Sunday, June 2, 2013

Bug's Bleat - - GCF: Cruise

Volume 15, Issue 22 Friday, May 31, 2013

MCC Kids enjoying the Men's Crawfish Boil

Annette enjoying a Lamb Kabob Platter at Greek Corner in Bossier City

Jim McWilliams working on his share of "MudBugs"

Annette at Pei Wei's in Little Rock

Titus and I after his graduation ceremony

Annette's Hibiscus

Da Boys after enjoying the kids playland at the Blossom Festival

Hello ALL,

I’m really trying to post more often. I just keep getting more to say than I have time to say … :0)
Annette and I have slightly differing ideas on “Health” food. Annette likes fresh fruits and vegetables. I like those too (just a smaller number) but I also like items like fat free and “natural” and “whole grain.” She’s just not enamored with those items.

For instance, we used to like those devils food cookies that are sold 12 to a box in the grocery store. But when they started labeling them “Fat Free” she quit eating them. We do compromise a little. I eat apples and oranges and pineapple when she gives them to me and we use wheat pasta.

But otherwise, we stay in our corners of food prejudice. So the other evening I wasn’t surprised at her reaction when I brought in some “natural” peanut butter. I said; “Come on, try just a little.” She pushed the jar back toward me and replied; “Go ahead big boy.”

But this week I got to return the favor. I love Broccoli but not the big fibrous stem. So when I was cleaning a large head of Broccoli and Annette asked me why I didn’t eat the stem, I replied that I didn’t like it. She said; “It’s good for you with lots of vitamins and minerals, you ought to eat it. There was my chance. I pushed the stem toward her and said; “Go ahead big girl.”
She promised I won’t have to sleep on the couch forever.
Melinda Wreyford is a wonderful woman and dear friend of ours who has been battling cancer for several years. She’s fought back several times and enjoyed remission but the battle is now joined again and this time she’s not only doing battle with cancer, now she’s also battling for finances since her insurance will not cover all of the cost of the latest treatment.

We’re asking all our friends to visit Help Support Healing for Melinda at []

Family, friends, and complete strangers to Melinda are uniting for one cause: To help her win her battle against cancer. She has been battling Stage IV Tonsillar cancer for 7 years and has undergone 33 rounds of radiation, 20+ rounds of chemotherapy, and numerous surgeries...
You can read Melinda’s complete story and learn more at []
The WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP ROTARY TILLER RACES are coming to Emerson, Arkansas again June 29. No better place to see real redneck men and women compete and enjoy a heapin helpin plate of Purple Hull Peas and Cornbread. Be there or be square. []
Speaking of Emerson, the Emerson Farmers Market opened its 2013 season on Tuesday, May 28.

Just as last year, it will take place on the grounds of the Emerson United Methodist Church, but this year it will be on two days of the week. The market will start at 7 a.m. each Tuesday and Friday. People are encouraged to come if they produce to sell. There is no fee to set up and sell.
Magnolia's Farmer's Market opened at 7 am June 1.
My dad bought a lot on Partee circle back in the '40s. Sold it as soon as he learned the neighborhood covenants decreed how often he had to mow his lawn. However, my mother wanted a home (they'd been renting their whole marriage) and didn’t accept that “mowing” should interfere with her dreams. My dad had been on a business trip to Oklahoma City and called to ask that she to pick him up at the McAlester Oil Company Equipment Yard in Village, AR. He was waiting by the gate when she drove up and noticed that she was in a friend’s car. He asked: "Where's our car?"
She replied: "We don't have a car."
"We did when I left." He said.
"I sold it." She replied.
"Why?" He asked.
"You told me we were going to buy a house. I gave you time and you didn't buy a house nor land to build one on, so I sold the car and used that money for a down payment. You want to see your new home?"

O.K. All the grandparents out there can be jealous of this note from Ethan’s teacher. ... .

I'm sorry but this was just too good to pass up.

Keith Burton posted this on Face Book recently • I thought y'all might appreciate it. :0)
KB - - I hate it when you are mowing the yard and your pants fall down ,, Just saying ..

CMR - - LOL!!! Me too!!! That is too funny, Keith!!!

KJ - - Oh know.! Hope you were mowing the back yard!!!

DD - - Maybe time for us to invest in a pair of suspenders

JFM - - Oh! The Humanity!

KB - - My dilemma was the mower was so hard to start and I would have to let go of the safety bar ( which would kill it ) to hitch em up ..It took me a few minutes do decide ..

EP - - Gotta poke my mind's eye out now.
I'm so tired of exercising. I think five thousand sit-ups or jumping jacks should be pretty much permanent. You should be at home, you're on your last and final jumping jack, and you get that phone call, "Congratulations! You have completed the exercise portion of your life. Welcome to the incessant eating section."
OKLAHOMA KID'S FIRST BOW AND ARROW SET. Don’t know who wrote this but he has a way with words that makes one visualize being right there beside him. Good read of life as a child growing up in Oklahoma...

Around age 10 my dad got me one of those little compound bow beginner kits. Of course, the first month I went around our land sticking arrows in anything that could get stuck by an arrow. Did you know that a 1955 40 horse Farm all tractor tire will take 6 rounds before it goes down? Tough tire.

That got boring, so being the 10 yr. old Dukes of Hazard fan that I was, I quickly advanced to taking strips of cut up T-shirt doused in chainsaw gas tied around the end and was sending flaming arrows all over the place.

One summer afternoon, I was shooting flaming arrows into a large rotten oak stump in our backyard. I looked over under the carport and see a shiny brand new can of starting fluid (Ether). A light bulb went off in my head. I grabbed the can and set it on the stump. I thought that it would probably just spray out in a disappointing manner. Let’s face it, to a 10 yr old mouth-breather like myself, (Ether), really doesn't "sound" flammable.

So, I went back into the house and got a 1 pound can of Pyrodex (black powder for muzzle loader rifles). At this point, I set the can of ether on the stump and opened up the can of black powder.
My intentions were to sprinkle a little bit around the (Ether) can but it all sorta dumped out on me. No biggie, a 1 lb. pyrodex and 16 oz (Ether) should make a loud pop, kinda like a firecracker you know?

You know what? I'm going back in the house for the other can, so I got a second can of Pyrodex and dumped it too. Now we're cookin'.

I stepped back about 15 ft and lit the 2 stroke arrow. I drew the noch to my cheek and took aim. As I released I heard a clunk as the arrow launched from my bow. In a slow motion time frame, I turned to see my dad getting out of the truck... OH SHOOT! He just got home from work.

So help me it seemed like it took 10 minutes for that arrow to go from my bow to the can. My dad was walking towards me in slow motion with a puzzled look in his eyes.

I turned back towards my target just in time to see the arrow pierce the starting fluid can right at the bottom. Right through the main pile of Pyrodex and into the can.

When the shock wave hit it knocked me off my feet. I don't know if it was the actual compression wave that threw me back or just reflex jerk back from 235 decibels of sound. I caught a half a millisecond glimpse of the violence during the initial explosion and I will tell you there was dust, grass, and bugs all hovering 1 ft above the ground as far as I could see. It was like a little low to the ground layer of dust fog full of grasshoppers, spiders, and a worm or two. The daylight turned purple. Let me repeat this... THE COTTON PICKING DAYLIGHT TURNED PURPLE.

There was a big sweet gum tree out by the gate going into the pasture. Notice I said "was". That sucker got up and ran off.

