Sunday, July 18, 2010

Bug's Bleat - - GCF: ID Required

Volume 12, Issue 28 Friday, July 16, 2010

Hello All,

On this day in 1945, the first Atomic Bomb was exploded at the Trinity Test Site, near Alamogordo, New Mexico. [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Atomic_bombings_of_Hiroshima_and_Nagasaki].
~~~~~
My July OSHA classes at South Ark didn't "make" (no one signed up.) The College is going to try more news releases to see if we can generate industry interest for my tentatively scheduled August OSHA classes. I'm thinking that most employers aren’t interested in educating employees on OSHA. Budgets are just too tight.
So, I’m open for any job offers. Let me know of anyone who’s looking to improve their Safety / Emergency Response Teams.
~~~~~
Reminder - - Workers’ Safety Conference
Sponsored by: South Arkansas Environmental/Safety Conference
Presented by: AR Dept of Labor, OSHA, AR Workers’ Compensation Commission
Date: Thursday July 22, 2010
Location: SouthArk Community College Workforce Development Bldg (East Campus)
Time: 7:30 am to 3:00 pm
~~~~~
Practically all advanced drugs carry some risk. When we use drugs to regulate or enhance bodily functions, there's usually a downside. I say this as a long time user of diabetes, arthritis, heart and anemia drugs.
But, any company that hides dangerous side effects of a drug should not only be fined, but the company management personnel involved should be charged with the appropriate criminal statute. If folks were injured, charge them with assault. If folks died, charge them with manslaughter.
[http://www.nytimes.com/2010/07/13/health/policy/13avandia.html?_r=2&th&emc=th]
~~~~~
John Mack w/American Legion is looking for volunteer van drivers to take veterans to the doctor. Call 904-6372
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Trevor Drown is running against Blanch Lincoln and John Boozman for U S senate... he is running as an independent. BL and JB spent 10 million dollars to get on the ballot. he spent 7000 and was on the ballot a week before them. He got 14000 signatures in 90 days to get there. He has NO big sponsor and no big business backing and no connection to SEIU he has been supported by tea parties and by friends and family. he works at UPS in Russellville and has a small business there in town. Look him up on his web page.
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Our classmate, Camille Davis (Parke) passed away today. Arrangements pending w/Lewis Funeral Home.
~~~~~
Listened to NPR discussion on the race between Sharron Angle and Harry Reid. They were discussing her statement that "Separation of Church and State" isn't in the constitution (it isn't.) Angle went on to say that Thomas Jefferson coined the phrase "Separation of Church and State" and that he was talking about preventing the formation of a state religion (he was.)

The NPR reporters snickered and basically said Sharron Angle didn't know what she was talking about.

Oh Yeah? Well she does have it right. The First Amendment states: "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; ... “Now how does that apply to forbidding citizens from erecting crosses or displaying the 10 commandments or having church services in their home?
~~~~~
There’s an internet rumor/theory/hoax that the Gulf of Mexico is going to explode and wipe out all life on earth, because of deepwater drilling. I dismissed the first email I got, and then was sent a news article repeating the allegations [http://www.helium.com/items/1882339-doomsday-how-bp-gulf-disaster-may-have-triggered-a-world-killing-event].
So, I contacted the Texas A&M professor cited in the article. Here’s his response:

“BP has been measuring and reporting that 40 percent of the spill by weight is methane. I do not support the recent wild theories and stories that the BP Gulf oil spill could lead to a massive bubble that could eradicate the entire human race. Our data cannot be used to test these wild theories, which seem based on pure speculation rather than sound observational science.”
[http://io9.com/5585294/methane-bubble-doomsday-story-debunked]
--
John D. Kessler
Assistant Professor
Department of Oceanography
Texas A&M University

Tel. 979-845-5752
jkessler@ocean.tamu.edu
http://ocean.tamu.edu/profile/JKessler
~
Commenting on the whole issue, blogger WookieLifeDay wrote: “This is the way the world ends - not with a bang but with a fart.”
~
Someone needs to write a book on the public's willingness to believe what they read on the internet and not believe what competent authorities tell them. - - Bug
~~~~~
As our US space program gradually winds down to nothing, and the administration says they are spending your money to create jobs.
~
WASHINGTON -- NASA and Lockheed Martin Space Systems Company paid tribute to the workforce who built the external tanks for the space shuttle fleet on Thursday at NASA's Michoud Assembly Facility in New Orleans. ET-138, the last newly manufactured tank to roll out of the assembly building, served as a backdrop for speakers praising the employees.
[http://www.nasa.gov/home/hqnews/2010/jul/HQ_10-159_ET-138.html ]
~
UPDATE! [http://www.redorbit.com/news/space/1892677/senate_space_plan_postpones_shuttle_retirement/]
After months of debate about the future of the U.S. space program, the Senate's Commerce, Science and Transportation committee unanimously passed a plan on Thursday to postpone retirement of the nation’s fleet of space shuttles.
SHESH! The idiots. The problem with the administration’s latest NASA plans is that it shuts down NASA’s rocket design and building activities. Adding new shuttle missions does not solve that mistake. In fact it makes things worse. NASA has been planning the shuttle retirement for years. Now they’re supposed to stop that, back up and keep using an old technology with still no plans for a replacement?
~~~~~
The difference between Democrats and Republicans is that the Democrats want to Tax and Spend while the Republicans want to borrow and spend.

And both groups use the same technique to get their way ... i.e. "We're protecting you against "THEM." It's always "THEM" that your friendly government is trying to straighten out.

The income tax was instituted to tax "THEM."
The windfall profits tax was levied to tax "THEM."
etc.

Well, to paraphrase POGO, we have met "THEM' and they are "US."
~~~~~
One of my favorite authors, Robert Heinlein, advocated that only Veterans should obtain full citizenship with voting rights.
He contended that Veterans know what the real cost of war is and won't be so quick to send our kids there.
~~~~~
Can you be too stupid to know that you're stupid. This article has a test [http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/06/20/the-anosognosics-dilemma-1/]
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What? No rain? But I thought "Saturday" was an old native word for rain? - - Joe Tudor
~~~~~
WASHINGTON -- Fighting homegrown terrorism by monitoring Internet communications is a civil liberties trade-off the U.S. government must make to beef up national security, the nation's homeland security chief said. ... Because citizens who are free to communicate are SO SCARY! But a unsecured southern border, nah, let's not worry about that, - - Greg Jones
~~~~~
The movie 212 degrees is worth watching. http://www.212movie.com/node/103
~~~~~
Nonie Darwish (born 1949) is an Egyptian-American human rights activist, and founder of Arabs For Israel, and is Director of Former Muslims United. She is the author of two books: Now They Call Me Infidel; Why I Renounced Jihad for America, Israel and the War on Terror and Cruel and Usual Punishment: The Terrifying Global Implications of Islamic Law. Darwish's speech topics cover human rights, with emphasis on women's rights and minority rights in the Middle East. Born in Egypt, Darwish is the daughter of an Egyptian Army lieutenant general, who was called a "shahid" by the Egyptian president Gamal Abdel Nasser, after being killed in a targeted assassination in 1956. Darwish blames "the Middle Eastern Islamic culture and the propaganda of hatred taught to children from birth" for his death. In 1978, she moved with her husband to the United States, and converted to Christianity there. After September 11, 2001 she has written on Islam-related topics.
[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nonie_Darwish]
~~~~~
Also, my daughter writes: “Dad, please look at this blog. We really need to pray for this fellow believer.” [http://sonofhamas.wordpress.com/]
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[http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=vjS0Novt3X4]
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A friend writes: My how times have changed. Modern businesses consider “mistakes” in their favor honest profit. ...
Last week there was a "Special Recognition Award" (SRA) in my paycheck. I don't know where it came from or why I got it. I asked my supervisor, but he didn't know anything about it.
I called payroll - they looked it up. It was for assistance with a fire response in January (I spent 12 hours on a Saturday, 8 hours on Sunday doing follow-up monitoring, PPE guidance, etc.), and quite a bit of time the following week on various clean-up issues. I didn't think it was big deal (that's my job, right?), but if someone wants to recognize me for it, Great. Thanks! I called payroll, they said "yes, it's legitimate." So I bought golf clubs.
~
The next day I got a note from payroll saying they were investigating the case, and how the money would be "re-couped.." Yes, they wanted it back (and I had already spent it). It seems that indeed my supervisor recommended this, but he was rejected (so he never told me about it ). But now someone else put it in, and they are trying to figure out who and why - and how they can get their money back.
So in my next check they took the money back.
Still no explanation about who submitted the award.
~
Then, my supervisor said he was re-nominating me so I could get it anyway. So this paycheck, the money is back in - only it's double this time!!
~
So - you want some golf clubs?
~
When you build a new house, make a parapet around your roof so that you may not bring the guilt of bloodshed on your house if someone falls from the roof. Deuteronomy 22:8 OSHA 29 CFR 1926.501(b)(1) - - Joe Tudor [ www.parapetsafety.wordpress.com]
~~
Fat free milk came out my nose when I read Joe’s posts. Reminds me of the Christmas Party Annette and I went to when she worked at a “national fast food chain store”. The Owner told everyone to bring a baby photo and a dollar. When we got there he had a cork board set up and instructed us to pin the baby photo on the board. Then, during the party, he explained that we should take our dollar and pin it to the photo of the prettiest baby. The photo with the most money on it at the end of the party would win all the money on the board.
Then, just before the party was over, he put a $100 bill on his baby photo, declared himself the winner and took all the money.

What a guy! :-)
~~~~~
Speaking of business, CNN fired one of their reporters for her tweet memorializing a Lebanese Hesbolah supporter. I can feel Octavia's pain. But I really blame "us" more than CNN. Our society is so polarized that all public figures are walking a very narrow edge. (Can you spell Helen Thomas?)

Now understand, I don't really understand her sympathy for an idiot (and I use that term for anyone who advocates violence as a method of achieving their political goals) who wants to destroy Israel, but I do support her right to free thought and expression.

What really disturbs me is our society’s willingness to be herded along with hatred and fear. This is really nothing new, it's just easier given our communications abilities today.

It should be harder. I mean we can easily research issues and find the truth. But, judging by the number of internet hoax emails I get forwarded each day, most people aren't interested in finding out the truth. They just want to bask in their prejudices.
~~~~~
My mother held at age 29. Once, when we took her to the doctor, she was asked her age by the receptionist, the clerk and the nurse. Then the nurse confronted her and said "Mrs. Duke, you've been asked your age three times and given us three different answers." My mom responded; "I thought y'all meant ‘about’ how old I was." - - Bug
~~~~~
A friend is doing sales and bill collecting for his company. Yesterday, he came by the house and told me he was dreading going to his next client. Seems his company inadvertently under-billed them to the tune of $40,000 over the last two years and his boss told him to go get the money.
Yeah, that's gonna go over like a lead balloon. Maybe I could do the same to all the folks I've given safety advice over the last 30 years.
This may be a truly "Golden" retirement.
~~~~~
A friend was telling me about this wonderful woman he’d met at the office of a client. “She’s beautiful and funny and I think I’ll ask her out.”
A week or so later I ran into him again and asked how his date went?
He said that he’d decided not to ask her. I asked why and he explained; “I went by her office to ask her but they told me she was late because she had a flat. So I volunteered to go help her change the flat. When I got to her apartment, she was very glad for the help and we got the tire changed in no time. As I was putting her old tire in the trunk, she commented. ‘It’s funny that tires only go flat on the bottom isn’t it?’
~~~~~
[http://gregengland.com/2010/07/12/the-door-day-three/]
Wife is forever going to Lowe's and bringing home "easy" projects that "anyone" can do. Last one was a new front door. Sales person said "anyone" could install it with simple home tools.
I balked and told her to get a carpenter. She got "Joe" a friend who is a GREAT carpenter. I volunteered to help.
Project took us two days but it looks great and works fine.
When we got Joe's bill, he only charged us for half a day's work. Annette called him and asked why he charged for a half days work when the job took two days.
Joe explained that he could have done the job in half a day if I hadn't been helping.
~~~~~
Arkansas Shalers now Arkansas Oil & Gas Hydrocarbons: Arkansas Oil & Gas Hydrocarbons
All, as we move forward in what appears to be a BIG PLAY in South Arkansas, I've edited the Forum's Group Name to reflect more of what is actually taking place under the ground here. Echoing Keith's prime directive for the entire website, please check forum posts before starting a new discussion, thank you! And, thanks to everyone here for being an Arkie "Shaler"! [http://www.gohaynesvilleshale.com]
Visit Arkansas Oil & Gas Hydrocarbons at:
[http://www.gohaynesvilleshale.com/groups/group/show?id=2117179%3AGroup%3A19485&xg_source=msg_mes_group]
~~~~~
Friday Cultural Lesson: Calling a Woman "Pig" - - In Thailand, I was over at the home of a Thai family. The woman of the house was rather...stout. Her nickname is "Moo," and when I heard the nickname I asked quietly, "Why did you call her pig!?" After a flurry of conversation I was informed that pigs are cute and pink and it's good to call a stout woman Moo. I said, whoa whoa, whoa. Please never call an American woman pig! Which was met with equal disbelief. What? American women don't like to be called pig if they are heavy? No, no, please never do! :)
Michael Yon
~~~~~
Saying "Gesundheit!" doesn't really help the common cold; but it's every bit as effective as anything the medical profession has prescribed.
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Napolitano: Congress will pass safety mandates for chemical facilities - - The U.S. Congress will likely permanently authorize the Chemical Facility Anti-Terrorism Standards, said Janet Napolitano, Homeland Security secretary. "Securing our nation's chemical sector requires extensive collaboration with our private sector partners," she added, noting that discussions will continue with industry and within Congress. "Flexible, practical and collaborative programs ... play a key role in enhancing the security and resiliency of our nation's chemical facilities and other critical infrastructure." ICIS News [http://www.icis.com/Articles/2010/07/07/9374719/US-security-chief-backs-safer-technology-mandate-for-chems.html] (U.K.) (7/7) , United Press International [http://www.upi.com/Top_News/US/2010/07/07/Napolitano-cites-private-govt-cooperation/UPI-43171278528830/]
~~~~~
"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. " Mark Twain via Jimmy Malone
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I'll fish 'til the money's gone ... then I'll fish for food. - - Bryan
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Politicians are like diapers; they need to be changed often and for the same reason. Mark Twain
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"A government is like fire, a handy servant, but a dangerous master." George Washington
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"Today, when a concerted effort is made to obliterate this point, it cannot be repeated too often that the Constitution is a limitation on the government, not on private individuals—that it does not prescribe the conduct of private individuals, only the conduct of the government—that it is not a charter for government power, but a charter of the citizens’ protection against the government."---Ayn Rand - -Thanks to Rosemary Cragan Dolliver
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I believe in Christianity as I believe in the sun: not only because I see it, but by it I see everything else- C.S.Lewis - - via Marcus Brown
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I keep hearing that Hard Work has never hurt anyone... But I'm not taking any chances! - - Steve Downey
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I've had bad luck with children.... they keep growing up! - - Steve Downey
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Robert Lyons Sorry, it has been 10 minutes since I ranted and that is all I can take! Do you know what Toby Keith and Obama have in common? Both said they would put a boot in somebody's "...." Toby was going to kick some Islamic extremist terrorists. Obama was going to kick a company that employs 81000 people directly and tens of thousands more in support companies.
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Sometimes the best thing you can do is just walk away for a while. - - Kit Lange
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"Sometimes I think so much information is coming to me at once that it's like drinking out of a fire hydrant." - - George Wood, General Superintendent of the Assemblies of God USA. Via Mary Louise Brownlee Alexis
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A fool vents all his feelings, But a wise man holds them back. Proverbs 29:11. NKJV - - Tena Thompson Hart
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There is a generation rising up in the church today that will be more radical for Jesus than their fathers, or their fathers' fathers. The church has been offering something worth living for. This generation is looking for something worth dying for. Don't judge them by their appearance and maybe they won't judge you by your safe living. - - Jimmy Malone
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God judges by the heart, man by the outward appearance. If you focus only on appearances, reputation, and influence, you can gain the approval of man. If you focus on obeying God's call, on being true to your conscience, you often lose the approval of man. But a life of carefully measured maneuvers is death in slow motion. - - Jimmy Malone
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Jimmy Malone When your worst fears come to pass, when everything is crashing around you, when you've had the wind knocked out of you and you are spitting dirt and blood, what do you believe? What do you do? That's your doctrine and praxis, your real theology. Everything else is theory and tradition. But you'll meet the real Jesus there. If you put it all in His hands, you will find Him faithful and true! - - Jimmy Malone
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A smile is a curve that sets a lot of things straight :) - - Nancee Davis Law
~~~~~
I like to root for Daly, especially when he's straight and focused. His game is absolutely awesome, and he seems like a generally great guy. (I wish I knew where he gets his pants so I could buy some. They'd be good for evenings out and church.) - - John Carmichael
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Forget the "People of Wal-Mart".....you should see "People of Magic Springs"...lol - - Kristy McWilliams Ellington
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Question: How many left wing radical socialist congress people does it take to reduce uncontrolled deficit spending? Answer: None. - - Robert Lyons
~~~~~
News Flash from the Bayou State !!

British Petroleum announced today that they will no longer hire Cajuns to help in the cleanup.

It seems that Thibodeaux, Boudreaux and Fontenot were told to clean as many brown pelicans as they could. When BP checked back with them, Thibodeaux had cleaned and gutted over 56 birds while Boudreaux made the roux and Fontenot cooked the rice.

When asked, Thibodeaux said the pelicans taste "Kinda like owl". I would have thought he’d have said CHICKEN!

Thanks To Jean Eckert
~~~~~
God created men first, cause you always make a rough draft before a masterpiece! - - Kelley McKamie
~~~~~
* The world's full of apathy, but I don't care.
~
* I'm still not sure if I understand ambiguity.
~~~~~
A boy was bagging groceries at a supermarket. One day the store installed a machine for squeezing fresh orange juice. Intrigued, the young man asked if he could be allowed to work the machine, but his request was denied. Said the store manager, …

