tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-91369238921683343292024-03-13T08:59:07.526-07:00Bugs BleatThe Internet Version of The Ed Sullivan Show "We never let the truth stand in the way of a Good Story"Bughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07270965849194883997noreply@blogger.comBlogger188125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9136923892168334329.post-17994210905026609692014-01-31T13:59:00.000-08:002014-01-31T13:59:45.321-08:00Bug's Bleat - - GCF: That LookVolume 16, Issue 02 Friday, January 10, 2014<br />
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Dinah's images of Lake Hamilton from her lakeside home.<br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-1F5wYmEO6x8/UuwWTdrRmZI/AAAAAAAC1v0/eveU5YWfc7c/s1600/18-DB140110+1520808_10201342800551586_120751105_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-1F5wYmEO6x8/UuwWTdrRmZI/AAAAAAAC1v0/eveU5YWfc7c/s320/18-DB140110+1520808_10201342800551586_120751105_n.jpg" /></a><br />
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Hello ALL, <br />
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I missed a great "Wife Of My Youth" photo opportunity yesterday afternoon. <br />
Waiting in line at WalMart and Annette asked the cashier if she could have a paper towel to wipe off the counter, there was something on it. 'The Cashier was finishing up with the previous customer and absently handed Annette a paper towel. It wasn't doing the job so Annette asked if she had some cleaning spray. The Cashier pulled out a bottle and quickly sprayed the whole counter, then turned back to the other customer.<br />
Annette started cleaning the counter.<br />
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The Cashier had to go to Customer Service to get something and, while she was gone, Annette went ahead and cleaned the scanner, counter, the whole station. It was at this point I realized I should take a photo, but alas, she finished up before my camera booted up.<br />
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My Kingdom for an old instamatic. <br />
~~~~~<br />
It always amazes me that the two folks sitting on this bench (Two kids started married life having to save up for a year to go to the Drive-In on "Dollar Night.") should end up with such a great family. <br />
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We had to pay for baby David's surgery at the rate of $5 a month. To have Vanessa, Annette used the "Lay A Baby" plan and prepaid the Doctor and Hospital over eight months, finishing just before she was born.<br />
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Now we find ourselves part of this great group, wanting to grow up to be like our kids, "In-Loves" and GRANDkids. :0) <br />
~~~~~<br />
The “Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Go Outside” Department brings us: “Nightmare bacteria - - Patients infected with drug-resistant bacteria at suburban Chicago hospital”<br />
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Health authorities in Illinois have placed a suburban Chicago hospital under tight scrutiny after an extremely rare strain of a dangerous drug-resistant strand of flu was found to be connected to a series of operations performed at Advocate Lutheran General Hospital, located in Park Ridge west of Chicago, in the past year. <br />
~~~~~<br />
Dr. Jucas strongly suggested that I eschew Gluten so Annette made a WallyWorld run to stock up on some Gluten Free supplies. <br />
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The stuff is expensive but tasty. I’m pretty sure I’ll survive. And … true to the doctor’s word, my skin turgor has improved dramatically. Bruising and tearing my skin from simply bumping into flat surfaces has pretty much ceased.<br />
~~~~~<br />
Annette picks them up from surrounding yards. I crack 'em. She shells 'em. The freezer is filling up. €:•) <br />
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Our buddy Richard Harris commented; “Let me get this straight, Annette steals the pecans, you disguise and hide the evidence.. That right...??? OMG, she is stealing pecans, and you are the one that will be supporting her when it comes to bail time..... Pissst, as long as she brings her catch with her, I will hide her forever... Or.... Until the fruit runs out... At a place on the lake that as a key gate and a caretaker that loves pecans... Shelled of course..!!!<br />
~~~~~<br />
We spent a VERY relaxing time at my cousin Dinah’s vacation rental home on Lake Hamilton just south east of Hot Springs. In addition to the beautiful lake, Dinah took us to see the Garvin Gardens Christmas Light Display. Wow! We’re planning on going back for the Spring Tulip Show. <br />
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Most of us probably think of a sparse cabin when we think of a vacation rental but this place is FANTASTIC. Dinah’s is a very well appointed, four bedroom home in a nice neighborhood, includes all the amenities and sleeps 11 comfortably. Most important to us was the three bathrooms. Absolutely no waiting. :0) Annette spent a lot of time sitting in front of the fireplace and watching the ducks and geese on the water just outside the patio door. <br />
~~~~~<br />
I’m NOT a big fan of the “post Sam” Wal-Mart corporation. Most of my differences are with the corporation and not the local workers. Thursday, the local folk again proved that they could handle problems that corporate failed to resolve. <br />
At a Wal-Mart Online Black Friday sale. We bought our youngest grandsons 4” tablets for Christmas presents. Josiah’s works great. However, the power switch was broken on Ethans. So, I called the manufacturer. After an hour on the phone, the tech suggested that I contact Wal-Mart. So, I called Wal-Mart Customer Service. After an hour on the phone, the gentleman told me I’d called the wrong number and gave me another number to call.<br />
Grumble Grumble. Then, an enlightened friend told me that you can take “On Line” stuff back to the local Wal-Mart. So I trapsed in to see what they could do for me. <br />
The lady and the service desk asked me if I wanted a refund or replacement. I told her that my grandson would probably prefer his tablet (he’d been asking me daily when his tablet was going to be fixed.)<br />
So she scanned the broken device and told me to go back to electronics and get another. In electronics, a gentleman was waiting for me and showed me the tablets in that price range. He handed me the one I picked and the lady rang it up for me at customer service.<br />
Tonight Ethan is playing with his new tablet (I loaded all the Angry Birds games as well as some brain teasers and art aps for him.)<br />
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So, my hat’s off to the local WallyWorld service desk and electronic folks who went out of their way to help Ethan's get his tablet. €:•)<br />
~~~~~<br />
For Janet Holiman Dixon and other classmates who remember ARKLA feed. They're tearing down the old buildings this week. Janet remembers playing with the Moses kids in that huge parking area all around the feed mill and the feed store, as well as the lumber mill and the flooring mill. “As real estate goes, I guess it wasn't the "best" place to have a home, but for us kids, it was great. We never lacked for any fun thing to do and we had so much room for playing ball and riding bikes. We had access to wild fruit trees and vines. We had such blessed childhoods. And this place that is being torn down was a big part of it.” <br />
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The Ark-La feed store was where I went for supplies as a young Pidgeon farmer (turns out they weren’t “homing pidgens” as I never saw them again after I released them.) It was also a community gathering place for farmers, ranchers and anyone else with aminials to care for. My favorite part of going there were the unique smells associated with the store as well as their line of pets and pet supplies.<br />
~~~~~<br />
"As ObamaCare continues to turn" or "How the "Affordable" Care Act is the biggest mistake the federal government has foisted off on the taxpayers in many many decades."<br />
Yesterday, NBC had a story about Medicare patients being unqualified for rehab because they were considered under observation instead of really admitted to the hospital. <br />
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As we've heard several times, ObamaCare was/is supposed to reduce waste and costs of medical care. This idea comes from the folks who've given us Trillion Dollar Deficits and $600 toilet seats.<br />
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Turns out their solution to reducing medical care costs isn't to make it more efficient. It's to just not pay the providers for services performed.<br />
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This is the link to the NBC news story: http://www.nbcnews.com/video/nightly-news/54026469/#54026469<br />
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A provider that I trust commented: "This is another one of those changes they have instituted in order to have an excuse to not pay medical care providers for the services they have to provide to patients. I don’t know who ever thought it was a good idea to require service and refuse to pay someone to perform those services. This is putting patients in a tough position, but telling patients to make sure they are admitted as an inpatient is wrong. That determination is now made by the law."<br />
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Don’t get me wrong here. I’m not against the government, be it local, state or federal. I am against having government do things that lower entities or even private enterprise could do better. We needed a solution for the many Americans who were without medical insurance. Under our pre ObamaCare system, those without insurance or substantial funds to pay for service were at a serious disadvantage. But the ACA hasn’t solved that. As of Jan 1st it’s just added another six million folks to the uninsured rolls. <br />
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And judging from reports I’ve received from Family and Friends who still have their insurance, the Post ACA era is MUCH more expensive for many patients than it was before.<br />
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“Any man who thinks he can be happy and prosperous by letting the government take care of him had better ... look at the American Indian.”<br />
~~~~~<br />
Ouch! - - “It’s our choices that make us fat,” Cisna told KCCI. ”Not McDonald’s.”<br />
Teacher Loses 37 Pounds After Three-Month McDonald’s Diet<br />
http://newsfeed.time.com/2014/01/05/teacher-loses-37-pounds-after-three-month-mcdonalds-diet/#ixzz2q1N7paqg<br />
~~~~~<br />
This service is not yet available in South Arkansas but I'd like to see it here. Who knows? (The Shadow?)<br />
https://www.uber.com/<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Folks are conserving energy, mainly because it's cheaper and technology makes it easier. <br />
http://bigstory.ap.org/article/home-electricity-use-us-falling-2001-levels?fb_action_ids=10201373110229309&fb_action_types=og.likes&fb_source=aggregation&fb_aggregation_id=288381481237582<br />
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Jason H Sands commented that this may be due to the use of LCD and LED screens instead of CRTs. Jason’s probably right. Tubes are HUGE power suckers. Thelast CRT monitor I had started emitting RF energy in GIGANTIC GIGAWATTS. I noticed interference on my HAM radios and finally traced it to that CRT. It was creating radio static all the way out to the street. We no longer have a single tube type monitor or TV. Add low energy bulbs and we're using much less power than before. <br />
Additionally, our home is so well insulated that we can turn the heat off at night and still sleep comfortably. <br />
~~~~~ <br />
These Crockpot Freezer Meals are FANTASTIC. Annette made up a bunch and we just pull one out, thaw it, drop it in the crock pot and ... viola! <br />
We've got supper. She cut the recipes to size them down for us. And Verna Carter gave us a smaller sized crock pot just perfect for these. One suggestion ... label the freezer bags. We figured it would be easy to see what was in the bag ... WRONG. However, it's kind of fun not knowing what's for supper. :0) <br />
http://www.sidetrackedsarah.com/freezer-to-slow-cooker/<br />
~~~~~ <br />
dLife Foodstuff - - Eating to Prevent Diabetes Complications<br />
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7 Great Sources of Omega - - By Jack Challem<br />
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The oils found in fish — technically known as the omega - 3 fatty acids DHA and EPA — are good for your heart and circulation. That's why the American Heart Association recommends consuming them. And there's no doubt that wild Alaskan salmon is the top dietary source of these super - healthy fats, with a hefty 2,000 mg of omega - 3s in a 6 - ounce serving (a piece the size of two decks of cards). But what are your options if you just don't like salmon? Luckily, you can g et the benefits of fish oils by eating these other foods.<br />
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1. TUNA Long a staple of dieters, tuna contains about as much omega - 3s as salmon. Don't sweat the minute amounts of mercury if you're eating tuna only once or twice a week, but limit tuna intake if you're pregnant. Tuna salad is fast and easy to make, and you can add diced celery, onion, carrot, or pine nuts for a little crunch. 1,500 mg of omega - 3s per 6 ounces (the amount in a typical can).<br />
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2. SARDINES are one of the richest sources of o mega - 3s, and they're low on the food chain — meaning that they don't contain much mercury or other contaminants that build up in larger fish. Opt for sardines canned in sardine oil or olive oil, which are healthier than soybean oil. 3,000 mg omega - 3s per ounces (about the size of a typical can).<br />
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3. RAINBOW TROUT Caught in lakes and mountain rivers (and sometimes farmed), rainbow trout has almost as much omega - 3s as Alaskan salmon. And trout is usually much less expensive. Because a trout filet is thin, it can be quickly pan fried in a little olive oil. Cook the filet flesh side down for a minute, then flip it over and finish it skin side down. 1,700 mg omega - 3s per 6 ounces (a piece the size of two decks of cards).<br />
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4. BLACK COD Regular cod doesn't contain many omega - 3s, but black cod — also known as sablefish — has more omega - 3s than any type of salmon. It's a delicately textured white fish that lends itself to pan frying or broiling. 2,900 mg omega - 3s per 6 ounces.<br />
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5. OYSTERS Yes, oysters are a good source of omega - 3s, so long as you don't deep fry them. If you're comfortable eating two or three raw, go ahead. Otherwise, dust them in a little flour and sauté them in olive oil. 2,500 mg omega - 3s per 6 ounces.<br />
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6. GRASS - FED BEEF If you absolutely hate the taste of seafood, consider buying grass - fed meat. Although the amount of omega - 3s is not as high as in fish, it's a reasonable source. Cattle efficiently convert the alpha - linolenic acid in grass to biologically active omega - 3s, and grass - fed beef contains two to six times the omega - 3s found in grain - fed beef. Bonus: Grass - fed beef is also less fatty than corn - fed beef, which contains no omega - 3s. Approximately 277 mg omega - 3s per 6 ounces of steak.<br />
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7. OMEGA - 3 ENRICHED EGGS Doctors now recommend moderate consumption of eggs, but not all eggs are created equal. Some chickens are fed omega - 3s, yielding eggs rich in these healthy fats. Look for them at the supermarket. Eggland's Best is one of the many brands, and contains 115 mg per egg.<br />
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What about flaxseed? Flaxseed and flaxseed oil are often touted as sources of omega - 3s. Flax is rich in alpha - linolenic acid, which the body must convert to biologically active forms of omega - 3s. But your body converts only two - tenths of 1 percent of ALA to the important omega - 3s. That means you would need to swallow 40 tablespoons of flaxseed oil or 200 capsules daily to get a beneficial amount of omega - 3s. Still, it's a boost to your daily intake and there are plenty of other benefits to eating flax so go ahead and sprinkle some on your oatmeal or in your yogurt.<br />
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SOURCES:<br />
1 - Koizumi I, Suzuki Y, Kaneko JJ. 1991. Studies on the fatty acid composition of intramuscular lipids of cattle, pigs and birds. JNutr Sci Vitaminol (Tokyo) 37:545 - 554.<br />
2 - Rule DC, Broughton KS, Shellito S M, et al. 2002. Comparison of muscle fatty acid profiles and cholesterol concentrations of bison, beef cattle, elk, and chicken. J Anim Sci 80:1202<br />
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1211.<br />
3 - Pawlosky RJ, Hibbeln JR, Novotny JA, et al. 2001. Physiological compartmental analysis of alpha - linolenic acid metabolism in adult humans. J Lipid Res 42:1257 - 1265.<br />
4 - Daley CA, Abbott A, Doyle PS, et al. 2010. A review of fatty acid profiles and antioxidant content in grass - fed and grain - fed beef. Nutr J 2010;9:10<br />
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http://www.dlife.com<br />
~~~~~ <br />
DarynKagan.com - - I have for you today an amazing transformation, a beautiful love letter, & an inspiring pro athlete.<br />
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Enjoy!<br />
<br />
-Daryn.<br />
<br />
Son Surprises Family With 130 Weight Loss #See What He Looks Like Now!<br />
http://darynkagan.com/Overcoming_Obstacles.html<br />
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Husband Recommits To Falling In Love With His Wife #BeautifulWords!<br />
http://darynkagan.com/Love_Stories.html<br />
<br />
Deaf #NFL Player Stars In Awesome New Ad<br />
http://darynkagan.com/Sports.html<br />
<br />
Daryn's Upbeat Stories! Daryn@darynkagan.com<br />
Copyright © *|2013* *|Journeyist, Inc.|*, All rights reserved. <br />
~~~~~<br />
EarthSky News - January 10 - Rover Tracks on Mars<br />
Deborah Byrd<br />
<br />
NASA rover’s tracks on Mars<br />
Enhanced color image showing where Curiosity rover zigzagged to avoid obstacles as it made its way across the primeval red desert sands of Mars. <br />
http://earthsky.org/space/nasa-rovers-tracks-on-mars?utm_source=EarthSky+News&utm_campaign=83d12cb55e-EarthSky_News&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_c643945d79-83d12cb55e-393703501<br />
~~~~~ <br />
<br />
Rasmussen Reports - - Confidence in U.S. Banking System Climbs to Post-Meltdown High<br />
in Business<br />
<br />
42% of Consumers Say Personal Finances Are Getting Worse<br />
62% Say Their Home Is Worth More Than What They Still Owe<br />
19% Say Bad Economy is Making Them Use Credit Cards More<br />
43% Expect To Earn More A Year From Now<br />
74% Want to Audit the Federal Reserve<br />
<br />
Americans are starting off 2014 with their most optimistic view of the nation's banks since before the Wall Street meltdown.<br />
<br />
The latest Rasmussen Reports national telephone survey finds that 56% of American Adults are now confident in the stability of the U.S. banking industry, including 11% who are Very Confident. Forty-one percent (41%) are not as confident, with 10% who are Not At All Confident. (To see survey question wording, click here. [http://www.rasmussenreports.com/public_content/business/econ_survey_questions/january_2014/questions_banking_and_inflation_january_14_15_2014])<br />
~<br />
77% Think Woman President Likely in Next 10 Years - Hillary Clinton is the early frontrunner for the 2016 Democratic presidential nomination, and the good news for her is that voters remain overwhelmingly willing to vote for a woman for president. They're not so sure about their family, friends and co-workers, though.<br />
<br />
72% Say Their Light Bulbs Are None of the Feds' Business - Americans strongly believe that it shouldn't be up to the government what kind of light bulbs they use. That helps explain why 60% still oppose the ban on traditional bulbs that took effect on January 1. <br />
<br />
70% Think It's Bad for the Country That Most in Congress Are Wealthy - A new report says that for the first time more than half the members of the U.S. Senate and House of Representatives are millionaires, but 70% of Likely U.S. Voters think it is bad for the country that most members of Congress are this wealthy. A new Rasmussen Reports national survey finds that just four percent (4%) believe it's good for the country, while 21% say it has no impact. <br />
<br />
59% Favor Assault Gun Ban; 18% Want Handgun Ban, Too - Most voters still favor a ban on semi-automatic and assault-type weapons but strongly oppose outlawing handguns in the United States. Seven-out-of-10 would feel safer living a neighborhood where individuals could own a gun for self-defense. <br />
<br />
58% Expect Health Care To Cost More Under Obamacare - At the end of the year that Obamacare made its official debut, most voters still believe the new law will drive up health care costs, increase the deficit and hurt the quality of health care in this country. <br />
<br />
56% Still View Health Care Law Unfavorably - The new national health care law remains unpopular with most voters who still want freedom of choice when it comes to how much health insurance coverage they carry. <br />
<br />
56% See Keystone XL Pipeline As Good for the Economy - Secretary of State John Kerry is reportedly pushing hard for a new international global warming treaty, prompting speculation that this will further delay a government decision on the Keystone XL oil pipeline from western Canada to Texas. Most voters continue to favor building the pipeline and think it will be good for the economy, as they have in surveys since late 2011. <br />
<br />
55% Still Believe U.S. Society is Fair and Decent<br />
<br />
55% Expect 'Noticeable' Change If Democrats Win Congress; 49% Say Same of GOP Win - With 11 months until Election Day, voters are closely divided over whether Democrats or Republicans will win full control of Congress, but most feel a Democratic takeover would have a bigger impact on their lives. <br />
<br />
53% Rate Economic Growth As More Important Than Economic Fairness - President Obama has declared income equality to be his number one issue this year, but most voters continue to rate economic growth as more important than economic fairness. <br />
<br />
53% View Marriage As A Religious Institution - Most voters now see marriage as a religious institution rather than a civil one and still overwhelmingly believe in the importance of marriage before having children. <br />
<br />
49% Have Gone A Week Without Paying Cash<br />
<br />
41% Favor Legalization of Pot in Their State - Colorado on Thursday began the public sale of marijuana for recreational use, but half of voters still aren't ready to go that far in their state. However, most approve of the sale of pot for medicinal purposes. <br />
<br />
31% Expect Health Care To Improve Under New Law - Voters continue to give their own health care high marks but remain critical of the overall health care system in this country. For the first time in nearly a year, however, fewer than 50% expect the health care system to get worse under Obamacare. <br />
<br />
29% Favor Phasing Out the Penny - The U.S. Mint reports it costs 2.41 cents to produce one penny, but support for getting rid of the coin is at an all-time low. <br />
~<br />
To find out more about Scott Rasmussen, and read features by other Creators writers and cartoonists, visit www.creators.com. COPYRIGHT 2013 - - SCOTT RASMUSSEN - - DISTRIBUTED BY CREATORS.COM See Other Political Commentaries. http://www.rasmussenreports.com/public_content/political_commentary See Other Commentaries by Scott Rasmussen. http://www.rasmussenreports.com/public_content/political_commentary/commentary_by_scott_rasmussen<br />
~~~~~<br />
Excerpts from Debbie Troquille’s Book Of Devotions:<br />
<br />
01/02 I read this and liked it! "The words "I am...." are potent words. The thing you're claiming has a way of reaching back and claiming you." (A.L. Kitselman) The Bible tells us who we are, in Christ, and that's who we should claim to be. Agreeing with God is a smart move! Happy Thursday, all!<br />
<br />
01/03 I'm always excited when Friday rolls around, when I'm in school. Well, today is Friday, and I'm not feeling the excitement so much, because it's my last Friday of Christmas break. I'll be teaching again on Monday. It's count my blessings time...I'm thankful for a good job, at a good school, with great people. I love that teaching allows me two weeks off for the holidays. I'm thankful for good health, and good, low cost healthcare, (for the time being) through my job. There, I'm better already!! Happy day, friends!<br />
<br />
01/04 "Happiness is produced not so much by great pieces of good fortune that seldom happen, as by little advantages that occur every day."(Benjamin Franklin) That reminds me of one of my favorite movies, Lonesome Dove. In the movie, "Gus" says that we should learn to enjoy little things,"like a cold glass of buttermilk..." Make note of the little advantages that occur today, and determine to have a happy day!<br />
<br />
01/06 The Bible says to arise, shine, for your light has come!! I know that's not talking about an early Monday morning after a two week break from work, but it's speaking to me this morning, 😊! I get to see my 1st graders, and hear all their Christmas tales and adventures! Have a blessed day, friends!<br />
<br />
01/07 I've been a Star Trek fan since I was a child. I watched a litte of one of the movies, over Christmas break. Everytime I hear, "beam me up, Scotty," I think of the scripture that says we've been delivered from the kingdom of darkness, and translated into the kindom of God's son, Jesus!! His kingdom is one of light, life, and everything wonderful. Everyday, I'm thankful for the blood of Jesus, and that I've been "beamed up" and translated into God's kingdom! <br />
<br />
01/08 It's fairly easy to believe that God is "able" to do things, but sometimes more difficult to believe that he's "willing" to do things. 1 John 5:14, "This is the confidence we have in approaching God; that if we ask anything according to His will, he hears us..." It goes on to say that if we know He hears us, then we should also know that we have what we've asked for! Remember, it's based on asking according to His will, SO find scriptures that tell God's will and plan for you, and ask away. He's not just an able Father, He's a willing Father. He loves us! Happy middle of the week, folks!<br />
<br />
01/09 My today's scripture, Matt. 18:19, says if two of us agree on Earth, concerning anything we ask, our Father in Heaven will do it for us! I love that He doesn't require an army of people to get my prayer answered. We're not having to wrestle something out of the hands of a reluctant God, we ask according to His will, and He's more than happy to give it! Happy Thursday...yippee!<br />
<br />
01/10 Charles F. Deems said, "That man is blest who does his best and leaves the rest; do not worry." Simple everyday plan:<br />
1. Do my best!<br />
2. Leave the rest.<br />
3. Cast my care (worry) on the Lord!<br />
I can do that!! Don't you just love Fridays? <br />
~~~~~<br />
Favorite Quotes: <br />
<br />
When you dance, your purpose is not to get to a certain place on the floor. It's to enjoy each step along the way. ~ Wayne Dyer Thanks to Ron Hazelton<br />
<br />
It always seems impossible until its done. Nelson Mandela<br />
<br />
"We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses." — Abraham Lincoln <br />
~~~~~<br />
The following wisdom is shared by our friends and family. <br />
~<br />
Nancee Davis Law<br />
<br />
God's Favor on us will cause others to Favor us. #creflodollar<br />
<br />
"Instead of thinking about all that has gone wrong, think about all that has gone right that could have gone wrong"<br />
<br />
Oh Friday, what took you so long!<br />
<br />
Integrity is doing the right thing when no one is watching.<br />
<br />
There is good in something everyday but sometimes you have to look for it. It could be something as small as finding a good parking spot at Walmart.<br />
<br />
Even if things don't work out exactly the way you hoped they would, trust God to know what is best and keep expecting Him to do great things.<br />
<br />
Our lives should speak louder than our words. People are watching us to see if we are about what we proclaim to be.<br />
<br />
13 “You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot.14 “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. 15 Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven." Matthew 5:13-16<br />
<br />
Don't let your pride keep you from asking for God's help.<br />
<br />
Train your mind to see the good in every situation.<br />
~<br />
Even on my weakest days... I get a little bit stronger. - - Jodi Wreyford McClellan <br />
~~~~~<br />
AskBob - - Bob Rankin - - http://askbobrankin.com/- - Would You Buy a $50 PC? <br />
<br />
http://askbobrankin.com/would_you_buy_a_50_pc.html?awt_l=HZr.N&awt_m=JE6Ap.s80uP6SL<br />
<br />
OK, now it’s getting ridiculous. I mean the miniaturization of PCs and their prices. A fully functional computer, capable of performing most home computing chores now costs $50, and fits in a chassis the size of a USB thumb drive? Yes, it's for real. Read on to learn more about Android-based mini-PCs...<br />
<br />
Dude, you're getting a $50 computer: The reinvention of Dell<br />
http://www.foxnews.com/tech/2013/02/05/dude-youre-getting-50-dollar-computer-dell/<br />
~~~~~<br />
ACC SmartBrief - - Federal task force seeks public comment on safety at chemical sites<br />
The federal task force evaluating chemical safety rules has set a 90-day public-comment period on nine possible sets of regulations. The possibilities include voluntary and mandatory measures, though the panel said months of work remain. The wrong approach could "further complicate an overly complex regulatory system by creating requirements for assessing safer alternatives," said Scott Jensen of the American Chemistry Council. The Hill/RegWatch blog [http://thehill.com/blogs/regwatch/energy-environment/194511-agencies-signal-major-chemical-plant-safety-overhaul] (1/6), Bloomberg [http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2014-01-06/texas-blast-cited-as-u-s-eyes-tougher-chemical-rules.html] (1/6)<br />
~~~~~ <br />
The latest from Michael Yon, the foremost “milnews” blogger on the web. <br />
~<br />
Greetings, <br />
<br />
This is a Militant Protestor, according to the Washington Post<br />
<br />
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10151914869440665&set=a.229275785664.134574.207730000664&type=1&theater<br />
<br />
I made this image a few nights ago by Siam Square. Surrounded by a hundred thousand "militants" who were heavily armed with smartphones, earplugs, and Whistles.<br />
<br />
Foreign press articles about this revolution are like sad cartoons. We cannot trust what they say about North Korea and Somalia when they cannot even get Thailand right, which is wide open to journalists.<br />
<br />
I sent a message to a top editor at WaPo about their OpEd, and also sent it to other major players who are key voices in the US dialogue.<br />
~<br />
They Must be Kidding<br />
http://www.usatoday.com/story/nation/2014/01/16/socom-global-research-assessment-program/4523289/<br />
<br />
Special Operations wants help to see if propaganda works<br />
www.usatoday.com<br />
After years of ad hoc reviews of the effectiveness of military propaganda efforts, the Special Operations Command is on the verge of seeking an independent contractor to determine if the programs actually work<br />
18Like • <br />
<br />
Very Respectfully,<br />
Michael Yon<br />
Your Writer, <br />
<br />
Please remember that this website accepts no advertisement and is dependent on your support. <br />
<br />
PS Please sign up for my Twitter.com updates at "Michael_Yon" [http://twitter.com/Michael_Yon] (not Michael Yon).<br />
<br />
http://www.facebook.com/#/MichaelYonFanPage?ref=sgm<br />
~<br />
www.michaelyon-online.com<br />
~<br />
Http://www.michaelyon_online.com/index.php<br />
~~~~~ <br />
If you would like to encourage US Troops overseas, but are not sure just how to begin, visit www.anysoldier.com for ideas. <br />
~~~~~ <br />
5 Things New Veterans Expect From All Political Candidates<br />
<br />
<br />
1. Defend the New GI Bill<br />
2. Employ the New Greatest Generation<br />
3. Prevent suicide among troops and veterans<br />
4. Build a truly 21st Century VA<br />
5. Improve Care for Female Veterans<br />
<br />
<br />
http://iava.org/blog/5-things-new-veterans-expect-all-candidates-2012<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Please remember ... America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the MALL.<br />
~~~~~<br />
http://www.shelfari.com<br />
http://www.shelfari.com/bugsbleat/shelf <br />
~~~~~<br />
<br />
For the latest issue of "Da Bleat.", go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com. <br />
Our photos are posted at http://www.bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com.<br />
~~~~~<br />
Photos on the front of this week’s “Bleat” were taken by my cousin Dinah VanHook at her vacation rental home on Lake Hamilton, south of Hot Springs, AR <br />
~~~~~ <br />
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it. <br />
~~~~~<br />
Break Point - - Marriage, Pride & Prejudice<br />
Sound Advice from Jane Austen<br />
By: Eric Metaxas | Published: January 10, 2014 4:00 AM<br />
<br />
Getting marital advice from a 19th century English fiction writer would be a “novel” idea, but it might be a good one. <br />
<br />
As our young people learn about love, romance, and marriage, the last thing we want is for them to get caught up in unrealistic expectations—or to fill their heads with ideas and storylines from romantic movies and novels. Just think of the “Twilight” series—or don’t.<br />
<br />
And yet, as my friend Karen Swallow Prior of Liberty University points out, there’s one “romantic” novel that may prove the exception to the rule. I loved her recent article in The Atlantic Monthly titled, “I Learned Everything I Needed to Know about Marriage from Pride and Prejudice.”<br />
<br />
That’s right. “Pride and Prejudice.” Now, as you may know, “Pride and Prejudice” has gotten kind of a bad rap in recent years. Pop culture tends to sell it as a fluffy romantic vision of girls in pretty dresses swooning over gruff men usually in wet shirts.<br />
<br />
Daily_Commentary_01_10_14But Jane Austen’s most popular book actually offers a witty, insightful, and surprisingly realistic look at what marriage is and ought to be—even some two hundred years after its publication.<br />
<br />
As Karen Swallow Prior shows us, “Pride and Prejudice” is filled with sound marital maxims. For instance, “mutual respect is essential to a happy marriage.” Prior points out that even a sympathetic character in the novel, Elizabeth Bennet’s father, is shown as seriously flawed because he married a woman he didn’t respect, and “constantly puts [her] down.”<br />
<br />
Then there’s this one: “Romance is not enough.” Elizabeth’s parents married “out of youthful passion.” Elizabeth’s sister Lydia eventually makes the same mistake. These marriages turn out to be unhappy because they were based on nothing but fleeting emotions. Neither partner had come to truly know or value the other before saying “I do.”<br />
<br />
That’s not to say that Austen—or Prior—discount the need for romantic love, what C. S. Lewis called Eros. But, Prior explains, “The best marriages balance prudence and passion.” The central love story, that of Elizabeth and Darcy, is a relationship “of both the heart and the head,” and that’s exactly why it’s held up as a successful love story.<br />
<br />
Another lesson is “You really do marry a family, not just a person.” This is a major theme in “Pride and Prejudice,” affecting the lives of all the main characters. And, Prior reminds us, it should lead us to enter into a marriage with “open eyes,” prepared to deal with all the messiness that comes with life as part of a family. (Prior gives an example from her own life, as her aging parents have recently moved in with her and her husband.)<br />
<br />
Newsletter_Gen_180x180_BThere are no romanticized “us against the world” themes in Austen’s works; her romantic couples have to learn to deal with their relatives and neighbors and the world in general, not to defy them.<br />
<br />
So you see, “Pride and Prejudice” is anything but a romantic fantasy. It’s a perennially popular novel because it’s a well-told story firmly grounded in truth. Just like its central romance, it’s a novel that appeals to both the heart and the head. And though it’s never dogmatic or preachy—on the contrary, it’s more lighthearted and satirical—it really does offer tried-and-true formulas for a good marriage.<br />
<br />
If you know a couple that’s considering marriage, consider giving them a copy of “Pride and Prejudice.” It might even make a good present for someone you know and love. It’s available at the BreakPoint online bookstore.<br />
<br />
And come to BreakPoint.org, click on this commentary, and we’ll link you to Karen Swallow Prior’s excellent article.<br />
~<br />
Further Reading and Information<br />
<br />
Marriage, Pride & Prejudice: Sound Advice from Jane Austen - Next Steps<br />
<br />
Read "Pride and Prejudice" with a different perspective. Discover great marriage maxims in this well-loved classic, which we have available in our online bookstore http://www.colsoncenterstore.org/CustomModule.asp?pageid=51.<br />
<br />
And come to BreakPoint.org, click on this commentary, and we’ll link you to Karen Swallow Prior’s excellent article. <br />
~<br />
Resources:<br />
<br />
I Learned Everything I Needed to Know about Marriage from Pride and Prejudice<br />
Karen Swallow Prior | The Atlantic | November 6, 2013<br />
http://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2013/11/i-learned-everything-i-needed-to-know-about-marriage-from-i-pride-and-prejudice-i/281110/<br />
<br />
Guided by Austen: Why 'Pride and Prejudice' Is Still Relevant 200 Years Later<br />
Gina Dalfonzo | BreakPoint.org | January 28, 2013<br />
http://www.breakpoint.org/features-columns/articles/entry/12/21362<br />
<br />
Pride and Prejudice<br />
Jane Austen | Penguin Books | December 2002<br />
http://www.colsoncenterstore.org/product.asp?sku=0141439513<br />
<br />
Booked: Literature in the Soul of Me<br />
Karen Swallow Prior | T.S. Poetry Press | January 2012<br />
http://www.colsoncenterstore.org/product.asp?sku=9780692014547<br />
<br />
The Jane Austen Guide to Life: Thoughtful Lessons for the Modern Woman<br />
Lori Smith | Skirt! | January 2012<br />
http://www.colsoncenterstore.org/product.asp?sku=9780762773817<br />
<br />
Copyright © 2014 Colson Center. All Rights Reserved<br />
<br />
http://www.breakpoint.org/bpcommentaries<br />
~~~~~<br />
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it. <br />
~~~~~ <br />
<br />
Residents of Columbia County, Arkansas are represented in Congress by:<br />
~<br />
<br />
Senator John Boozman (R_ AR) <br />
1 Russell Courtyard<br />
Washington DC, 20510<br />
Phone: 202-224-4843<br />
http://boozman.senate.gov/<br />
~<br />
Senator Mark Pryor (D_ AR) <br />
Phone 202_224_2353 <br />
FAX 202_228_0908 <br />
http://pryor.senate.gov/<br />
~<br />
<br />
Representative Tom Cotton (R ) <br />
4th District<br />
Phone 202_225_3772 <br />
FAX 202_225_1314 <br />
http://cotton.house.gov/<br />
<br />
And in the Arkansas Legislature by:<br />
~<br />
<br />
District 12<br />
Senator Bruce Maloch (D)<br />
bruce.maloch@senate.ar.gov<br />
<br />
District2<br />
Representative Lane Jean<br />
l_jean@sbcglobal.net<br />
<br />
District5<br />
Representative David Fielding<br />
david.fielding@arkansashouse.org<br />
<br />
District6<br />
Representative Matthew J. Shepherd<br />
matthew.shepherd@arkansashouse.org <br />
~<br />
Other states congresspersons can be found at: [http://www.visi.com/juan/congress/]<br />
~~~~~<br />
THOUGHT OF THE DAY:<br />
<br />
"Hope smiles from the threshold of the year to come, whispering 'it will be happier.' " - Alfred Lord Tennyson<br />
<br />
"The man who insists upon seeing with perfect clearness before he decides, never decides. Accept life, and you must accept regret." - Henri Frederic Amiel<br />
<br />
"Laugh, and the world laughs with you; weep, and you weep alone. For this brave old earth must borrow its mirth, but has trouble enough of its own." - Ella Wheeler Wilcox<br />
<br />
"The difference between perseverance and obstinacy is that one often comes from a strong will, and the other from a strong won't." - Henry Ward Beecher<br />
<br />
"The greatest way to live with honor in this world is to be what we pretend to be." - Socrates<br />
<br />
"Prejudices, it is well known, are most difficult to eradicate from the heart whose soil has never been loosened or fertilized by education; they grow there, firm as weeds among rocks." - Charlotte Bronte<br />
<br />
"If you cry because the sun has gone out of your life, your tears will prevent you from seeing the stars." - Rabindranath Tagore<br />
<br />
"Humor is an affirmation of dignity, a declaration of man's superiority to all that befalls him." - Romain Gary<br />
<br />
"If we did all the things we are capable of, we would astound ourselves." - Thomas Edison<br />
<br />
"There is a difference between talented people and gifted people.Talented people are good AT something; Gifted people ARE that something." - Steve Maraboli<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Breaking Christian News <br />
<br />
Police Chief Defies Atheist Demands to Remove Cross from Department Property<br />
by Teresa Neumann : Jan 16, 2014 : Heather Clark – Christian News<br />
http://christiannews.net/2014/01/15/arkansas-police-chief-defies-atheist-demands-to-remove-cross-from-department-property/<br />
<br />
"I don't for one second think a wooden cross staked into the ground is offensive to the majority of the people that we serve." -Police Chief Jeremy Clark<br />
<br />
Jeremy Clark(Searcy, AR)—Police Chief Jeremy Clark is refusing to take down a cross that was planted on the lawn of the police department in Searcy a year before he took office after the Freedom From Religion Foundation (FFRF) contacted him with a request to remove it.<br />
<br />
"Someone put it there," said Clark. "I didn't put it there—I don't know who did. I wasn't going to remove it just because this organization in another state told us that we should."<br />
<br />
"The only person that sees that cross every day is me," he added, "unless someone is purposely trying to look for it. You can see these crosses in yards all over the community we service. I don't for one second think a wooden cross staked into the ground is offensive to the majority of the people that we serve."<br />
<br />
http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art_pf.html?ID=13170<br />
<br />
editor@breakingchristiannews.com <br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
<br />
GCF: That Look<br />
<br />
Emailed to me by a friend (Thanks, Carolyn) -Tom<br />
<br />
If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.com<br />
----------------------------------------------------------<br />
<br />
One boy in a fourth grade class said something inappropriate,<br />
and the teacher glanced at him. Seeing her look he muttered, "Oh, sorry," and went back to his task.<br />
<br />
A moment later she felt a tug on her sleeve. A girl who had noticed the interaction looked puzzled and asked, "How do moms and teachers do that look?" <br />
----------------------------------------------------------<br />
GCF: Before the Judge<br />
<br />
In Fort Worth, Texas, I had to appear before a judge for driving with expired license plates.<br />
<br />
The judge listened attentively while I gave him a long, plausible explanation.<br />
<br />
Then he said with great courtesy, "My dear sir, we are not blaming you ... we're just fining you." <br />
---------------------------------------------------------- <br />
GCF: Colorful Meal<br />
<br />
Over dinner, the mom explained the health benefits of a colorful meal to her family.<br />
<br />
"The more colors, the more variety of nutrients," she told them. Pointing to the food, she asked, "How many different colors do you see?"<br />
<br />
"Six," volunteered the son. "Seven if you count the burned parts." <br />
---------------------------------------------------------- <br />
GCF: Doctor Note<br />
<br />
An eight-month pregnant woman, planning a trip overseas, was asked to obtain a letter of fitness from her family physician.<br />
<br />
She arranged to pick it up at the doctor's office the next day.<br />
<br />
She and her husband were both amused when they read, "This lady is pregnant and can fly!" <br />
---------------------------------------------------------- <br />
GCF: The Fishin' Hole<br />
<br />
My son had just turned eight and was old enough to go fishing at the local fishing hole on his own. While he loved fishing, he knew little about how the fish got from the pole to the table.<br />
<br />
One day I arrived home to find a note he'd left on the counter: "I caught three fish. Can you peel them for me?" <br />
---------------------------------------------------------- <br />
GCF: Impressed<br />
<br />
My sister is a know-it-all who bristles at anyone's well-intentioned advice. But when our older sister gave her several clever tips, she was impressed.<br />
<br />
"I have to hand it to Sis," she told me. "She really is smart. Not Jeopardy! smart; more Wheel of Fortune smart." <br />
---------------------------------------------------------- <br />
GCF: Shirt Note<br />
<br />
The trendy dresser fancied himself quite a ladies' man, and was delighted to find a note pinned inside a new shirt. It contained a girl's email address, and asked the recipient to send a photograph. How romantic, he thought to himself, very taken with the idea of this mystery woman so eager to meet him, and promptly sent an email with a photo.<br />
<br />
Heart aflutter, he opened her response when it arrived.<br />
<br />
It read, "Thanks for writing. I was just curious to see what kind of guy would buy such a goofy shirt." <br />
---------------------------------------------------------- <br />
GCF: New Year's Dinner<br />
<br />
As in many homes on New Year's Day, my wife and I faced the annual conflict of which was more important - the football games on television, or the dinner itself.<br />
<br />
To keep peace, I ate dinner with the rest of the family, and even lingered for some pleasant after-dinner conversation before retiring to the family room to turn on the game.<br />
<br />
Several minutes later, my wife came downstairs and graciously even brought a cold drink for me. She smiled, kissed me on the cheek and asked what the score was. I told her it was the end of the third quarter and that the score was still nothing to nothing.<br />
<br />
"See?" she said, continuing to smile, "You didn't miss a thing." <br />
---------------------------------------------------------- <br />
GCF: Adult Education<br />
<br />
After being retired for a couple of years and completing all the jobs my wife had lined up for me, I began to feel somewhat useless and decided to enroll in a couple of courses at the local adult-education school.<br />
<br />
I noted, upon registration, that there was no tuition fee for a person over 65.<br />
<br />
As I handed my tediously-filled-out papers to the clerk, I announced, "I'm 68." Then, pulling out my wallet, I asked if she wanted to see my driver's license.<br />
<br />
She replied, "No, that's okay."<br />
<br />
A little surprised, I asked, "Oh, do I look honest?"<br />
<br />
"No," she answered. "You look 68." <br />
---------------------------------------------------------- <br />
GCF: Minor Accident<br />
<br />
After learning that her parents were in a minor car accident, my wife called her mother.<br />
<br />
"What happened?" she asked.<br />
<br />
"I was driving and fell asleep," said her mother, irritated. "And of course, your father wasn't paying attention!" <br />
---------------------------------------------------------- <br />
GCF: House Cleaning<br />
<br />
The adolescent daughter excitedly informed her parents that she had just gotten a job cleaning a neighbor's house.<br />
<br />
The wife, knowing how seldom her daughter helped with any sort of housekeeping at home, asked, "How will you know what to do?"<br />
<br />
"I'll be easy, Mom," she replied innocently. "I've been watching you for years." <br />
---------------------------------------------------------- <br />
GCF: Living with a Teacher<br />
<br />
My wife is a teacher; it's really weird to live with a teacher. I'd be on the phone, doodling on a piece of paper, leave the house, come back in two hours and that same piece of paper is now on the refrigerator with the words "Good work!" and a big smiley face on it. <br />
---------------------------------------------------------- <br />
GCF: Politically Correct Holiday Greetings<br />
<br />
To all my Liberal Friends:<br />
<br />
Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all;<br />
<br />
PLUS<br />
<br />
A fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great, (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only "AMERICA" in the western hemisphere), and without regard to race, creed, color, age, physical<br />
ability, religious faith, or choice of computer platform.<br />
<br />
(Disclaimer: By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher who assumes no responsibility for any unintended emotional stress these greetings may bring to those not caught up in the holiday spirit.)<br />
<br />
To all my Conservative Friends:<br />
<br />
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. <br />
---------------------------------------------------------- <br />
GCF: Forgotten Birthday<br />
<br />
A wife was very disappointed and quite upset over her husband forgetting her birthday.<br />
<br />
He diplomatically responded, "How do you expect me to remember your birthday when you never look any older?" <br />
---------------------------------------------------------- <br />
GCF: Favorite?<br />
<br />
One day my two sons were having an argument.<br />
<br />
I listened in and overheard the older say to the younger: "Even if you were an only child, you still wouldn't be Mom and Dad's favorite." <br />
---------------------------------------------------------- <br />
GCF: I Am Thankful...<br />
<br />
...for the taxes that I pay because it means that I am employed.<br />
<br />
...for the mess to clean after a party because it means I have been surrounded by friends.<br />
<br />
...for the clothes that fit a little too snug because it means I have enough to eat.<br />
<br />
...for my shadow who watches me work because it means I am out in the sunshine.<br />
<br />
...for a lawn that needs mowing, windows that need cleaning and gutters that need fixing because it means I have a home.<br />
<br />
...for all the complaining I hear about the government because it means we have freedom of speech.<br />
<br />
...for the spot I find at the far end of the parking lot because it means I am capable of walking.<br />
<br />
...for the lady behind me in church who sings off key because it means that I can hear.<br />
<br />
...for the piles of laundry and ironing because it means I have clothes to wear.<br />
<br />
...for weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day because it means I have been productive.<br />
<br />
...for the alarm that goes off in the early morning hours because it means that I am alive.<br />
<br />
...for getting too much e-mail because it lets me know I have friends who are thinking of me. <br />
---------------------------------------------------------- <br />
GCF: Doctor's Advice<br />
<br />
A middle-aged man wasn't feeling well, so he went to the doctor for a check-up.<br />
<br />
After a thorough examination, the doctor said, "Well, based on my examination, the best thing for you is to cut out all sweets and fatty foods, give up alcohol, and stop smoking."<br />
<br />
The man said, "Well, to be honest with you, Doc, I don't deserve the best. What's the second best?" <br />
---------------------------------------------------------- <br />
GCF: Are You OK?<br />
<br />
A fifteen-year-old boy came bounding into the house and found his mom in bed. He asked if she were sick or something. He was truly concerned.<br />
<br />
Mom replied that, as a matter of fact, she didn't feel too well.<br />
<br />
The son replied, "Well, don't worry a bit about dinner. I'll be happy to carry you down to the stove." <br />
---------------------------------------------------------- <br />
GCF: Maternity Unit<br />
<br />
As a nurse in a maternity unit, I've had to answer all kinds of questions from patients and their families. I couldn't help but notice that one expectant father seemed particularly interested in the electronic fetal monitor.<br />
<br />
"Would it hurt anything if I just turned this dial up and down from time to time?" he asked<br />
<br />
"No," I answered, "but why would you want to do that?"<br />
<br />
Smiling wistfully, the dad explained, "I know from experience it's the only time in a child's life I'll be able to control the volume." <br />
---------------------------------------------------------- <br />
GCF: Home-Fix-It<br />
<br />
Because our new refrigerator was taller than our old one, I told my wife I'd have to cut away part of an overhanging cabinet to make it fit.<br />
<br />
Not wanting to mess it up, I called a local radio home-fix-it program for advice. I was in the middle of getting the instructions when my wife burst into the room.<br />
<br />
"You won't believe this," she said, "But there's a guy on the radio with the same problem!" <br />
---------------------------------------------------------- <br />
GCF: Price Scanner<br />
<br />
In our local large store, customers often ask the clerks to direct them to the right department. One evening a woman stopped and asked where she'd find a scanner to check a price.<br />
<br />
Pointing to the automotive section, the clerk said, "See that tall pole with the red flashing lights? That's where the scanner is."<br />
<br />
"Oh, my," she replied. "Don't you have one a little closer to the floor?" <br />
---------------------------------------------------------- <br />
GCF: Payback<br />
<br />
I live in New Jersey and I'm used to having people cut me off on the highway. But this one time I was cut off by a convertible -- he missed my car by inches -- and the driver made an obscene gesture to boot.<br />
<br />
Still steamed, I noticed that we had gotten off at the same exit and the convertible's driver had pulled into an office complex parking lot. I pulled my car over and waited for the driver to leave the parking lot and enter the building. Then I entered the lot and pulled up next to the car.<br />
<br />
Well, as my luck would have it, I had just made a stop at the supermarket and had a loaf of bread that I was willing to donate to the cause. So I did.<br />
<br />
I tore up a few slices of bread and threw the pieces into the front and back seats of the open convertible. Then I drove off out of the lot and pulled off across the street to watch.<br />
<br />
It didn't take long for the seagulls to start descending ... <br />
---------------------------------------------------------- <br />
GCF: Missing Dog<br />
<br />
One overcast evening I passed the principal of our local high school who was out looking for his missing dog, a Lassie look-alike. He told me the dog often ran away, so he had put a metal tag on its collar asking that anyone finding the dog send it home in a taxi.<br />
<br />
A few days later I again met the principal, and he told me that as he was trudging home during a downpour that night, his snug and dry dog had passed him in a taxi. <br />
---------------------------------------------------------- <br />
GCF: Warranty<br />
<br />
I had just about decided to buy the television set whose attributes the young salesman had been extolling.<br />
<br />
He concluded by saying it carried only a one-year warranty but that I could buy a five-year warranty at an additional cost.<br />
<br />
I won't buy anything that doesn't carry a five-year warranty and so turned to leave.<br />
<br />
The salesman asked me to please stay while he consulted with his boss. "By the way," he continued, "may I ask your age?"<br />
<br />
"Eighty-three," I replied.<br />
<br />
He returned a moment later smiling. "We'll give you a lifetime warranty." <br />
---------------------------------------------------------- <br />
GCF: Soup<br />
<br />
My four-year-old grandson stood on a chair by the kitchen counter, watching me throw bones into a pot as I de-boned a turkey.<br />
<br />
"Why are you putting the bones in the pot, Grandma?" he asked.<br />
<br />
"I'm going to make soup," I replied.<br />
<br />
He thought awhile, then asked, "Do I like bone soup?" <br />
---------------------------------------------------------- <br />
GCF: Late for Work<br />
<br />
Being the office supervisor, I had to have a word with a new employee who never arrived at work on time. I explained that her tardiness was unacceptable and that other employees had noticed that she was walking in late every day.<br />
<br />
After listening to my complaints, she agreed that this was a problem and even offered a solution. "Is there another door I could use?" <br />
---------------------------------------------------------- <br />
GCF: School Health Office<br />
<br />
While I waited in our high school health office, I overheard another student explain to the nurse how badly his eyes hurt. "My head is spinning," he moaned. "and I can't see straight."<br />
<br />
After listening to his ailments for ten minutes, even the often skeptical nurse was convinced. "I am calling your mother to come pick you up," she said, dialing the telephone.<br />
<br />
"Oh that won't be necessary." the student instantly replied. "I can drive myself home." <br />
---------------------------------------------------------- <br />
GCF: Finding Your Seat<br />
<br />
Returning to her seat after visiting the restroom, the woman asked a man at the end of the row, "Pardon me, but did I step on your foot before?"<br />
<br />
Expecting an apology, the man said, "It so happens you did."<br />
<br />
The woman nodded. "Good. Then this is my row." <br />
---------------------------------------------------------- <br />
GCF: Speech Therapy<br />
<br />
My grandfather had a stroke a few years ago, and since then he hasn't been able to speak much.<br />
<br />
Hospitalized after a recent heart attack, he was visited by his speech therapist. As if talking to a child, she said, "All right, I'm going to put three items in different places in the room, and I want you to tell me where I put them."<br />
<br />
My grandfather answered, "The pen is on the table, the book is on the bed and the glass is on the nightstand."<br />
<br />
"Very good!" said the therapist in the same patronizing tone. "I'll be back to see you again in two days."<br />
<br />
As she reached the door, my grandfather added, "And your keys are on the window ledge."<br />
<br />
----------- Today's saying or thought -------------- <br />
My ship came in, but I was at the train station. <br />
<br />
My ship came in, but I was at the train station. <br />
<br />
Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons? <br />
<br />
Who edits fishing shows?<br />
How do they decide what's too boring? <br />
<br />
How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said? <br />
<br />
I always finish what I sta <br />
<br />
Don't knock on Death's door.<br />
Just ring the bell and run.<br />
He hates that. <br />
<br />
If Ginsu knives can cut through anything, how do they keep them in the box? <br />
<br />
The people should not be afraid of the government.<br />
The government should be afraid of the people.<br />
<br />
The spell-checker is hear two stay. <br />
<br />
What happens if you are scared half to death twice? <br />
<br />
Golf got its name because all of the other four letter words were taken. <br />
<br />
If you think advertising doesn't work, consider the millions of people who now think that yogurt tastes good. <br />
<br />
How did I get so round from eating square meals? <br />
<br />
Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough not to quit. <br />
<br />
Dew knot trussed yore spell chequer two fined awl mistakes! <br />
<br />
You know you're getting old if you join a health club and don't go. <br />
<br />
"The First Amendment was not written to protect the people of this country from religious values; it was written to protect religious values from government tyranny."<br />
Ronald Reagan - March 15, 1982<br />
<br />
I think animal testing is a terrible idea.<br />
They get all nervous and give the wrong answers. <br />
<br />
The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in otherwise. <br />
<br />
Loop: See loop. <br />
<br />
I used to watch golf on TV but my doctor told me that I need more exercise, so now I watch tennis. <br />
<br />
You know you are getting old if you remember seeing "Star Wars" when it first came out. <br />
<br />
The only thing that wakes you up faster than coffee is spilled coffee. <br />
<br />
The secret to good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight, and not too often. <br />
<br />
The best antiques are old friends. <br />
<br />
A closed mouth gathers no feet. <br />
<br />
One of life's disappointments is discovering that the man who writes the bank's ads is not the one who makes the loans. <br />
----------------------------------------------------<br />
*** Good Clean Fun ***<br />
is brought to you by<br />
Thomas S. Ellsworth<br />
email: tellswor@kcbx.net<br />
<br />
Visit the Good Clean Fun web site at http://www.kcbx.net/~tellswor/<br />
<br />
Stop for a visit, leave with a smile!<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! Just send an email to:<br />
good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.com<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Recently one Congressman from a Bible Belt congressional district was asked about his attitude toward whiskey.<br />
<br />
The politician responded, "If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it."<br />
<br />
He continued, "But if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it. This is my position and I will not compromise."<br />
<br />
Received from ArcaMax Jokes.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
You're from the West Coast when...<br />
<br />
--You make over $250,000 and still can't afford to buy your own house.<br />
--The high school quarterback calls a time-out to answer his cell phone.<br />
--The fastest part of your commute is down your driveway.<br />
--You know how to eat an artichoke.<br />
--You drive to your neighborhood block party.<br />
<br />
You're from New York when...<br />
<br />
--You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.<br />
--You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building.<br />
--You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.<br />
--You think Central Park is "nature."<br />
--You think eye contact is an act of aggression.<br />
<br />
You're from Colorado when...<br />
<br />
--You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.<br />
--You tell your husband to pick up granola on his way home and he stops at the day care.<br />
--A pass does not involve a football or dating.<br />
--The top of your head is bald, but you still have a ponytail.<br />
--Your bridal registry is at REI.<br />
<br />
Received from Clean-Laffs.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
Neighbors of ours had a terrible disagreement over a patio they wanted for their backyard. The wife had rather grand ideas, while the husband wanted costs kept to a minimum. The wife won out, and the construction bill climbed higher and higher.<br />
<br />
I dropped by one day, when the patio was near completion, and was surprised to find the husband smiling from ear to ear as the workmen smoothed over the surface. I remarked how nice it was to see a grin replace the frown he had been wearing lately.<br />
<br />
"You see where they're smoothing that cement?" he replied. "I just threw my wife's credit cards in there."<br />
<br />
Received from Da Mouse Tracks.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
What do you call someone who wants his own way?<br />
Human.<br />
<br />
What do call someone who gets his own way most of the time?<br />
A supervisor/boss.<br />
<br />
What is a good supervisor?<br />
One who allows others to have their way occasionally.<br />
<br />
Received from Rev. Jerry Endres.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
Four blokes were sitting in a pub drinking.<br />
<br />
As time went on, the face of one got longer and longer.<br />
<br />
"What's the matter, Fred?"<br />
<br />
"I guess I'm the unluckiest man alive!"<br />
