Sunday, October 21, 2012

Bug's Bleat - - Signs You Might Be From New York City

Photos on the front of this week’s “Bleat” include Scenes from this week's County Wide Emergency Drill;

Lisa Whittemore documented the drill

"Bug" directing the scenario

Albemarle Emergency Coordinator Kenny Kendrick, Fire Chief Greg Pinner, and Incident Commander Glenn Proctor confer.

The scene showing the rail cars,cl2 dome and a victim

CCAS CEO Amanda Warren directs the EMS response

Ricky Shepherd, Albemarle EMS/Rescue/Fire Brigade confers with Kenny Kendrick

Chief Pinner assembles resources

Albemarle HazMat team "suits Up"

Volume 14, Issue 41 Friday, October 19, 2012

Hello ALL,

Annette’s brother Mike squeezed Annette’s hand today and mouthed “Hi” to her. He continues battling pneumonia, infections, kidney problems and other effects of the stroke.
I have two “Pet” names for Annette; “The Wife Of My Youth” and “The Unstoppable Force.” This week, “The Unstoppable Force” was in full play.

On Wednesday, as we were driving to Texarkana to check on Mike, I mentioned that we ought to consider closing out Mike’s apartment. He’s been semi conscious or totally sedated for a month and it’s predicted that he will be in long term care or rehab for most of the next year, if not longer.

It makes sense to get his belongings out of that apartment and into storage and save that rent.

It was a rough visit for us as Mike’s condition had worsened and things were looking grim. Upon our return home, Annette called Mike’s girls and discussed closing out the apartment. They agreed that it was a good idea and I was glad we’d discussed this mid month as there was no rush and we had a couple of weeks to make the move.

Foolish boy that I am, I forgot who I was married to. The next morning, Annette contacted the land lord and left the house to “look for boxes” to pack with. I was working on stuff at home and didn’t think much of it till Jimmy called.

He asked if Annette was there as she wanted to borrow his truck. Wanted to borrow his truck? Why? He went on to say that she told him she needed it to move Mike’s stuff.

MOVE? Today? I tried to call Annette but could hear her cell phone ringing in the foyer. Since we only have one vehicle, I could only continue with my jobs and wait to see what was happening.

Jimmy called back to tell me that he’d dropped his truck off at Mike’s apartment and picked up Mike’s car to drive. He went on to say that Annette had three fellows moving Mike’s stuff out.

“Where did she get the help?” I asked. He told me that he’d asked one of the guys how he got “roped” into this project and the guy told him; “I was standing in front of the hospital when this lady came by and asked me if I wanted to earn some money. So I said yes and the next thing I knew, I was here moving this furniture.”

Realizing that “The Unstoppable Force” was in action, I just went back to my duties and, sure enough, it wasn’t too long before I heard her in the garage. She had a young man with her and he was unloading some of Mike’s things in our garage.

She came in, told me to call Jimmy to come swap out Mike’s car for his truck and said; “We’re finished. I rented a storage locker and all of Mike’s furniture and belongings, except the few things I brought over here are in storage. The apartment is cleaned and the keys have been returned to the land lord.”

The only questions I had were; “Where did you get the help?” And “How did you call Jimmy when your phone is here?” She replied; “Well, I saw two young men walking down the street in front of Mike’s and enlisted them, then, as I headed toward the storage locker the first time, I found another young man standing in front of the hospital so I hired all three.” “Then I borrowed one of their phones and called Jimmy to swap vehicles.”

I assume she paid them like the owner of the vineyard in Matthew 20:1-16.
After Annette cleaned out Mike’s apartment, she contacted the utility companies to have them disconnect service and have the final bill sent to us. First she went by the water department, no problem; they would cut off the water, read the meter and send us a final bill. We love Magnolia people.

Then she called Entergy, the electric company, who told her it was against Arkansas utility rules for anyone but the original user to approve disconnecting power. She explained that the “original user” was in a Coma and unable to contact the company.

Entergy replied that the rules required the User or someone with the User’s power of attorney verify that they wanted the power cut off.

Now, get this picture. It’s a rent house. We’ve moved Mikes stuff out and returned the keys to the land lord. Mike’s in a coma. And, since he had a stroke, there’s no way to get him to give us power of attorney unless we spend much much more than his monthly electric bill would be (especially since the home is vacant and no electricity is being used.)

I asked to speak with a supervisor who was much more helpful. She confirmed that the rules did require either the User or proof of power of attorney but that the land lord could call and request that service be discontinued. So we gave the land lord the number to Entergy and requested that she call them.

Problem solved … not!

When the Land Lord called Entergy, they told her that she would have to have power of attorney!!!!!

So I called again. Asked to speak to a supervisor again. Using all the control I was able to muster, I explained the situation once again and asked if there was any way to resolve this issue without involving an attorney.

This fellow said that the new renters could just apply for service to be connected and that Entergy would remove Mike from the billing location and put the new folks in his place. So I asked the Entergy representative; “Why should they apply for service to be connected? There’s already service to the apartment and it won’t cost them a cent.”

That caused him to pause for a moment and ask me to hold on. He came back on the line and told me that he would call me back shortly. Finally, after three day of calling, he did call back and tell us that they would disconnect service and send us a final bill.