"Sorry, kid, but baggers can't be juicers."
~~~~~
"Time's fun when you're having flies." -- Kermit the Frog
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The idea that no one is perfect is a view most commonly held by people with no grandchildren.
~~~~~
* A truck carrying copies of Roget's Thesaurus overturned on the highway. The local newspaper reported that onlookers were "stunned, overwhelmed, astonished, bewildered, and dumbfounded."
~~~~~
When you find yourself convinced that the world is moving too fast, just find a bank or supermarket line to reassure yourself.
~~~~~
A sheriff walks into a saloon, and shouts for everyone's attention.
"Has anyone seen Brown paper Jake?", he asks.
"What's he look like?", asks one shoddy looking cowboy.
"Well", replies the Sheriff. "He wears a brown paper hat, a brown paper waistcoat, a brown paper shirt, brown paper boots, brown paper pants, and a brown paper jacket."
"So what's he wanted for?", asks the same cowboy.

"Rustlin'...", replies the Sheriff.
~~~~~
Two robins are lying on their backs, soaking up some sun.
A Mama cat and her kitten come walking by.
The kitten complains, "Mama, I'm sooo hungry, what can we eat?"
The Mama cat, spying the 2 birds replies, …

"How about some baskin' robins?
~~~~~
If you can't fix it with a hammer, you have an electrical problem... - - Timothy Tackett
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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila.....FLOOR! - - Paula Johnson Porter
~~~~~
“Phyllis Diller: Live and at Home” Joanne Kaufman. Wall Street Journal. Apr 5, 2005. At age 87, the woman who for almost five decades kept them laughing — “You know you’re getting old when your blood type’s been discontinued” — has earned the right to keep them waiting.
~
“Oh, that man is so stupid,” went one early bit. “He was stranded for six hours on an escalator when the power failed.”
~
“I do dinner in three phases. Serve the food, clear the table, bury the dead”
~
Wagnerian mothers-in-law. “We had a civil ceremony — his mother didn’t come.”
~
Phyllis Diller's husband told her "I want you to be a little old-fashioned housewife. We'll start out by you dressing a chicken for Sunday dinner." She said, "He's got to be kidding. It took me three weeks to make the blouse. What's more, he wanted me to dress old fashioned. He said, “I want you to wear those little chintzy aprons." “He should have told me you're supposed to wear something under the apron. You think you've seen a frightened UPS man? ... “
~~~~~
DarynKagan.com - - It's not often I speak out critically against my old CNN family, but I am now as I think they've made a terrible mistake. Details in my blog [http://darynkagan.demo.nimbussoftware.com/darynsblog.html].
~
One person's thumbtack is another's palette to create amazing art. - - Thousands of Push Pins Make Up Award Winning Art - - Using just five colors: red, yellow, blue, white and black, artist Eric Daigh creates the illusion of skin tone and hair in his portraits made entirely out of push pins. Watch Video [http://darynkagan.demo.nimbussoftware.com/artists/2010/ar_100715_push_pin_art.html]
~
Country Star Honors Her Latest Teachers
Miranda Lambert says she almost dropped out of high school, but two dedicated teachers helped her make it through. Lambert is the latest celebrity to honor teachers making a difference in their lives.
Watch Video [http://darynkagan.demo.nimbussoftware.com/celebrities/2010/ce_100709_star_honors_teachers.html]
~
Man Turns On Internet For Disadvantaged Town
Not a lot of Internet surfing was taking place in Atlantic Beach, SC. That is, until Ward Shepherd stepped in. He's on a mission to bring the information super highway to folks who can't afford internet service.
Watch Video [http://darynkagan.demo.nimbussoftware.com/heroism/2010/he_100709_internet_for_town.html]
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http://rationalpolitics.net/forum/index.php
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http://kitlange.com
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soldiersangelsforum.com
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America is not at war. The military is at war. - - America is at the mall, or watching the movie stars. [http://icasualties.org/]
~~~~~
GCF: Independence Days (Serious, Not Humor)

Dear GCF,

Those of you who have been around this list for awhile know that there are a few times during the year that I post something serious. 99.9% of what is sent to the Good Clean Fun mailing list is humor, however tonight I need to be serious for a moment.

Most of us, and by that I mean most of us in the United States, know that the Fourth of July is the "birthday" of the United States of America. It actually marks the anniversary of the adoption of the Declaration of Independence by the Second Continental Congress. Often marked by parades and community celebration, it is a symbolic time for American families to gather and reflect on their heritage.

Most of us take for granted that this day and all the other U.S. holidays are "national" holidays. Did you know that the United States observes no national holidays? Specifically, that means holidays mandated by the Federal Government. The United States Congress and/or President can only legally establish an "official" holiday for the District of Columbia and for federal employees. In fact, it wasn't until the 20th Century that an order was issued giving federal employees a "day off" from work. A public holiday can only be established at the local level. Typically the observance of holidays happens at the state level with the enactment of a state law or by an executive proclamation by a state governor.

I first started posting this piece in July 2000. After I posted it, I received an email from Jen in Alberta, Canada. She asked me why I only mentioned the U.S. holidays. She surmised that it was because I was from the U.S. and to that extent, she is right. The U.S. holidays, especially the ones dealing with independence, veterans, and those who died for this country, are special to me. And since Good Clean Fun is 99.9% humor, I certainly don't want to veer from that basic premise and turn this into a history site. But Jen did start me to thinking, so I did a bit of research about my neighbors: Canada and Mexico.

Look back at the subject of this email. It is Independence "Days", plural. So let me take a moment and briefly honor my neighbors:

1. Canada celebrates its Independence on July 1st. The British North America Act created the Canadian federal government on July 1, 1867. This Act proclaimed "one Dominion under the name of Canada," hence the original title of the holiday as "Dominion Day." July 1st has also been known in Canada as "Confederation Day." On October 27, 1982, the Canadian Parliament officially renamed the holiday as "Canada Day."
2. Mexico celebrates many national and religious holidays. I must admit that I always thought that Cinco de Mayo, the Fifth of May, was Mexico's Independence Day, but a bit of research proved me wrong. While Cinco de Mayo is a national holiday, it honors the Mexican defeat of the French army at Puebla in 1862. September 16th is Mexican Independence Day and it celebrates the day that Miguel Hidalgo delivered "El Grito de Dolores", and announced the Mexican revolt against Spanish rule.
3. Let me add a third "neighbor" albeit one a bit farther away than just north or south of the US. A ways back, Michelle emailed me to tell of Australia Day which is celebrated down under on January 26th. That is the day Australia became a nation in its own right.

So, let's all be proud of and reflect on our heritage.

Have a great holiday,
Tom

PS: Don't forget to fly the flag!

As an added thought, why not visit "Don't Get Me Started," written by Former Sergeant of Marines, Andrew C. "Andy" Hefty. Andy's column comes from Jacksonville, Florida via Jacksonville.Com. In 2004 he wrote a piece about the Star Spangled Banner where his thoughts include breaking the lyrics down into individual phrases and explaining what each one meant to him. That piece can be found at:

http://www.jacksonville.com/community/cc/hefty/stories/062804/062804075059.shtml

My favorite piece of this genre was done many, many years ago by Red Skelton where he broke the Pledge of Allegiance down into individual words and phrases in order to explain the meaning of each one. The piece can be found at:

http://kcbx.net/~tellswor/redskel1.htm

It also contains a video of the performance by Red himself, as it was seen on January 14, 1969. I highly recommend it.

Finally, let's remember that patriotism is NOT a sin, and the Fourth of July is more than beer, picnics, and baseball games.

-Tom
~~~~~
With all the recent news on Afghanistan and General Stanley McChrystal, it's hard to figure out what the deal is with the war. May I recommend "A Nightmare's Prayer" to anyone who wants to know what we are doing in Afghanistan and why we are still struggling there. It's a memoir written by Lt Col Michael Franzak of his deployment there in 2002/2003.
I literally had trouble putting the book down. And his observations of the problems of "micro management" by commanders thousands of miles away rings true today.
http://michaelfranzak.com/#
~~~~~
Each week the Defense Department highlights military personnel who have gone above and beyond in the war. [http://www.defenselink.mil/heroes/] - - Patrick Benson - - Awarded: Purple Heart and the American Legion Valor Medal - - U.S. Army Chief Warrant Officer Patrick Benson thinks Medevac teams have one of the toughest jobs in theater.

"They risk their lives every day transporting wounded Soldiers to safety," said Benson. "The Black Hawk helicopters typically hover 75 feet over the ground as the medics treat wounded Soldiers, leaving them dangerously exposed to enemy fire."

However, Benson doesn't serve on a Medevac team and he doesn't fly Black Hawks. Instead, as a Kiowa aircraft pilot, his job is to perform overhead security, provide reconnaissance to ground forces and to protect the Medevacs. Kiowa helicopters are smaller armed aircrafts that can provide aerial security while Medevacs treat the wounded. Knowing that the Medevacs put themselves in danger by being exposed, Benson is proud to protect the ones who transport Soldiers to safety.

"They are some of the best Medevac people I've ever seen," Benson said. "They go places they probably shouldn't to get wounded Soldiers and transport them to medical care."

Benson has served as a Kiowa pilot since 1996, but during his last deployment to Afghanistan, his skills were really put to the test. On September 8, 2009, during an intense ground fight in a valley in eastern Afghanistan, Benson was the pilot in command of the lead Kiowa aircraft when he and his wingman were called to provide aerial security to a Medevac. The Medevac needed to hoist down an Army medic, allow him to survey two wounded Soldiers on the ground, and then hoist all three back into the Black Hawk. Knowing that there was still an enemy presence in the area, Benson navigated the Kiowa between the infantry on the ground and the Medevac in the air to protect the Black Hawk and the wounded Soldiers from enemy fire.

As the last Soldier was being hoisted up, Benson's aircraft was hit by a round of enemy fire from the ground. The Kiowa helicopter jerked to the right and was spinning out of control. Benson had multiple gunshot wounds to his leg and his co-pilot was unconscious. Benson immediately grabbed the controls, commanded the helicopter and descended out of the valley.

"My main mission was to get my co-pilot to medical attention," recalls Benson. "My wing man (in the second Kiowa aircraft) stayed behind to engage the enemy." The Black Hawk Medevac managed to leave the area as well, despite taking a round of fire to its nose. Benson navigated his Kiowa to safety and he and his co-pilot were rushed to medical attention.

"I've been shot at a few other times. But this was the first time enemy fire had made contact with me or the aircraft I was in," said Benson. Benson was hit in the right leg and thigh, and his co-pilot had a bullet wound to the left rear of his head.

"Every time you cross the wire, you need to be ready," said Benson. "Protecting such an exposed target, we know we're in danger. But, if the medics are coming into that environment and doing everything they can to take our wounded Soldiers back to safety, there's nothing else I can do but protect them."

For his actions on September 8, 2009, Benson was honored with the Army's American Legion Valor Award, which is presented annually to recognize military aviators who perform a feat of courage or bravery during the prior year.

Benson, who has also received a Purple Heart and a combat action badge, is humbled by the recognition.

"There are a billion stories like this every day," he said, referring to the September 8 mission. "Every day, there are Americans out there doing this same stuff. There are so many service members doing great things in battle. We are doing what we're trained to do. Every single day, another American is doing something like what we were doing that day."
~~
Quentin New - - Awarded: Bronze Star Medal with Valor - - U.S. Army Reserve Sergeant Quentin New might wonder why he didn't become a firefighter. Whether serving in a war zone or visiting friends in the Florida Keys, New has realized that he is prepared to respond quickly to life-threatening fires.

New was driving the lead vehicle in a convoy traveling to Camp Fallujah, Iraq, on March 29, 2008. The convoy had almost reached its destination when New heard a loud explosion from behind him. He stopped his vehicle and rushed to see what had happened.

The second Humvee in the convoy had struck an Improvised Explosive Device and had caught fire. U.S. Marine Corps Lieutenant Colonel William Hall was trapped inside. New climbed inside the burning vehicle to try to pull Hall to safety. Despite the suffocating smoke, and the with help of his fellow soldiers, he was able to pull Hall's upper body from the vehicle just before the seat burst into flames.

Hall's legs were stuck, so New worked to get to him out of the vehicle despite ammunition rounds stored within the Humvee igniting and firing around them. Over the next few minutes, New and his team worked to free Hall's legs. Thanks to their efforts, Hall was freed from the vehicle and rushed to Camp Fallujah's medical center.

Hall passed away the next day due to the injuries he sustained in the explosion.

For demonstrating leadership, quick thinking and immense personal courage, New was awarded a Bronze Star with Valor at the end of his deployment.

"I was surprised to learn about the award," said New. "But I was pleased to see myself and my fellow soldiers receive this great honor," he said, referring to the soldiers who served with him that day.

More than two years later, New found himself in another situation where he was running into a fire. But this time he wasn't at war. He had just returned from deployment to Kandahar, Afghanistan, and was staying on a friend's boat while attending a wedding in Key West, Florida. Just as he was about to go to sleep, he noticed an orange haze in the distance, saw flames rising from a nearby trailer development, and understood immediately what he had to do. New rushed to the scene and started searching through trailers to wake up sleeping residents.

He broke into a nearby trailer to wake up a family and ensured the safety of the other residents.

"Between the flames and the wind, the fire could have spread quickly," explained New. "I ran into a burning vehicle in Iraq, so it wasn't anything for me to run into a burning trailer park."

"Deployment is addicting," New said. He is looking forward to another tour, he said.

While in serving in Kandahar, Afghanistan last summer, New was promoted from Specialist to Sergeant. A native of Olathe, Kansas, New has high military aspirations and hopes to continue to serve his country through military police work, protective detail service or perhaps even recruiting.

"I joined the military in July 2005 after the second London transit attacks," said New. "It was a spontaneous decision, but it changed my life for the better."

New is an avid scuba diver, having explored off the coasts of the Bahamas, Puerto Rico, the U.S. Virgin Islands, Belize and Cozumel. After returning from his first deployment to Iraq, New invested in a start-up scuba diving company in Key West, Florida, and he continues to scuba dive in his spare time.
~~~~~
The latest from Michael Yon, the foremost “milnews” blogger on the web.
~
Greetings,

Published this piece four years ago this week. Unfortunately, it came true:
There Be Dragons [http://www.michaelyon-online.com/there-be-dragons.htm]
At this point, I would consider it progress if our casualties in 2012 are lower than in 2011, and if our 2011 casualties are not double those of 2010. Progress with the Afghan government needs to be obvious to any critical observer.
America needs to WAKE UP to the reality of Afghanistan, and listen to General David Petraeus.