<br />
"Why so, Fred?"<br />
<br />
"Well, you know I went to that funeral last week."<br />
<br />
The other three nodded. "But he was in his nineties!"<br />
<br />
"I know." He paused as his face got longer. "It's just that I caught the wreath!"<br />
<br />
Received from Irene A. Mystery.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
- When a man decides to marry, it may be the last decision he'll ever make.<br />
<br />
- Some men who speak with authority at work know enough to bow to a higher authority at home.<br />
<br />
- A dish towel will certainly wipe the contented look off a married man's face.<br />
<br />
- Love is the quest, marriage is the conquest, divorce is the inquest.<br />
<br />
- An engagement is an urge on the verge of a merge.<br />
<br />
- Marriage brings music to a man's life. He learns to play second fiddle.<br />
<br />
- Getting married is one mistake every man should make.<br />
<br />
- A well-informed man is one whose wife has just told him what she thinks of him.<br />
<br />
- Courtship, unlike proper punctuation, is a period before a sentence.<br />
<br />
- The argument you just won with your wife isn't over yet.<br />
<br />
- Before criticizing your wife's faults, you must remember it may have been these very defects that prevented her from getting a better husband than the one she married!<br />
<br />
Received from ArcaMax Jokes.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
Some of my co-workers and I decided to remove the small, wooden suggestion box from our office because it had received so few entries. We stuck the box on top of a seven-foot-high metal storage cabinet and then promptly forgot about it.<br />
<br />
Months later, when the box was moved during remodeling, we found a single slip of paper inside. The suggestion read, "Lower the box!"<br />
<br />
Received from Da Mouse Tracks.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
A first-grader came to the ophthalmology office where I work to have his vision checked. He sat down, and I turned off the lights. Then I switched on a projector that flashed the letters F, Z, and B on a screen. I asked the boy what he saw.<br />
<br />
Without hesitation he replied, "Consonants."<br />
<br />
- from Stephen Downing (via Reader's Digest)<br />
<br />
Received from Doc's Daily Chuckle.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
A few years ago the Pope visited New York and was taken around by Henry Kissinger. They visited the Bronx Zoo and Kissinger showed the Pope one cage where a lion was with a young lamb, which snuggled up next to the lion.<br />
<br />
The Pope was amazed. "For 2000 years, we've prayed for signs of the messianic era and the prophesy that the lion will lie down next to the lamb. I see you must really be a man of peace. How did you do it?"<br />
<br />
To which Kissinger replied, "All it needs is a new lamb a day!"<br />
<br />
Received from Big Mac Clean Joke Attack.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
Our young daughter had adopted a stray cat. To my distress, he began to use the back of our new sofa as a scratching post. "Don't worry," my husband reassured me. "I'll have him trained in no time."<br />
<br />
I watched for several days as my husband patiently "trained" our new pet. Whenever the cat scratched, my husband deposited him outdoors to teach him a lesson.<br />
<br />
The cat learned quickly. For the next 16 years, whenever he wanted to go outside, he scratched the back of the sofa.<br />
<br />
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
A little boy was upset with his parents' financial situation, so he decided to write God a letter:<br />
<br />
Dear God,<br />
<br />
My mommy and daddy need $500 for bills, and I don't know who else to ask. Could You please help?<br />
<br />
Johnny<br />
<br />
The letter was received by the local post office and put in the "dead letters" pile. The clerk, being curious of the letter addressed to God, opened it to see what it said. As you can imagine, he was touched by the letter and decided to help. He asked all his fellow workers to "chip-in" a few dollars to help a family in need. When all the money was collected, it came to $300. The clerk sent a money order in an official Post Office envelope with the return address simply: God.<br />
<br />
Several weeks later the same clerk found another letter addressed to God in the same writing. The letter said:<br />
<br />
Dear God,<br />
<br />
Thank you for the $300, but next time don't use the Post Office. They have a $200 service charge.<br />
<br />
Johnny<br />
<br />
Received from William H. Rayborn.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
The junior officers challenged the senior officers at an Air Force Base in North Carolina to see who would donate the most blood.<br />
<br />
After trying several times to locate a vein in the left arm of a young first lieutenant, the medical technician applied a Band-Aid, and then inserted a needle into the right arm, drawing blood this time, and then put a Band-Aid on that arm as well.<br />
<br />
As he left the collection facility, the lieutenant passed a colonel. Noting the two bandages, he looked at the first lieutenant and shook his head, saying, "I knew you young guys would find some way to cheat."<br />
<br />
Received from ArcaMax Jokes.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
A young man, living away from home, writes to his parents...<br />
<br />
Dear folks,<br />
<br />
I feel miserable because I have to keep writing for money. I feel ashamed and unhappy to have to ask for another hundred, but every cell in my body rebels. I beg on bended knee that you forgive me.<br />
<br />
Your son, Marvin.<br />
<br />
P.S. I felt so terrible I ran after the mailman who picked this up in the box at the corner. I wanted to take this letter and burn it. I prayed that I could get it back. But it was too late.<br />
<br />
<br />
A few days later, he received a letter from his father. It said...<br />
<br />
Dear son,<br />
<br />
Your prayers were answered. Your letter never came.<br />
<br />
Received from Thomas S. Ellsworth.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
The owner of a priceless antiques collection allowed a museum to exhibit his treasures. The movers packed the vases while the collector hovered over them. "Do be careful," he cautioned one burly mover. "That vase is nearly two thousand years old."<br />
<br />
"Don't worry," the guy replied. "I'll treat it like it was brand new."<br />
<br />
Received from Tom.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
The couple was delighted when their long wait to adopt a baby came to an end. The adoption center called and told them that there was a wonderful Russian baby boy available. The couple accepted him without hesitation.<br />
<br />
On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses.<br />
<br />
After they filled out the forms, the registration clerk inquired, "What ever possessed you to study Russian?"<br />
<br />
The couple said proudly, "We just adopted a Russian baby. In a year or so, when he begins to talk, we want to be able to understand him."<br />
<br />
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
Below are four (4) questions. You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately.<br />
<br />
OK, let's find out just how clever you really are.<br />
<br />
Ready?<br />
<br />
GO!!! (scroll down)<br />
<br />
First Question: You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?<br />
<br />
Answer: If you answer that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person, you take his place, you are second!<br />
<br />
Try not to screw up in the next question.<br />
<br />
To answer the second question, don't take as much time as you took for the first question.<br />
<br />
Second Question: If you overtake the last person, then you are...?<br />
<br />
Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how is it possible to overtake the LAST person?<br />
<br />
You're not very good at this are you?<br />
<br />
Third Question: Very tricky math! Note: This must be done in your head only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.<br />
<br />
Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000. Now add 10. What's the total?<br />
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Scroll down for answer.<br />
<br />
Did you get 5000? The correct answer is actually 4100. Don't believe it?<br />
<br />
Check with your calculator!<br />
<br />
Today is definitely not your day. Maybe you will get the last question right?<br />
<br />
Fourth Question: Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?<br />
<br />
Answer: Nunu? NO! Of course not. Her name is Mary. Read the question again.<br />
<br />
If you got them all wrong, you ARE the WEAKEST LINK!! GOOD-BYE!!!<br />
<br />
Received from Chuckle Club.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
Off the coast of Newfoundland, a great many fishermen do their fishing at night. They navigate solely by the light of the moon, scorning more sophisticated methods. Of course, from time to time this method fails, and shipwrecks are the result.<br />
<br />
The Department of Fisheries was reviewing statistics one day and was shocked to discover how many shipwrecks there were during night fishing. When they discovered that the fishermen were navigating by the light of the moon, they promptly installed buoys near all the dangerous shoals and reefs to aid night navigation. To their surprise, when the statistics came in the following month, the shipwrecks had tripled! The buoys were removed, and things returned to normal.<br />
<br />
The moral of the story: You can't send a buoy to do a moon's job!<br />
<br />
Received from HAND!.<br />
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(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
What's the difference between an insurance company actuary and a mafia actuary?<br />
<br />
An insurance company actuary can tell you how many people will die this year; a mafia actuary can name them.<br />
<br />
(Definition: actuary - a person who compiles and analyzes statistics and uses them to calculate insurance risks and premiums)<br />
<br />
Received from ArcaMax Jokes.<br />
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(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
With the help of a fertility specialist, a 65-year-old woman has a baby. All her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family.<br />
<br />
When they ask to see the baby, the 65-year-old mother says, "Not yet." A little later they ask to see the baby again. Again the mother says, "Not yet."<br />
<br />
Finally they say, "When can we see the baby?" And the mother says, "When the baby cries." And they ask, "Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?"<br />
<br />
The new mother says, "Because I forgot where I put it."<br />
<br />
Received from ArcaMax Jokes.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
A customer at Green's Gourmet Grocery marveled at the proprietor's quick wit and intelligence.<br />
<br />
"Tell me, Green, what makes you so smart?"<br />
<br />
"I wouldn't share my secret with just anyone," Green replies, lowering his voice so the other shoppers won't hear. "But since you're a good and faithful customer, I'll let you in on my secret: Fish heads. You eat enough of them, you'll be positively brilliant."<br />
<br />
"You sell them here?" the customer asks.<br />
<br />
"Only $4 apiece," says Green.<br />
<br />
The customer buys three. A week later, he's back in the store complaining that the fish heads were disgusting and he isn't any smarter.<br />
<br />
"You didn't eat enough of them," says Green. The customer goes home with 20 more fish heads. Two weeks later, he's back and this time he's really angry.<br />
<br />
"Hey, Green," he says, "you're selling me fish heads for $4 apiece when I can buy the whole fish for $2. You're ripping me off!"<br />
<br />
"You see?" says Green. "You're smarter already."<br />
<br />
Received from jmason.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
A thief and his girlfriend were walking down Main Street when she spotted a beautiful diamond ring in a jewelry store window. "Wow, I'd sure love to have that!" she said.<br />
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"No problem, baby," the thief says, throwing a brick through the glass and grabbing the ring.<br />
<br />
A few blocks later, his girlfriend was admiring a leather jacket in another shop window. "What I would give to own that!" she said.<br />
<br />
"Sure thing, darling," the guy says again, throwing another brick through the window and snatching the coat.<br />
<br />
Finally, turning for home, they pass a Mercedes car dealership. "Boy, I would do anything for one of those!" she said to her boyfriend.<br />
<br />
"Forget that!" the guy moans. "Do you think I'm made of bricks or something?"<br />
<br />
Received from ArcaMax Jokes.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
A man walks into a health-food restaurant after a day at the office, sits down, and orders a nice big dish of brown rice and stir-fry veggies.<br />
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He grabs a handful of peanuts from the bowl on the counter by the cash register while he's waiting for his order, and as he starts to chew he hears a voice say, "That's a beautiful tie. Is that silk? Very NICE choice!"<br />
<br />
Wondering who would make such a strange comment, he looks around and doesn't see anyone near him who could've been speaking to him. With a shrug, he pops a few more peanuts into his mouth.<br />
<br />
Next he hears a voice, "Those shoes are stylin,' my man. Are they Italian leather? They look GRRREAT!"<br />
<br />
He whirls around to again but sees no one near him. He glances nervously around and then at his shoes, which he tucks self-consciously under the stool.<br />
<br />
A little weirded out, he grabs another handful of peanuts. This time the voice continues with, "That suit looks FANTASTIC! Is it an Armani? Very nice!"<br />
<br />
He immediately calls the waiter over and says, "Look. I keep hearing these voices telling me how great my tie, my shoes, and my suit look. What's up with that? Am I going CRAZY?"<br />
<br />
"Oh," the waiter nonchalantly replies, "those are just the peanuts."<br />
<br />
"The PEANUTS?" the astonished man asks, staring at the bowl beside him.<br />
<br />
"Yes," replies the waiter, "they're complimentary!"<br />
<br />
Received from Stan Kegel.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
Best of the Worst Country/Western Song Titles<br />
<br />
Do You Love As Good As You Look?<br />
Does Your Chewing Gum Lose Its Flavor On The Bedpost Overnight?<br />
Drop Kick Me, Jesus, Through The Goalposts Of Life<br />
Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye<br />
Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure<br />
Here's A Quarter, Call Someone Who Cares<br />
How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?<br />
How Can You Believe Me When I Say I Love You When You Know I've Been A Liar All My Life?<br />
I Been Roped And Thrown By Jesus In The Holy Ghost Corral<br />
I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life<br />
I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling<br />
I Fell In A Pile Of You And Got Love All Over Me<br />
I Flushed You From The Toilets Of My Heart<br />
I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You<br />
I Wanna Whip Your Cow<br />
I Would Have Wrote You A Letter, But I Couldn't Spell Yuck!<br />
I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dawg Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win<br />
I'd Rather Have A Bottle In Front Of Me Than A Frontal Lobotomy<br />
I'm Just A Bug On The Windshield Of Life<br />
I'm The Only Hell Mama Ever Raised<br />
I've Been Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart<br />
I've Got The Hungries For Your Love And I'm Waiting In Your Welfare Line<br />
If Love Were Oil, I'd Be A Quart Low<br />
If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I'd Blow It All On You<br />
If The Phone Don't Ring, Baby, You'll Know It's Me<br />
If You Don't Leave Me Alone, I'll Go And Find Someone Else Who Will<br />
If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too?<br />
Mama Get The Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head)<br />
May The Bird Of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose<br />
My Every Day Silver Is Plastic<br />
My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love Jesus<br />
My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field, While Your Dear John Was Breaking My Heart<br />
My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him<br />
Oh, I've Got Hair Oil On My Ears And My Glasses Are Slipping Down, But Baby I Can See Through You<br />
Pardon Me, I've Got Someone To Kill<br />
She Made Toothpicks Out Of The Timber Of My Heart<br />
She's Got Freckles On Her, But She's Pretty<br />
Thank God And Greyhound She's Gone<br />
They May Put Me In Prison, But They Can't Stop My Face From Breakin' Out<br />
Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart<br />
When You Leave Walk Out Backwards, So I'll Think You're Walking In<br />
You Can't Have Your Kate And Edith Too<br />
You Can't Roller Skate In A Buffalo Herd<br />
You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat<br />
You Were Only A Splinter As I Slid Down The Bannister Of Life<br />
You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly<br />
<br />
Received from April Youngblood.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
On a recent flight, an elderly passenger kept peering out the window. Since it was totally dark, all she could see was the blinking wing-tip light. Finally, she rang for the flight attendant.<br />
<br />
"I'm sorry to bother you," she said, "but I think you should inform the pilot that his left-turn indicator is on and has been for some time."<br />
<br />
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
My wife, a registered nurse, once fussed over every pain or mishap that came my way. Recently, however, I got an indication that the honeymoon is over.<br />
<br />
I was about to fix the attic fan, and as I lifted myself from the ladder in the attic, I scratched my forehead on a crossbeam. Crawling along, I picked up splinters in both hands, and I cut one hand replacing the fan belt. On the way down the ladder, I missed the last two rungs and turned my ankle.<br />
<br />
When I limped into the kitchen, my wife took one look and said, "Are those your good pants?"<br />
<br />
Received from Da Mouse Tracks.<br />
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(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
Q. If athletes get athlete's foot, what do astronauts get?<br />
A. Mistletoe!<br />
<br />
Q. Where do polar bears vote?<br />
A. The North Poll.<br />
<br />
Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?<br />
A. Frostbite.<br />
<br />
Q. What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?<br />
A. Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!<br />
<br />
Q. What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas time?<br />
A. Sandy Claus!<br />
<br />
Q. What nationality is Santa Claus?<br />
A. North Polish.<br />
<br />
Q. What did Santa shout to his toys on Christmas Eve?<br />
A. Okay everyone, sack time!<br />
<br />
Q. What goes Ho, Ho, Swoosh, Ho, Ho, Swoosh?<br />
A. Santa caught in a revolving door!<br />
<br />
Q. If Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus had a child, what would he be called?<br />
A. A subordinate claus.<br />
<br />
Q. What do you do if Santa gets stuck in your chimney?<br />
A. Pour Santa flush on him.<br />
<br />
Q. How come you never hear anything about the 10th reindeer, "Olive"?<br />
A. Yeah, you know, "Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names..."<br />
<br />
Q. What was so good about the neurotic doll the girl was given for Christmas?<br />
A. It was wound up already.<br />
<br />
Received from William H. Rayborn.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
I was doing some last-minute Christmas shopping in a toy store and decided to look at Barbie dolls for my nieces. A nicely dressed little girl was excitedly looking through the Barbie dolls as well, with a roll of money clamped tightly in her little hand. When she came upon a Barbie she liked, she would turn and ask her father if she had enough money to buy it.<br />
<br />
He usually said "yes," but she would keep looking and keep going through their ritual of "do I have enough?" As she was looking, a little boy wandered in across the aisle and started sorting through the Pokemon toys. He was dressed neatly, but in clothes that were obviously rather worn, and wearing a jacket that was probably a couple of sizes too small. He too had money in his hand, but it looked to be no more than five dollars or so at the most. He was with his father as well, and kept picking up the Pokemon video toys. Each time he picked one up and looked at his father, his father shook his head, "No."<br />
<br />
The little girl had apparently chosen her Barbie, a beautifully dressed, glamorous doll that would have been the envy of every little girl on the block. However, she had stopped and was watching the interchange between the little boy and his father. Rather dejectedly, the boy had given up on the video games and had chosen what looked like a book of stickers instead. He and his father then started walking through another aisle of the store.<br />
<br />
The little girl put her Barbie back on the shelf, and ran over to the Pokemon games. She excitedly picked up one that was lying on top of the other toys, and raced toward the check-out, after speaking with her father. I picked up my purchases and got in line behind them. Then, much to the little girl's obvious delight, the little boy and his father got in line behind me.<br />
<br />
After the toy was paid for and bagged, the little girl handed it back to the cashier and whispered something in her ear. The cashier smiled and put the package under the counter.<br />
<br />
I paid for my purchases and was rearranging things in my purse when the little boy came up to the cashier. The cashier rang up his purchases and then said, "Congratulations, you are my hundredth customer today, and you win a prize!" With that, she handed the little boy the Pokemon game, and he could only stare in disbelief. It was, he said, exactly what he had wanted!<br />
<br />
The little girl and her father had been standing at the doorway during all of this, and I saw the biggest, prettiest, toothless grin on that little girl that I have ever seen in my life. Then they walked out the door, and I followed close behind them. As I walked back to my car in amazement over what I had just witnessed, I heard the father ask his daughter why she had done that. I'll never forget what she said to him.<br />
<br />
"Daddy, didn't Nana and PawPaw want me to buy something that would make me happy?"<br />
<br />
He said, "Of course they did, honey."<br />
<br />
To which the little girl replied, "Well, I just did!"<br />
<br />
With that, she giggled and started skipping toward their car. Her toothless grin said it all. Apparently, she had decided on the answer to her own question of, "Do I have enough?"<br />
<br />
I feel very privileged to have witnessed the true spirit of Christmas in that toy store, in the form of a little girl who understands more about the reason for the season than most adults I know!<br />
<br />
Written by Sharon Palmer<br />
<br />
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
Because our new refrigerator was taller than our old one, I told my wife I'd have to cut away part of an overhanging cabinet to make it fit.<br />
<br />
Not wanting to mess it up, I called a local radio home-fix-it program for advice. I was in the middle of getting the instructions when my wife burst into the room.<br />
<br />
"You won't believe this," she said, "but there's a guy on the radio with the same problem!"<br />
<br />
Received from Shawnda.<br />
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(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
At my granddaughter's wedding reception, the DJ polled the guests to see who had been married longest. It turned out to be my husband and me. The DJ asked us, "What advice would you give to the newly married couple?"<br />
<br />
I said, "The three most important words in a marriage are, 'You're probably right.'"<br />
<br />
Everyone then looked at my husband. He said, "She's probably right."<br />
<br />
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
Knock Knock.<br />
Who's there?<br />
Gladys.<br />
Gladys who?<br />
Gladys Thanksgiving! Aren't you?<br />
<br />
Knock Knock.<br />
Who's there?<br />
Harry.<br />
Harry who?<br />
Harry up! I'm starved!<br />
<br />
Knock Knock.<br />
Who's there?<br />
Dewey.<br />
Dewey who?<br />
Dewey have to wait long to eat?<br />
<br />
Knock Knock.<br />
Who's there?<br />
Luke.<br />
Luke who?<br />
Luke at all the food!<br />
<br />
Knock Knock.<br />
Who's there?<br />
Odette.<br />
Odette who?<br />
Odette's a big turkey!<br />
<br />
Knock Knock.<br />
Who's there?<br />
Phillip.<br />
Phillip who?<br />
Phillip a big plate and dig in!<br />
<br />
Knock Knock.<br />
Who's there?<br />
Emma.<br />
Emma who?<br />
Emma real pig when it comes to eating turkey!<br />
<br />
Knock Knock.<br />
Who's there?<br />
Esther.<br />
Esther who?<br />
Esther any more gravy?<br />
<br />
Knock Knock.<br />
Who's there?<br />
Olive.<br />
Olive who?<br />
Olive the stuffing too!<br />
<br />
Knock Knock.<br />
Who's there?<br />
Aaron.<br />
Aaron who?<br />
Aaron you having more cranberry sauce?<br />
<br />
Knock Knock.<br />
Who's there?<br />
Don.<br />
Don who?<br />
Don eat all the stuffing, I want some more!<br />
<br />
Knock Knock.<br />
Who's there?<br />
Arthur,<br />
Arthur who?<br />
Arthur any more sweet potatoes?<br />
<br />
Knock Knock.<br />
Who's there?<br />
Alma.<br />
Alma who?<br />
Alma dinner's gone. May I have dessert?<br />
<br />
Knock Knock.<br />
Who's there?<br />
Wanda.<br />
Wanda who?<br />
Wanda piece of pumpkin pie?<br />
<br />
Knock Knock.<br />
Who's there?<br />
Norma Lee.<br />
Norma Lee who?<br />
Norma Lee I don't eat this much!<br />
<br />
Knock Knock.<br />
Who's there?<br />
General Lee.<br />
General Lee who?<br />
General Lee I don't either!<br />
<br />
Knock Knock.<br />
Who's there?<br />
Aida.<br />
Aida who?<br />
Aida lot more than I should have!<br />
<br />
Knock Knock.<br />
Who's there?<br />
Tamara.<br />
Tamara who?<br />
Tamara we'll have turkey leftovers!<br />
<br />
Knock, Knock.<br />
Who's there?<br />
Waddle.<br />
Waddle who?<br />
Waddle I do if you don't open the door for me?<br />
<br />
Received from FranCMT2.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
A lawyer, a doctor, and a preacher went hunting together. When a prize buck ran past them, they all fired at the exact same moment and the buck dropped.<br />
<br />
However, there was only one bullet hole, and they didn't know which of them shot it. So they took it to the registration center, not knowing who should tag it.<br />
<br />
The agent said, "Let me look at the deer. Sometimes I can figure it out."<br />
<br />
He asked a few questions, examined the deer carefully, and declared, "The preacher shot this buck!"<br />
<br />
Amazed, they all asked how he knew. Stooping down, he pointed out the wound. "See here. It went in one ear and out the other."<br />
<br />
Received from Steve Sanderson.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
Used to being the center of attention, Robbie was a little more than jealous of his new baby sister. The parents sat him down and said that now that she was getting older, the house was too small and they'd have to move.<br />
<br />
"It's no use." Robbie said, "She's crawling good now and she'd probably just follow us."<br />
<br />
Received from George.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
After our friends were married, they left the church and were disappointed to see that their car looked completely normal. No one had decorated it with "Just Married" signs or tin cans or balloons or anything at all.<br />
<br />
"Disappointed" was not, however, the word used by the priest who married them.<br />
<br />
His car was very similar in make, model, and color as the groom's vehicle.<br />
<br />
Received from Doc's Daily Chuckle.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
Three nature lovers went for a drive into the mountains one day to see if they could spot some bears. They wanted to take pictures of bears for their photo album. So they drove along an old dirt road until they entered the trees. As they rounded a curve, they spotted a sign that read, "BEAR LEFT."<br />
<br />
So they turned around and went home.<br />
<br />
Received from ArcaMax Jokes.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
In his younger days our golden retriever, Catcher, often ran away when he had the chance. His veterinarian's office was about a mile down the road and Catcher would usually go there. The office staff knew him and would call me to come pick him up.<br />
<br />
One day I called the vet to make an appointment for Catcher's yearly vaccine.<br />
<br />
"Will you be bringing him in yourself," asked the receptionist, "or will he come on his own?"<br />
<br />
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_)<br />
The executive officer of the unit where I worked in the National Guard Armory went to a government office to take care of some business.<br />
<br />
The clerk there gave him two index cards with identical questions on them. The officer filled both out, but when he handed them in, he asked the clerk why she needed two cards with the same information.<br />
<br />
Stapling the cards together, she said, "That's in case we lose one."<br />
<br />
- from Bill Johnson (via Reader's Digest)<br />
<br />
Received from Doc's Daily Chuckle.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his mother, "How was I born?"<br />
<br />
"Well, honey," said the slightly prudish mother, "the stork brought you to us."<br />
<br />
"Oh," said the boy. "And how did you and Daddy get born?"<br />
<br />
"Oh, the stork brought us, too."<br />
<br />
"Well, how were Grandpa and Grandma born?" the boy persisted.<br />
<br />
"Well, darling, the stork brought them too!" said the mother, by now starting to squirm a little.<br />
<br />
Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher, who read with confusion the opening sentence: "This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."<br />
<br />
(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a) Mail address: <br />
GCFL, Box 100, Harvest, AL 35749, USA<br />
<br />
To print or email this funny to others, go to<br />
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><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Column - - http://www.madkane.com/humor_blog/<br />
<br />
Happy Peculiar People Day (January 10)<br />
January 9th, 2014<br />
<br />
Here’s my two-verse quatrain poem, in honor of Peculiar People Day. (January 10)<br />
<br />
Ode To Peculiar People<br />
By Madeleine Begun Kane<br />
<br />
My peculiar predilection:<br />
I like people who are odd.<br />
I’ll applaud a little strangeness,<br />
But find “normal” humans flawed.<br />
<br />
That makes perfect sense: they tell me<br />
I am rather “weird” myself.<br />
I don’t mind critiques and putdowns—<br />
Just don’t call me “off the shelf.”<br />
<br />
© Madeleine Begun Kane. All Rights Reserved.<br />
http://www.madkane.com/<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." __ Franklin D. Roosevelt <br />
"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle." <br />
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. _ _ George Carlin <br />
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" _ _ Queen E. Watson<br />
“A political class of Republicans and Democrats that look after themselves, not the Nation. A media hostile to the very precepts of this nation. A generation of Americans who see morals as vices, and are ignorant of America's Actual History.”<br />
"The things that will destroy America are prosperity-at-any-price, peace-at-any-price, safety-first instead of duty-first, the love of soft living, and the get-rich-quick theory of life." - - Theodore Roosevelt <br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> <br />
Emergency Phone Number 911 <br />
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )<br />
Central Dispatch 234_5655<br />
(Non _ Emergency Number)<br />
Direct Numbers<br />
Ambulance _ 234_7371 (24 Hour)<br />
Jail _ 234_5331 (24 Hour)<br />
Poison Control _ 800_222_1222 (24 Hour)<br />
http://www. aapcc. org/<br />
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"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." __ "Bug" <br />
"I read the end of the book. We win!" __ "Bug" <br />
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." __ "Bug"<br />
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." _ _ "Bug"<br />
"It's no big deal doing what God tells you to do. A big deal would be NOT doing what God tells you to do. Just ask Jonah." _ _ Paul Troquille <br />
“Nam et ipsa scientia potestas est.” Knowledge is power. _ Francis Bacon <br />
"The problem is here and now. The time for talk is past. The time for action is now." <br />
Comments on the first Earth Day _ James F. McClellan via John "Fuzzy" Thurman<br />
~~~~~<br />
Hope you enjoy the newsletter. <br />
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week. <br />
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" __"Bug" <br />
God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!! <br />
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT_I KC5HII <br />
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Bughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07270965849194883997noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9136923892168334329.post-68423891925618723932013-12-25T18:57:00.000-08:002013-12-25T18:57:27.526-08:00Bug's Bleat - - GCF: Running Away From HomeVolume 15, Issue 51 Friday, December 20, 2013<br />
<br />
Photos on the front of this week’s “Bleat” include; <a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-pObz1bfbjQI/UruLjIK244I/AAAAAAAAHw8/RqxrYEz8i64/s1600/02-SAU+New+Tower+Lights+556904_4096403408009_740132773_n-001.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-pObz1bfbjQI/UruLjIK244I/AAAAAAAAHw8/RqxrYEz8i64/s320/02-SAU+New+Tower+Lights+556904_4096403408009_740132773_n-001.jpg" /></a><br />
SAU’s Newer Blue Water Tower Candle<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-5ooS5BMskoM/UruLi5DSCmI/AAAAAAAAHw0/tWVcNRqI5fM/s1600/15-2013-12-04_15-57-041.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-5ooS5BMskoM/UruLi5DSCmI/AAAAAAAAHw0/tWVcNRqI5fM/s320/15-2013-12-04_15-57-041.jpg" /></a><br />
Our Neighbor Pam’s Bow, <br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-9H2jVl5B5DM/UruLjGXg7hI/AAAAAAAAHw4/HRz-bCo2hUI/s1600/20-2013-12-07_17-08-041.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-9H2jVl5B5DM/UruLjGXg7hI/AAAAAAAAHw4/HRz-bCo2hUI/s320/20-2013-12-07_17-08-041.jpg" /></a><br />
The Columbia County Courthouse shines with decorations on a rainy evening. <br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-mlWGCo1KpP4/UruM1uFcXHI/AAAAAAAAHxM/uKXESkdi2bM/s1600/01-SAU+12-020.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-mlWGCo1KpP4/UruM1uFcXHI/AAAAAAAAHxM/uKXESkdi2bM/s320/01-SAU+12-020.jpg" /></a><br />
SAU’s old (and, to me, preferred) water tower candle decorations.<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-N6eLKJqIGOc/UruM2YqVClI/AAAAAAAAHxY/MWXzkGOFop4/s1600/03-DSC_0144-001.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-N6eLKJqIGOc/UruM2YqVClI/AAAAAAAAHxY/MWXzkGOFop4/s320/03-DSC_0144-001.jpg" /></a><br />
Our fantastic family photo. <br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Sn8OU4Tc7oc/UruM12TvFaI/AAAAAAAAHxQ/1hFSEf7toJ0/s1600/14-2013-12-03_17-14-52_709.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Sn8OU4Tc7oc/UruM12TvFaI/AAAAAAAAHxQ/1hFSEf7toJ0/s320/14-2013-12-03_17-14-52_709.jpg" /></a><br />
Our front decorations. <br />
<br />
Hello ALL, <br />
<br />
Thought for Today: May Peace be your gift at Christmas and your blessing all year through! ~ Author Unknown (via Ron Hazelton)<br />
~<br />
In case you haven’t realized it … Christmas is upon us. To reinforce the point, “Da Boys” have been “uber excited” about the coming toy bonanza. <br />
<br />
In fact, they are so excited that I had to quash their constant requests to head on over to Wally World and just get a toy or two to tide them over. I explained that “NO” toys would be purchased this close to their birthdays and Christmas.<br />
<br />
Well, yesterday I was running some errands while Annette (hereafter to be known as “The Pushover”) watched them. While I was gone, she realized she didn’t have all the ingredients for her famous “Slayer Pie” (see the recipe in this posting) so she grabbed the boys and went to the store.<br />
<br />
When I got back home, Josiah met me at the door and declared; “We told mamaw you’d be angry.”<br />
<br />
Hummm … this doesn’t sound good. “Why would I be angry?” I asked.<br />
<br />
“Mamaw bought us toys.” He replied.<br />
<br />
I walked on into the house and there was Ethan playing with a helicopter and Josiah had a HUGE box of Lego like blocks. I turned to Ethan and, using my sternest papaw face and voice asked; “How did you get that toy?”<br />
<br />
Ethan didn’t hesitate, he launched into the explanation; “Well, we were at the store with mamaw and I saw this helicopter and … it was just a target of opportunity.” <br />
~~~~~<br />
Just to prove that even an old crabby guy can still learn a thing or two, a friend posted a comment discussing why the Christian Church chose December 25th to celebrate Christ’s birth.<br />
<br />
Martha wrote: "A reminder of why we celebrate the birth of Christ this time of year- to try to win over the Pagans - Happy Solstice and beginning of Winter everyone! ... Here's to December 21st!" <br />
<br />
I really appreciate the history lesson. I'm not a bible scholar (my theology can pretty much be summed up in; "Jesus loves me this I know ...) but I have wondered why we celebrated the birth of the Savior in December when pretty much every biblical scholar said he wasn't born in December. Most of the folks I referenced think the actual date of Christ’s birth was in the spring. Life is grand.<br />
~~~~~<br />
There’s joy in Mudville tonight ... Mac’s Fresh Food store here in Magnolia carries Zwolle Tamales. Halleluiah! <a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ZCBgnHFc68I/UruNgEUZd-I/AAAAAAAAHxk/BdykajJ4Iyo/s1600/05-zwolle+tamales.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ZCBgnHFc68I/UruNgEUZd-I/AAAAAAAAHxk/BdykajJ4Iyo/s320/05-zwolle+tamales.jpg" /></a><br />
~~~~~<br />
When the kids were around 8 or 10, we all went to Arnaud's Restaurant in New Orleans. David was and still is a "Meat and Potatoes" kind of guy. <br />
While we ordered Shrimp Arnaud, Oysters on the Half Shell, Escargots en Casserole, Mushrooms Véronique, Smoked Pompano Bourgeois and , Crab Claws Provencale , David told me, "Dad, can I get a hamburger?"<br />
<br />
I turned to the waiter and asked if he could get a hamburger and fries, "dry" with no dressing on the burger. The waiter didn't bat an eye. He just nodded.<br />
<br />
When we were served, they laid a plate before David that contained a burger (obviously fresh ground) and fries that were fresh cut. I was proud to get my little guy what he wanted. ... Then he looked at me and said; "I need Ketchup for the fries."<br />
<br />
I again turned to the waiter and told him: "My son would like some Ketchup." You'd have thought I'd slapped the guy. He paused, then turned toward the kitchen.<br />
<br />
We all started eating and, after a little time, the Matre De came over and pulled a bottle of ketchup out from under his coat. It still had a price sticker from the corner market on it. They had gone down the street and bought this for David.<br />
<br />
The Matre De stood there while David dumped ketchup on his fries. Then, after David put the cap back on the bottle, the Matre De swooped it up, again hid it under his coat and went back toward the kitchen. <br />
~~~~~<br />
From the GCF Archives<br />
<br />
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----------------------------------------------------------<br />
GCF: Politically Correct Holiday Greetings<br />
<br />
To all my Liberal Friends:<br />
<br />
Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all;<br />
<br />
PLUS<br />
<br />
A fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great, (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only "AMERICA" in the western hemisphere), and without regard to race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, or choice of computer platform.<br />
<br />
(Disclaimer: By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher who assumes no responsibility for any unintended emotional stress these greetings may bring to those not caught up in the holiday spirit.)<br />
<br />
To all my Conservative Friends:<br />
<br />
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.<br />
~~~~~<br />
This little story illustrates Real Christmas for me: “The Toothless Grin”<br />
<br />
I was doing some last-minute Christmas shopping in a toy store and decided to look at Barbie dolls for my nieces. A nicely dressed little girl was excitedly looking through the Barbie dolls as well, with a roll of money clamped tightly in her little hand. When she came upon a Barbie she liked, she would turn and ask her father if she had enough money to buy it.<br />
<br />
He usually said "yes," but she would keep looking and keep going through their ritual of "do I have enough?" As she was looking, a little boy wandered in across the aisle and started sorting through the Pokemon toys. He was dressed neatly, but in clothes that were obviously rather worn, and wearing a jacket that was probably a couple of sizes too small. He too had money in his hand, but it looked to be no more than five dollars or so at the most. He was with his father as well, and kept picking up the Pokemon video toys. Each time he picked one up and looked at his father, his father shook his head, "No."<br />
<br />
The little girl had apparently chosen her Barbie, a beautifully dressed, glamorous doll that would have been the envy of every little girl on the block. However, she had stopped and was watching the interchange between the little boy and his father. Rather dejectedly, the boy had given up on the video games and had chosen what looked like a book of stickers instead. He and his father then started walking through another aisle of the store.<br />
<br />
The little girl put her Barbie back on the shelf, and ran over to the Pokemon games. She excitedly picked up one that was lying on top of the other toys, and raced toward the check-out, after speaking with her father. I picked up my purchases and got in line behind them. Then, much to the little girl's obvious delight, the little boy and his father got in line behind me.<br />
<br />
After the toy was paid for and bagged, the little girl handed it back to the cashier and whispered something in her ear. The cashier smiled and put the package under the counter.<br />
<br />
I paid for my purchases and was rearranging things in my purse when the little boy came up to the cashier. The cashier rang up his purchases and then said, "Congratulations, you are my hundredth customer today, and you win a prize!" With that, she handed the little boy the Pokemon game, and he could only stare in disbelief. It was, he said, exactly what he had wanted!<br />
<br />
The little girl and her father had been standing at the doorway during all of this, and I saw the biggest, prettiest, toothless grin on that little girl that I have ever seen in my life. Then they walked out the door, and I followed close behind them. As I walked back to my car in amazement over what I had just witnessed, I heard the father ask his daughter why she had done that. I'll never forget what she said to him.<br />
<br />
"Daddy, didn't Nana and PawPaw want me to buy something that would make me happy?"<br />
<br />
He said, "Of course they did, honey."<br />
<br />
To which the little girl replied, "Well, I just did!"<br />
<br />
With that, she giggled and started skipping toward their car. Her toothless grin said it all. Apparently, she had decided on the answer to her own question of, "Do I have enough?"<br />
<br />
I feel very privileged to have witnessed the true spirit of Christmas in that toy store, in the form of a little girl who understands more about the reason for the season than most adults I know!<br />
<br />
Written by Sharon Palmer - - Received from Thomas Ellsworth.<br />
~<br />
http://GCFL.net - The Good, Clean Funnies List<br />
A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a)<br />
Facebook: http://facebook.com/gcfl.net<br />
Twitter: http://twitter.com/gcfl<br />
Mail address: GCFL, Box 100, Harvest, AL 35749, USA<br />
~~~~~<br />
Heard on PBS Newshour; Scrooge Economist who says most gifts are “wasted” money because they aren’t what the receiver wants. The “experts” recommend giving things to folks that they want but normally wouldn’t buy for themselves. Examples were a very nice pen for a businessman or quality earphones for a music lover.<br />
<br />
Hummm …. You know that really makes sense. Unless you’re a little kid whose parents aren’t sure what you want (though I can’t imagine a little kid who hasn’t repeatedly told his/her parents that they want everything they see on the children’s cartoon commercials.) If the parents aren’t sure what the kid wants, under this “experts” recommendation, they shouldn’t get the kid anything.<br />
<br />
Yeah, that will fly on Christmas morning.<br />
<br />
A good fall back is to use my system. I give the kids (both grown and younger) what I want them to have, wither they might or might not want. At least one of us should come out of this deal happy. :0)<br />
~~~~~<br />
Concerning the “Merry Christmas” vs “Happy Holidays” debate; I saw a “Tree Lot” sign posted this week that summed up the issue. The sign said: “Christmas Trees $5 a foot, Holiday Trees $10 a foot.”<br />
<br />
Hey. It is funny :0)<br />
~~~~~ <br />
If you’ve been conscious this week, you probably have heard the explosion from both conservatives and liberals over comments Phil Robertson made in a GQ article this month. <br />
~<br />
A valued friend had the following to say on the issue; “As far as A&E dropping Duck Dynasty, that is their business decision to make. Not that I like it. <br />
<br />
However, I do stand with Phil! <br />
<br />
It is hard for people to understand that just because we disagree doesn't mean I don't love you. My wife and I disagree often but I would walk through fire for her! <br />
<br />
I just don't want your blood on my head! <br />
<br />
We can't just pick the feel good things in the Bible and share them like some of the feel good preachers on TV want us to believe. This is a hard road! We have a Biblical obligation to share the Word and not just the good stuff! And marriage is so plain in the Bible, Man and Woman! To say otherwise is to say God makes mistakes.”<br />
~<br />
I have some comments on Phil’s quotes as well as the backlash from some and outpouring of support from many many others.<br />
<br />
1. Phil accurately paraphrased what the Bible says concerning homosexuality. But like my friend above said, that Bible knowledge doesn’t require me to hate or attack those who live an “alternate” lifestyle (in fact it REQUIRES that I love them.) I have “Gay” friends and I cherish their friendship. But, I won’t change my beliefs because of the way my friends feel. Just to be clear here Christ was born, lived and died for us so we wouldn’t have to suffer the punishment for our sins. But that’s not a free pass. As Christians, we are instructed to “Watch over your heart with all diligence” (Proverbs 4:23) and “abstain from every form of evil” (1 Thessalonians 5:22). We are also told to “…make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.” (Romans 14:19) And we are reminded “… each of us will give an account of himself to God. Therefore let us not pass judgment on one another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother.” (Romans 14:10-13) “As for the one who is weak in faith, welcome him, but not to quarrel over opinions.” (Romans 14:1) If you still think that our faith is hateful, remember; “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself.” (Luke 10:27)<br />
<br />
2. At first, when I read what Phil said about working with blacks in the cotton fields, my brain started to mutter “oh no, oh no.” But then I thought back to my own childhood. My mother used to sing a lullaby about a little black boy crying to his mother because the white kids wouldn’t play with him and that song always made me sad. When I’d first learned that African Americans had been slaves in the United States. I was probably around five years old and I was SHOCKED. We’d been taught in Sunday School about the Israelites being slaves to the Egyptians. And when I saw the Ten Commandments Movie, I didn’t remember any Slaves of Color. The knowledge that my mammy, Mrs. Ida, could have been a slave was devastating to me. So, it’s no surprise to me that a poor redneck kid from northwest Louisiana could actually not be aware of the horrible mistreatment of African Americans in this country.<br />
<br />
3. The “Free Speech” quotes by many supporters aren’t saying that A&E didn’t have the right to “censure” Phil for what he said. The point is that many so called “Free Speech” advocates have gone into a feeding frenzy over what he said and are praising A&E for “censuring” Phil. “Free Speech” works both ways. Just because we disagree with someone, doesn’t mean we should attack them and/or be glad when they are “censured.” Calling Phil Homophobic is, to me, an attack on the man.<br />
<br />
4. A&E has the right to decide who they want on their network, just as viewer have the right to watch or not watch programs on that network and advertisers have the right to spend their dollars with DD or another program or network. I do think A&E’s leadership are misguided for immediately giving in to the “Politically Correct” folks and censuring Phil. Or you could say they had the courage of their convictions when they “suspended” the leader of a program which has drawn in millions more viewers than any other cable “reality” show, not to mention DD beat the finale of “Breaking Bad” by TWO MILLION viewers. <br />
<br />
5. And finally … A&E has never really liked the Robertsons because A&E wanted a standard reality show that belittles people and makes fun of southerners. Instead they got a campy, family values show loved by folks from all over the country. Even after DD’s popularity exploded, A&E didn’t know what to do with it as shown by last spring’s ads on DD. Family values programming was interspersed with promotions of the decidedly not family friendly “Bates Motel” show. SHEESH!<br />
<br />
Enough from me. Here are quotes from friends on the issue.<br />
~<br />
I think Phil Robertson is a very brave man!<br />
He had to know when he was asked "the question" that his answer could land him with no job, and he still answered honestly. He didn't say what they wanted to hear. I wonder how many people would be willing to do the same, on their jobs, if they knew they would be fired if they didn't answer in a politically correct way? Hmmmmm.....<br />
~<br />
I am so SICK of ALL the ignorance from FB concerning Duck Dynasty!! How can anyone defend the obvious judgment and hate toward other people in the name of FREEDOM OF SPEECH OR CHRISTIANITY ?? It would seem to me that we as a society would be far more Christ Like if we're were quicker to love rather than judge and condemn!!!<br />
~<br />
I absolutely support Phil Robertson & A&E MUST reverse it's decision! There is NOTHING hateful about stating what your beliefs are on a given topic! Disagreement is not hate & I don't have to agree with you to LOVE you BUT I will not be bullied nor intimidated into silence because someone else is insecure in themselves because of what I believe. Come on Americans::: This is about free speech & there are plenty of us that are ready to fight again to not be controlled by the politically correct police of today!<br />
A&E & any & all of it's sponsors will be boycotted by myself & multiplied millions of freedom loving Folks until Phil Robertson is reinstated---/// PERIOD! & we will speak up & out louder than ever before! This is absolutely ridiculous & it's time to bring it to the "intolerant ones"!!!<br />
~<br />
Ok, I've had enough and I don't usually do this, but here it goes. How do the newscasters know how Americans feel?? I am an American and a Christian and a Baptist. I believe in free speech, I believe in the Bible and it's Word. I also have friends that are gay that I love dearly. I also believe God loves them to. According to the word of God, they are sinners. Who among us is not a sinner. God sent his only Son to die on the Cross for our sins. God loves the person, he does not love the sin. I support much of what Mr. Robertson said, and I certainly believe in free speech!! The news is saying that Mr. Robertson said the gays and lesbians are not going to Heaven. I believe their life style is a sin, but I also we are saved by the Grace of God and Jesus died on the Cross for our sins. Only God knows who will be in Heaven. I feel we will all be surprised when we get to Heaven to see just who is there.<br />
<br />
Why do we, as Christians, not stand up for our rights when we are the subject to so many jokes and critical remarks on almost ALL of the networks on TV. Why aren't these people banned from their network. Why, because there wouldn't be anything left to watch. I'm mad and I've had enough of all these. I feel if you go to church and say you are a Christian, if your preacher is not telling you that man with man and woman with woman is not a sin, then you need to find another church!<br />
<br />
Now, I've had my say, you know who I am and where I stand. I AM A CHRISTIAN!!<br />
<br />
You can block me, delete me, whatever you feel like doing. I WILL NOT CHANGE!!<br />
~<br />
And finally, to add a little levity to the discussion, during his monologue on The Tonight Show, Jay Leno said, “It seems Phil Robertson, one of the stars of Duck Dynasty has been suspended from the show after he criticized gays, so gay people are upset with him. Then he went on to criticize adulterers, drunks and swindlers and now congress is mad at him. The guy just can't win." - See more at: http://cnsnews.com/mrctv-blog/eric-scheiner/leno-duck-dynasty-star-went-criticize-adulterers-drunks-and-swindlers-and#sthash.zSMCpu2e.dpuf<br />
<br />
(The actual GQ article can be found at this link; [http://www.gq.com/entertainment/television/201401/duck-dynasty-phil-robertson] be forewarned … the language the writer uses in the piece is sometimes rather crude.)<br />
~~~~~<br />
Yet another ObamaCare Exemption. The President announced that anyone who had lost their health insurance because their old plan didn’t meet the ACA minimums (such as covering pregnancy wither you needed it or not) AND who couldn’t get a new plan for the same or lower price, would be able to be exempted from the requirements and allowed to purchase a Catastrophic Care policy. This should be cheaper than the new ACA minimum required plan.<br />
Does anyone see a trend here? It’s not because ACA is some giant conspiracy to turn the nation socialist. It’s because this law is a DISASTER and “tweaking” it every week or so is not going to fix it.<br />
SIX MILLION have had their policies canceled!!!!<br />
~~~~~<br />
I think one of the biggest problems with modern society and BIG government or business is the “rule” being blindly followed when common sense would indicate an alternative resolution.<br />
Blind rule following takes away any judgment on the part of the participants and the fact is that no rule written by man is perfect.<br />
<br />
For Instance: A good friend stopped in a local “curb side” fast food place a few years ago and ordered a plate of chili cheese nachos. The kid on the speaker said we don’t have those. My buddy then asked, “Don’t you have chili dogs?” “Yes.” came the answer. “And don’t you have cheese nachos?” “Yes.” “Then just give me and order of cheese nachos with the chili you’d normally put on a chili dog.” “I don’t have a button for that.” The voice replied. … <br />
<br />
Last night, after a long wait to see the doctor, we were tired and “ran” by the local fast food Mexican place for some tacos and a burrito. It was 7:30 at night, we were tired and, after giving the order and pulling forward, we realized I’d ordered Annette’s food but not mine. No problem, I foolishly thought. We’ll just get some tacos at the window.<br />
<br />
Imagine my surprise and consternation when the cashier told me she couldn’t take my order for three tacos, I’d have to drive around and give her the order via the speaker at the menu board. It was company policy.<br />
<br />
There wasn’t a long line (there was one car behind us) and I would not have minded pulling up and letting her bring my three tacos to me when they were ready. I wouldn’t have even minded circling the place and picking up my tacos after the guy behind me was served. <br />
<br />
But having me drive back around and order on that tinny speaker when I was looking at the girl who would be on the other end of that conversation, was … well … it was a prime example of big organization (corporate or government) insanity.<br />
<br />
I tried again to order the tacos. The girl was very polite but firm. She couldn’t take an order directly at the window. It was company policy. So, I breathed in. I breathed out and accepted Annette’s order. Then I drove home and decided to sleep on it. Then today, I calmly wrote the chain as well as calling the local manager and the franchise owner. All assured me that the employee was misinformed, that they could accept orders at the window. “As a matter of fact,” said the franchise representative “we want customers to feel free to make multiple orders, change orders, whatever they want. We want the customer happy.” <br />
<br />
Well, I’m happy. <br />
~~~~~ <br />
Eccl 3:1-8<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Sick of the battle between the left and right, between CNN and Fox? Try Rock City Times (written by Greg Henderson.) <br />
<br />
As you can see in the headline examples below, Mr. Henderson, is a funny, talented writer who dishes out a wonderfully biting Satire of news.<br />
<br />
"The Capital Hotel Becomes Infested with Squirrels after Installing Christmas Tree"<br />
<br />
"Wal-Mart to Install Surface-to-Air Missiles on Store Rooftops to Shoot Down Amazon Drones"<br />
<br />
"White Smoke Seen Coming from Longhorn Stadium, No New University of Texas Coach Elected"<br />
<br />
"Entergy Issues Warning to Cammack Village Customers to Expect Outages Due to Downtown Bridge Lighting"<br />
<br />
"Jerry Jones Announces He will Undergo a Post-Season Brain Transplant"<br />
<br />
You can read Mr. Henderson's publication as well as sign up for his newsletter at http://www.rockcitytimes.com<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Food Network’s “How to Avoid Holiday Weight Gain” - By Kerri-Ann Jennings, M.S., R.D.<br />
<br />
Plan Healthy Eats - - Rather than focus on the specific holiday meals that are sure to have a high calorie toll, think about your overall eating patterns during the season. How you eat every day sets the trend for your weight and health, so make healthy choices when and where you have more control, like at home and at work.<br />
<br />
Eat Breakfast - - While it might be tempting to skip breakfast during the holiday season (it saves calories, right?) or to go in the other direction and dine on leftover pie, do yourself a favor and start the day off right. A good breakfast will get in some important nutrients, get your metabolism going and set the tone for the rest of the day.<br />
<br />
Soup Up Your Meal Plan - - You can count on soup to fill you up with low-calorie, nutrient-dense vegetables. Make a big pot on the weekend and you'll have it on hand for lunch or dinner throughout the week.<br />
<br />
Resist Workplace Temptations - - No doubt about it: There will be more candies, cookies and cake staring you in the face at the office during the holiday season. Again, take the long view. Special treats aren't so special when you start to have them every day. Save your calories for the sweets you really don't want to miss (like Aunt Lorraine's peanut brittle).<br />
<br />
Reward Yourself - - One of the reasons we get so tempted by the abundance of sweets is that the holidays can be stressful, and indulging is one way to a hit of dopamine (the feel-good hormone) to the brain. Get your dopamine fix with other non-food-related rewards by, say, treating yourself to a massage, heading to a yoga class, taking a bath or carving out time to read a good book.<br />
<br />
Bring a Veggie Dish - - "Be the change you want to see in the world" doesn't just apply to how you treat others. It also applies to the food you want to eat. Make sure there's something healthy at a holiday party by offering to bring a vegetable-centric dish.<br />
<br />
Sip Seltzer or Water - - Many people tend to let loose this time of year and dip into holiday spirits. While a single drink can be a modest indulgence, having two or more can be like eating an extra dinner. (A glass of wine is 125 calories, an old fashioned is 180 and a White Russian is 270!) Slow your pace by alternating a cocktail with a glass of seltzer or water.<br />
<br />
Sneak in Exercise - - The holidays are a busy time, for sure. But rather than throw your exercise routine out the window, or tell yourself you'll start one in January, focus on staying active in simple ways. It doesn't have to be an hour-long class or even a half-hour jog. Instead, find little ways to stay moving, like busting out a plank pose or going for a quick walk between meetings. Also, try to plan family time around active get-togethers, like a walk around the neighborhood or a snowshoe hike in the woods.<br />
<br />
Read more at: http://www.foodnetwork.com/healthy-eating/how-to-avoid-holiday-weight-gain/pictures/index.html?nl=EATS_121813_P3-Text3&sni_mid=104963&sni_rid=104963.314.869611&c32={2C4766C1-E79F-4C8E-BBCE-D8B095BE4573}&oc=linkback<br />
~~~~~<br />
“Inside the ‘Killer Robot’ Olympics” - - The research branch of the U.S. Defense Department, DARPA, is putting on a big competition in Florida this Friday and Saturday for the world’s most advanced robots. Many of these “robots” will take the form of airborne drones, big and small; some will be weapons systems on ships; and some will be moving more or less like animals and humans. The Daily Beast’s Christopher Dickey reports. Read it at The Daily Beast http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2013/12/19/darpa-s-drone-olympics.html<br />
~~~~~<br />
Speaking of defense … our current Defense Secretary was a member of a group pushing to ban nuclear weapons before being tapped to “take care” of our military. He’s taking care of Vets by working to cut their benefits (if he wants to negotiate with new enlistees, fine. But he shouldn’t renege on the things we’ve previously promised to our armed forces.)<br />
I assume he’s also taking care of our nuclear deterrent the same way. (I understand he’s proposing to do away with all land based ICBMs by the end of 2015.)<br />
“Great” choice B.O. ~~~~~<br />
KEYS FOR LIVING <br />
<br />
1. The best way to get even is to forget...<br />
2. Feed your faith and your doubts will starve to death...<br />
3. God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts...<br />
4. Some folks wear their halos much too tightly...<br />
5. Some marriages are made in heaven, but they ALL have to be maintained on earth...<br />
6. Unless you can create the WHOLE universe in 5 days, then perhaps giving "advice" to God isn't such a good idea!<br />
7. Sorrow looks back, worry looks around, and faith looks up...<br />
8. Standing in the middle of the road is dangerous. You will get knocked down by the traffic from both ways.<br />
9. Words are windows to the heart.<br />
10. A skeptic is a person who, when he sees the handwriting on the wall, claims it's a forgery.<br />
11. It isn't difficult to make a mountain out of a molehill just add a little dirt.<br />
12. A successful marriage isn't finding the right person-it's being the right person.<br />
13. The mighty oak tree was once a little nut that held its ground.<br />
14. Too many people offer God prayers, with claw marks all over them.<br />
15. The tongue must be heavy indeed, because so few people can hold it.<br />
16. To forgive is to set the prisoner free, and then discover the prisoner was you.<br />
17. You have to wonder about humans, they think God is dead and Elvis is alive!<br />
18. It's all right to sit on your pity pot every now and again. Just be sure to flush when you are done.<br />
19. You'll notice that a turtle only makes progress when it sticks out its neck...<br />
20. If the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, you can bet the water bill is higher.<br />
<br />
And last but not least -- God gave the angels Wings, and He gave humans CHOCOLATE.<br />
