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Volume 12, Issue 32 Friday, August 32, 2010
Hello All,
In spite of the fact that the NAACP is showing racist tendencies and their criticism of the Tea Party is mostly groundless, the TEA Party needs to clean up its act also. And they appear to be doing so.
Party officials disenfranchised a group whose leader published several “rants” including one about “Colored Folks.” That’s a good start but they need to do more.
All of us need to “get over” the race issue and concentrate on American issues.
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Annette and I went to Little Rock to see the “Gut Doc" this week. I've been sick at my stomach for the last 90 days, ever since having congestive heart failure. Though it has been better over the last 2 to 3 weeks.
I was beginning to think my Gall Bladder had exploded. However, we got a good report. Doc Smart explained the CHF upset my gut (all blood was shunted to brain and heart muscle for the three days it took Annette to convince me to get myself to the doctor, leaving gut to shut down.) He went on to explain that it's taken this long for it to recover. He also, pointed out that many of the meds they have me on are "hard" on the gut but he went on to say that I appear to be recovering much faster than expected for a guy my age.
So us "Crabby Old Guys" will keep on moseying.
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Annette and I were kids when we married. My dad in law traded two car horns for our wedding rings. Our possessions were a '64 Chevy, a console stereo, a cast iron skillet and a stainless tea pot. We didn't have a wedding shower because no one thought we'd last 6 months. That was 40 years ago. Our love is still growing.
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In the summer of 1945, my uncle Durwood was on his way from Germany to the west coast to board a troop ship to Japan. The US was expecting to take about 1 "Million" casualties if we had to attack the home island. Instead, two atom bombs were dropped on Japan and the Japanese surrendered.
Yes, it was horrible. Yes, the majority of those killed were civilian. But, we'd just spent the bloodiest months of the war fighting on Okinawa. Where many thousands of civilians believed their Japanese military leaders and committed suicide before the "evil" American troops could torture and kill them. This was war and, as Patton said. "No bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country."
http://www.csmonitor.com/World/Asia-Pacific/2010/0806/Hiroshima-65-years-later-US-attends-ceremony-but-offers-no-apology
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The Apollo 11 space flight landed the first humans on Earth's Moon on July 20, 1969. The mission, carried out by the United States, is considered a major accomplishment in human exploration and represented a victory by the U.S. in the Cold War Space Race with the Soviet Union.
Launched from Florida on July 16, the third lunar mission of NASA's Apollo Program (and the first G-type mission) was crewed by Commander Neil Alden Armstrong, Command Module Pilot Michael Collins, and Lunar Module Pilot Edwin Eugene "Buzz" Aldrin, Jr. On July 20, Armstrong and Aldrin landed in the Sea of Tranquility and became the first humans to walk on the Moon. Their landing craft, Eagle, spent 21 hours and 31 minutes on the lunar surface while Collins orbited above in the command ship, Columbia. [2] The three astronauts returned to Earth with 47.5 pounds (21.55 kilograms) of lunar rocks and landed in the Pacific Ocean on July 24.
Apollo 11 fulfilled U.S. President John F. Kennedy's goal of reaching the moon before the Soviet Union by the end of the 1960s, which he had expressed during a 1961 mission statement before the United States Congress: "I believe that this nation should commit itself to achieving the goal, before this decade is out, of landing a man on the Moon and returning him safely to the Earth."[3]
Five additional Apollo missions landed on the Moon from 1969–1972.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apollo_11
~
Where were you on July 20, 1969? I was running the projectors at the Rocket Drive In.
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This fall, you have the opportunity to change the direction of this country. Away from government control and back to local responsibility. Not sure that local folks are smarter than our current government. Read on.
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Oilfield Math Analyzed “Cash For Clunkers” (Thanks to Gary Foreman) [NOTE: Figures corrected to reflect actual statistics reported.]
A clunker that travels 12,000 miles a year at 15.8 mpg uses 759.5 gallons of gas a year.
A vehicle that travels 12,000 miles a year at 24.9 mpg uses 482 gallons a year.
So, the average Cash for Clunkers transaction will reduce US gasoline consumption by 277.5 gallons per year. They rebated the purchase of 690,114 vehicles so that's 191.5 million gallons saved per year. That equates to about 9.8 million barrels of oil. 9.8 million barrels is about 10 hours worth of US consumption.
More importantly, 9.8 million barrels of oil at $70 per barrel costs about $735 million dollars. So, the government paid $2.9 billion of our tax dollars to save $735 million per year.
We spent $3.94 for every dollar we save in gas. And that’s not counting the taxes the new car owners are going to owe for the rebate in most states.
Of course, the program did cause car sales to go up temporarily and the gas savings will actually “pay out” over four or five years. And the cost to the American public was only; $12.70 for every man, woman and child (plus interest).
I'm pretty sure they will do a great job with our health care, though?
~
And our best hope for positive change in Arkansas lies with Trevor Drown. See below.
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Trevor Drown for US Senate (I) Arkansas And people wonder why it is difficult to get someone who is not a member of the two major parties elected. Here is a prime example of manipulating of the process stifling liberty and freedom.
~
The Association of Arkansas Counties has scheduled a forum at their convention for the two major party candidates, August 13th, 2010 in Hot Springs. Although they have called it a forum it is a debate. The definition of a forum is a public meeting place for open discussion. Senator Lincoln confirms this is a debate by sending out the following statement in a press release.
“Arkansans know I have been an independent voice who always puts our state first, and they deserve to learn more about Congressman Boozman’s record. I have accepted several debate invitations, and I look forward to the opportunity of comparing our respective records in every corner of the state.”
As stated in their website, the AAC’s mission is: supports and promotes the idea that all elected officials must have the opportunity to act together in order to solve mutual problems as a unified group. To further this goal, the Association of Arkansas Counties is committed to providing a single source of cooperative support and information for all counties and county and district officials. The overall purpose of the Association of Arkansas Counties is to work for the improvement of county government in the state of Arkansas. The Association accomplishes this purpose by providing legislative representation, on-site assistance, general research, training, various publications and conferences to assist county officials in carrying out the duties and responsibilities of their office.
Volunteers of the Trevor Drown (I) for US Senate effort contacted the Association by phone and email. Here is the email:
I contacted your office earlier today to speak with you about the upcoming US Senate debate in Hot Springs.
There are actually four candidates for US Senate, a Green Party candidate and the other is Trevor Drown. Mr. Drown was able to get on the ballot as an independent using the petition process. This was the first time in more than 30 years and no easy accomplishment.
To not allow Mr. Drown to participate in the debate process would be considered by many a manipulation of the political process by the two party system. This is especially disturbing considering what your organization is about, who they represent, what they do and your mission statement.
Shortly thereafter, we called the AAC and talked with the Executive Director Mr. Chris Villines. After a few minutes of back and forth, he stated he would be doing us a favor by not inviting Trevor Drown because he would not have anything to offer. Since he will not be voting on any of the upcoming bills his input was not something the members would want to hear. Furthermore, Mr. Villines stated that the event was closed to only the members of the Association, media and the Senate candidates of the two main political parties. So regardless if he shows up and paid his way in Trevor could not even be a member of the audience.
When challenged on this, he simply stated I don’t make that decision. Other people do and he would get back to us. Well it has been three days and he hasn’t returned our calls.
Let’s analyze this: An organization made up of mostly elected officials at the county level from around the state can see no value of including an independent to debate at their forum. This organization made up of County Judges, Election Officials, Sheriffs, Tax Collectors, Coroners, etc are usually elected from one of the two major parties. These Republicans and Democrats who make up less than 8% of the registered voters in the state have decided that no one else outside the two party system should participate in the democratic process. Democracy is only allowed by those that are members of an exclusive club.
What can we do? We are asking for all Arkansans who believe in freedom, liberty and fairness to pick up their phone and call their county officials; you can also contact them by, email and letter. We must voice our objection to this “good old boy’s” system. You can also voice your displeasure with any media outlets within the state.
If that doesn’t get the desired result, we will be in front of the convention center protesting this event and their inclusionary strategy.
It is sad that someone who has served this country in battle cannot even be considered a viable candidate by the two major parties. That is unless you are part of the two party system. Many of us view this of another prime example that the two-party system is broken.
Sadly, the common person and voter is the one that pays the price.
Every elected county elected official and Association board member's phone number and email address can be found at this website. http://www.arcounties.org/
~
Trevor and the Green Party candidate were outside the convention center. Trevor had a very short but very good statement aired on the Channel 4 news.
~~~~~
Dear Fellow Citizens of Arkansas,
This is an attempt to have a rational discussion across all party lines. I have been doing a great deal of thinking lately about where we are as a nation, state, county, city, and my in my own home. This is why I have made a decisive decision to get involved on a local and a state/national level.
I am very concerned about hearing several Conservatives I know tell me they voted for Blanche Lincoln in the primary. They say they did so because they felt as though she was easier to beat. In dwelling on that for weeks, it dawned on me that was exactly how the Republicans wound up with Boozman. He is clearly not the Conservative that was available. There were several other options. If the R’s did this, I am sure the D’s did as well. They voted Democratic in the primary to vote for Boozman, because they knew that he had voted for T.A.R.P. and it would stick out like a sore thumb.
Folks, it is high time for us to stop playing games. This is not Stratego and we are not 10 years old, wouldn't you agree? Look at what happened when you didn't vote for a True Conservative. You wound up with Boozman as your candidate. We can NOT wait for next time, for next time never comes. Are you ready to break the vicious cycle and step INTO your comfort zone? It is much easier to vote where your morals, values and conscience are than to vote against them for the reason of voting for the “lesser of two evils”. Can someone explain that to me? It has not worked out for us thus far, has it?
It has recently been brought to my attention that the Arkansas Democrats overall are not anything like Democrats in the major liberal leaning states. Arkansas Democrats are very much Conservative. The R’s and the D’s in this state are more alike than they care to admit. Why have we been divided for so long?
Please, for the sake of our state and nation, please consider your vote and if your honesty and integrity is being used in your vote for whomever it may be. Take a look at all the candidates available and do your own investigating. Do not trust the media or hearsay. Do not blindly vote as many of us have before being sheep led to the party as we enter the booth. Both parties have clearly been dishonest and fallen away from their party platform.
Remember, our Founding Fathers were along the lines of Constitutionalist and Libertarians believing a great deal in the 10th Amendment for the rights of the states. Wouldn't it be amazing to steer our country back in that direction? Isn't that a large part of what the Conservatives believe in, bringing it back to the states?
For the first time since I turned 18, I am taking my voting privileges serious and will not abuse them, nor will I be corrupt in my voting.
I will vote by my conscience this year, not by my fear! Will you?
Sincerely,
Amanda Franks, Concerned Citizen
~
Magnolia Reporter - Magnolia, Arkansas News: Local News - Drown brings independent Senate campaign
http://www.magnoliareporter.com/news_and_business/local_news/article_d561a092-93bc-11df-aa9c-001cc4c03286.html
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Check Out a Library by Martha Randolph Carr
If there is one moment at the start of our country that probably ensured our ongoing freedom more than any other it was when Ben Franklin talked everyone else into building and opening libraries to the masses. Books were too expensive for most people in those days and therefore a lot of information was being held by a small number of people.
However, Franklin knew that discussion, debate and even heated arguments based on as much information and facts as possible were the best prevention of anarchy and the best step toward invention and creation of new ideas. If voting rights were going to be opened wide beyond landowners, and therefore beyond book buyers, then the flow of information needed to somehow get to more people too.
