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Volume 12, Issue 10 Friday, March 05, 2010
Hello All,
Annette and I had our annual eye exams. At least it was cloudy / Rainy so we didn't have to cope with bright sun after having our eyes dilated. I did have to cope with "Dr." Annette insisting that the eye doc lance a small cyst I've had in the corner of my eye for years.
The doctor asked if I wanted it lanced and I asked if it needed it. She replied that it wouldn't hurt to drain it. So she followed "Dr." Annette's diagnosis and treatment and stuck a needle in my eye. It didn't really hurt too bad and does look better.
I then tried to get the doc to sand down the skin rash Annette had on her cheek but, for some reason, the doctor didn't think she needed it.
All women stick together.
P.S. Aside from the cyst, they said our eyes are great and we have no diabetic related eye problems.
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Dr. Gati scheduled me for another month of Therapy. He says I’m doing great for a crabby old guy, but still need more work to get me working again. So I get to hang out with Becky and the gang at Health quest for a few more weeks.
Becky evaluated me again today and continues to be pleased with my progress. She’s especially happy that I can put my own socks on, tie my shoes and open some jars.
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Annette has had a rough couple of weeks. Her pain has increased to the extent she had to use the electric cart at Wal-Mart this week. Please pray for her. Constant pain can really drag a gal down. Of course, in the midst of this, she led an old friend to the Lord and she continues to work with her doctors on treatment alternatives. One of these alternatives is a new joint injection which our insurance company didn’t want to pay for. But they called today to say that it would probably be approved. I guess they realized that they were working with the “unstoppable force.”
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How to Face Fear: 10 Bible Verses To Inspire Courage
I Will Fear No Evil
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. (Psalm 23:4)
I Will Help You
For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you. (Isaiah 41:13)
You Will See The Deliverance
Moses answered the people, "Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again." (Exodus 14:13)
Be Strong and Courageous
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. (Deuteronomy 31:6)
A Spirit of Power and Love
For God gave us not a spirit of fearfulness; but of power and love and discipline. (2 Timothy 1:7) (American Standard Version)
Of Whom Shall I Be Afraid?
The Lord is my light and my salvation--whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life--of whom shall I be afraid? (Psalm 27:1)
The Angel Said To Her
But the angel said to her, "Do not be afraid, Mary, you have found favor with God." (Luke 1:30)
I Bring You Good News
But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people." (Luke 2:10)
We Say With Confidence
So we say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can Man do to me?" (Hebrews 13:6)
Peace I Leave With You
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. (John 14:27)
Thanks to http://www.beliefnet.com/
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Psalm 91 (New International Version)
1 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. [a]
2 I will say [b] of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."
3 Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare
and from the deadly pestilence.
4 He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
5 You will not fear the terror of night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys at midday.
7 A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.
8 You will only observe with your eyes
and see the punishment of the wicked.
9 If you make the Most High your dwelling—
even the LORD, who is my refuge-
10 then no harm will befall you,
no disaster will come near your tent.
11 For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways;
12 they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
13 You will tread upon the lion and the cobra;
you will trample the great lion and the serpent.
14 "Because he loves me," says the LORD, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
15 He will call upon me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.
16 With long life will I satisfy him
and show him my salvation."
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Why the “Fear” quotes? Our monthly heath insurance premium went up this year. Our co pays went up 160%. Then, I watched the posturing of our politicians at the so called health care summit. I confess it scared me. In fact, I find myself avoiding the news. I’ve just had enough “doom and gloom” for this year.
~
But then, I reread those scriptures and remembered what Paul told Philemon
6 That the communication of thy faith may become effectual by the acknowledging of every good thing which is in you in Christ Jesus - - (King James Version)
~
So I look around and take stock of what God had done in our lives. The facts are incredible. Annette and I were kids who had to “save up for a year to go to the drive in on “Dollar Night” and now we are out of debt and have no material needs. Our kids faced obstacles (physical and learning disabilities, etc.) but have grown into folks that we’d like to grow up to be.
Their spouses and kids are our pride and joy.
No, our live hasn’t been all sweetness and light, but God has always come through for us. Over and over again, things that looked bad were turned around to our good.
Now, how can I fear? How can I fail to trust the God who has never failed to deliver us?
~
Now I know that God will take care of us. But we still have a job to do here. First . . . Pray for our leaders. Pray that they would follow God and trod an ethical path. Pray that they will “do the right thing.”
Second . . . Write your congressmen and senators. Tell them you want to fix what needs fixing now and not via humongous pork filled bill. We don’t need to destroy Medicare and create a bigger worse bureaucracy.
Instead, take action now to help all Americans get insurance by;
1. Requiring that all Americans have health insurance. (Yes, I know this amounts to another GIANT tax. But it’s by far the lesser of many evils being pushed on us.)
2. Forbidding any insurance company to deny coverage to any individual based on preexisting conditions
3. Provide Assistance in buying insurance for those whose insurance cost exceeds 8% of their income.
4. Permit any American to purchase insurance from any company, including out of state.
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Speaking of scary, part of the EPA’s plan to reduce greenhouse emissions by 14% over the next 10 years is to drive the price of gasoline up over $7.00 a gallon. . . . That should take care of all those pesky folks driving to work. They won’t have any jobs to drive to. [http://dotearth.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/03/02/fuel-taxes-must-rise-harvard-researchers-say/]
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The e:mail stating that the”Bakken Formation” in Montana / Wyoming has enough oil to supply all the US’s needs for 40 years is Mostly Hoax with Some truth.
There is about 4 Billion Bbls (1 years supply for the US) of oil "readily" available there. Not 40 years. [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bakken_Formation]
Another 800 Billion Bbls is locked up there in Shale. Current Technology could recover about 1 million BBLS a day (about 1/10th of daily U.S. demand) if environmental and water issues are resolved (it takes a tremendous amount of water to produce oil from shale.)
So, with investment and time, we could be producing 1/10 of our daily oil requirements. That would still leave 9/10th to have to come from somewhere else.
The oil economy is not sustainable in the long run. At present, the US (4% of the world population) consumes 25% of the world’s oil production. The other countries are going to increasingly compete with us for the world’s oil.
We use petro chemicals for more than fuel and need to conserve as much as possible. At the same time, we need to encourage more exploration to "tide us over" until we switch to other energy sources (i.e. nuclear, solar, wind, etc.)
Beware! The current administration's solution to all these problems is to tax us back into the dark ages. They're currently proposing $4 worth of taxes on each gallon of gas "to discourage consumption."
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Green initiative by Dow projected to create Michigan jobs
Dow Chemical's green initiatives will bring hundreds of jobs and hundreds of millions of investment dollars to the state, Michigan Economic Development said Wednesday. A joint venture between Dow Chemical and South Korean partner TK Advanced Battery will build a manufacturing facility for its lithium-polymer batteries to go into electric vehicles. The facility will reportedly create a minimum of 320 full-time jobs by February 2014. The Detroit News [http://detnews.com/article/20100225/BIZ/2250351/Dow-Chemical--S--Korean-partner-to-invest-$294M-in-Midland-battery-plant]
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Government unveils new studies on BPA exposure
The National Institute of Environmental Health Sciences is conducting 11 animal studies to determine the impact of bisphenol A exposure on public health, as the chemical could be transmitted through diet, air, dust and water. Christopher Borgert, a former advisory committee member for the Environmental Protection Agency, told a congressional panel that current levels of BPA exposure are unlikely to pose a risk to humans. "I don't think the science would support the total banning of BPA at the levels it's being used today in America," Borgert said. The American Chemistry Council says that studies have shown that BPA is quickly excreted and does not accumulate in humans. Reuters [http://www.reuters.com/article/idUSTRE61O62F20100225]
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Beth Anne Rankin Plans Run for Congress - former Miss Arkansas Beth Anne Rankin has filed as a Republican in the Fourth Congressional District.
Rankin was Miss Arkansas in 1994 and also worked as a liaison in Gov. Mike Huckabee’s office for eight years. Most recently, she sang “God Bless America” at the Sarah Palin event in Arkansas. She currently runs Beth Anne Productions in Magnolia. Her father is Dr. David Rankin, President of Southern Arkansas University.
Rankin will likely face Republican Glenn Gallas in the primary for the chance to face incumbent Democratic Rep. Mike Ross in the November.
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99% of the problems I see in Christian's lives are the result of not trusting God and therefore not putting their relationship with him first in their lives.
We've NEVER been let down by God. We have failed to follow his lead and reaped the consequences.
It reminds me of a story in the AOG's Pentecostal Evangel magazine years ago;
Two rebels were captured by the king's forces. They were surprised to be taken to the king who forgave their rebellion and freed them. He told them to return to him on the morrow and he would give the his plan for their life. If they didn't want his plan, they were free to leave.
Outside the king's chamber, they conferred and one (John) decided to come back for the king's plan. The other (Timothy) said "But what if his plan doesn't include the beautiful Guinevere? You know I love her and couldn't stand to live life without her." John replied. "It's obvious that the king has our best in his thoughts and he wouldn't tell you to leave Guinevere unless she wasn't the girl for you. I think you ought to trust the king."
But Timothy couldn't take that chance and left the castle.
Several years pass and John found himself in his old neighborhood. He decided to look up Timothy. He found Timothy cutting wood to heat a small shack on the edge of town.
The old friends rejoiced in meeting and then John asked Timothy how things were going. Tim replied; "Well I can see by your dress and horse that you've done well since we last saw each other. I returned home and married Guinevere and went to work in her father's blacksmith shop. It's been a hard life and Guinevere has never stopped reminding me that she could have married a richer man. It seems that no matter what we do, we can never get ahead. The blacksmith shop went bankrupt after her father died and now I'm working as a sharecropper for the local earl.
