Saturday, August 28, 2010

Bug's Bleat - - GCF: Muffins

Volume 12, Issue 34 Friday, August 27, 2010

Hello All,

The so called “Ground Zero” mosque debate is garnering increased attention in the world press, with Muslims coming down on both sides of the proposal. Here in LA (Lower Arkansas) most folks think it shouldn’t be allowed.
I’ve got a problem with building a mosque near Ground Zero. I mean, weren’t those Muslim fanatics who killed thousands of folks on 9/11? On the other hand, how can we defend freedom by denying it to others? Should we restrict the construction of Protestant churches because Eric Robert Rudolph bombed Abortion Clinics?
To me, it’s a constitutional issue. As far as I know, there’s nothing in the Constitution that gives the government the right to restrict the practice of religion. Neither Muslim or Christian, not to mention Buddhist, Hindu, Wiccan, etc.
It’s an awful steep and slippery slope you step out on when you think you can apply the US Constitution selectively.
For more reading; President Obama couldn't bring himself to observe the National Day of Prayer or spend time with the Boy Scouts of America, but God forbid, he couldn't miss the Muslim Iftar Ramadan dinner, or pass up a chance to praise an Islamic center a stone's throw away from Ground Zero. []
I don't think Blanche Lincoln or Mike Ross is evil nor incompetent. However, Blanche has toed the party line when I felt another direction would be better for our state and nation. As for Mike, I know of much he has done for Arkansans and I won't be unhappy if he gets reelected, but I also like Beth Ann. Truthfully, I don't know which congressional candidate I'll vote for.
Neither of the major parties reflect my beliefs. And both of them have disappointed me over the years. Now seems to me to be a good time to move to another alternative.
I've met Trevor Drown and believe he would be good for Arkansas and the Nation. He's not dogmatic but is full of common sense ideas. We keep saying we need to keep the same people there to build seniority so they can get things done. I, on the other hand, am beginning to believe that the less they do, the better off we are.
Annette and I went to Little Rock to see the Heart Doc. It only took me 90 days to get in to see a Cardiologist after suffering Congestive Heart Failure (however, Dr. Mego’s office got me in within 10 days of us contacting them). The good news is that my CHF was caused by a virus. The bad news is that Dr. Mego wanted to do a heart cath to make sure everything was O.K. I explained that I’d had a heart cath once before (in the ‘80s) and it was a HORRIBLE experience. I ended up with a messed up right AC and a staph infection from the procedure. He assured me that heart caths were MUCH easier now.
I heard and understood him. Unfortunately my psyche didn’t follow along. They were able to schedule my cath for that afternoon so Annette and I went down to the cath lab. That’s where my body and brain started to “freak.” I can’t help it. I don’t like “invasive” procedures. Since I was a “work in” we had a little wait and I had time to get very nervous.
By the time they took me back to prep me, I was shaking like a reed in the wind. The nurse starting my IV asked if I had tremors. I told her “No, I’m just terrified.” After trying to calm me down for a while, they brought Annette back. That helped for a while, but, eventually, they moved me into the procedure room. The charge nurse again asked if I suffered from tremors and I again explained that I was terrified. She gave me some more meds (Valium) and then told me that I really needed to relax. I replied that I was trying, whereupon she said; “Mr. McClellan, no part of your body is touching the table here except your heels and your head.”
The doctor came in and got started with almost no problems (they did end up punching 5 or 7 holes in me, but there were small and didn’t really hurt much.) As soon as he got started, I was able to relax a little and listen to him as he looked inside my heart. I also got to listen as he discussed the relative merits of the catheter he was using vs. the new one he preferred and other snippets of conversation that I’d have just as soon skipped.
Before long, he was finished and I was wheeled back to Annette. The nurse came in and DC’d my IV and we started getting me dressed. Then the doctor came in and told me that my heart and arteries looked good and I was ready to go home.
So us "Crabby Old Guys" can kick into “Hyper” mosey without fear.

On Saturday, September 11th, 2010, an American flag should be displayed outside every home, apartment, office, and store in the United States . Every individual should make it their duty to display an American flag on this ninth anniversary of one our country's worst tragedies. We do this honor of those who lost their lives on 9/11, their families, friends and loved ones who continue to endure the pain, and those who today are fighting at home and abroad to preserve our cherished freedoms.
In the days, weeks and months following 9/11, our country was bathed in American flags as citizens mourned the incredible losses and stood shoulder-to-shoulder against terrorism. Sadly, those flags have all but disappeared. Our patriotism pulled us through some tough times and it shouldn't take another attack to galvanize us in solidarity. Our American flag is the fabric of our country and together we can prevail over terrorism of all kinds.
Thank you for your participation. God Bless You and God Bless America !!!
Delaware has declared September 11 as Family Emergency Preparedness Day. [Dover Post – Delaware] After back-to-back blizzards in February and with threats of a heavy storm season ahead, state emergency management and public safety officials and responders are organizing a free event to help prepare the public for such storms and other disruptive events in Delaware.
[ ]
Good idea.
Opinion: Activists' "all-or-nothing" attitude hurts safety reform - - California's Green Chemistry Initiative has brought forth draft standards that help government and businesses protect consumers, but environmentalists' "all-or-nothing" attitudes threaten to undo this good work, argues Dawn Sanders Koepke, co-chairwoman of the industry group, which supports evidence-based management of chemicals. "The Green Chemistry Alliance supports regulations that make sense and that are based on real science and a real-world understanding of risk and exposure," Koepke writes. She says it can happen without further hurting the economy and state budget. The Sacramento Bee (Calif.) []
Joe Tudor shared the following news article. It’s worth viewing. []
He also shared his commentary []
When you build a new house, make a parapet around your roof so that you may not bring the guilt of bloodshed on your house if someone falls from the roof.
Deuteronomy 22:8 OSHA 29 CFR 1926.501(b)(1) Joe Tudor
Breakfast Trek 2: The Search for Spudnuts | Eat Arkansas | Arkansas news, politics, opinion, restaurants, music, movies and art
A friend is looking for a jeep - work vehicle - something she can put a brush guard bumper on the front that would take a deer hit. Just totaled out a van from a deer hit.
Looking for a CJ or Wrangler, early 2000's model, not too pricey, good running shape.
Let me know if you know of one.
Daphne Roberts
This girl riding the horse it is just her and the horse - no bit, no saddle. She just uses signals and verbal cues. So cool..... [Notice]
"The trouble with our liberal friends is not that they're ignorant, it's just that they know so much that isn't so." - President Ronald Reagan - - Robert Lyons
"we ..resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain -- that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom -- and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth." - Abraham Lincoln. ---- "We shall now mandate that the rule of the people by the government and for the government shall not perish, and that the voice of liberty will be silent forever." BHO - - Robert Lyons
Those who throw dirt are sure to lose ground. - - Jay Brown
"Let us be clear about one thing: The tea party movement is not seeking a junior partnership with the Republican Party, but a hostile takeover of it." Dick Armey - - Roy Fleshman
If there ever is a Amendment to the Constitution prohibiting Nancy Pelosi from using the word transparency, I will vote for it. - Roy Fleshman
Ever had a bug land on your computer monitor screen, and tried to scare it away with the cursor? -Steve Downey
"Patriotism is easy to understand in America; it means looking out for yourself by looking out for your country." Calvin Coolidge via Brody Hubbard
When I'm not in my Right Mind, my Left Mind gets pretty crowded...! - Steve Downey
Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac. George Carlen - via Josh-Tina Bolton
Why is the alphabet in that order? ..... Is it because of that song? - Steve Downey
At the Lake...... Two fish were swimming, and ran into a concrete wall. One turned to the other, and said Dam! - Steve Downey
You got something on your chin...... no your other chin! - Gracie Lou Oliver Murphy
You know the economy's bad for everyone when you pull up to an intersection and a disheveled man walks up to your car with a cardboard sign reading, "Hey, you need a sandwich? A cup of coffee? A short-term loan?"