A system of libraries across the newly found America was his solution to making sure the ideal of democracy was kept alive for generations to come. He set the tone by not requiring that libraries leave out other ideas, and in particular political views, therefore making it possible for people to form their own opinions. That's what countries like Iran fear most.
Libraries made it possible for those who couldn't afford an expensive education to still be able to gain access to a rich wealth of .... READ MORE [http://blog.cagle.com/2010/07/26/check-out-a-library/]
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William Broom commented on Kagan’s nomination to the Supreme Court:
"There are perhaps hundreds of thousands of citizens in this country that are as "imminently qualified" as Kagan BUT elections have consequences. When you elect a far-left radical for President you will get far-left "imminently qualified" ideologue Supreme Court nominees that take the law into their own hands as Kagan did when she prevented full access to military recruiters. Following the law is for the “subject class” not for someone in the “ruling class” as Kagan seems to think she is."
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Someone needs to write a book on the public's willingness to believe what they read on the internet and not believe what competent authorities tell them. The following link was posted over and over again from folks who didn’t take the time to check the facts. [http://www.helium.com/items/1882339-doomsday-how-bp-gulf-disaster-may-have-triggered-a-world-killing-event ]
Basically, this wild theory contends that the dinosaurs were wiped out by the Gulf Of Mexico exploding and predicts, due to deep well drilling, it’s about to blow again, wiping out all life on earth.
So, I took the time to write one of the scientists supposedly quoted in the article. Here’s his reply;
“BP has been measuring and reporting that 40 percent of the spill by weight is methane. I do not support the recent wild theories and stories that the BP Gulf oil spill could lead to a massive bubble that could eradicate the entire human race. Our data cannot be used to test these wild theories, which seem based on pure speculation rather than sound observational science.”
[http://io9.com/5585294/methane-bubble-doomsday-story-debunked]
--
John D. Kessler
Assistant Professor
Department of Oceanography
Texas A&M University
jkessler@ocean.tamu.edu
http://ocean.tamu.edu/profile/JKessler
~~~~~
You can't stop us on the road to freedom
You can't keep us cause our eyes can see
Men with insight, men in granite
Knights in armor bent on chivalry - - Greg Jones
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Robert Lyons According to CBO’s projections, federal debt held by the public will stand at 62 percent of GDP at the end of fiscal year 2010, having risen from 36 percent at the end of fiscal year 2007, just before the recession began. Nancy Pelosi has been speaker of the House for 3 of those 4 years. Get ready for a House cleaning or massive tax increases in 2011. Voters will decide.
John Harden commented; “Looks like the mind of a simpleton right here. Any intellectual can tell you that you need to spend more money than you can ever possibly repay in order to keep from going bankrupt.”
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There is only one way to kill capitalism – by taxes, taxes, and more taxes. – Karl Marx - - Rosemary Cragan Dolliver
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Steve Downey Why does my Drive Through ATM have Braille on the Number pads? Kinda' Scary!
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I would rather go to jail for spanking my kids, than for them to go to jail because I didn't! - - Jay Brown
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IT'S BETTER TO HAVE LOVED & LOST THAN TO LIVE WITH THE PSYCHO THE REST OF YOUR LIFE. - - Jay Brown
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I used to work in a Helium plant but I quit! I refused to be talked to in that tone.... Steve Downey
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Read today where Americans are "mad as hell at Washington. Great quote from a pollster. "I think it’s a ‘Jet Blue’ election. Everyone is frustrated," says Democratic pollster Peter D. Hart, who conducted the survey with Republican pollster Bill McInturff. "And everyone is headed for the emergency exit." Now where did I leave that beer... - - Larry Joe Kingsbury
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Eat a live Toad first thing in the morning, and nothing Worse will happen to you all day! - - Steve Downey
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I discovered that I scream the same weather I'm about to be eaten by a Great White Shark, or a piece of seaweed touches my foot..... - - Steve Downey
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Robert Lyons ?"Those who won our independence believed liberty to be the secret of happiness, and courage to be the secret of liberty." ~ Louis D. Brandeis
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Do you think your cell phone bill is too high? Well your tax dollars are also paying for cell phones for others. Isn't "share your wealth" "progressive" politics grand? Check it out [https://www.safelinkwireless.com/EnrollmentPublic/faq.aspx#] - - William Broom
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After 60 years of failure, England is about to decentralize its socialized healthcare system and give more CHOICE to patients and their doctors. It will eliminate a huge governmental bureaucracy that wasted billions of dollars per year. Note: Laugh at idiots in US who want to waste billions ruining the best healthcare in the world. - - Robert Lyons
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Government is like a battery running a generator with the generator output recharging the battery. It is inefficient and the generator will eventually exhaust the battery's charge. The generator stops and the battery is dead. That is why you need a small government - let the battery (us) drive something that pays off (economy) rather than something (government) that slowly depletes the source of energy. - - Robert Lyons
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The Deepwater Horizon's fire and gas leak alarms were disabled for at least a year to prevent false alarms from waking up rig leaders, a chief engineer told federal investigators.
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Mayonnaise? Whisk together an egg yolk, 2 tablespoons of vinegar, a pinch of salt, a teaspoon of honey mustard, a pinch of finely chopped fresh thyme, and a teaspoon of lime zest. Continue whisking and dribble in a cup of olive oil. If too thick, add water for desired consistency. Don’t brush the thyme off your fingers - rub it into your palms. Lots you can do with a little thyme on your hands. - - Chuck Jackson
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Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through.
The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!"
Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh! Am I driving?"
Thanks to Larry Joe Kingsbury
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Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.... (Hint hint....) - - Steve Downey
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Live everyday like a TOURIST!!! Go see those things in your town, state or island. The things you always think you have time to see and if you move away, you realize you didn't do it or see it. ----- Rosemary Cragan Dolliver
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REMEMBER, GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY. GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL. - - Julie Bandy Morris
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We make a Living by what we get. We make a Life by what we give. - - Julie Bandy Morris
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“The way life treats you is a merciless mirror image of your attitude toward life.” Anonymous
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Hispanics insulted by Reid's racist comments
In politics when all else fails, when your numbers are dropping and those of your opponents are rising, desperate politicians resort to vicious attacks and in recent years they are bringing up the "race card" with increasing frequency.
That is precisely what Senate Majority Leader did in Nevada Tuesday, when he told an audience of mostly Hispanic voters: "I don't know how anyone of Hispanic heritage could be a Republican, okay. Do I need to say more?"
Obviously the veteran Senate Democrat fighting for his political life has not been paying attention to the slew of recent polls that say that Hispanic voters, together with independents, are the two groups that are most responsible for President Barack Obama's decline in the polls.
[http://theamericano.com/?utm_source=Newsletter+Subscribers&utm_campaign=eae4108266-Hispanics+insulted+by+Reid%27s+racist+comments&utm_medium=email]
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ACC: Calif.'s plastic-bag bill would hurt jobs, recycling programs - The California Senate's plan to introduce a statewide ban on plastic bags and charge a fee for paper bags will result in a "nearly $1 billion hidden grocery tax" and cost 500 manufacturing jobs at a time when state unemployment already hovers at 12%, writes Tim Shestek of the American Chemistry Council. A better alternative is to expand state recycling programs, which have been proven to reduce plastic waste, Shestek says. Record Searchlight (Redding, Calif.) [http://www.redding.com/news/2010/jul/27/we-need-jobs-not-bag-tax-that-nickel-and-dimes/]
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PCWorld outlines five reasons why electronic book sales are outpacing hardcover sales – and why it’s not just a fad. http://bit.ly/9Lppp1
Five Reasons Amazon E-Books Are Outselling Hardcovers - PCWorld Business Center
[http://www.pcworld.com/businesscenter/article/201485/five_reasons_amazon_ebooks_are_outselling_hardcovers.html?tk=hp_new]
A look at the advantages of e-books, as Amazon reports that Kindle sales are outpacing hardcover books.
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We’ve discovered HDR photography. The site below is a tutorial to learn the simple secrets of crafting a shoot sequence for HDR and creating professional quality HDR images in both Photomatix and Photoshop (depending on your weapon of choice). You’ll also learn the theory behind Dynamic Range. This lesson is taught by Peter Tellone, a professional photographer specializing in HDR landscapes.
[http://photo.tutsplus.com/tutorials/hdr/how-to-shoot-and-post-process-professional-hdr-photos-in-one-day/] [http://www.hdrsoft.com/] [http://www.gsd.harvard.edu/research/gsdsquare/Presentations/GW_Photosphere.pdf]
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Movie Reviews - - [http://www.pluggedin.com/]
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Ten Stock-Market Myths That Just Won't Die - - [http://online.wsj.com/article/SB128000197220920621.html]
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[http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=436889259127] :0)
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Weekly Toll _ _ http://weeklytoll.blogspot.com/
Death In The Workplace w/News & Updates
John Donne _ ...any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind, and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.
http://weeklytoll.blogspot.com
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The Pump Handle. A water cooler for the public health crowd.
An Inconvenient Truth - Respirators Needed in the Gulf Cleanup
http://scienceblogs.com/thepumphandle/
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DarynKagan.com - - I think you'll get a kick out of today's featured story. Fun to see how clever some animal lovers get while taking advantage of a video gone viral.
Shelter Spoofs Wedding Dance Video
Remember last year's wedding dance video that went viral? Couple choreographed fun dance for their wedding party to boogie down the aisle of the church? Now, The Nevada Humane Society has come up with a fun spoof. It's all to celebrate another kind of happy union.
Watch Video >> [http://darynkagan.demo.nimbussoftware.com/animals/2010/an_100811_shelter_dance_video.html]
Crocheting Granny Has A Secret
We go all the way to New Zealand to meet Marion Stretch, a grandma with a passion for crocheting, helping others, and a secret you'd probably never guess.
Watch Video >> [http://darynkagan.demo.nimbussoftware.com/charity/2010/ch_100811_crocheting_granny.html]
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http://rationalpolitics.net/forum/index.php
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http://kitlange.com
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soldiersangelsforum.com
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America is not at war. The military is at war. - - America is at the mall, or watching the movie stars. [http://icasualties.org/]
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Each week the Defense Department highlights military personnel who have gone above and beyond in the war. [http://www.defenselink.mil/heroes/] - - Jose Rojas - - Army Commendation Medal with Valor - - After 16 years serving as a medical professional in the U.S. Army, Master Sergeant Jose Rojas committed to volunteer combat duty in Iraq. Through this assignment, Rojas’ goal was to gain vital experience in the combat zone and make a personal contribution to Operation Iraqi Freedom.
On January 20, 2008, Rojas had this opportunity. Rojas was on his first deployment to Iraq, serving as the senior combat medic with a unit tasked to train Iraqi National Police. Stationed approximately 50 miles south of Bagdad, Rojas’ unit was preparing to support the Iraqi Police in a mission to secure an important area that spanned five kilometers.
Rojas’ main responsibility during this mission was to watch over the Iraqi medics and to help guide them in treating the wounded. However, as the Iraqi tanks near Rojas started taking heavy enemy fire, the Iraqi medics were unfortunately positioned two miles away from the combat zone.