Happy July 4th!
As you know, we have a war on. Please take a few minutes to read these two important letters that just came from General David Petraeus in Afghanistan.
Having observed General Petraeus in action over the past five years, General Petraeus has my full confidence and support.
LETTERS [http://www.michaelyon-online.com/]

Slowly turning my nose back to Afghanistan. Not in hurry: want to do this right and well-rested. Very long road ahead. Pace...
Latest dispatch is less about fighting and more about journalists in fighting. Please read "Even While the World Watched II: Tasting the Kool-Aid." [http://www.michaelyon-online.com/even-as-the-world-watched-ii-tasting-the-kool-aid.htm]
--
Latest dispatch is up.
Notice the courageous journalists helping to rescue a severely wounded soldier.
Getting Hit to Get the Shot [http://www.michaelyon-online.com/even-as-the-world-watched-iii-getting-hit-to-get-the-shot.htm]

WARNING: Graphic images.
--
If you come in peace, why are you firing grenades and burning down buildings?
Peaceful or Pistol [http://www.michaelyon-online.com/even-as-the-world-watched-iv-peaceful-or-pistol.htm]
Your support is greatly appreciated. [https://www.michaelyon-online.com/support-the-next-dispatch.htm]

Very Respectfully,

Michael Yon
Your Writer,

Please remember that this website accepts no advertisement and is dependent on your support.

PS Please sign up for my Twitter.com updates at "Michael_Yon" [http://twitter.com/Michael_Yon] (not Michael Yon).

http://www.facebook.com/#/MichaelYonFanPage?ref=sgm
~
www.michaelyon-online.com
~
Http://www.michaelyon_online.com/index.php
~~~~~
If you would like to encourage US Troops overseas, but are not sure just how to begin, visit www.anysoldier.com for ideas.
~~~~~
We’ve Watched:
Twelfth Night Rating: 7.2
Crazy on the Outside Rating: 6
~~~~~
Paper Books We’ve recently read:

Piracy today : fighting villainy on the high seas / John C. Payne.
Falcon seven / James W. Huston.
War / Sebastian Junger.
Marine One / James W. Huston.
~~~~~
Kindle books we recently read:

Operation Spider Web - M.H. Sargent
Seven Days From Sunday - Sargent, M.H.
Seven Days From Sunday - Sargent, M.H.
The Shot To Die For - Sargent, M.H.
Home Vegetable Gardening a Complete and Practical Guide to the Planting and Care of All Vegetables, Fruits and Berries Worth Growing for Home Use - Rockwell, F. P.
Consider Phlebas - Banks, Iain M.
~~~~~
http://www.shelfari.com
http://www.shelfari.com/bugsbleat/shelf
~~~~~
Photos on the front of this week’s “Bleat” include - - A view of the “Stratobowl” outside Rapid City, South Dakota., The “Badlands” in south east, SD, Sunflower Fields between the “Badlands” and Hot Springs, SD and The North rim (looking south west) of the “Stratobowl”
~
For more information on the "Stratobowl" check out:
[http://www.examiner.com/x-50598-Rapid-City-Life-in-Photos-Examiner~y2010m5d23-The-Stratobowl-near-Rapid-City]
The Pre-Astronauts: Manned Ballooning on the Threshold of Space - - Craig Ryan
Race to the Stratosphere: Manned Scientific Ballooning in America - - David H. DeVorkin
Also:
Come Up and Get Me: An Autobiography of Colonel Joseph Kittinger
Touching Space: The Story of Project Manhigh ... Project Manhigh took humans to the threshold of space using balloons. In the 1950s
~~~~~
We’ve now got several addresses on the web for "Da Bleat." For the latest issue, go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com.
Our photos are posted at http://www.bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com.
~~~~~
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.
~~~~~
Be sure and keep Dr. Fred Murphy, his family and his staff (Shelley, Glenda and Kelly) in your prayers.
~~~~~
Be sure and keep Dr. Pat Antoon and his lovely wife Mandy in your prayers.
~~~~~
Recipe(s) of the week - - Annette’s Easy Blonde Brownies

Ingredients
1 cup sifted all-purpose flour
½ teaspoon baking powder
1/8 teaspoon baking soda
½ teaspoon salt
½ cup chopped walnuts
1/3 cup butter
1 cup packed brown sugar
1 egg
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
2/3 cup semisweet chocolate chips

Directions
Preheat oven to 350 F (180C)
Mix flour, baking powder, baking soda and salt. Add nuts. Mix well and set aside.
Melt butter, add brown sugar and mix well.
Add egg (beaten) and vanilla. Blend Well.
Add flour mixture, a little at a time, mixing well.
Spread in 9 x 9 x 2 inch pan.
Sprinkle ½ to 1 cup chocolate chips on top.
Bake for 20 to 25 minutes.
~~~~~
BreakPoint
Faith in the Military
Chaplains and Alliance Defense Fund
By: Chuck Colson|Published: July 16, 2010 12:00 AM

I recently told you how the repeal of "Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell" would affect military chaplains. I’m happy to report one organization rushing to the defense.

As you know, I am devoting my remaining years of ministry to equipping Christians to live out, defend, and apply their faith—their Christian worldview—in all areas of life.

And that’s why I am deeply committed to movements—like-minded Christian organizations working together. So I purposely try to highlight the work of other organizations that are making a difference—helping Christians impact and shape culture.

One of those organizations is the Alliance Defense Fund, which is on the front lines and in the court rooms, defending religious freedom. I recently received an email from Alan Sears, ADF’s president, pointing out some superb resources ADF has created on one of the most recent threats to religious liberty: the impending repeal of the military’s “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy.

The repeal of this policy would essentially normalize homosexual behavior in the military. Not only would this jeopardize what we call “unit cohesion,” but it would endanger the religious liberties of ordinary soldiers, sailors, and airmen, and would be a serious threat to the careers of our nation’s military chaplains—who may have to choose between obeying God or obeying man.

Forcing chaplains to make this choice will have two consequences—both terrible. First, knowing they risk discipline and damaging their careers if they don’t embrace the normalization of homosexuality, some chaplains will feel pressured to water down or even abandon key elements of their faith. Second, as a group of former chaplains wrote in a published letter, “chaplains might have their ability to freely share their religious beliefs challenged and torn away” in everyday situations.

For example, chaplains administer a marriage support program called Strong Bonds. It helps couples endure the stresses of military life. Should homosexual conduct be normalized, same-sex couples may sign up for Strong Bonds. But, as the letter states clearly, the beliefs of many chaplains “would not allow them to support relationships that are both harmful and sinful.”

So the chaplains will either deny their religious beliefs or face “the potentially career-ending consequences of a discrimination complaint when they deny the request.”

I’m happy to report that the Alliance Defense Fund is fighting the repeal of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.” And now ADF has online materials and information at SpeakUpMovement.org on this and a number of issues relating to religious freedom.

But come to BreakPoint.org, and we’ll link you directly to their information on “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” including video testimonies from military chaplains themselves. The chaplains include a brigadier general, a colonel who’s earned two Bronze Stars for valor in Vietnam, a colonel who later served as a state legislator, and a chaplain who—before becoming a chaplain—was an enlisted Marine wounded three times fighting in Vietnam.

Also, at BreakPoint.org, we’ll link you to a great article that Alan Sears wrote for us about religious liberty.

So come to BreakPoint.org, educate yourself and others not only about “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” but about all the dangers facing our religious liberties.

And then, please, speak up!
~
Further Reading and Information

Speak Up Movement [http://www.speakupmovement.org/church/LearnMore/Details/4081]
Faith Under Fire: "Don't Ask Don't Tell" and Religious Liberty

Alliance Defense Fund [http://www.alliancedefensefund.org/main/default.aspx]
Defending Our First Liberty

Forcing Chaplains to Submit [http://www.breakpoint.org/bpcommentaries/breakpoint-commentaries-archive/entry/13/14559]
Chuck Colson | BreakPoint | June 2, 2010

Goodbye, Don't Ask Don't Tell? [http://www.breakpoint.org/bpcommentaries/breakpoint-commentaries-archive/entry/13/13951]
Chuck Colson | BreakPoint | February 10, 2010

Perspectives: Securing Liberty [http://www.colsoncenter.org/the-center/columns/call-response/15115-perspectives-securing-liberty]
Alan Sears | The Colson Center | May 04, 2010

Copyright © 2010 Prison Fellowship. All Rights Reserved _ _ http://www.breakpoint.org/
~
Residents of Columbia County, Arkansas are represented in Congress by:

Senator Blanche Lambert Lincoln (D_ AR)
Phone 202_224_4843
FAX 202_228_1371
http://lincoln.senate.gov/
~
Senator Mark Pryor (D_ AR)
Phone 202_224_2353
FAX 202_228_0908
http://pryor.senate.gov/
~
Representative Michael A. Ross (D _ 04)
Phone 202_225_3772
FAX 202_225_1314
http://ross.house.gov/
Other states congresspersons can be found at: [http://www.visi.com/juan/congress/]
~~~~~
Words of the Day:
# hegira: a journey to a more desirable or congenial place.
# amok: in or into a jumbled or confused state.
# couvade: when the husband of a pregnant woman acts as though he were bearing the child.
# heliolatry: worship of the sun.
# proliferate: to increase or spread at a rapid rate.
# rococo: ornate or florid in speech, writing, or style.
# haptic: relating to the sense of touch; tactile.
# cakewalk: something easily accomplished.
# enthrall: to captivate or charm.
# zephyr: a gentle, mild breeze.
# yen: a desire or craving.
# yaw: to move unsteadily; weave.
# macabre: gruesome and horrifying.
# hunky dory: about as well as one could wish or expect.
# evanescence: a gradual disappearance.
# vespertine: of, pertaining to, or occurring in the evening.
# rataplan: to produce the sound as of the beating of a drum.
# squelch: to put down, or suppress, as with a crushing retort or argument.
# bijou: something small, delicate, and exquisitely wrought.
# gizmo: a mechanical device or part whose name is forgotten or unknown.
# sibylline: prophetic; oracular.
# tantivy: swift; rapid.
# snuff: to extinguish or suppress.
# aeromancy: the prediction of future events from observation of weather conditions.
# subtilize: to make (the mind, senses, etc.) keen or discerning.
# vestigial: relating to a body part that has become small and lost its use.
# spoor: a track or trail, esp. that of a wild animal pursued as game.
# brannigan: a carouse.
# undercast: something viewed from above through another medium, as of clouds viewed from an airplane.
from http://dictionary.reference.com/wordoftheday/
~~~~~
"The greatest gift we can give one another is rapt attention to one another's existence." - Sue Atchley Ebaugh

"A bore is a man who deprives you of solitude without providing you with company." - Gian Vincenzo Gravina

"The person who makes a success of living is the one who sees his goal steadily and aims for it unswervingly." - Cecil B. DeMille

"Those who desire to give up freedom in order to gain security will not have, nor do they deserve, either one." - Benjamin Franklin

"People don't resent having nothing nearly as much as having too little. "- Ivy Compton-Burnett

"To feel that one has a place in life solves half the problem of contentment." - George Edward Woodberry

"All your strength is in union - all your danger is in discords." - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

"if your vision is for a year, plant wheat. If your vision is for ten years, plant trees. If your vision is for a lifetime, plant people."- Chinese Proverb

"Many people have too much will power. It's won't power they lack." - John Shedd

"Often the best way to win is to forget to keep score." - Marianne Espinosa Murphy

"A prudent question is one-half of wisdom." - Francis Bacon

"Debt is the worst poverty." - Thomas Fuller

"No man is really wise until he is kind and courteous." - Charles Haas

"The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook." - William James

"The most manifest sign of wisdom is a continual cheerfulness." - Michel de Montaigne

"He does most in God's great world who does his best in his own little world." - Thomas Jefferson

"Happiness, it seems to me, consists of two things: first, in being where you belong, and second - and best - in comfortably going through everyday life, that is, having had a good night's sleep and not being hurt by new shoes." - Theodor Fontane

"I've never known any trouble that an hour's reading didn't assuage."- Charles de Secondat

"I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father's protection."- Sigmund Freud

"We know what happens to people who stay in the middle of the road. They get run over."- Aneurin Bevan

"The time to relax is when you don't have time for it." - Sydney J. Harris

"The summer night is like a perfection of thought." - Wallace Stevens

"One must believe in the reality of time. Otherwise one is just dreaming." - Simone Weil

"I cannot seem to feel alive unless I am alert and I cannot feel alert unless I push past the point where I have control." - Charles Bowden

"My experience is what I agree to attend to." - William James

"Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt." - Herbert Hoover

"We Americans are the best informed people on earth as to the events of the last twenty-four hours; we are the not the best informed as the events of the last sixty centuries."- Will Durant

"Spontaneity is total sincerity - and as a rule the civilized adult is goaded into it only by despair, suffering or imminent death."- Alan Watts

