Bug's Bleat - - GCF: Repent

Ethan and I,




Mrs. Corrine helping "Da Boys" sweep the drive,




David enjoying his mother's birthday,




Dusty taking a break while helping MaMaw,




Ethan, Zac and Josiah "Visiting" with MaMaw on her birthday,




Dusty getting his direction from MaMaw.




Josiah and MaMaw.




More of our favorite photos from this week:

















Volume 15, Issue 28 Friday, July 19, 2013

Hello ALL,

The “Incredible Wife Of My Youth” and I sometimes experience communication difficulties. This usually occurs when Annette asks me to do something. Today was a case in point.

Since we moved into our favorite home, the cable modem and our router have been laying on Annette’s sewing table in the “Imelda Marcos” closet (my things reside in the “filthy beast’s” closet [check out Cary Grant’s “Father Goose” for an explanation of the title for my domain.]) I had intended to do something about this but it had slipped my mind until I had to reset the router this week and noticed the menagerie of equipment and wires spread across her work area.

So, this afternoon, Da Boys and I started working to clean all this up and mount the equipment on the closet wall. While we were doing this, Annette suggested (I thought) that I could mount the cable modem on a lovely little shelf she had laying in the closet.

It was a little more trouble than just hanging the modem by itself but I had to admit that it did look good setting on its own personal shelf and I was proud that we were able to mount the shelf and get the wires up and mostly hidden from view.

When Annette had time I invited her to look at our handiwork. She said that it was an improvement but … “Why did you use my shelf for that electrical box?” Huh???

“I thought you wanted me to use the shelf.” I replied.

“No.” She stated. “I plainly asked you to put up that shelf for me while you were working in the closet.”

Oh Bother!
~~~~~
Last week we talked about Annette’s getting water for the mailman. This week, we were driving back to the house when she started discussing the mailman’s health. HIPPA rules prohibit me from giving you details but suffice to say, she knows more about his health and job issues than I know about my own.

I think we can safely say that David get’s his ability to strike up instant personal conversations with strangers from Annette. The first time I noticed this was when we were on a Washington D.C. subway and I told Annette; “I wonder what exit we take for the Smithsonian.”

David (who was about 9 or 10) spoke up and told us; “The one after this upcoming stop.”

I asked him how he knew that was the correct stop to exit on and he replied; “LeRoy told me.”

“And who is LeRoy?” I asked. Where upon he pointed to the large gentleman seated on the other side of him and introduced us to LeRoy. Understand that we’d been on the subway for 3 or 4 minutes at this time.
~~~~~
David is also an example of the fact that helping is hardwired into our family’s brains. He was instantly ready to help us just as he does the same for others. Additionally, like David may have some of Annette’s traits, I also have to admit, I may have some of Vanessa’s traits as well. For instance; when I was about four of five, I was in Uncle Cecil’s general store. I decided to help him clean up by straightening the canned food shelves. Like Vanessa would have done, I decided to first remove all the cans from the shelves so I could properly clean the surface and then put the cans back up neatly.

This plan was working fine until I got all the cans out of the shelves and onto the floor. It was at that point I realized that I was tired of this activity and grandmother probably had dinner ready. So I left. For some reason Uncle Cecil never wanted me to help at his store again.
~
Another time I tried to help was when I noticed a brick sticking out of the ground in front of grandmother’s front steps (in those days, there was no “drive,” folks just parked in the yard.) This was a serious hazard. What if grandmother or even mom tripped on that brick when coming down the steps? They could be seriously hurt.

So I got one of grandmother’s big silver serving spoons and dug up the brick. To be sure it wasn’t a hazard; I carried it around to the trash pile in back of the house. Unfortunately, I failed to think about the hole left after I removed the brick. While I was carrying the brick to the back of the house, my mom came out of the house, stepped into the hole I’d left and broke her ankle.

I guess this comes under the law of “Unintended Consequences.”
~~~~~
Race, Racism and Common Sense - - I came up at the end of the segregated south era but in a home where the "N" word was strictly not allowed. My mentors were my grandmother, my widowed mother, aunts, uncles, our neighbors, and my "Mammy,” Mrs. Ida Mustifield.

Mrs. Ida had eleven children who all graduated from college. Today they are teachers, doctors, lawyers, etc. All due to the hard work of a little lady who never accepted the word "Can't."

In spite of that, I can't claim that my mind was totally free of ingrained prejudice. As I've heard it explained; "Who you are is very often the product of where you were, when." One wise fellow (Mr. Rucker Clayton, the Superintendent of the Black "Rosenwald" Free Hope School District, in Columbia County) put it this way; “The difference between a Racist and a Prejudiced person is that a Racist knows he's prejudiced."

The media has been full of folks discussing race this week. The President even came out and discussed the prejudice he’d faced as a black man in The United States of America. There were blogs, posts and columns from both the left and the right, many were thoughtful and measured. Many more were just plain offensive.

The fact is that there is probably almost no one in this country who doesn’t have some preconceived notion about any group that they are not a member of. Be it the Catholics, Episcopalians, Pentecostals and Southern Baptists or Europeans, Kurds, Indians and Asians we all tend to look at people with a lack of understanding if we don’t actually “Know” them.

This week I wasn’t surprised at the loud protests about the Zimmerman verdict. Nor was I disappointed in the depth politicians and pundits could go to profit from the unrest. But I do continue to be concerned that people think racism and prejudice can be corrected simply by better education, passing laws or holding seminars.

What really works is reaching out to folks from outside our comfort circle.

If you’re really concerned about the “racial divide” here, I challenge you to step across the line and invite a person or couple, from another race or nationality or income bracket, over for coffee, supper, lunch or a movie.

Get to know folks from another "group," and you just may realize that these people are no longer black or Asian or homeless. Instead, they are Bill or Alice or Aliyah or Chung or Mr. Charles. And your life is richer for knowing people who you formally classified as "outside our box.
~~~~~
Rasmussen Reports - - What They Told Us: Reviewing Last Week's Key Polls

Daily Presidential Tracking Poll: 50% Approve of Obama's Job Performance

85% Think Christian Photographer Has Right to Turn Down Same-Sex Wedding Job

60% Put Checks and Balances Ahead of Government Efficiency - - Politicians are often frustrated by the system of checks and balances built into American government, but voters continue to strongly support that protection.

59% Favor Government Subsidies to Keep Student Loan Costs Down

56% Rarely or Never Eat Fast Food

56% Say Gov Investing in Alternative Energy May End Foreign Oil Dependence

45% View Health Care Law Favorably, 50% Unfavorable

44% Favor Ban on Abortion After 20 Weeks, 41% Oppose - - Several states including Texas and Wisconsin are advancing new restrictive abortion laws that would, among other things, ban abortions after 20 weeks and require doctors that perform abortions to have admitting privileges at nearby hospitals. Voters nationwide are almost evenly divided on the 20-week ban but are more supportive of additional doctor requirements.

