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week.
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" __"Bug"
God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT_I KC5HII

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