So here I am, on the ground blown completely out of my shoes with my Thundercats T-Shirt shredded, my dad is on the other side of the carport, having what I can only assume is, a Vietnam flashback: ECHO BRAVO CHARLIE YOU'RE BRINGIN' EM IN TOO CLOSE!! CEASE FIRE. DANG IT CEASE FIRE!!!!!

His hat has blown off and is 30 ft behind him in the driveway. All windows on the north side of the house are blown out and there is a slow rolling mushroom cloud about 2000 ft. over our backyard.

There is a Honda 185 3 wheeler parked on the other side of the yard and the fenders are drooped down and are now touching the tires. I wish I knew what I said to my dad at this moment. I don’t know - I know I said something. I couldn't hear. I couldn't hear inside my own head.

I don't think he heard me either... not that it would really matter. I don’t remember much from this point on. I said something, felt a sharp pain, and then woke up later. I felt a sharp pain, blacked out, woke later....repeat this process for an hour or so and you get the idea.

I remember at one point my mom had to give me CPR and Dad screaming "Bring him back to life so I can kill him again".

Thanks Mom.

One thing is for sure... I never had to mow around that stump again. Mom had been bitching about that thing for years and dad never did anything about it. I stepped up to the plate and handled business.

Dad sold his muzzle loader a week or so later. I still have some sort of bone growth abnormality, either from the blast or the beating, or both.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, get your kids into archery. It's good discipline and will teach them skills they can use later on in life.

Thanks to jeanette ford
"Good friends are like stars...You don't always see them, but you know they are always there."
At the root of every grey hair, there is a dead brain cell.
AND THE MOST IMPORTANT THING to remember about growing older:
Never, NEVER, NEVER ,Under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill, and a laxative on the same night!
We are truly "Strangers In A Strange Land." The majority of Americans (even young "church" kids) don't think like us.
The real shame is that many of our "throwback" mores are Biblically based and actually result in us having happier, more productive and satisfying lives.
But the majority has bought into modern society’s misguided attempt to counterfeit the peace of God.

For Instance: Sallie Denton Siratt writes; "
Well I was checking our movie theatre to see if anything worth seeing. Wow 12 movies are R rated. What ? We don't see R rated movies and this is just so disappointing."

The funny? thing is that R rated movies traditionally gross less than PG rated. So they are losing money to produce this stuff!
Thanks to my classmate George Ingram for these thoughts.

With the Holiday weekend coming up, can we all just give thanks to the men and women that gave their life for all of us.
We need to have a good thought and quit hating; we will never fix the country until we calm down and talk to each other. Just remember that we are all Americans and should be proud of our country and people. Happy Memorial Weekend. g=man

In Memory of my dad, James Curtis McClellan 1904 – 1955

My dad had a defense critical job during WWII, producing oil for the Allies. He and my mom were newlyweds when the war started (having married in 1940) and they lived all over the southern states while he worked as a Tool Pusher on rigs for McAlester Fuel Company.
One of my favorite stories of their wartime life was how the wives were able to occasionally get back home to visit family. Since rubber was rationed, it was almost impossible to get new tires for family vehicles. So whenever one of the women wanted to go home for a visit, the men would take the spares out of four cars and put them on the car that would be traveling back to the Magnolia area. With four good tires, they had an excellent chance of getting home without problems. Of course, everyone also had to pool their gas ration cards to get them the fuel to travel.
And, In Memory of my step-dad, James Watson (Tamey) Duke 1916 - 1992

My Stepfather was a truly remarkable man. His dad lost his sight to diabetes when Tamey was just 10 years old. The young boy borrowed $10 and set up a hamburger stand in a lean to off the blacksmith shop that was located where Wilson Bearden Pharmacy is today. After a week, he'd paid off the original loan, bought another weeks supplies and put money in the bank.
By WWII he had opened the Chatterbox Cafe on East Main and had a thriving business. He left the business in the hands of a manager when he was drafted.
He served as mess Sergeant for the officer's mess in Paton's Western Task Force in North Africa. His service took him to the Seventh Army landings in Sicily (where he helped save the life of a young man named Long from Louisiana when he fell from a boarding ladder into the sea. This fellow later became a US Senator.) After Sicily, his troops went on to Italy (Tamey was in the same field hospital when Patton famously slapped a soldier he accused of cowardice).
While in Italy, Tamey used some of his kitchen funds and supplies to feed a group of nuns at a local monastery. They rewarded him with a painting that is currently displayed in our home.
After the war, Tamey returned to Magnolia and to the Chatterbox. He also finished a degree at Magnolia A&M. When the Chatterbox was lost in a Christmas Day explosion in 1951, Tamey bought a diner and put it on the lot to the south of Wilson Bearden. He served his patrons there until the restaurant was rebuilt.
In 1966, he married Mary Iris Taylor McClellan and took on the raising of her immature teenage son. That was quite a feat for a lifelong bachelor.
The joke for today has been sent.

What follows wasn't sent to me by another person or list, nor was it found posted elsewhere. It's just a few thoughts about a holiday which is special to me. It's one of those few times when I share something serious instead of humorous. -Tom

Memorial Day is on the last Monday in May and honors those men and women who lost their lives serving their country. What we celebrate as Memorial Day today, began at the end of the Civil War. Family members of the many soldiers slain in battle would visit the grave sites of their fallen relatives or friends and decorate the graves with flowers.

On May 5, 1868, General John Logan proclaimed this day a holiday through his General Order No. 11. The day was entitled Decoration Day and was first observed on May 30, 1868. The northern states celebrated this day every year, but the southern states celebrated a day similar to this on a different day until sometime after World War I.

In 1882, the name Decoration day was changed to Memorial Day, and in 1971, Memorial Day was declared a national holiday to be held on the last Monday of May every year. Over the years it has come to serve as a day to remember all U.S. men and women killed or missing in action in all wars.

I am truly grateful for the freedoms which we enjoy today. Too often, we take these gifts for granted, little realizing the sacrifice which was involved in ensuring that these freedoms continue to be a part of all our lives. Be honest, how many of us think of Memorial Day as just another chance for a three-day weekend? A chance to go the lakes or beaches or mountains? A trip to Disneyland or Six Flags or some other amusement park?

If you are here in the United States, please remember to display the flag, not just for the day but for the whole weekend. Let's not forget the real reason for having this holiday. The quote below says it all. Please take the time to read it.

Take care everyone.

(HM2, USN 65-69)

"It is, in a way, an odd thing to honor those who died in defense of our country in wars far away. The imagination plays a trick. We see these soldiers in our mind as old and wise. We see them as something like the Founding Fathers, grave and gray-haired. But most of them were boys when they died, they gave up two lives -- the one they were living and the one they would have lived. When they died, they gave up their chance to be husbands and fathers and grandfathers. They gave up their chance to be revered old men. They gave up everything for their county, for us. All we can do is remember."

-- Ronald Wilson Reagan
Remarks at Veteran's Day ceremony, Arlington National Cemetery
Arlington, Virginia, November 11, 1985
Let's all pause and take a minute to REMEMBER.

Pearl Harbor 1941 ... Normandy 1944 ... Pork Chop Hill Korea 1953 ...
Tet Offensive Vietnam 1968 ... Desert Storm Kuwait 1991 ...
The World Trade Center 9/11 2001 ... Shock and Awe Iraq 2003 ...
Iraq War Surge 2007 ... Afghanistan TODAY.

