Friday, June 11, 2010

Bug's Bleat - - GCF: Speeding Ticket

Volume 12, Issue 24 Friday, June 11, 2010

Hello All,

Breaking News: CADDO GAP, Ark. – State police say 12 people are confirmed dead after flash floods triggered by heavy rains slammed a pair of campgrounds in southwestern Arkansas. Arkansas State Police spokesman Bill Sadler says he does not know if those killed early Friday were campers or area residents.
A tragic day in Arkansas with the loss of lives in the flood waters of Albert Pike. Some victims possibly still stranded. God's grace upon all. - - Tena Thompson Sanders
According to CNN the death toll is now 20 - - Norma Kay Rowe
Debra Tyler McMasters from Lewisville Arkansas lost her life in the flood. Her husband and 2 daughters are safe.
A friend’s son and grand-daughter are missing, the grandson's body has been found. Please keep this family in prayer. - - Jimmy Malone
This reminds me that wherever we are, we always need an emergency plan. At home, you should have a plan for fire (i.e. how you will get out of the house, where you will meet, etc.) as well as other emergencies (like severe weather.) When traveling, you should always look around your lodging for emergency exits and have a plan. When flying, know where the exits are and how to get your personal flotation device out. When camping, you should plan for fire and flood.
Survivors of disasters almost all reported that they thought about what they would do in advance. Be a survivor.
OSHA defines an egregious [conspicuously and outrageously bad or reprehensible] willful
[done on purpose; deliberate] violation as one due to willful and repeated citations and failure-to-abate those citations. In other words, they had been told to correct serious problems, and they didn't. Such violations indicate employers who have demonstrated recalcitrance or indifference to their employee’s safety and failure to comply with the Occupational Safety and Health Act.

Such attitudes rarely are confined to safety alone. They usually also encompass Environmental activities. Which Brings us to British Petroleum.

According to a report by the Center for Public Integrity, no other oil company inspected by OSHA in the last 3 years is even close to BP in the number of citations issued for egregious willful violations (760). Sunoco Inc. was cited for 8 willful violations. ConocoPhillips Co. was 4 willful, and CITGO Petroleum Corp. for 2 willful and EXXON also had just 1.

It turns out that BP has one of the worst worker safety records in the country. Their refineries account for 97 percent of all flagrant violations found in the refining industry by government safety inspectors over the past three years

“The only thing you can conclude is that BP has a serious, systemic safety problem in their company,” Jordan Barab, deputy assistant secretary of labor for occupational safety and health said.
So, what we have here is an organization totally out of touch with basic safety and environmental mores. Somehow, I doubt their latest disaster will change that.
In case you were wondering ... There are some good Father's Day ideas here. []
I like bridges and Ferries. In fact, I guess I like any way to cross obstacles. Annette and our kids have patiently endured long trips out of our way to cross a bridge or ferry.
We’ve been over the Chesapeake Bay Bridge Tunnel five or six times. And I almost never miss a chance to take the Mobile Bay Ferry from Dauphin Island to Fort Morgan.
But it doesn’t have to be a major waterway to make me happy. I like the crossings over the Red River in Arkansas and Louisiana. My favorite was the Ferry between Doddridge and Bradley, on Arkansas 160. This was one of the old “Metal Barge” Ferries operated by the Arkansas Highway Department. It would hold 3 or 4 vehicles at a time. It was replaced by a modern bridge a few years ago.
A little further north and, unfortunately before my time. There used to be a Ferry over the Red River between Lewisville and Garland City, Arkansas. This was a privately run Ferry that was replaced by the old US 82 truss bridge in the 1930s. The Ferry lasted a little longer than expected because the Ferry owner blew up the bridge just before it was finished. Once he was jailed, the bridge was finished and we used to cross it often in the early 1970s as we traveled back and forth from Dallas. I’ve got some photos of this “stratospherically high” bridge that was really a test of your bravery if you crossed the narrow two lane bridge when big trucks were coming the other direction. Doak Boring used to regularly fly under this bridge in the 60s. Alas, it was replaced by a modern concrete bridge in the 80s when the US 82 bypass around Garland City was finished.
Some of my other favorite bridges are the old US 80 vehicle/railroad bridge over the Mississippi at Vicksburg. Trains still use this bridge but vehicles are required to use the I-20 crossing.
Another similar crossing which is still in use is the US 190 vehicle/rail bridge over the Mississippi on the north side of Baton Rouge. Trains are given a mile or more to slowly gain the altitude to cross the river. So, you drive below the railroad on the approach and then, on the bridge, you’re beside the trains.
The I-30 bridge at Memphis is a beautifully truss suspension bridge and the old Chain Bridge in Waco, Texas is a pleasure for all bridge enthusiasts.
Theology scares me a little bit. Not that I have an issue with sound doctrine or doubt that God can be known, it's just the whole box thing. You know, the systematic theology box. I do not have a problem with systematic study of God. I have a problem with trying to make God fit in your system.

I have discovered that the Bible is not a theoretical treatise. It is real life. Most of what we preach in our pulpits doesn't translate into Monday morning. You know, God is in the business of revealing Himself to His creation. Everything you really need to know to walk with God is there in plain sight. The most obvious meaning of scripture is usually the most meaningful. It takes an expert to really make it hard to understand. I do not remember one person in any of my congregations who had a doctrinal concern of their own concocting. They always got it from some preacher. Once you get a theologian, it seems that you will always need one.

Jimmy Malone
We are called to serve humanity, not please them. - - Jimmy Malone
Here are several Christian books that I recommend;

How Now Shall We Live? by Charles Colson, Nancy Pearcey

Being the Body: A New Call for the Church to Be Light in the Darkness by Charles Colson, Ellen Vaughn

William Wilberforce: A Hero for Humanity by Kevin Belmonte, Charles Colson

The Faith: What Christians Believe, Why They Believe It, and Why It Matters by Charles Colson, Harold Fickett

The Body by Charles Colson

"The Shack" by William P. Young

"Rooms" by James L. Rubart

For mature Christians, I suggest "Blue Like Jazz: Nonreligious Thoughts on Christian Spirituality" by Donald Miller or “Travelin’ Mercies” by Anne Lamont
As a certified hypochondriac and mass consumer of health care, I love nurses.
One of my favorite true stories was when I spent a year on the Children's ward at St. Vincent's in Little Rock. The nuns and nurses were challenged to control us kids. I got in trouble for sending toy soldiers across the hospital in those vacuum tube message things they had.
Anyway... Every morning they came in, woke me up, took my vitals, took blood, etc. One morning the nurse came in and, when she put the thermometer in my mouth, I chomped down and started chewing it. She yelled, jerked me up, ran over to the sink and started washing my mouth out. When sister Mary Maria, the head nun came in, she asked me why I'd done that. I told her that I was tired of the whole hospital routine.
She pursed her lips, looked at me and walked away. I figured I was dead meat. But, the next morning, she took me to the zoo. Wow!
So you goof up and they take you to the zoo. ... Unfortunately, as I found out when I grew up, this doesn't work in the normal workaday life.
Since being diagnosed with Congestive Heart Failure I've gotten about 12 pounds of fluid and 10 pounds of fat off. I’m sleeping much much better than I have for over a year. I guess this was coming on for a long time and I didn't realize it.
Oh, I still have to get up to use the bathroom but then I go right back to sleep and sleep soundly until the bladder requires another draining.
Yet another health issue was revealed a few Sunday mornings ago on Fox New's "Housecall w/ Dr. Rosenfeld" he said that men who regularly take Viagra, Cialis, Levitra, etc. have a higher incidence of hearing loss. Seems that increased blood flow in some parts of the body, such as the inner ear is not necessarily good. Hummmm ... so a guy can enjoy better physical relations with his spouse but, as a consequence, not be able to hear her. ... What's the downside?
Can your kids swim? A youth swimming course will be held each afternoon, Monday through Thursday, June 7-17 and June 21-July 1 at the SAU pool. This comprehensive course will place each child according to individual ability. Classes are for ages 4-12 and will strive to advance each child as far as possible. All classes are American Red Cross certified and will teach basic water safety. Class sizes are limited to 10.

Classes begin at 2 p.m., with a new class beginning every 30 minutes until 5 p.m. The cost of the class is $60. The instructor is Pam Mayo.
The Purple Hull Pea Festival and world championship Tiller Race is coming. []
A GREAT story of self sacrifice for a stranger. []
* Conflicting reactions surround California's proposed plastic-bag ban []
The American Chemistry Council has released a study in the wake of the California Assembly passing a ban on plastic bags, with research showing that a similar, existing ban in San Francisco increased energy use, greenhouse-gas emissions and litter through the use of paper bags. California's ban would also cost consumers as much $1 billion in extra bag charges, the ACC said. (Los Angeles) (6/3)