Rojas received an urgent call informing him that an Iraqi tank was hit and there were Iraqi Police critically wounded. Although his main responsibility was to "mentor" and "train" the Iraqi medics, since they were still too far away, Rojas knew what he needed to do. He immediately dismounted from his vehicle and ran to the scene – if he didn’t, he knew the Iraqi Soldiers would die.
"I said to myself, here we go. There is why I have trained for 16 years," said Rojas. "This is why I volunteered."
On the scene, Rojas started pulling the four wounded Iraqis from the destroyed vehicle and transporting them to the make-shift casualty collection point. He initiated triage and carefully treated each of the wounded – some with serious life-threatening injuries – despite bullets whizzing past him.
"As soon as the Americans got there, the enemy’s fire intensified," recalled Rojas. "Bullets ricocheted off the walls behind me, hitting my (bullet-proof) vest. I just went into auto-pilot."
Rojas managed to treat and save the lives of all four wounded Iraqis despite very dangerous conditions. About 15 minutes into treating the wounded, a RPG was fired and landed about 50 meters away from where Rojas was working.
"I was trying to stabilize them and you hear the whizzing sound of a RPG coming close," remembered Rojas. "Although I was risking my life for the Iraqis, you realize that the lines are blurred in combat. I’m just trying to save the people that I’m responsible for."
Rojas and his team of three other medics were ultimately responsible for 500 Iraqi Soldiers. For providing medical treatment under combat pressure, saving the lives of the wounded and ultimately, serving his country selflessly, Rojas earned the Army Commendation Medal with Valor.
After the events of January 2008, Rojas stayed in Iraq for nine more months and completed his deployment. Today, Rojas is working at the Army Medical Research Institute in Texas.
"I hope to be deployed again soon. I see myself going back and I have no problem going back," said Rojas.
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The latest from Michael Yon, the foremost “milnews” blogger on the web.
~
Greetings,
Michael Yon
America's Baffling Joke: Intelligence
It's easier to get a Top Secret clearance than it is to know what to do with it.
And for all this, three simple questions:
...
1) Where is Mullah Omar?
2) Ayman al-Zawahiri?
3) Osama bin Laden?
No further questions. See [http://projects.washingtonpost.com/top-secret-america/articles/a-hidden-world-growing-beyond-control/]
A hidden world, growing beyond control | washingtonpost.com
projects.washingtonpost.com
The top-secret world the government created in response to the terrorist attacks of Sept. 11, 2001, has become so large, so unwieldy and so secretive ...
Michael Yon
Don't Get Yer Honey Where you Get Yer Money [http://www.montrealgazette.com/life/Army%20nonsensical/3290457/story.html]
That appears to be the message, of recent charges of "conduct to the prejudice of good order and discipline." That's common country boy sense. Must have heard it a thousand times growing up. It's not even about morals, but about common sense and in the case of General officers -- management. Gettin' honey at the money pond -- when you are the "in charge" especially -- causes problems. For instance, you can get fired, as in the case of Brigadier General Daniel Menard. Menard's antics in Afghanistan were hurting Canadian morale. It's important to note that I found out about the affair and the weapons discharge from CANADIANS who wanted Menard gone.
Army's sex ban nonsensical.
www.montrealgazette.com
–
Very Respectfully,
Michael Yon
Your Writer,
Please remember that this website accepts no advertisement and is dependent on your support.
PS Please sign up for my Twitter.com updates at "Michael_Yon" [http://twitter.com/Michael_Yon] (not Michael Yon).
http://www.facebook.com/#/MichaelYonFanPage?ref=sgm
~
www.michaelyon-online.com
~
Http://www.michaelyon_online.com/index.php
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If you would like to encourage US Troops overseas, but are not sure just how to begin, visit www.anysoldier.com for ideas.
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We’ve Watched:
The House of Eliott: Series
Ballet Shoes
5 Children and It
Sherlock Holmes: Dressed to Kill
Woman in the Moon
Ken Burns' America: The Statue of Liberty
The World of Suzie Wong
Wallace & Gromit: Loaf and Death
Seven Samurai
Going My Way
The Train
The Inn of the Sixth Happiness
Kate & Leopold
The Misfits
Up
Starman
Ball of Fire
That Hamilton Woman
My Man Godfrey
It Happened One Night
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Paper Books We’ve recently read:
Plum Island / Nelson DeMille.
The quality of mercy / Faye Kellerman.
Balance of power : a novel / James W. Huston.
I also read the following books concerning early manned stratospheric balloon programs. They’re well worth reading if you’re interested in aeronautics and/or the space program.
Come Up and Get Me: An Autobiography of Colonel Joseph Kittinger
Touching Space: The Story of Project Manhigh - - Gregory P. Kennedy
The Pre-Astronauts: Manned Ballooning on the Threshold of Space - - Craig Ryan
Race to the Stratosphere: Manned Scientific Ballooning in America - - David H. DeVorkin
~~~~~
Kindle books we recently read:
Flash Point - James W. Houston
The Malacca conspiracy - Don Brown
Rules of Deception - Christopher Reich
~~~~~
http://www.shelfari.com
http://www.shelfari.com/bugsbleat/shelf
~~~~~
Photos on the front of this week’s “Bleat” include - - Annette riding in David’s new jeep, Kenny Kendrick and I approaching the scene of a oil tank battery fire, 1/4 stick of dynamite exploding, and Trevor Drown with Amanda Franks.
~~~~~
We’ve now got several addresses on the web for "Da Bleat." For the latest issue, go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com.
Our photos are posted at http://www.bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com.
~~~~~
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.
~~~~~
Be sure and keep Dr. Fred Murphy, his family and his staff (Shelley, Glenda and Kelly) in your prayers.
~~~~~
Be sure and keep Dr. Pat Antoon and his lovely wife Mandy in your prayers.
~~~~~
Recipe(s) of the week - - Lemon and Garlic Roast Pork
A moist and succulent, lemony pork loin.
Carbs: 0.2g Calories: 94.8
Saturated Fat: 0.9g Sodium: 105.8mg
Ingredients
3 1/4 lb top loin pork roast
3/4 tsp grated lemon rind
½ tsp salt
½ tsp ground cumin
1/4 tsp black pepper
3 medium garlic cloves , minced
1 cup low sodium chicken broth
Directions
1 Preheat oven to 400 degrees F.
2 Cut off any excess fat from pork.
3 Mix together lemon rind, salt, cumin, pepper, and garlic. Massage mixture onto surface of pork, on all sides. Lay pork in an 11-by-7 inch casserole dish; pour broth around pork.
4 Cook 30 minutes, flip pork over and cook another 35 minutes or until a meat thermometer reads at least 160 degrees F. Discard broth and serve.
Additional Information
Orange or any other citrus also works great with pork.
http://www.dlife.com/diabetes/diabetic-recipes/recipeDetailPrint.html?id=7205
~
290 recipes matching the category: Very Low Carb (=3g).
http://www.dlife.com/diabetes/diabetic-recipes/category-Very_Low_Carb.html?category=Very_Low_Carb&sortby=rniCarbsG&utm_source=Foodstuff-20100810&utm_medium=eNewsletter&utm_content=Foodstuff-newsletter&utm_campaign=dLife-eNewsletter
~
What's the Glycemic Index? Take the Quiz.... The words are bandied about all over -- glycemic index, glycemic load, low-glycemic diet -- but who really gets it? It's pretty scientific stuff, and it's not exactly intuitive. Maybe you heard that carrots are high-GI? (They're not, as it turns out.) Are all high-carb foods also high-glycemic? It's time to get the lowdown. Put your thinking cap on now.
[http://www.dlife.com/diabetes/quiz/showQuiz.html?quizId=10&utm_source=Update-20100813&utm_medium=eNewsletter&utm_content=Update-newsletter&utm_campaign=dLife-eNewsletter]
~~~~~
BreakPoint
Dogs and Dung Beetles
Why Do I Have To Explain This?
By: Chuck Colson
Published: August 13, 2010 5:00 AM
How do I respond to something that happened inside a church that was so blasphemous, so obviously—I can’t believe I’m using this word—idiotic?
Especially since the people involved seem so nice, and their attitude towards “God’s creatures” is so warm and cuddly! Well, I will have to run the risk of upsetting nice people by simply telling the truth.
Here’s what happened. At St. Peter’s Anglican Church in Toronto, Donald Keith came forward for communion with his dog, Trapper, in tow. The priest, Marguerite Ray, gave communion to Keith. And then, in what she called a welcoming gesture, offered a communion wafer to Trapper. Trapper gladly accepted. The Toronto Star newspaper reports that the dog only sniffed at the communion wine, however.
Some of the parishioners were rightly outraged. Others don’t know what the fuss is about.
Neither, it seems, does the priest. Although she apologized for upsetting people, she defends what she did as an “act of reaching out” to Mr. Keith, who was a newcomer. After all, she said, “Jesus is a positive person. And Christianity is a positive religion.”
The dog’s owner was touched. Everywhere he goes, Trapper goes with him. Why? The dog, the paper reports, suffers from “separation anxiety.” Keith affirms that the dog took communion reverently—that the dog even bowed its head and prayed before receiving communion.
One congregant, Suzette Mafuna, said, “We’re all God’s creatures. . . If a dog goes into a church, he’s entitled to every service that’s offered, including spiritual nourishment.”
Well, Suzette, you are wrong. And I can’t believe that I have to explain why.
Folks, in the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. He made all the creatures that live on earth, including mosquitoes, dogs, and dung beetles. He also made man, but he made man—alone among all creatures—in His image.
And the Son, the second person of the Trinity, in order to save those made in God’s image, took on human flesh, became one of us, went to the cross in our place for our sins, making us children of God.
So while all things that live and breathe are indeed God’s creatures, the dung beetle is not your brother.
Nor is Trapper. Dogs are wonderful creatures. They deserve our care. They bring joy and companionship to many people. But, as even Cesar Millan, the famous Dog Whisperer, reminds his viewers, dogs are not humans.
And while Christians disagree on communion—whether it is the actual body and blood of Christ, a bearer of Christ’s real presence, or a symbol of his ultimate sacrifice—we all agree that it is holy. And we ought not take what is holy and give it to the dogs.
That I even have to say this tells me that some Christians no longer understand the concept of the holy, the basic precept of our faith, nor do they understand man’s unique position in the cosmos as the bearer of God’s image and the object of His sacrificial love.
In other words, we no longer understand—or even believe—that humans are special. That’s scary.