John said, well, "Why don't you see the king about his plan for your life?" Timothy said "But I refused his plan." John said, "Timothy, don't you know that the king updates his plan for you each day? He'll have a new plan for you ready any time you go to him. I can testify that the King's plan will help you get your life turned around."
So the next day, Timothy and Guinevere traveled to the King, got his plan and lived happily ever after.
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Years ago, someone put one of those “forward this story to 20 friends and you’ll have good luck / fail to forward it and your nose will fall off” chain letters in the mail boxes at work. Since I was the “religious” guy there, everyone assumed that I’d put the letters in their boxes. One fellow asked me outright what I thought about it. I replied “Well, I’m a Christian and such things as pagan curses don’t affect me. But I don’t know about you.” Later that evening I saw him making 20 copies of the letter.
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NOTE: I don’t usually join Face book “Fan” sites but I do enjoy reading their titles.
“I Flush The Toilet With My Feet In Public Restrooms!”
“I Don’t Need Anger Management ... You Just Need To Stop Makin Me Mad!!,”
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A Dubliner proposes to his girlfriend on Saint Patrick's day and gives her a ring with a synthetic diamond.
"You Cheap Bum!" she yells. "This isn't even real."
"I know," he says. "But in honor of Saint Patrick, I thought I'd buy you a . . . Sham-Rock."
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It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
Thanks to Rosemary Alspaugh Phillips
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Just heard that the Obama Administration will be honoring the 43rd President of the United States by naming the gap between the tectonic plates beneath Haiti after him.
The area will now officially be referred to as "Bush's Fault"
Thanks to Waneta
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Silver in the Hair
Gold in the Teeth.
Stones in the Kidneys
Sugar in the Blood.
Lead in the Feet..
Iron in the Arteries.
And an inexhaustible supply of Natural Gas.
We never thought we'd accumulate such wealth.
Thanks to Gary Foreman
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"Women are angels. When someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly; on a broomstick, because we are flexible."
Thanks to Rosemary Cragan Dolliver
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Check out [http://www.believersink.com/default.html] One of our youth group kids (from when we were youth pastors) is in Afghanistan now but he’s also worked in this business.
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You’re missing a feast for the mind and spirit if you’re not reading Jimmy’s blog [http://jhmalone2.wordpress.com/]
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DarynKagan.com - - Here are a couple of stories that just might help you look at the world differently, all in a fun, light-hearted way.
Wacky Store Promotion Turns World Upside Down
This is a story you need to see to believe. Check out the lengths some Gap stores went to recently to spread the word about a new customer promotion. It's possible you'll need to look twice. And no, don't adjust your computer screens.
Watch Video >> [http://darynkagan.demo.nimbussoftware.com/business/2010/bu_100304_wackypromotion.html]
90+ Year Old Married Couple Is You Tube Hit
Frances and Marlow Cowan don't really understand what You Tube is, but they know they are a huge hit. See how an impromptu performance has turned this oh-so-fun couple into an internet sensation. I dare you to watch this story and not come away smiling.
Watch Video >> [http://darynkagan.demo.nimbussoftware.com/over60/2010/os_100304_90yoyoutube.html]
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America is not at war. The military is at war. - - America is at the mall, or watching the movie stars.
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Each week the Defense Department highlights military personnel who have gone above and beyond in the war. [http://www.defenselink.mil/heroes/] - - Robert Eldridge - - Awarded: The Bronze Star - - U.S. Army Major Robert Eldridge enlisted in December, 1986, joining the Special Forces Reserves.
"My father was in special forces and I knew quite a few people in Special Forces. I liked it. It sounded like what I wanted to do, so I pursued it," he said.
In 1997 he was commissioned as an infantry officer, where he served briefly before rejoining Special Forces as an officer as well.
In November of 2004 Eldridge deployed to Afghanistan for what should have been a deployment that lasted many months. But on Dec. 17, 2004 while conducting a patrol, Eldridge’s vehicle, which was leading the patrol, hit an Improvised Explosive Device.
Eldridge was seriously injured, but the medic on his team, who had been driving the vehicle was able to begin treating him just minutes after the explosion. And within 30 minutes was been evacuated by a Blackhawk, he said.
Eldridge’s leg had to be amputated as a result of the injuries, and he spent six months recovering in Walter Reed Medical Center.
Though Eldridge had the option to retire after his injury, he fought to stay in the Army.
"I could have medically retired but I fought to stay in," he said.
The benefits of being in Special Operations, he said, was the support he received from other Special Operations Soldiers up and down the chain of command, who visited him when he was in the hospital in Afghanistan and at Walter Reed.
"I wanted to go back," he said, "and my group commander and battalion supported my coming back."
They were following his recovery, making sure he was ok, and seeing if he wanted to stay in or not. In particular, he said, he benefitted from a Special Operations wounded warrior program called the Care Coalition.
Eldridge also had the support of his family throughout his recovery and decision to stay in the Army. They met him when he arrived at Walter Reed on December 19, 2004, he said.
Eldridge’s family "absolutely" supported his going back to Special Operations, he said.
"When I showed up I told them I was going back to my unit, and they thoroughly supported me through the entire process, he said.
Eldridge redeployed to Afghanistan in March of 2007.
"Within a month and a half of getting back to my unit, I started conducting airborne operations again," he said.
He said, "it was a good deployment. I got to stay the whole time."
Eldridge earned a Bronze Star with ‘Valor’ and a Purple Heart for the events of December 17, 2004.
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The latest from Michael Yon, the foremost “milnews” blogger on the web.
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Greetings
This short, heartfelt letter [http://www.michaelyon-online.com/from-canada-a-thank-you-to-u.s.-service-members.htm] from a Canadian Mom and Dad is a must read.
Note: Will begin doing weekly interviews with Lars Larson starting this Monday. Interviews will live on Mondays at 3:20PM Pacific; 6:20PM Eastern.
Lars also has a streaming capability [http://www.larslarson.com/] for folks who cannot listen on the radio.
--
I have never met a Combat Camera shooter who is not at least "good." Even the least experienced shooters are good. But there are a few who are excellent, skilled artists. Check out Efren Lopez.
http://www.michaelyon-online.com/images/pdf/20100227_5bct2id_comcam_weekly.pdf
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A Sailor writes about his desert experience at KAF. I shared a meal with the author the other day. He's a smart young Sailor who's paying attention.
http://cdrsalamander.blogspot.com/2010/03/yeoman-in-stan-chapter-ii.html
Your Writer,
Michael Yon
Kandahar
Please remember that this website accepts no advertisement and is dependent on your support.
Very Respectfully,
PS Please sign up for my Twitter.com updates at "Michael_Yon" [http://twitter.com/Michael_Yon] (not Michael Yon).
http://www.facebook.com/#/MichaelYonFanPage?ref=sgm
~
www.michaelyon-online.com
~
Http://www.michaelyon_online.com/index.php
~~~~~
We’ve Watched:
It Happened One Night rated this movie: 10.0
Lost: Ssn 3: Average rating: 8.41
Sex and the Single Girl Average rating: 7.25
Bolt Average rating: 6.917
Lost: Ssn 2: Average rating: 8.422
Alabama Love Story Average rating: 5.922
Sissi Average rating: 7.683
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We’ve recently read:
None left behind : the 10th Mountain Division and the triangle of death / Charles W. Sasser.
The domino pattern / Timothy Zahn.
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http://www.shelfari.com
http://www.shelfari.com/bugsbleat/shelf
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Photos on the front of this week’s “Bleat” include some of our favorite photos of growing things.
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We’ve now got several addresses on the web for "Da Bleat." For the latest issue, go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com. Other issues can be seen at http://www.bugsbleat1q09.blogspot.com.
Our photos are posted at http://www.bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com.
If you want to see photos of the April ’08 train wreck in Magnolia, go to http://www.bugsbleattw.blogspot.com/
~~~~~
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.
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Be sure and keep Dr. Pat Antoon and his lovely wife Mandy in your prayers.
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Recipe(s) of the week - - Healthy Snacks and Sweet Treats
Lara Rondinelli RD, LDN, CDE
To snack or not to snack with diabetes? That is the question. Snacks may be necessary for some people with diabetes on certain oral medications or insulin. For example, someone on a mixed insulin regimen may find that a morning snack after breakfast keeps blood glucose levels stable and prevents mid-morning hypoglycemia. Other people may find they need an afternoon snack before exercise to keep blood glucose levels from dropping. And some people just find they can control their weight and blood sugar numbers best if they eat several small meals and snacks throughout the day. The challenge is in finding snacks that don't raise blood glucose levels too much — in other words, lower-carbohydrate snacks.