* ACC: California Assembly votes for billion-dollar consumer "tax" on bags; read news release. []
I liked this video that Suzi Bennett Ingram shared. []. I liked the video. Good originality. And it's story of hope? ... That's the challenge for us old folks. We've seen so much disappointment in our lives that we tend to "poo poo" anyone who has the foolishness to hope.
But, when I reflect, I have to chose faith over despair and faith goes hand in hand with hope. Psalms 37:25 KJV - - I have been young, and now am old ; yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken , nor his seed begging bread.
And, this worth watching also.
I think "Global Warming" is a confusing phrase.
Some use this phrase meaning the earth is warming due to human activities.
Others use this phrase meaning the planet is experiencing a natural, cyclically warming.
Bottom line, the earth is getting more crowded and we are impacting the environment. But we could all live in caves and not burn ANYTHING and it wouldn't affect the temperature enough to make ANY difference.
The typical "hard core" environmentalist really wants to get rid of people and give the planet back to "Gaia." As the following quote illustrates. "It wasn't the Exxon Valdez captain's driving that caused the Alaskan oil spill. It was yours." ~ Greenpeace advertisement, New York Times, 25
Pogo was a Democrat. - - Chuck Jackson
The House Majority Whip wants the feds to investigate how an unemployed man won the South Carolina Democrat primary for the U.S. Senate. I think he’s onto something: the feds should investigate ANY Democrat who wins an election. - - Chuck Jackson
Southerners are very strange about that war. ... Shelby Foote
“Any effort that attempts to maintain social stability by silencing public media is outrageously wrong." --Shi Chuan, editorial in Chinese newspaper via Greg Jones
Depression is "Anger turned inward”
Cursing doesn't make you look any tougher, Mr. Obama. - - Jimmy Malone
"There's only one thing left to do... What I should have done all along!"~ Larry Boy - - Jimmy Malone
The purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble. - - Paula Johnson Porter
"I went to brush something off my face, and it was the floor."---Anthony Bourdain (quoting someone else!) via Paula Johnson Porter.
COWS - - Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the state of Washington? And, they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.
Thanks to Jay Brown
"You can safely assume that you've created God in your own image when it turns out that God hates all the same people you do." - - Anne Lamott
"Unforgiveness is like eating rat poison and waiting for the rat to die." From Anne Lamott’s book "Traveling Mercies" the chapter on forgiveness.
We often think we are human beings living a temporary spiritual existence. The truth is we are spiritual beings living a temporary human existence. - unknown author via Michael Maris
Temptation will lean on the doorbell. Opportunity may only knock once. - - CSI
The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory. - - Royce Ann Franks
We do not stop playing because we are old; we grow old because we stop playing. - - Chuck Jackson
Most people don't have a problem with Jesus, they have a problem with the Church.
It seems that most of our churches are non-prophet organizations. - Jimmy Malone
Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain . - - Vanessa Malone
You really do need to be reading Jimmy’s blog []
~~~~~ - - Make reservations at a fast food restaurant? Why would you ever do that? I tell you in today's blog. []

Unemployed Man Is Giving Away $10 A Day - - Reed Sandridge just might change your mind about facing tough times. Tighten up and go to fear? Not Reed. He's on an incredible journey--giving away $10 a day strangers. What giving is teaching him about getting.
Watch Video []
Angel On Jet Ski Saves Flood Victim - - Leslie Billis was in big trouble. Nashville's rising waters threatened her home. The 911 operator told her NOT to jump in the water. But there was a big chance her house was about to explode. Two bad choices, until she looked up and saw a stranger on a jet ski. You want to believe in angels? Watch this story.
Watch Video []
GMA Weather Anchor Shares His Biggest Inspiration - - It's more than tornadoes and hurricanes that make Good Morning America's Sam Champion go, "Wow!" His amazing sister fills his heart as she parents her teen son who has autism. She's also fighting for other kids who are aging out of a system that is focused on younger children. Watch Video >> []
Pretty and Tough In Pink - - This story is for anyone who likes to dress to the beat of a different drummer. Jeff Henderson is one tough cop at a Kansas high school. He also happens to love the color pink.
Watch Video []
"Perfect" Pitcher Shows Us Grace and Class
The sports world can't stop talking about how Detroit Tigers pitcher Armando Galarraga was robbed of a perfect game because of an umpire's blown call. While the fans and reporters rant, Galarraga shows us all what it means to have grace and class even when you don't get your huge dream. Watch Video []
You may not know about North Platte Canteen, but especially today, you need to watch this video. NORTH PLATTE CANTEEN []
(For those who are unaware: At all military base theaters, the National Anthem is played before the movie begins.)

I recently attended a showing of 'Superman 3' here at LSA Anaconda. We have a large auditorium we use for movies, as well as memorial services and other large gatherings. As is the custom at all military bases, we stood to attention when the National Anthem began before the main feature. All was going well until three-quarters of the way through The National Anthem, the music stopped.

Now, what would happen if this occurred with 1,000 18-22 year-olds back in the States? I imagine there would be hoots, catcalls, laughter, a few rude comments, and everyone would sit down and yell for the movie to begin. Of course, that is, if they had stood for the National Anthem in the first place.

Here in Iraq, 1,000 Soldiers continued to stand at attention, eyes fixed forward. The music started again and the Soldiers continued to quietly stand at attention. But again, at the same point, the music stopped. What would you expect 1000 Soldiers standing at attention to do?? Frankly, I expected some laughter, and everyone would eventually sit down and wait for the movie to start.

But No!!... You could have heard a pin drop, while every Soldier continued to stand at attention.

Suddenly, there was a lone voice from the front of the auditorium, then a dozen voices, and soon the room was filled with the voices of a thousand soldiers, finishing where the recording left off: "And the rockets' red glare, the bombs bursting in air, gave proof through the night that our flag was still there. Oh, say does that Star Spangled Banner yet wave, o'er the land of the free, and the home of the brave."

It was the most inspiring moment I have had in Iraq and I wanted you to know what kind of Soldiers are serving you. Remember them as they fight for us! Pass this along as a reminder to others to be ever in prayer for all our soldiers serving us here at home and abroad. Many have already paid the ultimate price.

Written by Chaplain Jim Higgins LSA Anaconda is at the Ballad Airport in Iraq , north of Baghdad.

Thanks to Waneta
Don't live here and disgrace my country. Go live in the Middle East and see how you like it. - Payne Stewart via Robert Lyons
America is not at war. The military is at war. - - America is at the mall, or watching the movie stars. []
Re; the forgotten war in Afghanistan ... Michael Yon was asked by the father of a soldier: "If you were a commander, what would you say to a group of US soldiers if one asked: "Sir, are we being asked to risk our lives to prop up a good man or a thug, feared and hated by the people of Afghanistan?"
Michael's Answer: ...... "Yes, we are being tasked to prop up a drug lord. That's our orders. Let's get to work."
I always like sharing Thomas S. Ellsworth’s Memorial Day Message.
This wasn't sent to me by another person or list, nor was it found posted elsewhere. It's just a few thoughts about a holiday which is special to me. It's one of those few times when I share something serious instead of humorous. -Tom

If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! Just send an email to:

GCF: Memorial Day 2010

The joke for today has been sent. I want to be serious for a moment and talk about the holiday which will be celebrated here in the United States on Monday.

Memorial Day is on the last Monday in May and honors those men and women who lost their lives serving their country. What we celebrate as Memorial Day today, began at the end of the Civil War. Family members of the many soldiers slain in battle would visit the grave sites of their fallen relatives or friends and decorate the graves with flowers.

On May 5, 1868, General John Logan proclaimed this day a holiday through his General Order No. 11. The day was entitled Decoration Day and was first observed on May 30, 1868. The northern states celebrated this day every year, but the southern states celebrated a day similar to this on a different day until sometime after World War I.

In 1882, the name Decoration day was changed to Memorial Day, and in 1971, Memorial Day was declared a national holiday to be held on the last Monday of May every year. Over the years it has come to serve as a day to remember all U.S. men and women killed or missing in action in all wars.

I am truly grateful for the freedoms which we enjoy today. Too often, we take these gifts for granted, little realizing the sacrifice which was involved in ensuring that these freedoms continue to be a part of all of our lives. Be honest, how many of us think of Memorial Day as just another chance for a three-day weekend? A chance to go the lakes or beaches or mountains? A trip to Disneyland or Six Flags or some other amusement park?

If you are here in the United States, please remember to display the flag, not just for the day but for the whole weekend. Let's not forget the real reason for having this holiday. The quote below says it all. Please take the time to read it.

Take care everyone.

(HM2, USN 65-69)
"It is, in a way, an odd thing to honor those who died in defense of our country in wars far away. The imagination plays a trick. We see these soldiers in our mind as old and wise. We see them as something like the Founding Fathers, grave and gray-haired. But most of them were boys when they died, they gave up two lives -- the one they were living and the one they would have lived. When they died, they gave up their chance to be husbands and fathers and grandfathers. They gave up their chance to be revered old men. They gave up everything for their county, for us. All we can do is remember."

-- Ronald Wilson Reagan
Remarks at Veteran's Day ceremony, Arlington National Cemetery
Arlington, Virginia, November 11, 1985
This time I wish to share something different. It is a YouTube link to a special song of thanks, from the Tussing Elementary School in Colonial Heights, Virginia. The 3rd Grade class did an original song giving tribute to those in the military. The song is called "Thank You Soldiers!"

Here is the link:
I also want to let you know about TAPS (Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors).

TAPS is a 24/7 tragedy assistance resource for ANYONE who has suffered the loss of a military loved one, regardless of the relationship to the deceased or the circumstance of the death.

Founded out of tragedy in 1994, TAPS has established itself as the front line resource to the families and loved ones of our military men and women. TAPS provides comfort and care through comprehensive services and programs including peer based emotional support, case work assistance, crisis intervention, and grief and trauma resources.

Caring for the families of the fallen...
A final thought.....

Over the years the meaning of Memorial Day has faded too much from the public consciousness. From a solemn day of mourning, remembrance, and honor to the men and women who died in providing the freedoms we enjoy, it has been reduced to a weekend of BBQ's, shopping bargains and beaches where only token nods toward our honored dead is given, if at all. Too many don't know what the day stands for.

Thanksgiving is a day when we pause to give thanks for the things we have.

Memorial Day is a day when we pause to give thanks to the people who fought for the things we have.

So, let's not forget those who made the ultimate sacrifice. They are remembered in all our prayers. Also, let's not forget a prayer for the safety of all service men and women, whether they serve at home or overseas. Finally, a heartfelt Semper Fi from this Hospital Corpsman is sent to all the Marines I knew. -Tom
Each week the Defense Department highlights military personnel who have gone above and beyond in the war. [] - - Arron Halford - - Awarded: The Bronze Star - - The first time U.S. Army Reserve Sergeant Arron Halford deployed to Iraq in 2004 was during one of the peaks in attacks against coalition forces. Because Halford had been tasked with providing convoy security for the deployment, it meant he was out on the road a lot.

"It was really bad back then," Halford said of the security conditions on the roads he travelled. "There were lots of IEDs, that was the main concern. That was actually, I’d say, one of the worse periods over there. If you look at the number of attacks against coalition forces that was one of the worst times."

After a long career in the Navy and then the Navy Reserve, Halford had joined the Army Reserve in 2004 as Military Police. The situation on the ground during the 2004 deployment caused the Army to assign Halford to provide security to convoys as they traveled from base to base.

"We would take off on a mission and escort a convoy from [camp] Anaconda up to Mosul, Camp Cedar, Taji," Halford said, describing the long circuitous journeys throughout the country. When they traveled they would transport "everything from retro tires to tank tread. Pretty much anything," he said.

Spending so much time on the roads, Halford was keenly aware of the danger he faced daily, he said.

Despite the danger around them at that time, it wasn’t until his next deployment in 2007 - 2008 that Halford encountered true danger on the roads of Iraq.

Halford served during this deployment providing protective services for a Marine Corps Colonel.

During a routine mission on March 29, 2008, Halford was escorting the Colonel from the Ramadi Government Center to Camp Fallujah. Halford was the Truck Commander of the second Humvee in the three-vehicle convoy.

The convoy has almost reached their destination, when the Humvee in which Halford was traveling struck an IED.

The IED had set the vehicle on fire, Halford said, and as he tried to account for the other three passengers in the vehicle, one did not respond. As the Humvee filled with smoke, Halford ordered everyone to evacuate.

"When I tried to do accountability I realized that [the Major] was still inside," he said.

The explosion had forced the Major’s seat forward, pinning his legs inside, Halford said.

Grabbing a fire extinguisher from the other vehicle in the convoy, Halford fought to put out the flames so that the Major could be saved from the burning vehicle.

When the fire ignited all the rounds of ammunition in the vehicle, Halford was forced to take cover momentarily, but was then able to resume fighting back the flames to reach the Major who was unconscious and still trapped inside.

Eventually Halford, with the assistance of two fellow service members, was able to extract the Major fully from the burning vehicle.

Despite their efforts, the Major passed away three days later as a result of the trauma of the explosion itself. The Major had chosen to come on the trip because he had wanted to purchase an anniversary gift for his wife, Halford said.

Halford, who was uninjured in the event, earned a Bronze Star medal with "Valor" for his actions on that day.

"I’d rather not have the medal," Halford said. "Because I’d rather have the [Major] still be alive."

"I don’t really know if I did anything super-heroic. I just did my job. I did what I wish someone had done if it was me trapped in that Humvee."
Andy Lee - - Awarded: The Bronze Star - - Just when U.S. Marine Corps Sergeant Andy Lee thought he had reached the end of a long, exhausting day he was suddenly called to action by the eruption of enemy fire nearby.

Lee and his four-man team had spent the day providing heavy machine gun fire support to Bravo Company's 3rd platoon. Working to secure villages in the Nawa District of Helmund Province before upcoming elections, the platoon moved from house to house. As they entered and checked for weapons and IEDs, Lee and his team set up outside, ready to provide machine gun support in case it was needed.

That day, August 13, 2009, had passed without incident, Lee and his Marines were exhausted, nonetheless. Carrying their .50 Caliber Machine Gun and its required tripod, tools, and ammunition, they had traversed over 3 kilometers of extremely difficult terrain, each bearing a load of over 90 pounds, in heat of over 110 degrees.

"Pure pain" is how Lee described the feeling of carrying 95 pounds of equipment plus the protective gear they wore. No matter how strong, how in shape you are, he said, it's still going to hurt.

" But it has to get done. It would have been a really bad day if we weren't out there with that machine gun so I'm glad we did it."

The Marines moved out of one village and onto the next compound, each squad walking together, a few hundred meters separating each small group of men. As two of the squads were crossing a nearby tree line enemy fire erupted.

"All hell broke loose on that tree line," Lee said. "Two different squads came under fire."

The squad ahead of them began to receive small arms fire and rocket propelled grenade fire, and without hesitation, Lee pushed his machine gun team forward to assist.

"We were only roughly 500 meters from the actual squad when they started taking fire," he said. "We took the machine gun system fully assembled, rushed forward 200 meters, and started to fire."

Lee's machine gun team sprung into action and began laying down a heavy volume of suppressive fire towards multiple compounds to their due west. This instantly reduced the enemy's volume of fire, allowing the teams that were pinned down to begin their maneuver toward the compounds.

"I had to run back to get the ammunition," Lee explained. While he retrieving the heavy ammunition, and RPG struck and wounded the gunner on his team, he said.

Again Lee sprang to action, running as fast as he could back to where the rest of his team was set up. Lee was able to coordinate the evacuation of injured Marine, while continuing to provide machine gun support to the team under fire.

"It's what we always want to do, as Marines," Lee said of his training and preparation for the fight that day.

Lee earned a Bronze Star with Combat Distinguishing "V" for his actions that day.

"Without any regard for his own health or well-being, Sergeant Lee continued to aggressively assault the enemy and lead his men with precision," his award citation states. "With vehicles not an option due to restrictiveness of the terrain, 3rd platoon, Bravo Company relied solely on Sergeant Lees one machine gun... His personal valor, physical toughness, and devotion to the mission and the Marines he leads are above reproach."