So, Friday afternoon, I contacted the gas company to get service discontinued to Mike’s apartment. There was no problem. The service person told me that they would issue a disconnect notice and the utility man would read the meter and send a final bill to my new address. He finished up by saying; “Is there anything else we can do for you Mr. Kelly?”
Our daughter, Vanessa, is a Gourmet cook. Jimmy says that Vanessa can turn one of Rachel Ray’s “30 Minute Meals” into a “$30 Dollar Meal” before you and say fresh market. She does like having all the correct ingredients when she cooks. She also likes to have the correct utensils. I’ve got to talk to Rachel about how many utensils she uses on her show. She’s got a staff to clean up after her. We don’t.

Vanessa came over and cooked us “prepackaged” South West Salad (Wal-Mart) and sautéed Asparagus for lunch this week. She did add chicken to the salad but still … How do you get 12 dirty pots and pans from cooking one vegetable and some chicken?

Oh well, it was really really good.
Vanessa has always enjoyed the kitchen and the pantry. I remember when she was a young girl, helping me open cans while Annette was cooking one time. As I opened a jar of green beans, it “popped.”

She was sort of surprised and I took the opportunity to explain to her that foods “canned” in glass jars should make that popping sound when opened to tell you that the seal is intact and the food is fresh.

She got a serious look on her young face and I knew that I’d taught my child another important fact in life.

At least I thought I’d explained it properly.

A few weeks later Annette got a jar out of the pantry and noticed it had mold in it. She checked and sure enough, the lid didn’t “pop” when she opened it. On closer inspection she discovered that all our canned goods had been opened.

Further investigation revealed that, after my “lesson” Vanessa had “checked” every jar in the pantry to be sure they were properly sealed.
Unconventional gas and oil drilling has turned out to be a boon for water-treatment firms.

Much of the public concern about this process, also known as fracking, has focused on the mixture of water and chemicals that is injected into the ground to fracture open rock and unlock the gas. But experts point out that the most critical risk of pollution from fracking lies in how operators handle the water that comes back out of the ground.

The highly saline wastewater generated by hydraulic fracturing is expected to create demand for water treatment in the Marcellus Shale region. That demand is set to increase between 10% and 20% across North America each year through 2025 -- and there's room for creativity among water treatment companies. "It's a great industry for a water-treatment chemist and for a consultant -- everyone is still figuring things out," said desalination expert Tom Pankratz. Chemical & Engineering News (10/15)
My name is “Bug” and I’m a “Duck Dynasty” [] addict.
Favorite “Duck Dynasty” Quotes:

“Parenting is a constant struggle between making your kids life better and ruining your own.” – Willie Robertson

“My parents were hoarders before hoarding was cool.” – Jase Robertson

“This would be like giving me the birds and the bees speech for the 20th anniversary of my marriage. I got that. I’ve got three kids. I’ve figured it out.” – Jase Robertson

“The last thing the world needs is another tall-tale telling, tea-toting, narcoleptic redneck.” – Jase Robertson

“It’s time to get swampy again.” – Phil Robertson
Favorite Si Robertson quotes.

“I’m like Aretha Franklin. I don’t get any R-S-P-E-C-T round this joint.”

“I’m down like a rodeo clown.”

“I’m outta here like a Texas Tornado.”

“Si Robertson…OUT.”

“I want a raise, an assistant….and a 2 hour nap.”
Favorite Quotes:

"In reference to the "University of Google" we don't live in the information age so much as the disinformation age." - Bug

I have never understood why it is "greed" to want to keep the money you've earned, but not greed to want to take somebody else's money. - - Thomas Sowell

We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world; and its efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read. - Mark Twain - 4th of July speech 1873
The following wisdom is shared by our friends.
Mary Louise Brownlee Alexis - - Just stop talking. I'm sure whatever you want to say can wait until you're smarter.
Jim Ford - - If you want total security, go to prison. There you are fed, clothed, given medical care, and so on. The only thing lacking is freedom. - Dwight D. Eisenhower

A vote is like a rifle; its usefulness depends on the character of the user. - Theodore Roosevelt
Wendell Franks - - Abortion cannot be made safe. It always ends in someone dying.

Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life.
Kristen Hightower - - "Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight." - - Benjamin Franklin. Kristen’s “Franklin” quote reminds me of what My momma said about worrying; She said “Worrying works, because 99% of the stuff I’ve worried about never happened.” - - James F. McClellan
Chuck Jackson - - Do you know what really just burns me up no end? No, really: someone remind me - I done forgot.
Brenda Kyle - - Vegetarian is an old indian word for "Bad Hunter"
Nancee Davis Law - - God doesn't owe us anything which makes the fact that He gives us everything even more awesome.

A balanced breakfast is very important - therefore we should have a cup of coffee in BOTH hands!!
Waneta Reardon - - Of Course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.
Heating and Cooling: The Cost of Dirty Air Filters [Source: Furnace Filter]

Regularly replacing the air filter in your heating and cooling system is often recommended as an energy-saving strategy, but how do dirty air filters actually increase your energy costs? A dirty filter will slow down air flow, making your heating or cooling system work harder to maintain a comfortable temperature. This wastes energy and increases your utility bill.

Air filters also protect heating and cooling system components from accumulating dirt. If the filter becomes too dirty, air will go around the filtration section and deposit dirt directly on system components; this can reduce equipment performance and indoor air quality. This will increase maintenance significantly because more time and expertise will be required to clean system components than what is needed to change filters.