Generic Congressional Ballot: Republicans 39%, Democrats 38%

8% Think Applicant's Word Is Enough When Seeking Federal Health Insurance Subsidies - - The Obama administration has temporarily made it easier for low-income Americans to qualify for health insurance subsidies under the president's new health care law, but voters overwhelmingly believe that trusting the applicant's word is not enough.
~
Confronting America's Racial Divide
A Commentary By Scott Rasmussen

Sixty-four percent of Americans say that it's possible to have an honest discussion about race in America. I would like to believe that, but I am skeptical.

My skepticism is rooted in a painful recognition of the fact that white and black America have different histories and different experiences with our justice system.

Consider the simple fact that, compared to white Americans, black Americans are three times as likely to know someone in prison and twice as likely to know someone who was murdered. It's not surprising that most black Americans view the justice system with the same level of suspicion that the tea party has for the Internal Revenue Service. The distrust is justified.

So when a jury with no blacks declared George Zimmerman not guilty in the murder of Trayvon Martin, most white Americans agreed with the verdict, and most black Americans did not.

Most white Americans believe that such a jury can fairly consider a case involving the shooting of a black man. Most blacks disagree.

Most white Americans believe Zimmerman was motivated primarily by concern about burglaries in the neighborhood. Most black Americans believe he was motivated primarily by racism.

Many conservative pundits have pointed out that the prosecution simply couldn't prove beyond a reasonable doubt that Zimmerman was doing anything more than acting in self-defense. Even some on the political left, people like Slate's William Saletan, have said that when you look at the evidence and the law, the jury reached the right decision. Former President Jimmy Carter shares that view, as well.

But for many Americans, the technical analysis misses the point. Zimmerman made a poor choice when he ignored the dispatcher, got out of the car and tried to be a hero. As a result, a young black man ended up dead. Where's the justice in that? Would it have been the same if the dead man were the son of a wealthy white businessman?

I cannot claim to speak for black Americans, but what I see in the numbers is a deeply rooted belief that the rules of the game in America are rigged against black Americans. Eighty-four percent of black Americans believe the justice system in our country is unfair to minorities.

Most white Americans are appalled by such numbers. This is why it is so difficult to have an honest discussion about race in America. They just don't get it.

What white Americans need to understand is that there's a reason most black Americans believe our justice system is out to get them. The reason is that for most of our history government in America was an organized conspiracy against black Americans. The Constitution includes offensive language about black slaves. Southern states implemented Jim Crow laws and provided inferior educational options to keep blacks down -- laws that survived until the 1960s. There's more to American history, of course, but we can't ignore those realities.

What black Americans need to understand, though, is that George Zimmerman and his generation never lived in that world. America has changed, but we have failed to honestly confront our past.

If our nation is ever to truly become a land of liberty and justice for all, we need to have an honest discussion about race. The evidence of the past few weeks makes me doubt we are ready for that today.

To find out more about Scott Rasmussen, and read features by other Creators writers and cartoonists, visit www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2013 - - SCOTT RASMUSSEN - - DISTRIBUTED BY CREATORS.COM

See Other Political Commentaries. http://www.rasmussenreports.com/public_content/political_commentary

See Other Commentaries by Scott Rasmussen. http://www.rasmussenreports.com/public_content/political_commentary/commentary_by_scott_rasmussen
~~~~~
Still the Least Racist Country in the World - - The Left needs to position America as a racist country to sustain its political success.
By Dennis Prager

http://m.nationalreview.com/articles/295611/still-least-racist-country-world-dennis-prager
~~~~~
The latest from Michael Yon, the foremost “milnews” blogger on the web.
~
Greetings,

I would hate to begin doing war correspondence inside the United States:

Please see http://www.michaelyon-online.com/race-baiting-and-lies-in-america.htm.
…
Also: Note for Non-Americans on Race relations in the USA

Having spent about twenty years in dozens of countries, I have some idea about how we are viewed abroad. When it comes to race, many people look at America as black and white. In fact, nothing could be farther from the truth. We are a bunch of mixed breeds.

One of my siblings recently got a genetic test. We are all over the map, including a trace from sub-saharan Africa. Apparently I have black grandmother or grandfather in my tree. (Mostly it turns out we apparently are Northern European, but still we are mutts.) My incredible wife is darker than many so called African Americans.

Insofar as "white" culture in America, there is no definite white culture that most whites belong to. Some whites are with some form or another of black, Asian, or Hispanic culture, and the inverse is true. Keeping in mind there is no "Asian" culture any more than there is a "white" or "black" or "Hispanic" or "European" or "Thai." We truly are mixed up with each other which is one of our primary strengths.

Do you know how many cultures there are in Thailand? There are so many that I do not even have an idea. Must be a hundred, and even more if we count fusions. Just as Europeans (I spent about six years in Europe) often think America is black and white, we project the same on other countries.

There must literally be Thousands of "Indian" cultures. The varieties are tantamount endless. It would take most people a year just to memorize the names of the languages, dialects, and peoples of India. Indian banknotes are inscribed with about 15 major languages.

There are many "white" cultures in America. I do not know how many. I have traveled extensively to 48 states and it became confusing. A white man from the mountains of Western North Carolina has a completely different culture than a white man from Manhattan. On language, the man from the mountains will understand the dialect of the man from Manhattan, but the Manhattan man might not understand a word the mountain man says.

I relate closer to "black" culture in my home town much closer than with some of the "white" cultures I encountered in the USA. I understand blacks on a cultural level in my home town because we grew up together seven days per week for years on end, but some of the "white" American cultures I have encountered were foreign to me. We spoke the same language but I did not always understand where they were coming from. For instance, the idea that you should flee your home and not protect your family during a home invasion is utterly foreign to me. I have no idea what planet they got that from.

During my US travels, I found that both many of the blacks and whites in Baltimore were fantastically racist to the point I thought it was kooky. Same down in Miami and over in LA. Especially racist were many of the blacks who would treat me like an enemy, when I was thinking, "Man, if you get hit by a car, I will pull you out of the street. Why are you acting like this???"

Insofar as "black culture", again, there is no specific black culture that all subscribe to. Blacks are all over the map on cultures. Some blacks are fantastically racist, while others just take people for what they are. Same with whites, Asians and Hispanics.

I see racism in every country I go, which is nearly 70 so far. You never have seen racism until you go to Europe or Asia. America is downright tame by comparison.

Bottom line is that America is not black and white, and not all blacks hate whites. We got along pretty well in my home town because we grew up together. There was racism, sure. We saw it plenty. Believe it or not it was usually instigated by blacks but not always. I am specifically referring to MY generation. In previous generations it is clear that racism was more instigated by whites.

https://www.facebook.com/MichaelYonFanPage/posts/10151559767370665

Very Respectfully,
Michael Yon
Your Writer,

Please remember that this website accepts no advertisement and is dependent on your support.