"It's a humbling thing," Lee said of earning the medal. "It's what we do every day. If somebody said you did great, you can't really say you didn't. It's definitely an honor to wear it."

Lee cited his grandfather and great uncle who both served in the Army during WWII, he said. Lee is now the second in his family to wear the Bronze Star with "V"; his uncle earned one as well at Guadalcanal.
The latest from Michael Yon, the foremost “milnews” blogger on the web.

A new dispatch on Afghanistan is up: PENGUINS OF AFGHANISTAN []

My intentions were to write several more dispatches about missions, yet there seems to be so little interest in Afghanistan that it hardly seems worth the time to write about real missions.

There is little embedded work coming from Afghanistan. McChrystal's censorship seems to be working. (For now.) He's losing the war and covering it up. The deception is easy when so few people are paying attention. We are losing the war. At this rate it will be lost.
A major dispatch is up. This dispatch required months of research in five countries: Afghanistan, Nepal, Vietnam, Cambodia, Laos.

Please read: Gobar Gas []
Have not yet returned to Afghanistan. Conducting many interviews. (More now than while in Afghanistan.)

Short interview with Squidge Magazine. []
The Atlantic: Michael Yon's War

D.B. Grady []

This article has a lot of beef: Afghanistan, Thailand, General Stanley McChrystal, General David Petraeus, Brigadier General Daniel Menard, milkooks, Bob Ainsworth, and more.

Rich with information. Please CLICK [].
For an idea of what these men and women do on a daily basis, please read "Pedros". This can make it easy to understand why so many people admire Pedros. If you get shot, blown up, sick, or whatever, there is almost no weather they will not fly in, and they will come into the hottest landing zones ever with guns... blazing to get you out.

Pedros don't paint red crosses on their helicopters. They mount miniguns.

Pedros don't play. []
Important steps being taken. []
Very Respectfully,

Michael Yon
Your Writer,

Please remember that this website accepts no advertisement and is dependent on your support.
Very Respectfully,

PS Please sign up for my updates at "Michael_Yon" [] (not Michael Yon).
If you would like to encourage US Troops overseas, but are not sure just how to begin, visit for ideas.
We’ve Watched:
The House of Eliott: Series Rating: 8
An Ideal Husband Rating: 7
Believe in Me Rating: 8
The Mistress of Spices Rating: 6
Extraordinary Measures Rating: 7
Jesse Stone: Rating: 7
New In Town Rating: 7

Uncle Nino I Rated This Movie: 9
My Man Godfrey I Rated This Movie: 10
Desk Set I Rated This Movie: 10
Tugger: The Jeep 4x4 Who Wanted to Fly I Rated This Movie: 9
WALL-E I Rated This Movie: 10
Ballet Shoes I Rated This Movie: 10
Ball of Fire I Rated This Movie: 10
The Vicar of Dibley: I Rated This Movie: 6
Battle of the X-Planes: Nova I Rated This Movie: 8
It Happened One Night I Rated This Movie: 10
Serendipity I Rated This Movie: 8
You Can't Take It with You I Rated This Movie: 8
People Will Talk I Rated This Movie: 10
The First Wives Club I Rated This Movie: 7
Thomas & Friends: I Rated This Movie: 7
Paper Books We’ve recently read:

The executor / Jesse Kellerman. I Rated This Book: 4.5
Eight lives down : the story of the world's most dangerous job in the world's most dangerous place / Chris Hunter. I Rated This Book: 8.5
Traveling mercies : some thoughts on faith / Anne Lamott. I Rated This Book: 8
Reckless : a novel / Andrew Gross. I Rated This Book: 7.5
Matterhorn : a novel of the Vietnam War / Karl Marlantes. I Rated This Book: 8.5
Kindle books we recently read:

The Tery - (The LaNague Federation series) F. Paul Wilson I Rated This Book: 7.5
Wheels Within Wheels - (The LaNague Federation series) F. Paul Wilson I Rated This Book: 7.5
Healer - (The LaNague Federation series) F. Paul Wilson I Rated This Book: 7.5
Photos on the front of this week’s “Bleat” include Shots of a “Clydesdale”, Da Boys, and Mamaw.
We’ve now got several addresses on the web for "Da Bleat." For the latest issue, go to Other issues can be seen at
Our photos are posted at
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Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.
Be sure and keep Dr. Pat Antoon and his lovely wife Mandy in your prayers.
Peas in a Purple Pod

The Purple Hull Pea Festival takes place June 25-26 in Emerson, Ark. Held each year since 1990, the event features the Rotary Tiller Race and the Purple Hull Pea Shelling Competition. This recipe is adapted from the festival’s website (

If you can’t find fresh purple hull peas, substitute any other fresh field pea, such as lady peas, crowders, pink-eyes or black-eyes.

Purple Hull Pea Salad
Mark Boughton

2 cups fresh shelled purple hull peas
4 cups reduced-sodium chicken or vegetable broth
1 small ham hock
1 garlic clove, minced
1/4 cup balsamic vinegar
Pinch of sugar
1 tablespoon Dijon mustard
Coarsely ground black pepper
3/4 cup extra-virgin olive oil
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 (5-ounce) bag arugula or other salad greens
2 large ripe tomatoes, sliced
1 sweet onion, thinly sliced
4 tablespoons fresh basil, thinly sliced

1. Combine peas, broth and ham hock in large saucepan or Dutch oven and bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer until peas are barely tender, about 20 minutes. (Do not overcook; peas should still be al dente.) Let peas cool in stock. (Peas will continue to cook as they cool.) When cool, drain peas in colander and refrigerate until ready to assemble salad.
2. Combine garlic, vinegar, sugar, mustard and pepper in deep glass bowl. Whisk in olive oil. Remove about 1/4 of the dressing to a glass jar. Add peas to bowl and toss to combine. Add salt.
3. Divide arugula among 6 salad plates, and arrange 2 or 3 tomato slices on the side. Using a slotted spoon, place peas on plate. Scatter onion and basil over salad. Serve with additional black pepper and pass remaining vinaigrette. Serves 6.

Adapted from the Emerson, Ark., Purple Hull Pea Festival website (

Nutritional Information
Per serving: 380 calories, 29g fat, 9g protein, 22g carbohydrates, 5g fiber, 550mg sodium.

printed from on 6/7/2010
Recipe(s) of the week - - Grab-and-Go Breakfast Sandwich - - makes 1 serving

What You Need!
1/4 cup cholesterol-free egg product
1 English muffin, split, toasted
1 KRAFT 2% Milk Sharp Cheddar Singles
1 slice OSCAR MAYER Turkey Bacon, cooked, cut crosswise in half

Make It!

COOK egg product in skillet sprayed with cooking spray on medium heat 3 min. or until set, stirring occasionally.

SPOON onto muffin half; cover with Singles, bacon and remaining muffin half.

Kraft Kitchens Tips - - Special Extra - - This is the perfect breakfast idea for the person on the go. Grab a napkin or paper towel to hold the sandwich and a banana to help round out the meal.

Calories 270
Total fat 8 g
Saturated fat 3 g
Cholesterol 25 mg
Sodium 840 mg
Carbohydrate 28 g
Dietary fiber 2 g
Sugars 2 g
Protein 18 g
Vitamin A 35 %DV
Vitamin C 0 %DV
Calcium 30 %DV
Iron 15 %DV

2 Starch + 2 Meat (L)

This grab-and-go sandwich is rich in calcium from the Singles and an excellent source of vitamin A from the egg product. Carb Choices: 2

Your Summer Solution: These Delicious Sandwiches []

Statism and Scripture
Kudzu Government
By: Chuck Colson
Published: May 14, 2010 5:00 AM

Many Christians are uneasy with the growth of government in American life. They just can’t quite explain why.

From General Motors to health care. From bank bailouts to national anti-obesity campaigns. Government is becoming more and more involved of every aspect of American life.

Most Christians are rightly uncomfortable with this. But most of us can’t explain to our friends and neighbors why that is. That’s one reason I broadcast BreakPoint every day—to help Christians understand and defend a Christian worldview as it applies to every area of life.

It’s also why I launched the Colson Center for Christian Worldview. At, we feature the work of respected theologians and worldview thinkers—people like T.M. Moore, my long-time colleague.

As part of his weekly “ViewPoint” Bible studies, T.M. Moore has written for us a fantastic study called “Kudzu Government: The Lust for Autonomy and the Roots of Statism.”

The fundamental principle of a statist worldview, T. M. writes, is the belief that “government is in the best position to create the conditions and provide the framework for maximum human flourishing. When such becomes the operating principle of a nation, then nothing is off limits for government intrusion, revision, redefinition, and control.”

T. M. compares this kind of government to kudzu, a rapid-growing, leafy vine. Kudzu has its proper place—as an ornamental vine in a garden. But when it grows unchecked, it literally devours everything in its path. Any of you who have ever driven down a country road in the South know exactly what I mean.

Likewise, government has its proper, biblically sanctioned role—which is to restrain evil and promote justice. But as T. M. writes, “When government becomes a law unto breaks the bounds of its proper confines, and forcing its ways on every other area and aspect of life, it smothers and chokes everything it touches—values, institutions, establishments and entities—and replaces them with itself.”

The statist worldview is particularly dangerous to religion. As T.M. writes, “Few things rankle the kudzu state more than the loud-mouthed prophet who simply won’t go along with the program.” So statist regimes either silence religion altogether (a la Communism and Nazism), or, just as insidiously, co-opt religion to use as a tool for government power and policy.

Look at the situation in America today. I’ve talked many times about the threat of abortion and gay marriage to religious freedom. Revoking non-profit status, laws about anti-discrimination in employment, revoking medical or pharmaceutical licenses—these are all “soft” ways that government can seek to force religious individuals and institutions into conforming to government policies.

What makes T. M.’s study on “Kudzu Government” so useful is the way it employs Scripture to illustrate the dangers of statism. The story of Jeroboam, Joseph in Egypt, Ahab, David, and Solomon—all of these illustrate the tendency of those in power to want to assert more and more authority over their subjects’ lives.

Please come to to download a free copy of “Kudzu Government.” Use it yourself, and give it to your small group.

And be sure to come back every week for a new ViewPoint study by T. M. Moore on topics of great interest to Christians—all from a thoroughly biblical perspective.
Further Reading and Information

Rex Lex: Kudzu Government Part 1 []
T.M. Moore | Colson Center | May 10, 2010

To Be as God: Kudzu Government Part 2 []
T.M. Moore | Colson Center | May 11, 2010

What’s Yours Is Ours: Kudzu Government Part 3 []
T.M. Moore | Colson Center | May 12, 2010

Redefining Religion: Kudzu Government Part 4 []
T.M. Moore | Colson Center | May 13, 2010

Troubling the Truthful: Kudzu Government Part 5 []
T.M. Moore | Colson Center | May 14, 2010

It’s the Culture: What Makes a Good Society []
Chuck Colson | BreakPoint Commentary | May 13, 2010
Marriage As Therapy or Covenant?
Worldview Matters
By: Chuck Colson
Published: June 11, 2010 5:00 AM
Topics: Marriage & Family, Politics & Government, Postmodernism

What’s marriage all about, anyway? Well, like almost everything else, that depends on your worldview.

Last week, another prominent couple made headlines by announcing the end of their marriage. It was former vice president Al Gore and his wife. I know both of them and always thought they were a perfect couple.

I am disappointed for them and saddened. Indeed, that seems to be the overwhelming reaction from the public and the media. Many, who saw the Gores as an ideal, loving couple who enjoyed and endured the ups and downs of public life together, wondered aloud if the Gore’s couldn’t keep going after 40 years, who can?

Well, that depends, as does so much, on your worldview.

And a perfect case in point is an article from last Friday’s New York Times entitled, “What Brain Scans Tell Us About Marriage.”

Author Tara Parker-Pope reported on recent research into the neuroscience of happy marriages. She cites one study in which 17 madly-in-love couples underwent a brain scan. When an individual was shown a picture of his or her spouse—ta-da!—the scan showed activity in that part of the brain associated with romance. In older couples, Parker-Pope writes, “researchers spotted something extra: parts of the brain associated with deep attachment were also activated.”

The researcher, Dr. Bianca Acevedo explained, “They have the feelings of euphoria, but also the feelings of calm and security that we feel when we’re attached to somebody.”

Dr Acevedo added, “I think it’s wonderful news.”

And I do, too. Parker-Pope, after highlighting the key to a happy marriage, asks two questions that highlighted for me exactly why marriages today are crumbling. One, “how much does your partner provide a source of exciting experiences?” And two, “how much has knowing your partner made you a better person?”

What do these two questions have in common? They are the epitome of the postmodern, therapeutic worldview—the worldview that asks one and only one question: What’s In It For Me?

Thus Parker-Pope can end her article on a happy postmodern note, quoting a Wharton School Economist: The Gores “had 40 years of marriage . . . The fact that they both can look forward and see a promising future by not being married [is] a celebration about how much optimism they have for the rest of their lives.”

Well, I cannot put such a happy face on divorce, nor do I mean to single out the Gores for criticism. Far from it, because I know all too well the pain divorce creates.

But I can’t stop from noticing how far our culture has drifted from the faith that founded it. Even 40 years ago, marriage was seen as a covenant, a sacrament in some traditions—a promise before God between a man and a woman to be faithful to one another until death did them part. Not seeking the good for one’s self, but the good of the other.

But in our therapeutic culture, as Parker-Pope’s questions illuminate so brilliantly, this has been turned 180 degrees. Marriage is now just another path, or obstacle, to self-fulfillment.

Please don’t tell me worldviews don’t matter. Or that they can’t shape a culture. We’ve gone in 40 years from the Christian belief in a lifelong commitment to seeing divorce as the start of a promising future. Please.

Further Reading and Information

What Brain Scans Can Tell Us About Marriage []
Tara Parker-Pope | The New York Times | June 4, 2010

Experts say long-term marriages that end in divorce aren't all that rare []
Jocelyn Noveck | Detroit Free Press | June 7, 2010

Al and Tipper Gore announce separation []
Bob Drogin and Kathleen Hennessey | Los Angeles Times | June 2, 2010

Copyright © 2010 Prison Fellowship. All Rights Reserved _ _
Residents of Columbia County, Arkansas are represented in Congress by:
Senator Blanche Lambert Lincoln (D_ AR)
Phone 202_224_4843
FAX 202_228_1371
Senator Mark Pryor (D_ AR)
Phone 202_224_2353
FAX 202_228_0908
Representative Michael A. Ross (D _ 04)
Phone 202_225_3772
FAX 202_225_1314
Other states congresspersons can be found at: []
Words of the Day:
chevron: a badge or insignia in the form of an inverted V.
muliebrity: womanly nature or qualities.
mugwump: a person who is unable to make up his or her mind on an issue, esp. in politics.
matriculate: to enroll in a college or university as a candidate for a degree.
malapert: unbecomingly bold or saucy.
afterclap: an unexpected repercussion.
sawyer: a person who saws wood, esp. as an occupation.
oleaginous: having the nature or qualities of oil.
goad: to prod; incite.
swain: a male admirer or lover.
Manichean: pertaining to a strongly dualistic worldview.
penumbra: an area in which something exists to an uncertain degree.
bathos: triteness or triviality in style.
fathom: to penetrate to the truth of.
Occidental: Western.
noctivagant: pertaining to wandering at night.
ruth: pity or compassion.
kowtow: to act in a subservient manner.
kibitz: to chat, to converse.
eidetic: pertaining to visual imagery vividly experienced and readily reproducible.
majuscule: of letters written either as capitals or uncials.
tipple: to drink intoxicating liquor, esp. habitually or to some excess.
habitué: one who frequents a particular place.
plucky: having or showing courage.
baksheesh: a tip, present, or gratuity.
suspire: to utter with long, sighing breaths.
phlegmatic: not easily excited to action or display of emotion.
adumbrate: to foreshadow; prefigure.
shivaree: a mock serenade with kettles and other noisemakers for a newly married couple.
regnant: prevalent; widespread.
waxing: to increase in extent, quantity, intensity, or power.
ethereal: light, airy, or tenuous.
epoch: the beginning of a distinctive period in history.
scuttle: to run with quick, hasty steps; scurry.
threnody: a poem, speech, or song of lamentation, esp. for the dead.
"I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve (or save) the world and a desire to enjoy (or savor) the world. This makes it hard to plan the day." - E. B. White

"A man is rich in proportion to the number of things he can afford to let alone." - Henry David Thoreau

"The ear of the leader must ring with the voices of the people." - Woodrow Wilson

"You must do the thing you think you cannot do." - Eleanor Roosevelt

"He who refuses to embrace a unique opportunity loses the prize as surely as if he had tried and failed." - William James

"Nothing is exactly as it seems, nor is it otherwise." - Alan Watts

"A desk is a dangerous place from which to view the world." - John le Carre

"The trouble with life isn't that there is no answer, it's that there are so many answers." - Ruth Benedict

"My own view about bringing up kids is praise, praise and praise again."- Sir Richard Branson

"A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul." - George Bernard Shaw

"The Interstate highway system has made it possible to go from sea to shining sea without seeing anything."- Charles Kuralt

"A successful person is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks that others throw at him or her." - David Brinkley

"Americans have sought the value of everything in this world only in the answer to this single question: how much money will it bring in?" - Alexis de Tocqueville

"You better live your best and act your best and think your best today, for today is the sure preparation for tomorrow and all the other tomorrows that follow." - Harriet Martineau

"History suggests that capitalism is a necessary condition for political freedom. Clearly, it is not a sufficient condition." - Milton Friedman

"Pride, like humility, is destroyed by one's insistence that he possesses it." - Kenneth Bancroft Clark

"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. Security does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than exposure."- Helen Keller

"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it."- Aristotle

"All good books have one thing in common - they are truer than if they had really happened." - Ernest Hemingway

"Not to invent yourself is to be false. To follow preordained rules is a profound betrayal of what it means to be human." - David Starkey

"Constantly choosing the lesser of two evils is still choosing evil." - Jerry Garcia