Ya' know, in 2006 I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places.... he told me to quit going to those places.... - Steve Downey
Tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose... - Daryl Cox
I don't want a pickle, I just want to ride on my motorcycle. - Arlo Guthrie via Charles Roach
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter."
- Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. - Brody Hubbard
I don't want to brag, but I can still fit into the earrings I wore in High School. on. - Paula Criss Gutzman
A man can no more diminish God's glory by refusing to worship Him than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling the word, 'darkness' on the walls of his cell.
C. S. Lewis - Haagon Lister
The same folks who banned prayer in schools can't understand why test scores went down ... ~[:-)
"A man has made at least a start on discovering the meaning of human life when he plants shade trees under which he knows full well he will never sit." Elton Trueblood - - Janet Holiman Dickinson
Why is it called 'Lipstick", and her Lips can still move? - - Steve Downey
I saw a T-shirt today... on the front it said "I'm not Perfect". On the back it said "I'm SO MUCH BETTER THAN THAT!!". Thanks to Waneta
When David came home after his first day at kindergarten, Annette asked him how it went. He replied; "Well, I can't read yet and she won't let me talk."
Movie Reviews - - []
How to Lower Your A1C Levels
[] :0)
Weekly Toll _ _
Death In The Workplace w/News & Updates
John Donne _ ...any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind, and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.
The Pump Handle. A water cooler for the public health crowd.
~~~~~ - - August 27, 2010

Have fun today hanging with two people of different ages who know what it is to go for and realize incredible dreams.

Swimmer Diana Nyad Going For History--Again @ 61!
Yes, don't fall over. History-making endurance swimmer Diana Nyad is 61-years-old! She wants to inspire other 60-somethings so she's back in the water ready to swim from Florida to Cuba! Why? Well, watch this story.
Watch Video []

Rock n' Roller Makes Teen's Dream Come True
How cool is Mike Campbell, lead guitar player for Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers When he heard 14-year-old Griffin Black had built his own special guitar he made sure the kid got to come back stage and then, well, you gotta see what happened next...
Watch Video []
America is not at war. The military is at war. - - America is at the mall, or watching the movie stars. []
Each week the Defense Department highlights military personnel who have gone above and beyond in the war. [] - - Katteri Franklin - - Awarded: Bronze Star Medal - - As a female military police officer, US Army Staff Sergeant Katteri Franklin had a much different experience than her fellow male Soldiers while serving in Iraq.

"The Iraqi women would stare at me and I would ask them what they were looking at," reflected Franklin. "Their response would be that they had never seen a woman in uniform before."

Despite their initial curiosity and sometimes shock, the Iraqi women learned to trust Franklin and consider her an ally. She was able to use her gender to her advantage by helping them be more comfortable around U.S. service members.

"The Iraqi women would seek me out when they needed medical or aid supplies," said Franklin. "They felt more comfortable around me."

Due to Franklin’s willingness to interact closely with the Iraqi civilians, she became a critical part of ensuring that the local women and children had access to aid and medical treatment during her mission. Franklin’s service in Iraq earned her a Bronze Star.

"I think it was easier for them to talk to me because I was a female," said Franklin, who was one of 22 female Soldiers in her Company and one of five in the Platoon.

In addition to building relationships with the women civilians, Franklin was a team leader in training the Iraqi police. She led up to 11 U.S. Soldiers at a time when they would go outside the wire to the Iraqi police stations and teach security measures.
"I learned a lot about the Iraqi people that I didn’t know before," reflected Franklin. "I also learned a lot about my Soldiers. They managed to do things I never thought they could before we left (the U.S.). It was humbling to lead such fine Soldiers."

Franklin and her Soldiers worked closely with interpreters to communicate with the Iraqi police and their families. One accomplishment that she is most proud of from her service in Iraq is the progress she could see through the Iraqi police.

"We got them to patrol in areas where they previously would not go because of former terrorist activity," said Franklin. "When the security on the ground changed, our other strategies began to

After two deployments, one to Iraq, Franklin is currently finishing U.S. Army recruitment school in the U.S. She hopes to become an Army recruiter and eventually go to officer training school. She wants to lead Soldiers for the remainder of her career even though Franklin herself only joined the Army because she passed Basic Training.

"As a female recruiter, I hope to let people see a different side of the Army that they are not used to seeing," said Franklin. "Maybe then they will know that it’s great to be a female in the Army."
The latest from Michael Yon, the foremost “milnews” blogger on the web.

Please see Face book. []

An Army officer who happens to be a medical doctor seems to be moonlighting as a photojournalist! Please check out his latest. []

Very Respectfully,

Michael Yon
Your Writer,

Please remember that this website accepts no advertisement and is dependent on your support.

PS Please sign up for my updates at "Michael_Yon" [] (not Michael Yon).
If you would like to encourage US Troops overseas, but are not sure just how to begin, visit for ideas.
We’ve Watched:
Romeo & Juliet
Shaun the Sheep: Sheep on the Loose
No Time for Sergeants
Love Me or Leave Me
Father Goose
Imitation of Life
The Snows of Kilimanjaro
Monsters, Inc.
VeggieTales: Minnesota Cuke
Tugger: The Jeep 4x4 Who Wanted to Fly
Duck Soup
The Inn of the Sixth Happiness
How to Marry a Millionaire
The Big Store
Thomas & Friends:
Desk Set
My Man Godfrey
Kate & Leopold
The Pajama Game
Going My Way
5 Children and It
Ken Burns' America: The Statue of Liberty
The World of Suzie Wong
Paper Books We’ve recently read:
Foreign influence : a thriller / by Brad Thor.
Civil War Arkansas, 1863 : the battle for a state / Mark K. Christ.
The vigilantes / W.E.B. Griffin.
The spy / by Clive Cussler and Justin Scott.
Kindle books we recently read:
Germs, Genes, & Civilization: How Epidemics Shaped Who We Are Today Clark, David P.
A Grand and Bold Thing: An Extraordinary New Map of the Universe Ushering Finkbeiner, Ann K.
Revenge of Innocents Rosenberg, Nancy Taylor
Sullivan's Justice Taylor Rosenberg, Nancy
Photos on the front of this week’s “Bleat” include - - Various “old” photos, David Kirkpatrick and I running the “Safety Cart” during an Albemarle Summer Shutdown, Abby Troquille enjoying a trampoline, The World Championship Rotary Tiller Race, Randy Lann and I at the scene of a Truck/Train accident, and David Kirkpatrick and I at Texas A&M Fire Training.
We’ve now got several addresses on the web for "Da Bleat." For the latest issue, go to
Our photos are posted at
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.
Be sure and keep Dr. Fred Murphy, his family and his staff (Shelley, Glenda and Kelly) in your prayers.
Be sure and keep Dr. Pat Antoon and his lovely wife Mandy in your prayers.
