Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Bug's Bleat - - GCF: Running Away From Home

Volume 15, Issue 51 Friday, December 20, 2013

Photos on the front of this week’s “Bleat” include;
SAU’s Newer Blue Water Tower Candle

Our Neighbor Pam’s Bow,

The Columbia County Courthouse shines with decorations on a rainy evening.

SAU’s old (and, to me, preferred) water tower candle decorations.

Our fantastic family photo.

Our front decorations.

Hello ALL,

Thought for Today: May Peace be your gift at Christmas and your blessing all year through! ~ Author Unknown (via Ron Hazelton)
In case you haven’t realized it … Christmas is upon us. To reinforce the point, “Da Boys” have been “uber excited” about the coming toy bonanza.

In fact, they are so excited that I had to quash their constant requests to head on over to Wally World and just get a toy or two to tide them over. I explained that “NO” toys would be purchased this close to their birthdays and Christmas.

Well, yesterday I was running some errands while Annette (hereafter to be known as “The Pushover”) watched them. While I was gone, she realized she didn’t have all the ingredients for her famous “Slayer Pie” (see the recipe in this posting) so she grabbed the boys and went to the store.

When I got back home, Josiah met me at the door and declared; “We told mamaw you’d be angry.”

Hummm … this doesn’t sound good. “Why would I be angry?” I asked.

“Mamaw bought us toys.” He replied.

I walked on into the house and there was Ethan playing with a helicopter and Josiah had a HUGE box of Lego like blocks. I turned to Ethan and, using my sternest papaw face and voice asked; “How did you get that toy?”

Ethan didn’t hesitate, he launched into the explanation; “Well, we were at the store with mamaw and I saw this helicopter and … it was just a target of opportunity.”
Just to prove that even an old crabby guy can still learn a thing or two, a friend posted a comment discussing why the Christian Church chose December 25th to celebrate Christ’s birth.

Martha wrote: "A reminder of why we celebrate the birth of Christ this time of year- to try to win over the Pagans - Happy Solstice and beginning of Winter everyone! ... Here's to December 21st!"

I really appreciate the history lesson. I'm not a bible scholar (my theology can pretty much be summed up in; "Jesus loves me this I know ...) but I have wondered why we celebrated the birth of the Savior in December when pretty much every biblical scholar said he wasn't born in December. Most of the folks I referenced think the actual date of Christ’s birth was in the spring. Life is grand.
There’s joy in Mudville tonight ... Mac’s Fresh Food store here in Magnolia carries Zwolle Tamales. Halleluiah!
When the kids were around 8 or 10, we all went to Arnaud's Restaurant in New Orleans. David was and still is a "Meat and Potatoes" kind of guy.
While we ordered Shrimp Arnaud, Oysters on the Half Shell, Escargots en Casserole, Mushrooms Véronique, Smoked Pompano Bourgeois and , Crab Claws Provencale , David told me, "Dad, can I get a hamburger?"

I turned to the waiter and asked if he could get a hamburger and fries, "dry" with no dressing on the burger. The waiter didn't bat an eye. He just nodded.

When we were served, they laid a plate before David that contained a burger (obviously fresh ground) and fries that were fresh cut. I was proud to get my little guy what he wanted. ... Then he looked at me and said; "I need Ketchup for the fries."

I again turned to the waiter and told him: "My son would like some Ketchup." You'd have thought I'd slapped the guy. He paused, then turned toward the kitchen.

We all started eating and, after a little time, the Matre De came over and pulled a bottle of ketchup out from under his coat. It still had a price sticker from the corner market on it. They had gone down the street and bought this for David.

The Matre De stood there while David dumped ketchup on his fries. Then, after David put the cap back on the bottle, the Matre De swooped it up, again hid it under his coat and went back toward the kitchen.
From the GCF Archives

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GCF: Politically Correct Holiday Greetings

To all my Liberal Friends:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all;


A fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great, (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only "AMERICA" in the western hemisphere), and without regard to race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, or choice of computer platform.

(Disclaimer: By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher who assumes no responsibility for any unintended emotional stress these greetings may bring to those not caught up in the holiday spirit.)

To all my Conservative Friends:

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
This little story illustrates Real Christmas for me: “The Toothless Grin”

I was doing some last-minute Christmas shopping in a toy store and decided to look at Barbie dolls for my nieces. A nicely dressed little girl was excitedly looking through the Barbie dolls as well, with a roll of money clamped tightly in her little hand. When she came upon a Barbie she liked, she would turn and ask her father if she had enough money to buy it.

He usually said "yes," but she would keep looking and keep going through their ritual of "do I have enough?" As she was looking, a little boy wandered in across the aisle and started sorting through the Pokemon toys. He was dressed neatly, but in clothes that were obviously rather worn, and wearing a jacket that was probably a couple of sizes too small. He too had money in his hand, but it looked to be no more than five dollars or so at the most. He was with his father as well, and kept picking up the Pokemon video toys. Each time he picked one up and looked at his father, his father shook his head, "No."

The little girl had apparently chosen her Barbie, a beautifully dressed, glamorous doll that would have been the envy of every little girl on the block. However, she had stopped and was watching the interchange between the little boy and his father. Rather dejectedly, the boy had given up on the video games and had chosen what looked like a book of stickers instead. He and his father then started walking through another aisle of the store.

The little girl put her Barbie back on the shelf, and ran over to the Pokemon games. She excitedly picked up one that was lying on top of the other toys, and raced toward the check-out, after speaking with her father. I picked up my purchases and got in line behind them. Then, much to the little girl's obvious delight, the little boy and his father got in line behind me.

After the toy was paid for and bagged, the little girl handed it back to the cashier and whispered something in her ear. The cashier smiled and put the package under the counter.

I paid for my purchases and was rearranging things in my purse when the little boy came up to the cashier. The cashier rang up his purchases and then said, "Congratulations, you are my hundredth customer today, and you win a prize!" With that, she handed the little boy the Pokemon game, and he could only stare in disbelief. It was, he said, exactly what he had wanted!

The little girl and her father had been standing at the doorway during all of this, and I saw the biggest, prettiest, toothless grin on that little girl that I have ever seen in my life. Then they walked out the door, and I followed close behind them. As I walked back to my car in amazement over what I had just witnessed, I heard the father ask his daughter why she had done that. I'll never forget what she said to him.

"Daddy, didn't Nana and PawPaw want me to buy something that would make me happy?"

He said, "Of course they did, honey."

To which the little girl replied, "Well, I just did!"

With that, she giggled and started skipping toward their car. Her toothless grin said it all. Apparently, she had decided on the answer to her own question of, "Do I have enough?"

I feel very privileged to have witnessed the true spirit of Christmas in that toy store, in the form of a little girl who understands more about the reason for the season than most adults I know!

Written by Sharon Palmer - - Received from Thomas Ellsworth.
~ - The Good, Clean Funnies List
A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a)
Mail address: GCFL, Box 100, Harvest, AL 35749, USA
Heard on PBS Newshour; Scrooge Economist who says most gifts are “wasted” money because they aren’t what the receiver wants. The “experts” recommend giving things to folks that they want but normally wouldn’t buy for themselves. Examples were a very nice pen for a businessman or quality earphones for a music lover.

Hummm …. You know that really makes sense. Unless you’re a little kid whose parents aren’t sure what you want (though I can’t imagine a little kid who hasn’t repeatedly told his/her parents that they want everything they see on the children’s cartoon commercials.) If the parents aren’t sure what the kid wants, under this “experts” recommendation, they shouldn’t get the kid anything.

Yeah, that will fly on Christmas morning.

A good fall back is to use my system. I give the kids (both grown and younger) what I want them to have, wither they might or might not want. At least one of us should come out of this deal happy. :0)
Concerning the “Merry Christmas” vs “Happy Holidays” debate; I saw a “Tree Lot” sign posted this week that summed up the issue. The sign said: “Christmas Trees $5 a foot, Holiday Trees $10 a foot.”

Hey. It is funny :0)
If you’ve been conscious this week, you probably have heard the explosion from both conservatives and liberals over comments Phil Robertson made in a GQ article this month.
A valued friend had the following to say on the issue; “As far as A&E dropping Duck Dynasty, that is their business decision to make. Not that I like it.

However, I do stand with Phil!

It is hard for people to understand that just because we disagree doesn't mean I don't love you. My wife and I disagree often but I would walk through fire for her!

I just don't want your blood on my head!