PS Please sign up for my Twitter.com updates at "Michael_Yon" [http://twitter.com/Michael_Yon] (not Michael Yon).

http://www.facebook.com/#/MichaelYonFanPage?ref=sgm
~
www.michaelyon-online.com
~
Http://www.michaelyon_online.com/index.php
~~~~~
If you would like to encourage US Troops overseas, but are not sure just how to begin, visit www.anysoldier.com for ideas.
~~~~~
5 Things New Veterans Expect From All Political Candidates

1. Defend the New GI Bill
2. Employ the New Greatest Generation
3. Prevent suicide among troops and veterans
4. Build a truly 21st Century VA
5. Improve Care for Female Veterans

http://iava.org/blog/5-things-new-veterans-expect-all-candidates-2012
~~~~~
Please remember ... America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the MALL.
~~~~~
I have long contended that absolutely NO publicity should be given to terrorists and sickos. Unless we are searching for them, no photos should be distributed and no mention of their names should be made in any media. If they have to be referred to ... call them "the idiot" or "the sicko."

Obviously, this Magazine (which I will also cease naming since they choose to associate with the idiot sickos) doesn't subscribe to my idea.

This Magazine is a perfect example of the old truth; "You can educate an ignorant man but there is no cure for Stupid!" No self respecting human should ever again give RS a dime. Nor the advertisers that support this shining example of stupidity.

Oh yeah, to those who say that the article wasn’t supportive of the idiot sicko, the cover photo and hype is supportive of the miscreant. Period!
~
Commentary By Bryant Arkansas Police Chief Mark Kizer

I was just checking email and doing my news post for the evening when I noticed an article on Rolling Stones Magazine Cover picture. I first assumed it was honestly a joke, I mean who in all honestly in their right mind would be that STUPID??

The Rolling Stones to give a terrorist one second of recognition after the innocent people this guy killed just amazes me. I truly don't know where or what they were thinking but I for one respect the land and the freedom that I have and hope they pull the magazine and people who have subscriptions tell them to keep their money because that's the last dime the receive!!

Seriously look at how many people have lost their family members in the military, law enforcement, fire fighters and all the other people to terrorist acts and then they spot-light this guy??

I am done saying my peace but in my opinion it's like Treason!! Shame on a magazine supported by US to have to see that..

This is my opinion and I stand behind it!

Chief Kizer
~~~~~
The State of Our Liberty - - This Week in Review

Department of Homeland Security is the third-largest federal department, with a budget of $48 billion and a staff of more than 240,000.

Law-enforcement technology - - Automatic license plate readers used to collect, store data on millions of Americans - - Automatic license plate readers are the most widespread location tracking technology available to law enforcement. Mounted on patrol cars or stationary objects like bridges, they snap photos of every passing car, recording their plate numbers, times, and locations. At first the captured plate data was used just to check against lists of cars law enforcement hoped to locate for various reasons (to act on arrest warrants, find stolen cars, etc.). Increasingly, however, all of this data is being fed into massive databases that contain the location information of many millions of innocent Americans stretching back for months or even years.
~~~~~
Does it really “pull your chain” when people say things on facebook that you consider “not too intelligent?” I feel the same way … however, don’t be a “Don Quote” and go charging off to refute them. You’re wasting your time and Facebooks bandwidth.
Just as you can’t get folks to stop forwarding hoaxes, phishing and other malicious emails that have little or no basis in truth. You’ll never convince these folks that their posts don’t have any merit.
So, the next time you see one of those blatantly ignorant posts, chill. Get a hot chocolate or a cold iced tea. Look at your flowers (or the neighbors.) And relax. There is a whole lot of beauty here. Don’t let a few folks ruin it for you.
~~~~~
dLife Foodstuff - - Best Snacks for Lower Blood Sugar

Introducing ... the dLife Healthy, Low Carb Snack List! Snacks can be a double - edged sword for people with diabetes. They may help stave off hunger and overeating, while keeping blood sugar levels from dropping too low. But serious snack attacks can also derail your best efforts to eat healthy and manage your weight
-
friendly snacking and sweet treats.

MOZZARELLA STRING CHEESE is the new Snickers (R) bar. Talk about a perfect, portable snack. How do you eat your string cheese? Do you peel it carefully with your fingers or your teeth? Or do you just chomp, chomp, chomp 'til it's gone? CARBS: less than 1 g

POPCORN is a whole grain -- did you know? Popcorn delivers a nice dose of fiber and is a versatile snack. You can stick to butter, sprinkle with grated parmesan or Brewer's yeast, or make a sweet treat by drizzling with sugar - free chocolate syrup. CARBS: 12g in 2 cups

COTTAGE CHEESE & BERRIES will make you feel healthier just by having a dish in front of you. You get all the benefits of dairy protein and fat, plus a goo d dose of antioxidants. What could be better?
Hint: If cottage cheese has always seemed a little icky to you, try sprinkling cinnamon and sugar substitute on top and sticking it in the oven for a few minutes, berries and all. CARBS: 15g in 1/2 cup cottage cheese and 1/2 cup blueberries

WHOLE WHEAT CRACKERS & NATURAL PEANUT BUTTER are perfect for a salty, crunchy fix. Plus, you get protein, fiber , and good - for - you unsaturated fats. CARBS: 15g in 3 Triscuits (R) with 2 tbsp peanut butter

HARD - BOILED EGG. The incredible edible is truly a perfect food -- with a nutrient list that reads like the side of a multivitamin label. It's also oh - so - satisfying. CARBS: less than 1g (and more than 6g of protein!)

EDAMAME (a.k.a., green soybeans) are diabetes super - snack. Buy them frozen in the pod, boil for five minutes, and voila! Pick up the pods and suck out the tender beans. CARBS: 15g per cup (and 8 grams of fiber!)

A PEAR (with a handful of almonds) has the added snack benefit of slowing you down a bit. It's hard to inhale a fruit you have to take bites of while navigating around seeds and a stem. And though they're easy to overeat, nuts have to be chewed pretty thoroughly. Eat your almonds one at a time , chew slowly, and savor their buttery goodness. CARBS: 16g in small Asian pear & 12 almonds

SUGAR - FREE JELLO is arguably the most satisfying zero - carb sweet treat out there. Although it may not win in the nutrients contest, it can at least do a good job making your nails stronger. CARBS: 4g in a cup of sugar - free jello with 4 tbsp whipped topping

HUMMUS & VEGGIES are the healthy replacements these days for potato chips and sour cream dip. This Middle Eastern puree is made from chickpeas (a.k.a. garbanzo beans) and garlic. It's high in protein and fiber and many other nutrients and, without a doubt, classifies as a diabetes superfood. Add some carrots and celery for dipping, and you know you're doing a good thing for your body. CARBS: 15g in 5 tbsp of hummus with 4 baby carrots and 4 small celery stalks

PLAIN YOGURT , to some, is a nectar from the gods. To others, it's as gross a s curdled milk. If you're in the latter group, why not take baby steps? First, use plain yogurt to make salad dressings and in baked goods. Eventually, graduate to eating it with sugar substitute and berries or crushed nuts. The health benefits are stellar -- from the calcium to the friendly bacteria -- so it's worth a bit of effort. CARBS: 12g in 6 ounces of plain yogurt (and 3g in 12 almonds)

SUGAR - FREE PUDDING is one of the more decadent treats available, and with a dollop of whipped cream can stand in for someone's beloved chocolate mousse dessert. Swirl a couple of flavors together for that extra je ne sais quoi. CARBS: 12g in 1/2 cup
You didn't really think chocolate would be on this list, did you? Yes, authentic, DARK CHOCOLATE (the higher the percentage of cocoa, the better) has been shown to possibly improve health, by way of its plant chemicals. And three dark chocolate truffles will cost you only 15 grams of carbs. However, they also come with 220 calories and 13 grams of saturated fat. By anyone's standards, that's a little over the top. So take a more moderate approach: Have just one dark chocolate truffle, and enjoy every second of it.

SOURCES:
1. dLife Food Finder. http://www.dlife.com/diabetes/diabetic - recipes/foodFinder.html (accessed 5/18/09).
2. USDA Nutrient Database. http://www.nal.usda.gov/fnic/foodcomp/search (accessed 5/18/09).
3. Daily Plate. http://www.dailyplate.com (accessed 5/17/09).
~~~~~
Cream Cheese: Is It Healthy? by Toby Amidor, July 19, 2013