Here are some examples of snacks with around 15 grams of carbohydrate:
* 3 whole-wheat crackers (Triscuits) with 2 tbsp natural peanut butter = 15g
* 1 small pear and a small handful (12) almonds = 16g
* 6 ounces of plain, lowfat yogurt with sugar substitute = 12g
* 2 cups of popcorn with 1 tbsp butter = 12g
* ½ cup of sugar-free pudding = 12g
* ½ cup of no-sugar-added ice cream
* ½ cup of blueberries and ½ cup of low-fat cottage cheese = 15g
* 1 small protein bar with around 15 grams carbohydrate
* 1 small apple with 1 tbsp peanut butter = 17g
* ½ turkey sandwich on whole-wheat bread with mayo = 12g
* 4 baby carrots, 4 celery stalks dipped in 5 tbsp hummus = 15g
Here are some examples of even lower (under 15g) carbohydrate snacks:
* Handful of almonds, walnuts, or pecans
* Celery stalks with natural peanut butter
* String Cheese
* ½ cup of low-fat cottage cheese
* Hardboiled egg
* Veggies and ranch or bleu cheese dip
* Sugar-free jello with whipped topping
When a person first gets diagnosed with diabetes they may be fearful that sweet treats are gone forever. High-sugar, trans-fat laden foods such as regular cakes, pies, and candy are definitely not recommended, because these foods will spike blood glucose levels and are full of artery clogging fats. People with diabetes can still have sweet treats and desserts, but they must learn how to control portions and/or make healthy substitutes. When buying products at the store look for sugar-free versions of fudge bars, jello, pudding, and ice cream bars, but remember these foods can still contain carbohydrates, so read labels. When baking your own desserts, use sugar substitutes in place of sugar to decrease carbohydrates.
http://www.dlife.com/dLife/do/ShowContent/inspiration_expert_advice/expert_columns/rondinelli_april08.html
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And from our friend Norma Kay;
For all my diabetic buddies out there and some friends who aren't. This is so easy and really good!
1 box Angel Food Cake Mix
1 20 oz can Crushed Pineapple Natural Juice no sugar added
Mix together and pour in a 9x13 pan that has been sprayed with Pam. Bake at 350 until done. Good with Sugar Free Cool whip on it or just plain.
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BreakPoint
The Institutes of the Christian Religion
Calvin’s Magnum Opus
By Chuck Colson
Published Date: February 26, 2010
This month’s Great Books Audio CD Series tackles a work with a very imposing name. But don’t be fooled.
While Martin Luther might have been the “spark” that ignited the Protestant Reformation, John Calvin certainly fanned the flame. In this month’s Great Books Audio CD Series, Dr. Ken Boa turns his attention to one of the greatest works of Western culture, The Institutes of Christian Religion by John Calvin.
Preconceptions abound when it comes to Calvin and the movement he began. But as C.S. Lewis wrote concerning the reformer, “We mistake the influence of Calvinism if we see it in the light of the typical dour caricature of Calvin, for his was the progressive philosophy of the day.”
The Institutes, first written in 1536 but revised over the course of Calvin’s life, were not only progressive for his time, but also surprisingly pastoral. He wrote them primarily to edify believers.
First written in Latin, The Institutes of Christian Religion is a poor rendering of the original title. A closer translation might be: “An Instruction of Christian Piety.” But Calvin’s definition of piety and our own would differ.
Calvin writes, “I call piety that reverence joined with love of God which the knowledge of His benefits induces. For until men recognize that they owe everything to God, that they are nourished by His Fatherly care, that He is the author of their every good, that they should seek nothing beyond Him, they will never yield Him willing service.” He goes on to say that unless man stakes his “complete happiness in [God, he] will never give [himself] to him truly and sincerely.”
The Institutes are clearly written by a man whose happiness was entirely staked on God. Calvin’s contemplation of God was not speculative or theoretical, but thoroughly personal. Ken Boa says that makes The Institutes “a living, challenging book that makes personal claims on the reader.”
The book is divided into four principle parts, which in turn correspond to the four primary parts of the Apostle’s Creed. The first part considers the knowledge of God as Father, creator, provider, and sustainer. Next, Calvin considers how the Son reveals the Father, particularly in the work of redemption. And the third section addresses the Holy Spirit, who brings man to repentance and sanctification. In the final section Calvin turns his attention to the Church, and how it is called to live out the truth and display God’s character, especially in the sacraments.
Calvin’s Institutes is a book every Christian should read. I’ve used it time and time again for its marvelous commentary. So come to our bookstore at BreakPoint.org and order a copy—you’ll be supporting the ministry of BreakPoint when you do so. And you can also subscribe to Ken Boa’s wonderful Great Books Audio CD Series.
Reflecting on The Institutes, Ken Boa says that for Calvin, wisdom was found in knowing God and knowing man. That kind of wisdom is a gift of God, revealed to man only when he humbles himself to truly seek God. Calvin believed that such true wisdom leads to the exercise of true religion.
Perhaps one of the greatest systematic theologians of history could leave us with no more important lesson than that. God’s wisdom transforms us from the inside out, and then through us, transforms the world. That was Calvin’s great goal, and our mission here at the Colson Center.
Copyright © 2010 Prison Fellowship. All Rights Reserved _ _ http://www.breakpoint.org/
~
Residents of Columbia County, Arkansas are represented in Congress by:
Senator Blanche Lambert Lincoln (D_ AR)
Phone 202_224_4843
FAX 202_228_1371
http://lincoln.senate.gov/contact/email.cfm
~
Senator Mark Pryor (D_ AR)
Phone 202_224_2353
FAX 202_228_0908
http://pryor.senate.gov/contact/
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Representative Michael A. Ross (D _ 04)
Phone 202_225_3772
FAX 202_225_1314
http://ross.house.gov/?sectionid=77§iontree=7677
Other states congresspersons can be found at: [http://www.visi.com/juan/congress/]
~~~~~
Words of the Day:
egregious: outrageously bad.
bombast: pompous or pretentious speech or writing.
fractious: tending to cause trouble; also, irritable.
fructuous: fruitful; productive.
arcanum: a secret; a mystery.
gregarious: seeking and enjoying the company of others.
mulct: to defraud.
pablum: something (as writing or speech) that is trite, insipid, or simplistic.
temporize: to be indecisive or evasive in order to gain time; also, to go with the times.
eructation: the act of belching; a belch.
didactic: conveying instruction; teaching some moral lesson.
fealty: fidelity; allegiance; faithfulness.
supplicate: to make a humble and earnest petition.
quixotic: foolishly impractical; also, capricious, impulsive.
from http://dictionary.reference.com/wordoftheday/
~~~~~
"There is something even more valuable to civilization than wisdom, and that is character." - H.L. Mencken
"A great civilization is not conquered from without until it has destroyed itself within." - Will Durant
"Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
"You must be true to yourself. Strong enough to be true to yourself. Brave enough to be strong enough to be true to yourself. Wise enough to be brave enough, to be strong enough to shape yourself from what you actually are." - Sylvia Ashton-Warner
"Imagination is more important than knowledge." - Albert Einstein
"When the satisfaction or the security of another person becomes as significant to one as one's own satisfaction or security, then the state of love exists." - Harry Stack Sullivan
"Imagination is more important than knowledge." - Albert Einstein
"The best things and best people rise out of their separateness; I'm against a homogenized society because I want the cream to rise." - Robert Frost
"One's mind, once stretched by a new idea, never regains its original dimensions." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
"Happiness is the full use of your powers along lines of excellence." - John F. Kennedy
"Human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives." - William James
"Tis easy enough to be pleasant, when life flows along like a song; but the person worthwhile is the one who will smile when everything goes dead wrong." - Ella Wheeler Wilcox
"The charm of history and its enigmatic lesson consist in the fact that, from age to age, nothing changes and yet everything is completely different." - Aldous Huxley
"The ideal man bears the accidents of life with dignity and grace, making the best of circumstances." - Aristotle
~~~~~
BREAKING CHRISTIAN NEWS
http://breakingchristiannews.com/
Some Scientists Believe Frankincense Holds Future Key to Fight Cancer
Teresa Neumann (Mar 1, 2010)
"Working with frankincense could revolutionize the treatment of cancer...Treatment with frankincense could eradicate the cancerous cells alone and let the others live."
...Read Full Story [http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=7622]
Former President Bush Recounts How Faith and Prayers "sustained" Him during His Presidency
Aimee Herd (Mar 2, 2010)
"The prayers of the people sustained me, comforted me and strengthened me in a way I could have never predicted before becoming president, and for that I am extremely grateful." –George W. Bush
...Read Full Story [http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=7634]
310 2nd Ave SE
Albany, Oregon 97321
541_928_2642
E-mail editor@breakingchristiannews.com
US Orders: 1_866_358_7426
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GCF: From the collection of Flem Winders.
Shared with to me by a friend (Thanks, Martha) -Tom
If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own
subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! Just send an
email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
-------------------------------------------
GCF: Chorus Tryout
A girl was trying out for a job in a chorus. "Mother says that I sing
beautifully."
The director replied, "Bring me a recommendation from the neighbors
and I'll give you an audition."
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me another humor list (Clean Joke of the Day) -Tom
Subscribe to Clean Joke of the Day by visiting the website:
http://www.cleanjokeoftheday.com
-------------------------------------------
GCF: Wrinkle Cream
On her forty-first birthday, a woman received, among other
presents, an extravagantly expensive wrinkle-removing cream
from her teenage daughter.
"And what did she give you last year?" a guest asked the mom.
Her reply without hesitation was: "The wrinkles!"
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me from another humor list (Clean Laffs) -Tom
Subscribe to Clean Laffs at the website:
http://www.gophercentral.com/
-------------------------------------------
GCF: At the Bagel Shop
"Hello Mrs. Miller," said the bearded guy behind the counter
at the bagel shop.
My husband and I looked at him but drew complete blanks.
"I'm sorry, do we know each other?" I asked.
"Yeah, you was my English teacher."
Leaning over, my husband whispered, "Good job, Honey, good
job."
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me another humor list (Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh List) -Tom
Subscribe to Pastor Tim's Clean Laugh list at the website:
Subscribe
-------------------------------------------
GCF: Don't Smoke
A couple of hours into a visit with my mother, she noticed I hadn't
once lit up a cigarette. "Are you trying to kick the habit?" she asked.
"No," I replied. "I have a cold, and I don't smoke when I'm not feeling well."