"If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things." - Albert Einstein

"I wanted to change the world. But I have found that the only thing one can be sure of changing is oneself."-Aldous Huxley

"Everything has been said before, but since nobody listens we have to keep going back and beginning all over again."- Andre Gide

"There is an applause superior to that of the multitudes: one's own."- Elizabeth Elton Smith

"Common sense is not so common."- Voltaire

"If all economists were laid end to end, they would not reach a conclusion."- George Bernard Shaw

"Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom." - Marcel Proust

"A man who dares to waste one hour of time has not discovered the value of life."- Charles Darwin

"Nothing is more conducive to peace of mind than not having any opinions at all."- Georg Christoph Lichtenberg

"To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it." - Confucius

"The growth and development of people is the highest calling of leadership." - Harvey S. Firestone

"Every form of addiction is bad, no matter whether the narcotic be alcohol or morphine or idealism." - Carl Jung

"And I'm proud to be an American, where at least I know I'm free. And I won't forget the men who died, who gave that right to me." - Lee Greenwood

"A hero is someone who has given his or her life to something bigger than oneself." - Joseph Campbell

More Kudos for Vitamin D - - Aimee Herd (May 10, 2010)
Study finds Vitamin D supplements may cut risk of breast cancer. ...Read Full Story []
Jason Castro, Alive and Well and Loving Jesus - - Teresa Neumann (May 10, 2010) - -
Though he's excited about the release of his first CD, he says, "I want to be a loving father, a faithful husband, and a servant to all." ...Read Full Story []
Mrs. V's "Lifeline" of Letters to Troops - - Aimee Herd (May 18, 2010)
"Her contributions have made a difference in people's lives."...Read Full Story []
Sucked Up Into a Tornado, Trucker Lives to Tell about It - - Teresa Neumann (May 18, 2010)
"About that time I just felt it (his truck) lift up. I knew it was going over. I started talking to Jesus pretty serious."...Read Full Story []
ALERT: Gov. Crist Still Leaning Toward Veto of Ultrasound Bill - - "It will take a miracle to change his mind" - - (Tallahassee, FL)—Florida's HB 1143, if passed, would expand the existing law to assure that abortion-minded women (in the second or third trimester only) would have not just the opportunity to see their baby on an ultrasound, but also have the description explained to them by the doctor. However, they would STILL have the option not to see the ultrasound.

The bill would also formally ban public funding of abortions in the state.

According to, Gov. Crist has already hinted he will veto the legislation, which also allows Florida to opt out of some of the abortion funding under the new national health care law President Barack Obama signed.

For more information click below:

310 2nd Ave SE
Albany, Oregon 97321
US Orders: 1_866_358_7426
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GCF: Speeding Ticket

Emailed to me from another humor list (Clean Laffs) -Tom Subscribe to Clean Laffs at the website:

If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! Just send an email to:

Rushing to work, I was driving too fast and as a result was pulled over by the highway patrol. The state trooper noticed that my shirt had the name of a local high school on it. "I teach math there," I explained.

The trooper smiled, and said, "Okay, here's a problem. A teacher is speeding down the highway at 16 m.p.h. over the limit. At $12 for every mile, plus $40 court costs, plus the rise in her insurance, what's her total cost?"

I replied, "Taking that total, subtracting the low salary I receive, multiplying by the number of kids who hate math, then adding to that the fact that none of us would be any- where without teachers, I'd say zero."

He handed me back my license. "Math was never my favorite subject," he admitted. "Please slow down."
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me from another humor list (Clean Laffs) -Tom Subscribe to Clean Laffs at the website:

GCF: Living in the Country

Everything about living in the country delighted my neighbors, who had moved to our small town from the city. One day they spotted a sign, "Fresh Eggs For Sale" at a roadside stand where payment was on the honor system.

"Why can't everyone be this trusting?" they said as they put their money into the box and took a carton. When they got home and opened it, they found 11 eggs.
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me another humor list (Clean Joke of the Day) -Tom Subscribe to Clean Joke of the Day by visiting the website:

GCF: Rookie Pitcher

A rookie pitcher was struggling at the mound, so the catcher walked out to have a talk with him.

"I've figured out your problem," he told the young southpaw. "You always seem to lose control at the same point in every game."

"When is that?" asked the rookie.

"Right after the National Anthem."
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Kelly) -Tom

GCF: But Daddy.....

My husband and I took our two-year-old daughter to the home-improvement store. Madison got tired of walking, so my husband let her ride on his shoulders. As he walked, Madison began pulling his hair. Although he asked her to stop several times, she kept on. Getting annoyed, he scolded, "Madison! Stop that!"

"But, Daddy," she replied, "I'm just trying to get my gum back."
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me from another humor list (Clean Laffs) -Tom Subscribe to Clean Laffs at the website:

GCF: Clunker

As the owner of an old clunker, I was used to dealing with a variety of car breakdowns. One day at the supermarket, just after I had filled my trunk with groceries, I noticed a stream of fluid leaking out of the bottom of the car. I knew I had to get home before the car was once again out of action.

When I arrived I asked my husband to take a look at the problem. Expecting the worst, I braced myself for his diagnosis.

When he came back in, he was smiling. "It's apple juice," he said.
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me from another humor list (Clean Laffs) -Tom Subscribe to Clean Laffs at the website:

GCF: Call to the Governor

A lawyer phoned the governor's mansion shortly after midnight. "I need to talk to the governor, it's an emergency!" exclaimed the lawyer.

After some cajoling, the governor's assistant agreed to wake him up. "So, what is it that's so important that it can't wait until morning?" grumbled the governor.

"Judge Pierson just died, and I want to take his place," begged the attorney.

"Well, it's OK with me if it's OK with the funeral home," replied the governor.
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me from another humor list (A Joke A Day) -Tom Subscription info is at the website

GCF: Jury Trial?

A defendant was asked if he wanted a bench trial or a jury trial.

"Jury trial," the defendant replied.

"Do you understand the difference?" asked the judge.

"Sure," replied the defendant. "That's where twelve ignorant people decide my fate instead of one."
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me another humor list (Good Clean Funnies List) -Tom To subscribe The Good Clean Funnies List, (not to be confused with this list, which is Good Clean Fun) send an email to: with subject = add

GCF: Maritime Museum

Some midshipmen were tasked at the maritime museum to do the "dirty work" of restoring a 60-year-old destroyer. One day the Navy sent a crew of 20 men, while the Marines sent a crew of three.

The curator teased one of the Navy midshipman, saying, "You mean it takes twenty Navy guys to do the work of only three Marines?"

"Sir, no sir," he snapped back. "The truth is, sir, it takes six or seven of us to supervise each one of those Marines!"
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me from another humor list (Clean Laffs) -Tom Subscribe to Clean Laffs at the website:

GCF: Transplant

My husband, who is an auto mechanic, was on the kidney- transplant list.

As you can imagine, it was a tense time for our family.

But one day, the phone rang and our teenage son answered. It was the hospital with good news. "Dad!" he yelled excitedly, "Your parts are in!"
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me from another humor list (Clean Laffs) -Tom Subscribe to Clean Laffs at the website:

GCF: In the Personals

Seen in the Southern Illinois University student newspaper:

"Sweet, little old lady wishes to correspond with S.I.U. undergraduate. Prefers six-foot male with brown eyes answering to initials J.D.B.

Signed, "His Mother."
_ ____________________________ _

Emailed to me another humor list (Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh List) -Tom Subscribe to Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh list at the website: Subscribe

GCF: Curfew

This young man was elated when he turned eighteen in a state where curfew is 11:00 p.m. for anyone seventeen years of age and under.

He told his Dad how happy he was that now he could stay out until 3:00 a.m. if he wanted.

"Yes you can stay out as late as you want, but the car is under eighteen and it has to be in the garage by eleven," his father said.
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me from another humor list (Daily Humor) -Tom To subscribe to Daily Humor, send a blank email to:

GCF: Wedding Invitation

A real wedding invitation:

Phil, Richard, Karen and Allison, and John, Matt and Steve request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their Mother and Father.

Because they are combining two households, they already have at least two of everything. So please, no presents!

Reception and garage sale immediately following the ceremony.
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Business Answering Machine

In a small business office they have an answering machine that instructs callers to leave their name and address, and to spell any difficult words.

Early one Monday the secretary was reviewing the weekend messages and she heard an enthusiastic young woman recite her name and address and then confidently offer:

"My difficult word is reconciliation. R-E-C-O-N-C-I-L-I-A-T-I-O-N."
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me from another humor list (Daily Humor) -Tom To subscribe to Daily Humor, send a blank email to:

GCF: New Glasses

When I took my 5-year-old to the optometrist to pick up his new glasses, he asked why he had to wear them. The doctor replied, "They're to help you read and be able to see the computer better."

When we got back home, my son sat down at the computer. In a few minutes he called me over and said, "There's something wrong with my glasses."

"What's the problem?"

"I can see the computer better, but I still can't read."
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Fastidious Housekeeper?

My mom admitted to being a less than fastidious housekeeper.

One evening my dad returned home from work, walked into the kitchen and said, "You know, dear, I can write my name in the dust on the mantel."

Mom turned to him and sweetly replied, "Well, darling, that's why I married a college graduate."
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Barbecue Smoke


Summer evenings may no longer be filled with the smell of barbecued steaks, marinated chicken breasts, hamburgers and or hot dogs. The President, concerned about the health risk of second-hand barbecue smoke, is planning to sign an executive order that would ban the sale of barbecues, charcoal and charcoal lighter as well as impose stiff penalties on people who are caught engaging in this favorite summer past-time.

The White House Press Secretary said, "The smoke from just one barbecue is equal to at least 1000 packs of cigarettes and poses a significant health threat to the American public. The President has decided to do the right thing and ban these silent killers."

Members of the President's own party are not pleased by this announcement. The Senate Majority Leader said, "Rather than ban barbecues, we should heavily tax and regulate the barbecue industry. The President is missing out on a golden opportunity to bring new revenue into Washington."

BNN Disclaimer: This story is totally false; not one shred of it is true! It was created for entertainment purposes ONLY. Any resemblance to the truth is purely coincidental.
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me from another humor list (Clean Laffs) -Tom Subscribe to Clean Laffs at the website:

GCF: At the Supermarket

At the supermarket, I noticed a woman with four boys and a baby. Her patience was wearing thin as the boys called out, "Mommy! Mommy!" while she tried to shop.

Finally, she blurted out, "I don't want to hear the word mommy for at least ten minutes!"

The boys fell silent for a few seconds. Then one tugged on his mother's dress and said softly, "Excuse me, miss."
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Howard) -Tom

GCF: Favorite Animal

Our teacher asked us what our favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken." She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right because everyone else in the class laughed.

My parents told me to always be truthful and honest, and I am. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef.

Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed too. Then he told me not to do it again.

The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, just like she'd asked the other children. So I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the principal's office again. He laughed, and told me not to do it anymore.

I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am. Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most.

I told her, "Colonel Sanders".

Guess where I am now.......
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me from another humor list (Clean Laffs) -Tom Subscribe to Clean Laffs at the website:

GCF: At the Race Track

A stock analyst and a Wall Street broker went to the race- track. The broker suggested betting $12,000 on a certain horse. The analyst was skeptical; he had never been to the races before and wanted to understand the rules and look over all the horses before placing a wager.

"You're too cautious and detail-oriented," the broker criticized as he placed his large bet. His horse won and he raked in a bundle of money.

"What's your secret?" the analyst asked.

"It's simple," the broker explained. "I have two kids ... ages two and six ... so I add their ages together and bet on number nine."

"But two and six equals eight, not nine!" protested the analyst.

"See!" the broker replied, "I told you you're too cautious and detail-oriented."
_ ____________________________ _
Found posted in a humor news group (rec.humor.funny.reruns) -Tom

GCF: Subliminal Ads

I would like to thank all of the folks who emailed me about the "subliminal" Pepsi ads in 'Top Gun'. As was pointed out more than once, here and in mail, the advertisements aren't really subliminal if you can perceive them consciously. [drink Pepsi] I know what "subliminal" means [drink Pepsi] as opposed to superliminal, or ultraliminal, or megaliminal, or liminal, or whatever the correct phraseology is. [you love Pepsi] This kind of advertisement, though, while not totally invisible [drink Pepsi] is still real hard to see ... I've seen Top Gun a total of six times now, and never noticed the Pepsi tray until my sixth time, on cable. After running the tape back thru again, I could tell that the Pepsi [drink drink drink Pepsi] logo was really there -- not just a red-white-and-blue [Pepsi] smear.

Perhaps we need a new phrase for this half-overt advertising [bathe in Pepsi]. I propose the term "mood-advertising," or perhaps "musak-vertising" ... something which while there, you have to concentrate to perceive [Pepsi is good for you]. Once we put a name to this dread disease, we can set about finding a cure.

Gosh, I'm thirsty.
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me from another humor list (Clean Laffs) -Tom
Subscribe to Clean Laffs at the website:

GCF: Prospective Juror

A prospective juror in a Dallas District Court was surprised by the definition of voluntary manslaughter given to the panel: "An intentional killing that occurs while the defendant is under the immediate influence of sudden passion arising from an adequate cause, such as when a spouse's mate is found in a 'compromising position.'"

"See, I have a problem with that 'passion business,'" responded the jury candidate. "During my first marriage, I came in and found my husband involved with my neighbor. All I did was divorce him. I had no idea that I could have shot him."

She wasn't selected for the jury.
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Becky) -Tom

GCF: The Sermon

They say that a preacher's wife is always his number one assistant. An example of this comes one Sunday morning after the preacher had just finished his sermon. He went and sat down with his wife and she asked him how he thought the church service went.

The Preacher shrugged and said, "The worship was excellent, and I think the prayer and communion times went quite well, but," he continued, "I just don't think the sermon ever got off the ground."

The wife looked over at him, and before she could stop herself, she said, "Well, it sure did taxi long enough!"
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me from another humor list (A Joke A Day) -Tom
Subscription info is at the website

GCF: Ketchup Bottle

Sally was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the bottle. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 5-year-old daughter to answer the phone.

"Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."
_ ____________________________ _
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Predestination was doomed \ /
\ _/ from the start. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Drive carefully, \ /
\ _/ we need every taxpayer we can get.\_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / No one ever says \ /
\ _/ "It's only a game" \_ /
/ / when their team is winning. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / There are only two things a \ \_/ ////
\ / child will share willingly: \ /
\ _/ communicable diseases \_ /
/ / and his mother's age. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / For every action, there is \ /
\ _/ an equal and opposite criticism. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / In just two days, \ /
\ _/ tomorrow will be yesterday. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / An unbreakable toy \ /
\ _/ is useful for breaking other toys.\_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / Sign on high school \ \_/ ////
\ / bulletin board - "Free: every \ /
\ _/ Monday through Friday. Knowledge. \_ /
/ / Bring your own container." \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / How many roads must a \ /
\ _/ man travel down before \_ /
/ / he admits he is lost? \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Love is blind. \ /
\ _/ Marriage is the eye-opener. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / You are making progress \ /
\ _/ if each mistake is a new one. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / \ /
\ _/ Recursive, adj.; see Recursive \_ /
/ / \ \

(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / The moon may be \ /
\ _/ smaller than the Earth, \_ /