"A pessimist is a man who looks both ways when he's crossing a one-way street." - Laurence J. Peter
~~~~~
BREAKING CHRISTIAN NEWS
http://breakingchristiannews.com/

"Lost" Undecipherable Letter from David Livingstone Revealed for First Time
Teresa Neumann (July 7, 2010)

Letter reveals the great missionary's humanity and anti-slavery zeal while stranded as a "virtual prisoner" in the heart of the Congo.

Lost Letter(United Kingdom)—The BBC reports that the contents of an "indecipherable" letter written in 1871 from Bambarre in the Congo by the great Scots explorer and missionary David Livingstone have been revealed for the first time by researchers at the University of London. Until now, the Letter from Bambarre had been impossible to decipher because the iron gall ink used in the writing had faded so badly, but thanks to the use of spectral imaging, the text is now readable.

Livingstone hated the slave trade, as noted in his letter, but he also reveals details of his poor health. He suffered greatly from a variety of diseases while he was "stranded as a virtual prisoner" in the Congo, including dysentery, pneumonia and "horrific" tropical ulcers on his feet and legs. He had been searching for the source of the Nile River.

According to the report, the unveiling of the letter's content marks the start of a major project looking at Livingstone's final diary from 1870-71 which has never been published in its original, unabridged form. The report also notes that Livingstone's letter "includes some of his thoughts on the 'awful traffic'" of the slave trade, which he said could be 'congenial only to the Devil and his angels.'

"If our statesmen stop the frightful waste of human life in this region and mitigate the vast amount of human woe that accompanies it they will do good on the large scale and cause joy in Heaven," he wrote.

The prospects for commerce and Christianity in the African interior, and details of the lakes and rivers of Central Africa are also reportedly included in the letter.

To read the fascinating back-story on this long-lost letter, click [http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/scotland/10459263.stm]

310 2nd Ave SE
Albany, Oregon 97321
541_928_2642
E-mail editor@breakingchristiannews.com
US Orders: 1_866_358_7426
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
GCF: ID Required

Emailed to me from another humor list (Clean Laffs) -Tom Subscribe to Clean Laffs at the website: http://www.gophercentral.com/

If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
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I requested identification from a department-store customer who had just written a personal check for her purchase. After fumbling through her purse, she presented me with what she said was the only thing that had both her name and address.

It was a notice of insufficient funds from her bank.
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me from another humor list (Daily Humor) -Tom To subscribe to Daily Humor, send a blank email to: Daily-Humor-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
------------------------------------------

GCF: Running in the Rain

My mother went for her daily run one rainy morning. As she returned to the house, she slipped and fell, hitting her head on the driveway. I called the paramedics.

When they arrived, they asked my mom some questions to determine her coherency. "What's today?" inquired one EMT.

Without hesitation, Mom replied, "Trash day."
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me from another humor list (Laugh & Lift) -Tom Subscribe to Laugh & Lift at the website: http://www.laughandlift.com
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GCF: Being 63

After being retired for a couple of years and completing all the jobs my wife had lined up for me, I began to feel somewhat useless and decided to enroll in a couple of courses at the local adult-education school. I noted, upon registration, that there was no tuition fee for a person over 60.

As I handed my tediously-filled-out papers to the clerk, I announced, "I'm 63." Then, pulling out my wallet, I asked if she wanted to see my driver's license.

She replied, "No, that's okay."

A little surprised, I asked, "Oh, do I look honest?"

"No," she answered. "You look 63."
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me another humor list (Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh List) -Tom Subscribe to Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh list at the website: Subscribe
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GCF: CD Generation

After I bought my mother a compact-disc player and some CD's, she was excited to discover she no longer needed to rewind or fast-forward tapes or move the needle on her record player.

Knowing she was not that technically astute, I called her a few days later to see how she was managing.

"Fine. I listened to Shania Twain this morning," she said.

"The whole CD?" I asked.

"No," she replied, "just one side."
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me from another humor list (Clean Laffs) -Tom Subscribe to Clean Laffs at the website:
http://www.gophercentral.com/
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GCF: Multiple Choice

There was a typo on a test I was taking.

Instead of "(D) none of the above," it said "(D) one of the above."

So I circled it.
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me another humor list (Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh List) -Tom Subscribe to Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh list at the website: Subscribe
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GCF: Fads

The clerk in a shoe store was trying hard to persuade his customer that a pair of uncomfortable shoes fit her.

"I'm telling you, these shoes are too pointed and too narrow," argued the customer.

"But, madam," replied the salesman, "everyone is wearing narrow, pointed shoes this season."

"That may be," countered the customer, "but I'm still wearing my last season's feet."
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Andrew) -Tom
------------------------------------------

GCF: Wisdom That Comes With Age

A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then the new school year began.

The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful after- school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trash can they encountered. The crashing percussion continued day after day, until finally the wise old man decided it was time to take some action.

The following afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists as they banged their way down the street. Stopping them, he said, "You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your exuberance like that. Used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favor? I'll give you each a dollar if you'll promise to come around every day and do your thing."

The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trash cans.

After a few days, the old-timer greeted the kids again, but this time he had a sad smile on his face. "This recession is really putting a big dent in my income," he told them. "From now on, I'll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans."

The noisemakers were obviously displeased, but they did accept his offer and continued their afternoon ruckus.

A few days later, the wily retiree approached them again as they drummed their way down the street. "Look," he said, "I haven't received my Social Security check yet, so I'm not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. Will that be okay?"

"A lousy quarter?" the drum leader exclaimed. "If you think we're going to waste our time, beating these cans around for a quarter, you're nuts! No way, mister. We quit!"

And the wise old man enjoyed peace and serenity for the rest of his days.
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me from another humor list (Laugh & Lift) -Tom Subscribe to Laugh & Lift at the website: http://www.laughandlift.com
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GCF: Baby Picture

My 12-year-old daughter asked me, "Mom, do you have a baby picture of yourself? I need it for a school project." I gave her one without thinking to ask what the project was. A few days later I was in her classroom for a parent-teacher meeting when I noticed my face pinned to a mural the students had created. The title of their project was "The oldest thing in my house."
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me from another humor list (Clean Laffs) -Tom Subscribe to Clean Laffs at the website: http://www.gophercentral.com/
------------------------------------------

GCF: Peppy Phone Call

I was sound asleep when the telephone jarred me awake.

"Hi!" It was my peppy mother-in-law. She proceeded to rattle on about the busy day she had ahead and all the things that awaited her the rest of the week.

"Mom," I interrupted. "It's five in the morning."

"Really? What are you doing up so early?"
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Debra) -Tom
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The device should be calibrated before operation using the optional digital corkscrew accessory pack prior to operation. Insert the digital corkscrew through the electronic combustion service chamber using caution not to touch the reinforced tungsten igniter control module, and quickly turn the inverter drive to 28.6 degrees.

Turn the Craft-O-Matic Adjustable Subscription Cancellation Unit upside down and hit the bottom plate with a 48-ounce ball-peen hammer while shaking the unit vigorously.

Force open the door to the incineration valve compartment and set the pressure gauge to 719 psi. Close the door and seal it shut with duct tape. The unit should now be properly calibrated and ready to use.

Before activating the Craft-O-Matic Adjustable Subscription Cancellation Unit, you must first elevate it to a height of 229 feet above sea level to insure that the unit receives the proper oxygen level and barometric pressure. Point the aerial to 17 degrees north by Northeast to within the parameters of the Telstar GS-2 weather satellite and apply pressure to the wing shaft on the southern most section of the modular accelerator.

Using the special ratchet adapter supplied with the unit, rotate the heater core to the "on" position. The "on" position has been obtained when the green light begins to flash, signifying that the red light is about to go off.

Once the red light is off, flip the toggle switch labelled "ON/OFF" to the "ON" position and count to 47 before logging on to the system.

Logon using your username and password and wait for the prompt. Once prompted you must check the box with the appropriate action you wish to take and then press the pressure release button and turn off the compressor while turning the hand crank at 231 meters per minute.

Next, press control, alt, delete, caps lock, shift, number lock, escape and tab simultaneously.

Press enter.

You will have one second to complete the procedure. If you fail to respond in the time limit allowed, simply purchase a new Craft-O-Matic Adjustable Subscription Cancellation Unit and start from the beginning.

Please remember that this is the only way we will accept for you to unsubscribe from this service. We have made every attempt to simplify the procedure for your convenience.

Failure to comply with the unsubscribe policy will result in immediate termination of your subscription so please follow the above directions closely.
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me another humor list (Good Clean Funnies List) -Tom To subscribe The Good Clean Funnies List, (not to be confused with this list, which is Good Clean Fun) send an email to: gcfl-request@gcfl.net with subject = add
------------------------------------------

GCF: Mailing a Bible

There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country.

"Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk at the counter.

"Only the Ten Commandments," answered the lady.
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me from another humor list (Daily Humor) -Tom To subscribe to Daily Humor, send a blank email to: Daily-Humor-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
------------------------------------------

GCF: Snoring

A study published in the journal "Neurology" says that people who snore are more prone to getting headaches. No reason is given.

My theory: It's because their spouses hit them on the head all night long trying to get them to stop snoring.
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me from another humor list (A Joke A Day) -Tom Subscription info is at the website http://www.ajokeaday.com/
------------------------------------------

GCF: Guardian Angel

A woman is walking on the road and a voice shouts out, "Don't take a step further." She obeys and suddenly a ton of bricks fall on the place where she would have otherwise been.

She thinks she imagined it and keeps walking until suddenly the voice calls out again. "Don't take a step further." She stops and a car skids past.

Then suddenly she hears the voice saying "I am your guardian angel, and I will warn you before something bad happens to you. Now do you have any questions to ask me?"

"Yes!" shouts the woman. "Just where were you on my wedding day!"
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me from another humor list (Clean Laffs) -Tom Subscribe to Clean Laffs at the website: http://www.gophercentral.com/
------------------------------------------

GCF: A Dozen Roses

The young man ahead of my father at the flower shop was taking an unusually long time to place his order.

When the clerk asked how she could help, he explained that his girlfriend was turning 19 and he couldn't decide whether to give her a dozen roses or 19 roses -- one for each year of her life.

The woman put aside her business judgment and advised, "She may be your 19-year-old girlfriend now, but someday she could be your 50-year-old wife."

The young man bought a dozen roses.
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me from another humor list (Daily Humor) -Tom To subscribe to Daily Humor, send a blank email to: Daily-Humor-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
------------------------------------------

GCF: Las Vegas

A young couple honeymooning in Las Vegas had been doing very badly in the casinos. The groom told the bride, "I have a hunch that I can turn our luck around if I go down to the casino alone."

Once in the casino, he put a dollar into each of two slot machines. He hit the jackpot on both of them and walked away with $10,000. He then played blackjack for a couple of hours until he had $50,000 in chips. Next, he played poker and upped his winnings to $100,000.

He was about to cash in his chips when he got a hunch that his luck hadn't run out. So he took all his money and placed it on Black at the roulette table, hoping to double his money. The ball landed on Double Zero.

He returned to his room. His bride asked, "How did you do?"

The groom shrugged and said, "I lost two dollars."
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me from another humor list (Daily Humor) -Tom To subscribe to Daily Humor, send a blank email to: Daily-Humor-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
------------------------------------------

GCF: Dental Forms

At the dentist's office for oral surgery, I was handed a couple of forms to fill out. As I signed the first one, I joked with the receptionist, "Does this say that even if you pull my head completely off, I can't sue you?"

"No, that's the next sheet. This one says you still have to pay us."
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me another humor list (Clean Joke of the Day) -Tom Subscribe to Clean Joke of the Day by visiting the website: http://www.cleanjokeoftheday.com
------------------------------------------

GCF: Think of a Number

Think of a number.

(scroll down)

.
.
.
Multiply it by 3.

.
.
.
Now add 5.

.
.
.
Take away the number you first thought of.

.
.
.
Now add 7.

.
.
.
Subtract 2.

.
.
.
Add back the number you first thought of.

.
.
.
Now, close your eyes.

.
.
.
Dark, isn't it?
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me another humor list (Clean Joke of the Day) -Tom Subscribe to Clean Joke of the Day by visiting the website: http://www.cleanjokeoftheday.com
------------------------------------------

GCF: Thinking About You

Janice was going away for a few days and left her husband a list of chores. For fun, she put down Item 5 as: Think about your wife a lot.

After she returned, her husband proudly reported that he had completed every job. When Janice saw the list, however, each item except No. 5 had been crossed off.

"What's this!" she exclaimed. "Didn't you think about me while I was gone?"

Her chagrin vanished when he replied cheerfully, "I started to, but just never finished."
_ ____________________________ _
Found at The Shark Tank (Computerworld) -Tom http://blogs.computerworld.com/16324/why_yes_now_that_you_mention_it?source=CTWNLE_nlt_shark_2010-06-17
------------------------------------------

GCF: Now That You Mention It

It's a hot day in the un-air-conditioned building where this IT technician works, and the temperature is getting to everyone.

"Everyone on the upper floors, that is," says the tech. "It was quite cool and pleasant in my basement office/workshop."

Then the telephone rang -- one of the bright young men in the marketing department. "Sorry to be a nuisance," he said, "but my screen's just gone dead and I'm on a bit of a deadline."

Tech trudges up to the open-plan office this customer shares with half a dozen others. It isn't exactly cool up there, but there is some air movement from a floor-standing fan.

It only takes the tech a few seconds to diagnose the problem. But he figures he should lead the customer to it gently.

"Nice fan," tech says. "Is it new?"

"Scrounged," customer says. "Got it for the afternoon from H.R."

"Where is it plugged in?" tech asks.

"The six-outlet power strip under my desk."

"And did you have to unplug anything to make room for it?"

Short pause.

Sighs customer, "I've unplugged my monitor, haven't I?"
_ ____________________________ _
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / 7/5 of all people \ /
\ _/ do not understand fractions. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / On a scale of 1 to 10, \ /
\ _/ 4 is about 7. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / If there were no golf balls, \ /
\ _/ how would we measure hail? \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Clones are people two. \ /
\ _/ \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ /The office computer had a virus. \ /
\ _/ So I hired my mother to type in \_ /
/ / her recipe for chicken soup. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / If the walls have ears, \ \_/ ////
\ / why aren't they clearly marked? \ /
\ _/ The last thing I want to do is \_ /
/ / puncture an eardrum when I'm \ \
hanging up a picture.
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / "Suppose you were an idiot. \ \_/ ////
\ / And suppose you were a member \ /
\ _/ of Congress. But I repeat myself."\_ /
/ / -- Mark Twain \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / If you ate pasta and antipasto, \ /
\ _/ would you still be hungry? \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / As I said before, \ /
\ _/ I never repeat myself. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / No sense being pessimistic. \ /
\ _/ It wouldn't work anyway. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / It's frustrating when you \ /
\ _/ know all the answers, but nobody \_ /
/ / bothers to ask you the questions. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Ever since I crossed the \ /
\ _/ shamrock with the poison ivy \_ /