"You know," she observed, "you'd probably live longer if you were
sick more often."
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me another humor list (Good Clean Funnies List) -Tom
To subscribe The Good Clean Funnies List, (not to be confused
with this list, which is Good Clean Fun) send an email to:
gcfl-request@gcfl.net with subject = add
-------------------------------------------
GCF: Chemist Memory
A chemist walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, "Do
you have any acetylsalicylic acid?"
"You mean aspirin?" asked the pharmacist.
"That's it! I can never remember that word."
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Daryl) -Tom
-------------------------------------------
GCF: Rough Country Road
I was driving my father and grandfather down a rough country road. My
inexperience in handling Grandpa's four-wheel-drive vehicle made for
a particularly bouncy ride.
Embarrassed, I offered a lame excuse, "The sun shadows through the
trees make it hard for me to see all the potholes."
"Don't worry," Grandpa said. "You're gettin' most of 'em."
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me another humor list (Clean Joke of the Day) -Tom
Subscribe to Clean Joke of the Day by visiting the website:
http://www.cleanjokeoftheday.com
-------------------------------------------
GCF: Tennis Bracelet
A woman sees a beautiful tennis bracelet in a jewelry store window.
Not having the money to purchase the item, but desperately
longing for it, she enters and speaks to the clerk.
"If I were to give you a small deposit for this item, could
you possibly hold it for me?"
"Certainly," replies the clerk. "For how long shall we hold
the item?
"Until my husband does something unforgivable."
_ ____________________________ _
Emailed to me another humor list (Tickled by Tony - Clean) -Tom
Subscribe to the Tickled by Tony list by sending an email to:
tickledbytony_clean-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
-------------------------------------------
GCF: Gossiping with the Neighbor
I'd offered to drive my mother-in-law to the doctor. But when I
arrived at her house, I found her gossiping away with a neighbor.
"Mom, we've got to go," I interjected, but she couldn't hear me over
the chatter.
Finally, I had to take her by the arm and lead her away.
When we got in the car, she apologized. "Sorry, but I didn't know
what to do. That woman wouldn't stop listening to me."
_ ____________________________ _
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Not all the teeth \ /
\ _/ put into our laws these days \_ /
/ / are wisdom teeth. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / I drive way too fast \ /
\ _/ to worry about cholesterol. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / The early bird gets the worm, \ /
\ _/ but the second mouse gets \_ /
/ / the cheese. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / The best things in life \ \_/ ////
\ / are free, but sooner \ /
\ _/ or later the government \_ /
/ / will find a way to tax them. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / When I had my surgery, \ \_/ ////
\ / the doctor gave me a local \ /
\ _/ anesthetic. I could not \_ /
/ / afford the imported kind. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / I took a test that \ /
\ _/ said I was cynical. \_ /
/ / Why should I believe that? \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / A printer consists of 3 main \ \_/ ////
\ / parts: the case, the jammed \ /
\ _/ paper tray and the \_ /
/ / blinking red light. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / If you have trouble \ /
\ _/ getting your children's attention,\_ /
/ / just sit down and look comfortable. \ \
_ ____________________________ _
/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( \
/ / | tellswor@kcbx.net | \ \
_( (_ | http://www.kcbx.net/~tellswor | _) )_
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_| ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
It was love at first sight when Irish Potato laid his eye upon beautiful miss Idaho Potato. They married and before you could say tuber, lovely little sweet potato came into their lives. No parents were ever prouder and their lives were all sweet and starch until their little darling announced one evening that she’d fallen in love with Brian Williams.
Her mother and father were aghast but she was adamant that this was the only man for her. They argued, reasoned, begged and pleaded until she finally challenged them to tell her why she couldn’t spend the rest of her life with the NBC Anchorman.
Her father and mother looked at each other and then explained; “Sweet potato, you can’t marry him. For one thing, he’s human and you’re a potato. For another, he’s already married. And even if those two things weren’t strikes against him, there’s still the main reason you can’t marry Brian Williams.”
“What’s that reason?” she asked.
“Well dear”, they replied “He’s a . . . commentator.”
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A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent Florist friars.
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John was the 4th generation owner of an animal park. He had lions, tigers, porpoises, killer whales, zebras, etc. However, with the economy going stale, it looked like he’d be the last in his family to own such a park. Finances were tight and, to make things worse, attendance at the marine show had fallen off recently. I seems family groups were a little put off by his two porpoises, a male and female.
The porpoises had come into maturity this year and often paused their show to “mate” ... vigorously.
Money was so tight that he decided to see if he could forage for some food for the animals instead of buying it. The easiest to start with seemed to be the amorous mammals as they preferred to dine on baby sea gulls, which he should be able to catch on the beach below the park.
So the next day the went down to the beach and caught several baby sea gulls and started back up the trail to the park. Coming around a bend in the trail, he was stopped by two lions lying across his path. He tried to go to the left but the edge of the cliff blocked him. He tried to go to the right but the edge of the trail was a sheer drop and he feared he would fall. So he stepped over the lions.
Immediately several police grabbed him, threw him in the back of a squad car and hauled him to jail.
He was charged with ...
Transporting young gulls across staid lions for immoral porpoises.
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
A man was allergic to cotton. He had pills that he could take to alleviate his symptoms but . . . he couldn't get them out of the bottle.
Thanks to Readers Digest and Brian Kiley
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE
1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a Little beverage, good food and companionship She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays.
2. We sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California , and mine is in Texas
3. I take my wife everywhere.... But she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric Toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place To sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."
8. She got a mud pack, and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!"
10.. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her First name was Always.
12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months I don't like to interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"
Can't you just hear him say all of these? I love it........these were the good old days When humor didn't have to start with a four letter word. It was just clean and simple fun. And he always ended his programs with the words, "God Bless."
Thanks to Waneta
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Priceless Observations:
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.. - Mark Twain
<><>
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible. - George Burns
<><>
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - Victor Borge
<><>
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. - Mark Twain
<><>
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates
<><>
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. - Groucho Marx
<><>
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante
<><>
I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. - Zsa Zsa Gabor
<><>
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. - Alex Levine
<><>
My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. - Rodney Dangerfield
<><>
Money can't buy you happiness ... But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. - Spike Milligan
<><>
Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP . - Joe Namath
<><>
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap. - Bob Hope
<><>
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.. - W. C. Fields
<><>
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. - Will Rogers
<><>
Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you. - Winston Churchill
<><>
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty ... But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.. - Phyllis Diller
<><>
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere. - Billy Crystal
Thanks to Gary Foreman
~~~~~
LITTLE GIRL ON A PLANE
A Georgia Congressman was seated next to a little girl on the airplane leaving from Atlanta when he turned to her and said, 'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.'
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the total stranger, 'What would you like to talk about?'
'Oh, I don't know,' said the southern congressman. 'How about global warming or universal health care', and he smiles smugly.
OK, ' she said. 'Those could be interesting topics. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?'
The southern legislator, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have no idea.'
To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss global warming or universal health care when you don't know poop?
Thanks to Gary Foreman
~~~~~
Jeff Foxworthy in Kabul
"YOU MAY BE A TALIBAN IF..."
1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to liquor.
2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.
3. You have more wives than teeth.
4. You wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon "unclean."
5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.
6. You can't think of anyone you haven't declared Jihad against.
7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.
8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.
9. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least four.
10. You've always had a crush on your neighbor's goat.
Thanks to Waneta
~~~~~
We’ve been enjoying the 2010 Winter Olympics. These are some questions people from all over the world are asking about the Vancouver, Canada venue. Believe it or not these questions were posted on an International Tourism Website.
Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? (England)
A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.
Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.
Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the Railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.
Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada ? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.
Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (England)
A: No, but you'd better bring a few extra furs for trading purposes.
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada ? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe Ca-na-da is that big country to your North...oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary Come naked.
Q: Which direction is North in Canada ? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada ? (England)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-t ri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Do you have perfume in Canada ? (Germany)
A: No, WE don't stink.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Where can I sell it in Canada? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada ? (USA)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.
Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada , but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. ( USA)
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.
Thanks to Gary Foreman
~~~~~
The World's Shortest Books:
THINGS I DID TO DESERVE THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE by Barack Obama
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY COUNTRY by Jane Fonda & Cindy Sheehan. Illustrated by Michael Moore
MY LITTLE BOOK OF PERSONAL HYGIENE by Osama Bin Laden
THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD by Bill Gates
THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY by Dennis Rodman
THINGS WE KNOW TO BE TRUE by Al Gore & John Kerry
AMELIA EARHART'S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC
TO ALL THE MEN WE HAVE LOVED, BEFORE ...... by Ellen de Generes & Rosie O'Donnel
GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE by Mike Tyson
THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY
MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS
by O. J. Simpson
AND, JUST ADDED: Complete Knowledge of Military Strategy! By Nancy Pelosi
"There Are Three Kinds Of Lies, Lies, Damn Lies And Statistics" Mark Twain
Thanks to Gary Foreman
~~~~~
Did you hear about the Texas teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his cowboy boots?
He asked for help and she could see why...
Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn't want to go on.
By the time they got the second boot on, she had worked up a sweat.
She almost cried when the little boy said, 'Teacher, they're on the wrong feet.' She looked, and sure enough, they were.
It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on, this time on the right feet..
He then announced, 'These aren't my boots.'
She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, 'Why didn't you say so?' like she wanted to.
Once again, she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet.
No sooner had they gotten the boots off when he said, 'They're my brother's boots. My mom made me wear 'em.'
Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry.
