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Volume 11, Issue 51 Friday, December 18, 2009
Hello All,
Well, it’s been seven days since I tripped and fell. My left wrist and ribs are still vvveeerrryyy tender, though each day brings some improvement. The biggest problem is lack of sleep since I can’t really lie down. The second biggest is having to get Annette to tie shoes, etc. She doesn’t mind, but I do.
~~~~~
Today was my last at Lion Oil. They kept me working over three months longer than planned but finally told me I could "retire again." So I'm getting an extended Christmas vacation. Let me know if you need any help with anything. Just understand that I can't lift anything with my left hand nor bend or lay down until my injuries heal. But I can still think.
Merry Christmas Y'all
~~~~~
Annette has been in the cookie business this week. She made up 75 bags of cookies and treats for the Wade Prison inmates that attend her team’s monthly services down there and 66 bags for the Columbia county Jail inmates there this weekend. She bought some of the cookies but Wal-Mart, friends and others donated most.
And with a house full of cookies, you’d think she wouldn’t miss one or two.
WRONG!
Shesh! She acted like I’d robbed a bank.
~~~~~
Another part of Christmas that Annette loves is present giving. She’s been wrapping all day and just discovered that she’s forgotten to get a present for one friend. No worry, she went to her “present closet” and dug out a beautiful flameless candle. With that wrapped, she’s ready for Church Sunday.
~~~~~
She is a giver. Between organizing Christmas for the kids of inmates, planning the parties, etc. She called the local homeless shelter to see what they needed. Then it was another trip to Wallyworld to fill out their wish list.
~
How could you not love this season?
~~~~~
Kids can send Christmas greetings to the space station! NASA Heralds Season's Greetings Exchange With Space Station Crew - - [http://www.nasa.gov/externalflash/postcard09/index.html]
~~~~~
Raymond Robertson is running for state representative in 2010. Raymond is well known in Taylor as a fine businessman, and community leader. He would do a GREAT job for us in Little Rock.
~~~~~
You’re missing a feast for the mind and spirit if you’re not reading Jimmy’s blog [http://jhmalone2.wordpress.com/]
~~~~~
DarynKagan.com - - Sometimes the right phone call comes at just the right time. I was so happy to hear from the "Mom" of the most popular dog ever featured on this website. An update from her reminded me that even when disappointing news comes, you have to have Faith.
~
Two-Legged Dog Brings Holiday Spirit
Faith, the two-legged dog and her family received some disappointing news. This won't be the Christmas they had planned. So what does the resilient family do once again? March on with Faith. Catch the latest on this amazing dog. - - Watch The Video [http://darynkagan.demo.nimbussoftware.com/animals/stories/an_091217_faith.html]
~~~~~
How many zeros in a billion?
This is too true to be funny.
The next time you hear a politician use the word 'billion' in a casual manner, think about whether you want the 'politicians' spending YOUR tax money.
A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, but one advertising agency did a good job of putting that figure into some perspective in one of its releases.
A. A billion seconds ago it was 1978.
B. A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.
C. A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and 20 minutes; at the rate our government is spending it.
While this thought is still fresh in our brain... let's take a look at New Orleans.. It's amazing what you can learn with some simple division.
Louisiana Senator, Mary Landrieu (D) is presently asking Congress for 250 BILLION DOLLARS to rebuild New Orleans . Interesting number... what does it mean?
A. Well... if you are one of the 484,674 residents of New Orleans (every man, woman, and child) you each get $516,528.
B. Or... if you have one of the 188,251 homes in New Orleans , your home gets$1,329,787..
C. Or... if you are a family of four..... your family gets $2,066,012.
Washington, D. C
HELLO! Are all your calculators broken??
Waneta
~~~~~
America is not at war. The military is at war. - - America is at the mall, or watching the movie stars.
~~~~~
Each week the Defense Department highlights military personnel who have gone above and beyond in the war. [http://www.defenselink.mil/heroes/] - - Philip Crosby - - •Hometown: Boiling Springs, SC - - •Awarded: The Bronze Star with ‘Valor’
Staff Sergeant Philip Crosby exhibited extraordinary leadership and courage during his deployment from November 2007 to October 2008 in support of Operation Iraqi Freedom.
Crosby, assigned to 10th Marine Regiment, 2nd Marine Division, was serving as the assistant effects advisor for Military Transition Team 133, Multinational Force West.
His Military Transition Team and he were embedded with the 3rd Battalion, 3rd Brigade, 1st Iraqi Army Division, and were assigned to protect the Iraqi people and support the local government in the Diyala and Baghdad provinces.
“Our main role was to support the Iraqis by controlling air assets, gathering intelligence, planning operations and organizing support from units, such as AH-64 Apache helicopters and explosive ordinance disposal,” said Crosby.
On February 17, 2008, Crosby was assigned to a group of 20 Iraqi scouts when their unit was ordered to join 20 members of a U.S. Army team to conduct a combined raid on the Iraqi village of Bodija.
After capturing multiple enemy suspects, Crosby and the Iraqi scouts set out on foot with U.S. Army soldiers in pursuit of possible insurgents that had been spotted by U.S. air assets.
After a two-kilometer chase, the U.S. and Iraqi forces encountered a fierce ambush from insurgent forces.
During the ensuing battle, Crosby demonstrated unwavering heroism by exposing himself to enemy fire all the while maintaining constant communication with his forces
Ultimately he organized and coordinated a counter-attack with the U.S. Army forces.
While the team continued to receive sporadic enemy attacks, Crosby once again exposed himself to enemy fire, assisting wounded soldiers and transporting them to a helicopter landing zone for evacuation to a medical facility.
“He stepped up to the occasion, and exhibited some incredible bravery that day,” said Lt. Col. John Orille, who worked with Crosby in Iraq. “He intuitively thinks on his feet and executes with confidence. His judgment is spot-on at the snap of a finger. No matter what you throw at home, he’s able to assess the situation and take action.”
“The last time I’d been to Iraq was during the invasion,” said Crosby. “I saw a lot of differences from before. Mostly with the people in the towns we went and cleared. You could see the difference two or three days later, because there would be kids playing in the street that weren’t there before.”
For his outstanding bravery, Crosby was awarded the Bronze Star with combat distinguishing ‘V’ device.
~~~~~
GCF: A Soldier's Night Before Christmas
The email for tonight has been sent and now I turn to one of those serious emails that I send on occasion.
Too many times we tend to forget the members of the military who are serving away from home. As a veteran of the U.S. Navy (65-69), I know what it means to be away from your family and loved ones. Holiday times can become especially lonely. Please see the message at the end of this email. It contains links that can be used to send messages of support to troops overseas.
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I have been sharing this with the Good Clean Fun list since in 1997. The poem has been circulated freely on the Internet, sometimes as "author unknown" but usually attributed to "A Marine stationed in Okinawa, Japan" However, after September 11, 2001 it was attributed sometimes to "A Soldier/Marine stationed in Afghanistan." Sometimes it was attributed to a Lieutenant Colonel in the Air Force. I found that the piece was researched thoroughly by the folks at the Urban Legend website and I believe that their attribution of authorship is correct. That website, for the curious, is:
http://www.snopes.com/glurge/soldier.htm
The piece is attributed to James M. Schmidt, then a Lance Corporal in the U.S. Marine Corps, stationed in Washington D.C. The piece appeared in "Leatherneck" (Magazine of the Marines) in 1991.
That being said, the message of the piece is still just a powerful, regardless of the authorship. As a former Hospital Corpsman in the U.S. Navy, I have a profound respect for all members of the military, but especially for the U.S. Marines. Because of that, I have chosen to reproduce the original "Marine" version here. This version differs slightly from the one circulating on the Internet in that is contains some Marine-specific wording.
To all my Marine friends, Semper Fi.
- Tom (HM2 1965-69)
---------------------------------------------
A Soldier's Night Before Christmas
(Original Title is "Merry Christmas, My Friend")
'Twas the night before Christmas, he lived all alone, In a one-bedroom house made of plaster and stone. I had come down the chimney, with presents to give and to see just who in this home did live.
As I looked all about, a strange sight I did see, no tinsel, no presents, not even a tree. No stocking by the fire, just boots filled with sand. On the wall hung pictures of a far distant land.
With medals and badges, awards of all kind, a sobering thought soon came to my mind. For this house was different, unlike any I'd seen.
This was the home of a U.S. Marine.
I'd heard stories about them, I had to see more, so I walked down the hall and pushed open the door. And there he lay sleeping, silent, alone, Curled up on the floor in his one-bedroom home.
He seemed so gentle, his face so serene, Not how I pictured a U.S. Marine. Was this the hero, of whom I'd just read? Curled up in his poncho, a floor for his bed?
His head was clean-shaven, his weathered face tan. I soon understood, this was more than a man. For I realized the families that I saw that night, owed their lives to these men, who were willing to fight.
