Friday, January 31, 2014

Bug's Bleat - - GCF: That Look

Volume 16, Issue 02 Friday, January 10, 2014

Dinah's images of Lake Hamilton from her lakeside home.

Hello ALL,

I missed a great "Wife Of My Youth" photo opportunity yesterday afternoon.
Waiting in line at WalMart and Annette asked the cashier if she could have a paper towel to wipe off the counter, there was something on it. 'The Cashier was finishing up with the previous customer and absently handed Annette a paper towel. It wasn't doing the job so Annette asked if she had some cleaning spray. The Cashier pulled out a bottle and quickly sprayed the whole counter, then turned back to the other customer.
Annette started cleaning the counter.

The Cashier had to go to Customer Service to get something and, while she was gone, Annette went ahead and cleaned the scanner, counter, the whole station. It was at this point I realized I should take a photo, but alas, she finished up before my camera booted up.

My Kingdom for an old instamatic.
It always amazes me that the two folks sitting on this bench (Two kids started married life having to save up for a year to go to the Drive-In on "Dollar Night.") should end up with such a great family.

We had to pay for baby David's surgery at the rate of $5 a month. To have Vanessa, Annette used the "Lay A Baby" plan and prepaid the Doctor and Hospital over eight months, finishing just before she was born.

Now we find ourselves part of this great group, wanting to grow up to be like our kids, "In-Loves" and GRANDkids. :0)
The “Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Go Outside” Department brings us: “Nightmare bacteria - - Patients infected with drug-resistant bacteria at suburban Chicago hospital”

Health authorities in Illinois have placed a suburban Chicago hospital under tight scrutiny after an extremely rare strain of a dangerous drug-resistant strand of flu was found to be connected to a series of operations performed at Advocate Lutheran General Hospital, located in Park Ridge west of Chicago, in the past year.
Dr. Jucas strongly suggested that I eschew Gluten so Annette made a WallyWorld run to stock up on some Gluten Free supplies.

The stuff is expensive but tasty. I’m pretty sure I’ll survive. And … true to the doctor’s word, my skin turgor has improved dramatically. Bruising and tearing my skin from simply bumping into flat surfaces has pretty much ceased.
Annette picks them up from surrounding yards. I crack 'em. She shells 'em. The freezer is filling up. €:•)

Our buddy Richard Harris commented; “Let me get this straight, Annette steals the pecans, you disguise and hide the evidence.. That right...??? OMG, she is stealing pecans, and you are the one that will be supporting her when it comes to bail time..... Pissst, as long as she brings her catch with her, I will hide her forever... Or.... Until the fruit runs out... At a place on the lake that as a key gate and a caretaker that loves pecans... Shelled of course..!!!
We spent a VERY relaxing time at my cousin Dinah’s vacation rental home on Lake Hamilton just south east of Hot Springs. In addition to the beautiful lake, Dinah took us to see the Garvin Gardens Christmas Light Display. Wow! We’re planning on going back for the Spring Tulip Show.

Most of us probably think of a sparse cabin when we think of a vacation rental but this place is FANTASTIC. Dinah’s is a very well appointed, four bedroom home in a nice neighborhood, includes all the amenities and sleeps 11 comfortably. Most important to us was the three bathrooms. Absolutely no waiting. :0) Annette spent a lot of time sitting in front of the fireplace and watching the ducks and geese on the water just outside the patio door.
I’m NOT a big fan of the “post Sam” Wal-Mart corporation. Most of my differences are with the corporation and not the local workers. Thursday, the local folk again proved that they could handle problems that corporate failed to resolve.
At a Wal-Mart Online Black Friday sale. We bought our youngest grandsons 4” tablets for Christmas presents. Josiah’s works great. However, the power switch was broken on Ethans. So, I called the manufacturer. After an hour on the phone, the tech suggested that I contact Wal-Mart. So, I called Wal-Mart Customer Service. After an hour on the phone, the gentleman told me I’d called the wrong number and gave me another number to call.
Grumble Grumble. Then, an enlightened friend told me that you can take “On Line” stuff back to the local Wal-Mart. So I trapsed in to see what they could do for me.
The lady and the service desk asked me if I wanted a refund or replacement. I told her that my grandson would probably prefer his tablet (he’d been asking me daily when his tablet was going to be fixed.)
So she scanned the broken device and told me to go back to electronics and get another. In electronics, a gentleman was waiting for me and showed me the tablets in that price range. He handed me the one I picked and the lady rang it up for me at customer service.
Tonight Ethan is playing with his new tablet (I loaded all the Angry Birds games as well as some brain teasers and art aps for him.)

So, my hat’s off to the local WallyWorld service desk and electronic folks who went out of their way to help Ethan's get his tablet. €:•)
For Janet Holiman Dixon and other classmates who remember ARKLA feed. They're tearing down the old buildings this week. Janet remembers playing with the Moses kids in that huge parking area all around the feed mill and the feed store, as well as the lumber mill and the flooring mill. “As real estate goes, I guess it wasn't the "best" place to have a home, but for us kids, it was great. We never lacked for any fun thing to do and we had so much room for playing ball and riding bikes. We had access to wild fruit trees and vines. We had such blessed childhoods. And this place that is being torn down was a big part of it.”

The Ark-La feed store was where I went for supplies as a young Pidgeon farmer (turns out they weren’t “homing pidgens” as I never saw them again after I released them.) It was also a community gathering place for farmers, ranchers and anyone else with aminials to care for. My favorite part of going there were the unique smells associated with the store as well as their line of pets and pet supplies.
"As ObamaCare continues to turn" or "How the "Affordable" Care Act is the biggest mistake the federal government has foisted off on the taxpayers in many many decades."
Yesterday, NBC had a story about Medicare patients being unqualified for rehab because they were considered under observation instead of really admitted to the hospital.

As we've heard several times, ObamaCare was/is supposed to reduce waste and costs of medical care. This idea comes from the folks who've given us Trillion Dollar Deficits and $600 toilet seats.

Turns out their solution to reducing medical care costs isn't to make it more efficient. It's to just not pay the providers for services performed.

This is the link to the NBC news story:

A provider that I trust commented: "This is another one of those changes they have instituted in order to have an excuse to not pay medical care providers for the services they have to provide to patients. I don’t know who ever thought it was a good idea to require service and refuse to pay someone to perform those services. This is putting patients in a tough position, but telling patients to make sure they are admitted as an inpatient is wrong. That determination is now made by the law."

Don’t get me wrong here. I’m not against the government, be it local, state or federal. I am against having government do things that lower entities or even private enterprise could do better. We needed a solution for the many Americans who were without medical insurance. Under our pre ObamaCare system, those without insurance or substantial funds to pay for service were at a serious disadvantage. But the ACA hasn’t solved that. As of Jan 1st it’s just added another six million folks to the uninsured rolls.

And judging from reports I’ve received from Family and Friends who still have their insurance, the Post ACA era is MUCH more expensive for many patients than it was before.

“Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the government take care of him had better ... look at the American Indian.”
Ouch! - - “It’s our choices that make us fat,” Cisna told KCCI. ”Not McDonald’s.”
Teacher Loses 37 Pounds After Three-Month McDonald’s Diet
This service is not yet available in South Arkansas but I'd like to see it here. Who knows? (The Shadow?)
Folks are conserving energy, mainly because it's cheaper and technology makes it easier.

Jason H Sands commented that this may be due to the use of LCD and LED screens instead of CRTs. Jason’s probably right. Tubes are HUGE power suckers. Thelast CRT monitor I had started emitting RF energy in GIGANTIC GIGAWATTS. I noticed interference on my HAM radios and finally traced it to that CRT. It was creating radio static all the way out to the street. We no longer have a single tube type monitor or TV. Add low energy bulbs and we're using much less power than before.
Additionally, our home is so well insulated that we can turn the heat off at night and still sleep comfortably.
These Crockpot Freezer Meals are FANTASTIC. Annette made up a bunch and we just pull one out, thaw it, drop it in the crock pot and ... viola!
We've got supper. She cut the recipes to size them down for us. And Verna Carter gave us a smaller sized crock pot just perfect for these. One suggestion ... label the freezer bags. We figured it would be easy to see what was in the bag ... WRONG. However, it's kind of fun not knowing what's for supper. :0)
dLife Foodstuff - - Eating to Prevent Diabetes Complications

7 Great Sources of Omega - - By Jack Challem

The oils found in fish — technically known as the omega - 3 fatty acids DHA and EPA — are good for your heart and circulation. That's why the American Heart Association recommends consuming them. And there's no doubt that wild Alaskan salmon is the top dietary source of these super - healthy fats, with a hefty 2,000 mg of omega - 3s in a 6 - ounce serving (a piece the size of two decks of cards). But what are your options if you just don't like salmon? Luckily, you can g et the benefits of fish oils by eating these other foods.

