Saturday, December 22, 2012

Bug's Bleat - - GCF: Used Car

A view of the paint job on Dusty's Jeep,

More of Annette's Christmas Decorations,

Dusty and David working on Dusty's Jeep.

Jimmy and Annette leaving to join Robert and Sim for the annual Wade Prison Christmas Party.

The Christmas Train Layout at the Library.

Annette's "card tree."

Volume 14, Issue 50 Friday, December 21, 2012

Hello ALL,

Sometimes the simplest things can result in the most embarrassing situations. But to explain that incident, I first have to discuss one of the irritating things about aging; how my eyesight has deteriorated. At age 40 I needed glasses to enable me to see how to mount the Kadee couplers on my N Scale train cars. Up to that time I could have painted Leonardo Da Vinci‘s “The Last Supper” on the head of a pin without a magnifying glass.

I blame my ancestors for my poor eyesight. My grandmother was ¼ Cherokee and didn’t need glasses until she was in her ‘60s. My mom had to have glasses to read in her ‘50s. As the Indian blood diluted out, I had to start wearing glasses in my ‘40s. If they hadn’t let that “White Man’s” blood into the line, we could have done without glasses for many more years.

Besides needing glasses, we find that our night vision has degraded significantly. As a 17 year old idiot, I once drove home from a party in El Dorado with the vehicle lights off. It was a “blast” barreling along in the dark at 60 miles an hour. Since several folks had attended the party, we were able to overtake their cars and suddenly flip on our lights and honk the horn as we drew alongside them. This was great fun. The kind of fun that I would have beaten my son for if he’d dared to pull such a stunt.

These days I prefer to have my vehicle lights on bright when driving down Magnolia Streets at night. We need every lumen we can gather to see the street and the obstacles such as trash cans and mailboxes that folks carelessly leave along the edge of the street. And even with street lights and vehicle lights occasionally one of those mailboxes or trash cans still jumps out in our way. I’ve got the bill for replacing passenger side rear view mirrors to prove it.

We also have problems with the dim interiors of most homes and stores. I have purchased a multi thousand candle power “miners” lamp that I wear on my head when working around the house. This enables me to see things like the numbers on my glucometer or locating screws in the grandkids toys battery compartments or trimming my toe nails (it’s really important to be able to distinguish between nail and flesh when wielding those Old Man heavy duty nail trimmers. Those things can sever a 16 penny nail in two even though they occasionally have trouble clipping through my thick toe nails.)

And, the reason for my embarrassing moment this week, our vision is slow adjusting from sunlight to building interiors. It often takes 10 to 15 minutes for my vision to open up enough for me to see details inside buildings after I’ve been outside in daylight.

Normally that’s not a problem, but Thursday, we were headed to Shreveport for our quarterly visit with the best endocrinologist in the nation, Dr. Donna Rushing. As my former Albemarle fire brigade team mates will testify, the Lasix (Furosemide) and other “water pills” I take require that I take relatively frequent “pit stops” when traveling. Depending on the time of day, I usually have to stop in Springhill and Dixie Inn when making the trip from Magnolia to Shreveport.

On this day I made it to Dixie Inn before having to make my first stop. I left Annette “napping” in the car and hurried into the store to use the facilities. The bathrooms in this particular store are located down a short hall. And the only light down that hall is reflected from the main store area.

Now we add one of my pet peeves. I hate for folks to rattle the bathroom door while I’m using the facility, much less pound on it. I have corrected “Da Boys” for banging on the bathroom door while someone is using it. It doesn’t help the person inside hurry and it is very rude.

The bathroom doors in this particular facility are equipped with the little “occupied” indicators when a user has locked the door from inside. So it’s easy to see if the room is open for use without rattling the door.

Well it’s easy if you can read the “occupied” indicator. But if you’re a Crabby Old Guy who just came in from the bright sunlight, it’s not immediately obvious wither the indicator reads “Occupied” or “Open.”

I couldn’t read the indicator. So I bent over in order to get a closer look at the lettering. Viola, I could see it said “Occupied.” Or I could see it for about a half second before it rotated to “Open” and the door swung back to reveal a gentleman looking at me, wondering why I was bent over staring at the door, like I was looking through the keyhole.
Stolen from a friend, who stole it from a friend, who stole it from a friend ... :) So the world was supposed to end today huh? That would have been bad, but even worse ... I never found out:

Who let the dogs out?

The way to get to Sesame Street,

Why Dora doesn't just use Google maps,

Why we don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery",

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed,

Why "abbreviated" is such a long word,

Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor yet dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons,

Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections,

Why do you have to "put your two cents in" but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

Why did Joanie love Chachi?

If a deaf person has to go to court is it still called a hearing?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

Does the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star have the same tune? Why did you just try to sing those two previous songs?

And just what is Victoria's secret?

You see, the world just has to keep going. I have too many questions.

Thanks to Norma Kay Rowe
We weren’t completely unprepared. We’d already studied the “Mayan Apocalypse Safety Training” site at
I just finished reading “Dead Men Flying: Victory in Viet Nam The Legend of Dust off: America's Battlefield Angels” by Major General Patrick Henry Brady, and Meghan Brady Smith

In the book, General Brady writes; "... the greatest adversity in my professional career -- being kicked out of Intelligence School -- was a blessing. If that had not happened I would not have gone to flight school, saved those (5,000) lives and earned those medals with the blessing they brought on me and my family.... I cannot emphasize enough the role my faith played in any success I have had. It was the source of whatever courage I had a constant source of comfort, of calm and of the confidence that allowed me to do things that for me would have otherwise been impossible. For reasons that escape me, the Good Lord has seen fit to bless my life in so many ways not the least of which was saving lives. There is not greater joy.

Gerard J. St John (Philadelphia, PA) writes:
This 301-page book is an autobiography of Brady's two tours in Vietnam. It reads like a diary. Brady spells out his concerns about his career in the army, and his convictions about how a medical helicopter unit should operate. His major concern is the welfare of the "patient," i.e., the wounded victim (sometimes a civilian, sometimes an enemy, most often an American soldier). The author puts you in the pilot's seat of the helicopter as it negotiates deltas, jungles and mountains in fog and at night; invariably braving hostile gunfire.

Finally, the book addresses the status of helicopter operations in present day Iraq and Afghanistan, and sounds a warning that we are straying from the high standards of the Dust Off units.

This is an excellent book.
Rasmussen Reports - - Boehner's "Plan B" Doesn't Help the GOP - - A Commentary By Scott Rasmussen

President Obama and congressional Democrats are still winning the messaging battle in the debate over the impending "fiscal cliff."

Republican House Speaker John Boehner tried to change that with a fallback position extending tax cuts for everyone except those making more than a million dollars a year and letting the scheduled spending cuts go through. As I write this, the vote on Boehner's "Plan B" has not been taken, but it doesn't really matter. Either way, Republicans will end up as losers in the court of public opinion.

That's true even though raising taxes on millionaires is supported by 62 percent of voters nationwide. Boehner's plan fails to accomplish the speaker's goal of showing that Republicans are willing to raise taxes on the rich, however.

Why? Because 59 percent of voters also want to see taxes raised on those who earn more than $250,000 a year. In other words, the president can continue his rhetoric unchanged, and people still will side with Obama over Boehner.