We can't just pick the feel good things in the Bible and share them like some of the feel good preachers on TV want us to believe. This is a hard road! We have a Biblical obligation to share the Word and not just the good stuff! And marriage is so plain in the Bible, Man and Woman! To say otherwise is to say God makes mistakes.”
I have some comments on Phil’s quotes as well as the backlash from some and outpouring of support from many many others.

1. Phil accurately paraphrased what the Bible says concerning homosexuality. But like my friend above said, that Bible knowledge doesn’t require me to hate or attack those who live an “alternate” lifestyle (in fact it REQUIRES that I love them.) I have “Gay” friends and I cherish their friendship. But, I won’t change my beliefs because of the way my friends feel. Just to be clear here Christ was born, lived and died for us so we wouldn’t have to suffer the punishment for our sins. But that’s not a free pass. As Christians, we are instructed to “Watch over your heart with all diligence” (Proverbs 4:23) and “abstain from every form of evil” (1 Thessalonians 5:22). We are also told to “…make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.” (Romans 14:19) And we are reminded “… each of us will give an account of himself to God. Therefore let us not pass judgment on one another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother.” (Romans 14:10-13) “As for the one who is weak in faith, welcome him, but not to quarrel over opinions.” (Romans 14:1) If you still think that our faith is hateful, remember; “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself.” (Luke 10:27)

2. At first, when I read what Phil said about working with blacks in the cotton fields, my brain started to mutter “oh no, oh no.” But then I thought back to my own childhood. My mother used to sing a lullaby about a little black boy crying to his mother because the white kids wouldn’t play with him and that song always made me sad. When I’d first learned that African Americans had been slaves in the United States. I was probably around five years old and I was SHOCKED. We’d been taught in Sunday School about the Israelites being slaves to the Egyptians. And when I saw the Ten Commandments Movie, I didn’t remember any Slaves of Color. The knowledge that my mammy, Mrs. Ida, could have been a slave was devastating to me. So, it’s no surprise to me that a poor redneck kid from northwest Louisiana could actually not be aware of the horrible mistreatment of African Americans in this country.

3. The “Free Speech” quotes by many supporters aren’t saying that A&E didn’t have the right to “censure” Phil for what he said. The point is that many so called “Free Speech” advocates have gone into a feeding frenzy over what he said and are praising A&E for “censuring” Phil. “Free Speech” works both ways. Just because we disagree with someone, doesn’t mean we should attack them and/or be glad when they are “censured.” Calling Phil Homophobic is, to me, an attack on the man.

4. A&E has the right to decide who they want on their network, just as viewer have the right to watch or not watch programs on that network and advertisers have the right to spend their dollars with DD or another program or network. I do think A&E’s leadership are misguided for immediately giving in to the “Politically Correct” folks and censuring Phil. Or you could say they had the courage of their convictions when they “suspended” the leader of a program which has drawn in millions more viewers than any other cable “reality” show, not to mention DD beat the finale of “Breaking Bad” by TWO MILLION viewers.

5. And finally … A&E has never really liked the Robertsons because A&E wanted a standard reality show that belittles people and makes fun of southerners. Instead they got a campy, family values show loved by folks from all over the country. Even after DD’s popularity exploded, A&E didn’t know what to do with it as shown by last spring’s ads on DD. Family values programming was interspersed with promotions of the decidedly not family friendly “Bates Motel” show. SHEESH!

Enough from me. Here are quotes from friends on the issue.
I think Phil Robertson is a very brave man!
He had to know when he was asked "the question" that his answer could land him with no job, and he still answered honestly. He didn't say what they wanted to hear. I wonder how many people would be willing to do the same, on their jobs, if they knew they would be fired if they didn't answer in a politically correct way? Hmmmmm.....
I am so SICK of ALL the ignorance from FB concerning Duck Dynasty!! How can anyone defend the obvious judgment and hate toward other people in the name of FREEDOM OF SPEECH OR CHRISTIANITY ?? It would seem to me that we as a society would be far more Christ Like if we're were quicker to love rather than judge and condemn!!!
I absolutely support Phil Robertson & A&E MUST reverse it's decision! There is NOTHING hateful about stating what your beliefs are on a given topic! Disagreement is not hate & I don't have to agree with you to LOVE you BUT I will not be bullied nor intimidated into silence because someone else is insecure in themselves because of what I believe. Come on Americans::: This is about free speech & there are plenty of us that are ready to fight again to not be controlled by the politically correct police of today!
A&E & any & all of it's sponsors will be boycotted by myself & multiplied millions of freedom loving Folks until Phil Robertson is reinstated---/// PERIOD! & we will speak up & out louder than ever before! This is absolutely ridiculous & it's time to bring it to the "intolerant ones"!!!
Ok, I've had enough and I don't usually do this, but here it goes. How do the newscasters know how Americans feel?? I am an American and a Christian and a Baptist. I believe in free speech, I believe in the Bible and it's Word. I also have friends that are gay that I love dearly. I also believe God loves them to. According to the word of God, they are sinners. Who among us is not a sinner. God sent his only Son to die on the Cross for our sins. God loves the person, he does not love the sin. I support much of what Mr. Robertson said, and I certainly believe in free speech!! The news is saying that Mr. Robertson said the gays and lesbians are not going to Heaven. I believe their life style is a sin, but I also we are saved by the Grace of God and Jesus died on the Cross for our sins. Only God knows who will be in Heaven. I feel we will all be surprised when we get to Heaven to see just who is there.

Why do we, as Christians, not stand up for our rights when we are the subject to so many jokes and critical remarks on almost ALL of the networks on TV. Why aren't these people banned from their network. Why, because there wouldn't be anything left to watch. I'm mad and I've had enough of all these. I feel if you go to church and say you are a Christian, if your preacher is not telling you that man with man and woman with woman is not a sin, then you need to find another church!

Now, I've had my say, you know who I am and where I stand. I AM A CHRISTIAN!!

You can block me, delete me, whatever you feel like doing. I WILL NOT CHANGE!!
And finally, to add a little levity to the discussion, during his monologue on The Tonight Show, Jay Leno said, “It seems Phil Robertson, one of the stars of Duck Dynasty has been suspended from the show after he criticized gays, so gay people are upset with him. Then he went on to criticize adulterers, drunks and swindlers and now congress is mad at him. The guy just can't win." - See more at:

(The actual GQ article can be found at this link; [] be forewarned … the language the writer uses in the piece is sometimes rather crude.)
Yet another ObamaCare Exemption. The President announced that anyone who had lost their health insurance because their old plan didn’t meet the ACA minimums (such as covering pregnancy wither you needed it or not) AND who couldn’t get a new plan for the same or lower price, would be able to be exempted from the requirements and allowed to purchase a Catastrophic Care policy. This should be cheaper than the new ACA minimum required plan.
Does anyone see a trend here? It’s not because ACA is some giant conspiracy to turn the nation socialist. It’s because this law is a DISASTER and “tweaking” it every week or so is not going to fix it.
SIX MILLION have had their policies canceled!!!!
I think one of the biggest problems with modern society and BIG government or business is the “rule” being blindly followed when common sense would indicate an alternative resolution.
Blind rule following takes away any judgment on the part of the participants and the fact is that no rule written by man is perfect.

For Instance: A good friend stopped in a local “curb side” fast food place a few years ago and ordered a plate of chili cheese nachos. The kid on the speaker said we don’t have those. My buddy then asked, “Don’t you have chili dogs?” “Yes.” came the answer. “And don’t you have cheese nachos?” “Yes.” “Then just give me and order of cheese nachos with the chili you’d normally put on a chili dog.” “I don’t have a button for that.” The voice replied. …

Last night, after a long wait to see the doctor, we were tired and “ran” by the local fast food Mexican place for some tacos and a burrito. It was 7:30 at night, we were tired and, after giving the order and pulling forward, we realized I’d ordered Annette’s food but not mine. No problem, I foolishly thought. We’ll just get some tacos at the window.

Imagine my surprise and consternation when the cashier told me she couldn’t take my order for three tacos, I’d have to drive around and give her the order via the speaker at the menu board. It was company policy.

There wasn’t a long line (there was one car behind us) and I would not have minded pulling up and letting her bring my three tacos to me when they were ready. I wouldn’t have even minded circling the place and picking up my tacos after the guy behind me was served.

But having me drive back around and order on that tinny speaker when I was looking at the girl who would be on the other end of that conversation, was … well … it was a prime example of big organization (corporate or government) insanity.