Soon around the Nation, the children would play, And grown-ups would celebrate on a bright Christmas day. They all enjoyed freedom, each month and all year, because of Marines like this one lying here.
I couldn't help wonder how many lay alone, on a cold Christmas Eve, in a land far from home. Just the very thought brought a tear to my eye. I dropped to my knees and I started to cry.
He must have awoken, for I heard a rough voice, "Santa, don't cry, this life is my choice I fight for freedom, I don't ask for more. My life is my God, my country, my Corps."
With that he rolled over, drifted off into sleep, I couldn't control it, I continued to weep.
I watched him for hours, so silent and still. I noticed he shivered from the cold night's chill. So I took off my jacket, the one made of red, and covered this Marine from his toes to his head. Then I put on his T-shirt of scarlet and gold, with an eagle, globe and anchor emblazoned so bold. And although it barely fit me, I began to swell with pride, and for one shining moment, I was Marine Corps deep inside.
I didn't want to leave him so quiet in the night, this guardian of honor so willing to fight.
But half asleep he rolled over, and in a voice clean and pure, said "Carry on, Santa, it's Christmas Day, all secure." One look at my watch and I knew he was right, Merry Christmas my friend, Semper Fi and goodnight.
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Messages of Support:
You don't have to look too far to know of someone deployed overseas ... perhaps a member of your own family, or the family of a co-worker or friend. Let's not forget them this holiday season. I know the joy which results by receiving messages from "home".
Here are several web sites that can help. They are all free.
The first is "Thank the Troops", sponsored by the Dept of Defense (Community Relations). The web address is: http://www.ourmilitary.mil/Message.aspx?SectionID=5
You can use this site to send messages of support to the troops.
The second is Let's Say Thanks! The web address is: http://www.letssaythanks.com/
Let's Say Thanks is a service of Xerox Corporation. It is a web site that allows you to send a FREE printed postcard to U.S. servicemen and women stationed overseas. All you do is pick your favorite card, enter your message and then Xerox does the rest! You can't choose to whom the card is sent, but it will go to a member of the armed services.
The Navy-Marine Corps Relief Society also has a site where you can send an eCard to a deployed Sailor or Marine.
The web site is: http://donations.nmcrs.org/site/PageServer?pagename=ecard_anonymous
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As a final thought on my part, let me share a favorite prayer:
"Lord, keep our servicemen and women safe, whether they serve at home or overseas. Hold them in Your loving hands and protect them as they protect us."
Let's all keep those currently serving and those who have gone
before, in our thoughts. They are the reason for the many freedoms we enjoy.
~~~~~
Why Switzerland has a low crime rate - - [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6nf1OgV449g] Gary Foreman
~~~~~
The latest from Michael Yon, the foremost “milnews” blogger on the web.
~
Greetings from Afghanistan,
Christmas packages to the troops are arriving by the crate, and the soldiers are sharing with workers from places like Nepal, India, and Philippines. The soldiers are very happy with all the support flooding in from home. It must have taken a lot of big airplanes to get all this mail here.
Am writing a dispatch about Stryker soldiers. Meanwhile, I asked CSM Jeff Mellinger and actor Gary Sinise if they have any words for the troops. Both responded. CSM Mellinger's excellent piece is published [http://www.michaelyon-online.com/as-christmas-approaches.htm].
Will publish Gary's tomorrow.
Very important to sign up to my Facebook page. The long format dispatches will still be published on the website, but am publishing vignettes nearly daily on Facebook. An interesting combat video will go up soon. Please visit. [http://www.facebook.com/MichaelYonFanPage]
Merry Christmas!
--
There is much to write about, but only one keyboard. And so, laying the groundwork for 2010, today's dispatch will give some idea about what some soldiers from the 5/2 Stryker Brigade have been up against. The 82nd Airborne will take over the Arghandab battlespace this month. The Stryker Brigade will take other interesting missions, but that's for them to announce.
Please examine the images here, and read:
Arghandab & The Battle for Kandahar [http://www.michaelyon-online.com/arghandab-the-battle-for-kandahar.htm]
Technology has dramatically changed since I started a simple blog some five years ago. It was this month, in 2004, that I first landed in Iraq. Going into the sixth year of war coverage, during 2010, the major dispatches will continue to be posted on the normal website.
The advent of Facebook and Twitter will allow more frequent, informal posts that otherwise never would be published. Also, Facebook, in particular, will make it easy to post videos from the war. Mini-dispatches can be published directly from the telephone. (Well, the Taliban keep blowing up cell phone towers, but the Sat-phone might also work.)
Please sign up today. It's free:
Facebook [http://www.facebook.com/MichaelYonFanPage]
Twitter [http://twitter.com/Michael_Yon]
--
Very Respectfully,
Your Writer,
Michael Yon
PS Please sign up for my Twitter.com updates at "Michael_Yon" [http://twitter.com/Michael_Yon] (not Michael Yon).
Http://www.michaelyon_online.com/index.php
~~~~~
We’ve Watched:
taking chance [9.7] Starring Kevin bacon
~~~~~
We’ve recently read and recommend: books by C. J. Box
~~~~~
http://www.shelfari.com
http://www.shelfari.com/bugsbleat/shelf
~~~~~
Photos on the front of this week’s “Bleat” include Magnolia Christmas Lights.
~~~~~
We’ve now got several addresses on the web for "Da Bleat." For the latest issue, go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com. Last quarter’s issues can be seen at http://www.bugsbleat1q09.blogspot.com.
Our photos are posted at http://www.bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com.
If you want to see photos of Last April’s train wreck in Magnolia, go to http://www.bugsbleattw.blogspot.com/
~~~~~
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.
~~~~~
Dr. Pat Antoon’s Address:
Pat Antoon 06669-010
Federal Prison Camp
P.O. Box 9300
Texarkana, TX 75505
Be sure and keep him in your prayers.
~~~~~
Recipe(s) of the week - - 5-Minute Quesadillas - - Makes 1servings
Calories 216.4
Total Carbs 20 g
Dietary Fiber 10.2 g
Sugars 1.8 g
Total Fat 11.4 g
Saturated Fat 5.4 g
Unsaturated Fat 6.1 g
Potassium 47.5 mg
Protein 18.6 g
Sodium 806.2 mg
Dietary Exchanges - - 1/2 Fat, 1/2 Meat, 1 1/4 Starch
Just cheese, peppers and onion -- yum!
Prep Time: 5 minutes - - Cook Time: 1 minutes - - Difficulty: EASY
Ingredients
1low carb tortilla
1Cheese, muenster, slice (or any favorite sliced cheese)
1tbsp chopped red bell peppers , fine
1tsp fresh chopped green onion
Directions
1 To prepare, top tortilla with cheese and vegetables. Fold in half. Place on microwavable plate.
2 Microwave on high 15 to 20 seconds or until cheese melts. Fold in half again.
http://www.dlife.com/diabetes/diabetic-recipes/recipeDetailPrint.html?id=6678
~~~~~
BreakPoint
Human Sacrifice for Gaia
Environmentalism at Its Worst
By Chuck Colson|Published December 18, 2009
I wonder why developing nations walked out on the global climate conference. They’re no dummies.
Regular BreakPoint listeners know about the inhumane lengths some environmentalists are prepared to go to “save the planet.”
Some have proposed taxing the parents of newborns several thousand dollars to discourage child-bearing, and thereby reducing CO2 emissions. Others have spoken of “culling” the human herd.
What these proposals have in common, besides their cold-bloodedness, is that mainstream environmentalists keep insisting that they are “fringe” views. Well, recent statements from sources that couldn’t be more “respectable” put the lie to those claims. And they should remind Christians why the sanctity of human life must be our highest priority.
During the recent U.N. global warming summit in Copenhagen, China came under fire for not doing enough to reduce its CO2 emissions. However, China had at least one defender: Canada’s Financial Post.
According to Canada’s equivalent to the Wall Street Journal, China is “the world's leader in terms of fashioning policy to combat environmental degradation.” Hold it a minute! How can the world’s leading emitter of CO2, and home to 16 of the world’s most polluted cities, be a “world leader”?
Simple: its one-child policy. According to the Financial Post, the “inconvenient truth overhanging” the deliberations in Copenhagen is that “humans are overpopulating the world.” What’s needed is for the entire world to embrace China’s one-child policy.
This “simple” and “dramatic” fix would reduce global population by 50 percent by 2075. According to the paper, the failure to even consider such a measure at Copenhagen is proof that world leaders aren’t serious about global warming. I’m not making this up.
Advocating a global one-child policy doesn’t make the Financial Post as bad as the Chinese government—it makes it worse. The Chinese policy was an inhumane, brutal, and totalitarian effort to address the historic problems posed by China’s huge population.
In contrast, the Financial Post and others like it are motivated by a worldview that sees humans as a kind of virus infecting mother earth. For Gaia’s sake, they want the human population brought under control—even at the cost of human freedom and life itself.