Recipe(s) of the week - - McCormick® Mixed Vegetable Grill • Fiber Rich • Low Calorie

Enhance the grilled flavor of vegetables with this lightly sweet and spicy blend of seasonings. Serve with poultry, meat or fish. - Makes 6 (2/3-cup) servings. - Prep Time: 15 minutes - Cook Time: 12 minutes

2 tablespoons light brown sugar
1 ½ teaspoons McCormick® Basil Leaves
1 teaspoon salt
½ teaspoon McCormick® Garlic Powder
1/8 teaspoon McCormick® Black Pepper, Ground
2 tablespoons olive oil
8 asparagus spears, ends trimmed
1 medium red or yellow bell pepper, cut lengthwise into 6 strips
1 medium zucchini, cut lengthwise into ½-inch slices
1 medium yellow squash, cut lengthwise into ½-inch slices
1 small sweet potato, cut into 1/4-inch rounds
1 small red onion, cut into ½-inch rounds

1. Mix brown sugar, basil, salt, garlic powder and pepper in small bowl. Drizzle oil over vegetables in large bowl; toss to coat well. Add seasoning mixture; toss to coat well.
2. Place vegetables in grill basket, grill rack or thread onto skewers.
3. Grill over medium heat 10 to 12 minutes or until vegetables are tender, turning occasionally.

Nutrional Information, per serving
Calories: 113
Fat: 5 g
Carbohydrates: 15 g
Cholesterol: 0 mg
Sodium: 413 mg
Fiber: 3 g
Protein: 2 g

Copyright © 2008 McCormick & Company, Inc. All Rights Reserved. |
One Nation Under God
Understanding the Pledge
By: Chuck Colson | Published: August 27, 2010
Topics: Education, History, Politics & Government

Your child may be reciting the Pledge of Allegiance in school this morning. But does she understand it?

Fortunately, the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals this year upheld the Pledge of Allegiance, so kids will go on reciting it. But how many know what it really means—especially “one nation under God”?

For most people, reciting the Pledge of Allegiance is a heart-warming patriotic expression. However, in some public school classrooms, what has been a “given” is now “questionable.” In some people’s view, reciting the Pledge may still be legal, but it is no longer appropriate.

However, Thomas Jefferson wrote, “can the liberties of a nation be thought secure when we have removed their only firm basis, a conviction in the minds of the people that they are gifts of God?”

He reflected this idea in the Declaration of Independence when he wrote:

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights …”

Eric Buehrer, founder and president of Gateways to Better Education, points out that the idea of our freedom coming from God at the time of creation is central to the American experience. And, as Buehrer writes, “rooted in Christian history, the idea of being under God is reflected in important developments in every century of American history.”

In the 1800s Lincoln recognized our liberties coming from God when he delivered his Gettysburg Address. He said “Fourscore and seven years ago our fathers brought forth upon this continent a new nation, conceived in liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.”

And, in the latter part of the 20th Century, Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. appealed to the same principle of divinely bestowed rights for all people as the underpinnings for the Civil Rights movement. From a Birmingham jail, he referred to the “transcendent Law of God, governing us all.” And then he said famously, “I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: ‘We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal.’”

Each time we recite the Pledge of Allegiance, we are reminding ourselves of what Jefferson called the “only firm basis” for liberty—a conviction that these rights come from God, not the government.

Your children’s schools may not teach them this important principle, but you can. As a family you can read and discuss what the Pledge of Allegiance means.

To help you do that, our friends at Gateways to Better Education are offering Breakpoint listeners a free poster of the American flag that also has an explanation for each phrase of the Pledge—including what it means to be one nation under God.

The poster they’ve created uses the words of the Declaration of Independence to explain “one nation under God.” It’s being used in public school classrooms across the country. To receive your free copy of the Pledge of Allegiance poster for your family, visit

I applaud Gateways for its tremendous work of equipping parents and teachers so they can help our children and grandchildren understand the importance of our Christian heritage.

That’s a task we should all take up.
Further Reading and Information

Gateways to Better Education
Complimentary Pledge of Allegiance poster & Schools District Guidelines for the Use of Bible Stories in the Classroom []

Ninth Circuit Upholds Pledge of Allegiance in Public Schools
Jaclyn Belczyk | The Jurist | March 11, 2010 []

Copyright © 2010 Prison Fellowship. All Rights Reserved _ _
Residents of Columbia County, Arkansas are represented in Congress by:
Senator Blanche Lambert Lincoln (D_ AR)
Phone 202_224_4843
FAX 202_228_1371
Senator Mark Pryor (D_ AR)
Phone 202_224_2353
FAX 202_228_0908
Representative Michael A. Ross (D _ 04)
Phone 202_225_3772
FAX 202_225_1314
Other states congresspersons can be found at: []
Words of the Day:
# premorse: pertaining to the end of something irregularly shortened, as if bitten or broken off.
# balneal: pertaining to baths or bathing.
# incunabulum: the earliest stages or first traces of anything.
# tare: the weight of the wrapping or container that holds an object.
# piquant: agreeably stimulating, interesting, or attractive.
# ruction: a disturbance, quarrel, or row.
# vellicate: to touch (a body part) lightly so as to excite the surface nerves and cause uneasiness, laughter, or spasmodic movements.
# foudroyant: sudden and overwhelming in effect.
# gormandize: to eat greedily or ravenously.
# distrain: to seize the property of (a person) in order to compel payment of debts.
# lupine: savage; ravenous; predatory.
# galore: in abundance; in plentiful amounts.
# orthoepy: the study of correct pronunciation.
# schlep: to move slowly, awkwardly, or tediously.
"The end of wisdom is to dream high enough to lose the dream in the seeking of it." - William Faulkner

"Action may not always bring happiness, but there is no happiness without action." - Benjamin Disraeli

"Reflect on your present blessings, of which every man has many; not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some." - Charles Dickens

"If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail." - Abraham Maslow

"My future starts when I wake up every morning. Every day I find something creative to do with my life." - Miles Davis

"To think is to speak low. To speak is to think aloud." - F. Max Mueller

"The happiness of a man in this life does not consist in the absence but in the mastery of his passions." - Alfred Lord Tennyson

"When in doubt, tell the truth."- Mark Twain

"I think a hero is an ordinary individual who finds strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles."- Christopher Reeve

"To love deeply in one direction makes us more loving in all others."- Anne-Sophie Swetchine

"Repetition does not transform a lie into a truth.- Franklin Roosevelt

"The only thing that overcomes hard luck is hard work."- Harry Golden

"A weak man has doubts before a decision, a strong man has them afterwards."- Karl Karus

"Ask yourself whether you are happy, and you cease to be so." - John Stuart Mills

Major First Amendment and Pro-Life Victory in Washington, D.C.
Rev. Patrick J. Mahoney (Aug 16, 2010)
"We thank God for this important victory for free speech, public prayer and the First Amendment. The City of Washington, D.C. got it right when they reversed their tragic decision to arrest American citizens for simply praying on a public sidewalk."
Read Full Story []

Slugger Albert Pujols brings Opportunities for Baseball and the Gospel to the Dominican Republic
Aimee Herd (Aug 16, 2010)
"He uses baseball as a platform. But really what he's interested in is spreading the Word of God, being a good Christian man, and leading people to the Lord."
Read Full Story []

310 2nd Ave SE
Albany, Oregon 97321
US Orders: 1_866_358_7426
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GCF: Muffins

Emailed to me from another humor list (Daily Humor) -Tom To subscribe to Daily Humor, send a blank email to:

If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! Just send an email to:

I tried a new recipe for corn-bread muffins using fresh corn. After tasting one, my seven-year-old son made no comment.

"Honey," I asked, "did you notice anything different about my muffins?"

"Yeah, Mom," he replied. "They're not burned."