he Verdict: If you’re a cream cheese lover, choose a touch of whipped or light cream cheese to get your fill. (A tub of the whipped variety is a staple in my house!) To make a little go even further, add your own ingredients (like fresh chives, scallions or freshly chopped veggies) for more flavor.

Toby Amidor, MS, RD, CDN, is a registered dietitian and consultant who specializes in food safety and culinary nutrition. See Toby’s full bio http://blog.foodnetwork.com/healthyeats/about-our-blog/

Read more at: http://blog.foodnetwork.com/healthyeats/2013/07/19/cream-cheese-is-it-healthy/?oc=linkback
~
Guacamole: 7 Great Ways by Robin Miller in Robin's Healthy Take, July 19, 2013

Guacamole is a fresh and delicious way to enjoy the bounty of nutrients and healthy fats avocados have to offer. And the simple blend of avocado, other vegetables, and herbs leaves lots of room for interpretation and exploration. After preparing the classic version below, get creative and add a variety of unique ingredients.

Robin Miller is a nutritionist, host of Quick Fix Meals, author of “Robin Rescues Dinner” and the busy mom of two active little boys. Her boys and great food are her passion. Check her out at www.robinrescuesdinner.com.

Read more at: http://blog.foodnetwork.com/healthyeats/2013/07/19/guacamole-7-ways/?oc=linkback
~~~~~
It’s a joke … Chill out and small.
~
Dear Wife,

I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever. I’ve been a good man to you for 7 years and I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. ... Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want anything that connects us as husband and wife. Either, you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone.

Your EX-Husband

P.S. don’t try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
…
Dear Ex-Husband

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping. Too bad that didn’t work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you and felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone.. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me. So take care.

Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich And Free!

P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem
~~~~~
Favorite Quotes:

What we get by achieving our goals is not as important as what we become by achieving our goals. ~ Henry
David Thoreau via Ron Hazelton
~~~~~
The following wisdom is shared by our friends.
~
Nancee Davis Law

It doesn't take a very big person to carry a grudge.

You cannot unsay a cruel word.

Every path has a few puddles.

The Joy of the Lord is my Strength

Thank God for unexpected blessings

If God is for you, it doesn't matter who is against you. Happy Friday!

Hello Friday, nice to see ya. Seems like it's been a long time

Coffee and Creflo = start of a good day

Well … can't win them all but there's always tomorrow
~
Ethan Malone

Flowers are a lot of work. (Spoken as he helped his Mamaw in the front flower beds.)
~~~~~
From Earth’s surface, it’s very hard to visualize how much empty space surrounds us. If we could capture photos of Earth from a distant vantage point – say, the outer solar system – we could perhaps begin to picture it, but those opportunities are rare. We humans have acquired only two images of Earth from the outer solar system – ever. The first and most distant was taken 23 years ago by NASA’s Voyager 1 spacecraft from 4 billion miles (6 billion kilometers) away, showing Earth as a pale blue dot . The other opportunity was Cassini’s image in 2006 from 926 million miles (1.49 billion kilometers). But today (July 19, 2013) another opportunity will occur. NASA’s Cassini spacecraft, now orbiting Saturn and weaving in and among its moons, will be aligned in such a way that Saturn will eclipse the sun as seen from the spacecraft. With the sun’s light blocked, space scientists will capture the third-ever picture of Earth from the outer solar system, hundreds of millions of miles away.
http://earthsky.org/space/cassini-space-probe-at-saturn-to-take-rare-photo-of-earth-on-july-19?utm_source=EarthSky+News&utm_campaign=9bf81b9975-EarthSky_News&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_c643945d79-9bf81b9975-393703501
~~~~~
AskBob - - Bob Rankin - - Free Troubleshooting Tools for Windows

An operating system is an incredibly complex beast. If things go wrong with Windows, it can be difficult to track down the source of the glitch. But you can put away the sledgehammer, because there are plenty of free troubleshooters you can use to fix most problems. Here's my recommended list of free Windows problem solvers... http://askbobrankin.com/free_troubleshooting_tools_for_windows.html?awt_l=HZr.N&awt_m=JxMJTVR2J8P6SL
~~~~~
ACC SmartBrief - - Honeywell plans to invest $200 million in La. manufacturing facilities
Honeywell plans to spend more than $200 million on new manufacturing projects across four of its Louisiana production facilities, it was announced Monday. The company will invest $169 million in engineering and production capacity for new products, and $39 million in current operations. Honeywell is considering an additional $1 billion in investment over the next 10 years, according to Andreas Kramvis, president and CEO of Honeywell Performance Materials and Technologies. The Advocate (Baton Rouge, La.) (7/15) http://theadvocate.com/home/6518921-125/honeywell-plans-plant-projects-in
~~~~~
DarynKagan.com - - I have for you today one smart bird, a loving daughter, and the cutest politician ever.

Enjoy!
-Daryn.

Raven Asks Human For Help With Porcupine Quills
http://darynkagan.com/DarynKagan.com_Animals.html

Bride's Touching Tribute To Late Father On Her Wedding Day
http://darynkagan.com/Love_Stories.html

4-Year-Old Mayor Running For Re-Election
http://darynkagan.com/Kids.html
~~~~~
http://www.shelfari.com
http://www.shelfari.com/bugsbleat/shelf
~~~~~
For the latest issue of "Da Bleat.", go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com.
Our photos are posted at http://www.bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com.
~~~~~
Photos on the front of this week’s “Bleat” include - - Ethan and I, Mrs. Corrine helping "Da Boys" sweep the drive, David enjoying his mother's birthday, Dusty taking a break while helping MaMaw, Ethan, Zac and Josiah "Visiting" with MaMaw on her birthday, Dusty getting his direction from MaMaw. Josiah and MaMaw.
~~~~~
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.
~~~~~
Break Point - - Christians and God's Creatures - Caring about Animals
By: Eric Metaxas|