/ / but it's further away. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\ _/ \_ /
/ / Never miss a good chance to shut up. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Accept it: \ /
\ _/ some days you're the pigeon, \_ /
/ / and some days you're the statue. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Do illiterate people \ /
\ _/ get the full effect \_ /
/ / of alphabet soup? \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ /I asked my wife if she will love \ /
\ _/ me when I am old and gray and \_ /
/ / flabby. She replied, "Yes, I do." \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / If you find yourself in a hole, \ /
\ _/ the first thing to do \_ /
/ / is stop diggin'. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Born free, taxed to death. \ /
\ _/ \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / I have kleptomania, \ /
\ _/ but when it gets bad, \_ /
/ / I take something for it. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Bills travel through the mail \ /
\ _/ at twice the speed of checks. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / If you think you're a \ /
\ _/ person of influence, try \_ /
/ / ordering somebody else's dog around. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Everyone has a right \ /
\ _/ to be stupid. \_ /
/ / Some just abuse the privilege. \ \
_ ____________________________ _
/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( \
/ / | | \ \
_( (_ | | _) )_
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_| ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Why do we love children?

I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'

On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.'

A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle.'

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'

5) POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,' I answered and continued writing the report. My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her.. 'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe?'

6) POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he asked. 'It sure is,' I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?'

While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'

A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.' 'And why not, darling?'
'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.'

While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.' (I want this line used at my funeral!)

A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!'

A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out. 'What have you got there, dear?' With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear!'

Thanks to Waneta
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
I went fishing this morning but after a short time I ran out of worms. Then I saw a cottonmouth with a frog in his mouth. (For y'all, Northerners and City Folk, a "cottonmouth" is a water moccasin one of the 4 poisonous snakes in North America, and generally the meanest, being more aggressive than rattlesnakes.)

Frogs are good bass bait. Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his mouth I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog and put it in my bait bucket.

Now the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bit. So, I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey in its mouth. His eyes rolled back, he went limp.

I released him into the lake without incident and carried on fishing using the frog. A little later, I felt a nudge on my foot. There was that same snake with two frogs in his mouth.

Life is good in the South.

Thanks to Waneta
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Thoughts by 'Papa Duck'

How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty for Miss America?

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

When I was young we used to go 'skinny dipping,' now I just 'chunky dunk.'

Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.
Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !!

A completely brilliant question!!!!!!! Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?

Wouldn't you know it.... Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.

Another completely brilliant question!!!! Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside?

And remember: life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

Thanks to Waneta
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, 'What setting do I use on the washing machine?'
'It depends,' I replied. 'What does it say on your shirt?'
He yelled back, ' GO GATORS! '
And they say blondes are dumb....
--------- --------- --------- --------- -------
'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of the shower..
'Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?'

'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.
----------- --------- --------- --------- ----
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
------------ --------- --------- --------- ----
Dear Lord,

I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; and Patience for his moods.

Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,

I'll beat him to death.

--------- --------- -------
Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
---- --------- --------- --------- --------- --
Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy. .
---------- --------- --------- --------- ------

Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
---------- --------- --------- --------- ---
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the email folder 'Instruction Manuals'

Thanks to Waneta
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>

Harry teed up, addressed his golf ball, and took a magnificent swing, but something went wrong and he hit a wicked slice. The ball left the fairway he was playing, and it went onto the adjoining one where it hit a man full in the face.

He dropped like a rock!

Rushing over to the man, Harry and his partner found him unconscious and with the ball lying between his feet.

"Oh no!" exclaimed Harry. "What should we do?"

"I'm not sure," said his partner. "But don't move him! If we just leave him here, he's an immovable obstruction and you can either play the ball from where it lies or drop it two club lengths away without penalty."

Received from Clean Laffs.



Ray made his second trip to Fred's Barber Shop. Fred the Barber said, "How may I help you today?"

Ray replied, "I want you to cut one inch off of the left side, nothing off of the right side, shave just the middle part of the top of my head, and a slanted cut from left to right on in the back."

Fred the Barber laughed and said, "Yeah, right...I'll do THAT one for free!"

Ray said, "Well...that's what you did last time and you charged me for it!"

Received from Gary Ward.


Benny and the Genie

Benny worked at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. His primary job was to keep the exhibits clean and polished. One day he happened to be dusting around the Arabian exhibit, and he noticed an ancient urn that needed some cleaning. He got out his dust rag and began polishing. Lo and behold, an enormous genie appeared before him.

"Master," the genie began, "I am the genie of the urn. I can grant you three wishes, but there is one condition I will put on you: You must never shave or cut your beard for the rest of your life, or you will be forced to take my place inside the urn forever."

Benny thought about it for a bit, and decided it was a fair condition for three wishes. So Benny wished for 49 percent of the total Microsoft stock, which was promptly granted. Then he wished for the most beautiful woman in the world as his wife, and lo and behold, she was. Finally, he wished for fame and fortune, and he instantly became a worldwide celebrity.

Over the years, Benny's beard became longer and longer until it almost reached the floor. As it grew longer, it began to itch. He tried to ignore it, but the itch became more and more irritating, while the memory of the genie's warning faded.

Finally he decided he had to get rid of the beard and he shaved it off. Instantly he was trapped in the urn, to stay there forever.

The moral of the story: A Benny shaved is a Benny urned.

Received from ArcaMax Jokes.



The hit-and-run victim was just getting to his feet when a policeman ran up to help.

"My mother-in-law just tried to run me over!" the shaken man told the cop.

"The car hit you from behind," the officer said. "How could you tell it was your mother-in-law?"

"I recognized the laugh!"

Received from Keith Sullivan.


Gripe Sheet

Remember, it takes a college degree to fly a plane for a major airline, but only a high school diploma to fix one.

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "Gripe Sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.

The mechanics correct the problems and document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the Gripe Sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.


The Drunk

A drunk had been at a pub all night. At last call, he stood up to leave and fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time, to the same result.

He figured he'd crawl outside to get some fresh air, since maybe that would sober him up. Once outside, he stood up and fell flat on his face. So he decided to crawl the four blocks to his house.

When he arrived at the door, he stood up and again fell flat on his face.

He crawled through the door and into his bedroom. When he reached his bed, he tried one more time to stand up.

This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into bed and was sound asleep the second his head hit the pillow.

He was awakened the next morning by his wife shouting, "So you've been out drinking again, have you?!"

"No! What makes you say that?" he asked, putting on his best innocent expression.

"The pub called... you forgot your wheelchair again."

Received from Mikala.


The Blind Man

A blind man and his seeing eye dog walk into a store. When he gets in, he starts swinging his dog around. Upset by this, the manager of the store demands to know what he is doing.

The blind man calmly replies, "I'm just lookin' around."

Received from Mikala.


From the Heart

The following letter was forwarded by someone who teaches at a junior high school in Memphis, Tennessee; the letter was sent to the principal's office after the school had sponsored a luncheon for the elderly. This story is a credit to all humankind. Read it, soak it in, and bask in the warm feeling that it leaves you with.

Dear Reyer School:

God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizen's luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the county home for the aged. All my people are gone. It's nice to know that someone thinks of me. God bless you for your kindness to an old forgotten lady.

My roommate is 95 and always had her own radio, but would never let me listen to it, no matter how often or politely I asked. The other day her radio fell and broke into a lot of pieces. It was awful. She was very upset. She then asked if she could listen to mine, and I told her to buzz off.


Edna Johnston

Received from ArcaMax Jokes.


New Number

We telemarketers know we're universally loathed. Still, some people are quite pleasant on the phone.

One day I called a number and asked to speak with Mr. Morgan. The woman who answered explained that he no longer lived at that address, but she did have a number where he could be reached.

I thanked her, rang that number, and was greeted with, "Good morning, Highland View Cemetery."

Received from Thomas Ellsworth.


Round n' Round

While practicing auto-rotations during a military night training exercise, a Huey Cobra messed up and landed on its tail rotor so hard that it broke off the tail boom. Fortunately, however, the chopper remained upright on its skids, as it slid down the runway, turning in circles.

As the Cobra slid past the tower, trailing a brilliant shower of sparks, this was the radio exchange that took place...

Tower: "Sir, do you need any assistance?"

Cobra: "I don't know, Tower. We ain't done crashin' yet!"

Received from Thomas Ellsworth.


Metal Detector

In January 1991, I was being deployed to Operation Desert Storm. Before boarding the C-141 transport at Shaw Air Force Base in South Carolina, I had to go through tight security.

After a meticulous x-ray examination of my carry-on bag, I removed all metal objects from my uniform and was finally able to pass through the detector without setting off the alarm.

"Just out of curiosity," I asked the airman operating the checkpoint, "why did you make me go through all that?"

"We want to be sure you aren't carrying any weapons on board," he said, handing me back my M-16 rifle.

- from Reader's Digest, "Humor In Uniform," by Stephen Shoemaker

Received from Doc's Daily Chuckle.


Morning Run

The drill sergeant, making his morning announcements to a group of newcomers in a training camp, stated: "Today, gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. First, the good. Private Johnson will be setting the pace on our morning run."

With this the platoon was overjoyed, as Private Johnson was overweight and terribly slow. But then the drill sergeant finished his statement: "Now for the bad news. Private Johnson will be driving a truck."

Received from Thomas Ellsworth.


Prescription Check

An old man strode in to his doctor's office and said, "Doc, my druggist said to tell you to change my prescription and to check the prescription you've been giving to Mrs. Smith."

"Oh, he did, did he?" the doctor shot back. "And since when does a druggist second guess a doctor's orders?"

The old man said, "Since he found out I've been on birth control pills since February."

Received from Doc's Daily Chuckle.



While my son was on the Navy carrier USS George Washington, the air wing was busy with training missions. After talking to a pilot, one air-traffic controller accidentally left his microphone on and remarked to a nearby buddy, "That guy sounded just like Elmer Fudd."

The airwaves got strangely quiet as everyone listened, realizing that the pilot had also heard the comment. After about ten seconds, the pilot broke the silence by

"Be vewy, vewy quiet. We aw hunting submawines."

Received from Thomas Ellsworth.


Nine Out of Ten

I was meeting a friend in a bar and as I went in, I noticed two pretty girls looking at me.

"Nine," I heard one whisper as I passed.

Feeling pleased with myself, I swaggered over to my buddy and told him a girl had just rated me a nine out of ten.

"I don't want to ruin it for you," he said, "but when I walked in, they were speaking German."

Received from Ed.


Political Corruption

At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. "Isn't it true," he bellowed, "that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?"

The witness stared out the window as though he hadn't hear the question.

"Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated.

The witness still did not respond.

Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Sir, please answer the question."

"Oh," the startled witness said, "I thought he was talking to you."

Received from ArcaMax Jokes.


Mailing a Bible

There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country.

"Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk.

"Only the Ten Commandments," answered the lady.

Received from Larry.


Interesting Facts

1. Debra Winger was the voice of E.T.

2. Pearls melt in vinegar.

3. The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca-Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.

4. It's possible to lead a cow upstairs, but not downstairs.

5. Humans are the only primates that don't have pigment in the palms of their hands.

6. Ten percent of the Russian government's income comes from the sale of vodka.

7. The sentence "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter in the alphabet. (Developed by Western Union to test telex/two communications.)

8. The only 15-letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is "uncopyrightable."

9. "Stewardesses" is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand.

10. No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.

11. A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.

12. The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the days of yore when the engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the ground floor and figured out how to walk up straight staircases.

13. The airplane Buddy Holly died in was the "American Pie" (thus the name of the Don McLean song).

14. 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

15. Clans of long ago that wanted to get rid of their unwanted people without killing them used to burn their houses down - hence the expression "to get fired."

16. Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, 1776: John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until five years later.

17. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

18. The longest recorded flight of a chicken is thirteen seconds.

19. The name "Jeep" came from the abbreviation used in the army for the "General Purpose" vehicle, G.P.

20. The highest point in Pennsylvania is lower than the lowest point in Colorado.

21. Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously.

22. If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19. You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar.

23. All of the clocks in the movie "Pulp Fiction" are stuck on 4:20.

24. The only two days of the year in which there are no professional sports games (MLB, NBA, NHL, or NFL) are the day before and the day after the Major League All-Star Game.

25. Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.

26. The mask used by Michael Myers in the original "Halloween" was actually a Captain Kirk mask painted white.

27. If you put a raisin in a glass of champagne, it will keep floating to the top and sinking to the bottom.

28. Snails can sleep for three years without eating.

29. Actor Tommy Lee Jones and Vice President Al Gore were freshman roommates at Harvard.

30. The fingerprints of koala bears are virtually indistinguishable from those of humans, so much so that they could be confused at a crime scene.

31. Any month that begins on a Sunday will always have a Friday the 13th.

32. James Doohan, who played Lt. Commander Montgomery Scott on Star Trek, was missing the entire middle finger of his right hand.

33. The Eisenhower interstate system requires that one mile in every five must be straight. These straight sections are usable as airstrips in times of war or other emergencies.

34. There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.

Received from Trey Nolen.


How Not to Rob a Bank

The following is an excerpt from Tim Clark's "How Not to Rob a Bank." Here are some easy lessons gleaned from the experiences of a number of would-be robbers.


You don't want to make the same mistake as the fellow in Anaheim, CA, who tried to hold up a bank that was no longer in business and had no money.


Don't try to stick up the First National Bank of Northfield, Minnesota. Jesse James tried it 111 years ago, and the townsfolk took just seven minutes to kill two and capture three of his gang. Nobody tried again until 1984, and the customers chased the guy down. They're tight with their dollar, those Minnesotans.