But, she mustered up what grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his little feet again.
Helping him into his coat, she asked, 'Now, where are your mittens?'
He said, 'I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots.'
She will be eligible for parole in three years!
Thanks to Gary Foreman
~~~~~
The Economy is so Bad that . . .
I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.
I ordered a burger at McDonald's and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"
CEO's are now playing miniature golf.
If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.
Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.
McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.
A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico looking for work.
Red Roof Inns won't leave the light on for you anymore.
The Mafia is laying off judges.
Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.
Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great!! The guy who made $90 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made$1.5 Trillion disappear!
And, finally...
I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Lifeline. I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck!
Thanks to Waneta
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A man calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.
The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.
She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.
The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."
Without a second thought, he takes off after her.
A few miles later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up.
The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens.
On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs. as promised.
He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program.
The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning and beautiful woman he has ever seen in his life.
She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me you can have me."
Well, he's out the door after her like a shot.
This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck.
So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.
Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised.
He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program.
"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program."
"Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."
The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads,"If I catch you, you are mine!!!"
He lost 63 pounds that week. ;-)
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When I'm An Old Lady
When I'm an old lady, I'll live with my son, and make his life happy and filled with such fun, I want to pay back all the joy he's provided, returning each deed. Oh, he'll be so excited . . . when I'm an old lady and live with my son.
I'll write on the wall with red, white, and blue; and bounce on the furniture wearing my shoes. I'll drink from the carton and then leave it out. I'll stuff all the toilets and oh, will he shout! . . . when I'm an old lady and live with my son.
When he's on the phone and just out of reach, I'll get into things like sugar and bleach. Oh, he'll snap his fingers and then shake his head, and when he is done I'll hide under the bed. . . . when I'm an old lady and live with my son.
When my son's wife cooks dinner and calls me to meals, I'll not eat my green beans or salads congealed. I'll gag on my okra, spill milk on the table, and when she gets angry, run fast as I'm able. . . . when I'm an old lady and live with my son.
I'll sit close to the TV, thru the channels I'll click, I'll cross both my eyes to see if they stick, I'll take off my socks and throw one away, and play in the mud until the end of the day. . . . when I'm an old lady and live with my son.
And later, in bed, I'll lie back and sigh, and thank God in prayer and then close my eyes; and my son will look down with a smile slowly creeping, and say with a groan, "She's so sweet when she's sleeping," . . . when I'm an old lady and live with my son.
Received from Laugh & Lift.
(_:][:_)
You've Got Mail
Working at the post office, I'm used to dealing with a moody public. So, when one irate customer stormed my desk, I responded in my calmest voice, "What's the trouble?"
"I went out this morning," she began, "and when I came home, I found a card saying the mailman tried to deliver a package, but no one was home. I'll have you know, my husband was in all morning! He never heard a thing!"
After apologizing, I got her parcel.
"Oh good!" she gushed. "We've been waiting for this for ages!"
"What is it?" I asked.
"My husband's new hearing aid."
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.
(_:][:_)
Work Wisdom
- Kauffman's Paradox of the Corporation: The less important you are to the corporation, the more your tardiness or absence is noticed.
- The Salary Axiom: The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay.
Received from ArcaMax Jokes.
(_:][:_)
Colorado
A winter statistic:
Ninety-eight percent of Americans scream before going into a ditch on a slippery road. The other two percent are from Colorado, and they say, "Hold my soda and watch this."
You're from Colorado if:
You'll eat ice cream in the winter.
When the weather report says it's going to be 65 degrees, you shave your legs and wear a skirt.
It snows five inches and you don't expect school to be canceled.
You'll wear flip flops every day of the year, regardless of temperature.
You have no accent at all, but can hear other people's. And then you make fun of them.
"Humid" is over 25%.
Your sense of direction is: Toward the mountains and away from the mountains.
You say, "The Interstate," and everybody knows which one.
You think that May is a totally normal month for a blizzard or ice storm.
You buy your flowers to set out on Mother's Day, but try and hold off planting them until just before Father's Day.
You grew up planning your Halloween costumes around your coat.
You know what the Continental Divide is.
You went to Casa Bonita as a kid, and again as an adult.
You've gone off-roading in a vehicle that was never intended for such activities.
You always know the elevation of where you are.
You wake up to a beautiful 80-degree day and wonder if it's going to snow tomorrow.
You don't care that some company renamed it; the Broncos still play at Mile High.
Everybody wears jeans to church.
You actually know that South Park is a real place, not just a show on TV.
You know what a "trust fund hippy" is, and you know its natural habitat is Boulder.
You know you're talking to a fellow Coloradoan when they call it Elitches, not Six Flags.
A bear on your front porch doesn't bother you.
Your two favorite teams are the Broncos and whoever is beating the Raiders.
When people out East tell you they have mountains in their state too, you just laugh.
You go anywhere else on the planet and the air feels "sticky," and you notice the sky is no longer blue.
Received from Mike Hillman.
(_:][:_)
Dead Men Read No Mail
My father died on Jan 02, 1995. He left no forwarding address.
Therefore, it fell to me to collect his mail. I didn't expect much, really, since my sisters and I had been careful to notify his bank, insurance agent, and a host of other businesses that one of their customers was no more.
You would think a death notice would cut down on the amount of correspondence from those firms. Quite the contrary. Instead -- for months, mind you -- my deceased father continued to receive mail from companies that had been told of his passing but pressed on, determined to contact him anyway.
The first to hope for a reply from beyond the grave was my father's bank.
Dear Mr. Hanson,
Our records indicate payment is due for overdraft protection on your checking account. Efforts to contact you have proven unsuccessful. Therefore, we are automatically withdrawing your monthly $28.00 service charge from you account. Please adjust your records accordingly. Sincerely,
The Phoenix Branch
Dear Phoenix Branch,
This is to notify you once again that Mr. Hanson died Jan 02, 1995. It is therefore unlikely he will be overdrawing his account. Please close his account, and adjust your books accordingly.
Sincerely,
Scott Hanson
Later that same week, I receive this note from Dad's insurance company. Again, this is a firm that had been told in no uncertain terms of his death.
Dear Mr. Hanson,
It's time to renew your auto insurance policy! To continue your coverage, you must send $54.17 to this office immediately. Failure to do so will result in the cancellation of your policy and interruption of your coverage.
Sincerely,
Your Insurance Agent
Dear Insurance Agent,
This is to remind you that Mr. Hanson has been dead since January. As such, the odds he'll be involved in a collision are quite minimal. Please cancel the policy and adjust your books accordingly.
Sincerely,
Scott Hanson.
The next day, I went to my mailbox to find this:
Dear Mr. Hanson,
Let me introduce myself. I am a psychic reader, and it is very important that you contact me immediately. I sense that you are about to enter a time of unprecedented financial prosperity. Please call the enclosed 900 number immediately, so I can tell you how best to take full advantage of the opportunities that are coming your way.
Sincerely,
Your Psychic Reader
Dear Psychic Reader,
My father regrets he will be unable to call your 900 number. As a psychic reader, I'm sure you already know my father is dead, and had been for more than three weeks when you mailed your letter to him. I sense my father would be more than happy to take you up on your offer of a psychic reading, should you care to meet with him personally.
Sincerely,
Scott Hanson
P.S. Should you be in contact with my father in the future, please ask him if he'd like to renew his car insurance.
A few months of calm passed, and then these arrived:
Dear Mr. Hanson,
Our records indicate a balance of $112 has accrued for overdraft protection on your checking account. Efforts to contact you have proven unsuccessful. Please pay the minimum amount due, or contact this office to make other arrangements. We appreciate your business and look forward to serving all of your future borrowing needs.
Sincerely,
Your Bank's San Diego District Office
Dear San Diego District Office,
I am writing to you for the third time now to tell you my father died in January. Since then, the number of checks he's written has dropped dramatically. Being dead, he has no plans to use his overdraft protection or pay even the minimum amount due for a service he no longer needs. As for future borrowing needs, well, don't hold your breath.
Sincerely,
Scott Hanson
Dear Mr. Hanson,
Records show you owe a balance of $54.17 to your insurance agent. Efforts to contact you have proven unsuccessful. Therefore, the matter has been turned over to us for collection. Please remit the amount of $54.17 to our office or we will be forced to take legal action to collect the debt.
Sincerely,
Your Insurance Agent's Collection Agency
Dear Collection Agency,
I told your client. Now I'm telling you. Dad's dead. He doesn't need insurance. He's dead. Dead, dead, dead. I doubt even your lawyers can change that. Please adjust your books accordingly.
Sincerely,
Scott Hanson
A few more months, and:
Dear Mr. Hanson,
Our records show an unpaid balance of $224 has accrued for overdraft protection on your checking account. Our efforts to contact you have proven unsuccessful. Please remit the amount in full to this office, or the matter will be turned over to a collection agency. Such action will adversely affect your credit history.
Sincerely,
Your Bank's Los Angeles Regional Office
Dear Los Angeles Regional Office,
I am writing for the fourth time to the fourth person at the fourth address to tell your bank that my father passed away in January. Since that time, I've watched with a mixture of amazement and amusement as your bank continues to transact business with him. Now, you are even threatening his credit history. It should come as no surprise that you have received little response from my deceased father. It should also be small news that his credit history is of minor importance to him now. For the fourth and final time, please adjust your books accordingly.
Sincerely,
Scott Hanson
Dear Mr. Hanson,
This is your final notice of payment due to your insurance agent. If our firm does not receive payment of $54.17, we will commence legal action on the matter. Please contact us at once.