Further Reading and Information
Canadian Priest Sorry for Giving Dog Holy Communion
BBC News | July 27, 2010 [http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-10774706]
Priest Apologizes for Dog Wafer Gaffe
Carola Vyhnak | The Star | July 26, 2010 [http://www.thestar.com/news/gta/article/840211--priest-apologizes-for-dog-wafer-gaffe?bn=1]
Anglican Cleric Forgiven for Giving Communion to Dog
The Underground | August 6, 2010 [http://theundergroundsite.com/index.php/2010/08/anglican-cleric-forgiven-for-giving-communion-to-dog-13284]
Cesar Millan: Q&A With The Dog Whisperer
AOL Kids - - [http://kids.aol.com/pets-and-animals/dog-whisperer-cesar-millan]
Copyright © 2010 Prison Fellowship. All Rights Reserved _ _ http://www.breakpoint.org/
~
Residents of Columbia County, Arkansas are represented in Congress by:
Senator Blanche Lambert Lincoln (D_ AR)
Phone 202_224_4843
FAX 202_228_1371
http://lincoln.senate.gov/
~
Senator Mark Pryor (D_ AR)
Phone 202_224_2353
FAX 202_228_0908
http://pryor.senate.gov/
~
Representative Michael A. Ross (D _ 04)
Phone 202_225_3772
FAX 202_225_1314
http://ross.house.gov/
Other states congresspersons can be found at: [http://www.visi.com/juan/congress/]
~~~~~
Words of the Day:
palladian: pertaining to wisdom, knowledge, or study.
acedia: sloth.
philogyny: love of or liking for women (opposite of misogyny.)
impedimenta: baggage or other things that retard one's progress
occlude: to shut in, out, or off.
morganatic: pertaining to a form of marriage where a person of high rank weds someone of lower station without claim to the property of the high-ranking partner.
fulgurate: to flash or dart like lightning.
zaftig: full-bodied; well-proportioned.
don: to put on or dress in.
potlatch: a ceremony at which gifts are bestowed on the guests in a show of wealth that the guests later attempt to surpass.
nitid: bright; lustrous.
behemoth: any creature or thing of monstrous size or power.
busticate: to break into pieces.
casuistry: specious or deceptive reasoning, esp. in questions of morality.
blithe: carefree and lighthearted.
prognosticate: to forecast or predict.
spatchcock: to insert or interweave, esp. in a forced or incongruous manner.
tarry: to remain or stay, as in a place; sojourn.
minim: the least quantity of anything.
cheechako: a tenderfoot; greenhorn; newcomer.
yeuk: an itching sensation.
mojo: personal magnetism; charm.
fantod: a state of extreme nervousness or restlessness.
gerent: a ruler or manager.
absquatulate: to flee; abscond.
koan: A nonsensical or paradoxical question to a student for which an answer is demanded, the stress of meditation on the question often being illuminating.
rhapsodize: to talk with extravagant enthusiasm.
attar: perfume or essential oil obtained from flowers or petals.
from http://dictionary.reference.com/wordoftheday/
~~~~~
"Every evening, I turn worries over to God. He's going to be up all night anyway." - Mary C. Crowley
"We probably wouldn't worry about what other people think of us if we could know how seldom they do." - Olin Miller
"Cross your bridges before you come to them and you have to pay the toll twice." - Franklin P. Jones
"To be upset over what you don't have is to waste what you do have." - G.W. Lyon
"Ability will never catch up with the demand for it." - Malcolm S. Forbes
"The virtue of all achievement is victory over oneself. Those who know this victory can never know defeat." - A.J. Cronin
"What you want to do, you do. The rest is just talk." - John Cleek
"Do what you can, with what you have, where you are." - Theodore Roosevelt
"The individual activity of one man with backbone will do more than a thousand men with a mere wishbone." - J.H. Boetcher
"Adversity has the effect of eliciting talents that in times of prosperity would have lain dormant." - Horace
"By the time a man asks you for advice, he has generally made up his mind what he wants to do, and is looking for confirmation rather than counseling." - Sidney J. Harris
"The desire for friendship comes quickly. Friendship does not." - Aristotle
"it is not enough to be busy; so are the ants. The question is, What are we busy about?" - Henry David Thoreau
"Nobody cares how much you know, until they know how much you care." - John Cassis
"Candor is a compliment; it implies equality. It's how true friends talk." - Peggy Noonan
"I hope our wisdom will grow with our power, and teach us that the less we use our power the greater it will be." - Thomas Jefferson
"We are all travelers in the wilderness of this world, and the best we can find in our travels is an honest friend." - Robert Louis Stevenson
"Good manners will open doors that the best education cannot." - Clarence Thomas
"If you stand in the same river for too long, even the banks will trickle past you."- Colum McCann
"We are here to add what we can to life, not to get what we can from life." - Sir William Osler
"It is easier to discover a deficiency in individuals, in states, and in Providence, than to see their real import and value." - Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel
"The average man is always waiting for something to happen to him instead of setting to work to make things happen."- A.A. Milne
"Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself." - Leo Tolstoy
"Love is, above all else, the gift of oneself." - Jean Anouilh
"Seize the moments of happiness, love and be loved! That is the only reality in the world, all else is folly." - Leo Tolstoy
"Strange is our situation here upon earth. Each of us comes for a short visit, not knowing why, yet sometimes seeming to a divine purpose. From the standpoint of daily life, however, there is one thing we do know: That we are here for the sake of others...for the countless unknown souls with whose fate we are connected by a bond of sympathy. Many times a day, I realize how much my outer and inner life is built upon the labors of people, both living and dead, and how earnestly I must exert myself in order to give in return as much as I have received." - Albert Einstein
"Study without desire spoils the memory, and it retains nothing that it takes in." - Leonardo Da Vinci
"The thing I hate about an argument is that it always interrupts a discussion." - G.K. Chesterton
~~~~~
BREAKING CHRISTIAN NEWS
http://breakingchristiannews.com/
Discovery May Help Spare Women from Invasive, Toxic Treatments for Breast Cancer
News Release (Aug 9, 2010) - - "We are excited that we, and our Cancer Center, have made a discovery that not only increases our understanding of the basic biology of breast cancer, but may eventually be directly useful in treating patients."
Read Full Story [http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=8112]
Europeans "Euphoric" Over the Find of John the Baptist's Bones
Teresa Neumann (Aug 9, 2010) - - Though more testing on the relics need to be done, "it is important to understand one thing—this is the first time ever in the world archaeological practice that relics of St. John are found together with an inscription which just literally nails the conclusion and leaves no doubts. There are no speculations here."
Read Full Story [http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=8110]
310 2nd Ave SE
Albany, Oregon 97321
541_928_2642
E-mail editor@breakingchristiannews.com
US Orders: 1_866_358_7426
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
GCF: Tomatoes
Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Howard) -Tom
If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
-------------------------------------------
Doctor: "That's a big slash cut on your head. How did that happen?"
Boy : "My sister hit me with some tomatoes."
Doctor: "That's incredible, I can't imagine how any tomatoes would make a cut like that."
Boy : "They were still in a can."
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me from another humor list (Clean Laffs) -Tom Subscribe to Clean Laffs at the website: http://www.gophercentral.com/
-------------------------------------------
GCF: Water Bottles
Trying to do my share for the environment, I set up a trash basket at my church and posted above it this suggestion: "Empty water bottles here."
I should have been a little more specific, because when I went to check it later, I didn't find any bottles in it. But it was full of water.
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me from another humor list (Clean Laffs) -Tom Subscribe to Clean Laffs at the website: http://www.gophercentral.com/
-------------------------------------------
GCF: Keeping Your Money Safe
Dad is from the old school, where you keep your money under the mattress— Only he kept his in the underwear drawer. One day I bought my dad an unusual personal safe— A can of spray paint with a false bottom so he could keep his money in the workshop. Later I asked Mom if he was using it.
"Oh, yes," she replied, "he put his money in it the same day."
"No burglar would think to look on the work shelf!" I gloated.
"They won't have to," my mom replied. "He keeps the paint can in his underwear drawer."
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me from another humor list (Daily Humor) -Tom To subscribe to Daily Humor, send a blank email to: Daily-Humor-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
-------------------------------------------
GCF: Childbirth
Since I was expecting my first child, I had attended natural childbirth classes. One of my classmates was in the hospital in labor at the same time I was. She quickly requested drugs to ease her pain, while I gave birth aided only by my husband's coaching.
When the nurses rolled me out of the delivery room, I spotted a chalkboard. Beside my classmate's name was an A-; next to mine was a B+. "Look at that!" I complained to my husband. "She took all the drugs they'd give her and made an A-. I did it naturally and only got a B+."
My patient husband rolled his eyes. "Honey," he said, "that's your blood type."
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Chuck) -Tom
-------------------------------------------
GCF: The Steak
A waiter brings a customer the steak he ordered. The waiter has his thumb over the meat.
"Are you crazy?" yelled the customer, "with your hand on my steak?"
"What..." answers the waiter, "You want it to fall on the floor again?"
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me another humor list (Clean Joke of the Day) -Tom Subscribe to Clean Joke of the Day by visiting the website: http://www.cleanjokeoftheday.com
-------------------------------------------
GCF: Pretzel Charity
A little old lady sold pretzels on a street corner. The price of a pretzel was 25 cents.
Every day a young man would leave his office building at lunch time and, as he passed her pretzel stand, he would leave her a quarter, but would never take a pretzel.
This went on for more than five years. The two of them never spoke.
One day as the man passed the old ladies pretzel stand and left his quarter as usual, the pretzel woman spoke to him,
"Sir, I appreciate your business. You are a good customer, but I have to tell you that the pretzel price has increased to 35 cents."
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me from another humor list (Daily Humor) -Tom To subscribe to Daily Humor, send a blank email to: Daily-Humor-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
-------------------------------------------
GCF: Getting A's
A professor stood before his class of senior biology students, about to hand out the final exam. "I want to say that it's been a pleasure teaching you this semester. I know you've all worked extremely hard and many of you are off to medical school after the summer. I don't want anyone to get their GPA messed up because they might have been celebrating a bit too much this week, so anyone who would like to opt out of the final exam now will receive a 'B' for the course."
Naturally, there was much rejoicing in the class as students got up, walked to the front of the class and took the professor up on his offer.
As the last taker left the room, the professor looked out over the handful of remaining students and asked, "Anyone else? This is your last chance." One final student rose up and opted out of the final.
The professor closed the door and took attendance of those students remaining. "I'm glad to see you believe in yourself," he said. "You all get 'A's."
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me from another humor list (Clean Laffs) -Tom Subscribe to Clean Laffs at the website: http://www.gophercentral.com/
-------------------------------------------
GCF: Overdue Books
While working in the library at a university, I was often shocked by the excuses students would use to get out of paying their fees for overdue books. One evening an older student returned two books that were way overdue and threw a fit over the "outrageous" $2 fee that I asked her to pay.
I tried to explain how much she owed for each day, but she insisted she should be exempt. "You don't understand," she blurted out. "I didn't even read them!"
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me another humor list (Clean Joke of the Day) -Tom Subscribe to Clean Joke of the Day by visiting the website: http://www.cleanjokeoftheday.com
-------------------------------------------
GCF: Hello!
One night I woke myself up with a loud "Hello!" to someone in my dream. As the next day came and went, I thought the nocturnal outburst was mine alone to remember.
But that night, as my wife and I were getting ready for bed, she said dryly, "If you see anyone you know tonight, just wave."
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me from another humor list (Clean Laffs) -Tom Subscribe to Clean Laffs at the website: http://www.gophercentral.com/
-------------------------------------------
GCF: Sharing a Locker
Another man and I share a locker at work. Noticing that it needed a new combination lock, my partner said he would pick one up on his way to work the next day. It occurred to me later that I might not see him in the morning. How would I find out the combination? I needn't have worried.
When I arrived at work I found that he had used the locker before me and had left a note reading: "To find the first number subtract 142 from your high score the last time we went bowling. The second number is 16 less than that. To find the third number subtract 1.87 from the amount you owe me."
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me another humor list (Clean Joke of the Day) -Tom Subscribe to Clean Joke of the Day by visiting the website: http://www.cleanjokeoftheday.com
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GCF: In the Dorm
In the dorm, one of the favorite intramural sports was water fights ... dousing and bombarding one another with water from squirt guns, glasses, balloons, even wastebaskets. Since each room had a sink, there was endless ammunition. The most frequent target was the Resident Assistant.