One robber in Upland, CA, presented his note to the teller, and her father, who was in the next line, got all bent out of shape about it. He wrestled the guy to the ground and sat on him until authorities arrived.


Demand notes have been written on the back of a subpoena issued in the name of a bank robber in Pittsburgh... on an envelope bearing the name and address of another in Detroit....and in East Hartford, Connecticut, on the back of a withdrawal slip giving the robber's signature and account number.


One robber, dressed up as a woman with very heavy make-up, ran face first into a glass door. He was the first criminal ever to be positively identified by lip-print.


Avoid the sad fate of the thieves in Florida who took a wrong turn into the Homestead Air Force Base, drove up to a military police guardhouse and, thinking it was a toll-booth, offered the security men money.


Or the chagrin of the bank robber in Cheshire, Massachusetts, who hit the bank at 4:30 PM, then tried to escape through downtown North Adams, where he was trapped in rush hour traffic until police arrived.


Bank robbery is not for everyone. One nervous Newport, RI, robber, while trying to stuff his ill-gotten gains into his shirt pocket, shot himself in the head and died instantly.


Then there was the case of the hopeful criminal in Swansea, Massachusetts, who, when the teller told him she had no money, fainted. He was still unconscious when the police arrived. His getaway car, parked nearby, had the keys locked inside it.

Received from Timothy Anger.


Jesus vs. Satan

Jesus and Satan were having an argument about who was better on the computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering.

Finally fed up, God said, "THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will judge who does the better job."

Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.

They moused.

They faxed.

They e-mailed.

They e-mailed with attachments.

They downloaded.

They did spreadsheets.

They wrote reports.

They created labels and cards.

They created charts and graphs.

They did some genealogy reports.

They did every job known to man.

Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency, and Satan was very fast.

Then, 10 minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power went off.

Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld.

Jesus just sighed.

Finally the electricity came back on, and they both restarted their computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming: "It's gone! It's all GONE! I lost everything when the power went out!"

Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours of work.

Satan observed this and became irate. "Wait!" he screamed. "That's not fair! He cheated! How come he has all his work and I don't have any?"

God just shrugged and said, "Jesus saves."

From the "Bulletin Board" column in the St Paul (MN) Pioneer Press, 8/3/2009

Received from Jennie Orr Thomas.


Juan the Smuggler

Juan comes up to the Mexican border on his bicycle. He has two large bags over his shoulders. A guard stops him and says, "What's in the bags?"

"Sand," answered Juan.

The guard says, "We'll just see about that. Get off the bike."

The guard takes the bags and rips them apart; he empties them out and finds nothing in them but sand. He detains Juan overnight and has the sand analyzed, only to discover that there is nothing but pure sand in the bags. The guard releases Juan, puts the sand into new bags, lifts them onto the man's shoulders, and lets him cross the border.

A week later, the same thing happens. The guard asks, "What have you got?"

"Sand," says Juan.

The guard does his thorough examination and discovers that the bags contain nothing but sand. He gives the sand back to Juan, and Juan crosses the border on his bicycle.

This sequence of events repeats every day for three years. Then one day, Juan doesn't show up. The guard meets up with him in a cantina in Mexico.

"Hey, buddy," the guard says, "I know you're smuggling something. It's driving me crazy. It's all I think about. I can't sleep. Just between you and me, what are you smuggling?"

"Bicycles," Juan says.

Received from You Make Me Laugh.


Honest Abe

It's said that Abraham Lincoln once sized up the case of a prospective client as follows:

"You have a good case, technically, but in terms of justice and equity, it's got problems. So you'll have to look for another lawyer to handle the case, because the whole time I'd be up there talking to the jury, I'd be thinking, 'Lincoln, you're a liar!' and I might just forget myself and say it out loud."

Received from Andychap.


Honda Motorcycle

A biker is riding a new motorcycle on the highway. While passing a car, he knocks on the window. The driver of the car opens the window, "Yes?"

"Ever driven a Honda motorcycle?"

"No, I haven't."

The biker drives on until he sees another car. While passing it, he knocks on the window. The driver of the car opens the window: "Yes?"

"Ever driven a Honda motorcycle?"

"No, I haven't."

Then suddenly there is a curve, and the biker sees it too late. He crashes off the road into a ditch. A car stops and a man runs to the unlucky biker. Covered in blood, the biker asks, "Ever driven a Honda motorcycle?"

"Yes, I have. I had a Honda for 20 years."

The biker says, "Tell me, where are the brakes?"

Received from William Brabant.


Rate this funny at
Brought to you by The Good, Clean Funnies List A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a) Mail address: GCFL, Box 100, Harvest, AL 35749, USA
To print or email this funny to others, go to
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Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Column - - - - Senseless About The Census

Attention unhinged wingnuts: Obama’s Census illegally invades your privacy!

That’s a paranoid lie of course, but one that was started by Michele Bachmann and her cohorts. Ironically, it’s been reducing U.S. Census compliance to the detriment of the very people who are bitching about it. Here’s Philly Inq’s Dick Polman:

In the kingdom of ignorance, this story reigns:

Anti-government conservatives - apparently clueless about the history of the country they want to “take back,” and willfully believing the Pinocchio whoppers circulated via spam mail, talk radio, and YouTube - are currently engaged in a fascinating form of protest. Millions are refusing to fill out their 2010 Census forms.

The trend is so alarming that one Republican congressman, Patrick McHenry of North Carolina, felt compelled yesterday to plead with his right-wing brethren to fill out the forms; as he wrote on, the popular conservative site, “If we do not respond, we will not be counted, and if we are not counted, then we effectively will not exist.”

Most notably, he urged his readers not to believe “the blatant misinformation” that has been circulated by “otherwise well-meaning conservatives.” Which was a polite way of saying, “Don’t listen to the liars.”

That brings me to my latest limerick:

Senseless About The Census
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Crazed conservative protestors scream:
We must “take back” our nation’s their theme.
Self-destructively rash,
They treat Census like trash.
Good luck with their blockheaded scheme!

© Madeleine Begun Kane. All Rights Reserved.
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Evening Prayer
Someone has said that if Christians really understood the full extent of the power we have available through prayer, we might be speechless.

Did you know that during WWII there was an advisor to Churchill who organized a group of people who dropped what they were doing every day at a prescribed hour for one minute to collectively pray for the safety of England , its people and peace?

There is now a group of people organizing the same thing here in America . If you would like to participate: Every evening at 9:00 PM Eastern Time (8:00 PM Central) (7:00 PM Mountain) (6:00 PM Pacific), stop whatever you are doing and spend one minute praying for the safety of the United States , our troops, our citizens, and for a return to a Godly nation.

Thanks toWaneta
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Prep for Natural Disasters

In the event of any emergency, do you know what to do? As in the case of any unexpected event, good preparation is half the battle. For people with diabetes, this means not only protecting your home in the event of disaster, but also protecting your health.

Make sure there are people you can rely on who can check on you and provide assistance if you need it. These members of your network should be able to get to you and/or help you quickly. In addition, choose someone out of town who you and others of your family can connect with and relay information to and through.

Know Your Needs.
This will be a large part of your preparation plan. Figure out what you will be able to do for yourself if disaster strikes and what you will need others to do for you. Consider the potential changes to the environment as you assess your situation, ask yourself the following questions and record your answers in written or taped form:

1. Do you need help with personal care in any manner? Is there special equipment you need in order to care for yourself?
2. What will you do if water is cut off or you are unable to heat it for several days?
3. Do you require special utensils in order to eat and/or prepare food?
4. Do you have equipment that requires electricity? What will you do in the case of an electrical outage?
5. How will you handle debris in or around your home or along your planned exit route?
6. Do you require special transportation?
7. If you have a caregiver, what will you do if that person cannot get to you? What kind of help do you need?
8. In the event of an evacuation, do you need help leaving the premises? Can you reach and activate alarms?
9. If you are in a building with an elevator, are there stairs accessible? Will you be able to read all signs?
10. How will you be able to call for help if needed? If you are hearing and/or visually impaired, how will you communicate if your traditional methods are not working or are not available? i.e. your hearing aid gets wet; you don't have an interpreter; etc.
11. If you use ramps, what will you do if they are damaged and inoperable?
12. If you have a service pet, how will you care for it? Is there someone else who can provide care for your animal if you are unable to? Do you have necessary licenses updated and available so you will be permitted to keep your service pet in a shelter or other location outside of your home?

Know Your Community.
After you prepare internally, look outside your home to the community at large. Find out what types of disasters are most likely, what hazards exist, and what risks you are facing. To find out about hazards in your local area, go to In addition to hazards, know your community response plans and what transportation will be available in the event you are in need of this assistance. Also, learn how local authorities will warn you of possible disaster and how they will supply information during and after the disaster. Learn about NOAA Weather Radio and its alerting capabilities at

Find out about special assistance programs that may be available and, if necessary, register with any you may need, including your local power company.

If you need help creating your plan, contact your local chapter of the American Red Cross or emergency management office.

Have a Plan.
It is not possible to plan for every contingency and even the best-laid plans can falter. Once you have created your primary plan, have an alternate prepared in order to ensure your safety.

1. Review your plan with your family members.
2. Agree on a meeting place.
3. Create a communications plan, which will include all phone numbers for family members, your support network, your out-of-town contacts, caregivers, and places you frequent such as work or school.
4. Know the best escape routes and places of safety. Assess these locations both inside and outside of your home.
5. Make a plan for your pets and service animals. If you need to keep your service animal with you, determine which places are animal friendly before-hand and make a list that includes these places as well as others who may be able to care for your pet in case you are unable to. i.e. friends, family members, local veterinarians, etc.

If Disaster Strikes...
If you are instructed to take shelter immediately, do so. If you are instructed to evacuate, try to make your first option staying with family or friends, as they know you and your needs best and may best be able to accommodate you. Emergency public shelters can be your next option as a source of shelter and food, but not personal health care. If you have a caregiver and have to go to shelter, it will be best to bring the caregiver with you.

In addition:
1 - Listen to the radio or television for the location of emergency shelters. Note those that are accessible to those with physical disabilities and those that have other disability friendly assistance features such as TTY lines.
2 - Shut off water, gas, and electricity if instructed to do so and if time permits.
3 - Wear appropriate clothing and sturdy shoes.
4 - Take your disaster and diabetes supplies kits.
5 - Lock your home.
6 - Use travel routes specified by local authorities and don't use shortcuts because certain areas may be impassable or dangerous.
7 - Confirm upon arrival at an emergency shelter that it can meet your special care needs.
8 - Inform members of your support network and out-of-town contact of your location and status.

Disaster is not predictable, but you can still be prepared. For more information on preparing for a disaster, check out these dLife resources.

Diabetes Care During Natural Disasters []

Treating Diabetes Emergencies []

Warning Signs of Diabetes Disasters []

Emergency Kit: Be Prepared []


Diabetes Disaster Planning []

Emergency Tactics []

Before Emergency Strikes []

Diabetes and Tragedy []

Adapted from the American Red Cross and the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA).
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TOURBUS Vol 15, Number 57
10 May 2010

Is Online College Better? / Email Marketing / Digital Signatures / Make a Bootable USB Drive / What is Forex? / Geekly Update / Convert DVD to AVI In today's TOURBUS, we'll delve into Online College, and compare it to a traditional campus-based experience. I've also got some tips on getting started with Email Marketing, and the scoop on how Digital Signatures work.
Next, you'll find my guide to creating a Bootable USB Flash Drive, and a warning about online Forex Scams. Don't miss this week's Geekly Update, and learn how to Convert DVD Video to AVI Format. Read on!

Online College: The Right Choice?
Many people are turning to online college courses for personal improvement and professional development. I've written before about the variety of free online college courses that are available, but it's also quite possible to get fully accredited college degree by taking online college courses. But how does it compare to traditional, on-campus living and learning?
There are many pros and cons of online college. Here's some help in deciding...

Email Marketing
If you have anything to sell, you really must incorporate email marketing into your online marketing strategy. A savvy email marketing campaign can bring you new customers, increase repeat business, and boost profits enormously. But... the cheapest way to launch an email marketing campaign is also the worst.
Doing email marketing the WRONG way can bring down the wrath of the Internet upon you and have the worst possible effects on your business. Here's how to do it right...

How Do Digital Signatures Work?
Your handwritten signature is a legal instrument that verifies the authenticity of a document, or your acceptance of and agreement to the terms of a contract. But you need something tangible to sign -- a piece of paper, a bit of tree bark, or a clay tablet, something you can lay your hands on -- right? Not any more.
Digital signatures have evolved to serve the legal purpose of authenticating documents, but how do you "sign" something that only exists as a pattern of bits on a hard drive? Here's how it works...

How to Create a Bootable USB Flash Drive
When your hard drive won't boot, you need an emergency backup operating system on a bootable removable medium. CDs or DVDs fill that role most of the time. But optical media has its drawbacks - the disks are bulky and fragile. It may not boot when you need it desperately. Or it may be at home in the drawer.
But a USB flash drive is the perfect portable storage medium for an emergency bootable disk image. Here's how to make a reliable boot disk on a flash drive, to use when hard drive problems arise...

What is Forex?
Forex is short for "foreign exchange" and it refers to the biggest, freest marketplace in the world: the global trading of different nation's currencies or money. It's sometimes abbreviated "FX" but don't confused that with the gamer's terms for "effects." Forex is no game; it's about very real, very large sums of money.
But there are a lot of games involving forex being played on the Internet. Be careful; the rules are not always what they seem to be...

Geekly Update May 4
Are the Boy Scouts giving up on campfires and handing out merit badges for video game prowess? Which Internet provider was just handed the Golden Poo award for providing poor service and high prices? And is Flash video support finally here for Android and Nokia phones?
Get answers to these questions, and 146% more attaboys, just by reading the most recent installment of the Geekly Update...

How to Convert DVD Video to AVI Format
Although you can "rip" a DVD free of its copy-protecton and copy it to your hard drive, this technique has some drawbacks. In its native uncompressed form, DVD data takes up a lot of disk space; 4 to 5 gigabytes for a typical movie. DVD data is stored on disc in a complex assortment of obscurely-named files, and you can't easily edit a DVD movie in its native format.
These drawbacks are overcome to a great extent by converting DVD data to AVI format. Here's how...
TOURBUS Vol 15, Number 57
19 MAY 2010

Credit Monitoring / Slate PCs / House Values / Laptop Docking Stations / My Hard Drive Crashed! / Geekly Update In today's TOURBUS, you'll find online tools for Credit Monitoring, and how to check your credit report for free. I've also got a roundup of Slate PCs that you should look at before buying an iPad. And did you know there are free online tools that will estimate the Value of Your House?
If you have a laptop or notebook, get the scoop on Docking Stations -- you might not need a desktop computer at all. What would you do if your Hard Drive Crashed? Bone up on data recovery tips before it happens! And don't miss the most recent editions of the Geekly Update. Read on!

Credit Monitoring
Your credit is one of your most important assets in this day and age. It's also vulnerable to identity theft; credit reporting errors; and simple misunderstandings that can damage your credit and adversely impact more than just your ability to borrow money.
It's important to monitor your credit and correct any problems you can as quickly as possible. Here's how to keep tabs on your credit without getting ripped off...

Slate PCs
The fashionable Apple iPad has sparked renewed interest in a category of computers known as the "Slate PC." It may surprise you to learn that, long before the iPad appeared everywhere, there have been many makes and models of this form factor. And I'm not talking about Fred Flintstone as a technology pioneer.