The NIH has decided to free most of its chimpanzees. Why the decision was unlikely, and why Christians can applaud it.

A New York Times headline grabbed my attention on the airplane last week: “Unlikely Partners, Freeing Chimps from the Lab.”

It turns out the National Institutes of Health has agreed to retire and find new homes for nearly all of the chimpanzees it has used for medical research.

The unlikely partners behind this move were world-famous primatologist Jane Goodall and the head of NIH, my friend Dr. Francis Collins. The “unlikely” part of their partnership, according to the Times, is that Goodall is an animal rights activist and Collins is the “ultimate white-coated lab person.”

But left unsaid by the Times is another “unlikely” aspect of Goodall’s and Collins’s relationship: Collins is an outspoken evangelical Christian.

What’s unlikely about a leading evangelical siding with an animal rights activist? Well, as Chuck Colson said years ago on this program, “When it comes to animal welfare today, Christians have allowed the secular world to take the lead and set the agenda.”

And this, my friends, should not be!

Earlier generations of Christians understood well that our stewardship of creation extends to living creatures. St. Francis of Assisi was famous for his passionate concern for animals. And William Wilberforce, the great abolitionist, took a public stand against cruelty to animals and helped found the Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals. And in his book “The Problem of Pain,” C. S. Lewis calls the suffering of animals “appalling.” “Animal pain,” he wrote, is “begun by Satan's malice and perpetrated by man's desertion of his post.”

Now, in one sense, it’s understandable that Christians have in large measure avoided the animal welfare movement—mostly because its most vocal activists espouse a worldview that is actively hostile to Christianity: namely naturalism. That’s the idea that all that is the result of chance, and that all living things are morally equivalent, which is why the founder of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals famously said, “A rat is a pig is a dog is a boy.”

Nonetheless, by ignoring the issue of animal welfare, Christians are not being the good stewards we’re called to be. So as Chuck once said, “we need to get involved in shaping laws that determine animal treatment. We must make it our business to find out how the fish of the sea, the birds of the air, and the cattle of the earth are treated on factory farms, in research labs, and by commercial fishermen.”

And while I wouldn’t advocate working hand in hand with radical groups such as PETA, when Newsletter_Gen_180x180_B we can advocate for just reforms or take action to better the treatment of animals, we absolutely should.

In other words, Francis Collins did the right thing. Now, Collins admitted in the New York Times that freeing chimpanzees is one thing. He says, after all, they are “special creatures” possessing similarities to humans “that are quite breathtaking.” But don’t expect NIH to stop experimenting on rats and mice anytime soon—or animal rights groups to stop lobbying on their behalf.

To quote Dutch theologian Abraham Kuyper, as Chuck Colson so often did, “There is not a square inch in the whole domain of our human existence over which Christ, who is Sovereign over all, does not cry, "Mine!”

And “His” extends to all of creation, including the animals He made. And wherever and whenever we do good out of love for God, we are witnesses of Christ.
Further Reading and Information

BP-Takeaction_71913Christians and God’s Creatures: Caring about Animals - Next Steps

God’s love and concern extends not only to us, but to all His creation. We are to be stewards of the wondrous environment and the creatures that inhabit it. In doing so we demonstrate Christ’s love.

Take advantage of opportunities to promote improved treatment for animals, not for naturalistic reasons, but because animals are part of God’s amazing creation.
~
Articles:

Unlikely Partners, Freeing Chimps from the Lab
James Gorman | New York Times | July 8, 2013
http://www.nytimes.com/2013/07/09/science/unlikely-partners-freeing-chimps-from-the-lab.html?pagewanted=all&_r=1&

Abusing Our Power: Do Christians Sanction Animal Cruelty?
Chuck Colson | BreakPoint.org | May 7, 2003
http://www.breakpoint.org/bpcommentaries/breakpoint-commentaries-search/entry/13/11328

Exploring “Dominion”
Matthew Scully | National Review Online | December 3, 2002
http://old.nationalreview.com/interrogatory/interrogatory120602.asp
~
Websites:

Mercy Springs Ranch
http://www.mercyspringranch.org/
~
Copyright © 2013 Colson Center. All Rights Reserved
~~~~~
Residents of Columbia County, Arkansas are represented in Congress by:
~
Senator John Boozman (R_ AR)
1 Russell Courtyard
Washington DC, 20510
Phone: 202-224-4843
http://boozman.senate.gov/
~
Senator Mark Pryor (D_ AR)
Phone 202_224_2353
FAX 202_228_0908
http://pryor.senate.gov/
~
Representative Tom Cotton (R )
Phone 202_225_3772
FAX 202_225_1314
http://cotton.house.gov/

Other states congresspersons can be found at: [http://www.visi.com/juan/congress/]
~~~~~
THOUGHT OF THE DAY:

"Luck enters into every contingency. You are a fool if you forget it -- and a greater fool if you count upon it." - Phyllis Bottome

"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It would be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval of their own conscience." - C. S. Lewis

"In order to become the master, the politician poses as the servant." - Charles de Gaulle

"The most valuable of all talents is that of never using two words when one will do." - Thomas Jefferson

"What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others." - Pericles

"The intellect of the wise is like glass; it admits the light of heaven and reflects it." - Augustus Hare