In the aftermath of the Manhattan Declaration, some people questioned our focus on life issues. They wondered why we didn’t include other concerns, like the environment.
This is why. The sanctity of human life is under continuous assault. This assault isn’t limited to abortion and euthanasia—contempt for human life itself has become respectable. For the sake of the planet, we are being asked to drastically reduce our numbers.
But radical environmentalists don’t mean people like themselves—after all, their home countries, with the exception of the United States, are losing population. They mean the poorest and most vulnerable people on the planet. It’s no coincidence that a recent ad in a British newspaper about the link between CO2 emissions and population control featured 12 African babies.
This is the “inconvenient truth overhanging” the debate about environmental issues.
And it’s why the sanctity of human life is so important. If you haven’t done so, go to ManhattanDeclaration.org, sign the statement, and get your friends to do the same thing.
Further Reading and Information
The Real Inconvenient Truth [http://www.financialpost.com/story.html?id=2314438#ixzz0ZTj8oMJS]
Diane Francis | Financial Post | December 8, 2009
The "Womb Police": China Still Says One Child Is Enough [http://www.breakpoint.org/features-columns/archive/12015-the-womb-police]
Anne Morse | BreakPoint Online | July 27, 2009
Like Pigs in a Slaughterhouse: Forced Abortion in China [http://www.breakpoint.org/commentaries/13808-like-pigs-in-a-slaughterhouse]
Chuck Colson | BreakPoint Commentary | December 14, 2009
Culling the Herd: Misanthropic Environmentalism [http://www.breakpoint.org/commentaries/1899-culling-the-herd]
Chuck Colson | BreakPoint Commentary | February 4, 2009
Copyright © 2009 Prison Fellowship. All Rights Reserved _ _ http://www.breakpoint.org/
~
Residents of Columbia County, Arkansas are represented in Congress by:
Senator Blanche Lambert Lincoln (D_ AR)
Phone 202_224_4843
FAX 202_228_1371
http://lincoln.senate.gov/contact/email.cfm
~
Senator Mark Pryor (D_ AR)
Phone 202_224_2353
FAX 202_228_0908
http://pryor.senate.gov/contact/
~
Representative Michael A. Ross (D _ 04)
Phone 202_225_3772
FAX 202_225_1314
http://ross.house.gov/?sectionid=77§iontree=7677
Other states congresspersons can be found at: [http://www.visi.com/juan/congress/]
~~~~~
Words of the Day:
diaphanous, paroxysm, doff, appellation, numinous, largess, palliate
from http://dictionary.reference.com/wordoftheday/
~~~~~
"Liberty means responsibility. That is why most men dread it." - George Bernard Shaw
"It is the nature of all greatness not to be exact." - Edmund Burke
"To me, consensus seems to be the process of abandoning all beliefs, principles, values and policies. So it is something in which no one believes and to which no one objects." - Margaret Thatcher
"Where there is great love there are always miracles." - Willa Cather
"Prejudice is the child of ignorance." - William Hazlitt
"Keep thy hook always baited, for a fish lurks ever in the most unlikely swim." - Ovid
"Few things help an individual more than to place responsibility upon him and to let him know that you trust him." - Booker Washington
~~~~~
BREAKING CHRISTIAN NEWS
http://breakingchristiannews.com/
93-Year-Old Foster Dad Makes 64-Year-Old Foster-Child's Sonship Official
Aimee Herd (Dec 14, 2009 )
"…it's always been the real deal, the only difference now is that it's on paper."
...Read Full Story [http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=7403]
Evangelist Oral Roberts Graduates to Heaven at 91
News Alert (Dec 15, 2009 )
"My father has run his race and finished his course. Now he is in Heaven, and we as Christians have the Bible promise that someday we will be reunited. My heart is sad, but my faith in God is soaring." –Richard Roberts
... [http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=7413]
310 2nd Ave SE
Albany, Oregon 97321
541_928_2642
E_mail editor@breakingchristiannews.com
US Orders: 1_866_358_7426
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
GCF: Parent-Teacher Conference
Emailed to me a friend (Thanks, Bob) -Tom
If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
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Teacher: Well, at least there's one thing I can say about your son.
Parent: What's that?
Teacher: With grades like these, he couldn't be cheating.
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me a friend (Thanks, Andrew) -Tom
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GCF: After Church
After church one Sunday morning, a mother commented, "The choir was awful this morning."
The father commented, "The sermon was too long."
Their 7-year-old daughter added, "You've got to admit it was a pretty good show for a dollar."
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me another humor list (Good Clean Funnies List) -Tom To subscribe The Good Clean Funnies List, (not to be confused with this list, which is Good Clean Fun) send an email to: gcfl-request@gcfl.net with subject = add
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GCF: Burglary
The detective was interviewing the man whose clothing shop had just been burglarized.
"It's bad," said the proprietor, "but it's not as bad as it could have been if he'd robbed me yesterday."
"Why is that?" the detective asked.
"Because today everything was on sale."
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me another humor list (Tickled by Tony - Clean) -Tom Subscribe to the Tickled by Tony list by sending an email to: tickledbytony_clean-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
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GCF: Minor Infraction
While I was in the Navy, my ship was bound for Japan. Because of a minor infraction, a shipmate of mine was busted one rank, fined and given extra duty for three weeks.
Looking forward to celebrating his 21st birthday on July 22, he consoled himself every night during his extra duty by reciting: "They can bust me, they can fine me -- but they can't take away my birthday."
As July 22 approached, his excitement increased. When he went to bed on July 21, he happily repeated: "They can bust me, they can fine me -- but they can't take away my birthday."
The next morning, he found out that the ship had crossed the international date line -- and it was July 23!
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me another humor list (Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh List) -Tom Subscribe to Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh list at the website: Subscribe
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GCF: Toy Advice
A woman, on meeting a psychologist at a party, made a pitch for some free professional advice. "What kind of toy would you suggest giving a little boy on his third birthday?" she asked.
"First I'd have to know more about the child," the psychologist hedged.
The woman took a deep breath. "He's very bright and quick-witted and exceptionally advanced for his age," she said. "He has good coordination, expresses himself very well..."
"Oh, I see," the psychologist said. "It's YOUR child!"
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me from another humor list (A Joke A Day) -Tom Subscription info is at the website http://www.ajokeaday.com/
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GCF: Sharing the Fortune
Joe was a single guy, living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sick father died, he decided he needed a wife with whom to share his fortune.
One evening at an investment seminar he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her beauty took his breath away.
"I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father will pass, and I'll inherit his large fortune."
Impressed, the woman took his business card. Three months later, she became Joe's stepmother.
Women are so much better at estate planning than men!!
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me from another humor list (A Joke A Day) -Tom Subscription info is at the website http://www.ajokeaday.com/
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GCF: Modern Art Museum
Visiting the modern art museum, a lady turned to an attendant standing nearby.
"This," she said, "I suppose, is one of those hideous representations you call modern art?"
"No, madam," replied the attendant. "That one's called a mirror."
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Bill) -Tom
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GCF: Breakfast Out
We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the special was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $1.99. "Sounds good," my wife said. "But I don't want the eggs."
"Then I'll have to charge you two dollars and forty-nine cents because you're ordering a la carte," the waitress warned her.
"You mean I'd have to pay for NOT taking the eggs?" my wife asked incredulously. "I'll take the special."
"How do you want your eggs?"
"Raw and in the shell," my wife replied. She took the two eggs home and baked a cake.
_ _____________________________________ _
Emailed to me another humor list (Tickled by Tony - Clean) -Tom Subscribe to the Tickled by Tony list by sending an email to: tickledbytony_clean-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
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GCF: Blind Date
After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened.
When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died and I have to leave."
"Thank heaven!" his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to."
_ _____________________________________ _
Emailed to me another humor list (Tickled by Tony - Clean) -Tom Subscribe to the Tickled by Tony list by sending an email to: tickledbytony_clean-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
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GCF: Retirement
My broker called me this morning and said, "Remember that stock we bought and I said you'd be able to retire at age 55?"
"Yes, I remember," I said.
"Well," my broker continued, "your retirement age is now 108."
_ _____________________________________ _
Emailed to me another humor list (Clean Joke of the Day) -Tom Subscribe to Clean Joke of the Day by visiting the website: http://www.cleanjokeoftheday.com
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GCF: At Home
While Shirley was dining out with her children, a man came over to their table and started talking.
He asked where Shirley's kids went to school. She told him they home-schooled.
With a raised eyebrow, he asked if her husband is the sole breadwinner for their family.
"No, I also work... from inside our home."
Then, noticing her two-month-old son, he mentioned that his daughter had just had a baby, and he wondered what hospital her son was born in.
"He was born at home," she answered.
The man looked at Shirley for a moment, and then said, "Wow, you don't get out much, do you?"
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Kevil) -Tom
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GCF: Poisoned Coffee
A woman was on the witness stand, accused of poisoning her husband.