The U.S. Department of Energy (DOE) recommends that you check filters once per month, especially during periods of heavy use, such as winter and summer. The DOE estimates that a properly maintained filter will provide energy savings of 5% to 15%. If the filter is dirty, change it. At a minimum, conventional filters should be changed every three months.
Ask Bob Rankin - - Every move you make... Every step you take... I'll be watching you. You remember that song by Sting. But has Apple adopted this as their new iPhone advertising strategy? Read on to find out what you should know about a new feature on your iPhone that lets advertisers track and target you online...
If you have diabetes, look for heart-healthy protein sources that are low in saturated fat, cholesterol and sodium.

Fish is a good source of protein for those with diabetes. Fish contains high-quality protein and is low in saturated fat. Fatty fish provide primarily heart-healthy polyunsaturated fat. The ADA and American Heart Association recommend that you include two or more servings weekly of cold-water fish. A serving size is 3.5 oz. cooked or ¾ cup flaked fish.

Poultry is also a high-quality protein. Choose white meat chicken or turkey

Soy protein is naturally low in fat and cholesterol-free. The Dietary Guidelines Advisory Committee reports that 25 g soy protein daily has been shown to lower total and LDL cholesterol.

Milk is another high-quality protein. It provides calcium, potassium, magnesium and vitamins A and D, as well. The DGAC reports that intake of milk products can reduce your risk of heart attack, heart disease and stroke. Examples include milk, sugar-free yogurt, cottage cheese or cheese.

Egg Whites - Eggs are one of the best-quality proteins. The egg yolk, however, has a high amount of cholesterol; the AHA recommends that you limit egg yolks to two per week. Egg whites are cholesterol- and fat-free.

Read more:
The Diabetes and Cancer Link - - What you need to know.
By Theresa Garnero, APRN, BC-ADM, MSN, CDE

One more thing to add to the “forewarned is forearmed" list: researchers have found several connections between diabetes and cancer.

Although that may come as frightening news, some of the evidence may come as a surprise: some types of cancer rates are higher while rates of other types are lower in people with diabetes, a common medicine for type 2 may prevent cancer, and a cancer drug may help prevent type 1 diabetes. []
Recipe of the week: Tomato-Tortilla Soup - - 2007 Ellie Krieger, All Rights Reserved

Prep Time: 25 min
Cook Time: 28 min
Serves: 4 servings, serving size: 2 cups


2 (6-inch) corn tortillas
1 tablespoon plus 1 teaspoon canola oil
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 small onion, chopped (about 1 cup)
3 cloves garlic, minced (about 1 tablespoon)
1 small jalapeno pepper, seeded and finely chopped
1 teaspoon ground cumin
3/4 teaspoon dried oregano
4 cups low-sodium chicken broth
2 (14.5-ounce) cans no salt added diced tomatoes. with juice
1/4 cup fresh lime juice
1/4 cup reduced-fat sour cream
2 tablespoons chopped fresh cilantro leaves


Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F.

Brush both sides of each tortilla with oil, using 1 tablespoon of the oil. Cut the tortillas in half, then cut each half into 1/4-inch wide strips. Arrange the strips on a baking sheet, sprinkle with the salt, and bake until crisp and golden, about 12 minutes. Remove from oven and set aside.

Heat the remaining 1 teaspoons of oil in a large heavy skillet over medium heat. Add the onion and cook for 5 minutes, stirring occasionally, until onion is soft and translucent. Add the garlic, jalapeno, cumin, and oregano and cook for 1 minute more. Add the broth and tomatoes, bring to a boil, then reduce the heat to low and simmer for about 10 minutes. Stir in lime juice.

Remove the pan from the heat and puree with an immersion blender or in 2 batches in a regular blender until the soup lightens in color but chunks of tomato remain, about 30 seconds. Serve the soup topped with the tortilla strips, a dollop of sour cream, and a sprinkle of cilantro.

Per Serving:

Calories 270; Total Fat 10g (Sat Fat 2g, Mono Fat 3.5g, Poly Fat 2g); Protein 9g; Carb 36g; Fiber 4g; Cholesterol 8mg; Sodium 335mg

Excellent Source of: Vitamin A, Vitamin C - Good Source of: Fiber, Niacin, Phosphorus, Iron, Vitamin K, Protein

Copyright 2012 Television Food Network G.P.
All Rights Reserved [,1946,FOOD_9936_217309_RECIPE-PRINT-FULL-PAGE-FORMATTER,00.html]
Family Circle - - [] Since I don’t have a new recipe to share today, I decided to post the answer to a question that comes up in almost all our weekly Facebook slow cooker chats: How do you convert recipes for the slow cooker?

Here’s the secret:

Since liquid doesn’t evaporate, you need a lot less than you would if you were making a conventional recipe. So cut the amount by at least half—you want just enough to cover the bottom, to ensure even heating. Also, reduce dried herbs by half, as the flavors become more concentrated while under cover. But the big difference is timing. Generally speaking, 1 hour conventional cook time equals 3 hours on HIGH or 6 hours on LOW. The first time you try a recipe, check for doneness halfway through and near the end of the estimated cook time. Jot down your notes for future reference.