Sincerely,
Your Insurance Agent's Collection Agency
Dear Insurance Agent's Collection Agency,
You may contact my father via the enclosed 900 number.
Sincerely,
Scott Hanson
It has now been a couple of months since I've heard from these firms. Either the people writing these letters finally believe my father is dead, or they themselves have died and are now receiving similar correspondence.
Actually, there has been a lesson in these letters. Any one of them would be cause for great worry, if sent to a living person. The dead are immune from corporate bullying. There's nothing like dying to put business correspondence in its proper perspective.
Perhaps that's the best reason not to fear death. There's no post office there.
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.
(_:][:_)
Bear Bells
In Alaska's Tongass National Forest, a tour guide was giving a talk to a group of tourists about hiking in grizzly bear territory: "Most bear encounters occur when hikers, being extra quiet along the trails in hopes of viewing wildlife, accidentally stumble into bears. The resulting surprise can be catastrophic."
To avoid this, he suggested that each hiker wear tiny bells on their clothing to warn the bears of their presence. "Also," he said further, "be especially cautious when you see signs of bears in the area, especially when you see bear droppings."
One tourist asked, "How do you identify bear droppings?"
"Oh that's easy," the guide explained. "They're the ones with all the tiny bells in them!"
Received from ArcaMax Jokes.
(_:][:_)
Cure for Lateness
Bob had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work.
After a few weeks of this, his boss was mad and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it.
So Bob went to his doctor, who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. He got a great night's sleep and actually beat the alarm in the morning. After a leisurely breakfast, he cheerfully drove to work.
"Boss," he said, "the pill my doctor prescribed actually worked!"
"That's all fine," said the boss, "but where were you yesterday?"
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.
(_:][:_)
Do You Have a Life?
Have you ever been embarrassed by misunderstanding something somebody said?
It happened to me a few days ago.
I was on a public bus. I was bored, so I was playing Tetris on my cell phone. An elderly woman was sitting across from me, and I heard her ask, "Do you have a life?"
I guessed she was making a snide remark about my not having anything better to do on the bus than to play a silly little game on a electronic device, but I didn't dare use a snide response. So I just said, "Yes, I do."
Then she responded, "Where is it?"
I supposed that this was either an odd way to articulate her disbelief in my having a life, or some weird sort of philosophical catechism regarding life. I had trouble answering, but I said, "Uh ... that's a hard question to answer. It isn't a physical object of which you can pinpoint the location." I didn't say much more about it, because I didn't want to get into a religious discussion of the location of life with her.
Then she replied in the way I least expected, "Yeah, whatever. Can I borrow it for a sec?"
I thought it was extremely odd for her to ask to borrow my life. It also piqued my curiosity about her intentions. So I said, "Er ... how would you propose I do that?"
"Look, just give it to me, I'll use it for a little bit and give it back to you."
I figured that before she chanted some incantation directing spirits to temporarily donate my life, I would at least find out why she wanted my life. So I ask just that, "What do you want my life for?"
She gave me a puzzled look.
From our following discourse, which I do not remember very well, I found out that she was actually asking me if I had a cigarette lighter. ("Do you have a light?")
I can only imagine how odd my responses seemed to her.
Received from Peter of the Corn.
(_:][:_)
Anyone Home?
A social worker who had recently transferred from the big city to the mountains was touring her new territory. She came upon the tiniest cabin she had ever seen. Intrigued, she knocked on the door.
"Anybody home?"
A child's voice answered, "Yep."
"Is your father there?"
"Pa? Nope, he left before Ma came in."
"Well, is your mother there?"
"Nope, Ma left just before I got here."
"Are you never together as a family?"
"Sure, but not here. This is the outhouse!"
Received from Doc's Daily Chuckle.
(_:][:_)
_=+=_
Rate this funny at http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny060113
Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a) Mail address: GCFL, Box 100, Harvest, AL 35749, USA
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F16 vs C-130
A C-130 was lumbering along when a cocky F-16 flashed by. The jet jockey decided to show off.
The fighter jock told the C-130 pilot, 'watch this!' and promptly Went into a barrel roll followed by a steep climb. He then finished With a sonic boom as he broke the sound barrier. The F-16 pilot Asked the C-130 pilot what he thought of that?
The C-130 pilot said, "That was impressive, but watch this!" The C-130 droned along for about 5 minutes and then the C-130 Pilot came back on and said, "What did you think of that?"
Puzzled, the F-16 pilot asked, "What the heck did you do?" The C-130 pilot chuckled. "I stood up, stretched my legs, walked To the back, went to the bathroom, then got a cup of coffee and a
Cinnamon bun."
When you are young and foolish - speed and flash may seem a good thing!!
When you get older and smarter - comfort and dull is not such a bad thing!!
Thanks to Gary Foreman
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Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Columns - - http://www.madkane.com/humor_blog/
Unenlightened (Limerick)
February 28th, 2010
Like so many people in New York City (and the Northeast in general) hubby Mark and I have been besieged by snow storms this winter. And we’ve also lost a chunk of our electric power.
The good news is Con Ed, our power company, was very responsive. The bad news is Con Ed says the problem is ours. And electricians, always elusive creatures around here, are harder to hire than ever.
Oh well — at least our computer lines work.
Unenlightened (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A part of our power is dead,
And the problem is ours, says Con Ed.
Electricians are busy.
(The storm’s caused a tizzy.)
But the phone works. At least we’ll be fed.
~
Are Health Studies Making Us Sick?
February 27th, 2010
Here we go again: Yet another scientific study says many of us should have ignored a previous study. The latest concerns the dangers of taking daily aspirin to guard against heart attacks and strokes.
Are Health Studies Making Us Sick? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Daily asp’rin is good, so they said.
But it seems we were maybe misled.
Though it might prevent strokes,
It may cause many folks
To enjoy bleeding ulcers instead.
© Madeleine Begun Kane. All Rights Reserved.
http://www.madkane.com/
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EXPLANATION OF GOD:
'One of God's main jobs is making people. He makes them to replace the ones that die, so there will be enough people to take care of things on earth. He doesn't make grownups, just babies. I think because they are smaller and easier to make. That way he doesn't have to take up his valuable time teaching them to talk and walk. He can just leave that to mothers and fathers..'
'God's second most important job is listening to prayers. An awful lot of this goes on, since some people, like preachers and things, pray at times beside bedtime. God doesn't have time to listen to the radio or TV because of this. Because he hears everything, there must be a terrible lot of noise in his ears, unless he has thought of a way to turn it off.'
'God sees everything and hears everything and is everywhere which keeps Him pretty busy. So you shouldn't go wasting his time by going over your mom and dad's head asking for something they said you couldn't have.' 'Atheists are people who don't believe in God. I don't think there are any in Chula Vista . At least there aren't any who come to our church.'
'Jesus is God's Son. He used to do all the hard work, like walking on water and performing miracles and trying to teach the people who didn't want to learn about God. They finally got tired of him preaching to them and they crucified him But he was good and kind, like his father, and he told his father that they didn't know what they were doing and to forgive them and God said O.K.'
'His dad (God) appreciated everything that he had done and all his hard work on earth so he told him he didn't have to go out on the road anymore.
He could stay in heaven. So he did. And now he helps his dad out by listening to prayers and seeing things which are important for God to take care of and which ones he can take care of himself without having to bother God. Like a secretary, only more important..'
'You can pray anytime you want and they are sure to help you because they got it worked out so one of them is on duty all the time.' 'You should always go to church on Sunday because it makes God happy, and if there's anybody you want to make happy, it's God!
Don't skip church to do something you think will be more fun like going to the beach. This is wrong. And besides the sun doesn't come out at the beach until noon anyway.'
'If you don't believe in God, besides being an atheist, you will be very lonely, because your parents can't go everywhere with you, like to camp, but God can.
It is good to know He's around you when you're scared of the dark or when you can't swim and you get thrown into real deep water by big kids.'
'But...you shouldn't just always think of what God can do for you. I figure God put me here and he can take me back anytime he pleases.
And....that's why I believe in God.'
Thanks to Waneta
~~~~~
Charley Reese has been a journalist for 49 years.
545 PEOPLE
By Charlie Reese
Politicians are the only people in the world who create problems and then campaign against them.
Have you ever wondered, if both the Democrats and the Republicans are against deficits, WHY do we have deficits?
Have you ever wondered, if all the politicians are against inflation and high taxes, WHY do we have inflation and high taxes?
You and I don't propose a federal budget. The president does.
You and I don't have the Constitutional authority to vote on appropriations. The House of Representatives does.
You and I don't write the tax code, Congress does
You and I don't set fiscal policy, Congress does.
You and I don't control monetary policy, the Federal Reserve Bank does.
One hundred senators, 435 congressmen, one president, and nine Supreme Court justices equates to 545 human beings out of the 300 million are directly, legally, morally, and individually responsible for the domestic problems that plague this country.
I excluded the members of the Federal Reserve Board because that problem was created by the Congress. In 1913, Congress delegated its Constitutional duty to provide a sound currency to a federally chartered, but private, central bank.
I excluded all the special interests and lobbyists for a sound reason.. They have no legal authority. They have no ability to coerce a senator, a congressman, or a president to do one cotton-picking thing. I don't care if they offer a politician $1 million dollars in cash. The politician has the power to accept or reject it. No matter what the lobbyist promises, it is the legislator's responsibility to determine how he votes.
Those 545 human beings spend much of their energy convincing you that what they did is not their fault. They cooperate in this common con regardless of party.
What separates a politician from a normal human being is an excessive amount of gall. No normal human being would have the gall of a Speaker, who stood up and criticized the President for creating deficits.. The president can only propose a budget. He cannot force the Congress to accept it.
