Saturday, April 18, 2009

Bug's Bleat - - GCF: Modern Translation - - Photos


Annette Prepares lunch for the McClellans on vacation in 1982


The McClellan’s with the McClellan’s (my family with my Cousin Donald’s family in Greensboro, NC 1982) The Seven McClellans are; "Bug", my cousin Donald McClellan (Thurman "Funny" McClellan's son), David, Vanessa, Annette, my cousin Sue and my aunt Sue in Greensboro, NC 1982. I've lost touch with them since. Donald and I traveled cross country together in 1970.


A young Vanessa enjoys our motel room.


One of my favorite people: Pat Hammock, cooking burgers at this months Garden Show.
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Bug's Bleat - - GCF: Modern Translation


Josiah enjoys a tour of a locomotive


The boys share the view from the engine


Ethan pulls the throttle


Josiah steps down onto the running board.
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Bug's Bleat - - GCF: Modern Translation


Ethan looks over the Patriot Rail engines.


L&NW / Patriot Rail Engines on display in McNeil, AR


Wendy Hinshaw lets the guys sit on one of the Motorcycles


Ethan with a Rabbit
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Bug's Bleat - - GCF: Modern Translation

Volume 11, Issue 16 Friday, April 17, 2009

Hello All,

Our buddy Ricky Shepherd escaped injury when his truck struck a downed tree during the big storm this week. West Texans don’t have problems like this.
We bought a “New” $288 Dell refurbished laptop. To sweeten the deal, I ordered it with Linux on it, ubuntu version. Working with Linux is fairly transparent to working with windows, with a few differences, such as not having to click on “Start” to shutdown the computer. Hopefully this will give me a solution for all those great “Bleat” articles that I think of and then forget before I can write them down.
The TEA Parties this week were well attended all over the nation. I think Chris Muir; writer of the "Day By Day" Cartoon [] expressed the concerns of many Americans in his strip. “A political class of Republicans and Democrats that look after themselves, not the Nation. A media hostile to the very precepts of this nation. A generation of Americans who see morals as vices, and are ignorant of America's Actual History.”
Guest Words; “Home schooling”
I have been planning to home school Josiah this fall. We would love it if we could put him in private school, but since we can't right now and I just can't resolve myself to send him to public school, home school looks like the best option. He will be beginning kindergarten. I've talked to many friends who are successfully home schooling their children, but I only began to seriously consider the idea after reading Lisa Whelchel's book, “So, You're Thinking about Home schooling.” The subject was still a daunting and confusing one until I talked to my friend, Karen. She gave me copies of the required legal work that must be done, and she assured me that it is simpler than I thought. For kindergarten, we will be focusing on Math and Language Arts. We will probably use Abeka for Language Arts and Math-U-See for math.

As we have been doing home school for pre-k, we have had our ups and downs, but overall as I learn to be a better teacher (and more patient!) things go better for Josiah and me! He completes a minimum of four Pre-k workbook pages daily in addition to his stylus skills practice. We are using the Ready Writer workbook for that. He really enjoys it. Right now, he is drawing saws every day. While he is having fun, he is learning to write letters such as Z, W, and N properly. We also read poetry or other books and review his biblical lessons from Sunday School.

For science and art, we follow an unschooling format. For example, when Josiah asked me how bees make honey, we checked out every book and video I could find about bees from the library. The best book I found was The Honey Makers, by Gail Gibbons. With that book, we studied the step by step process. Then I had Josiah recite to me the steps bees follow from collecting nectar to the final product. I recorded his recitation in his Pre-School portfolio. For a pre-schooler, he was quite thorough in his description. On a trip to his grandmother's house, we collected tadpoles from a stream, and we have been watching the process of metamorphosis. We are using Jim Arnosky's book, All About Frogs as a guide for our observations.

We have also used a visit to LoGoLy State Park and our tour of a train engine as learning experiences. Everything we see and hear can become motivation to learn more. Recently, we were listening to a recording of Little House in the Big Woods by Laura Ingalls Wilder. While listening to Pa tell a story about a screech owl, Josiah asked, "Mama, why are screech owls different from other owls?" Of course, we then went to the library to find as many books about owls as possible.

The most important thing I want to impart to my sons is a love of learning. If they love learning, then they can learn anything. I really want to attend SAU myself while teaching Josiah because I ache to learn, but Jimmy said it would be better to wait until spring. My desire is not so much about earning a degree as it is about the desire to learn. I really believe that my Mom and Dad imparted that love of learning to me. I want to pass that legacy along to my children.

I would welcome any input you have.

Vanessa Malone
[] This is my favorite web site. Check out the man friendly recipes so far I've tried three and they were all good.
Gena Hammock
Long Long ago in a life far far away, I worked in a Chemical Plant that happened to manufacture “The Most Deadly Chemical” of the week. MDC status is obtained when the news media latches onto some junk science and goes bananas about death and disaster coming our way. We were besieged by “experts” who wanted to record our imminent death. They came and called us into a meeting and said that due to our exposure to this chemical we would all be dead in a few years.
But I happened to have documented proof that they were both stupid and ignorant. You see, there were people working in our plant that had manufactured this same chemical in a plant in Michigan for years. That plant was built to 1940s standards without modern chemical containment and processing methods. In fact, at that plant, the product was made by filling brick caldrons with bromine and then manually poking a glass sparger into the bromine and injecting ethylene into the mixture. Wooden paddles were used to stir the substance to enhance the reaction. This was done in closed building without benefit of modern protective equipment. One of the workers told of being washed out of the building and down the street when one of the brick caldrons ruptured as he was standing in front of it.
Yet, these guys were still alive, if fact some of them had retired. So you can understand if I didn’t place much confidence in these so called “experts” when they predicted our imminent demise.
I get a similar feeling when I read the recent news that BPA is horribly dangerous contaminant in plastic containers. - - BPA comes under fire in Connecticut Legislature A Connecticut legislative committee has approved a measure to regulate the production, sale and distribution of products containing bisphenol A. Under the measure, warning labels would be required on all food containers made with BPA. A statement from the American Chemistry Council, which says that BPA is safe, said the Connecticut measure "is not based in science and will not achieve the goals intended by its authors." Forbes/The Associated Press (4/14) []
Speaking of Worker Safety, my buddy Joe Tudor wrote to say; "I try to avoid rants - they aren't very flattering. Couldn't help it....see my blog .... []
Change? We’ll see…April 9, 2009
I don’t do much political commentary. There’s plenty of that to go around, and plenty of other people more in the know on such things. But I don’t see anyone representing my views on this topic - so here goes.

Jordan Barab has been named as Deputy Assistant Secretary and Acting Assistant Secretary of Labor for OSHA. (That means he’ll be the head of OSHA, and theoretically responsible for the safety and health of a large part of America’s workforce). On Jordan’s Confined Space blog, he noted in his farewell post that

“[There] are more fish and wildlife inspectors than OSHA inspectors, [and] the penalties from a chemical release that kills fish is higher than a chemical release that kills a worker.”

(I have another post rant in mind about the inequities between worker and environmental protection; we’ll address that another day.)

OSHA has plenty of problems to address, and Jordan has been a vocal critic of OSHA for a long time. Now he can put his money (political capital) where his mouth is. Can he make the change he has called for? Okay - so he’s only the Acting Asst Sec’y for now, but when an permanent Asst Sec’y is named, he’ll still be a big dog at OSHA (Deputy Asst Sec’y).

We don’t need OSHA reform - we need government reform in general. But OSHA certainly needs an overhaul (so does the rest of the government). It takes forever to enact a new health and safety rule. The 2006 hexavalent chromium standard took over 15 years to complete, according to the regulatory history published in the Federal Register. We are still regulated by Permissible Exposure Limits established with the passage of the Occupational Health and Safety Act of 1970. (OSHA tried to update these in 1988, but got beat up in the courts - by the labor groups they were trying to protect). OSHA has been trying to implement an ergonomics standard since 1991 - and we still don’t have one.

There is no shortage of people beating up OSHA and blaming it all on the most recent Bush administration. Can the democrats really do any better? Did W. really create this problem? Did he dismantle the Agency, and disrespect workers anymore than any other previous administration? Apparently not. The Clinton administration didn’t do much to help out here either. That 15 years to get the HexChrome rule in place got started during the Clinton years.

Actually, I don’t believe W., or Billy, or Barack, or any other president can fix this. I don’t think this is necessarily an indication of poor management of an agency. So why is OSHA so inefficient? Because everyone else has their finger in the pie - Congress, Labor, and Industry all have their finger on the kill switch every time OSHA makes a move. The Congressional Review Act hamstrings OSHA from doing anything without congress’ approval (OSHA’s ergonomics rule was pummeled by congress). Every time OSHA issues a new standard, labor groups take them to court and have the standard thrown out for being too lenient (which then takes us backward to a more lenient standard??). Industry and manufacturing groups take OSHA to court over every new standard because they are too strict and will put everyone out of business. (You can read more about the Congressional Review Act here, along with my comment that really got me started on this rant in the first place.)
So, can Jordan Barab fix OSHA? I think he has the knowledge and skills to make the necessary change, but the government is such a huge, out-of-control bureaucracy that no one can make that change - there’s too much influence from too many other interested parties. If he could run OSHA like a science-based business, instead of a politically driven government agency, then he might have a chance. I doubt it. I hope I’m wrong.
Will Rogers, who died in a 1935 plane crash with Wylie Post, was probably the greatest political sage this country has ever known.

Enjoy the following:

1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.
2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
3. There are 2 theories to arguing with a woman . . . neither works.
4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
5. Always drink upstream from the herd.
6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back in your pocket.
8. There are three kinds of men: the ones that learn by reading, and the few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.
9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment..
10. If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.
11. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back.
12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.


First ~ Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
Second ~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.
Third ~ Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.
Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
Fifth ~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
Sixth ~ I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.
Seventh ~ One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.
Eighth ~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.
Ninth ~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
Tenth ~ Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it's called golf.
And finally ~ If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you are old. (Isn't that the truth?)