<br />
"The shortest distance between a problem and a solution is the distance between your knees and the floor.<br />
<br />
The one who kneels to the Lord can stand up to anything."<br />
<br />
You are richer today if you have laughed, given or forgiven.<br />
<br />
-- Author Unknown Thanks to Waneta<br />
~~~~~<br />
Remembering Mom's Clothesline<br />
<br />
There is one thing that's left out. We had a long wooden pole (clothes pole) that was used to push the clotheslines up so that longer items (sheets/pants/etc.) didn't brush the ground and get dirty. I can hear my mother now.<br />
<br />
THE BASIC RULES FOR CLOTHESLINES:<br />
<br />
(If you don't even know what clotheslines are, better skip this.)<br />
<br />
1. You had to hang the socks by the toes... NOT the top.<br />
<br />
2. You hung pants by the BOTTOM/cuffs... NOT the waistbands.<br />
<br />
3. You had to WASH the clothesline(s) before hanging any clothes - walk the entire length of each line with a damp cloth around the lines.<br />
<br />
4. You had to hang the clothes in a certain order, and always hang "whites" with "whites," and hang them first.<br />
<br />
5. You NEVER hung a shirt by the shoulders - always by the tail! What would the neighbors think?<br />
<br />
6. Wash day on a Monday! NEVER hang clothes on the weekend, or on Sunday, for Heaven's sake!<br />
<br />
7. Hang the sheets and towels on the OUTSIDE lines so you could hide your "unmentionables" in the middle (perverts & busybodies, y'know!)<br />
<br />
8. It didn't matter if it was sub-zero weather... clothes would "freeze-dry."<br />
<br />
9. ALWAYS gather the clothes pins when taking down dry clothes! Pins left on the lines were "tacky"!<br />
<br />
10. If you were efficient, you would line the clothes up so that each item did not need two clothes pins, but shared one of the clothes pins with the next washed item.<br />
<br />
11. Clothes off of the line before dinner time, neatly folded in the clothes basket, and ready to be ironed.<br />
<br />
12. IRONED? Well, that's a whole OTHER subject!<br />
<br />
Thanks to Waneta<br />
~~~~~<br />
David Ashby's Article: "Tax Free Opportunities That Harry Won't Mention" - - Mustard Seed Financial<br />
<br />
Recently I saw a clip of Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid being interviewed regarding upcoming budget negotiations. Harry wants to see further tax increases, beyond what happened earlier this year. As a brief review, in January Congress passed the Taxpayer Relief Act which increased the top income and capital gains tax rates for higher income levels. The Act also instituted several brand new taxes to help fund the Affordable Care Act and ended the payroll tax holiday whereby we had seen a temporary two percent drop in Social Security taxes. While we all felt the impact of the payroll tax change immediately, I think some are going to be in sticker shock when they file their tax returns next year. A better name for the law might be the Taxpayer Grief Act.<br />
<br />
Anyway, back to Harry and the interview. Harry says that Americans are on his side. That is, they want to see additional tax increases and that they won’t mind a bit paying more taxes themselves. Well, besides the fact that he lives near Las Vegas and I live in Taylor, we must be living on different planets. His comments seem directly at odds with what I hear from folks on Main Street. I don’t know anyone who wishes they were paying more in taxes. I don’t know a single person who complains about their tax bill being too low. Nevertheless, you should be aware that the potential for higher taxes is on the horizon. So does the idea of tax free income appeal to you? No, I’m not talking about mowing yards for cash and not reporting the income. I’m talking legitimate tax free sources of income. If so, here’s a bullet list of some possibilities:<br />
<br />
Roth IRAs and Roth 401(k): Contribute to a Roth today and you don’t get a tax deduction. But down the road, qualified withdrawals are income tax free. In general, qualified withdrawals mean you are 59 ½ and have had the Roth account open for at least five years. So all the earnings that accumulated over the years can be tax free income.<br />
Health savings accounts: To qualify, you have to be covered under a high deductible health insurance plan or have no plan at all. As the Obamacare situation continues to unfold, that may end up being all of us! Contributions are tax deductible but can be withdrawn, along with any earnings, to pay for medical expenses. As long as you use the funds to pay medical bills, earnings are tax free. Folks on Medicare do not qualify.<br />
Municipal bonds: interest on most municipal bonds is free of federal income tax and free of state income tax if it’s a bond in your state of residence. These are probably best bought in a mutual fund so you get some diversification. Municipal bonds can end up in default, just ask Detroit.<br />
Flexible spending accounts: if your employer offers this benefit, you can run out of pocket medical expenses, childcare expenses and certain other items through this account, up to $2,500 per year. Funds placed in a flexible spending account escape not only income taxes but payroll taxes as well, an added bonus!<br />
529 savings accounts: these are savings accounts for post-secondary education. Say you drop $10,000 into an account for your kid or grandkids and it grows to $25,000 by college age. If they spend the money on education, including room and board, you never pay taxes on the $15,000 gain. That’s nice. Sort of a Roth IRA for education.<br />
Cash value life insurance: life insurance salesman have told us for decades how to use cash value life policies to reduce tax bills. The main problem: such policies can come with high fees. But find a low expense cash value policy and this might be a good place to stash some funds. Suppose you pay $25,000 in premiums for a policy. Down the road, the cash value grows to $70,000. Now you need funds in retirement to live on. The first $25,000 is tax free because it is simply a return of your investment. Then you can borrow out a chunk of the cash value as well with no tax consequences since loans aren't income. At your death, the death benefit pays off the loan.<br />
<br />
You should consult your tax advisor as to which strategies might work for you. Who knows whether higher taxes are in store for us or not? Tax free opportunities still make sense. That is, unless you happen to be one of the folks Harry’s referring to. If that’s the case, keep in mind you are allowed to contribute extra funds over and above your tax bill. Uncle Sam will take your money! <br />
~~~~~ <br />
It wouldn’t be a holiday without Annette’s FAMOUS “Slayer Pie.” <br />
(Also known as “Death By Chocolate” or “Chocolate Mousse Pie”)<br />
Warning!!! This is not sugar free, low fat nor low calorie. This is the real thing.<br />
<br />
Ingredients <br />
<br />
Crust: <br />
3 Cups Oreo cookies (23 cookies) Actually, Annette usually just used a whole big package.<br />
½ Cup melted unsalted butter <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-VUPGdomb5q0/UruPHgSij3I/AAAAAAAAHxw/Ik2Q1h-jxdA/s1600/48-2013-12-18_17-38-30_716.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-VUPGdomb5q0/UruPHgSij3I/AAAAAAAAHxw/Ik2Q1h-jxdA/s200/48-2013-12-18_17-38-30_716.jpg" /></a></div><br />
Filling: <br />
1 Pound semi-sweet chocolate <br />
2 Eggs <br />
4 Egg yolks <br />
2 Cups heavy cream <br />
6 Tablespoons confectioner's sugar <br />
4 Egg whites <br />
<br />
Topping: Whipped Cream <br />
<br />
Directions <br />
<br />
Crust: Combine the cookie crumbs and the butter and press on the bottom and sides of a spring form pan. Refrigerate for at least 30 minutes.<br />
<br />
Filling: Melt the chocolate in a double boiler. Add the whole eggs and mix thoroughly, then add the egg yolks to the mixture and continue to blend. Whip the heavy cream and add confectioner's sugar. In another bowl, beat the egg whites until stiff but not dry. Stir the chocolate mixture, the whipped cream, and the egg whites together and pour on top of the crust in the spring form pan. Refrigerate for six hours or more. <br />
<br />
Topping: Layer Whipped Cream on top of mousse till even with the top of the pan. <br />
~~~~~<br />
dLife Foodstuff - - Do Supplements Work for Diabetes?<br />
<br />
Wouldn't it be wonderful if there were a side-effect free, all-natural pill or powder that would, in one fell swoop, improve your A1c, cholesterol, triglycerides, and blood pressure? A diabetes super-herb, taken twice a day with meals?<br />
<br />
While a diabetes cure-all is a pipe dream, scientists are hard at work studying herbs and supplements that show different degrees of promise in the treatment of diabetes and its array of associated conditions. The research is exciting, and your doctor may be willing to work with you to find something that helps. But remember: Dietary supplements are not regulated like drugs are, and extra vigilance on the part of the consumer is crucial. Get expert advice before popping anything new into your regimen.<br />
<br />
Important Note: There is limited scientific evidence on the effectiveness of most dietary supplements for type 2 diabetes. A possible exception may be the use of omega-3 fatty acids to lower triglyceride levels. It is very important not to replace conventional medical therapy for diabetes with dietary supplements. To ensure a safe and coordinated course of care, inform your diabetes care team about any dietary supplements you are using or considering.<br />
<br />
Supplements can interact with various prescription medications, affecting the action of the medications. People with type 2 diabetes need to know about these risks and discuss them with their health care provider. In addition, prescribed medicines may need to be adjusted if a person is also using dietary supplements.<br />
<br />
SOURCE: National Center for Complementary and Alternative Medicine. Research Report: Treating Type 2 Diabetes with Dietary Supplements (PDF). (Accessed 5/7/08.)<br />
<br />
Reviewed by Susan Weiner, RD, MS, CDE, CDN. 10/08<br />
~~~~~ <br />
DarynKagan.com - - I have for you today 3 stories of hope, kindness, and love. May they make your day brighter! Enjoy! -Daryn.<br />
<br />
<br />
Lonely Irish Pensioner Places Ad: "I Don't Want To Spend Another Christmas Alone" #Amazing Worldwide Response<br />
http://darynkagan.com/Love_Stories.html<br />
<br />
So Much For Doubters: This Baby Beat The Odds #Story of Hope<br />
http://darynkagan.com/Love_Stories.html<br />
<br />
NFL Player Helps Stranded Motorist #That Was Just The Beginning Of Incredible Kindness<br />
http://darynkagan.com/DarynKagan.com_Animals.html <br />
<br />
Daryn's Upbeat Stories! Daryn@darynkagan.com<br />
Copyright © *|2013* *|Journeyist, Inc.|*, All rights reserved. <br />
~~~~~<br />
EarthSky News - Most Popular This Week - Deborah Byrd<br />
<br />
Everything you need to know: December solstice 2013<br />
The December solstice marks the longest night in Northern Hemisphere and longest day in the Southern Hemisphere. Celebration time!<br />
<br />
Largest-ever true-color photo of the night sky<br />
The photographer trekked 60,000 miles (100,000 km) across the western United States and South Africa to create this massive composite image. Be sure to click the link inside this post for the gigantic, high-def, zoomable version.<br />
<br />
Rare snow storm hits Middle East<br />
A rare snow storm hit the Middle East, producing record snows and extreme conditions for Syrian refugees.<br />
<br />
Milky Way galaxy has four arms again<br />
A debate has been raging about whether our galaxy has four spiral arms, or two. A 12-year study of massive stars suggests that it has four.<br />
<br />
http://earthsky.org/?utm_source=EarthSky+News&utm_campaign=a5ae09fe2f-EarthSky_News&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_c643945d79-a5ae09fe2f-393703501<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Rasmussen Reports - - <br />
<br />
75% Think Parents Should Decide If There Is Prayer in Their Child's School<br />
<br />
66% believe the economy is unfair to the middle class.<br />
<br />
65% Say No to Cell Phone Chatting on Airplanes<br />
<br />
58% Oppose Health Care Law's Individual Mandate <br />
<br />
49% Rate Obama Poorly on Deficit Reduction<br />
<br />
46% Approve of Obama's Job Performance<br />
<br />
33% See China's Moon Landing as Bad for U.S. <br />
<br />
29% Have Favorable Opinion of Federal Government<br />
<br />
22% Think Federal Government Needs More Tax Money <br />
<br />
21% Favor Amnesty for NSA Leaker Snowden <br />
<br />
15% Give the House Positive Marks<br />
<br />
13% Give Senate Positive Marks<br />
<br />
13% Think Airline Mergers Good for Fliers <br />
~<br />
To find out more about Scott Rasmussen, and read features by other Creators writers and cartoonists, visit www.creators.com. COPYRIGHT 2013 - - SCOTT RASMUSSEN - - DISTRIBUTED BY CREATORS.COM See Other Political Commentaries. http://www.rasmussenreports.com/public_content/political_commentary See Other Commentaries by Scott Rasmussen. http://www.rasmussenreports.com/public_content/political_commentary/commentary_by_scott_rasmussen<br />
~~~~~<br />
Favorite Quotes: Via Ron Hazelton<br />
<br />
If you think you're too small to make a difference, you've obviously never been in bed with a mosquito. ~ Michelle Walker<br />
<br />
Art is not a handicraft, it is the transmission of feeling the artist has experienced. ~ Leo Tolstoy<br />
<br />
Exploring the unknown requires tolerating uncertainty.~ Brian Greene<br />
<br />
A smile is a facelift that's in everyone's price range! ~ Tom Wilson <br />
<br />
Christmas is not a time nor a season, but a state of mind. To cherish peace and goodwill, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas. ~ Calvin Coolidge<br />
~<br />
And one attributed to Phil Robertson; America, you need to be more focused on our veterans losing their benefits than about me being suspended from a television show. The only reason I have the freedom to voice my own opinion is because of them. Stop "Stand With Phil" and stand by the true heroes.<br />
~~~~~<br />
Excerpts from Debbie Troquille’s Big Little Book Of Devotions:<br />
<br />
12/14 What a busy Friday night and Saturday morning, we had! Paul and I babysat Nolan and Landon, last night. They survived, and so did we....I'm proud of both! Cami and Abby did some Christmas shopping today, and we made it again, yay!! Anyway, tomorrow afternoon, my side of the family will have our Christmas get together. Family is a blessing, and I won't take our time together, for granted.<br />
<br />
12/15 I just found out that my precious Aunt Marge McGough, entered Heaven today! Having lost my parents, I know what my cousins are experiencing right now, but knowing Jesus makes all the difference, for all of us. Heaven really has gotten a little sweeter, and oh, the reunion going on there....today, I'm even more thankful for Jesus and Heaven!<br />
<br />
12/16 "A span of life is nothing, but the man or woman who lives that span, they are something. They can fill that tiny span with meaning, so its quality is immeasurable, though its quantity may be insignificant." (Chaim Potok) I can't be with family members today, as my sweet Aunt Marge is laid to rest, but I'm praying for her children and grandchildren. She lived her span of life, well....and I'm blessed because of that!<br />
<br />
12/17 George Herbert Palmer said, "I am defeated, and know it, IF I meet any human being from whom I find myself unable to learn anything." Paul Troquille says some people show us more of what NOT to be like, while others show us fine examples of how to live life. Either way, there's something to be learned. Just like there are "updates" on computers, phones, etc., I've made the decision, to have daily learning "updates" so that I can be at my best! Enjoy this beautiful Tuesday!<br />
<br />
12/18 I love the way Matthew 5:5 reads in the Message Bible. It says, “You’re blessed when you're content with just who you are--no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought." Joy, peace, and contentment, can't be bought with money. They were, however, purchased with the blood of Jesus, and made available, for free, to us. God sure gives good gifts!<br />
<br />
12/19 Aren't you glad that the gospel is a "whosoever" gospel? Whew, I am!! There aren't just a select few. Salvation is open to anyone. That's what makes the gospel "GOOD NEWS!" Jesus...Alpha and Omega, the first and the last, the beginning and the end. There is no other name, under Heaven, by which any person can be saved! (Acts 4:12) He was born, (happy birthday Jesus) He lived, He died, He was raised from the dead, and He's alive now.....my Superhero!<br />
<br />
12/20 I think Phil Robertson is a very brave man!<br />
He had to know when he was asked "the question" that his answer could land him with no job, and he still answered honestly. He didn't say what they wanted to hear. I wonder how many people would be willing to do the same, on their jobs, if they knew they would be fired if they didn't answer in a politically correct way? Hmmmmm..... <br />
~~~~~<br />
The following wisdom is shared by our friends and family. <br />
~<br />
Donah Dumas<br />
Have you been outside on this cold dark night and observed all the bright stars in the sky or maybe they could be just nail holes in the floor of heaven!<br />
~<br />
Nancee Law<br />
The best gift around the Christmas tree is the presence of family wrapped in love.<br />
<br />
It's not what's under your Christmas tree, it's who's around it that counts<br />
<br />
Sitting in the line of fire during a rubber band war is not a good place to be.<br />
<br />
I will sing of the Mercies of the Lord forever.<br />
<br />
funny how quickly kids straighten up when you start counting.<br />
<br />
If you trust God for all you need, He will also give you all you want.<br />
<br />
God's Greatest Expressions of Love....Look around at what you have, not what you don't have.<br />
<br />
If you give the devil an inch, he will take a mile. Be careful that you aren't equipping him.<br />
<br />
In order to get Kindness, you have to give Kindness<br />
~<br />
Rick Pavick<br />
A roadrunner's top speed is 20 MPH, and a coyote's top speed is 43 MPH. So I guess every Saturday morning of my childhood from 7am to 8am was just a big lie! <br />
~~~~~<br />
AskBob - - Bob Rankin - - http://askbobrankin.com/<br />
<br />
Get Free TV With Hulu? We'd all love to cancel our expensive cable TV service, if only we could watch our favorite shows for free. Hulu is an online video service that just might deliver on the promise of free TV. But it depends on what, where, and how you want to watch your television. Read on to learn more about Hulu ... http://askbobrankin.com/get_free_tv_with_hulu.html?awt_l=HZr.N&awt_m=IjiZI.geSuP6SL<br />
<br />
HOWTO: Boost Cell Phone Battery Life There are two kinds of mobile device users: one rants constantly about the uselessness of the battery in his phone, tablet, laptop, etc.; the other kind shrugs and says, “Mine’s not so bad.” The difference is partly one of temperament; some mobile users take simple steps to extend the time between recharges. Here are some simple ways to conserve a battery’s charge and extend the life of the battery itself...<br />
http://askbobrankin.com/howto_boost_cell_phone_battery_life.html?awt_l=HZr.N&awt_m=ImBf8PrimuP6SL<br />
~~~~~<br />
ACC SmartBrief - - “Survey: Environmentalists, politics trumping science in chemical regulations”<br />
Politics and environmental advocacy have a greater influence on efforts to manage chemical risks than science, according to a recent survey of three professional societies focused on risk management. And when scientific data are used, they are often not available for independent analysis, according to the survey, which was funded in part by the American Chemistry Council. Industry concerns were found to be "the least influential factor in current risk management," this article says. Forbes (12/19)<br />
http://www.forbes.com/sites/trevorbutterworth/2013/12/19/politics-environmentalism-beating-out-science-in-regulating-risk-say-experts/<br />
~~~~~ <br />
The latest from Michael Yon, the foremost “milnews” blogger on the web. <br />
~<br />
Greetings, <br />
<br />
US based Soldier Mysteriously Pretends to be based in Thailand: “A strange story from Texas.”<br />
http://www.michaelyon-online.com/us-embassy-bangkok-us-soldier-running-rogue-operation.htm<br />
~<br />
US Air Force being Shot Down: “This is extraordinary.”<br />
http://www.michaelyon-online.com/air-force-being-downgraded-to-air-persuasion-task-force.htm<br />
~<br />
US Propaganda from the war: for your pleasure: “Worse than Pravda.”<br />
http://www.michaelyon-online.com/afghanistan-talking-points-us-troops.htm<br />
~<br />
In Syria, Christians have no way to play Switzerland<br />
Dec 2, 2013, 10:58am | Ed Morrissey<br />
http://hotair.com/greenroom/archives/2013/12/02/in-syria-christians-have-no-way-to-play-switzerland/<br />
<br />
Michael Yon is working in Turkey to report on the Syrian civil war. A couple of weeks ago, we barely missed each other in Istanbul (my fault, thanks to an ambitious tour itinerary), where he and I planned to meet to discuss the coverage of the war in the US. He has a new post up reporting how al-Qaeda is growing like kudzu in Syria, but also the impossible position in which Christians find themselves in the war:<br />
<br />
Despite their long history, some believe the days of Christians in Syria are fading. Many have fled to Turkey, possibly having already spent their final days in their homeland.<br />
<br />
In the United States there is a tendency to view this as “Muslims vs. Christians,” yet on the scale of the troubles these are subtopics. Stories that center on the Christian suffering can make it sound like “another Christian village has fallen,” when the stories coming from Syria are “another village has fallen, and this one happens to be mostly Christian.”<br />
<br />
The targeting of Christians is often not the result of religious differences.<br />
<br />
Politically, some targeting stems from many Christians siding with Assad’s regime, fearing an inevitable pogrom. Assad nurtures Christian fears to gain their support.<br />
<br />
But that hardly matters: if they side against Assad, his forces will also attack. The price of being a minority can be dammed if you do and dead if you don’t.<br />
<br />
In the ultimate “you are with us or against us, “ there is no option to play Switzerland and pretend lofty neutrality as if that were a choice. Alpine geography and political circumstance afford lucky Switzerland the fantasy of being above it all, yet a desert village on key terrain and crucial routes has less fortunate geography and circumstance. The options are to run, surrender, or fight.<br />
<br />
http://www.michaelyon-online.com/al-qaeda-in-syria-a-snapshot.htm<br />
<br />
Very Respectfully,<br />
Michael Yon<br />
Your Writer, <br />
<br />
Please remember that this website accepts no advertisement and is dependent on your support. <br />
<br />
PS Please sign up for my Twitter.com updates at "Michael_Yon" [http://twitter.com/Michael_Yon] (not Michael Yon).<br />
<br />
http://www.facebook.com/#/MichaelYonFanPage?ref=sgm<br />
~<br />
www.michaelyon-online.com<br />
~<br />
Http://www.michaelyon_online.com/index.php<br />
~~~~~ <br />
If you would like to encourage US Troops overseas, but are not sure just how to begin, visit www.anysoldier.com for ideas. <br />
~~~~~ <br />
5 Things New Veterans Expect From All Political Candidates<br />
<br />
1. Defend the New GI Bill<br />
2. Employ the New Greatest Generation<br />
3. Prevent suicide among troops and veterans<br />
4. Build a truly 21st Century VA<br />
5. Improve Care for Female Veterans<br />
<br />
http://iava.org/blog/5-things-new-veterans-expect-all-candidates-2012<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Please remember ... America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the MALL.<br />
~~~~~<br />
http://www.shelfari.com<br />
http://www.shelfari.com/bugsbleat/shelf <br />
~~~~~<br />
For the latest issue of "Da Bleat.", go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com. <br />
Our photos are posted at http://www.bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com.<br />
~~~~~<br />
Photos on the front of this week’s “Bleat” include; SAU’s Water Tower Candle, The Columbia County Courthouse shines with decorations on a rainy evening. Pam’s Bow, Our front decorations. Our fantastic family photo. SAU’s old (and, to me, preferred) water tower candle decorations.<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it. <br />
~~~~~<br />
Break Point - - Do Your Kids 'Get' Christmas?<br />
More than Rules and Stories<br />
By: John Stonestreet|Published: December 20, 2013 5:30 AM<br />
<br />
How do you explain to your kids what Christmas is all about? I’ll tell you how I teach mine.<br />
<br />
I remember the first children’s Bible story books we were given when my kids were born—you know, the ones that teach the timeless lessons: Adam and Eve disobeyed God and messed everything up, so you should obey your mom and dad. Noah was the best man of his time, so God saved him. David slew Goliath and Zacchaeus got to have Jesus over for dinner because, well, you know—God loves small people, too.<br />
<br />
Most of these children’s Bibles told great stories about heroic men and women who did what God said and everything worked out for them. And if you do what God says, it follows everything will work out for you, too. Right?<br />
<br />
Well, that’s the version many kids get from well-intentioned Christian teachers, videos and Sunday school curriculum. The problem is, it’s not the story of Scripture. It’s more like what sociologist Christian Smith once called “moralistic therapeutic deism,” or the idea that Christianity can be summed up as “God wants you to try a little harder to do a little better…just like those great people in the Bible.”<br />
<br />
But when you read the Bible cover-to-cover you see just how mistaken this view is. The Bible is a book filled with accounts of broken, sinful, and sometimes downright thick people whom God still chose to use in His redemption plan. And it’s about how all of history ultimately leads up to Jesus Christ, God the Word who became flesh, dwelt among us, and began the re-creation of all things.<br />
<br />
That’s why I was so excited to talk on “BreakPoint This Week” to two amazing writers for children, Sally Lloyd Jones, author of “The Jesus Storybook Bible,” and Phil Vischer, creator of “What’s in the Bible?” (and formerly, of course, "VeggieTales”).<br />
<br />
These two have produced a goldmine of biblical instruction for children.<br />
<br />
Jones says she grew up in a Christian home, but viewed the Bible as a rule book or full of commandments and moral heroes to imitate in order to earn God’s love.<br />
<br />
The inspiration behind her wonderful “Jesus Storybook Bible,” she says, hit when she realized that she’d misunderstood Scripture for most of her life.<br />
<br />
“…the Bible is most of all a story,” she said, “And it’s the story of how God loves his children and comes to rescue them…if I, as a child growing up in a Christian home…missed the whole point of what the Bible was about, I wondered how many other children were missing it.”<br />
<br />
And that’s what her children’s books, especially her Christmas gem, “Song of the Stars,” are designed to prevent. Jones says she wants children not to look at Scripture as a collection of moral nuggets, but as a unified epic leading with ever greater clarity to the manger of Jesus Christ, where the only solution to sin and brokenness is found.<br />
<br />
Phil Vischer’s journey covered much of the same ground, but he says he didn’t recognize his childhood gospel of moralistic therapeutic deism until well into adulthood. As I shared with you on BreakPoint last year, Vischer—himself the voice of Bob the Tomato—admits the message taught in many “VeggieTales” wasn’t fully ripe Christianity. In his own words, “You can say ‘hey kids, be more forgiving because the Bible says so.’ But that isn’t Christianity.”<br />
<br />
Newsletter_Gen_180x180_BHis latest work, especially the children’s puppet series “What’s in the Bible?” with Buck Denver, captures an entirely different message. Children learn about the unity of Scripture, how each piece fits together to form the great story about Jesus Christ, who came to save us from trying to please God ourselves.<br />
<br />
And in the remarkable video “Why Do We Call It Christmas?” children can discover the origins of some of our most beloved Christian traditions, and how they each point back to the “upside down” story we celebrate this time of year: that the King of the Universe became a child, to rewrite our story, and make us all His children.<br />
<br />
We’re using these incredible resources right now with our family to walk through Advent with our children. So come to BreakPoint.org. <br />
<br />
Resources:<br />
<br />
What’s in the Bible? video series<br />
Phil Vischer | Jellyfish Labs<br />
http://www.colsoncenterstore.org/advSearch2.asp?txtTitle=whats+in+the+bible%3F&x=0&y=0<br />
<br />
Cottages and Vegetables<br />
John Stonestreet | BreakPoint.org | July 6, 2012<br />
http://www.breakpoint.org/bpcommentaries/entry/13/19742<br />
<br />
Song of the Stars: A Christmas Story<br />
Sally Lloyd Jones | Zonderkidz | September 2011<br />
http://www.colsoncenterstore.org/product.asp?sku=9780310722915<br />
<br />
The Jesus Storybook Bible: Every Story Whispers His Name<br />
Sally Lloyd Jones | Zonderkidz | March 2007<br />
http://www.colsoncenterstore.org/product.asp?sku=0310708257<br />
<br />
A Nation Divided: Why Do We Call It Christmas?<br />
EMI-CMG Publisher | October 2011<br />
http://www.colsoncenterstore.org/product.asp?sku=0853026002370<br />
<br />
Copyright © 2013 Colson Center. All Rights Reserved<br />
<br />
http://www.breakpoint.org/bpcommentaries<br />
<br />
Copyright © 2013 Colson Center. All Rights Reserved<br />
~~~~~<br />
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it. <br />
~~~~~ <br />
Residents of Columbia County, Arkansas are represented in Congress by:<br />
~ <br />
Senator John Boozman (R_ AR) <br />
1 Russell Courtyard<br />
Washington DC, 20510<br />
Phone: 202-224-4843<br />
http://boozman.senate.gov/<br />
~<br />
Senator Mark Pryor (D_ AR) <br />
Phone 202_224_2353 <br />
FAX 202_228_0908 <br />
http://pryor.senate.gov/<br />
~<br />
Representative Tom Cotton (R ) <br />
Phone 202_225_3772 <br />
FAX 202_225_1314 <br />
http://cotton.house.gov/<br />
<br />
Other states congresspersons can be found at: [http://www.visi.com/juan/congress/]<br />
~~~~~<br />
THOUGHT OF THE DAY:<br />
<br />
"Literature is news that stays news." - Ezra Pound<br />
<br />
"Knowledge is the only instrument of production that is not subject to diminishing returns." - John Clarke<br />
<br />
"Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no common denominator, but among those whom I love, I can: all of them make me laugh." - W. H. Auden<br />
<br />
"It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not." - Andre Gide<br />
<br />
"Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight." - Benjamin Franklin<br />
<br />
"Just because something doesn't do what you planned it to do doesn't mean it's useless." - Thomas A. Edison<br />
<br />
"If you really want something, and really work hard, and take advantage of opportunities, and never give up, you will find a way." - Jane Goodall<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Breaking Christian News <br />
<br />
Phil Robertson Breaks Silence During His Sunday Bible Study<br />
by Teresa Neumann : Dec 23, 2013 : Leonardo Blair - The Christian Post<br />
http://www.christianpost.com/news/phil-robertson-breaks-silence-at-bible-study-i-will-not-give-or-back-off-from-my-path-i-am-a-lover-of-humanity-not-a-hater-111357/<br />
<br />
"I have been immoral, drunk, high. I ran with the wicked people for 28 years and I have run with the Jesus people since, and the contrast is astounding." -Phil Robertson<br />
<br />
Phil Robertson(West Monroe, LA) - Duck Dynasty patriarch Phil Robertson chose to finally speak about being suspended from A&E at his church yesterday.<br />
<br />
In a Bible study at White's Ferry Road Church of Christ, Robertson, dressed in full camouflage, called himself a "lover of humanity and not a hater." <br />
<br />
"I have been immoral, drunk, high. I ran with the wicked people for 28 years and I have run with the Jesus people since, and the contrast is astounding...Jesus will take sins away. If you're a homosexual He'll take it away, if you're an adulterer, if you're a liar, what's the difference? If you break one sin, you may as well break them all."<br />
<br />
"I have made hundreds and hundreds of speeches," he added, "and you can pick them apart and the center has always been Jesus Christ...[He] was the most perfect being to ever walk this planet and He was persecuted and nailed to the Cross, so please don't be surprised when we get a little static."<br />
<br />
In a separate report, The Daily Mail posted an article on December 21, in which an unnamed Duck Dynasty insider claimed the Robertson family was being "hung out to dry," contending that an A&E official was with Robertson during the GQ interview and therefore knew what the patriarch had said and did nothing to change or prevent the article from being published. <br />
<br />
The "unnamed source" reportedly said, "It is our understanding that when the TV executives came up with the concept for the show, they wanted it to be a case of people laughing at a bunch of backward rednecks. But when it didn't turn out like that...it did not sit well with the New York TV types. We believe they were also uncomfortable with the family's insistence that there would be a strong religious presence in the show.<br />
<br />
"They knew Phil was the driving force behind this and we think they have used this situation to bring him in line so they could steer the show back down the path they intended. But they may have underestimated how...committed [the Robertson family] is to their beliefs."<br />
~<br />
Carman Asks for Prayer While Undergoing Cancer Treatment<br />
by Jeremy Reynalds : Dec 23, 2013 : Assist News Service<br />
http://www.assistnews.net/Stories/2013/s13120092.htm<br />
<br />
"Folks, this is a battle. A war to really test your mettle. I want to stop this every day and pick it up another year. But I'm almost half way through. I have to find the strength somewhere to keep going." -Carman Licciardello<br />
<br />
Carman Licciardello(Tulsa, OK) - Carman Licciardello, the recording artist and Christian evangelist who earlier this year revealed he has terminal cancer, asked for prayer on his Facebook page Saturday.<br />
<br />
Carman said he would appreciate prayer that his medical team finds the right treatment formula.<br />
<br />
"Everybody's different and you never know what the body will or won't respond to. Folks, this is a battle. A war to really test your mettle. I want to stop this every day and pick it up another year. But I'm almost half way through. I have to find the strength somewhere to keep going."<br />
<br />
Carman said he could never have imagined what he is currently experiencing after having his stem cells replaced.<br />
<br />
He added, "They give you the heavy dose of chemo. It wipes out the cancer but also everything else, including white blood cells that fight off infection."<br />
<br />
Carman said there's a 10-14 day time period while the stem cells are replaced that your immune system is completely disabled.<br />
"Meaning if someone sneezes or coughs near you, you can catch a cold and literally die from it," Carman said.<br />
<br />
"I've had my worst week ever," Carman said. "Nights where I laid in bed violently shivering for three hours at a time with a 104 temperature. Then I'd fall asleep and wake up enough to eat a few bites of something, then fall back to sleep."<br />
<br />
Carman described Friday night. He wrote (sic), "Last night I slept for the past six hours sweating completely through my T-shirts - wake up change clothes - go back to sleep - did that five times. Body is rejecting extra fluids, I guess, pumped during all these transfusions."<br />
<br />
Describing graphically how he feels, Carman said, "Like the Godfather after he was shot, lying in bed dreaming of sunny Corleone, Sicily. Running through the mountains and chasing the goat with the bell. Something that takes me far away from hospitals."<br />
<br />
To follow Carman on Facebook, visit www.facebook.com/CarmanLicciardello<br />
<br />
editor@breakingchristiannews.com <br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
GCF: Running Away From Home<br />
<br />
Emailed to me another humor list (ArcaMax Jokes) -Tom<br />
To subscribe ArcaMax Jokes, visit the website: http://www.arcamax.com/jokes/newsletter?source=1004 <br />
If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.com<br />
-----------------------------------------------------<br />
<br />
A man scolded his son for being so unruly and the child rebelled against his father. He got some of his clothes, his teddy bear and his piggy bank and proudly announced, "I'm running away from home!"<br />
<br />
The father calmly decided to look at the matter logically. "What if you get hungry?" he asked.<br />
<br />
"Then I'll come home and eat!" bravely declared the child.<br />
<br />
"And what if you run out of money?"<br />
<br />
"I will come home and get some!" readily replied the child.<br />
<br />
The man then made a final attempt, "What if your clothes get dirty?"<br />
<br />
"Then I'll come home and let mommy wash them," was the reply.<br />
<br />
The man shook his head and exclaimed, "This kid is not running away from home, he's going off to college!!"<br />
----------------------------------------------------------<br />
<br />
GCF: Engine Noise<br />
<br />
Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After waiting for an hour, it finally took off.<br />
<br />
A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant,<br />
"What was the problem?"<br />
<br />
"The pilot was bothered by a strange noise he heard<br />
in the engine," the attendant explained.<br />
<br />
"Oh, and it took a while to fix it," said the passenger.<br />
<br />
"Not exactly," was the reply. "It just took us a bit<br />
to find a deaf pilot."<br />
----------------------------------------------------------<br />
<br />
GCF: Steak Bone<br />
<br />
A steak fanatic, my father always picks out cuts that include a bone because he loves to nibble on it.<br />
<br />
One night Father and I were finishing our dinners at a steakhouse, and I could tell he wanted to start gnawing on the bone. But he couldn't bear to do so in public.<br />
<br />
"Excuse me," he said, calling the waitress over, "would you please wrap this bone up for my dog?" He has never owned a dog in his life, but the white lie seemed a tactful solution to his dilemma.<br />
<br />
A few minutes later the waitress returned to our table. "Here's your bone sir," she said, handing over a large package. "And while I was in the kitchen, I grabbed a few more out of the scrap bucket."<br />
----------------------------------------------------------<br />
<br />
GCF: Telling Time<br />
<br />
I was teaching my First Grade class to tell time using a conventional-style analog clock.<br />
<br />
"We'll be learning about the hour hand and the minute hand," I explained.<br />
<br />
One of the students interrupted and said, "I don't need to learn on that kind of clock. My dad bought me this digital watch, and right now it's ten minutes to 38."<br />
----------------------------------------------------------<br />
<br />
GCF: Bank Software<br />
<br />
Working at the call center of a major bank, I deal with customer complaints. A very irate customer called one day to declare, "My new computer banking software doesn't work."<br />
<br />
While trying to determine the problem, I eventually realized the software was working perfectly. I began to explain this when the customer interrupted me, saying, "But money isn't coming out of the printer!"<br />
----------------------------------------------------------<br />
<br />
GCF: Windshield<br />
<br />
The driver of a car with an ice-covered windshield had several near-accidents before being stopped by a police car.<br />
<br />
"Don't you think it would help if you cleaned the ice off the windshield?" the officer asked.<br />
<br />
"I don't think so," was the reply. "I left my glasses at home."<br />
----------------------------------------------------<br />
<br />
GCF: In Great Detail<br />
<br />
One day, at the dry-cleaning shop of a local Air Force Base, I overheard a young airman describe in great detail how he wanted his uniform cleaned and pressed. When he finished, the counter clerk asked, "Are you getting an award, or do you have an important military function to attend?"<br />
<br />
"Nothing like that," the airman said. "I'm going home on leave, and my little brother is taking me to his second-grade class for show-and-tell."<br />
----------------------------------------------------<br />
<br />
GCF: Old Cast Iron Tub<br />
<br />
I purchased a Jacuzzi tub to replace the old cast iron tub in our upstairs bath. We got the 300-lb tub out of the bathroom and then decided to gently lower it down our wood staircase to get it outside.<br />
<br />
We wrapped a blanket around the legs at the upper end of the tub so my wife could guide that end with a firm hold on the blanket. I was to be at the lower end of the tub. Well, all was going fine until one of the stair nosings broke, causing the tub to jerk and get away from us. (Note for the curious: a "nosing" is that part of the stair tread that extends slightly over the vertical part of the next step).<br />
<br />
It started careening down the stairs, and to avoid being bowled over, I hopped into the tub and rode it all the way down. It broke all the nosings before smashing into the wall at the bottom of the stairs. Luckily my wife and I both made it through without a scratch. Unfortunately our remodeling project grew by leaps and bounds.<br />
<br />
When I told my father the story, he said we should have left the tub in place, broken it up with a sledgehammer and then carried down the pieces.<br />
----------------------------------------------------<br />
<br />
GCF: Economic Pressure<br />
<br />
Faced with economic pressures and in an attempt to remain profitable, many commercial offices are cutting back on costs wherever possible.<br />
<br />
At one particular office, employees are taking management's belt-tightening orders seriously.<br />
<br />
"I'm taking two cups of coffee instead of five a day from the office kitchen," said one of the workers.<br />
<br />
"I'm only taking home half the office supplies I used to," another worker noted.<br />
----------------------------------------------------<br />
<br />
GCF: Bad Day<br />
<br />
Discovering that I'd overslept, I abandoned my usual morning routine and rushed out. In the van, though, I realized I had time to stop for a take-out coffee. I got my coffee and returned to the van, only to find I had not only left it running, but had locked it!<br />
<br />
The day was going from bad to worse. I returned to the shop, sheepishly explained my situation to the clerk and asked if I could borrow a broom.<br />
<br />
I managed to open a side window and pop the lock on the back door using the broom handle. When I returned the broom, the clerk said, "I know you're having a bad day, but..."<br />
<br />
"I know, I know," I interrupted. "You want to know how I can unlock my van with a broom."<br />
<br />
"No," she said. "I wanted to tell you that your shirt is on inside out.<br />
----------------------------------------------------<br />
<br />
GCF: Hygiene<br />
<br />
I have decided that hygiene is in the eye of the beholder. One lunchtime I watched the woman in the sandwich shop spreading mayonnaise on my bread, and noticed part of her grubby work shirt was dragging across it.<br />
<br />
"Excuse me," I ventured, "your sleeve is in the mayo."<br />
<br />
"No problem," she reassured me. "I need to wash it anyway."<br />
----------------------------------------------------<br />
<br />
GCF: Get Well Quick<br />
<br />
A little boy sent a "get well quick" card to his grandfather in the hospital. Inside the card he wrote:<br />
<br />
Dear Grandpa,<br />
<br />
Mama tells me that you went to the hospital for some tests.<br />
<br />
I hope you get an "A"!<br />
<br />
Love, Billy<br />
----------------------------------------------------<br />
GCF: 'HORSE for sale.'<br />
<br />
A real-estate agent was driving around with a new trainee when she spotted a charming little farmhouse with a hand-lettered "For Sale" sign out front.<br />
<br />
After briskly introducing herself and her associate to the startled occupant, the agent cruised from room to room, opening closets and cupboards, testing faucets, and pointing out where a "new light fixture here and a little paint there" would help.<br />
<br />
Pleased with her assertiveness, the woman was hopeful that the owner would offer her the listing.<br />
<br />
"Ma'am," the man said, "I appreciate the home-improvement tips and all, but I think you read my sign wrong. It says, 'HORSE for sale.'"<br />
----------------------------------------------------<br />
<br />
GCF: The Concept is Lost<br />
<br />
My friend a busy mother of five boys, frequently did her own maintenance jobs on her house.<br />
<br />
One day, after hours on a ladder painting the upper windows, she complained to her husband that she'd felt dizzy.<br />
<br />
For her next birthday she received some scaffolding.<br />
----------------------------------------------------<br />
<br />
GCF: Classified Ad<br />
<br />
... from the local newspaper ...<br />
<br />
2012 Suzuki GSXR 1000, $9,000<br />
<br />
This bike is perfect! It has only 1,000 miles and has had its 500 mile dealer service.<br />
<br />
It's been adult ridden, all wheels have always been on the ground. I use it as a cruiser/commuter. I'm selling it because it was purchased without proper consent of a loving wife. Apparently "Do whatever you want" doesn't mean what I thought. Call Steve. 555-1212<br />
----------------------------------------------------<br />
Mechanic: "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made the horn louder."<br />
----------------------------------------------------<br />
Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything one learned in school. --Albert Einstein<br />
----------------------------------------------------<br />
I have CDO. It's like Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, only in alphabetical order like it should be.<br />
----------------------------------------------------<br />
The amount of time required to complete a government project is exactly equal to the length of time already spent on it.<br />
----------------------------------------------------<br />
The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is uncopyrightable.<br />
----------------------------------------------------<br />
Never put off until tomorrow what you can put off until the day after tomorrow.<br />
----------------------------------------------------<br />
Consumer Law: If it's good or something that you really like, they will stop making it.<br />
----------------------------------------------------<br />
The mistake a lot of politicians make is in forgetting they've been appointed and thinking they've been anointed.<br />
----------------------------------------------------<br />
Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.<br />
----------------------------------------------------<br />
You're only young once, but you can be immature forever.<br />
----------------------------------------------------<br />
There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.<br />
----------------------------------------------------<br />
I have to take my paycheck to the bank.<br />
I's too little to go by itself.<br />
----------------------------------------------------<br />
I don't know the meaning of the word fear.<br />
In fact, I don't know the meaning of a lot of words.<br />
----------------------------------------------------<br />
I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!<br />
----------------------------------------------------<br />
A cynic is someone who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.<br />
----------------------------------------------------<br />
*** Good Clean Fun ***<br />
is brought to you by<br />
Thomas S. Ellsworth<br />
email: tellswor@kcbx.net<br />
<br />
Visit the Good Clean Fun web site at http://www.kcbx.net/~tellswor/<br />
<br />
Stop for a visit, leave with a smile!<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! Just send an email to:<br />
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><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
A Unique Home<br />
<br />
I took a real estate client to a handyman special. The place was great, and we couldn't understand why it was so cheap until we turned on the water main and water gushed from the ceiling.<br />
<br />
Dripping wet, my client put a positive spin on the showing: "Nice house," he said. "It's even self-cleaning."<br />
<br />
-- from Reader's Digest<br />
<br />
Received from Doc's Daily Chuckle.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
50th Wedding Anniversary<br />
<br />
On an airplane, I overheard a stewardess talking to an elderly couple in front of me. Learning that it was the couple's 50th wedding anniversary, the flight attendant congratulated them and asked how they had done it.<br />
<br />
"It all felt like five minutes..." the gentleman said slowly.<br />
<br />
The stewardess had just begun to remark on what a sweet statement that was when he finished his sentence with a word that earned him a sharp smack on the head: "...underwater."<br />
<br />
Received from leon_taylor.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
The Math Exam<br />
<br />
Technical/engineering schools such as MIT and Cal Poly pride themselves on their excellence in teaching mathematical skills. They only got in trouble once in a beginning calculus course in which there was a Friday night exam. It seems that many of the students thought they knew the material so well that they drank beer all afternoon before the exam. By the bad grades on their exams, they learned that alcohol and differential calculus don't mix.<br />
<br />
By now, most everyone knows, you should never drink and derive.<br />
<br />
(By Mike Brimberry and Alan Combs)<br />
<br />
Received from Stan Kegel.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
Lawyer<br />
<br />
When my mother was called for jury duty, she felt confident of her ability to answer the questions asked of prospective jurors.<br />
<br />
As a young attorney, I had filled her in on what to expect.<br />
<br />
Asked about the occupations of family members, Mom answered, "My son is a lawyer."<br />
<br />
As a follow-up, she was asked if she had ever used the services of an attorney.<br />
<br />
"Only to mow my lawn."<br />
<br />
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
Fishing Angel<br />
<br />
Three guys are fishing on a lake when an angel appears in the boat with them. The first guy gets over his shock and humbly says to the angel, "I've suffered from back pain for years. Is it too much to ask that you help me?" The angel touches the man's back, and he feels instant relief.<br />
<br />
The second guy points to his Coke-bottle glasses and asks if the angel could cure his poor eyesight. The angel tosses the man's glasses into the lake. When they hit the water, the man's vision clears, and he can see everything distinctly.<br />
<br />
The angel now turns to the third guy, who throws up his hands in fear. "Don't touch me!" he cries. "I'm on disability!"<br />
<br />
Received from Da Mouse Tracks.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
Airline Rage<br />
<br />
As a guy takes his seat on an airplane, he is surprised to find a parrot strapped in next to him. After taking off, the flight attendant comes around to serve the passengers on the plane. The guy asks the flight attendant for a coffee and the parrot squawks: "And get ME a Coke...NOW!"<br />
<br />
The flight attendant, flustered by the parrot's attitude, brings back a Coke for the parrot. However, she forgets the coffee for the guy.<br />
<br />
As the guy points this out, the parrot drains his glass and screams:"Get me another Coke or I'll really create a scene!"<br />
<br />
Quite upset, the attendant comes back shaking, with another Coke, but still no coffee.<br />
<br />
Irritated at her forgetfulness, the man decides to try the parrot's approach. "I've asked you twice for a coffee. Go and get it right now, or I'll create a scene that will make HIS look like a Victorian tea party!"<br />
<br />
The next moment, both the guy and the parrot are grabbed and thrown out of the emergency exit by two burly security guards.<br />
<br />
Hurtling towards earth, the parrot turns to him and says: "You're pretty bold for a guy who can't fly!"<br />
<br />
Received from Steve Sanderson.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
Alimony<br />
<br />
"Mr. Smith, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court judge said, "and I've decided to give your wife $275 a week."<br />
<br />
"That's very fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."<br />
<br />
Received from Irene A. Mystery.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
The College Student<br />
<br />
I am a college student studying for my bachelor's degree. For my English class we are reading part of Walden and writing about it. I hope I covered everything. I tried to be Thoreau.<br />
<br />
(By Katherine Thomsen)<br />
<br />
Received from Stan Kegel.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
Assistance Please.....<br />
<br />
Lisa was out driving her car and while stopped at a red light, the car just died. It was a busy intersection and the traffic behind her was starting to pile up. The guy in the car directly behind her was honking his horn continuously as Lisa continued to try getting the car to start up again.<br />
<br />
Finally Lisa got out of her car and approached the guy in the car behind her. "I can't seem to get my car started," Lisa said, smiling. "Would you be a sweetheart and go and see if you can get it started for me? I'll stay here in your car and lean on your horn for you."<br />
<br />
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
Cajun Confession<br />
<br />
Boudreaux was feeling guilty, so he went to confession.<br />
<br />
"Father, I kinda took a little lumber from that new construction site."<br />
<br />
Priest: "What did you do with the lumber, my son?"<br />
<br />
Boudreaux: "Well, Father, my porch, she's had a hole for a long time. I'm 'fraid someone will break their leg, so I fix the hole."<br />
<br />
Priest: "Well, that's not so bad."<br />
<br />
Boudreaux: "Well, Father, I had a little lumber left."<br />
<br />
Priest: "What did you do with it?"<br />
<br />
Boudreaux: "Well, my poor dog, Phideaux, he ain't never had no place to get outta the weather, so I make him his own little doghouse."<br />
<br />
Priest: "OK, anything else?"<br />
<br />
Boudreaux: "Well, Father, I had a little lumber left. So you know, my truck, she ain't never had no place to get outta de weather either, so I make her a two-car garage."<br />
<br />
Priest: "Now, this is getting a little out of hand."<br />
<br />
Boudreaux: "Well, Father, I still had a little lumber left."<br />
<br />
Priest: "Yes?"<br />
<br />
Boudreaux: "Well, my wife, she always want a bigger house. So I add two bedrooms and a new bathroom."<br />
<br />
Priest: "OK! That's definitely too much. For your penance, you are going to have to make a Novena. You do know how to make a Novena, don't you?"<br />
<br />
Boudreaux: "No, Father ... but if you got the plans, I got the lumber."<br />
<br />
Received from Doc's Daily Chuckle.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
Traffic Violation 2<br />
<br />
A police car pulled me over near the high school where I teach. As the officer asked for my license and registration, my students began to drive past. Some honked their horns, others hooted, and still others stopped to admonish me for speeding.<br />
<br />
Finally the officer asked me if I was a teacher at the school, and I told him I was.<br />
<br />
"I think you've paid your debt to society," he said with a smile, and left without giving me a ticket.<br />
<br />
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
Wedding Nerves<br />
<br />
As I approached my husband-to-be at the front of the church, I noticed tears in his eyes. I knew he was about to break down. To lighten the moment I made some outrageous faces at him. It worked! The ceremony proceeded smoothly and I was proud of my quick thinking...until I saw the wedding video.<br />
<br />
Received from Sermon Fodder List.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
Electing To Receive<br />
<br />
It was Super Bowl Sunday and in our Presbyterian church the time for the collection of tithes and offerings was approaching. The minister, a true sports enthusiast, reached into his pocket, took out a quarter, flipped it into the air, glanced at it as it landed, then in typical referee fashion joyfully announced:<br />
<br />
"The ushers have elected to receive!"<br />
<br />
Received from sermonfodder.com.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
Frying Pan<br />
<br />
A guy is sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife sneaks up behind him and whacks him on the head with a frying pan.<br />
<br />
"What was that for?" he asks.<br />
<br />
"That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Marylou written on it," she replies.<br />
<br />
"Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Marylou was the name of one of the horses I bet on," he explains.<br />
<br />
She looks satisfied and apologizes.<br />
<br />
Three days later he's again sitting in his chair reading when she nails him with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him out cold.<br />
<br />
When he comes to, he says, "What was that for?"<br />
<br />
"YOUR HORSE PHONED!"<br />
<br />
Received from TH&PGEORGE.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
The Threat<br />
<br />
As a fellow policeman and I were eating lunch in a cafe, we heard a woman nearby say loudly, "Jimmy, if you don't eat all your peas, I'll have those policemen come over and talk to you." My friend promptly walked over to the five-year-old who was being scolded.<br />
<br />
"Jimmy," he said, just as loudly, "I'm six-foot-two and weigh 200 pounds. And I never ate a pea in my life." As we left, the other patrons were laughing, Jimmy's mother was absolutely silent, and a smiling Jimmy was no longer afraid of policemen.<br />
<br />
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a) Mail address: <br />
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<br />
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The latest GCFL funny can always be found on the web at http://www.gcfl.net/latest.php<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Column - - http://www.madkane.com/humor_blog/<br />
<br />
Limerick Ode To A Wastrel<br />
December 18th, 2013<br />
By Madeleine Begun Kane<br />
<br />
A wastrel received a complaint<br />
That she’d failed to use any restraint<br />
In her credit card use<br />
And spending abuse.<br />
She passed out, but her faint was a feint.<br />
»<br />
Another Snow Job (Limerick)<br />
December 17th, 2013<br />
By Madeleine Begun Kane<br />
<br />
Dear Mark, thanks for shov’ling today.<br />
If you hadn’t, that snow’d surely stay<br />
Until I did the chore,<br />
A job I abhor.<br />
It’s more fun to make limerick hay.<br />
<br />
© Madeleine Begun Kane. All Rights Reserved.<br />
http://www.madkane.com/<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." __ Franklin D. Roosevelt <br />
"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle." <br />
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. _ _ George Carlin <br />
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" _ _ Queen E. Watson<br />
“A political class of Republicans and Democrats that look after themselves, not the Nation. A media hostile to the very precepts of this nation. A generation of Americans who see morals as vices, and are ignorant of America's Actual History.”<br />
"The things that will destroy America are prosperity-at-any-price, peace-at-any-price, safety-first instead of duty-first, the love of soft living, and the get-rich-quick theory of life." - - Theodore Roosevelt <br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> <br />
Emergency Phone Number 911 <br />
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )<br />
Central Dispatch 234_5655<br />
(Non _ Emergency Number)<br />
Direct Numbers<br />
Ambulance _ 234_7371 (24 Hour)<br />
Jail _ 234_5331 (24 Hour)<br />
Poison Control _ 800_222_1222 (24 Hour)<br />
http://www. aapcc. org/<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Interested in getting in touch with the Banner_News through e_mail? editor@bannernews.net For the editor, news@bannernews.net For news and sports items, Coming Events, Diary, Church News, school and civic events. [http://www.bannernews.net/]<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." __ "Bug" <br />
"I read the end of the book. We win!" __ "Bug" <br />
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." __ "Bug"<br />
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." _ _ "Bug"<br />
"It's no big deal doing what God tells you to do. A big deal would be NOT doing what God tells you to do. Just ask Jonah." _ _ Paul Troquille <br />
“Nam et ipsa scientia potestas est.” Knowledge is power. _ Francis Bacon <br />
"The problem is here and now. The time for talk is past. The time for action is now." <br />
Comments on the first Earth Day _ James F. McClellan via John "Fuzzy" Thurman<br />
~~~~~<br />
Hope you enjoy the newsletter. <br />
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week. <br />
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" __"Bug" <br />
God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!! <br />
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP (Retired), NREMT_I, KC5HII <br />
<br />
P. S. If you'd like to be added to the distribution, just drop us E_mail at kc5hii@suddenlink.net<br />
. We offer "Da Bleat" as text, a "Blog" and as a newsletter with pictures in Word and PDF format. The latest issue is usually updated sometime Saturday. For the latest issue, go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com. We also have a site [http://bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com/] where we post photos that I like.<br />
We appreciate your encouragement. We also appreciate your communication when you desire to be taken off our mail list. If you are on this mail list by mistake or do not wish to receive "Da Bleat," please reply back and tell us to discontinue service to you. <br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> <br />
<br />
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-8ZvxIpkNBe4/UruQcjeJVmI/AAAAAAAAHx4/JWPTHOmiVw8/s1600/12-2013-12-02_11-12-038.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-8ZvxIpkNBe4/UruQcjeJVmI/AAAAAAAAHx4/JWPTHOmiVw8/s320/12-2013-12-02_11-12-038.jpg" /></a><br />
Annette shows off a new decoration. "Moose"<br />
<br />
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-RIp1o6igv_Y/UruQfFier0I/AAAAAAAAHyQ/h3aYBtyRYJ8/s1600/42-2013-12-18_10-34-017.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-RIp1o6igv_Y/UruQfFier0I/AAAAAAAAHyQ/h3aYBtyRYJ8/s320/42-2013-12-18_10-34-017.jpg" /></a><br />
Jimmy and Josiah show off their new shirts while Dusty watches from the "net book" display.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-S_1xQljkjI0/UruQckH_e2I/AAAAAAAAHx8/DTcl_WfMsVY/s1600/52-2013-12-20_11-43-019.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-S_1xQljkjI0/UruQckH_e2I/AAAAAAAAHx8/DTcl_WfMsVY/s320/52-2013-12-20_11-43-019.jpg" /></a><br />
Annette's front porch snowman.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-MKltqqqp1mI/UruQdYNoUWI/AAAAAAAAHyE/VCA0Na6ttxI/s1600/55-2013-12-21_17-10-049.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-MKltqqqp1mI/UruQdYNoUWI/AAAAAAAAHyE/VCA0Na6ttxI/s320/55-2013-12-21_17-10-049.jpg" /></a><br />
The western sky after last week's storms.<br />
<br />
<br />
Bughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07270965849194883997noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9136923892168334329.post-86877092022773301742013-11-18T22:29:00.000-08:002013-11-18T22:29:56.360-08:00Bug's Bleat - - GCF: Blizzard Conditions<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-EkS6hOg9bIE/Uor95QsIMPI/AAAAAAAAHtY/az6ZbW2V-cE/s1600/03-2013-10-07_15-21-11_705.JPG" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-EkS6hOg9bIE/Uor95QsIMPI/AAAAAAAAHtY/az6ZbW2V-cE/s320/03-2013-10-07_15-21-11_705.JPG" /></a><br />
Annette's Plants are settling in after coming indoors.<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-JsGIqmhzOJM/Uor96Gpf2dI/AAAAAAAAHtc/BEULYLPvvL8/s1600/04-2013-10-11_08-18-41_768.JPG" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-JsGIqmhzOJM/Uor96Gpf2dI/AAAAAAAAHtc/BEULYLPvvL8/s320/04-2013-10-11_08-18-41_768.JPG" /></a><br />