Most significantly, Boehner's plan doesn't gain Republicans any support from unaffiliated voters. Sixty-three percent of these voters like the idea of raising taxes for those who earn more than a million dollars a year. But the exact same number (63 percent) want to raise taxes on those who earn between $250,000 and a million dollars a year, too.

So by agreeing to raise taxes on anyone, Boehner has antagonized his base. By refusing to raise taxes on enough upper-income Americans, Boehner has antagonized those in the middle. Most Americans consider $50,000 a middle-class income, and the speaker is seen as trying to protect those who make five times that amount.

Republicans are losing the debate because the fiscal cliff talks are about fairness rather than about taxes and deficit reduction. Most voters (56 percent) believe the U.S. economy is unfair to the middle class. That's the issue Obama is talking about and Republicans are ignoring.

With Republicans avoiding the topic, the president defined the terms by saying those who earn more than $250,000 a year should pay more in taxes. It's true that $250,000 a year doesn't make someone rich, but the overwhelming majority of Americans defines such affluent citizens as "upper-income."

Republicans have a choice to make. They can continue opposing all tax hikes and attempt to make the case that it's the fair thing to do. If they take that approach, voters in the middle will tune out all other GOP talking points about the need for spending cuts and entitlement reform. Or they can let taxes go up on the president's terms and earn a chance to make the case for spending cuts and entitlement reform from a stronger position.

Both approaches are risky. That's what happens when you have a bad hand to play. But Boehner's plan is worse than either option because it further erodes support from the party's base without gaining any ground in the middle.

The only good news in all of this for the House Republicans is that the messaging over the fiscal cliff will not determine how they fare on Election Day in 2014. At that point, the president's popularity and his party's prospects will be judged by the state of the economy.

To find out more about Scott Rasmussen, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit

Rasmussin reports national polling results:

Following the Newtown School Shooting, 86% Want More Action to Identify and Treat Mental Illness and 71% Think Mentally Ill Should Be Under Stricter Observation. Americans want something done following the horrific news from Sandy Hook Elementary School last week, and a plurality believes a greater emphasis on mental health issues will be the most effective way to prevent such tragedies. Most Americans think the mentally ill should be monitored more closely. Additionally, a majority doesn't think government officials should be allowed to ban movies and games that feature excessive violence.

55% of Americans favor taking semi-automatic and assault-type weapons off the market But 62% Oppose Complete Gun Ban and are wary of a society in which only the government has guns. Very few would opt for a neighborhood where they couldn't own a gun.

59% Believe Tougher Gun Control Laws Are Coming
Republican congressional leaders have given ground in the "fiscal cliff" negotiations and proposed raising taxes on those who make more than a million dollars a year, but 59% Think Tax Hikes on Millionaires is Not Enough. Boehner Is Now Less Popular Than Pelosi
46% of Americans Consider the Holiday Season Joyous, 42% Consider it Stressful.
I dare you to read this and not write your congressperson. "It's the Spending, Stupid!"

A Commentary by John Stossel
Ludicrous, irresponsible spending is why we're in trouble. As columnist Ron Hart points out, Bill Clinton's balanced budget spent $1.7 trillion. "Adjusted for inflation," he writes, "our federal government would (have) a $200 billion surplus.

But instead of increasing government spending in line with normal inflation, under Bush and Obama we are spending $3.8 trillion today.

Folks, who believe we have a 'revenue' problem instead of a 'spending' problem, must also think they have a bartender problem, not a drinking problem."
"Today's Seed" from E-MIN Luke 12:29-32 1 Cor 15:35-38 Psa 49:16-20
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Favorite Quotes:

I’m not suggesting by any stretch that if we had prayer in schools regularly as we once did that this wouldn’t have happened. But, we’ve created an atmosphere in this country where they only time you want to invoke God’s name is after the tragedy. — Mike Huckabee

“She hates our biggest industry, which is coal. So I say good luck bringing the ‘I hate coal’ message to Kentucky.” — Sen. Rand Paul, R-Ky., after reports that actress Ashley Judd may be interested in running for the Senate from the state
The following wisdom is shared by our friends.
Jimmy Baugh
What is better? A truth that draws a tear or a lie that draws a smile?
Barbara Grafton Daniels
If you ever feel like you are in a whiney mood, try doing something for someone who can't possibly return the deed. It will make you feel so much better and thankful.
Michael E. Dunn
"These are the times that try men's souls. The summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of his country; but he that stands it now, deserves the love and thanks of man and woman." -- Thomas Paine (The American Crisis, No. 1, 19 December 1776) OK, so I missed its publication by one day. Big deal. Still relevant, if not more so, today.
Wendell Franks
"We are exactly where our first president George Washington warned us not to go, where members of Congress would put the interest of their party or political faction, as Washington described it, higher than the interest of our country." -- Sen. Joe Lieberman (I-CT), in an interview with ABC News.

If you quit school, just remember these 2 things ...
1. You tried your best.
2. I don't like pickles on my Big Mac.
Norma Kay Rowe
Spend a moment to pray for someone you are fighting with.
Nancee Davis Law
Don't Give up on the things God has put in your heart. keep pushing, keep praying and believing. Don't ever give up!

when you allow hurts to simmer in your heart, they turn into hates and create bitterness, and you are the one who suffers.

No one can drive you crazy unless you give them the keys!
Diabetes Life - -

Solutions to Winter Woes
What do you do about dry skin, cracked feet, or even storing your insulin in cold weather? Put on your favorite fuzzy slippers, grab a cup of tea, and check out solutions to some common winter weather problems.

Dry Skin
The harshness of winter weather can be a factor in dry skin, but it's not always the sole reason. High blood glucose can contribute as well. High blood glucose levels not only cause you to lose much-needed hydrating fluids, but they affect your nerves and circulation, which also involves your skin integrity and healing.
What to do?
• Eat well and drink plenty of water.
• While you can't add moisture to your skin, you can prevent the loss of moisture so use moisturizers and creams that lock it in.
• Moisturizing is good. Wet is not. Skin exposed to too much moisture from soaking in water, or body fluids such as urine, feces, or wound drainage, can cause maceration and breakdown. Keep skin clean, dry, and protected with moisture barriers.
• Pressure and friction relieving devices should be used for people who are immobile or have lost some of their feeling.
• Wear sun protection. Choose a product with a Sun Protective Factor (SPF) of 15 or higher. Some of your medication may make you more sensitive to the sun.
• Protect your skin from extremes of temperature. Avoid use of heating pads, hot water bottles, electric blankets, hot baths, or soaks. Use your elbow to check water temperature before showering or bathing. You can also use a bath thermometer to make sure the water temperature is no more than 92 degrees F. In the cold weather, wear warm clothes to match the weather; including gloves and warm socks that fit.
Cracked Feet
Dry skin can lead to cracked skin, especially on your feet, which usually go unseen therefore neglected. Cracked skin literally opens the door to wounds and infections and that can result in higher blood glucose levels, at best, amputation, at worst.
What to do? Follow the previously listed advice for dry skin and in addition, remember to:
• Inspect your feet often for any signs of potential problems. Use a mirror if you have difficulty seeing them well.• Visit your podiatrist regularly. He/she is a valued member of the diabetes health care team as they can sometimes spot an issue developing even before you do.
They can also cut toenails and remedy calluses, if needed.
• Wash your feet in warm water daily but don't soak them. Dry well between your toes but leave the lotion on the surface of your feet. Moisture between your toes invites conditions such as athlete's foot and that can introduce a whole new round of cracked feet • Wear protective socks and shoes that fit well. And before putting on your shoes, be sure to inspect them for foreign objects that could injure your feet.
AskBob - - Bob Rankin - - Twelve Online Tools for Savvy Consumers

The Internet is a fantastic resource for consumers, because an abundance of information helps to level the playing field for buyers and foster competition among the sellers. Here are a dozen online tools to help you save money on financial services and consumer products... []
Regional Legislative Update: Congressman Mike Ross reflects on his Congressional Career.