The Constitution, which is the supreme law of the land, gives sole responsibility to the House of Representatives for originating and approving appropriations and taxes. Who is the speaker of the House? Nancy Pelosi.. She is the leader of the majority party. She and fellow House members, not the president, can approve any budget they want. If the president vetoes it, they can pass it over his veto if they agree to.
It seems inconceivable to me that a nation of 300 million can not replace 545 people who stand convicted -- by present facts -- of incompetence and irresponsibility. I can't think of a single domestic problem that is not traceable directly to those 545 people. When you fully grasp the plain truth that 545 people exercise the power of the federal government, then it must follow that what exists is what they want to exist.
If the tax code is unfair, it's because they want it unfair.
If the budget is in the red, it's because they want it in the red ...
If the Army &Marines are in IRAQ , it's because they want them in IRAQ
If they do not receive social security but are on an elite retirement plan not available to the people, it's because they want it that way.
There are no insoluble government problems.
Do not let these 545 people shift the blame to bureaucrats, whom they hire and whose jobs they can abolish; to lobbyists, whose gifts and advice they can reject; to regulators, to whom they give the power to regulate and from whom they can take this power. Above all, do not let them con you into the belief that there exists disembodied mystical forces like "the economy," "inflation," or "politics" that prevent them from doing what they take an oath to do.
Those 545 people, and they alone, are responsible
They, and they alone, have the power.
They, and they alone, should be held accountable by the people who are their bosses.
Thanks to David Lamb
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Like most folks in this country, I have a job. I work, they pay me. I pay my taxes & the government distributes my taxes as it sees fit.
In order to get that paycheck, in my case, I am required to pass a random urine test (with which I have no problem).
What I do have a problem with is the distribution of my taxes to people who don't have to pass a urine test.
So, here is my question: Shouldn't one have to pass a urine test to get a welfare check because I have to pass one to earn it for them?
Please understand, I have no problem with helping people get back on their feet.
I do, on the other hand, have a problem with helping someone sitting on their BUTT----doing drugs while I work.
Can you imagine how much money each state would save if people had to pass a urine test to get a public assistance check?
...
I guess we could call the program "URINE OR YOU'RE OUT"!
P.S. Just a thought, all politicians should also have to pass a urine test!
Thanks to Daphne Roberts
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TOURBUS _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _:) _ :)_ :)
Vol 15, Number 57
Is Online Backup Safe? / Wireless Networks / Repairing Vista or Win7 / Javascript Versus Java / Cleaning a Monitor / Geekly Update In today's TOURBUS, I'm wondering out loud if Online Backup Services are a safe place for your files. See my analysis of the pros and cons of online backup versus do-it-yourself. And are you down with Wireless Networking? All the cool kids are doing it, so find out how to spread wifi goodness all over your house. I wrote about repairing XP, and you clamored for info on Repairing Vista or Windows 7. So here it is!
I'm also going to answer a question that's been bugging people since 1995... Is Javascript the Same As Java? Are you squirting Windex all over your LCD screens? You might be doing more harm than good. Find out the right way to Clean a Monitor, and boost your IQ by 146% just by reading the latest Geekly Update. Read on!
Are Online Backup Services Safe?
The recent hack of Google by Chinese espionage agencies has raised concerns about the security and safety of online backup services. Is the protection provided by Mozy, Carbonite and other popular backup services enough to keep your files safe from prying eyes, and will your data be there when you need it?
See my analysis of the technical and physical security measures used by online backup providers, and get my verdict on the safety of online backup services...
[http://askbobrankin.com/are_online_backup_services_safe.html?tbart]
Wireless Networking
Wireless networking has become the standard in homes and small offices. A wireless network eliminates cable clutter; makes it easy to move computers, printers, scanners, and other devices to convenient places as needed; and provides visitors with quick access to the Internet and other network resources.
If you just got a second computer or laptop that needs an Internet connection, or you want to share a printer without running 50 feet of thick, ugly cabling all through the house, a wireless network will do the trick. Here's how...
[http://askbobrankin.com/wireless_networking.html?tbart]
Repairing Vista or Windows 7
A hard drive glitch, virus, or other data catastrophe can delete or damage critical system files in any operating system. Windows Vista and Windows 7 offer new repair procedures not found in earlier versions of Windows. I wrote about repairing Windows XP a few weeks ago, and many of you asked for help with Vista and Win7 repairs.
So here are a couple ways to attempt repairs of Vista and Windows 7 installations without having to reformat and reinstall Windows from scratch...
REPAIRING VISTA OR WIN7 [http://askbobrankin.com/repair_vista_or_windows_7.html?tbart]
REPAIRING WINDOWS XP [http://askbobrankin.com/windows_xp_repair.html?tbart]
Is Javascript the Same As Java?
They do sound very similar, but that's an unfortunate accident from the dark ages of the Internet. If you read my "What is Java?" article earlier this month, you still might be surprised to see a message advising you to "Please enable Javascript in your browser" when visiting certain websites.
So what is Javascript, and how is it different from Java? Is Javascript safe for everyday use? Here are the answers...
WHAT IS JAVASCRIPT? [http://askbobrankin.com/is_javascript_the_same_as_java.html?tbart]
WHAT IS JAVA? [http://askbobrankin.com/what_is_java_and_do_i_need_it.html?tbart]
Cleaning a Monitor
Computer screens get dusty, dirty, and dingy just like the windows in your home. But unlike glass windows, computer screens are complex, sensitive electronic devices that can be damaged by incorrect cleaning. Older CRT screens can be cleaned much like glass windows if you exercise some common sense precautions, but cleaning your LCD and plasma screens -- be they computer or TV -- requires a little knowledge and caution.
Here's how to clean various types of computer monitor and television screens safely...
[http://askbobrankin.com/cleaning_a_monitor.html?tbart]
Geekly Update
Flexible e-paper has arrived, with the look and feel of a real newspaper page. Now what will we use to wrap fish? A new study shows kids get an average daily dose of 7 hours and 38 minutes of computer, television and gaming. Is it making them smarter and better looking? And a nasty flaw that's been in Microsoft Windows software for 17 years was recently discovered. Are you vulnerable?
Get answers to these burning questions and more, in the most recent installment of the Geekly Update...
[http://askbobrankin.com/geekly_update_january_26.html?tbart]
That's all for now, see you next time! -- Bob Rankin
===[ Tourbus Rider Information ]====
The Internet Tourbus _ U.S. Library of Congress ISSN #1094_2238 Copyright 1995_2009, Rankin & Crispen _ All rights reserved Be Smarter & Better Looking Than [_99.959040_] Percent of Users Hop On the Bus and Join 80,000 Others Around the World!
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Best of Everything _ http://www.InternetTourbus.com/best.html Subscribe, Signoff, Archives, Free Stuff and More at the Tourbus Home _ http://www.InternetTourbus.com
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(\__/) .' ) )) Patrick Douglas Crispen
/o o \/ .~
{o_, \ { crispen@netsquirrel.com
/ , , ) \ http://www.netsquirrel.com/
`~ _' \ } )) AOL Instant Messenger: Squirrel2K
_( ( )_.'
___..{____} Warning: squirrels.
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The Pump Handle. A water cooler for the public health crowd.
Introducing New Solutions: The Drawing Board
February 26, 2010 in Chemicals Policy, Environmental Health, New Solutions: The Drawing Board, Occupational Health & Safety | by The Pump Handle | Leave a comment
This is the first piece of a new series featured on The Pump Handle. New Solutions, A Journal of Environmental and Occupational Health Policy, is taking their work from the world of print to an online medium, posting once-monthly blogs about environmental and occupational research, activism, advocacy, and campaigns. To read more about New Solutions: The Drawing Board, click here.
Dear readers,
We are Alice and Philip Shabecoff, authors of Poisoned Profits—The Toxic Assault on Our Children (Random House, 2008), a book about the effects of everyday toxins on the health of American kids. We are reaching out to you, who engage with the fields of environmental and occupational health as professionals, students, concerned parents, and/or active community or union members, to ask for strategies to motivate and kick-start a public health movement to create a healthier and more sustainable society. What can be done to get through to ‘the people’? How can we capture attention away from “America’s Top Model” and break through the stranglehold of industry PR? We look to you—policy makers, researchers, community activists, professors, doctors, union leaders and members, concerned parents, interested students—to brainstorm and help lead this movement. What can be done to not only inform, but also effectively enrage so that tangible action occurs, and occurs soon?
On the assumption that you are knowledgeable and creative, and that you do not easily give up just because the fight is difficult, we write to ask your ideas, opinions, and advice.
Read the rest of this entry » [http://thepumphandle.wordpress.com/2010/02/26/introducing-new-solutions-the-drawing-board/#more-8275]
http://thepumphandle.wordpress.com/
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Weekly Toll _ _ http://weeklytoll.blogspot.com/
Death In The Workplace w/News & Updates
John Donne _ ...any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind, and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.
http://www.kcet.org/socal/
http://weeklytoll.blogspot.com
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NEVER FORGET! We're listing the names of our soldiers killed since November 01. These records can be found at http://www.defenselink.mil/releases/
01. Sgt. Jeremy R. McQueary, 27, of Columbus, Ind., died Feb. 18 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to 2nd Combat Engineer Battalion, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C.
02. Lance Cpl. Joshua H. Birchfield, 24, of Westville, Ind., died Feb. 19 while supporting combat operations in Farah province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to 3rd Battalion, 4th Marine Regiment, 1st Marine Division, I Marine Expeditionary Force, Twentynine Palms, Calif.