Approaching his room one afternoon, the Resident Assistant noticed his door was ajar. Looking up, he saw a pail of water balanced on the door's edge, ready to fall on him. As he took down the pail and emptied it into his sink, he thought: Those crazy guys actually thought they could fool me with that old gag! It was then he realized that "those crazy guys" had removed the drainpipe beneath his sink.
_ __________________________ _
Emailed to me from another humor list (Clean Laffs) -Tom Subscribe to Clean Laffs at the website: http://www.gophercentral.com/
-------------------------------------------
GCF: Age Difference
When I was a 20-something college student, I became quite friendly with my study partner, a 64-year-old man, who had returned to school to finish his degree. He confessed, with a wink, that he had once thought more than friendship might be a possibility between us.
"So what changed your mind?" I asked him.
"I went to my doctor and asked if he thought a 40-year age difference between a man and woman was insurmountable. He looked at my chart and said, 'You're interested in someone who's 104?!'"
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Steve) -Tom
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GCF: Lawnyer
When my mother was called for jury duty, she felt confident of her ability to answer the questions asked of prospective jurors.
As a young attorney, I had filled her in on what to expect.
Asked about the occupations of family members, Mom answered, "My son is a lawyer."
As a follow-up, she was asked if she had ever used the services of an attorney.
"Only to mow my lawn."
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me another humor list (Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh List) -Tom Subscribe to Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh list at the website: Subscribe
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GCF: Baseball Class
A professor at Michigan State University was known for giving boring, cliche-ridden lectures.
At the beginning of one semester, an innovative class breathed new life into the course by assigning baseball plays to each hackneyed phrase.
For example, when the professor said, "On the other hand," that counted as a base hit. "By the same token" was a strike out; "and so on" counted as a stolen base. Divided into two teams by the center aisle of the lecture hall, the students played inning after inning of silent but vigorous baseball.
On the last day of class, the impossible happened: the score was tied and bases were loaded. Then the batter hit a home run! The winning team stood and cheered wildly.
Though deeply appreciative, the professor later was quoted as wondering why only half of the students had been enthusiastic about his lectures.
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me from another humor list (A Joke A Day) -Tom Subscription info is at the website http://www.ajokeaday.com/
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GCF: Recruitment Agency
A manager was soliciting resumes through a recruitment agency in order to fill the position of a senior staff member who had just resigned.
The next day the recruitment agent came in to meet the manager and beaming, he handed over a resume and said, "Ma'am, we have just the person you are looking for!"
The manager, after skimming through the resume, was visibly upset.
Puzzled, the recruitment agent enquired about the obvious concern.
The manager replied, "This candidate on the resume is the best person we currently have in our department."
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me from another humor list (Clean Laffs) -Tom Subscribe to Clean Laffs at the website: http://www.gophercentral.com/
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GCF: Thawing a Turkey
We visited our newly married daughter, who was preparing her first Thanksgiving dinner. I noticed the turkey thawing in the kitchen sink with a dish drainer inverted over the bird. I asked why a drainer covered the turkey.
Our daughter turned to my wife and said, "Mom, you always did it that way."
"Yes," my wife replied, "but you don't have a cat!"
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me from another humor list (Daily Humor) -Tom To subscribe to Daily Humor, send a blank email to: Daily-Humor-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
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GCF: Bad News
"Lou, sit down. I've got some bad news. You don't have much time to live."
"How much longer do I have, Doc?"
"Ten."
"Ten *what*? Ten weeks? Ten months? Ten years?!?"
"Nine ... Eight ..."
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me another humor list (Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh List) -Tom Subscribe to Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh list at the website: Subscribe
-------------------------------------------
GCF: Proper Attire
Proper attire is required in the cafeteria at the University of Maine. To enforce that rule, the management posted this notice:
"Shoes are required to eat in this cafeteria."
Next to it, a student added, "Socks can eat wherever they want."
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me from another humor list (A Joke A Day) -Tom Subscription info is at the website http://www.ajokeaday.com/
-------------------------------------------
GCF: Burglars?
"Didn't you suspect burglars had been in the house when you saw all the drawers pulled out and the contents scattered all over the floor?" asked the policeman.
"No, I just thought my husband had been looking for a clean shirt," replied the woman.
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me from another humor list (Daily Humor) -Tom To subscribe to Daily Humor, send a blank email to: Daily-Humor-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
-------------------------------------------
GCF: Revenge is Sweet
I live in New Jersey and I’m used to having people cut me off on the highway. But this one time I was cut off by a convertible -- he missed my car by inches -- and the driver flipped me the bird to boot.
Still steamed, I noticed that we had gotten off at the same exit and the convertible's driver had pulled into an office complex parking lot.
I pulled my car over and waited for the driver to leave the parking lot and enter the building. Then I entered the lot and pulled up next to the car.
Well, as my luck would have it, I had just made a stop at the supermarket and had a loaf of bread that I was willing to donate to the cause.
So I did.
I tore up a few slices of bread and threw the pieces into the front and back seats of the open convertible. Then I drove off out of the lot and pulled off across the street to watch.
It didn't take long for the seagulls to start descending ...
_ ____________________________ _
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / For a REAL sponge cake, \ /
\ _/ BORROW all the ingredients. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / I am in shape. \ /
\ _/ Round is a shape. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / If it weren't for me, \ /
\ _/ there'd just be a pile of \_ /
/ / my clothes on the floor. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Caterpallor (n.) \ /
\ _/ The color you turn after finding \_ /
/ /half a grub in the fruit you're eating.\ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|(\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////)
\ / Don't take life too seriously. \ /
\ _/ It's not permanent. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / He who laughs last is S-L-O-W. \ /
\ _/ \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / If you have to borrow money, \ \_/ ////
\ / be sure to borrow from \ /
\ _/ pessimists. They don't \_ /
/ / expect it back. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Please, Lord, let me prove that \ /
\ _/ winning the lottery \_ /
/ / won't spoil me. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / Arachnoleptic Fit (n.) \ \_/ ////
\ / The frantic dance performed \ /
\ _/ just after you've accidentally \_ /
/ / walked through a spider web. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / A fine is a tax for doing wrong.\ /
\ _/ A tax is a fine for doing well. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Always and Never are two words \ /
\ _/ to always remember never to use. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Does a medical book \ /
\ _/ have an appendix? \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Talk is cheap \ /
\ _/ because supply exceeds demand. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / \ /
\ _/ Entomology: I fear no weevil. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Don't worry about \ /
\ _/ what people think. \_ /
/ / They don't do it very often. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / I've discovered the whole \ \_/ ////
\ / problem with the National Debt. \ /
\ _/ Most of us work 5 days a week, \_ /
/ / but the government spends 7. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / When weeding, the best way \ \_/ ////
\ / to make sure you are removing \ /
\ _/ a weed and not a valuable plant \_ /
/ / is to pull on it. If it comes out \ \
of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / A ton of regret never \ /
\ _/ made an ounce of difference. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / What hair color do they put on \ /
\ _/the driver's licenses of bald men? \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / \ /
\ _/ I am a nutritional overachiever. \_ /
/ / \ \
_ ____________________________ _
/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( \
/ / | tellswor@kcbx.net | \ \
_( (_ | http://www.kcbx.net/~tellswor | _) )_
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_| ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
IT'S SO HOT AND DRY IN ARKANSAS
....the birds have to use potholders to pull the worms out of the ground.
....the trees are whistling for the dogs.
....the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
....hot water comes from both taps.
....you can make sun tea instantly.
....you learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron.
....the temperature drops below 95 F (35 C) and you feel a little chilly.
....you discover that in July it only takes two fingers to steer your car.
....you discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.
....you actually burn your hand opening the car door.
....you break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 A.M.
....your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death"?
....you realize that asphalt has a liquid stage.
....the potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out and add butter.
....the cows are giving evaporated milk.
....farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying boiled eggs
~
IT'S SO DRY IN ARKANSAS............
That the Baptist are starting to baptize by sprinkling,
The Methodists are using wet-wipes,
Presbyterians are giving rain checks,
And the Catholics are praying for the wine to turn back into water!
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An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried. The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way." A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." He says, "She got in the back-seat by mistake."
~
Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One night the 96 year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses..... She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?" The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or down?" The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters.. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood." She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."
~
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77. Please be careful!" "Hell," said Herman, "It's not just one car.. It's hundreds of them!"
Thanks to Larry Joe Kingsbury
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A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart. The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart. "'What do you think you're doing?" asks the wife. "They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans," he replies. "Put them back, we can't afford them," demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.
A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket. "What do you think you're doing?" asks the husband. "It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful," replies the wife. Her husband retorts, "So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price."
Over the PA system: 'Cleanup on aisle 25, we have a husband down.'
Thanks to Waneta
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Why do we love children?
1) NUDITY - - I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'
2) OPINIONS - - On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.'
3) KETCHUP - - A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle.'
4) MORE NUDITY - - A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'
5) POLICE # 1 - - While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,' I answered and continued writing the report My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her. 'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe?'
6) POLICE # 2 - - It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he asked.
'It sure is,' I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?'
7) ELDERLY - - While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs... One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'
8) DRESS-UP - - A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.'
'And why not, darling?'
'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning..'
9) DEATH - - While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.
The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.' (I want this line used at my funeral!)
10) SCHOOL - - A little girl had just finished her first week of school 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!'
11) BIBLE - - A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out...
'What have you got there, dear?'
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear!'
NOW IF THIS DIDN'T BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY, GO BACK TO BED AND FORGET IT!
Thanks to Waneta
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Giving Up Wine
I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.
I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, 'If I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?'
'No, I had to stop drinking years ago', the homeless woman told me..
'Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?' I asked.
'No, I don't waste time shopping,' the homeless woman said. 'I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.'
'Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?' I asked.
'Are you NUTS!' replied the homeless woman. I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!'
'Well, I said, 'I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight.'
The homeless Woman was shocked. 'Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.'
I said, 'That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine.'
Thanks to Waneta
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A doctor was addressing a large audience in London.
"The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all which we all have eaten, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it just once?"
After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, "Wedding cake?
Thanks to Waneta
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1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this - ever.
15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
20. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
21. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
22. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
23. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
24. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year?
25. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
26. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate bicyclists.
27. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
28. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!
Thanks to Waneta
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A defendant was on trial for murder. There was strong evidence indicating guilt, but there was no corpse. In the defense's closing statement the lawyer, knowing that his client would probably be convicted, resorted to a trick. "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have a surprise for you all," the lawyer said as he looked at his watch.
"Within one minute, the person presumed dead in this case will walk into this courtroom." He looked toward the courtroom door. The jurors, somewhat stunned, all looked on eagerly. A minute passed. Nothing happened. Finally the lawyer said, "Actually, I made up the previous statement. But you all looked on with anticipation. I therefore put to you that you have a reasonable doubt in this case as to whether anyone was killed and insist that you return a verdict of not guilty."
The jury, clearly confused, retired to deliberate.
A few minutes later, the jury returned and pronounced a verdict of guilty.
"But how?" inquired the lawyer. "You must have had some doubt; I saw all of you stare at the door."
The jury foreman replied: "Oh, we did look, but your client didn't."
Thanks to Waneta
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A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.
He asked, 'What are all those clocks?'