And Annette making her morning rounds, talking with her plant friends.<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-d_IkvYegSrM/Uor95xQ27QI/AAAAAAAAHtk/wc7PiDqbxUs/s1600/05-2013-10-12_12-21-44_925.JPG" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-d_IkvYegSrM/Uor95xQ27QI/AAAAAAAAHtk/wc7PiDqbxUs/s320/05-2013-10-12_12-21-44_925.JPG" /></a><br />
David preparing for another cooking road trip.<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ncwRmZFPVAY/Uor-xCE0ZhI/AAAAAAAAHtw/Dt34glwQXH8/s1600/07-2013-10-20_10-04-12_337.JPG" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ncwRmZFPVAY/Uor-xCE0ZhI/AAAAAAAAHtw/Dt34glwQXH8/s320/07-2013-10-20_10-04-12_337.JPG" /></a><br />
One of Annette's "kids".<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-GnkCzxBmpSw/Uor-xgGI8CI/AAAAAAAAHt8/jHeHjlx1TEs/s1600/10-2013-10-21_23-51-53_649.JPG" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-GnkCzxBmpSw/Uor-xgGI8CI/AAAAAAAAHt8/jHeHjlx1TEs/s320/10-2013-10-21_23-51-53_649.JPG" /></a><br />
These blooms came from David Wade Prison.<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-JIp0pwQ_AYI/Uor-xj5xGUI/AAAAAAAAHt0/ZjAIAmRnp7E/s1600/11-2013-10-22_20-44-53_47.JPG" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-JIp0pwQ_AYI/Uor-xj5xGUI/AAAAAAAAHt0/ZjAIAmRnp7E/s320/11-2013-10-22_20-44-53_47.JPG" /></a><br />
Annette "Pressing The Flesh" at the annual Hannah Pregnancy Resource Center Banquet. Again, she filled her table as well as half of the overflow table.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/--Qbf17QEeNU/Uor_4HYEcjI/AAAAAAAAHuM/a2W9QBZ7Ssk/s1600/13-2013-10-30_20-25-19_806.JPG" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/--Qbf17QEeNU/Uor_4HYEcjI/AAAAAAAAHuM/a2W9QBZ7Ssk/s320/13-2013-10-30_20-25-19_806.JPG" /></a><br />
Annette preparing her booth for Harvest Festival.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-D_AWwY5t0UA/Uor_4VRkefI/AAAAAAAAHuQ/p1SLMHFA2nE/s1600/15-2013-10-31_16-43-58_73.JPG" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-D_AWwY5t0UA/Uor_4VRkefI/AAAAAAAAHuQ/p1SLMHFA2nE/s320/15-2013-10-31_16-43-58_73.JPG" /></a><br />
Mrs. Mickie greeting Ethan, her first trick or treater of the evening.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Cwnb7CcFGe0/Uor_4d7dz7I/AAAAAAAAHuY/6iMLhwarw0w/s1600/16-2013-11-02_09-05-15_44.JPG" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Cwnb7CcFGe0/Uor_4d7dz7I/AAAAAAAAHuY/6iMLhwarw0w/s320/16-2013-11-02_09-05-15_44.JPG" /></a><br />
The McClellan / Malone gang preparing for their annual Christmas Portrait. This year done by Stephen Burton.<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-_f9x5BQPzbg/UosAwxaCCUI/AAAAAAAAHuw/oTl9ncjvdFM/s1600/18-2013-11-04_09-17-04_727.JPG" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-_f9x5BQPzbg/UosAwxaCCUI/AAAAAAAAHuw/oTl9ncjvdFM/s320/18-2013-11-04_09-17-04_727.JPG" /></a><br />
One of Annette's Kitchen Still Life's.<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-66mM4H396Ao/UosAw_UruGI/AAAAAAAAHuk/Bw1Xva76ZP4/s1600/21-2013-11-07_17-30-21_486.JPG" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-66mM4H396Ao/UosAw_UruGI/AAAAAAAAHuk/Bw1Xva76ZP4/s320/21-2013-11-07_17-30-21_486.JPG" /></a><br />
A smile no Grandparent could resist.<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-agDQrQxKkho/UosAxPju78I/AAAAAAAAHuo/qz-NxZx23go/s1600/22-2013-11-07_17-35-31_799.JPG" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-agDQrQxKkho/UosAxPju78I/AAAAAAAAHuo/qz-NxZx23go/s320/22-2013-11-07_17-35-31_799.JPG" /></a><br />
As Annette said; "God Bless Him."<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-lzWsufKyEWo/UosBtfy5oNI/AAAAAAAAHvA/zthyDb7oYOM/s1600/1-2013-09-12_19-43-05_982.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-lzWsufKyEWo/UosBtfy5oNI/AAAAAAAAHvA/zthyDb7oYOM/s320/1-2013-09-12_19-43-05_982.jpg" /></a><br />
Moon Over Jefferson Street.<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Vn7VVFYgBTI/UosBtVVCJMI/AAAAAAAAHvE/HkLBgKbG0GA/s1600/4-2013-09-13_19-04-33_280.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Vn7VVFYgBTI/UosBtVVCJMI/AAAAAAAAHvE/HkLBgKbG0GA/s320/4-2013-09-13_19-04-33_280.jpg" /></a><br />
Sunset over Main Street.<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-VysIytUuIGM/UosCL0t0wkI/AAAAAAAAHvQ/QJWtXMZjtq0/s1600/1-2013-09-23_11-24-25_679.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-VysIytUuIGM/UosCL0t0wkI/AAAAAAAAHvQ/QJWtXMZjtq0/s320/1-2013-09-23_11-24-25_679.jpg" /></a><br />
The Old Haynesville Train Station<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-7fBZdp2a4us/UosCMF4ux6I/AAAAAAAAHvU/lPGgTNj-mj4/s1600/2-2013-09-24_16-08-43_625.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-7fBZdp2a4us/UosCMF4ux6I/AAAAAAAAHvU/lPGgTNj-mj4/s320/2-2013-09-24_16-08-43_625.jpg" /></a><br />
A great '57 T-Bird<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-H0w0t_tsRhs/UosCMNke5bI/AAAAAAAAHvY/suvZcvi1mec/s1600/3-2013-09-25_16-00-11_251.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-H0w0t_tsRhs/UosCMNke5bI/AAAAAAAAHvY/suvZcvi1mec/s320/3-2013-09-25_16-00-11_251.jpg" /></a><br />
Wilson Bearden is remodeling.<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-PRg0L75xgXo/UosCoAW-c4I/AAAAAAAAHvo/PaHRXnfHT9g/s1600/4-2013-09-27_17-39-34_636.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-PRg0L75xgXo/UosCoAW-c4I/AAAAAAAAHvo/PaHRXnfHT9g/s320/4-2013-09-27_17-39-34_636.jpg" /></a><br />
Annette's Front Porch Still Life.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Volume 15, Issue 46 Friday, November 15, 2013<br />
<br />
Hello ALL, <br />
<br />
There’ve been numerous “ups and downs” since our last issue on Friday, August 23. But, like He promised, we’ve come through them all.<br />
~~~~~<br />
It looked like we were going to be blessed with a fifth grandchild. Vanessa and Jimmy announced that she was pregnant and we all were excited. Vanessa and Jimmy got to see an ultra sound of the baby and started planning for the nursery and discussing what kind of crib and stroller were needed.<br />
<br />
Then, she started having problems and ended up going to the Magnolia Regional Medical Center Emergency Room one afternoon. Jimmy was still at work in Louisiana so Annette and I met Vanessa and the boys at the E/R.<br />
<br />
I took the boys to get some supper and then take Josiah to football practice while Annette stayed with Vanessa in the E/R. After a stop at Burger King to “fuel up” the boys, Ethan and I dropped off Josiah at the boys club and headed back to the house. <br />
<br />
As we drove home, Ethan was pretty quiet and suddenly asked if his momma and the baby might die. I explained that being pregnant is more hazardous than not but most pregnant women and their baby's did just fine. I went on to say that I was sure his mom and little sister would be OK.<br />
<br />
Ethan thought for a minute and then said; "That makes sense. If most women died when they got pregnant, there wouldn't be many people. I mean if Eve had died when she was pregnant, Adam would just be walking around with nothing to do." <br />
<br />
He's a wise little man.<br />
<br />
Vanessa was back to see her doctor on Friday and he told her to get lots of bed rest over the weekend and come back Monday. She was doing well and we were all very confident that everything was fine.<br />
<br />
Then, Monday, the doc did a big battery of tests and told Vanessa and Jimmy that she had lost the baby. I was waiting at our house while Annette had gone to Taylor to pick the boys up at school. Vanessa called to tell me what the doctor had said and I told her to come on over to the house and they could meet the boys there.<br />
<br />
I had just got off the phone with Vanessa when Annette called on the car speaker phone and asked how the doctor's appointment went. I hesitated and she said: "The boys want to know."<br />
<br />
I thought back to when I was a young boy and my dad died. I had woken up to a house full of aunts and uncles and neighbors and both my parents were not there. I asked several folks what was going on but no one would answer me. Finally, my Uncle Paul Robertson squatted down and explained to me that my dad had a heart attack and passed away and my mom was "Making Arrangements...”<br />
<br />
There was no way I was going to beat around the bush and refuse to answer Annette and those boys so I told them that Vanessa had lost the baby. The boys immediately began comforting Annette. When they arrived at our home, Annette came in to see Vanessa and Jimmy (who had just come from the Doctors office.) But the boys didn't come in.<br />
<br />
I asked where the boys were and Annette replied; "They're telling Mr. Bob (our neighbor) about the loss of the baby. He was outside working in the yard and they knew he would want to know."<br />
<br />
Vanessa and Jimmy are handling it pretty well. But it hurts. She and Annette have hugged and cried and we will all get through this and walk out into the sunshine together.<br />
<br />
When he heard, David left work and came by to hug his sister and mother. Dusty also called after supper and loved on his Mamaw.<br />
<br />
You may have seen this poem that Jimmy posted.<br />
<br />
I'm struggling now <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-i09jZPgVoVE/UosDQm9HoNI/AAAAAAAAHv0/-tnOt0Fw6k0/s1600/1-2013-10-03_14-15-04_158.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-i09jZPgVoVE/UosDQm9HoNI/AAAAAAAAHv0/-tnOt0Fw6k0/s200/1-2013-10-03_14-15-04_158.jpg" /></a></div>Underneath the weight<br />
Of a love I cannot hold<br />
A name without a face.<br />
You've blessed me, Lord<br />
With more gifts than I can count<br />
How can I lay blame<br />
When You keep one for Yourself?<br />
<br />
Thus, a family survives and even thrives in spite of heartache. As for me, I have a strong woman, a faithful God and loving friends. How could everything not be good. <br />
~~~~~<br />
Ethan was “deep thinking” again today and told me; “Papaw, you have a lot of rules at your house.” “Really?” I replied. “Yeah, you have rules like: Wash your hands before and after you eat. No shoes on the couch. No fighting. No pops (so called “soft” drinks). No spinning in the rolling chairs. Almost no playing inside when it’s nice weather outside. No TV during meals (which have to be eaten at the table.) Almost no sweets. No eating in the bedroom or living room. No Rude Noises during family meals. No rude language (i.e. the other word for Flatulence, etc.). Put your stuff up. Clean up the table after you eat. Take out the trash when it’s full. This is a “No Whine” zone. … A whole lot of rules.” <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-23L5bt2kgGg/UosDhuZftvI/AAAAAAAAHv8/bpmlmwVdFFI/s1600/27-Educate+your+kids_2101002050_n.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-23L5bt2kgGg/UosDhuZftvI/AAAAAAAAHv8/bpmlmwVdFFI/s200/27-Educate+your+kids_2101002050_n.JPG" /></a></div><br />
Now that he mentions it, I guess we do have a lot of rules. :0)<br />
~~~~~<br />
Ethan and Josiah were riding to church with us one Sunday when Josiah spoke up and said; “You know Ethan always gets in trouble in Sunday School.” Annette turned to him and replied: “Shouldn’t we say positive things about our family as well as other people?” Josiah sighed and then said; “Well, I guess I’ve got nothing to say.”<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Jimmy was playing with Ethan and little plastic soldiers. Ethan divided up the soldiers and gave Jimmy all the guys who were crawling, waving, holding metal detectors, and looking through binoculars. Then he took all the bazooka guys, the grenade throwing guys and the prone, sitting and standing guys with rifles. <br />
It was looking grim for Jimmy’s army until he took a closer look at the binoculars. … wait, those weren't binoculars! They were laser devices. So Jimmy fried Ethan’s army.... :0) <br />
~~~~~ <br />
How easy it is for a guy to get in trouble. ...<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-lbtWwpXsfXU/UosD88zMlSI/AAAAAAAAHwE/Ryhlr_kFmCs/s1600/3-2013-09-13_11-07-46_867.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-lbtWwpXsfXU/UosD88zMlSI/AAAAAAAAHwE/Ryhlr_kFmCs/s200/3-2013-09-13_11-07-46_867.jpg" /></a></div>One afternoon, we were putting the patio back together after Annette power washed it that morning. The Patio really looks a lot better and all the dirt she washed into the grass should help it grow. Anyway … Annette suggested that I go bring the flags in while she finished up on the patio.<br />
<br />
As I stepped out the front door, I noticed the long hose on the lawn sprinkler under the Crepe Myrtles. The hose supplying it is much too long and I’d been meaning to pull the excess back over to the patio and shorten it so it would be neater when we were watering (old retired folks have time for such falderal.)<br />
<br />
At this point, let me explain that the front of the patio is a brick wall with only a 3” square drain hole facing the yard. That hole is where I run my water hose through when watering that side of the yard (old safety guys just can’t abide a water hose stretched across the sidewalk.)<br />
<br />
Earlier in the day, I’d disconnected the end of the hose on the patio and connected it to the power washer Annette was using [Thanks to Clink and Gerry for loan of the machine. And thanks to Amanda Warren Newton and crew at Columbia County Ambulance Service for being ready to respond if needed.]. <br />
<br />
So, I gathered up the surplus hose attached to the lawn sprinkler and pulled it over to the hole in the wall where I began feeding it through onto the patio. Suddenly there was a scream from inside the patio. <br />
<br />
Before I could even think of responding the scream stopped and Annette shouted; “James! Was that supposed to be funny?”<br />
<br />
It would seem that the sudden appearance of a green, snake sized “thing” writhing through the hole in the patio wall had shocked Annette. … Those of you who know me, know that I love jokes, kidding and fun. But the best ones are probably the unintended ones like this one. <br />
<br />
:0)<br />
~~~~~<br />
I developed a "Thang" on my head. It started out as a mosquito bite (I think) and then grew to sort of look like the mark on Russian Premier Gorbachev. We showed it to Dr. Murphy and he sent us to Dr. Jucas, the dermatologist.<br />
<br />
Dr. Jucas did a biopsy and when we called back later in the week to get the results, he related that the biopsy was "weird." Said he'd never seen anything like the cells in it. He consulted with another Doctor and they decided to send the tissue to some forensic cell tissue specialist in Little Rock.<br />
<br />
Imagine that. Something is weird about my body. Anyway, Dr. Jucas went on to say that it could be a skin thing or an eruption of something going on internally or it could be nothing. In any case, he didn't want to start removing stuff that he didn't know what was. :0)<br />
<br />
As instructed, we called the doc back a week later and learned that the lab in Little Rock was still "studying" (playing with) my tissue. The nurse told me they would call when the results were back. Glad I'm entertaining them.<br />
<br />
Finally, Dr. Jukas's office called and the THANG is a Cutaneous Lymphoid Hyperplasia (a collection of benign cutaneous lymphocytes, macrophages, and dendritic cells in the skin.). Seems that this rare reaction can be caused by skin damage including Insect bites, stings or Infections.<br />
<br />
Suggested treatments include; Superpotent topical steroids, corticosteroid injections, Cryotherapy, Photodynamic therapy with delta ALA, Topical tacrolimus, Hydroxychloroquine, Surgical excision, or Radiotherapy. Dr. Jucas went with the Superpotent topical steroids. <br />
<br />
Oh yeah, he also told me to cover the “Thang” with saran wrap after I applied the steroid. This was to enhance absorption into the tissue. You haven’t lived till you’ve walked around Wally World with saran wrap stuck to your head. <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-jZIoUBhSRSY/UosEaWXI83I/AAAAAAAAHwM/zir0w_kAU1s/s1600/06-2013-10-16_14-55-16_926.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-jZIoUBhSRSY/UosEaWXI83I/AAAAAAAAHwM/zir0w_kAU1s/s200/06-2013-10-16_14-55-16_926.JPG" /></a></div><br />
In only about three weeks, the “Thang” was gone (except for the little crater in the top of my head.) <br />
<br />
I'm really going to miss folks pretending not to be looking at my head or asking me if I knew I had saran wrap on my head (I usually replied either; “Really?” or “Yes … I’m saving it to wrap my sandwich with this evening.” :0) <br />
~~~~~<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-lN8ZM1R_144/UosEpFHP4DI/AAAAAAAAHwU/am1t7i4kH6s/s1600/zwolle+tamales_1748043207_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-lN8ZM1R_144/UosEpFHP4DI/AAAAAAAAHwU/am1t7i4kH6s/s200/zwolle+tamales_1748043207_n.jpg" /></a></div>There is no joy in Mudville tonight ... Save-A-Lot grocery no longer carries Zwolle Tamales. At least they haven't had any the last few times I've been in. Brookshire's has had them occasionally but I haven't seen any there for years. Wally world has never had them and I do love me some Zwolle Tamales. The recipe for the Original Zwolle Tamale is from an old Indian recipe consisting mainly of ground corn, pork & a variety of spices wrapped in corn shucks. <br />
They come fully cooked, simply heat & serve! I got hooked on Tamales like this back when the Chatterbox was getting them from a lady in El Dorado. The closest thing we can get now is in Antiquas restaurant here. There’s are the best I’ve had in any restaurant but they’re still not the actual Zwolle Tamales which I prefer steamed with no other accompaniment except fresh tostadas. <br />
<br />
They say misery loves company and I'm not alone in craving Zwolle Tamales. There are multitudes of folks on the web bemoaning the loss of Zwolle Tamales from their local grocery shelves. <br />
<br />
Oh well, I'm 62 and should be used to an occasional disappointment.<br />
<br />
P.S. You can order Zwolle Tamales from the Louisiana Crawfish company but they want $10 a dozen and that's a little steep for me.<br />
~~~~~<br />
After 09/11 the New York Fire Department was in immediate need of equipment to replace trucks lost in the World Trade Center Collapse. The Village of Oak Brook, IL was one of many departments that stepped up and loaned NYFD one of their trucks. <br />
<br />
After NYFD received replacement trucks, they returned the equipment they had been loaned.<br />
<br />
Then, using Federal Grants, Oak Brook joined Fire Departments across the nation and also began replacing older equipment with new and one of the older trucks they took out of service was #911, the truck that had served in New York after 9/11.<br />
<br />
At the same time, David Pry, the Fire Chief of our Albemarle Production Plant in Magnolia obtained funds to purchase a fire truck. As we looked for a vehicle we could afford, we saw that Oak Brook had an older truck for sale. Mechanic Kevin Hollis was dispatched to IL and reported back that the truck was in excellent shape and for sale at a very reasonable price.<br />
<br />
That's how Albemarle Magnolia ended up with a fire truck that had served NYFD after 9/11. <br />
~~~~~<br />
I will never forget the first patient to "die on me." We were dispatched in the middle of the night to a two vehicle MVA north of town, single occupants in both. Head on collision. <br />
<br />
My partners and I (in the two responding ambulances) transported both. The patient I was tending was BAD ... I didn't expect him to make the hospital ... but he did. After we turned him over to the doc in ER1, we went to help in ER 2 with the "less seriously injured" pt. <br />
<br />
Not much real damage apparent and he was talking to us. Then ... suddenly his vitals started “going south”. We tried putting MAST on him to stabilize BP. Didn't help. Tried everything the doctors, nurses and EMTs (no Paramedics in our area at that time) knew to do. ... <br />
<br />
He expired. <br />
<br />
I was in shock. He had presented as stable. Why had he passed away? The doctors told me that the patient had serious internal injuries and (in those days) there was nothing we could have done. <br />
<br />
I helped the nurses prepare him for the coroner. We treated this gentleman with the greatest respect and care.<br />
<br />
After the coroner left with the body, I stepped out on the ramp and David Lewis, our service owner, came over and talked with me. At that time, I thought I was o.k., the sun was coming up and I headed back home. Another crew would take the day shift on the unit. <br />
<br />
I walked in the house and laid down to get a little rest before the family got to stirring. <br />
<br />
When I woke up, everything felt out of place. I couldn't figure out what was wrong and then it hit me. That patient died and we weren’t able to save him. I just couldn't come to grips with it. <br />
<br />
It was Saturday morning, a beautiful fall day but that fellow would never see it and I didn’t feel so spiffy myself. Then I remembered a friend (a former EMT) was down the street roofing a house. I walked down there and climbed up on the roof with him. Started telling him what happened. We talked for an hour or two while he worked. <br />
<br />
It was enough. I was o.k. again. Thank God for Terry Benefield being there that day.<br />
~~~~~ <br />
A paramedic had this motto: POLICE ARE THE FINEST, FIREFIGHTERS ARE THE BRAVEST AND EMS ARE THE FORGOTTEN. <br />
<br />
The term Ambulance Drivers really originated a century or so ago when that’s just what they did. Throw bodies in and drive to the hospital or aid station.<br />
<br />
Fire fighters never were just drivers. They were fighting fires before they had a truck.<br />
<br />
After the feds upgraded the EMS system and EMTs, Paramedics, etc. came on the scene it was hard to get the general public to see the difference. The problem with the name is the indication that our medical personnel are just transporting the victim to a place they can be cared for.<br />
<br />
Modern EMS, especially like CCAS here (as well as our own Albemarle medical responders) provides definitive care that has time and again meant the difference between life and death and often between a quick recovery or a long hospital stay.<br />
<br />
It’s not an easy profession (physically nor mentally) but it is a very personally rewarding profession. <br />
~~~~~ <br />
A while back, I listed to a discussion of the techniques and planning that went into producing a famous photo. The topic reminded me of an interview I saw on PBS with Howard Hawks, the Director of the John Wayne movie "Hatari!" Hatari was shot in and around Arusha, Tanzania in 1962.<br />
<br />
A group of Japanese Cinematographers asked Mr. Hawks how he composed the opening scene where John Wayne emerges from the African Plain to track a large Rhinoceros. He looked at them quizzically and they explained; "How did you capture the essence of Man's Domination of the Earth and its Animals in that scene?"<br />
<br />
Mr. Hawks paused for a second or two and then replied; "Well ... It just looked good to me."<br />
<br />
:0)<br />
~~~~~ <br />
A friend recently complained about people who insist on everyone saying “Merry Christmas” instead of “Happy Holidays” and bully others with their “Hyper” Christianity. I replied: We could go back and forth all day but the fact is that God doesn't force the Gospel on us and it doesn't work for us to try to force it on others. These "Gospel Bullies" you describe are NOT sharing the Good News that Christ delivered to us. <br />
<br />
With that said, I'm one of those who complain about taking "Christ out of Christmas." I don't mind folks who don't recognize my faith or prefer to not acknowledge the religious side of the holiday that’s their choice. What I mind is folks who say that my observance "offends" them. Gee Whiz. Give Me A Break.<br />
<br />
And I also agree that government should stay way way out of the whole faith/religion/church issue. But I still get irritated at folks who comb through government property searching for any "religious" item that they can demand or file suit to get removed, no matter that it was part of the original design or that it's been there for decades or longer. This effort to sterilize any religious expression out of our society is misguided at best.<br />
<br />
AS for what being cheap or mean says about church goers? It says that those folks haven't let God transform them. We are supposed to worry about the beam in our eye and not the splinter in someone else’s but it's hard not to assume that folks who stiff wait staff don't know my Jesus (Annette’s mom and mine made their living waiting tables and running a cafe.)<br />
<br />
Bottom Line ... We all need to assess our own spiritual condition (if we have one.) Annette and I sometimes counsel young married couples and our main theme is for them to read the sections of Ephesians written for them. Not the sections written for their spouse. Read the sections written to them.<br />
<br />
But most folks don't want to hear what God is saying to them. Most folks want to tell other people what they are doing wrong.<br />
<br />
Now, to finish up with some quotes from folks I respect.<br />
<br />
"It's no big deal doing what God tells you to do. A big deal would be NOT doing what God tells you to do. Just ask Jonah." _ _ Paul Troquille (Dear Friend and Missionary to Africa.)<br />
<br />
"God uses men who are weak and feeble enough to lean on him." — Hudson Taylor, missionary to China<br />
<br />
"Many Christians Daily seek to disprove the Gospel through their actions." -- I Can't Remember Who<br />
<br />
Preach the Gospel at all times and when necessary use words. - - Francis of Assisi<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Hopefully, this will be my last post on the Government Shutdown / Debt Limit debacle. But I feel compelled to answer those who think it’s a good thing to just shutdown the Federal Bureaucracy for a few days or weeks, or months.<br />
<br />
I understand the reasoning. I too feel that the Federal Government is too deeply involved in too many of our day to day activities. In a previous life I saw the depth of control that the federal folks exert over our lives. It is difficult to do anything without involving lawyers and reams of paper. And the problem is not really the federal employees; it’s the convoluted laws that congress continues to pass to entangle our lives.<br />
<br />
But as an "Intermittent" Federal Employee of the Department of Health and Human Services, I can assure you that just ordering the government to stop spending money for a day or a week or a month doesn’t make those laws go away. They’re still there, only now, without the authority to spend money on workers and supplies and equipment and such, those laws can prevent any action to improve a business or respond to an emergency or take care of a soldier’s family.<br />
<br />
Think of it like a brain tumor. The Federal Bureaucracy is buried in our lives like the tumor is deep in a brain. The Bureaucracy has control of many many things that impact us each day, like the tumor has tendrils that reach far into the tissue.<br />
<br />
If you just “turn off” the Bureaucracy, it’s like just ripping out the tumor; the results are usually very detrimental to the patient. Instead, you need to carefully analyze the tumors location and how it is attached and make plans to remove it.<br />
<br />
We need to reduce the size and impact of the Federal Bureaucracy the same way. Congress needs to carefully analyze the massive mountain of laws they have enacted and selectively reduce the size of that mountain. It won’t be easy but it needs to be done. Otherwise, we’ll continue to see the hard working rank and file American’s take it on the chin while those in Washington D.C. run this country like elementary students who’ve found a huge bag of money that they can spend any way they want to.<br />
~<br />
The image is enough to bring a tear to even the most hardened of hearts – a little kid wearing a bear costume standing at the locked gates of the National Zoo, on the outside looking in.<br />
<br />
Read more here: http://www.kansascity.com/2013/10/10/4544581/kid-in-bear-costume-locked-out.html#storylink=cpy<br />
~~~~~ <br />
O.K. peeps. I need a little support here. … Whose fault is it that I’m sick to my stomach? <br />
<br />
Is it;<br />
<br />
A. Me? The guy who was minding his own business reading the new Faye Kellerman novel; “The Beast” while tending to the bread he was baking.<br />
or<br />
B. The Amazingly Incredible Wife of My Youth? Who conspired to cook beef cutlets, rice, gravy and hot biscuits for lunch. Who then ate her normal little teeny tiny portion and left all that meat, gravy, rice and biscuits sitting on the table just by my elbow while she moved into the living room to work on her puzzle. <br />
<br />
What did she expect to happen? Was I supposed to just finish what she’d put on my plate and store the rest of that scrumptious food for another Meal? I mean, it was just staring at me, mocking me, daring me to take another serving.<br />
<br />
Am I made of stone? Nay Nay. Now I can assure you that I’m made of beef cutlets, rice, gravy and hot biscuits.<br />
<br />
And to add insult to injury, she had the temerity to ask me what happened to all the food left on the table. As if she didn’t know what she was doing! HA!<br />
<br />
What say y’all? :0)<br />
~~~~~<br />
Drive-through ATM machines Procedures<br />
<br />
MALE PROCEDURE:<br />
1. Drive up to the cash machine.<br />
2. Put down your car window.<br />
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.<br />
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.<br />
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.<br />
6. Put window up.<br />
7. Drive off.<br />
~<br />
FEMALE PROCEDURE: (What is really funny is that most of this part is the truth!!!!)<br />
1. Drive up to cash machine.<br />
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.<br />
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.<br />
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.<br />
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.<br />
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.<br />
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.<br />
8. Insert card.<br />
9. Re-insert card the right way.<br />
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.<br />
11. Enter PIN.<br />
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.<br />
13. Enter amount of cash required.<br />
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.<br />
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.<br />
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.<br />
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of check book.<br />
18. Re-check makeup.<br />
19. Drive forward 2 feet.<br />
20. Reverse back to cash machine.<br />
21. Retrieve card.<br />
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!<br />
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.<br />
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.<br />
25. Re-dial person on cell phone.<br />
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.<br />
27. Release Parking Brake.<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Car Talk - - Jaguar is contemplating a SUV... Genius! We've always thought the perfect Jag would be one that could tow itself. http://bit.ly/139zqqL When I worked for HalMar Studios in Dallas, the owner, Wally had purchased his lifelong dream, a Jaguar. In the first six months he had it, it was in the repair shop about ¾ of the time. That was enough, he sold it and bought a VW Beetle. For the rest of the time I worked there, I don’t ever remember that Beetle being in the repair shop.<br />
~~~~~ <br />
SAU (Southern Arkansas University) broke three enrollment records this fall. SAU had an overall record enrolment of 3,404 students. The fall freshman class totaled 663, which was also a record and residence hall enrolment hit an all-time high of 1,452. <br />
The school’s first term began on January 11, 1911, with seventy-five students and five teachers.<br />
~~~~~ <br />
I really encourage you to watch the NBC evening news with Brian Williams. Not necessarily for the news, though Annette and I do enjoy most of the reporting. But for the “Feel Good” segment at the end of the program. They are almost always worth watching. If you can’t stand NBC news, record the program and just watch the last segment.<br />
~~~~~<br />
When I start to expound, things tend to go on for a while so I’ve decided to try a “tweet” sized intro to my rants. Here’s the first.<br />
~<br />
People, BO is president. Take a deep breath and remember God is still in charge. We don’t have to panic nor do we have to stoop to personal attacks on folks who disagree with us.<br />
<br />
Besides ObamACare, Benghazi, the IRS targeting Conservative Christian Organizations, Increased Drone Assassinations, NSA spying on everyone on the planet and the Justice Department giving guns to drug runners’ fiascos, the biggest complaint I hear is that our President is working to get the vast majority of citizens “On The Dole.”<br />
<br />
Concerning helping folks who have less than us … James 1:27 - - Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress ... <br />
<br />
The Amazingly Incredible Wife Of My Youth was our church "Care Pastor" until her retirement (well actually she still hasn't really retired, just quit going to the office as she's no longer physically able.) Her job was to ensure those in need were properly cared for as well looking out for the sick and bereaved. She was a nightmare for local business people, as she was always convincing them that they didn't really need to sell that used car, washing machine, stove, etc. instead, they could donate it to a family in need. :0) <br />
<br />
She also still leads our prison ministry team as they preach the Gospel monthly at the David Wade Prison just across the Louisiana state line from us. Her meetings have the largest attendance of any at the prison. This is probably due to her teams "high energy" presentation as well as their unvarnished and readily apparent care for the inmates. <br />
<br />
Of course, she's just my favorite example of many many I know who are serving the body of Christ as well as their Lord. And her activities also illustrate another point about caring for folks. In the prison, you can't just give inmates stuff. "Gifts" are strictly regulated (i.e. it's forbidden to give money.) Annette's ministry to these fellows has to be largely sharing God's Word and praying faithfully with them and for them. <br />
<br />
Like the inmates, just giving people stuff often doesn't help them much. Now if a family’s home just burnt down, or some natural disaster struck, by all means let’s get together and see if we can replace their lost clothing, furniture, etc. etc. <br />
<br />
But we've noticed over the years that many folks who were "down and out" didn't really benefit from the effort we put out for them. They had become trapped by "free" stuff and were having problems getting back on their feet. Helping them get a job (or a way to get to work) has proven to be a much better investment than just handouts. <br />
<br />
Annette also feels it's irresponsible to willy nilly give without knowing what you are giving to. There is a finite pile of money to use and it's a super bad idea to waste it on folks who really don't need it. <br />
<br />
And here’s the catch with government “entitlement” programs. Most of them are not designed to get the recipient back up on their feet. For instance, I just saw on the news where a homeless man had applied to get rent assistance so he could get out of a shelter. However he was denied assistance when it was learned that he’d found $850 and turned it into the police. No, that act didn’t disqualify him. He was disqualified when the police couldn’t find the owner of the money and gave it back to him. Since he had received $850 (an amount that wouldn’t even pay a month’s rent in his home town), the Federal program was not available to him.<br />
<br />
So here we have a guy who wants to get back in the work force, get his own place, some clothes, a can of beans, etc. But unless he’s willing to be totally dependent on the Government, they can’t help him.<br />
<br />
We’ve seen this over and over, folks who want to get off “The Dole” can’t do it in one step but any slight improvement in their circumstances causes them to drop down to an even lower standard of living because they lose the aid they were getting.<br />
<br />
What’s the solution? I believe it’s to push the responsibility for helping folks down to the local folks in the area and cut their tax burden a commensurate amount so they can take care of the poor, needy, etc. Sure, they may make some mistakes. But believe you me … it’s much easier to correct a small local mistake than it is to correct a HUGE federal mistake (ObamACare anyone?)<br />
~<br />
By the way, you may be wondering … have we quit giving to people (or ministries we trust)? No. We still give. Even blindly sometimes. But we always also invite folks to hear the Gospel and/or visit our fellowship. We do this with the knowledge that they will be blessed by the Christian family and the Word of God. <br />
<br />
Annette is also fond of randomly buying lunch or groceries or fuel for strangers. This is a way of preaching the Gospel without words. And, if we can't give them anything, we just share the Gospel and don't feel bad about it. Our giving and our sharing the Word is done to please God, not man.<br />
~~~~~<br />
The headline read; "EBT (Food Stamp) Glitch packs two Louisiana Wal-Mart stores." The story goes on to tell how a Xerox computer glitch resulted in EBT cards reading "NO LIMIT" at Wal-Mart stores in Springhill and Mansfield, Louisiana Saturday morning.<br />
Word spread quickly and within a half hour, both stores were packed with folks stuffing carts with food to be charged against their now unlimited food stamp accounts. Before the glitch was corrected the shelves in the stores were emptied.<br />
When the glitch was corrected and true account levels were restored, the “shoppers,” who had not yet checked out, just left their loaded carts in the store aisles and went home.<br />
Does it bother anyone that a huge group of folks decided it was o.k. to take all they could, even though they knew they didn’t really have the right to do so? Whatever happened to honesty?<br />
When we were in elementary school in Taylor, Mrs. Gordon taught us about Honest Abe. He was called Honest Abe because of several incidents in his life where he went above and beyond to maintain his reputation for honesty. My favorite is the story of Abraham Lincoln who, when working as a clerk in a store in New Salem, accidentally took 6 1/4 cents too much from a customer. That night when the store closed, he walked three miles to return the woman's money.<br />
We don’t know how many EBT users chose to not rush to Wal-Mart Saturday and act like Wall Street Bankers, grabbing all the “ill gotten” gains they could. But I’m sure some, maybe even a majority, chose to be honest. <br />
Too bad we’ll only hear about the thieves that raided those stores Saturday.<br />
~<br />
As I’ve said before, what gets lost in the “entitlement” discussions is, like I said before, these programs are not only addictive, they are very difficult to escape from. In fact, these programs are designed to keep the “client” on the program roll.<br />
<br />
I have a friend who is proud to have “escaped” from a life of welfare in New York City. He’ll tell you it wasn’t just a matter of getting a job and moving to a better neighborhood. It was a difficult process but he succeeded and is glad he did. Unfortunately his parents and siblings are still on welfare in that city.<br />
<br />
You see, the programs are structured to keep you there just like working for the company store in years past. We’ve seen employees refuse raises because it would result in having their welfare removed. So they hang there, unable to make enough to live without welfare and unwilling to do anything that would result in loss of their “security blanket.”<br />
~<br />
We don’t know how many EBT users chose to not rush to Wal-Mart Saturday and act like Wall Street Bankers, grabbing all the “ill gotten” gains they could. But I’m sure some, maybe even a majority, chose to be honest. <br />
<br />
Would that our congress could look honestly at these programs and work to reform them and free these families from government slavery.<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Here are the basics of ObamACare<br />
<br />
The majority of Americans felt that everyone should have medical insurance. And, due to the Medicare Law and the way it basically changed how healthcare was distributed and paid for, you just about have to have insurance of some type. <br />
<br />
In addition, uninsured patients have been draining to hospitals small and large (when a patient can’t pay, the hospital is required to provide a minimum level of care and they usually don’t get reimbursed for that.)<br />
<br />
Sadly to say, for the most part, the Republican party has had its head in the sand to this problem. Hillary’s health care initiative failed due to inexperience on the part of the new Administration. But BO had no such problem. His administration and the Democratic control of congress ensured that comprehensive health care was going to be implemented.<br />
<br />
In response to that, the Republicans offered NO alternative, thus ensuring the enactment of ObamACare.<br />
<br />
Of course, the country can’t afford to provide healthcare for everyone. So ObamACare is really probably the largest tax increase in US history. In an attempt to pay for this program, almost every form of medical care will be taxed (the infamous “Special Medical Device” tax is just the tip of the iceberg.) Additionally, young, healthy folks have to be forced into the system so their premiums can pay for the expensive care for older Americans.<br />
<br />
As far as “improving efficiency” of the system, everything I’ve seen to date indicates that the new law just reduces how much they pay for services. In fact, many of the new pay schedules are lower than the actual cost to the doctor or hospital. How long do you think that can work?<br />
<br />
Going back to the original concept … all Americans having access to health care insurance … This could have been done using the Swiss model: A. Requiring all citizens to have medical insurance. And B. Supplementing premiums for those whose income is too low to afford the insurance.<br />
<br />
It would have been expensive, but not near as expensive as ObamACare.<br />
<br />
I’ll finish with words of wisdom from a Doctor whom I highly respect; “There are two myths associated with the healthcare debate in the US. The first myth is that Canada and Briton have poor health care systems. The second myth is that ObamACare is like the Canadian and British systems.”<br />
~~~~~<br />
FYI - - The first experimental use of hydraulic fracturing was in 1947, and the first commercially successful applications were in 1949. As of 2010, it was estimated that 60% of all new oil and gas wells worldwide were being hydraulically fractured. As of 2012, 2.5 million hydraulic fracturing jobs have been performed on oil and gas wells worldwide, more than one million of them in the United States.<br />
~~~~~ <br />
FYI - - Homeland Security News Wire [http://www.homelandsecuritynewswire.com/]<br />
<br />
Infrastructure - - A state of disrepair: Thousands of U.S. aging bridges risk collapse<br />
<br />
Of the 607,380 bridges listed in the recent U.S. National Bridge Inventory, 65,605 bridges are classified as "structurally deficient" and 20,808 as "fracture critical," with 7,795 of those bridges designated as both structurally deficient and fracture critical. Experts say this indicates significant disrepair and a risk of collapse. These 7,795 structurally deficient, fracture critical bridges carry more than twenty-nine million drivers a day.<br />
Read more <br />
[http://www.homelandsecuritynewswire.com/dr20131004-a-state-of-disrepair-thousands-of-u-s-aging-bridges-risk-collapse]<br />
~~~~~ <br />
John Britton, Chi Alpha Missionary to Oklahoma State University - The best line after Chi Alpha last night to was when one of our Chinese guests said that the music in our service made her feel the power of our belief. That's what I call experience. Later 4 of these students downloaded the Bible so they could read it.<br />
John, Teresa, Micah, and Eli Britton<br />
P.O. Box 461<br />
Stillwater, OK 74076<br />
U.S.M. #2660124<br />
870-562-1971<br />
brittonxai@gmail.com<br />
Give online: www.giving.ag.org<br />
~~~~~ <br />
The “Happiest Nations” on the globe: Denmark was voted #1 for happiest nations. Poor USA was #17<br />
<br />
Twenty Happiest Nations - Denmark, Norway, Switzerland, Netherlands, Sweden, Canada, Finland, Austria, Iceland, Australia, Israel, Costa Rica, New Zealand, UAE, Panama, Mexico, US, Ireland, Luxembourg, Venezuela.<br />
<br />
Twenty Least Happy - Sri Lanka, Gabon, Malawi, Cambodia, Chad, Yemen, Afghanistan, Bulgariea, Botswana, Madagascar, Senegal, Syrie, Comoros, Guinea Tanzania, Rwanda, Brundi, Central African Republic, Benin, Togo.<br />
~<br />
Twenty Lowest Suicide Rates - Nepal, Haiti, Antigua, St. Kitts, Grenada, Egypt, Syria, Jamaica, Maldives, Azerbaijan, Sao Tome, Peru, Pakistan, Jordan, Bahamas, Kuwait, Armenia, Dominican Republic, St. Lucia, Tajikistan.<br />
<br />
Twenty Highest Suicide Rates - Greenland, South Korea, Lithuania, Guyana, Kazakhstan, Belarus, China, Solvenia, Hungary, Japan, Sri Lanka, Ukraine, Russia, Croatia, Latvia, Moldova, Servia, Belgium, Finland, Bhutan.<br />
~~~~~<br />
The Mission Church has been in their new building (across Main Street from Fred’s) for over a year. Wow! It's been a great year.<br />
~ Messages in tongues down among Pentecostals - SARAH PARVINI - <br />
http://apnews.myway.com/article/20130831/DA8H4Q6O2.html<br />
~~~~~ <br />
http://www.space.com/22669-virgin-galactic-spaceshiptwo-test-milestones.html<br />
<br />
Virgin Galactic's (Burt Rutan and Sir Richard Branson) SpaceShipTwo's 2nd rocket-powered <br />
private spaceship flew higher and faster than it ever had before on Thursday (Sept. 5), giving company official’s confidence that the vehicle is on track to start carrying passengers on suborbital jaunts next year.<br />
In its second-ever rocket-powered test flight, which took off Thursday morning from the Mojave Air and Space Port in California, Virgin Galactic's SpaceShipTwo reached a maximum altitude of 65,000 feet (19,800 meters) and a top speed of Mach 1.6, or 1.6 times the speed of sound (which is about 761 mph, or 1,225 km/h, at sea level).<br />
The six-passenger space plane got up to 56,000 feet (17,000 m) and Mach 1.2 during its only previous powered flight, which occurred on April 29. <br />
SpaceShipTwo's engine burned for 16 seconds during that first test, compared to 20 seconds on Thursday, <br />
Virgin Galactic officials said. <br />
~~~~~<br />
50 Years of the Civil-Rights Movement—in 10 Charts by Brandy Zadrozny Aug 28, 2013 4:45 AM EDT<br />
<br />
In the half century since ‘I Have a Dream,’ African Americans have made some great strides in education, political representation, and voter turnout. In other areas, it’s like nothing has changed. See the data.<br />
<br />
http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2013/08/28/50-years-of-the-civil-rights-movement-in-10-charts.html?utm_medium=email&utm_source=newsletter&utm_campaign=cheatsheet_afternoon&cid=newsletter%3Bemail%3Bcheatsheet_afternoon&utm_term=Cheat%20Sheet<br />
~~~~~<br />
Are Science Fridays doomed? NPR recently announced that in an effort to decrease staff by ten percent, the company is offering buyouts. The scheme aims to eliminate the radio outlet's $6.1 million deficit. ~~~~~<br />
Naegleria fowleri /n?'gl??ri?/ (also known as the "brain-eating amoeba") is a free-living excavate form of protist typically found in warm bodies of fresh water, such as ponds, lakes, rivers, and hot springs. <br />
It is also found in soil, near warm-water discharges of industrial plants, and unchlorinated or poorly chlorinated swimming pools in an amoeboid or temporary flagellate stage. There is no evidence of this organism living in salt water. <br />
<br />
The case fatality rate is estimated at over 99%. No effective treatment for PAM has been found<br />
<br />
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Naegleria_fowlerihttp://www.cdc.gov/parasites/naegleria/general.html<br />
<br />
No data exist to accurately estimate the true risk of PAM. However, the recreational risk of Naegleria fowleri infection is very low. There have been 31 reported infections in the U.S. in the 10 years from 2003 to 2012, despite hundreds of millions of recreational water exposures each year 10. By comparison, ... there were more than 39,000 drowning deaths.<br />
~~~~~<br />
EarthSky News - November 16 - Full Moon, Leonid Meteors, Comet ISON<br />
<br />
Full moon, Leonid meteors, Comet ISON on November 16-17 <br />
The full moon coincides with Leonids' peak. Meanwhile, Comet ISON, only 12 days from its encounter with the sun, is visible with binoculars.<br />
<br />
Everything you need to know: Leonid meteor shower <br />
The 2013 Leonid meteor shower is peaking now, as our world moves through space, crossing the orbital path of Comet Tempel-Tuttle, the parent comet of the Leonid meteor shower. <br />
<br />
http://earthsky.org/space/everything-you-need-to-know-leonid-meteor-shower?utm_source=EarthSky+News&utm_campaign=c71b528c22-EarthSky_News&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_c643945d79-c71b528c22-393703501<br />
<br />
http://earthsky.org/?utm_source=EarthSky+News&utm_campaign=c71b528c22-EarthSky_News&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_c643945d79-c71b528c22-393703501<br />
~~~~~<br />
How do we balance needs of energy, water, and climate?<br />
<br />
A new MIT study underscores the need to examine trade-offs before choosing energy technologies.<br />
<br />
In deciding how best to meet the world’s growing needs for energy, the answers depend crucially on how the question is framed. Looking for the most cost-effective path provides one set of answers; including the need to curtail greenhouse-gas emissions gives a different picture. Adding the need to address looming shortages of fresh water, it turns out, leads to a very different set of choices. [http://earthsky.org/science-wire/how-do-we-balance-needs-of-energy-water-and-climate?utm_source=EarthSky+News&utm_campaign=1ead7dc6cf-EarthSky_News&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_c643945d79-1ead7dc6cf-393703501]<br />
~~~~~<br />
AskBob - - Bob Rankin - - http://askbobrankin.com/<br />
<br />
SECURITY TIP: Preview Shortened URLs <br />
<br />
URL-shortening services like TinyURL and Bitly are handy for a variety of reasons, but shortened URLs also represent a ubiquitous and very dangerous security vulnerability. You must use your head and technology to avoid becoming a victim of malware, phishers, and hackers when clicking on shortened URLs. Here's what you need to know...<br />
http://askbobrankin.com/security_tip_preview_shortened_urls.html?awt_l=HZr.N&awt_m=JZiXTxe4yuP6SL<br />
~<br />
Can VoIP Service Replace Your Landline? <br />
<br />
A reader asks: 'I have a landline and a cell phone, so I'm thinking of dropping the landline phone in favor of VoIP phone service, to save some money. What is your opinion of VoIP, and what are the pros and cons of using it to replace a traditional landline? '<br />
http://askbobrankin.com/can_voip_service_replace_your_landline.html?awt_l=HZr.N&awt_m=Js3RV0hr3uP6SL<br />
~<br />
Ten Tips for Online Holiday Shoppers <br />
<br />
Holiday decorations appeared in stores almost two months ago, but there's still plenty of time to find great deals. Shopping online for the holidays is easy and convenient, but when you use the right tools, you can also save a lot of cash. Here are some money-saving tips for the smart online holiday shopper... http://askbobrankin.com/ten_tips_for_online_holiday_shoppers.html?awt_l=HZr.N&awt_m=JG6fC.bUJuP6SL<br />
~~~~~<br />
ACC SmartBrief - - U.S. consumers recycled 6.2% more plastic bottles in 2012 than in previous year<br />
Plastic bottles returned by U.S. consumers for recycling jumped 161 million pounds last year, about a half a pound increase per American, according to the latest statistics from the American Chemistry Council and the Association of Postconsumer Plastic Recyclers. Recycling of high-density polyethylene bottles increased by 45.3 million pounds, the groups said. "In the United States, we have the capacity to recycle more used plastics than we are currently collecting, and innovative manufacturers are using these materials in new and exciting ways. Each of us can help by doing our part to get more used plastics into a recycling bin," said Steve Russell, ACC vice president for plastics. PlasticsNews.com (11/7)<br />
http://www.plasticsnews.com/article/20131107/NEWS/131109940/us-plastic-bottle-recycling-up-6-2-percent-in-2012#<br />
~<br />
U.S. carbon dioxide emissions dropped by 3.8 percent last year, falling to the lowest level in close to 20 years, the Department of Energy said. Part of the decline is attributed to increased natural gas production, according to this article. "Innovations in hydraulic fracturing and horizontal drilling have helped make the U.S. the biggest developer of natural gas in the world, and these technologies are a great example of how we can grow the economy, create jobs and clean the air," said Howard Feldman of the American Petroleum Institute.<br />
~~~~~<br />
dLife Foodstuff - - 6 Great Recipes for Low Carb Comfort Food That Cooks Itself<br />
<br />
There's something almost magical about loading up a slow cooker, walking away, and coming back hours later to a perfectly cooked, piping hot meal. This collection of delicious, low carb main dishes and sides should keep you slow cooking all winter.<br />
<br />
http://www.dlife.com/dlife_media/diabetes_slideshows/crockpot-favorites?utm_source=Foodstuff-20131112&utm_medium=eNewsletter&utm_content=Foodstuff-newsletter&utm_term=Focused&utm_campaign=dLife-eNewsletter&<br />
~ <br />
Without quick and appropriate treatment, blood sugar levels that are too high or too low can quickly turn into a diabetic emergency. Think you know the difference between low and high blood sugar episodes? Want to learn about safe blood sugar levels to increase your d-IQ? Take this quiz and test your knowledge of highs and lows now! <br />
<br />
http://www.dlife.com/diabetes/quiz/showQuiz.html?quizId=10593220&utm_source=Update-20131115&utm_medium=eNewsletter&utm_content=Update-newsletter&utm_campaign=dLife-eNewsletter&<br />
~<br />
LIVING WITH DIABETES? WATCH YOUR MOUTH!<br />
<br />
If you live with diabetes, you probably watch your diet and nutrition for overall health, but have you considered your oral health?<br />
<br />
According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, people with diabetes are 2X more likely to develop gum disease. Diabetes makes the body more susceptible to bacterial infections and less able to fight germs that invade the gums.<br />
<br />
Good news. Colgate Total® toothpaste can help improve your gum health in as little as 4 weeks* and is approved by the FDA to help prevent gingivitis**, the most common form of gum disease. We’ve assembled a group of diabetes lifestyle and oral health experts and asked them to provide some useful tips about the issue. <br />
<br />
http://www.colgate.com/app/ColgateTotal/US/EN/OralHealthAndDiabetes.cwsp<br />
~~~~~<br />
Featured Recipes - - 2 Ingredient Lemon Bars Recipe<br />
~~<br />
Ingredients<br />
1 box of angel food cake<br />
1 can of lemon pie filling<br />
<br />
Directions<br />
1. Combine angel food cake and lemon pie filling, carefully mix together, the angel food cake mix is super light and will fly everywhere<br />
2. Pour into a 9×13 pan<br />
3. Bake for 20 minutes at 350 degrees<br />
4. Top with powdered sugar as they are cooling<br />
<br />
Thanks to "Tammilee Tips"<br />
~~<br />
Back To Pecan Squares - - Recipe courtesy The Barefoot Contessa Cookbook, 1999, All Rights Reserved http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/ina-garten/pecan-squares-recipe/index.html<br />
<br />
<br />
Prep Time: 10 min<br />
Cook Time: 45 min<br />
Serves: 20 large squares <br />
<br />
<br />
We make these all year long and when we want to go "over the top" we dip half of each square in warm chocolate.<br />
<br />
INGREDIENTS<br />
<br />
<br />
Crust:<br />
<br />
1 1/4 pounds unsalted butter, room temperature<br />
3/4 cup granulated sugar<br />
3 extra-large eggs<br />
3/4 teaspoon pure vanilla extract<br />
4 1/2 cups all-purpose flour<br />
1/2 teaspoon baking powder<br />
1/4 teaspoon salt<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Topping:<br />
<br />
1 pound unsalted butter<br />
1 cup good honey<br />
3 cups light brown sugar, packed<br />
1 teaspoon grated lemon zest<br />
1 teaspoon grated orange zest<br />
1/4 cup heavy cream<br />
2 pounds pecans, coarsely chopped<br />
<br />
<br />
DIRECTIONS<br />
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.<br />
For the crust, beat the butter and granulated sugar in the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with a paddle attachment, until light, approximately 3 minutes. <br />
Add the eggs and the vanilla and mix well. Sift together the flour, baking powder, and salt. <br />
Mix the dry ingredients into the batter with the mixer on low speed until just combined. <br />
Press the dough evenly into an ungreased 18 by 12 by 1-inch baking sheet, making an edge around the outside. It will be very sticky; sprinkle the dough and your hands lightly with flour. <br />
Bake for 15 minutes, until the crust is set but not browned. Allow to cool.<br />
For the topping, combine the butter, honey, brown sugar, and zests in a large, heavy-bottomed saucepan. <br />
Cook over low heat until the butter is melted, using a wooden spoon to stir. <br />
Raise the heat and boil for 3 minutes. <br />
Remove from the heat. Stir in the heavy cream and pecans. <br />
Pour over the crust, trying not to get the filling between the crust and the pan. <br />
Bake for 25 to 30 minutes, until the filling is set. <br />
Remove from the oven and allow to cool. Wrap in plastic wrap and refrigerate until cold. Cut into bars and serve.<br />
Copyright 2013 Television Food Network G.P. All Rights Reserved: <br />
http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/cda/recipe_print/0,1946,FOOD_9936_34777_RECIPE-PRINT-FULL-PAGE-FORMATTER,00.html?oc=linkback<br />
The Barefoot Contessa Cookbook, 1999, All Rights Reserved<br />
http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/ina-garten/pecan-squares-recipe/index.html?oc=linkback<br />
~~<br />
Crockpot Cabbage Rolls<br />
<br />
The nice thing about rolling cabbage rolls, is there is no right or wrong. I like to cut the larger leaves in two and make two smaller cabbage rolls. I also use almost every usable leaf of cabbage. Any leftovers freeze well, or you can make them ahead of time and then cook when you want.<br />
Crock-Pot Freezer Meal: You can freeze the cabbage rolls uncooked ahead of time. Do not steam the leaves prior to doing this.<br />
<br />
INGREDIENTS<br />
<br />
<br />
1 Medium Head of Fresh Cabbage<br />
1 Large Onion, diced<br />
2 lbs of Ground Beef<br />
1 Cup Cooked White Rice<br />
3 Eggs<br />
1 Teaspoon Salt<br />
1 Teaspoon Ground Pepper<br />
1 Can Tomato Soup<br />
1 11.5oz Can V8<br />
2 Tablespoons Worcestershire Sauce<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
INSTRUCTIONS<br />
<br />
On the stove top, cook rice and set aside.<br />
Remove the stem from the cabbage and peel each individual leaf back.<br />
Steam cabbage leaves for 60 seconds and then place in a bowl of ice cold water. Set aside.<br />
In a pan, cook onions until onions are clear in color.<br />
In a large bowl, add ground beef, eggs, salt, pepper, cooked onions and rice.<br />
Mix well.<br />
Taking one cabbage leaf at a time, add a spoon or more of the meat mixture. Using your hand, gather the meat on one end of the cabbage leaf and then roll the leaf.<br />
Layer the cabbage rolls into the bottom of a crock-pot. Layering as you add until all the meat mixture is used.<br />
In a bowl, mix the tomato soup, Worcestershire and V8 juice.<br />
Pour the mixture on top of the cabbage rolls.<br />
Cook on LOW for 4 hours.<br />
<br />
Read more at http://crockpotladies.com/recipe-categories/entrees/crockpot-cabbage-rolls/#IxmpbZELH2R4itJQ.99<br />
~~~~~ <br />
DarynKagan.com - - I have for you today a heroine dog, and an honored war hero.<br />
<br />
Enjoy!<br />
<br />
-Daryn.<br />
<br />
Dog Rescues Abandoned Baby #See Precious Baby Girl<br />
http://darynkagan.com/DarynKagan.com_Animals.html<br />
<br />
Hundreds of Strangers Honor Lonely WWII Vet @His Funeral #How Word Spread<br />
http://darynkagan.com/DarynKagan.com_Animals.html<br />
<br />
http://us6.campaign-archive2.com/?u=8fc852c2879912f2f334bb010&id=3a2a4d1f97&e=1f68221cdb<br />
<br />
Daryn's Upbeat Stories! Daryn@darynkagan.com<br />
<br />
Copyright © *|2013* *|Journeyist, Inc.|*, All rights reserved.<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Rasmussen Reports - - <br />
<br />
55% Favor Repeal of Obamacare<br />
Most voters view the new national health care law as bad for the country and want to repeal it. A new Rasmussen Reports national telephone survey finds that just 35% of Likely U.S. Voters now believe the trouble-plagued health care law is good for America.<br />
~<br />
56% Oppose Use of Standardized Tests as Chief Measure of School Performance <br />
~<br />
57% Think Private Business Best Bet for Alternative Energy<br />
Most Americans continue to think it's more important to develop new sources of energy than to conserve what we've got. They also remain more confident that the private sector, not the federal government, will be the chief force behind new energy development.<br />
~<br />
62% Consider Clinton Better President Than Obama<br />
Voters still strongly believe Bill Clinton was a better president than Barack Obama. The latest Rasmussen Reports national telephone survey finds that 62% of Likely U.S. Voters think Clinton was a better president. Just 20% believe Obama is doing a better job than Clinton did when he was president from 1993 to 2001. <br />
~<br />
65% Oppose Use of Drones for U.S. Police Work<br />
Voters show even stronger support for increasing the use of unmanned drone aircraft to kill terrorists overseas, even though most believe the drone attacks are killing more innocents than are reported. But voters strongly oppose police use of such drones in the skies over this country.<br />
~<br />
75% Give Congress Poor Rating <br />
The news goes from bad to worse for Congress, as voters offer their sharpest criticism of the legislature to date. <br />
~<br />
What They Told Us: Reviewing Last Week’s Key Polls in Politics<br />
<br />
Obamacare hasn’t been good for the political health of President Obama and his party this past week.<br />
<br />
Just 35% of Likely U.S. Voters now believe the new national health care law is good for America, and 55% favor repealing it.<br />
<br />
Fifty-four percent (54%) oppose the law’s individual mandate which requires every American to have health insurance by January 1 or else face financial penalties. Just 34% support it. <br />
<br />
http://www.rasmussenreports.com/public_content/politics/weekly_updates/what_they_told_us_reviewing_last_week_s_key_polls2<br />
~<br />
To find out more about Scott Rasmussen, and read features by other Creators writers and cartoonists, visit www.creators.com. <br />
COPYRIGHT 2013 - - SCOTT RASMUSSEN - - DISTRIBUTED BY CREATORS.COM<br />
See Other Political Commentaries. http://www.rasmussenreports.com/public_content/political_commentary<br />
See Other Commentaries by Scott Rasmussen. http://www.rasmussenreports.com/public_content/political_commentary/commentary_by_scott_rasmussen<br />
~~~~~ <br />
The latest from Michael Yon, the foremost “milnews” blogger on the web. <br />
~<br />
Greetings, <br />
<br />
Don't miss this one. I have been spending long days with Syrian rebels and came across this story. I helped with some editing yet left it his story. http://www.michaelyon-online.com/crash-of-the-mig.htm<br />
<br />
If you value this work, please support my mission. https://www.michaelyon-online.com/component/com_jdonation/Itemid,117/view,donation/<br />
<br />
Very Respectfully,<br />
Michael Yon<br />
Your Writer, <br />
<br />
Please remember that this website accepts no advertisement and is dependent on your support. <br />
<br />
PS Please sign up for my Twitter.com updates at "Michael_Yon" [http://twitter.com/Michael_Yon] (not Michael Yon).<br />
<br />
http://www.facebook.com/#/MichaelYonFanPage?ref=sgm<br />
~<br />
www.michaelyon-online.com<br />
~<br />
Http://www.michaelyon_online.com/index.php<br />
~~~~~ <br />
If you would like to encourage US Troops overseas, but are not sure just how to begin, visit www.anysoldier.com for ideas. <br />
~~~~~ <br />
5 Things New Veterans Expect From All Political Candidates<br />
<br />
<br />
1. Defend the New GI Bill<br />
2. Employ the New Greatest Generation<br />
3. Prevent suicide among troops and veterans<br />
4. Build a truly 21st Century VA<br />
5. Improve Care for Female Veterans<br />
<br />
<br />