Thanks to Waneta
Recent News Related Quote: 'In the first place, we should insist that if the immigrant who comes here in good faith becomes an American and assimilates himself to us, he shall be treated on an exact equality with everyone else, for it is an outrage to discriminate against any such man because of creed, or birthplace, or origin. But this is predicated upon the person's becoming in every facet an American, and nothing but an American...There can be no divided allegiance here. Any man who says he is an American, but something else also, isn't an American at all. We have room for but one flag, the American flag... We have room for but one language here, and that is the English language... and we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a loyalty to the American people.' - - Theodore Roosevelt 1907
Steak cook-off sizzles at Magnolia, Ark., blossom festival Dallas Morning News - MAGNOLIA, Ark. - Come May, this small city will be smokin' as grills fire up for the 20th annual World Championship Steak Cook-Off. The Magnolia Blossom Festival will be May 15-16. The World Championship Steak Cook-Off will be May 16. The parade starts at 10 a.m.; dinner, at 6 p.m. Cook-off tickets are $15. Buy online (handling fee) or by calling the chamber of commerce (870-234-4352). Details:
The Columbia County Library will reopen at 9 a.m. Monday, April 20 at the new location, 2057 N. Jackson St.
It’s about time. I’ve just finished “The Cannibal Queen” by Stephen Coonts
Our Magnolia High School Class of ‘69 40th Reunion is scheduled for June 19, and 20.
Don’t forget to use GoodSearch [] when you search the Internet!
~~~~~ - - : Never Too Late To Come Of Age
Come meet a group of women who would never say, "At my age???" No, these 90-somethings in Cleveland decided to do something that some girls do at 13. Get ready to smile and cheer. Watch Video []
America is not at war. The military is at war. - - America is at the mall, or watching the movie stars.
Why Joe Galloway deserves to be called one of the best war correspondents in history. Here’s a sample from Joe’s latest column.
. . . In all, nine men were killed and 13 were wounded in the opening minutes of a struggle for survival that lasted 27 hours for the cut-off Americans. Doc Lose used up all the bandages and kept plugging wounds with small rolls of C-Ration toilet paper. He crawled from man to man under intense enemy fire, was wounded twice himself and kept every one of the 13 wounded alive during the longest day and night of their lives.
Doc earned a Distinguished Service Cross for his actions, and his battalion commander, Lt. Gen. (ret) Hal Moore, and I did everything we could to get that upgraded to the Medal of Honor we think he deserved.
Doc Lose died last month, killed by the Vietnam War just as certainly as if he'd been shot in the head by a sniper during those 27 hours with the Lost Platoon. You see, my friend Doc Lose came home from Vietnam a different man. He carried wounds no one but other combat veterans could see. Doc carried the battlefield memories of suffering and death and killing, and they never let him rest.
All that's over now. Doc has crossed the river to be with some other great soldiers. The rest of us will be along soon enough, Doc, so pop smoke when you hear us inbound. The goofy grape (purple smoke) will work just fine.
Each week the Defense Department highlights military personnel who have gone above and beyond in the war. [] - - John Clagnaz
Hometown: Fort Salonga, NY
Awarded: Bronze Star
Major John Clagnaz, the son of European immigrants and a first generation American, is known for leading from the front. His decisive actions and leadership throughout his tour in Iraq resulted in his receipt of a Bronze Star.

On June 18, 2006, “he led a Combat Camera team on a patrol with the 172nd Stryker Brigade Combat Team in Mosul that resulted in the seizure of a substantial enemy weapons cache,” according to the narrative that accompanied his Bronze Star Medal.

He recalls a mission with Bravo Company, 2-6 Infantry in the suburbs of Ramadi on August 16, 2006, when the patrol came under intense sniper fire while dismounted and performing random vehicle searches.

“One U.S. Soldier was hit by enemy sniper fire in his back while returning to his vehicle,” said Clagnaz. A few feet away one of his videographers documented the scene with members of the patrol dragging the injured soldier out of the line of fire and treating him. Once the Soldier was stabilized, he was moved to a Bradley Fighting Vehicle for medical evacuation. “Suddenly, the patrol came under heavy fire from the enemy position across an open field approximately 100-150 meters away,” Clagnaz described. “Members of the patrol returned fire.”

Now two men short – one soldier wounded and another administering first aid –his combat camera team stepped up to fill the vacancies as the convoy raced across the field to capture the enemy combatants firing at the patrol.

Not new to combat, Clagnaz led a total of 74 Soldiers, Sailors, and Airmen at 17 Forward Operating Bases across Iraq, accomplishing documentation of 923 coalition missions.

Clagnaz joined the U.S. Army right after high school. He had his first combat tour during the invasion of Panama. During his second combat tour in August 1990, immediately after Iraq invaded Kuwait, he deployed as an Apache helicopter turbine engine mechanic.

“My unit fired the ‘first shots’ of the Allied Offensive, destroying two Iraqi early warning/ ground control intercept radar sites,” explained Clagnaz. “This opened a radar-black corridor to Baghdad and marked the beginning of Operation Desert Storm.” He later returned to the States, received an Air Force ROTC scholarship and earned his commission in 1998.

Fast forwarding to his most recent deployment, Clagnaz downplayed his acts of heroism and noted that it was really his team who deserves the recognition. In the midst of fighting, they documented imagery of key events including the aftermath following the termination of Al-Qaeda terrorist leader Abu Musab al Zarqawi, the search and recovery of two kidnapped U.S. Soldiers, and the Regime Crimes Liaison Office’s Iraqi High Tribunal investigative hearings. This documentation and the installation of two satellite terminals improved imagery transmission by 75 percent and created a robust network architecture that expanded the military’s situational awareness in the region.
Lee M. Chandler
Hometown: Columbia Heights, MN
Awarded: Bronze Star

What may surprise some who are not fully aware of various military missions is that Sailors are serving in harm’s way in Iraq and Afghanistan. In fact, thousands are making a difference every day be it from the sea, air or even landlocked in the middle of a desert.

Hull Technician 1st Class Lee M. Chandler, a reservist from Naval Reserve Center Minneapolis, is one such landlocked Sailor who was part of the Provincial Reconstruction Team in Afghanistan’s Kunar province keeping the wheels of coalition forces’ vehicles rolling to accomplish the mission of security, reconstruction and development.

Kunar province is located in the northeast corner of Afghanistan, bordering Pakistan. It has rugged mountains to sweltering desert valleys with extreme summertime heat. For a mechanic, this harsh terrain and climate pose a major challenge and can take its toll on vehicles. Additionally, Kunar is the most militarily active province.

Chandler didn’t let the weather, land, or being a Sailor in an Army environment deter him. He was involved in several vehicle recovery Quick Response Team (QRT) missions during his assignment as the non-commissioned officer in charge of the motor pool for Provincial Reconstruction Team Kunar.

During one vehicle recovery QRT mission in particular, Chandler's team came under rocket attack from insurgent forces. Under enemy fire, Chandler ensured the safe evacuation of coalition forces and equipment without injury to personnel or damage to equipment.

"Petty Officer First Class Chandler's personal courage and commitment to mission accomplishment in a combat zone, under the most extreme of circumstances, greatly contributed to the success of Operation Enduring Freedom," read the citation from U.S. Army Maj. Gen. Jeffrey J. Schloesser.

But, Chandler is quick to downplay his role. “I was just doing my job,” he said. “My team earned this. I just get the privilege of wearing it,” Chandler insisted. Recognizing others and their courage, he also noted that he was one of 11 Naval recipients of a Bronze Star Medal for PRT Kunar.

The Bronze Star was awarded to Chandler, a member of Maritime Expeditionary Boat Detachment 922, in a ceremony aboard Naval Air Station North Island, Calif., Feb 13. The medal was presented to Chandler by his stepson, Aviation Boatswain's Mate Airman William Zorich, who was on temporary duty to NAS North Island from the San Antonio-Class amphibious ship USS New Orleans (LPD-18).

"It was such an honor to have the award presented by my son," Chandler said. "He, too, knows all too well the hard work and sacrifices that are required by Sailors and their families."

Excerpts from article by Mass Communication specialist 2nd Class Ron Kuzlik, Maritime Expeditionary Security Squadron 3 Public Affairs, Feb. 24, 2009 and special article to American Forces Press Service by Navy Lt Neil Myers, Aug. 4, 2008.
Bug recommends . . . Kit Lange []
The latest from Michael Yon, the foremost “milnews” blogger on the web.

I hope your Easter went well. I'm in Malaysia and Asians are busy asking what the "Easter festival" is about, and why there are rabbits involved. Easter is fairly tough to explain when you have to start from scratch. Especially so when a lot of people are unsure of who Jesus is.

It was great to see our Navy rescue Captain Richard Phillips from the Somali criminals. Navy heroes rescued a civilian hero. Real life heroes were practically having a convention out there, which worked out poorly for the pirates. The pirates have been taking hostages and earning millions of dollars from countries that refuse stand up. Some pirates bumped into the United States and got killed. Now there is a report that a pirate leader is threatening revenge. If he is threatening revenge, then he should be targeted. This is serious business. Words such as "revenge" should be used with great discretion.

Thailand appears to be in tailspin. It is important to remember that Thailand is a firm and good friend to the United States. Though I am in Malaysia, if the situation in Thailand continues to meltdown over the next 48 hours, I'll head back up there to get on point and report back what I see. It's not looking good. My gut feeling is that big problems are unfolding. Tap on wood that the Thais work this out and defuse the tensions.

If you or loved ones are in Thailand, please read this dispatch for some general hints on how to get out of Thailand in the event the Bangkok airport is blockaded again [].

Very Respectfully,
Your correspondent,
Michael Yon

Last week we watched [Ratings are my own]:
Brief Encounter (1945) [7.48] Starring Trevor Howard ... Marjorie Mars
The Rains Came (1939) [6.9] Starring Myrna Loy ... Tyrone Power ... George Brent ... Nigel Bruce
Hobson's Choice (1954) [8.88] Starring Charles Laughton ... John Mills ... Brenda De Banzie
24: Redemption (2008) [6.48] Starring Kiefer Sutherland ... Powers Boothe ... Jon Voight
We’re currently reading; Cannibal Queen by Stephen Coonts
Photos on the front of this week’s “Bleat” include Vanessa in 1982, Annette preparing lunch for us on vacation in ‘82, Pat Hammock cooking burgers for the Garden Show earlier this month and a photo of the McClellan’s with the McClellan’s (my family with my Cousin Donald’s family in Greensboro, NC 1982)
We’ve now got several addresses on the web for "Da Bleat." For the latest issue, go to Last quarter’s issues can be seen at
Our photos are posted at
If you want to see photos of Last April’s train wreck in Magnolia, go to
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.
Dr. Pat Antoon’s Address:
Pat Antoon 06669-010
Federal Prison Camp
P.O. Box 9300
Texarkana, TX 75505
Be sure and keep him in your prayers.

German Chocolate Pecan Pie - A hit at the Christmas party, very simple...

3 eggs - (beaten) do this first in large bowl
1 cup Karo syrup (can mix brown and clear syrups or either)
4 oz package of German's sweet chocolate (melted w/butter & slightly cooled)
2 Tbsp butter
1/3 cup sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla (real is best)
1 ½ cup pecans (chopped)
9 inch unbaked pie shell

In large bowl, stir together eggs, corn syrup, chocolate & butter, sugar and vanilla.
Stir until well blended and smooth
Stir in pecans
Pour into pie shell
Bake about one hour, or until table knife inserted halfway between center and edge of pie shell comes out nearly clean (center should not "quiver')
Cool on wire rack
Daryl Cox
I love the idea of sharing recipes. I got this recipe from Ginger McConnell, then gave it to Kathy Gean, and she put it in her cookbook with my name on it. I felt terrible, like I had stolen credit from Ginger. Kathy's cookbook is excellent, btw. It is now my favorite soup! - -