St. Peter answered, 'Those are Lie-Clocks.
Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock.
Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move.'
'Oh,' said the man, 'whose clock is that?'
'That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie.'
'Incredible,' said the man. 'And whose clock is that one?'
St. Peter responded, 'That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life.'
'Where's President Obama's clock?' asked the man.
Obama's clock is in Jesus' office.
He's using it as a ceiling fan.
Thanks to Waneta
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Guy goes into a bar... there's a robot bartender.
The robot says, "What will you have?"
The guy says, "Martini."
The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, "What's your IQ?"
The guy says, "168."
The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology.
The guy leaves, but he is curious...
So he goes back into the bar. The robot bartender says, "What will you have?"
The guy says, "Martini."
Again, the robot makes a great martini gives it to the man and says,
"What's your IQ?"
The guy says, "100."
The robot then starts to talk about NASCAR, Budweiser and John Deere tractors.
The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time.
He goes back into the bar.
The robot says, "What will you have?"
The guy says, "Martini," and the robot brings him another great martini.
The robot then says, "What's your IQ?"
The guy says, "Uh, about 50."
The robot leans in real close and says slowly, "So, are you people still happy you voted for Obama?"
Thanks to Gary Foreman
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ACTUAL AUSTRALIAN COURT DOCKET 12659 ---
A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus.
She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.
She immediately moved to another seat.
This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.
The man seemed more amused.
When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.
The case came up in court.
The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself.
The man replied, 'Well your Honor, it was like this: when the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat down under a sign that said, 'The Double Mint Twins are coming' and I grinned.
Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, 'Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling,' and I had to smile.
Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, 'William's Big Stick Did the Trick,' and I could hardly contain myself.
But, Your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, 'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident!' ... I just lost it.'
Thanks to Gary Foreman
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ADVICE FROM A RETIRED HUSBAND
It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.
My name is Ron. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Carol Anne. When I retired a few years ago, it became necessary for Carol Anne to get a full-time job, along with her part-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed. Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from the golf club about the same time she gets home from work.
Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table. I generally have lunch in the Men's Grill at the club, so eating out is not an option in the evening. I'm ready for some home-cooked grub when I hit that door. She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now it's not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner.
I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won't clean themselves. I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.
Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example, she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. But, Boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days. That way, she won't have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (if you know what I mean). I like to think tact is one of my strong points.
When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She had to take a break when she was only half-finished mowing the yard. I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me, too.
I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Carol Anne. I'm not saying that showing this much patience & consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older. However, Guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile. After all, we are put on this earth to help each other.
EDITOR'S NOTE: Ron died suddenly on January 31 of a perforated rectum. The police report says he was found with a Calloway extra-long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver II golf club jammed up his rear end, with barely 5 inches of grip showing, and a sledge hammer lying nearby. His wife, Carol Anne, was arrested and charged with murder. The all-woman jury took only 10 minutes to find her Not Guilty, accepting her defense that Ron, somehow without looking, accidentally sat down on his golf club.
Thanks to David Childs
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HOW TO CALL THE POLICE WHEN YOU'RE OLD AND DON'T MOVE FAST ANYMORE.
George Phillips , an elderly man, from Meridian, Mississippi, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.
He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?"
He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me.
Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available..."
George said, "Okay."
He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned the police again..
"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed.. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot and killed them both, the dogs are eating them right now." and he hung up.
Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the Policemen said to George , "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"
George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"
(True Story) I LOVE IT! - - Don't mess with old people.
Live well, laugh often, love much!!!
Thanks to Waneta
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Puns For the Educated
1. King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the Euphrates, the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. Desperate, he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan. Croesus said, “I’ll give you 100,000 dinars for it.” "But I paid a million dinars for it," the King protested. "Don't you know who I am? I am the king!" Croesus replied, "When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who you are."
2. Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers. Unfortunately, all the Swiss league records were destroyed in a fire, .. and so we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.
3. A man rushed into a busy doctor's office and shouted, "Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!" The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just have to be a little patient."
4. A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One day, his supply of the birds ran out so he had to go out and trap some more. On the way back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly stepped over them. Immediately, he was arrested and charged with -- transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.
5. Back in the 1800’s the Tate's Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted to produce other products, and since they already made the cases for watches, they used them to produce compasses. The new compasses were so bad that people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than California. This, of course, is the origin of the expression: "He who has a Tate's is lost"
6. A thief broke into the local police station and stole all the toilets and urinals, leaving no clues. A spokesperson was quoted as saying, "We have absolutely nothing to go on."
7. An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine man. After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin strip of elk rawhide and gave it to the chief, telling him to bite off, chew, and swallow one inch of the leather every day. After a month, the medicine man returned to see how the chief was feeling. The chief shrugged and said, "The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."
8. A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining to the local civic official who apologized profusely saying, "I must have taken Leif off my census."
9. There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin, one slept on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three became pregnant. The first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This just goes to prove that .. . . the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.
10. A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal Brujo who indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the Brujo looked him in the eye and said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, you don't need enemas."
Thanks to Waneta
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OH HECK!! ... Let's Offend Everybody!
Q. What's the Cuban National Anthem?
A. Row, Row, Row Your Boat.
Q. Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A. A different bar.
Q. What did the Chinese couple name their blue eyed, curly-haired baby?
A. Sum Ting Wong.
Q. What do you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A. A speech impediment.
Q. Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek ?
A. Because they're not going to work in the future either.
Q. Why do Driver Ed classes in redneck schools use the car only on
Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
A. Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
Q. What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A. The southern zoo has a description of the animal along with a recipe.
Q How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the 'F' word?
A. Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell, 'BINGO!'
Q. What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale???
A. A northern fairytale begins, ...'Once upon a time...'
A southern fairytale begins, ... 'Y'all ain't gonna believe this '
Q. Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?
A. Because all the Mexicans who can run, jump or swim are already in the United States
Oh shut up ... just pass it on!.....
Thanks to Waneta
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A group of 40-year-old girlfriends discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed upon that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant, because the waiters there were good looking and had buff bodies.
10 years later at 50-years-of-age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View Restaurant, because the food there was very good and the wine selection was good also.
10 years later at 60-years-of-age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View Restaurant, because they could eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant had a beautiful view of the ocean.
10 years later at 70-years-of-age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View Restaurant, because the restaurant was wheel chair accessible and they even had an elevator.
10 years later, at 80-years-of-age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View Restaurant, because they had never been there before.
Thanks to Waneta
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Budget Security System
1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used work boots size 14-16.
2. Place them on your front porch, along with several empty beer cans, a copy of Guns & Ammo magazine and several NRA magazines.
3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads: "Hey Bubba, JJ, Robert and Socer Ref, I went to the gun shop for more ammunition. Back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls -- they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up real bad. I don't think Killer took part in it but it was hard to tell from all the blood."
P S - I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside."
INSTALLATION COMPLETE!
Redneck Security Company
Thanks to Waneta
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Many years ago in
Scotland , a new game was invented.. It was ruled 'Gentlemen Only..Ladies Forbidden'.. .and thus, the word GOLF entered into the English language.
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The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV was Fred and Wilma
Flintstone.
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Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the U.S. Treasury.
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Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.
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Coca-Cola was originally green.
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It is impossible to lick your elbow.
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The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska
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The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% (now get this...)
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The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%
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The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $ 16,400
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The average number of people airborne over the U.S. in any given hour: 61,000
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Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair..
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The first novel ever written on a typewriter, Tom Sawyer.
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In the 1400's a law was set forth in England that a man was allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have 'the rule of thumb'
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The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.
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Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history: Spades - King David, Hearts - Charlemagne, Clubs -Alexander, the Great, Diamonds - Julius Caesar
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111,111,111 x
111,111,111
= 12,345,678,987, 654,321
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If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died because of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes
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Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.
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Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?
A. Their birthplace
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Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?
A. Obsession
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Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter 'A'?
A. One thousand
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Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers have in common?
A. All were invented by women.
------------
Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?
A. Honey
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Q. Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the year?
A. Father's Day
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In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes, the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase....'Goodnight , sleep tight'
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It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey wine and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.
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In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them 'Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down.'
It's where we get the phrase 'mind your P's and Q's'
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Many years ago in England , pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. 'Wet your whistle' is the phrase inspired by this practice.
------------
At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow!
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Don't delete this just because it looks weird. Believe it or not, you can read it.
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the first and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae.. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it wouthit a porbelm. This is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?
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YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2010 when...
1. You accidentally enter your PIN on the microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.
6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.
7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen
8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't even have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.
10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee
11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )
Thanks to Waneta
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A little boy was waiting for his mother to come out of the grocery Store. As he waited, he was approached by a man who asked, "Son, Can You tell me where the Post Office is?"
The little boy replied, "Sure! Just go straight down this street a Couple a blocks and turn to your right."
The man thanked the boy kindly and said, "I'm the new pastor in town.
I'd like for you to come to church on Sunday. I'll show you how to get To Heaven."
The little boy replied with a chuckle. "Awww, come on... You don't Even know the way to the Post Office."
Thanks to MCMiller
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King Arthur and the Witch:
Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.
The question?...What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.
He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.
Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer.
But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.
The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first.
The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend!
Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.
He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur
He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice com pared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table.
Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question thus:
What a woman really wants, she answered....is to be in charge of her own life.
Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.
And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.
The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened
The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half.
Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day....or night?
Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?
What would YOU do?
What Lancelot chose is below.
Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.
Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.
Now....what is the moral to this story?
The moral is..... If you don't let a woman have her own way.... Things are going to get ugly
Thanks to Ron Huett
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King in a Hut
There once was a king who lived in two-story grass hut. Every holiday the king demanded to be given a new throne as a gift. As soon as a new throne arrived, he would store the old throne on the second level of his hut and use the new one instead. But one day the hut collapsed from the weight of all the thrones, and everyone was crushed and killed.
The moral of this story? Those who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.
(_:][:_)
May I Help You?
All my husband wanted was to pay for some batteries, but none of the clerks in the electronics store seemed interested in helping him.
"I've got an idea," I said, and pulled a tape measure out of my purse. I stepped over to one of the giant plasma-screen TVs and started to measure it.
Faster than you can say high definition, a young man came running over. "May I help you?" he asked breathlessly.
"Yes," I said. "I'd like to buy these batteries."
- from Tasia Dale (via Reader's Digest)
(_:][:_)
King of the Jungle?
A lion woke up one morning feeling really rowdy and mean. He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?"
The trembling monkey answered, "You are, mighty lion!
Later, the lion confronted an ox and fiercely bellowed, "Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?"
The terrified ox stammered, "Oh great lion, you are the mightiest animal in the jungle!"
On a roll now, the lion swaggered up to an elephant and roared, "Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?"
Fast as lightning, the elephant snatched up the lion with his trunk and slammed him against a tree half a dozen times, leaving the lion feeling as if it had been run over by a safari wagon. The elephant then stomped on the lion until it looked like a corn tortilla and ambled away.
The lion let out a moan of pain, lifted his head weakly, and hollered after the elephant, "Just because you don't know the answer, you don't have to get so upset about it!"
Received from ArcaMax Jokes.
(_:][:_)
Groaner: Alexander the Great
The armies of Alexander the Great were greatly feared in their day, but there was one problem that they had that almost defeated them. Alexander could not get his people to staff meetings on time. He always held the meetings at 6:00 P.M. each day after the day's battle was done, but frequently his generals either forgot or let the time slip up on them and missed the 6:00 P.M. staff meeting. This angered Alexander very much, to say the least!