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me from another humor list (Daily Humor) -Tom To subscribe to Daily Humor, send a blank email to:

GCF: Black Death

The elderly parish priest was tending his garden near the convent when a passerby stopped to inquire after the priest's much-loved roses.

"Not bad," said the priest, "but they suffer from a disease peculiar to this area known as the black death."

"What on earth is that?" asked the passerby, anxious to increase his garden knowledge.

"Nuns with scissors."
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me another humor list (Clean Joke of the Day) -Tom Subscribe to Clean Joke of the Day by visiting the website:

GCF: Lady in the Park

A little girl asked her mother for a dollar to give to an old lady in the park. Her mother was touched by the child's kindness, and gave her the dollar.

"There you are, my dear," said the mother. "But, tell me, isn't the lady able to work any more?"

"Oh yes," came the reply. "She sells candy."

_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me another humor list (Clean Joke of the Day) -Tom Subscribe to Clean Joke of the Day by visiting the website:
GCF: Proof of Citizenship

Before I could start my first job right out of college I had to present evidence that I was a U.S. citizen. I showed up with my driver's license and birth certificate.

The clerk looked at my driver's license and copied down some information. She then picked up my birth certificate and gave it a long look.

"Is anything wrong?" I asked.

"Yes," she said. "I can't find the expiration date."
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Howard) -Tom

GCF: Going Out?

I was driving around and around a parking garage in search of an available space.

Nothing. - - - Then I noticed a couple walking ahead of me. Hopefully I called, "Going out?"

"No," said the man. "Just friends."
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me from another humor list (Daily Humor) -Tom To subscribe to Daily Humor, send a blank email to:

GCF: Priceless?

With fire alarms blaring at my mom's apartment complex, she grabbed her favorite bathing suit and ran out.

"A bathing suit?" I said later. "Of all the priceless things in that apartment, that's what you chose to save?"

"Material things come and go," she said with a shrug. But a one-piece suit that doesn't make you look fat is impossible to replace."
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Jennie) -Tom
GCF: A Lawyer Question

A lawyer was asked if he would like to become a Jehovah's Witness. He declined, stating that he hadn't seen the accident, but said that he would still be interested in taking the case.
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Harold) -Tom

GCF: Family Skeletons


You are working on your family genealogy and for sake of example, let's say that your great-great uncle, Remus Starr, a fellow lacking in character, was hanged for horse stealing and train robbery in Montana in 1889.

A cousin has supplied you with the only known photograph of Remus, showing him standing on the gallows. On the back of the picture are the words:

"Remus Starr: Horse thief, sent to Montana Territorial Prison, 1885. Escaped 1887, robbed the Montana Flyer six times. Caught by Pinkerton detectives, convicted and hanged, 1889."

Pretty grim situation, right? But let's revise things a bit. We simply crop the picture, scan in an enlarged image and edit it with image processing software so that all that is seen is a head shot.

Next, we rewrite the text:

"Remus Starr was a famous cowboy in the Montana Territory. His business empire grew to include acquisition of valuable equestrian assets and intimate dealings with the Montana railroad.

Beginning in 1885, he devoted several years of his life to service at a government facility, finally taking leave to resume his dealings with the railroad. In 1887, he was a key player in a vital investigation run by the renowned Pinkerton Detective Agency. In 1889, Remus passed away during an important civic function held in his honor when the platform upon which he was standing collapsed."
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Howard) -Tom

GCF: Report Card

Mother: "This is the worst report card I've ever seen."
Son: "Look at the bright side; you know I'm not cheating."
_ ____________________________ _
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / \ /
\ _/ I am a nutritional overachiever. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / Always take time to stop \ \_/ ////
\ / and smell the roses. \ /
\ _/ Sooner or later, \_ /
/ / you'll inhale a bee. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / I like long walks, \ /
\ _/ especially when they are \_ /
/ / taken by people who annoy me. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / If Bill Gates had a dime for \ /
\ _/ every time Windows crashed ... \_ /
/ / Oh, wait a minute, he already does. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / A truly wise man never \ /
\ _/ plays leapfrog with a unicorn. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Why is the alphabet in that \ /
\ _/order? Is it because of that song?\_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / "Don't ever take a fence down \ /
\ _/ until you know why it was put up."\_ /
/ / - Robert Frost. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / If a tree falls in the forest \ /
\ _/ and no one is around to see it, \_ /
/ / do the other trees make fun of it? \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Other people have wrinkles. \ /
\ _/ I have character lines. \_ /
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_ ____________________________ _
/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( \
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Two Rednecks (Appalachian Americans), Larry and Doug, are sitting at their favorite bar, drinking beer.

Larry turns to Doug and says, 'You know, I'm tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the Community College and sign up for some classes.'

Doug thinks it's a good idea and the two leave.

The next day, Larry goes down to the college and meets Dean of Admissions, who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math, English, history, and Logic.

'Logic?' Larry says. 'What's that?'

The dean says, 'I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed eater?'


'Then logically speaking, because you own a weed eater, I think that you would have a yard.'

'That's true, I do have a yard.'

'I'm not done,' the dean says. 'Because you have a yard, I think logically that you would have a house.'

'Yes, I do have a house.'

'And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a family.'

'Yes, I have a family.

'I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must have a wife. And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must be a heterosexual.'

'I am a heterosexual. That's amazing, you were able to find out all of that because I have a weed eater.'

Excited to take the class now, Larry shakes the Dean's hand and leaves to go meet Doug at the bar. He tells Doug about his classes, how he is signed up for Math, English, History, and Logic.

'Logic? ' Doug says, 'What's that?'

Larry says, 'I'll give you an example. Do you have a weed eater?'


'Then you're gay.'

Thanks to John Burge
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I have often wondered why it is that the conservatives are called the right and the liberals are called the left. By chance stumbled upon this verse in the Bible: Ecclesiastes 10:2 (NIV)
The heart of the wise inclines to the right, but the heart of the fool to the left.
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We Must Stop This Immediately
Have you noticed that stairs are getting steeper. Groceries are heavier. And, everything is farther away. Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our street had become!
And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones. They speak in whispers all the time! If you ask them to speak up they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent message until they're red in the face! What do they think I am, a lip reader?
I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age. On the other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am. I ran into an old friend the other day and she has aged so much that she didn't even recognize me.
I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own reflection well, REALLY NOW - even mirrors are not made the way they used to be!
Another thing, everyone drives so fast these days! You're risking life and limb if you happen to pull onto the motorway in front of them. All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror.
Clothing manufacturers are less civilized these days. Why else would they suddenly start labeling a size 10 or 12 dress as 18 or 20? Do they think no one notices? The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank. Do they think I actually 'believe' the number I see on that dial? HA! I would never let myself weigh that much! Just who do these people think they're fooling?
I'd like to call up someone in authority to report what's going on -- but the telephone company is in on the conspiracy too: they've printed the phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a number in there!

All I can do is pass along this warning:


Unless something drastic happens, pretty soon everyone will have to suffer these awful indignities.

PS: I am sending this to you in a larger font size, because something has happened to my computer's fonts - they are smaller than they once were.

Thanks to Gena Hammock
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Railroad tracks.
The US standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number.
Why was that gauge used? Because that's the way they built them in England, and English expatriates designed the US railroads.
Why did the English build them like that? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used.
Why did 'they' use that gauge then? Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they had used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing.
Why did the wagons have that particular odd wheel spacing? Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would break on some of the old, long distance roads in England, because that's the spacing of the wheel ruts.