1. TUNA Long a staple of dieters, tuna contains about as much omega - 3s as salmon. Don't sweat the minute amounts of mercury if you're eating tuna only once or twice a week, but limit tuna intake if you're pregnant. Tuna salad is fast and easy to make, and you can add diced celery, onion, carrot, or pine nuts for a little crunch. 1,500 mg of omega - 3s per 6 ounces (the amount in a typical can).

2. SARDINES are one of the richest sources of o mega - 3s, and they're low on the food chain — meaning that they don't contain much mercury or other contaminants that build up in larger fish. Opt for sardines canned in sardine oil or olive oil, which are healthier than soybean oil. 3,000 mg omega - 3s per ounces (about the size of a typical can).

3. RAINBOW TROUT Caught in lakes and mountain rivers (and sometimes farmed), rainbow trout has almost as much omega - 3s as Alaskan salmon. And trout is usually much less expensive. Because a trout filet is thin, it can be quickly pan fried in a little olive oil. Cook the filet flesh side down for a minute, then flip it over and finish it skin side down. 1,700 mg omega - 3s per 6 ounces (a piece the size of two decks of cards).

4. BLACK COD Regular cod doesn't contain many omega - 3s, but black cod — also known as sablefish — has more omega - 3s than any type of salmon. It's a delicately textured white fish that lends itself to pan frying or broiling. 2,900 mg omega - 3s per 6 ounces.

5. OYSTERS Yes, oysters are a good source of omega - 3s, so long as you don't deep fry them. If you're comfortable eating two or three raw, go ahead. Otherwise, dust them in a little flour and sauté them in olive oil. 2,500 mg omega - 3s per 6 ounces.

6. GRASS - FED BEEF If you absolutely hate the taste of seafood, consider buying grass - fed meat. Although the amount of omega - 3s is not as high as in fish, it's a reasonable source. Cattle efficiently convert the alpha - linolenic acid in grass to biologically active omega - 3s, and grass - fed beef contains two to six times the omega - 3s found in grain - fed beef. Bonus: Grass - fed beef is also less fatty than corn - fed beef, which contains no omega - 3s. Approximately 277 mg omega - 3s per 6 ounces of steak.

7. OMEGA - 3 ENRICHED EGGS Doctors now recommend moderate consumption of eggs, but not all eggs are created equal. Some chickens are fed omega - 3s, yielding eggs rich in these healthy fats. Look for them at the supermarket. Eggland's Best is one of the many brands, and contains 115 mg per egg.

What about flaxseed? Flaxseed and flaxseed oil are often touted as sources of omega - 3s. Flax is rich in alpha - linolenic acid, which the body must convert to biologically active forms of omega - 3s. But your body converts only two - tenths of 1 percent of ALA to the important omega - 3s. That means you would need to swallow 40 tablespoons of flaxseed oil or 200 capsules daily to get a beneficial amount of omega - 3s. Still, it's a boost to your daily intake and there are plenty of other benefits to eating flax so go ahead and sprinkle some on your oatmeal or in your yogurt.