"The art of love is largely the art of persistence." - Albert Ellis
~~~~~
Breaking Christian News

EU Turns Its Back on Israel; Implications Dire
Teresa Neumann (July 19, 2013)

"Israel's 'occupation' of these areas [beyond the 'Green Line'] is legal twice over – since it merely gained them in a war of self-defense in 1967, and is thus legally entitled to hold onto them until the belligerents stop waging war upon it. Which they still have not." -Melanie Phillips

REPORTER'S NOTE: If you've found yourself scratching your head over the complexity of modern Israel's history and current political status, help is here today in the form of a short, simple message from a British Journalist. Entitled: The Baseless Hatred of the EU towards Israel, it's a sort of "Idiot's Guide to the Existence of Modern Israel." It explains how it all started after WWI when western powers indiscriminately carved up the Middle East. Then, of course, Hitler happened, the Jews were practically wiped off the face of the earth, and again politicians got involved. Meanwhile, the state of Israel fights for its manifest survival. -Teresa Neumann

Yesha (Israel)—The European Union last week announced its new official policy of boycotting Jews and Israelis in areas of Israel liberated in the 1967 Six Day War, including Judea, Samaria and most of Jerusalem.

Given the current state of affairs in the Middle East, this controversial move by the EU is poised to have devastating effects. Starting in 2014, contracts and agreements between EU businesses, institutions and individuals from those newly outlawed areas will no longer be legally recognized by EU courts.

According to Israel National News, Israeli experts say the implications will have a major impact. Israeli MK Tzachi Hanegbi told Israel Radio that the new EU policy is far more radical that what the U.S., or even Europe itself, was accustomed to in the past.

Yesha For those who are put off by the complexities of modern Israel history and politics, British reporter Melanie Phillips, writing for the U.K.'s Daily Mail, has provided a short, brilliant synopsis of the state of affairs. It's entitled, The Baseless Hatred of the EU Towards Israel.

In excerpts from that article, Phillips writes:

"Consternation in Israel over the EU's malicious decision to boycott individuals or institutions situated over the 'Green Line' between Israel and the disputed territories. This would presumably include boycotting, for example, the Hebrew University which is just over that line or, even more grotesquely, Jewish residents in Jerusalem's Old City—where ancient Jewish settlement far predated the arrival of a single Arab, dating as it does since King David who built it as the capital of the kingdom of the Jewish people.

News of the EU's act of existential spite against Israel broke on the fast of Tisha b'Av, when Jews mourn the destruction of the Temple (you know, that Temple, the one that stood in Jerusalem all those centuries ago before any Arabs existed, let alone any Green Line) along with the seemingly never-ending list down through the ages of all those prosecuting their uniquely murderous and baseless hatred of the Jewish people.

Some coincidence. To that list of infamy, the EU can now add its name. For shame."

editor@breakingchristiannews.com
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GCF: Repent

My neighbor, who has always been a very religious person, now believes the end of the world is near and preaches that people should repent and forego their earthly possessions.

I am not a disbeliever or anything, but there's one thing I find completely incongruent with his belief: Why does he refuse to give me his Porsche?
_ _______________________________ _

GCF: Gym Membership

Everyone vows to join a gym and go three days a week. Yeah, right. A woman once called me at the health club where I used to work.

"I got a note saying it was time for me to renew my membership," she said. "As much as I love to work out, I don't think I'll renew."

"Fine," I said, "but you'll have to come down here to fill out cancellation forms."

After a long pause - "Umm, where are you located?"
_ _______________________________ _

GCF: Wedding Advice

At a wedding, the DJ polled the guests to see who had been married longest. The bride's grandparents took the honors.

The DJ asked them: "What advice would you give to the newly-married couple?"

The grandmother said: "The three most important words in a marriage are, 'You're probably right.'"

Everyone then looked at the grandfather for his answer.

He, wisely, answered: "She's probably right."
_ _______________________________ _

GCF: Butcher Shop

A woman walks into a butcher shop and asks the butcher about the price for a pound of tenderloin.

"$12 per pound," replies the butcher.

"Are you sure? That can't be," says the lady.

"Look, madam, it says right here on the card that it's $12 per pound."

"But that seems so high compared to other butchers in the area."

"Lady, maybe they gave you the price for a poorer cut of beef."

"No, the butcher across the street said it was $9 per pound," she says.

"Well, then, why don't you go buy it there?" asks the butcher.

"Because they are all out."

"Well, when I'm all out, I sell it for $8 per pound," retorts the butcher.
_ _______________________________ _

GCF: Replacement

Duck decoys, fishing rods, boots -- outdoor gear of all kinds was piled high in the garage. One day I found my wife staring at the mess. "I hope I die first, so I don't have to get rid of all this," she sighed.

"Look on the bright side," I suggested. "If I go first, you can put an ad in the paper. When all the men come by to check out the stuff, you can pick out a replacement for me."

Still staring at the pile, she said, "Nah. Whoever would want all this stuff wouldn't be my type."
_ _______________________________ _

GCF: Lost Cell Phone

My wife called me after driving to an appointment. She arrived and I could tell from her voice that she was getting frustrated. Finally she said, "I know I had my cell phone with me. And now I can't find it!"

I replied, "Aren't you talking on it?"

There was a solid period of stunned silence as the reality of the situation sank in, followed by, "You are NOT going to tell anybody about this!"
_ _______________________________ _

GCF: Professional Photographer

People don't like to look dumpy in their own photos, which is why a local professional photographer gets a lot of requests asking him to retouch photos. You know, erase the crow's-feet, lop off the 'love handles' -- that sort of thing.

Therefore, he wasn't surprised when one woman, pointing to a family portrait, asked him, "Can you take thirty pounds off me?" until she added, "and put it on my sister?"
_ _______________________________ _

GCF: Perfume

The young man says to his date, "I really like the perfume you're wearing. What's it called?"

The young lady looks puzzled for a minute then searches through her purse, finally dumping the contents on the table between them. She searches through the pile and finally finds a small spray bottle. She examines the label and announces, "Here it is ... 'Unforgettable'."
_ _______________________________ _

GCF: Clocks

A man died and went to heaven, where he met St. Peter sitting at a desk in the middle of a great hall. On the walls were millions of clocks.

"What are those used for?" he asked. St. Peter said, "There's one of them for every living person on Earth ticking out the days of their lives."

The newcomer noticed that the hands of some of the clocks were moving faster than others. "Why do they move at different speeds," he asked. St. Peter said, "Every time you tell a lie you lose one hour of your life and your clock speeds up."

The newcomer looked around and then asked, "Do you have one of these for my congressman?"

St. Peter answered, "Sure! It's in the back room. We use it for a ceiling fan."
_ _______________________________ _

GCF: Lost the Car

When out shopping at her local supermarket, an elderly woman forgot where she'd parked. A nearby police officer, noticing her agitation, asked, "Is something wrong?"