I tried again to order the tacos. The girl was very polite but firm. She couldn’t take an order directly at the window. It was company policy. So, I breathed in. I breathed out and accepted Annette’s order. Then I drove home and decided to sleep on it. Then today, I calmly wrote the chain as well as calling the local manager and the franchise owner. All assured me that the employee was misinformed, that they could accept orders at the window. “As a matter of fact,” said the franchise representative “we want customers to feel free to make multiple orders, change orders, whatever they want. We want the customer happy.”

Well, I’m happy.
Eccl 3:1-8
Sick of the battle between the left and right, between CNN and Fox? Try Rock City Times (written by Greg Henderson.)

As you can see in the headline examples below, Mr. Henderson, is a funny, talented writer who dishes out a wonderfully biting Satire of news.

"The Capital Hotel Becomes Infested with Squirrels after Installing Christmas Tree"

"Wal-Mart to Install Surface-to-Air Missiles on Store Rooftops to Shoot Down Amazon Drones"

"White Smoke Seen Coming from Longhorn Stadium, No New University of Texas Coach Elected"

"Entergy Issues Warning to Cammack Village Customers to Expect Outages Due to Downtown Bridge Lighting"

"Jerry Jones Announces He will Undergo a Post-Season Brain Transplant"

You can read Mr. Henderson's publication as well as sign up for his newsletter at
Food Network’s “How to Avoid Holiday Weight Gain” - By Kerri-Ann Jennings, M.S., R.D.

Plan Healthy Eats - - Rather than focus on the specific holiday meals that are sure to have a high calorie toll, think about your overall eating patterns during the season. How you eat every day sets the trend for your weight and health, so make healthy choices when and where you have more control, like at home and at work.

Eat Breakfast - - While it might be tempting to skip breakfast during the holiday season (it saves calories, right?) or to go in the other direction and dine on leftover pie, do yourself a favor and start the day off right. A good breakfast will get in some important nutrients, get your metabolism going and set the tone for the rest of the day.

Soup Up Your Meal Plan - - You can count on soup to fill you up with low-calorie, nutrient-dense vegetables. Make a big pot on the weekend and you'll have it on hand for lunch or dinner throughout the week.

Resist Workplace Temptations - - No doubt about it: There will be more candies, cookies and cake staring you in the face at the office during the holiday season. Again, take the long view. Special treats aren't so special when you start to have them every day. Save your calories for the sweets you really don't want to miss (like Aunt Lorraine's peanut brittle).

Reward Yourself - - One of the reasons we get so tempted by the abundance of sweets is that the holidays can be stressful, and indulging is one way to a hit of dopamine (the feel-good hormone) to the brain. Get your dopamine fix with other non-food-related rewards by, say, treating yourself to a massage, heading to a yoga class, taking a bath or carving out time to read a good book.

Bring a Veggie Dish - - "Be the change you want to see in the world" doesn't just apply to how you treat others. It also applies to the food you want to eat. Make sure there's something healthy at a holiday party by offering to bring a vegetable-centric dish.

Sip Seltzer or Water - - Many people tend to let loose this time of year and dip into holiday spirits. While a single drink can be a modest indulgence, having two or more can be like eating an extra dinner. (A glass of wine is 125 calories, an old fashioned is 180 and a White Russian is 270!) Slow your pace by alternating a cocktail with a glass of seltzer or water.

Sneak in Exercise - - The holidays are a busy time, for sure. But rather than throw your exercise routine out the window, or tell yourself you'll start one in January, focus on staying active in simple ways. It doesn't have to be an hour-long class or even a half-hour jog. Instead, find little ways to stay moving, like busting out a plank pose or going for a quick walk between meetings. Also, try to plan family time around active get-togethers, like a walk around the neighborhood or a snowshoe hike in the woods.

Read more at:{2C4766C1-E79F-4C8E-BBCE-D8B095BE4573}&oc=linkback
“Inside the ‘Killer Robot’ Olympics” - - The research branch of the U.S. Defense Department, DARPA, is putting on a big competition in Florida this Friday and Saturday for the world’s most advanced robots. Many of these “robots” will take the form of airborne drones, big and small; some will be weapons systems on ships; and some will be moving more or less like animals and humans. The Daily Beast’s Christopher Dickey reports. Read it at The Daily Beast
Speaking of defense … our current Defense Secretary was a member of a group pushing to ban nuclear weapons before being tapped to “take care” of our military. He’s taking care of Vets by working to cut their benefits (if he wants to negotiate with new enlistees, fine. But he shouldn’t renege on the things we’ve previously promised to our armed forces.)
I assume he’s also taking care of our nuclear deterrent the same way. (I understand he’s proposing to do away with all land based ICBMs by the end of 2015.)
“Great” choice B.O. ~~~~~

1. The best way to get even is to forget...
2. Feed your faith and your doubts will starve to death...
3. God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts...
4. Some folks wear their halos much too tightly...
5. Some marriages are made in heaven, but they ALL have to be maintained on earth...
6. Unless you can create the WHOLE universe in 5 days, then perhaps giving "advice" to God isn't such a good idea!
7. Sorrow looks back, worry looks around, and faith looks up...
8. Standing in the middle of the road is dangerous. You will get knocked down by the traffic from both ways.
9. Words are windows to the heart.
10. A skeptic is a person who, when he sees the handwriting on the wall, claims it's a forgery.
11. It isn't difficult to make a mountain out of a molehill just add a little dirt.
12. A successful marriage isn't finding the right person-it's being the right person.
13. The mighty oak tree was once a little nut that held its ground.
14. Too many people offer God prayers, with claw marks all over them.
15. The tongue must be heavy indeed, because so few people can hold it.
16. To forgive is to set the prisoner free, and then discover the prisoner was you.
17. You have to wonder about humans, they think God is dead and Elvis is alive!
18. It's all right to sit on your pity pot every now and again. Just be sure to flush when you are done.
19. You'll notice that a turtle only makes progress when it sticks out its neck...
20. If the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, you can bet the water bill is higher.

And last but not least -- God gave the angels Wings, and He gave humans CHOCOLATE.

"The shortest distance between a problem and a solution is the distance between your knees and the floor.

The one who kneels to the Lord can stand up to anything."

You are richer today if you have laughed, given or forgiven.

-- Author Unknown Thanks to Waneta
Remembering Mom's Clothesline

There is one thing that's left out. We had a long wooden pole (clothes pole) that was used to push the clotheslines up so that longer items (sheets/pants/etc.) didn't brush the ground and get dirty. I can hear my mother now.


(If you don't even know what clotheslines are, better skip this.)

1. You had to hang the socks by the toes... NOT the top.

2. You hung pants by the BOTTOM/cuffs... NOT the waistbands.

3. You had to WASH the clothesline(s) before hanging any clothes - walk the entire length of each line with a damp cloth around the lines.

4. You had to hang the clothes in a certain order, and always hang "whites" with "whites," and hang them first.

5. You NEVER hung a shirt by the shoulders - always by the tail! What would the neighbors think?

6. Wash day on a Monday! NEVER hang clothes on the weekend, or on Sunday, for Heaven's sake!

7. Hang the sheets and towels on the OUTSIDE lines so you could hide your "unmentionables" in the middle (perverts & busybodies, y'know!)

8. It didn't matter if it was sub-zero weather... clothes would "freeze-dry."

9. ALWAYS gather the clothes pins when taking down dry clothes! Pins left on the lines were "tacky"!

10. If you were efficient, you would line the clothes up so that each item did not need two clothes pins, but shared one of the clothes pins with the next washed item.

11. Clothes off of the line before dinner time, neatly folded in the clothes basket, and ready to be ironed.

12. IRONED? Well, that's a whole OTHER subject!

Thanks to Waneta
David Ashby's Article: "Tax Free Opportunities That Harry Won't Mention" - - Mustard Seed Financial

Recently I saw a clip of Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid being interviewed regarding upcoming budget negotiations. Harry wants to see further tax increases, beyond what happened earlier this year. As a brief review, in January Congress passed the Taxpayer Relief Act which increased the top income and capital gains tax rates for higher income levels. The Act also instituted several brand new taxes to help fund the Affordable Care Act and ended the payroll tax holiday whereby we had seen a temporary two percent drop in Social Security taxes. While we all felt the impact of the payroll tax change immediately, I think some are going to be in sticker shock when they file their tax returns next year. A better name for the law might be the Taxpayer Grief Act.