Dear Friends:

As I complete my tenure in the United States House of Representatives, I have spent a great deal of time reflecting on my time here in our nation’s capitol.

Serving in “the people’s house” and being a part of the greatest democracy in the world has been the highest professional honor of my life. It has been an experience of a lifetime and I just hope I did some good along the way.

It seems like just yesterday when I took the oath of office to serve in the Arkansas State Senate, but it has been 22 years. I would have never had the privilege and honor to serve as the voice for the people of Arkansas in the Arkansas State Senate, and for the past twelve years in the United States Congress, had it not been for those very people that I have been so proud to represent, for the people choose their leaders in our democracy.

This has been a historic time to serve in the Congress. Just a little over eight months after I arrived, the 9-11 attacks on America occurred, followed by wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, the health care debate and the worst economic recession since World War II.

I have done my best to represent the people of my home state. I never stopped going home every weekend, traveling the very large rural district and listening to the people who sent me to Washington to be their voice. I know I have not always gotten it right, but I have done my best to be faithful to the people of Arkansas throughout my time in public service.

I could have never served for the past twelve years in the U.S. Congress without the support from my family. It was difficult spending much of each week more than a thousand miles away from Holly, Sydney and Alex. I will always be grateful to them for their love and understanding as I did my best to represent the people of Arkansas, addressing policy issues to improve the quality of life for all people.

I also want to thank my parents, Gene and Frances Ross, who taught me right from wrong, raised me in a Christian home, encouraged me to chase my dreams, and provided me with a moral compass that helped me navigate politics and public life for the past 22 years.

I also want to say a word about my congressional staff who has worked tirelessly over the years to help me help the people of Arkansas’s Fourth Congressional District. They have worked long hours, at home in Arkansas and here in our nation’s capitol, on everything from helping a senior or veteran cut through government red tape to assisting a community with a grant application to drafting and reviewing legislation that impacts the more than 300 million of us who live in America. I could have never done this job without them. And I will always be grateful to them for their loyal and dedicated service to the people of Arkansas and this country.

I never believed my service in our nation’s capitol should become a permanent career. That’s why I didn’t seek a seventh term to the U.S. Congress this year.

There are a lot of people that do a lot of good without putting their name on the ballot. As my time in elected office comes to a close, I look forward to becoming one of them.

To the people of Arkansas’ Fourth Congressional District, thank you for believing in me and for giving me the opportunity to be your voice in the United States House of Representatives for the past 12 years. May God Bless You All.


Mike Ross
McCormick Kitchens

Festive Holiday Brunch

A casual brunch is a leisurely way to entertain over the holidays. This mostly make-ahead menu gives you plenty of time to mingle with friends and family. The crab cakes, brunch casserole and gingerbread trifle can all be assembled the night before. Add a festive beverage for toasting and you're all set for a rousing mid-morning celebration.

Cheesy Bacon & Egg Brunch Casserole

This one-dish brunch casserole is ideal for a crowd. Add a fruit salad and you can sit back and enjoy your company.

Makes 12 servings. Prep Time: 25 minutes Cook Time: 50 minutes


8 slices bacon

1 medium onion, chopped (1 cup)

1 loaf (8 ounces) Italian bread, cut into 1-inch cubes (5 cups)

2 cups (8 ounces) shredded Cheddar cheese

1 cup shredded mozzarella cheese

1 cup cottage cheese

5 eggs

1 1/2 cups milk

1/2 teaspoon McCormick® Mustard, Ground

1/2 teaspoon McCormick® Nutmeg, Ground

1/4 teaspoon McCormick® Black Pepper, Ground

1. Preheat oven to 350°F. Cook bacon in large skillet until crisp. Reserve 2 tablespoons of the drippings. Drain bacon on paper towels; crumble and set aside. Add onion to drippings in skillet; cook and stir 3 minutes or until softened.

2. Spread 1/2 of the bread cubes in 13x9-inch baking dish. Layer with 1/2 each of the onion, bacon, Cheddar cheese and mozzarella cheese. Spread evenly with cottage cheese. Top with remaining bread cubes, onion, bacon, Cheddar cheese and mozzarella cheese.

3. Beat eggs in medium bowl until foamy. Add milk, mustard, nutmeg and pepper; beat until well blended. Pour evenly over top. Press bread cubes lightly into egg mixture until completely covered. Let stand 10 minutes.

4. Bake 40 to 50 minutes or until center is set and top is golden brown.

Make Ahead: Casserole can be assembled 1 day ahead. Prepare as directed, increasing milk to 2 cups. Cover and store in refrigerator. Remove cover and bake as directed.

Test Kitchen Tip: For a meatless alternative, try Southwest Brunch Casserole.
nutritional information

per serving
Calories: 260
Fat: 16 g
Carbohydrates: 14 g
Cholesterol: 128 mg
Sodium: 492 mg
Fiber: 1 g
Protein: 15 g

Copyright © 2008 McCormick & Company, Inc. All Rights Reserved. |
The latest from Michael Yon, the foremost “milnews” blogger on the web.

The Wolfpack series was fun to research and write, but it will not pay the bills!

Please see Wolfpack 105. []
I got hands on the unclassified Benghazi report

Please see. []

Very Respectfully,
Michael Yon
Your Writer,

Please remember that this website accepts no advertisement and is dependent on your support.