I’ve also found that if you’re cooking with veggies that have a tendency to get mushy (e.g. broccoli, spinach and the like), that it’s best to add them near the end of the cook time. And as our slow cooker expert and associate food editor Michael Tyrrell often shares in our chats, reinforcing the seasoning at the end gives the dish an extra punch.

And here’s some slow cooking inspiration:

Slow Cooker Beef Recipes []

Slow Cooker Soups and Stews []

Slow Cooker Chicken Recipes []
The latest from Michael Yon, the foremost “milnews” blogger on the web.

This is significant. Major General (ret.) Patrick Brady is famous in the DUSTOFF world. He has come out swinging, saying the DUSTOFF system is broken.

This is also terrible news for all those milblogs who stood against this simply because it came from me. []

Very Respectfully,
Michael Yon
Your Writer,

Please remember that this website accepts no advertisement and is dependent on your support.

PS Please sign up for my updates at "Michael_Yon" [] (not Michael Yon).
If you would like to encourage US Troops overseas, but are not sure just how to begin, visit for ideas.
~~~~~ - - Passenger Jet Helps Find Lost Sailor At Sea
Passengers aboard a recent Air Canada flight to Sydney, Australia heard this announcement, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've received a call from search and rescue teams in Australia saying that there was a yacht that was sinking off the shore of Sydney. We're the closest aircraft in the vicinity, and they've asked us to identify the location of the boat. It's going to mean a slight detour."

ACC SmartBrief - - CHEMTREC expands global emergency-response services
CHEMTREC, a division of the American Chemistry Council, recently executed an agreement of mutual assistance with China's National Registration Center for Chemicals. The result, says CHEMTREC's G.R. "Randy" Speight, will be improved safety and response, allowing all parties to "more seamlessly optimize the mitigation of incidents involving dangerous goods -- whether the incident occurs within China, or on its way to or from China, as with imported and exported goods." SmartBrief/SmartBlog on Leadership
Photos on the front of this week’s “Bleat” include - - Scenes from this week's County Wide Emergency Drill; "Bug" directing the scenario, HazMat Chief Kenny Kendrick, Fire Chief Greg Pinner, and Incident Commander Glenn Proctor confer, The scene showing the rail cars,cl2 dome and a victim, CCAS CEO Amanda Warren directs the EMS response. Lisa Whittemore documented the drill. Chief Pinner assembles resources. Albemarle HazMat team "suits Up."
For the latest issue of "Da Bleat.", go to
Our photos are posted at
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.
BreakPoint - - Is That a Fact? Biden on the HHS Mandate
By: John Stonestreet | Published: October 19, 2012

It’s bad enough when the government threatens religious freedom. But when the Vice President of the United States tells us it’s all in our imaginations . . .

We’ve been keeping you posted for months now on the HHS mandate—a component of the Affordable Care Act that would require religious employers to provide contraceptives, abortion-inducing drugs and sterilization in their insurance plans—no matter their religious convictions. Chuck Colson called it the most serious attack on Americans’ religious liberty in a generation, and so far, Christian institutions ranging from schools and hospitals to a publishing house, an air conditioning company and a craft store have filed some 35 lawsuits against the administration, seeking a broad exemption based on the right to freely exercise their religion.

In other words, they’re fighting for the right not to participate in actions they believe are sinful.

As we’ve reported here on BreakPoint, these suits have met with mixed results. At least one succeeded a few months ago in securing an injunction against the mandate, but federal judges have also ruled against others, as happened earlier this month in the Eastern District of Missouri.

The Alliance Defending Freedom (ADF) is representing several other plaintiffs, including businesses and schools in what it calls “a large cross-section of Protestants and Catholics who object to the mandate,” in hopes of salvaging the First Amendment rights the policy endangers.

So what’s the bottom line? This is an ongoing fight, and—if the mandate isn’t modified or abandoned—we might see a Supreme Court ruling before it’s all said and done.

So imagine what went through the minds of everyone involved in this legal battle when, during the course of the vice presidential debate, Vice President Biden denied point-blank that the HHS mandate even includes religious employers!

“[L]et me make it absolutely clear,” he told debate moderator, Martha Raddatz. “[L]et me make it absolutely clear. No religious institution—Catholic or otherwise . . . has to either refer contraception, none has to pay for contraception, none has to be a vehicle to get contraception in any insurance policy they provide. That is a fact."

Well, as the Catholic bishops said in a statement issued last Friday: “That is not a fact.” The bishops went on: “[Religious employers] will have to serve as a vehicle [for birth control coverage], because they will still be forced to provide their employees health coverage, and that coverage will still have to include sterilization, contraception, and abortifacients.”

Matt Bowman, senior legal counsel at the Alliance Defending Freedom, said, “It’s embarrassing to claim that something doesn’t exist while you’re defending it in court . . . The abortion pill mandate’s very existence and the Obama administration’s ongoing defense of it demonstrate how amazingly false the Vice President’s claims are.”

And as soon as the debate ended, the head of the Pro-Life group, The Susan B. Anthony List, joined the chorus, commenting that Biden had “grossly misled the viewers and brushed over legitimate objections,” and that “[his] response…demonstrated a shocking disregard for our first freedom.”

Folks, this isn’t about a candidate or even an election. This is about the willingness of a public official to deny a provable threat to religious liberty in one of the most televised debates of the year.

But what’s important now is that we, the Church, make it clear to our elected leaders that we will not stand idly by while religious freedoms are dismantled—and that yes, the HHS mandate is still a big problem.