/ / I've had a rash of good luck. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / Why does Sea World have a \ \_/ ////
\ / seafood restaurant? I'm halfway \ /
\ _/through my fishburger and I realize\_ /
/ / that I could be eating a slow learner.\ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / I don't exaggerate. \ /
\ _/ I just remember big. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / I'd give my right arm \ /
\ _/ to be ambidextrous. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / I know people who are \ /
\ _/ fastidious. I also know people \_ /
/ / who are slowtidious. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / How is it that we put man \ \_/ ////
\ / on the moon before we figured \ /
\ _/ out it would be a good idea \_ /
/ / to put wheels on luggage? \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / Intaxication (n.) \ \_/ ////
\ /Euphoria at getting a tax refund,\ /
\ _/ which lasts until you realize \_ /
/ / it was your money to start with. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / There are no stupid questions. \ /
\ _/ Are there? \_ /
/ / \ \
_ ____________________________ _
/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( \
/ / | tellswor@kcbx.net | \ \
_( (_ | http://www.kcbx.net/~tellswor | _) )_
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_| ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
The light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup. As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer.

The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a holding cell.

After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, ''I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk, so naturally....I assumed you had stolen the car.''

Thanks to Gary Foreman
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
We think that we should all do this and then there would be world peace!!!
~
A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary on the beaches in Montego Bay, Jamaica.
Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town.
People would say, 'What a peaceful & loving couple'
The local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.
The Husband replied: 'Well, it dates back to our honeymoon in America,' explained the man. ‘We visited the Grand Canyon, in Arizona, and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon, by horse.
We hadn't gone too far when my wife's horse stumbled and she almost fell off.
My wife looked down at the horse and quietly said, ‘That’s once.'
We proceeded a little further and her horse stumbled again. Again my wife quietly said, ‘That’s twice.'
We hadn't gone a half-mile when the horse stumbled for the third time and my wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead.
I SHOUTED at her, ‘What’s wrong with you, Woman! Why did you shoot the poor animal like that, are you *%&#@$ crazy!?'
She looked at ME, and quietly said, ‘That’s once.'
And from that moment, we have lived happily ever after.
Thanks to David Childs
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
An old joke that Annette likes tells the story of an old mountain man who went down to the flatlands to find himself a wife. After looking around for a day or so, he proposed to the waitress at the local cafe. He told her "I'll provide well for you, keeping you safe and healthy and in return I only ask three things." "What things?" She asked. "Each evening when I come in from working the farm I want my slippers out, my paper in the chair and supper on the table."
She thought for a few moments and then said "I can do that, let's get married." The lived in peace for years then, one day, the farmer approached the house and noticed there was no smell of supper cooking. He came in the house and didn't see his wife. Concerned the rushed through the house to the bedroom where he found her propped up in bed, eating chocolates, and reading a Cosmo magazine.
"Woman, are you ill?" he asked.
"No, I'm liberated." she replied.
"Where are my slippers?
"I threw those ratty things out."
"Where is my supper?"
"I already ate, cook your own."
"Where is my paper?"
"Outside, unless the dog has already chewed it up."
Frustrated, he asked "How'd you like not seeing me for a few days!?"
"Suits me just fine." She replied.
Well, the first day she didn't see him. The second day she didn't see him. But on the third day, she could see him a little out of her left eye.
~
Don’t blame me, it’s Annette’s joke.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
LIPSTICK IN SCHOOL (PRICELESS)

According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington was
recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and Would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick, they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.
Every night the maintenance man would remove them, and the next day the girls would put them back.
Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night (you can just imagine the yawns from the little princesses).
To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.

Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

There are teachers.

And then there are.

Educators!!!
~
No trees were harmed in the sending of this message; however, a large number of electrons were terribly inconvenienced.

Thanks to Waneta
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Modern Classic Lies

In addition to the old lines about "The check is in the mail" and "Certainly, I'll respect you in the morning," modern events have made for modern lies to take their place among the classics.

Following are some of the "new" classics:
- I never inhaled.
- I never watch television except PBS.
- I will be devoting my life to finding the real killer of my wife Nicole and Ron Goldman.
- The engine is supposed to make that noise.
- Just take a left after the lights -- you can't miss it.
- I am married, but we're getting a divorce.
- Don't worry, I can get another 40 miles when the gauge is on "empty."
- Just ignore him -- he's never bitten anyone.
- I've never done anything like this before.
- It's not the money, it's the principle of the thing.
- You get this one and I'll pay next time.

Thanks to Waneta
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Do you enjoy GCFL? If so, please consider a small donation
to help keep things running. Please visit
http://www.gcfl.net/donate.php for details.

Baby Boomers, the '60s vs. the '90s

Then: Long Hair.
Now: Longing for hair.

Then: The perfect high.
Now: The perfect high-yield mutual fund.

Then: Keg.
Now: EKG.

Then: Acid Rock.
Now: Acid Reflux.

Then: Moving to California because it's cool.
Now: Moving to California because it's warm.

Then: You're growing pot.
Now: Your growing pot.

Then: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your parents.
Now: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your children.

Then: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor.
Now: Trying not to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor.

Then: Seeds and stems.
Now: Roughage.

Then: Popping pills, smoking joints.
Now: Popping joints.

Then: Paar.
Now: AARP.

Then: Killer weed.
Now: Weed killer.

Then: Hoping for a BMW.
Now: Hoping for a BM.

Then: The Grateful Dead.
Now: Dr. Kevorkian.

Then: Getting out to a new, hip joint.
Now: Getting a new hip joint.

Then: Rolling Stones.
Now: Kidney stones.

Then: Being called into the principal's office.
Now: Calling the principal's office.

Then: Screw the system!
Now: Upgrade the system.

Then: Peace sign.
Now: Mercedes logo.

Then: Parents begging you to get your hair cut.
Now: Children begging you to get their heads shaved.

Then: Take acid.
Now: Take antacid.

Then: Passing the driver's test.
Now: Passing the vision test.

Then: "Whatever."
Now: "Depends."

Received from Jan Hughey.

(_:][:_)

Grandpa's Secret

Grandpa was celebrating his 100th birthday and everybody complimented him on how athletic and well-preserved he appeared. "Gentlemen, I will tell you the secret of my success," he cackled. "I have been in the open air day after day for some 75 years now."

The celebrants were impressed and asked how he managed to keep up his rigorous fitness regime. "Well, you see my wife and I were married 75 years ago. On our wedding night, we made a solemn pledge. Whenever we had a fight, the one who was proved wrong would go outside and take a walk."

Received from Thomas Ellsworth.

(_:][:_)

Blonde Road Rage

A blonde had just gotten a new sports car and was out for a drive when she cut off a truck driver. He motioned for her to pull over to the side of the road. When she did, he got out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket. He drew a circle on the road and told the blonde, "Stand in the circle and DON'T MOVE!"

He then went to her car and cut up her leather seats. When he turned around, she had a slight grin on her face, so he said, "Oh, you think that's funny? Watch this." He got a baseball bat out of his truck and broke every window in her car. When he turned and looked at her, she had a smile on her face. So he was really starting to get mad. He went and got his knife back out and sliced up all her tires.

The blonde started laughing and the truck driver was really starting to lose it.

He went back to his truck and got a can of gas, poured it on her car, and set it on fire. He turned around and she was laughing so hard, she was about to fall down.

"What's so funny?" the truck driver asked the blonde.

She replied, "When you weren't looking, I stepped outside the circle four times!"

Received from BROOKSBY1.

(_:][:_)

Four Men in a Car

Four men rode in a car: a mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer, and a computer engineer.

The car stalled out.

The mechanical engineer said, "It must be the pistons; let's repair them and be on our way."

The electrical engineer said, "It has to be the spark plugs; we'll replace them and be ready to roll in no time at all."

The chemical engineer said. "No, it's got to be bad gas; we'll flush the system and be on our way."

They turned to the computer engineer. "What do you think we should do?" they asked.

The computer engineer shrugged and said, "Let's get out of the car, close the doors, then get back in and try restarting it."

Received from ArcaMax Jokes.

(_:][:_)

Frankfurt Airport

(One of those things that supposedly actually happened...)

The German controllers at Frankfurt Airport were a short-tempered lot. They not only expected you to know your parking location but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (PanAm 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground and a British Airways 747 (radio call Speedbird 206) after landing.

Speedbird 206: "Good morning Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the active."

Ground: "Good Morning, taxi to your gate." The British Airways 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and stopped.

Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"

Speedbird 206: "Stand by, ground, I'm looking up the gate location now."

Ground (impatiently): "Speedbird 206, have you never flown to Frankfurt before?"

Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, in 1944. But I didn't stop."

Received from Thomas Ellsworth.

(_:][:_)

Arthritis

A man who reeked of alcohol flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of rum was sticking out of his ripped jacket pocket. He opened his newspaper and started reading. After a few minutes, the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, do you know what causes arthritis?"

The priest, disgusted by the man's appearance and behavior, snapped, "It's caused by loose living; being with cheap, wicked women; drinking too much alcohol; and having a contempt for your fellow man!"

"Well, I'll be," the man muttered and returned to his newspaper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm sorry to have come on so strong - I didn't mean it. How long have you been suffering from arthritis?"

"I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."

Received from FranCMT2.

(_:][:_)

100 Camels

As U.S. tourists in Israel, Morris and his wife Ruth were sitting outside a Bethlehem souvenir shop, waiting for fellow tourists.

An Arab salesman approached them carrying belts. After an impassioned sales talk yielded no results, he asked where they were from.

"America," Morris replied.

Looking at Ruth's dark hair and olive skin, the Arab responded, "She's not from the States."

"Yes I am," said the wife.

He looked at her and asked, "Is he your husband?"

"Yes," she replied.

Turning to the husband, the Arab said, "I'll give you 100 camels for her."

Morris looked stunned, and there was a long silence. Finally he replied, "She's not for sale."

After the salesman left, the somewhat indignant wife asked, "Morris, what took you so long to answer?

Morris replied, "I was trying to figure out how to get 100 camels back home."

Received from ArcaMax Jokes.

(_:][:_)

And Also with You

In our Anglican church, each service begins with a greeting. The officiating clergyman says, "The Lord be with you." The congregation used to respond by saying, "And with thy spirit."

But, with the modernizing of the liturgy, the minister now says, "The Lord be with you," and everyone responds with, "And also with you."

One Sunday a visiting bishop went to a church where the sound system was known to be old and unreliable. As he approached the microphone, he tapped it several times and finally said, "There's something wrong with this!"

Without hesitation, the whole congregation answered faithfully, "And also with you."

Received from Doc's Daily Chuckle.

(_:][:_)

Boat Name

My friend wanted a boat more than anything. His wife kept refusing, but he bought one anyway.

"I'll tell you what," he told her. "In the spirit of compromise, why don't you name the boat?" Being a good sport, she accepted.

When her husband went to the dock for the maiden voyage, this is the name he saw painted on the side: "For Sale."

Received from Thomas Ellsworth.

(_:][:_)

Blonde in Heaven

A dumb blonde died and went to heaven. When she got to the Pearly Gates, she met Saint Peter who said, "Before you get to come into heaven, you have to pass a test."

"OH, NO!" exclaimed the blonde.

But Saint Peter said not to worry, because he would make it an easy test. "Who was God's son?" asked Saint Peter.

The dumb blonde thought for a few minutes and replied, "Andy."

"Andy? That's interesting. What made you say that?" inquired Saint Peter.

Then the blonde started to sing, "Andy walks with me. Andy talks with me. Andy tells me..."

Received from ArcaMax Jokes.

(_:][:_)

Biting Nails

Two golden-agers were discussing their husbands over tea.

"I do wish that my Elmer would stop biting his nails. He makes me terribly nervous."

"My Billy used to do the same thing," the older woman replied. "But I broke him of the habit."

"How?"

"I hid his teeth."

Received from ArcaMax Jokes.

(_:][:_)

Chow

"Chow looks wonderful," I told the mess sergeant, a large, intimidating man. "I'd love seconds."

"You'll get the same as everyone else," he growled as he chucked food on my tray. "Now move it!"

After finishing the edible portion of my meal, I dumped the rest in the garbage, accidentally tossing out my silverware. While leaning into the trash can to look for my knife and fork, I felt a tap on my shoulder.

It was the mess sergeant. "It's all right, son," he said. "You can grab seconds."

Received from Doc's Daily Chuckle.

(_:][:_)

A History Lesson

The junior high school teacher was giving her students a test on American history. One question was, "Who said, 'I regret that I have but one life to give to my country'?"

A youngster answered, "Nathan Haley said it. The saying is now known as Haley's Comment."

Received from Stan Kegel.

(_:][:_)

Auto Repairs

An auto mechanic received a repair order that said to check for a clunking noise when going around corners.

He took the car out for a test drive and made two right turns, each time hearing a loud clunk.

Back at the shop, he returned the car to the service manager with this note: "Removed bowling ball from trunk."

Received from Thomas Ellsworth.

(_:][:_)

Bananas

A professor at CCNY for a physiological psych class told his class about bananas. He said the expression "going bananas" is from the effects of bananas on the brain. Read on:

Bananas contain three natural sugars: sucrose, fructose, and glucose combined with fiber. A banana gives an instant, sustained, and substantial boost of energy. Research has proven that just two bananas provide enough energy for a strenuous 90-minute workout. No wonder the banana is the number one fruit with the world's leading athletes.

But energy isn't the only way a banana can help us keep fit. It can also help overcome or prevent a substantial number of illnesses and conditions, making it a must to add to our daily diet.

Depression: According to a recent survey undertaken by MIND amongst people suffering from depression, many felt much better after eating a banana. This is because bananas contain tryptophan, a type of protein that the body converts into serotonin, known to make you relax, improve your mood, and generally make you feel happier.

PMS: Forget the pills - eat a banana. The vitamin B6 it contains regulates blood glucose levels, which can affect your mood.

Anemia: High in iron, bananas can stimulate the production of hemoglobin in the blood and so helps in cases of anemia.

Blood pressure: This unique tropical fruit is extremely high in potassium yet low in salt, making it perfect to beat blood pressure. So much so, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration has just allowed the banana industry to make official claims for the fruit's ability to reduce the risk of blood pressure and stroke.

Brain power: 200 students at a Twickenham (Middlesex) School (England) were helped through their exams this year by eating bananas at breakfast, break, and lunch in a bid to boost their brain power. Research has shown that the potassium-packed fruit can assist learning by making pupils more alert.

Constipation: High in fiber, including bananas in the diet can help restore normal bowel action, helping to overcome the problem without resorting to laxatives.

Hangovers: One of the quickest ways of curing a hangover is to make a banana milkshake, sweetened with honey. The banana calms the stomach and, with the help of the honey, builds up depleted blood sugar levels, while the milk soothes and re-hydrates your system.

Heartburn: Bananas have a natural antacid effect in the body, so if you suffer from heartburn, try eating a banana for soothing relief.

Morning sickness: Snacking on bananas between meals helps to keep blood sugar levels up and avoid morning sickness.

Mosquito bites: Before reaching for the insect bite cream, try rubbing the affected area with the inside of a banana skin. Many people find it amazingly successful at reducing swelling and irritation.

Nerves: Bananas are high in B vitamins, which help calm the nervous system.

Overweight and at work? Studies at the Institute of Psychology in Austria found pressure at work leads to gorging on comfort food like chocolate and chips. Looking at 5,000 hospital patients, researchers found the most obese were more likely to be in high-pressure jobs. The report concluded that, to avoid panic-induced food cravings, we need to control our blood sugar levels by snacking on high carbohydrate foods every two hours to keep levels steady.

Ulcers: The banana is used as the dietary food against intestinal disorders because of its soft texture and smoothness. It is the only raw fruit that can be eaten without distress in over-chronicler cases. It also neutralizes over-acidity and reduces irritation by coating the lining of the stomach.