1 - Koizumi I, Suzuki Y, Kaneko JJ. 1991. Studies on the fatty acid composition of intramuscular lipids of cattle, pigs and birds. JNutr Sci Vitaminol (Tokyo) 37:545 - 554.
2 - Rule DC, Broughton KS, Shellito S M, et al. 2002. Comparison of muscle fatty acid profiles and cholesterol concentrations of bison, beef cattle, elk, and chicken. J Anim Sci 80:1202
3 - Pawlosky RJ, Hibbeln JR, Novotny JA, et al. 2001. Physiological compartmental analysis of alpha - linolenic acid metabolism in adult humans. J Lipid Res 42:1257 - 1265.
4 - Daley CA, Abbott A, Doyle PS, et al. 2010. A review of fatty acid profiles and antioxidant content in grass - fed and grain - fed beef. Nutr J 2010;9:10
~~~~~ - - I have for you today an amazing transformation, a beautiful love letter, & an inspiring pro athlete.



Son Surprises Family With 130 Weight Loss #See What He Looks Like Now!

Husband Recommits To Falling In Love With His Wife #BeautifulWords!

Deaf #NFL Player Stars In Awesome New Ad

Daryn's Upbeat Stories!
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EarthSky News - January 10 - Rover Tracks on Mars
Deborah Byrd

NASA rover’s tracks on Mars
Enhanced color image showing where Curiosity rover zigzagged to avoid obstacles as it made its way across the primeval red desert sands of Mars.

Rasmussen Reports - - Confidence in U.S. Banking System Climbs to Post-Meltdown High
in Business

42% of Consumers Say Personal Finances Are Getting Worse
62% Say Their Home Is Worth More Than What They Still Owe
19% Say Bad Economy is Making Them Use Credit Cards More
43% Expect To Earn More A Year From Now
74% Want to Audit the Federal Reserve

Americans are starting off 2014 with their most optimistic view of the nation's banks since before the Wall Street meltdown.

The latest Rasmussen Reports national telephone survey finds that 56% of American Adults are now confident in the stability of the U.S. banking industry, including 11% who are Very Confident. Forty-one percent (41%) are not as confident, with 10% who are Not At All Confident. (To see survey question wording, click here. [])
77% Think Woman President Likely in Next 10 Years - Hillary Clinton is the early frontrunner for the 2016 Democratic presidential nomination, and the good news for her is that voters remain overwhelmingly willing to vote for a woman for president. They're not so sure about their family, friends and co-workers, though.

72% Say Their Light Bulbs Are None of the Feds' Business - Americans strongly believe that it shouldn't be up to the government what kind of light bulbs they use. That helps explain why 60% still oppose the ban on traditional bulbs that took effect on January 1.

70% Think It's Bad for the Country That Most in Congress Are Wealthy - A new report says that for the first time more than half the members of the U.S. Senate and House of Representatives are millionaires, but 70% of Likely U.S. Voters think it is bad for the country that most members of Congress are this wealthy. A new Rasmussen Reports national survey finds that just four percent (4%) believe it's good for the country, while 21% say it has no impact.

59% Favor Assault Gun Ban; 18% Want Handgun Ban, Too - Most voters still favor a ban on semi-automatic and assault-type weapons but strongly oppose outlawing handguns in the United States. Seven-out-of-10 would feel safer living a neighborhood where individuals could own a gun for self-defense.

58% Expect Health Care To Cost More Under Obamacare - At the end of the year that Obamacare made its official debut, most voters still believe the new law will drive up health care costs, increase the deficit and hurt the quality of health care in this country.

56% Still View Health Care Law Unfavorably - The new national health care law remains unpopular with most voters who still want freedom of choice when it comes to how much health insurance coverage they carry.

56% See Keystone XL Pipeline As Good for the Economy - Secretary of State John Kerry is reportedly pushing hard for a new international global warming treaty, prompting speculation that this will further delay a government decision on the Keystone XL oil pipeline from western Canada to Texas. Most voters continue to favor building the pipeline and think it will be good for the economy, as they have in surveys since late 2011.

55% Still Believe U.S. Society is Fair and Decent

55% Expect 'Noticeable' Change If Democrats Win Congress; 49% Say Same of GOP Win - With 11 months until Election Day, voters are closely divided over whether Democrats or Republicans will win full control of Congress, but most feel a Democratic takeover would have a bigger impact on their lives.

53% Rate Economic Growth As More Important Than Economic Fairness - President Obama has declared income equality to be his number one issue this year, but most voters continue to rate economic growth as more important than economic fairness.

53% View Marriage As A Religious Institution - Most voters now see marriage as a religious institution rather than a civil one and still overwhelmingly believe in the importance of marriage before having children.

49% Have Gone A Week Without Paying Cash

41% Favor Legalization of Pot in Their State - Colorado on Thursday began the public sale of marijuana for recreational use, but half of voters still aren't ready to go that far in their state. However, most approve of the sale of pot for medicinal purposes.

31% Expect Health Care To Improve Under New Law - Voters continue to give their own health care high marks but remain critical of the overall health care system in this country. For the first time in nearly a year, however, fewer than 50% expect the health care system to get worse under Obamacare.

29% Favor Phasing Out the Penny - The U.S. Mint reports it costs 2.41 cents to produce one penny, but support for getting rid of the coin is at an all-time low.
To find out more about Scott Rasmussen, and read features by other Creators writers and cartoonists, visit COPYRIGHT 2013 - - SCOTT RASMUSSEN - - DISTRIBUTED BY CREATORS.COM See Other Political Commentaries. See Other Commentaries by Scott Rasmussen.
Excerpts from Debbie Troquille’s Book Of Devotions:

01/02 I read this and liked it! "The words "I am...." are potent words. The thing you're claiming has a way of reaching back and claiming you." (A.L. Kitselman) The Bible tells us who we are, in Christ, and that's who we should claim to be. Agreeing with God is a smart move! Happy Thursday, all!

01/03 I'm always excited when Friday rolls around, when I'm in school. Well, today is Friday, and I'm not feeling the excitement so much, because it's my last Friday of Christmas break. I'll be teaching again on Monday. It's count my blessings time...I'm thankful for a good job, at a good school, with great people. I love that teaching allows me two weeks off for the holidays. I'm thankful for good health, and good, low cost healthcare, (for the time being) through my job. There, I'm better already!! Happy day, friends!

01/04 "Happiness is produced not so much by great pieces of good fortune that seldom happen, as by little advantages that occur every day."(Benjamin Franklin) That reminds me of one of my favorite movies, Lonesome Dove. In the movie, "Gus" says that we should learn to enjoy little things,"like a cold glass of buttermilk..." Make note of the little advantages that occur today, and determine to have a happy day!

01/06 The Bible says to arise, shine, for your light has come!! I know that's not talking about an early Monday morning after a two week break from work, but it's speaking to me this morning, 😊! I get to see my 1st graders, and hear all their Christmas tales and adventures! Have a blessed day, friends!

01/07 I've been a Star Trek fan since I was a child. I watched a litte of one of the movies, over Christmas break. Everytime I hear, "beam me up, Scotty," I think of the scripture that says we've been delivered from the kingdom of darkness, and translated into the kindom of God's son, Jesus!! His kingdom is one of light, life, and everything wonderful. Everyday, I'm thankful for the blood of Jesus, and that I've been "beamed up" and translated into God's kingdom!

01/08 It's fairly easy to believe that God is "able" to do things, but sometimes more difficult to believe that he's "willing" to do things. 1 John 5:14, "This is the confidence we have in approaching God; that if we ask anything according to His will, he hears us..." It goes on to say that if we know He hears us, then we should also know that we have what we've asked for! Remember, it's based on asking according to His will, SO find scriptures that tell God's will and plan for you, and ask away. He's not just an able Father, He's a willing Father. He loves us! Happy middle of the week, folks!

01/09 My today's scripture, Matt. 18:19, says if two of us agree on Earth, concerning anything we ask, our Father in Heaven will do it for us! I love that He doesn't require an army of people to get my prayer answered. We're not having to wrestle something out of the hands of a reluctant God, we ask according to His will, and He's more than happy to give it! Happy Thursday...yippee!

01/10 Charles F. Deems said, "That man is blest who does his best and leaves the rest; do not worry." Simple everyday plan:
1. Do my best!
2. Leave the rest.
3. Cast my care (worry) on the Lord!
I can do that!! Don't you just love Fridays?
Favorite Quotes:

When you dance, your purpose is not to get to a certain place on the floor. It's to enjoy each step along the way. ~ Wayne Dyer Thanks to Ron Hazelton

It always seems impossible until its done. Nelson Mandela

"We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses." — Abraham Lincoln
The following wisdom is shared by our friends and family.
Nancee Davis Law

God's Favor on us will cause others to Favor us. #creflodollar

"Instead of thinking about all that has gone wrong, think about all that has gone right that could have gone wrong"

Oh Friday, what took you so long!

Integrity is doing the right thing when no one is watching.

There is good in something everyday but sometimes you have to look for it. It could be something as small as finding a good parking spot at Walmart.

Even if things don't work out exactly the way you hoped they would, trust God to know what is best and keep expecting Him to do great things.

Our lives should speak louder than our words. People are watching us to see if we are about what we proclaim to be.

13 “You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot.14 “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. 15 Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven." Matthew 5:13-16

Don't let your pride keep you from asking for God's help.

Train your mind to see the good in every situation.
Even on my weakest days... I get a little bit stronger. - - Jodi Wreyford McClellan
AskBob - - Bob Rankin - - - Would You Buy a $50 PC?

OK, now it’s getting ridiculous. I mean the miniaturization of PCs and their prices. A fully functional computer, capable of performing most home computing chores now costs $50, and fits in a chassis the size of a USB thumb drive? Yes, it's for real. Read on to learn more about Android-based mini-PCs...

Dude, you're getting a $50 computer: The reinvention of Dell
ACC SmartBrief - - Federal task force seeks public comment on safety at chemical sites