http://iava.org/blog/5-things-new-veterans-expect-all-candidates-2012<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Please remember ... America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the MALL.<br />
~~~~~<br />
From Thomas S. Ellsworth <br />
<br />
This wasn't sent to me by another person or list. It's just a few thoughts about a holiday which is special to me. It's one of those few times when I share something serious instead of humorous. -Tom<br />
<br />
----------------------------------------------------------<br />
<br />
GCF: Veteran's Day 2013 (Serious, not humor)<br />
<br />
In the United States, the Veteran's Day holiday is celebrated Monday, November 11th (this is also Remembrance Day in Canada). In the early 1970's, Veteran's Day became a "movable" holiday -- the fourth Monday of October. In 1978, at the urging of veteran's groups who realized the sanctity of the date, Congress returned Veteran's Day to November 11th (if on a weekend, it moves to the closest Friday or Monday). Please remember that this day is not to honor war, but rather to honor the sacrifice made by others for our freedom.<br />
<br />
What we call Veteran's Day is the anniversary of the signing of the Armistice in the Forest of Campiegne by the Allies and the Germans in 1918 (the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month). This signified the end of World War I and was originally known as Armistice Day. President Woodrow Wilson signed the Congressional Resolution on Nov. 11, 1919, the first Armistice Day.<br />
<br />
However, after World War II, the day began to lose meaning and since there were many other veterans to consider, the decision was made to change November 11th to honor all those who fought in American wars. The United States Congress passed an act to change the name to Veteran's Day and in 1954 President Dwight Eisenhower signed the act.<br />
<br />
With that in mind, I would like to say "thank you" to all the men and women with whom I served, and to especially remember those who aren't with us anymore. As a former Hospital Corpsman, I wish a heartfelt "Semper Fi" to all my Marine friends.<br />
<br />
- Tom Ellsworth<br />
(HM2 USN 1965-69)<br />
<br />
Note: In previous years, my Veteran's Day piece has dealt with various topics.<br />
<br />
In 2004 it was the Tomb of the Unknowns at Arlington National Cemetery. That can be found in the GCF Archives at this address: http://www.kcbx.net/~tellswor/vets2004.htm<br />
<br />
In 2005 it dealt with a piece called "What is a Veteran?" and was attributed to a Marine Corps Chaplain (Reverend Denis O'Brien). That can be found in the GCF Archives at this address: <br />
http://www.kcbx.net/~tellswor/vets2005.htm<br />
<br />
In 2006 it was simply a story about "duty" that was sent to me. I read it and couldn't help but be moved by its words. That can be found in the GCF Archives at this address: <br />
http://www.kcbx.net/~tellswor/vets2006.htm<br />
<br />
In 2007 it was a story about "military spouses" ... we sometimes forget that the sacrifice of the family left behind is just as great as that of the person overseas. That posting can be found in the GCF Archives at this address: http://www.kcbx.net/~tellswor/vets2007.htm<br />
<br />
In 2008 it was a story about the "bond" of Marines. That can be found <br />
in the GCF Archives at this address: http://kcbx.net/~tellswor/vets2008.htm<br />
<br />
In 2009 it was a story about servicemen returning from Afghanistan. That can be found in the GCF Archives at this address: http://kcbx.net/~tellswor/vets2009.htm<br />
<br />
In 2010 there were two items: (1) The Virtual Wall (a tribute to all those lost during the Vietnam war) and "Thank You Soldiers" (an original song sung by the 3rd Grade class at Tussing Elementary School in Colonial Heights, Virginia. That can be found in the GCF Archives at this address: <br />
http://kcbx.net/~tellswor/vets2010.htm<br />
<br />
In 2012 it was a story about the history of Taps, that haunting song played at all military funerals. That can be found in the GCF Archives at this address: http://kcbx.net/~tellswor/vets2011.htm<br />
<br />
In 2012 it was a story about The Old Gentleman. That can be found in the GCF Archives at this address: <br />
http://kcbx.net/~tellswor/vets2012.htm<br />
<br />
----------------------------------------------------------<br />
<br />
This year I want to share something different. So many times we think of the veterans themselves on this day, and we should absolutely continue to do so. However, we should also remember their families who remain at home, without their loved ones. Most of those deployed return, some do not. This piece is about the children in military families. <br />
<br />
Military Child vs. Civilian Child<br />
<br />
1. A Civilian child usually dances around or talks during the National Anthem. A military child stands quietly with his hand over his heart.<br />
<br />
2. A civilian child sees race. A military child sees diversity.<br />
<br />
3. A civilian child has a best friend in his hometown. A military child has a best friend on almost every continent.<br />
<br />
4. A civilian child sees only the plane flying over. A military child not only can identify the type of plane flying but knows someone who works on them.<br />
<br />
5. A civilian child sees a person in uniform. A military child can tell you what branch they are in and what their rank is.<br />
<br />
6. A civilian child thinks home is where the heart is. A military child knows home is where the military sends you.<br />
<br />
7. A civilian child lives for tomorrow, and what it might bring. A military child lives for today, for tomorrow Daddy or Mommy might get called away again.<br />
<br />
8. A civilian child gets to kiss Mommy and Daddy goodnight each night. A military child sometimes has to kiss a picture of Daddy or Mommy goodnight.<br />
<br />
9. A civilian child talks on the phone for fun. A military child lives for the short phone calls that happen far too few times.<br />
<br />
10. A civilian child can read and write in English. A military child can read and write in acronyms.<br />
<br />
11. A civilian child says "good-bye." A military child says "see you later."<br />
<br />
12. A civilian child will probably go to the same school his entire life. A military child will probably change schools every 2 years.<br />
<br />
13. A civilian child might rarely leave his hometown for anything other than vacation. A military child will rarely see his "hometown" for anything other than vacation.<br />
<br />
14. A civilian child supports our soldiers. A military child is almost a soldier.<br />
<br />
The next time you say a prayer for our troops, please say a prayer for their families, especially their children back home, trying to be strong.<br />
<br />
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<br />
As a final thought on my part, let me share a favorite prayer:<br />
<br />
"Lord, keep our servicemen and women safe, whether they serve at home or overseas. Hold them in Your loving hands and protect them as they protect us. Also remember their families back at home. They sacrifice by being away from their loved ones."<br />
<br />
Let's all keep those currently serving and those who have gone before in our thoughts. They are the reason for the many freedoms we enjoy.<br />
<br />
Remember, we live in the land of the free because of the brave. (Heroes don't wear capes; heroes wear dog tags.) __._,_.___<br />
~~~~~<br />
Mustard Seed Financial - Who’s Gene Fama and Why Should You Care?<br />
<br />
Gene Fama finally won the Nobel Prize in economics. I say finally because he won it based largely on research done when he was barely in his twenties and now he’s 74. In the fall of 1976, I was taking an investments course at Southern Arkansas University as part of my degree program. Each student was assigned a paper to read and report on. My paper was entitled: “The Efficient Market Hypothesis: A Review of the Theoretical and Empirical Work,” by Gene Fama. The paper was published in the prestigious Journal of Finance, the top journal in the field. It was a lengthy paper with lots of squiggles. “Squiggles” is a technical term for mathematical symbols that no one else can understand or even pronounce.<br />
<br />
The paper was a summary of Fama’s research and resulting dissertation as a doctoral student at the University of Chicago in the 1960s. By the time I finished reading the paper, I had a headache and only a faint idea of what an efficient market was. But years later, I think I can simplify it for you, with no squiggles. Fama’s basic idea was that the price of a security fully reflects all the public information that is known about the company at the present time. So if Wal-Mart is trading at $75 a share, for example, then that is the consensus estimate of the fair value of Wal-Mart. New information comes to light on virtually a continuous basis. For example, the Department of Labor may announce new unemployment figures reflecting a healthier economy. This is good news for Wal-Mart. Investors around the globe, both professional and amateur, will make a judgment about that news and it will be reflected in the price almost instantaneously. That’s right, almost instantaneously. So any opportunity to earn excessive profits from that new information disappears in a flash.<br />
<br />
Notice that the efficient market hypothesis applies to publicly available information. Private information is a different story. Suppose Murphy Oil drills a well that produces a gazillion barrels a day, doubling their capacity immediately. This information, when released to the public, will certainly affect the stock price. If the geologists on the rig call their broker and buy shares ahead of the release of this information, this is profiting from insider, or nonpublic, information. It’s also illegal. By the time I hear about this discovery in the evening paper thrown to me in Taylor, any price adjustments have long been made. Even if I read about it on the Internet, I’m still late to the party.<br />
<br />
Fama’s basic conclusion was that prices move up and down during the day based on new information, some good and some bad. In other words, in the short run, stock prices follow a random walk. This was a blow to Wall Street firms, where the story is that smart graduates from Ivy League schools can get ahead of the curve and pick winning stocks. Fama’s work demonstrated that it’s virtually impossible to consistently pick winners because of random releases of information and constantly adjusting stock prices. On the other hand, he readily acknowledged that stock prices generally rise over time. So why is Fama important to you? His research on stock pricing led to the creation of the index fund. With an index fund, the focus isn’t on picking winners and losers. Instead the focus is on the fact that stock prices do rise over time. So all the stocks in a particular index are considered suitable for purchase. Index type mutual funds now account for roughly twenty percent of the money invested in the stock market. And that share is growing rapidly.<br />
<br />
Fama didn’t rest on his laurels after developing the efficient market theory. He’s done extensive research in other areas, spending his entire career at the University of Chicago where he earned his degree. As a doctoral student 15 years later, I picked up another Fama paper written with co-author Ken French. Another paper with lots of squiggles, many of which I still don’t understand. That paper ended up being a definitive work on the returns of small cap stocks and value stocks. Over the years, he’s published well over 100 articles and has earned the title, the “father of modern finance.” And finally, he’s been recognized for the work he did back in the 1960s on the unpredictable, random behavior of stock prices and the resulting impact on the investor world. Gene Fama is one of three Nobel Prize winners in economics this year for his work on asset pricing theory. When you take away all the squiggles, it’s a pretty simple idea. Profound, but simple. Congratulations Professor Fama! It’s long overdue.<br />
<br />
Published in the Texarkana Gazette on October 27, 2013.<br />
~~~~~<br />
Favorite Quotes: <br />
<br />
"All happiness depends on a leisurely breakfast." - - John Gunther via Vanessa Malone<br />
~<br />
Education is the kindling of a flame, not the filling of a vessel. ~ Socrates via Ron Hazelwood.<br />
~<br />
I often worry about the safety of my children, especially when they roll their eyes and me and talk back.<br />
~<br />
A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to its old dimensions. ~ Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr. via Ron Hazelton<br />
~<br />
Every child deserves a champion -- an adult who will never give up on them, who understands the power of connection and insists that they become the best that they can possibly be. ~ Rita Pierson via Ron Hazelton<br />
~<br />
Thought for Today: We really teach ourselves. If we want to learn, we will always find someone to learn from, be they dead or alive, great or unknown. We learn from everything we see and hear around us - if we are willing to pay attention. ~ Alexander Volkov <br />
~<br />
Compassion will cure more sins than condemnation. ~ Henry Ward Beecher via Ron Hazelton<br />
~<br />
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it. ~ Franklin P. Jones via Ron Hazelton<br />
~<br />
Thought for Today: “Far and away the best prize that life offers is the chance to work hard at work worth doing. ~ Thomas Jefferson via Ron Hazelton<br />
~<br />
Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. ~ Benjamin Franklin<br />
~<br />
Opportunity is often missed because we are broadcasting when we should be tuning in." ~ Anonymous - - via Ron Hazelton<br />
~<br />
We keep moving forward, opening new doors, and doing new things, because we're curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.” ~ Walt Disney via Ron Hazelton<br />
~~~~~<br />
The following wisdom is shared by our friends and family. <br />
~<br />
God is our helper....if He can turn a shepherd into a king, fishermen into disciples, a murderer into the deliverer of a nation, I know He can help me get through this day with a positive attitude. ~ Mary Louise Brownlee Alexis<br />
<br />
From a grandmother--Get your kids up a few minutes earlier and have daily devotions with them. They need Jesus more than a few extra minutes of sleep. ~ Mary Louise Brownlee Alexis<br />
~<br />
"I would rather travel across China by jeep in the will of God than drive across the USA in a Rolls Royce out of the will of God"! ~ Larry Garza via Debbie Troquille and Brian Lester Bohrer. <br />
~<br />
The most valuable things in life are carried in your heart, not in your pockets ~ Nancee Davis Law<br />
Hold those you love close to your heart ~ Nancee Davis Law<br />
<br />
If you were the only person on earth, God still would have come and died for you. ~ Nancee Davis Law<br />
<br />
I would like to think the temps in Heaven are gonna be Sunny, breezy and about 70 all yr round. ~ Nancee Davis Law<br />
~<br />
"Sometimes the amount of self control it takes not to say what is on my mind is so immense I need a nap afterward." Norma Kay Rowe<br />
~~~~~<br />
http://www.shelfari.com<br />
http://www.shelfari.com/bugsbleat/shelf <br />
~~~~~<br />
<br />
For the latest issue of "Da Bleat.", go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com. <br />
Our photos are posted at http://www.bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com.<br />
~~~~~<br />
Photos on the front of as well as in this week’s “Bleat” include - - Moon over Jefferson Street, The Beautiful Old Haynesville, LA Train Station, A Beautiful '57 T-Bird , Wilson Bearden Remodeling, Annettes new Kitchen Compost Collector, Sunset over Main Street, The view from Magnolia Regional Medical Center's Main Entrance, Annette Power Washing the Patio and our front Patio wall, The "Thang" under wrap, Tamales, Albemarle Fire Fighters with Old Number 911.<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it. <br />
~~~~~<br />
Excerpts from Debbie Troquille’s Big Little Book Of Devotions:<br />
Saturday: 11/09 2 Sam. 22:34 says that He makes me as surefooted as a deer, enabling me to stand on mountain heights. (NLT) He helps us do extraordinary things, each ordinary day! I'm glad I belong to Him!<br />
Sunday: 11/10 Today I'm thankful for salvation!! I could write that everyday, but that'll be what I'm thankful for today. This is in response to Lawanda Jones' idea, to write one thing you are thankful for, each day between now and Thanksgiving.....good idea, Lawanda.<br />
Monday: 11/11 "We are the "Home of the Free," because of the brave."(author unknown) To all who have served in America's military, THANK YOU! You are our heroes! God bless you, and Happy Veterans Day!<br />
Tuesday: 11/12 No matter how wonderful our life experiences are, there are always the not so wonderful, experiences. The key is to recall the good ones. Psalms 75:1.."We give thanks to you, O God, we give thanks, for your Name is near; men tell of your wonderful deeds." Today, I'm recalling the wonderful deeds of the Lord, in my life, and the name above every name, Jesus! I'm thankful.....<br />
Wednesday: 11/13 Jesus was wounded and bruised for our transgressions and iniquities.(Isaiah 53:5) That same scripture says that He was punished, so that we could have peace of mind, AND that the stripes He received, from the beating He took, were so we could be healed. Jesus bought salvation for us, spirit, soul,(mind) and body, and He handed it to us...a gift of life! I can't thank Him enough, for loving me (all of us) so much!<br />
Thursday: 11/14 He that is discontented in one place, will seldom be happy in another.(Aesop) Paul Troquille says people move about to get away from things, but when they arrive at the new place, there they are!! That's funny, but true. It's not a place or a situation that must always be right. An outlook and attitude adjustment, may be needed. The Lord can help us make those adjustments, AND He'll get us to new places, if need be. Everyone, enjoy this beautiful Thursday!<br />
Friday: 11/15 Colossians 2:10 says that we are complete through our union with Christ, who is the head over every ruler and authority. It's vitally important to know, that other people can only add to us in life, but they can never complete us or make us whole. Jesus alone, completes us! It's not fair to our families or friends to expect them to do for us, what only He can do. They all need Him too, to be "whole!" Remember today, no matter how fragmented your days and schedules are, if Jesus is your Lord, you're complete. Nothing is missing, nothing is broken. Now, it is finished, His blood has spoken! (a song we sing at church) Have a happy Friday, friends!<br />
~~~~~<br />
Break Point - - God's Double Agent - - The Dramatic Story of Bob Fu<br />
By: Eric Metaxas<br />
<br />
Let me warn you, if you pick up Bob Fu’s amazing story of his defiance of the Chinese government and his escape from China, you won’t be putting it down.<br />
<br />
Every day, millions of Chinese Christians are willing to face poverty, prison, separation from loved ones, even death for the sake of Jesus.<br />
<br />
One of those Christians is a man named Bob Fu, who now lives in the United States. His new book, “God's Double Agent,” tells the inspiring story of how he stood up to Chinese Communist leaders, was thrown into prison, and escaped to America.<br />
<br />
Bob grew up desperately poor during Mao's so-called “Great Leap Forward.” His teachers recognized his intelligence and leadership skills—skills that led to trouble when Bob began criticizing the widespread corruption in the Chinese government.<br />
<br />
In college, Bob led fellow students to the Tiananmen Square demonstrations in 1989. He escaped the June 4 massacre unharmed only because his fiancé had become so sick that he left the square to take her to a hospital.<br />
<br />
Knowing Bob's leadership role in the demonstrations, the government forced him to write so-calledDaily_Commentary_11_15_13 “confessions.” Former friends were afraid to associate with him—even worse, some denounced him. At a low point, as Bob considered suicide, a classmate slipped him a little book—a biography of a Chinese intellectual who had embraced Christianity through the influence of British missionaries.<br />
<br />
Bob writes that the story seemed to be “whispering deep truths to me with each new page.” He joyfully accepted Christ and promptly began evangelizing others. After college he went to work teaching English. But as God's double agent, he opened a secret school to train up ministers of the gospel.<br />
<br />
Bob himself was about to receive the education of a lifetime. Christian dissident Alan Yuan had once told him, “If you want to be a faithful minister and follower of Jesus Christ, you should learn prison theology.” Prison, he explained, was where “you find out more about God and his faithfulness than anywhere else.” My friend Chuck Colson would certainly have agreed with that.<br />
<br />
And when government officials discovered the illegal seminary, they threw Bob and his wife into prison. Despite harsh conditions, Bob witnessed to his fellow inmates, leading many to Christ.<br />
<br />
After their release two months later, the unrepentant Fus added to their so-called “crimes” by purposely conceiving a child without government permission. But now they had to make a fearful choice: Stay in China where they would be forced to undergo an abortion, or attempt to escape the country. If they were caught, they faced long prison terms.<br />
<br />
With the help of the underground church, the two fled to Hong Kong. But their troubles were not over. Britain was preparing to hand over control of Hong Kong to the Chinese. And that's when the Fus found out that the U.S. Consulate did not recognize religious refugees—only political ones.<br />
<br />
Thanks to constant prayer, a miracle or two, and some determined American religious and political leaders, the Fus escaped on the last working day before the Chinese takeover. Talk about cutting it close!Newsletter_Gen_180x180_B<br />
<br />
There is much more to this exciting story, which you can read in “God’s Double Agent.” But let me ask you a question: Are you also willing to be faithful to Christ no matter what it costs—your job, your savings, your freedom?<br />
<br />
As our religious freedoms come under increasing pressure (think about the HHS mandate and ENDA, for instance), many Christians here in the U.S. may, along with their Chinese brethren, have to “choose this day whom you will serve” (Joshua 24:13).<br />
~<br />
Further Reading and Information<br />
<br />
Please, come to the BreakPoint online bookstore to get a copy of Bob Fu’s amazing story, “God’s Double Agent” [http://www.colsoncenterstore.org/product.asp?sku=9780801015908] to learn more about his experience in China. Let his story challenge you to discover how deep your own faith really is. <br />
~<br />
Resources:<br />
<br />
In the Lion's Den: A Shocking Account of Persecuted and Martyrdom of Christians Today and How We Should Respond, audio, 4 CDs Nina Shea | Broadman & Holman Publishers | January 1997 [http://www.colsoncenterstore.org/product.asp?sku=2191_BKPAD]<br />
<br />
http://www.breakpoint.org/bpcommentaries<br />
<br />
Copyright © 2013 Colson Center. All Rights Reserved<br />
~~~~~<br />
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it. <br />
~~~~~ <br />
<br />
Residents of Columbia County, Arkansas are represented in Congress by:<br />
~<br />
<br />
Senator John Boozman (R_ AR) <br />
1 Russell Courtyard<br />
Washington DC, 20510<br />
Phone: 202-224-4843<br />
http://boozman.senate.gov/<br />
~<br />
Senator Mark Pryor (D_ AR) <br />
Phone 202_224_2353 <br />
FAX 202_228_0908 <br />
http://pryor.senate.gov/<br />
~<br />
Representative Tom Cotton (R ) <br />
Phone 202_225_3772 <br />
FAX 202_225_1314 <br />
http://cotton.house.gov/<br />
<br />
Other states congresspersons can be found at: [http://www.visi.com/juan/congress/]<br />
~~~~~<br />
THOUGHT OF THE DAY:<br />
<br />
"In this world, you must be a bit too kind to be kind enough." - Pierre Carlet de Chamblain de Marivaux<br />
<br />
"Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself." - Harvey Fierstein<br />
<br />
"My interest is in the future because I am going to spend the rest of my life there." - Charles Kettering<br />
<br />
"Successful people are always looking for opportunities to help others. Unsuccessful people are always asking, 'What's in it for me?' " - Brian Tracy<br />
<br />
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." - Eleanor Roosevelt<br />
<br />
"It is never too late to be what you might have been." - George Eliot<br />
<br />
"We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are." - Anais Nin<br />
<br />
"Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go." - T.S. Eliot<br />
<br />
"When you look at yourself from a universal standpoint, something inside always reminds or informs you that there are bigger and better things to worry about." - Albert Einstein<br />
<br />
"The mediocre teacher tells. The good teacher explains. The superior teacher demonstrates. The great teacher inspires." - William A. Ward<br />
<br />
"If you work just for money, you'll never make it, but if you love what you're doing and you always put the customer first, success will be yours." - Ray Kroc<br />
<br />
"The new source of power is not money in the hands of a few, but information in the hands of many." - John Naisbitt<br />
<br />
"To care for him who shall have borne the battle and for his widow and his orphan." - Abraham Lincoln<br />
<br />
'Faith is a place of mystery, where we find the courage to believe in what we cannot see and the strength to let go of our fear of uncertainty." - Brene Brown<br />
<br />
"Don't look where you fell, look where you slipped." - African Proverb<br />
<br />
"The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me." - Ayn Rand<br />
<br />
"Everything you've ever wanted is on the other side of fear." - George Addair<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Breaking Christian News <br />
<br />
China to Change its Decades-old 1-Child Policy, Abolish Labor Camps<br />
Aimee Herd (Nov 15, 2013)<br />
<br />
"I think everybody in China should have the right to have any number of kids. I feel so good to raise two children. Nowadays in China, the welfare of old people is not good." -Luo Dongling, Chinese citizen.<br />
<br />
Chinese children(Beijing, China)—According to reports, China's officials are planning to institute the first major changes to its harsh "one-child policy" in almost 30 years, following demographics statistics that show a very unbalanced population. (Photo: CNN)<br />
<br />
The Communist country's current policy, which was introduced in 1979, limits urban couples to one child, and two for rural families if their first-born is a girl, according to the USA Today report. China's strict rule has cost more preborn babies' lives through abortion than any other nation.<br />
<br />
And, the effect after decades of this policy is that the elderly population—which relies upon their children for assistance—is quickly growing, outnumbering the younger generations who could help provide that care.<br />
<br />
In addition there is a "long-term gender imbalance," due to the "abortions…and the infanticide of baby girls by parents who cling to a traditional preference for a son."<br />
<br />
However, the USA Today report stated, last year, a government think tank urged China's leaders to start phasing out the policy and allow two children for every family by 2015, saying the country had paid a "huge political and social cost."<br />
<br />
Following a recent 4-day meeting in Beijing with party leaders, it was decided that changes would be made to the one-child policy and, in addition, the labor (or re-education through labor) camps will be abolished, in an apparent effort to improve human rights.<br />
~~<br />
Massive International Effort Rescues Nearly 400 Children, Busts Horrific Child Exploitation Ring<br />
Teresa Neumann (Nov 15, 2013)<br />
<br />
Of those arrested, 76 were said to be Americans. Disturbingly, many of the criminals arrested held positions of influence, including school teachers, doctors, nurses, pastors and foster parents.<br />
<br />
Operation Spade(Toronto, Canada)—After working diligently for three years, an international effort called Operation Spade, initiated and based in Canada, has finally been successful in rescuing nearly 400 children after breaking up a child pornography and exploitation ring that investigators said involved some of the most shocking abuse they've ever seen. The sheer amount of images and videos, they added, was "staggering."<br />
<br />
"It's a first for the magnitude of the victims saved," said Inspector Joanna Beavin-Desjardins, of Toronto's Sex Crimes Unit.<br />
<br />
According to a report in The National Post, police allege Brian Way, 42, had been running an "exploitation movie, production and distribution company" called Azov Films since 2005, and had made more than $4 million from the business. The videos were then distributed from Toronto to customers around the world through the mail and the Internet.<br />
<br />
Of those arrested, 76 were said to be Americans. Disturbingly, many of the criminals arrested held positions of influence, including school teachers, doctors, nurses, pastors and foster parents.<br />
<br />
editor@breakingchristiannews.com <br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
<br />
GCF: Blizzard Conditions<br />
<br />
If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.com<br />
----------------------------------------------------------<br />
<br />
A government warning was recently issued that anyone traveling in icy or blizzard conditions should take:<br />
<br />
- Shovel, blankets or sleeping bag<br />
- Extra clothing including scarf, hat and gloves<br />
- 24 hours supply of food and drink<br />
- De-icer<br />
- 5 lbs of rock salt<br />
- flashlight with spare batteries<br />
- Road flares and reflective triangles<br />
- Tow rope<br />
- 5 gallon gas can<br />
- First aid kit<br />
- Jump cables<br />
<br />
I felt like a complete idiot on the bus this morning.<br />
<br />
----------- Today's saying or thought -------------- <br />
I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. <br />
----------------------------------------------------<br />
----------------------------------------------------------<br />
<br />
GCF: Autobahn<br />
<br />
Although he knew it was illegal to hitchhike on the autobahn in Germany, my son, after hours with no cars passing by on the deserted road he'd been dropped off on, decided to take a chance. He ventured down to the autobahn, put up his thumb and optimistically held up his sign with "Denmark" written clearly on it.<br />
<br />
His heart sank when, within 15 minutes, a police car pulled up. The officers just looked at him for a minute or two, then one got out of the cruiser, smiling.<br />
<br />
As the officer approached he started speaking in a mixture of English and German, "Two things: First, ist verboten, absolutely forbidden, to hitchhike on the autobahn. Second," he continued as he pointed in the opposite direction, "Denmark is that way."<br />
<br />
----------- Today's saying or thought -------------- <br />
Golf was once a rich man's port, but now it has millions of poor players! <br />
----------------------------------------------------<br />
-----------------------------------------------------<br />
<br />
GCF: Sick Aunt<br />
<br />
Finally, the good-natured boss was compelled to call Smith into his office.<br />
<br />
"It has not escaped my attention," he pointed out, "that every time there's a home game at the stadium, you have to take your aunt to the doctor."<br />
<br />
"You know you're right, sir," exclaimed Smith. "I didn't realize it.<br />
You don't suppose she's faking, do you?"<br />
<br />
----------- Today's saying or thought -------------- <br />
I used to have an open mind, but my brains kept falling out. <br />
----------------------------------------------------<br />
----------------------------------------------------------<br />
<br />
GCF: Socks<br />
<br />
When I was working as a clerk at a sporting-goods store, a woman came up to my register with a package of white athletic socks. "Will you open this up so I can see how the socks feel?" she asked.<br />
<br />
Reluctantly I tore open the package, and she scrutinized the merchandise. She handed me the package saying, "I'll take them."<br />
<br />
Relieved, I started to ring her up, until she interrupted me: "Can I have another pack? This one's been opened."<br />
<br />
----------- Today's saying or thought -------------- <br />
I am willing to make the mistakes if someone<br />
else is willing to learn from them. <br />
----------------------------------------------------<br />
----------------------------------------------------------<br />
<br />
GCF: Cute as a Bug<br />
<br />
A man was pleased to see his small daughter's fascination as she stared at a bug in their backyard. He thought she was developing an interest in science. Then the child remarked, "Grandma says I'm as cute as a bug. The bugs where she lives must be cuter than ours."<br />
<br />
----------- Today's saying or thought -------------- <br />
Crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it. <br />
----------------------------------------------------<br />
*** Good Clean Fun ***<br />
is brought to you by<br />
Thomas S. Ellsworth<br />
email: tellswor@kcbx.net<br />
<br />
Visit the Good Clean Fun web site at http://www.kcbx.net/~tellswor/<br />
<br />
Stop for a visit, leave with a smile!<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! Just send an email to:<br />
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><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Murphy's Laws and Others<br />
<br />
Law of Mechanical Repair<br />
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to go to the bathroom.<br />
~<br />
Law of Gravity<br />
Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.<br />
~<br />
Law of Probability<br />
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.<br />
~<br />
Law of Random Numbers<br />
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal; someone always answers.<br />
~<br />
Variation Law<br />
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.<br />
~<br />
Law of the Bath<br />
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.<br />
~<br />
Law of Close Encounters<br />
The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.<br />
~<br />
Law of the Result<br />
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, IT WILL!!!<br />
~<br />
Law of Biomechanics<br />
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.<br />
~<br />
Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena<br />
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to<br />
go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.<br />
~<br />
The Coffee Law<br />
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.<br />
~<br />
Murphy's Law of Lockers<br />
If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.<br />
~<br />
Law of Physical Surfaces<br />
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.<br />
~<br />
Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy<br />
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it, OR the store will stop selling it!!<br />
~<br />
Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better..<br />
But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
NEW CHURCH INSTRUCTIONS (They’re coming) ....<br />
<br />
PASTOR: "Praise the Lord!" <br />
<br />
CONGREGATION: "Hallelujah!" <br />
<br />
PASTOR: "Will everyone please turn on their tablet, PC, iPad, smart phone, and Kindle Bibles to 1 Cor. 13:13.<br />
<br />
And please switch on your Bluetooth to download the sermon." <br />
<br />
P-a-u-s-e...... <br />
<br />
"Now, Let us pray committing this week into God's hands. <br />
<br />
Open your Apps, BBM, Twitter and Facebook, and chat with God" <br />
<br />
S-i-l-e-n-c-e <br />
<br />
"As we take our Sunday tithes and offerings, please have your credit and debit cards ready." <br />
<br />
"You can log on to the church Wi-Fi using the password 'Lord909887.'<br />
<br />
The ushers will circulate mobile card swipe machines among the worshipers: <br />
<br />
a.. Those who prefer to make electronic fund transfers are directed to computers and laptops at the rear of the church. <br />
b.. Those who prefer to use iPads can open them. <br />
c.. Those who prefer telephone banking, take out your cell phones to transfer your contributions to<br />
the church account.” <br />
<br />
The holy atmosphere of the Church becomes truly electrified as ALL the smart phones, iPads, PCs and laptops beep and flicker! <br />
<br />
“Final Blessing and Closing Announcements... <br />
<br />
a.. This week's ministry cell meetings will be held on the various Facebook group pages where the usual group chatting takes place. Please log in and don't miss out. <br />
b.. Thursday's Bible study will be held live on Skype at 1900hrs GMT. Please don't miss out. <br />
c.. You can follow your Pastor on Twitter this weekend for counseling and prayers. <br />
d.. God bless you and have nice day.”<br />
<br />
Thanks to Waneta<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Tough Account<br />
<br />
Jones applied to a collections agency for a job, but he had no experience. He was so intense that the manager gave him a tough account with the promise that if he collected it, he'd get the job.<br />
<br />
Two hours later, Jones came back with the entire amount. "Amazing!" the manager said. "How did you do it?"<br />
<br />
"Easy," Jones replied. "I told him if he didn't pay up, I'd tell all his other creditors he paid us."<br />
<br />
Received from ArcaMax Jokes.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
Think About It<br />
<br />
- Is there another word for synonym?<br />
<br />
- Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?<br />
<br />
- What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?<br />
<br />
- Would a fly without wings be called a walk?<br />
<br />
- If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?<br />
<br />
- Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?<br />
<br />
- If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?<br />
<br />
- Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?<br />
<br />
- How do they get deer to cross the road only at those yellow road signs?<br />
<br />
Received from ArcaMax Jokes.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
Tom Swift-ly through the Old Testament<br />
<br />
"I have sinned," said Adam originally.<br />
<br />
"Have an apple," the serpent said fruitfully.<br />
<br />
"Come here, Abel," Cain said brotherly.<br />
<br />
"You snails almost didn't make it," Noah said wetly.<br />
<br />
"No spika de Inglish," they babbled at Babel confusedly.<br />
<br />
"Nonsense, I'll look behind me all I please," replied Lot's wife saltily.<br />
<br />
"Here's your pottage," Jacob said hairily.<br />
<br />
"My thigh is out of joint," Jacob said angelically.<br />
<br />
"I was the sun and you were the stars," Joseph said dreamily.<br />
<br />
"Hey, fellas, look at my new coat," Joseph said colorfully.<br />
<br />
"I feel like traveling on, Madame Potiphar," Joseph said coatlessly.<br />
<br />
"Now we can open grain storage area #1," Joseph said leanly.<br />
<br />
"See how the reeds made him in just certain spots," Pharaoh's daughter said mosaically.<br />
<br />
"Tomorrow, we'll cross the Red Sea," Moses said dividedly.<br />
<br />
"But we cannot find water if there is nothing but rocks," the ladies of Israel told Moses gushingly.<br />
<br />
"And here is your calf to worship," Aaron said goldenly.<br />
<br />
"There are the pieces of the Ten Commandments," Moses said stonily.<br />
<br />
"With God, we are bigger than the giants," Joshua and Caleb said largely.<br />
<br />
"____________________________________," said Balaam's ass crushingly.<br />
<br />
"Sure I'll hide you, spies," Rahab said scarletly.<br />
<br />
"Now what could have caused the defeat at Ai?" Achan said guiltily.<br />
<br />
"Can you give me a place to sleep and all I need?" Sisera said naillessly.<br />
<br />
"Will the fleece be wet this dewy morning?" Gideon asked dryly.<br />
<br />
"Your weapons are a trumpet, a pitcher, and a torch," Gideon said generally.<br />
<br />
"That makes a thousand Philistines," Samson said hairily.<br />
<br />
"Get up, Samson, your enemies are on you!" Delilah said snippingly.<br />
<br />
"This is my new husband, Boaz," Ruth said messianically.<br />
<br />
"Now, boys, let's subjugate our impulses," Eli said fatherlyly.<br />
<br />
"Here am I," Samuel said prophetically.<br />
<br />
"Just call me 'Kingy,' boys," Saul said firstly.<br />
<br />
"I love you," Jonathan told David brotherly.<br />
<br />
"Lion, let go of my lamb," David said barehandedly.<br />
<br />
"You'll never conquer me," Goliath said stonily.<br />
<br />
"Here, catch the javelin," Saul said jealously.<br />
<br />
"Meet my new wife, Bathsheba," David said adulterously.<br />
<br />
"Divide the baby with a sword," Solomon said wisely.<br />
<br />
"I'm amazed at your wisdom," the Queen of Sheba said regally.<br />
<br />
"We'll not have taxation without representation," Jeroboam said rebelliously.<br />
<br />
"We've got to pay for our Great Society," Rehoboam said threateningly.<br />
<br />
"Thank you, Sir Raven," Elijah said fully.<br />
<br />
"Here comes old Elisha," the children said baldly.<br />
<br />
"That's the seventh dip," Namaan said cleanly.<br />
<br />
"The driver is Jehu," the watchman reported to Jehoram furiously.<br />
<br />
"This the new Fury Chariot," Jehu said windily.<br />
<br />
"As goes Gomer, so goeth Israel," Hosea said prophetically.<br />
<br />
"My feet are cold," Shadrach said fierily.<br />
<br />
"Long live, O King," Daniel told Darius sleepily.<br />
<br />
"This is where the wall of Jerusalem should be," Nehemiah said constructively.<br />
<br />
"I've seen a little trouble during my life," Job said experientially.<br />
<br />
"No fish for me," Jonah said greatly.<br />
<br />
Copyright (C) 1960, Asa Sparks, 6045 Camelot Court, Montgomery AL 36117<br />
<br />
Received from Stan Kegel.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
Stained Glass<br />
<br />
An minister tells of his first Sunday in a new parish and of presenting the children's message. It seems the sanctuary in the new church had some magnificent stained glass windows, so his message centered on how each of us is called to help make up the whole picture of life (the life of the community of the faithful). Like the pictures in the windows, it takes many little panels of glass to make the whole picture.<br />
<br />
And then he said, "You see each one of you is a little pane." And then pointing to each child, "You're a little pane. And you're a little pane. And you're a little pane. And..."<br />
<br />
It took a few moments before he realized why everyone was laughing so hard.<br />
<br />
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
Clocks<br />
<br />
A man died and went to heaven, where he met St. Peter sitting at a desk in the middle of a great hall. On the walls were millions of clocks.<br />
<br />
"What are those used for?" he asked.<br />
<br />
St. Peter said, "There's one of them for every living person on Earth ticking out the days of their lives."<br />
<br />
The newcomer noticed that the hands of some of the clocks were moving faster than others. "Why do they move at different speeds?" he asked.<br />
<br />
St. Peter said, "Every time you tell a lie, you lose one hour of your life and your clock speeds up."<br />
<br />
The newcomer looked around and then asked, "Do you have one of these for my local politician?"<br />
<br />
St. Peter answered, "Sure! It's in the back room. We use it for a ceiling fan."<br />
<br />
(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
Awful Time<br />
<br />
"I've just had the most awful time," said a boy to his friends. "First I got angina pectoris, then arteriosclerosis. Just as I was recovering, I got psoriasis. They gave me hypodermics, and to top it all, tonsillitis was followed by appendectomy."<br />
<br />
"Wow! How did you pull through?" sympathized his friends.<br />
<br />
"I don't know," the boy replied. "Toughest spelling test I ever had."<br />
<br />
Received from ArcaMax Jokes.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
Bass Boat<br />
<br />
A good ole Alabama boy won a bass boat in a raffle drawing. He brought it home and his wife looked at him and said, "What are you gonna do with that? There ain't no water deep enough to float a boat within 100 miles of here."<br />
<br />
He said, "I won it and I'm a gonna keep it."<br />
<br />
His brother came over to visit several days later. He saw the wife and asked where his brother was. She said, "He's out there in his bass boat," pointing to the field behind the house.<br />
<br />
The brother headed out behind the house and saw his brother sitting in a bass boat with a fishing rod in his hand down in the middle of a big field. He yelled out to him, "What are you doing?"<br />
<br />
His brother yelled back, "I'm fishin'. What does it look like I'm a doing?"<br />
<br />
His brother yelled, "It's people like you that give people from Alabama a bad name, makin' everybody think we is stupid. If I could swim, I'd come out there and give you what for!"<br />
<br />
Received from westimom.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
Chemo<br />
<br />
My wife, Mary, had a lumpectomy and is going through 12 weeks of chemotherapy. The other day, she told our four-year-old granddaughter, Emily, that, because of the chemo, all her hair would fall out.<br />
<br />
Emily looked at Mary with surprise and asked, "Does that mean I'll have two grandpas?"<br />
<br />
Received from Richard Newcomb.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
Bicycling with Granddaughter<br />
<br />
Out bicycling one day with my eight-year-old granddaughter, Carolyn, I got a little wistful. "In ten years," I said, "you'll want to be with your friends and you won't go walking, biking, and swimming with me like you do now."<br />
<br />
Carolyn shrugged. "In ten years you'll be too old to do all those things anyway."<br />
<br />
Received from Penny Bartnicki.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
Alligators<br />
<br />
A blonde camper at Long Pine Key in Everglades National Park decided to take a dip in the lake with her dog, despite signs saying, "No Swimming - Alligators."<br />
<br />
She swam to an island about 75 yards from the shore, then saw some alligators and refused to swim back.<br />
<br />
"Didn't you see the signs?" asked the ranger who retrieved her in a canoe.<br />
<br />
"Sure," the blonde said. "But, I didn't think it applied to me."<br />
<br />
Received from ArcaMax Jokes. <br />
<br />
(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
Rate this funny at http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20120420<br />
<br />
Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a) Mail address: <br />
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<br />
To print or email this funny to others, go to<br />
http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20120420<br />
<br />
The latest GCFL funny can always be found on the web at http://www.gcfl.net/latest.php<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Column - - http://www.madkane.com/humor_blog/<br />
<br />
Limerick Jest<br />
By Madeleine Begun Kane<br />
<br />
A disheveled young man would ingest<br />
Lots of data, as if for a test.<br />
Then each day, without fail,<br />
He’d attempt to regale<br />
Folks with factoids they wished he’d repressed.<br />
~~<br />
Congratulations to Ann Martin, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:<br />
<br />
A dad who just planned to relax<br />
Didn’t have all the relevant facts;<br />
When his daughter named Lizzie<br />
Said “Dad, are you busy?”<br />
He said, “No, dear, but why do you ax?”<br />
~~<br />
Congratulations to Kathy El-Assal, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”<br />
<br />
Her compliance with rules was so lax,<br />
That Mad gave her lim’rick the ax.<br />
With mission aborted<br />
And craftiness thwarted,<br />
Would syntax require a sin tax?<br />
<br />
© Madeleine Begun Kane. All Rights Reserved.<br />
http://www.madkane.com/<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." __ Franklin D. Roosevelt <br />
"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle." <br />
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. _ _ George Carlin <br />
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" _ _ Queen E. Watson<br />
“A political class of Republicans and Democrats that look after themselves, not the Nation. A media hostile to the very precepts of this nation. A generation of Americans who see morals as vices, and are ignorant of America's Actual History.”<br />
"The things that will destroy America are prosperity-at-any-price, peace-at-any-price, safety-first instead of duty-first, the love of soft living, and the get-rich-quick theory of life." - - Theodore Roosevelt <br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> <br />
Emergency Phone Number 911 <br />
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )<br />
Central Dispatch 234_5655<br />
(Non _ Emergency Number)<br />
Direct Numbers<br />
Ambulance _ 234_7371 (24 Hour)<br />
Jail _ 234_5331 (24 Hour)<br />
Poison Control _ 800_222_1222 (24 Hour)<br />
http://www. aapcc. org/<br />
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"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." __ "Bug" <br />
"I read the end of the book. We win!" __ "Bug" <br />
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." __ "Bug"<br />
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." _ _ "Bug"<br />
"It's no big deal doing what God tells you to do. A big deal would be NOT doing what God tells you to do. Just ask Jonah." _ _ Paul Troquille <br />
“Nam et ipsa scientia potestas est.” Knowledge is power. _ Francis Bacon <br />
"The problem is here and now. The time for talk is past. The time for action is now." <br />
Comments on the first Earth Day _ James F. McClellan via John "Fuzzy" Thurman<br />
~~~~~<br />
Hope you enjoy the newsletter. <br />
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week. <br />
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" __"Bug" <br />
God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!! <br />
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT_I KC5HII <br />
<br />
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><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>Bughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07270965849194883997noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9136923892168334329.post-32192917883606064892013-08-25T12:44:00.000-07:002013-08-25T12:47:18.544-07:00Bug's Bleat - - GCF: Exercise Bike<br />
Annette's new "Posey"<br />
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Jkq2UlAnn4c/UhpV_-vGZLI/AAAAAAAAHAY/Eli1dzQ51l8/s1600/05-2013-08-21_14-49-25_930.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Jkq2UlAnn4c/UhpV_-vGZLI/AAAAAAAAHAY/Eli1dzQ51l8/s320/05-2013-08-21_14-49-25_930.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
<br />
A steaming bowl of Annette's Homemade Soup <br />
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ytikcFX80b4/UhpV_mTjxkI/AAAAAAAAHAQ/RRaoX3Ub2lQ/s1600/06-2013-08-11_19-13-14_310.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ytikcFX80b4/UhpV_mTjxkI/AAAAAAAAHAQ/RRaoX3Ub2lQ/s320/06-2013-08-11_19-13-14_310.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
<br />
Josiah in his new Boy's and Girl's Club Football Equipment<br />
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-5_Vg1itnUEs/UhpV_6ktUdI/AAAAAAAAHAc/aCLZHOAzXWU/s1600/06-2013-08-21_16-24-24_116.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-5_Vg1itnUEs/UhpV_6ktUdI/AAAAAAAAHAc/aCLZHOAzXWU/s320/06-2013-08-21_16-24-24_116.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ZXlVfnry064/Uhpci8a0h6I/AAAAAAAAHBk/SLdYic8UGio/s1600/13-2013-08-23_12-13-39_78.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ZXlVfnry064/Uhpci8a0h6I/AAAAAAAAHBk/SLdYic8UGio/s320/13-2013-08-23_12-13-39_78.jpg" /></a></div>Annette claims I shouldn’t wash my dress pants with the towels. At least that’s her excuse for “shaving” my pants this week. :0)<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hwoHff11NYM/Uhpc10uamxI/AAAAAAAAHBs/WNsfni8655M/s1600/10-2013-08-15_05-26-57_389.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-hwoHff11NYM/Uhpc10uamxI/AAAAAAAAHBs/WNsfni8655M/s320/10-2013-08-15_05-26-57_389.jpg" /></a><br />
The Magnolia Christian Center Men Had a GREAT Bible Study Breakfast this month. We meet at 5:30 am on every third Thursday morning.<br />
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-tkyTYFPFOtQ/Uhpc15KpxzI/AAAAAAAAHBw/mMr0LPznxWY/s1600/11-2013-08-15_05-33-13_868.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-tkyTYFPFOtQ/Uhpc15KpxzI/AAAAAAAAHBw/mMr0LPznxWY/s320/11-2013-08-15_05-33-13_868.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-sM7GWHvqFjk/UhpdkEDEcnI/AAAAAAAAHCA/Xge5ESL_cmc/s1600/08-2013-08-22_16-57-24_26.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-sM7GWHvqFjk/UhpdkEDEcnI/AAAAAAAAHCA/Xge5ESL_cmc/s320/08-2013-08-22_16-57-24_26.jpg" /></a><br />
Annette enjoys The Magnolia Farmer’s Market and we both enjoy cooking the veggies she gets there. This week I roasted the new potatoes, squash and onions after marinating them in EVO and spices. Humm Humm Good.<br />
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-mxSEtWV_ik4/Uhpdkb5SiOI/AAAAAAAAHCE/x-fuqioCj9c/s1600/12-2013-08-15_08-01-52_709.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-mxSEtWV_ik4/Uhpdkb5SiOI/AAAAAAAAHCE/x-fuqioCj9c/s320/12-2013-08-15_08-01-52_709.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-sPevd0Xv9fQ/UhpeCwE47-I/AAAAAAAAHCQ/QUabWBRgb_M/s1600/04-2013-08-20_19-42-40_812.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-sPevd0Xv9fQ/UhpeCwE47-I/AAAAAAAAHCQ/QUabWBRgb_M/s320/04-2013-08-20_19-42-40_812.jpg" /></a><br />
Annette hasn’t been feeling too spiffy the last couple of weeks, but she’s still managed to get her plants “shining.”<br />
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-DrrJWb9vjpU/UhpeC9QQ5mI/AAAAAAAAHCU/yhenSK0zqxY/s1600/05-2013-08-21_14-49-25_930.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-DrrJWb9vjpU/UhpeC9QQ5mI/AAAAAAAAHCU/yhenSK0zqxY/s320/05-2013-08-21_14-49-25_930.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
<br />
Volume 15, Issue 33 Friday, August 23, 2013<br />
<br />
Hello ALL, <br />
<br />
The kids eating first or last “thing”. <br />
...<br />
<br />
When I was growing up in my grandmother's house; the main meal was Dinner (also known as lunch to non southerners.) At this meal, the adults were served first, then the kids. Just as they had done when my mother was young and probably as they had done for several generations. I never questioned the practice; it was just the way things were (probably because the adults had to get back to work.)<br />
<br />
Annette's FANTASTIC "Pan Bread"<br />
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ShFMvgcwmLE/UhpYhe2d4LI/AAAAAAAAHA4/YwWnPVeZ5zE/s1600/11-2013-08-22_17-46-50_959.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ShFMvgcwmLE/UhpYhe2d4LI/AAAAAAAAHA4/YwWnPVeZ5zE/s320/11-2013-08-22_17-46-50_959.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
One of my mother's famous stories involved a group of visiting preachers coming to grandmothers for Dinner after church. All the adults were seated at the dining table eating and the kids were in the kitchen, waiting their turn. My uncle Fort (who was 10 or 12 at the time) commented; "I'll bet the D__n Preachers eat all the D__n chicken!" Four year old Bob heard this and walked into the dining room and around the table. No adults paid him any attention until he loudly announced; "Yep! The D__n Preachers are eating all the D__n Chicken!"<br />
...<br />
Of course, this arrangement reversed about the time I got to be old enough to go to the first seating. At that point, they started serving the kids first. And that's what happened today when Annette fixed corn bread, butter-beans, rice, gravy, squash and pork chops for "Dinner."<br />
<br />
Da Boys (also referred to by me as the "Locusts") were served before the two workers even made it to the house for their "lunch" break. This was done because both boys exclaimed that they couldn't survive until their parents got there (in spite of the fact that they had been chowing down on any food not bolted to the floor all morning). So the boys started eating while Annette and I waited to eat with our grown guests. <br />
<br />
When Jimmy and Vanessa arrived, the boys had already inhaled their very generous portions and jumped in line for more. I exclaimed; "Hey, wait till your parents get something to eat." To which Annette replied; "Why would you selfishly want to eat before the children were served?" And she refilled both their plates.<br />
<br />
It was at this point, while we cut the remaining two pork chops up to serve four adults that I realized why the old system was probably instituted. If they'd let the kids eat first, the workers would have probably never had anything but scraps to eat.<br />
<br />
:0)<br />
~~~~~<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-W_FDZtVoLqU/UhpZNXN2III/AAAAAAAAHBA/okr1UDBhcZw/s1600/07-2013-08-13_13-18-02_376.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-W_FDZtVoLqU/UhpZNXN2III/AAAAAAAAHBA/okr1UDBhcZw/s320/07-2013-08-13_13-18-02_376.jpg" /></a></div>Speaking of food and grandkids, our youngest grandson, Ethan, was not happy with his parents choice of restaurants for Sunday Dinner. In protest, he made the following comment on the decision to eat Mexican food: "By the time I grow up, I am going to look like a Mexican and have a sombrero. <br />
<br />
But when I grow up, I am only gonna eat American food and throw away my sombrero. <br />
<br />
Then I will look like George Washington." <br />
~~~~~ <br />
I've been reading Philip Caputo's latest's book, "The Longest Road: Overland In Search of America from Key West to the Arctic Ocean" this week. Here are a few "favorite quotes" from the book that I want to share; <br />
<br />
"The one sure sign that you've entered geezerdom isn't gray hair, wrinkles, wattles, or waning physical powers; it's the conviction that the younger generation is going to hell and taking everyone with it. I guess it's ever been so. <br />
Geriatric Cro-Magnons, huddled in their drafty caves, probably moaned that the tribe was done for because their kids were too lazy or inept to kill mastodons."<br />
...<br />
<br />
"I've figured out by livin', and it took me years to learn this, that you can't control nobody in this world but you, and that's a full-time job. Because if you lose control and get mad and angry -- which I usta get bad mad -- you've lost control of the only thing in this world you can control. You can't control what people say to you or do to you or how they act toward you, but you can control how you take it. Like an old boy told me one day that I was ugly, and I said, 'Well, I didn't realize that but I'll work on it'."<br />
...<br />
<br />
"I think that whatever governors we used to have on what we say and how we behave are gone." John said, weighing in on the skeptical side 'of America's Future'. "What's happened to our manners? To our civility? Maybe it's because of the anonymity of the Internet. It lets people feel free to say whatever they want, and it becomes legitimized because it's on the internet."<br />
<br />
and ...<br />
<br />
Commenting on the amount of misinformation folks spout; "The problem was way too much information. A twenty-first century American can access more of it in them minutes than an eighteenth-century American could in a year, yet the dominion of falsehood remains. It can be stated as a kind of mathematical principle: the degree of ignorance on any given subject is directly proportional to the amount of information available about it."<br />
~<br />
The first book of Mr. Caputo's that I read was his memoir "A Rumor of War" published in 1977. That book was a stunning look at the life of a marine Lieutenant in Vietnam. Rumor of War was jarring and disturbing, upsetting the apple cart of both Hawks and Doves.<br />
<br />
A fairly prolific writer, Mr. Caputo has published the following books since A Rumor of War: Means of Escape (1991) Memoir, Equation for Evil (1996) Fiction, Exiles (1997) Fiction, The Voyage (1999) Fiction, Horn of Africa (1980) Fiction, Delcorso's Gallery (1983) Fiction, Indian Country (1987) Fiction, In the Shadows of the Morning (2002) General Nonfiction, Ghosts of Tsavo (2002) General Nonfiction, Ten Thousand Days of Thunder (2005) General Nonfiction, 13 Seconds: A Look Back At the Kent State Shootings (2005) General Nonfiction, Acts of Faith (2005) Fiction, Crossers (2009) Fiction, and The Longest Road (2013.) <br />
<br />
"The Longest Road" is a far far cry from "A Rumor Of War" not that the quality is different, but where ROW was a disturbing look at an unpopular war, TLR is a satisfying, pleasurable look at our Nation today, be it ever so conflicted. The roots still run deep in the America of our forefathers. <br />
~~~~~ <br />
My Stepfather, Tamey Duke, started selling hamburgers out of a shed on the back of a blacksmith shop just north of the Magnolia square when he was ten years old. <br />
The Columbia County Courthouse.<br />
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-i6Js6k7RCuk/UhpXSJ1xGPI/AAAAAAAAHAs/BKL7DqOOako/s1600/15-2013-08-15_14-04-48_661.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-i6Js6k7RCuk/UhpXSJ1xGPI/AAAAAAAAHAs/BKL7DqOOako/s320/15-2013-08-15_14-04-48_661.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
In spite of working to support his parents and sisters, he managed to graduate from Magnolia A&M (now known as Southern Arkansas University), open several restaurants (including The Chatterbox) and serve as Mess Sergeant for the Officer’s Mess in Patton’s Army in North Africa, Sicily and Italy during World War II. <br />
<br />
The "Brown Duke" circa 1960, <a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-rw2crgC5X-Q/UhpXSC-a5CI/AAAAAAAAHAo/DWUSMsBaKas/s1600/601449_10200494757991052_1591826216_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-rw2crgC5X-Q/UhpXSC-a5CI/AAAAAAAAHAo/DWUSMsBaKas/s320/601449_10200494757991052_1591826216_n.jpg" /></a> When The Chatterbox was destroyed in an explosion the day after Christmas in 1951, he hardly missed a beat. He bought a prefab diner from Valentine manufacturing in Wichita, Kansas, placing it on a vacant lot almost in the same location he’d started out selling burgers from when he was ten years old. <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-eEoALHFEZjc/UhpatV_9cDI/AAAAAAAAHBM/NSp2v8m2rKw/s1600/998627_10200494760951126_1139719910_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-eEoALHFEZjc/UhpatV_9cDI/AAAAAAAAHBM/NSp2v8m2rKw/s320/998627_10200494760951126_1139719910_n.jpg" /></a></div>Valentines were small eight- to 12-seat diners with a limited menu, making them ideal for a one person operation. They made it possible to operate a business with very little capital. These diners were manufactured in Wichita from the late 1930s into the mid-1970s. Sales of the buildings expanded nationwide, and soon Valentines were all over the United States. Many are still in use today. <br />
http://www.kshs.org/p/valentine-business-chronology/10393<br />
<br />
He served his customers out of the Brown Duke until the Chatterbox was rebuilt and then he leased it out. <br />
<br />
The Brown Duke was a great place to get breakfast and had a large lunch crowd from the downtown area. When I was young, there was a canvas roofed structure out back with tables to expand the serving area. <br />
<br />
When Tamey sold the Chatterbox and "retired" he moved the Brown Duke to his lot on Pine Street (where CCAS is now) and reopened it as Tamey's. Paul Bismarck owns it now and Staci Risher is considering buying it, restoring it and reopening it. <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-uedfSCeP6Ps/UhpfHj-CdxI/AAAAAAAAHCs/bWUKCTGBKRk/s1600/03-Brown+Duke_Exterior+971594_10151839278340011_1033236745_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-uedfSCeP6Ps/UhpfHj-CdxI/AAAAAAAAHCs/bWUKCTGBKRk/s320/03-Brown+Duke_Exterior+971594_10151839278340011_1033236745_n.jpg" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-k0GJatpvQ2c/Uhpe9JT3UMI/AAAAAAAAHCk/5L_nB_vO3fw/s1600/02-Brown+Duke_Wall+Safe+1175425_10151839284255011_2120546944_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-k0GJatpvQ2c/Uhpe9JT3UMI/AAAAAAAAHCk/5L_nB_vO3fw/s320/02-Brown+Duke_Wall+Safe+1175425_10151839284255011_2120546944_n.jpg" /></a></div>Staci has done quite a bit of research on the dinner and its history. Even the safe located on the back wall has a story: according to her research, these wall safes were used to make payment for the diner itself. A Valentine Rep would go around picking up payments each month until the diner was paid off. <br />
~~~~~ <br />
Free At Last<br />
<br />
Fifty Years later, we're closer than you think to realizing Martin Luther King Jr.'s dream. By Joshua DuBois<br />
<br />