After having taken a minute to REMEMBER Let's take one more minute to say THANK YOU for all that was given, all that was lost and all that was gained for us to enjoy our Hot-Dogs, Soft Ball, Picnics, Swimming Pools, Beaches, Iced Tea and Kids in Peace in the Greatest Country on God's Green Earth.
A final thought and addition to the words above.....

Over the years the meaning of Memorial Day has faded too much from the public consciousness. From a solemn day of mourning, remembrance, and honor to the men and women who died in providing the freedoms we enjoy, it has been reduced to a weekend of BBQ's, shopping bargains and beaches where only token nods toward our honored dead is given, if at all. Too many don't know what the day stands for.

So, let's not forget those who made the ultimate sacrifice. They are remembered in all our prayers. Also, let's not forget a prayer for the safety of all service men and women, whether they serve at home or overseas. Finally, a heartfelt Semper Fi from this Hospital Corpsman is sent to all the Marines I knew. -Tom
I guess everybody reads for different reasons. I've got two; I read for enjoyment/escape (mostly fiction) and I read to educate myself (mostly nonfiction.)
Sometimes the two get confused a little, like David Douglas Duncan's "I Protest" photo essay book about the battle of Khe Sanh during the Vietnam War.
On one level, I enjoy looking at the quality and superior story telling of his photos. On another level, the book educates us about a war many of us grew up with as well as decisions that continue in our current times.
But no matter why you read, I encourage you to find a copy of this out of print book. The text will bring you back to a time of great upheaval in our nation. But the photos will touch you deeply, especially the portraits at the end. These "Old" young men served us with distinction. And they were changed forever by their service. As we were changed forever by that war.
Tornadoes are serious hazards in our area as well. I'm once again posting the FEMA [ ] and ADEM [ ] sites where you can get information about Safe Rooms.

These can be installed in existing construction (such as converting a walk in closet or in a garage) or they can be the in ground type. Of course, it's much preferable to build them into new home construction.

In any case, FEMA offers up to $1,000 rebate on installation of a storm safe room. Another thing I would encourage you to do is STRONGLY support construction of true, FEMA approved, safe rooms in schools in your area.

A LOWELL, AR storm shelter company has seen an influx of calls from families looking to install shelters. "We have more severe weather coming right now... People just want them done as fast as they can get them done, because they want that peace of mind for them and their family," says Colten Wiles with Signature Shelters []
Annette and I have been watching Constitution USA on PBS with Peter Sagal.

We strongly recommend that our friends (of all political persuasions) watch this show. We've both learned much that we didn't know about the constitution as well as having things we did know explained more clearly.

Don't be afraid of the subject. Peter and his team do a FANTASTIC job of keeping it interesting and timely.

You can watch episodes at: [
] or just tune in to PBS in your area.
Humm ... A look from the other side.
The Federal Aviation Administration says there will be around 30,000 commercial and government drones flying over the United States in the next ten years. The business of selling and servicing domestic drones is projected to grow into a $90 billion industry. Lawmakers at the federal and state level say that to prevent these drone from encroaching on citizens’ privacy, it is time to define what they can do, where, and when.

Did you think Arnold's famous "Terminator" movies were fiction. Silly person. Robots are for killing.
I'm familiar with the callousness that Chinese companies display when addressing product safety issues (much less quality issues) but part of this serious problem may be due to producer/supplier ignorance.