Check out these current and upcoming slate PCs before you run off to the Apple store...

What Is My House Worth?
The real estate market typically heats up this time of year, so you might be thinking of buying or selling a house. The value of your house is more important than ever, given the uncertainty in the current economy, and so many homeowners facing bankruptcy or foreclosure.
These free online tools to help you determine how much your house is worth should come in handy...

Laptop Docking Station
A laptop docking station is a powered system of ports into which a laptop computer is plugged, allowing the laptop to recharge its battery and connect to various desktop devices. A docking station allows a laptop to double as a desktop computer with more resources than will fit in a shoulder bag.
Learn more about connecting your laptop with a docking station...

My Hard Drive Crashed!
When the hard drive in your computer crashes and all of your digital possessions seem to disappear, have faith. Faith is the ability to not panic. In most cases, in spite of appearances, your data is still intact.
It's very unlikely that all of your stuff is gone forever. Here are some tips on recovering data from crashed a hard drive...

Geekly Update
Is Darth Vader using the force to hack into your GPS? If you stacked 10 million eBooks on top of each other, how high would the pile be? And does social networking make you more vulnerable to identity theft?
Get answers to these burning questions, and 100 free electrons, just by reading the most recent installments of the Geekly Update.
25 MAY 2010
Are You Prepared for a Data Disaster?

What happens when your hard drive crashes, or you accidentally delete an important file? What if your computer is lost or stolen? Are your files safe in the event of fire, hurricane, flood, or a computer virus?

If you're not absolutely sure, I highly recommend that you read my new ebook:
Everything You Need to Know About Backups
(Because It's Not Just Your Computer... It's Your Life!)

You've spent years creating the information on your hard drive. It holds everything -- your email, recipes, love letters, tax returns, family photos, videos, and stuff that you've downloaded from the Internet.
What would you do if you lost everything on your computer? The baby pictures, your extensive music collection, and the novel you've been working on? What if you lost your financial records... and you got audited? Would your business survive?
Have you thought about the data on your cell phone, Blackberry or your iPhone? If your phone was stolen, or went through the wash, just imagine losing your address book, photos, apps and text messages.

And here's something else to consider. More and more, our lives are moving online. What would you do if your email, or your Facebook profile got wiped out by a hacker or an angry ex?
Here's Some Good News...

All that might sound terribly depressing, but it doesn't have to be that way. If you prepare in advance for a data disaster, you can get EVERYTHING back and move on quickly.

In "Everything You Need to Know About Backups", you'll discover:

* How to make sure ALL your important files are backed up in a safe place.
* Where to get FREE backup software, and how to simply "set it and forget it."
* Online Backup - the pros and cons, free alternatives, and your privacy and security concerns.
* There's even a chapter with resources to help you recover deleted files when there is no backup!
* And as I mentioned, not all your important data is on your computer. Some of it lives on the Internet, so I've got tips on how to back up your Email, Facebook, and Twitter info.
* You'll also find helpful tools for backing up your phone, which contains your address book, text messages, apps and other data.

As publisher of the Internet Tourbus, I've heard many sad stories from people who lost it all -- because they didn't have a backup. You already know you need to back up your important information.

This ebook provides you with the knowledge, skills and tools to get it done! Everything is explained in plain English, with no geek-speak or technobabble.

Order "Everything You Need to Know About Backups" now, for only $19.95. You'll save $5.00 off the regular price of $24.95 for a limited time. Offer expires May 31st.

P.S. -- This 37-page ebook is packed full of rock-solid content -- no advertising, no gimmicks -- and I'm positive you'll find it worth every penny. In fact, if you follow my advice, you'll save many times more than the price of the book. But if you're not completely satisfied, I'm offering a money-back guarantee. This special offer will expire soon, so get your copy today!
TOURBUS Vol 15, Number 57
08 JUN 2010

Prepaid Wireless Phones / MalwareBytes Anti-Malware / What's a Wireless Router? / Wireless Internet for Laptops / Geekly Update / Change Screen Resolution In today's TOURBUS, I've got some advice on how to choose a Prepaid Wireless Phone Service, and a recommendation for MalwareBytes Anti-Malware, an excellent free security tool. You'll also find two new editions of the Geekly Update, guaranteed to make you smarter without taping your glasses.
Everyone's going wireless, don't be left behind! Find out what you can do with a Wireless Router, and how to get Wireless Internet for Laptops. And finally, I've got help for those who want to change their Screen Resolution or magnify the screen. Read on!
Prepaid Wireless Phone Service
Choosing a mobile phone service is not simple. Because of the bewildering array of choices available in standard and prepaid wireless, it's hard to find the one that's best for you. One could argue that's by design, and therefore phone companies get rich.
But prepaid wireless is one way to keep things relatively simple. Read on to see my comparison of six prepaid and no-contract wireless plans...

MalwareBytes Anti-Malware (MBAM)
MBAM is a free anti-malware application that's been available since 2004. It doesn't get as much press as commercial anti-malware apps like Symantec/Norton or McAfee, but it has helped me on many occasions when other anti-virus and anti-spyware apps failed to prevent or fix a malware problem.
Read on for more info about MBAM, and why I recommend that you install it -- even if you don't have a malware problem right now...

What is a Wireless Router?
A reader asks: "I'm a little confused about routers. Can you explain to me about wireless routers, internet routers and exactly what you can do with them?" A router connects a number of devices together in a network, and routes data traffic between them. A wireless router connects devices without wires, using radio signals transmitted between devices and the router.
Read on to learn more about wireless routers, all the things you can do with them, and see my recommendations for three "Wireless N" routers that will turbocharge your home network...

Wireless Internet for Laptops
On a related note, another reader wants to know: "How do I get wireless Internet access for my laptop? I just bought a new Dell laptop, and I'm having trouble getting on the Internet at home." If you have high-speed Internet access in your home, you probably have a Wifi router already. If you can't connect to it, I've got some troubleshooting tips.
If you want to connect wirelessly on the go, check out my info on finding a free wireless internet access point, and the cellular wifi alternative...

Geekly Update
Did you know that five million people saw ghosts on the Google homepage last week? Are geeks in California wirelessly hacking into automobile control systems? And are humans now suspectible to computer viruses?
Get answers to these burning questions, and two free Wikipedia searches, just by reading the most recent installments of the Geekly Update...

Change Screen Resolution
Typically, a new computer will be configured to display at the highest resolution your monitor can support. A high screen resolution like 1680x1050 looks really sharp if you have a large desktop display and 20/20 vision. But older eyes (or those with smaller laptop or netbook displays) may find that the default screen resolution needs adjusting.
Here are some tips on how to adjust your monitor's resolution, and other options for screen magnification...

That's all for now, see you next time!
-- Bob Rankin
==[ Tourbus Rider Information ]===
The Internet Tourbus - U.S. Library of Congress ISSN #1094-2238
Copyright 1995-2010 - All rights reserved
Be Smarter & Better Looking Than [-99.959048-] Percent of Users
Hop On the Bus and Join 80,000 Others Around the World!
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The Pump Handle. A water cooler for the public health crowd.

June 10, 2010
OSHA agrees to give advance notice of enforcement actions against BP?

Category: Confined Space @ TPH • OSHA • Occupational Health & Safety

I noticed today on OSHA's website a new memorandum of understanding (MOU) with the US Coast Guard (USCG). Under the heading "Information Sharing: Enforcement," OSHA says it:

"will notify the Federal On Scene Coordinator (FOSC) when it intends to take any enforcement action against BP, BP's contractors, or any other employer engaged in response activities."

I must be missing something here because the OSH Act is pretty darn explicit in prohibiting advance notice of an enforcement action. It's a big no-no, punishable with as much as a $1,000 fine or as much as 6 months in jail. The statute says:

"Any person who gives advance notice of any inspection to be conducted under this Act, without authority from the Secretary or his designees, shall, upon conviction, be punished, etc. etc., etc." [Section 17(f)]

Oh, I see. For everybody else, advance notice is a crime, but not for BP. Labor Secretary Solis is offering BP and its contractors this special treatment because....because....they can't afford to comply with worker health and safety standards? Because worker health and safety standards are just too inconvenient? Because BP is such a stellar corporation that they can be trusted to meet or exceed safety standards?

If Secretary Solis has a five star reason for giving BP special treatment, I hope she reveals it to us. I can't comprehend why OSHA would agree to no first instance sanctions for a company with a vile record of killing and maiming workers? Nobody else is exempt from first instance OSHA violations.

I've checked out the National Oil and Hazardous Substance Pollution Contingency Plan, which is referenced in the OSHA/Coast Guard MOU, and I don't see language in there instructing the Secretary to abdicate her enforcement authority. In fact, I see the provisions requiring that OSHA's hazardous waste and emergency response standard (29 CFR 1910.120) should be followed; OSHA recently said it has thrown out the window modified for now the rule's full requirements.

I know, I know, it's an unprecedented disaster. But special treatment for a company that OSHA's own deputy asst. secretary said: "...has serious, systemic safety problems"? Why does this employer (or contractors hired by this company) deserve a free pass?
If companies hiring workers to do clean-up of this toxic mess can't meet OSHA standards--which we all know are a bare minimum---these firms don't belong down there hiring workers to do this hazardous work. If someone is bending the Secretary ear that BP or its contractors will balk if they get a citation, then contest it and drag it out for years, let BP do it. I'd love to see the press:

BP fighting OSHA citation for failing to provide safety gear, or threatening workers who complain about hazards, or skimping on cooling trailers and rest breaks.

There's already loads of uncertainty about stopping the gusher, drilling the relief well, tracking the underwater oil, and the like. OSHA enforcing health and safety protections to give workers the best change of surviving this hazardous work should be a sure thing.

Read on []

Posted by Celeste Monforton
Recent Posts

* OSHA agrees to give advance notice of enforcement actions against BP?
* Better Planning for Livability Requires Better Funding for Transit
* MSHA says system is broken. MSHA has power to fix it.
* Time to Retire the "Rationing" Talking Point
* Are Respirators Necessary in the Gulf?
* What are Gulf responders breathing? Some data released, but questions remain
* The Importance of Collecting Data (Gulf Coast edition)
* Water for Agriculture: A Limited Resource
* Occupational Health News Roundup
* Risk Communication and Our Mental BP Narratives
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Weekly Toll _ _
Death In The Workplace w/News & Updates
John Donne _ ...any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind, and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.

Worker Dies at North Texas Gas Well - - Fort Worth, Texas - Two agencies are investigating whether safety rules were followed after a man died while working at a gas well drilling site. Silverio Rubio-Loredo was pronounced dead Wednesday night at the site near Eagle Mountain Lake, northwest of Fort Worth. Tarrant County Sheriff's Office spokesman Terry Grisham says the 25-year-old man was working at an elevated position when a piece of equipment hit him in the head.

Lake Ronkonkoma Woman Dies in Industrial Accident - - June 2, East Farmingdale, New York - A woman from Lake Ronkonkoma died Tuesday in an industrial related incident. Yolanda Gonzalez, 39, was labeling pallets of canned tomatoes for transport by a forklift at L & S Packing in East Farmingdale when two pallets of bottled vodka sauce fell on her around 6:45 p.m., according to Suffolk County Police. Several co-workers came to her aide and removed the pallets. Gonzalez is the shipping manager of the facility, located at 101 Central Ave.

Worker killed while power-washing Milford home - - June 2, Milford, Connecticut - A Bridgeport man was killed and a second man injured when their aluminum ladder came in contract with electrical wires Tuesday evening. Victor Larranaga-Marquez, 33, of 96 Atwater St. in Bridgeport, was pronounced dead at the scene. Larranaga-Marquez and his uncle, Gerrardo Marquez-Hernandez, 45, of 169 Scofield Ave. in Bridgeport were power-washing a house at 65 Point Beach Drive when the accident occurred at about 6:30 p.m., police said.

Plant employee dies in tragic accident - - May 28, Lime Co., Oklahoma - A longtime employee with U.S. Lime Co. – St. Clair in Marble City died Monday after he became lodged inside an industrial machine that he had been repairing. Wilbur Alvie Farris, 61, of Marble City was working on a vacuum-rolling machine for three hours, but just after 4 p.m. Monday the machine was somehow activated and sucked Farris inside Sequoyah County Sheriff Ron Lockhart said.

Okla. Lime Plant Employee Killed In Machine - - May 25, Marble City, Oklahoma - Authorities say an employee performing maintenance on a machine at a limeplant has been killed. Sequoyah County Sheriff Ron Lockhart says his office received a call about 4 p.m. Monday of an industrial accident at the U.S. Lime & Minerals Inc. in Marble City. Lockhart said Tuesday 61-year-old Wilbur Farris was performing work on a vacuum rolling grinder when the machine turned on for some reason.
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NEVER FORGET! We're listing the names of our soldiers killed since our last Bleat was published. These records can be found at

01 Staff Sgt. Esau S.A. Gonzales, 30, of White Deer, Texas, died May 3 in Mosul, Iraq, of injuries sustained from a non-combat related incident. He was assigned to the 38th Explosive Ordnance Disposal Company, Fort Stewart, Ga.

02 Lance Cpl. Joshua M. Davis, 19, of Perry, Iowa, died May 7 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 2nd Marine Regiment, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C.

03 Lance Cpl. Christopher Rangel, 22, of San Antonio, Texas, died May 6 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to the 3rd Battalion, 6th Marine Regiment, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C.

04 Capt. Kyle A. Comfort, 27, of Jacksonville, Ala., died May 8 in Helmand province, Afghanistan, of wounds suffered when insurgents attacked his unit using an improvised explosive device. He was assigned to the 3rd Battalion, 75th Ranger Regiment, Fort Benning, Ga.

05 Spc. Jeremy L. Brown, 20, of McMinnville, Tenn., died May 9 at Contingency Outpost Zerok, Afghanistan, of wounds suffered when insurgents attacked his unit using small arms fire. He was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 187th Infantry Regiment, 3rd Brigade Combat Team, 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault), Fort Campbell, Ky.

06 Cpl. Kurt S. Shea, 21, of Frederick, Md., died May 10 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to 3rd Battalion, 10th Marine Regiment, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C.

The Department of Defense announced today the death of two Marines who were supporting Operation Enduring Freedom. The following Marines died May 11 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan:
07 Cpl. Jeffrey W. Johnson, 21, of Tomball, Texas, and .
08 Sgt. Kenneth B. May, Jr., 26, of Kilgore, Texas.
Johnson and May were assigned to 3rd Battalion, 1st Marine Regiment, 1st Marine Division, I Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Pendleton, Calif.

09 Sgt. Donald J. Lamar II, 23, of Fredericksburg, Va., died May 12 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to 1st Battalion, 2nd Marine Regiment, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C.

10 Sgt. Joshua D. Desforges, 23, of Ludlow, Mass., died May 12 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to 1st Battalion, 6th Marine Regiment, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C.

11 Sgt. Denis D. Kisseloff, 45, of Saint Charles, Mo., died May 14 at Forward Operating Base Shank, Afghanistan, of wounds suffered when insurgents attacked his unit using rocket propelled grenade and small arms fires. He was assigned to the 1141st Engineer Company, Kansas City, Mo.

12 Petty Officer Zarian Wood, 29, of Houston, Texas, died May 16 in Helmand Province, Afghanistan, of wounds sustained from an improvised explosive device blast while on dismounted patrol. Wood was assigned as a hospital corpsman to Third Battalion, First Marine Regiment, First Marine Division, I Marine Expeditionary Force.

13 Cpl. Nicholas D. Paradarodriguez, 29, of Stafford, Va., died May 16 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to 1st Battalion, 6th Marine Regiment, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C.

14 Staff Sgt. Adam L. Perkins, 27, of Antelope, Calif. died May 17 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to 7th Engineer Support Battalion, 1st Marine Logistics Group, I Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Pendleton, Calif.

The Department of Defense announced today the deaths of five soldiers who were supporting Operation Enduring Freedom. They died May 18 in Kabul, Afghanistan, of wounds suffered when enemy forces attacked their convoy with a vehicle-borne improvised explosive device. Killed were:
15 Col. John M. McHugh, 46, of New Jersey, assigned to the U.S. Army Battle Command Training Program, Fort Leavenworth, Kan.;
16 Lt. Col. Paul R. Bartz, 43, of Waterloo, Wis., assigned to Headquarters, 10th Mountain Division (Light Infantry), Fort Drum, N.Y.;
17 Lt. Col. Thomas P. Belkofer, 44, of Perrysburg, Ohio, assigned to Headquarters, 10th Mountain Division (Light Infantry), Fort Drum, N.Y.;