The federal task force evaluating chemical safety rules has set a 90-day public-comment period on nine possible sets of regulations. The possibilities include voluntary and mandatory measures, though the panel said months of work remain. The wrong approach could "further complicate an overly complex regulatory system by creating requirements for assessing safer alternatives," said Scott Jensen of the American Chemistry Council. The Hill/RegWatch blog [] (1/6), Bloomberg [] (1/6)
The latest from Michael Yon, the foremost “milnews” blogger on the web.

This is a Militant Protestor, according to the Washington Post

I made this image a few nights ago by Siam Square. Surrounded by a hundred thousand "militants" who were heavily armed with smartphones, earplugs, and Whistles.

Foreign press articles about this revolution are like sad cartoons. We cannot trust what they say about North Korea and Somalia when they cannot even get Thailand right, which is wide open to journalists.

I sent a message to a top editor at WaPo about their OpEd, and also sent it to other major players who are key voices in the US dialogue.
They Must be Kidding

Special Operations wants help to see if propaganda works
After years of ad hoc reviews of the effectiveness of military propaganda efforts, the Special Operations Command is on the verge of seeking an independent contractor to determine if the programs actually work
18Like •

Very Respectfully,
Michael Yon
Your Writer,

Please remember that this website accepts no advertisement and is dependent on your support.

PS Please sign up for my updates at "Michael_Yon" [] (not Michael Yon).
If you would like to encourage US Troops overseas, but are not sure just how to begin, visit for ideas.
5 Things New Veterans Expect From All Political Candidates

1. Defend the New GI Bill
2. Employ the New Greatest Generation
3. Prevent suicide among troops and veterans
4. Build a truly 21st Century VA
5. Improve Care for Female Veterans
Please remember ... America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the MALL.

For the latest issue of "Da Bleat.", go to
Our photos are posted at
Photos on the front of this week’s “Bleat” were taken by my cousin Dinah VanHook at her vacation rental home on Lake Hamilton, south of Hot Springs, AR
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.
Break Point - - Marriage, Pride & Prejudice
Sound Advice from Jane Austen
By: Eric Metaxas | Published: January 10, 2014 4:00 AM

Getting marital advice from a 19th century English fiction writer would be a “novel” idea, but it might be a good one.

As our young people learn about love, romance, and marriage, the last thing we want is for them to get caught up in unrealistic expectations—or to fill their heads with ideas and storylines from romantic movies and novels. Just think of the “Twilight” series—or don’t.

And yet, as my friend Karen Swallow Prior of Liberty University points out, there’s one “romantic” novel that may prove the exception to the rule. I loved her recent article in The Atlantic Monthly titled, “I Learned Everything I Needed to Know about Marriage from Pride and Prejudice.”

That’s right. “Pride and Prejudice.” Now, as you may know, “Pride and Prejudice” has gotten kind of a bad rap in recent years. Pop culture tends to sell it as a fluffy romantic vision of girls in pretty dresses swooning over gruff men usually in wet shirts.

Daily_Commentary_01_10_14But Jane Austen’s most popular book actually offers a witty, insightful, and surprisingly realistic look at what marriage is and ought to be—even some two hundred years after its publication.

As Karen Swallow Prior shows us, “Pride and Prejudice” is filled with sound marital maxims. For instance, “mutual respect is essential to a happy marriage.” Prior points out that even a sympathetic character in the novel, Elizabeth Bennet’s father, is shown as seriously flawed because he married a woman he didn’t respect, and “constantly puts [her] down.”

Then there’s this one: “Romance is not enough.” Elizabeth’s parents married “out of youthful passion.” Elizabeth’s sister Lydia eventually makes the same mistake. These marriages turn out to be unhappy because they were based on nothing but fleeting emotions. Neither partner had come to truly know or value the other before saying “I do.”

That’s not to say that Austen—or Prior—discount the need for romantic love, what C. S. Lewis called Eros. But, Prior explains, “The best marriages balance prudence and passion.” The central love story, that of Elizabeth and Darcy, is a relationship “of both the heart and the head,” and that’s exactly why it’s held up as a successful love story.

Another lesson is “You really do marry a family, not just a person.” This is a major theme in “Pride and Prejudice,” affecting the lives of all the main characters. And, Prior reminds us, it should lead us to enter into a marriage with “open eyes,” prepared to deal with all the messiness that comes with life as part of a family. (Prior gives an example from her own life, as her aging parents have recently moved in with her and her husband.)

Newsletter_Gen_180x180_BThere are no romanticized “us against the world” themes in Austen’s works; her romantic couples have to learn to deal with their relatives and neighbors and the world in general, not to defy them.

So you see, “Pride and Prejudice” is anything but a romantic fantasy. It’s a perennially popular novel because it’s a well-told story firmly grounded in truth. Just like its central romance, it’s a novel that appeals to both the heart and the head. And though it’s never dogmatic or preachy—on the contrary, it’s more lighthearted and satirical—it really does offer tried-and-true formulas for a good marriage.

If you know a couple that’s considering marriage, consider giving them a copy of “Pride and Prejudice.” It might even make a good present for someone you know and love. It’s available at the BreakPoint online bookstore.

And come to, click on this commentary, and we’ll link you to Karen Swallow Prior’s excellent article.
Further Reading and Information

Marriage, Pride & Prejudice: Sound Advice from Jane Austen - Next Steps

Read "Pride and Prejudice" with a different perspective. Discover great marriage maxims in this well-loved classic, which we have available in our online bookstore

And come to, click on this commentary, and we’ll link you to Karen Swallow Prior’s excellent article.

I Learned Everything I Needed to Know about Marriage from Pride and Prejudice
Karen Swallow Prior | The Atlantic | November 6, 2013

Guided by Austen: Why 'Pride and Prejudice' Is Still Relevant 200 Years Later
Gina Dalfonzo | | January 28, 2013

Pride and Prejudice
Jane Austen | Penguin Books | December 2002

Booked: Literature in the Soul of Me
Karen Swallow Prior | T.S. Poetry Press | January 2012

The Jane Austen Guide to Life: Thoughtful Lessons for the Modern Woman
Lori Smith | Skirt! | January 2012

Copyright © 2014 Colson Center. All Rights Reserved
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.

Residents of Columbia County, Arkansas are represented in Congress by:

Senator John Boozman (R_ AR)
1 Russell Courtyard
Washington DC, 20510
Phone: 202-224-4843
Senator Mark Pryor (D_ AR)
Phone 202_224_2353
FAX 202_228_0908

Representative Tom Cotton (R )
4th District
Phone 202_225_3772
FAX 202_225_1314

And in the Arkansas Legislature by:

District 12
Senator Bruce Maloch (D)

Representative Lane Jean

Representative David Fielding

Representative Matthew J. Shepherd
Other states congresspersons can be found at: []

"Hope smiles from the threshold of the year to come, whispering 'it will be happier.' " - Alfred Lord Tennyson

"The man who insists upon seeing with perfect clearness before he decides, never decides. Accept life, and you must accept regret." - Henri Frederic Amiel

"Laugh, and the world laughs with you; weep, and you weep alone. For this brave old earth must borrow its mirth, but has trouble enough of its own." - Ella Wheeler Wilcox

"The difference between perseverance and obstinacy is that one often comes from a strong will, and the other from a strong won't." - Henry Ward Beecher

"The greatest way to live with honor in this world is to be what we pretend to be." - Socrates

"Prejudices, it is well known, are most difficult to eradicate from the heart whose soil has never been loosened or fertilized by education; they grow there, firm as weeds among rocks." - Charlotte Bronte

"If you cry because the sun has gone out of your life, your tears will prevent you from seeing the stars." - Rabindranath Tagore

"Humor is an affirmation of dignity, a declaration of man's superiority to all that befalls him." - Romain Gary

"If we did all the things we are capable of, we would astound ourselves." - Thomas Edison

"There is a difference between talented people and gifted people.Talented people are good AT something; Gifted people ARE that something." - Steve Maraboli
Breaking Christian News

Police Chief Defies Atheist Demands to Remove Cross from Department Property
by Teresa Neumann : Jan 16, 2014 : Heather Clark – Christian News

"I don't for one second think a wooden cross staked into the ground is offensive to the majority of the people that we serve." -Police Chief Jeremy Clark

Jeremy Clark(Searcy, AR)—Police Chief Jeremy Clark is refusing to take down a cross that was planted on the lawn of the police department in Searcy a year before he took office after the Freedom From Religion Foundation (FFRF) contacted him with a request to remove it.

"Someone put it there," said Clark. "I didn't put it there—I don't know who did. I wasn't going to remove it just because this organization in another state told us that we should."

"The only person that sees that cross every day is me," he added, "unless someone is purposely trying to look for it. You can see these crosses in yards all over the community we service. I don't for one second think a wooden cross staked into the ground is offensive to the majority of the people that we serve."
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GCF: That Look

Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Carolyn) -Tom

If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! Just send an email to:

One boy in a fourth grade class said something inappropriate,
and the teacher glanced at him. Seeing her look he muttered, "Oh, sorry," and went back to his task.

A moment later she felt a tug on her sleeve. A girl who had noticed the interaction looked puzzled and asked, "How do moms and teachers do that look?"
GCF: Before the Judge

In Fort Worth, Texas, I had to appear before a judge for driving with expired license plates.

The judge listened attentively while I gave him a long, plausible explanation.

Then he said with great courtesy, "My dear sir, we are not blaming you ... we're just fining you."
GCF: Colorful Meal

Over dinner, the mom explained the health benefits of a colorful meal to her family.

"The more colors, the more variety of nutrients," she told them. Pointing to the food, she asked, "How many different colors do you see?"

"Six," volunteered the son. "Seven if you count the burned parts."
GCF: Doctor Note

An eight-month pregnant woman, planning a trip overseas, was asked to obtain a letter of fitness from her family physician.

She arranged to pick it up at the doctor's office the next day.

She and her husband were both amused when they read, "This lady is pregnant and can fly!"
GCF: The Fishin' Hole