"After you put poison in the coffee, you sat at the breakfast table and watched your husband drink it. Tell me, didn't you feel the slightest bit of pity for him?" the defense attorney prompted.
"Yes," she replied, "I think there was one moment when I felt sorry for him."
"And when was that?"
"When he asked for his second cup."
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Victor) -Tom
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GCF: Early Morning Exercise
A visiting speaker was impressed by the enthusiasm that our Christian school students showed in their physical education class.
"I exercise, too," he sighed, faintly smiling at our pastor. "Every morning I awaken to the alarm, jump from bed, and run around the block six times."
As our pastor expressed surprise and offered hearty praise, the man continued, "Then I kick the block under the bed and go back to sleep."
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me from another humor list (Joanna's Jokes) -Tom To subscribe to Joanna's Jokes, send a blank email to: JoannasJokes-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
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GCF: At the Supermarket
At the supermarket, I overheard two women talking in the next aisle. "Horace and I have been together ten years now and he makes me very happy," one said. "So I don't mind buying him what he likes even if it is more expensive."
"Well, with my Benny I have no choice. He's just plain fussy," her friend replied.
I turned into their aisle. Both women were loading their shopping carts with high-quality cat food.
_ ____________________________ _
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GCF: The Golf Ball
Two friends went out to play golf and were about to tee off, when one fellow noticed that his partner had but one golf ball.
"Don't you have at least one other golf ball?", he asked. The other guy replied that no, he only needed the one. "Are you sure?", the friend persisted.
"What happens if you lose that ball?" The other guy replied, "This is a very special golf ball. I won't lose it so I don't need another one."
Well," the friend asked, "what happens if you miss your shot and the ball goes in the lake?"
"That's okay," he replied, "this special golf ball floats. I'll be able to retrieve it."
"Well what happens if you hit it into the trees and it gets lost among the bushes and shrubs?"
The other guy replied, "That's okay too. You see, this special golf ball has a homing beacon. I'll be able to get it back -- no problem."
Exasperated, the friend asks, "Okay. Let's say our game goes late, the sun goes down, and you hit your ball into a sand trap. What are you going to do then?"
"No problem," says the other guy, "you see, this ball is fluorescent. I'll be able to see it in the dark."
Finally satisfied that he needs only the one golf ball, the friend asks, "Hey, where did you get a golf ball like that anyway?"
The other guy replies, "I found it."
_ ____________________________ _
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / I don't know the meaning \ \_/ ////
\ / of the word fear. In fact, \ /
\ / I don't know the meaning \_ /
/ / of a lot of words. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ /I love the sense of camaraderie\ \_/ ////
\ / when an entire line of cars \ /
\ _/ teams up to prevent a jerk from \_ /
/ / cutting in at the front. \ \
Stay strong, brothers!
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / A cynic is someone who knows \ /
\ _/ the price of everything \_ /
/ / and the value of nothing. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / A boomerang that doesn't \ /
\ _/ come back is a stick. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Dew knot trussed \ /
\ _/ yore spell chequer \_ /
/ / two fined awl mistakes! \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / You know you're \ /
\ _/ getting old if ... \_ /
/ / You join a health club and don't go. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / \ /
\ _/ \_ /
/ / 43% of all statistics are worthless. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / I think animal testing \ \_/ ////
\ / is a terrible idea. \ /
\ _/ They get all nervous \_ /
/ / and give the wrong answers. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Loop: See loop \ /
\ _/ \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / I used to watch golf on \ \_/ ////
\ / TV but my doctor told me \ /
\ _/ that I need more exercise, \_ /
/ / so now I watch tennis. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / You know you are \ \_/ ////
\ / getting old if ... \ /
\ _/ You remember seeing "Star Wars" \_ /
/ / when it first came out. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / The only thing that wakes \ /
\ _/ you up faster than coffee \_ /
/ / is spilled coffee. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Oh Lord, give me patience ... \ /
\ _/ and GIVE IT TO ME NOW! \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / The secret to good golf is to \ /
\ _/ hit the ball hard, straight, \_ /
/ / and not too often. \ \
_ ____________________________ _
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|_ ____________________________ _
/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( \
/ / | tellswor@kcbx.net | \ \
_( (_ | http://www.kcbx.net/~tellswor | _) )_
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_| ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2010, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere . Also, this wish is made without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wish.
To My Republican Friends:
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year in the year of our Lord Jesus Christ 2010.
daphne roberts
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Forgetter Be Forgotten?
My forgetter's getting better,
But my rememberer is broke
To you that may seem funny
But, to me, that is no joke
For when I'm 'here' I'm wondering
If I really should be 'there'
And, when I try to think it through,
I haven't got a prayer!
Oft times I walk into a room,
Say 'what am I here for?'
I wrack my brain, but all in vain!
A zero, is my score.
At times I put something away
Where it is safe, but, Gee!
The person it is safest from
Is, generally, me!
When shopping I may see someone,
Say 'Hi' and have a chat,
Then, when the person walks away
I ask myself, 'who the heck was that?
Yes, my forgetter's getting better
While my rememberer is broke,
And it's driving me plumb crazy
And that isn't any joke.
CAN YOU RELATE???
Ron Huett
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Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end.
He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.
Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love... I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness.
The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead..'
Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry.. How soon can I go home?'
Happy Mental Health Day!
David Lamb
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A Cat's Top Ten Favorite Christmas Songs
10. Up on the Mousetop
9. Have Yourself a Furry Little Christmas
8. Joy to the Curled
7. I Saw Mommy Hiss at Santa Claus
6. The First Meow
5. Oh, Come All Ye Fishful
4. Silent Mice
3. Fluffy, the Snowman
2. Jingle Balls
1. Wreck the Halls!
Waneta
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A man goes into a store and tells the clerk, "I'd like some Polish sausage."
The clerk looks at him and says, "Are you Polish?"
The guy, clearly offended, says, "Well, yes I am.
But let me ask you something. If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian?
Or if I had asked for German bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German?
Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish?
Or if I had asked for a taco would you ask if I was Mexican?
Would ya, huh? Would ya?"
The clerk says, "Well, no."
"And if I asked for some Irish whiskey, would you ask if I was Irish?"
"Well, I probably wouldn't."
With deep self-righteous indignation, the guy says, "Well, all right then, why did you ask me if I'm Polish just because I ask for Polish sausage?"
The clerk replies, "Because this is Home Depot."
Gary Foreman
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Why?
Can you cry under water?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going?
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME stuff, why didn't he just buy dinner?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Received from Trey Nolen.
(_:][:_)
Doctor! Doctor!
A mother takes her son to a psychiatrist and says, "Doctor, I'd like you to evaluate my 13-year-old son."
"He's suffering from a transient psychosis with an intermittent rage disorder, punctuated by episodic radical mood swings, but his prognosis is good for full recovery."
"How can you say all that without even meeting him?"
"Didn't you say he was 13?"
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.
(_:][:_)
Dude Ranch
My wife and I went to a "Dude Ranch" while in Texas. The cowboy preparing the horses asked if she wanted a Western or English saddle, and she asked what the difference was.
He told her one had a horn and one didn't. She replied, "The one without the horn is fine. I don't expect we'll run into too much traffic."
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.
(_:][:_)
Cannibals
Three men were walking through the jungle when they were captured by cannibals. The cannibals thought they would be fair and give the men each one chance to be let free. They were released into the jungle to pick three of one type of fruit and come back to see the chief. After this the chief would tell them what to do.
The first man got three apples. The chief said, "Okay, you must swallow all three of these apples without gagging or chewing." The man got the first one in his throat, gagged, and died.
The second man came in with berries. The chief gave him the same task. The second man swallowed two with ease, gagged on the third one, and died.
Now these two men were up in heaven. The first man asked the second, "Why did you gag? You had berries! You could have lived!"
The second guy replied, "Yeah, but I almost laughed when I saw the third man coming with pineapples!"
Received from Dalton Green.
(_:][:_)
Technical Night Before Christmas
'Twas the Night Before Christmas' as written by a technical writer for a firm that does Gov't contracting...
'Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding the annual Yuletide celebration, and throughout our place of residence, kinetic activity was not in evidence among the possessors of this potential, including that species of domestic rodent known as Mus musculus. Hosiery was meticulously suspended from the forward edge of the wood burning caloric apparatus, pursuant to our anticipatory pleasure regarding an imminent visitation from an eccentric philanthropist among whose folkloric appellations is the honorific title of St. Nicholas.
The prepubescent siblings, comfortably ensconced in their respective accommodations of repose, were experiencing subconscious visual hallucinations of variegated fruit confections moving rhythmically through their cerebrums. My conjugal partner and I, attired in our nocturnal head coverings, were about to take slumberous advantage of the hibernal darkness when upon the avenaceous exterior portion of the grounds there ascended such a cacophony of dissonance that I felt compelled to arise with alacrity from my place of repose for the purpose of ascertaining the precise source thereof.