Anyway, back to Harry and the interview. Harry says that Americans are on his side. That is, they want to see additional tax increases and that they won’t mind a bit paying more taxes themselves. Well, besides the fact that he lives near Las Vegas and I live in Taylor, we must be living on different planets. His comments seem directly at odds with what I hear from folks on Main Street. I don’t know anyone who wishes they were paying more in taxes. I don’t know a single person who complains about their tax bill being too low. Nevertheless, you should be aware that the potential for higher taxes is on the horizon. So does the idea of tax free income appeal to you? No, I’m not talking about mowing yards for cash and not reporting the income. I’m talking legitimate tax free sources of income. If so, here’s a bullet list of some possibilities:

Roth IRAs and Roth 401(k): Contribute to a Roth today and you don’t get a tax deduction. But down the road, qualified withdrawals are income tax free. In general, qualified withdrawals mean you are 59 ½ and have had the Roth account open for at least five years. So all the earnings that accumulated over the years can be tax free income.
Health savings accounts: To qualify, you have to be covered under a high deductible health insurance plan or have no plan at all. As the Obamacare situation continues to unfold, that may end up being all of us! Contributions are tax deductible but can be withdrawn, along with any earnings, to pay for medical expenses. As long as you use the funds to pay medical bills, earnings are tax free. Folks on Medicare do not qualify.
Municipal bonds: interest on most municipal bonds is free of federal income tax and free of state income tax if it’s a bond in your state of residence. These are probably best bought in a mutual fund so you get some diversification. Municipal bonds can end up in default, just ask Detroit.
Flexible spending accounts: if your employer offers this benefit, you can run out of pocket medical expenses, childcare expenses and certain other items through this account, up to $2,500 per year. Funds placed in a flexible spending account escape not only income taxes but payroll taxes as well, an added bonus!
529 savings accounts: these are savings accounts for post-secondary education. Say you drop $10,000 into an account for your kid or grandkids and it grows to $25,000 by college age. If they spend the money on education, including room and board, you never pay taxes on the $15,000 gain. That’s nice. Sort of a Roth IRA for education.
Cash value life insurance: life insurance salesman have told us for decades how to use cash value life policies to reduce tax bills. The main problem: such policies can come with high fees. But find a low expense cash value policy and this might be a good place to stash some funds. Suppose you pay $25,000 in premiums for a policy. Down the road, the cash value grows to $70,000. Now you need funds in retirement to live on. The first $25,000 is tax free because it is simply a return of your investment. Then you can borrow out a chunk of the cash value as well with no tax consequences since loans aren't income. At your death, the death benefit pays off the loan.

You should consult your tax advisor as to which strategies might work for you. Who knows whether higher taxes are in store for us or not? Tax free opportunities still make sense. That is, unless you happen to be one of the folks Harry’s referring to. If that’s the case, keep in mind you are allowed to contribute extra funds over and above your tax bill. Uncle Sam will take your money!
It wouldn’t be a holiday without Annette’s FAMOUS “Slayer Pie.”
(Also known as “Death By Chocolate” or “Chocolate Mousse Pie”)
Warning!!! This is not sugar free, low fat nor low calorie. This is the real thing.


3 Cups Oreo cookies (23 cookies) Actually, Annette usually just used a whole big package.
½ Cup melted unsalted butter

1 Pound semi-sweet chocolate
2 Eggs
4 Egg yolks
2 Cups heavy cream
6 Tablespoons confectioner's sugar
4 Egg whites

Topping: Whipped Cream


Crust: Combine the cookie crumbs and the butter and press on the bottom and sides of a spring form pan. Refrigerate for at least 30 minutes.

Filling: Melt the chocolate in a double boiler. Add the whole eggs and mix thoroughly, then add the egg yolks to the mixture and continue to blend. Whip the heavy cream and add confectioner's sugar. In another bowl, beat the egg whites until stiff but not dry. Stir the chocolate mixture, the whipped cream, and the egg whites together and pour on top of the crust in the spring form pan. Refrigerate for six hours or more.

Topping: Layer Whipped Cream on top of mousse till even with the top of the pan.
dLife Foodstuff - - Do Supplements Work for Diabetes?

Wouldn't it be wonderful if there were a side-effect free, all-natural pill or powder that would, in one fell swoop, improve your A1c, cholesterol, triglycerides, and blood pressure? A diabetes super-herb, taken twice a day with meals?

While a diabetes cure-all is a pipe dream, scientists are hard at work studying herbs and supplements that show different degrees of promise in the treatment of diabetes and its array of associated conditions. The research is exciting, and your doctor may be willing to work with you to find something that helps. But remember: Dietary supplements are not regulated like drugs are, and extra vigilance on the part of the consumer is crucial. Get expert advice before popping anything new into your regimen.

Important Note: There is limited scientific evidence on the effectiveness of most dietary supplements for type 2 diabetes. A possible exception may be the use of omega-3 fatty acids to lower triglyceride levels. It is very important not to replace conventional medical therapy for diabetes with dietary supplements. To ensure a safe and coordinated course of care, inform your diabetes care team about any dietary supplements you are using or considering.

Supplements can interact with various prescription medications, affecting the action of the medications. People with type 2 diabetes need to know about these risks and discuss them with their health care provider. In addition, prescribed medicines may need to be adjusted if a person is also using dietary supplements.

SOURCE: National Center for Complementary and Alternative Medicine. Research Report: Treating Type 2 Diabetes with Dietary Supplements (PDF). (Accessed 5/7/08.)