Turnip Green Soup

1 large can Glory Brand Turnip greens
1 large can Glory Brand Mustard greens
2 cans pinto beans
2 cans Rotel (1 if you're sensitive to spicy)
2 large fresh turnips, cubed.
1 large box chicken broth
1 large onion, chopped
3 cloves garlic, minced
3 tablespoons EVOO
1 package small diced ham, or sliced ham chopped

In a Dutch oven, sauté onion and garlic in EVOO. Don't drain any of the canned items. Add everything t to the pot and let simmer about an hour.
DO NOT substitute any other brand of greens for the Glory Brand greens. This makes a Dutch oven full! I don't add any salt, in fact it would be a good idea to use the low sodium chicken broth. I add a little black pepper. Freezes beautifully.
Paula Porter
Here's one of my very favorites of all time. I got it from the Better Homes and Gardens Magazine in about 1973. - - Sour Cream Enchiladas

1 dozen yellow corn tortillas
canola oil as needed
1/4 cup butter
1/4 cup flour
2 cups chicken broth (fresh is best)
1 cup sour cream
12 ounces grated Monterey Jack Cheese
1 medium yellow onion, chopped finely
Chopped jalapeno peppers

Fry the tortillas one at the time in as little oil as possible, being sure to leave them pliable. Roll some cheese and onion up in each tortilla and place seam down in a baking dish. Save some cheese to sprinkle on top. Place side by side and don't stack.

Melt butter in saucepan, add flour and stir to blend, cook for a minute or so, to cook the flour. Add chicken broth and stir until thickened and bubbly. (I heat the chicken broth in the microwave to shorten the thickening time.) Stir in the sour cream and jalapeno peppers. Pour over enchiladas. Bake at 350 degrees for about 20 to 25 minutes. Sprinkle with reserved cheese and bake 5 more minutes.

Serves 4-6 depending on how much you let yourself eat! I eat 2, C.P. eats 3. You'll never miss the meat! Kelli adds chopped cooked chicken, but I don't like it that way.

This is my most requested recipe and was always served at our Christmas bridge parties with simple green salad, guacamole and lots of Margaritas.

Which reminds me, a server at On The Border taught me how to make their Guacamole Live.

4 ripe avocados
1 Tablespoon fresh lime juice
2 Tablespoons finely chopped red onion
2 seeded and chopped fresh jalapenos
1 Tablespoon fresh cilantro.
Optional- 1/4 cup seeded and chopped tomato
sea salt

Mash the avocados with a fork, leaving some small chunks. Stir in the rest. mmmmmmmm........ the secret is perfectly ripe avocados. Don't even waste your time on hard ones.
Paula Porter
White Cake - - Source dLife - - Yields 16 servings
A lower fat version of a traditional vanilla cake.


½ cup margarine, at room temperature
1/4 cup Syrup, corn, light
1/3 cup sweetener (sugar substitute)
2 tsp vanilla extract
3 egg whites, at room temperature
2 cup Flour, cake, white, enriched, unsifted
1 tbsp low sodium baking powder
2 tbsp Milk, nonfat/skim, dry
½ cup water, at room temperature

Dietary Exchanges
1 Fat, 1 Starch

Nutrition Facts
Makes 16 servings

Amount Per Serving
Calories 134
Total Carbs 22.3g
Dietary Fiber 0.3g
Sugars 5.8g
Total Fat 5.6g
Saturated Fat 1g
Unsaturated Fat 4.6g
Potassium 133.2mg
Protein 2.3g
Sodium 70mg


1 Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.
2 Beat margarine, corn syrup, sweetener, vanilla, and egg whites together at a medium speed.
3 Mix the flour, baking powder, and dry milk together.
4 Add the flour mixture and ½ cup water to the creamed mixture. Mix well.
5 Grease a 9-inch square pan with margarine and spread the mixture in it. Bake for 30 to 35 minutes, remove from oven, and let cool.

The perfect amount of sweetness! - -
Resurrection Hope
By Chuck Colson
Jesus and Scripture

As we’ve talked about the last few days on BreakPoint, Christian hope is not wide-eyed optimism or emotions. Christian hope is based on the certainty of God’s promises and His character. And it is evidenced by the fruits of joy, sacrificial love, boldness, and endurance. We see no better example of this kind of hope than in the life of our Savior, especially in the days and hours before His death.

In the garden of Gethsemane, Jesus certainly had cause to abandon hope. His closest friends fell asleep in the time when, as he said, His soul was “overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death.” He pled with His Father to take the cup away from Him if it was possible. But there was no other way.

Yet even in that hour of agony, Jesus pressed on. The writer of Hebrews tells us why: “For the joy set before Him, [He] endured the cross, despising its shame.”

When the authorities came for Him, and Judas betrayed the Son of Man with a kiss, Jesus showed us the example of hope’s boldness. His disciples reached for their swords to protect Him, but Jesus rebuked them. He said, “Do you think I cannot call on my Father, and He will at once put at my disposal more than twelve legions of angels?”

No one could press on like this without hope. But where did it come from? Jesus told the disciples its source in those very moments. He said, “But how then would the Scriptures be fulfilled that say it must happen this way?”

From childhood, Jesus had studied the Word of God. He read from Isaiah’s scrolls at the beginning of his public ministry. He had declared Himself to be the Suffering Servant whom Isaiah had foretold.

We see this again later, after the resurrection on the road to Emmaus. Jesus opened up the minds of the disciples to see all the things that had been foretold about Him in the Scriptures. Jesus—He who enjoyed the deepest level of intimacy with the Father—showed us how to put our hope in God by trusting in the Word of God.

The hope this gave Him enabled Him to endure what followed: the mockery, the scourging, the hammer, the lance, and the abandonment. Christ showed us hope transformed into sacrificial love. And as He was crushed under the weight of the sins of the world, the fragrance of His gift goes up to God as the perfect—the most pleasing—of any sacrifice.

And just as had been foretold, on the third day Christ did rise from the grave. He broke the chains of the captive. He set the prisoners free by conquering death and sin.

As Christians, we have no reason to lack hope. Christ has shown the trustworthiness of God and of His Word.

Having seen that God loved us enough that He did not spare even His own Son, how can we lack for hope today, even in these bleak times? Christ became for us both the basis of our hope, and our ultimate example of hope.

As we celebrate Easter this coming Sunday, I want to challenge you to, in these tough times, make a point to live in light of that tremendous resurrection hope.

Be joyful. Love beyond what is reasonable. Be bold. And endure. You are not like those who have no hope. You live on the other side of the Resurrection.
Survival of the Fittest
By Chuck Colson
The Abortion Movement Shows Its True Colors

The story is heartbreaking. A woman showed up at an abortion clinic “in flip-flops and in tears,” having walked for an hour to have her fourth child aborted after her boyfriend lost his job. “‘This was a desired pregnancy—she’d been getting prenatal care—but they re-evaluated expenses and decided not to continue,’ said Dr. Pratima Grupta,” in the Associated Press report.

Yes, it’s a heartbreaking story. But columnist Bonnie Erbe sees it quite differently. “In the long run,” she asks, “can we agree that this unwed couple’s decision not to bring a fourth child into the world when they are having trouble feeding themselves and three children is no tragedy?”

After a brief analysis of the expenses of raising a child, Erbe then reiterates that their “fact-based, rational decision” is “no tragedy: it’s a good decision.” In fact, she believes, we’d all be better off if we could recapture the national mood we had just after Roe v. Wade, when abortion “was not something women whined about publicly on the scale many seem to now.” Unbelievable! It’s as if abortion is a good thing.

It’s appalling to see the shift in pro-choice attitudes that’s accompanied the worsening of our economy. For a while, pro-choicers were willing to humor mothers who were grieving over their aborted children. Not that they were willing to give up advocating the killing of those children, but some of them still recognized that these actually were children being killed, and that they had little to gain by denying it.

Just a few years ago, I spoke on this program about a group of abortion clinics where women were counseled to see abortion as “a loving act,” and encouraged to do things like write messages to their aborted children and take home colorful stones as mementos.

Well, things may be changing. Now, it appears, there’s no time or place for sentiment over one’s aborted child—“not when the economy is depressed, jobs are scarce and family incomes are dropping,” as Erbe says. Get the job done and quit your whining, would seem to be her motto.

And she’s not alone. Katherine Ragsdale goes her one better by calling abortion a “blessing” when it enables women to continue their education or career. And Ragsdale has just been named the new dean of the Episcopal Divinity School in Cambridge, Massachusetts!

Just the other week, you may remember, I talked about British official Jonathan Porritt and his desire to cut his country’s population in half for the sake of the environment. Although Erbe bases her concern on the scarcity of economic resources instead of environmental ones, the message is fundamentally the same: Fewer humans means better living for those of us who do get to live.

If you remember your history, the famous satire by Jonathan Swift, Modest Proposal, suggested that Irish children be eaten to save resources. That’s just about where the pro-abortion movement seems to be heading—except this time there’s no satire about it.

Maybe it’s just as well that the abortion movement is starting to show its true colors. In stark contrast with the crisis pregnancy centers and the church volunteers who would lovingly help provide for parents in need, the “pro-choice” movement can now be seen for what it truly is: “no-choice” movement. Death is your duty to save the environment or the economy.

For Further Reading and Information

David Crary And Melanie S. Welte, "Recession's Impact Felt Even in Intimate Decisions on Abortion and Family Planning,", 24 March 2009.

Charles Colson, "Pretty Stones and Dead Babies: Abortion's New Language,", 1 October 2003.

Gina Dalfonzo, "Just Don't Kill the Baby," The Point, 18 March 2009.

Gina Dalfonzo, "I Was So Hoping This Was an April Fool," The Point, 1 April 2009.

Gina Dalfonzo, "Unhappy About Your Abortion?," The Point, 2 April 2009.

"Decreasing the Surplus Population," BreakPoint Commentary, 3 April 2009.

"A Modern 'Modest Proposal'," BreakPoint Commentary, 8 September 2004.

"Got Hope?," BreakPoint Offer, 8 April 2009.

"The Halls of Hope," BreakPoint Offer, 9 April 2009.

© 2009 Prison Fellowship - -
Residents of Columbia CountyArkansas are represented in Congress by:
Senator Blanche Lambert Lincoln (D- AR)
Phone 202-224-4843
FAX 202-228-1371
Senator Mark Pryor (D- AR)
Phone 202-224-2353
FAX 202-228-0908
Representative Michael A. Ross (D - 04)
Phone 202-225-3772
FAX 202-225-1314§iontree=7677
Other states congresspersons can be found at: []
Words of the Week:
flummox: to confuse; to perplex.
grandiloquent: expressed in a lofty style; pompous; bombastic.
aegis: a shield; protection.
nescience: lack of knowledge or awareness.
chimerical: merely imaginary; fanciful.
impugn: to call in question; to make insinuations against.
frisson: a brief moment of intense excitement.
portend: to foreshadow; to bode.
pulchritude: beauty.
susurrus: a whispering or rustling sound.
labile: open to change; apt or likely to change.
outré: unconventional; eccentric; bizarre.
etiolate: to blanch or bleach; to make sickly.
ephemeral: lasting a very short time.
quiddity: the essence or nature of a thing.
"A wise man will make more opportunities than he finds." - Sir Francis Bacon

"It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do. There is no fun in doing nothing when you have nothing to do. Wasting time is merely an occupation then, and a most exhausting one. Idleness, like kisses, to be sweet must be stolen." - Jerome K. Jerome

"Conscience is the inner voice which warns us that someone may be looking." - H.L. Mencken

"Most of one's life is one prolonged effort to prevent oneself thinking." - Aldous Huxley

"Vision is the art of seeing things invisible." - Jonathan Swift

"Courage is rightly esteemed the first of human qualities because it is the quality which guarantees all others." - Sir Winston Churchill

"Excess on occasion is exhilarating. It prevents moderation from acquiring the deadening effect of habit." - Somerset Maugham

"It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues." - Abraham Lincoln