So he called in his research team and set up a project to develop a method of determining the time at 6:00 P.M. each day. There were no clocks in those days, at least none that could be carried around. The smallest was a giant water clock. "Find a way for my staff to determine the hour of the day, or at least when it gets to be 6:00 P.M.," he said. "Cost is no object."
A study was instituted and, with several brain-storming sessions, his staff came up with the following idea. In a land some distance away, there grew a bush whose berries contained a type of dye that changed color at 6:00 P.M. each evening. They found that by dyeing strips of cloth and issuing them to the generals, they could see when it was 6:00 P.M. by the color change and could consistently get to the 6:00 P.M. meetings on time. Needless to say, this pleased Alexander very much.
It was then turned over to his marketing group to come up with a name for this new invention as Alexander saw definite market potential in the strips. "It can be worn on the wrist and can be easily watched for the color change," said one junior executive. "I therefore propose to call it the Wrist Watch." This name was immediately discarded for being too bland and obvious.
Another man suggested that since it could be worn in the navel and could be observed by just looking down, it should be called the Navel Observatory. This idea was rejected immediately as being too weird and too technical sounding for the general public.
A junior vice-president suggested that since it could be worn around the neck and would ensure that you would be informed when it reached 6:00 P.M., it should be called the Six O'Clock Noose, but this was rejected as too threatening.
Finally the senior vice president, who up to now had been silent, spoke and rendered his decision. "We shall call it a timeband, and in honor of the Great Alexander, it shall be known as 'Alexander's Rag Timeband'!"
Received from Stan Kegel.
(_:][:_)
Basketball Game
After a recent college basketball game, the coach spotted a cell phone lying on the floor. He picked it up and handed it to one of the referees, saying, "Here's your phone."
"What makes you think it's mine?" the ref asked.
"Easy," the coach replied. "It says you missed 13 calls."
Received from Doc's Daily Chuckle.
(_:][:_)
Roses
As he was standing in line at the grocery store checkout counter, a friend of John's noticed he was purchasing a dozen roses and a card.
"You in trouble with Jill?" the friend asked John.
"Nope!" was John's reply. "Preventive maintenance."
Received from Laugh & Lift.
(_:][:_)
An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when the old woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their golden wedding anniversary.
"Let's have a party, Homer," she suggested. "Let's kill a pig."
The farmer scratched his grizzled head.
"Gee, Ethel," he finally answered, "I don't see why the pig should take the blame for something that happened fifty years ago."
Received from ArcaMax Jokes.
(_:][:_)
Radio
One month into Marine Corps training in San Diego, Calif., we were preparing for a ten-mile march in 100-degree weather when a jeep drove up with a large radio in the back.
"Who knows anything about radios?" our drill instructor asked.
Several hands went up, and anticipating a ride in the jeep, recruits began listing their credentials. Everything from a degree in communications to a part-time job in a repair shop was declared.
The DI listened to all the contenders, then pointed to the most qualified. "You," he barked. "Carry the radio."
- from Jim Sapaugh (via Reader's Digest)
(_:][:_)
Campaign Funding
Can you believe a candidate dropped out of the race because of a lack of campaign funds?
Anyone who stops spending just because he's out of money doesn't belong in Washington anyway!
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.
(_:][:_)
_=+=_
Rate this funny at http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny060113
Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a) Mail address: GCFL, Box 100, Harvest, AL 35749, USA
To print or email this funny to others, go to http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny060113
The latest GCFL funny can always be found on the web at http://www.gcfl.net/latest.php
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Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Column - - http://www.madkane.com/humor_blog/
High-Tech Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A woman who hated high tech
Found computers a pain in the neck.
Whether Mac or PC,
How that gal longed to flee
Back five decades — a time machine trek.
© Madeleine Begun Kane. All Rights Reserved.
http://www.madkane.com/
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Bucket List... This is fun. Smile :)
We need more nonsense like this to keep from going goofy, worrying about the sorry state of things today.
Place an X by all the things you've done and remove the X from the ones you have not. This is for your Entire Life!
(x) Shot a gun
( )Gone on a blind date
(x) Skipped school
(x) Watched someone die
(x) Been to Canada
( ) Been to Alaska
( ) Been to Cuba
( ) Been to Fiji
( )Been to Europe
( )Been to an Asian Country
(x) Been to Las Vegas
(x) Been to Mexico
( )Been to Africa
(x) Been to Florida
(x) Been on a plane
( )Been on a cruise ship
( ) Served on a jury
(x) Been lost
(x) Been on the opposite side of the country
(x) Gone to Washington , DC
(x) Swam in the ocean
( ) Cried yourself to sleep
(x) Played cops and robbers
(x) Played cowboys/girls and Indian
(x) Recently colored with crayons
( ) Sang Karaoke
(x) Paid for a meal with coins only
(x) Made prank phone calls.
( ) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose.
(x) Caught a snowflake on your tongue
(x) Danced in the rain
(x) Written a letter to Santa Claus
(x) Been kissed under the mistletoe
(x) Watched the sunrise with someone.
(x) Blown bubbles
( ) Gone ice-skating
( ) Gone snow skiing
(x) Camped out under the stars..
(x) Seen something so beautiful that it took your breath away?
(x) Are or have been Married?
(x) Children?
(x) Have a Pet?
( ) Been skinny dipping outdoors.....
(x) Been fishing
(x) Been boating
(x) Been water skiing
(x) Been Canoeing
(x) Been hiking
(x) Been horse riding
( ) Been camping in a trailer/RV
(x) Flown in a small 4 seater airplane
( ) Flown in a glider
(x) Flown in a helicopter
( ) Been flying in a hot air balloon
( ) Been bungee-jumping
(x) Gone to a drive-in movie
(x) Done something that should have killed you
(x) Done something that you will regret for the rest of your life
( ) have ears pierced
( ) Have body piercings
( ) Have any tattoos
(x) Ever ate breakfast for Dinner
(x) Ever ate just cookies for dinner
(x) Ever been on TV
(x) Ever been in a newspaper
(x) Ever steal any traffic signs
(x) Ever been in a car accident
(x) Ever driven a stick shift
(x) Met a sports star
(x) Met a movie star
(x) Met a politian
Of all the things that you did not put a check next to, which is the one you would want to do the most? Go to Europe
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DEER HUNTING SEMINAR
South Arkansas Community College East Campus
September 27, 2010
AGENDA
Tree Stand Safety
Deer Biology/Management/
Moro Big Pine WMA
Hunting Regulations
South Arkansas Community College
P. O. Box 7010
El Dorado, AR 71731-7020
Phone: 870-864-7193
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NEVER FORGET! We're listing the names of our soldiers killed since our last Bleat was published (July 16). These records can be found at http://www.defenselink.mil/releases/
01. Sgt. Matthew W. Weikert, 29, of Jacksonville, Ill., died July 17 in Paktika province, Afghanistan, of wounds sustained when enemy forces attacked his unit with an improvised explosive device. He was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 187th Infantry Regiment, 3rd Brigade Combat Team, 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault), Fort Campbell, Ky.
The Department of Defense announced the deaths of two soldiers who were supporting Operation Enduring Freedom. They died July 15 in Kandahar, Afghanistan, of wounds sustained when enemy forces attacked their unit with an improvised explosive device. They were assigned to the 1st Battalion, 502nd Infantry Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault), Fort Campbell, Ky. Killed were:
02. Sgt. 1st Class John H. Jarrell, 32, of Brunson, S.C.
03. Staff Sgt. Leston M. Winters, 30, of Sour Lake, Texas.
04. Cpl. Dave M. Santos, 21, of Rota, Marianas Islands of the Pacific, died July 16 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to 2nd Battalion, 6th Marine Regiment, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C.
05. Staff Sgt. Justus S. Bartelt, 27, of Polo, Ill., died July 16 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to 2nd Battalion, 6th Marine Regiment, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C.
06. Sgt. Justin B. Allen, 23, of Coal Grove, Ohio, died July 18 in Zhari, Afghanistan, of wounds suffered when he was shot by insurgents while conducting combat operations. He was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 75th Ranger Regiment, Hunter Army Airfield, Ga.
07. Gunnery Sgt. Christopher L. Eastman, 28, of Moose Pass, Alaska, died July 18 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to the 7th Engineer Support Battalion, 1st Marine Logistics Group, I Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Pendleton, Calif.
08. 1st Lt. Robert N. Bennedsen, 25, of Vashon, Wash., died July 18 at Qalat, Afghanistan, of injuries sustained when insurgents attacked his unit using an improvised explosive device. He was assigned to the 2nd Squadron, 2nd Cavalry Regiment, Vilseck, Germany.
09. Sgt. Anibal Santiago, 37, of Belvidere, Ill., died July 18 in Bagram, Afghanistan, of injuries sustained July 17 in a non-combat related incident in Kwowst, Afghanistan. He was assigned to the 3rd Battalion, 75th Ranger Regiment, Fort Benning, Ga.
10. Sgt. Jesse R. Tilton, 23, of Decatur, Ill., died July 16 at the Landstuhl Regional Medical Center, Landstuhl, Germany, of wounds sustained July 13 when insurgents attacked his unit in Kandahar City, Afghanistan, with rifle, rocket propelled grenade, and small arms fire. He was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 508th Parachute Infantry Regiment, 4th Brigade Combat Team, 82nd Airborne Division, Fort Bragg, N.C.
11. Cpl. Paul J. Miller, 22, of Traverse City, Mich., died July 19 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to 3rd Combat Engineer Battalion, 3rd Marine Division, III Marine Expeditionary Force, based at Marine Corps Air Ground Combat Center, Twentynine Palms, Calif.
12. Staff Sgt. Brian F. Piercy, 27, of Clovis, Calif., died July 19 in Arghandab River Valley, Afghanistan, of injuries sustained when insurgents attacked his unit using an improvised explosive device. He was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 508th Parachute Infantry Regiment, 4th Brigade Combat Team, 82nd Airborne Division, Fort Bragg, N.C.
13. Cpl. Julio Vargas, 23, of Sylmar, Calif., died July 20 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to the 3rd Assault Amphibian Battalion, 1st Marine Division, I Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Pendleton, Calif.
14. Cpl. Joe L. Wrightsman, 23, of Jonesboro, La., died July 18 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to the 3rd Battalion, 3rd Marine Regiment, 3rd Marine Division, III Marine Expeditionary Force, Kaneohe Bay, Hawaii.
15. 1st Lt. Michael L. Runyan, 24, of Newark, Ohio, died July 21 in Balad, Iraq, of injuries sustained when insurgents attacked his convoy vehicle with an improvised explosive device in Muqdadiyah, Iraq. He was assigned to the 52nd Infantry, 2nd Stryker Brigade Combat Team, 25th Infantry Division, Schofield Barracks, Hawaii.
16. Pfc. James J. Oquin, 20, of El Paso, Texas, died July 23 in Orgun-E, Afghanistan, of injuries sustained from a non-combat related incident when he was swept away by the current when a levee broke near his military vehicle in Paktika, Afghanistan. He was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 187th Infantry Regiment, 3rd Brigade Combat Team, 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault), Fort Campbell, Ky.