So who built those old rutted roads? Imperial Rome built the first long distance roads in Europe (including England ) for their legions. Those roads have been used ever since.
And the ruts in the roads? Roman war chariots formed the initial ruts, which everyone else had to match for fear of destroying their wagon wheels.
Since the chariots were made for Imperial Rome, they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing. Therefore the United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches is derived from the original specifications for an Imperial Roman war chariot. Bureaucracies live forever.

So the next time you are handed a specification/procedure/process and wonder 'What horse's rear came up with this?' , you may be exactly right. Imperial Roman army chariots were made just wide enough to accommodate the rear ends of two war horses. (Two horses' rears.)

Now, the twist to the story:
When you see a Space Shuttle sitting on its launch pad, there are two big booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank. These are solid rocket boosters, or SRBs. The SRBs are made by Thiokol at their factory in Utah. The engineers who designed the SRBs would have preferred to make them a bit fatter, but the SRBs had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch site. The railroad line from the factory happens to run through a tunnel in the mountains, and the SRBs had to fit through that tunnel. The tunnel is slightly wider than the railroad track, and the railroad track, as you now know, is about as wide as two horses' behinds.

So, a major Space Shuttle design feature of what is arguably the world's most advanced transportation system was determined over two thousand years ago by the width of a horse's rear. And you thought being a horse's rear wasn't important? Ancient horse's rears control almost everything... and the current
Horses Rears in Washington are controlling everything else!
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Kulula is a low-cost South-African airline with head office situated in Johannesburg. This airline doesn't take itself too seriously. Kulula airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:
On a Kulula flight, (there is no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"
On another flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."
On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings.. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."
"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane."
"Thank you for flying Kulula. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Durban Airport , a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"
After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in the Karoo , a flight attendant on a flight announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."
From a Kulula employee: " Welcome aboard Kulula 271 to Port Elizabeth. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."
"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite."
Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Kulula Airlines."
"Your seats cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."
"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.."
And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Kulula Airlines is pleased to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"
Heard on Kulula 255 just after a very hard landing in Cape Town : The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."
Overheard on a Kulula flight into Cape Town , on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain really had to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to The Mother City. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"
Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."
An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline. He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?"
"Why, no Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?" The little old lady said,
"Did we land, or were we shot down?"
After a real crusher of a landing in Johannesburg , the attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.."
Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today.. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of Kulula Airways."
Heard on a Kulula flight. "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing.. If you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."
Thanks to Gary Foreman
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Which side of the fence?

If you ever wondered which side of the fence you sit on, this is a great test!

If a Republican doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one.
If a Democrat doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.

If a Republican is a vegetarian, he doesn't eat meat.
If a Democrat is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.

If a Republican is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.
If a Democrat is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.

If a Republican is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation.
A Democrat wonders who is going to take care of him.

If a Republican doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels.
Democrats demand that those they don't like be shut down.

If a Republican is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church.
A Democrat non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced.

If a Republican decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it.
A Democrat demands that the rest of us pay for his.

Thanks to Gary Foreman
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A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"
She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."
"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"
"It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded.
"I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?" "I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents."
He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"
"No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."
"Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your
marriage?" "Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets.
We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions
is yes."
"Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"
"Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do."
Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?"
"Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me."

Thanks to Waneta
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1979: Long hair
2009: Longing for hair

1979: KEG
2009: EKG

1979 : Acid rock
2009: Acid reflux

1979: Moving to California because it's cool
2009: Moving to Arizona because it's warm

1979: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
2009: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor

1979: Seeds and stems
2009: Roughage

1979: Hoping for a BMW
2009: Hoping for a BM

1979: Going to a new, hip joint
2009: Receiving a new hip joint

1979: Rolling Stones
2009: Kidney Stones

1979: Screw the system
2009: Upgrade the system

1979: Disco
2009: Costco

1979: Parents begging you to get your hair cut
2009: Children begging you to get their heads shaved

1979: Passing the drivers' test
2009: Passing the vision test

1979: Whatever cid:7388426D66BE45D58F57E4A89C9F2719@stafford5499c6
2009: Depends cid:F7B3CE675EDB4FB0996971417DAC5DA4@stafford5499c6

Just in case you weren't feeling too old today, this will certainly change things. Each year the staff at Beloit College in Wisconsin puts together a list to try to give the faculty a sense of the mindset of this year's incoming freshmen. Here's this year's list:

The people who are starting college this fall across the nation are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up.
Their lifetime has always included AIDS.
Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic.
The CD was introduced before they were born.
They have always had an answering machine, and their phones have always been cordless.
They have always had cable.
They cannot fathom NOT having a remote control.
Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.
Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.
They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.
They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are.
They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.
They never heard: "Where's the Beef?", "I'd walk a mile for a Camel", or "de plane, Boss, de plane.."
They do not care who shot J. R. And have no idea who J. R. even is.
McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers..
They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.

Thanks to Waneta
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"What's the matter, buddy?"
"Ohhh, it's my girlfriend."
" What's the problem?"
"When I asked her if she could learn to love me she asked how much I was willing to spend on her education."

Thought for Today:
"A little government and a little luck are necessary in life, but only a fool trusts either of them."
(P.J. O'Rourke, b. 1947)

Thanks to Waneta
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Senior Sense

$5.37 ... That's what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bueno said to me. I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and something that used to be a Jolly Rancher. Having already handed the kid a five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck to grab some change when the kid with the Elmo hairdo said the harshest thing anyone has ever said to me. He said, "It's OK. I'll just give you the senior citizen discount."
I turned to see who he was talking to and then heard the sound of change hitting the counter in front of me. "Only $4.68" he said cheerfully. I stood there stupefied. I am 58, not even 60 yet, a mere child! Senior citizen?
I took my burrito and walked out to the truck wondering what was wrong with Elmo. Was he blind? As I sat in the truck, my blood began to boil. Old? Me?
I'll show him, I thought. I opened the door and headed back inside. I strode to the counter, and there he was waiting with a smile. Before I could say a word, he held up something and jingled it in front of me, like I could be that easily distracted! What am I now? A toddler?
"Dude! Can't get too far without your car keys, eh?" I stared with utter disdain at the keys. I began to rationalize in my mind. "Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly! It could happen to anyone!"
I turned and headed back to the truck. I slipped the key into the ignition, but it wouldn't turn. What now? I checked my keys and tried another. Still nothing. That's when I noticed the purple beads hanging from my rearview mirror. I had no purple beads hanging from my rearview mirror.
Then, a few other objects came into focus. The car seat in the back seat.. Happy Meal toys spread all over the floorboard. A partially eaten doughnut on the dashboard.
Faster than you can say ginkgo biloba, I flew out of the alien vehicle.. Moments later I was speeding out of the parking lot, relieved to finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my life. That is when I felt it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger! My stomach growled and churned, and I reached to grab my burrito, only it was nowhere to be found.
I swung the truck around, gathered my courage, and strode back into the restaurant one final time. There Elmo stood, draped in youth and black nail polish. All I could think was, "What is the world coming to?" All I could say was, "Did I leave my food and drink in here?" At this point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle, and then go straight home and apply for Social Security benefits.
Emo had no clue. I walked back out to the truck, and suddenly a young lad came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention. He was holding up a drink and a bag. His mother explained, "I think you left this in my truck by mistake." I took the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized. She offered these kind words: "It's OK. My grandfather does stuff like this all the time."