PS Please sign up for my updates at "Michael_Yon" [] (not Michael Yon).
If you would like to encourage US Troops overseas, but are not sure just how to begin, visit for ideas.
Please remember ... America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the MALL.
~~~~~ - - Sometimes big business and its leaders can do pretty incredible things.

Jet Blue Flies Boy's Goodbye Letter []
A story about one company's kindness and the power of social media to make an important wish come true in the wake of unspeakable tragedy.

Mark Zuckerberg Giving $500 Million to Charity []
The Facebook founder is making a big move to make the world a better place.
ACC SmartBrief - -

The American Chemistry Council will issue updated product and process-safety codes for Responsible Care next year, said Sven Royall, chairman of the Responsible Care board committee. "Instead of waiting for the government to act, we are taking affirmative action through our new product safety code to manage chemicals throughout their life cycles," Royall said. "The entire industry faces enhanced scrutiny whenever a single concern arises.

"The threat of the fiscal cliff is an obvious concern, leading many companies to focus on improving business effectiveness and maintaining a strong balance sheet," said Mike Shannon, head of chemicals and performance technologies at KPMG.
Photos on the front of this week’s “Bleat” include - - Dusty and David working on Dusty's Jeep. More Christmas Decorations, A view of the jeep paint job, Annette's "card tree." Jimmy and Annette leaving to join Robert and Sim for the annual Wade Prison Christmas Party. The Christmas Train Layout at the Library.
For the latest issue of "Da Bleat.", go to
Our photos are posted at
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.
BreakPoint - - Jim Daly’s New Focus - - The Heart of Our Message - - By: Eric Metaxas

We tell kids it’s not whether you win or lose but how you play the game -- but we’re not practicing what we preach!

Jim Daly, who heads Focus on the Family, was dragging his feet. He knew the Lord wanted him to meet with a prominent homosexual activist, but it never seemed to be the right time. Finally, Daly picked up the phone and agreed to meet his political adversary for coffee. Around the table the two men discussed their differences—which were considerable—as well as some areas of common ground. Daly began to see this man not simply as an activist, but as a fellow human being for whom Christ died.

Daly tells what happened next in his absolutely outstanding new book, ReFocus: Living a Life That Reflects God’s Heart. “As our initial conversation drew to a close,” Daly says, “I had felt the Holy Spirit prompting me to share a thought with my new friend. ‘You know’—I addressed him by name—‘God loves you just as much as He loves me. Do you know that?’ There was silence across the table as this man dropped his head and looked off to the side. He wasn’t able to say a word in response. But he didn’t have to say anything. I saw tears in his eyes.”

Daly counted this as one of the best moments he had ever experienced in his many years of ministry, and he was on cloud nine as he returned to the Focus offices in Colorado Springs. But a trusted colleague met him and expressed suspicion about the activist, afraid that Daly might be compromising his principles. Daly was stunned. “I experienced more of a clash with my Christian brother,” he says in wonderment, “than I did with the homosexual activist!”

Daly’s book, ReFocus, takes a clear-eyed look at the problems facing our society, but it takes an even harder look at our attitudes and actions in response to those challenges. Without giving up his commitment to speak the truth about the key moral issues of our time, Daly says we especially need to focus, if you will, on our hearts. In this important book he reminds us in clear, winsome language what it really means to be a Christian—which is vital for us to be able to keep our spiritual balance amid all the nastiness that threatens to drag us—and our gospel witness—down.

“When I examine my life,” Daly says, “I’m often struck by the fact that I’m all too often more in love with the heartbeat of the culture than I am with the heart of God Himself. If I truly cared more about God’s ways than the world’s ways, I wouldn’t grow anxious or despondent when my candidate of choice doesn’t win an election or when someone or something infringes on my religious liberties.”

Does that describe you? It certainly does me, at least sometimes!

We need to remember that character matters, especially during hard or perplexing times. Back during the early months of the Revolutionary War, as a bitterly cold winter was setting in, Washington’s army was being routed from New York by British troops, who had superior numbers and supplies. Many of the American soldiers lacked shoes and adequate winter clothing, and desertions were common. American patriot Thomas Paine, who was traveling with the rag-tag American soldiers, said famously, “These are the times that try men’s souls.”

Daly’s fantastic book, ReFocus, is a terrific reminder that the Lord tests our souls, too. You can get a copy of ReFocus at the Colson Center Bookstore. Please visit or visit

And by the way, my BreakPoint colleague John Stontestreet lives in Colorado Springs and he talked with Jim Daly about ReFocus on “BreakPoint This Week.” Come to, click on this commentary, and I’ll link you to John’s conversation with Jim Daly. You don’t want to miss it.
Further Reading and Information

Refocus: Living a Life That Reflects God's Heart []
James Daly | Zondervan | April 2012

BP This Week: Stepping Out of the Boat []
John Stonestreet | BreakPoint This Week | December 7, 2012


Copyright © 2012 Prison Fellowship. All Rights Reserved
Residents of Columbia County, Arkansas are represented in Congress by:
Senator John Boozman (R_ AR)
1 Russell Courtyard
Washington DC, 20510
Phone: 202-224-4843
Senator Mark Pryor (D_ AR)
Phone 202_224_2353
FAX 202_228_0908
Representative Michael A. Ross (D _ 04)
Phone 202_225_3772
FAX 202_225_1314

Other states congresspersons can be found at: []

"Do not seek to follow in the footsteps of the men of old; seek what they sought." - Matsuo Basho

"In questions of science, the authority of a thousand is not worth the humble reasoning of a single individual. " - Galileo Galilei

"Men must live and create. Live to the point of tears." - Albert Camus

"I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it." - Pablo Picasso

"It is characteristic of all deep human problems that they are not to be approached without some humor and some bewilderment."- Freeman Dyson

"Always desire to learn something useful." - Sophocles

"Whoever is out of patience is out of possession of his soul." - Francis Bacon
Breaking Christian News

Survivor of Nazi Experiments Who Forgave Repentant Doctor

"This act of forgiveness is an act of self-healing. I believe forgiveness is a modern miracle of medicine." -Eva Kor Read Full Story []

University Settles With Christian Student it Wrongly Dismissed
"A university cannot compel a student to alter or violate her belief systems based on a phantom policy as the price for obtaining a degree. Tolerance is a two-way street. Otherwise, the rule mandates orthodoxy, not anti-discrimination." -Ruling from Sixth Circuit Court of Appeals - - Read Full Story []

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GCF: Used Car

If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! Just send an email to:

My wife had just bought a five-year-old car. The first time I drove it, I told her something seemed to be wrong with the suspension.

I parked the car and then proceeded to give it a "shock test." I clasped one hand over the other, squared my shoulders, pushed down with all my weight on one corner and quickly released it to see if it bounced more than once. I repeated this several times.

A pedestrian standing behind me observed, "I doubt that even CPR could start that car."
_ _______________________________ _

GCF: Jury Questions

When my 88-year-old mother was called for jury duty, she had to submit to questioning by the opposing lawyers.

"Have you ever dealt with an attorney?" asked the plaintiff's lawyer.

"Yes. I had an attorney write my living trust," she responded.

"And how did that turn out?"

"I don't know," she said. "Ask me when I'm dead."
_ _______________________________ _

GCF: High Cost of Free

Outraged by the high charges that the computer service wanted for repair work, one employee asked her co-worker which service she used.

"My sons," was the reply. "They both have degrees in Computer Science."

"So you get that kind of work done for nothing," the friend marveled.

The co-worker smiled. "Actually, I figured that it cost me about $140,000 for my kids to fix my computer for free."
_ _______________________________ _

GCF: Puppies

A client brought a litter of golden retriever puppies to my veterinary clinic for inoculations and worming. As the look-alike pups squirmed over and under one another in their box, I realized it would be difficult to tell the treated ones from the rest. So, I turned on the water faucet, wet my fingers, and moistened each dog's head when I had finished. After the fourth puppy, I noticed my talkative client had grown silent. As I sprinkled the last pup's head, the woman leaned forward and whispered, "I didn't know they needed be baptized, too."