(Annette and I spent an interesting day at Tennessee Eastman in 1982, repairing a leak on a bromine tank car. It was interesting that no outside vehicles were allowed into the plant. I had to pull up to a gate and transfer my equipment to an Eastman vehicle which took me to the tank car. While there, I called for a water hose to be running on the catwalk next to me because there was no safety shower adjacent to where I would be working. Even though the hose was at the bottom of the stairs, about 12’ from me, I couldn’t get it and neither could any of the loading employees. It was a “Union Shop” and we had to wait for a utilities worker to pull the hose to the top of the stairs and turn on the water. And … the next day on our way home, we stopped in at the Knoxville World’s Fair [] where our main attention was drawn to the Chinese Pavilion which drew the largest crowds. It housed fantastic exhibits of Chinese culture and art, including intricate Ivory and Jade sculptures.) - - Besides the Flying Tigers and Christian Missionaries that were martyred there in the 40s, the beautiful art was about all we knew of China in those days. Now? Well let's see, putting lead in our kids toys paint, selling soap dispensers that squirt on your shirt, antifreeze in baby formula, and ... oh yeah, pretty much rendering our technology and defense systems "public domain."
ACC: Eastman plans $1.6 billion expansion project for Tenn. Facility Eastman Chemical is investing $1.6 billion to expand its Kingsport, Tenn., site and create 300 additional jobs for the facility. The expansion, called Project Inspire, will focus on environmental and safety initiatives, corporate campus expansion and renovations for the complex. Chattanooga Times Free Press (Tenn.) /The Associated Press (5/30) [], IndustryWeek [] (5/29)
~~~~~ - - I have for you today a happy teen, a grateful sister, and rescued fuzzballs. Also, a look at who will be with me on my TV show, Bookmark, tonight.
Enjoy! -Daryn.

High School Senior Scores Celebrity Prom Date #pretty good for his second choice. #Who is he going with? []

Born 20 Yrs Ago To Be Bone Marrow Donor For Big Sister; What's Marrissa Ayala Up To Now? []

5 Of The Best Animal Rescue Photos From Oklahoma [,,20702818,00.html]
See Amber at Columbia County Library for free access to
Favorite Quotes:

Concentrate all your thoughts upon the work at hand. The sun's rays do not burn until brought to a focus. ~ Alexander Graham Bell

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her. ~ Agatha Christie

We really teach ourselves. If we want to learn, we will always find someone to learn from, be they dead or alive, great or unknown. We learn from everything we see and hear around us - if we are willing to pay attention. ~ Alexander Volkov

If we are going to doubt something, let us doubt our limits. ~ Don Ward

People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they're not on our road doesn't mean they've gotten lost. ~ H.Jackson Brown. Jr.

Character is like a tree and reputation like its shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing. ~ Abraham Lincoln

Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.~ Barack Obama

Trust your hunches. They're usually based on facts filed away just below the conscious level. ~ Joyce Brothers

Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” ~Carl Jung

Appreciation is a wonderful thing. It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well. ~ Voltaire

In the end, it's not going to matter how many breaths we took, but how many moments took our breath away. ~ shing xiong

The majority of us meet with failure because of our lack of persistence in creating new plans to take the place of those which fail. ~ Napoleon Hill

There are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory. ~ Josh Billings

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.~ Buddy Hackett

Everybody is ignorant. Only on different subjects. ~ Will Rogers

"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." ~ Aristotle

Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them. ~ James Arthur Baldwin

We cannot teach people anything; we can only help them discover it within themselves ~ Galileo Galilei

“The more attached we are to a vision of the future, the less present we are to what is actually trying to emerge here and now.” ~ Peter Merry

Thanks to Ron Hazelton [] for these quotes.
The following wisdom is shared by our friends.
Martha Chapman

I need to remember when Joe says "I have more blue jeans than I've ever owned in my life" that he probably has at least one pair of mine in his closet.
Julian Cracchiolo

"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”
Wendall Franks

If you're pronounced dead when your heart stops beating ... ... Why aren't you pronounced alive when your heart starts beating. (Fetal heartbeat 18 days after conception.)
Nancee Davis Law

Before you complain about how hard you have it, look around...

Being a mother means that your heart is no longer yours, it wanders wherever your children do

Fear and Faith cannot occupy the same space

If your arms are of full of yesterday's grudges, you will never be able to embrace today, or reach for tomorrow's dreams

If God is not as close to you as He used to be, Who moved?

I cleaned today therefore I deserve a Klondike Bar.

Never put a limit on what God can do.

Nobody is in charge of your happiness except you.

Nothing you have done is a surprise to God

When the storms of life knock you down, get back up and look for the rainbow

When you focus too much on what you want, you might pass right by the things you are meant to have

Whenever you are going through a bad time in your life and wonder "Where is God?" just remember the teacher is ALWAYS quiet during a Test

When you start depending on yourself and quit depending on God, that's when you are gonna fall from Grace--Creflo Dollar

We should always listen to our heart ... because even though it's on our left, it'll always be right

You know summer is coming when the kids are already contemplating being bored. lol
Jodi Wreyford McClellan

"Bring me your doubts, your fear. My Jesus can handle it all and then some. He is all of our dreams come true. If you don’t believe me, start in Matthew and read until the end of John. Jesus is a hero, a brother, a Savior in every since of the word. He is everything good and gracious. His love for us is embarrassing, boundless, without standards at all." -Oh Jen Hatmaker... we are soul sisters, whether you realize it or not! (you're obviously the more eloquent of us two)
Jimmy Malone

Three boys, two Bassets, and a BB gun. Yep, we're going on a bear hunt.

What does it mean to be human? I cannot help but believe that it means that we are spiritual--that we are responsible and that we are free. That we are responsible to be free. -Rich Mullins

Truly innovative ministry models should look more like the New Testament church, not less.

This day will never come again. Make it count.

In the last five years, Africa became more than 50% Christian and America became over 50% "no religious affiliation". Time for the American Church to think like a missionary.

Dear Jesus, I pray that Christians all over the world will feel free to preach about you and the people who believe will multiply and tell their cousins and everybody. -Josiah Malone, age 9
Norma Kay Rowe

The sole purpose of a child's middle name, is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
Debbie Troquille

I woke up thinking about how faith works by love, and that means walking in love towards others, is vital to a successful prayer life. No wonder the devil works non-stop, to keep people offended. Faith can't work in that. Every day, I can and will love everybody, so that my prayers can be answered! Enjoy this beautiful day, people!

I woke up, with a little song going over and over in my head. It's from Ps.103:5, and says, "He satisfies my mouth with good things, so my youth like the Eagle's is renewed. He holds my life and hand; He'll never suffer my foot to be moved." Read that whole chap. today, it's awesome, and remember all the benefits, we have, in God!
Lisa Ivey Wooten

Churches, our relationship with each other should be one of care not criticism.. There is no perfect church... May our words always speak life, not death. Lets reach our hands across denominations and join together in glorifying God and spreading the gospel of Jesus Christ... The enemy wants to divide us.. We must refuse to allow a critical spirit to consume us.. Our words are so powerful. The eternal destiny of people are at stake.
AskBob - - Bob Rankin - - Google Search Alternatives - - Although Google is often used as a verb that's interchangeable with search, it's not the only search engine. Comscore's April 2013 report shows Google with a market share of 67 percent, but you should know who's giving Google competition. Here are some other web search tools that you should keep handy... []
“Making A Sweet Out Of Nothing”

1 can crescent dinner rolls.
Crushed Pecans
Diet Sweetener (Annette uses a couple of packs of Splenda.)

½ Cup powdered Sugar
Squeeze ¼ cup of orange juice.
Unroll rolls.
Spread with butter (amount is up to you.)
Spread crushed pecans (amount is up to you.)
Roll up and lay edge up in cake pan (spray pan with olive oil cooking spray.)

Mix Sugar and Orange Juice (watch for seeds.)

Spread Icing on top of rolls.

Bake 10 to 12 minutes at 350 F.
The latest from Michael Yon, the foremost “milnews” blogger on the web.

Afghanistan: Excellent Documentary Piece, Sums up part of why I lost interest in Afghanistan.

Footnote: This is filmed at FOB Jackson, in Sangin. Same place the Kopp-Etchells photographs were created.

Afghanistan: An important Film to watch - Afghanistan: This is what winning looks like (2 of 3)

This film depicts part of why I lost interest in covering combat in Afghanistan. That and the increasingly ill-disciplined US Army.

By the way, this was filmed in Sangin. I was there with the British several years before this, and it was nothing but fighting. Sangin is just a small area. You can find Sangin on Google Earth. No mountains. No jungles. No extreme weather other than that it does get hot.

Please go to Google Earth, type in Sangin, and look how easy that terrain is.

The major support base, Camp Bastion (where we lost most of a Marine Harrier squadron last year), is just a hop away. Yet convoys to resupply Sangin were bloody events, and every day was combat.

Militarily, that is nearly the easiest terrain imaginable, and we have uncontested air and heavy weapons superiority, yet our "brilliant" strategy leaves it still unconquered, and little more than an opium factory. There are areas like Sangin in many parts of Afghanistan.

Interestingly, this is also were I made the Kopp-Etchells photographs that were in Ripley's Believe it or Not, Smithsonian, and all over the world. At least amid the blood and insanity was some beauty.

This is 3 of 3. This film breaks my heart because it is true. Not an hour goes by that I do not think about what happened. Major Steuber is the type of officer, or NCO, who was/were such an honor to write about.

Note: if you watch this film, and are going to Afghanistan, be careful of the Taliban white flag trick. Taliban put that out to bait you up.

Very Respectfully,
Michael Yon
Your Writer,

Please remember that this website accepts no advertisement and is dependent on your support.

PS Please sign up for my updates at "Michael_Yon" [] (not Michael Yon).
If you would like to encourage US Troops overseas, but are not sure just how to begin, visit for ideas.
5 Things New Veterans Expect From All Candidates

1. Defend the New GI Bill

2. Employ the New Greatest Generation

3. Prevent suicide among troops and veterans

4. Build a truly 21st Century VA

5. Improve Care for Female Veterans
Please remember ... America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the MALL.
~~~~~ - - I have for you today a happy teen, a grateful sister, and rescued fuzzballs. Also, a look at who will be with me on my TV show, Bookmark, tonight.
Enjoy! -Daryn.

High School Senior Scores Celebrity Prom Date #pretty good for his second choice. #Who is he going with? []

Born 20 Yrs Ago To Be Bone Marrow Donor For Big Sister; What's Marrissa Ayala Up To Now? []

5 Of The Best Animal Rescue Photos From Oklahoma [,,20702818,00.html]
Photos on the front of this week’s “Bleat” include - - MCC Kids enjoying the Men's Crawfish Boil, Annette enjoying a Lamb Kabob Platter at Greek Corner in Bossier City, Jim McWilliams working on his share of "MudBugs", Annette at Pei Wei's in Little Rock, Titus and I after his graduation ceremony, Annette's Hybiscus, Da Boys after enjoying the kids playland at the Blossom Festival.
For the latest issue of "Da Bleat.", go to
Our photos are posted at
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.
BreakPoint - - Creating Life to Destroy It? Cloning Embryos for Stem Cells
By: John Stonestreet

A new breakthrough in embryonic stem cell research? I don’t think so. Just more of the same old story.