My son had just turned eight and was old enough to go fishing at the local fishing hole on his own. While he loved fishing, he knew little about how the fish got from the pole to the table.

One day I arrived home to find a note he'd left on the counter: "I caught three fish. Can you peel them for me?"
GCF: Impressed

My sister is a know-it-all who bristles at anyone's well-intentioned advice. But when our older sister gave her several clever tips, she was impressed.

"I have to hand it to Sis," she told me. "She really is smart. Not Jeopardy! smart; more Wheel of Fortune smart."
GCF: Shirt Note

The trendy dresser fancied himself quite a ladies' man, and was delighted to find a note pinned inside a new shirt. It contained a girl's email address, and asked the recipient to send a photograph. How romantic, he thought to himself, very taken with the idea of this mystery woman so eager to meet him, and promptly sent an email with a photo.

Heart aflutter, he opened her response when it arrived.

It read, "Thanks for writing. I was just curious to see what kind of guy would buy such a goofy shirt."
GCF: New Year's Dinner

As in many homes on New Year's Day, my wife and I faced the annual conflict of which was more important - the football games on television, or the dinner itself.

To keep peace, I ate dinner with the rest of the family, and even lingered for some pleasant after-dinner conversation before retiring to the family room to turn on the game.

Several minutes later, my wife came downstairs and graciously even brought a cold drink for me. She smiled, kissed me on the cheek and asked what the score was. I told her it was the end of the third quarter and that the score was still nothing to nothing.

"See?" she said, continuing to smile, "You didn't miss a thing."
GCF: Adult Education

After being retired for a couple of years and completing all the jobs my wife had lined up for me, I began to feel somewhat useless and decided to enroll in a couple of courses at the local adult-education school.

I noted, upon registration, that there was no tuition fee for a person over 65.

As I handed my tediously-filled-out papers to the clerk, I announced, "I'm 68." Then, pulling out my wallet, I asked if she wanted to see my driver's license.

She replied, "No, that's okay."

A little surprised, I asked, "Oh, do I look honest?"

"No," she answered. "You look 68."
GCF: Minor Accident

After learning that her parents were in a minor car accident, my wife called her mother.

"What happened?" she asked.

"I was driving and fell asleep," said her mother, irritated. "And of course, your father wasn't paying attention!"
GCF: House Cleaning

The adolescent daughter excitedly informed her parents that she had just gotten a job cleaning a neighbor's house.

The wife, knowing how seldom her daughter helped with any sort of housekeeping at home, asked, "How will you know what to do?"

"I'll be easy, Mom," she replied innocently. "I've been watching you for years."
GCF: Living with a Teacher

My wife is a teacher; it's really weird to live with a teacher. I'd be on the phone, doodling on a piece of paper, leave the house, come back in two hours and that same piece of paper is now on the refrigerator with the words "Good work!" and a big smiley face on it.
GCF: Politically Correct Holiday Greetings

To all my Liberal Friends:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all;


A fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great, (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only "AMERICA" in the western hemisphere), and without regard to race, creed, color, age, physical
ability, religious faith, or choice of computer platform.

(Disclaimer: By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher who assumes no responsibility for any unintended emotional stress these greetings may bring to those not caught up in the holiday spirit.)

To all my Conservative Friends:

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
GCF: Forgotten Birthday

A wife was very disappointed and quite upset over her husband forgetting her birthday.

He diplomatically responded, "How do you expect me to remember your birthday when you never look any older?"
GCF: Favorite?

One day my two sons were having an argument.

I listened in and overheard the older say to the younger: "Even if you were an only child, you still wouldn't be Mom and Dad's favorite."
GCF: I Am Thankful...

...for the taxes that I pay because it means that I am employed.

...for the mess to clean after a party because it means I have been surrounded by friends.

...for the clothes that fit a little too snug because it means I have enough to eat.

...for my shadow who watches me work because it means I am out in the sunshine.

...for a lawn that needs mowing, windows that need cleaning and gutters that need fixing because it means I have a home.

...for all the complaining I hear about the government because it means we have freedom of speech.

...for the spot I find at the far end of the parking lot because it means I am capable of walking.

...for the lady behind me in church who sings off key because it means that I can hear.

...for the piles of laundry and ironing because it means I have clothes to wear.

...for weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day because it means I have been productive.

...for the alarm that goes off in the early morning hours because it means that I am alive.

...for getting too much e-mail because it lets me know I have friends who are thinking of me.
GCF: Doctor's Advice

A middle-aged man wasn't feeling well, so he went to the doctor for a check-up.

After a thorough examination, the doctor said, "Well, based on my examination, the best thing for you is to cut out all sweets and fatty foods, give up alcohol, and stop smoking."

The man said, "Well, to be honest with you, Doc, I don't deserve the best. What's the second best?"
GCF: Are You OK?

A fifteen-year-old boy came bounding into the house and found his mom in bed. He asked if she were sick or something. He was truly concerned.

Mom replied that, as a matter of fact, she didn't feel too well.

The son replied, "Well, don't worry a bit about dinner. I'll be happy to carry you down to the stove."
GCF: Maternity Unit

As a nurse in a maternity unit, I've had to answer all kinds of questions from patients and their families. I couldn't help but notice that one expectant father seemed particularly interested in the electronic fetal monitor.

"Would it hurt anything if I just turned this dial up and down from time to time?" he asked

"No," I answered, "but why would you want to do that?"

Smiling wistfully, the dad explained, "I know from experience it's the only time in a child's life I'll be able to control the volume."
GCF: Home-Fix-It

Because our new refrigerator was taller than our old one, I told my wife I'd have to cut away part of an overhanging cabinet to make it fit.

Not wanting to mess it up, I called a local radio home-fix-it program for advice. I was in the middle of getting the instructions when my wife burst into the room.

"You won't believe this," she said, "But there's a guy on the radio with the same problem!"
GCF: Price Scanner

In our local large store, customers often ask the clerks to direct them to the right department. One evening a woman stopped and asked where she'd find a scanner to check a price.

Pointing to the automotive section, the clerk said, "See that tall pole with the red flashing lights? That's where the scanner is."

"Oh, my," she replied. "Don't you have one a little closer to the floor?"
GCF: Payback

I live in New Jersey and I'm used to having people cut me off on the highway. But this one time I was cut off by a convertible -- he missed my car by inches -- and the driver made an obscene gesture to boot.

Still steamed, I noticed that we had gotten off at the same exit and the convertible's driver had pulled into an office complex parking lot. I pulled my car over and waited for the driver to leave the parking lot and enter the building. Then I entered the lot and pulled up next to the car.

Well, as my luck would have it, I had just made a stop at the supermarket and had a loaf of bread that I was willing to donate to the cause. So I did.

I tore up a few slices of bread and threw the pieces into the front and back seats of the open convertible. Then I drove off out of the lot and pulled off across the street to watch.

It didn't take long for the seagulls to start descending ...
GCF: Missing Dog

One overcast evening I passed the principal of our local high school who was out looking for his missing dog, a Lassie look-alike. He told me the dog often ran away, so he had put a metal tag on its collar asking that anyone finding the dog send it home in a taxi.

A few days later I again met the principal, and he told me that as he was trudging home during a downpour that night, his snug and dry dog had passed him in a taxi.
GCF: Warranty

I had just about decided to buy the television set whose attributes the young salesman had been extolling.

He concluded by saying it carried only a one-year warranty but that I could buy a five-year warranty at an additional cost.

I won't buy anything that doesn't carry a five-year warranty and so turned to leave.

The salesman asked me to please stay while he consulted with his boss. "By the way," he continued, "may I ask your age?"

"Eighty-three," I replied.

He returned a moment later smiling. "We'll give you a lifetime warranty."
GCF: Soup

My four-year-old grandson stood on a chair by the kitchen counter, watching me throw bones into a pot as I de-boned a turkey.

"Why are you putting the bones in the pot, Grandma?" he asked.

"I'm going to make soup," I replied.

He thought awhile, then asked, "Do I like bone soup?"
GCF: Late for Work

Being the office supervisor, I had to have a word with a new employee who never arrived at work on time. I explained that her tardiness was unacceptable and that other employees had noticed that she was walking in late every day.

After listening to my complaints, she agreed that this was a problem and even offered a solution. "Is there another door I could use?"
GCF: School Health Office

While I waited in our high school health office, I overheard another student explain to the nurse how badly his eyes hurt. "My head is spinning," he moaned. "and I can't see straight."

After listening to his ailments for ten minutes, even the often skeptical nurse was convinced. "I am calling your mother to come pick you up," she said, dialing the telephone.

"Oh that won't be necessary." the student instantly replied. "I can drive myself home."
GCF: Finding Your Seat

Returning to her seat after visiting the restroom, the woman asked a man at the end of the row, "Pardon me, but did I step on your foot before?"

Expecting an apology, the man said, "It so happens you did."

The woman nodded. "Good. Then this is my row."
GCF: Speech Therapy

My grandfather had a stroke a few years ago, and since then he hasn't been able to speak much.

Hospitalized after a recent heart attack, he was visited by his speech therapist. As if talking to a child, she said, "All right, I'm going to put three items in different places in the room, and I want you to tell me where I put them."

My grandfather answered, "The pen is on the table, the book is on the bed and the glass is on the nightstand."