And with neither foot in my mouth, I can promise you, that is a fact.

Further Reading and Information

Judge Issues Preliminary Injunction on Behalf of Business Owner in HHS Mandate Fight
Jennifer Marshall and Dominique Ludvigson | | July 29, 2012 []

Sterilizing Religious Freedom []
John Stonestreet | | September 6, 2012

Debunked: Biden Claims HHS Mandate Not an Assault on Religious Liberty
Sarah Torre | | October 12, 2012 []

Hobby Lobby's Request to Halt Contraception Mandate Gets Hearing Date
Katherine T. Phan | Christian Post | October 8, 2012 []

Aggressive Decision Against Religious Liberty []
Ed Whelan | National Review Online | October 2, 2012

A Small Victory []
Eric Metaxas | | August 9, 2012

‘This is not a fact’: U.S. bishops rip Biden’s defense of HHS Mandate
John Jalsevac | | October 12, 2012 []

Biden dishonest about abortion pill mandate []
Matt Bowman | Alliance Defending Freedom | October 12, 2012

Post Vice Presidential Debate: Biden Grossly Misleads on Religious Liberty
Susan B. Anthony List []

Is that a fact? (Biden on the HHS Mandate) []
Shane Morris | | October 12, 2012


Copyright © 2012 Prison Fellowship. All Rights Reserved

Residents of Columbia County, Arkansas are represented in Congress by:

Senator John Boozman (R_ AR)
1 Russell Courtyard
Washington DC, 20510
Phone: 202-224-4843
Senator Mark Pryor (D_ AR)
Phone 202_224_2353
FAX 202_228_0908
Representative Michael A. Ross (D _ 04)
Phone 202_225_3772
FAX 202_225_1314

Other states congresspersons can be found at: []

"Technique without ideals is a menace; Ideals without technique is a mess." - Karl Llewellyn

"An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr

"Rudeness is the weak man's imitation of strength." - Eric Hoffer

"If a wise man has an argument with a fool, the fool only rages and laughs, and there is no quiet." - Proverbs 29:9

"Fortunately for serious minds, a bias recognized is a bias sterilized." - Benjamin Haydon

"Ability will never catch up with the demand for it." - Confucius

"Act boldly and unseen forces will come to your aid." - Dorothea Brande

Space Jump: the Beauty of Earth and the Grace of God - - Aimee Herd (Oct 16, 2012)

"Trust me, when you stand up there on top of the world, you become so humble." –Felix Baumgartner

Read Full Story []
Mineral Water to Prevent Alzheimer's Disease? - - Teresa Neumann (Oct 17, 2012)

It's all about getting rid of aluminum in the brain and early indications are that in individuals with Alzheimer's Disease the lowering of the body burden of aluminum may benefit cognitive function.

Read Full Story []
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>

GCF: "Signs You Might Be From New York City"
Recently I posted the list of "Signs You Might Be From New York City". I asked the "Empire State" folks to help me out and provide some insight into some of the terms and other things particular to NYC. What follows was culled from the comments of the 2 readers who responded (Thank you both, you speak for the whole of NYC!).

Each of the original statements is immediately followed by any needed translation and comments by my NYC friends.

1. You're 35 years old and don't have a driver's license.
Yep, more or less, did not learn until age 27.
A lifelong New Yorker, I'm a bit more than 35 years old, and yes, I don't have a driver's license.


2.You ride in a subway car with no air conditioning just because there are seats available.
I no longer ride subway trains; I bus everywhere, but when I did take the train, I'd do without air conditioning to get a seat.
Depends on what you needed more: a seat or a blast of coolish air--sometimes one wins over the other.

3. You take the train home and you know exactly where on the platform the doors will open that will leave you right in front of the exit stairway.
Of course I knew exactly where on the platform the doors opened that would leave me right in front of the exit stairway.
Always, since a young age!

4. You know what a "regular" coffee is.
Yes, but no one outside of NYC seems to understand this.
(Tom's note: I did a bit of research and the best I can find as a definition of "coffee regulah" is unflavored, caffeinated coffee with lots of cream and sugar. This is compounded by using size to define how much cream and sugar (small regular is 2 creams and 2 sugars, medium regular is 3 creams and 3 sugars, large regular is 4 creams and 4 sugars ... also dark is 1 less cream based on the size and light is 1 more cream based on size). I suspect this might not be "universal" in all of NYC. Personally, I learned to drink coffee black, just like it comes out of the pot).

5. It's not Manhattan...... It's the "city".
Yes, most frustrating. I would assign my Brooklyn students to visit a museum in the "city" and they would all moan like I was sending them to Venice!

6. There is no north and south. It's "uptown" or "downtown." If you're really from New York you have absolutely no concept of where north and south are. And east or west is "crosstown."
Actually, I was always pretty good at compass points, phases of the moon, other "natural" things, maybe cause I was born in the wilds of Queens and lived mostly in the outback in Brooklyn?

7. You cross the street anywhere but on the corners and you yell at cars for not respecting your right to do it.
Don't you realize that it's so much safer to cross the street in the middle of the block?
Nope, I learned early on you take your life in your life in your hands whenever you cross a street, so your insurance settlement will be higher if you do it legally, at corners--really. My father taught me to get hit by a Yellow cab, if I had a choice, as their insurance was better... And I always yelled at cars when they were wrong--Dustin Hoffman had it right in "Midnight Cowboy"--bang on their hoods and yell "Yo, I'm walking here!"

8. You move 3,000 miles away, spend 10 years learning the local language and people still know you're from Brooklyn the minute you open your mouth.
True. When I started college in the ancient times --1969--we had to take a speech course that was designed to cure us of this malady. Don't think it worked for many, but I can fake "non-Brooklyn" occasionally.

9. You return after 10 years and the first foods you want are a "real" pizza and a "real" bagel. You know the differences between all the varieties Ray's pizzas. And you wouldn't bother ordering pizza in any other city.