Earlier this month, a group of scientists at Oregon Health Sciences University surprised many of their colleagues when they announced that they had obtained embryonic stem cells from cloned embryos.

The surprise was not so much at the fact that they had succeeded as it was at the fact that they had followed this avenue of research. As one scientist put it, their “achievement” has “no clinical relevance.”

But it has a great deal of moral relevance, which is how their actions should be understood.

The announcement appeared in the journal Cell. The scientists used a process known as “somatic cell nuclear transfer.” In this case, “the nucleus of a mature cell is transplanted into a human [egg] whose own nucleus has been removed.” “After the right stimulation, this new hybrid cell starts to divide and develop just as a sperm-fertilized egg would.”

Now all of this is much easier said than done. As one researcher told the Washington Post, “many labs attempted it, and no one had ever been able to achieve it.”

But that still leaves the question “to what end?” As the Post put it, “few experts think that production of stem cells through cloning is likely to be medically useful soon, or possibly ever.” In other words, don’t buy all the promises about miracle cures resulting from the use of embryonic stem cells. We’ve heard these before.

Furthermore, there’s been success in what the Post calls “a far less controversial way” of getting stem cells: adult stem cells. These can be reprogrammed to return to “what amounts to a second childhood from which they can grow into a new and different adulthood.”

A recent conference at the Vatican highlighted the many uses and medical cures that have already come as a result of working with adult stem cells. No such claims can be made for embryonic stem cells.

All of this reiterates the question, “Why were the scientists creating cloned embryos?”

This is especially important given the moral landmines surrounding the procedure. For starters, the announcement brings us one step closer to what is called “reproductive” cloning. Now let’s be clear – cloning of any sort, whether the embryo is implanted in a uterus or not is, strictly speaking “reproductive.” Still, this shows that there are people still interested in pursuing the research that will lead to “the production of one-parent duplicate humans.”

And there’s little to stop them: only fifteen states ban human cloning, and there’s no federal prohibition on the practice.

While “one-parent duplicate humans” may still be the stuff of science-fiction, the destruction of human life is the stuff of science fact. The unvarnished truth is these researchers created human life for the express purpose of destroying it and harvesting what they regarded as the most useful bits: embryonic stem cells.

That their “achievement” has “no clinical relevance” and is unlikely to ever make a difference in alleviating human suffering only underscores the perversity of their actions.

In effect, their answer to the question “to what end?” is “because we can.” This is a clear example of the pitfalls when science operates autonomously, answerable only to its own ideas about what should or should not be done.

The historical irony is that science is the product of Christianity. What we know as the “scientific method” was the result of Christian ideas about God’s creation and human reason’s ability to understand it. Science was never intended to operate autonomously from theological or moral concerns.Newsletter_Gen_180x180_B

And yet that’s what has happened. And that’s why we must be vigilant in defending the sanctity of human life.

Our friends at the Center for Bioethics and Human Dignity do a terrific job of staying on top of new ethical challenges that Christians need to know about. And our friends at the Christian Medical and Dental Associations inform, connect and activate the Christian professionals working in fields of medicine and research. Come to and we’ll connect you with these terrific partner organizations.
Further Reading and Information

BP-Takeaction_53113Creating Life to Destroy It? Cloning Embryos for Stem Cells - Next Steps
For a Christian view of bioethics and medical ethics, check out the suggested websites and books below. The information from these resources will help you understand the successful results coming from research done with adult stem cells.

Get informed, then share the information with others.

Oregon scientists get stem cells from cloned human embryos - David Brown | Washington Post | May 15, 2013 []

Another Day, Another Adult Stem Cell Success - Wesley J. Smith | National Review Online | May 1, 2013 []

The Soul of Science
Nancy Pearcey, Charles Thaxton | Crossway Books | August 1994

The Victory of Reason
Rodney Stark | Random House Trade | October 2006

The Center for Bioethics and Human Dignity []

Christian Medical & Dental Associations []

Copyright © 2013 Colson Center. All Rights Reserved

Residents of Columbia County, Arkansas are represented in Congress by:

Senator John Boozman (R_ AR)
1 Russell Courtyard
Washington DC, 20510
Phone: 202-224-4843
Senator Mark Pryor (D_ AR)
Phone 202_224_2353
FAX 202_228_0908
Representative Tom Cotton (R )
Phone 202_225_3772
FAX 202_225_1314

Other states congresspersons can be found at: []

"The importance of money flows from it being a link between the present and the future." - John Maynard Keynes

"Too often man handles life as he does the bad weather. He whiles away the time as he waits for it to stop." - Alfred Polgar

"Sometimes we stare so long at a door that is closing that we seek too late the one that is open." - Alexander Graham Bell

"Deliberation is the function of many; action is the function of one." - Charles de Gaulle

"Be great in act, as you have been in thought." - William Shakespeare

"Thinking is the enemy of creativity. It's self-conscious, and anything self-conscious is lousy. You can't try to do things. You simply must do things." - Ray Bradbury

"The music that can deepest reach, and cure all ill, is cordial speech." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Whoever is winning at the moment will always seem to be invincible." - George Orwell

"Life is an adventure in forgiveness." - Norman Cousins

"For the person for whom small things do not exist, the great is not great." - Jose Ortega y Gasset

"The only sin passion can commit is to be joyless." - Dorothy L. Sayers

"Have the courage to act instead of react." - Earlene Larson Jenks

"Nothing is so firmly believed as what we least know." - Michel de Montaigne

"Adapt or perish, now as ever, is nature's inexorable imperative." - H. G. Wells

"Keep your fears to yourself but share your courage with others." - Robert Louis Stevenson

"What is the recipe for successful achievement? To my mind there are just four essential ingredients: Choose a career you love, give it the best there is in you, seize your opportunities, and be a member of the team." - Benjamin F. Fairless

"Nothing is too small to know, and nothing is too big to attempt." - William Cornelius Van Horne

"If the only prayer you said in your whole life was 'thank you,' that would suffice." - Meister Eckhart

"Courtesies of a small and trivial character are the ones, which strike deepest in the grateful and appreciating heart." - Henry Clay

"Wishes cost nothing unless you want them to come true." - Frank Tyger

"Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences." - Robert Louis Stevenson

"The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance; the wise grows it under his feet." - James Oppenheim

"The robbed that smiles, steals something from the thief." - William Shakespeare

"It is astonishing what force, purity and wisdom it requires for a human being to keep clear of falsehoods." - Margaret Fuller

"Try and penetrate with our limited means the secrets of nature and you will find that, behind all the discernible concatenations, there remains something subtle, intangible and inexplicable. Veneration for this force beyond anything that we can comprehend is my religion. To that extent I am, in point of fact, religious." - Albert Einstein

"The forceps of our minds are clumsy things and crush the truth a little in the course of taking hold of it." - H.G. Wells

"As America celebrates Memorial Day, we pay tribute to those who have given their lives in our nation's wars." - John M. McHugh

"You will never find time for anything. If you want time you must make it." - Charles Buxton

"Writing is like driving a car at night. You can only see as far as the headlights, but you make the whole trip that way. - E.L. Doctorow

"Alas for those that never sing, But die with all their music in them." - Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr.

"Forgiveness is a funny thing. It warms the heart and cools the sting." - William Arthur Ward
Breaking Christian News

California Senate Bill Passes Attacking Religious Liberties []

BCN Commentary: High School Hero—The Courage of One []

Fire for God Spreading From Pennsylvania High School []
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GCF: If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! Just send an email to:
GCF: Cruise

Miriam had never been on a cruise before. One day, she meets her friend Lucy and they stop for a chat.