"Very good!" said the therapist in the same patronizing tone. "I'll be back to see you again in two days."

As she reached the door, my grandfather added, "And your keys are on the window ledge."

----------- Today's saying or thought --------------
My ship came in, but I was at the train station.

My ship came in, but I was at the train station.

Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?

Who edits fishing shows?
How do they decide what's too boring?

How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

I always finish what I sta

Don't knock on Death's door.
Just ring the bell and run.
He hates that.

If Ginsu knives can cut through anything, how do they keep them in the box?

The people should not be afraid of the government.
The government should be afraid of the people.

The spell-checker is hear two stay.

What happens if you are scared half to death twice?

Golf got its name because all of the other four letter words were taken.

If you think advertising doesn't work, consider the millions of people who now think that yogurt tastes good.

How did I get so round from eating square meals?

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough not to quit.

Dew knot trussed yore spell chequer two fined awl mistakes!

You know you're getting old if you join a health club and don't go.

"The First Amendment was not written to protect the people of this country from religious values; it was written to protect religious values from government tyranny."
Ronald Reagan - March 15, 1982

I think animal testing is a terrible idea.
They get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in otherwise.

Loop: See loop.

I used to watch golf on TV but my doctor told me that I need more exercise, so now I watch tennis.

You know you are getting old if you remember seeing "Star Wars" when it first came out.

The only thing that wakes you up faster than coffee is spilled coffee.

The secret to good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight, and not too often.

The best antiques are old friends.

A closed mouth gathers no feet.

One of life's disappointments is discovering that the man who writes the bank's ads is not the one who makes the loans.
*** Good Clean Fun ***
is brought to you by
Thomas S. Ellsworth

Visit the Good Clean Fun web site at

Stop for a visit, leave with a smile!
_ _______________________________ _
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Recently one Congressman from a Bible Belt congressional district was asked about his attitude toward whiskey.

The politician responded, "If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it."

He continued, "But if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it. This is my position and I will not compromise."

Received from ArcaMax Jokes.


You're from the West Coast when...

--You make over $250,000 and still can't afford to buy your own house.
--The high school quarterback calls a time-out to answer his cell phone.
--The fastest part of your commute is down your driveway.
--You know how to eat an artichoke.
--You drive to your neighborhood block party.

You're from New York when...

--You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
--You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building.
--You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
--You think Central Park is "nature."
--You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

You're from Colorado when...

--You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
--You tell your husband to pick up granola on his way home and he stops at the day care.
--A pass does not involve a football or dating.
--The top of your head is bald, but you still have a ponytail.
--Your bridal registry is at REI.

Received from Clean-Laffs.


Neighbors of ours had a terrible disagreement over a patio they wanted for their backyard. The wife had rather grand ideas, while the husband wanted costs kept to a minimum. The wife won out, and the construction bill climbed higher and higher.

I dropped by one day, when the patio was near completion, and was surprised to find the husband smiling from ear to ear as the workmen smoothed over the surface. I remarked how nice it was to see a grin replace the frown he had been wearing lately.

"You see where they're smoothing that cement?" he replied. "I just threw my wife's credit cards in there."

Received from Da Mouse Tracks.


What do you call someone who wants his own way?

What do call someone who gets his own way most of the time?
A supervisor/boss.

What is a good supervisor?
One who allows others to have their way occasionally.

Received from Rev. Jerry Endres.


Four blokes were sitting in a pub drinking.

As time went on, the face of one got longer and longer.

"What's the matter, Fred?"

"I guess I'm the unluckiest man alive!"

"Why so, Fred?"

"Well, you know I went to that funeral last week."

The other three nodded. "But he was in his nineties!"

"I know." He paused as his face got longer. "It's just that I caught the wreath!"

Received from Irene A. Mystery.


- When a man decides to marry, it may be the last decision he'll ever make.

- Some men who speak with authority at work know enough to bow to a higher authority at home.

- A dish towel will certainly wipe the contented look off a married man's face.

- Love is the quest, marriage is the conquest, divorce is the inquest.

- An engagement is an urge on the verge of a merge.

- Marriage brings music to a man's life. He learns to play second fiddle.

- Getting married is one mistake every man should make.

- A well-informed man is one whose wife has just told him what she thinks of him.

- Courtship, unlike proper punctuation, is a period before a sentence.

- The argument you just won with your wife isn't over yet.

- Before criticizing your wife's faults, you must remember it may have been these very defects that prevented her from getting a better husband than the one she married!

Received from ArcaMax Jokes.


Some of my co-workers and I decided to remove the small, wooden suggestion box from our office because it had received so few entries. We stuck the box on top of a seven-foot-high metal storage cabinet and then promptly forgot about it.

Months later, when the box was moved during remodeling, we found a single slip of paper inside. The suggestion read, "Lower the box!"

Received from Da Mouse Tracks.


A first-grader came to the ophthalmology office where I work to have his vision checked. He sat down, and I turned off the lights. Then I switched on a projector that flashed the letters F, Z, and B on a screen. I asked the boy what he saw.

Without hesitation he replied, "Consonants."

- from Stephen Downing (via Reader's Digest)

Received from Doc's Daily Chuckle.


A few years ago the Pope visited New York and was taken around by Henry Kissinger. They visited the Bronx Zoo and Kissinger showed the Pope one cage where a lion was with a young lamb, which snuggled up next to the lion.

The Pope was amazed. "For 2000 years, we've prayed for signs of the messianic era and the prophesy that the lion will lie down next to the lamb. I see you must really be a man of peace. How did you do it?"

To which Kissinger replied, "All it needs is a new lamb a day!"

Received from Big Mac Clean Joke Attack.


Our young daughter had adopted a stray cat. To my distress, he began to use the back of our new sofa as a scratching post. "Don't worry," my husband reassured me. "I'll have him trained in no time."

I watched for several days as my husband patiently "trained" our new pet. Whenever the cat scratched, my husband deposited him outdoors to teach him a lesson.

The cat learned quickly. For the next 16 years, whenever he wanted to go outside, he scratched the back of the sofa.

Received from Thomas Ellsworth.


A little boy was upset with his parents' financial situation, so he decided to write God a letter:

Dear God,

My mommy and daddy need $500 for bills, and I don't know who else to ask. Could You please help?


The letter was received by the local post office and put in the "dead letters" pile. The clerk, being curious of the letter addressed to God, opened it to see what it said. As you can imagine, he was touched by the letter and decided to help. He asked all his fellow workers to "chip-in" a few dollars to help a family in need. When all the money was collected, it came to $300. The clerk sent a money order in an official Post Office envelope with the return address simply: God.

Several weeks later the same clerk found another letter addressed to God in the same writing. The letter said:

Dear God,

Thank you for the $300, but next time don't use the Post Office. They have a $200 service charge.


Received from William H. Rayborn.


The junior officers challenged the senior officers at an Air Force Base in North Carolina to see who would donate the most blood.

After trying several times to locate a vein in the left arm of a young first lieutenant, the medical technician applied a Band-Aid, and then inserted a needle into the right arm, drawing blood this time, and then put a Band-Aid on that arm as well.

As he left the collection facility, the lieutenant passed a colonel. Noting the two bandages, he looked at the first lieutenant and shook his head, saying, "I knew you young guys would find some way to cheat."

Received from ArcaMax Jokes.


A young man, living away from home, writes to his parents...

Dear folks,

I feel miserable because I have to keep writing for money. I feel ashamed and unhappy to have to ask for another hundred, but every cell in my body rebels. I beg on bended knee that you forgive me.

Your son, Marvin.

P.S. I felt so terrible I ran after the mailman who picked this up in the box at the corner. I wanted to take this letter and burn it. I prayed that I could get it back. But it was too late.

A few days later, he received a letter from his father. It said...

Dear son,

Your prayers were answered. Your letter never came.

Received from Thomas S. Ellsworth.


The owner of a priceless antiques collection allowed a museum to exhibit his treasures. The movers packed the vases while the collector hovered over them. "Do be careful," he cautioned one burly mover. "That vase is nearly two thousand years old."

"Don't worry," the guy replied. "I'll treat it like it was brand new."

Received from Tom.


The couple was delighted when their long wait to adopt a baby came to an end. The adoption center called and told them that there was a wonderful Russian baby boy available. The couple accepted him without hesitation.

On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses.

After they filled out the forms, the registration clerk inquired, "What ever possessed you to study Russian?"

The couple said proudly, "We just adopted a Russian baby. In a year or so, when he begins to talk, we want to be able to understand him."

Received from Thomas Ellsworth.


Below are four (4) questions. You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately.

OK, let's find out just how clever you really are.


GO!!! (scroll down)

First Question: You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?

Answer: If you answer that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person, you take his place, you are second!

Try not to screw up in the next question.

To answer the second question, don't take as much time as you took for the first question.

Second Question: If you overtake the last person, then you are...?

Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how is it possible to overtake the LAST person?

You're not very good at this are you?

Third Question: Very tricky math! Note: This must be done in your head only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.

Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000. Now add 10. What's the total?

Scroll down for answer.

Did you get 5000? The correct answer is actually 4100. Don't believe it?

Check with your calculator!

Today is definitely not your day. Maybe you will get the last question right?

Fourth Question: Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?

Answer: Nunu? NO! Of course not. Her name is Mary. Read the question again.

If you got them all wrong, you ARE the WEAKEST LINK!! GOOD-BYE!!!

Received from Chuckle Club.


Off the coast of Newfoundland, a great many fishermen do their fishing at night. They navigate solely by the light of the moon, scorning more sophisticated methods. Of course, from time to time this method fails, and shipwrecks are the result.

The Department of Fisheries was reviewing statistics one day and was shocked to discover how many shipwrecks there were during night fishing. When they discovered that the fishermen were navigating by the light of the moon, they promptly installed buoys near all the dangerous shoals and reefs to aid night navigation. To their surprise, when the statistics came in the following month, the shipwrecks had tripled! The buoys were removed, and things returned to normal.

The moral of the story: You can't send a buoy to do a moon's job!

Received from HAND!.


What's the difference between an insurance company actuary and a mafia actuary?

An insurance company actuary can tell you how many people will die this year; a mafia actuary can name them.

(Definition: actuary - a person who compiles and analyzes statistics and uses them to calculate insurance risks and premiums)

Received from ArcaMax Jokes.


With the help of a fertility specialist, a 65-year-old woman has a baby. All her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family.

When they ask to see the baby, the 65-year-old mother says, "Not yet." A little later they ask to see the baby again. Again the mother says, "Not yet."

Finally they say, "When can we see the baby?" And the mother says, "When the baby cries." And they ask, "Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?"

The new mother says, "Because I forgot where I put it."

Received from ArcaMax Jokes.


A customer at Green's Gourmet Grocery marveled at the proprietor's quick wit and intelligence.

"Tell me, Green, what makes you so smart?"

"I wouldn't share my secret with just anyone," Green replies, lowering his voice so the other shoppers won't hear. "But since you're a good and faithful customer, I'll let you in on my secret: Fish heads. You eat enough of them, you'll be positively brilliant."

"You sell them here?" the customer asks.

"Only $4 apiece," says Green.

The customer buys three. A week later, he's back in the store complaining that the fish heads were disgusting and he isn't any smarter.

"You didn't eat enough of them," says Green. The customer goes home with 20 more fish heads. Two weeks later, he's back and this time he's really angry.

"Hey, Green," he says, "you're selling me fish heads for $4 apiece when I can buy the whole fish for $2. You're ripping me off!"

"You see?" says Green. "You're smarter already."

Received from jmason.


A thief and his girlfriend were walking down Main Street when she spotted a beautiful diamond ring in a jewelry store window. "Wow, I'd sure love to have that!" she said.

"No problem, baby," the thief says, throwing a brick through the glass and grabbing the ring.

A few blocks later, his girlfriend was admiring a leather jacket in another shop window. "What I would give to own that!" she said.

"Sure thing, darling," the guy says again, throwing another brick through the window and snatching the coat.

Finally, turning for home, they pass a Mercedes car dealership. "Boy, I would do anything for one of those!" she said to her boyfriend.

"Forget that!" the guy moans. "Do you think I'm made of bricks or something?"

Received from ArcaMax Jokes.


A man walks into a health-food restaurant after a day at the office, sits down, and orders a nice big dish of brown rice and stir-fry veggies.

He grabs a handful of peanuts from the bowl on the counter by the cash register while he's waiting for his order, and as he starts to chew he hears a voice say, "That's a beautiful tie. Is that silk? Very NICE choice!"

Wondering who would make such a strange comment, he looks around and doesn't see anyone near him who could've been speaking to him. With a shrug, he pops a few more peanuts into his mouth.

Next he hears a voice, "Those shoes are stylin,' my man. Are they Italian leather? They look GRRREAT!"

He whirls around to again but sees no one near him. He glances nervously around and then at his shoes, which he tucks self-consciously under the stool.

A little weirded out, he grabs another handful of peanuts. This time the voice continues with, "That suit looks FANTASTIC! Is it an Armani? Very nice!"

He immediately calls the waiter over and says, "Look. I keep hearing these voices telling me how great my tie, my shoes, and my suit look. What's up with that? Am I going CRAZY?"

"Oh," the waiter nonchalantly replies, "those are just the peanuts."

"The PEANUTS?" the astonished man asks, staring at the bowl beside him.

"Yes," replies the waiter, "they're complimentary!"

Received from Stan Kegel.


Best of the Worst Country/Western Song Titles

Do You Love As Good As You Look?
Does Your Chewing Gum Lose Its Flavor On The Bedpost Overnight?
Drop Kick Me, Jesus, Through The Goalposts Of Life
Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye
Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure
Here's A Quarter, Call Someone Who Cares
How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?
How Can You Believe Me When I Say I Love You When You Know I've Been A Liar All My Life?
I Been Roped And Thrown By Jesus In The Holy Ghost Corral
I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life
I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling
I Fell In A Pile Of You And Got Love All Over Me
I Flushed You From The Toilets Of My Heart
I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You
I Wanna Whip Your Cow
I Would Have Wrote You A Letter, But I Couldn't Spell Yuck!
I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dawg Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win
I'd Rather Have A Bottle In Front Of Me Than A Frontal Lobotomy
I'm Just A Bug On The Windshield Of Life
I'm The Only Hell Mama Ever Raised
I've Been Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart
I've Got The Hungries For Your Love And I'm Waiting In Your Welfare Line
If Love Were Oil, I'd Be A Quart Low
If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I'd Blow It All On You
If The Phone Don't Ring, Baby, You'll Know It's Me
If You Don't Leave Me Alone, I'll Go And Find Someone Else Who Will
If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too?
Mama Get The Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head)
May The Bird Of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose
My Every Day Silver Is Plastic
My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love Jesus
My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field, While Your Dear John Was Breaking My Heart
My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him
Oh, I've Got Hair Oil On My Ears And My Glasses Are Slipping Down, But Baby I Can See Through You
Pardon Me, I've Got Someone To Kill
She Made Toothpicks Out Of The Timber Of My Heart
She's Got Freckles On Her, But She's Pretty
Thank God And Greyhound She's Gone
They May Put Me In Prison, But They Can't Stop My Face From Breakin' Out
Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart
When You Leave Walk Out Backwards, So I'll Think You're Walking In
You Can't Have Your Kate And Edith Too
You Can't Roller Skate In A Buffalo Herd
You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat
You Were Only A Splinter As I Slid Down The Bannister Of Life
You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly

Received from April Youngblood.


On a recent flight, an elderly passenger kept peering out the window. Since it was totally dark, all she could see was the blinking wing-tip light. Finally, she rang for the flight attendant.

"I'm sorry to bother you," she said, "but I think you should inform the pilot that his left-turn indicator is on and has been for some time."

Received from Thomas Ellsworth.


My wife, a registered nurse, once fussed over every pain or mishap that came my way. Recently, however, I got an indication that the honeymoon is over.

I was about to fix the attic fan, and as I lifted myself from the ladder in the attic, I scratched my forehead on a crossbeam. Crawling along, I picked up splinters in both hands, and I cut one hand replacing the fan belt. On the way down the ladder, I missed the last two rungs and turned my ankle.

When I limped into the kitchen, my wife took one look and said, "Are those your good pants?"

Received from Da Mouse Tracks.


Q. If athletes get athlete's foot, what do astronauts get?
A. Mistletoe!

Q. Where do polar bears vote?
A. The North Poll.

Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A. Frostbite.

Q. What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
A. Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!

Q. What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas time?
A. Sandy Claus!

Q. What nationality is Santa Claus?
A. North Polish.

Q. What did Santa shout to his toys on Christmas Eve?
A. Okay everyone, sack time!

Q. What goes Ho, Ho, Swoosh, Ho, Ho, Swoosh?
A. Santa caught in a revolving door!

Q. If Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus had a child, what would he be called?
A. A subordinate claus.

Q. What do you do if Santa gets stuck in your chimney?
A. Pour Santa flush on him.

Q. How come you never hear anything about the 10th reindeer, "Olive"?
A. Yeah, you know, "Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names..."

Q. What was so good about the neurotic doll the girl was given for Christmas?
A. It was wound up already.

Received from William H. Rayborn.


I was doing some last-minute Christmas shopping in a toy store and decided to look at Barbie dolls for my nieces. A nicely dressed little girl was excitedly looking through the Barbie dolls as well, with a roll of money clamped tightly in her little hand. When she came upon a Barbie she liked, she would turn and ask her father if she had enough money to buy it.

He usually said "yes," but she would keep looking and keep going through their ritual of "do I have enough?" As she was looking, a little boy wandered in across the aisle and started sorting through the Pokemon toys. He was dressed neatly, but in clothes that were obviously rather worn, and wearing a jacket that was probably a couple of sizes too small. He too had money in his hand, but it looked to be no more than five dollars or so at the most. He was with his father as well, and kept picking up the Pokemon video toys. Each time he picked one up and looked at his father, his father shook his head, "No."