" 'Twas Easter-Sunday. The full-blossomed trees filled all the air with fragrance and with joy." - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

"Drop the question what tomorrow may bring, and count as profit every day that Fate allows you." - Horace

"The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax." - Albert Einstein

"Taxes are what we pay for civilized society." - Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong." - Mohandas Gandhi

"Just as those who practice the same profession recognize each other instinctively, so do those who practice the same vice." - Marcel Proust

Scientific Proof that Touching the Skin Can Relieve Pain
Teresa Neumann (April 17, 2009)
"When Jesus came into Peter's house, He saw Peter's mother-in-law lying in bed with a fever. He touched her hand and the fever left her..." -Matthew 8:14
(Sweden)—Science Daily reports that nerve signals that tell the brain we are being stroked on the skin have their own "specialized nerve fibers in the skin" which may explain why touching the skin can relieve pain. (Credit: iStockphoto/Valentin Casarsa)

Line Löken, a postgraduate student in neurophysiology at the Sahlgrenska Academy, said: "Basically the signals that tell the brain that we are being stroked on the skin have their own direct route to the brain, and are not blocked even if the brain is receiving pain impulses from the same area. In fact it's more the opposite, that the stroking impulses are able to deaden the pain impulses."
Source: Staff - Science Daily/University of Gothenburg []

310 2nd Ave SE
Albany, Oregon 97321
US Orders: 1-866-358-7426
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GCF: Modern Translation

Emailed to me a friend (Thanks, Shirley) -Tom

If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! Just send an email to:

My six-year-old grandson was playing one of his video games while I worked in the kitchen near him.
He asked,"Grandma, what does 'veni, vidi, vici' mean?"
I answered, "It means 'I came, I saw, I conquered.' Why do you ask?"
He said, "It's here on my game."
A short while later I heard him say, "Been there, done that ... What was the third one, Grandma?"
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Little League Parents

Emailed to me a friend (Thanks, Tommy) -Tom

At one point during a game, the coach said to one of his young players, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?"
The little boy nodded in the affirmative.
"Do you understand that what matters is that we play together as a team?"
The little boy nodded yes.
"So," the coach continued, "when a strike is called, or you're out at first, you don't argue or curse or attack the umpire. Do you understand all that?"
Again the little boy nodded.
"Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain it to your parents."
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: No Excuse Sunday

Emailed to me a friend (Thanks, Victor) -Tom

An excerpt from a real church bulletin (Aug 4, 1996).

To make it possible for everyone to attend church next Sunday we are going to have a special "No Excuse Sunday".
Cots will be placed in the foyer for those who say "Sunday is my only day to sleep in". We will have steel helmets for those who think the church is too cold, and fans for those who say it is too hot. We will have hearing aids for those who say "The Priest talks too softly", and cotton for those who say he preaches too loudly. Score cards will be provided for those who wish to list hypocrites present. Some relatives will be in attendance for those who like to go visiting on Sundays. There will be TV dinners for those who can't go to Church and cook dinner also. One section will be devoted to trees and grass for those who like to see God in Nature. Finally the Sancuary will be decorated with both Christmas pointsettias and Easter Lillies for those who have never seen the church without them.
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Little Hardware Problem, Big Hardware Solution

Found at The Shark Tank (Computerworld) -Tom

This IT technician works as a contractor at a Defense Department facility, where the data-security requirements are stringent.
"We occasionally have to destroy BlackBerries that are too old to be reused," he says. "But there isn't a very good wiping process for these things -- at least as far as the DoD is concerned with their precious secrets."
So standard operating procedure is to disassemble each decommissioned BlackBerry and break the important components individually.
That's what the tech expects to do when a user drops off an old device for disposal. But when he tries to crack the case, he finds that the tiny screw heads are stripped.
Fortunately, a road crew is tearing up the pavement outside the office, and he has a good rapport with construction guys.
"Can I get you to crush this? Thanks!" Crunch!
Result: BlackBerry unit destroyed. Approved destruction method: Backhoe shovel head plus pavement. No extra charge for embedding gravel into the unit.
"I degaussed it too, just to be safe," says the tech.
"Then I brought it to my boss and told him that his refurbished BlackBerry was just delivered."
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Scrimping and Saving

Emailed to me a friend (Thanks, Joyce) -Tom

After years of scrimping and saving, a husband told his wife the good news: "Honey, we've finally saved enough money to buy what we started saving for in 1979."
"You mean a brand-new Cadillac?" she asked eagerly.
"No," said the husband, "a 1979 Cadillac."
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Real Estate Ad Phrases (What They Really Mean)

Emailed to me a friend (Thanks, Susan) -Tom

CHARMING - Tiny. Snow White might fit, but five of the dwarfs would have to find their own place. See "Cute," "Enchanting," and "Good Starter Home."
MUCH POTENTIAL - Grim. Steer clear unless you have a lot of money and believe your blind dates really did have nice personalities. See "Ready to Rehab," and "Fixer Upper."
UNIQUE CITY HOME - Used to be a warehouse.
HI-TECH/CONTEMPORARY - Lots of steel shelving with little holes - the kind your dad used to store tools on in the basement.
DARING DESIGN - Still a warehouse.
COMPLETELY UPDATED - Avocado dishwasher and Harvest Gold carpeting or vice versa.
SOPHISTICATED - Black walls and no windows. See "Architect's Delight."
ONE-OF-A-KIND - Ugly as sin.
BRILLIANT CONCEPT - Do you really need a two-story live oak in your 30-foot sky dome? See "Makes Dramatic Statement."
UPPER BRACKET - If you have to ask . . .
YOU'LL LOVE IT - No, you won't.
MUST SEE TO BELIEVE - An absolutely accurate statement.
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Directory Assistance

Emailed to me from another humor list (Daily Humor) -Tom To subscribe to Daily Humor, send a blank email to:

"I'd like the telephone number of the Theater Guild."
"One moment, please. I'm sorry, sir. I have no listing for a Theodore Guild."
"No, no. It isn't a person. It's an organization. It's Theater Guild."
"I told you, sir, I have no listing for a Theodore Guild."
"Not Theodore! Theater! The word is theater! T-H-E-A-T-E-R!"
"That, sir, is not the way Theodore is spelled."
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Are You All Right?

Emailed to me a friend (Thanks, Mike) -Tom

Toward the end of our senior year in high school, we were required to take a CPR course. The classes used the well known mannequin victim, Resusci-Annie, to practice. Typical of most models, this Resusci-Annie was only a torso, to allow for storage in a carrying case.
The class went off in groups to practice. As instructed, one of my classmates gently shook the doll and asked "Are you all right?" He then put his ear over the mannequin's mouth to listen for breathing.
Suddenly he turned to the instructor and exclaimed, "She said she can't feel her legs!"
_ ____________________________ _

GCF: Colon

Emailed to me from another humor list (Daily Humor) -Tom To subscribe to Daily Humor, send a blank email to:

My ten-year-old granddaughter asked me what a colon was. I explained that it was a part of the body that food goes through before being eliminated.
Then she asked me what a semicolon was. I told her, "It's a colon the size of a truck, with eighteen wheels."
_ ____________________________ _
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / Good things come in small \ \_/ ////
\ / packages because big things \ /
\ _/ can't, unless they're inflatable \_ /
/ / or require some assembly. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / The man who can smile \ \_/ ////
\ / when things go wrong \ /
\ _/ has thought of someone \_ /
/ / to blame it on. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / No sense being pessimistic. \ /
\ _/ It wouldn't work anyway. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / If pro is the opposite of con, \ /
\ _/ is progress the opposite \_ /
/ / of congress? \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / \ /
\ _/Where are Preparations A through G?\_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / \ /
\ _/ "Some drink at the fountain of \_ /
/ / knowledge ... others just gargle." \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / If you line up all the cars \ \_/ ////
\ / in the world end to end, \ /
\ _/ someone would be stupid enough \_ /
/ / to try and pass them. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Budget: A method for \ /
\ _/ going broke methodically. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / There is nothing more permanent \ /
\ _/ than a temporary tax. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / If a man speaks in a forest \ /
\ _/ and no one hears him, \_ /
/ / is he still wrong? \ \
_ ____________________________ _
/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( \
/ / | | \ \
_( (_ | | _) )_
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_| ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (written by kids) You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. -- Alan, age 10 No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with... -- Kristen, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED? Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. -- Camille, age 10

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED? You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. -- Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON? Both don't want any more kids. -- Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE? Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough... -- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure?) On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. -- Martin, age 10 (isn't he ready for the world of dating?)

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR? I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns. -- Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE? When they're rich. -- Pam, age 7 The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that. -- Curt, age 7 The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them... It's the right thing to do.. -- Howard, age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED? It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. -- Anita, age 9 (bless you child)

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED? There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? -- Kelvin, age 8 (I like this kid)

And the #1 Favorite is ....

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK? Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck. -- Ricky, age 10 (He'll be married forever)

Thanks to Waneta
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Hey, It’s Only A Joke.
In a time when so much is being said about our first black president, Ann Coulter made the following observation in her column of 2/25/2009.
"As long as the nation is obsessed with historic milestones, is no one going to remark on what a great country it is where a mentally retarded woman can become Speaker of the House?"
Thanks to Gary Foreman
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Male or Female? You might not have known this, but a lot of non-living objects are actually either male or female. Here are some examples:

FREEZER BAGS: They are male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

PHOTOCOPIERS: These are female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again. They are an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can also wreak havoc if you push the wrong Buttons.

TIRES: Tires are male, because they go bald easily and are often over inflated

HOT AIR BALLOONS: Also a male object, because to get them to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under their butt.

SPONGES: These are female, because they are soft, squeezable and retain water.

Female, because they're constantly being looked at and frequently getting hit on.

TRAINS: Definitely male, because they always use the same old lines for picking up people.

EGG TIMERS: Egg timers are female because, over time, all the weight shifts to the bottom.