"I can't find my car," she explained.

"What kind is it?" he inquired sympathetically.

The old lady gave him a quizzical look. "Name some"
_ _______________________________ _

GCF: Case Closed

Several women, each trying to one-up the other, appeared in court, each accusing the others of causing the trouble they were having in the apartment building where they lived.

The judge, with Solomon-like wisdom decreed, "Okay, I'm ready to hear the evidence ... I'll hear the oldest first."

The case was dismissed for lack of testimony.
_ _______________________________ _

GCF: Kraft Dinner

Before going off to a conference for work, a wife told her husband to give their kids Kraft Dinner for supper.

When suppertime came, however, he didn't feel like cooking and instead took the kids out to a local fast-food restaurant. While they were eating he told them to tell their mother that they had Kraft Dinner for supper if she asked, or else Daddy would get into trouble.

Later, at bedtime, the wife called to say goodnight to the kids and asked the five-year-old daughter what they had eaten for supper.

"Kraft Dinner," was the reply. As the husband took a sigh of relief, she added brightly, "From Dairy Queen!"
_ _______________________________ _

GCF: Elderly Romance

Alex, a widower, went to a senior citizen's dance. There he met Ruth, a woman also advanced in years. Alex and Ruth danced every dance together.

Afterward, they went out for coffee. As they walked home, Ruth said, "You remind me of my fourth husband."

Alex said, "Really? How many times have you been married?"

Ruth said, "Three."
_ _______________________________ _

GCF: After Graduation

The summer after college graduation, I was living at home, fishing in the daytime, spending nights with my friends ... generally just hanging out. One afternoon my grandfather, who never went to college, stopped by.

Concerned with how I was spending my time, he asked about my future plans. I told him I was in no hurry to tie myself down to a career.

"Well," he replied, "you better start thinking about it. You'll be thirty before you know it."

"But I'm closer to twenty than to thirty," I protested. "I won't be thirty for eight more years."

"I see," he said, smiling. "And when will you be 20 again?"
_ _______________________________ _
/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( \
/ / | tellswor@slonet.org | \ \
_( (_ | http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor | _) )_
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_|<> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Etch-A-Sketch Tech Support

Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has a distorted display. What should I do?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has these funny little lines all over the screen.
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off?
A: Pick it up and shake it. Set it down.

Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has lines that prevent me from doing my art project.
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I delete a document from my Etch-A-Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it.

Q: How do I keep from losing my Etch-A-Sketch document?
A: Stop shaking it.

Received from Thomas Ellsworth.

(_:][:_)

The Biggest Lies in the World

* I promise to pay you back on my next paycheck.

* You made it yourself? I never would have guessed.

* Your hair looks just fine.

* Go ahead and tell me; I won't tell another soul.

* The doctor will call you right back.

* Your baby is just beautiful.

* I gave at the office.

* Put the map away. I know where we are.

* Having a great time. Wish you were here.

Received from Andychap.

(_:][:_)

The Pig

A man was driving down the road in the country. He looked over and saw a baby pig in the field. He stopped and picked up the pig.

He was driving around town with the pig in the car and a cop sees him and pulls him over. Cop says "Hey! What are you doing with that pig in the car?"

The driver says, "Well, I just found the pig beside the road in the field."

The cop says, "I want you to take that pig to the zoo!" The driver agrees he will take the pig to the zoo.

So the next day the cop sees the guy driving around again and pulls him over. "What are you doing? I thought I told you to take that pig to the zoo!"

"Well I did take the pig to the zoo. We had such a good time we are going to the ball game now."

Received from ArcaMax Jokes.

(_:][:_)

Tender, Loving Care

Diagnosing my problem as water on the knee, the doctor prescribed complete bed rest. When we got home, my husband set me up in a lounge chair and brought my knitting and some books.

As he packed ice around my knee, he said, "Now, honey, I don't want you to move until it's time to get dinner ready."

Received from Leonard Olds.

(_:][:_)

The Other Side

A hiker stopped at the bank of a fast-flowing river. Spying a simple fellow standing on the opposite bank, he yelled to him, "How do I get to the other side?"

The simpleton scratched his head. He looked up the river. He looked down the river. Then he yelled back to the hiker, "You're already ON the other side!"

Received from Matt Clarke.

(_:][:_)

A Complete Search

A Scotchman with the romantic name of Bruce Wallace made history at London's famous Scotland Yard shortly before the war. He actually demanded an interview with the head of the Yard to report that he had lost a shilling on Old Bond Street and that he had been unable to find it.

The Scotland Yard official fell into the spirit of the occasion and assured him that the entire London Police Force would be put on the job.

That night, as fate would have it, something went wrong with one of the gas pipes under Old Bond Street and fifty workmen were dispatched to locate the source of the trouble. They dug a ditch six feet wide straight across Old Bond Street, stopping traffic completely, of course, and exposing all the underground pipes to the open air.

Early in the morning, the bereaved Scotchman appeared on the scene, took one look at the repair work in progress, and shook his head with reluctant approval. "I must say one thing for the rascals," he admitted. "They're thorough."

From Laughing Stock, Edited by Bennett Cerf, Grosset and Dunlap, NY, 1945.

Received from Thorn Shunt.

(_:][:_)

Punny Thoughts

I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.

I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.

What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine.

The primary responsibility for a child's education is apparent.

For plumbers, a flush beats a full house.

The best way to communicate with a fish is to drop it a line.

Her company distributes gift-boxed cashews, and she has a delivery guy that drives her nuts.

Received from Milton Freund.

(_:][:_)

Previous Employment

I work in a personnel office with the government in Washington, DC, reviewing applications for federal employment.

The standard form includes the question, "Why did you leave your previous employment?"

One applicant, a former U.S. Congressman, responded, "The express wish of 116,000 voters."

Received from Thomas Ellsworth.

(_:][:_)

Religious Horse

It's 3:00 p.m. on a hot summer day in the middle of farm territory. A businessman is driving home from a vacation, racing back because he has an important meeting with his boss scheduled for the next day, when the car suddenly seized. It's been at least a half hour since he passed the last town, and he has about 100 miles to go before reaching home.

He hasn't seen a car for quite some time, not since that town, anyway; so he decides to continue on foot down the highway in an effort to find a place where he could use a telephone.

He sees no indication of civilization for two hours; then, appearing on the left side of the road is a sign next to an unpaved driveway. He reads as he walks to the sign: HORSE FOR SALE $35. So he walks up the driveway another two miles before finding a farmhouse.

A knock on the front door is answered by a woman in her 30s.

"Hello, ma'am. My car broke down a few miles down the highway. May I use your telephone to make arrangements to fix it and go back home? I need to be at an important meeting tomorrow."