Hastening to the casement, I forthwith opened the barriers sealing this fenestration, noting thereupon that the lunar brilliance without, reflected as it was on the surface of a recent crystalline precipitation, might be said to rival that of the solar meridian itself - thus permitting my incredulous optical sensory organs to behold a miniature airborne runnered conveyance drawn by eight diminutive specimens of the genus Rangifer, piloted by a minuscule, aged chauffeur so ebullient and nimble that it became instantly apparent to me that he was indeed our anticipated caller. With his ungulate motive power travelling at what may possibly have been more vertiginous velocity than patriotic alar predators, he vociferated loudly, expelled breath musically through contracted labia, and addressed each of the octet by his or her respective cognomen - "Now Dasher, now Dancer..." et al. - guiding them to the uppermost exterior level of our abode, through which structure I could readily distinguish the concatenations of each of the 32 cloven pedal extremities.
As I retracted my cranium from its erstwhile location, and was performing a 180-degree pivot, our distinguished visitant achieved - with utmost celerity and via a downward leap - entry by way of the smoke passage. He was clad entirely in animal pelts soiled by the ebony residue from oxidations of carboniferous fuels which had accumulated on the walls thereof. His resemblance to a street vendor I attributed largely to the plethora of assorted playthings which he bore dorsally in a commodious cloth receptacle.
His orbs were scintillant with reflected luminosity, while his submaxillary dermal indentations gave every evidence of engaging amiability. The capillaries of his malar regions and nasal appurtenance were engorged with blood which suffused the subcutaneous layers, the former approximating the coloration of Albion's floral emblem, the latter that of the Prunus avium, or sweet cherry. His amusing sub- and supralabials resembled nothing so much as a common loop knot, and their ambient hirsute facial adornment appeared like small, tabular and columnar crystals of frozen water.
Clenched firmly between his incisors was a smoking piece whose grey fumes, forming a tenuous ellipse about his occiput, were suggestive of a decorative seasonal circlet of holly. His visage was wider than it was high, and when he waxed audibly mirthful, his corpulent abdominal region undulated in the manner of impectinated fruit syrup in a hemispherical container. He was, in short, neither more nor less than an obese, jocund, multigenarian gnome, the optical perception of whom rendered me visibly frolicsome despite every effort to refrain from so being. By rapidly lowering and then elevating one eyelid and rotating his head slightly to one side, he indicated that trepidation on my part was groundless.
Without utterance and with dispatch, he commenced filling the aforementioned appended hosiery with various of the aforementioned articles of merchandise extracted from his aforementioned previously dorsally transported cloth receptacle. Upon completion of this task, he executed an abrupt about- face, placed a single manual digit in lateral juxtaposition to his olfactory organ, inclined his cranium forward in a gesture of leave-taking, and forthwith effected his egress by renegotiating (in reverse) the smoke passage. He then propelled himself in a short vector onto his conveyance, directed a musical expulsion of air through his contracted oral sphincter to the antlered quadrupeds of burden, and proceeded to soar aloft in a movement hitherto observable chiefly among the seed-bearing portions of a common weed. But I overheard his parting exclamation, audible immediately prior to his vehiculation beyond the limits of visibility: "Ecstatic Yuletide to the planetary constituency, and to that self same assemblage, my sincerest wishes for a salubriously beneficial and gratifyingly pleasurable period between sunset and dawn."
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.
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Candy Bars
A middle-aged man was waiting for the bus. While he waited, he watched a young boy eat five candy bars, one right after the other. He said to the boy, "Eating all that candy is bad for your health and can rot your teeth."
The boy replied, "Mister, my grandfather lived to be 97 years old!"
The man said, "I'll bet he didn't eat five candy bars in a row."
The boy answered, "No, but he sure knew how to mind his own business!"
Received from Gene Wilson.
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When Snails Attack
A sloth named Herman is walking through the forest one day. A gang of snails approach him and beat him up. He is left at the bottom of a tree with several cuts and bruises.
Several hours later, he gathers up enough strength to go to a local police station. Herman walks into the sergeant's office. "What happened to you?" the officer asks.
"A gang of snails beat me up," Herman replies.
"Can you describe what they looked like?"
"I don't know," the sloth says. "It all happened so fast."
Received from ArcaMax Jokes.
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Church Lesson
One Sunday morning when my son was about five years old, we were attending church in our community. It was common for the preacher to invite the children to the front of the church and have a small lesson before beginning the sermon. He would bring in an item they could find around the house and relate it to a teaching from the Bible.
This particular morning, the visual aid for his lesson was a smoke detector. He asked the children if anyone knew what it meant when an alarm sounded from the smoke detector.
My child immediately raised his hand and said, "It means Daddy's cooking dinner."
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.
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New Viruses
Coming to a hard drive near you, the worst computer viruses yet:
Verizon Virus: Every three minutes you'll hear an electronic voice asking, "Can you hear me now?"
AT&T Virus: Every three minutes it tells you about the great features of the latest iPhone.
Sprint Virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the Verizon and AT&T viruses.
Paul Revere Virus: Warns of impending hard disk attack -- once if by LAN, twice if by C:\>.
Politically Correct Virus: Never calls itself a "virus." Instead, it's an "electronic microorganism."
Government Spokesman Virus: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.
based on a joke from Reader's Digest
Received from Carolyn Mickelson.
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Rules of the South
1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Turn your cap right; your head isn't crooked.
3. Let's get this straight: it's called a "gravel road." I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
4. They are cattle. That's why they smell to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-40 goes east and west, I-65 goes north and south. Pick one.
5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 cotton strippers that are driven only three weeks a year.
6. So every person in the south waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
8. Yeah, we eat catfish and crawfish. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
9. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.
11. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the chef's salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.
12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup. Oh, yeah ... we don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat ... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!!
13. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
14. College and high school football is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang sight more fun to watch.
15. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it spooks the fish.
16. Colleges? We have them all over. We have state universities, universities, and vo-techs. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at everybody when they come for the holidays.
17. We have more folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines. So don't mess with us. If you do, you will get whipped by the best.
18. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump mess ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it any more than we want to see your boxers. Refer back to #1.
Received from FranCMT2.
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Clone
In light of the consideration of human cloning, we must ask the hypothetical question:
If you pushed your naked clone off the top of a tall building, would this be:
a. Murder?
b. Suicide?
c. Merely making an obscene clone fall?
Received from Mary Campbell.
(_:][:_)
Government Notice
Important Notice:
Due to recent budget cuts, the stock market crash, and the rising cost of electricity, gas, and oil, the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
We apologize for the inconvenience.
Sincerely,
The Government
Received from Susan Marie Frontczak.
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2,503 Years Old
A tourist is traveling with a guide through one of the thickest jungles in Latin America, when he comes across an ancient Mayan temple. The tourist is entranced by the temple and asks the guide for details. The guide states that archaeologists are carrying out excavations and are still finding great treasures. The tourist then queries how old the temple is.
"This temple is 2,503 years old," replies the guide.
Impressed at this accurate dating, he asks how he knew this precise figure.
"Easy," replies the guide. "The archaeologists said the temple was 2,500 years old, and that was three years ago."
Received from ArcaMax Jokes.
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Health Care in Scotland
When I was serving with the U.S. Navy in Scotland, my wife gave birth to our youngest daughter in the local hospital. Before they were discharged, the nursing sister gave me a national health card for the baby, plus a certificate entitling her to free milk.
I protested that, as American citizens in the armed forces, we were not eligible for and could not accept benefits intended for British subjects. With a glint of cold steel in her eyes, the sister replied, "Ye may be a Yank, and there's nay a thing we can do about that. Ye may well not be eligible for anything. But the wee lass here is a Scot, and she is entitled to it all, Yank. And don't ye be forgetting it!"
With my "wee Scots lass" in my arms and national health card and certificate in hand, this Yank made a hasty retreat.
Contributed to Reader's Digest, "Humor in Uniform" by Emerald N. Johnson
(_:][:_)
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Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Columns - - Ode To The Weatherman
December 19th, 2009 A huge snow storm (perhaps even a blizzard) is about to descend on New York City and has already hit much of the east coast. And that means it’s the weatherman’s time in the sun:
Ode To The Weatherman (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The weatherman’s acting excited:
New York City’s about to be smited
With a snow storm real big,
Which I really don’t dig.
And just why must he look so delighted?
(Note: Yes, I know that the past tense of smite is smote. Artistic license, okay?)
© Madeleine Begun Kane. All Rights Reserved.
http://www.madkane.com/
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This was written by my sister. Hope you enjoy it.
May you be blessed this Christmas and all through the new year.
Sarah
FROM ME TO YOU
It's Christmas time around the world,
and children everywhere,
Are writing list to Santa Claus,
and mailing them with care.
I woke this morning with a thought,
Just popped right in my head.
what if those who wrote to Santa,
Would send Birthday cards instead.