_ _______________________________ _

GCF: New Father

"Just relax," the hospital staff kept telling the young father-to-be, but it was to no avail. His wife was in labor and he was a nervous wreck.

After what seemed like a week, a nurse came out with the happy news, "It's a girl!" she announced.

"A girl! Thank God!" said the new dad. "She'll never have to go through what I just went through!"
_ _______________________________ _

GCF: Manicurist

My friend was at the beauty parlor when she overheard another woman rattle on to the manicurist about the sad state of her marriage. "Things have gotten so bad," she said, "I think I might ask for a divorce. What do you think?"

"That's a serious matter," came the reply. "I think you should consult another manicurist."
_ _______________________________ _

GCF: Break Up

There was a pretty nurse named Carol who broke her engagement to a doctor. She was explaining everything to a friend.
"Do you mean to say," exclaimed Cindy, "that the bum asked you to give back the ring AND all his presents ?"

"Not only that," said Carol, "he sent me a bill for 37 visits."
_ _______________________________ _

GCF: Waitress Date

A customer wanted to ask his attractive waitress for a date, but couldn't get her attention. When he was able to catch her eye, she quickly looked away. Finally he followed her into the kitchen and blurted out his invitation. To his amazement, she readily consented.

He said, "Why have you been avoiding me all this time? You wouldn't even make eye contact."

"Oh," said the waitress, "I thought you wanted more coffee."
_ _______________________________ _

GCF: I Am Thankful.....

...for the taxes that I pay because it means that I am employed.

...for the mess to clean after a party because it means I have been surrounded by friends.

...for the clothes that fit a little too snug because it means I have enough to eat.

...for my shadow who watches me work because it means I am out in the sunshine.

...for a lawn that needs mowing, windows that need cleaning and gutters that need fixing because it means I have a home.

...for all the complaining I hear about the government because it means we have freedom of speech.

...for the spot I find at the far end of the parking lot because it
means I am capable of walking.

...for the lady behind me in church who sings off key because it means that I can hear.

...for the piles of laundry and ironing because it means I have clothes to wear.

...for weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day because it means I have been productive.

...for the alarm that goes off in the early morning hours because it means that I am alive.

...for getting too much e-mail because it lets me know I have friends who are thinking of me.
_ _______________________________ _

GCF: Late for Sunday School

The little boy was late for Sunday school and the superintendent, seeing him slip in, detained him and asked him the reason. The boy shuffled his feet uncertainly for a moment, then blurted out, "I started out to go fishing instead, but my dad wouldn't let me."

The superintendent beamed broadly. "A wise father," he said. "He was quite right not to let you go fishing on a Sunday. Did he explain why?"

The little boy nodded. "Oh, yes sir. He said there wasn't enough bait for the two of us."
_ _______________________________ _

GCF: Air Conditioning

A customer was continually bothering the waiter in a restaurant; first, he'd asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour.

Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, walking back and forth and never once getting angry. So finally, a second customer asked why didn't they just throw out the pest.

"Oh I don't care." said the waiter with a smile. "We don't even have an air conditioner."
_ _______________________________ _

GCF: Banana Bread

The banana loaf I was making was in the oven when my 16-year-old came into the kitchen where the family had gathered.

"That bread smells about done don't you think, Mom?" he asked.

I told him I had set the timer and it was fine.

A little later he repeated his suggestion. "Mom, I really think that loaf is done. Maybe you should check it."

Always quick to come to my defence, my 13-year-old son said, "Eddie, Mom's been burning that banana bread for years now. I think she knows when to take it out."
_ _______________________________ _

GCF: Flowers from Hubby

When she got flowers from her husband on Valentine's Day, my daughter's friend quickly opened the card. All it said was "No." What did that mean?

She called her husband, who said, "I didn't attach any message. The florist asked if I had a message and I said, 'No.'"
_ _______________________________ _

GCF: At the Toy Store

Even with a thousand games, dolls and crafts to choose from, my customer at the toy store still couldn't find a thing for her grandson.

"Maybe a video or something educational?" I asked.

"No, that's not it," she said.

We wandered the aisles until something caught her eye: a
laser gun with flashing lights and 15 different high-pitched sounds.

"This is perfect," she said, beaming. "My daughter-in-law will hate it."
_ _______________________________ _

GCF: Prison Sign Fail

Seen on a sign outside the Clinton Correctional Facility, a maximum security prison in Dannemora, New York:

"The Dannemora Fire Department reminds you it's fire prevention week. Practice your escape plan."
_ _______________________________ _

GCF: Garage Sale

I took four tires to a friend's garage sale and was asking $30 apiece. I needed to leave for a few minutes, so I asked him to watch them for me.

"Sure," he said, "but if someone offers less, how low are you willing to go?"

"Try for more, but I will accept $15," I said, and left.

When I returned, my tires were gone. "How much did you get for them?" I asked excitedly.

"Fifteen dollars each."

"Who bought them?"

"I did!"
_ _______________________________ _

GCF: Calling Who?

A telephone rang. "Hello! Is your phone number 444-4444?"

"Yes, it is," came the reply.

"Thank Goodness! Could you call 911 for me? I super-glued my finger to the phone."
_ _______________________________ _

GCF: Sugar Packets Announcement

The Building Committee has been informed that opened sugar packets are being found in the nursery area.

We have had some serious problems with ants in the past and would like to avoid any recurrences if possible.

Coffee drinkers, please dispose of these packets properly.

If you are a coffee drinker but can't read yet, please have your parents explain this to you.
_ _______________________________ _

GCF: Research Assistant

An acquaintance of mine was hired as a research assistant by the physics department of a West Coast university to investigate the thermodynamic properties of wood. Two weeks after starting work he was approached by an encyclopedia salesman who explained that purchase of the encyclopedia entitled the buyer to have any three special questions answered completely. To save himself a great deal of work, the researcher bought the encyclopedia, stipulating for his first free question a full dissertation on the thermodynamic properties of wood.

Three weeks later the head of the physics department called the research assistant into his office and said, "We have a request from an encyclopedia company. One of their customers has asked for a report on the thermodynamic properties of wood. Please prepare the report for them."
_ _______________________________ _

GCF: Old Maserati

I was living in the mountains above Denver when my college buddy,
Gary, arrived in his ancient Maserati sports car. He had just driven it from Ohio, and as he pulled into my driveway, the car broke down.

Calls to auto-supply houses and garages in search of replacement parts proved futile. The 1962 model was simply too rare. Responses ranged from "Mas-a-what?" to "You've got to be kidding." One guy just laughed.

I was at the end of the listings in the Yellow Pages when I dialed Victor's Garage. "Vic," I said, "you're my last hope. Do you carry any parts for a 1962 Maserati?"

There was a long pause. Finally, Victor cleared his throat. "Yes," he replied. "Oil."
_ _______________________________ _

GCF: Childbirth

After learning the Lamaze method of natural childbirth, I was admitted to the delivery room with my wife.

It seemed like an eternity before the doctor finally announced, "I've got the head now; just a few more minutes."

"Is it a girl or boy?" I asked excitedly.

The doctor replied, "I don't know. It's hard to tell by the ears."
_ _______________________________ _

GCF In Other Words...

"Insofar as manifestations of functional deficiencies are agreed by any and all concerned parties to be imperceptible and are so stipulated, it is incumbent upon said heretofore mentioned parties to exercise the deferment of otherwise pertinent maintenance procedures."

In other words, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it."
_ _______________________________ _

GCF: Quaint Little Inn