The Department of Defense announced the deaths of four soldiers who were supporting Operation Enduring Freedom. They died July 24, at Qalat, Afghanistan, of injuries sustained when insurgents attacked their military vehicle with an improvised explosive device. Killed were:
17. Staff Sgt. Conrad A. Mora, 24, of San Diego, Calif.
18. Sgt. Daniel Lim, 23, of Cypress, Calif.
19. Spc. Joseph A. Bauer, 27, of Cincinnati, Ohio.
20. Spc. Andrew L. Hand, 25, of Enterprise, Ala.
They were assigned to 5th Battalion, 3rd Field Artillery Regiment, 17th Fires Brigade, Joint Base Lewis-McChord, Wash.
21. Lance Cpl. Frederik E. Vazquez, 20, of Melrose Park, Ill., died July 24 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to 1st Battalion, 2nd Marine Regiment, 2nd Marine Division, IIMarine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C.
The Department of Defense announced the death of 2 sailors listed as Duty Status Whereabouts Unknown (DUSTWUN). The announcement resulted from a July 23 incident in Logar province, Afghanistan, while the sailors were supporting Operation Enduring Freedom.
22. Petty Officer 2nd Class Justin McNeley, 30, of Wheatridge, Colo., died from wounds sustained from the July 23 incident. Coalition Forces recovered his body July 25 after an extensive search. He was assigned to Assault Craft Unit One (ACU-1), San Diego.
23. Petty Officer 3rd Class Jarod Newlove, 25, of Renton, Wash., died from wounds sustained from an incident in Logar province, Afghanistan, on July 23. Coalition forces recovered his body July 28 after an extensive search. He was assigned to commander, Navy Reserve Force Command. The July 23 incident remains under investigation.
24. Lance Cpl. Abram L. Howard, 21, of Williamsport, Pa., died July 27 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to Headquarters and Service Battalion, 4th Marine Logistics Group, Marine Forces Reserve, based out of North Versailles, Pa.
25. Lance Cpl. Shane R. Martin, 23, of Spring, Texas, died July 29 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to 1st Light Armored Reconnaissance Battalion, 1st Marine Division, Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Pendleton, Calif.
The Department of Defense announced the deaths of two soldiers who were supporting Operation Enduring Freedom. They died July 29 at Tsagay, Afghanistan, of injuries sustained when insurgents attacked their military vehicle with an improvised explosive device. Killed were:
26. Capt. Jason E. Holbrook, 28, of Burnet, Texas, and
27. Staff Sgt. Kyle R. Warren, 28, of Manchester, N.H.
They were assigned to the 1st Battalion, 3rd Special Forces Group (Airborne), Fort Bragg, N.C.
28. Spc. Michael L. Stansbery, 21, of Mount Juliet, Tenn., died July 30 near Kandahar, Afghanistan, of injuries sustained when insurgents attacked his unit with an improvised explosive device. He was assigned to 1st Battalion, 320th Field Artillery Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault), Fort Campbell, Ky.
29. Sgt. Kyle B. Stout, 25, of Texarkana, Texas, died July 30 in Kandahar, Afghanistan, of injuries sustained when insurgents attacked his unit with an improvised explosive device. He was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 320th Field Artillery Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault), Fort Campbell, Ky.
30. Cpl. Max W. Donahue, 23, of Highlands Ranch, Colo., died Aug. 7 of wounds received Aug. 4 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to I Marine Expeditionary Force Headquarters Group, I Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Pendleton, Calif.
31. Spc. Faith R. Hinkley, 23, of Colorado Springs, Colo., died Aug. 7 in Baghdad, of wounds suffered when insurgents attacked her unit in Iskandariya, Iraq. She was assigned to the 502nd Military Intelligence Battalion, 201st Battlefield Surveillance Brigade, Joint Base Lewis-McChord, Wash.
The Department of Defense announced the deaths of two soldiers who were supporting Operation Enduring Freedom. They died Aug. 8 at Zhari Kandahar, Afghanistan, of wounds sustained when insurgents attacked their unit using an improvised explosive device. Killed were:
32. Sgt. Andrew C. Nicol, 23, of Kensington, N.H.,
33. Pfc. Bradley D. Rappuhn, 24, of Grand Ledge, Mich.
They were assigned to the 3rd Battalion, 75th Ranger Regiment, Fort Benning, Ga.
The Department of Defense announced the deaths of two Marines who were supporting Operation Enduring Freedom. The following Marines died Aug. 7 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan:
34. Lance Cpl. Kevin M. Cornelius, 20, of Ashtabula, Ohio.
35. Pfc. Vincent E. Gammone III, 19, of Christiana, Tenn.
Cornelius and Gammone were assigned to 1st Battalion, 2nd Marine Regiment, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C.
36. Pfc. Paul O. Cuzzupe, 23, of Plant City, Fla., died Aug. 8 in Akhtar-Mohammad-Khan, Afghanistan, of wounds sustained when insurgents attacked his unit using an improvised explosive device. He was assigned to the 3rd Squadron, 2nd Stryker Calvary Regiment, Vilseck, Germany.
37. Pfc. John E. Andrade, 19, of San Antonio, Texas, died Aug. 7 at DE Khak Chupan Turah, Kandahar, Afghanistan, of wounds sustained when insurgents attacked his unit using an improvised explosive device. He was assigned to the 3rd Squadron, 2nd Stryker Cavalry Regiment, Vilseck, Germany.
38. Sgt. Jose L. Saenz III, 30, of Pleasanton, Texas, died Aug. 9 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to 1st Battalion, 11th Marine Regiment, 1st Marine Division, I Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Pendleton, Calif.
39. Sgt. Christopher N. Karch, 23, of Indianapolis, Ind., died Aug. 11 in Arghandab Valley, Afghanistan, of wounds suffered when insurgents attacked his unit with small arms fire. He was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 508th Parachute Infantry Regiment, 4th Brigade Combat Team, 82nd Airborne Division, Fort Bragg, N.C.
40. Cpl. Kristopher D. Greer, 25, of Ashland City, Tenn., died Aug. 8 of wounds received Aug. 6 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to 4th Combat Engineering Battalion, 4th Marine Division, Marine Forces Reserve, based out of Knoxville, Tenn.
~
Soldiers Missing in Action from Vietnam War Identified
The Department of Defense POW/Missing Personnel Office (DPMO) announced today that the remains of two U.S. servicemen, missing in action from the Vietnam War, have been identified and will be returned to their families for burial with full military honors.
U.S. Army 1st Lt. Paul G. Magers of Sidney, Neb., will be buried on Aug. 27 in Laurel, Mont., and Army Chief Warrant Officer Donald L. Wann of Shawnee, Okla., will be buried on Aug. 21 in Fort Gibson, Okla.
On June 1, 1971, both men were flying aboard an AH-1 Cobra gunship in support of an emergency extraction of an Army ranger team in Quang Tri Province, South Vietnam. After the rangers were extracted, helicopters were ordered to destroy claymore mines which had been left behind in the landing zone. During this mission their helicopter was hit by ground fire, crashed and exploded. Pilots who witnessed the explosions concluded that no one could have survived the crash and explosions. Enemy activity in the area precluded a ground search.
In 1990, analysts from DPMO, the Joint POW/MIA Accounting Command (JPAC) and their predecessor organizations interviewed both American and Vietnamese witnesses and produced leads for field investigations. In 1993 and 1998, two U.S.-Socialist Republic of Vietnam teams, led by JPAC, surveyed the suspected crash site and found artifacts and debris consistent with a Cobra gunship. In mid-1999, another joint team excavated the site, but it stopped for safety reasons when the weather deteriorated. No remains were recovered, but the team did find wreckage associated with the specific crash they were investigating.
The Vietnamese government subsequently declared the region within Quang Tri Province where the aircraft crashed as off-limits to U.S. personnel, citing national security concerns. As part of an agreement with JPAC, a Vietnamese team unilaterally excavated the site and recovered human remains and other artifacts in 2008. The Vietnamese returned to the site in 2009, expanded the excavation area and discovered more remains and additional evidence.
Forensic analysis, circumstantial evidence and the mitochondrial DNA match to the Magers and Wann families by the Armed Forces DNA Identification Laboratory confirmed the identification of the remains.
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Soldier Missing from Korean War Identified
The Department of Defense POW/Missing Personnel Office (DPMO) announced today that the remains of a U.S. serviceman, missing in action from the Korean War, have been identified and will be returned to his family for burial with full military honors.
He is Cpl. Roy Stewart, U.S. Army, of Jackson, Miss. His funeral will be held Tuesday at Arlington National Cemetery near Washington, D.C. Representatives from the Army’s mortuary office met with the next-of-kin of Stewart to explain the recovery and identification process and to coordinate interment with military honors on behalf of the secretary of the Army.
Stewart was assigned to Company A, 9th Infantry Regiment, 2nd Infantry Division, deployed to North Korea near Kujang-dong. In late November 1950, he was captured by enemy forces and reportedly died March 14, 1951, while in captivity near Pyoktong, North Korea.
During Operation Glory in the fall of 1954, North Korea turned over 4,167 caskets including remains they claimed to be those of Stewart. This was part of an agreement in which each side would return remains of enemy soldiers. The United States returned caskets containing the remains of more than 12,000 communist soldiers. At the time the Army was unable to identify Stewart and the remains were buried as “unknown” along with 415 other servicemembers.
In 2008, an analyst from DPMO and an independent researcher concluded they had evidence that supported identification of several unknown soldiers buried at the National Memorial Cemetery of the Pacific in Honolulu. The remains were exhumed in September 2008. Scientists from the Joint POW/MIA Accounting Command identified Stewart’s remains through dental comparisons and circumstantial evidence related to the 1954 turnovers.
More than 2,000 servicemen died as prisoners of war during the Korean War. With the accounting of Stewart, 8,023 servicemembers still remain missing from that conflict.
For additional information on the Defense Department’s mission to account for missing Americans, visit the DPMO Web site at http://www.dtic.mil/dpmo or call 703-699-1169.
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"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." __ Franklin D. Roosevelt
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Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. _ _ George Carlin
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“A political class of Republicans and Democrats that look after themselves, not the Nation. A media hostile to the very precepts of this nation. A generation of Americans who see morals as vices, and are ignorant of America's Actual History.”
"The things that will destroy America are prosperity-at-any-price, peace-at-any-price, safety-first instead of duty-first, the love of soft living, and the get-rich-quick theory of life." - - Theodore Roosevelt
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"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." __ "Bug"
"I read the end of the book. We win!" __ "Bug"
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." __ "Bug"
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." _ _ "Bug"
"It's no big deal doing what God tells you to do. A big deal would be NOT doing what God tells you to do. Just ask Jonah." _ _ Paul Troquille
“Nam et ipsa scientia potestas est.” Knowledge is power. _ Francis Bacon
"The problem is here and now. The time for talk is past. The time for action is now."
Comments on the first Earth Day _ James F. McClellan via John "Fuzzy" Thurman
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Hope you enjoy the newsletter.
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week.
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" __"Bug"
God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!
Mat 19:17-22 Heb 9:27-28 Zec 8:13-15 Mark 14:50,53-54 Psa 18:6-9 Heb 4:12-13 James 3:16-18 Mat 26:6-10 Mat 20:21-24 Mat 26:48-50 Psa 141:3-5 Phil 1:17-19 Eph 6:1, 4-5 Eph 6:18-20 Phil 2:14-16 Mark 5:35-36 http://www.e_min.org/
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