Yes! (Mostly)
It just happens that I had pizza for lunch yesterday. It wasn't Ray's Pizza, but it was real enough. Today, it was a different food group: Chinese take-out.

10. You get ready to order dinner every night and must choose from the major food groups which are: Chinese, Italian, Mexican or Indian.
(Tom's note: see #9 above)

11. A 500 square foot apartment is large.
My apartment is 200 square feet, and believe me, it ain't easy.
True. I now live in a 2700 sq.ft. house on 11 acres in Maine that we bought from the sale of a "large" 900 sq.ft. apartment in Brooklyn.

12. You are not under the mistaken impression that any human being would be able to actually understand a P.A. Announcement on the subway.
No, I am not under the mistaken impression... and hated that side of my city--it did not take that much effort to be clear as a subway conductor--it was a major part of their job, after all. Now it is prerecorded, voice by a woman who lives near me!

13. You're not the least bit interested in going to Times Square on New Year's Eve.
I've been to Times Square on New Year's Eve. I didn't know any better - I was 18 years old.
Never did go, in 55 years, nor to Empire State building. Got to the Statue of Liberty as a kid of 12 by accident--went to meet an uncle who worked on the Staten Island ferry, who had to do a double-shift, and he gave me the money to go over there, up into the crown.

14. Your internal clock is permanently set to know when alternate side of the street parking regulations are in effect.
It was only important once I got a car--age 35 or so?--and yes, my "clock" was set to the sound of the street sweepers.

15. Someone bumps into you, and you check for your wallet.
Wouldn't you?
And, you need to!

16. You pay "only" $230 a month to park your car.
That had to be in the ice age.
I never "paid for it"--as a matter of pride as a Brooklynite. But then, almost never took a vehicle into Manhattan either.

17. A presidential visit is a major traffic jam, not an honor.
Sad, but true.

18. You can nap on the subway and never miss your stop.
With a bit of practice, you can learn how to nap on the subway and never miss your stop.

19. The deli guy gives you a straw with any beverage you buy, even if it's a beer.
That's a beer, a straw, and then all you need is a glass filled with ice cubes.
And a small paper bag, so you can walk around with the beer in summer, and not get a ticket for carrying an open alcoholic beverage...smarter folks get it in cans, so it is even less noticeable.
_ _______________________________ _
GCF: Overstaffed

A young man was applying for a job in a big company.

"I'm sorry," said the personnel manager, "but the firm is overstaffed; we have more employees now than we really need."

"That's all right," replied the young man, undiscouraged, "the little bit of work I do won't be noticed anyway."
_ _______________________________ _
On her 40th birthday a wife waltzed out of the bedroom dressed in an old outfit that she dug out of the back of the closet.

"I wore this on my 30th birthday! I guess that means my wardrobe is ten years old," she said to her husband, hoping he'd take the hint and buy her some new clothes as a present.

"Or," he offered instead, "it means when you were 30 you had the body of a 40-year-old."

(He is expected to be discharged from the hospital next week but he will always walk with a limp).
_ _______________________________ _
GCF: Who's That?

While working at the Magic Kingdom in Walt Disney World, I was responsible for emptying the trash cans in front of the castle.

One afternoon as I was changing out the trash bag in one of the refuse bins, I saw a small girl point at me and overheard her ask her mother, "Who's that lady?"

"Why, honey," her mother replied, "that must be Cinderella, before she met her fairy godmother!"
_ _______________________________ _
GCF: Babysitting

I was not thrilled with the idea of letting my clueless 13-year-old son babysit his younger brothers, even though he begged me to.

"What about a fire?" I asked, referring to my No. 1 concern.

"Mom," he said, rolling his eyes, "I'm a Boy Scout. I know how to start a fire."
_ _______________________________ _
GCF: Audio Book

After an enthusiastic recommendation from my wife, I began listening to the audio-book version of a novel.

"I love it, but his writing style is so disjointed," I complained. "He refers to characters I don't know and introduces them a half hour later."

My wife was as confused as I was, but I soldiered on, disoriented by the jumpy story line. It wasn't until the end of the book that my dilemma was explained: I had my iPod set on "Shuffle."
_ _______________________________ _
GCF: Hors D'oeuvre

As two children watched their mothers prepare party food, one of them asked the other, "What's an hors d'oeuvre?"

The second child replied, "I think it's part of a ham sandwich that's been cut into about seventy pieces."
_ _______________________________ _
GCF: Two Good Questions

A surgeon examined a new patient most carefully. After studying the x-rays, he turned to the man and said, "Could you pay for an operation if I told you it was necessary?"

The patient thought for a moment, then said to the doctor, "Would you find one necessary if I told you I couldn't pay for it?"
_ _______________________________ _
GCF: At the Office?

My boss phoned me today. He said, "Is everything okay at the office?"

I said, "Yes, it's all under control. It's been a very busy day, I haven't stopped for a minute."

"Can you do me a favor?" he asked.

I said, "Of course, anything, what is it?"

He said, "Hurry up and take your shot, I'm right behind you on the 7th hole."
_ _______________________________ _
GCF: Obvious Relationship

Science has a language of its own which sometimes puzzles laymen. The word "obvious" is a case in point.

A professor of physics, deriving some profound point of theory for the class, scribbled an equation on the board and said, "From this,
it is obvious that we can proceed to write the following
relationship..." and he scribbled a second and equally long equation on the board.

Then he paused. He stared hard at the two equations and said, "Wait a minute, I may be wrong..."

He sat down and began to write at his desk furiously, crossing out and rewriting for five minutes while the class sat in absolute silence waiting for the verdict.