When my wife and I went up to New England a couple of years ago we decided to stay in one of those quaint little inns. The clerk at the inn asked me if we wanted a room with a shower or a tub.

"What's the difference?" I asked.

"Well, sir, in a tub, you can sit down."
_ _______________________________ _

GCF: New Greeting

I hadn't recorded a greeting yet on my new answering machine, so when my mother came to visit, I asked her to record one for me. "This is Marcia's mother," my machine announces. "Marcia is an only child; she never writes, she never calls. So why not give me a buzz? I'd be happy to talk to you. My number is..."

Everyone started calling my mother. She loved the
_ _______________________________ _

GCF: Broken Scale

There was a nice bathroom scale in our ship's cabin on our recent cruise. Since the sign in front of the fitness center claimed that the average cruiser gained 7 to 10 pounds during a cruise, I figured the scale was a way to help the cruiser avoid the weight gain.

I stepped on the scale.

It was 10 pounds too low.

I asked my wife to try it. She said that it was registering about 10 pounds too low.

The thing was broken.

The ship had excellent service and I was super impressed with the cabin steward. I didn't mention it to him, but he must have known that our scale was out of whack and not measuring correctly. When I stepped on the scale on the last day of the cruise my weight was reading perfectly.

Excellent cruise service!
_ _______________________________ _

GCF: Big City Worr

A friend and I stayed at a Chicago hotel while attending a convention. Since we weren't used to the big city, we were overly concerned about security.

The first night we placed a chair against the door and stacked our luggage on it. To complete the barricade, we put the trash can on top. If an intruder tried to break in, we'd be sure to hear him.

Around 1 a.m. there was a knock on the door.

"Who is it?" my friend asked nervously.

"Honey," a woman on the other side yelled, "you left your key in the door."
_ _______________________________ _
/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( \
/ / | | \ \
_( (_ | | _) )_
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_|<> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
(Lets hope not.)

PASTOR: Praise the Lord.


PASTOR: Can we please turn our tablet PC, iPad, cellphone, kindle Bibles to 1 Cor. 13:13. And please switch on your Bluetooth to download the sermon..

PASTOR: Let us pray, committing this week into God's hands. Open your Apps, BBM, Twitter and Facebook and chat with God.

PASTOR: Please have your credit and debit cards ready as we shall now take tithes and offerings. You can log on to the church Wi-If using the password Lord909887.

Ushers circulate mobile card swipe machines among the worshipers. Those who prefer to make electronic funds transfers are directed to computers and laptops at the rear of the church and those who prefer to use iPads are allowed to flip them open. Those who prefer telephone banking are allowed to take out their cellphones to transfer their contributions to the church bank account.

(The holy atmosphere is truly electric as the cellphones, iPads, PCs and laptops beep and flicker!)


SECRETARY: This week's cell meetings shall be held on the various Facebook group pages where the usual group chatting takes place. Please don't miss out. Thursday's bible teachings will be held live on Skype at 1900hrs GMT. Please don't miss out. You can follow your Pastor on Twitter this weekend for counseling and prayers. God bless you and have a wonderful week !

Thanks to Waneta
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
O.K. Don’t have a hissy fit. It’s only a joke. And a funny one.
A union shop foreman walks into a bar next door
to the factory and is about to order a drink to celebrate Obama’s victory when he sees a guy
close by wearing a Romney for President button
and two beers in front of him.
He doesn't have to be an Einstein to know that this guy is a Republican.
So, he shouts over to the bartender so loudly that
everyone can hear, "Drinks for everyone in here,
bartender, but not for the Republican."

Soon after the drinks have been handed out, the
Republican gives him a big smile, waves at him,
then says, "Thank you!" in an equally loud
voice. This infuriates the union official.

The union captain once again loudly orders drinks
for everyone except the Republican. As before,
this does not seem to bother the Republican.
He continues to smile, and again yells, "Thank you!"

The union thug once again loudly orders drinks
for everyone except the Republican.

As before, this does not seem to bother the Republican.

He continues to smile, and again yells, "Thank you!"

The union guy asks the bartender,
"What the hell is the matter with that Republican?
I've ordered three rounds of drinks for everyone in
the bar but him, and all the silly idiot does is smile
and thanks me.

Is he nuts?"

"Nope," replies the bartender. "He owns the place."

Thanks to Waneta
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Nervous Flyer

During a trip from California to Indiana, it didn't help that my connecting flight from Denver was delayed twice because of mechanical problems. Then, after we were aloft, I noticed the lights began flickering. I mentioned this to a flight attendant. "I'll take care of it," she said. Moments later the lights went out. Clearly she had solved the problem by turning off all the lights.

A passenger across the aisle who had been watching me leaned over and said, "Whatever you do, please don't ask about the engines."

Received from Thomas Ellsworth.


New Waitress

A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order.
He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights, and pair of running boards."

The brand-new waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights, and a pair of running boards. What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?"

"No," the cook said. "Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are two slices of crisp bacon."

"Oh, OK!" said the waitress. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.

The trucker asked, "What are the beans for?"

She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!"

Received from Kenny Robinson.


New Mom

A new mom took her baby daughter to the supermarket for the first time. She dressed her in pink from head to toe. At the store, she placed her in the shopping cart and put her purchases around her.

At the checkout line, a small boy and his mother were ahead of them. The child was crying and begging for some special treat.

"He wants some candy or gum and his mother won't let him have any," she thought.

Then she heard his mother's reply.

"No!" she said, looking in her direction. "You may not have a baby sister today. That lady got the last one!"

Received from Big Mac Clean Joke Attack.


New Friend Sincerity

Last summer my wife and I met a couple at a restaurant. After lunch, the women decided to go shopping and I invited the man to go sailing.

While we were out on the water, a storm blew up. The tide had gone out, and we were down wind trying to work our way back through a narrow channel. At one point the boat grounded and we had to climb overboard and shove with all our might to get it back into deeper water.

As my new friend stood there, ankle deep in muck, the wind blowing his hair wildly, rain streaming down his face, he grinned at me. With unmistakable sincerity, he said, "Sure beats shopping."

Received from Pastor Tim.


National Guard Pilot

As a C-130 pilot in the Air National Guard, I drive to my base several times a month for practice flights, wearing my flight suit. On the way home late one night, my car's engine quit, and I coasted to a stop within sight of an isolated farmhouse.

When I knocked on the door, a young woman answered. "I was on my way home from the Guard air base, but ran out of gas," I explained, holding up a one-gallon gas can to make my predicament clear. "May I use your telephone?"

The woman stared at my flight suit and stammered, "But where did you land?"

-- Contributed to Reader's Digest, "Humor In Uniform," by Maj. Stephen K. Robison

Received from Ed.


Little Johnny

Little Johnny's mother was having difficulty gulping down the birthday cake he had made for her as a surprise. When she was finished, Little Johnny happily exclaimed,

"I'm so glad you like it, Mommy. There should have been 32 candles on the cake, but they were all gone when I took it out of the oven."

Received from Doc's Daily Chuckle.


Illegal Turn

A man, in a hurry taking his eight-year-old son to school, made a turn at a red light where it was prohibited.

"Uh-oh, I just made an illegal turn!" the man said.

"Aw, Dad, it's okay," the son said. "The police car right behind us did the same thing."

Received from Clean-Laffs.


Ancient Chinese Proverb

An organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels. Some monkeys are climbing up, some down.

The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces.

The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but monkey hindquarters.

Received from ArcaMax Jokes.


Jury Duty