HAMMERS: Male, because in the last 5000 years, they've hardly changed at all, and are occasionally handy to have around.

THE REMOTE CONTROL: Female. Ha! You probably thought it would be male, but consider this: It easily gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know which buttons to push, he just keeps trying

Thanks to Waneta
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New Element Discovered:

Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from four days to four years to complete. Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2- 6 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass. When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium , an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons. May God help us survive this growing mass before it becomes a black hole that sucks us all in.

Thanks to Waneta
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Letter to the Bank

Dear Sirs:
One of my checks was returned marked "insufficient funds". In view of current events in the banking market, does that refer to me or to you?

Thanks to Norma Kay Rowe
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Apple Pie and Coffee

A man had trouble with his English, so his friend taught him how to say, "Apple pie and coffee," so when on the job, he could order some food at the local restaurant during his lunch hour. This was fine with our man, and he was grateful to his friend, but after several months he wanted a little more variety in his fare. His friend was glad to oblige and taught him how to say, "Ham and cheese sandwich."
The man proudly walked into the restaurant the next day and said to the waitress, "Ham and cheese sandwich."
To which the waitress responded, "White, whole wheat, or rye?"
With shoulders sagging and the smile gone from his face, he answered back, "Apple pie and coffee."

Received from Don Shutters.



A lady went to a pet shop.

"I'd like to buy two yellow canaries," she told the owner.
"We don't have any canaries, but we have these," the owner said, as he showed the lady some pale green parakeets.
"That's not what I'm looking for," the lady stated.
But the pet store owner refused to give up. He said, "Just think of them as yellow canaries that aren't quite ripe yet."

Received from Thomas Ellsworth.


Tax Deductions

I was watching an old George & Gracie episode last night, and their accountant was trying to figure out some of Gracie's deductions:
Personal expenses: $120 for a wave -- You see, my friend waved, and when I waved back I drove into a tree.
Under health expenses: $50 for a full-length mirror -- That's right, I got it for my father so he wouldn't get pneumonia. You see, before he only had a half-length mirror, so when he went outside he forgot his pants.
$75 for goldfish -- Well, I put the goldfish bowl on the phonograph and turn it on so the goldfish get their exercise without having to swim around.

Received from FD.


Taxes Are Patriotic!

A Dutchman was explaining the red, white, and blue Netherlands flag to an American.
"Our flag is symbolic of our taxes. We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bills, and blue after we pay them."
The American nodded. "It's the same in the USA only we see stars, too!"

Received from Thomas Ellsworth.


Interactive Taxes

Hello! Welcome to Taxtime, your Interactive Tax Preparer Program. Do you feel like doing your taxes today?
I see. Well, don't you think you should do them anyway? After all, it is April 13. You have less than two days to file. And who knows? Maybe you'll get a refund.
That's the spirit! Let's begin with your name, address, and marital status.
Sorry to hear about the divorce. But don't let it get you down -- that alimony deduction will come in mighty handy in these tough financial times!
Please don't cry. The economy's bound to bounce back. In the meantime, let's talk about dependents. Do you have any children?
Wow! I hope they're not all in college. Do you have any other dependents?
Sorry. You can't deduct your dog, even if she is your only friend.
I agree. The IRS is unreasonable. But let's move on to income. What were your wages in 2008?
You are having a bad go of it, aren't you? But at least you're getting the Unemployment Benefits max.
I'm afraid Unemployment Benefits are taxable. The government giveth and the government taketh away. Hey, don't blame me. I'm just the messenger. Anyway, did you have any interest or dividend income or capital gains?
Your spouse got everything, huh? Well, look on the bright side. If you don't earn it, they can't make you pay taxes on it.
Please don't exit. It was just a joke. I don't suppose you were able to sock anything away into an IRA? I didn't mean to insult you; I'm just doing my job. They make me ask about IRAs and Keogh Plans too.
Okay, okay. I get the point. You're broke. So let's go over your deductions and see about getting you a healthy refund. And speaking about health, I need a complete list of your non- reimbursed medical expenses.
That's great -- a fractured sacroiliac. And your income was so low that most of it will be deductible! Let's move on to your state income taxes and real estate taxes.
Boy, those state taxes can really take a bite, eh? But that huge mortgage tax deduction should really increase your refund. What? You had to sell the house to pay for the divorce? What a shame. But I thought you said you didn't have any capital gains.
You sold it at a loss? Really? So tell me -- Do you think housing is going to drop any further? One of my other users is looking to buy.
You're absolutely right. That was a selfish and thoughtless thing to say. I'm a new program, and I guess they haven't gotten all the bugs out.
Let's go back to your deductions. What did you pay in mortgage interest?
I'm afraid deducting credit card interest is a major no-no. But you may want to consider our Interactive Bankruptcy Software!
Hey, now. Don't get your nose out of joint. It was just a suggestion. Anyway, it's time to list your charitable contributions. I know you can't afford them, but list a couple hundred in cash anyway. Everybody does it, and it's impossible to check.
Good. Now I'm almost afraid to ask, but did you suffer any unreimbursed casualty or theft losses last year?
That's pretty much what I expected. Just give me the numbers and I'll take it from there.
Is there anything else you want to tell me?
I'm sorry, I don't really have time to listen about your divorce anymore. What I meant was, did you have any other income or expenses? Fine. Now why don't you rest for a second, so I can do some quick calculations.
I have good news. You're entitled to a $157 refund. Would you like to apply it to your 2009 tax?
I beg your pardon. They don't pay me enough to listen to that kind of language.

Received from Thomas Ellsworth.


Wise Sayings: Government

1. In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a Congress. -- John Adams
2. If you don't read the newspaper, you are uninformed; if you do read the newspaper, you are misinformed. -- Mark Twain
3. Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But then I repeat myself. -- Mark Twain
4. I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle. -- Winston Churchill
5. A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. -- George Bernard Shaw
6. A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money. -- G. Gordon Liddy
7. Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner. -- James Bovard
8. Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries. -- Douglas Casey
9. Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. -- P.J. O'Rourke
10. Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else. -- Frederic Bastiat
11. Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it. -- Ronald Reagan
12. I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. -- Will Rogers
13. If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. -- P.J. O'Rourke
14. In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other. -- Voltaire
15. Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you. -- Pericles (430 B.C.)
16. No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session. -- Mark Twain
17. Talk is cheap... except when Congress does it. -- Anonymous
18. The government is like a baby's alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other. -- Ronald Reagan
19. The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery. -- Winston Churchill
20. The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin. -- Mark Twain
21. The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools. -- Herbert Spencer
22. There is no distinctly native American criminal class... save Congress. -- Mark Twain
23. A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have. -- Gerald Ford

Received from Luci.


Before and After

When I was younger, I remember receiving the inevitable homework assignment to write an essay on "something I am thankful for." Then I'd spend a lot of time sitting in my room trying to figure out just what in the world that could possibly be, and I'd end up writing down everything I could think of from God to environmental consciousness. But after having children, my priorities have clearly changed:

BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful to have been born the USA, the most powerful free democracy in the world.
AFTER CHILDREN: I am thankful for Velcro tennis shoes. As well as saving valuable time, now I can hear the sound of my son taking off his shoes -- which gives me three extra seconds to activate the safety locks on the back seat windows right before he hurls them out of the car and onto the freeway.

BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful for the recycling program that will preserve our natural resources and prevent the overloading of landfills.
AFTER CHILDREN: I am thankful for swim diapers because every time my son wanders into water in plain disposables, he ends up wearing a blimp the size of, say, New Jersey, on his bottom.

BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful for fresh, organic vegetables.
AFTER CHILDREN: I am thankful for microwaveable macaroni and cheese -- without which my children would be surviving on about three bites of cereal and their own spit.

BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful for the opportunity to obtain a college education and have a higher quality of life than my ancestors.
AFTER CHILDREN: I am thankful to finish a complete thought without being interrupted.

BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful for holistic medicine and natural herbs.
AFTER CHILDREN: I am thankful for pediatric cough syrup guaranteed to "cause drowsiness" in young children.

BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful for all of the teachers who had taught, encouraged, and nurtured me throughout my formative years.
AFTER CHILDREN: I am thankful for all of the people at Weight Watchers who let me strip down to pantyhouse and a strategically placed scarf before getting on the scale each week.

BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful for the opportunity to vacation in exotic foreign countries so I could experience a different way of life in a new culture.
AFTER CHILDREN: I am thankful to have time to make it all the way down the driveway to get the mail.

BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful for the Moosewood Vegetarian cookbook.
AFTER CHILDREN: I am thankful for the Butterball turkey hotline.

BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful for a warm, cozy home to share with my loved ones.
AFTER CHILDREN: I am thankful for the lock on the bathroom door.

BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful for such material objects as custom furniture, a nice car, and trendy clothes.
AFTER CHILDREN: I am thankful when the baby spits up and misses my good shoes.

BEFORE CHILDREN: I was thankful for my wonderful family.
AFTER CHILDREN: I am thankful for my wonderful family.

Received from Thomas Ellsworth.


Baseball Game

A passerby stopped to watch a baseball game taking place at the local park.
"Who's playing?" he asked another observer.
"The Masons against the Knights of Columbus," he responded.
"What's the score?"
"I don't know. It's a secret."

Received from Michael Wright, Tampa, FL.


Car Problems

Sandra was out driving her car and while stopped at a red light, the car just died. It was a busy intersection, and the traffic behind her starting growing.
The guy in the car directly behind her started honking his horn continuously as Sandra continued to try getting the car to start up again.
Finally Sandra gets out of her car and approaches the guy in the car behind her.
"I can't seem to get my car started," Sandra said, smiling. "Would you be a sweetheart and go and see if you can get it started for me. I'll stay here in your car and lean on your horn for you."

Received from Thomas Ellsworth.


Mom's New Year's Resolutions Six Months Later

January 1st: "My children and I will learn Modern Hebrew this year." July 1st: "My children and I will weekly eat one dozen bagels with lox."