"Instead of being in a state of perpetual struggle, an endless existential march, I believe there is far more evidence to support the idea that we are right on the verge of Zion. And the only thing that will stop us from getting there is the hopeless belief that we can’t."<br />
<br />
http://www.thedailybeast.com/newsweek/2013/08/23/free-at-last-joshua-dubois-on-martin-luther-king-jr-s-dream-50-years-later.html?utm_medium=email&utm_source=newsletter&utm_campaign=cheatsheet_morning&cid=newsletter%3Bemail%3Bcheatsheet_morning&utm_term=Cheat%20Sheet<br />
~~~~~ <br />
While our leaders are consumed with having all students pass identical standardized tests, the education those tests seek to confirm is bereft of many basic building blocks required for success in our world.<br />
<br />
"Without awareness of natural and human geography, we are reduced to a sort of self-contained void without accurate awareness of the space around us. An ignorance of history also creates the same sort of self-imposed exile, leaving us ignorant of both what came before us and what is likely to follow."<br />
<br />
Read more: http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2013/aug/16/hanson-why-the-president-doesnt-know-where-he-is/#ixzz2cMCaSZcU<br />
<br />
Follow us: @washtimes on Twitter<br />
<br />
HANSON: Why the president doesn’t know where he is http://www.washingtontimes.com/n...<br />
~<br />
In Sam Cooke’s classic 1959 hit song “Wonderful World,” the lyrics downplayed formal learning with lines such as “Don’t know much about history … . Don’t know much about geography.”<br />
~<br />
I can only assume that these parents don't have the time or the ability to judge how their kids are doing in school nor how the school is doing teaching their kids.<br />
<br />
Our grandsons have been in several different schools over the years and we've had absolutely no problem knowing when the boys were doing well (or not) nor when the school was doing a good (or bad) job. <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-nq4j5SV0z5g/UhpbgkGf-mI/AAAAAAAAHBU/_XOrBYaQlO4/s1600/07-2013-08-21_16-24-33_339.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-nq4j5SV0z5g/UhpbgkGf-mI/AAAAAAAAHBU/_XOrBYaQlO4/s320/07-2013-08-21_16-24-33_339.jpg" /></a></div><br />
We didn't need a "super" test to enlighten us. (Of course, it doesn’t hurt when they score in the top 1% on those standardized tests.)<br />
<br />
But it seems that "yet again" we find ourselves in the minority as most folks would prefer that the state or federal school system tell them how their school / kid is doing.<br />
~<br />
Poll: Parents back high-stakes testing. Standardized tests have support among parents, who view them as a useful way to measure both students' and schools' performances<br />
<br />
http://apnews.myway.com/article/20130817/DA87UPQG0.html<br />
~~~~~ <br />
After the latest "Nixon Tapes" were released some are asking; Is Billy Graham an Anti-Semite? Graham should have known better, says his biographer, but he doesn't deserve our condemnation <br />
http://www.beliefnet.com/Faiths/Christianity/2002/03/Is-Billy-Graham-An-Anti-Semite.aspx#<br />
~<br />
Dr. Graham is a man with human faults. He is a great example of why we needed Christ's sacrifice since we were (and are) unable to perfectly follow God's law.<br />
<br />
Has he made mistakes? Definitely. Has he attempted to follow God and preach the Good News? In my opinion ... Definitely.<br />
<br />
Novelist Patricia Cornwell could also give us a different view of the Grahams. I recommend Her biography of Ruth Graham, “A Time for Remembering” (later reissued as “Ruth: A Portrait”)<br />
<br />
In the end, each one of us has to decide if Billy Graham enriched our lives or if he took from us. In my case, my life has been enriched by his. <br />
~~~~~<br />
As if we didn’t have enough to worry about … Some U.S. nuclear facilities are inadequately protected against theft of weapons-grade materials and sabotage by terrorists. Terrorist attacks on vulnerable nuclear facilities could trigger a meltdown or lead to a diversion of bomb-grade uranium. The danger is far from hypothetical since the 9/11 hijackers are known to have considered flying a passenger jet into a U.S. nuclear reactor before they settled on the World Trade Center as their main terror target.<br />
http://www.homelandsecuritynewswire.com/dr20130814-u-s-nuclear-facilities-vulnerable-to-terrorist-attack-study<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Digital era threatens tenuous future of drive-ins<br />
<br />
LANCASTER, Ohio (AP) — Through 80 summers, drive-in theaters have managed to remain a part of the American fabric, surviving technological advances and changing tastes that put thousands out of business. Now the industry says a good chunk of the 350 or so left could be forced to turn out the lights because they can’t afford to adapt to the digital age.<br />
Movie studios are phasing out 35 mm film prints, and the switch to an eventually all-digital distribution system is pushing the outdoor theaters to make the expensive change to digital projectors.<br />
The $70,000-plus investment required per screen is significant, especially for what is in most places a summertime business kept alive by mom-and-pop operators. Paying for the switch would suck up most owners’ profits for years to come. The United Drive-In Theatre Owners Association figures 50 to 60 theaters have already convert ed. At least one operator decided to close instead of switch but it’s , not clear how many more might bite the dust.<br />
"Everyone knows eventually that you’ll be digital or you’ll close your doors," says Walt Effinger, whose Skyvue Drive-In in the central Ohio town of Lancaster has been showing movies on an 80-foot screen since 1948. "Some will. If you’re not doing enough business to justify the expense, you’ re just going to have to close up."<br />
Effinger worked at the Skyvue off and on for 30 years before he and his wife, Cathie, bought it two decades ago. They converted to digital last year, the first of the state’s 29 drive-ins to do so. Because the films now come on a device the size of a portable hard drive and are downloaded to his projector, it’s less hassle for him on movie nights and gives viewers a stunningly brighter, clearer image.<br />
Think of the picture on a flat-screen digital TV, compared with the old tube set.<br />
The digital transformation has been underway in the film industry for more than a decade because of the better picture and sound quality and the ease of delivery — no more huge reels of film. The time frame isn’t clear, but production companies are already phasing out traditional 35 mm film, and it’s expected to disappear completely over the next few years.<br />
"We know fewer and fewer prints are being struck," says D. Edward Vogel, who runs the historic Bengies Drive-In in Baltimore and is spokesman for the United Drive-In Theatre Owners Association.<br />
An industry incentive program will reimburse theater owners 80 percent of the cost of conversion over time, Vogel says, but because most drive-ins are small family-run businesses, it’s hard for many to find the money, period. And the reimbursement doesn’t cover the tens of thousands of dollars more that many will have to spend renovating projection rooms to create the climate-controlled conditions needed for the high-tech equipment.<br />
It’s a dilemma also faced by the nation’s small independent theaters, many of them struggling to pay for conversion to digital years after corporate-owned multiplexes already did it.<br />
Darcy and Bill Wimple, owners of two drive-ins in upstate New York, hope an online competition will help them with the $225,000 to $250,000 they figure it will cost to switch their three screens. The American Honda Motor Co. is compiling online votes for the nation’s favorite drive-ins and is going to pay the digital conversion costs for the top five vote-getters. The Wimples say that if they don’t get help, they’ll have to consider closing up.<br />
"To make this kind of conversion with three screens is like trying to buy another drive-in all over again," says Darcy Wimple, whose El Rancho theater in Palatine Bridge is among dozens of drive-ins featured in the Honda ad promotion.<br />
The number of drive-ins peaked at more than 4,000 in the late 1950s. Now there are 357.<br />
Robyn Deal and Dave Foraker have been going to the Skyvue in Lancaster since they were both in school in the 1960s and early ‘70s. On a recent weekend night, they sat together in folding chairs outside their car, blankets on their laps and their 12-year-old dachshund, Wilson, getting lots of attention just before a double feature of "Turbo" and "The Wolverine."<br />
"So much of our heritage is going away, and this is one of them," said the 60-yearold Foraker, who figures his first movie at the Skyvue was "Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?" around 1966.<br />
"A lot of the things I did when I was kid are gone," he said. "I think they’re trying to keep what’s left."<br />
<br />
Thanks to Joe Mullins<br />
~~~~~ <br />
The Invisible Bicycle Helmet | Fredrik Gotten from Focus Forward Films<br />
<br />
“If people say it’s impossible we have to prove them wrong.”<br />
Design students Anna and Terse took on a giant challenge as an exam project. Something no one had done before. If they could swing it, it would for sure be revolutionary. The bicycle is a tool to change the world. If we use bikes AND travel safe: Life will be better for all.<br />
<br />
http://vimeo.com/43038579?goback=.gde_2689291_member_266608227#!<br />
~~~~~ <br />
From the Magnolia Reporter - - Consider the facts before consuming raw milk<br />
<br />
Raw cow milk has been legal to sell in Arkansas since last Friday.<br />
<br />
Before dairy farmers start selling raw milk or consumers start drinking raw milk, they may want to read a new fact sheet on the subject published by the University of Arkansas Division of Agriculture’s Public Policy Center.<br />
<br />
http://www.magnoliareporter.com/living_and_learning/education/article_90c9fc74-0a18-11e3-98b3-0019bb2963f4.html<br />
<br />
The Promise and Risk of Raw Milk in Arkansas – Analyzing Arkansas’ New Raw Milk Law<br />
<br />
http://www.uaex.edu/Other_Areas/publications/PDF/FSPPC120.pdf<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Polio Outbreaks in Africa and Pakistan<br />
<br />
Parts of Africa and Pakistan are experiencing an outbreak of a disease that, elsewhere on the globe, has long been extinct. While there were only 223 cases of polio in the entire world last year, there are currently 121 in Somalia and the Horn of Africa, home to thousands of Somali refugees. Meanwhile, in North Waziristan, three children have contracted polio since local warlord Hafiz Gull Abrader banned vaccinations in the region 14 months ago in protest of American drone strikes. Though the severity of the Pakistani outbreak has not reached the level of Africa's, any manifestation of polio paralysis has the potential to spread. In anticipation of next month's hajj, Saudi Arabia is now requiring that all visitors be vaccinated both at home and on arrival at Mecca. The recent outbreaks may prove a setback to the World Health Organization's $5.5 billion plan to rid the world of polio completely by 2018.<br />
<br />
Now tell me again why you’re not choosing to vaccinate your family?<br />
~~~~~<br />
At the Obama White House: Transparency Transhmarency by Lloyd Grove <br />
<br />
Trying to force The Washington Post to change real quotes was just the latest White House obfuscation. Team Obama has been at it for years. Lloyd Grove reports.<br />
<br />
http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2013/08/23/at-the-obama-white-house-transparency-transhmarency.html?utm_medium=email&utm_source=newsletter&utm_campaign=cheatsheet_morning&cid=newsletter%3Bemail%3Bcheatsheet_morning&utm_term=Cheat%20Sheet<br />
~~~~~ <br />
As Gomer would say; "Surprise, Surprise, Surprise!"<br />
U.S. nuclear facilities vulnerable to terrorist attack: study<br />
<br />
Some U.S. nuclear facilities are inadequately protected against theft of weapons-grade materials and sabotage by terrorists. Terrorist attacks on vulnerable nuclear facilities could trigger a meltdown or lead to a diversion of bomb-grade uranium. The danger is far from hypothetical since the 9/11 hijackers are known to have considered flying a passenger jet into a U.S. nuclear reactor before they settled on the World Trade Center as their main terror target.<br />
http://www.homelandsecuritynewswire.com/dr20130814-u-s-nuclear-facilities-vulnerable-to-terrorist-attack-study<br />
~~~~~<br />
Five foods you should never eat: Non Organic Strawberries, White Chocolate, Bean Sprouts, Canned (metal can) Tomatoes, Swordfish. Per CNN's Dr. Sanjay Gupta.<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Truly beautiful. These photos are courtesy of Deborah Byrd's friends of the 2013 Perseid meteor shower<br />
http://earthsky.org/space/photos-from-friends-2013-perseid-meteor-shower?utm_source=EarthSky+News&utm_campaign=c01e22fc0<br />
~<br />
Earth waves at Saturn<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-vVsFC31YUg8/UhpcAvASJuI/AAAAAAAAHBc/MzPqxOb1_3g/s1600/nasa+Earth+waves+at+Saturn+wave_earth_mosaic1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-vVsFC31YUg8/UhpcAvASJuI/AAAAAAAAHBc/MzPqxOb1_3g/s320/nasa+Earth+waves+at+Saturn+wave_earth_mosaic1.jpg" /></a></div>A collage of 1400+ images of people waving at the Cassini spacecraft on July 19.<br />
<br />
http://earthsky.org/todays-image/earth-waves-at-saturn?utm_source=EarthSky+News&utm_campaign=7fdf7eb3e8-EarthSky_News&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_c643945d79-7fdf7eb3e8-393703501<br />
<br />
On July 19, 2013, the Cassini spacecraft pointed its camera back at Earth to take our picture from the Saturn system. NASA encouraged everyone to smile, wave, and snap a photo of our own. From more than 40 countries and 30 U.S. states, people shared more than 1,400 images of themselves, via Twitter, Face book, Flickr, Instagram, Google+ and email. As a tribute to the people of Earth, NASA assembled this collage from the shared images, using an image of Earth as the base image.<br />
<br />
(Deborah Byrd is Founder and President of EarthSky, which she created in 1991. EarthSky is a digital publisher that brings science and nature to millions of people around the world.) http://earthsky.org/ <br />
~~~~~<br />
AskBob - - Bob Rankin - - Online College or Campus Learning? <br />
<br />
These days, earning a college degree online is an option as readily available as traditional, on-campus living and learning. So what's the better choice? There are many pros and cons of online college. Here's a guide to deciding...<br />
http://askbobrankin.com/online_college_or_campus_learning.html?awt_l=HZr.N&awt_m=Ijwim9Y3V8P6SL<br />
~<br />
<br />
Are Digital Cameras Obsolete? <br />
<br />
What goes around comes around. Digital cameras killed the old-school film camera market long ago. Today, some are wondering if standalone digital cameras are in danger of extinction by cameras built into smartphones, tablets, and other mobile devices. Read on to see if they're right...<br />
http://askbobrankin.com/are_digital_cameras_obsolete.html?awt_l=HZr.N&awt_m=JYArq_AEZ8P6SL<br />
~<br />
<br />
Geekly Update - 21 August 2013 <br />
<br />
Are helicopter drones getting out of control? Is Google secretly changing the definition of words in Webster's dictionary? And is your smartphone using more electricity the refrigerator? Get answers to these burning questions, and the scoop on the latest tech news, in this edition of the Geekly Update. It's guaranteed to make you 146% smarter. Read, think and comment!<br />
http://askbobrankin.com/geekly_update_21_august_2013.html?awt_l=HZr.N&awt_m=J85OoQcKJ8P6SL<br />
~~~~~<br />
ACC SmartBrief - - <br />
<br />
Politics threaten economic gains from shale gas<br />
<br />
Vocal opponents and legislative obstacles to hydraulic fracturing in some areas are threatening the economic gains from shale gas, this article says. There is now a movement to block fracking in New Jersey, while New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo has promised a long-awaited decision on fracking in his state by the 2014 election. Meanwhile, the federal government may move to regulate fracking even though states appear to be better equipped for this task, Jon Entine writes. Forbes (8/22) http://www.forbes.com/sites/jonentine/2013/08/22/will-washington-politics-kill-the-us-energy-revival-and-shale-gas-revolution/<br />
~<br />
ACC, industrial groups express compliance concerns on rework of boiler MACT rule<br />
<br />
The American Chemistry Council and other groups warn that the Environmental Protection Agency's rework of its final boiler maximum achievable control technology could make timely compliance a challenge. Facilities are expected to comply with new regulations by Jan. 31, 2016, but major sources "need a substantial period of time once regulatory requirements are final to come into compliance," the groups said in a filing with the U.S. Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia Circuit. They are urging the EPA to finalize the MACT rule by the end of this year. SNL Financial (free content) (8/19) http://www.snl.com/Interactivex/article.aspx?CdId=A-24565371-11314<br />
~<br />
Expert: Marcellus gas production surges, begins displacing Gulf of Mexico output<br />
<br />
Natural gas production from the Marcellus Shale formation is growing faster than expected, and it is affecting U.S. energy trends, Bentek Energy analysts said. Pennsylvania's portion of the play alone produced about 1.5 trillion cubic feet of gas in the first half of the year, and the figure is expected to reach 3.2 trillion by year's end. Marcellus gas is "actually starting to displace" Gulf of Mexico production, said Bentek analyst Diana Oswald. The Courier-Journal (Louisville, Ky.) (tiered subscription model)/The Associated Press (8/15) http://www.courier-journal.com/viewart/20130815/BUSINESS/308150119/Marcellus-natural-gas-production-rises-fast<br />
~~~~~<br />
dLife Foodstuff - - <br />
<br />
Seven Things You Need to Know about Arthritis and Diabetes<br />
By Sandra Gordon<br />
<br />
Over half of the nearly 24 million Americans with diabetes also have osteoarthritis. It' s the most common kind of arthritis, which occurs when the cartilage that provides a cushion between bones wears away, causing inflammation, stiffness, and pain in joints. One disease affects the other. "Controlling arthritis is critical to diabetes management and vice versa," says John H. Klippel, M.D., the president and CEO of the Arthritis Foundation in Atlanta. Staying active and at a healthy weight are key. Here are seven important facts that can help you manage both conditions to help you stay healthier.<br />
<br />
Weight gain makes osteoarthritis worse.<br />
<br />
Age increases risk.<br />
<br />
Exercise reduces arthritis joint pain.<br />
<br />
Too much exercise can worsen osteoarthritis symptoms.<br />
<br />
Osteoarthritis drugs won't make your diabetes worse.<br />
<br />
Taking glucosamine/chondroitin may help relieve arthritis pain.<br />
<br />
Worn - out joints can be replaced, but you'll need to be fit for surgery.<br />
<br />
http://www.dlife.com/diabetes/information/slide_show_pdf_files/new_pdfs/Arthritis_and_Diabetes.pdf<br />
~~~~~<br />
As featured on Food Network - - Almost-Famous Frozen Yogurt<br />
<br />
A combination of whole-milk yogurt and reduced-fat Greek yogurt creates a light, airy and tangy homemade fro-yo. - - Makes: 1 quart<br />
<br />
<br />
Ingredients<br />
<br />
2 cups plain whole-milk yogurt<br />
2 cups plain nonfat or reduced-fat Greek yogurt<br />
1/2 cup superfine sugar<br />
3 tablespoons light corn syrup<br />
Fresh fruit or other toppings, for garnish <br />
<br />
Directions<br />
<br />
Whisk both yogurts, the sugar and corn syrup in a bowl until combined. Pour into an ice cream maker and freeze according to the manufacturer's instructions.<br />
<br />
For a soft consistency, serve right out of the ice cream maker. For a firmer texture, transfer the frozen yogurt to a covered container and freeze for up to 2 hours. Serve with assorted toppings.<br />
<br />
Read more at: http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes-and-cooking/healthy-dessert-recipes/pictures/page-43.html?nl=EATS_082113_P1-Headline&sni_mid=92272&sni_rid=92272.314.671921&c32={2C4766C1-E79F-4C8E-BBCE-D8B095BE4573}&oc=linkback<br />
~~~~~ <br />
DarynKagan.com - - Kindness of strangers and luck make family's dream come true.<br />
<br />
I have for you today a wonderful full circle story, a pitch you have to see to believe, & one of my fave country music singers.<br />
<br />
Enjoy!<br />
<br />
-Daryn.<br />
<br />
POW's Ring Comes Home 7 Decades Later #KindnessOfStrangers! http://darynkagan.com/Heroes.html<br />
<br />
Actress Throws Out Best First Pitch Ever! Throws Like A Girl? Oh Yeah! http://darynkagan.com/Sports.html<br />
<br />
Trisha Yearwood Talks Weight, Singing, Cooking, & Garth http://darynkagan.com/Celebs___Artists.html<br />
<br />
Know anyone who would love to get this newsletter and brighten their day? Sign them up here.<br />
<br />
Daryn's Upbeat Stories! Daryn@darynkagan.com<br />
<br />
Copyright © *|2013* *|Journeyist, Inc.|*, All rights reserved.<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Rasmussen Reports - - Education - - Friday, August 23, 2013<br />
<br />
Voters Favor Choices for Prayer, Uniforms, Calendar in Schools<br />
<br />
Most voters continue to think parents should be able to choose between schools based on such things as uniforms, prayer and how long the school year lasts.<br />
<br />
Seventy-seven percent (77%) of Likely Voters now believe a parent should have a choice between sending their children to a school that allows prayer and a school that does not, according to a new Rasmussen Reports telephone survey. http://www.rasmussenreports.com/public_content/lifestyle/education/education<br />
<br />
68% Support Government-Recognized National Day of Prayer<br />
49% Say Children’s Quality of Life is Worse Than a Generation Ago<br />
34% Think More Spending Will Improve Education in America<br />
25% Say High School Graduates Prepared For College<br />
17% Say U.S. Public Schools Provide World-Class Education<br />
~<br />
On other issues …<br />
<br />
82% Say U.S. Not Winning War on Drugs - - Americans continue to overwhelmingly believe the so-called war on drugs is failing. <br />
<br />
59% Say Their Home is Worth More Now Than When They Bought It<br />
<br />
56% Think Racism Not Chief Reason for Lack of Neighborhood Diversity Americans are closely divided on the importance of neighborhoods in this country being racially or ethnically diverse, but most believe racism is not the chief reason for a lack of diversity. <br />
<br />
53% View Boehner Unfavorably Ohio Republican John Boehner draws his worst ratings since becoming speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives in early 2011. <br />
<br />
52% Support Required Uniform Cameras For Police Officers A federal judge last week ruled that New York City Police Department's stop-and-frisk policy violates the rights of minorities and suggested a trial program that would require on-duty police officers to wear uniform cameras, a practice already utilized in some areas of the country. <br />
<br />
51% Believe Manning Should Have to Serve Entire Sentence Chelsea Manning, formerly known as Bradley, was sentenced to 35 years in prison for releasing classified government documents to the website WikiLeaks.<br />
~<br />
To find out more about Scott Rasmussen, and read features by other Creators writers and cartoonists, visit www.creators.com. <br />
COPYRIGHT 2013 - - SCOTT RASMUSSEN - - DISTRIBUTED BY CREATORS.COM<br />
See Other Political Commentaries. http://www.rasmussenreports.com/public_content/political_commentary<br />
See Other Commentaries by Scott Rasmussen. http://www.rasmussenreports.com/public_content/political_commentary/commentary_by_scott_rasmussen<br />
~~~~~ <br />
The latest from Michael Yon, the foremost “milnews” blogger on the web. <br />
~<br />
Greetings, <br />
<br />
Syria: How did it get into this war?<br />
<br />
A good refresher. Worth the time.<br />
<br />
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TqtCOxeGAHE<br />
~<br />
Utah beauty queen accused of throwing bombs resigns title<br />
<br />
Wed Aug 14, 2013 2:25am EDT<br />
<br />
(Reuters) - A Utah beauty queen accused along with three friends of throwing homemade bombs in a Salt Lake City suburb resigned her Miss Riverton title...<br />
<br />
...Miss Riverton Pageant that Kendra Gill, 18, had resigned her position effective that day.....Gill, crowned Miss Riverton in June, and three other 18-year-olds were arrested earlier this month following a bomb-throwing spree...<br />
<br />
The bombs were constructed from household chemicals, aluminum foil and plastic water bottles...<br />
<br />
When questioned by police, one of the teens said he had spent the evening "‘pranking' with fireworks with friends,"...<br />
<br />
They were charged on Friday with four counts each of felony bomb possession....<br />
<br />
Please see: http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/the-bomb-boys-book-project/x/2671256?c=activity<br />
<br />
Very Respectfully,<br />
Michael Yon<br />
Your Writer, <br />
<br />
Please remember that this website accepts no advertisement and is dependent on your support. <br />
<br />
PS Please sign up for my Twitter.com updates at "Michael_Yon" [http://twitter.com/Michael_Yon] (not Michael Yon).<br />
<br />
http://www.facebook.com/#/MichaelYonFanPage?ref=sgm<br />
~<br />
www.michaelyon-online.com<br />
~<br />
Http://www.michaelyon_online.com/index.php<br />
~~~~~ <br />
If you would like to encourage US Troops overseas, but are not sure just how to begin, visit www.anysoldier.com for ideas. <br />
~~~~~ <br />
5 Things New Veterans Expect From All Political Candidates<br />
<br />
<br />
1. Defend the New GI Bill<br />
2. Employ the New Greatest Generation<br />
3. Prevent suicide among troops and veterans<br />
4. Build a truly 21st Century VA<br />
5. Improve Care for Female Veterans<br />
<br />
<br />
http://iava.org/blog/5-things-new-veterans-expect-all-candidates-2012<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Please remember ... America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the MALL.<br />
~~~~~<br />
Jimmy Malone shared this news story with us.<br />
<br />
This is liberalism in a nutshell. "I don't care how hard you work, it's not fair that you always win."<br />
~<br />
Librarian wants to ban 5-time reading champ from contest<br />
<br />
After Tyler Weaver read 63 books between June 24 and Aug. 3 to win this year’s Dig Into Reading competition at the Hudson Falls Public Library, director Marie Gandron told a reporter from the Glens Falls Post-Star that Weaver “hogs’’ the contest every year and should “step aside.”<br />
<br />
“Other kids quit because they can’t keep up,’’ Gandron said. <br />
<br />
Gandron told the Post-Star she initially wanted to change the contest rules so that the winners' names would be drawn out of a hat rather than just being the children who read the most books.<br />
<br />
Lita Casey, a library aide for 28 years, told the Post-Star that Gandron’s idea to change the rules to picking names out of a hat is “ridiculous.”<br />
<br />
“My feeling is you work, you get it,’’ Casey said. “That’s just the way it is in anything. My granddaughter started working on track in grade school and ended up being a national champ. Should she have backed off and said, ‘No, somebody else should win?’ <br />
<br />
http://www.today.com/books/librarian-wants-ban-5-time-reading-champ-contest-6C10960198<br />
~~~~~<br />
Mustard Seed Financial - Aug 19 - David Ashby<br />
<br />
The High Cost of Smoking is Higher Than You Think<br />
<br />
If you are a smoker, you probably won’t read this. If you are a nonsmoker, tell a smoker about it. A recent article in the Wall Street journal caught my attention. The article discussed how smokers earn, on average, about 20 percent less than nonsmokers. That’s a lot of money at any wage level. In the study by the Atlanta Federal Reserve Bank, it didn't matter if you were a social smoker or a chain smoker, the wage difference was still there. We've all seen a worker standing outside the place of business smoking a cigarette. I figure smokers take more breaks than nonsmokers, which results in lost productivity. But I've also wondered about smokers prior to the break, thinking about that next cigarette. There’s probably some decline in productivity due to the mental distraction of smoking. Smokers also miss more days of work, on average 2 to 3 days, than nonsmokers. For whatever reasons, employers are docking smokers by a hefty margin according to the report.<br />
<br />
Ever noticed that when you apply for life insurance, you pay a higher rate if you are a smoker? That seems pretty obvious of course, since smoking reduces your life expectancy. That means the life insurance company has to pay out sooner rather than later and collects premiums over a shorter period. Since smokers pay more for life insurance, how come they don’t pay more for health insurance? Well, they‘re starting to. Obamacare will allow insurers to charge differential premiums for smokers versus non-smokers. Plus some employers are already adapting to the idea. So if you are a smoker with health insurance coverage, you can expect to see your health insurance costs increase at a faster rate than non-smokers.<br />
<br />
<br />
Besides health insurance premiums, smokers also pay out higher costs for health care. According to research published in the New England Journal of Medicine, smokers pay roughly 40 percent more in health costs than non-smokers at a given age. Of course, since smokers have a shorter life expectancy, the lifetime tab differential is less. Smokers live on average 13 to 14 years less than non-smokers. On average, one cigarette takes eleven minutes off your life.<br />
<br />
Getting ready to sell your house? If you are a smoker, expect to get less for it. A study by Pfizer shows smokers get from 10 to 30 percent less for a home than a similar smoke free home. If you are a non-smoker and have ever been forced to take a smoking room at a hotel, you understand that. I imagine there is a similar discount on the sale of cars driven by smokers.<br />
<br />
Despite all the costs discussed above, we haven’t even gotten to the price of cigarettes. I guess they are now over $5 a pack. At two packs a day, that is $300 a month, or $3,600 a year. At three packs a day, well, you can do the math. Unfortunately, for many families where a smoker is present, somebody in the family is doing without some things. Often it’s the kids, not to mention the second hand smoke they are getting, which will likely increase their health issues down the road.<br />
<br />
Now for some back of the napkin calculations as to the lifetime cost of smoking. As mentioned above, smokers make about 20% less than non-smokers. Let’s conservatively say this costs $5,000 a year. There are also insurance and health care differentials that could amount to $1,000 a year or more. The cost of smoking a pack a day would be $1,800 a year. The costs of the decreased value of homes/vehicles and second hand smoke are hard to quantify but let’s just add another $500 per year as a “catch-all.” The annual cost could be approximately $8,300. Over a 40 year period adjusted for inflation this could cost you $1,000,000, which unless you are a member of Congress amounts to a significant sum of money.<br />
<br />
As a teenager, I watched my grandfather die of emphysema. It’s a painful disease and it’s painful to witness someone who has it. I clearly recall a conversation with him where he advised me to never start smoking. That conversation was enough for me and it’s probably saved me a lot of money and health issues. In my grandfather’s defense, the hazards of smoking weren't well known back then. But in today’s world, you have to wonder what motivates a person to start smoking. Who wants to spend money, and lot’s of it, for a shorter, less healthy life? If you made it through this article and you are a smoker, maybe you've got a few new reasons to quit. The cost of smoking is extremely high. <br />
<br />
Published in the Texarkana Gazette on August 18, 2013.<br />
~~~~~<br />
Favorite Quotes: <br />
<br />
Mistakes are the portals of discovery. ~ James Joyce via Ron Hazelton<br />
<br />
“Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.”<br />
― Winston Churchill via Jimmy Malone<br />
~~~~~<br />
The following wisdom is shared by our friends and family. <br />
<br />
Nancee Davis Law<br />
<br />
Lord ... I will not back up, let up, put up or shut up until I have everything You have promised.<br />
<br />
God sees our light when we only see our shadows.<br />
<br />
If you only had everything you prayed for yesterday, what would you have?<br />
<br />
Life is like an old dirt road. It can have bumps, twists and sometimes ruts but as long as you keep going, you'll get through it.<br />
<br />
Nothing is hidden from Your sight<br />
Wherever I go, You will find me<br />
You know every detail of my life<br />
You are God and You don't miss a thing<br />
<br />
God sees our light when we only see our shadows.<br />
<br />
When you're down and troubled and you need a helping hand, I've got a friend that you can call on. His name is Jesus<br />
<br />
There is always gonna be someone in your life that makes you look forward to tomorrow<br />
<br />
Before you judge someone, take a look at yourself<br />
<br />
This is for somebody: God has a way of turning your situation around. It may look like, the storm will not cease, but I'm here to declare God is your peace.<br />
<br />
#God is working things out for you, even when you don't feel it. Have #faith and be #thankful.<br />
<br />
Definitely gonna be a more than 2 cups of coffee kind of day<br />
<br />
Feed your faith and your fears will starve to death.<br />
<br />
Use the Word as a weapon against thoughts of the world.<br />
<br />
When I stand before #God at the end of my life, I hope that I don't have a single bit of talent left, and say, I used everything you gave me. <br />
<br />
Change your thinking, change your life<br />
<br />
Ever have one of those days where you don't want to get up and just want to sit around in your pj's all day....<br />
<br />
It's not how many times you fall, it's about how many times you get back up and stand firm.<br />
<br />
You may run but you can't hide, God knows exactly where you are<br />
<br />
Sunday is the day to refuel your spirit so get up and get to church. Whatever you need, God's got it!<br />
~~~~~<br />
http://www.shelfari.com<br />
http://www.shelfari.com/bugsbleat/shelf <br />
~~~~~<br />
<br />
For the latest issue of "Da Bleat.", go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com. <br />
Our photos are posted at http://www.bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com.<br />
~~~~~<br />
Photos on the front of this week’s “Bleat” include - - A steaming bowl of Annette's Homemade Soup, Her new "Posey", Josiah in his new Boy's and Girl's Club Football Equipment, The "Brown Duke" circa 1960, The Columbia County Courthouse.<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it. <br />
~~~~~<br />
1 Thessalonians 6:20-21, Luke 9:22, Philemon 1:22, Titus 1:1, Galatians 6:7-9, Philemon 1:15-16, Philemon 1:8-9, Luke 9:24, Philemon 1:1-4<br />
~~~~~<br />
Break Point - - Raising Eric Metaxas (re-air)<br />
Challenging Consumers of Culture<br />
By: John Stonestreet<br />
Published: August 23, 2013 <br />
<br />
The first question Chuck Colson asked someone interviewing for a job was: “So, what books are you reading these days?” He knew the answer would speak volumes.<br />
<br />
I hope you heard Eric Metaxas on Tuesday’s BreakPoint broadcast on how important it is for Christians to tell great stories. He said Christians have a responsibility to join the artists and storytellers of culture, and can uniquely point culture to our good, true, and beautiful God. If you missed it, go to BreakPoint.org. You’ll find it under “Commentaries.”<br />
<br />
Eric is spot-on, as usual. But, I want to “see” his call for storytelling and “raise” him with a call for story hearing.<br />
<br />
Here’s what I mean. Yes, Christians should be among the producers of great stories, art, books, TV shows, etc. But the fact of the matter is that few of us produce these cultural artifacts, but all of us consume them. Most of us aren’t movie producers, but movie watchers. Not authors, but readers.<br />
<br />
And the books, songs, movies and media most Americans, including Christians, choose to consume these days are downright depressing. As Eric mentioned yesterday, the number one and two movies at the box office are ridiculously, almost pornographically, violent movies. And it’s Daily_Commentary_8_23_13not just violence and sex. It’s also the silliness that wastes enormous amounts of our time and our brains.<br />
<br />
I first understood this after reading Neil Postman’s incredible book, “Amusing Ourselves to Death.” In it, he contrasts the futurist visions in George Orwell’s “1984” and Aldous Huxley’s “Brave New World.”<br />
<br />
At first glance their visions were similar; but Postman suggests otherwise. “What Orwell feared,” Postman wrote, “were those who would ban books. What Huxley feared was that there would be no reason to ban a book, because there would be no one who wanted to read one . . . Orwell feared that the truth would be concealed from us. Huxley feared the truth would be drowned in a sea of irrelevance. Orwell feared we would become a captive culture. Huxley feared we would become a trivial culture … In short, Orwell feared that what we hate will ruin us. Huxley feared that what we love will ruin us.”<br />
<br />
Any objective look at American culture, in which we evangelicals often seem intent on imitating and embracing, will tell you that Postman and Huxley were right.<br />
<br />
So yes, Christians should produce great art and great stories, but we also have the responsibility to cultivate our taste so we prefer great art and great stories to the trivial, the senselessly violent, and the vulgar.<br />
<br />
In his essay “Weight of Glory,” C. S. Lewis wrote: “We are half-hearted creatures . . . like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”<br />
<br />
Let me paraphrase Lewis. "We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with reality TV, cheesy romance novels, and decorating our homes with trinkets—when we could watch great films, read great books, old and new, that accurately describe the human condition and cause us to examine our lives; and feast our eyes on works of art that point to a greater beauty and Truth."<br />
<br />
Here are some small steps toward ennobling our tastes: Parents, read to your young children. Unplug the Newsletter_Gen_180x180_Bvarious screens in your home for a significant period of time each day. Encourage teens to read good books, including fiction. Read those yourself. Watch films together, especially as families, and discuss afterward. And pastors, don’t seek to entertain on Sundays, but to challenge. Aim for depth and worship, not mere emotional stimulation.<br />
<br />
At BreakPoint.org, we’ve compiled a list of suggestions for great literature for young and old, great films, and even resources for pastors. Just click on this commentary to find them.<br />
<br />
And remember: while we’re trying to shape the culture, the culture can also be shaping us.<br />
<br />
(This commentary was originally aired on January 10, 2013).<br />
<br />
Further Reading and Information<br />
<br />
Challenging Consumers of Culture - Next Steps<br />
<br />
Set aside Start cultivating your own tastes--read the great classics yourself and to your children. Get friends and family together and watch a great movie and then discuss the theme. Visit an art gallery exhibit of great paintings and sculpture.<br />
<br />
And check out our latest Re: series video on our culture's fascination with mindless entertainment.<br />
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UgEEDkLy35E<br />
<br />
Books:<br />
<br />
Amusing Ourselves to Death: Public Discourse in the Age of Show Business<br />
Neil Postman | Penguin Books | December 2005<br />
http://www.colsoncenterstore.org/product.asp?sku=9780143036531<br />
<br />
Other Resources:<br />
<br />
Read a great book! Check out Chuck Colson’s recommended reading list<br />
http://www.breakpoint.org/resources/recommended-books<br />
<br />
Books for youth as well: Youth Reads<br />
http://www.breakpoint.org/features-columns/youth-reads<br />
<br />
Want to watch a great movie? We have some suggestions: BreakPoint’s recommended films<br />
http://www.breakpoint.org/resources/recommended-films<br />
<br />
Pastors! Visit the Worldview Church website, filled with resources for pastors, by pastors<br />
http://www.worldviewchurch.org/wvc-home<br />
<br />
http://www.breakpoint.org/bpcommentaries<br />
<br />
Copyright © 2013 Colson Center. All Rights Reserved<br />
~~~~~<br />
Photos on the front of this week’s “Bleat” include - - A steaming bowl of Annette's Homemade Soup, Her new "Posey", Josiah in his new Boy's and Girl's Club Football Equipment, The "Brown Duke" circa 1960, The Columbia County Courthouse.<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it. <br />
~~~~~ <br />
<br />
Residents of Columbia County, Arkansas are represented in Congress by:<br />
~<br />
<br />
Senator John Boozman (R_ AR) <br />
1 Russell Courtyard<br />
Washington DC, 20510<br />
Phone: 202-224-4843<br />
http://boozman.senate.gov/<br />
~<br />
Senator Mark Pryor (D_ AR) <br />
Phone 202_224_2353 <br />
FAX 202_228_0908 <br />
http://pryor.senate.gov/<br />
~<br />
Representative Tom Cotton (R ) <br />
Phone 202_225_3772 <br />
FAX 202_225_1314 <br />
http://cotton.house.gov/<br />
<br />
Other states congresspersons can be found at: [http://www.visi.com/juan/congress/]<br />
~~~~~<br />
THOUGHT OF THE DAY:<br />
<br />
"In this world, you must be a bit too kind to be kind enough." - Pierre Carlet de Chamblain de Marivaux<br />
<br />
"Lend yourself to others, but give yourself to yourself." - Michel de Montaigne<br />
<br />
"If fate means you to lose, give him a good fight anyhow." - William McFee<br />
<br />
"It's never too late to become what you might have been." - George Elliot<br />
<br />
"Cheerfulness and contentment are great beautifiers and are famous preservers of youthful looks." - Charles Dickens<br />
<br />
"Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die." - Malachy McCourt<br />
<br />
"If I had my life to live over, I would perhaps have more actual troubles but I'd have fewer imaginary ones." - Don Herold<br />
<br />
"Wit makes its own welcome, and levels all distinctions. No dignity, no learning, no force of character, can make any stand against good wit." - Ralph Waldo Emerson<br />
<br />
"I like living. I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing." - Agatha Christie<br />
<br />
"At first dreams seem impossible, then improbable, then inevitable." - Christopher Reeve<br />
<br />
"Never ruin an apology with an excuse." - Kimberly Johnson<br />
<br />
"To be able to ask a question clearly is two-thirds of the way to getting it answered." - John Ruskin<br />
<br />
"If it takes a lot of words to say what you have in mind, give it more thought." - Dennis Roth<br />
<br />
"Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself." - Harvey Fierstein<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Breaking Christian News <br />
URGENT PRAYER NEEDED FOR BELIEVERS IN EGYPT – We just received a report from personnel in the Middle East that violence against Christians has escalated. Please pray for our brothers and sisters in Egypt.<br />
~<br />
Son Commands His Dead Father to Live; "Flabbergasted" Doctor Proclaims, "It's a Miracle"<br />
Teresa Neumann (Aug 23, 2013)<br />
<br />
"I'm calling it a miracle because I've never seen anything like it." -Dr. Raja Nazir<br />
<br />
Tony(Kettering, OH) — Dr. Raja Nazir, a Kettering Medical Center cardiologist, was said to be "flabbergasted" after witnessing the miracle revival of his 37-year-old patient Anthony "Tony" Yahle, whose heart stopped beating for nearly an hour on August 5. (Photo: whiotv.com)<br />
<br />
"In the last 20 years," said Nazir, "I've never seen anybody we have pronounced dead… and then for him to come back… I've never seen it. I'm calling it a miracle," he added, "because I've never seen anything like it."<br />
<br />
Numerous reports detail the sequence of events that led up to that miracle, starting with the fact that first responders were first called to Yahle's home when his wife, Melissa, noticed he wasn't breathing normally and couldn't rouse him from his sleep. It took several shocks delivered to Tony's heart by medics to find a heartbeat.<br />
<br />
Then, at the hospital, his heart stopped altogether—for 45 minutes. Meanwhile, Melissa and her family and friends from church were praying up a storm.<br />
<br />
LawrenceBut Dr. Nazir, who had done everything he could to bring Tony back to life, was quoted as saying that by that point he realized he must give up and call the time of death. And then…<br />
<br />
Lawrence Yahle, Tony and Melissa's son, came running down the hospital corridor, burst into the room, and hearing the doctor pronounce his father dead, he pointed at his father and shouted, "Dad, you're not going to die today."<br />
<br />
You guessed it. Moments later, Tony's heart started beating again and after a couple weeks of testing and recuperation, he is set to return to work on Monday.<br />
<br />
Since the power of life and death is in the tongue (Proverbs 18:21), should we really be surprised?!<br />
<br />
editor@breakingchristiannews.com <br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
<br />
GCF: Exercise Bike<br />
<br />
The wife was determined to ride her exercise bike several miles a day.<br />
<br />
Late one night, having put it off all day, she climbed aboard the noisy contraption in the bedroom, where her husband was reading a book.<br />
<br />
After about 20 minutes of listening to the squeaky machine, he glanced up. "Don't you think it's time you turned around and headed for home?" he asked.<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Bottom of the Class<br />
<br />
"I'm worried about you always being at the bottom of your class," said the father to his son.<br />
<br />
"Don't worry Dad," he replied. "They still teach the same thing at both ends."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Old Veteran<br />
<br />
When I worked as a medical intern in a local hospital, one of my patients was an elderly man with a thick accent.<br />
<br />
It took me some time to understand that he had no insurance coverage.<br />
<br />
One thing he had made clear was that he was a World War II veteran, so I had him transported to the Veteran's Administration hospital, where he'd be eligible for benefits.<br />
<br />
The next day my patient was back, with a note from the VA: "Right war, wrong side."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Knitting<br />
<br />
My wife is a knitting expert and designs unique exotic patterns all the time. Not long ago we had lunch in a real Chinese restaurant, where the menu was in Chinese and only the head waiter spoke English.<br />
<br />
She was so impressed with the calligraphy on the handwritten menu that she used her smart phone to take a photo. Sometime later I saw the result -- a stunning white sweater with Chinese symbols hand-stitched down the front.<br />
<br />
The sweater received compliments until one night at a party we met a distinguished Chinese gentleman. He asked my wife, "Where did you get the symbols on your sweater?"<br />
<br />
She explained about the restaurant.<br />
<br />
"Would you like to know what they mean?"<br />
<br />
"I'm afraid to ask, but tell me anyway."<br />
<br />
He read, "This is a cheap dish, but good."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Grandma's Accident<br />
<br />
I was lying in my hospital bed on the third day after an accident when my eight-year-old granddaughter arrived with her mom.<br />
<br />
She looked in awe at the wrist-to-shoulder cast on left arm, then asked to see the rest of the damage. I showed her my broken right ankle, which wasn't in a cast yet; my left leg, bruised knee to thigh; and, pushing back my bangs a raw bump the size of an egg above my eyebrow.<br />
<br />
Her blue eyes wide, she asked earnestly, "Grandma, can I take you to school tomorrow for show and tell?"<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Health Club<br />
<br />
"I'm going to quit this health club."<br />
<br />
"Why?"<br />
<br />
"The floors are so low I can't touch my toes."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Bank Account<br />
<br />
Maury ran a small commercial real estate company. One day, a few years back, he sold his interest in one of his projects for 3 million dollars.<br />
<br />
The only problem was that the guy who bought him out was a big shot in his very small hometown in Pennsylvania, and he wanted Maury to use the local bank branch where he had his business.<br />
<br />
So Maury goes in to the guy's local bank and tells the teller he'd like to open a few accounts. The teller goes through the list of gifts you can get for your initial deposit. $300 gets you a toaster, $600 for a television, etc. The teller then asks him how much he would like to deposit. Without saying a word, Maury hands her the cashier's check.<br />
<br />
The teller turns bright red, and runs to get her manager. The manager escorts him into her office, where they sit down. "Sir, welcome to our town. We're thrilled to have you as a customer. What can I get you?"<br />
<br />
To which Maury replied, "I'll take 10,000 toasters."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Plastic Surgery<br />
<br />
In the plastic-surgery office where I work as a nurse, a 92 year-old patient was preparing to have some reconstructive surgery on her nose. She was extremely sharp and knowledgeable, asking many good questions about the procedure.<br />
<br />
Just as the doctor was getting ready for the surgery, the woman said, "Now doctor, make me beautiful."<br />
<br />
"Are you kidding me?" he replied. "You're already beautiful"<br />
<br />
"Well, in that case," said the elderly woman, "Don't deface me."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Hypochondriac<br />
<br />
Hypochondriac that I am, I constantly log on to the Internet to self-diagnose my latest ailment. But even I knew it was time to lighten up the day I typed in the keywords "liver disorders." That let me to a medical site. With growing alarm I realized I had each of the first seven symptoms. Then I came to No.8 and suddenly felt much better: "Feeling of lethargy. No longer enjoys romping and wagging tail."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Donation<br />
<br />
Last week, my wife and I returned home from shopping and saw a card hanging from our mailbox. Without getting out of the car, my wife sighed and told me that a local charity was doing a used-clothing drive and she had forgotten to put out the bags as she had promised. She was surprised when she read the card's message, thanking us for our kind donation. A look of horror then crossed her face as she realized that the two bags of leaves we had raked and bagged the previous night were now gone.<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
| All computers wait <br />
| at the same speed. <br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
| Why does "slow down" <br />
| and "slow up" <br />
| mean the same thing? <br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
| The sooner you fall behind, <br />
| the more time you'll have <br />
| to catch up. <br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
| I think it's wrong <br />
| that only one company <br />
| makes the game "Monopoly." <br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
| Conference : <br />
| The confusion of one person <br />
| multiplied by the number present. <br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
| I haven't been feeling so great.<br />
| I swallowed a door knob, <br />
| and it keeps turning my stomach. <br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
| The older you get, the tougher<br />
| it is to lose weight, because <br />
| by then your body and your fat <br />
| are really good friends. <br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
| To get maximum attention, <br />
| just make a great <br />
| big mistake. <br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
| The person who knows everything <br />
| has the most to learn. <br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
| It is unfortunate that, as we <br />
| grow up, nature robs us of the <br />
| knowledge of what youngsters are <br />
| always giggling about.<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
| Thomas S. Ellsworth <br />
| tellswor@slonet.org <br />
| http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor <br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.com<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Two blondes were sipping their Starbucks lattés when a truck went past loaded up with rolls of sod. <br />
"I'm going to do that when I win the lottery," announced Blonde #1.<br />
<br />
"Do what?" asked Blonde #2.<br />
<br />
"Send my lawn out to be mowed."<br />
<br />
Thanks to Joe Mullins<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
A group of women were at a seminar on "How to live in a loving relationship with your husband."<br />
The women were asked, "How many of you love your husband?"<br />
All the women raised their hands.<br />
Then they were asked, "When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?"<br />
Some women answered today, some yesterday, some couldn't remember.<br />
The women were then told to take out their cell phones and text their husband: "I love you, sweetheart."<br />
The women were then told to exchange phones and to read aloud the text message responses.<br />
<br />
Here are some of the replies:<br />
<br />
1. Who is this?<br />
2. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick?<br />
3. I love you too.<br />
4. What now? Did you crash the car again?<br />
5. I don't understand what you mean?<br />
6. What did you do now?<br />
7. ?!?<br />
8. Don't beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need?<br />
9. Am I dreaming?<br />
10. If you don't tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die.<br />
11. I thought we agreed we would not drink during the day.<br />
12. Your mother is coming to stay, isn't she??<br />
<br />
Thanks to Corinne<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Two Black Eyes<br />
<br />
One Sunday morning, a wife complained of a bad stomach ache and wouldn't be able to attend the church service, so her husband went alone. When he returned later, he had two black eyes!<br />
<br />
When she asked what happened, he explained that when everyone rose to sing a hymn, he noticed the lady in the pew in front of him had her dress tucked into her rear end. Well, being ever the gentleman, he figured she wouldn't want to be seen that way, so he reached forward and pulled it out for her. She turned around and slugged him in the eye!<br />
<br />
"But," his wife said, "how did the OTHER eye get black too?"<br />
<br />
He explained: "When she turned back around, I was still a bit stunned, but I thought to myself she must have wanted it there, so I reached forward and gently tucked it back in."<br />
<br />
Received from Becky Day.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
Trombone Housekeeper<br />
<br />
A trombonist had a fantastic gig on the day he had to play in an opera. He tried to find a replacement but without success. Finally he went to his housekeeper and convinced him to take his place. "I give you my other trombone. You just do what the guy next to you is doing, and it will be OK."<br />
<br />
The next morning he asked the housekeeper how it was.<br />
<br />
"Catastrophe. Your colleague sent also his housekeeper to replace him."<br />
<br />
Received from ArcaMax Jokes.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
Still Waiting<br />
<br />
After waiting more than an hour and a half for her date, Sarah decided she had been stood up.<br />
<br />
Exasperated, she changed from her dinner dress into pajamas and slippers, fixed some popcorn and hot chocolate, and resigned herself to an evening of TV.<br />
<br />
No sooner had she flopped down in front of the TV when the doorbell rang. Her dad went to the door, and there stood her date.<br />
<br />
He took one look at Sarah on the couch and gasped. "I'm two hours late and she's still not ready?"<br />
<br />
Received from Doc's Daily Chuckle.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
Wrong Pants<br />
<br />
Teacher: Joey, if you put your hand in one pants pocket and found 75 cents, then you put your other hand in your other pants pocket and found 50 cents, what would you have?<br />
<br />
Joey: I'd have somebody else's pants on!<br />
<br />
Received from ArcaMax Jokes.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
Puns and Such<br />
<br />
If Santa Claus had a father, do you think there must have been a Grandfather Claus?<br />
<br />
We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.<br />
(Aesop, 620 BC - 560 BC)<br />
<br />
I always prayed before my trigonometry tests. I was hoping for a sine from above.<br />
(Pun of the Day)<br />
<br />
Why do crazy people always jump off the tops of buildings to see if they can fly? Wouldn't it be safer to try to fly UP to the top?<br />
(Aaron Luchich in Ruminations)<br />
<br />
Q: What's the difference between a church bell and a politician?<br />
A: A church bell peals from the steeple.<br />
(Stan Kegel's Puns of the Day)<br />
<br />
Old age is when former classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald, they don't recognize you.<br />
<br />
"Nothing raises a golf score like witnesses."<br />
(from a fortune cookie)<br />
<br />
Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?<br />
(BWJokes.com)<br />
<br />
Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. Something is very wrong when you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree.<br />
<br />
I'm trying to save my money. Who knows? One day it may be valuable.<br />
<br />
It's amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawnmower, snow blower, or vacuum cleaner.<br />
<br />
Overheard on the Pediatrics floor: "Are you medical or surgical?"<br />
"I don't know what you mean."<br />
"Were you sick when you came in here, or did they make you sick when you got here?"<br />
<br />
I used to try a lot of different sports when I was a kid, without ever excelling in any particular one. Then I got older and realized you can *buy* trophies. Now I'm good at everything.<br />
(Demetri Martin)<br />
<br />
This car: designed by computer, built by robot, driven by moron.<br />
<br />
Billboard for a safe company: "If your stuff is stolen, it's not our vault."<br />
<br />
Received from FranCMT2.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
At The Vet<br />
<br />
One day at the veterinarian's office where I take my cat, a man and the receptionist were verbally sparring.<br />
<br />
After a few moments a technician came to her co-worker's defense. "Sir," she interjected, "do you know what happens to aggressive males in this office?"<br />
<br />
Received from Steve Sanderson.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
Trust?<br />
<br />
As a new school principal, Mr. Mitchell was checking over his school on the first day. Passing the stockroom, he was startled to see the door wide open and teachers bustling in and out, carrying off books and supplies in preparation for the arrival of students the next day.<br />
<br />
The school where he had been a principal the previous year had used a checkout system only slightly less elaborate than that at Fort Knox.<br />
<br />
Cautiously, he asked the school's long-time custodian, "Do you think it's wise to keep the stockroom unlocked and to let the teachers take things without requisitions?"<br />
<br />
The custodian looked at him gravely. "We trust them with the children, don't we?" he said.<br />
<br />
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
Better Grades<br />
<br />
The little boy wasn't getting good marks in school.<br />
<br />
One day he made the teacher quite surprised. He tapped her on the shoulder and said, "I don't want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don't get better grades, somebody is going to get a spanking."<br />
<br />
Received from Pastor Tim.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
Twins<br />
<br />
Recently a young woman came into my father's insurance office with her newborn twins.<br />
<br />
Dad asked her if she ever had any trouble telling them apart.<br />
<br />
She gave him a funny look before responding, "No, I haven't had any problem. This is Benjamin, and this is Elizabeth."<br />
<br />
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_)<br />
<br />
Rate this funny at http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20120420<br />
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Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Column - - http://www.madkane.com/humor_blog/<br />
<br />
Limerick Ode To Elmore Leonard<br />
<br />
Written with fond apologies to the late, lamented Elmore Leonard, after re-reading his New York Times piece, WRITERS ON WRITING; Easy on the Adverbs, Exclamation Points and Especially Hooptedoodle. (His article cautions against the abuse of prologues, adverbs and other description, exclamation points, weather references, regional dialect, the word “suddenly,” etc.)<br />
<br />
On a hot, sunny day, an attractive young man sat in a tiny, darkened room, compulsively reading Elmore Leonard’s essay on writing. Carefully noting his ten writing no-nos, he bellowed loudly, “Fuggedaboutit! I can violate all of Leonard’s rules in a single limerick!”<br />
<br />
“It’s raining!” he loudly cried out.<br />
Then suddenly felt like a lout.<br />
“A mensch I shall be…”<br />
From this you can see<br />
Leonard’s rules are what writing’s about.<br />
<br />
© Madeleine Begun Kane. All Rights Reserved.<br />
http://www.madkane.com/<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." __ Franklin D. Roosevelt <br />
"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle." <br />
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. _ _ George Carlin <br />
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" _ _ Queen E. Watson<br />
“A political class of Republicans and Democrats that look after themselves, not the Nation. A media hostile to the very precepts of this nation. A generation of Americans who see morals as vices, and are ignorant of America's Actual History.”<br />
"The things that will destroy America are prosperity-at-any-price, peace-at-any-price, safety-first instead of duty-first, the love of soft living, and the get-rich-quick theory of life." - - Theodore Roosevelt <br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> <br />
Emergency Phone Number 911 <br />
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )<br />
Central Dispatch 234_5655<br />
(Non _ Emergency Number)<br />
Direct Numbers<br />
Ambulance _ 234_7371 (24 Hour)<br />
Jail _ 234_5331 (24 Hour)<br />
Poison Control _ 800_222_1222 (24 Hour)<br />
http://www. aapcc. org/<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Interested in getting in touch with the Banner_News through e_mail? editor@bannernews.net For the editor, news@bannernews.net For news and sports items, Coming Events, Diary, Church News, school and civic events. [http://www.bannernews.net/]<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." __ "Bug" <br />
"I read the end of the book. We win!" __ "Bug" <br />
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." __ "Bug"<br />
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." _ _ "Bug"<br />
"It's no big deal doing what God tells you to do. A big deal would be NOT doing what God tells you to do. Just ask Jonah." _ _ Paul Troquille <br />
“Nam et ipsa scientia potestas est.” Knowledge is power. _ Francis Bacon <br />
"The problem is here and now. The time for talk is past. The time for action is now." <br />
Comments on the first Earth Day _ James F. McClellan via John "Fuzzy" Thurman<br />
~~~~~<br />
Hope you enjoy the newsletter. <br />
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week. <br />
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" __"Bug" <br />
God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!! <br />
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT_I KC5HII <br />
<br />
P. S. If you'd like to be added to the distribution, just drop us E_mail at kc5hii@suddenlink.net<br />
. We offer "Da Bleat" as text, a "Blog" and as a newsletter with pictures in Word and PDF format. The latest issue is usually updated sometime Saturday. For the latest issue, go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com. We also have a site [http://bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com/] where we post photos that I like.<br />