Happy Birthday to my Lord,
Whose gifts I have recieved.
And they come all through the year,
I'm blessed, I do believe.
My wish for you on this your day,
Is that all your hopes come true.
And all the lost and lonely,
Will stop and turn to you.
Every gift that I recieve,
Even those beneath the tree.
Are mine, I know,Because I'm blessed,
With love from you to me.
So Happy Birthday Jesus,
May your day be feeled with joy.
I pray the cards will overflow,
From every girl and boy.
Love,
Your child, Linda
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL
(I PRAY YOU WILL FORWARD)
Address: Jesus Christ
% The Father
1 only way 4given
Heaven, onhigh, 777
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Nick Gholson, a sports writer for the "Times Record News" in Wichita Falls, TX wrote the following in 1999.
I don't believe in Santa Claus, but I'm not going to sue somebody for singing a Ho-Ho-Ho song in December. I don't agree with Darwin , but I didn't go out and hire a lawyer when my high school teacher taught his Theory of Evolution.
Life, liberty or your pursuit of happiness will not be endangered because someone says a 30-second prayer before a football game. So what's the big deal? It's not like somebody is up there reading the entire Book of Acts. They're just talking to a God they believe in and asking him to grant safety to the players on the field and the fans going home from the game.
But it's a Christian prayer, some will argue.
Yes, and this is the United States of America , a country founded on Christian principles. According to our very own phone book, Christian churches outnumber all others better than 200-to-1. So what would you expect -- somebody chanting Hare Krishna?
If I went to a football game in Jerusalem , I would expect to hear a Jewish prayer.
If I went to a soccer game in Baghdad , I would expect to hear a Muslim prayer.
If I went to a ping pong match in China , I would expect to hear someone pray to Buddha.
And I wouldn't be offended. It wouldn't bother me one bit.
When in Rome .....
But what about the atheists? Is another argument.
What about them? Nobody is asking them to be baptized. We're not going to pass the collection plate. Just humor us for 30 seconds. If that's asking too much, bring a Walkman or a pair of ear plugs. Go to the bathroom. Visit the concession stand. Call your lawyer!
Unfortunately, one or two will make that call. One or two will tell thousands what they can and cannot do. I don't think a short prayer at a football game is going to shake the world's foundations.
Christians are just sick and tired of turning the other cheek while our courts strip us of all our rights. Our parents and grandparents taught us to pray before eating, to pray before we go to sleep. Our Bible tells us to pray without ceasing. Now a handful of people and their lawyers are telling us to cease praying.
God, help us. And if that last sentence offends you, well, just sue me.
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Two Choices
What would you do?....you make the choice. Don't look for a punch line, there isn't one. Read it anyway. My question is: Would you have made the same choice?
At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves children with learning disabilities, the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended. After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a question:
'When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does, is done with perfection..
Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do.
Where is the natural order of things in my son?'
The audience was stilled by the query.
The father continued. 'I believe that when a child like Shay, who is mentally and physically disabled comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes in the way other people treat that child.'
Then he told the following story:
Shay and I had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked, 'Do you think they'll let me play?' I knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but as a father I also understood that if my son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and some confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps.
I approached one of the boys on the field and asked (not expecting much) if Shay could play. The boy looked around for guidance and said, 'We're losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning.'
Shay struggled over to the team's bench and, with a broad smile, put on a team shirt. I watched with a small tear in my eye and warmth in my heart. The boys saw my joy at my son being accepted.
In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few runs but was still behind by three.
In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as I waved to him from the stands.
In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again.
Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat.
At this juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game?
Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat. Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible because Shay didn't even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball.
However, as Shay stepped up to the
plate, the pitcher, recognizing that the other team was putting winning aside for this moment in Shay's life, moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least make contact.
The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed.
The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay.
As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher.
The game would now be over.
The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman.
Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game.
Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the first baseman's head, out of reach of all team mates.
Everyone from the stands and both teams started yelling, 'Shay, run to first!
Run to first!'
Never in his life had Shay ever run that far, but he made it to first base.
He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled.
Everyone yelled, 'Run to second, run to second!'
Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to make it to the base.
B y the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right fielder had the ball . the smallest guy on their team who now had his first chance to be the hero for his team.
He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher's intentions so he, too, intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman's head.
Shay ran toward third base deliriously as the runners ahead of him circled the bases toward home.
All were screaming, 'Shay, Shay, Shay, all the Way Shay'
Shay reached third base because the opposing shortstop ran to help him by turning him in the direction of third base, and shouted, 'Run to third!
Shay, run to third!'
As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams, and the spectators, were on their feet screaming, 'Shay, run home! Run home!'
Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the grand slam and won the game for his team
'That day', said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, 'the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world'.
Shay didn't make it to another summer. He died that winter, having never forgotten being the hero and making me so happy, and coming home and seeing his Mother tearfully embrace her little hero of the day!
Gary Foreman
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Tiger Woods Jokes
Apparently the police asked Tiger’s wife how many times she hit him. She said “I don’t know exactly, but put me down for a 5.”
Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole-in-one.
What’s the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.
What was Elin doing out at 2.30 in the morning? Clubbing
Why did Tiger crashed into a fire hydrant AND a tree? He couldn’t decide between a wood and an iron.
Why did Phil Mickelson call Elin yesterday? To pick up some tips on how to beat Tiger.
What is the penalty for getting it in the wrong hole? Ask Tiger, he knows.
Tiger drives very well on the fairway but doesn’t fare very well on the driveway. Rock me.
Whats the difference between a golf ball and a caddy? Tiger can drive a golf ball.
Nike wants to drop their endorsement due to accuracy problems. Apparently, Tiger’s spraying his balls everywhere.
It turns out that fixing Tiger’s game and fixing his marriage both require the same thing: better control over his putz.
Why was Tiger’s wife mad at him? She heard that he played a-round in Australia.
What will the headline be if they prove it is domestic violence? TIGER’S WIFE MAKES THE CUT
Given Tiger’s racial heritage can we call this a Black Thai affair?
Tiger just changed his nickname but still kept it in the cat family. Cheetah.
Elin Woods has a twin sister named Josephine. Know how to tell them apart?
Elin is the one holding the bent 5 iron.
First words spoken to the paramedics by Tiger: Who are you? And what are all these trees doing in my living room?
Tiger Wood’s shirt is all red- problem is, there’s no tournament, and his veins are a pint low.
What does Tiger have in common with a baby seal? They’ve both been clubbed by a Norwegian.
Gary Foreman
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Sometimes you are encouraged about our country's future when you see something like this.
Specifically, there is an annual contest at Texas A&M University calling for the most appropriate definition of a contemporary term. This year's term was
"Political Correctness."
The winner wrote:
"Political correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end."
(This guy has nailed it.)
Gary Foreman
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To see this story with its related links on the guardian.co.uk site, go to http://www.guardian.co.uk/environment/2009/nov/09/peak-oil-international-energy-agency
Key oil figures were distorted by US pressure, says whistleblower
Exclusive: Watchdog's estimates of reserves inflated says top official
Terry Macalister
Tuesday November 10 2009
The Guardian
http://www.guardian.co.uk/environment/2009/nov/09/peak-oil-international-energy-agency
The world is much closer to running out of oil than official estimates admit, according to a whistleblower at the International Energy Agency who claims it has been deliberately underplaying a looming shortage for fear of triggering panic buying.
The senior official claims the US has played an influential role in encouraging the watchdog to underplay the rate of decline from existing oil fields while overplaying the chances of finding new reserves.
The allegations raise serious questions about the accuracy of the organisation's latest World Energy Outlook on oil demand and supply to be published tomorrow ? which is used by the British and many other governments to help guide their wider energy and climate change policies.
In particular they question the prediction in the last World Economic Outlook, believed to be repeated again this year, that oil production can be raised from its current level of 83m barrels a day to 105m barrels. External critics have frequently argued that this cannot be substantiated by firm evidence and say the world has already passed its peak in oil production.
Now the "peak oil" theory is gaining support at the heart of the global energy establishment. "The IEA in 2005 was predicting oil supplies could rise as high as 120m barrels a day by 2030 although it was forced to reduce this gradually to 116m and then 105m last year," said the IEA source, who was unwilling to be identified for fear of reprisals inside the industry. "The 120m figure always was nonsense but even today's number is much higher than can be justified and the IEA knows this.
"Many inside the organisation believe that maintaining oil supplies at even 90m to 95m barrels a day would be impossible but there are fears that panic could spread on the financial markets if the figures were brought down further. And the Americans fear the end of oil supremacy because it would threaten their power over access to oil resources," he added.
A second senior IEA source, who has now left but was also unwilling to give his name, said a key rule at the organisation was that it was "imperative not to anger the Americans" but the fact was that there was not as much oil in the world as had been admitted. "We have [already] entered the 'peak oil' zone. I think that the situation is really bad," he added.