Finally, the professor rose with an air of satisfaction and said, "Yes, I was right in the first place. It *IS* obvious that the second equation follows from the first."
_ _______________________________ _
GCF: Growing Up

Mary and Joan were having lunch when Mary said, "My son is really growing up."

Joan asked, "How do you know that?"

Mary replied, "Instead of asking me where he came from, now he refuses to tell me where he is going!"
_ _______________________________ _
/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( \
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Oneliners Part 1

A perfect example of minority rule is a baby in the house.

I lost twenty pounds. Unfortunately, I was in England at the time.

Success is getting what you like, happiness is liking what you get.

A husband is living proof that a wife can take a joke.

The trouble with a three-day weekend is that it turns Tuesday into Monday.

You think this is a free country until you move into a subdivision with a homeowners' association.

The world is full of willing people, some willing to work, the rest willing to let them.

Isn't it a shame that future generations can't be here to see all the wonderful things we're doing with their money?

It never occurs to some people that there is a big difference between giving advice and lending a hand.

Elections should be held on Christmas. That way, if we don't like who we elect, we can exchange them.

If something goes without saying, let it!

Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.

If you want a new idea, read an old book.

Quick!! Act as if nothing has happened!

If your plan is having no plan, do you have a plan?

I have not yet begun to procrastinate.

You can't make your candle burn brighter by blowing out the other fellow's.

I was stopped once for going 53 in a 35 mile zone, but I told them I was dyslexic.

I figured out a way to slow down inflation. Turn it over to a government worker!

The only one of your children who does not grow up and move away is your husband.

The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.

Received from Irene A. Mystery.


Passport Processing

I needed a passport, and I needed it quickly. Luckily, a sign in the passport office told me exactly how long I could expect to wait: "Allow 10 minutes for regular processing and 15 minutes for expedited processing."

-- Contributed to Reader's Digest, "All in a Day's Work," by Peter Vogen

Received from Ed.


r: The Monk

IBM has been trying to increase market share by recruiting to more obscure markets for Internet access. They've even attempted to get monasteries connected to the Internet. At one small monastery in France, the monsignor, Father Jean-Paul, was not interested in getting access to the Internet, but one monk, Brother William, tried to persuade him. As an additional incentive, IBM even offered to give them free access for one year. The Father finally agreed but only under strict conditions that the monk would only use the Internet for biblical research.

Brother William started using the Internet and became amazed at the amount of information available. He downloaded texts of the Dead Sea Scrolls and biblical commentaries, and he talked with people who studied the ancient Greek and Hebrew languages. Father Jean-Paul was impressed with the research done and the amount of information available, but he continued to warn Brother William about the temptations of the Internet.

Well, Brother William continued his research, and soon he became a bit of an authority himself on biblical matters. Soon, people were e-mailing him for information on the Bible and spiritual matters. He would answer their questions and even set up his own "Dear Monk" Web site. He even started sending out weekly heartwarming stories about how God was working in people's lives. Eventually he noticed that many people kept asking the same questions over and over, so he created a little booklet of frequently asked questions about God. But now Brother William had a dilemma. He knew that according to human nature, people value information more if they have to pay for it, but he had taken a vow of poverty and did not want any money. So, he decided to set up charity fund for widows and orphans, and all proceeds from his booklets would go to charity. So Brother William set up an Internet business where people would order one of his booklets, and he would send it to them after they sent a small amount of money to the charity fund.

When Father Jean-Paul discovered what Brother William had done, he discharged him immediately from the monastery. It seemed that the Father did not like his monk e-business.

(By Walter Ries)

Received from Stan Kegel.



Kathryn's 5-year-old developed a strong interest in spelling once she learned to spell STOP. After that, she tried to figure out her own words. From the back seat of the car she'd ask, "Mom, what does FGRPL spell?"

"Nothing," Kathryn said.

Sitting at breakfast she'd suddenly ask, "Mom, what does DOEB spell?"

"Nothing," Kathryn answered.

This went on for several weeks. Then one afternoon as they sat coloring in her room she asked, "Mom, what does LMDZ spell?"

Kathryn smiled at her and said, "Nothing, sweetheart."

The 5-year-old carefully set down her crayon, sighed and said, "Boy, there sure are a lot of ways to spell Nothing!"

Received from Thomas Ellsworth.


Jumping Up and Down

A pharmacist looks out the front of the store and sees a woman holding a bottle while jumping up and down in the parking lot. The pharmacist walks out to the parking lot and asks the woman, "What's the matter?"

She replies, "I didn't notice until after I took the medicine that it said, 'Shake Well.'"

Received from ArcaMax Jokes.


Hotel Pets?

A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a Midwest town he planned to visit on his vacation. He wrote:

I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?

An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware, or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too."

Received from Thomas Ellsworth.



Like a lot of husbands throughout history, Webster would sit down and try to talk to his wife. But as soon as he would start to say something, his wife would say, "And what's that supposed to mean?"

Thus, Webster's Dictionary was born.

Received from Laugh & Lift.


Holding a Job

A young man was a slow worker and found it difficult to hold down a job.