"So where are you and Sam going for your holidays this year?" asks Lucy.

"I'd like to try out a cruise," replies Miriam, "but I'm not sure whether Sam and I would enjoy ourselves. We're almost 80 now and Sam thinks cruising is for younger people."

"No, you're wrong in thinking that, Miriam," replies Lucy. "Most cruise ships have special design features just for senior citizens."

"So give me an example, please," says Miriam.

"Well ... OK," replies Lucy, "They have bifocal portholes."
_ _______________________________ _

GCF: Cruise

Miriam had never been on a cruise before. One day, she meets her friend Lucy and they stop for a chat.

"So where are you and Sam going for your holidays this year?" asks Lucy.

"I'd like to try out a cruise," replies Miriam, "but I'm not sure whether Sam and I would enjoy ourselves. We're almost 80 now and Sam thinks cruising is for younger people."

"No, you're wrong in thinking that, Miriam," replies Lucy. "Most cruise ships have special design features just for senior citizens."

"So give me an example, please," says Miriam.

"Well ... OK," replies Lucy, "They have bifocal portholes."
_ _______________________________ _

GCF: Sunroom

A husband and wife were building a sunroom to accommodate their new hot tub. The project soon turned into a money pit.

During one of their numerous trips to the hardware store, the husband inquired about exhaust fans. The store clerk looked them up on the computer and praised one fan in particular because it was exceptionally quiet.

The husband asked for the price. After receiving the answer, he sighed and asked, "Do you have anything louder?"
_ _______________________________ _

GCF: Horseshoe

One day a cowboy walked into a blacksmith shop and picked up a horseshoe, not realizing that it had recently come out of the forge.

He immediately dropped it and jammed his hand into his pocket, trying to act as if nothing had happened.

The blacksmith noticed and asked with a grin, "Kind of hot, wasn't it?"

"Nope," answered the cowboy through clenched teeth, "it just doesn't take me long to look at a horseshoe."
_ _______________________________ _

GCF: Anniversary

Both of my parents work and lead very hectic lives. So my father was bound to forget their wedding anniversary.

Remembering at the last minute, he sped to the stationery store, flew through the door, and breathlessly asked the salesclerk, "Where are the anniversary cards?"

To his surprise, he heard my mother call out, "Over here, Bill."
_ _______________________________ _

GCF: Beeping

Our power went out during a severe windstorm and the smoke alarm started to beep. The noise was so annoying I just couldn't stand it.
Home alone, I climbed up on a chair and using a kitchen knife, I took the alarm apart. Very pleased with myself, I was puzzled to hear the annoying beeping again. When my husband came home, I explained this strange situation. He looked at the wall, then back to me and said,
"Well, I don't know about the smoke alarm, but you've managed to take the doorbell apart."
_ _______________________________ _

GCF: Conditioned Response

When my daughter-in-law and I caught only one perch on our fishing trip ... not enough for even a modest lunch ... we decided to feed it to her two cats.

She put our catch in their dish and watched as the two pampered pets sniffed at the fish but refused to eat it.

Thinking quickly, my daughter-in-law then picked up the dish, walked over to the electric can opener, ran it for a few seconds, and then put the fish back down.

The cats dug right in.
_ _______________________________ _

GCF: Child-proof Gate

To keep their active two-year-old from roaming onto the busy street in front of their home, my sister and brother-in-law decided to put a gate across the driveway.

After working over two weekends on the project, the dad was ready to attach the lock to complete the job. He was working on the yard side of the gate, with his daughter nearby, when he dropped the screwdriver he was using and it rolled under the gate, out of his reach.

"I'll get it, Daddy," the little girl called, nimbly crawling under the newly erected barrier.
_ _______________________________ _

GCF: Freelance Writer

Freelance newspaper writers don't get nearly as much attention as writers with regular bylines. So I was delighted when I finally got some notice. It was at the bank, and I was depositing a stack of checks.

"Wow," said the teller, reading off the names of publishers from the tops of the checks. "You must deliver a lot of papers."
_ _______________________________ _

GCF: Bad Habit

Most of us have a bad habit we are constantly trying to break. For me, it's biting my fingernails. One day I told my husband about my latest solution: press-on nails.

"Great idea, Honey," he smiled. "Now you can eat them straight out of the box."
_ _______________________________ _

GCF: History Buff

As a history buff, I was looking forward to staying in a hotel in Salisbury, England. This hotel dated back to the 13th century.

When I arrived, the hotel clerk gave me some bad news -- my room was in the new section.

Disappointed, I asked when the "new" section had been built.

"In the 1600's," she replied apologetically.
_ _______________________________ _

GCF: Ranch Loan

My father's method of accounting for the hundreds of cattle on his ranch was very unique.

Every spring, he would move the herd down a long ramp, through a wooden gate and into a holding pen for inspection. As each animal entered the pen, he marked the count on the gate.

One summer, he went to the bank to apply for a loan, using his cattle for collateral. The bank officer asked to see his records.

"No problem," replied Dad. He went back to the ranch, took the gate off its hinges and brought it to the bank. He got the loan.
_ _______________________________ _

GCF: Dresses

A woman was shopping for outfits for her 50th high-school reunion when a group of teenage girls came in the same shop to try on prom dresses.

"This dress makes me look forty years old," one girl remarked.

The woman called out, "May I have it? That's just what I'm looking for."
_ _______________________________ _

GCF: Sharp Knives

A man's newly married daughter complained that she didn't have any sharp knives. He bought her some and phoned later and asked how she liked them.

"They're terrific!" she replied enthusiastically. "I've already cut myself five times!"
_ _____________________________________ _
/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( \
/ / | | \ \
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(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_|<> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
"What I Want in a Man," Original List

1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially Successful
4. A Caring Listener
5. Witty
6. In Good Shape
7. Dresses with Style
8. Appreciates the Finer Things
9. Full of Thoughtful Surprises
10. Very Romantic


"What I Want in a Man," Revised List

1. Not too ugly
2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
3. Works steady
4. Doesn't nod off while I'm emoting
5. Usually remembers the punch lines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat lid down
10. Shaves on weekends

Received from Joke du Jour.
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A mother was anxiously awaiting her daughter's plane. She had just come back from a far away land where she was trying to find love and adventure.

As the daughter was exiting the plane, the mother noticed a man directly behind her. He was dressed in feathers with exotic markings all over his body and was carrying a shrunken head. The daughter introduced this man as her new husband.

The mother gasped in disbelief and disappointment and screamed, "I said for you to marry a RICH doctor! A RICH doctor!"
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The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done, there were three finalists, two men and a woman.

For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her!" The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife." The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job."

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another.
They heard screaming, crashing, and banging on the walls.
After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, "You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair."
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I had a dream the other night. I was in the Old West riding in a stagecoach. Suddenly, a man riding a horse pulled up to the left side of the stagecoach, and a riderless horse pulled up on the right.

The man leaned down, pulled open the door, and jumped off his horse into the stagecoach. Then he opened the other door and jumped onto the other horse.

Just before he rode off, I yelled out, "What was all that about?"

He replied, "Nothing. It's just a stage I'm going through."
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A newsboy was standing on the corner with a stack of papers, yelling, "Read all about it. Fifty people swindled! Fifty people swindled!"