18 Staff Sgt. Richard J. Tieman, 28, of Waynesboro, Pa., assigned to Special Troops Battalion, V Corps, Heidelberg, Germany; and
19 Spc. Joshua A. Tomlinson, 24, of Dubberly, La., assigned to Special Troops Battalion, V Corps, Heidelberg, Germany.

20 Lance Cpl. Patrick Xavier Jr., 24, of Pembroke Pines, Fla., died May 18 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to 3rd Battalion, 6th Marine Regiment, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C.

21 Staff Sgt. Shane S. Barnard, 38, of Desmet, S.D., died May 19 in Zabul Province, Afghanistan, of wounds sustained when he stepped on a secondary improvised explosive device. He was assigned to the 3rd Ordnance Battalion (Explosive Ordnance Disposal), Joint Base Lewis-McChord, Wash.

22 Pfc. Billy G. Anderson, 20, of Alexandria, Tenn., died May 17, in Badghis province Afghanistan, of wounds suffered when insurgents attacked his unit with improvised explosive devices. He was assigned to the 508th Special Troops Battalion, 4th Brigade Combat Team, 82nd Airborne Division, Fort Bragg, N.C.

23 Lance Cpl. Philip P. Clark, 19, of Gainesville, Fla., died May 18 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to 1st Battalion, 6th Marine Regiment, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C.

24 Pfc. Jason D. Fingar, 24, of Columbia, Mo., died May 22 in Durai, Afghanistan, of wounds sustained when his military vehicle struck an improvised explosive device. He was assigned to the 4th Battalion, 23rd Infantry Regiment, 5th Stryker Brigade Combat Team, 2nd Infantry Division, Joint Base Lewis-McChord, Wash.

25 Spc. Stanley J. Sokolowski, III, 26, of Ocean, N.J. died May 20 in Kirkuk, Iraq, in a non-combat related incident. He was assigned to Special Troops Battalion, 1st Brigade, 1st Armored Division, Fort Bliss, Texas.

26 Staff Sgt. Amilcar H. Gonzalez, 26, of Miami, Fla., died May 21 in Ash Shura, Iraq, of wounds suffered when insurgents attacked his unit with small arms fire. He was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 64th Armor Regiment, 2nd Heavy Brigade Combat Team, 3rd Infantry Division, Fort Stewart, Ga.

27 Pfc. Christopher R. Barton, 22, of Concord, N.C., died May 24 in Khowst province, Afghanistan, of wounds sustained when insurgents attacked his unit using small arms fire. He was assigned to the 1st Squadron, 33rd Cavalry Regiment, 3rd Brigade Combat Team, 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault), Fort Campbell, Ky.

28 Maj. Ronald W. Culver Jr., 44, of Shreveport, La., died May 24 in Numaniyah, Iraq, when insurgents attacked his vehicle with an improvised explosive device. He was assigned to the 2nd Squadron, 108th Cavalry Regiment, Shreveport, La.

29 Sgt. Edwin Rivera, 28, of Waterford, Conn., died May 25 at National Naval Medical Center, Bethesda, Md., of wounds sustained May 20 when his unit was attacked by enemy forces using indirect fire at Contingency Outpost Xio Haq, Afghanistan. He was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 102nd Infantry, Norwalk, Conn.

30 Cpl. Jacob C. Leicht, 24, of College Station, Texas, died May 27 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to the 1st Light Armored Reconnaissance Battalion, 1st Marine Division, 1st Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Pendleton, Calif.

31 Lance Cpl. Anthony A. Dilisio, 20, of Macomb, Mich., died May 30 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to 1st Battalion, 6th Marine Regiment, 2nd Marine Division, IIMarine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C.

32 Pfc. Jake W. Suter, 18, of Los Angeles, Calif., died May 29 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to 3rd Battalion, 3rd Marine Regiment, 3rd Marine Division, III Marine Expeditionary Force, Kaneohe Bay, Hawaii.

33 Pfc. Alvaro R. Regalado Sessarego, 37, of Virginia Beach, Va., died May 30 at Brooke Army Medical Center, Fort Sam Houston, Texas, of injuries sustained April 18 from a non-combat related incident at Dahuk, Iraq. He was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 36th Infantry Regiment, 1st Brigade Combat Team, 1st Armored Division, Fort Bliss, Texas.

34 Spc. Jonathan K. Peney, 22, of Marietta, Ga., died June 1 in Kandahar province, Afghanistan, of wounds sustained when he was shot by enemy forces. He was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 75th Ranger Regiment, Hunter Army Airfield, Ga.

35 Pvt. Francisco J. Guardado-Ramirez, 21, of Sunland Park, N.M., died June 2 in Baghdad, Iraq, of injuries sustained from a non-combat related incident. He was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 41st Field Artillery Regiment, 1st Brigade Combat Team, 3rd Infantry Division, Fort Stewart, Ga.

36 1st Lt. Joseph J. Theinert, 24, of Sag Harbor, N.Y., died June 4 in Kandahar, Afghanistan, of wounds sustained when insurgents attacked his unit using a rocket propelled grenade and an improvised explosive device. He was a New York Army National Guardsman assigned to 1st Squadron, 71st Cavalry Regiment, 1st Brigade Combat Team, 10th Mountain Division (Light Infantry), Fort Drum, N.Y.

The Department of Defense announced today the deaths of three Marines who were supporting Operation Enduring Freedom. The following Marines died June 6 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan:
37 Sgt. Brandon C. Bury, 26, of Kingwood, Texas.
38 Lance Cpl. Derek Hernandez, 20, of Edinburg, Texas.
39 Cpl. Donald M. Marler, 22, of St. Louis, Mo.
Bury, Hernandez and Marler were assigned to 3rd Battalion, 1st Marine Regiment, 1st Marine Division, I Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Pendleton, Calif.

40 2nd Lt. Michael E. McGahan, 23, of Orlando, Fla., died June 6 in Khogyani district, Nangarhar province, Afghanistan, of wounds sustained when enemy forces attacked his unit using small arms fire. He was assigned to the 1st Brigade Special Troop Battalion, 187th Infantry Regiment, 1st Brigade Combat Team 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault), Fort Campbell, Ky.

41 Sgt. John K. Rankel, 23, of Speedway, Ind., died June 7 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to 3rd Battalion, 1st Marine Regiment, 1st Marine Division, I Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Pendleton, Calif.

42 Spc. Brendan P. Neenan, 21, of Enterprise, Ala., died June 7 at Jelawar, Afghanistan, of wounds sustained when insurgents attacked his unit using an improvised explosive device. He was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 508th Parachute Infantry Regiment, 4th Brigade Combat Team, 82nd Airborne Division, Fort Bragg, N.C.

43 Sgt. Steve M. Theobald, 53, of Goose Creek, S.C., died June 4 near Kuwait City, Kuwait, of injuries sustained in a military vehicle roll-over. He was assigned to the 287th Transportation Company, Livingston, Ala.

The Department of Defense announced today the deaths of two Marines who were supporting Operation Enduring Freedom. The following Marines died June 8 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan:
44 Sgt. Derek L. Shanfield, 22, of Hastings, Pa.
45 Sgt. Zachary J. Walters, 24, of Palm Coast, Fla.
Shanfield and Walters were assigned to 2nd Battalion, 6th Marine Regiment, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C.

46 Sgt. Erick J. Klusacek, 22, of Calcium, N.Y., died June 8 at Gerda Serai, Afghanistan, of injuries sustained from a non-combat related incident. He was assigned to the 1st Squadron, 33rd Cavalry Regiment, 3rd Brigade Combat Team, 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault), Fort Campbell, Ky.

DOD Identifies Air Force Casualties The Department of Defense announced today the deaths of four airmen who were supporting Operation Enduring Freedom. They died June 9, near Forward Operating Base Jackson, Afghanistan, in a helicopter crash. Killed were:
47 Staff Sgt. Michael P. Flores, 31, of San Antonio, Texas, assigned to the 48th Rescue Squadron, Davis-Monthan Air Force Base, Ariz.
48 1st Lt. Joel C. Gentz, 25, of Grass Lake, Mich., assigned to the 58th Rescue Squadron, Nellis Air Force Base, Nev.
49 Staff Sgt. David C. Smith, 26, of Eight Mile, Ala., assigned to the 66th Rescue Squadron, Nellis Air Force Base.
50 Senior Airman Benjamin D. White, 24, of Erwin, Tenn., assigned to the 48th Rescue Squadron, Davis-Monthan Air Force Base.

51 Lance Cpl. Michael G. Plank, 25, of Cameron Mills, N.Y., died June 9 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to 7th Engineer Support Battalion, 1st Marine Logistics Group, I Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Pendleton, Calif.

52 Lance Cpl. Gavin R. Brummund, 22, of Arnold, Calif., died June 10 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to 3rd Battalion, 6th Marine Regiment, 2nd Marine Division, I Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C.
Air Force Pilot Missing From Vietnam War Identified

The Department of Defense POW/Missing Personnel Office announced today that the remains of a U.S. serviceman, missing in action from the Vietnam War, have been identified and returned to his family for burial with full military honors.

Air Force Col. Elton L. Perrine of Pittsford, N.Y., was buried last week at Arlington National Cemetery near Washington, D.C. On May 22, 1967, Perrine and Capt. Kenneth F. Backus completed a nighttime strike against the Cao Nung Railroad Yard near the town of Kep in North Vietnam. Seconds after the bomb run, a nearby aircrew reported seeing an isolated explosion approximately three miles east of the target, thought to be Perrine’s F-4C Phantom aircraft crashing. Search and rescue attempts were not initiated due to heavy anti-aircraft fire in the area.

Analysts from DPMO developed case leads with information spanning more than 28 years. Through interviews with eyewitnesses and research in the National Archives, four locations in Lang Son Province were pinpointed as potential crash sites, separated by as many as 10 miles.

Between 1999 and 2008, U.S.-Socialist Republic of Vietnam teams, led by the Joint POW/MIA Accounting Command, further analyzed leads, interviewed villagers, conducted two surveys and four excavations. The teams recovered small pieces of aircraft wreckage, human remains, personal effects and life-support equipment from the four locations.

Among other forensic identification tools and circumstantial evidence, scientists from JPAC and the Armed Forces DNA Identification Laboratory also used mitochondrial DNA – which matched that of Perrine’s mother – in the identification of his remains. No remains connected to Backus were recovered at the locations.
Soldier Missing From Korean War Identified

The Department of Defense POW/Missing Personnel Office announced today that the remains of a U.S. serviceman, missing in action from the Korean War, have been identified and returned to his family for burial with full military honors.

Army Master Sgt. Roy E. Head of Clinchport, Va., will be buried Saturday in Duffield, Va. Head was assigned to Headquarters Company, 49th Field Artillery Battalion. After the 1953 armistice, it was learned from surviving POWs that he had been captured in February 1951, marched north to a POW camp in Suan County, North Korea, and died of malnutrition a few months later. Between 1991 and 1994, North Korea gave the United States 208 boxes of remains believed to contain the remains of 200-400 U.S. servicemen. North Korean documents turned over with one of the boxes indicated the remains were exhumed near Suan County. This location correlates with Head’s last known location.

Analysts from DPMO developed case leads with information spanning more than 58 years. Through interviews with surviving POW eyewitnesses, experts validated circumstances surrounding the soldier’s captivity and death, confirming wartime documentation of his loss.

Among other forensic identification tools and circumstantial evidence, scientists from the Joint POW/MIA Accounting Command and the Armed Forces DNA Identification Laboratory also used dental comparisons and mitochondrial DNA – which matched that of two of his brothers -- in the identification of the remains.

More than 2,000 servicemen died as prisoners of war during the Korean War. With this accounting, 8,025 service members still remain missing from the conflict.
Airmen Missing From Vietnam War Identified

The Department of Defense POW/Missing Personnel Office announced today that the remains of nine U.S. servicemen, missing in action from the Vietnam War, have been accounted-for and returned to their families for burial with full military honors.

Air Force Col. William H. Mason, Camden, Ark.; Lt. Col. Jerry L. Chambers, Muskogee, Okla.; Maj. William T. McPhail, Chattanooga, Tenn.; Maj. Thomas B. Mitchell, Littleton, Colo.; Chief Master Sgt. John Q. Adam, Bethel, Kan.; Chief Master Sgt. Calvin C. Glover, Steubenville, Ohio; Chief Master Sgt. Thomas E. Knebel, Midway, Ark.; Chief Master Sgt. Melvin D. Rash, Yorktown, Va.; and Master Sgt. Gary Pate, Brooks, Ga., were buried as a group today in Arlington National Cemetery. The individually identified remains of each airman were previously returned to their families for burial.

On May 22, 1968, these men were aboard a C-130A Hercules on an evening flare mission over northern Salavan Province, Laos. Fifteen minutes after the aircraft made a radio call, the crew of another U.S. aircraft observed a large ground fire near the last known location of Mason’s aircraft. Search and rescue attempts were not initiated due to heavy antiaircraft fire in the area.

Analysts from DPMO developed case leads with information spanning more than 40 years. Through interviews with eyewitnesses and research in the National Archives, several locations in Laos and South Vietnam were pinpointed as potential crash sites. Between 1989 and 2008, teams from Laos People’s Democratic Republic and the Vietnam, led by the Joint POW/MIA Accounting Command, pursued leads, interviewed villagers, and conducted 10 field investigations and four excavations in Quang Tri Province, Vietnam. They recovered aircraft wreckage, human remains, crew-related equipment and personal effects.

Scientists from JPAC and the Armed Forces DNA Identification Laboratory also used mitochondrial DNA – which matched that of the crewmembers’ families – as well as dental comparisons in the identification of the remains.

Since late 1973, the remains of 927 Americans killed in the Vietnam War have been accounted-for and returned to their families. With the accounting of these airmen, 1,719 service members still remain missing from the conflict.
WWII Pearl Harbor Sailor Identified

The Department of Defense POW/Missing Personnel Office (DPMO) announced today that the remains of a U.S. serviceman missing in action from World War II has been identified and will be returned to his family for burial with full military honors.

He is U.S. Navy Fireman Third Class Gerald G. Lehman, of Hancock, Mich. He will be buried Saturday in Hancock.

When the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor Dec. 7, 1941, the battleship USS Oklahoma suffered multiple torpedo hits and capsized. As a result, 429 sailors and Marines died. Following the attack, 36 of these servicemen were identified and the remaining 393 were buried as unknowns in the National Memorial Cemetery of the Pacific in Honolulu, Hawaii.

In 2003, an independent researcher contacted the Joint POW/MIA Accounting Command (JPAC) with information he believed indicated that one of the USS Oklahoma casualties who was buried as an unknown could be positively identified. After reviewing the case, JPAC exhumed the casket and discovered that it contained Lehman’s remains.

Among other forensic identification tools and circumstantial evidence, scientists from JPAC and the Armed Forces DNA Identification Laboratory also used dental comparisons and mitochondrial DNA – which matched that of his sister and nieces -- in the identification of Lehman’s remains.

More than 400,000 of the 16 million Americans who served in World War II died. At the end of the war, the U.S. government was unable to recover, identify and bury approximately 79,000 as known persons. They include those buried with honor as unknowns, those lost at sea, and those missing in action. That number also includes the 1,100 sailors entombed in the USS Arizona Memorial in Pearl Harbor. Today, more than 72,000 Americans remain unaccounted-for from WW II.

For additional information on the Defense Department’s mission to account for missing Americans, visit the DPMO Web site at or call 703-699-1169.
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"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." __ Franklin D. Roosevelt
"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle."
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. _ _ George Carlin
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" _ _ Queen E. Watson
“A political class of Republicans and Democrats that look after themselves, not the Nation. A media hostile to the very precepts of this nation. A generation of Americans who see morals as vices, and are ignorant of America's Actual History.”
"The things that will destroy America are prosperity-at-any-price, peace-at-any-price, safety-first instead of duty-first, the love of soft living, and the get-rich-quick theory of life." - - Theodore Roosevelt
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Scheduled Activities
Men's Prayer Breakfast held every Tuesday morning at 6 AM in Miller's Cafeteria. If you aren't a regular participant at the Men's Prayer Breakfast, you're missing some great food, fellowship and inspired teaching of the Word. Hope to see you there.
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Emergency Phone Number 911
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )
Central Dispatch 234_5655
(Non _ Emergency Number)
Direct Numbers
Ambulance _ 234_7371 (24 Hour)
Jail _ 234_5331 (24 Hour)
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http://www. aapcc. org/
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Interested in getting in touch with the Banner_News through e_mail?
E_mail addresses for communicating with the newspaper’s various departments are: For the editor, For news and sports items, Coming Events, Diary, Church News, school and civic events.
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"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." __ "Bug"
"I read the end of the book. We win!" __ "Bug"
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." __ "Bug"
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." _ _ "Bug"
"It's no big deal doing what God tells you to do. A big deal would be NOT doing what God tells you to do. Just ask Jonah." _ _ Paul Troquille
“Nam et ipsa scientia potestas est.” Knowledge is power. _ Francis Bacon
"The problem is here and now. The time for talk is past. The time for action is now."
Comments on the first Earth Day _ James F. McClellan via John "Fuzzy" Thurman
Hope you enjoy the newsletter.
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week.
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" __"Bug"
God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!
1 Cor 16:7 Mat 9:20-22 Mat 10:18-21 Mat 10:40-42 Mark 6:36-38 Zec 1:1-3 Nahum 1:7 Ezek 33:31-33 Acts 24:8 Prov 14:1 Prov 13:20 Mat 8:23-26 Mat 10:5-8 2 Chr 30:12-13 2 Chr 14:2,6 Mat 10:32-33 Mat 26:30-31 2 Chr 31:1 Prov 12:17-19 Mat 9:36-38
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT_I KC5HII

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