The little girl had apparently chosen her Barbie, a beautifully dressed, glamorous doll that would have been the envy of every little girl on the block. However, she had stopped and was watching the interchange between the little boy and his father. Rather dejectedly, the boy had given up on the video games and had chosen what looked like a book of stickers instead. He and his father then started walking through another aisle of the store.

The little girl put her Barbie back on the shelf, and ran over to the Pokemon games. She excitedly picked up one that was lying on top of the other toys, and raced toward the check-out, after speaking with her father. I picked up my purchases and got in line behind them. Then, much to the little girl's obvious delight, the little boy and his father got in line behind me.

After the toy was paid for and bagged, the little girl handed it back to the cashier and whispered something in her ear. The cashier smiled and put the package under the counter.

I paid for my purchases and was rearranging things in my purse when the little boy came up to the cashier. The cashier rang up his purchases and then said, "Congratulations, you are my hundredth customer today, and you win a prize!" With that, she handed the little boy the Pokemon game, and he could only stare in disbelief. It was, he said, exactly what he had wanted!

The little girl and her father had been standing at the doorway during all of this, and I saw the biggest, prettiest, toothless grin on that little girl that I have ever seen in my life. Then they walked out the door, and I followed close behind them. As I walked back to my car in amazement over what I had just witnessed, I heard the father ask his daughter why she had done that. I'll never forget what she said to him.

"Daddy, didn't Nana and PawPaw want me to buy something that would make me happy?"

He said, "Of course they did, honey."

To which the little girl replied, "Well, I just did!"

With that, she giggled and started skipping toward their car. Her toothless grin said it all. Apparently, she had decided on the answer to her own question of, "Do I have enough?"

I feel very privileged to have witnessed the true spirit of Christmas in that toy store, in the form of a little girl who understands more about the reason for the season than most adults I know!

Written by Sharon Palmer

Received from Thomas Ellsworth.


Because our new refrigerator was taller than our old one, I told my wife I'd have to cut away part of an overhanging cabinet to make it fit.

Not wanting to mess it up, I called a local radio home-fix-it program for advice. I was in the middle of getting the instructions when my wife burst into the room.

"You won't believe this," she said, "but there's a guy on the radio with the same problem!"

Received from Shawnda.


At my granddaughter's wedding reception, the DJ polled the guests to see who had been married longest. It turned out to be my husband and me. The DJ asked us, "What advice would you give to the newly married couple?"

I said, "The three most important words in a marriage are, 'You're probably right.'"

Everyone then looked at my husband. He said, "She's probably right."

Received from Thomas Ellsworth.


Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Gladys who?
Gladys Thanksgiving! Aren't you?

Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Harry who?
Harry up! I'm starved!

Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Dewey who?
Dewey have to wait long to eat?

Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Luke who?
Luke at all the food!

Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Odette who?
Odette's a big turkey!

Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Phillip who?
Phillip a big plate and dig in!

Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Emma who?
Emma real pig when it comes to eating turkey!

Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Esther who?
Esther any more gravy?

Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Olive who?
Olive the stuffing too!

Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Aaron who?
Aaron you having more cranberry sauce?

Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Don who?
Don eat all the stuffing, I want some more!

Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Arthur who?
Arthur any more sweet potatoes?

Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Alma who?
Alma dinner's gone. May I have dessert?

Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Wanda who?
Wanda piece of pumpkin pie?

Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Norma Lee.
Norma Lee who?
Norma Lee I don't eat this much!

Knock Knock.
Who's there?
General Lee.
General Lee who?
General Lee I don't either!

Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Aida who?
Aida lot more than I should have!

Knock Knock.
Who's there?
Tamara who?
Tamara we'll have turkey leftovers!

Knock, Knock.
Who's there?
Waddle who?
Waddle I do if you don't open the door for me?

Received from FranCMT2.


A lawyer, a doctor, and a preacher went hunting together. When a prize buck ran past them, they all fired at the exact same moment and the buck dropped.

However, there was only one bullet hole, and they didn't know which of them shot it. So they took it to the registration center, not knowing who should tag it.

The agent said, "Let me look at the deer. Sometimes I can figure it out."

He asked a few questions, examined the deer carefully, and declared, "The preacher shot this buck!"

Amazed, they all asked how he knew. Stooping down, he pointed out the wound. "See here. It went in one ear and out the other."

Received from Steve Sanderson.


Used to being the center of attention, Robbie was a little more than jealous of his new baby sister. The parents sat him down and said that now that she was getting older, the house was too small and they'd have to move.

"It's no use." Robbie said, "She's crawling good now and she'd probably just follow us."

Received from George.


After our friends were married, they left the church and were disappointed to see that their car looked completely normal. No one had decorated it with "Just Married" signs or tin cans or balloons or anything at all.

"Disappointed" was not, however, the word used by the priest who married them.

His car was very similar in make, model, and color as the groom's vehicle.

Received from Doc's Daily Chuckle.


Three nature lovers went for a drive into the mountains one day to see if they could spot some bears. They wanted to take pictures of bears for their photo album. So they drove along an old dirt road until they entered the trees. As they rounded a curve, they spotted a sign that read, "BEAR LEFT."

So they turned around and went home.

Received from ArcaMax Jokes.


In his younger days our golden retriever, Catcher, often ran away when he had the chance. His veterinarian's office was about a mile down the road and Catcher would usually go there. The office staff knew him and would call me to come pick him up.

One day I called the vet to make an appointment for Catcher's yearly vaccine.

"Will you be bringing him in yourself," asked the receptionist, "or will he come on his own?"

Received from Thomas Ellsworth.

The executive officer of the unit where I worked in the National Guard Armory went to a government office to take care of some business.

The clerk there gave him two index cards with identical questions on them. The officer filled both out, but when he handed them in, he asked the clerk why she needed two cards with the same information.

Stapling the cards together, she said, "That's in case we lose one."

- from Bill Johnson (via Reader's Digest)

Received from Doc's Daily Chuckle.


A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his mother, "How was I born?"

"Well, honey," said the slightly prudish mother, "the stork brought you to us."

"Oh," said the boy. "And how did you and Daddy get born?"

"Oh, the stork brought us, too."

"Well, how were Grandpa and Grandma born?" the boy persisted.

"Well, darling, the stork brought them too!" said the mother, by now starting to squirm a little.

Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher, who read with confusion the opening sentence: "This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."


Brought to you by The Good, Clean Funnies List A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a) Mail address:
GCFL, Box 100, Harvest, AL 35749, USA

To print or email this funny to others, go to

The latest GCFL funny can always be found on the web at
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Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Column - -

Happy Peculiar People Day (January 10)
January 9th, 2014

Here’s my two-verse quatrain poem, in honor of Peculiar People Day. (January 10)

Ode To Peculiar People
By Madeleine Begun Kane

My peculiar predilection:
I like people who are odd.
I’ll applaud a little strangeness,
But find “normal” humans flawed.

That makes perfect sense: they tell me
I am rather “weird” myself.
I don’t mind critiques and putdowns—
Just don’t call me “off the shelf.”

© Madeleine Begun Kane. All Rights Reserved.
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"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." __ Franklin D. Roosevelt
"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle."
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. _ _ George Carlin
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" _ _ Queen E. Watson
“A political class of Republicans and Democrats that look after themselves, not the Nation. A media hostile to the very precepts of this nation. A generation of Americans who see morals as vices, and are ignorant of America's Actual History.”
"The things that will destroy America are prosperity-at-any-price, peace-at-any-price, safety-first instead of duty-first, the love of soft living, and the get-rich-quick theory of life." - - Theodore Roosevelt
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Emergency Phone Number 911
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )
Central Dispatch 234_5655
(Non _ Emergency Number)
Direct Numbers
Ambulance _ 234_7371 (24 Hour)
Jail _ 234_5331 (24 Hour)
Poison Control _ 800_222_1222 (24 Hour)
http://www. aapcc. org/
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Interested in getting in touch with the Banner_News through e_mail? For the editor, For news and sports items, Coming Events, Diary, Church News, school and civic events. []
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"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." __ "Bug"
"I read the end of the book. We win!" __ "Bug"
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." __ "Bug"
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." _ _ "Bug"
"It's no big deal doing what God tells you to do. A big deal would be NOT doing what God tells you to do. Just ask Jonah." _ _ Paul Troquille
“Nam et ipsa scientia potestas est.” Knowledge is power. _ Francis Bacon
"The problem is here and now. The time for talk is past. The time for action is now."
Comments on the first Earth Day _ James F. McClellan via John "Fuzzy" Thurman
Hope you enjoy the newsletter.
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week.
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" __"Bug"
God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT_I KC5HII

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