Curious, a man walked over, bought a paper, and checked the front page. What he saw was yesterday's paper.

The man said, "Hey, this is an old paper. Where's the story about the big swindle?"

The newsboy ignored him and went on calling out, "Read all about it. Fifty-one people swindled!"
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A woman was at work when she received a phone call that her small daughter was very sick with a fever.

She left work and stopped by the pharmacy to get some medication.
She got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys in the car.

She didn't know what to do.

She called home and told the baby sitter what had happened.

The baby sitter told her that the fever was getting worse. She said: "You might find a coat hanger and use that to open the door."

The woman looked around and found an old rusty coat hanger that had been left on the ground,

Possibly by someone else who at some time had locked their keys in their car.

She looked at the hanger and said "I don't know how to use this."

She bowed her head and asked God to send her HELP.

Within five minutes a beat up old motorcycle pulled up with a bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag on his head sitting astride it.

The woman thought: "This is what you sent to help me?"

However, she was desperate. She was also very thankful!

The man got off of his cycle and asked if he could help.

She said: "Yes, my daughter is very sick. I stopped to get her some medication and I’ve locked my keys in my car.

I must get home to her. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?"

He said "Sure." He walked over to the car, and in less than a minute the car was opened.

She hugged the man and through her tears she said "Thank You SO Much! You are a very nice man."

The man replied "Lady, I am NOT a nice man. I just got out of PRISON yesterday, I was in prison for car theft."

The woman hugged the man again and with sobbing tears cried out loud "Oh, thank you God!

You even sent me a Professional!!"

Is GOD Good or What?
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Perks of reaching 50 Or being over 60 And heading towards 70 or beyond!

1. Kidnappers are not very Interested in you.

2. In a hostage situation, You are likely to be released first.

3. No one expects you to run -- Anywhere.

4. People call at 9 PM (or 9 AM) and ask, 'Did I wake you?'

5. People no longer view you as a Hypochondriac.

6. There is nothing left To learn the hard way.

7. Things you buy now Won't wear out.

8. You can eat Supper at 4 PM.

9.. You can live without sex But not your glasses.

10. You get into heated arguments About pension plans.

11. You no longer think of speed limits As a challenge.

12. You quit trying to hold Your stomach in no matter who walks Into the room.

13. You sing along With elevator music.

14. Your eyes won't get Much worse.

15 . Your investment in health insurance Is finally beginning to pay off.

16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists Than the national weather service.

17. Your secrets are safe with your friends Because they can't remember them either.

18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to A manageable size.

19. You can't remember Who sent you this list.
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I was visiting my son last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.

"Dad, it's the 21st century," he said.

"We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, you can use my iPad."

I can tell you this that darn fly never knew what hit it . . .
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Do Las Vegas churches accept gambling chips? I did not know this about Las Vegas.

This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las Vegas, but there are more catholic churches than casinos.

Not surprisingly, some worshipers at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed.

Since they get chips from many different casinos, the churches have devised a method to collect the offerings.

The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan monastery for sorting and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in.

This is done by the chip monks.
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Coincidence?? Just wondering!

Alabama beat Arkansas
and Arkansas fired the coach.

Alabama beat Tennessee
and Tennessee fired the coach.

Alabama beat Auburn
and Auburn fired the coach.

Then Alabama beat Notre Dame and the Pope resigns...

Wow, I wish the White House had a team.
Calm Down. It's only a joke.
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There was a man who owned a giant gorilla and he'd never left it on its own. But eventually he had to take a trip, so he left his gorilla in the care of his next-door neighbor.
He explained to his neighbor that all he had to do was feed his gorilla three bananas a day at three, six, and nine o'clock. But he was never ever to touch its fur.

So the next day the man came and gave the gorilla a banana and looked at it for a while thinking, "Why can't I touch its fur? Nothing seems to be wrong with it."

Every day he came in and sized up the gorilla for a little while longer as he still couldn't understand. About a week later, he'd worked himself into a frenzy and decided that he was going to touch the gorilla. He passed it the banana and very gently brushed the back of his hand against its fur.

Suddenly the gorilla went "ape" and started to violently jump around. Then it turned and began to running towards the man who, in turn, ran through the front door, over the lawn, across the street, into a sports car, and drove off.

In the rear-view mirror, he could see the gorilla in another sports car, driving right behind him and motioning for him to pull over. He drove for two hours until the engine began to splutter and the car just stopped. He jumped out and began to run down the street, over a brick wall, into someone's front garden, and up an apple tree. He turned around to find the gorilla right behind him beating its chest.

The man jumped down and ran back into the street screaming, until it became dark and he thought he'd lost the gorilla.
The man ran into an alleyway then, suddenly, he saw a giant shadow coming down the street ahead. It was the gorilla!

This time there was no escape. As the gorilla neared him, the man began to feel faint. The giant beast came face to face with him, slowly raised its mighty hand and said,

"Tag! You're it!"

Received from Mikala.
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I'm "Seasoning" Annette's new Wok today. And it looks like it's gonna take all day. In the meantime, here's a true chuckle for y'all.
How to Bake a Cake

1. Preheat oven, get out utensils and ingredients.

2. Remove blocks and toy cars from table.

3. Grease pan, crack nuts.

4. Measure two cups flour.

5. Remove baby's hands from flour, wash flour off baby.

6. Remeasure flour.

7. Put flour, baking powder, salt in sifter.

8. Get dustpan and brush up pieces of bowl baby knocked on floor.

9. Get another bowl.

10. Answer doorbell.

11. Return to kitchen.

12. Remove baby's hands from bowl.

13. Wash baby.

14. Answer phone.

15. Return.

16. Remove 1/4 inches of salt from greased pan.

17. Look for baby.

18. Grease another pan.

19. Answer telephone.

20. Return to kitchen and find baby.

21. Remove baby's hands from bowl.

22. Take up greased pan, find layer of nutshells in it.

23. Head for baby, who flees, knocking bowl off table.

24. Wash kitchen floor, table, wall, dishes.

25. Call baker.

26. Lie down.
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A man had two of the best tickets for the Augusta Masters.
As he sits down, another man comes along and asks if anyone is sitting in the
seat next to him.
"No", he says, "the seat is empty."
"This is incredible!" said the man, "who in their right mind would have a seat
like this, the biggest golfing event of the whole world, and not use it?"
He says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife was supposed to come
with me, but she passed away. This is the first Masters we haven't been together
since we got married."
"Oh... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. I guess you couldn't find
someone else ... a friend or relative or even a neighbor to take the seat?"
The man shakes his head... ...."No, they're all at the funeral".
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Sign in a veterinarian's office:

"All unattended children will be given a free kitten."
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One evening Mom went to a PTA meeting and her husband and her oldest daughter got together and decided they would clean up the kitchen for her.

They put away all the food, wiped all the counters, washed all the pots and put them away, put the dishes in the dishwasher and ran it. They swept and mopped the floors and then sat down, awaiting her arrival.

Two hours later she returned from the meeting, took off her coat, hung it up, walked through the kitchen into the den, grabbed the remote control, and began watching television. They followed her
over to her chair and stood by her side.

Finally she felt them looking over her shoulder and looked up at them and said, "What?"

Her husband said, "The kitchen."

"The kitchen. What?"

"The kitchen. We cleaned up the kitchen. Didn't you notice? It's sparkling clean. We cleaned it for you."