After a visit to the employment office, he was offered work at the local zoo.

When he arrived for his first day, the keeper, aware of his reputation, told him to take care of the tortoise section.

Later, the keeper dropped by to see how the young man was doing and found him standing by an empty enclosure with the gate open.

"Where are the tortoises?" he asked.

"I can't believe it," said the new employee. "I just opened the door and whooooosh, they were gone!"

Received from Crosswalk.


Hot Shot Pilot

A young guy in a two-engine fighter was flying escort for a B-52 and generally being a nuisance, acting like a hotdog, flying rolls around the lumbering old bomber. The hotdog said over the air, "Anything you can do, I can do better."

The veteran bomber pilot answered, "Try this, hot-shot."

The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level.

Perplexed, the hotdog asked, "So? What did you do?"

"I just shut down two engines, kid."

Received from Thomas Ellsworth.


Hot Day

It was a really hot day at the office due to a malfunction with the air conditioning system. There were about twenty people in close quarters and everyone was sweating, even with a fan on.

All of a sudden, people started to wrinkle their noses at an odor passing through the air. It was the most hideous smell anyone had ever smelled.

One man, popping his head out of his cubicle, said, "Oh, man! Someone's deodorant isn't working."

A man in the corner replied, "It can't be me. I'm not wearing any."

Received from ArcaMax Jokes.



You may have heard about a new bride who was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner.

So when she and her husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time.

He responded, "Sure. You carry the suitcases!"

Rate this funny at

Brought to you by The Good, Clean Funnies List
A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a)
Mail address: GCFL, Box 100, Harvest, AL 35749, USA

To print or email this funny to others, go to

The latest GCFL funny can always be found on the web at
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Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Humor - - Time Flies (Limerick)

“Time flies” is a popular phrase.
So it does, and in frightening ways.
Where’s it go? I don’t know.
And there’s no way to slow
It all down. Simply relish the days.
© Madeleine Begun Kane. All Rights Reserved.
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An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and pulling a male buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter: "Want coffee."

The waiter says, "Sure Chief. Coming right up."
He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee.....

The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere and then just walks out.

The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling another male buffalo with the other.
He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter:

"Want coffee."

The waiter says, "Whoa, Tonto!
We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday.
What was all that about, anyway?"

The Indian smiles and proudly says,

"Training for position in United States Congress. Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for others to clean up.
Disappear for rest of day."


Thanks to Joe Mullins
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"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." __ Franklin D. Roosevelt
"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle."
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. _ _ George Carlin
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" _ _ Queen E. Watson
“A political class of Republicans and Democrats that look after themselves, not the Nation. A media hostile to the very precepts of this nation. A generation of Americans who see morals as vices, and are ignorant of America's Actual History.”
"The things that will destroy America are prosperity-at-any-price, peace-at-any-price, safety-first instead of duty-first, the love of soft living, and the get-rich-quick theory of life." - - Theodore Roosevelt
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Emergency Phone Number 911
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )
Central Dispatch 234_5655
(Non _ Emergency Number)
Direct Numbers
Ambulance _ 234_7371 (24 Hour)
Jail _ 234_5331 (24 Hour)
Poison Control _ 800_222_1222 (24 Hour)
http://www. aapcc. org/
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Interested in getting in touch with the Banner_News through e_mail? For the editor, For news and sports items, Coming Events, Diary, Church News, school and civic events. []
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"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." __ "Bug"
"I read the end of the book. We win!" __ "Bug"
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." __ "Bug"
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." _ _ "Bug"
"It's no big deal doing what God tells you to do. A big deal would be NOT doing what God tells you to do. Just ask Jonah." _ _ Paul Troquille
“Nam et ipsa scientia potestas est.” Knowledge is power. _ Francis Bacon
"The problem is here and now. The time for talk is past. The time for action is now."
Comments on the first Earth Day _ James F. McClellan via John "Fuzzy" Thurman
Hope you enjoy the newsletter.
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week.
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" __"Bug"
God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT_I KC5HII

P. S. If you'd like to be added to the distribution, just drop us E_mail at
. We offer "Da Bleat" as text, a "Blog" and as a newsletter with pictures in Word and PDF format. The latest issue is usually updated sometime Saturday. For the latest issue, go to We also have a site [] where we post photos that I like.
We appreciate your encouragement. We also appreciate your communication when you desire to be taken off our mail list. If you are on this mail list by mistake or do not wish to receive "Da Bleat," please reply back and tell us to discontinue service to you. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus 2012 before it was sent.
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James F. McClellan
Editor/Publisher "Bug's Bleat"
418 North Jefferson Street
Magnolia, Arkansas 71753
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