Reviewed by Susan Weiner, RD, MS, CDE, CDN. 10/08
~~~~~ - - I have for you today 3 stories of hope, kindness, and love. May they make your day brighter! Enjoy! -Daryn.

Lonely Irish Pensioner Places Ad: "I Don't Want To Spend Another Christmas Alone" #Amazing Worldwide Response

So Much For Doubters: This Baby Beat The Odds #Story of Hope

NFL Player Helps Stranded Motorist #That Was Just The Beginning Of Incredible Kindness

Daryn's Upbeat Stories!
Copyright © *|2013* *|Journeyist, Inc.|*, All rights reserved.
EarthSky News - Most Popular This Week - Deborah Byrd

Everything you need to know: December solstice 2013
The December solstice marks the longest night in Northern Hemisphere and longest day in the Southern Hemisphere. Celebration time!

Largest-ever true-color photo of the night sky
The photographer trekked 60,000 miles (100,000 km) across the western United States and South Africa to create this massive composite image. Be sure to click the link inside this post for the gigantic, high-def, zoomable version.

Rare snow storm hits Middle East
A rare snow storm hit the Middle East, producing record snows and extreme conditions for Syrian refugees.

Milky Way galaxy has four arms again
A debate has been raging about whether our galaxy has four spiral arms, or two. A 12-year study of massive stars suggests that it has four.
Rasmussen Reports - -

75% Think Parents Should Decide If There Is Prayer in Their Child's School

66% believe the economy is unfair to the middle class.

65% Say No to Cell Phone Chatting on Airplanes

58% Oppose Health Care Law's Individual Mandate

49% Rate Obama Poorly on Deficit Reduction

46% Approve of Obama's Job Performance

33% See China's Moon Landing as Bad for U.S.

29% Have Favorable Opinion of Federal Government

22% Think Federal Government Needs More Tax Money

21% Favor Amnesty for NSA Leaker Snowden

15% Give the House Positive Marks

13% Give Senate Positive Marks

13% Think Airline Mergers Good for Fliers
To find out more about Scott Rasmussen, and read features by other Creators writers and cartoonists, visit COPYRIGHT 2013 - - SCOTT RASMUSSEN - - DISTRIBUTED BY CREATORS.COM See Other Political Commentaries. See Other Commentaries by Scott Rasmussen.
Favorite Quotes: Via Ron Hazelton

If you think you're too small to make a difference, you've obviously never been in bed with a mosquito. ~ Michelle Walker

Art is not a handicraft, it is the transmission of feeling the artist has experienced. ~ Leo Tolstoy

Exploring the unknown requires tolerating uncertainty.~ Brian Greene

A smile is a facelift that's in everyone's price range! ~ Tom Wilson

Christmas is not a time nor a season, but a state of mind. To cherish peace and goodwill, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas. ~ Calvin Coolidge
And one attributed to Phil Robertson; America, you need to be more focused on our veterans losing their benefits than about me being suspended from a television show. The only reason I have the freedom to voice my own opinion is because of them. Stop "Stand With Phil" and stand by the true heroes.
Excerpts from Debbie Troquille’s Big Little Book Of Devotions:

12/14 What a busy Friday night and Saturday morning, we had! Paul and I babysat Nolan and Landon, last night. They survived, and so did we....I'm proud of both! Cami and Abby did some Christmas shopping today, and we made it again, yay!! Anyway, tomorrow afternoon, my side of the family will have our Christmas get together. Family is a blessing, and I won't take our time together, for granted.

12/15 I just found out that my precious Aunt Marge McGough, entered Heaven today! Having lost my parents, I know what my cousins are experiencing right now, but knowing Jesus makes all the difference, for all of us. Heaven really has gotten a little sweeter, and oh, the reunion going on, I'm even more thankful for Jesus and Heaven!

12/16 "A span of life is nothing, but the man or woman who lives that span, they are something. They can fill that tiny span with meaning, so its quality is immeasurable, though its quantity may be insignificant." (Chaim Potok) I can't be with family members today, as my sweet Aunt Marge is laid to rest, but I'm praying for her children and grandchildren. She lived her span of life, well....and I'm blessed because of that!

12/17 George Herbert Palmer said, "I am defeated, and know it, IF I meet any human being from whom I find myself unable to learn anything." Paul Troquille says some people show us more of what NOT to be like, while others show us fine examples of how to live life. Either way, there's something to be learned. Just like there are "updates" on computers, phones, etc., I've made the decision, to have daily learning "updates" so that I can be at my best! Enjoy this beautiful Tuesday!

12/18 I love the way Matthew 5:5 reads in the Message Bible. It says, “You’re blessed when you're content with just who you are--no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought." Joy, peace, and contentment, can't be bought with money. They were, however, purchased with the blood of Jesus, and made available, for free, to us. God sure gives good gifts!

12/19 Aren't you glad that the gospel is a "whosoever" gospel? Whew, I am!! There aren't just a select few. Salvation is open to anyone. That's what makes the gospel "GOOD NEWS!" Jesus...Alpha and Omega, the first and the last, the beginning and the end. There is no other name, under Heaven, by which any person can be saved! (Acts 4:12) He was born, (happy birthday Jesus) He lived, He died, He was raised from the dead, and He's alive Superhero!

12/20 I think Phil Robertson is a very brave man!
He had to know when he was asked "the question" that his answer could land him with no job, and he still answered honestly. He didn't say what they wanted to hear. I wonder how many people would be willing to do the same, on their jobs, if they knew they would be fired if they didn't answer in a politically correct way? Hmmmmm.....
The following wisdom is shared by our friends and family.
Donah Dumas
Have you been outside on this cold dark night and observed all the bright stars in the sky or maybe they could be just nail holes in the floor of heaven!
Nancee Law
The best gift around the Christmas tree is the presence of family wrapped in love.

It's not what's under your Christmas tree, it's who's around it that counts

Sitting in the line of fire during a rubber band war is not a good place to be.

I will sing of the Mercies of the Lord forever.

funny how quickly kids straighten up when you start counting.

If you trust God for all you need, He will also give you all you want.

God's Greatest Expressions of Love....Look around at what you have, not what you don't have.

If you give the devil an inch, he will take a mile. Be careful that you aren't equipping him.

In order to get Kindness, you have to give Kindness
Rick Pavick
A roadrunner's top speed is 20 MPH, and a coyote's top speed is 43 MPH. So I guess every Saturday morning of my childhood from 7am to 8am was just a big lie!
AskBob - - Bob Rankin - -

Get Free TV With Hulu? We'd all love to cancel our expensive cable TV service, if only we could watch our favorite shows for free. Hulu is an online video service that just might deliver on the promise of free TV. But it depends on what, where, and how you want to watch your television. Read on to learn more about Hulu ...

HOWTO: Boost Cell Phone Battery Life There are two kinds of mobile device users: one rants constantly about the uselessness of the battery in his phone, tablet, laptop, etc.; the other kind shrugs and says, “Mine’s not so bad.” The difference is partly one of temperament; some mobile users take simple steps to extend the time between recharges. Here are some simple ways to conserve a battery’s charge and extend the life of the battery itself...
ACC SmartBrief - - “Survey: Environmentalists, politics trumping science in chemical regulations”
Politics and environmental advocacy have a greater influence on efforts to manage chemical risks than science, according to a recent survey of three professional societies focused on risk management. And when scientific data are used, they are often not available for independent analysis, according to the survey, which was funded in part by the American Chemistry Council. Industry concerns were found to be "the least influential factor in current risk management," this article says. Forbes (12/19)
The latest from Michael Yon, the foremost “milnews” blogger on the web.

US based Soldier Mysteriously Pretends to be based in Thailand: “A strange story from Texas.”
US Air Force being Shot Down: “This is extraordinary.”
US Propaganda from the war: for your pleasure: “Worse than Pravda.”
In Syria, Christians have no way to play Switzerland
Dec 2, 2013, 10:58am | Ed Morrissey

Michael Yon is working in Turkey to report on the Syrian civil war. A couple of weeks ago, we barely missed each other in Istanbul (my fault, thanks to an ambitious tour itinerary), where he and I planned to meet to discuss the coverage of the war in the US. He has a new post up reporting how al-Qaeda is growing like kudzu in Syria, but also the impossible position in which Christians find themselves in the war:

Despite their long history, some believe the days of Christians in Syria are fading. Many have fled to Turkey, possibly having already spent their final days in their homeland.

In the United States there is a tendency to view this as “Muslims vs. Christians,” yet on the scale of the troubles these are subtopics. Stories that center on the Christian suffering can make it sound like “another Christian village has fallen,” when the stories coming from Syria are “another village has fallen, and this one happens to be mostly Christian.”

The targeting of Christians is often not the result of religious differences.

Politically, some targeting stems from many Christians siding with Assad’s regime, fearing an inevitable pogrom. Assad nurtures Christian fears to gain their support.

But that hardly matters: if they side against Assad, his forces will also attack. The price of being a minority can be dammed if you do and dead if you don’t.

In the ultimate “you are with us or against us, “ there is no option to play Switzerland and pretend lofty neutrality as if that were a choice. Alpine geography and political circumstance afford lucky Switzerland the fantasy of being above it all, yet a desert village on key terrain and crucial routes has less fortunate geography and circumstance. The options are to run, surrender, or fight.

Very Respectfully,
Michael Yon
Your Writer,

Please remember that this website accepts no advertisement and is dependent on your support.

PS Please sign up for my updates at "Michael_Yon" [] (not Michael Yon).
If you would like to encourage US Troops overseas, but are not sure just how to begin, visit for ideas.
5 Things New Veterans Expect From All Political Candidates