I was on a panel for prospective jury duty. The first lawyer questioning us began right off as an intimidating showman.

After several questions, he asked, "Do any of you here today dislike lawyers?" There was an awkward silence.

Before the pause became too long, the judge announced, "I do."

Received from Thomas Ellsworth.


Turkey Poem

After Dinner Delight
(Author Unknown)

I ate too much turkey, I ate too much corn,
I ate too much pudding and pie.
I'm stuffed up with muffins and much too much stuffin' I'm probably going to die.

I piled up my plate and I ate and I ate. But I wish I had known when to stop, For I'm so crammed with yams, sauces, gravies, and jams That my buttons are starting to pop!

I'm full of tomatoes and french fried potatoes My stomach is swollen and sore,
But there's still some dessert so I guess it won't hurt if I eat just a little bit more!


Turkey Riddles

So bad, they're good...

What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children?
If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!

Why do Pilgrims have trouble keeping their pants up? 'Cause they wear their belts on their hats!

What is the difference between a chicken and a turkey? Chickens celebrate Thanksgiving!

What is the turkey's favorite black-tie celebration? The Butter Ball.

What do you get when you cross a turkey, the beach, and Broomhilda? A turkey sand-witch.

What kind of music did Pilgrims listen to? Plymouth Rock.

Why do turkeys eat so little? Because they are always stuffed.

What key has legs and can't open doors? Tur-key.

What sound does a space turkey make? Hubble, hubble, hubble.

How do you keep a turkey in suspense? I'll tell you at Christmas.

Received from Mikey's Funnies.


Lobster Fisher

After a day fishing in the ocean, a fisherman is walking from the pier carrying two lobsters in a bucket. He is approached by the game warden, who asks him for his fishing license.

The fisherman says to the warden, "I did not catch these lobsters; they are my pets. Every day I come down to the water and whistle, and these lobster jump out and I take them for a walk, only to return them at the end of the day."

The warden, not believing him, reminds him that it is illegal to fish without a license. The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "If you don't believe me, then watch." He then throws the lobsters back into the water.

The warden says, "Now whistle to your lobsters and show me that they will come out of the water."

The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "What lobsters?"

Received from Big Mac Clean Joke Attack.


Location, Location, Location

An aching back sent me stumbling to the drugstore for some kind of relief. After a search, I found what I was looking for: a selection of heating pads designed for people with back pain -- all on the bottom shelf.

Received from Thomas Ellsworth.



A Brit, a Frenchman, and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden.

"Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British."

"Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French."

"No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out. "They have only an apple to eat, and they're being told this is paradise. They are Russian."

Received from Doc's Daily Chuckle.



Sven and Ole worked together and both were laid off, so off they went to the unemployment office.

Asked his occupation, Ole said, "Panty stitcher; I sew the elastic onto cotton panties." The clerk looked up panty stitcher. Finding it classified as unskilled labor, she gave him $300 a week in unemployment pay.

Sven was asked his occupation. "Diesel fitter," he replied. Since diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Sven $600 a week. When Ole found out, he was furious. He stormed back into the unemployment office to find out why his friend and coworker was collecting double his pay.

The clerk explained that panty stitchers were unskilled and diesel fitters were skilled labor.

"What skill?" yelled Ole. "I sew the elastic on, and Sven pulls on it and says, 'Yep, diesel fitter.'"

Received from BROOKSBY1.


Groaner: Clones

A blonde I know decided to have twelve clones made of herself. When she went to the clinic, she found it was a bleak brick house without any windows. When she asked the clone arranger why there were no windows, she was told that people in glass houses shouldn't grow clones.

As the clones were growing up, she would never be allowed to take them out for a walk, as you'll never walk a clone.

What disturbed her the most was that every time she would visit them, they all would be yelling at the top of their lungs. When she asked why they yelled so much, she was told that this was to be expected, as she had ordered a dozen I scream clones.

Received from Stan Kegel.


Tofu Recipies

A well-dressed man approached a woman at a health food store and in a clipped British accent asked her exactly what she did with the tofu in her basket.

She said she normally puts it in the refrigerator, looks at it for several weeks and then throws it away.

The man replied, "That's exactly what my wife does with it. I was hoping you had a better recipe."

Received from Thomas Ellsworth.


Two Fish

Two men were in a restaurant and ordered fish. The waiter brought a dish with two fish, one larger than the other. One of the men said to the other, "Please help yourself."

The other one said "Okay," and helped himself to the larger fish.

After a tense silence, the first one said, "Really, now, if you had offered me the first choice, I would have taken the smaller fish!"

The other one replied, "What are you complaining for; you have it, don't you?"

Received from ArcaMax Jokes.


Combat for Dummies

Advice and instructions taken from actual military sources.

"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend." --U.S. Marine Corps

"Aim towards the enemy." --Instruction printed on U.S. Rocket Launcher

"If the enemy is in range, so are you." --Infantry Journal

"A slipping gear could let your m203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit." --Army's magazine of prevention maintenance

"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed." --U.S. Air Force manual

"Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo."
--Infantry Journal

"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground." --USAF Ammo Troop

"Tracers work both ways." --U.S. Army Ordnance

"Five-second fuses only last three seconds." --Infantry Journal

"If your attack is going too well, you're walking into an ambush." --Infantry Journal

"No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection." --Joe Gay

"Any ship can be a minesweeper....once." --Anon

"If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him." --USAF Ammo Troop

"Never tell the platoon sergeant you have nothing to do." --Unknown Marine Recruit

"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you."
--Infantry Journal

"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid." --David Hackworth

Received from Aloysius Pendergast.


Time Is Relative

A fellow went to the doctor, who told him that he had a bad illness and only a year to live. So the fellow decided to talk to his pastor. After the man explained his situation, he asked his pastor if there was anything he could do.

"What you should do is go out and buy a late 70's or early 80's model Dodge pickup," said the pastor. "Then go get married to the meanest woman you can find, and buy yourselves an old trailer house in the panhandle of Oklahoma."

The fellow asked, "Will this help me live longer?"

"No," said the pastor, "but it will make what time you do have seem like forever."

Received from ArcaMax Jokes.



"Where did you receive your training?"


"Good. And what's your name?"

"Yim Yohnson."

Received from ArcaMax Jokes.



My sister-in-law had worked as a waitress at an Atlanta restaurant. One day, a large family came in to eat.

In accordance with the restaurant's policy of serving large parties, the tip was automatically added to the bill.

After she presented the bill to the father, she heard him bellow, "Gratuity? Who ordered the gratuity? I told you kids that we weren't going to order dessert!"

Received from Doc's Daily Chuckle.



While working as a radiology technician in a hospital emergency room, I took x-rays of a trauma patient. I brought the films to our radiologist, who studied the multiple fractures of the femurs and pelvis.

"What happened to this patient?" he asked in astonishment.

"He fell out of a tree," I reported.

The radiologist wanted to know what the patient was doing up a tree.

"I'm not sure, but his paperwork states he works for Bob's Expert Tree Service."

Gazing intently at the x-rays, the radiologist blinked and said, "Cross out 'Expert.'"

Received from Thomas Ellsworth.


Pay Day

A regular customer walks into the bar and says, "Bartender, one round for everyone, on me!"

The bartender says, "Well, seems you're in a really good mood tonight."

The man replies, "I sure am! Yesterday I was hired by the city to go around and collect money from the parking meters!"

The bartender congratulates the man and proceeds to pour the round.

The next night the same man walks back in, "Bartender, TWO rounds for everyone, on me!"