"I'm sorry, sir. We don't have a telephone here; in fact, there are no telephone lines at all in this area."

"Sorry to hear that. What's this about a horse you have for sale?"

"It's true, we do. Good-looking, strong horse, in fact. Would you like to take a look at him?"

"Sure," the businessman said.

In the stable is an alert yet placid horse, his eyes showing plenty of life. The horse shows no fear or aggression toward the stranger.

"He looks healthy and seems pleasant enough. But only $35 -- what's wrong with him?" asks the man.

"Nothing wrong at all. He's in the prime of his life; but he's my father's horse, and Dad's getting up there in years and can't take care of it anymore, and since I have my hands full with everything else here, we need to sell the horse to someone who appreciates it."

"I see. Anything else?"

"Wellllll, my father is a very religious person; so he trained him to obey just two commands. If you want the horse to go anywhere, you say, 'Praise the Lord,' and if you want him to stop, you say, 'Amen.' Other than that, he's a perfectly normal horse."

"OK, you sold a horse," the businessman says to the woman, thinking that he'd be home in a few hours before calling the tow company to get the car -- he could then sell the horse for a huge profit!

After paying the $35, he mounts the horse and commands, "Praise the Lord!" The horse trots across an expansive grassland at a leisurely pace.

The man thinks to himself, "This is nice, but too slow. Let's see..." and commands again, "Praise the Lord!"

Now the horse is going at a trot, still going across the grassland as the sun begins to set. "One more time -- PRAISE THE LORD!!"

The horse is going at a full gallop, hurtling over four-foot-high fences and running full speed toward a wide, deep ravine.

As the man sees what's ahead of him, he panics and forgets the command! So he starts saying everything he could think of as the horse continues running and hurtling toward possible doom. When he runs out of ideas, he starts saying a prayer in desperation: "Our Father..."

The horse and panicked rider continue their flight toward the cliff. Three hundred yards, two hundred yards, one hundred yards, fifty... when he finished the prayer, "AMEN!"

The horse slides to a stop, his front hooves less than ten feet from the ravine. The businessman wipes his brow, collapses, and heaves a huge sigh of relief.

"PRAISE THE LORD!"

Received from Big Mac Clean Joke Attack.

(_:][:_)

New Teeth

Did you hear about the guy who went to the dentist to get new dentures?

His insurance was denied and he only had a dollar on him... so he wound up with buck teeth.

Received from ArcaMax Jokes.

(_:][:_)

Simple as 1, 2 and 4

At a high school, a group of students played a prank: they let three goats loose inside the school.

But before turning them loose, they painted numbers on the sides of the goats: 1, 2, and 4.

School administrators spent most of the day looking for No. 3.

Received from TwoTimesAr.

(_:][:_)

Potato Family

One night, the Potato family sat down to dinner - Mother Potato and her three daughters. Midway through the meal, the eldest daughter spoke up. "Mother Potato?" she said. "I have an announcement to make."

"And what might that be?" asked Mother, seeing the obvious excitement in her eldest daughter's eyes.

"Well," replied the daughter, with a proud but sheepish grin, "I'm getting married!"

The other daughters squealed with surprise as Mother Potato exclaimed, "Married! That's wonderful! And who are you marrying, eldest daughter?"

"I'm marrying a Russet!"

"A Russet!" replied Mother Potato with pride. "Oh, a Russet is a fine tater, a fine tater indeed!"

As the family shared in the eldest daughter's joy, the middle daughter spoke up. "Mother? I, too, have an announcement."

"And what might that be?" encouraged Mother Potato.

Not knowing quite how to begin, the middle daughter paused, then said with conviction, "I, too, am getting married!"

"You, too!" Mother Potato said with joy. "That's wonderful! Twice the good news in one evening! And who are you marrying, middle daughter?"

"I'm marrying an Idaho!" beamed the middle daughter.

"An Idaho!" said Mother Potato with joy. "Oh, an Idaho is a fine tater, a fine tater indeed!"

Once again, the room came alive with laughter and excited plan for the future, when the youngest Potato daughter interrupted. "Mother? Mother Potato? Um, I, too, have an announcement to make."

"Yes?" said Mother Potato with great anticipation.

"Well," began the youngest Potato daughter with the same sheepish grin as her eldest sister before her, "I hope this doesn't come as a shock to you, but I am getting married, as well!"

"Really?" said Mother Potato with sincere excitement. "All of my lovely daughters married! What wonderful news! And who, pray tell, are you marrying, youngest daughter?"

"I'm marrying Dan Rather!"

"DAN RATHER?" Mother Potato scowled suddenly. "But he's just a common tater!"

Received from ArcaMax Jokes.

(_:][:_)

Price Reduction

Our minister announced that admission to a church social event would be six dollars per person. "However, if you're over 65," he said, " the price will be only $5.50."

From the back of the congregation, a woman's voice rang out, "Do you really think I'd give you that information for only 50 cents?"

Received from Thomas Ellsworth.

(_:][:_)

Vasectomy

One day, after a man had his annual physical, the doctor came out and said, "You had a great check-up. Is there anything that you'd like to talk about or ask me?"

"Well," he said, "I was thinking about getting a vasectomy."

"That's a big decision! Have you talked it over with your family?"

"Yeah, we took a vote... and they're in favor of it 15 to 2."

Received from Leonard Olds.

(_:][:_)

Preacher and Cab Driver

A preacher dies, and when he gets to heaven, he sees a New York cab driver who has more crowns. He says to an angel, "I don't get it. I devoted my whole life to my congregation."

The angel says, "We reward results. Did your congregation always pay attention when you gave a sermon?"

The preacher says, "Once in a while someone fell asleep."

The angel says, "Right. And when people rode in this guy's taxi, they not only stayed awake, but they usually prayed!"

Received from ArcaMax Jokes.

(_:][:_)

(Terrible) Excuses Why Men Forget a Gift on Valentine's Day

10. The florist couldn't find your house. Did you move?

9. I sent a candy gram. Someone must have eaten it.

8. The Hallmark store was closed, and I didn't want to send less than the best.

7. I sent an e-mail card. You never got it? AOL must have messed up again!

6. I left a voice message to meet me for dinner. Where were you?

5. I didn't know you liked jewelry.

4. I thought Saint Valentine's Day was a Catholic holy day.

3. Your mailman must have been shot in a post office massacre.

2. I thought we would do something different this year.

1. I thought it would mean I was making a commitment.

And The Plus One Excuse:

+ 1. You didn't remind me.

Received from FranCMT2.

(_:][:_)

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Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Column - - http://www.madkane.com/humor_blog/

A Fungus You can Grow To Like (Limerick)
July 19th, 2013

According to a new study by Dr. David Johnson at the University of Aberdeen, plants communicate to each other through soil.

The study shows that when vegetables are infected with certain diseases, they alert other nearby plants to activate genes to ward off the disease when it heads their way. The key to this communication is a soil fungus that acts as a messenger.

Needless to say, plant-fungus symbiosis inspired this limerick:

A Fungus You can Grow To Like (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Plants talk to each other through dirt:
“You’re in danger!” through fungi, they blurt.
“Use your genes to resist
A disease in your midst,
And render this danger inert.”

© Madeleine Begun Kane. All Rights Reserved.
http://www.madkane.com/
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