The woman replied, "Yes, I noticed. Thankless job, isn't it?
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Practice What You Preach

After receiving a lecture from my boss about paying attention to details, I decided to see if he practiced what he preached. When I prepared the payroll checks for the next pay period, I added two extra zeros to mine. Then I brought the batch in for his signature. I stood at his desk as time and again he wrote his name with a flourish - "Tom A. Grandel."

When he finished, he gave me the checks to distribute. Soon afterward, I opened mine. On the signature line, in my boss's elegant handwriting, was "Try And Getit."

Received from Andychap.


You Might Be from a Small Town If ...

1. You can name everyone you graduated with.

2. You know what 4-H is.

3. You ever went to a party at a pasture or barn or in the middle of a dirt road.

4. You used to drag "Main."

5. You said a swear word and your parents knew within the hour.

6. You ever went cow-tipping or snipe hunting.

7. It was cool to date someone from the neighboring town.

8. The whole school went to the same party after graduation.

9. You don't give directions by street names but by references (turn by Nelson's house, go two blocks east of Anderson's, and it's four houses left of the track field).

10. Your car stays filthy because of the dirt roads, and you will never own a dark vehicle for this reason.

11. The town next to you is considered "trashy” or "snooty," but is actually just like your town.

12. You refer to anyone with a house newer than 1950 as the "rich people."

13. The people in the city dress funny, and then you pick up on the trend two years later.

14. You bragged to your friends because you got pipes on your truck for your birthday.

15. Anyone you want can be found at either the Dairy Queen or the feed store.

16. You see at least one friend a week driving a tractor through town.

17. Football coaches suggest that you haul hay for the summer to get stronger.

18. Directions are given using "the" stop light as a reference.

19. The city council meets at the coffee shop.

20. You have ever taken a trailer or dog to school on a daily basis.

21. Weekend excitement involves a trip to a Wal-Mart.

22. You decide to walk somewhere for exercise and five people pull over and ask if you need a ride.

23. Your teachers call you by your older siblings' names.

24. Your teachers remember when they taught your parents.

25. The closest McDonald's is 45 miles away.

26. So is the closest mall.

27. It is normal to see an old man riding through town on a riding lawn mower.

Received from FranCMT2.


Things You Never Say to a Cop

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?

4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me! Good job!

5. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

6. I pay your salary!

7. So, uh, you on the take, or what?

8. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!

9. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

Received from Doc's Daily Chuckle.


Snake's New Glasses

A old snake goes to see his doctor. "Doc, I need something for my eyes. Can't see well these days." The doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in two weeks.

The snake comes back two weeks later and tells the doctor he's very depressed.

Doc says, "What's the problem -- didn't the glasses help you?"

"The glasses are fine, Doc. I just discovered I've been living with a water hose the past two years!"

Received from ArcaMax Jokes.


The Directions

A friend was thinking about buying a new house in the country and asked me to come out and look at it. We found the town, but we couldn't locate the road. We drove over to city hall, where a community get-together was going on, and asked around, but no one had heard of the road. Even the policemen and fire personnel were stumped.

We went in to city hall and consulted a map, with no luck, until finally one young man came to our aid. He pointed to the map, showing us exactly how to get there. I thanked the young man and asked if he was with the police or fire department.

"Neither," he replied. "I deliver pizzas."

Received from You Make Me Laugh.


Top Ten Reasons Why It's Great to Be a Dog

1. If it itches, you can reach it. And no matter where it itches, no one will be offended if you scratch it in public.

2. No one notices if you have hair growing in weird places as you get older.

3. Personal hygiene is a blast: No one expects you to take a bath every day, and you don't even have to comb your own hair.

4. Having a wet nose is considered a sign of good health.

5. No one thinks less of you for passing gas. Some people might actually think you're cute.

6. Who needs a big home entertainment system? A bone or an old shoe can entertain you for hours.

7. You can spend hours just smelling stuff.

8. No one ever expects you to pay for lunch or dinner. You never have to worry about table manners, and if you gain weight, it's someone else's fault.

9. It doesn't take much to make you happy. You're always excited to see the same old people. All they have to do is leave the room for five minutes and come back.

10. Every garbage can looks like a cold buffet to you.

Received from Linda A Russell.


Three Bears

The three bears had been having some trouble recently and ended up in family court. Mama and Papa Bear were splitting up, and Baby Bear had to decide who he was going to live with. So, the judge wanted to talk to Baby Bear to see what he thought about living with either of his parents.

When he asked Baby Bear about living with his father, Baby Bear said, "No, I can't live with Papa Bear. He beats me terribly."

"OK," said the judge, "then you want to live with your mother, right?"

"No way!" replied Baby Bear. "She beats me worse than Papa Bear does."

The judge was a bit confused by this and didn't quite know what to do. "Well, you have to live with someone, so is there another relative you would like to stay with?" asked the judge.

"Yes," answered Baby Bear, "my aunt Bertha Bear, who lives in Chicago."

"You're sure she will treat you well and won't beat you?" asked the judge.

"Oh, definitely," said Baby Bear. "The Chicago Bears don't beat anybody."

Received from William Brabant.


Three Questions

A new client had just come in to see a famous lawyer.

"Can you tell me how much you charge?" asked the client.

"Of course," the lawyer replied. "I charge $200 to answer three questions."

"Well, that's a bit steep, isn't it?"

"Yes, it is," said the lawyer. "And what's your third

Received from ArcaMax Jokes.

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Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Column - -

Here’s a limerick to celebrate World No Tobacco Day. (May 31st)

Stop Smoking, Already!
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Please stop smoking already. Don’t dicker.
Tobacco will end your life quicker.
Have a heart, as I air
This advice, cuz I care:
Be kind to your lungs and your ticker.

© Madeleine Begun Kane. All Rights Reserved.
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Katie McWilliams - - Dr. Alexis Carrel: “Those who do not know how to fight worry die young.”
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"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." __ Franklin D. Roosevelt
"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle."
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. _ _ George Carlin
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" _ _ Queen E. Watson
“A political class of Republicans and Democrats that look after themselves, not the Nation. A media hostile to the very precepts of this nation. A generation of Americans who see morals as vices, and are ignorant of America's Actual History.”
"The things that will destroy America are prosperity-at-any-price, peace-at-any-price, safety-first instead of duty-first, the love of soft living, and the get-rich-quick theory of life." - - Theodore Roosevelt
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Emergency Phone Number 911
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )
Central Dispatch 234_5655
(Non _ Emergency Number)
Direct Numbers
Ambulance _ 234_7371 (24 Hour)
Jail _ 234_5331 (24 Hour)
Poison Control _ 800_222_1222 (24 Hour)
http://www. aapcc. org/
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Interested in getting in touch with the Banner_News through e_mail? For the editor, For news and sports items, Coming Events, Diary, Church News, school and civic events. []
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"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." __ "Bug"
"I read the end of the book. We win!" __ "Bug"
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." __ "Bug"
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." _ _ "Bug"
"It's no big deal doing what God tells you to do. A big deal would be NOT doing what God tells you to do. Just ask Jonah." _ _ Paul Troquille
“Nam et ipsa scientia potestas est.” Knowledge is power. _ Francis Bacon
"The problem is here and now. The time for talk is past. The time for action is now."
Comments on the first Earth Day _ James F. McClellan via John "Fuzzy" Thurman
Hope you enjoy the newsletter.
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week.
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" __"Bug"
God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT_I KC5HII

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