All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40. Yes, I was racing some punk kid in a Toyota Prius.. And no, I told the officer, I'm not too old to be driving this fast.
As I walked in the front door, my wife met me halfway down the hall. I handed her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding ticket. I promptly sat in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a blanky.
The good news was I had successfully found my way home.
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Old man O'Malley had worked down at the brewery for years, but one day he just wasn't paying attention and he tripped on the walkway and fell over into the beer vat and drowned.

The foreman thought it should be his job to inform the widow O'Malley of her old man's death. He showed up at the front door and rang the bell. When she came to the door, he said, "I'm sorry to tell you, but your poor husband passed away at work today when he fell into the vat and drowned."

She wept and covered her face with her apron. After a time, between sobs, she asked, "Tell me, did he suffer?"

"Knowing Brian O'Malley as well as I did, I don't think so," said the foreman. "He got out three times to go to the men's room."

Received from ArcaMax Jokes.


A clueless freshman was in his college campus bookstore.

Questioning the store clerk about a book for one of his classes, the clerk responded, "This book will do half the job for you."

"Good," the freshman replied. "I'll take two."

Received from ArcaMax Jokes.


How do you identify a bald eagle?

All his feathers are combed over to one side.

Received from ArcaMax Jokes.


The village blacksmith finally found an apprentice willing to work hard for long hours. The blacksmith immediately began his instructions to the lad, "When I take the shoe out of the fire, I'll lay it on the anvil; and when I nod my head, you hit it with this hammer."

The apprentice did just as he was told. Now he's the village blacksmith.

Received from ArcaMax Jokes.


The kindergarten class was learning the letters of the alphabet.

"What comes after 'T'?" the teacher asked.

Johnny quickly replied, "V."

Received from Doc's Daily Chuckle.


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Brought to you by The Good, Clean Funnies List A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a) Mail address: GCFL, Box 100, Harvest, AL 35749, USA
To print or email this funny to others, go to
The latest GCFL funny can always be found on the web at
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Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Column - -

Tricky Limerick
August 22nd, 2010

A fellow who loved doing tricks
Had begun doing magic at six.
He was jailed for his skill
Cuz he used it for ill —
Made his enemies vanish for kicks.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Limerick-Offs.
Secrets Of The Trade - Off-Broadway Play Review In Verse
August 20th, 2010

Last night hubby Mark and I had a wonderful theater experience. We saw Secrets of the Trade, starring Noah Robbins, Mark Nelson, Amy Aquino, John Glover, and Bill Brochtrup (whom you may recognize as “Gay John” from NYPD Blue.

The play, written by Jonathan Tolins and directed by Matt Shakman, centers around Andy Lipman. Who’s Andy Lipman? He’s a fictional (and yet somehow familiar) ambitious, Long Island kid who dreams of a career on Broadway and hopes to be helped by Martin Kerner, a theater legend whom he idolizes. I enjoyed it so much, that I felt compelled to review it in verse:

Saw Secrets of the Trade last night.
The play was great to our delight.
With cast so fine and script superb,
I had to pen this glowing blurb.

The playwright Tolins is new to me.
He made us giggle gleefully.
And Noah Robbins — he’s the star.
A mere nineteen and bound to go far.

The rest of the cast is just as strong.
I’d name them, but this poem’s too long.
So get yourself to Off-Broadway,
And see this fun, outstanding play.
Bad News Limerick
August 16th, 2010

A diva was slammed in the news.
The column was chock full of boos.
It lambasted her voice
And her musical choice.
Now that woman is singing the blues.
High-Tech Limerick
August 11th, 2010

A woman who hated high tech
Found computers a pain in the neck.
Whether Mac or PC,
How that gal longed to flee
Back five decades — a time machine trek.

© Madeleine Begun Kane. All Rights Reserved.
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Six Months to Go Until
The Largest Tax Hikes in History
From Ryan Ellis on Wednesday, July 7, 2010 5:27 PM
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In just six months, the largest tax hikes in the history of America will take effect. They will hit families and small businesses in three great waves on January 1, 2011:

(N.B. This version of the document contains even more tax hikes than the original version did)

First Wave: Expiration of 2001 and 2003 Tax Relief

In 2001 and 2003, the GOP Congress enacted several tax cuts for investors, small business owners, and families. These will all expire on January 1, 2011:

Personal income tax rates will rise. The top income tax rate will rise from 35 to 39.6 percent (this is also the rate at which two-thirds of small business profits are taxed). The lowest rate will rise from 10 to 15 percent. All the rates in between will also rise. Itemized deductions and personal exemptions will again phase out, which has the same mathematical effect as higher marginal tax rates. The full list of marginal rate hikes is below:

- The 10% bracket rises to an expanded 15%
- The 25% bracket rises to 28%
- The 28% bracket rises to 31%
- The 33% bracket rises to 36%
- The 35% bracket rises to 39.6%

Higher taxes on marriage and family. The “marriage penalty” (narrower tax brackets for married couples) will return from the first dollar of income. The child tax credit will be cut in half from $1000 to $500 per child. The standard deduction will no longer be doubled for married couples relative to the single level. The dependent care and adoption tax credits will be cut.

The return of the Death Tax. This year, there is no death tax. For those dying on or after January 1 2011, there is a 55 percent top death tax rate on estates over $1 million. A person leaving behind two homes and a retirement account could easily pass along a death tax bill to their loved ones.

Higher tax rates on savers and investors. The capital gains tax will rise from 15 percent this year to 20 percent in 2011. The dividends tax will rise from 15 percent this year to 39.6 percent in 2011. These rates will rise another 3.8 percent in 2013.

Second Wave: Obamacare

There are over twenty new or higher taxes in Obamacare. Several will first go into effect on January 1, 2011. They include:

The Tanning Tax. This went into effect on July 1st of this year. It imposes a new, 10% excise tax on getting a tan at a tanning salon. There is no exemption for tanners making less than $250,000 per year.

The “Medicine Cabinet Tax” Thanks to Obamacare, Americans will no longer be able to use health savings account (HSA), flexible spending account (FSA), or health reimbursement (HRA) pre-tax dollars to purchase non-prescription, over-the-counter medicines (except insulin).

The HSA Withdrawal Tax Hike. This provision of Obamacare increases the additional tax on non-medical early withdrawals from an HSA from 10 to 20 percent, disadvantaging them relative to IRAs and other tax-advantaged accounts, which remain at 10 percent.

Brand Name Drug Tax. Starting next year, there will be a multi-billion dollar tax assessment imposed on name-brand drug manufacturers. This tax, like all excise taxes, will raise the price of medicine, hurting everyone.

Economic Substance Doctrine. The IRS is now empowered to disallow perfectly-legal tax deductions and maneuvers merely because it judges that the deduction or action lacks “economic substance.” This is obviously an arbitrary empowerment of IRS agents.

Employer Reporting of Health Insurance Costs on a W-2. This will start for W-2s in the 2011 tax year. While not a tax increase in itself, it makes it very easy for Congress to tax employer-provided healthcare benefits later.

Third Wave: The Alternative Minimum Tax and Employer Tax Hikes

When Americans prepare to file their tax returns in January of 2011, they’ll be in for a nasty surprise—the AMT won’t be held harmless, and many tax relief provisions will have expired. These major items include:

The AMT will ensnare over 28 million families, up from 4 million last year. According to the left-leaning Tax Policy Center, Congress’ failure to index the AMT will lead to an explosion of AMT taxpaying families—rising from 4 million last year to 28.5 million. These families will have to calculate their tax burdens twice, and pay taxes at the higher level. The AMT was created in 1969 to ensnare a handful of taxpayers.