The IEA acknowledges the importance of its own figures, boasting on its website: "The IEA governments and industry from all across the globe have come to rely on the World Energy Outlook to provide a consistent basis on which they can formulate policies and design business plans."
The British government, among others, always uses the IEA statistics rather than any of its own to argue that there is little threat to long-term oil supplies.
The IEA said tonight that peak oil critics had often wrongly questioned the accuracy of its figures. A spokesman said it was unable to comment ahead of the 2009 report being released tomorrow.
John Hemming, the MP who chairs the all-party parliamentary group on peak oil and gas, said the revelations confirmed his suspicions that the IEA underplayed how quickly the world was running out and this had profound implications for British government energy policy.
He said he had also been contacted by some IEA officials unhappy with its lack of independent scepticism over predictions. "Reliance on IEA reports has been used to justify claims that oil and gas supplies will not peak before 2030. It is clear now that this will not be the case and the IEA figures cannot be relied on," said Hemming.
"This all gives an importance to the Copenhagen [climate change] talks and an urgent need for the UK to move faster towards a more sustainable [lower carbon] economy if it is to avoid severe economic dislocation," he added.
The IEA was established in 1974 after the oil crisis in an attempt to try to safeguard energy supplies to the west. The World Energy Outlook is produced annually under the control of the IEA's chief economist, Fatih Birol, who has defended the projections from earlier outside attack. Peak oil critics have often questioned the IEA figures.
But now IEA sources who have contacted the Guardian say that Birol has increasingly been facing questions about the figures inside the organisation.
Matt Simmons, a respected oil industry expert, has long questioned the decline rates and oil statistics provided by Saudi Arabia on its own fields. He has raised questions about whether peak oil is much closer than many have accepted.
A report by the UK Energy Research Council (UKERC) last month said worldwide production of conventionally extracted oil could "peak" and go into terminal decline before 2020 ? but that the government was not facing up to the risk. Steve Sorrell, chief author of the report, said forecasts suggesting oil production will not peak before 2030 were "at best optimistic and at worst implausible".
But as far back as 2004 there have been people making similar warnings. Colin Campbell, a former executive with Total of France told a conference: "If the real [oil reserve] figures were to come out there would be panic on the stock markets ? in the end that would suit no one."
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TOURBUS _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _:) _ :)_ :)
Vol 15, Number 57 - - 17 Dec 2009
80,000 Riders in Over 100 Countries
Online College Courses / Domain Names / Starting a Website / Geekly Update /
Memory Cards / Hub, Switch, Router /
WAV to MP3 Converter In today's TOURBUS, you'll learn how and where to take Free Online College Courses. And if you'd like to start your own website, you'll want to read Buying a Domain Name and Setting Up A Website.
The Geekly Update is guaranteed to improve office banter by 42 percent. On the hardware front, you'll get the scoop on Digital Camera Memory Cards and learn the difference between Hubs, Switches, and Routers. Read on!
Free Online College Courses
Everyone knows that college is not cheap. But did you know that you can take many college courses free, online? Some of the most prestigious universities in the world -- including MIT, Stanford and Carnegie Mellon -- offer thousands of courses free of charge to qualifying students, or to anyone with a Web browser.
You may even get actual college credit! Here's the scoop on free online college courses...
[http://askbobrankin.com/free_online_college_courses.html]
Buying a Domain Name
So you want to create your own dot-com website, but don't know where to start. The first step is to purchase a domain name, your address on the Internet. And that's easier and less expensive than you might think -- typically under $10 a year.
I've got some great tips on selecting and registering your domain name, along with links to some tools that make it easy and hassle-free...
[http://askbobrankin.com/buy_a_domain_name.html]
Setting Up A Website
Okay, you've got a domain name, now what? Creating your own website can be free and easy, or as expensive and complicated as a NASA mission to Mars. The cost and complexity of creating your own website depends on what you want to do with it, and how well you want to do it.
Here are some tips on getting started, free versus paid web hosting, and tools to help you build a great web site...
[http://askbobrankin.com/geekly_update_december_14.html]
Geekly Update December 14
Sightings of large red UFOs have increased dramatically. Are scientists from the Defense Department responsible? Sir Richard Branson is taking his mom and kids into space. Is it worth $200K to join him? Which devices top Time's list of the coolest electronic gadgets for 2009? And what happens to your Gmail and Facebook accounts when you die?
Get answers to these burning questions and more, in the most recent installment of the Geekly Update...
[http://askbobrankin.com/geekly_update_december_14.html]
Which Digital Camera Memory Card Do You Need?
A reader asks: "I'm a little confused about all the different memory cards that are available for digital cameras and video cams. The memory card I bought for my digital camera is not recognized by my computer. Can you demystify this for me?" It's true, there are many different formats and options for memory cards. Here's advice on which type to buy, how much storage you need, and how to avoid some common memory card gotchas...
[http://askbobrankin.com/digital_camera_memory_cards.html]
Hub, Switch, Router - What's the Difference?
Have you ever wondered what the difference is between a networking hub, switch, and router? Hubs, switches, and routers are all electronic black boxes that let you connect computers and other devices in a network. This type of networking allows for files and folders to be shared by multiple computers, and also allows the sharing of printers and other devices.
So what's the difference? Some people don't know and don't want to know. But if you need to know, here is what you need to know...
[http://askbobrankin.com/hubs_switches_and_routers.html]
WAV to MP3 Audio Converter
Audio files can be created in many formats. One of the oldest and most common formats is WAV - a file extension which stands for Waveform Audio Format. WAV is the main format used on Windows systems, and it has its pros and cons. WAV files are of very high fidelity but they use a lot of disk space and take a long time to download.
Converting your WAV files to MP3 format saves space, but there are tradeoffs. Learn more about free WAV to MP3 converters...
[http://askbobrankin.com/wav_to_mp3_converter.html]
That's all for now, see you next time! -- Bob Rankin
===[ Tourbus Rider Information ]====
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(\__/) .' ) )) Patrick Douglas Crispen
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{o_, \ { crispen@netsquirrel.com
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The Pump Handle. A water cooler for the public health crowd.
New Year’s Celebrations
December 18, 2009 in Environmental Health, Regulation
The start of the New Year means different things to different people, e.g., a fresh start to dieting, exercise, or financial savings…and, a fresh start to promoting human health and the environment.
Here’s a sample of State and local regulations that take effect in January 2010.
Noise Pollution
Leaf blowers used within the Brookline, Massachusetts city must be operated such that they do not generate sound levels greater than 67 decibels measured at 50 feet.
Smoke Free
North Carolina restaurants, bars, and many lodging establishments will be smoke-free thanks to the North Carolina Smoke-Free Restaurants and Bars Law.
Plastic Bags
The Anacostia River Clean Up and Protection Act is intended to reduce the negative environmental impacts associated with the widespread use of carryout bags in the District of Columbia, namely bag pollution in the Anacostia River. The regulation bans the use of non-recyclable plastic bags and levies a $0.05 fee for consumers on each recyclable carryout bag provided by a retail establishment.
Lead in Plumbing
All pipes, pipe or plumbing fittings, fixtures, solder, or flux intended to convey or dispense water for human consumption through drinking or cooking must be certified as lead-free by an independent third party accredited by the American National Standards Institute (ANSI). Lead-free, for purposes of this new law, means no more than a weighted average lead content of 0.25% for the wetted surfaces of the pipe and 0.2% lead in solder and flux
Mercury in the Air
Maine requires that air emission sources may not emit mercury in excess of 25 pounds per year. Compliance with this limit must be specified in the license of the emissions source. In addition, any air emission source emitting mercury in excess of 10 pounds must develop a mercury reduction plan.
Epidemiology at the state level is shrinking
~
December 18, 2009 in Preparedness
by revere, cross-posted from Effect Measure
I’m an epidemiologist and I train epidemiologists so you expect me to think epidemiology is important to public health. Epidemiology describes the pattern of diseases in the community and tries to figure out why some patterns exist and not others. It is used for both applied health research (causes of disease and disease outbreaks), disease control and for administrative purposes (how many hospital beds will we need, for example). When I was in medical school most epidemiology, such as there was, was done by medical doctors or employees of federal, state and local health departments. Starting in the sixties, academic programs in epidemiology started to take off, and now there are many masters and doctoral level training programs in epidemiology. But still not enough epidemiologists to meet the need, apparently. And we aren’t moving forward. We’re sliding backward.
Read the rest of this entry [http://thepumphandle.wordpress.com/2009/12/18/epidemiology-at-the-state-level-is-shrinking/#more-7704]
http://thepumphandle.wordpress.com/
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Weekly Toll _ _ http://weeklytoll.blogspot.com/
Death In The Workplace w/News & Updates
John Donne _ ...any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind, and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.