1. Defend the New GI Bill
2. Employ the New Greatest Generation
3. Prevent suicide among troops and veterans
4. Build a truly 21st Century VA
5. Improve Care for Female Veterans
Please remember ... America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the MALL.
For the latest issue of "Da Bleat.", go to
Our photos are posted at
Photos on the front of this week’s “Bleat” include; SAU’s Water Tower Candle, The Columbia County Courthouse shines with decorations on a rainy evening. Pam’s Bow, Our front decorations. Our fantastic family photo. SAU’s old (and, to me, preferred) water tower candle decorations.
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.
Break Point - - Do Your Kids 'Get' Christmas?
More than Rules and Stories
By: John Stonestreet|Published: December 20, 2013 5:30 AM

How do you explain to your kids what Christmas is all about? I’ll tell you how I teach mine.

I remember the first children’s Bible story books we were given when my kids were born—you know, the ones that teach the timeless lessons: Adam and Eve disobeyed God and messed everything up, so you should obey your mom and dad. Noah was the best man of his time, so God saved him. David slew Goliath and Zacchaeus got to have Jesus over for dinner because, well, you know—God loves small people, too.

Most of these children’s Bibles told great stories about heroic men and women who did what God said and everything worked out for them. And if you do what God says, it follows everything will work out for you, too. Right?

Well, that’s the version many kids get from well-intentioned Christian teachers, videos and Sunday school curriculum. The problem is, it’s not the story of Scripture. It’s more like what sociologist Christian Smith once called “moralistic therapeutic deism,” or the idea that Christianity can be summed up as “God wants you to try a little harder to do a little better…just like those great people in the Bible.”

But when you read the Bible cover-to-cover you see just how mistaken this view is. The Bible is a book filled with accounts of broken, sinful, and sometimes downright thick people whom God still chose to use in His redemption plan. And it’s about how all of history ultimately leads up to Jesus Christ, God the Word who became flesh, dwelt among us, and began the re-creation of all things.

That’s why I was so excited to talk on “BreakPoint This Week” to two amazing writers for children, Sally Lloyd Jones, author of “The Jesus Storybook Bible,” and Phil Vischer, creator of “What’s in the Bible?” (and formerly, of course, "VeggieTales”).

These two have produced a goldmine of biblical instruction for children.

Jones says she grew up in a Christian home, but viewed the Bible as a rule book or full of commandments and moral heroes to imitate in order to earn God’s love.

The inspiration behind her wonderful “Jesus Storybook Bible,” she says, hit when she realized that she’d misunderstood Scripture for most of her life.

“…the Bible is most of all a story,” she said, “And it’s the story of how God loves his children and comes to rescue them…if I, as a child growing up in a Christian home…missed the whole point of what the Bible was about, I wondered how many other children were missing it.”

And that’s what her children’s books, especially her Christmas gem, “Song of the Stars,” are designed to prevent. Jones says she wants children not to look at Scripture as a collection of moral nuggets, but as a unified epic leading with ever greater clarity to the manger of Jesus Christ, where the only solution to sin and brokenness is found.

Phil Vischer’s journey covered much of the same ground, but he says he didn’t recognize his childhood gospel of moralistic therapeutic deism until well into adulthood. As I shared with you on BreakPoint last year, Vischer—himself the voice of Bob the Tomato—admits the message taught in many “VeggieTales” wasn’t fully ripe Christianity. In his own words, “You can say ‘hey kids, be more forgiving because the Bible says so.’ But that isn’t Christianity.”

Newsletter_Gen_180x180_BHis latest work, especially the children’s puppet series “What’s in the Bible?” with Buck Denver, captures an entirely different message. Children learn about the unity of Scripture, how each piece fits together to form the great story about Jesus Christ, who came to save us from trying to please God ourselves.

And in the remarkable video “Why Do We Call It Christmas?” children can discover the origins of some of our most beloved Christian traditions, and how they each point back to the “upside down” story we celebrate this time of year: that the King of the Universe became a child, to rewrite our story, and make us all His children.

We’re using these incredible resources right now with our family to walk through Advent with our children. So come to


What’s in the Bible? video series
Phil Vischer | Jellyfish Labs

Cottages and Vegetables
John Stonestreet | | July 6, 2012

Song of the Stars: A Christmas Story
Sally Lloyd Jones | Zonderkidz | September 2011

The Jesus Storybook Bible: Every Story Whispers His Name
Sally Lloyd Jones | Zonderkidz | March 2007

A Nation Divided: Why Do We Call It Christmas?
EMI-CMG Publisher | October 2011

Copyright © 2013 Colson Center. All Rights Reserved

Copyright © 2013 Colson Center. All Rights Reserved
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.
Residents of Columbia County, Arkansas are represented in Congress by:
Senator John Boozman (R_ AR)
1 Russell Courtyard
Washington DC, 20510
Phone: 202-224-4843
Senator Mark Pryor (D_ AR)
Phone 202_224_2353
FAX 202_228_0908
Representative Tom Cotton (R )
Phone 202_225_3772
FAX 202_225_1314

Other states congresspersons can be found at: []

"Literature is news that stays news." - Ezra Pound

"Knowledge is the only instrument of production that is not subject to diminishing returns." - John Clarke

"Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no common denominator, but among those whom I love, I can: all of them make me laugh." - W. H. Auden

"It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not." - Andre Gide

"Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight." - Benjamin Franklin

"Just because something doesn't do what you planned it to do doesn't mean it's useless." - Thomas A. Edison

"If you really want something, and really work hard, and take advantage of opportunities, and never give up, you will find a way." - Jane Goodall
Breaking Christian News

Phil Robertson Breaks Silence During His Sunday Bible Study
by Teresa Neumann : Dec 23, 2013 : Leonardo Blair - The Christian Post

"I have been immoral, drunk, high. I ran with the wicked people for 28 years and I have run with the Jesus people since, and the contrast is astounding." -Phil Robertson

Phil Robertson(West Monroe, LA) - Duck Dynasty patriarch Phil Robertson chose to finally speak about being suspended from A&E at his church yesterday.

In a Bible study at White's Ferry Road Church of Christ, Robertson, dressed in full camouflage, called himself a "lover of humanity and not a hater."

"I have been immoral, drunk, high. I ran with the wicked people for 28 years and I have run with the Jesus people since, and the contrast is astounding...Jesus will take sins away. If you're a homosexual He'll take it away, if you're an adulterer, if you're a liar, what's the difference? If you break one sin, you may as well break them all."

"I have made hundreds and hundreds of speeches," he added, "and you can pick them apart and the center has always been Jesus Christ...[He] was the most perfect being to ever walk this planet and He was persecuted and nailed to the Cross, so please don't be surprised when we get a little static."

In a separate report, The Daily Mail posted an article on December 21, in which an unnamed Duck Dynasty insider claimed the Robertson family was being "hung out to dry," contending that an A&E official was with Robertson during the GQ interview and therefore knew what the patriarch had said and did nothing to change or prevent the article from being published.

The "unnamed source" reportedly said, "It is our understanding that when the TV executives came up with the concept for the show, they wanted it to be a case of people laughing at a bunch of backward rednecks. But when it didn't turn out like did not sit well with the New York TV types. We believe they were also uncomfortable with the family's insistence that there would be a strong religious presence in the show.

"They knew Phil was the driving force behind this and we think they have used this situation to bring him in line so they could steer the show back down the path they intended. But they may have underestimated how...committed [the Robertson family] is to their beliefs."
Carman Asks for Prayer While Undergoing Cancer Treatment
by Jeremy Reynalds : Dec 23, 2013 : Assist News Service

"Folks, this is a battle. A war to really test your mettle. I want to stop this every day and pick it up another year. But I'm almost half way through. I have to find the strength somewhere to keep going." -Carman Licciardello

Carman Licciardello(Tulsa, OK) - Carman Licciardello, the recording artist and Christian evangelist who earlier this year revealed he has terminal cancer, asked for prayer on his Facebook page Saturday.

Carman said he would appreciate prayer that his medical team finds the right treatment formula.

"Everybody's different and you never know what the body will or won't respond to. Folks, this is a battle. A war to really test your mettle. I want to stop this every day and pick it up another year. But I'm almost half way through. I have to find the strength somewhere to keep going."

Carman said he could never have imagined what he is currently experiencing after having his stem cells replaced.

He added, "They give you the heavy dose of chemo. It wipes out the cancer but also everything else, including white blood cells that fight off infection."

Carman said there's a 10-14 day time period while the stem cells are replaced that your immune system is completely disabled.
"Meaning if someone sneezes or coughs near you, you can catch a cold and literally die from it," Carman said.

"I've had my worst week ever," Carman said. "Nights where I laid in bed violently shivering for three hours at a time with a 104 temperature. Then I'd fall asleep and wake up enough to eat a few bites of something, then fall back to sleep."

Carman described Friday night. He wrote (sic), "Last night I slept for the past six hours sweating completely through my T-shirts - wake up change clothes - go back to sleep - did that five times. Body is rejecting extra fluids, I guess, pumped during all these transfusions."

Describing graphically how he feels, Carman said, "Like the Godfather after he was shot, lying in bed dreaming of sunny Corleone, Sicily. Running through the mountains and chasing the goat with the bell. Something that takes me far away from hospitals."