03. Cpl. Gregory S. Stultz, 22, of Brazil, Ind., died Feb. 19 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to 3rd Reconnaissance Battalion, 3rd Marine Division, III Marine Expeditionary Force, Okinawa, Japan.
04. Lance Cpl. Adam D. Peak, 25, of Florence, Ky., died Feb. 21 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to 2nd Battalion, 2nd Marine Regiment, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C.
05. Staff Sgt. Christopher W. Eckard, 30, of Hickory, N.C., died Feb. 20 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to 8th Engineer Support Battalion, 2nd Marine Logistics Group, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C.
06. Staff Sgt. Michael David P. Cardenaz, 29, of Corona, Calif., died Feb. 20 in Kunar, Afghanistan, when enemy forces attacked his unit with rocket-propelled grenades. He was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 12th Infantry Regiment, 4th Brigade Combat Team, 4th Infantry Division, Fort Carson, Colo.
07. Lance Cpl. Matthias N. Hanson, 20, of Buffalo, Ky., died Feb. 21 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to 3rd Battalion, 6th Marine Regiment, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C.
08. Lance Cpl. Eric L. Ward, 19, of Redmond, Wash., died Feb. 21 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to 2nd Battalion, 2nd Marine Regiment, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C.
09. Pfc. JR Salvacion, 27, of Ewa Beach, Hawaii, died Feb. 21 at Senjaray, Afghanistan, of wounds suffered when insurgents attacked his unit with an improvised explosive device. He was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 12th Infantry Regiment, 4th Brigade Combat Team, 4th Infantry Division, Fort Carson, Colo.
The Department of Defense announced the deaths of two soldiers who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom. They died Feb. 21 in Qayyarah, Iraq, of wounds suffered when their OH-58D Kiowa Warrior helicopter had a hard landing. The soldiers were assigned to the 1st Squadron, 230th Cavalry Regiment, Louisville, Tenn. Killed were:
10. Capt. Marcus R. Alford, 28, of Knoxville, Tenn.
11. Chief Warrant Officer Billie J. Grinder, 25, of Gallatin, Tenn.
12. Sgt. Marcos Gorra, 22, of North Bergen, N.J., died Feb. 21 at Kandahar Airfield, Afghanistan, of wounds sustained while supporting combat operations. He was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 82nd Combat Aviation Brigade, 82nd Airborne Division, Fort Bragg, N.C.
13. Cpl. Daniel T. O’Leary, 23, of Youngsville, N.C., died Feb. 23 in Fallujah, Iraq, of injuries sustained during a vehicle roll-over. He was assigned to the 307th Brigade Support Battalion, 1st Brigade Combat Team, 82nd Airborne Division, Fort Bragg, N.C.
14. Sgt. William C. Spencer, 40, of Tacoma, Wash., died Feb. 25 at Landstuhl Regional Medical Center in Landstuhl, Germany, of wounds sustained Feb. 20 while supporting combat operations at Combat Outpost Marez, Iraq. He was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 146th Field Artillery Regiment, Olympia, Wash.
15. Staff Sgt. William S. Ricketts, 27, of Corinth, Miss., died Feb 27 at Bala Murghab, Afghanistan, of wounds suffered when insurgents attacked his unit with small arms fire. He was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 508th Parachute Infantry Regiment, 4th Brigade Combat Team, 82nd Airborne Division, Fort Bragg, N.C.
The Department of Defense announced the death of two soldiers who were supporting Operation Enduring Freedom. They died March 1 in Bala Murghab, Afghanistan, when insurgents attacked their unit using small arms and rocket-propelled grenade fires. The soldiers were assigned to the 1st Battalion, 508th Parachute Infantry Regiment, 4th Brigade Combat Team, 82nd Airborne Division, Fort Bragg, N.C. Killed were:
16. Spc. Josiah D. Crumpler, 27, of Hillsborough, N.C.
17. Spc. Matthew D. Huston, 24, of Athens, Ga.
18. Spc. Ian T.D. Gelig, 25, of Stevenson Ranch, Calif., died March 1 in Kandahar, Afghanistan, of wounds suffered when enemy forces attacked his vehicle with an improvised explosive device. He was assigned to the 782nd Brigade Support Battalion, 4th Brigade Combat Team, 82nd Airborne Division, Fort Bragg, N.C.
19. Lance Cpl. Carlos A. Aragon, 19, of Orem, Utah, died March 1 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to 4th Light Armored Reconnaissance Battalion, 4th Marine Division, Marine Forces Reserve, based out of Camp Pendleton, Calif.
20. Sgt. Vincent L.C. Owens, 21, of Fort Smith, Ark., died March 1 at Forward Operating Base Sharana, Afghanistan, of wounds suffered earlier that day when enemy forces attacked his vehicle using direct fire in Yosuf Khel. He was assigned to the 3rd Battalion, 187th Infantry Regiment, 3rd Brigade Combat Team, 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault), Fort Campbell, Ky.
21. Lance Cpl. Nigel K. Olsen, 21, of Orem, Utah, died March 4 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to the 4th Light Armored Reconnaissance Battalion, 4th Marine Division, Marine Forces Reserve, based out of Camp Pendleton, Calif.
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Wounded Warrior Web Site Upgraded
The Department of Defense announced today that its National Resource Directory (NRD) Web site for wounded, ill and injured service members, veterans, their families and those who support them, recently received a comprehensive system upgrade to provide users with easier access.
This Web site is a collaborative effort between the Departments of Defense, Veterans Affairs (VA) and Labor (DOL), and compiles federal, state, local and non-profit resources for wounded warriors, veterans, family members and caregivers in a single, searchable site.
“We worked closely with users of the National Resource Directory to find out how to make the information they need easier to find,” said Noel Koch, deputy under secretary of defense for Wounded Warrior Care and Transition Policy. “The resulting re-design is easier to navigate and adds useful new features.”
The upgrade makes the latest wounded warrior and veteran issues easier to locate and follow. A new “bookmark and share” application helps visitors alert others to the content they’ve found most helpful through social bookmarking, Facebook, Twitter, and other social networking tools. Visitors can also subscribe to Really Simple Syndication (RSS) or e-mail updates to receive new content, events and features based on their specific interests and needs.
“There are thousands of programs and benefits available to wounded warriors and their families, from healthcare and housing to education and employment assistance,” said Koch. “Our people must have an easy way to sift through it all to find the resources that are most helpful for their circumstances, especially while they’re dealing with what can be overwhelming challenges. That’s why we’ve partnered with the VA and Department of Labor to offer the National Resource Directory. And with the feedback mechanisms we’ve added in the re-design, we’ll be able to keep improving our service to our wounded warriors and families.”
The faster, enhanced search engine ranks information based on the popularity of the sources among other site users, so the most valuable resources rise to the top of the search results. Visitors can tailor searches for resources in specific states and territories, and apply filters to narrow their searches.
The re-designed site also highlights resources to assist homeless veterans. NRD users can also recommend additional resources. All resources are thoroughly vetted prior to inclusion on the National Resource Directory, and as always, content is updated and reviewed daily by a content management team which includes veterans and subject matter experts.
More information is available at http://www.NationalResourceDirectory.gov .
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." __ Franklin D. Roosevelt
"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle."
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. _ _ George Carlin
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" _ _ Queen E. Watson
“A political class of Republicans and Democrats that look after themselves, not the Nation. A media hostile to the very precepts of this nation. A generation of Americans who see morals as vices, and are ignorant of America's Actual History.”
"The things that will destroy America are prosperity-at-any-price, peace-at-any-price, safety-first instead of duty-first, the love of soft living, and the get-rich-quick theory of life." - - Theodore Roosevelt
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Scheduled Activities
Men's Prayer Breakfast held every Tuesday morning at 6 AM in Miller's Cafeteria. If you aren't a regular participant at the Men's Prayer Breakfast, you're missing some great food, fellowship and inspired teaching of the Word. Hope to see you there.
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Emergency Phone Number 911
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )
Central Dispatch 234_5655
(Non _ Emergency Number)
Direct Numbers
Ambulance _ 234_7371 (24 Hour)
Jail _ 234_5331 (24 Hour)
Poison Control _ 800_222_1222 (24 Hour)
http://www. aapcc. org/
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Interested in getting in touch with the Banner_News through e_mail?
E_mail addresses for communicating with the newspaper’s various departments are:
editor@bannernews.net For the editor, news@bannernews.net For news and sports items, Coming Events, Diary, Church News, school and civic events.
advertising@bannernews. net For retail and classified advertising.
circulation@bannernews. net To start, stop or cancel newspaper delivery or for comments about delivery.
outfitters @bannernews.net For Office Outfitters, the office supply division of the Banner_News.
[http://www.bannernews.net/]
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"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." __ "Bug"
"I read the end of the book. We win!" __ "Bug"
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." __ "Bug"
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." _ _ "Bug"
"It's no big deal doing what God tells you to do. A big deal would be NOT doing what God tells you to do. Just ask Jonah." _ _ Paul Troquille
“Nam et ipsa scientia potestas est.” Knowledge is power. _ Francis Bacon
"The problem is here and now. The time for talk is past. The time for action is now."
Comments on the first Earth Day _ James F. McClellan via John "Fuzzy" Thurman
~~~~~
Hope you enjoy the newsletter.
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week.
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" __"Bug"
God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!
1 Chr 28:11-12 Acts 9:39-40 John 16:32-33 Heb 13:5-6 Luke 22:25-27 John 16:26-27 2 Ki 5:10-11, 13-14 2 Tim 4:14-15 http://www.e_min.org/
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT_I KC5HII
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