Small business expensing will be slashed and 50% expensing will disappear. Small businesses can normally expense (rather than slowly-deduct, or “depreciate”) equipment purchases up to $250,000. This will be cut all the way down to $25,000. Larger businesses can expense half of their purchases of equipment. In January of 2011, all of it will have to be “depreciated.”

Taxes will be raised on all types of businesses. There are literally scores of tax hikes on business that will take place. The biggest is the loss of the “research and experimentation tax credit,” but there are many, many others. Combining high marginal tax rates with the loss of this tax relief will cost jobs.

Tax Benefits for Education and Teaching Reduced. The deduction for tuition and fees will not be available. Tax credits for education will be limited. Teachers will no longer be able to deduct classroom expenses. Coverdell Education Savings Accounts will be cut. Employer-provided educational assistance is curtailed. The student loan interest deduction will be disallowed for hundreds of thousands of families.

Charitable Contributions from IRAs no longer allowed. Under current law, a retired person with an IRA can contribute up to $100,000 per year directly to a charity from their IRA. This contribution also counts toward an annual “required minimum distribution.” This ability will no longer be there.

Read more:

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The Charlie Schulz Philosophy

1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.
2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.
3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America pageant.
4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.
5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best actor and actress.
6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.

How did you do? The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday.
These are no second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields. But the applause dies.
Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.

Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one:

1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.
2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.
3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.
4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special!
5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.


The lesson: The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money or the most awards. They simply are the ones who care the most.

Thanks to Waneta
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TOURBUS - - Vol 15, Number 57
25 Aug 2010
80,000 Riders in Over 100 Countries

VOIP Phones / Upgrade Your Memory / Web Hosting / Online Genealogy / Employee Monitoring / People Finders Welcome back, everyone... I'm back after a scorching summer break, a mysterious LISTSERV outage, and the 15th birthday of the Internet Tourbus! We started this ride back in July 1995, and some of you have been on board ever since. Thanks for all the kind words -- let's keep it rolling!

In today's TOURBUS, you'll learn about VOIP Phones for free Internet calling, how and when to Upgrade Your Computer's Memory, and how to choose a Web Hosting Company. I've also got some great online tools to help with Finding Relatives and Ancestors, the dirty lowdown on Employee Internet Monitoring, and tips on Finding People And Businesses online. Read on!

VOIP Phones for Free Internet Calling
Voice over IP (VoIP) is a great alternative to traditional landline phones for making phone calls. VoIP even beats cell phones on price - it's free from service providers such as Skype, Yahoo Voice, and others. But the hardware you use to make free Internet phone calls is another matter.
That's where VoIP phones come in. Here's the scoop on the gear you need to make free phone calls from your computer...

Should You Upgrade Your Computer's Memory?
A computer that doesn't have enough RAM memory will run like a car with a bad cylinder. So whether you're buying a new computer or upgrading an existing one, memory is an important consideration. Buy too little memory and your entire system will be slowed down, overworked, and some programs may not run at all. Buy too much memory and you're wasting money.
Here's some help to determine how much memory you need, what kind to buy, and where to get it...

How to Choose a Web Hosting Company
Got a website, or thinking about it? The website hosting industry is highly competitive. That's good for buyers seeking the best hosting companies or discount hosting; you can find a Web host that meets your requirements no matter what they are. But it can also be confusing, because it's hard to tell what's behind the fancy corporate Web front-end.
Here's my advice on choosing a reputable website hosting company that fits your needs...

Find Relatives and Ancestors With Online Tools
Family relations and genealogy are fascinating to many people. You probably know your parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings, and biological children. But beyond one or two degrees of separation lie thousands of members of your "extended family." To trace who you are related to now, you need to go back in time to some point in history.
Here are some tools to help you dig into your ancestry...

Employee Internet Monitoring
Providing employees with Internet access at work is a necessity for many businesses. But there are several important reasons to monitor and control employees' Internet access. Productivity is a big one; researchers estimate that employees waste an average of about one hour a day online, and I'm sure you know people who seem to fritter away the entire day on the Web.
Here's what you need to know about internet monitoring and filtering in the workplace...

How to Find People And Businesses Online
A reader asks: "As part of my job, I often need to find information about people using online tools. But some names are more difficult than others. Can you suggest any clever ways to find people online?" The online tools which help you find people and businesses can be as simple as search engines or as sophisticated as a "Big Brother" national surveillance data bank that every tin-foil hat wearer worries about.
Here are some of the best tools to help you search for people and business info...

That's all for now, see you next time!
-- Bob Rankin
==[ Tourbus Rider Information ]===
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NEVER FORGET! We're listing the names of our soldiers killed since our last Bleat was published (August 13). These records can be found at

01. Staff Sgt. Michael A. Bock, 26, of Leesburg, Fla., died Aug. 13 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to the 3rd Combat Engineer Battalion, 1st Marine Division, I Marine Expeditionary Force, based at Marine Corps Air Ground Combat Center Twentynine Palms, Calif.

02. Spc. Jamal M. Rhett, 24, of Palmyra, N.J., died Aug. 15 in Ba Qubah, Iraq, of wounds suffered when insurgents attacked his vehicle with grenades. He was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 21st Infantry Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 25th Infantry Division, Schofield Barracks, Hawaii.

03. Staff Sgt. Derek J. Farley, 24, of Nassau, N.Y., died Aug. 17 at Bala Boluk, Farah, Afghanistan, of wounds sustained when an improvised explosive device detonated as he attempted to disarm it. He was assigned to the 18th Combat Sustainment Support Battalion, 16th Sustainment Brigade, 21st Theater Sustainment Command, Grafenwoehr, Germany.

The Department of Defense announced the deaths of two soldiers who were supporting Operation Enduring Freedom. They died Aug.17 in Kunar province, Afghanistan, of wounds sustained when an improvised explosive device caused a military vehicle roll-over. Killed were:
04. Pfc. Benjamen G. Chisholm, 24, of Fort Worth, Texas.
05. Pvt. Charles M. High, IV, 21, of Albuquerque, N.M.
They were assigned to the 1st Battalion, 327th Infantry Regiment, 1st Brigade Combat Team, 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault), Fort Campbell, Ky.

06. Sgt. 1st Class Edgar N. Roberts, 39, of Hinesville, Ga., died Aug. 17 at the National Naval Medical Center, Bethesda, Md., of wounds sustained June 26 at Sayed Abad, Afghanistan, when insurgents attacked his unit using an improvised explosive device. He was assigned to 810th Engineer Company (SAPPER), Swainsboro, Ga.

07. Lance Cpl. Kevin E. Oratowski, 23, of Wheaton, Ill., died Aug. 18 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to 1st Light Armored Reconnaissance Battalion, 1st Marine Division, I Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Pendleton, Calif.

08. Sgt. Martin A. Lugo, 24, of Tucson, Ariz., died Aug. 19 in Puli Alam, Afghanistan, of wounds sustained when insurgents attacked his unit with small arms fire. He was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 75th Ranger Regiment, Hunter Army Air Field, Ga.

09. Chief Petty Officer (SEAL) Collin Thomas, 33, of Morehead, Ky., died Aug. 18 during a combat operation in eastern Afghanistan. Thomas was assigned to an east coast-based SEAL team.

10. Lance Cpl. Cody S. Childers, 19, of Chesapeake, Va., died Aug. 20 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to 2nd Battalion, 6th Marine Regiment, 2nd Marine Division, IIMarine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C.