To follow Carman on Facebook, visit
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GCF: Running Away From Home

Emailed to me another humor list (ArcaMax Jokes) -Tom
To subscribe ArcaMax Jokes, visit the website:
If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! Just send an email to:

A man scolded his son for being so unruly and the child rebelled against his father. He got some of his clothes, his teddy bear and his piggy bank and proudly announced, "I'm running away from home!"

The father calmly decided to look at the matter logically. "What if you get hungry?" he asked.

"Then I'll come home and eat!" bravely declared the child.

"And what if you run out of money?"

"I will come home and get some!" readily replied the child.

The man then made a final attempt, "What if your clothes get dirty?"

"Then I'll come home and let mommy wash them," was the reply.

The man shook his head and exclaimed, "This kid is not running away from home, he's going off to college!!"

GCF: Engine Noise

Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After waiting for an hour, it finally took off.

A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant,
"What was the problem?"

"The pilot was bothered by a strange noise he heard
in the engine," the attendant explained.

"Oh, and it took a while to fix it," said the passenger.

"Not exactly," was the reply. "It just took us a bit
to find a deaf pilot."

GCF: Steak Bone

A steak fanatic, my father always picks out cuts that include a bone because he loves to nibble on it.

One night Father and I were finishing our dinners at a steakhouse, and I could tell he wanted to start gnawing on the bone. But he couldn't bear to do so in public.

"Excuse me," he said, calling the waitress over, "would you please wrap this bone up for my dog?" He has never owned a dog in his life, but the white lie seemed a tactful solution to his dilemma.

A few minutes later the waitress returned to our table. "Here's your bone sir," she said, handing over a large package. "And while I was in the kitchen, I grabbed a few more out of the scrap bucket."

GCF: Telling Time

I was teaching my First Grade class to tell time using a conventional-style analog clock.

"We'll be learning about the hour hand and the minute hand," I explained.

One of the students interrupted and said, "I don't need to learn on that kind of clock. My dad bought me this digital watch, and right now it's ten minutes to 38."

GCF: Bank Software

Working at the call center of a major bank, I deal with customer complaints. A very irate customer called one day to declare, "My new computer banking software doesn't work."

While trying to determine the problem, I eventually realized the software was working perfectly. I began to explain this when the customer interrupted me, saying, "But money isn't coming out of the printer!"

GCF: Windshield

The driver of a car with an ice-covered windshield had several near-accidents before being stopped by a police car.

"Don't you think it would help if you cleaned the ice off the windshield?" the officer asked.

"I don't think so," was the reply. "I left my glasses at home."

GCF: In Great Detail

One day, at the dry-cleaning shop of a local Air Force Base, I overheard a young airman describe in great detail how he wanted his uniform cleaned and pressed. When he finished, the counter clerk asked, "Are you getting an award, or do you have an important military function to attend?"

"Nothing like that," the airman said. "I'm going home on leave, and my little brother is taking me to his second-grade class for show-and-tell."

GCF: Old Cast Iron Tub

I purchased a Jacuzzi tub to replace the old cast iron tub in our upstairs bath. We got the 300-lb tub out of the bathroom and then decided to gently lower it down our wood staircase to get it outside.

We wrapped a blanket around the legs at the upper end of the tub so my wife could guide that end with a firm hold on the blanket. I was to be at the lower end of the tub. Well, all was going fine until one of the stair nosings broke, causing the tub to jerk and get away from us. (Note for the curious: a "nosing" is that part of the stair tread that extends slightly over the vertical part of the next step).

It started careening down the stairs, and to avoid being bowled over, I hopped into the tub and rode it all the way down. It broke all the nosings before smashing into the wall at the bottom of the stairs. Luckily my wife and I both made it through without a scratch. Unfortunately our remodeling project grew by leaps and bounds.

When I told my father the story, he said we should have left the tub in place, broken it up with a sledgehammer and then carried down the pieces.

GCF: Economic Pressure

Faced with economic pressures and in an attempt to remain profitable, many commercial offices are cutting back on costs wherever possible.

At one particular office, employees are taking management's belt-tightening orders seriously.

"I'm taking two cups of coffee instead of five a day from the office kitchen," said one of the workers.

"I'm only taking home half the office supplies I used to," another worker noted.

GCF: Bad Day

Discovering that I'd overslept, I abandoned my usual morning routine and rushed out. In the van, though, I realized I had time to stop for a take-out coffee. I got my coffee and returned to the van, only to find I had not only left it running, but had locked it!

The day was going from bad to worse. I returned to the shop, sheepishly explained my situation to the clerk and asked if I could borrow a broom.

I managed to open a side window and pop the lock on the back door using the broom handle. When I returned the broom, the clerk said, "I know you're having a bad day, but..."

"I know, I know," I interrupted. "You want to know how I can unlock my van with a broom."

"No," she said. "I wanted to tell you that your shirt is on inside out.

GCF: Hygiene

I have decided that hygiene is in the eye of the beholder. One lunchtime I watched the woman in the sandwich shop spreading mayonnaise on my bread, and noticed part of her grubby work shirt was dragging across it.

"Excuse me," I ventured, "your sleeve is in the mayo."

"No problem," she reassured me. "I need to wash it anyway."

GCF: Get Well Quick

A little boy sent a "get well quick" card to his grandfather in the hospital. Inside the card he wrote:

Dear Grandpa,

Mama tells me that you went to the hospital for some tests.

I hope you get an "A"!

Love, Billy
GCF: 'HORSE for sale.'

A real-estate agent was driving around with a new trainee when she spotted a charming little farmhouse with a hand-lettered "For Sale" sign out front.

After briskly introducing herself and her associate to the startled occupant, the agent cruised from room to room, opening closets and cupboards, testing faucets, and pointing out where a "new light fixture here and a little paint there" would help.

Pleased with her assertiveness, the woman was hopeful that the owner would offer her the listing.

"Ma'am," the man said, "I appreciate the home-improvement tips and all, but I think you read my sign wrong. It says, 'HORSE for sale.'"

GCF: The Concept is Lost

My friend a busy mother of five boys, frequently did her own maintenance jobs on her house.

One day, after hours on a ladder painting the upper windows, she complained to her husband that she'd felt dizzy.

For her next birthday she received some scaffolding.

GCF: Classified Ad

... from the local newspaper ...

2012 Suzuki GSXR 1000, $9,000

This bike is perfect! It has only 1,000 miles and has had its 500 mile dealer service.

It's been adult ridden, all wheels have always been on the ground. I use it as a cruiser/commuter. I'm selling it because it was purchased without proper consent of a loving wife. Apparently "Do whatever you want" doesn't mean what I thought. Call Steve. 555-1212
Mechanic: "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made the horn louder."
Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything one learned in school. --Albert Einstein
I have CDO. It's like Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, only in alphabetical order like it should be.
The amount of time required to complete a government project is exactly equal to the length of time already spent on it.
The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can put off until the day after tomorrow.
Consumer Law: If it's good or something that you really like, they will stop making it.
The mistake a lot of politicians make is in forgetting they've been appointed and thinking they've been anointed.
Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.
You're only young once, but you can be immature forever.
There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.
I have to take my paycheck to the bank.
I's too little to go by itself.
I don't know the meaning of the word fear.
In fact, I don't know the meaning of a lot of words.
I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
A cynic is someone who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.
*** Good Clean Fun ***
is brought to you by
Thomas S. Ellsworth

Visit the Good Clean Fun web site at

Stop for a visit, leave with a smile!
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A Unique Home

I took a real estate client to a handyman special. The place was great, and we couldn't understand why it was so cheap until we turned on the water main and water gushed from the ceiling.

Dripping wet, my client put a positive spin on the showing: "Nice house," he said. "It's even self-cleaning."

-- from Reader's Digest

Received from Doc's Daily Chuckle.


50th Wedding Anniversary

On an airplane, I overheard a stewardess talking to an elderly couple in front of me. Learning that it was the couple's 50th wedding anniversary, the flight attendant congratulated them and asked how they had done it.

"It all felt like five minutes..." the gentleman said slowly.

The stewardess had just begun to remark on what a sweet statement that was when he finished his sentence with a word that earned him a sharp smack on the head: "...underwater."

Received from leon_taylor.


The Math Exam

Technical/engineering schools such as MIT and Cal Poly pride themselves on their excellence in teaching mathematical skills. They only got in trouble once in a beginning calculus course in which there was a Friday night exam. It seems that many of the students thought they knew the material so well that they drank beer all afternoon before the exam. By the bad grades on their exams, they learned that alcohol and differential calculus don't mix.

By now, most everyone knows, you should never drink and derive.

(By Mike Brimberry and Alan Combs)

Received from Stan Kegel.



When my mother was called for jury duty, she felt confident of her ability to answer the questions asked of prospective jurors.

As a young attorney, I had filled her in on what to expect.