January 1st: "I will get the kids the pet they've always wanted." July 1st: "I will buy a collar and a leash for my chia plant."
January 1st: "I will make only home-made yogurt from only organic ingredients." July 1st: "I will allow my children only two Gogurts in their mouth at a time."
January 1st: "I will take my children to a museum once a month." July 1st: "I will show my kids where I ate super chili dogs in high school."
January 1st: "I will make sure my children eat multi-grain fiber-filled items at each meal." July 1st: "I will store my bag of Krispy Kreme doughnuts next to a bottle of Metamucil."
January 1st: "I will feature a Van Gogh each month on our coffee table." July 1st: "I will fill up our van at the Stop and Go."
January 1st: "We will never eat food in the car this year." July 1st: "We will quit using our gas grill in the car this year."

by Cheryl Moeller
[updated by GCFL]

Cheryl Moeller is a stand up comic, humor columnist, and author. You can read more at Received from Cheryl Moeller.


Rate this funny at
Brought to you by The Good, Clean Funnies List A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a) Mail address: GCFL, Box 100, Harvest, AL 35749, USA
To print or email this funny to others, go to
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Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Columns - - - - Ode To JetBlue - - April 10th, 2009 - - We’re back from a wonderful vacation in Las Vegas. So I thought I’d celebrate our thirteen hour return-flight delay with a limerick:

Ode To JetBlue
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear JetBlue, you’re just great when you fly.
But your canceling rate — my oh my!
Fully half of my flights
Never tried to reach heights.
A mere drizzle? Your schedule’s awry.

© Madeleine Begun Kane. All Rights Reserved.
1st Published Bridge News
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After 17 years of marriage, my wife wanted me to take another woman out to dinner and a movie. She said, 'I love you, but I know this other woman loves you and would love to spend some time with you.'
* * *
The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my MOTHER, who has been alone for 20 years, but the demands of my work and my two boys had made it possible to visit her only occasionally.
* * *
That night I called to invite her to go out for dinner and a movie.
* * *
'What's wrong, aren't you well,' she asked?
* * *
My mother is the type of woman who suspects that a late night call or a surprise invitation is a sign of bad news.
* * *
'I thought it would be pleasant to spend some time with you,' I responded. 'Just the two of us.' She thought about it for a moment, and then said, 'I would like that very much.'
* * *
That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick her up I was a bit nervous. When I arrived at her house, I noticed that she, too, seemed to be nervous about our date. She waited in the door. She had curled her hair and was wearing the dress that she had worn to celebrate her last birthday on November 19th.
* * *
She smiled from a face that was as radiant as an angel's. 'I told my friends that I was going to go out with my son, and they were impressed,' she said, as she got into that new white van. 'They can't wait to hear about our date'.
* * *
We went to a restaurant that, although not elegant, was very nice and cozy. My mother took my arm as if she were the First Lady After we sat down, I had to read the menu. Her eyes could only read large print. Half way through the entries, I lifted my eyes and saw Mom sitting there staring at me. A nostalgic smile was on her lips 'It was I who used to have to read the menu when you were small,' she said. 'Then it's time that you relax and let me return the favour,' I responded.
* * *
During the dinner, we had an agreeable conversation- -nothing extraordinary but catching up on recent events of each others life. We talked so much that we missed the movie.
* * *
As we arrived at her house later, she said, 'I'll go out with you again, but only if you let me invite you.' I agreed.
* * *
'How was your dinner date ?' asked my wife when I got home.'Very nice. Much more so than I could have imagined,' I answered.
* * *
A few days later, my mother died of a massive heart attack. It happened so suddenly that I didn't have a chance to do anything for her.
* * *
Some time later, I received an envelope with a copy of a restaurant receipt from the same place mother and I had dined. An attached note said: 'I paid this bill in advance. I wasn't sure that I could be there; but nevertheless, I paid for two plates - one for you and the other for your wife.You will never know what that night meant for me. I love you, son.'
* * *
At that moment, I understood the importance of saying in time: '
I LOVE YOU' and to give our loved ones the time that they deserve. Nothing in life is more important than your family. Give them the time they deserve, because these things cannot be put off till 'some other time.'
* * *
Somebody said it takes about six weeks to get back to normal after you've had a baby.... somebody doesn't know that once you're a mother, 'normal' is history.
* * *
Somebody said you learn how to be a mother by instinct . somebody never took a three-year-old shopping.
* * *
Somebody said being a mother is boring . somebody never rode in a car driven by a teenager with a driver's permit. Somebody said if you're a 'good' mother, your child will 'turn out good'.... somebody thinks a child comes with directions and a guarantee.
* * *
Somebody said you don't need an education to be a mother.... somebody never helped a fourth grader with his math.
* * *
Somebody said you can't love the second child as much as you love the first .... somebody doesn't have two children.
* * *
Somebody said the hardest part of being a mother is labour and delivery.... somebody never watched her 'baby' get on the bus for the first day of kindergarten .... or on a plane headed for military 'boot camp.'
* * *
Somebody said a mother can stop worrying after her child gets married.... somebody doesn't know that marriage adds a new son or daughter-in-law to a mother's heartstrings.
* * *
Somebody said a mother's job is done when her last child leaves home.... somebody never had grandchildren.
* * *
Somebody said your mother knows you love her, so you don't need to tell her.... somebody isn't a mother.

Thanks to David Lamb
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Spread the Stupidity

Only in America drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in America people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
Only in America banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
Only in America we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
Only in America they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle) other words, send it to everyone. We all need to smile every once in a while.

Thanks to Waneta
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By Charlie Reese
Politicians are the only people in the world who create problems and then campaign against them.

Have you ever wondered, if both the Democrats and the Republicans are against deficits, WHY do we have deficits?

Have you ever wondered, if all the politicians are against inflation and high taxes, WHY do we have inflation and high taxes?

You and I don't propose a federal budget. The president does.

You and I don't have the Constitutional authority to vote on appropriations. The House of epresentatives does.

You and I don't write the tax code, Congress does.

You and I don't set fiscal policy, Congress does.

You and I don't control monetary policy, the Federal Reserve Bank does.

One hundred senators, 435 congressmen, one president, and nine Supreme Court justices 545 human beings out of the 300 million are directly, legally, morally, and individually responsible for the domestic problems that plague this country.

I excluded the members of the Federal Reserve Board because that problem was created by the Congress. In 1913, Congress delegated its Constitutional duty to provide a sound currency to a federally chartered, but private, central bank.

I excluded all the special interests and lobbyists for a sound reason. They have no legal authority. They have no ability to coerce a senator, a congressman, or a president to do one cotton-picking thing. I don't care if they offer a politician $1 million dollars in cash.
The politician has the power to accept or reject it. No matter what the lobbyist promises, it is the legislator's responsibility to
determine how he votes.

Those 545 human beings spend much of their energy convincing you that what they did is not their fault. They cooperate in this common con regardless of party.

What separates a politician from a normal human being is an excessive amount of gall. No normal human being would have the gall
of a Speaker, who stood up and criticized the President for creating deficits. The president can only propose a budget. He cannot force the Congress to accept it.

The Constitution, which is the supreme law of the land, gives sole responsibility to the House of Representatives for originating and approving appropriations and taxes. Who is the speaker of the House? Nancy Pelosi. She is the leader of the majority party.
She and fellow House members, not the president, can approve any budget they want. If the president vetoes it, they can pass it over his veto if they agree to.

It seems inconceivable to me that a nation of 300 million cannot replace 545 people who stand convicted -- by present facts -- of incompetence and irresponsibility. I can't think of a single domestic problem that is not traceable directly to those 545 people. When you fully grasp the plain truth that 545 people exercise the power of the federal government, then it must follow that what exists is what they want to exist.

If the tax code is unfair, it's because they want it unfair.

If the budget is in the red, it's because they want it in the red .

If the Army & Marines are in IRAQ , it's because they want them in IRAQ

If they do not receive social security but are on an elite retirement plan not available to the people, it's because they want it that way.

There are no insoluble government problems.

Do not let these 545 people shift the blame to bureaucrats, whom they hire and whose jobs they can abolish; to lobbyists, whose gifts and advice they can reject; to regulators, to whom they give the power to regulate and from whom they can take this power. Above all, do not let them con you into the belief that there exists disembodied mystical forces like "the economy," "inflation," or "politics" that prevent them from doing what they take an oath to do.

Those 545 people, and they alone, are responsible.

They, and they alone, have the power.

They, and they alone, should be held accountable by the people who are their bosses.

Provided the voters have the gumption to manage their own employees.

We should vote all of them out of office and clean up their mess!

Charlie Reese is a former columnist of theOrlando Sentinel Newspaper.

Thanks to Gary Foreman
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TOURBUS - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -:) - :)- :)
Vol 14, Number 15 - - 07 Apr 2009

The Television Issue In today's TOURBUS, it's all about Television. You'll learn how to watch TV on your PC, and if you prefer to do the opposite, I'll show you how to use your TV as a computer monitor. I've also got the scoop on HDTV: Free HDTV, Broadband HDTV, and Wireless HDTV. Plus, you'll see how to turn your computer into a Home Theater. Private Browsing / Free Backup / iPod Touch as Phone? / Home Theater PC / TrapCall / Portable Apps In today's TOURBUS, you'll learn how to surf the web without leaving any tracks, and backup your computer for free. I've got some tips on how to create a super phone with super glue, or turn your home computer into a home theater. Also, get the scoop on TrapCall, and what portable apps can do for you. Read on!

Did you know, there's a simple gadget that will effectively turn your computer into a television set and personal video recorder? Or that you can watch many of your favorite shows online?
Whether you'd like to play your favorite episodes from a specific series or watch live shows from your favorite television channel, my simple guide to watching TV on your PC will tell you everything you need to know...

Using your TV as a Computer Monitor
Imagine... putting that big screen television set to good use as a secondary, or even primary, monitor for your computer. Although the price of computer monitors has dropped in recent years, to purchase one comparable to the size of an average consumer TV set would be quite expensive. So naturally, thoughts of using larger and comparatively less expensive television sets for computing purposes quickly emerge.
There are a number of methods that will allow you to make the connection from your PC to your TV screen. Here's a guide to using your TV as a PC monitor...