Temperature control: Many other cultures see bananas as a "cooling" fruit that can lower both the physical and emotional temperature of expectant mothers. In Thailand, for example, pregnant women eat bananas to ensure their baby is born with a cool temperature.

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD): Bananas can help SAD sufferers because they contain the natural mood enhancer tryptophan.

Smoking and tobacco use: Bananas can also help people trying to give up smoking. The B6 and B12 they contain, as well as the potassium and magnesium found in them, help the body recover from the effects of nicotine withdrawal.

Stress: Potassium is a vital mineral, which helps normalize the heartbeat, sends oxygen to the brain, and regulates your body's water balance. When we are stressed, our metabolic rate rises, thereby reducing our potassium levels. These can be re-balanced with the help of a high-potassium banana snack.

Strokes: According to research in The New England Journal of Medicine, eating bananas as part of a regular diet can cut the risk of death by strokes by as much as 40%!

Warts: Those keen on natural alternatives swear that if you want to kill off a wart, take a piece of banana skin and place it on the wart, with the yellow side out. Carefully hold the skin in place with a plaster or surgical tape!

So, a banana really is a natural remedy for many ills. When you compare it to an apple, it has four times the protein, twice the carbohydrate, three times the phosphorus, five times the vitamin A and iron, and twice the other vitamins and minerals. It is also rich in potassium and is one of the best value foods around. So maybe it’s time to change that well-known phrase so that we say, "A banana a day keeps the doctor away!"

PS: Bananas must be the reason monkeys are so happy all the time!

I will add one here; want a quick shine on our shoes?? Take the INSIDE of the banana skin, and rub directly on the shoe...polish with dry cloth. Amazing fruit !!!

Received from Larry.

(_:][:_)

A Short History of Medicine

"Doctor, I have an earache."

2000 B.C. -- "Here, eat this root."

1000 A.D. -- "That root is heathen; say this prayer."

1850 A.D. -- "That prayer is superstition; drink this potion."

1940 A.D. -- "That potion is snake oil; swallow this pill."

1985 A.D. -- "That pill is ineffective; take this antibiotic."

2000 A.D. -- "That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!"

Received from Nanci Bryant.

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Baby Weight

Our Lamaze class included a tour of the pediatric wing of the hospital. When a new baby was brought into the nursery, all the women tried to guess its weight, but the guy standing next to me was the only male to venture a number.

"Looks like 9 pounds," he offered confidently.

"This must not be your first," I said.

"Oh, yes," he said. "It's my first."

"Then how would you know the weight of a baby?" I asked.

He shrugged. "I'm a fisherman."

Received from Thomas Ellsworth.

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Word Processor

Q: Have you heard about the lawyer's word processor?

A: No matter what font you select, everything comes out in fine print.

Received from ArcaMax Jokes.

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Classic Groaner: Buffalo

Back in the 1960s, one animal rights group was outraged that open season had been declared on the great American buffalo to help thin the herd in and near some of our national parks.

They began herding the buffalo (by helicopter) into holding pens. The buffalo would then be loaded onto railroad cars and shipped to places where there were no buffalo.

One very smart buffalo named Gus decided that the holding pen was not the place for him, so he staged a mutiny. Gus and ten of his fellow buffalo decided to make a break for it. They burst the gate of the holding pen and were free at last.

Early the next morning, they heard the sound of helicopters, so they hid. Deciding it was too dangerous to stay in the park area, they headed south, toward Dallas, Texas. Grazing was not so good, so they came on farther south toward Houston. While at the Johnson Space Center, they learned about Cape Canaveral. The pictures were great: plenty of water, plenty of grass, and no helicopters. Gus and his friends headed for Florida.

They found the Cape and grazed to their hearts' content each day. As they grazed, a rocket was being readied for launch on a nearby pad. The order came for the area to be evacuated of all living animals. Gus and his friends continued to graze. To get them out of the area (for their own safety), NASA sent in helicopters to round up the buffalo. Gus and his friends recognized the sound and began running. They took cover under the rocket. They saw a man walking near the pad, so they climbed the tower and into the top stage of the rocket, which was about to go into orbit.

Since no one knew where the buffalo were, NASA assumed they were clear of the area and continued the countdown. As the rocket lifted off, Gus and his friends became the "First herd shot around the world."

Received from Stan Kegel.

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Speeding Ticket

My son, a West Virginia state trooper, stopped a woman for going 15 miles over the speed limit. After he handed her a ticket, she asked him, "Don't you give out warnings?"

"Yes, ma'am," he replied. "They're all up and down the road. They say, 'Speed Limit 55.'"

-- Contributed to Reader's Digest, "All In a Day's Work," by Patricia Greenlee

Received from Ed.

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_=+=_
Rate this funny at http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny060113
Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a) Mail address: GCFL, Box 100, Harvest, AL 35749, USA
To print or email this funny to others, go to http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny060113
The latest GCFL funny can always be found on the web at http://www.gcfl.net/latest.php
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Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Column - - http://www.madkane.com/humor_blog/2010/06/16/soccer-vuvuzelas-south-africa/ - - Vive Vuvuzelas? Please, No!

I’m not exactly a sports aficionado. But I’m guessing it’s safe to presume that most games are expected to be noisy.

Apparently, though, South African soccer fans take such noise to a new ear-piercing level, enthusiastically blowing vuvuzelas in the stadiums. What’s a vuvuzela? Well, I know from oboes, but not from vuvuzelas. However, I’ve just learned they’re cacophonous, droning, deafening horns (blown like a brass instrument) that are driving TV World Cup viewers insane.

Vive Vuvuzelas? Please, No! (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Attempting to watch World Cup soccer?
Then you’re likely to go off your rocker:
Vuvuzelas abound
With their loud, droning sound.
They are deafening. Help! Need a blocker!

© Madeleine Begun Kane. All Rights Reserved.
http://www.madkane.com/
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A new Pastor in a small Oklahoma town spent the first four days making personal visits to each of the members, inviting them to come to his first services. The following Sabbath the church was all but empty.

Accordingly, the Pastor placed a notice in the local newspapers, stating that, because the church was dead, it was everyone's duty to give it a decent Christian burial.
The funeral would be held the following Sabbath afternoon, the notice said.
Morbidly curious, a large crowd turned out for the "funeral." In front of the pulpit, they saw a closed coffin, smothered in flowers. After the Pastor delivered the eulogy, he opened the coffin and invited his congregation to come forward and pay their final respects to their dead church.
Filled with curiosity as to what would represent the corpse of a "dead church," all the people eagerly lined up to look in the coffin. Each "mourner" peeped into the coffin then quickly turned away with a guilty, sheepish look. In the coffin, tilted at the correct angle, was a large mirror.
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Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense , who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:
- Knowing when to come in out of the rain;
- Why the early bird gets the worm;
- Life isn't always fair;
- and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).
His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition..

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children .

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault..

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife, Discretion , by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers;
I Know My Rights
I Want It Now
Someone Else Is To Blame
I'm A Victim

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone
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I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become kinder to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend. I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so avante garde on my patio. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant.
I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.
Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon? I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60 &70's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love ..... I will.
I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set. They, too, will get old.
I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things.
Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody's beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.
I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face.
So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver.
As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think.. I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong.
So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be. And I shall eat dessert every single day (if I feel like it).

Thanks to Philip Story
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Superfund taxes will pass on costs to consumers, columnist says - - Two legislative proposals in Congress will pass on cleanup costs to consumers, as both bills seek to tax the chemical and petroleum industries to finance the costs related to cleaning up Superfund sites, writes Mark Morris in this column. For the coming fiscal year, "the costs of this tax to the chemical industry will be $328 million and increasing to $2.8 billion over the next 10-year period," according to the American Chemistry Council, adding that such taxes are on top of "slumping demand from the recession, continued high costs for energy, intense foreign competition and razor-thin margins" for the U.S. chemical industry. American Thinker [http://www.americanthinker.com/2010/07/raising_your_indirect_taxes.html]
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History lesson on Your Social Security

Just in case some of you young whippersnappers (& some older ones) didn't know this. Social Security Cards up until the 1980s expressly stated the number and card were not to be used for identification purposes. Since nearly everyone in the United States now has a number, it became convenient to use it anyway and the message was removed.

Franklin Roosevelt, a Democrat, introduced the Social Security (FICA) Program. He promised:
1.) That participation in the Program would be Completely voluntary, No longer Voluntary
2.) That the participants would only have to pay 1% of the first $1,400 of their annual Incomes into the Program, Now 7.65% on the first $90,000
3.) That the money the participants elected to put into the Program would be deductible from their income for tax purposes each year, No longer tax deductible
4.) That the money the participants put into the independent 'Trust Fund' rather than into the general operating fund, and therefore, would only be used to fund the Social Security Retirement Program, and no other Government program, and, Under Johnson the money was moved to The General Fund and Spent
5.) That the annuity payments to the retirees would never be taxed as income. Under Clinton & Gore Up to 85% of your Social Security can be Taxed
Since many of us have paid into FICA for years and are now receiving a Social Security check every month -- and then finding that we are getting taxed on 85% of the money we paid to the Federal government to 'put away' -- you may be interested in the following:
- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
Q: Which Political Party took Social Security from the independent 'Trust Fund' and put it into the general fund so that Congress could spend it?
A: It was Lyndon Johnson and the democratically controlled House and Senate.
--- --------- --------- --------- --------- --
Q: Which Political Party eliminated the income tax deduction for Social Security (FICA) withholding?
A: The Democratic Party.
- --------- --------- --------- --------- -----
Q: Which Political Party started taxing Social Security annuities?
A: The Democratic Party, with Al Gore casting the 'tie-breaking' deciding vote as President of the Senate, while he was Vice President of the US
------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
AND MY FAVORITE:

Q: Which Political Party decided to start giving annuity payments to immigrants?
A: That's right!
Jimmy Carter and the Democratic Party. Immigrants moved into this country, and at age 65, began to receive Social Security payments! The Democratic Party gave these payments to them, even though they never paid a dime into it!
--------- ----- ------------ --------- ---------
Then, after violating the original contract (FICA), the Democrats turn around and tell you that the Republicans want to take your Social Security away!

And the worst part about it is uninformed citizens believe it!

AND CONGRESS GIVES THEMSELVES 100% RETIREMENT FOR ONLY SERVING ONE TERM!!!

Thanks to Chuck Jackson
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The Global Islamic population is approximately 1,200,000,000; that is ONE BILLION TWO HUNDRED MILLION or 20% of the world's population.

They have received the following Nobel Prizes:

Literature:
1988 - Najib Mahfooz

Peace:
1978 - Mohamed Anwar El-Sadat
1990 - Elias James Corey
1994 - Yaser Arafat:
1999 - Ahmed Zewai

Economics: (zero)

Physics: (zero)

Medicine:
1960 - Peter Brian Medawar
1998 - Ferid Mourad

TOTAL: 7 SEVEN

The Global Jewish population is approximately 14,000,000; only FOURTEEN MILLION or about 0.02% of the world's population.
They have received the following Nobel Prizes:

Literature:
1910 - Paul Heyse
1927 - Henri Bergson
1958 - Boris Pasternak
1966 - Shmuel Yosef Agnon
1966 - Nelly Sachs
1976 - Saul Bellow
1978 - Isaac Bashevis Si nger
1981 - Elias Canetti
1987 - Joseph Brodsky
1991 - Nadine Gordimer World

Peace:
1911 - Alfred Fried
1911 - Tobias Michael Carel Asser
1968 - Rene Cassin
1973 - Henry Kissinger
1978 - Menachem Begin
1986 - Elie Wiesel
1994 - Shimon Peres
1994 - Yitzhak Rabin

Physics:
1905 - Adolph Von Baeyer
1906 - Henri Moissan
1907 - Albert Abraham Michelson
1908 - Gabriel Lippmann
1910 - Otto Wallach
1915 - Richard Willstaetter
1918 - Fritz Haber
1921 - Albert Einstein
1922 - Niels Bohr
1925 - James Franck
1925 - Gustav Hertz
1943 - Gustav Stern
1943 - George Charles de Hevesy
1944 - Isidor Issac Rabi
1952 - Felix Bloch
1954 - Max Born
1958 - Igor Tamm
1959 - Emilio Segre
1960 - Donald A. Glaser
1961 - Robert Hofstadter
1961 - Melvin Calvin
1962 - Lev Davidovich Landau
1962 - Max Ferdinand Perutz
1965 - Richard Phillips Feynman
1965 - Julian Schwinger
1969 - Murray Gell-Mann
1971 - Dennis Gabor
1972 - William Howard Stein
1973 - Brian David Josephson
1975 - Ben jamin Mottleson
1976 - Burton Richter
1977 - Ilya Prigogine
1978 - Arno Allan Penzias
1978 - Peter L Kapitza
1979 - Stephen Weinberg
1979 - Sheldon Glashow
1979 - Herbert Charles Brown
1980 - Paul Berg
1980 - Walter Gilbert
1981 - Roald Hoffmann
1982 - Aaron Klug
1985 - Albert A. Hauptman
1985 - Jerome Karle
1986 - Dudley R. Herschbach
1988 - Robert Huber
1988 - Leon Lederman
1988 - Melvin Schwartz
1988 - Jack Steinberger
1989 - Si dney Altman
1990 - Jerome Friedman
1992 - Rudolph Marc us
1995 - Martin Perl
2000 - Alan J. Heeger

Economics:
1970 - Paul Anthony Samuelson
1971 - Si mon Kuznets
1972 - Kenneth Joseph Arrow
1975 - Leonid Kantorovich
1976 - Milton Friedman
1978 - Herbert A. Si mon
1980 - Lawrence Robert Klein
1985 - Franco Modigliani
1987 - Robert M. Solow
1990 - Harry Mark owitz
1990 - Merton Miller
1992 - Gary Becker
1993 - Robert Fogel

Medicine:
1908 - Elie Metchnikoff
1908 - Paul Erlich
1914 - Robert Barany
1922 - Otto Meyerhof
1930 - Karl Landsteiner
1931 - Otto Warburg
1936 - Otto Loewi
1944 - Joseph Erlanger
1944 - Herb ert Spencer Gasser
1945 - Ernst Boris Chain
1946 - Hermann Joseph Muller
1950 - Tadeus Reichstein
1952 - Selman Abraham Waksman
1953 - Hans Krebs
1953 - Fritz Albert Lipmann
1958 - Joshua Lederberg
1959 - Arthur Kornberg
1964 - Konrad Bloch
1965 - Francois Jacob
1965 - Andre Lwoff
1967 - George Wald
1968 - Marshall W. Nirenberg
1969 - Salvador Luria
1970 - Julius Axelrod
1970 - Si r Bernard Katz
1972 - Gerald Maurice Edelman
1975 - Howard Martin Temin
1976 - Baruch S. Blumberg
1977 - Roselyn Sussman Yalow
1978 - Daniel Nathans
1980 - Baruj Ben acerraf
1984 - Cesar Milstein
1985 - Michael Stuart Brown
1985 - Joseph L. Goldstein
1986 - Stanley Cohen [& Rita Levi-Montalcini]
1988 - Gertrude Elion
1989 - Harold Varmus
1991 - Erwin Neher
1991 - Bert Sakmann
1993 - Richard J. Roberts
1993 - Phillip Sharp
1994 - Alfred Gilman
1995 - Edward B. Lewis
1996- Lu Rose Iacovino
TOTAL: 129!
~
The Jews are NOT promoting brain washing children in military training camps, teaching them how to blow themselves up and cause maximum deaths of Jews and other non Muslims! The Jews don't hijack planes, nor kill athletes at the Olympics, or blow themselves up in German restaurants.
There is NOT one single Jew that has destroyed a church. There is NOT a single Jew that protests by killing people.

The Jews don't traffic slaves, nor have leaders calling for Jihad and death to all the Infidels.

Perhaps the world's Muslims should consider investing more in standard education and less in blaming the Jews for all their problems.

Muslims must ask 'what can they do for humankind' before they demand that humankind respects them!!

Regardless of your feelings about the crisis between Israel and the Palestinians and Arab neighbors, even if you believe there is more culpability on Israel 's part, the following two sentences really say it all:

"If the Arabs put down their weapons today, there would be no more violence. If the Jews put down their weapons today, there would be no moreIsrael". Ben jamin Netanyahu

General Eisenhower Warned Us
It is a matter of history that when the Supreme Commander of the Allied Forces, General Dwight Eisenhower, found the victims of the death camps he ordered all possible photographs to be taken, and for the German people from surrounding villages to be ushered through the camps and even made to bury the dead.

He did this because he said in words to this effect:

'Get it all on record now - get the films - get the witnesses -because somewhere down the road of history some bastard will get up and say that this never happened'

Recently, the UK debated whether to remove The Holocaust from its school curriculum because it 'offends' the Muslim population which claims it never occurred. It is not removed as yet.. However, this is a frightening portent of the fear that is gripping the world and how easily each country is giving into it.

It is now more than 60 years after the Second World War in Europe ended.
This e-mail is being sent as a memorial, in memory of the, 6 million Jews, 20 million Russians, 10 million Christians, and 1,900 Catholic priests who were 'murdered, raped, burned, starved, beat, experimented on and humiliated' while the German people looked the other way!