Asked about the occupations of family members, Mom answered, "My son is a lawyer."

As a follow-up, she was asked if she had ever used the services of an attorney.

"Only to mow my lawn."

Received from Thomas Ellsworth.


Fishing Angel

Three guys are fishing on a lake when an angel appears in the boat with them. The first guy gets over his shock and humbly says to the angel, "I've suffered from back pain for years. Is it too much to ask that you help me?" The angel touches the man's back, and he feels instant relief.

The second guy points to his Coke-bottle glasses and asks if the angel could cure his poor eyesight. The angel tosses the man's glasses into the lake. When they hit the water, the man's vision clears, and he can see everything distinctly.

The angel now turns to the third guy, who throws up his hands in fear. "Don't touch me!" he cries. "I'm on disability!"

Received from Da Mouse Tracks.


Airline Rage

As a guy takes his seat on an airplane, he is surprised to find a parrot strapped in next to him. After taking off, the flight attendant comes around to serve the passengers on the plane. The guy asks the flight attendant for a coffee and the parrot squawks: "And get ME a Coke...NOW!"

The flight attendant, flustered by the parrot's attitude, brings back a Coke for the parrot. However, she forgets the coffee for the guy.

As the guy points this out, the parrot drains his glass and screams:"Get me another Coke or I'll really create a scene!"

Quite upset, the attendant comes back shaking, with another Coke, but still no coffee.

Irritated at her forgetfulness, the man decides to try the parrot's approach. "I've asked you twice for a coffee. Go and get it right now, or I'll create a scene that will make HIS look like a Victorian tea party!"

The next moment, both the guy and the parrot are grabbed and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly security guards.

Hurtling towards earth, the parrot turns to him and says: "You're pretty bold for a guy who can't fly!"

Received from Steve Sanderson.



"Mr. Smith, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court judge said, "and I've decided to give your wife $275 a week."

"That's very fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."

Received from Irene A. Mystery.


The College Student

I am a college student studying for my bachelor's degree. For my English class we are reading part of Walden and writing about it. I hope I covered everything. I tried to be Thoreau.

(By Katherine Thomsen)

Received from Stan Kegel.


Assistance Please.....

Lisa was out driving her car and while stopped at a red light, the car just died. It was a busy intersection and the traffic behind her was starting to pile up. The guy in the car directly behind her was honking his horn continuously as Lisa continued to try getting the car to start up again.

Finally Lisa got out of her car and approached the guy in the car behind her. "I can't seem to get my car started," Lisa said, smiling. "Would you be a sweetheart and go and see if you can get it started for me? I'll stay here in your car and lean on your horn for you."

Received from Thomas Ellsworth.


Cajun Confession

Boudreaux was feeling guilty, so he went to confession.

"Father, I kinda took a little lumber from that new construction site."

Priest: "What did you do with the lumber, my son?"

Boudreaux: "Well, Father, my porch, she's had a hole for a long time. I'm 'fraid someone will break their leg, so I fix the hole."

Priest: "Well, that's not so bad."

Boudreaux: "Well, Father, I had a little lumber left."

Priest: "What did you do with it?"

Boudreaux: "Well, my poor dog, Phideaux, he ain't never had no place to get outta the weather, so I make him his own little doghouse."

Priest: "OK, anything else?"

Boudreaux: "Well, Father, I had a little lumber left. So you know, my truck, she ain't never had no place to get outta de weather either, so I make her a two-car garage."

Priest: "Now, this is getting a little out of hand."

Boudreaux: "Well, Father, I still had a little lumber left."

Priest: "Yes?"

Boudreaux: "Well, my wife, she always want a bigger house. So I add two bedrooms and a new bathroom."

Priest: "OK! That's definitely too much. For your penance, you are going to have to make a Novena. You do know how to make a Novena, don't you?"

Boudreaux: "No, Father ... but if you got the plans, I got the lumber."

Received from Doc's Daily Chuckle.


Traffic Violation 2

A police car pulled me over near the high school where I teach. As the officer asked for my license and registration, my students began to drive past. Some honked their horns, others hooted, and still others stopped to admonish me for speeding.

Finally the officer asked me if I was a teacher at the school, and I told him I was.

"I think you've paid your debt to society," he said with a smile, and left without giving me a ticket.

Received from Thomas Ellsworth.


Wedding Nerves

As I approached my husband-to-be at the front of the church, I noticed tears in his eyes. I knew he was about to break down. To lighten the moment I made some outrageous faces at him. It worked! The ceremony proceeded smoothly and I was proud of my quick thinking...until I saw the wedding video.

Received from Sermon Fodder List.


Electing To Receive

It was Super Bowl Sunday and in our Presbyterian church the time for the collection of tithes and offerings was approaching. The minister, a true sports enthusiast, reached into his pocket, took out a quarter, flipped it into the air, glanced at it as it landed, then in typical referee fashion joyfully announced:

"The ushers have elected to receive!"

Received from


Frying Pan

A guy is sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife sneaks up behind him and whacks him on the head with a frying pan.

"What was that for?" he asks.

"That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Marylou written on it," she replies.

"Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Marylou was the name of one of the horses I bet on," he explains.

She looks satisfied and apologizes.

Three days later he's again sitting in his chair reading when she nails him with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him out cold.

When he comes to, he says, "What was that for?"


Received from TH&PGEORGE.


The Threat

As a fellow policeman and I were eating lunch in a cafe, we heard a woman nearby say loudly, "Jimmy, if you don't eat all your peas, I'll have those policemen come over and talk to you." My friend promptly walked over to the five-year-old who was being scolded.

"Jimmy," he said, just as loudly, "I'm six-foot-two and weigh 200 pounds. And I never ate a pea in my life." As we left, the other patrons were laughing, Jimmy's mother was absolutely silent, and a smiling Jimmy was no longer afraid of policemen.

Received from Thomas Ellsworth.


Brought to you by The Good, Clean Funnies List A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a) Mail address:
GCFL, Box 100, Harvest, AL 35749, USA

To print or email this funny to others, go to

The latest GCFL funny can always be found on the web at
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Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Column - -

Limerick Ode To A Wastrel
December 18th, 2013
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A wastrel received a complaint
That she’d failed to use any restraint
In her credit card use
And spending abuse.
She passed out, but her faint was a feint.
Another Snow Job (Limerick)
December 17th, 2013
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Mark, thanks for shov’ling today.
If you hadn’t, that snow’d surely stay
Until I did the chore,
A job I abhor.
It’s more fun to make limerick hay.

© Madeleine Begun Kane. All Rights Reserved.
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"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." __ Franklin D. Roosevelt
"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle."
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. _ _ George Carlin
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" _ _ Queen E. Watson
“A political class of Republicans and Democrats that look after themselves, not the Nation. A media hostile to the very precepts of this nation. A generation of Americans who see morals as vices, and are ignorant of America's Actual History.”
"The things that will destroy America are prosperity-at-any-price, peace-at-any-price, safety-first instead of duty-first, the love of soft living, and the get-rich-quick theory of life." - - Theodore Roosevelt
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Emergency Phone Number 911
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )
Central Dispatch 234_5655
(Non _ Emergency Number)
Direct Numbers
Ambulance _ 234_7371 (24 Hour)
Jail _ 234_5331 (24 Hour)
Poison Control _ 800_222_1222 (24 Hour)
http://www. aapcc. org/
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Interested in getting in touch with the Banner_News through e_mail? For the editor, For news and sports items, Coming Events, Diary, Church News, school and civic events. []
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"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." __ "Bug"
"I read the end of the book. We win!" __ "Bug"
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." __ "Bug"
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." _ _ "Bug"
"It's no big deal doing what God tells you to do. A big deal would be NOT doing what God tells you to do. Just ask Jonah." _ _ Paul Troquille
“Nam et ipsa scientia potestas est.” Knowledge is power. _ Francis Bacon
"The problem is here and now. The time for talk is past. The time for action is now."
Comments on the first Earth Day _ James F. McClellan via John "Fuzzy" Thurman
Hope you enjoy the newsletter.
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week.
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" __"Bug"
God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP (Retired), NREMT_I, KC5HII

P. S. If you'd like to be added to the distribution, just drop us E_mail at
. We offer "Da Bleat" as text, a "Blog" and as a newsletter with pictures in Word and PDF format. The latest issue is usually updated sometime Saturday. For the latest issue, go to We also have a site [] where we post photos that I like.
We appreciate your encouragement. We also appreciate your communication when you desire to be taken off our mail list. If you are on this mail list by mistake or do not wish to receive "Da Bleat," please reply back and tell us to discontinue service to you.
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Annette shows off a new decoration. "Moose"

Jimmy and Josiah show off their new shirts while Dusty watches from the "net book" display.

Annette's front porch snowman.

The western sky after last week's storms.

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