We appreciate your encouragement. We also appreciate your communication when you desire to be taken off our mail list. If you are on this mail list by mistake or do not wish to receive "Da Bleat," please reply back and tell us to discontinue service to you.Bughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07270965849194883997noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9136923892168334329.post-30904234124744411112013-08-11T19:59:00.000-07:002013-08-11T21:30:27.717-07:00Bug's Bleat - - GCF: House Cleaning<br />
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Janna, Annette, Shirley and Mechelle, <br />
<br />
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-U83nCvvBC_g/UghJbtQoLLI/AAAAAAAAG98/9E_fP19Wb-8/s1600/15-2013-08-04_09-57-59_117.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-U83nCvvBC_g/UghJbtQoLLI/AAAAAAAAG98/9E_fP19Wb-8/s320/15-2013-08-04_09-57-59_117.jpg" /></a><br />
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<br />
The Incredibly Gifted Wife of My Youth and Bug, <br />
<br />
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-BJ99d9Eho8k/UghJcIUKYMI/AAAAAAAAG-E/oGTOrlDa3nk/s1600/17-2013-08-04_10-39-43_414.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-BJ99d9Eho8k/UghJcIUKYMI/AAAAAAAAG-E/oGTOrlDa3nk/s320/17-2013-08-04_10-39-43_414.jpg" /></a><br />
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<br />
Our Missouri Kin Folks sing at the Mission Church, <br />
<br />
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-SIqggamkRvo/UghJcb1Nu_I/AAAAAAAAG-I/IGJHDKO_5n8/s1600/19-2013-08-04_11-19-08_257.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-SIqggamkRvo/UghJcb1Nu_I/AAAAAAAAG-I/IGJHDKO_5n8/s320/19-2013-08-04_11-19-08_257.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
<br />
Annette Studying, <br />
<br />
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-j3hIEORgrVA/UghKCwycExI/AAAAAAAAG-Y/UTym-5rtWuc/s1600/01-2013-07-28_18-34-35_738.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-j3hIEORgrVA/UghKCwycExI/AAAAAAAAG-Y/UTym-5rtWuc/s320/01-2013-07-28_18-34-35_738.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
<br />
Dustin, <br />
<br />
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-AOz_uGYJELY/UghKDJckBfI/AAAAAAAAG-g/o4UIpqWFijw/s1600/11-2013-08-02_14-28-36_644.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-AOz_uGYJELY/UghKDJckBfI/AAAAAAAAG-g/o4UIpqWFijw/s320/11-2013-08-02_14-28-36_644.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
<br />
Annette worshiping, <br />
<br />
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-MVOuFU4NK0Y/UghKCnX27OI/AAAAAAAAG-U/SiwFTFY9Lbk/s1600/18-2013-08-04_11-14-59_199.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-MVOuFU4NK0Y/UghKCnX27OI/AAAAAAAAG-U/SiwFTFY9Lbk/s320/18-2013-08-04_11-14-59_199.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
<br />
Pastor Jimmy prepares to baptize "Da Boys" and several other baby Christians.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-aZqAxJXoY0c/UghKpxX5MZI/AAAAAAAAG-s/zXpdwXw3oCA/s1600/21-2013-08-04_12-12-47_692.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-aZqAxJXoY0c/UghKpxX5MZI/AAAAAAAAG-s/zXpdwXw3oCA/s320/21-2013-08-04_12-12-47_692.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
<br />
The Mission Church sign, <br />
<br />
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ptfQdstsnXA/UghKqHYh7rI/AAAAAAAAG-w/hsfzh-NYFBc/s1600/23-2013-08-04_12-29-34_845.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ptfQdstsnXA/UghKqHYh7rI/AAAAAAAAG-w/hsfzh-NYFBc/s320/23-2013-08-04_12-29-34_845.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
<br />
Dustin with his Missouri Kin; Mechelle and Janna <br />
<br />
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-lbGcKRpNrmw/UghLgI5-9LI/AAAAAAAAG_A/RfYLHiWWUGI/s1600/25-2013-08-04_12-52-52_509.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-lbGcKRpNrmw/UghLgI5-9LI/AAAAAAAAG_A/RfYLHiWWUGI/s320/25-2013-08-04_12-52-52_509.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
<br />
Annette's Hibiscus Just Keeps Blooming<br />
<br />
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-vlRy5we1QNs/UghLgsjGqbI/AAAAAAAAG_M/HuzoVbuOEjU/s1600/29-2013-08-08_11-33-33_434.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-vlRy5we1QNs/UghLgsjGqbI/AAAAAAAAG_M/HuzoVbuOEjU/s320/29-2013-08-08_11-33-33_434.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
<br />
We're looking for these "rose" colored paver stones. They measure 1.75" thick, 5.5" wide and are either square (like this one) or 8.5" long. Annette started laying them and then found out that Walmart has no more. Lowes and Home Depot also didn't have any.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-f65YWnh6Z_w/UghLgqwoEtI/AAAAAAAAG_E/L8X2U0EhSKw/s1600/31-2013-08-09_15-09-38_484.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-f65YWnh6Z_w/UghLgqwoEtI/AAAAAAAAG_E/L8X2U0EhSKw/s320/31-2013-08-09_15-09-38_484.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
<br />
Volume 15, Issue 31 Friday, August 09, 2013<br />
<br />
Hello ALL,<br />
<br />
In spite of situations, we still find a plethora of things to laugh about. At the doctor’s Tuesday, Annette was trying to tell me something and, when I didn’t understand, I repeated back to her, what I thought she had said. Instead of confirming that I had heard her correctly, she told me to lower my voice. <br />
<br />
It seems that the exam room walls were paper thin. So I tried asking again in, what I thought was, a quieter voice. Annette’s reaction indicated that I was still talking loud.<br />
<br />
So I tried for a third time to whisper. But, by this time, Annette was so tickled by my attempts to understand her; she’d forgotten what she tried to tell me in the first place.<br />
<br />
When the nurse came in, we were both holding our sides and laughing so hard we were crying. Then, to make it worse, the nurse asked us what was so funny. But, since neither of us remembered why this whole episode started … we just continued to laugh uncontrollably.<br />
~~~~~<br />
Annette asked Ethan if he and Josiah ever fought.<br />
<br />
“Not really too much.” He said. “Like when we’re playing chess, I’ll say it’s my move, he’ll say it’s his move. … My move. No My Move. No My Move. No My Move. My Move. My Move. My Move. … SMACK!”<br />
~<br />
You know, bothers are the same the world over.<br />
~<br />
Josiah and Ethan decided to build with wood. <br />
<br />
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-wiaVmTMeGaE/UghkP4exoEI/AAAAAAAAG_g/5UQspmamASA/s1600/03-2013-07-30_13-29-00_391.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-wiaVmTMeGaE/UghkP4exoEI/AAAAAAAAG_g/5UQspmamASA/s320/03-2013-07-30_13-29-00_391.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-gdsxvdYfVRM/UghkQaepc-I/AAAAAAAAG_w/3HK6JLlfH4c/s1600/04-2013-07-30_13-34-33_621.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-gdsxvdYfVRM/UghkQaepc-I/AAAAAAAAG_w/3HK6JLlfH4c/s320/04-2013-07-30_13-34-33_621.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-t-EIfLAXGDs/UghkQM0_vzI/AAAAAAAAG_k/YwRyN_8_oqo/s1600/05-2013-07-30_14-03-05_219.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-t-EIfLAXGDs/UghkQM0_vzI/AAAAAAAAG_k/YwRyN_8_oqo/s320/05-2013-07-30_14-03-05_219.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-XffUTUwEfL0/UghkQ9sLiUI/AAAAAAAAG_4/icQAPUIaPR4/s1600/06-2013-07-30_15-16-01_693.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-XffUTUwEfL0/UghkQ9sLiUI/AAAAAAAAG_4/icQAPUIaPR4/s320/06-2013-07-30_15-16-01_693.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
Ethan built a Shelf. :0)<br />
~~~~~<br />
The Arkansas Emergency Medical Conference is one of the best in the nation. National and even international speakers on a verity of topics, plenty of continuing education hours, a truly impressive vendor display and some of the finest folks in the US to “Conference” with. Here’s one of my “buds” comments on the whole thing.<br />
~ <br />
JoAnn Griesenauer<br />
<br />
Ok I think I may be ready to leave a day early for Hot Springs. I have rushed to get things done and did all the girly stuff. <br />
<br />
The reason a lot of us get amped up for conference in Arkansas is because we consider ourselves an EMS family, it is a strong brother and sisterhood than most realize. It is kind of like Cheers, where everybody knows everybody and we all share the same bond. We "get" each other. <br />
<br />
Unless you are constantly challenged on a day to day basis with life or death decisions, one will never understand how our mind works. The prehospital setting is unique; we are the first ones in or the first to run towards danger not away. <br />
<br />
We know we have loved ones home but when we get that call, nothing else matters. We only zone in on the task ahead. We don't always get every call right, we certainly don't save everyone either. We just do whatever it takes one call at a time. <br />
<br />
It takes a huge toll on us emotionally, mentally, spiritually, financially, and physically. We go through so much we just block out whatever bothers us so we can do our job and hope we all go home. <br />
<br />
Most of us can walk into a room and assess everything within seconds as it is second nature. We have crude jokes at the dinner table; we have poor eating and sleeping habits. Most of us are lucky to live to age 60 if we don't burn out within the first 5 to 7 years. <br />
<br />
Our families, wow they should get the award and recognition because they sacrifice so much to let us do our job. Oh, and on our days off, we don't get any because there is always an emergency somewhere and God tends to put us where he needs us. The phone never stops ringing because someone needs medical advice or an understanding ear. <br />
<br />
We fix and solve everything for so many that count on us for the answers. We didn't sign up for that part but it comes with the job. <br />
<br />
I realized a few days ago, I was getting choked up with a couple of my patient’s situations. The elderly really get to me because they have transitioned into a world that if you can't keep up, society leaves them. It has been a really rough year for me personally to return back to my career. I know my limits and when it is time to get a break. <br />
<br />
We can't discuss our calls due to privacy acts but after a while it is more about how we cope through the calls through camaraderie of those that understand without having to tell the story. <br />
<br />
This is just short insight into why we get excited about our EMS conference.<br />
~~~~~ <br />
News Item: The FCC is considering modifying its indecency policies regarding the use of profanity and non-sexual nudity on radio and network television.<br />
<br />
The FCC issued a public notice [http://transition.fcc.gov/Daily_Releases/Daily_Business/2013/db0401/DA-13-581A1.pdf]. Basically, the “big three” networks have asked that they be allowed to use “Non Sexual” nudity and “explicit” language in their normal program stream. I guess I can understand the concept of “Non Sexual” nudity although many of their shows already have fairly explicit “Non Nudity” sex scenes and language.<br />
~~~~~<br />
As a sign of our societies continuing decent into crudeness, rudeness and bad manners this news story that discusses the use of racial epithets in daily language caught my eye. http://apnews.myway.com/article/20130807/DA81CGSG2.html<br />
~<br />
It still surprises me how many folks (of all ages) now think it “normal” to use profanity in their daily public language. And, humor now has to involve some bodily function to appeal to the average person. I looked back to one of our favorite authors, an English Lawyer and one of my mother’s favorite comediennes to get their opinions on the issue.<br />
<br />
“A dying culture invariably exhibits personal rudeness. Bad manners. Lack of consideration for others in minor matters. A loss of politeness, of gentle manners, is more significant than is a riot...”<br />
― Robert A. Heinlein, Friday <br />
<br />
“For if you suffer your people to be ill-educated, and their manners to be corrupted from their infancy, and then punish them for those crimes to which their first education disposed them, what else is to be concluded from this, but that you first make thieves and then punish them.”<br />
― Thomas More, Utopia <br />
<br />
“The line between the public life and the private life has been erased, due to the rapid decline of manners and courtesy. There is a certain crudeness and crassness that has suddenly become accepted behavior, even desirable.”<br />
― Fannie Flagg, Welcome to the World, Baby Girl!<br />
~<br />
I don’t have room here to chronicle a tenth of the rudeness and inconsideration we see on a daily basis, but here are a couple of my “favorites”: <br />
1. Leaving shopping carts all over the parking lot, effectively blocking parking as well as potentially damaging vehicles. And many (if not most) are left just a few steps away from a cart corral!<br />
2. Blaring loud music into the ears of unwilling listeners. There’s a vehicle that passes my home several times a day, often rattling our windows.<br />
On the other hand, there are still a majority of folks who do use good manners. You see them offer their place in line at the grocery to someone with just a few items. They hold the door for folks. They use polite language, etc.<br />
<br />
As for crude humor and language … Annette and I have resigned ourselves to being in the minority. We don’t expect the world to bend to our preferences, so we just continue to edit our lives to avoid whatever we can that doesn’t edify us. <br />
~~~~~ <br />
Listened to a home schooling debate the other day where much of the discussion centered on how we need the government to make sure we don't "miss educate" our kids. <br />
Hummm?????<br />
<br />
Then I listened (we were traveling and I had the XM radio on NPR) to a San Francisco regulator RANTING about the horrible folks who had started using smart phone apps to sell rides to San Francisco citizens. You load the app, enter your location, destination and time to depart and the app hooks you up with a ride share service. The services are EXPLODING due to the poor service of San Francisco cabbies that have government licenses (the same license that takes years to obtain from the RANTING bureaucrats department.) <br />
<br />
I personally wouldn't home school, couldn't do it. And I know many fine teachers who do a great job educating the kids in their charge. But I also know many parents who home schooled their kids and did a better job than their local school could. And … they didn't have to have a master’s in education to do it.<br />
<br />
As for folks who home school and shouldn’t, well child abuse and endangerment laws still apply. Failure to educate kids falls under that. P.S. are you a supporter of "No Child Let Succeed" as currently pushed by the feds? I don't know of a single teacher who thinks standardized tests are an improvement to the education process.<br />
<br />
As for cab licenses, etc. Supposedly they are enacted to ensure that the streets aren’t clogged with cabs and the ones that are on the street are safe and qualified. But if that was working, why would so many folks in San Francisco choose the Ride Share services over cabs?<br />
<br />
Bottom line, I continue to believe that we can actually do many things without our government telling us how or giving us permission.<br />
~~~~~<br />
The Citizenship Project - - Re. The article by Mr. Prager that we posted yesterday - There are two sides to life, law and love. The goal is to keep them in balance. Yet we now call people "insensitive" if they even bring up things like law and standards. <br />
Unfortunately that doesn't make them go away, and love without law is anarchy. We need to value law and standards in our culture equally with love if we are to survive and succeed. Most of them are just common sense. https://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Citizenship-Project/165567981461?hc_location=stream<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Dennis Prager contends that the US is still the Least Racist Country in the World - - The Left needs to position America as a racist country to sustain its political success.<br />
http://m.nationalreview.com/articles/295611/still-least-racist-country-world-dennis-prager<br />
~~~~~ <br />
EarthSky’s meteor shower guide for 2013 - - The weekend of August 9-11, 2013 is a wonderful time to watch for meteors! http://earthsky.org/astronomy-essentials/earthskys-meteor-shower-guide?utm_source=EarthSky+News&utm_campaign=5960ffaccb-EarthSky_News&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_c643945d79-5960ffaccb-393703501<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Why the World Is Smarter Than Us<br />
<br />
Why is the U.S. lagging behind our peers in educating our students? The Daily Beast’s Dana Goldstein on a new book with a startling conclusion: they value intellect more than we do.<br />
<br />
http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2013/08/09/why-the-world-is-smarter-than-us.html?utm_medium=email&utm_source=newsletter&utm_campaign=cheatsheet_morning&cid=newsletter%3Bemail%3Bcheatsheet_morning&utm_term=Cheat%20Sheet<br />
~~~~~ <br />
French Revolution<br />
Why Are Young People Leaving Church?<br />
By David French<br />
Hint: It's not because they're just too awesome for it.<br />
<br />
http://www.patheos.com/blogs/frenchrevolution/2013/08/02/why-are-millennials-leaving-the-church-the-narcissism-factor/?utm_source=SilverpopMailing&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Family%208.8.13%20%281%29&utm_content=&spMailingID=42275353&spUserID=NTMxNTY1MTU5ODUS1&spJobID=198069495&spReportId=MTk4MDY5NDk1S0<br />
~~~~~ <br />
David Ashby's Article: "So How's Your Retirement Coming Along?"<br />
Mustard Seed Financial<br />
<br />
So How's Your Retirement Coming Along?<br />
<br />
The baby boomers are in transition, moving from workforce to retirement at the rate of about 10,000 a day. The first boomers were born in 1946 and this year they are turning 67. So the oldest of boomers are largely retired by now and this major trend of boomer transition will continue another 15 years or so. At its close, this transition will have seen one out of every four Americans move from workforce age into retirement.<br />
<br />
We've heard some pretty dire warnings about the savings rate in this country, that boomers specifically weren't socking away enough money to retire on. And I think those warnings are well founded. Over half the households headed by folks age 55 to 60 have less than $50,000 in savings at that stage in their life. The low savings rate combined with the market crash of 2008 created a potentially bleak scenario for those close to retirement age. But what about the oldest of boomers, those who have already retired? How are they doing? Are they living on mac and cheese or are they making it fairly well? According to an article by Mary Beth Franklin of InvestmentNews, the earliest boomer retirees are in fact doing quite well. She bases her information on a research report by the Metlife Mature Market Institute.<br />
<br />
For starters, boomers are not delaying retirement to the extent anticipated as a result of the market crash of 2008. The Metlife Institute surveyed 1,000 boomers born in 1946 and found that 52 percent of them had already retired. Of those who had retired, over half reported that that they in fact retired earlier than expected. Of course, not all early retirements are a good thing. Some were due to health issues or job losses. But the widely expected delays in retirement haven’t panned out as projected by many.<br />
<br />
What about the standard of living for those retirees? While total income goes down for almost all retirees once they leave the workplace, an amazing 80 percent of the retirees reported no decline in their standard of living. This is due in some part to lower expenses in retirement plus the collection of Social Security benefits. Only 20 percent reported a decline in their standard of living. Most of these boomers, 86 percent, are collecting Social Security. Of those, half of them reported collecting benefits earlier than they had planned to. This is probably the result of a weak economy plus low savings accounts. Drawing Social Security benefits early, say at age 62, often results in collecting less funds over your lifetime. But hey, today we must eat!<br />
<br />
I’ll admit that I’m surprised that early boomer retirees are doing as well as reported, particularly the 80 percent figure of same or higher standard of living after retirement. This flies in the face of the data on personal savings rates. On the other hand, when I look around at the retirees I know, they are doing quite well. So the 80 percent figure seems consistent with what I observe anecdotally.<br />
<br />
I have wondered if the earliest batch of boomers is better prepared for retirement than later boomers. Most folks who lived during the Great Depression never forgot it and it affected the way they looked at money for the rest of their lives. So the early boomers are closest to Depression era attitudes and may have done a better job of preparing for retirement than later boomers. I suspect money attitudes may be different, for example, for a boomer born in 1946 versus one born in 1960.<br />
<br />
There are a couple of takeaways here. First, while fortunately retirement seems to be going well for early boomers, don’t take that as a sign that you can slack off preparing for it. Specifically, larger nest eggs give you more options in retirement than smaller nest eggs. You don’t want to be in the group who sees a decline in standard of living.<br />
<br />
Second, while many of the 1946 boomers have chosen to draw Social Security early, that may not be in your best interest long term. If you begin drawing at age 62, your monthly payment will be roughly 75 percent of what it would be at age 66. At age 80, you may be wishing you had the higher payment. You can also delay drawing benefits beyond your normal retirement age and receive an even larger monthly check down the road. For folks who don’t need the money to live on and expect a long retirement this is often the best strategy to maximize payout of Social Security benefits. Here’s hoping you have the kind of retirement the first wave of boomers is seeing! <br />
<br />
Published in the Texarkana Gazette on July 21, 2013.<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Genesis 47:13-27<br />
<br />
RECENT VIRGINIA CHURCH SERVICE - STIMULUS SERMON<br />
<br />
I would love to give the Pastor in Virginia three cheers. This guy is obviously a leader. Perhaps we should each decide who our real leader is... It is amazing to see that very little has changed in 4,000 years.<br />
<br />
Good morning, brothers and sisters; it's always a delight to see the pews crowded on Sunday morning, and so eager to get into God's Word. Turn with me in your Bibles, if you will, to the 47th chapter of Genesis. We'll begin our reading at verse 13, and go through verse 27.<br />
<br />
Brother Ray, would you stand and read that great passage for us? ... (reading) ... Thank you for that fine reading, Brother Ray. So we see that economic hard times fell upon Egypt, and the people turned to the government of Pharaoh to deal with this for them. And Pharaoh nationalized the grain harvest, and placed the grain in great storehouses that he had built. So the people brought their money to Pharaoh, like a great tax increase, and gave it all to him willingly in return for grain. And this went on until their money ran out, and they were hungry again.<br />
<br />
So when they went to Pharaoh after that, they brought their livestock - their cattle, their horses, their sheep, and their donkey - to barter for grain, and verse 17 says that only took them through the end of that year. But the famine wasn't over, was it? So the next year, the people came before Pharaoh and admitted they had nothing left, except their land and their own lives. "There is nothing left in the sight of my lord but our bodies and our land. Why should we die before your eyes, both we and our land? Buy us and our land for food, and we with our land will be servants to Pharaoh. " So they surrendered their homes, their land, and their real estate to Pharaoh's government, and then sold themselves into slavery to him, in return for grain.<br />
<br />
What can we learn from this, brothers and sisters?<br />
<br />
That turning to the government instead of to God to be our provider in hard times only leads to slavery? Yes... That the only reason government wants to be our provider is to also become our master?<br />
<br />
Yes. After Jacob and Joseph passed on, and the Jews began to drift away from their GOD, even they too became slaves in the land of Egypt.<br />
<br />
I also tell you a great truth today, and an ominous one.<br />
<br />
We see the same thing happening today - the government today wants to "share the wealth" once again, to take it from us and redistribute it back to us. It wants to take control of healthcare, just as it has taken control of education, and ration it back to us, and when government rations it, then government decides who gets it, and how much, and what kind. And if we go along with it, and do it willingly, then we will wind up no differently than the people in Egypt did four thousand years ago - as slaves to the government, and as slaves to their leaders.<br />
<br />
What our government is doing now is no different from what Pharaoh's government did then, and it will end the same. <br />
<br />
Thanks to Waneta<br />
~~~~~ <br />
US officials tighten crude-by-rail shipping rules | <br />
By BETSY MORRIS and RUSSELL GOLD <br />
<br />
In a letter to American Petroleum Institute CEO Jack Gerard last week, the Federal Railroad Administration said it is investigating whether some crude shipments contain chemicals -- possibly from the hydraulic-fracturing process used to extract it --that make them more hazardous than indicated. <br />
<br />
The Federal Railroad Administration said it is investigating whether some crude shipments contain chemicals -- possibly from the hydraulic-fracturing process used to extract it -- that make them more hazardous than their classification indicates. The agency suspects mixes of crude and other chemicals might be the cause of an increase in damage to tank cars caused by "severe corrosion." <br />
<br />
The action is the latest by the agency to toughen regulation of the transport by rail of crude oil after a runaway train hauling tank cars with crude oil derailed and exploded last month, killing 47 people and ravaging the Quebec town of Lac-Megantic. More than 34 million bbl of crude were delivered to US refineries by train in 2012, a five-fold increase compared with a year earlier, according to the Energy Information Administration. <br />
<br />
The company that operated that train, Montreal, Maine & Atlantic Railway Ltd., filed for bankruptcy protection Wednesday in US Bankruptcy Court in Bangor, Maine. Its Canadian counterpart filed for protection from creditors. <br />
<br />
The latest FRA action "looks like a shot over the bow," said Grady Cothen, a former FRA safety official who is now a transportation-policy consultant. "They seem to be saying, "Get your house in order or we'll do it for you.'" http://www.hydrocarbonprocessing.com/Article/3241318/Latest-News/US-officials-tighten-crude-by-rail-shipping-rules.html<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Rasmussen Reports - - 2016 Will Not Feature Christie vs. Clinton By Scott Rasmussen<br />
<br />
One of the sure signs that political activists have too much time on their hands is all the chatter about who will win the 2016 presidential nominations.<br />
<br />
http://www.rasmussenreports.com/public_content/political_commentary/commentary_by_scott_rasmussen/2016_will_not_feature_christie_vs_clinton<br />
In this 50-50 nation, Americans remain closely divided over whether government is the problem or the solution. Read More <br />
~<br />
57% Are Less Likely To Vote for A Candidate Caught in a Sex Scandal<br />
<br />
Most voters say the rise of social media and increased electronic communication are causing more politicians to get caught misbehaving, and it's costing those politicians their vote. Read More <br />
~<br />
60% Think Muslims Are Not Treated Unfairly in America<br />
<br />
Many Americans are suspicious of Muslims in this country, but most continue to believe that American Muslims are not treated unfairly here. <br />
~<br />
61% Favor Raising Minimum Wage to $10.10 An Hour <br />
<br />
Most Americans don't think it's possible to live on the current minimum wage of $7.25 an hour and favor raising it dramatically. They also believe the minimum wage should continue to rise to keep up with inflation even though they don't necessarily see that as good for the economy. Read More<br />
~<br />
61% Expect Health Care in U.S. To Get Worse Over Next Two Years<br />
<br />
Voters continue to give high marks to the health care they now receive but are more pessimistic than ever about the short-term future of the health care system in this country. <br />
~<br />
62% Would Feel Safer If Their Child Attended A School With An Armed Guard<br />
<br />
Arkansas' state attorney general last week limited the ability of local school districts to have armed guards. But most Americans with school-age children continue to say they would feel safer if their child attended a school with an armed guard and think the decision to put armed guards in the schools should be made by local government officials. <br />
~ <br />
74% Rarely or Never Use Mass Transit <br />
<br />
Most Americas seldom, if ever use mass transit, but they still tend to believe the government should back mass transit projects as long as they don't lose money. Read More <br />
~<br />
74% Oppose Making Minimum Wage Different for Different Age Groups<br />
<br />
Americans recognize that more minimum-wage fast-food jobs are now being held by workers who are over 20, but while they favor raising the minimum wage, they don't think that wage should be even higher for those who are older. Read More<br />
~ <br />
75% Favor Buying Health Insurance Across State Lines<br />
<br />
Most voters still don't like President Obama's national health care law, and more voters than ever favor buying health insurance across state lines to increase consumer options. <br />
~<br />
To find out more about Scott Rasmussen, and read features by other Creators writers and cartoonists, visit www.creators.com. <br />
COPYRIGHT 2013 - - SCOTT RASMUSSEN - - DISTRIBUTED BY CREATORS.COM<br />
See Other Political Commentaries. http://www.rasmussenreports.com/public_content/political_commentary<br />
See Other Commentaries by Scott Rasmussen. http://www.rasmussenreports.com/public_content/political_commentary/commentary_by_scott_rasmussen<br />
~~~~~ <br />
From Car Talk<br />
<br />
This week we learned that teens are driving less: According to AAA, only 44 percent of teenagers are getting their license the first year they could, and only 54 percent have licenses before turning 18.<br />
<br />
Do you know the primary reason teenagers don’t have driver’s licenses? According to a University of Michigan study released this week, 26.9 percent say they’re “too busy” and “don’t have enough time.” What, not enough time to get the keys to the kingdom, a card that used to be a rite of passage for all 16-year-olds? I would have walked through hot coals.<br />
http://www.cartalk.com/content/teens-give-reasons-aka-excuses-not-getting-drivers-licenses<br />
<br />
Our own Jim Hannah makes the case that iPads can also provide freedom, escape (and expense!) just like cars did for us as teens.<br />
http://www.cartalk.com/content/old-cars-and-ipads<br />
~~~~~ <br />
The latest from Michael Yon, the foremost “milnews” blogger on the web. <br />
~<br />
Greetings, <br />
<br />
Please see this http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/the-bomb-boys-book-project, and take action. <br />
Thank you.<br />
~<br />
While searching for Kopp-Etchells images, I stumbled across a trove of old combat video already forgotten. <br />
One clip of many http://www.michaelyon-online.com/forgotten-combat-video-from-afghanistan.htm.<br />
~<br />
Please donate https://www.michaelyon-online.com/component/com_jdonation/Itemid,117/view,donation/ to keep my work alive.<br />
~<br />
Please see this brief interview http://www.michaelyon-online.com/helicopter-halo-effect-named-for-two-fallen-heroes.htm. (Slight correction: Unfortunately, I never actually met Ben.<br />
~<br />
Three more articles came out this week. All three honored Benjamin Kopp and Joseph Etchells, an American Ranger and a British Soldier, both killed in Afghanistan combat.<br />
<br />
The third story came out today in the Daily Mail https://mail.google.com/mail/u/0/?shva=1#search/Michael+Yon/14020ecaf52154f8 in the UK.<br />
<br />
Very Respectfully,<br />
Michael Yon<br />
Your Writer, <br />
<br />
Please remember that this website accepts no advertisement and is dependent on your support. <br />
<br />
PS Please sign up for my Twitter.com updates at "Michael_Yon" [http://twitter.com/Michael_Yon] (not Michael Yon).<br />
<br />
http://www.facebook.com/#/MichaelYonFanPage?ref=sgm<br />
~<br />
www.michaelyon-online.com<br />
~<br />
Http://www.michaelyon_online.com/index.php<br />
~~~~~ <br />
If you would like to encourage US Troops overseas, but are not sure just how to begin, visit www.anysoldier.com for ideas. <br />
~~~~~ <br />
5 Things New Veterans Expect From All Political Candidates<br />
<br />
<br />
1. Defend the New GI Bill<br />
2. Employ the New Greatest Generation<br />
3. Prevent suicide among troops and veterans<br />
4. Build a truly 21st Century VA<br />
5. Improve Care for Female Veterans<br />
<br />
<br />
http://iava.org/blog/5-things-new-veterans-expect-all-candidates-2012<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Please remember ... America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the MALL.<br />
~~~~~<br />
THOUGHT THIS WAS GOOD. CORRINE <br />
<br />
"Remember the past, plan for the future, but live for today, because yesterday is gone and tomorrow may never come" <br />
<br />
Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of the Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio .<br />
<br />
"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most requested column I've ever written.<br />
<br />
1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.<br />
<br />
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.<br />
<br />
3. Life is too short – enjoy it.<br />
<br />
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and family will.<br />
<br />
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.<br />
<br />
6. You don't have to win every argument. Stay true to yourself.<br />
<br />
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.<br />
<br />
8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.<br />
<br />
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.<br />
<br />
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.<br />
<br />
11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.<br />
<br />
12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.<br />
<br />
13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.<br />
<br />
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.<br />
<br />
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye, but don't worry, God never blinks.<br />
<br />
16.. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.<br />
<br />
17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful. Clutter weighs you down in many ways.<br />
<br />
18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.<br />
<br />
19.. It's never too late to be happy. But it’s all up to you and no one else.<br />
<br />
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.<br />
<br />
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, and wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.<br />
<br />
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.<br />
<br />
23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.<br />
<br />
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.<br />
<br />
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'<br />
<br />
27. Always choose life.<br />
<br />
28. Forgive<br />
<br />
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.<br />
<br />
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.<br />
<br />
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.<br />
<br />
32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.<br />
<br />
33. Believe in miracles.<br />
<br />
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.<br />
<br />
35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.<br />
<br />
36. Growing old beats the alternative of dying young.<br />
<br />
37. Your children get only one childhood.<br />
<br />
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.<br />
<br />
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.<br />
<br />
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.<br />
<br />
41. Envy is a waste of time. Accept what you already have, not what you need<br />
<br />
42. The best is yet to come...<br />
<br />
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.<br />
<br />
44. Yield.<br />
<br />
45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."<br />
~ <br />
Friends are the family that we choose.<br />
~ <br />
Just living is not enough... one must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower. ~Hans Christian Andersen<br />
~<br />
Thanks to Corinne Reagan<br />
~~~~~<br />
Representative Tom Cotton (R_ AR) has announced that he is challenging Senator Mark Pryor (D_ AR) for Pryor’s Senate Seat. http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2013/08/09/tom-cotton-s-run-for-senate-in-arkansas-makes-him-the-new-gop-darling.html<br />
<br />
I’m hoping that Republican Beth Anne Rankin (a businesswoman, entrepreneur, teacher and former Miss Arkansas) will run. She would be an outstanding representative for any district. But she hasn’t “yet” announced and Lt. Gov. Mark Darr has moved to Mansfield in the 4th Congressional District in preparation to announcing for his expected bid for the seat being vacated by Rep. Tom Cotton, R-Ark.<br />
<br />
Darr, a Republican, has said any criticism about him being a newcomer to the 4th District could be countered by his pointing out that the residents there — and the entire state — are already his constituents as lieutenant governor.<br />
<br />
In addition to Darr, state Rep. Bruce Westerman, R-Hot Springs, is expected to enter the race along with <br />
Hot Springs Democrat, Janis Percefull, who is already is vying for the seat.<br />
~~~~~<br />
As featured on www.dLife.com<br />
<br />
Starting a Walking Program<br />
<br />
For a healthier, happier lifestyle, try walking — the most popular form of exercise.<br />
<br />
It's easy, safe, and inexpensive. It's also relaxing and at the same time invigorating, requires little athletic skill, and does not call for club membership or special equipment other than sturdy, comfortable shoes. And it is fun and natural — good for your mind and self-esteem.<br />
<br />
http://www.dlife.com/diabetes/information/slide_show_pdf_files/new_pdfs/Start_a_Walking_Program.pdf<br />
~~~~~<br />
Another diabetes vitamin deficiency?<br />
<br />
Metformin and Vitamin B12 Deficiency. Do you take metformin? Has your doctor ever tested your levels of vitamin B12?<br />
<br />
Research has shown that metformin use can increase the risk of B-12 deficiency in patients taking insulin. It's not a simple matter of self treatment, however — before starting a supplement regimen, ask your doctor to test your vitamin B levels.<br />
<br />
In one study, 390 participants, all of whom had diabetes, were divided into two groups: half were given 850mg of metformin three times a day for an average of 4.3 years, and the other half of the participants were given a placebo (a pill that looked the same but was inactive). B12 levels were recorded every 13 months. Researchers found that B12 levels in those taking metformin were 19 percent lower than those taking the placebo.<br />
<br />
Low levels of vitamin B12 can cause fatigue and anemia, which can compound the difficulty of diabetes management. Symptoms or not, however, if you take metformin, ask your doctor for a test.<br />
~<br />
http://www.dlife.com/ dLife • P.O. Box 8830 • Westport, CT 06888<br />
~~~~~<br />
New York Breakfast<br />
<br />
2005, Ellie Krieger, All Rights Reserved<br />
-- <br />
Serves: 4 (2 piece) servings<br />
<br />
Ingredients<br />
<br />
8 pieces packaged, thin pumpernickel bread (3 1/2 by 3 1/2 inches))<br />
1/4 cup whipped cream cheese<br />
8 ounces thinly sliced smoked salmon<br />
1/2 red onion, thinly sliced<br />
1/4 English cucumber, thinly sliced<br />
2 medium tomatoes, core, seeded and diced<br />
2 teaspoons chopped, fresh chives<br />
Salt and pepper<br />
<br />
Directions<br />
<br />
Toast the bread and spread 1 1/2 teaspoons of cream cheese on top of each piece. Put a slice of smoked salmon, a couple of slices of onion, one or 2 slices of cucumber, and about 1 tablespoon of chopped tomato on top of that. Sprinkle with chives and season with salt and pepper.<br />
Copyright 2013 Television Food Network G.P.<br />
<br />
Read more at: http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/cda/recipe_print/0,1946,FOOD_9936_33588_RECIPE-PRINT-FULL-PAGE-FORMATTER,00.html?oc=linkback<br />
~~~~~<br />
Favorite Quotes: <br />
<br />
The more I learn about people, the better I like my dog. - Mark Twain<br />
~<br />
Don't go through life, grow through life. ~ Eric Butterworth via Ron Hazelton<br />
~<br />
Teaching: The only profession where you steal things from home and bring them to work.<br />
~<br />
It does not matter how slowly you go ... so long as you do not stop.<br />
~<br />
Science Fact: If you took all of the veins from your body and laid them end to end, you would die.<br />
~<br />
I don't know what your destiny will be, but one thing I do know: The ones among you who will really be happy are those that have sought and found how to serve. ~ Albert Schweitzer via Ron Hazelton<br />
~~~~~<br />
The following wisdom is shared by our friends and family. <br />
~ <br />
Martha Chapman<br />
Irony is when someone writes "Your an idiot".<br />
~<br />
Steve Ford (writing from Kids Church Camp.)<br />
Hey here's something HILARIOUS to do! After the counselors call lights out, wait a bit until it gets quiet. Then make the sound of really loud flatulence. Everyone will roar with laughter, guaranteed! —<br />
~<br />
Amanda Bowen Franks<br />
If you don't change your thoughts, you cannot change your actions!<br />
~<br />
Nancee Davis Law<br />
<br />
Sometimes I wake up grouchy, other times I let him sleep. lol<br />
<br />
You have to live with the choices you make so make sure you can sleep in the bed you make.<br />
<br />
Be content where God has placed you<br />
<br />
I've got a Great- Big- Wonderful God<br />
<br />
Chocolate makes everything better.<br />
<br />
Sometimes God's blessings are not in what He gives, but in what He takes away. Stop trying to pick up what God told you to put down.<br />
<br />
When you call on Jesus, ALL things are possible! <br />
<br />
God knows all my needs before I even ask<br />
<br />
The Battle you are going through may be hard but God knows what He is doing and He is good at what He does! <br />
Trust in Him and He will bring you through!<br />
<br />
In Jesus you have a hiding place where trouble cannot find you<br />
<br />
I'm No Longer Defined by the Wreckage Behind Me.<br />
<br />
Sunday is a day of rest so climb up in The Father's lap and rest in His unfailing Love.<br />
<br />
Your tongue is a powerful tool. You can either build up others or tear them down.<br />
<br />
Hello My Name IS.........Child of the One True God<br />
~<br />
Robert Lyons<br />
Finally found a place in the kitchen I can stand and not be in my wife's way. In front of the stove.<br />
~<br />
Jimmy Malone<br />
Be careful not to trust your high-dollar education over years of experience actually doing the job. <br />
Knowledge puffs up, but love edifies. (I Corinthians 8:1 NKJV)<br />
~<br />
Felicia Katrice Manning <br />
Jesus Loves You. We have to repent and forgive each other and ask God to increase in our lives and submit to Him. We can't wait. Today is the day. Now is the time.<br />
~<br />
Bobbie McClellan<br />
The elevator to success is out of order. You'll have to use the stairs. ... One step at a time. - - Unknown.<br />
~<br />
Dustin McClellan<br />
Had a great 5 days on a mission trip to Oklahoma. It was my first and won’t be my last.<br />
~<br />
Gavin Morgan<br />
My biggest fear is MJ selling my guns after my death ... for what I told her they cost.<br />
~<br />
Norma Kay Rowe<br />
Just read this on a church sign in Bloomburg Tx: Confess your own sins, not your neighbors!!!!!!<br />
~<br />
Dalicia Torrence<br />
<br />
•Why Not give everything to God and trust in Him?<br />
•Why Not go tell someone about Gods love? The love that he's unconditionally given to his Kids.<br />
•Why Not choose to lay down your pride and allow God to love through you?<br />
<br />
It's not about perfection. It's about Obedience! :D <br />
<br />
Jesus has fallen in Love with You!! Allow love to flow and start a Holy Ghost ROIT!!!<br />
~~~~~<br />
Participants urged to sign up for diabetes workshop <br />
<br />
The Area Agency on Aging will host a diabetes self-management workshop this fall, and participants are encouraged to sign up.<br />
<br />
Living with diabetes can be challenging. Constantly checking blood sugar levels, eating the right foods, exercising, taking medication, and visiting a health care provider regularly can feel overwhelming. However, there are other ways to stay healthy.<br />
<br />
Stanford University trained facilitators will lead a two-hour workshop that meets once a week for six weeks. They will offer tips and tools to help a person with monitoring blood sugar levels, food, medication and exercise, and even plan a weekly menu. Participants will be able to discuss problems they are facing with other participants, and find solutions together.<br />
<br />
The workshop is designed for people with Type 2 diabetes, but people with Type 1 may also find it helpful. All of the information provided meets the American Diabetes Association and the American Association of Diabetes Educators guidelines for diabetes self-management education.<br />
<br />
For more information about the workshop or to sign up, call the Area Agency on Aging at (870) 234-7410 or toll-free, 800-272-2127, and enter Extension 105 for Nancy Bailey, or Extension 116 for Deloris Biddle.<br />
~~~~~<br />
AskBob - - Bob Rankin - - Time to Replace Your Power Supply? <br />
<br />
A reader says: 'The fan inside my computer's power supply has started making an awful noise, and I'm afraid it's ready to bite the dust. Is it difficult to replace a power supply?' The good news is NO! Read on to find out if your power supply should be replaced...<br />
http://askbobrankin.com/time_to_replace_your_power_supply.html?awt_l=HZr.N&awt_m=JmBIDe3x78P6SL<br />
~~~~~<br />
Terry’s Computer Tips Newsletter - July 28, 2013<br />
<br />
New Study on Lithium Battery Dangers, Firefox as an Alternative to Adobe Reader <br />
See these articles (as well as many other timely quality stories) at http://www.terryscomputertips.com/<br />
<br />
Not a TCT subscriber? Sign up to get future issues delivered straight to you: http://www.terryscomputertips.com/subscribe/<br />
~~~~~<br />
ACC SmartBrief - - Dow executive: West, Texas, fertilizer plant an "outlier site"<br />
<br />
The West, Texas, chemical facility involved in an accident earlier this year was an "outlier site," said Timothy Scott, chief security officer at Dow Chemical. The facility wasn't active in an industry group, nor did it join contingency-planning activities, Scott said. "There are regulations in place at both the state and federal levels that require the submission of data relative to chemicals of interest and quantities on site that would have identified this facility as a potentially high-risk site. Compliance and enforcement of these existing regulations is needed," Scott said, adding that Dow and the American Chemistry Council have already called for compliance measures to address shortcomings. Oil & Gas Journal [http://www.ogj.com/articles/2013/08/obama-orders-formation-of-interagency-chemical-safety-working-group.html] (8/2), The Dallas Morning News (http://www.dallasnews.com/news/west-explosion/headlines/20130803-obama-order-in-wake-of-west-blast-a-game-changer-in-chemical-safety-senator-says.ece) (8/4)<br />
~~~~~<br />
dLife Foodstuff - - Prep for Natural Disasters<br />
In the event of any emergency, do you know what to do? As in the case of any unexpected event, good preparation is half the battle. For people with diabetes, this means not only protecting your home in the event of disaster, but also protecting your health.<br />
<br />
http://www.dlife.com/diabetes/information/slide_show_pdf_files/prep_for_natural_disasters.pdf<br />
~~~~~<br />
DarynKagan.com - - Burglars Return Stolen Computers To Charity - Even included handwritten apology note!<br />
<br />
I have for you today burglars with a conscience, a 300 lb. baby, and happy brothers and sisters.<br />
<br />
Enjoy!<br />
-Daryn.<br />
<br />
Burglars Return Stolen Computers To Charity #With Apology!<br />
http://darynkagan.com/Charity.html<br />
<br />
Baby Elephant Delights In Kiddie Pool #Adorable!<br />
http://darynkagan.com/DarynKagan.com_Animals.html<br />
<br />
Siblings Reunite At Wonderful Camp<br />
http://darynkagan.com/DarynKagan.com_Animals.html<br />
<br />
Know anyone who would love to get this newsletter and brighten their day? Sign them up here.<br />
<br />
Copyright © *|2013* *|Journeyist, Inc.|*, All rights reserved.<br />
Daryn's Upbeat Stories! Daryn@darynkagan.com<br />
~~~~~<br />
http://www.shelfari.com<br />
http://www.shelfari.com/bugsbleat/shelf <br />
~~~~~<br />
<br />
For the latest issue of "Da Bleat.", go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com. <br />
Our photos are posted at http://www.bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com.<br />
~~~~~<br />
Photos on the front of this week’s “Bleat” include - - Janna, Annette, Shirley and Mechelle, our Missouri Folks sing at the Mission Church, The Incredibly Gifted Wife of My Youth and Bug, Dustin, Annette Studying, and worshiping, the Mission Church sign, Pastor Jimmy prepares to baptize "Da Boys" and several other baby Christians.<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it. <br />
~~~~~<br />
Break Point - - Supersized Weddings<br />
Here Comes the Bride (Bill)<br />
By: Eric Metaxas|Published: August 9, 2013 <br />
<br />
If you’re engaged -- or one of your kids is -- you know how expensive weddings are. What’s going on? <br />
<br />
Two years ago, England's Prince William and Kate Middleton—who just became parents, in case you hadn't heard--were wed in a ceremony that cost around thirty million dollars. That might sound like a lot, but when you consider the cost per person attending—including some two billion anglophiles who watched on TV—it comes to less than a penny per person.<br />
<br />
Which would make the royal nuptials--yep--a “budget” wedding.<br />
<br />
If only American brides and grooms could be so frugal. I just read an article on National Review Online titled “The Blight of Blinged-Out Weddings.” The author, Jillian Kay Melchior, writes that she tried to plan a simple ceremony in which to plight her troth, but found this practically impossible—unless she eloped or “really [bucked] all traditions.”<br />
<br />
Sadly, she's correct. One moment of weakness, and you'll find yourself sucked into the spinning, satin-lined vortex of the wedding industrial complex. It's not as bad as sharks falling from the sky, but it sure comes close.<br />
<br />
Unfortunately, “Recklessly extravagant weddings have become a cultural expectation,” Melchior adds, and “brides who succumb to the intense pressure to Go Bigger can easily find themselves focused more on planning a wedding than preparing for a marriage.”<br />
<br />
How much bigger? Melchior quotes a study done by WeddingChannel.com, which found that the average bride spends more than $28,000 on her wedding, not including the honeymoon!<br />
<br />
Why do so many couples spend a third of their joint annual pre-tax income on a one-day ceremony? It's “because [brides] know they're being watched” Melchior says, and believe the “average guest comes to rate the spectacle as much as to celebrate the sacrament.”<br />
<br />
How sad is that? And as for those hundreds of hours brides spend planning the wedding of the century—those hours could be better spent cementing the couple's relationship.<br />
<br />
There may be a deeper reason so many brides and grooms choose the style of a wedding over the substance of solid marriage preparation—why they put themselves into debt for the food, the flowers, the bridesmaids and the bling—all topped off by a Vera Wang dress.<br />
<br />
My old friend Chuck Colson put it this way in a BreakPoint commentary a few years ago. “Scripture,” he said, “tells us that God designed marriage as a physical, emotional, and spiritual union of one man and one woman—a union marked by fidelity and permanence. It's a definition of marriage the secular world has spent the better part of forty years trying to deconstruct.<br />
<br />
“But when secular couples plan their weddings,” Chuck said, “they sense that something is missing. So they grasp at some sort of meaning—ironically, using the very symbols and rituals”—the white dress, the father giving away the bride—“whose meanings they have rejected.”<br />
<br />
The lack of deeper meaning may be why so many weddings have a slightly hollow ring to them—even if your name isn't Kardashian.<br />
<br />
Chuck quoted social critic Caitlin Flanagan, who suggests that a bride's “white gown andNewsletter_Gen_180x180_B her flock of flower-bearing attendants” may be little more than a “frantic and terribly expensive effort to infuse a wedding with some small measure of the meaning it once had.”<br />
<br />
But folks, it doesn't have to be that way. If you or your loved ones are more interested in planning a sacred ceremony than a bling-fest, contact Marriage Savers. We have their info at BreakPoint.org. They’ll help you fend off the wedding industry sharks, and organize the most important part of your nuptials: planning for a lasting and happy marriage.<br />
<br />
Your church can help engaged couples prepare for a healthy, holy, happy marriage. Please check out Marriage Savers. - - <br />
~<br />
Further Reading and Information<br />
<br />
Supersized Weddings: Here Comes the Bride Bill - Next Steps<br />
<br />
While witnessing the redefinition of marriage into nothingness, Americans are spending ever-increasing amounts on the trappings of a bling-filled wedding day event.<br />
<br />
Contrary to this secular trend, it is vital that couples understand what holy matrimony really means.<br />
<br />
Along with other resources, we’ve listed a few organization websites, such as Marriage Savers, that are designed to help couples plan for what comes AFTER the wedding day—a marriage that lasts a lifetime.<br />
~<br />
Websites:<br />
<br />
The Ruth Institute<br />
http://www.ruthinstitute.org/<br />
<br />
National Organization for Marriage<br />
http://www.nationformarriage.org/<br />
<br />
Marriage Savers<br />
http://www.marriagesavers.org/sitems/index.htm<br />
~<br />
Articles:<br />
<br />
The Blight of Blinged-out Weddings<br />
Jillian Kay Melchior | National Review | July 6, 2013<br />
http://www.nationalreview.com/article/352742/blight-blinged-out-weddings-jillian-kay-melchior<br />
<br />
Plighting Their Troth? Or Whatever<br />
Chuck Colson | BreakPoint.org | September 21, 2006<br />
http://www.breakpoint.org/bpcommentaries/breakpoint-commentaries-search/entry/13/10890<br />
<br />
The Trouble with Weddings<br />
Roberto Rivera | Touchstone | May 2003<br />
http://www.touchstonemag.com/archives/article.php?id=16-04-017-v<br />
~<br />
Copyright © 2013 Colson Center. All Rights Reserved<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Residents of Columbia County, Arkansas are represented in Congress by:<br />
~<br />
Senator John Boozman (R_ AR) <br />
1 Russell Courtyard<br />
Washington DC, 20510<br />
Phone: 202-224-4843<br />
http://boozman.senate.gov/<br />
~<br />
Senator Mark Pryor (D_ AR) <br />
Phone 202_224_2353 <br />
FAX 202_228_0908 <br />
http://pryor.senate.gov/<br />
~<br />
Representative Tom Cotton (R ) <br />
Phone 202_225_3772 <br />
FAX 202_225_1314 <br />
http://cotton.house.gov/<br />
<br />
Other states congresspersons can be found at: [http://www.visi.com/juan/congress/]<br />
~~~~~<br />
THOUGHT OF THE DAY:<br />
<br />
"There are two kinds of light -- the glow that illuminates, and the glare that obscures." - James Thurber<br />
<br />
"You will do foolish things, but do them with enthusiasm." - Sidonie-Gabrielle Colette<br />
<br />
"There may be times when we are powerless to prevent injustice, but there must never be a time when we fail to protest." - Elie Wiesel<br />
<br />
"All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another." - Anatole France<br />
<br />
"A chief is a man who assumes responsibility. He says 'I was beaten,' he does not say 'My men were beaten'. " - Antoine de Saint-Exupery<br />
<br />
"What is the meaning of life? To be happy and useful." - Tenzin Gyatso<br />
<br />
"You don't lead by pointing and telling people some place to go. You lead by going to that place and making a case." - Ken Kesey<br />
<br />
"We judge ourselves by what we feel capable of doing, while others judge us by what we have already done." - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow<br />
<br />
"Always dream and shoot higher than you know you can do. Do not bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors. Try to be better than yourself." - William Faulkner<br />
<br />
"It is as impossible to withhold education from the receptive mind, as it is impossible to force it upon the unreasoning." - Agnes Repplier<br />
<br />
"Dreams pass into the reality of action. From the action stems the dream again; and this interdependence produces the highest form of living." - Anais Nin<br />
<br />
"Intelligence is the ability to adapt to change." - Stephen Hawking<br />
<br />
"A smiling face is half the meal." - Latvian proverb<br />
<br />
"The man who can speak acceptably is usually given credit for an ability out of all proportion to what he really possesses." - Lowell Thomas<br />
<br />
"Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable." - L. Frank Baum <br />
<br />
"There's no way to rule innocent men. The only power any government has is the power to crack down on criminals. Well, when there aren't enough criminals, one makes them. One declares so many things to be a crime that it becomes impossible for men to live without breaking laws." - Ayn Rand<br />
<br />
"Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away." - Phillip K. Dick<br />
<br />
"If you can't write your idea on the back of my calling card, you don't have a clear idea." - David Belasco<br />
<br />
"Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe." - Abraham Lincoln<br />
<br />
"Not in the clamor of the crowded street, not in the shouts and plaudits of the throng, but in ourselves, are triumph and defeat." - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow<br />
<br />
Admiration is a very short-lived passion that immediately decays upon growing familiar with its object; unless it be still fed with fresh discoveries, and kept alive by a perpetual succession of miracles rising into view." - Joseph Addison<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Breaking Christian News <br />
<br />
Surprise: White House Backs Prayer at Local Government Meetings<br />
Teresa Neumann (Aug 9, 2013)<br />
<br />
The Supreme Court case filing by the White House was a "surprisingly conservative brief and it came as a pleasant surprise. It's gratifying that even the Obama administration recognizes that the courts are not qualified to censor prayers." -Ken Klukowski, Family Research Council<br />
<br />
http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=12251<br />
<br />
editor@breakingchristiannews.com <br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> <br />
GCF: House Cleaning<br />
<br />
If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.com<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
I recently ran into the woman who used to clean our house, and was surprised to hear that she was still at it, despite her advanced age.<br />
<br />
"How do you manage it?" I asked.<br />
<br />
She explained her secret: "I only have clients who can't see the dirt any better than I can."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Prescription Bottle<br />
<br />
A pharmacist is going over the directions on a prescription bottle with an elderly patient.<br />
<br />
"Be sure not to take this more often than every 4 hours," warned the pharmacist.<br />
<br />
"Don't worry," replied the patient. "It takes me 4 hours to get the lid off!"<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Barber Shop<br />
<br />
The balding middle-aged man asked his barber, "Why do I have to pay full price for a haircut -- there's so little of it."<br />
<br />
"Well," said the barber, "actually I only charge a little for cutting it. What you're paying for mostly is my time searching for it."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Wedding Ring<br />
<br />
After many years, her original wedding ring had become worn and thin, so she asked her husband to buy her a new ring as her anniversary present. But this time she asked him to buy her one with diamonds.<br />
<br />
They went down to the jewelry store to pick one out. As they waited for the clerk, she said to her husband, "My eyes aren't as good as they used to be, so I'd really like diamonds I can see."<br />
<br />
Having overheard their conversation, a customer standing nearby remarked, "Sir, it would be cheaper if you bought her glasses."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: University DJ<br />
<br />
Sam was a student DJ at the local university radio station. During one shift, he ran through his material faster than expected. He asked listeners for requests, but no one phoned.<br />
<br />
So Sam played a few more wild hard-rock numbers and asked for calls after each one, but still no response.<br />
<br />
Finally he got serious with his audience. "Okay," he said, "if I don't get any requests, I'll play something my parents would like."<br />
<br />
The phone rang immediately.<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Last Name<br />
<br />
Sczyelski, my last name, is a mouthful, so I was thrilled when my three-year-old niece learned to spell it.<br />
<br />
That is until my cousin said, "You can spell it any way you like; who'll know if it's wrong?"<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Taking You Out<br />
<br />
My friend's wife returned from a tour of duty in the Middle East. To celebrate, he decided to take her out for a night on the town. Proud of her service record, he suggested she wear her uniform.<br />
<br />
Not only did a patriotic taxi driver refuse to accept money from them, but an appreciative citizen paid for her meal at the restaurant, and the theater manager upgraded their balcony seats to the orchestra.<br />
<br />
At the end of the evening, my friend turned to his wife. "I still get credit for taking you out, right?"<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Just Like Mommy<br />
<br />
A two and a half year old walked into the bathroom while her mother was putting on make-up. "I'm going to look just like you mommy!" she announced.<br />
<br />
"Maybe, when you grow up," her mother told her.<br />
<br />
"No mommy, tomorrow. I just put on that 'Oil of Old Lady' you always use."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Mother's Day Gift<br />
<br />
The young mother loved the picture frame her five-year-old son bought her for Mother's Day.<br />
<br />
She found a photograph of him and replaced the cat photo that came with the frame.<br />
<br />
He became upset: "Why are you putting a picture of me in there when I bought you a picture of a cat?"<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Hearing Aids<br />
<br />
During a medical assessment before moving into a retirement home, a nurse asked my grandparents, "Do you need hearing aids?"<br />
<br />
"Yes," my grandmother answered. "But he doesn't like his, never wears it and leaves it at home."<br />
<br />
Then she added, "I always carry mine in my purse."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Big Birthday<br />
<br />
My mother-in-law asked her granddaughter if she was excited about her upcoming birthday.<br />
<br />
"Yes," the granddaughter gravely replied, "it's a big birthday. I've waited my whole life to be five."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: New Trend<br />
<br />
There is a strange new trend in our office ... putting names on the food in the company refrigerator.<br />
<br />
Today I had a tuna sandwich named Kevin.<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: How Long Have You Been Married?<br />
<br />
When a woman on the staff of the school where I worked became engaged, a friend and colleague offered her some advice.<br />
<br />
"The first ten years are the hardest."<br />
<br />
"How long have you been married?" she asked.<br />
<br />