11. Cpl. Christopher J. Boyd, 22, of Palatine, Ill., died Aug. 19 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 4th Marine Regiment, 1st Marine Division, IMarine Expeditionary Force, Camp Pendleton, Calif.

12. Spc. Christopher S. Wright, 23, of Tollesboro, Ky., died Aug. 19 in Pech, Afghanistan, of wounds sustained when insurgents attacked his unit using small arms fire. He was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 75th Ranger Regiment, Hunter Army Air Field, Ga.

13. Lance Cpl. Nathaniel J. A. Schultz, 19, of Safety Harbor, Fla., died Aug. 21 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 6th Marine Regiment, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C.

14. Pfc. Alexis V. Maldonado, 20, of Wichita Falls, Texas, died Aug. 21 at Kandahar Air Field, Afghanistan of wounds sustained when insurgents attacked his unit using small arms fire in Zhari province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to the 20th Engineer Battalion, 36th Engineer Brigade, Fort Hood, Texas.

The Department of Defense announced the deaths of two soldiers who were supporting Operation Enduring Freedom. They died Aug. 22 at Paktika, Afghanistan, of wounds sustained when insurgents attacked their unit with small arms and rocket propelled grenade fire. Killed were:
15. Sgt. Steven J. Deluzio, 25, of South Glastonbury, Conn.
16. Spc. Tristan H. Southworth, 21, of West Danville, Vt.
They were assigned to the 172nd Infantry, 86th Infantry Brigade Combat Team, Jericho, Vt.

17. Sgt. Brandon E. Maggart, 24, of Kirksville, Mo., died Aug. 22 at Basrah, Iraq, of wounds sustained when insurgents attacked his unit using indirect fire. He was assigned to the 5th Battalion, 5th Air Defense Artillery Regiment, Joint Base Lewis-McChord, Wash.

18. Spc. Pedro A. Millet Meletiche, 20, of Elizabeth, N. J., died Aug. 22 at Arghandab River Valley, Afghanistan, of wounds sustained when insurgents attacked his unit using an improvised explosive device. He was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 66th Armor Regiment, 1st Brigade Combat Team, 4th Infantry Division, Fort Carson, Colo.

19. Sgt. Jason D. Calo, 23, of Lexington, Ky., died Aug. 22 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 6th Marine Regiment, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C.

20. Sgt. Ronald A. Rodriguez, 26, of Falls Church, Va., died Aug. 23 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 11th Marine Regiment, 1st Marine Division, I Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Pendleton, Calif.

21. Lance Cpl. Robert J. Newton, 21, of Creve Coeur, Ill., died Aug. 23 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to 3rd Battalion, 7th Marine Regiment, 1st Marine Division, I Marine Expeditionary Force, based at Marine Corps Air Ground Combat Center Twentynine Palms, Calif.

22. Spc. Justin B. Shoecraft, 28, of Elkhart, Ind., died Aug. 24 at Tarin Kowt, Afghanistan, of wounds sustained when insurgents attacked his unit using an improvised explosive device at Kakarak, Afghanistan. He was assigned to the 1st Squadron, 2nd Stryker Cavalry Regiment, Vilseck, Germany.
Airman Missing In Action From WWII Identified

The Department of Defense POW/Missing Personnel Office (DPMO) announced today that the remains of a U.S. serviceman, missing in action from World War II, have been identified and returned to his family for burial with full military honors.

U.S. Army Air Forces 1st Lt. Ray F. Fletcher, of Westborough, Mass., will be buried Aug. 20 in Burlington, Vt.

On May 10, 1944, he and four others aboard a B-25C Mitchell bomber took off from Ajaccio, Corsica, on a routine courier mission to Ghisonaccia, Corsica. They failed to reach the destination and were officially reported missing on May 13, 1944. Two days later, French police reported finding aircraft wreckage on the island’s Mount Cagna.

The U.S. Army’s Graves Registration Command visited the crash site in 1944 and reported remains were not recoverable. It was not until May 1989 that Corsican authorities notified U.S. Army Memorial Affairs Activity-Europe that they had found wreckage of an American WWII-era aircraft and turned over human remains collected at the mountainous location. They sent a survey team to the site and determined the terrain was too rugged to support a recovery effort. In 2003 and 2004, two French nationals provided U.S. authorities with crew-related equipment recovered from the crash site.

A Joint Prisoners of War, Missing in Action Accounting Command (JPAC) team excavated the location in September 2005 and recovered additional human remains as well as more crew-related equipment.

Among other forensic identification tools and circumstantial evidence, scientists from JPAC and the Armed Forces DNA Identification Laboratory used mitochondrial DNA in the identification of Fletcher’s remains.

This month marks the 65th anniversary of the end of World War II. More than 400,000 of the 16 million Americans who served during the war died. At the end of the conflict, the U.S. government was unable to recover, identify and bury approximately 79,000 as known persons. Today, more than 72,000 World War II Americans remain unaccounted-for.

For additional information on the Defense Department’s mission to account for missing Americans, visit the DPMO Web site at or call 703-699-1420.
DOD Announces Military and Overseas Voting Waivers
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"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." __ Franklin D. Roosevelt
"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle."
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. _ _ George Carlin
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" _ _ Queen E. Watson
“A political class of Republicans and Democrats that look after themselves, not the Nation. A media hostile to the very precepts of this nation. A generation of Americans who see morals as vices, and are ignorant of America's Actual History.”
"The things that will destroy America are prosperity-at-any-price, peace-at-any-price, safety-first instead of duty-first, the love of soft living, and the get-rich-quick theory of life." - - Theodore Roosevelt
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Scheduled Activities
Men's Prayer Breakfast held every Tuesday morning at 6 AM in Miller's Cafeteria. If you aren't a regular participant at the Men's Prayer Breakfast, you're missing some great food, fellowship and inspired teaching of the Word. Hope to see you there.
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Emergency Phone Number 911
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )
Central Dispatch 234_5655
(Non _ Emergency Number)
Direct Numbers
Ambulance _ 234_7371 (24 Hour)
Jail _ 234_5331 (24 Hour)
Poison Control _ 800_222_1222 (24 Hour)
http://www. aapcc. org/
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Interested in getting in touch with the Banner_News through e_mail?
E_mail addresses for communicating with the newspaper’s various departments are: For the editor, For news and sports items, Coming Events, Diary, Church News, school and civic events.
advertising@bannernews. net For retail and classified advertising.
circulation@bannernews. net To start, stop or cancel newspaper delivery or for comments about delivery.
outfitters For Office Outfitters, the office supply division of the Banner_News.
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"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." __ "Bug"
"I read the end of the book. We win!" __ "Bug"
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." __ "Bug"
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." _ _ "Bug"
"It's no big deal doing what God tells you to do. A big deal would be NOT doing what God tells you to do. Just ask Jonah." _ _ Paul Troquille
“Nam et ipsa scientia potestas est.” Knowledge is power. _ Francis Bacon
"The problem is here and now. The time for talk is past. The time for action is now."
Comments on the first Earth Day _ James F. McClellan via John "Fuzzy" Thurman
Hope you enjoy the newsletter.
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week.
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" __"Bug"
God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!
Mark 8:11-13 Num 11:4-7 Prov 23:4-5 Mat 23:23-24 1 Cor 11:23-26 Psa 143:3-6 Mat 18:2-3 Mat 25:31-33
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT_I KC5HII

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Let us hear from you if we can switch you over to the "Word" or "PDF" version of "Da Bleat".
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