Now, more than ever, with Iran , among others, claiming the Holocaust to be 'a myth,' it is imperative to make sure the world never forgets.

How many years will it be before the attack on the World Trade Center 'NEVER HAPPENED' because it offends some Muslim in the United States ?

Thanks to Waneta
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The light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup. As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer.

The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a holding cell.

After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, ''I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk, so naturally....I assumed you had stolen the car.''

Thanks to Gary Foreman
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Let's put the seniors in jail, and the criminals in a nursing home.

This way the seniors would have access to showers, hobbies, and walks, they'd receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment , wheel chairs etc. and they'd receive money instead of paying it out. They would have constant video monitoring, so they could be helped instantly, if they fell, or needed assistance. Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them. A guard would check on them every 20 minutes, and bring their meals and snacks to their cell. They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose. They would have access to a library, weight room,spiritual counselling, pool, and education. Simple clothing , shoes, slippers, P.J.'s and legal aid would be free, on request. Private, secure rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor yard ,with gardens. Each senior could have a P.C. a T.V. radio, and daily phone calls. There would be a board of directors , to hear complaints, and the guards would have a code of conduct, that would be strictly adhered to.

The "criminals" would get cold food, be left all alone, and unsupervised. lights off at 8pm, and showers once a week. Live in a tiny room , and pay $5000.00 per month and have no hope of ever getting out. Justice for all.

Thanks to Waneta
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TOURBUS Vol 15, Number 57

Cyber Schooling / Spam Solutions / Rootkits / CPU Benchmarking / Geekly Update / Quad Core In today's TOURBUS, something just feels different. Maybe it's because I'm a grandpa! Here's a peek at the adorable Baby Nathan with me and my daughter.

And now, back to our regularly scheduled bus ride through cyberspace... In this issue, you'll learn about Cyber Schooling, how to take control of your inbox with Anti-Spam Solutions, and how to Remove a Rootkit. I've also got some tips on testing the speed of your computer by running a CPU Benchmark test, the latest Geekly Update, and the scoop on Quad Core Processors. Read on!

Educate Yourself on Cyber Schooling - - Cyber schooling - sometimes called "distance learning" - is an increasingly popular educational model at all levels. The majority of colleges and universities offer at least some online courses at undergraduate and graduate levels. And virtual K-12 schooling enables many students to learn at home at their own paces.
Learn more about cyber schooling, virtual academies and other online schooling options for K-12 students, college and beyond...
CYBER SCHOOLING [http://askbobrankin.com/what_is_cyber_schooling.html?tbart]
MORE EDUCATION ARTICLES... [http://askbobrankin.com/education/?tbart]

Anti-Spam Solutions - - The average email user is bombarded with over 2,000 spam messages per year, according to a consensus of spam fighters. Your daily deluge of spam includes overt unsolicited sales pitches, sneaky phishing scams, and messages which lure you to click on dangerous attachments.
It's become more than just an annoyance, since spam emails can also be malicious. Here's the latest info on the damage that spam can do, and how to protect your inbox...
ANTI-SPAM SOLUTIONS [http://askbobrankin.com/antispam_solutions.html?tbart]
MORE ANTI-SPAM ARTICLES... [http://askbobrankin.com/spam/?tbart]

How Do I Remove a Rootkit? - -
Rootkits, a relatively recent malware innovation, raise the stakes in computer security considerably. Typically, a rootkit is designed to take control of the infected computer with administrator ("root") privileges, and do so without the user's awareness.
But even worse, rootkits often elude detection by mainstream anti-malware software. Here are some tips on how to detect and remove a rootkit from your computer...
REMOVE A ROOTKIT [http://askbobrankin.com/rootkit_removal.html?tbart]
MORE SECURITY ARTICLES... [http://askbobrankin.com/security/?tbart]

How to Run a CPU Speed Test - - How fast is your computer's central processing unit (CPU) compared to others? That's one question that CPU benchmarking -- the act of testing the performance of a device using one or more standard test programs -- can help you answer. Another question is whether your particular CPU is performing up to manufacturer's specs.
CPU benchmarking can answer those questions. Here's how to test your own CPU with free benchmarking software...
CPU SPEED TEST [http://askbobrankin.com/cpu_benchmarking.html?tbart]
MORE HARDWARE ARTICLES... [http://askbobrankin.com/hardware/?tbart]

Geekly Update - - Is tech overload causing you to lose your ability to HEY LOOK, A BUTTERFLY! focus? Is an army of self-folding origami taking over Harvard Square? And has the iPhone made the optometrist obsolete?
Get answers to these burning questions, and find out what else is new in the tech world by reading the latest Geekly Update... [http://askbobrankin.com/geekly_update_july_5.html?tbart]

What is a Quad Core Processor? - - You will often see references to "Quad-core technology" when looking at high-performance personal computers. A "core," in hardware jargon, is part of a CPU that reads and executes program instructions. Quad-core is leading-edge computing power, very fast and of course more expensive than single or dual-core processors. But what is quad-core on a technical and practical level? Read on to find out... [http://askbobrankin.com/what_is_quad_core.html?tbart]

That's all for now, see you next time!
-- Bob Rankin
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The Pump Handle. A water cooler for the public health crowd. An Inconvenient Truth - Respirators Needed in the Gulf Cleanup

OSTP a Year Late Delivering Scientific Integrity Plan

Category: Scientific Integrity

Back in March of 2009, President Obama delighted advocates of scientific integrity when he signed a memorandum that stated:

The public must be able to trust the science and scientific process informing public policy decisions. Political officials should not suppress or alter scientific or technological findings and conclusions. If scientific and technological information is developed and used by the Federal Government, it should ordinarily be made available to the public. To the extent permitted by law, there should be transparency in the preparation, identification, and use of scientific and technological information in policymaking. The selection of scientists and technology professionals for positions in the executive branch should be based on their scientific and technological knowledge, credentials, experience, and integrity.

The memo gave the White House Office of Science and Technology Policy 120 days to "develop recommendations for Presidential action designed to guarantee scientific integrity throughout the executive branch," based on six principles that Obama specified.

OSTP wasted no time in publishing a Federal Register notice soliciting public input. My colleagues and I submitted comments, and eagerly awaited OSTP's plan for guaranteeing scientific integrity. We weren't surprised when the July 2009 deadline passed, but then we started to worry. At this point, OSTP has missed the deadline by an entire year.
http://scienceblogs.com/thepumphandle/2010/07/ostp_a_year_late_delivering_sc.php#more

http://scienceblogs.com/thepumphandle/
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Weekly Toll _ _ http://weeklytoll.blogspot.com/
Death In The Workplace w/News & Updates
John Donne _ ...any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind, and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.

Five Killed in Crash of Air Ambulance in Texas - - July 4, ALPINE, TX - Nurses 49 year old Sharon Falkener of Fort Davis and 42 year old Tracy Chambers of Alpine were killed along with 59 year old Ted Caffarel, pilot of an airplane serving as an ambulance when it crashed shortly after taking off from a West Texas airport early Sunday, killing all five people on board, officials said. The air ambulance was transporting a man and his wife en route to Midland when it crashed in a field, according to the Federal Aviation Administration. Mr. Caffarel was apparently trying to make an emergency landing in the muddy field when the plane hit a rut, overturned and burned, the public safety agency said.

Man Dies From Injuries Sustained in Construction Accident - - July 4, WAVERLY, IA - 51 year old Larry L. Reisner of Oelwein has died after being injured in a job-related accident last week in Waverly. Reisner was injured Thursday at the site of the new middle school for the Waverly-Shell Rock School District. A brace that was supporting a cast concrete wall struck him in the head, according to earlier reports. Reisner passed away Saturday morning at University of Iowa Hospitals and Clinics in Iowa City, according to information from Jamison-Schmitz Funeral Home in Oelwein.

Firefighter Dies in Massive Fire at Egg Farm - - July 4, WHARTON, TX - 30 year old Captain Thomas Araguz III, an 11 year veteran with the Wharton Volunteer Fire Department died Saturday after being trapped by falling debris and in a warehouse at the Maxim Egg Farm on FM 442 in Wharton County. Three firefighters became trapped by falling debris and in a warehouse at the egg farm. Two of the firefighters were rescued and transported to the hospital with minor burns and smoke inhalation. Araguz leaves behind family members and two small children.

Harrison Co. Councilman Killed in Farm Accident - - July 3, LOUISVILLE, KY - William Nichols has died after being hurt in a farm accident that left him with burns over 80 percent of his body. Lanesville fire chief Anthony Combs says Nichols was driving a forklift on his farm Thursday evening when he ran over a gas can in the driveway. The forklift caught on fire, leaving Nichols with second- and third-degree burns. He was flown to University Hospital in Louisville, but died Friday morning.

Diver Dies Performing Maintenance on Oil Rig - - July 3, CHICAGO, IL - an unidentified employee of Veolia Environmental Services of North America, performing maintenance on a client's rig in the Gulf of Mexico, unrelated to the massive oil spill, has died after an underwater accident. The company says the diver was working at a depth of about 250 feet from the company's Normand Clipper vessel when "what might have been an underwater explosion" happened about 11:30 a.m. CDT Friday.

Man Dies After Train Yard Accident - - July 2, MERIDIAN, MS - Meosha Keepsake Amerson of Dallas, TX, an employee with Norfolk-Southern Railroad, died early Friday morning in a Meridian hospital from injuries he suffered when a train rolled over him near the area of 45th Avenue and Third Street. Cobler said the accident occurred at about 10:50 p.m. A spokesman with the Railroad Division of the Mississippi Department of Transportation said late Friday afternoon that Amerson was a conductor working with a switching crew when the incident occurred.

MO Woman Killed in Tractor Accident - - July 2, POWELL, MO - 42 year old Elizabeth Merriman of Rocky Comfort died after the tractor she was driving went off the side of the road and hit a tree. She was pronounced dead at the scene.

http://weeklytoll.blogspot.com
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NEVER FORGET! We're listing the names of our soldiers killed since our last Bleat was published (June 18). These records can be found at http://www.defenselink.mil/releases/

01. Seaman William Ortega, 23, of Miami, Fla., died June 18 in Helmand Province, Afghanistan, of wounds sustained from an improvised explosive device blast while conducting combat operations against enemy forces. Ortega was assigned as a hospital corpsman to Third Battalion, First Marine Regiment, First Marine Division, I Marine Expeditionary Force.

02. Capt. Michael P. Cassidy, 41, of Simpsonville, S.C., died June 17 in Mosul, Iraq, of injuries sustained from a non-combat related incident. He was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 9th Field Artillery, 2nd Heavy Brigade Combat Team, 3rd Infantry Division, Fort Stewart, Ga.

The Department of Defense announced the death of two soldiers who were supporting Operation Enduring Freedom. They died June 16 at North Kunduz, Afghanistan, of wounds suffered when insurgents attacked their unit with an improvised explosive device. They were assigned to the 161st Engineer Support Company, 27th Engineer Battalion (Combat) (Airborne), 20th Engineer Brigade, 18th Airborne Corps, Fort Bragg, N.C. Killed were:
03. Spc. Joseph D. Johnson, 24, of Flint, Mich., and
04. Pfc. Gunnar R. Hotchkin, 31, of Naperville, Ill.

05. Spc. Nathan W. Cox, 27, of Fremont, Calif., died June 16 at Landstuhl Regional Medical Center, Landstuhl, Germany, of injuries sustained June 14 when insurgents attacked his unit with small arms fire at Near Forward Operating Base, Khogyani, Afghanistan. He was assigned to Headquarters and Headquarters Company, 1st Special Troops Battalion, 1st Brigade Combat Team, 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault), Fort Campbell, Ky.

06. Pfc. Benjamin J. Park, 25, of Fairfax Station, Va., died June 18 at Zhari district, Kandahar, Afghanistan, of injuries sustained when insurgents attacked his unit with an improvised explosive device. He was assigned to Company B, 1st Battalion, 502nd Infantry Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault), Fort Campbell, Ky.

07. Staff Sgt. James P. Hunter, 25, of South Amherst, Ohio, died June 18 in Kandahar, Afghanistan, of injuries sustained when insurgents attacked his unit with an improvised explosive device. He was assigned to Headquarters and Headquarters Company, 502nd Infantry Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault), Fort Campbell, Ky.

08. Spc. Scott A. Andrews, 21, of Fall River, Mass., died June 21 at Forward Operating Base Lagman, Zabul province, Afghanistan, of injuries sustained when insurgents attacked his unit with an improvised explosive device. He was assigned to the 618th Engineer Support Company, 27th Engineer Battalion, 20th Engineers Brigade, Fort Bragg, N.C.

09. Lance Cpl. Timothy G. Serwinowski, 21, of North Tonawanda, N.Y., died June 21 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to 3rd Battalion, 6th Marine Regiment, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C.

10. Spc. Jacob P. Dohrenwend, 20, of Milford, Ohio, died June 21 at Balad, Iraq, of injuries sustained from a non-combat related incident. He was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 28th Infantry Regiment, 4th Infantry Brigade Combat Team, 1st Infantry Division, Fort Riley, Kan.

11. 1st Sgt. Eddie Turner, 41, of Fort Belvoir, Va., died June 22 at Camp Clark, Afghanistan, of injuries sustained from a non-combat related incident. He was assigned to the 626th Brigade Support Battalion, 187th Infantry Regiment, 3rd Brigade Combat Team, 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault), Fort Campbell, Ky.

The Department of Defense announced the death of two soldiers who were supporting Operation Enduring Freedom. They died June 21 at Lar Sholtan Village, Afghanistan, from wounds suffered when a suicide bomber attacked their unit. They were assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 327th Infantry Regiment, 1st Brigade Combat Team, 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault), Fort Campbell, Ky. Killed were:
12. Pfc. David T. Miller, 19, of Wilton, N.Y.
13. Sgt. Andrew R. Looney, 22, of Owasso, Okla.

14. Cpl. Claudio Patino IV, 22, of Yorba Linda, Calif., died June 22 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to 3rd Battalion, 7th Marine Regiment, 1st Marine Division, I Marine Expeditionary Force, based at Marine Corps Air Ground Combat Center Twentynine Palms, Calif.

15. Cpl. Kevin A. Cueto, 23, of San Jose, Calif., died June 22 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to 3rd Battalion, 7th Marine Regiment, 1st Marine Division, IMarine Expeditionary Force, based at Marine Corps Air Ground Combat Center Twentynine Palms, Calif.

16. Cpl. Joshua R. Dumaw, 23, of Spokane Valley, Wash., died June 22 while supporting combat operations in Nimruz province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to 2nd Marine Aircraft Wing, II Marine Expeditionary Force, based at Marine Corps Air Station Cherry Point, N.C.

17. Pfc. Anthony T. Justesen, 22, of Wilsonville, Ore., died June 23 at Ganjkin village, Pusht Rod district, Farah province, Afghanistan, of injuries sustained when insurgents attacked his unit with an improvised explosive device. He was assigned to Troop B, 4th Squadron, 73rd Cavalry Regiment, 4th Brigade Combat Team, 82nd Airborne Division, Fort Bragg, N.C.

18. Spc. Russell E. Madden, 29, of Dayton, Ky., died June 23 at Charkh district, Logar province, Afghanistan, of wounds suffered when insurgents attacked his vehicle with rocket fire. He was assigned to the 1st Squadron, 91st Cavalry Regiment, 173rd Airborne Brigade Combat Team, Conn Barracks, Germany.

19. 1st Sgt. Robert N. Barton, 35, of Roxie, Miss., died June 7 in Konar, Afghanistan, when insurgents attacked his vehicle with an improvised explosive device. He was assigned to 2nd Battalion, 327th Infantry Regiment, 1st Brigade Combat Team, 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault), Fort Campbell, Ky.

20. Staff Sgt. Edwardo Loredo, 34, of Houston, Texas, died June 24 at Jelewar, Afghanistan, when insurgents attacked his unit with an improvised explosive device. He was assigned to 2nd Battalion, 508th Parachute Infantry Regiment, 4th Brigade Combat Team, 82nd Airborne Division, Fort Bragg, N.C.

21. Sgt. Joseph D. Caskey, 24, of Pittsburgh, Pa., died June 26 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to 3rd Battalion, 1st Marine Regiment, 1st Marine Division, I Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Pendleton, Calif.

The Department of Defense announced the death of two soldiers who were supporting Operation Enduring Freedom. They died June 25 at Konar, Afghanistan, of wounds sustained when insurgents attacked their unit using rocket propelled grenades and small arms fire. They were assigned to the 1st Battalion, 327th Infantry Regiment, 1st Brigade Combat Team, 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault), Fort Campbell, Ky. Killed were:
22. Spc. Blair D. Thompson, 19, of Rome, N.Y.
23. Spc. Jared C. Plunk, 27, of Stillwater, Okla.

24. Cpl. Daane A. Deboer, 24, of Ludington, Mich., died June 25 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to 1st Combat Engineer Battalion, 1st Marine Division, I Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Pendleton, Calif.

25. Lance Cpl. William T. Richards, 20, of Trenton, Ga., died June 26 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to 1st Battalion, 2nd Marine Regiment, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C.

26. Pfc. Robert K. L. Repkie, 20, of Knoxville, Tenn., died June 24 at Forward Operating Base Farah, Afghanistan, of injuries sustained from a non-combat related incident. He was assigned to the 782nd Brigade Support Battalion, 4th Brigade Combat Team, 82nd Airborne Division, Fort Bragg, N.C.