Analog to Digital TV Conversion
For 80 years, over-the-air television signals have been broadcast in analog format. But a new federal law in the USA mandates that television stations must broadcast in digital format only, beginning June 12, 2009. This article will answer your questions about digital TV, who is affected by the analog to digital switchover, and what you'll need to do.
Find out why the switch to digital, if you'll need a new TV set, and if your VCR or DVD player will be affected. Read on to see what the switch to digital television broadcasting means to you...

Free HDTV on Your PC
Even if you don't have a fancy new HDTV (high-definition television), you can still get free HDTV on your PC. HDTV broadcasts can be transmitted at up to 1920x1080 pixels. So the picture is astonishingly clear when compared to Standard Definition broadcasts, with a resolution of about 480x330 pixels. That's lower than the old VGA computer screens we tossed out 15 years ago!
This article will teach you the difference between Digital TV and HDTV, then show you how to add an HDTV tuner to your PC, and where to find free HDTV signals in your local area...

Relax, it's not WebTV all over again. Internet capable HD televisions (also called Broadband HDTVs) connect directly to your Internet router, enabling browsing the Web on your big screen, and integration of entertainment services like Netflix and interactive TV Widgets with your television.
Here's the scoop on 5 new Internet Connected HDTVs...

Wireless HD Television
If you're tired of the clutter of cables going to and from your HD television screen, there are a variety of options for going wireless with HDTV. You'll still have to plug your TV into a nearby power source, but the goal is to get rid of all those bulky cables that run between the TV and your set-top box, DVD player and other multimedia equipment.
By beaming the audio/video signal from the entertainment center to the TV via wireless, you're also free to put your HDTV anywhere there's a power outlet, move it from room to room, or even provide a signal to more than one TV, without running cables all over the house. As a bonus, you'll learn how to stream content from your computer and the Internet directly to your HD TV -- all without wires...

Turn Your PC Into a Home Theater
Are you ready to turn your home computer into a home theater system? Learn how to choose a monitor that will make your movies look good, find a Blu-ray drive that can also play your DVDs and CDs, and some awesome speakers. I also have tips on how to add a special home theater keyboard, an HD video card, and a TV tuner so you can watch live TV on your PC.
If you have a decent computer, why buy a home theater system that can cost thousands? For a lot less money, I'll show you how to convert your PC into an awesome home theater system at about the quarter of the price...

Which DVR is Best?
The time has come to take over your television. Using a DVR, you can record your favorite shows, pause and rewind during viewing, and even skip the commercials. You want a DVR like your friends, but you're not sure how to go about it.
Should you get a TiVo, a store-bought DVR, or the DVR service offered by your TV provider? Read on for the pros and cons of each...

What is Hulu?
Hulu lets you watch popular TV shows and movies online. No downloads required. No cost. We're not talking small and unheard of shows and Youtube-quality home movies, either. Hulu is home to popular network TV shows and films you can find on TV, such as The Simpsons, The Office, House, Firefly and tons more. You can view the programs in a full screen setting, but you'll need a high-speed connection.
Hulu offers a solution to legal issues and copyright problems associated with downloading and watching TV shows and movies online. Learn more about Hulu here...

What is Private Browsing?
Private browsing is a web browser mode that will prevent your computer from keeping a log of the web pages you visit. In a nutshell, you're browsing the web without leaving a trace of your online activity. In slightly more technical terms, private browsing will turn off your browsing history, and prevent your searches and downloads from being logged. It will not store any web form data you enter, won't remember passwords, and won't create any cookies.
You can probably think a few unsavory applications for surfing under the radar. But if you share a computer with other people in an office, library, or other public place, private browsing can be a very useful feature. Read on to learn how to enable private browsing in your favorite browser, and more importantly, what the limitations of private browsing are...

Free Backup Solutions
If you run a business on your computer, or just use it to store your photos and music, a hard drive failure can be devastating. Neglecting to backup up your data on a regular basis can lead to data loss, heartbreak and costly recovery fees. I've heard plenty of excuses for not backing up, but fortunately "backup software is too expensive" no longer applies.
There are several free backup software tools and even free online backup services that you can use to backup and manage your data. Read on to see my reviews of several free backup software downloads, and some free online backup services...

My New Phone is an iPod Touch
I had myself talked into buying a new phone, and was eagerly checking out the latest phones, smartphones and PDAs. I was about ready to choose from the Samsung Omnia, the Samsung Saga, or the HTC Touch. They're all slick Verizon phones with wifi and have larger screens for web page viewing. But something happened on the way to the phone store.
My wife had been suggesting that we get an iPod Touch to replace her ancient iPod Shuffle. So I bought one at the local Apple Store, and on the way out I realized that the iPod Touch is everything I wanted in a phone, but without the phone. Read on to find out if I really super-glued the iPod Touch to the back of my LG Voyager...

Turn Your PC Into a Home Theater
Are you ready to turn your home computer into a home theater system? Learn how to choose a monitor that will make your movies look good, find a Blu-ray drive that can also play your DVDs and CDs, and some awesome speakers. I also have tips on how to add a special home theater keyboard, an HD video card, and a TV tuner so you can watch live TV on your PC.
If you have a decent computer, why buy a home theater system that can cost thousands? For a lot less money, I'll show you how to convert your PC into an awesome home theater system at about the quarter of the price...

TrapCall Reveals Blocked Caller ID
Have you heard about TrapCall, the free callerID unblocking service? The premise for TrapCall is pretty straightforward. Trapcall reveals the caller info for numbers that have been blocked or restricted. So if that nasty guy from the collection agency is after you again, instead of seeing PRIVATE or RESTRICTED on your callerID, Trapcall will show the unblocked calling number.
And yes, it really is a free service. Find out how and where TrapCall works, learn about the privacy implications, and give it a try on your mobile phone...

What Are Portable Apps?
You've got your home computer set up just the way you like it. But about when you travel for business, vacation, or even when you're using a friend's computer? Wouldn't it be great to carry all your favorite programs, your browser bookmarks, and custom settings along with you? Using portable apps, you can load up a flash drive with your favorite programs and run them on any computer, directly from the portable drive.
The beauty of portable apps is that you can do that without the hassle of installing software on other computers. And when you unplug your device, there are no worries about leaving any of your personal data behind. Learn more about portable apps, what you can do with them, and where to find the best free apps. Here's the scoop on portable apps...

• Send a Free Fax [] Learn how to send and receive faxes for free, using online fax services.

• Make Windows Run Faster [] Here's my special recipe to clean that icky goo out of your computer's pipes, so Windows will start quicker, run more reliably, and go faster on the info-superhighway.

• Free Satellite TV? [] Can this software download really give you free satellite TV broadcasts on your PC?

• Free Internet Security Software [] Staying safe on the Internet doesn't have to cost big bucks. Here are my recommendations for the best FREE anti-virus, anti-spyware, and popup blocker software.

SPONSOR - - Free PC Performance Scan - - The more you use your computer, the slower it will get. Research shows, that after only months of use, your PC will be performing at just a fraction of its original performance.
Run the all new, FREE PC Pitstop Optimize 2.0 scan now and in just minutes, you'll discover numerous ways you can keep your PC running like new. Start the Free Scan Now!

SPONSOR - - Flowers Fast! The Popular Online Florist - - Use Promo Code TOURBUS to Save 10% on your order! []

SPONSOR - - A Valuable 12-Second Free Resource... - - My friends Audri and Jim Lanford have a great, short - and free - email newsletter I recommend you subscribe to. Your mindset is important for your success, and their inspirational quote ezine is a wonderful way to start each day.
It will help you kickstart each weekday morning - with a bit of inspiration and a smile - especially when you wake up exhausted with way too much to do.
Each issue contains a hand-picked inspiring -- and sometimes funny -- quote, an entertaining fact about today, and an interesting, helpful article to check out. All in just 12 seconds a day.
Visit now to sign up free and lift your spirits, get inspired, and/or chuckle: []

That's all for now, see you next time! -- Bob Rankin
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The Pump Handle. A water cooler for the public health crowd.

Friday Blog Roundup
April 17, 2009 in Blog roundup | by Liz Borkowski |

Today’s big news is that EPA has officially determined that greenhouse-gas emissions pose a threat to public health and welfare. Over at Gristmill, Kate Sheppard explains [] what this all means (and tells you how to submit a public comment []), Jonathan Hiskes [] and rounds up reactions from industry, environmentalists, and politicians.

Liz Kowalczyk at White Coat [] Notes reports that doctors at Massachusetts Partners HealthCare hospitals will no longer be allowed to accept gifts, meals, or “speakers bureau” travel from drug companies.
Sarah Rubenstein at WSJ’s Health Blog [] explores the new Johns Hopkins policy, which is banning free drug-company samples as well as doctor gifts and meals.
Roy M. Poses MD at Health Care Renewal [] responds to a Wall Street Journal op-ed that bemoans the criticism of ties between researchers and the pharmaceutical industry.
Merril Goozner at GoozNews [] explains why it’s difficult for journal readers to detect bias in clinical trials, and suggests one solution.
Janet D. Stemwedel at Adventures in Ethics and Science [] uses Pfizer’s Nigerian trial of a new antibiotic as an example of how not to conduct an ethical drug trial.
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Weekly Toll - -
Death In The Workplace w/News & Updates
John Donne - ...any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind, and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.

Tree trimmer killed - - April 11, Phoenix, Arizona - A man was killed while trimming a tree. The accident occured near Earll and 26th street in Phoenix. A team of three men were trimming a palm tree when the accident happened. Rescue workers say a large palm frond fell, stuck and killed the worker. Phoenix fire rescue crews had to remove the body of the man from the tree. Two other workers in the tree and had to be helped out of the tree before the body of the thrid man could be removed from the tree.

Glass panes fall from crane in Oak Lawn, killing construction worker - - April 11, Dallas, Texas - A construction worker died Saturday morning in the Oak Lawn area of Dallas when he was struck by several glass panes that fell from a crane, police said. The 24-year-old man, whose identity wasn’t released, was helping remodel a building in the 3800 block of Oak Lawn Avenue near Blackburn Street. The glass panes fell from the top of the crane at an unknown height around 8:30 a.m., police said. Paramedics took the man to Parkland Memorial Hospital, where he later died. The federal Occupational Health and Safety Administration, which investigates such incidents, came to the site after the accident.

Injured Ashland County Green Township Road Worker Dies - - April 11, Ashland County, Ohio - An injured Green Township road worker who was hurt on Tuesday morning on Township Road 2704 in Ashland County has died. Jeffrey White, 40, passed away Friday at MetroHealth Medical Center in Cleveland. A passing motorist found White unconscious, bleeding from the head and lying next to a township dump truck along the roadway and called 911. White had been clearing brush from along the roadway with a co-worker who had loaded debris into the truck and went to the township garage to retrieve straps to secure the load.