The bartender says, "If you're so happy just over having this new job, I can just imagine how happy you'll be when you get your first paycheck!"

With a wondrous look on his face, the man pulls out a handful of quarters from his pocket and says, "You mean they're gonna PAY me too?"

Received from Thomas Ellsworth.


Groaners: Three Prayers

1. Here's one direct from my son who at four years old had started attending a Christian daycare. The evening of his third day there, he insisted on saying "grace" at dinner. This was his prayer:

"Gone is great! Gone is good!
Let us spank him for our food.

(By Kas Healy)

2. One particular four-year-old prayed:

"And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets."

3. A teacher was drilling his young students on the Westminster Confession of Faith. The first question in the catechism is "What is the chief end of man?" The answer: "To glorify God and enjoy Him forever."

One youngster seemed quite sure of himself as he anxiously waved his hand for recognition.

When the teacher called his name, he proudly blurted out, "The chief end of man is to glorify God and annoy Him forever!"

He was possibly more right than we'd care to admit!

(By Bobbie L. Ross)

Received from Stan Kegel.


Texting for Seniors

Since more seniors are texting and tweeting, here are some STC (Senior Texting Codes). If you qualify for the senior discount, this is for you. Please pass this along to your children and grandchildren so they can understand you.

ATD: At The Doctor's

BTW: Bring The Wheelchair

BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth

CBM: Covered By Medicare

CGU: Can't Get Up

CUATSC: See You At The Senior Center

DWI: Driving While Incontinent

FWB: Friend With Betablockers

FWIW: Forgot Where I Was

FYI: Found Your Insulin

GGLKI: Gotta Go! (Laxative Kicking In)

GGPBL: Gotta Go! (Pacemaker Battery Low)

GHA: Got Heartburn Again

IMHO: Is My Hearing-Aid On?

LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out

LOL: Living On Lipitor

LWO: Lawrence Welk's On

OMMR: On My Massage Recliner

OMSG: Oh, My! Sorry -- Gas.

ROFL & CGU: Rolling On the Floor Laughing And Can't Get Up

TTYL: Talk To You Louder

WAITT: Who Am I Talking To?

WTP: Where's The Prunes?

WWNO: Walker Wheels Need Oil

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Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Column - - Mayan Musings (Limerick) - - December 20th, 2012

It’s December 21st in some parts of the world, and we’re still here … I think.

Mayan Musings (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The end of the world hasn’t come.
Some are bummed, I suppose. Some are numb.
Or perhaps the prediction
Came true — isn’t fiction,
But to notice, we’re just too damn dumb.

© Madeleine Begun Kane. All Rights Reserved.
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Meet America's first war dog, a stray Pit Bull/Terrier mix, named Stubby. He became Sgt. Stubby, was the most decorated war dog of World War I and the only dog to be promoted to sergeant through combat.

One day he appeared at Yale Field in New Haven, Connecticut; while a group of soldiers were training, stopping to make friends with soldiers as they drilled. One soldier, Corporal Robert Conroy, developed a fondness for the dog. He named him Stubby because of his short legs. When it became time for the outfit to ship out, Conroy hid Stubby on board the troop ship. In order to keep the dog, the private taught him to salute his commanding officers warming their hearts to him.

Stubby served with the 102nd Infantry, 26th (Yankee) Division in the trenches in France for 18 months and participated in four offensives and 18 battles. The loud noise of the bombs and gun fire did not bother him. He was never content to stay in the trenches but went out and found wounded soldiers.

Stubby entered combat on February 5, 1918 at Chemin Des Dames, north of Soissons, and was under constant fire, day and night for over a month. In April 1918, during a raid to take Schieprey, Stubby was wounded in the foreleg by the retreating Germans throwing hand grenades. He was sent to the rear for convalescence, and as he had done on the front was able to improve morale. When he recovered from his wounds, Stubby returned to the trenches.

After being gassed and nearly dying himself, Stubby learned to warn his unit of poison gas attacks, continued to locate wounded soldiers in no man's land, and since he could hear the whine of incoming artillery shells before humans could, became very adept at letting his unit know when to duck for cover.

He was solely responsible for capturing a German spy in the Argonne. The spy made the mistake of speaking German to him when they were alone. Stubby knew he was no ally and attacked him biting and holding on to him by the seat of his pants until his comrades could secure him.

Following the retaking of Chateau-Thierry by the US, the thankful women of the town made Stubby a chamois coat on which were pinned his many medals. There is also a legend that while in Paris with Corporal Conroy, Stubby saved a young girl from being hit by a car. At the end of the war, Conroy smuggled Stubby home.

After returning home, Stubby became a celebrity and marched in, and normally led, many parades across the country. He met Presidents Woodrow Wilson, Calvin Coolidge, and Warren G. Harding. Starting in 1921, he attended Georgetown University Law Center with Conroy, and became the Georgetown Hoyas' team mascot. He would be given the football at halftime and would nudge the ball around the field to the amusement of the fans.

Stubby was made a life member of the American Legion, the Red Cross, and the YMCA. In 1921, the Humane Education Society awarded him a special gold medal for service to his country. It was presented by General John Pershing.

In 1926, Stubby died in Conroy's arms. His remains are featured in The Price of Freedom: Americans at War exhibit at the Smithsonian. Stubby was honored with a brick in the Walk of Honor at the United States World War I monument, Liberty Memorial, in Kansas City at a ceremony held on Armistice Day, November 11, 2006.

Thanks to Waneta
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"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." __ Franklin D. Roosevelt
"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle."
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. _ _ George Carlin
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" _ _ Queen E. Watson
“A political class of Republicans and Democrats that look after themselves, not the Nation. A media hostile to the very precepts of this nation. A generation of Americans who see morals as vices, and are ignorant of America's Actual History.”
"The things that will destroy America are prosperity-at-any-price, peace-at-any-price, safety-first instead of duty-first, the love of soft living, and the get-rich-quick theory of life." - - Theodore Roosevelt
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Emergency Phone Number 911
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )
Central Dispatch 234_5655
(Non _ Emergency Number)
Direct Numbers
Ambulance _ 234_7371 (24 Hour)
Jail _ 234_5331 (24 Hour)
Poison Control _ 800_222_1222 (24 Hour)
http://www. aapcc. org/
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Interested in getting in touch with the Banner_News through e_mail? For the editor, For news and sports items, Coming Events, Diary, Church News, school and civic events. []
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"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." __ "Bug"
"I read the end of the book. We win!" __ "Bug"
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." __ "Bug"
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." _ _ "Bug"
"It's no big deal doing what God tells you to do. A big deal would be NOT doing what God tells you to do. Just ask Jonah." _ _ Paul Troquille
“Nam et ipsa scientia potestas est.” Knowledge is power. _ Francis Bacon
"The problem is here and now. The time for talk is past. The time for action is now."
Comments on the first Earth Day _ James F. McClellan via John "Fuzzy" Thurman
Hope you enjoy the newsletter.
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week.
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" __"Bug"
God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT_I KC5HII

P. S. If you'd like to be added to the distribution, just drop us E_mail at
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James F. McClellan
Editor/Publisher "Bug's Bleat"
418 North Jefferson Street
Magnolia, Arkansas 71753
(Phone) 870_234_7028
"The problem is here and now. The time for talk is past. The time for action is now."
Comments on the first Earth Day _ James F. McClellan via "Fuzzy" Thurman

Remember McClellan's Rules

1. Rejoice in that this is the will of the Lord concerning you.
If that doesn't seem to be working, remember;
2. All things work together for the good of them who love the Lord.
If that doesn't seem to be working, remember;
3. All things are subject to change.
And finally;
4. Don't let the son of a guns get you down!

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