27. Sgt. John M. Rogers, 26, of Scottsdale, Ariz., died June 27 at Forward Operating Base Blessing, Afghanistan, of injuries sustained from a non-combat related incident. He was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 327th Infantry Regiment, 1st Brigade Combat Team, 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault), Fort Campbell, Ky.

28. Pfc. Bryant J. Haynes, 21, of Epps, La., died June 26 in Al Diwaniyah, Iraq, of injuries sustained during a vehicle roll-over. He was assigned to the 199th Support Battalion, Louisiana Army National Guard, Alexandria, La.

29. Sgt. David A. Holmes, 34, of Tennille, Ga., died June 26 at Sayed Abad, Afghanistan, of wounds sustained when insurgents attacked his unit using an improvised explosive device. He was assigned to the 810th Engineer Company, Swainsboro, Ga.

The Department of Defense announced the deaths of two soldiers who were supporting Operation Enduring Freedom. They died June 27 in Konar, Afghanistan of wounds suffered when enemy forces attacked their unit with small arms fire. They were assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 327th Infantry Regiment, 1st Brigade Combat Team, 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault), Fort Campbell, Kentucky. Killed were:
30. Staff Sgt. Eric B. Shaw, 31, of Exeter, Maine; and
31. Sgt. David W. Thomas, 40, of St. Petersburg, Fla.

32. Staff Sgt. Brandon M. Silk, 25, of Orono, Maine, died June 21 of injuries sustained when the helicopter in which he was travelling made a hard landing. He was assigned to the 5th Battalion, 101st Aviation Regiment, 101st Combat Aviation Brigade, 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault), Fort Campbell, Ky.

33. Sgt. Matthew R. Hennigan, 20, of Las Vegas, Nev., died June 30 at Forward Operating Base Shank, Afghanistan, of wounds suffered earlier in Tangi Valley, Afghanistan when enemy forces attacked his unit with machine gun fire. He was assigned to 173rd Special Troops Battalion, 173rd Airborne Brigade Combat Team, Bamberg, Germany.

34. Cpl. Larry D. Harris Jr., 24, of Thornton, Colo., died July 1 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to 3rd Battalion, 1st Marine Regiment, 1st Marine Division, I Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Pendleton, Calif.

35. Sgt. 1st Class Kristopher D. Chapleau, 33, of LaGrange, Ky., died June 30 at Forward Operating Base Blessing, Afghanistan, of injuries sustained from a non-combat related incident. He was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 327th Infantry Regiment, 1st Brigade Combat Team, 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault), Fort Campbell, Ky.

36. Spc. Morganne M. McBeth, 19, of Fredricksburg, Va., died July 2 in Al Asad, Iraq, of wounds sustained July 1 in a non-combat related incident in Khan Al Baghdadi, Iraq. She was assigned to the 1st Special Troops Battalion, 1st Brigade Combat Team, 82nd Airborne Division, Fort Bragg, N.C.

37. Sgt. Johnny W. Lumpkin, 38, of Columbus, Ga., died July 2 in Balad, Iraq, of wounds sustained July 1 in a non-combat related equipment incident in Taji, Iraq. He was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 41st Field Artillery Regiment, 1st Brigade Combat Team, 3rd Infantry Division, Fort Stewart, Ga.

38. Spc. Ryan J. Grady, 25, of Bristow, Okla., died July 1 at Bagram, Afghanistan, of wounds sustained when insurgents attacked his unit using an improvised-explosive device. He was assigned to the Special Troops Battalion, 86th Infantry Brigade Combat Team, Bradford, Vt.

39. Capt David A. Wisniewski, 31, of Moville, Iowa, died July 2 of wounds sustained June 9 in a helicopter crash near Forward Operating Base Jackson, Afghanistan. He was assigned to the 66th Rescue Squadron, Nellis Air Force Base, Nev.

40. Spc. Clayton D. McGarrah, 20, of Harrison, Ark., died July 4 at Arghandab, Afghanistan, of injuries sustained when insurgents attacked his unit using an improvised explosive device and rocket-propelled grenade fire. He was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 508th Parachute Infantry Regiment, 4th Brigade Combat Team, 82nd Airborne Division, Fort Bragg, N.C.

41. Pfc. David Jefferson, 23, of Philadelphia, died July 2 in Kandahar, Afghanistan, of injuries sustained when insurgents attacked his unit using an improvised explosive device. He was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 502nd Infantry Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault), Fort Campbell, Ky.

42. Sgt. Louis R. Fastuca, 24, of West Chester, Pa., died July 5 at Abdulhamid Kalay, Afghanistan, of wounds suffered when insurgents attacked his vehicle with an improvised explosive device. He was assigned to 1st Battalion, 503rd Infantry Regiment, 173rd Airborne Brigade Combat Team, Camp Ederle, Italy.

43. Sgt. Jordan E. Tuttle , 22, of West Monroe, La., died July 2 at Baghdad, Iraq, of injuries suffered in a non-combat related incident. He was a member of the 156th Army Band in Bossier City, La., and was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 141st Field Artillery Regiment, 256th Infantry Brigade Combat Team, New Orleans, La.

The Department of Defense announced the deaths of two soldiers who were supporting Operation Enduring Freedom. They died July 5 in Kandahar, Afghanistan, of wounds suffered when insurgents attacked their vehicle with an improvised explosive device. They were assigned to 1st Squadron, 71st Cavalry Regiment, 1st Brigade Combat Team, 10th Mountain Division (Light Infantry), Fort Drum, N.Y. Killed were:

44. Spc. Edwin C. Wood, 18, of Omaha, Neb.
45. Staff Sgt. Christopher F. Cabacoy, 30, of Virginia Beach, Va.

46. Sgt. Andrew J. Creighton, 23, of Laurel, Del., died July 4 in Oruzgan province, Afghanistan, of injuries sustained on July 1 while conducting combat operations in Oruzgan province. He was assigned to the 3rd Battalion, 1st Special Forces Group (Airborne), Joint Base Lewis-McChord, Wash.

47. Pfc. Jacob A. Dennis, 22, of Powder Springs, Ga., died July 3 at Landstuhl Regional Medical Center, Landstuhl, Germany, of injuries sustained June 30 in a weapons system accident at Forward Operating Base Lane, Afghanistan (Zabul province).

The Department of Defense announced the deaths of two soldiers who were supporting Operation Enduring Freedom. They died July 5 in Yakuta, Afghanistan, of injuries sustained when insurgents attacked their unit using an improvised explosive device. The soldiers were assigned to the 4th Squadron, 73rd Armor Regiment, 4th Brigade Combat Team, 82nd Airborne Division, Fort Bragg, N.C. Killed were:
48. Spc. Keenan A. Cooper, 19, of Wahpeton, N.D.
49. Spc. Jerod H. Osborne, 20, of Royse City, Texas.

The Department of Defense announced the deaths of three soldiers who were supporting Operation Enduring Freedom. They died July 6 at Qalat, Afghanistan, of wounds sustained when insurgents attacked their vehicle with an improvised explosive device. They were assigned to the 1st Battalion, 4th Infantry Regiment, Hohenfels, Germany. Killed were:
50. Staff Sgt. Marc A. Arizmendez, 30, of Anaheim, Calif.
51. Spc. Roger Lee, 26, of Monterey, Calif.
52. Pfc. Michael S. Pridham, 19, of Louisville, Ky.

53. Pfc. Anthony W. Simmons, 25, of Tallahassee, Fla., died July 8 in Kunar province, Afghanistan, when insurgents attacked his unit with indirect fire. He was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 327th Infantry Regiment, 1st Brigade Combat Team, 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault), Fort Campbell, Ky.

54. Sgt. Robert W. Crow, 42, of Kansas City, Mo., died July 10 in Paktika, Afghanistan, of wounds suffered when insurgents attacked his vehicle with an improvised explosive device. He was assigned to the 203rd Engineer Battalion, Joplin, Mo.

55. Spc. Joseph W. Dimock II, 21, of Wildwood, Ill, died July 10 in Salerno, Afghanistan, of injuries sustained from a non-combat related incident when an explosion occurred in an ammunition holding facility during an inventory. He was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 75th Ranger Regiment, Hunter Army Airfield, Ga.

56. Sgt. Donald R. Edgerton, 33, of Murphy, N.C., died July 10 near Char Dara, Afghanistan, of injuries sustained when insurgents attacked his unit using an improvised explosive device. He was assigned to the 1st Squadron, 71st Cavalry Regiment, 1st Brigade Combat Team, 10th Mountain Division (Light Infantry), Fort Drum, N.Y.

57. Staff Sgt. Jesse W. Ainsworth, 24, of Dayton, Texas, died July 10 near Walakan, Afghanistan, of injuries sustained when insurgents attacked his unit using an improvised explosive device. He was assigned to the 1st Squadron, 71st Cavalry Regiment, 1st Brigade Combat Team, 10th Mountain Division (Light Infantry), Fort Drum, N.Y.

58. Staff Sgt. Christopher J. Antonik, 29, of Crystal Lake, Ill., died July 11 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to 1st Marine Special Operations Battalion, U.S. Marine Corps Forces Special Operations Command, Camp Pendleton, Calif.

59. Lance Cpl. Daniel G. Raney, 21, of Pleasant View, Tenn., died July 9 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to 3rd Battalion, 6th Marine Regiment, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C.

60. Lance Cpl. Tyler A. Roads, 20, of Burney, Calif., died July 10 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to 3rd Battalion, 6th Marine Regiment, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C.

61. Spc. Carlos J. Negron, 40, of Fort Meyers, Fla., died July 10 at Asadabad, Afghanistan, of wounds suffered at Konar, Afghanistan when insurgents attacked his unit with rifle and small arms fire. He was assigned to 426th Forward Support Battalion, 1st Brigade Combat Team, 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault), Fort Campbell, Ky.

62. Spc. Nathaniel D. Garvin, 20, of Radcliff, Ky., died July 12 at Forward Operating Base Frontenac, Afghanistan (Kandahar, Afghanistan), of injuries sustained from a non-combat related incident. He was assigned to the 96th Aviation Support Battalion, 101st Combat Aviation Brigade, 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault), Fort Campbell, Ky.

63. Staff Sgt. Shaun M. Mittler, 32, of Austin, Texas, died July 10 in Konar, Afghanistan, of injuries sustained when enemy forces attacked his unit using rocket-propelled grenade and small arms fires. He was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 327th Infantry Regiment, 1st Brigade Combat Team, 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault), Fort Campbell, Ky.

64. Spc. Christopher J. Moon, 20, of Tucson, Ariz., died July 13 at the Landstuhl Regional Medical Center in Landstuhl, Germany, of wounds sustained when insurgents attacked his unit with an improvised explosive device on July 6 in Arghandab, Afghanistan.

65. Pvt. Brandon M. King, 23, of Tallahassee, Fla., died July 14 at Combat Outpost Nolen, Afghanistan, of wounds sustained when insurgents attacked his unit with small arms fire. He was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 320th Field Artillery Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault), Fort Campbell, Ky.

The Department of Defense announced the deaths of three soldiers who were supporting Operation Enduring Freedom. They died July 13 in Kandahar City, Afghanistan, of wounds sustained when insurgents attacked their unit with rifle, rocket propelled grenade, and small arms fire. Killed were:

66. 1st Lt. Christopher S. Goeke, 23,of Minn.
67. Staff Sgt. Christopher T. Stout, 34, of Worthville, Ky.
68. Staff Sgt. Sheldon L. Tate, 27, of Hinesville, Ga.

69. 1st Lt. Goeke and Staff Sgt. Stout were assigned to 1st Battalion, 508th Parachute Infantry Regiment, 4th Brigade Combat Team, 82nd Airborne Division, Fort Bragg, N.C.

70. Staff Sgt. Tate was assigned to the 782nd Brigade Support Battalion, 4th Brigade Combat Team, 82nd Airborne Division, Fort Bragg, N.C.

The Department of Defense announced the deaths of four soldiers who were supporting Operation Enduring Freedom. Killed were:
71. Spc. Chase Stanley, 21, of Napa, Calif.
72. Spc. Jesse D. Reed, 26, of Orefield, Penn.
73. Spc. Matthew J. Johnson, 21, of Maplewood, Minn.
74. Sgt. Zachary M. Fisher, 24, of Ballwin, Mo.
They died July 14 at Zabul Province, Afghanistan, of wounds sustained when insurgents attacked their military vehicle with an improvised explosive device. They were assigned to the 27th Engineer Battalion (Combat Airborne), 20th Engineer Brigade (Combat), Fort Bragg, N.C.
~~
Marine Missing in Action From World War I Identified

The Department of Defense POW/Missing Personnel Office announced today that the remains of a U.S. serviceman, missing in action from World War I, have been identified and returned to his family for burial with full military honors.

U.S. Marine First Sergeant George H. Humphrey of Utica, N.Y., will be buried on Wednesday at Arlington National Cemetery. On Sept. 15, 1918, Humphrey participated in the first U.S.-led offensive of the war under the command of Gen. John J. Pershing. The battle with the Germans became known as the St. Mihiel Offensive. There were 7,000 Allied losses during this offensive and it was the first use of the American use of the term “D-Day” and the first use of tanks by American units.

Humphrey, a member of the U.S. 6th Marine Regiment, attached to the Army’s 2nd Infantry Division, was killed in action during the battle and his remains were buried by fellow Marines the next day. In October 1919, a Marine who witnessed the death wrote a letter to Humphrey’s brother recounting the attack near the village of Rembercourt. He included a map of his recollection of the burial site.

Attempts to locate Humphrey’s remains by U.S. Army Graves Registration personnel following the war were unsuccessful. In September 2009, French nationals hunting for war relics found artifacts near Rembercourt-sur-Mad they believed to be those of a World War I American soldier. A month later, a team from the Joint POW/MIA Accounting Command excavated the area, recovering human remains and military-related items including a marksman’s badge with Humphrey’s name engraved on the back.

Among other forensic identification tools and circumstantial evidence, scientists from JPAC laboratory also used dental comparisons in the identification of the remains.
~~
Sailor Missing From Korean War Identified

The Department of Defense POW/Missing Personnel Office announced today that the remains of a U.S. serviceman, missing in action from the Korean War, have been identified and are being returned to his family for burial with full military honors.

U.S. Navy Ensign Robert W. Langwell, of Columbus, Ind., will be buried in Arlington National Cemetery on July 12. On Oct. 1, 1950, Langwell was serving on the minesweeper USS Magpie when it sank after striking an enemy mine off the coast of Chuksan-ri, South Korea. Twelve crewmen were rescued, but Langwell was one of 20 men lost at sea.

In June 2008, personnel from the Republic of South Korea’s Ministry of National Defense Agency for Killed in Action Recovery and Identification (MAKRI) canvassed towns in South Korea in an effort to gather information regarding South Korean soldiers unaccounted-for from the Korean War. An elderly fisherman, interviewed in the village of Chuksan-ri, reported that he and other villagers had buried an American serviceman in 1950 when his body was caught in the man’s fishing net.

The MAKRI located the burial site on April 28, 2009, where they excavated human remains and military artifacts. The burial site was approximately three miles west of where the USS Magpie sank in 1950. The team turned the remains and artifacts over to U.S. Forces Korea, which sent them to Joint POW/MIA Accounting Command for analysis.

Among other forensic identification tools and circumstantial evidence, JPAC scientists used dental comparisons in the identification of Langwell’s remains.

With Langwell’s accounting, 8,025 service members still remain missing from the Korean War.
~~
Seven Missing WWII Airmen Identified

The Defense POW/Missing Personnel Office announced today that the remains of seven servicemen, missing in action from World War II, have been identified and will be returned to their families for burial with full military honors.

Army Capt. Joseph M. Olbinski, Chicago; 1st Lt. Joseph J. Auld, Floral Park, N.Y.; 1st Lt. Robert M. Anderson, Millen, Ga.; Tech. Sgt. Clarence E. Frantz, Tyrone, Penn.; Pfc. Richard M. Dawson, Haynesville, Va.; Pvt. Robert L. Crane, Sacramento, Calif.; and Pvt. Fred G. Fagan, Piedmont, Ala., were identified and all are to be interred July 15 in Arlington National Cemetery.

On May 23, 1944, the men were aboard a C-47A Skytrain that departed Dinjan, India, on an airdrop mission to resupply Allied forces near Myitkyina, Burma. When the crew failed to return, air and ground searches found no evidence of the aircraft along the intended flight path.

In late 2002, a missionary provided U.S. officials a data plate from a C-47 crash site approximately 31 miles northwest of Myitkyina. In 2003, a Burmese citizen turned over human remains and identification tags for three of the crew members.

A Joint POW/MIA Accounting Command team excavated the crash site in 2003 and 2004, recovering additional remains and crew-related equipment—including an identification tag for Dawson.

Among other forensic identification tools and circumstantial evidence, scientists from JPAC and the Armed Forces DNA Identification Laboratory also used mitochondrial DNA – which matched that of some of the crewmembers’ families – as well as dental comparisons in the identification of the remains.
~~
Soldier Missing In Action from World War I Identified

The Department of Defense POW/Missing Personnel Office announced today that the remains of a serviceman, missing in action from World War I, have been identified and returned to his family for burial with full military honors.

Army Pvt. Thomas D. Costello of New York, N.Y., will be buried on July 12 at Arlington National Cemetery.

On Sept. 16, 1918, as part of the 60th Infantry Regiment, 1st Brigade, 5th Infantry Division, Costello encountered heavy enemy artillery barrage and machine gun fire near Jaulny, France, in a wooded area known as Bois de Bonvaux. He was killed during the battle and his remains were buried with two other soldiers in a wooded area between Bois de Bonvaux and Bois de Grand Fontaine.

Attempts to locate Costello’s remains by Army Graves Registration personnel following the war were unsuccessful. In September 2006, French nationals hunting for metal in the area found human remains and World War I artifacts. A Joint POW/MIA Accounting Command team, operating near the location, was notified of the discovery and recovered human remains upon excavating the site.

Among other forensic identification tools and circumstantial evidence, scientists from the JPAC laboratory also used dental comparisons in the identification of the remains.

For additional information on the Defense Department’s mission to account for missing Americans, visit the DPMO Web site at http://www.dtic.mil/dpmo or call 703-699-1169.

For additional information on the Defense Department’s mission to account for missing Americans, visit the DPMO Web site at http://www.dtic.mil/dpmo or call 703-699-1169.
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Comments on the first Earth Day _ James F. McClellan via John "Fuzzy" Thurman
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Hope you enjoy the newsletter.
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week.
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God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!
Mark 6:3-6 Prov 12:9 Psa 81:1-7 Psa 98:4-6 Prov 21:6-8 Psa 130:2-5 2 Chr 13:13-15 Psa 103:2-5 Acts 11:4-5 Psa 105:16-21 Prov 21:23 Acts 11:15-17 Prov 4:23-27 Prov 4:23-27 Mat 25:14-15, 19-21 Psa 18:28-29 Psa 139:15-17 Mark 6:22-23 http://www.e_min.org/
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