Valpo man, 47, dies in Lowell trench collapse - - April 10, Lowell, Indiana - A Valparaiso man was killed when a 10-foot-deep trench he was digging with a co-worker collapsed on him Friday afternoon. Michael Faherty, 47, was pronounced dead at 1:50 p.m. at a home in the 16700 block of Mount Street in Cedar Creek Township. The Lake County Coroner's office labeled the death accidental. They will conduct an autopsy this morning. Crown Point firefighters and technical rescue team members work to secure the sides of a trench as they recover the victim after a fatal trench collapse in the 16700 block of Mount Street Friday afternoon in Lowell.

C-DOT Highway Worker Killed in Pueblo Identified - - April 10, Pueblo, Colorado - A Colorado Department of Transportation employee who was backed over and killed by a fellow employee working in the cone-zone was identified as 31-year-old David Valdez. Valdez, who was originally from Walsenburg, leaves behind a small child. Agency spokeswoman Stacey Stegman says the CDOT crew was getting ready to repair expansion joints on a bridge when the accident happened Thursday morning.

Ohio contractor worker dies from injury at plant - - April 8, Cincinnati, Ohio - An employee of a contractor has died after being injured at AK Steel's Middletown Works plant in southwest Ohio. Scott Rich, president of the International Association of Machinists and Aerospace Workers Local Lodge 1943 union, says the worker leaned against a controller while working on a lift and was crushed between the lift and a pipe. The worker's identity wasn't released immediately. Alan McCoy, spokesman for AK Steel Holding Corp. ( AKS - news - people ), says the contractor worker was injured Monday and died during a surgical procedure either late Tuesday night or early Wednesday.

Factory worker crushed, killed at Alladin Plastics in Hawkins County - - April 8, Phipps Bend — A longtime employee of Alladin Plastics at the Phipps Bend Industrial Park was killed Tuesday night when he was reportedly crushed by a machine that molds plastic chairs. The accident occurred Tuesday shortly before 9 p.m. According to an Alladin employee who asked to remain unnamed, supervisor Lonnie Mowell, 61, 1035 Longs Bend Road, Rogersville, was attempting to free a chair that had been jammed in the machine when the machine engaged. Mowell had been employed at Alladin Plastics, 640 Phipps Bend Road, Surgoinsville, for nearly 40 years.

Norwalk man dies in electrical fire at mine - - April 8, Des Moins, Iowa - A Norwalk man died in an electrical fire at the Hallett Materials site northwest of Des Moines on Tuesday afternoon. Tadd Bainum, 35, a Hallett employee, died after a transformer spark caused a fire near the gravel mine at 5255 N.W. 26th St. The fire started around 4 p.m., said Jana Rooker, spokeswoman for the Polk County sheriff's office. The specific cause of Bainum's death is unknown and will be determined by the Polk County medical examiner. MidAmerican Energy had to shut off power to the area for rescue crews to reach Bainum. He was in an electrical area that is under Hallett's control, said Ann Thelen, spokeswoman for MidAmerican.

Coroner: Worker was apparently electrocuted - - April 7, Princeton, Kentucky — A worker removing debris from an ice storm was killed when the lift he was standing in came into contact with a power line. The Messenger of Madisonville reports 38-year-old Raymond Morris was apparently electrocuted in the weekend accident. Providence Assistant Police Chief Brent McDowell says Morris was aloft in a scissors truck when the incident occurred about 4:50 p.m. Friday. Morris was transported to Regional Medical Center, where he was pronounced dead. Hopkins County Coroner Dennis Mayfield said it appeared 38-year-old Raymond Morris had been electrocuted. Morris, of Providence, worked for Ware Trucking.

Worker killed after getting caught in machinery - - April 6, Jenks, Oklahoma — Jenks fire officials say a man was killed when he got caught in a piece of machinery at an area dirt company. Assistant Fire Chief Jake Rhoades says firefighters responded to a call about 4 p.m. Monday at the Gem Dirt Co. The man's co-workers had already pulled the 36-year-old from the machine and were performing CPR when the fire crew arrived. Rhoades described the machine as a soil tumbler. Medics from the Emergency Medical Services Authority pronounced him dead. Rhoades says a co-worker noticed the machine was off and when he went to investigate he found the man. The name of the victim wasn't released.
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NEVER FORGET! We're listing the names of our soldiers killed weekly. These records can be found at

01. Tech. Sgt. Phillip A Myers, 30, of Hopewell Va, died April 4 near Helmand province, Afghanistan of wounds suffered from an improvised explosive device. He was assigned to the 48th Civil Engineer Squadron, Royal Air Force Lakenheath, United Kingdom.

02. Spc. Israel Candelaria Mejias, 28, of San Lorenzo, Puerto Rico, died April 5 near Baghdad, Iraq, of wounds sustained when a mine detonated near him during combat operations. He was assigned to the 1st Battalion, 2nd Infantry Regiment in Task Force 3rd Battalion, 66th Armor Regiment, 172nd Infantry Brigade Combat Team, Grafenwoehr, Germany.

03. Sgt. Daniel J. Beard, 24, of Buffalo, N.Y., died April 3 in Al Diwaniyah, Iraq, of injuries sustained from a non-combat related incident. He was assigned to the 147th Postal Company, 21st Theater Sustainment Command, Wiesbaden, Germany.

04. Spc. Adam M. Kuligowski, 21, of Arlington, Va., died Apr. 6 in Bagram, Afghanistan, of injuries sustained from a non-combat related incident. He was assigned to the Special Troops Battalion, 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault), Fort Campbell, Ky.

05. Lance Cpl. Stephen F. Dearmon, 21, of Crossville, Tenn., died April 3 as a result of a non-hostile incident in Anbar province, Iraq. He was assigned to 2nd Marine Logistics Group, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C.

06. Lance Cpl. Blaise A. Oleski, 22, of Holland Patent, N.Y., died April 8 while supporting combat operations in Helmand province, Afghanistan. He was assigned to 3rd Battalion, 8th Marine Regiment, 2nd Marine Division, II Marine Expeditionary Force, Camp Lejeune, N.C.

07. Airman 1st Class Jacob I. Ramsey, 20, of Hesperia, Calif., died April 10 of injuries sustained from a non-combat related incident in Kabul Afghanistan. He was assigned to the 712th Air Support Operations Squadron, Fort Hood, Texas.

The Department of Defense announced today the death of five soldiers who were supporting Operation Iraqi Freedom. They died April 10th when their military vehicle was struck by a suicide vehicle-borne improvised explosive device in Mosul, Iraq. They were assigned to the 1st Battalion, 67th Armor Regiment, 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 4th Infantry Division, Fort Carson, Colo. Killed were:
08. Staff Sgt. Gary L. Woods Jr., 24, of Lebanon Junction, Ky.
09. Sgt. 1st Class Bryan E. Hall, 32, of Elk Grove, Calif.
10. Sgt. Edward W. Forrest Jr., 25, of St. Louis, Mo.
11. Cpl. Jason G. Pautsch, 20, of Davenport, Iowa.
12. Pfc. Bryce E. Gautier, 22, of Cypress, Calif.

13. Spc. Michael J. Anaya, 23, of Crestview, Fla., died April 12 in Bayji, Iraq, when an improvised explosive device detonated near his vehicle. He was assigned to the 2nd Battalion, 27th Infantry Regiment, 3rd Infantry Brigade Combat Team, 25th Infantry Division, Schofield Barracks, Hawaii.

14. Sgt. Raul Moncada, 29, of Madera, Calif., died April 13 near Baghdad, Iraq, of wounds sustained when an explosive device detonated near his vehicle. He was assigned to the 563rd Military Police Company, 91st Military Police Battalion, 10th Sustainment Brigade, 10th Mountain Division (Light Infantry), Fort Drum, N.Y.

15. Cpl. Francisco X. Aguila, 35, of Bayamon, Puerto Rico, died April 14 in Kabul, Afghanistan, of injuries sustained from a non-combat related incident. He was assigned to the 82nd Sustainment Brigade, XVIII Airborne Corps, Fort Bragg, N.C.
Soldier Missing In Action From Korean War Is Identified

The Department of Defense POW/Missing Personnel Office announced today that the remains of a U.S. serviceman, missing in action from the Korean War, have been identified and will be returned to his family for burial with full military honors.
He is Pfc. David Woodruff, U.S. Army, of Poplar Bluff, Mo. He will be buried on April 22 in St. Louis, Mo.
Representatives from the Army’s Mortuary Office met with Woodruff’s next-of-kin to explain the recovery and identification process on behalf of the Secretary of the Army.
Woodruff was assigned to Company K, 3rd Battalion, 9th Regiment, 2nd Infantry Division. In early 1951, the 2nd ID was augmented by Republic of Korea (R.O.K.) forces and was occupying positions near Hoengsong, South Korea. On Feb. 11, the Chinese Army launched a massive attack on the U.S. line, overwhelming R.O.K. forces and exposing the American flank. The 2nd ID was forced to withdraw to the south and Woodruff was captured by enemy forces. He died in, or near, one of the North Korean prison camps in Suan County, North Hwanghae Province.
Between 1991-94, North Korea turned over to the United States 208 boxes of remains believed to contain the remains of 200-400 U.S. servicemen. One box turned over in 1991 contained Woodruff’s military identification tag, and a box turned over in 1992 contained remains recovered from Suan County.
Among other forensic identification tools and circumstantial evidence, scientists from JPAC and the Armed Forces DNA Identification Laboratory also used mitochondrial DNA and dental comparisons in the identification of the remains turned over in 1992.

For additional information on the Defense Department’s mission to account for missing Americans, visit the DPMO Web site at or call (703) 699-1169.
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"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." -- Franklin D. Roosevelt
"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle."
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. - - George Carlin
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" - - Queen E. Watson
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Scheduled Activities
2009 Barksdale Air Show Defenders of Liberty Air Show, May 9-10 []
The Magnolia Blossom Festival will be May 15-16. The World Championship Steak Cook-Off will be May 16. The parade starts at 10 a.m.; dinner, at 6 p.m. Cook-off tickets are $15. Buy online (handling fee) or by calling the chamber of commerce (870-234-4352). Details:
Men's Prayer Breakfast held every Tuesday morning at 6 AM in Miller's Cafeteria. If you aren't a regular participant at the Men's Prayer Breakfast, you're missing some great food, fellowship and inspired teaching of the Word. Hope to see you there.
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Emergency Phone Number 911
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )
Central Dispatch 234-5655
(Non - Emergency Number)
Direct Numbers
Ambulance - 234-7371 (24 Hour)
Jail - 234-5331 (24 Hour)
Poison Control - 800-222-1222 (24 Hour)
http://www. aapcc. org/
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Interested in getting in touch with the Banner-News through e-mail?
E-mail addresses for communicating with the newspaper’s various departments are: For news and sports items, Coming Events, Diary, Church News, school and civic events.
advertising@bannernews. net For retail and classified advertising.
circulation@bannernews. net To start, stop or cancel newspaper delivery or for comments about delivery.
outfitters For Office Outfitters, the office supply division of the Banner-News.
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"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." -- "Bug"
"I read the end of the book. We win!" -- "Bug"
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." -- "Bug"
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." - - "Bug"
"It's no big deal doing what God tells you to do. A big deal would be NOT doing what God tells you to do. Just ask Jonah." - - Paul Troquille
“Nam et ipsa scientia potestas est.” Knowledge is power. - Francis Bacon
"The problem is here and now. The time for talk is past. The time for action is now."
Comments on the first Earth Day - James F. McClellan via John "Fuzzy" Thurman
Hope you enjoy the newsletter.
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week.
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" --"Bug"
God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!
Col 4:2-4 James 5:13-18 1 Th 1:2-3 1 Pet 2:2-4 John 3:16 Ezek 43:25-27 Acts 3:16
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT-I KC5HII

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