Starved watchdog: Plant-safety agency needs more funding, staff | Editorial | Chron.com - Houston Chronicle
Starved watchdog: Plant-safety agency needs more funding, staff Editorial Chron.com - Houston Chronicle
Well the CSB is in the spot light again. It has been a long standing fight to get the CSB fully funded. I don’t necessarily agree with the articles idea of who the CSB has investigated they state:
If only a few workers die in an industrial accident, we won't pry. That seems to be the philosophy of the U.S. Chemical Safety and Hazard Investigation Board (CSB)
Well there was only one killed (Shawn Boone) in 2003 at Hayes Lemmerz and there was a full investigation into the plant and Combustible Dust as a whole. However I do feel politics and funds get in the way of what is investigated.
Explosions at two Houston-area facilities within a single week have killed one, injured several more and alarmed thousands of residents near the Valero Energy Corp.'s Texas City oil refinery and the American Acryl facility in Seabrook. In response to requests for an investigation of the mishaps, CSB chair John Bresland told the Chronicle's Stewart M. Powell that his agency's staff was already maxed out with 16 ongoing probes and could not take on the latest incidents in Texas.“We would like to investigate more accidents,” he said, “but that would require additional resources from Congress.”
The article sites the CSB:
1. is failing to live up to its statutory responsibilities specified by the Clean Air Act passed in 1990.
2. has failed to investigate all accidental chemical releases that caused fatalities, serious injuries, substantial property damage or the risk of such occurrences.
3. is understaffed and underfunded.
4. still has a Board 2 not 1 vacancy.
5. needs to publicize their votes with a an explanation.
Well 1-3 can be taken care of if the CSB just gains more funding. What the heck is the stimulus for this? We know this would create jobs and it would serve a greater good purpose.
I the government would get off their butts and appoint new board members that would be solved.
The sad thing is all of the above involves politics, will the CSB get funding, will they be fair and transparent, will they gain new board members it all comes down to political opinions. It seems such a shame that with all the good work the CSB has done our politicians would let it go downhill. Will we see another OSHA, an outdated, company/Chamber driven, you scratch my back I’ll scratch yours, that spins their wheels and waist money, time and resources?
Well it doesn’t have to be. Just write you government officials, the Education and Labor Committee and the CSB and tell them you sick of all the bs. Tell them your concerns and that the CSB is of utmost importance but only if it is working!
http://weeklytoll.blogspot.com
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NEVER FORGET! We're listing the names of our soldiers killed since November 01. These records can be found at http://www.defenselink.mil/releases/
01. Pfc. Michael A. Rogers, 23, of White Sulphur Springs, Mont., died Nov. 27, at Forward Operating Base Hammer, east of Baghdad, Iraq, of injuries sustained from a non-combat related incident. He was assigned to the 210th Brigade Support Battalion, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 10th Mountain Division (Light Infantry), Fort Drum, N.Y.
02. Petty Officer 3rd Class David M. Mudge, 22, of Sutherlin, Ore., died Nov. 28, in a non-hostile accident aboard USS Rentz while in Jebel Ali, United Arab Emirates.
03. Sgt. Brandon T. Islip, 23, of Richmond, Va., had been listed as Duty Status Whereabouts Unknown. His status was changed Nov. 29 to having died in a non-combat related incident.
He was a member of the 1st Battalion, 508th Parachute Infantry Regiment, 4th Brigade Combat Team, 82nd Airborne Division, Fort Bragg, N.C. and went missing, Nov. 4, while involved in a resupply mission in Bala Murghab, Afghanistan.
04. Pfc. Derrick D. Gwaltney, 21, of Cape Coral, Fla., died Nov. 29 south of Basra, Iraq, of injuries sustained from a non-combat related incident. He was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 377th Field Artillery Regiment, 17th Fires Brigade, Fort Lewis, Wash.
05. Lance Cpl. Jonathan A. Taylor, 22, of Jacksonville, Fla., died Dec. 1 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to 2nd Battalion, 2nd Marine Regiment, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C.
06. Sgt. Kenneth R. Nichols Jr., 28, of Chrisman, Ill., died Dec. 1 in Kunar province, Afghanistan, of wounds suffered when enemy forces attacked his unit using small arms and rocket-propelled grenade fires. He was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 12th Infantry Regiment, 4th Brigade Combat Team, 4th Infantry Division, Fort Carson, Colo.
07. Sgt. Elijah J. Rao, 26, of Lake Oswego, Ore., died Dec. 5 in Nuristan, Afghanistan, of wounds suffered when enemy forces attacked his unit with an improvised explosive device. He was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 77th Field Artillery Regiment, 4th Brigade Combat Team, 4th Infantry Division, Fort Carson, Colo.
08. Cpl. Xhacob Latorre, 21, of Waterbury, Conn., died Dec. 8 of wounds sustained while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to 2nd Battalion, 8th Marine Regiment, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C.
09. Staff Sgt. Dennis J. Hansen, 31, of Panama City, Fla., died Dec. 7 at the Landstuhl Regional Medical Center in Landstuhl, Germany, of wounds sustained when insurgents attacked his unit Dec. 3 with an improvised explosive device in Logar province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 32nd Infantry Regiment, 3rd Brigade Combat Team, 10th Mountain Division (Light Infantry), Fort Drum, N.Y.
10. Sgt. Ralph Anthony Webb Frietas, 23, of Detroit, Mich., died Dec 8. as a result of unknown causes in Baghdad. He was assigned to Marine Wing Support Squadron 172, Marine Wing Support Group 17, 1st Marine Aircraft Wing, III Marine Expeditionary Force, Okinawa, Japan.
11. Pfc. Jaiciae L. Pauley, 29, of Austell, Ga., died Dec. 11 in Kirkuk, Iraq, of injuries sustained from a non-combat related incident. He was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 30th Infantry Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 3rd Infantry Division, Fort Stewart, Ga.
12. Pvt. Jhanner A. Tello, 29, of Los Angeles, Calif., died Dec. 10 in Baghdad, Iraq, of injuries sustained from a non-combat related incident. He was assigned to the 3rd Aviation Support Battalion, 227th Aviation Regiment, 1st Air Cavalry Brigade, 1st Cavalry Division, Fort Hood, Texas.
13. Tech. Sgt. Anthony C. Campbell Jr., 35, of Florence, Ky., died Dec. 15 of wounds suffered from the detonation of an improvised explosive device in Helmand Province, Afghanistan. Campbell was assigned to the 932nd Civil Engineer Squadron, Scott Air Force Base, Ill.
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"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." __ Franklin D. Roosevelt
"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle."
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. _ _ George Carlin
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" _ _ Queen E. Watson
“A political class of Republicans and Democrats that look after themselves, not the Nation. A media hostile to the very precepts of this nation. A generation of Americans who see morals as vices, and are ignorant of America's Actual History.”
"The things that will destroy America are prosperity-at-any-price, peace-at-any-price, safety-first instead of duty-first, the love of soft living, and the get-rich-quick theory of life." - - Theodore Roosevelt
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Scheduled Activities
Men's Prayer Breakfast held every Tuesday morning at 6 AM in Miller's Cafeteria. If you aren't a regular participant at the Men's Prayer Breakfast, you're missing some great food, fellowship and inspired teaching of the Word. Hope to see you there.
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Emergency Phone Number 911
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )
Central Dispatch 234_5655
(Non _ Emergency Number)
Direct Numbers
Ambulance _ 234_7371 (24 Hour)
Jail _ 234_5331 (24 Hour)
Poison Control _ 800_222_1222 (24 Hour)
http://www. aapcc. org/
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Interested in getting in touch with the Banner_News through e_mail?
E_mail addresses for communicating with the newspaper’s various departments are: news@bannernews.net For news and sports items, Coming Events, Diary, Church News, school and civic events.
advertising@bannernews. net For retail and classified advertising.
circulation@bannernews. net To start, stop or cancel newspaper delivery or for comments about delivery.
outfitters @bannernews.net For Office Outfitters, the office supply division of the Banner_News.
[http://www.bannernews.net/]
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"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." __ "Bug"
"I read the end of the book. We win!" __ "Bug"
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." __ "Bug"
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." _ _ "Bug"
"It's no big deal doing what God tells you to do. A big deal would be NOT doing what God tells you to do. Just ask Jonah." _ _ Paul Troquille
“Nam et ipsa scientia potestas est.” Knowledge is power. _ Francis Bacon
"The problem is here and now. The time for talk is past. The time for action is now."
Comments on the first Earth Day _ James F. McClellan via John "Fuzzy" Thurman
~~~~~
Hope you enjoy the newsletter.
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week.
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" __"Bug"
God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!
Song 7:4-6 Mat 13:27-30 John 7:16-18 Gal 6:8-9 Isa 45:9-10 2 Cor 12:9-10 Isa 45:21-22 2 Cor 13:7-9 Isa 43:15-17 Isa 42:20 2 Cor 11:26-28 Isa 43:2 Titus 1:15-16 1 Cor 9:24-26 Deu 13:16-18 http://www.e_min.org/
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT_I KC5HII
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