"Ten years", he replied.<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Traffic Stop<br />
<br />
Returning home from a restaurant, two friends and I were stopped by a police officer. As the driver handed his license and registration over, he asked the officer if he had been speeding.<br />
<br />
"You were doing just under 60 in a 50 zone, but I'm not going to give you a ticket," the officer said.<br />
<br />
We were puzzled when he asked my friend to open the trunk, and more puzzled when he asked him to go around to the back of the car with him.<br />
<br />
"I've got a burnt out taillight," the officer stated.<br />
<br />
"Oh, no! Not again!" he exclaimed. "I just replaced one a few weeks ago."<br />
<br />
"No, no," the officer corrected. "I've got a burnt out taillight on a car exactly the same as this, and I was wondering if you'd show me how to change it."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Mass Hysteria<br />
<br />
A professor of clinical psychology at Victoria University in Wellington, New Zealand, included a lecture on crowd psychology in his annual course. To illustrate mass hysteria, he regularly showed TV news footage of teenage crowds greeting the Beatles at the local airport in the 1960's.<br />
<br />
One year, when he ran the footage, he heard squeals and bursts of laughter from his students. When the film ended he asked what had caused the hilarity.<br />
<br />
Replied one student, "We recognized some of our mothers!"<br />
<br />
|_____________________|<br />
Imagine if birds were <br />
tickled by feathers...<br />
|_____________________|<br />
Everywhere is within walking <br />
distance if you have the time.<br />
|_____________________|<br />
It's bad luck <br />
to be superstitious.<br />
|_____________________|<br />
What is a "free" gift?<br />
Aren't all gifts free?<br />
|_____________________|<br />
Knocked; you weren't in.<br />
-- Opportunity <br />
|_____________________|<br />
One must wait until evening <br />
to see how splendid <br />
the day has been. <br />
|_____________________|<br />
I went to a general store <br />
but they wouldn't let me <br />
buy anything specific. <br />
--Steven Wright<br />
|_____________________|<br />
Conscience is what hurts <br />
when everything else feels good. <br />
|_____________________|<br />
Summer is the time when <br />
it is too hot to do <br />
the jobs it was too cold <br />
to do in winter. <br />
|_____________________|<br />
For every action <br />
there is an equal <br />
and opposite criticism. <br />
|_____________________|<br />
Which came first -- <br />
the chicken, or the various <br />
things that taste like chicken? <br />
|_____________________|<br />
If a cow laughed, <br />
would milk come out her nose? <br />
|_____________________|<br />
Light travels faster than sound.<br />
This is why some people appear <br />
bright until you hear them speak. <br />
|_____________________|<br />
If the shoe fits,<br />
buy another one just like it.<br />
|_____________________|<br />
A synonym is a word you use <br />
in place of one you can't spell. <br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
Thomas S. Ellsworth <br />
tellswor@slonet.org <br />
http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor <br />
<br />
If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.com<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
THE PERFECT HUSBAND<br />
<br />
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cellular phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.<br />
<br />
MAN: "Hello"<br />
<br />
WOMAN: "Hi Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"<br />
<br />
MAN: "Yes."<br />
<br />
WOMAN: "I'm at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $2,000; is it OK if I buy it?"<br />
<br />
MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."<br />
<br />
WOMAN:"I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new models. I saw one I really liked."<br />
<br />
MAN: "How much?"<br />
<br />
WOMAN: "$90,000." ;<br />
<br />
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."<br />
<br />
WOMAN:"Great! Oh, and one more thing... I was just talking to Janie and found out that the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $980,000 for it."<br />
<br />
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900,000. They'll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra eighty-thousand if it's what you really want."<br />
<br />
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!"<br />
<br />
MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."<br />
<br />
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.<br />
<br />
He turns and asks, "Anyone know whose phone this is?"<br />
~<br />
Thanks to Joe <br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Love is grand!<br />
<br />
Divorce is a hundred grand. <br />
*<br />
I am in shape.<br />
<br />
Round is a shape.<br />
*<br />
Time may be a great healer,<br />
<br />
But it's a lousy beautician.<br />
*<br />
Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.<br />
*<br />
Even if you are on the right track,<br />
<br />
You'll get run over if you just sit there.<br />
*<br />
An optimist thinks this is the best possible world. <br />
<br />
A pessimist fears this is true.<br />
*<br />
There will always be death and taxes;<br />
<br />
However, death doesn't get worse every year.<br />
*<br />
In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.<br />
*<br />
I am NOT over weight<br />
<br />
I am a nutritional overachiever.<br />
*<br />
A day without sunshine is like night. <br />
*<br />
It's frustrating when you know all the answers,<br />
<br />
But nobody bothers to ask you the questions.<br />
*<br />
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time,<br />
<br />
but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.<br />
*<br />
Brain cells come and brain cells go, <br />
<br />
But fat cells live forever.<br />
*<br />
Age doesn't always bring wisdom.<br />
<br />
Sometimes it comes alone.<br />
*<br />
Life not only begins at forty,<br />
<br />
It also begins to show.<br />
*<br />
I smile because I am your friend!<br />
<br />
I laugh because there is nothing you can do about it.<br />
~<br />
C'ya Later, Waneta<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
How to Write Good <br />
<br />
The first set of rules was written by Frank L. Visco and published in the June 1986 issue of Writers' digest.<br />
<br />
My several years in the word game have learnt me several rules: <br />
<br />
Avoid Alliteration. Always.<br />
Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.<br />
Avoid cliches like the plague. (They’re old hat.)<br />
Employ the vernacular.<br />
Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.<br />
Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.<br />
It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.<br />
Contractions aren’t necessary.<br />
Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.<br />
One should never generalize.<br />
Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."<br />
<br />
Comparisons are as bad as cliches.<br />
Don’t be redundant; don’t use more words than necessary; its highly superfluous.<br />
Profanity sucks.<br />
Be more or less specific.<br />
Understatement is always best.<br />
Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.<br />
One word sentences? Eliminate.<br />
Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.<br />
The passive voice is to be avoided.<br />
Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.<br />
Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.<br />
Who needs rhetorical questions? <br />
~<br />
<br />
The second set of rules is derived from William Safire's Rules for Writers.<br />
<br />
Parenthetical words however must be enclosed in commas.<br />
It behooves you to avoid archaic expressions.<br />
Avoid archaeic spellings too.<br />
Don't repeat yourself, or say again what you have said before.<br />
Don't use commas, that, are not, necessary.<br />
Do not use hyperbole; not one in a million can do it effectively.<br />
Never use a big word when a diminutive alternative would suffice.<br />
Subject and verb always has to agree.<br />
Placing a comma between subject and predicate, is not correct.<br />
Use youre spell chekker to avoid mispeling and to catch typograhpical errers.<br />
Don't repeat yourself, or say again what you have said before.<br />
Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed.<br />
Don't never use no double negatives.<br />
Poofread carefully to see if you any words out.<br />
Hopefully, you will use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them. <br />
<br />
Eschew obfuscation.<br />
No sentence fragments.<br />
Don't indulge in sesquipedalian lexicological constructions.<br />
A writer must not shift your point of view.<br />
Don't overuse exclamation marks!!<br />
Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more words, to their antecedents.<br />
Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.<br />
If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.<br />
Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.<br />
Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing.<br />
Always pick on the correct idiom.<br />
The adverb always follows the verb.<br />
Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.<br />
If you reread your work, you can find on rereading a great deal of repetition can be by rereading and editing.<br />
And always be sure to finish what<br />
<br />
Thanks to Waneta<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Preacher's Son<br />
<br />
An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting high time the boy gave some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young men his age, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it.<br />
<br />
One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects:<br />
<br />
1. A Bible,<br />
<br />
2. A silver dollar,<br />
<br />
3. A bottle of whiskey,<br />
<br />
4. And a Playboy magazine.<br />
<br />
"I'll just hide behind the door," the old preacher said to himself, "and when he comes home from school, I'll see which object he picks up. If it's the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be! If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a business man, and that would be okay, too. But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunken bum, and Lord, what a shame that would be. And worst of all, if he picks up that magazine, he's going to be a skirt-chasing womanizer."<br />
<br />
The old man waited anxiously and soon heard his son's footsteps as he entered the house whistling and headed for his room. The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room, he spotted the objects on the table. He walked over to inspect them, looking at each for several minutes. Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink, while he admired this month's centerfold.<br />
<br />
"Lord have mercy!" the old preacher prayed. "He's going into politics!!"<br />
<br />
Received from Sanderson, Steven C. <br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Why Do I Like Retirement?<br />
<br />
How many days in a week?<br />
6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday.<br />
<br />
When is a retiree's bedtime?<br />
3 hours after he falls asleep on the couch.<br />
<br />
Why don't retirees mind being called seniors?<br />
It comes with a 10% discount!<br />
<br />
Among retirees, what is considered formal attire?<br />
Tied shoes.<br />
<br />
How many retirees to change a light bulb?<br />
Only one, bit it may take all day.<br />
<br />
What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?<br />
NUTS!<br />
<br />
What do retirees call a long lunch?<br />
Normal.<br />
<br />
What is the best way to describe retirement?<br />
The never-ending coffee break.<br />
<br />
Who do retirees count pennies?<br />
They're the only ones who have the time!<br />
<br />
Received from John Price.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Knight Riddle<br />
<br />
Q: What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?<br />
<br />
A: Sir Render.<br />
<br />
Received from Becky Day.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Pole<br />
<br />
My mother was holding on to a pole while riding a bus.<br />
She noticed that a young man, who was holding on to the same pole, was staring at her. Eventually he said, "Excuse me. This is my stop."<br />
<br />
Since she wasn't blocking his way, she was confused. "Well," she said, "go ahead."<br />
<br />
"And this is my pole," he said.<br />
<br />
My mother was completely perplexed until the young man added, "I just bought it at the hardware store to hold up my shower curtain."<br />
<br />
And with that, he picked up his pole and carried it off the bus.<br />
<br />
Received from Doc's Daily Chuckle.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Peach Brandy<br />
<br />
A Baptist preacher went to visit a member of the community and invited him to come to church Sunday morning.<br />
<br />
It seems that this man was a producer of fine peach brandy. He told the preacher that he would attend his church IF the pastor would drink some of his brandy and admit doing so in front of his congregation. The preacher agreed and drank up.<br />
<br />
Sunday morning, the man visited the church. The preacher recognized the man from the pulpit and said, "I see Mr. Johnson is here with us this morning. I want to thank him publicly for his hospitality this week and especially for the peaches he gave me and the spirit in which they were given."<br />
<br />
Received from ArcaMax Jokes. <br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Soup<br />
<br />
When a waitress in a New York City restaurant brought an Englishman the soup of the day, he was a bit dismayed.<br />
<br />
"Good heavens," he said, "what is this?"<br />
<br />
"It's bean soup," she replied.<br />
<br />
"I don't care what it's been," he replied. "What is it now?"<br />
<br />
Received from Steve Sanderson.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Murphy's Laws of Law Enforcement<br />
<br />
New uniforms and ties attract catsup and gravy.<br />
<br />
You will never get the urge to use the bathroom until you have left the station.<br />
<br />
Surprise inspections will only occur after you have been in a foot pursuit through mud.<br />
<br />
The mayor will get a traffic ticket the day before your department negotiates for a salary increase.<br />
<br />
The bigger they are, the harder they fall. Also the harder they punch, kick, and choke.<br />
<br />
Never search a dark warehouse with a cop whose nickname is "Boom-Boom."<br />
<br />
Pens never leak onto old uniform shirts.<br />
<br />
To err is human, to forgive is against department policy.<br />
<br />
Shatterproof flashlights seldom are.<br />
<br />
If you park your patrol car in the exact center of the Gobi<br />
desert, within 5 minutes someone will pull up and ask for directions.<br />
<br />
Glow in the dark sights are just as visible to you as they are to the crook hiding behind you.<br />
<br />
Wearing white socks makes boot zippers break.<br />
<br />
Coffee jitters will never bother you until firearm qualification day.<br />
<br />
Flashlight batteries never die in the daylight hours.<br />
<br />
Your mouthiest traffic violator will be related to the sheriff.<br />
<br />
If the crooks are within pistol range, so are you.<br />
<br />
The speed with which you respond to a fight in progress is inversely proportional to how long you have been an officer.<br />
<br />
Perfect 10's only show up to talk when you are busy.<br />
<br />
Bullet proof vests might be.<br />
<br />
Old squad cars never die -- they just smell that way.<br />
<br />
Received from You Make Me Laugh.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
WOULD YOU LIKE TO JOIN ...<br />
<br />
The Yoko club?<br />
Oh no.<br />
<br />
The German philosophy club?<br />
I. Kant.<br />
<br />
The Ford-Nixon club?<br />
Pardon me?<br />
<br />
The Arafat club?<br />
Yessir.<br />
<br />
The Ebert movie club?<br />
Roger.<br />
<br />
The Groucho Marx club?<br />
You bet your life.<br />
<br />
The Peter Pan club?<br />
Never. Never.<br />
<br />
The Japanese theater club?<br />
Noh.<br />
<br />
The quarterback club?<br />
I'll pass.<br />
<br />
The compulsive rhymers club?<br />
Okey-dokey.<br />
<br />
The Spanish optometrists club?<br />
Si.<br />
<br />
The anti-perspirant club?<br />
Sure.<br />
<br />
The procrastinators club?<br />
Maybe next week.<br />
<br />
The Self-Esteem Builders?<br />
No - they probably would not accept me anyway.<br />
<br />
The Agoraphobics Society?<br />
Only if they meet at my house.<br />
<br />
The Co-Dependence Club?<br />
Can I bring a friend?<br />
<br />
The Prayer Group?<br />
God willing!<br />
<br />
Received from Stan Kegel.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Wake Up!<br />
<br />
The teacher is droning away in the classroom when he notices a student sleeping way up in the back row. The teacher shouts to the sleeping student's neighbor, "Hey, wake that student up!"<br />
<br />
The neighbor yells back, "You put him to sleep -- you wake him up!"<br />
<br />
Received from ArcaMax Jokes.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Fall Out!<br />
<br />
As we stood in formation at the Pensacola Naval Air Station, our Flight Instructor said, "All right! All you dummies fall out."<br />
<br />
As the rest of the squad wandered away, I remained at attention.<br />
<br />
The instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with me, and then just raised a single eyebrow. I smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh sir?"<br />
<br />
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Stork<br />
<br />
On his first visit to the zoo, a little boy stared at the<br />
caged stork for a long time. He waved, jumped up and down, and stared at the stork a while longer.<br />
<br />
Finally, turning to his father, he exclaimed, "Gee, Dad, he doesn't recognize me!"<br />
<br />
Received from Thorn Shunt.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Doctor's Order<br />
<br />
Doctor: "I see you're over a month late for your<br />
appointment. Don't you know that nervous disorders require prompt and regular attention? What's your excuse?"<br />
<br />
Patient: "I was just following your orders, Doc."<br />
<br />
Doctor: "Following my orders? What are you talking about? I gave you no such order."<br />
<br />
Patient: "You told me to avoid people who irritate me."<br />
<br />
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
The Execution<br />
<br />
Three men went to Mexico together on a vacation. They had known each other in high school, and they were eager to get to know each other again.<br />
<br />
One night, they went out on the town and got completely drunk. When they woke up the next morning, they were in a jail cell. They asked the guard why they were there. He replied, "Last night the three of you killed an old man. You will be executed at noon."<br />
<br />
Of course, none of them believed this. They begged and pleaded with their jailer, and even offered him substantial bribes if he would just let them go. But, he stood firm, and the jail door stayed shut.<br />
<br />
The hour came. They all ate their last meal and were herded into the room where the electric chair sat. The first man was strapped into the chair and was asked for his last words.<br />
<br />
He said, "Well, I'm a theologian from Harvard Divinity School, and I believe in the power of God to intervene on behalf of the innocent."<br />
<br />
The executioner threw the switch, but nothing happened. He immediately thought, "God must be on this man's side." So he let him go.<br />
<br />
The second man was strapped in, and he was asked for his last words. He responded, "I'm a lawyer from Yale Law School, and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on behalf of the innocent."<br />
<br />
The switch was thrown, but again, nothing happened. The executioner figured that justice must be on this man's side, and he let him go.<br />
<br />
Finally, the third man was strapped into the chair and was asked for his last words.<br />
<br />
"Well, I'm an electrical engineer from MIT, and nothing's going to happen if you don't connect those two wires right there..."<br />
<br />
Received from Gordon Freeman. <br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Mugger<br />
<br />
Late one night a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into a path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. "Give me your money," he demanded.<br />
<br />
Indignant, the affluent man replied, "You can't do this! I am a United States congressman!"<br />
<br />
"In that case," replied the mugger, "give me MY money."<br />
<br />
Received from John Turner.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Tell Me<br />
<br />
A businessman had a tiring day on the road. He checked into the local hotel and, because he was concerned the dining room might close soon, left his luggage at the front desk while he went immediately to eat.<br />
<br />
After a leisurely dinner, he returned to the desk to retrieve his luggage and realized he had forgotten to pick up his key. He also had forgotten his room number.<br />
<br />
So he said to the clerk on duty, "Hello, I'm Henry Davis. Can you tell me what room I'm in?"<br />
<br />
"Certainly, sir," replied the clerk. "You're in the lobby."<br />
<br />
Received from Docs Daily Chuckle.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Rate this funny at http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20120420<br />
<br />
Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a) Mail address: GCFL, Box 100, Harvest, AL 35749, USA<br />
<br />
To print or email this funny to others, go to<br />
http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20120420<br />
<br />
The latest GCFL funny can always be found on the web at http://www.gcfl.net/latest.php<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Column - - http://www.madkane.com/humor_blog/<br />
<br />
Those Smashing French Language Police (Limerick)<br />
August 6th, 2013<br />
<br />
The French are at it again:<br />
<br />
Those Smashing French Language Police (2-Verse Limerick)<br />
By Madeleine Begun Kane<br />
<br />
“Le Binge Drinking’s” been outlawed in France.<br />
They’re maintaining a very strict stance–<br />
Not against all that drinking.<br />
No! What were you thinking?<br />
It’s their “dump English verbiage” dance.<br />
<br />
A new phrase that has Frenchified grace<br />
Must henceforth be used to replace<br />
Such Anglicized words,<br />
Discarded like turds:<br />
“Beuverie express” — drink at fast pace.<br />
<br />
© Madeleine Begun Kane. All Rights Reserved.<br />
http://www.madkane.com/<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." __ Franklin D. Roosevelt <br />
"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle." <br />
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. _ _ George Carlin <br />
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" _ _ Queen E. Watson<br />
“A political class of Republicans and Democrats that look after themselves, not the Nation. A media hostile to the very precepts of this nation. A generation of Americans who see morals as vices, and are ignorant of America's Actual History.”<br />
"The things that will destroy America are prosperity-at-any-price, peace-at-any-price, safety-first instead of duty-first, the love of soft living, and the get-rich-quick theory of life." - - Theodore Roosevelt <br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> <br />
Emergency Phone Number 911 <br />
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )<br />
Central Dispatch 234_5655<br />
(Non _ Emergency Number)<br />
Direct Numbers<br />
Ambulance _ 234_7371 (24 Hour)<br />
Jail _ 234_5331 (24 Hour)<br />
Poison Control _ 800_222_1222 (24 Hour)<br />
http://www. aapcc. org/<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Interested in getting in touch with the Banner_News through e_mail? editor@bannernews.net For the editor, news@bannernews.net For news and sports items, Coming Events, Diary, Church News, school and civic events. [http://www.bannernews.net/]<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." __ "Bug" <br />
"I read the end of the book. We win!" __ "Bug" <br />
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." __ "Bug"<br />
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." _ _ "Bug"<br />
"It's no big deal doing what God tells you to do. A big deal would be NOT doing what God tells you to do. Just ask Jonah." _ _ Paul Troquille <br />
“Nam et ipsa scientia potestas est.” Knowledge is power. _ Francis Bacon <br />
"The problem is here and now. The time for talk is past. The time for action is now." <br />
Comments on the first Earth Day _ James F. McClellan via John "Fuzzy" Thurman<br />
~~~~~<br />
Hope you enjoy the newsletter. <br />
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week. <br />
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" __"Bug" <br />
God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!! <br />
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT_I KC5HII <br />
<br />
P. S. If you'd like to be added to the distribution, just drop us E_mail at kc5hii@suddenlink.net<br />
. We offer "Da Bleat" as text, a "Blog" and as a newsletter with pictures in Word and PDF format. The latest issue is usually updated sometime Saturday. For the latest issue, go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com. We also have a site [http://bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com/] where we post photos that I like.<br />
We appreciate your encouragement. We also appreciate your communication when you desire to be taken off our mail list. If you are on this mail list by mistake or do not wish to receive "Da Bleat," please reply back and tell us to discontinue service to you. <br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>Bughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07270965849194883997noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9136923892168334329.post-80221972042841349242013-07-21T22:02:00.000-07:002013-07-21T22:02:43.007-07:00Bug's Bleat - - GCF: Repent<br />
Ethan and I, <br />
<br />
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-sp3E1i2O-CI/Uey4-b-2BiI/AAAAAAAAG7k/Txo_23wy87E/s1600/30-2013-07-19_12-27-39_858.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-sp3E1i2O-CI/Uey4-b-2BiI/AAAAAAAAG7k/Txo_23wy87E/s320/30-2013-07-19_12-27-39_858.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
<br />
Mrs. Corrine helping "Da Boys" sweep the drive, <br />
<br />
</a><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ioKbH4W4x5E/Uey4-Lc7WAI/AAAAAAAAG7Y/SfEBUYgyJcI/s1600/27-2013-07-19_10-16-19_61.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ioKbH4W4x5E/Uey4-Lc7WAI/AAAAAAAAG7Y/SfEBUYgyJcI/s320/27-2013-07-19_10-16-19_61.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
<br />
David enjoying his mother's birthday, <br />
<br />
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/--AvSlx_p4T0/Uey4-O3osnI/AAAAAAAAG7c/42VBJ9mlTLw/s1600/02-2013-07-13_14-53-10_534.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/--AvSlx_p4T0/Uey4-O3osnI/AAAAAAAAG7c/42VBJ9mlTLw/s320/02-2013-07-13_14-53-10_534.jpg" /><br />
<br />
<br />
Dusty taking a break while helping MaMaw, <br />
<br />
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-_XUTWcmqOLI/Uey584CmQ8I/AAAAAAAAG78/TtkTgoII8UM/s1600/07-2013-07-14_13-28-19_997.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-_XUTWcmqOLI/Uey584CmQ8I/AAAAAAAAG78/TtkTgoII8UM/s320/07-2013-07-14_13-28-19_997.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
<br />
Ethan, Zac and Josiah "Visiting" with MaMaw on her birthday, <br />
<br />
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/--Zg5LOl0US0/Uey58gxkWZI/AAAAAAAAG70/mqgn88JYvRs/s1600/03-2013-07-13_14-53-20_811.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/--Zg5LOl0US0/Uey58gxkWZI/AAAAAAAAG70/mqgn88JYvRs/s320/03-2013-07-13_14-53-20_811.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
<br />
Dusty getting his direction from MaMaw. <br />
<br />
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-XOv9rM5TXho/Uey59N5ySKI/AAAAAAAAG8A/dcrrKTg15_Y/s1600/08-2013-07-14_13-32-23_960.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-XOv9rM5TXho/Uey59N5ySKI/AAAAAAAAG8A/dcrrKTg15_Y/s320/08-2013-07-14_13-32-23_960.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
<br />
Josiah and MaMaw.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ozbfEDJJSfQ/Uey6ax-j0lI/AAAAAAAAG8M/NT-IDSt3ZhM/s1600/29-2013-07-19_12-16-26_731.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ozbfEDJJSfQ/Uey6ax-j0lI/AAAAAAAAG8M/NT-IDSt3ZhM/s320/29-2013-07-19_12-16-26_731.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
<br />
More of our favorite photos from this week:<br />
<br />
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-MZIc_ZxmLd0/Uey7oE8iK1I/AAAAAAAAG8c/Yb4I7UluZJM/s1600/14-2013-07-16_09-29-28_293.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-MZIc_ZxmLd0/Uey7oE8iK1I/AAAAAAAAG8c/Yb4I7UluZJM/s320/14-2013-07-16_09-29-28_293.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-dHepv64TXvI/Uey7oZFuWcI/AAAAAAAAG8o/E-KisG5WOWs/s1600/23-2013-07-18_09-37-18_295.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-dHepv64TXvI/Uey7oZFuWcI/AAAAAAAAG8o/E-KisG5WOWs/s320/23-2013-07-18_09-37-18_295.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-RJcd_1K9Rhg/Uey7osy7S-I/AAAAAAAAG8k/U3y6DDaFyKo/s1600/25-2013-07-18_09-39-24_751.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-RJcd_1K9Rhg/Uey7osy7S-I/AAAAAAAAG8k/U3y6DDaFyKo/s320/25-2013-07-18_09-39-24_751.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-rqabW3A_2vo/Uey8IhEiSjI/AAAAAAAAG88/NFXaaeSfNqs/s1600/13-2013-07-16_09-28-40_680.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-rqabW3A_2vo/Uey8IhEiSjI/AAAAAAAAG88/NFXaaeSfNqs/s320/13-2013-07-16_09-28-40_680.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-4elLgnzWAfE/Uey8JdC4ZcI/AAAAAAAAG9A/MNwJhGO8eLU/s1600/17-2013-07-16_15-42-19_439.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-4elLgnzWAfE/Uey8JdC4ZcI/AAAAAAAAG9A/MNwJhGO8eLU/s320/17-2013-07-16_15-42-19_439.jpg" /></a><br />
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<br />
Volume 15, Issue 28 Friday, July 19, 2013<br />
<br />
Hello ALL,<br />
<br />
The “Incredible Wife Of My Youth” and I sometimes experience communication difficulties. This usually occurs when Annette asks me to do something. Today was a case in point.<br />
<br />
Since we moved into our favorite home, the cable modem and our router have been laying on Annette’s sewing table in the “Imelda Marcos” closet (my things reside in the “filthy beast’s” closet [check out Cary Grant’s “Father Goose” for an explanation of the title for my domain.]) I had intended to do something about this but it had slipped my mind until I had to reset the router this week and noticed the menagerie of equipment and wires spread across her work area.<br />
<br />
So, this afternoon, Da Boys and I started working to clean all this up and mount the equipment on the closet wall. While we were doing this, Annette suggested (I thought) that I could mount the cable modem on a lovely little shelf she had laying in the closet.<br />
<br />
It was a little more trouble than just hanging the modem by itself but I had to admit that it did look good setting on its own personal shelf and I was proud that we were able to mount the shelf and get the wires up and mostly hidden from view.<br />
<br />
When Annette had time I invited her to look at our handiwork. She said that it was an improvement but … “Why did you use my shelf for that electrical box?” Huh???<br />
<br />
“I thought you wanted me to use the shelf.” I replied.<br />
<br />
“No.” She stated. “I plainly asked you to put up that shelf for me while you were working in the closet.”<br />
<br />
Oh Bother!<br />
~~~~~<br />
Last week we talked about Annette’s getting water for the mailman. This week, we were driving back to the house when she started discussing the mailman’s health. HIPPA rules prohibit me from giving you details but suffice to say, she knows more about his health and job issues than I know about my own.<br />
<br />
I think we can safely say that David get’s his ability to strike up instant personal conversations with strangers from Annette. The first time I noticed this was when we were on a Washington D.C. subway and I told Annette; “I wonder what exit we take for the Smithsonian.”<br />
<br />
David (who was about 9 or 10) spoke up and told us; “The one after this upcoming stop.” <br />
<br />
I asked him how he knew that was the correct stop to exit on and he replied; “LeRoy told me.”<br />
<br />
“And who is LeRoy?” I asked. Where upon he pointed to the large gentleman seated on the other side of him and introduced us to LeRoy. Understand that we’d been on the subway for 3 or 4 minutes at this time.<br />
~~~~~<br />
David is also an example of the fact that helping is hardwired into our family’s brains. He was instantly ready to help us just as he does the same for others. Additionally, like David may have some of Annette’s traits, I also have to admit, I may have some of Vanessa’s traits as well. For instance; when I was about four of five, I was in Uncle Cecil’s general store. I decided to help him clean up by straightening the canned food shelves. Like Vanessa would have done, I decided to first remove all the cans from the shelves so I could properly clean the surface and then put the cans back up neatly. <br />
<br />
This plan was working fine until I got all the cans out of the shelves and onto the floor. It was at that point I realized that I was tired of this activity and grandmother probably had dinner ready. So I left. For some reason Uncle Cecil never wanted me to help at his store again.<br />
~<br />
Another time I tried to help was when I noticed a brick sticking out of the ground in front of grandmother’s front steps (in those days, there was no “drive,” folks just parked in the yard.) This was a serious hazard. What if grandmother or even mom tripped on that brick when coming down the steps? They could be seriously hurt.<br />
<br />
So I got one of grandmother’s big silver serving spoons and dug up the brick. To be sure it wasn’t a hazard; I carried it around to the trash pile in back of the house. Unfortunately, I failed to think about the hole left after I removed the brick. While I was carrying the brick to the back of the house, my mom came out of the house, stepped into the hole I’d left and broke her ankle.<br />
<br />
I guess this comes under the law of “Unintended Consequences.”<br />
~~~~~<br />
Race, Racism and Common Sense - - I came up at the end of the segregated south era but in a home where the "N" word was strictly not allowed. My mentors were my grandmother, my widowed mother, aunts, uncles, our neighbors, and my "Mammy,” Mrs. Ida Mustifield.<br />
<br />
Mrs. Ida had eleven children who all graduated from college. Today they are teachers, doctors, lawyers, etc. All due to the hard work of a little lady who never accepted the word "Can't."<br />
<br />
In spite of that, I can't claim that my mind was totally free of ingrained prejudice. As I've heard it explained; "Who you are is very often the product of where you were, when." One wise fellow (Mr. Rucker Clayton, the Superintendent of the Black "Rosenwald" Free Hope School District, in Columbia County) put it this way; “The difference between a Racist and a Prejudiced person is that a Racist knows he's prejudiced."<br />
<br />
The media has been full of folks discussing race this week. The President even came out and discussed the prejudice he’d faced as a black man in The United States of America. There were blogs, posts and columns from both the left and the right, many were thoughtful and measured. Many more were just plain offensive.<br />
<br />
The fact is that there is probably almost no one in this country who doesn’t have some preconceived notion about any group that they are not a member of. Be it the Catholics, Episcopalians, Pentecostals and Southern Baptists or Europeans, Kurds, Indians and Asians we all tend to look at people with a lack of understanding if we don’t actually “Know” them.<br />
<br />
This week I wasn’t surprised at the loud protests about the Zimmerman verdict. Nor was I disappointed in the depth politicians and pundits could go to profit from the unrest. But I do continue to be concerned that people think racism and prejudice can be corrected simply by better education, passing laws or holding seminars.<br />
<br />
What really works is reaching out to folks from outside our comfort circle.<br />
<br />
If you’re really concerned about the “racial divide” here, I challenge you to step across the line and invite a person or couple, from another race or nationality or income bracket, over for coffee, supper, lunch or a movie.<br />
<br />
Get to know folks from another "group," and you just may realize that these people are no longer black or Asian or homeless. Instead, they are Bill or Alice or Aliyah or Chung or Mr. Charles. And your life is richer for knowing people who you formally classified as "outside our box.<br />
~~~~~<br />
Rasmussen Reports - - What They Told Us: Reviewing Last Week's Key Polls <br />
<br />
Daily Presidential Tracking Poll: 50% Approve of Obama's Job Performance <br />
<br />
85% Think Christian Photographer Has Right to Turn Down Same-Sex Wedding Job <br />
<br />
60% Put Checks and Balances Ahead of Government Efficiency - - Politicians are often frustrated by the system of checks and balances built into American government, but voters continue to strongly support that protection. <br />
<br />
59% Favor Government Subsidies to Keep Student Loan Costs Down <br />
<br />
56% Rarely or Never Eat Fast Food <br />
<br />
56% Say Gov Investing in Alternative Energy May End Foreign Oil Dependence <br />
<br />
45% View Health Care Law Favorably, 50% Unfavorable <br />
<br />
44% Favor Ban on Abortion After 20 Weeks, 41% Oppose - - Several states including Texas and Wisconsin are advancing new restrictive abortion laws that would, among other things, ban abortions after 20 weeks and require doctors that perform abortions to have admitting privileges at nearby hospitals. Voters nationwide are almost evenly divided on the 20-week ban but are more supportive of additional doctor requirements. <br />
<br />
Generic Congressional Ballot: Republicans 39%, Democrats 38% <br />
<br />
8% Think Applicant's Word Is Enough When Seeking Federal Health Insurance Subsidies - - The Obama administration has temporarily made it easier for low-income Americans to qualify for health insurance subsidies under the president's new health care law, but voters overwhelmingly believe that trusting the applicant's word is not enough. <br />
~<br />
Confronting America's Racial Divide <br />
A Commentary By Scott Rasmussen <br />
<br />
Sixty-four percent of Americans say that it's possible to have an honest discussion about race in America. I would like to believe that, but I am skeptical.<br />
<br />
My skepticism is rooted in a painful recognition of the fact that white and black America have different histories and different experiences with our justice system.<br />
<br />
Consider the simple fact that, compared to white Americans, black Americans are three times as likely to know someone in prison and twice as likely to know someone who was murdered. It's not surprising that most black Americans view the justice system with the same level of suspicion that the tea party has for the Internal Revenue Service. The distrust is justified.<br />
<br />
So when a jury with no blacks declared George Zimmerman not guilty in the murder of Trayvon Martin, most white Americans agreed with the verdict, and most black Americans did not.<br />
<br />
Most white Americans believe that such a jury can fairly consider a case involving the shooting of a black man. Most blacks disagree.<br />
<br />
Most white Americans believe Zimmerman was motivated primarily by concern about burglaries in the neighborhood. Most black Americans believe he was motivated primarily by racism.<br />
<br />
Many conservative pundits have pointed out that the prosecution simply couldn't prove beyond a reasonable doubt that Zimmerman was doing anything more than acting in self-defense. Even some on the political left, people like Slate's William Saletan, have said that when you look at the evidence and the law, the jury reached the right decision. Former President Jimmy Carter shares that view, as well.<br />
<br />
But for many Americans, the technical analysis misses the point. Zimmerman made a poor choice when he ignored the dispatcher, got out of the car and tried to be a hero. As a result, a young black man ended up dead. Where's the justice in that? Would it have been the same if the dead man were the son of a wealthy white businessman?<br />
<br />
I cannot claim to speak for black Americans, but what I see in the numbers is a deeply rooted belief that the rules of the game in America are rigged against black Americans. Eighty-four percent of black Americans believe the justice system in our country is unfair to minorities.<br />
<br />
Most white Americans are appalled by such numbers. This is why it is so difficult to have an honest discussion about race in America. They just don't get it.<br />
<br />
What white Americans need to understand is that there's a reason most black Americans believe our justice system is out to get them. The reason is that for most of our history government in America was an organized conspiracy against black Americans. The Constitution includes offensive language about black slaves. Southern states implemented Jim Crow laws and provided inferior educational options to keep blacks down -- laws that survived until the 1960s. There's more to American history, of course, but we can't ignore those realities.<br />
<br />
What black Americans need to understand, though, is that George Zimmerman and his generation never lived in that world. America has changed, but we have failed to honestly confront our past.<br />
<br />
If our nation is ever to truly become a land of liberty and justice for all, we need to have an honest discussion about race. The evidence of the past few weeks makes me doubt we are ready for that today.<br />
<br />
To find out more about Scott Rasmussen, and read features by other Creators writers and cartoonists, visit www.creators.com.<br />
<br />
COPYRIGHT 2013 - - SCOTT RASMUSSEN - - DISTRIBUTED BY CREATORS.COM<br />
<br />
See Other Political Commentaries. http://www.rasmussenreports.com/public_content/political_commentary<br />
<br />
See Other Commentaries by Scott Rasmussen. http://www.rasmussenreports.com/public_content/political_commentary/commentary_by_scott_rasmussen<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Still the Least Racist Country in the World - - The Left needs to position America as a racist country to sustain its political success.<br />
By Dennis Prager <br />
<br />
http://m.nationalreview.com/articles/295611/still-least-racist-country-world-dennis-prager<br />
~~~~~ <br />
The latest from Michael Yon, the foremost “milnews” blogger on the web. <br />
~<br />
Greetings, <br />
<br />
I would hate to begin doing war correspondence inside the United States:<br />
<br />
Please see http://www.michaelyon-online.com/race-baiting-and-lies-in-america.htm.<br />
…<br />
Also: Note for Non-Americans on Race relations in the USA<br />
<br />
Having spent about twenty years in dozens of countries, I have some idea about how we are viewed abroad. When it comes to race, many people look at America as black and white. In fact, nothing could be farther from the truth. We are a bunch of mixed breeds.<br />
<br />
One of my siblings recently got a genetic test. We are all over the map, including a trace from sub-saharan Africa. Apparently I have black grandmother or grandfather in my tree. (Mostly it turns out we apparently are Northern European, but still we are mutts.) My incredible wife is darker than many so called African Americans.<br />
<br />
Insofar as "white" culture in America, there is no definite white culture that most whites belong to. Some whites are with some form or another of black, Asian, or Hispanic culture, and the inverse is true. Keeping in mind there is no "Asian" culture any more than there is a "white" or "black" or "Hispanic" or "European" or "Thai." We truly are mixed up with each other which is one of our primary strengths.<br />
<br />
Do you know how many cultures there are in Thailand? There are so many that I do not even have an idea. Must be a hundred, and even more if we count fusions. Just as Europeans (I spent about six years in Europe) often think America is black and white, we project the same on other countries.<br />
<br />
There must literally be Thousands of "Indian" cultures. The varieties are tantamount endless. It would take most people a year just to memorize the names of the languages, dialects, and peoples of India. Indian banknotes are inscribed with about 15 major languages.<br />
<br />
There are many "white" cultures in America. I do not know how many. I have traveled extensively to 48 states and it became confusing. A white man from the mountains of Western North Carolina has a completely different culture than a white man from Manhattan. On language, the man from the mountains will understand the dialect of the man from Manhattan, but the Manhattan man might not understand a word the mountain man says.<br />
<br />
I relate closer to "black" culture in my home town much closer than with some of the "white" cultures I encountered in the USA. I understand blacks on a cultural level in my home town because we grew up together seven days per week for years on end, but some of the "white" American cultures I have encountered were foreign to me. We spoke the same language but I did not always understand where they were coming from. For instance, the idea that you should flee your home and not protect your family during a home invasion is utterly foreign to me. I have no idea what planet they got that from.<br />
<br />
During my US travels, I found that both many of the blacks and whites in Baltimore were fantastically racist to the point I thought it was kooky. Same down in Miami and over in LA. Especially racist were many of the blacks who would treat me like an enemy, when I was thinking, "Man, if you get hit by a car, I will pull you out of the street. Why are you acting like this???"<br />
<br />
Insofar as "black culture", again, there is no specific black culture that all subscribe to. Blacks are all over the map on cultures. Some blacks are fantastically racist, while others just take people for what they are. Same with whites, Asians and Hispanics.<br />
<br />
I see racism in every country I go, which is nearly 70 so far. You never have seen racism until you go to Europe or Asia. America is downright tame by comparison.<br />
<br />
Bottom line is that America is not black and white, and not all blacks hate whites. We got along pretty well in my home town because we grew up together. There was racism, sure. We saw it plenty. Believe it or not it was usually instigated by blacks but not always. I am specifically referring to MY generation. In previous generations it is clear that racism was more instigated by whites.<br />
<br />
https://www.facebook.com/MichaelYonFanPage/posts/10151559767370665<br />
<br />
Very Respectfully,<br />
Michael Yon<br />
Your Writer, <br />
<br />
Please remember that this website accepts no advertisement and is dependent on your support. <br />
<br />
PS Please sign up for my Twitter.com updates at "Michael_Yon" [http://twitter.com/Michael_Yon] (not Michael Yon).<br />
<br />
http://www.facebook.com/#/MichaelYonFanPage?ref=sgm<br />
~<br />
www.michaelyon-online.com<br />
~<br />
Http://www.michaelyon_online.com/index.php<br />
~~~~~ <br />
If you would like to encourage US Troops overseas, but are not sure just how to begin, visit www.anysoldier.com for ideas. <br />
~~~~~ <br />
5 Things New Veterans Expect From All Political Candidates<br />
<br />
1. Defend the New GI Bill<br />
2. Employ the New Greatest Generation<br />
3. Prevent suicide among troops and veterans<br />
4. Build a truly 21st Century VA<br />
5. Improve Care for Female Veterans <br />
<br />
http://iava.org/blog/5-things-new-veterans-expect-all-candidates-2012<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Please remember ... America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the MALL.<br />
~~~~~<br />
I have long contended that absolutely NO publicity should be given to terrorists and sickos. Unless we are searching for them, no photos should be distributed and no mention of their names should be made in any media. If they have to be referred to ... call them "the idiot" or "the sicko."<br />
<br />
Obviously, this Magazine (which I will also cease naming since they choose to associate with the idiot sickos) doesn't subscribe to my idea.<br />
<br />
This Magazine is a perfect example of the old truth; "You can educate an ignorant man but there is no cure for Stupid!" No self respecting human should ever again give RS a dime. Nor the advertisers that support this shining example of stupidity.<br />
<br />
Oh yeah, to those who say that the article wasn’t supportive of the idiot sicko, the cover photo and hype is supportive of the miscreant. Period!<br />
~<br />
Commentary By Bryant Arkansas Police Chief Mark Kizer<br />
<br />
I was just checking email and doing my news post for the evening when I noticed an article on Rolling Stones Magazine Cover picture. I first assumed it was honestly a joke, I mean who in all honestly in their right mind would be that STUPID??<br />
<br />
The Rolling Stones to give a terrorist one second of recognition after the innocent people this guy killed just amazes me. I truly don't know where or what they were thinking but I for one respect the land and the freedom that I have and hope they pull the magazine and people who have subscriptions tell them to keep their money because that's the last dime the receive!!<br />
<br />
Seriously look at how many people have lost their family members in the military, law enforcement, fire fighters and all the other people to terrorist acts and then they spot-light this guy??<br />
<br />
I am done saying my peace but in my opinion it's like Treason!! Shame on a magazine supported by US to have to see that..<br />
<br />
This is my opinion and I stand behind it!<br />
<br />
Chief Kizer<br />
~~~~~<br />
The State of Our Liberty - - This Week in Review<br />
<br />
Department of Homeland Security is the third-largest federal department, with a budget of $48 billion and a staff of more than 240,000. <br />
<br />
Law-enforcement technology - - Automatic license plate readers used to collect, store data on millions of Americans - - Automatic license plate readers are the most widespread location tracking technology available to law enforcement. Mounted on patrol cars or stationary objects like bridges, they snap photos of every passing car, recording their plate numbers, times, and locations. At first the captured plate data was used just to check against lists of cars law enforcement hoped to locate for various reasons (to act on arrest warrants, find stolen cars, etc.). Increasingly, however, all of this data is being fed into massive databases that contain the location information of many millions of innocent Americans stretching back for months or even years.<br />
~~~~~<br />
Does it really “pull your chain” when people say things on facebook that you consider “not too intelligent?” I feel the same way … however, don’t be a “Don Quote” and go charging off to refute them. You’re wasting your time and Facebooks bandwidth.<br />
Just as you can’t get folks to stop forwarding hoaxes, phishing and other malicious emails that have little or no basis in truth. You’ll never convince these folks that their posts don’t have any merit.<br />
So, the next time you see one of those blatantly ignorant posts, chill. Get a hot chocolate or a cold iced tea. Look at your flowers (or the neighbors.) And relax. There is a whole lot of beauty here. Don’t let a few folks ruin it for you.<br />
~~~~~<br />
dLife Foodstuff - - Best Snacks for Lower Blood Sugar<br />
<br />
Introducing ... the dLife Healthy, Low Carb Snack List! Snacks can be a double - edged sword for people with diabetes. They may help stave off hunger and overeating, while keeping blood sugar levels from dropping too low. But serious snack attacks can also derail your best efforts to eat healthy and manage your weight<br />
-<br />
friendly snacking and sweet treats.<br />
<br />
MOZZARELLA STRING CHEESE is the new Snickers (R) bar. Talk about a perfect, portable snack. How do you eat your string cheese? Do you peel it carefully with your fingers or your teeth? Or do you just chomp, chomp, chomp 'til it's gone? CARBS: less than 1 g<br />
<br />
POPCORN is a whole grain -- did you know? Popcorn delivers a nice dose of fiber and is a versatile snack. You can stick to butter, sprinkle with grated parmesan or Brewer's yeast, or make a sweet treat by drizzling with sugar - free chocolate syrup. CARBS: 12g in 2 cups<br />
<br />
COTTAGE CHEESE & BERRIES will make you feel healthier just by having a dish in front of you. You get all the benefits of dairy protein and fat, plus a goo d dose of antioxidants. What could be better?<br />
Hint: If cottage cheese has always seemed a little icky to you, try sprinkling cinnamon and sugar substitute on top and sticking it in the oven for a few minutes, berries and all. CARBS: 15g in 1/2 cup cottage cheese and 1/2 cup blueberries<br />
<br />
WHOLE WHEAT CRACKERS & NATURAL PEANUT BUTTER are perfect for a salty, crunchy fix. Plus, you get protein, fiber , and good - for - you unsaturated fats. CARBS: 15g in 3 Triscuits (R) with 2 tbsp peanut butter<br />
<br />
HARD - BOILED EGG. The incredible edible is truly a perfect food -- with a nutrient list that reads like the side of a multivitamin label. It's also oh - so - satisfying. CARBS: less than 1g (and more than 6g of protein!)<br />
<br />
EDAMAME (a.k.a., green soybeans) are diabetes super - snack. Buy them frozen in the pod, boil for five minutes, and voila! Pick up the pods and suck out the tender beans. CARBS: 15g per cup (and 8 grams of fiber!)<br />
<br />
A PEAR (with a handful of almonds) has the added snack benefit of slowing you down a bit. It's hard to inhale a fruit you have to take bites of while navigating around seeds and a stem. And though they're easy to overeat, nuts have to be chewed pretty thoroughly. Eat your almonds one at a time , chew slowly, and savor their buttery goodness. CARBS: 16g in small Asian pear & 12 almonds<br />
<br />
SUGAR - FREE JELLO is arguably the most satisfying zero - carb sweet treat out there. Although it may not win in the nutrients contest, it can at least do a good job making your nails stronger. CARBS: 4g in a cup of sugar - free jello with 4 tbsp whipped topping<br />
<br />
HUMMUS & VEGGIES are the healthy replacements these days for potato chips and sour cream dip. This Middle Eastern puree is made from chickpeas (a.k.a. garbanzo beans) and garlic. It's high in protein and fiber and many other nutrients and, without a doubt, classifies as a diabetes superfood. Add some carrots and celery for dipping, and you know you're doing a good thing for your body. CARBS: 15g in 5 tbsp of hummus with 4 baby carrots and 4 small celery stalks<br />
<br />
PLAIN YOGURT , to some, is a nectar from the gods. To others, it's as gross a s curdled milk. If you're in the latter group, why not take baby steps? First, use plain yogurt to make salad dressings and in baked goods. Eventually, graduate to eating it with sugar substitute and berries or crushed nuts. The health benefits are stellar -- from the calcium to the friendly bacteria -- so it's worth a bit of effort. CARBS: 12g in 6 ounces of plain yogurt (and 3g in 12 almonds)<br />
<br />
SUGAR - FREE PUDDING is one of the more decadent treats available, and with a dollop of whipped cream can stand in for someone's beloved chocolate mousse dessert. Swirl a couple of flavors together for that extra je ne sais quoi. CARBS: 12g in 1/2 cup<br />
You didn't really think chocolate would be on this list, did you? Yes, authentic, DARK CHOCOLATE (the higher the percentage of cocoa, the better) has been shown to possibly improve health, by way of its plant chemicals. And three dark chocolate truffles will cost you only 15 grams of carbs. However, they also come with 220 calories and 13 grams of saturated fat. By anyone's standards, that's a little over the top. So take a more moderate approach: Have just one dark chocolate truffle, and enjoy every second of it.<br />
<br />
SOURCES:<br />
1. dLife Food Finder. http://www.dlife.com/diabetes/diabetic - recipes/foodFinder.html (accessed 5/18/09).<br />
2. USDA Nutrient Database. http://www.nal.usda.gov/fnic/foodcomp/search (accessed 5/18/09).<br />
3. Daily Plate. http://www.dailyplate.com (accessed 5/17/09).<br />
~~~~~<br />
Cream Cheese: Is It Healthy? by Toby Amidor, July 19, 2013<br />
<br />
he Verdict: If you’re a cream cheese lover, choose a touch of whipped or light cream cheese to get your fill. (A tub of the whipped variety is a staple in my house!) To make a little go even further, add your own ingredients (like fresh chives, scallions or freshly chopped veggies) for more flavor.<br />
<br />
Toby Amidor, MS, RD, CDN, is a registered dietitian and consultant who specializes in food safety and culinary nutrition. See Toby’s full bio http://blog.foodnetwork.com/healthyeats/about-our-blog/<br />
<br />
Read more at: http://blog.foodnetwork.com/healthyeats/2013/07/19/cream-cheese-is-it-healthy/?oc=linkback<br />
~<br />
Guacamole: 7 Great Ways by Robin Miller in Robin's Healthy Take, July 19, 2013<br />
<br />
Guacamole is a fresh and delicious way to enjoy the bounty of nutrients and healthy fats avocados have to offer. And the simple blend of avocado, other vegetables, and herbs leaves lots of room for interpretation and exploration. After preparing the classic version below, get creative and add a variety of unique ingredients.<br />
<br />
Robin Miller is a nutritionist, host of Quick Fix Meals, author of “Robin Rescues Dinner” and the busy mom of two active little boys. Her boys and great food are her passion. Check her out at www.robinrescuesdinner.com.<br />
<br />
Read more at: http://blog.foodnetwork.com/healthyeats/2013/07/19/guacamole-7-ways/?oc=linkback<br />
~~~~~<br />
It’s a joke … Chill out and small.<br />
~<br />
Dear Wife,<br />
<br />
I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you forever. I’ve been a good man to you for 7 years and I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks have been hell. ... Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today & that was the last straw. Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in 2 minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want anything that connects us as husband and wife. Either, you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, I’m gone.<br />
<br />
Your EX-Husband<br />
<br />
P.S. don’t try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!<br />
… <br />
Dear Ex-Husband<br />
<br />
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s true you & I have been married for 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping. Too bad that didn’t work. I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I didn’t comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago. About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning. After all of this, I still loved you and felt we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone.. Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me. So take care.<br />
<br />
Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich And Free!<br />
<br />
P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem<br />
~~~~~<br />
Favorite Quotes: <br />
<br />
What we get by achieving our goals is not as important as what we become by achieving our goals. ~ Henry <br />
David Thoreau via Ron Hazelton<br />
~~~~~<br />
The following wisdom is shared by our friends. <br />
~ <br />
Nancee Davis Law<br />
<br />
It doesn't take a very big person to carry a grudge.<br />
<br />
You cannot unsay a cruel word.<br />
<br />
Every path has a few puddles.<br />
<br />
The Joy of the Lord is my Strength<br />
<br />
Thank God for unexpected blessings<br />
<br />
If God is for you, it doesn't matter who is against you. Happy Friday!<br />
<br />
Hello Friday, nice to see ya. Seems like it's been a long time<br />
<br />
Coffee and Creflo = start of a good day<br />
<br />
Well … can't win them all but there's always tomorrow <br />
~<br />
Ethan Malone<br />
<br />
Flowers are a lot of work. (Spoken as he helped his Mamaw in the front flower beds.)<br />
~~~~~<br />
From Earth’s surface, it’s very hard to visualize how much empty space surrounds us. If we could capture photos of Earth from a distant vantage point – say, the outer solar system – we could perhaps begin to picture it, but those opportunities are rare. We humans have acquired only two images of Earth from the outer solar system – ever. The first and most distant was taken 23 years ago by NASA’s Voyager 1 spacecraft from 4 billion miles (6 billion kilometers) away, showing Earth as a pale blue dot . The other opportunity was Cassini’s image in 2006 from 926 million miles (1.49 billion kilometers). But today (July 19, 2013) another opportunity will occur. NASA’s Cassini spacecraft, now orbiting Saturn and weaving in and among its moons, will be aligned in such a way that Saturn will eclipse the sun as seen from the spacecraft. With the sun’s light blocked, space scientists will capture the third-ever picture of Earth from the outer solar system, hundreds of millions of miles away.<br />
http://earthsky.org/space/cassini-space-probe-at-saturn-to-take-rare-photo-of-earth-on-july-19?utm_source=EarthSky+News&utm_campaign=9bf81b9975-EarthSky_News&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_c643945d79-9bf81b9975-393703501<br />
~~~~~<br />
AskBob - - Bob Rankin - - Free Troubleshooting Tools for Windows <br />
<br />
An operating system is an incredibly complex beast. If things go wrong with Windows, it can be difficult to track down the source of the glitch. But you can put away the sledgehammer, because there are plenty of free troubleshooters you can use to fix most problems. Here's my recommended list of free Windows problem solvers... http://askbobrankin.com/free_troubleshooting_tools_for_windows.html?awt_l=HZr.N&awt_m=JxMJTVR2J8P6SL<br />
~~~~~<br />
ACC SmartBrief - - Honeywell plans to invest $200 million in La. manufacturing facilities<br />
Honeywell plans to spend more than $200 million on new manufacturing projects across four of its Louisiana production facilities, it was announced Monday. The company will invest $169 million in engineering and production capacity for new products, and $39 million in current operations. Honeywell is considering an additional $1 billion in investment over the next 10 years, according to Andreas Kramvis, president and CEO of Honeywell Performance Materials and Technologies. The Advocate (Baton Rouge, La.) (7/15) http://theadvocate.com/home/6518921-125/honeywell-plans-plant-projects-in<br />
~~~~~<br />
DarynKagan.com - - I have for you today one smart bird, a loving daughter, and the cutest politician ever.<br />
<br />
Enjoy!<br />
-Daryn.<br />
<br />
Raven Asks Human For Help With Porcupine Quills <br />
http://darynkagan.com/DarynKagan.com_Animals.html<br />
<br />
Bride's Touching Tribute To Late Father On Her Wedding Day<br />
http://darynkagan.com/Love_Stories.html<br />
<br />
4-Year-Old Mayor Running For Re-Election <br />
http://darynkagan.com/Kids.html<br />
~~~~~<br />
http://www.shelfari.com<br />
http://www.shelfari.com/bugsbleat/shelf <br />
~~~~~ <br />
For the latest issue of "Da Bleat.", go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com. <br />
Our photos are posted at http://www.bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com.<br />
~~~~~<br />
Photos on the front of this week’s “Bleat” include - - Ethan and I, Mrs. Corrine helping "Da Boys" sweep the drive, David enjoying his mother's birthday, Dusty taking a break while helping MaMaw, Ethan, Zac and Josiah "Visiting" with MaMaw on her birthday, Dusty getting his direction from MaMaw. Josiah and MaMaw.<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it. <br />
~~~~~<br />
Break Point - - Christians and God's Creatures - Caring about Animals<br />
By: Eric Metaxas|<br />
<br />
The NIH has decided to free most of its chimpanzees. Why the decision was unlikely, and why Christians can applaud it.<br />
<br />
A New York Times headline grabbed my attention on the airplane last week: “Unlikely Partners, Freeing Chimps from the Lab.”<br />
<br />
It turns out the National Institutes of Health has agreed to retire and find new homes for nearly all of the chimpanzees it has used for medical research.<br />
<br />
The unlikely partners behind this move were world-famous primatologist Jane Goodall and the head of NIH, my friend Dr. Francis Collins. The “unlikely” part of their partnership, according to the Times, is that Goodall is an animal rights activist and Collins is the “ultimate white-coated lab person.”<br />
<br />
But left unsaid by the Times is another “unlikely” aspect of Goodall’s and Collins’s relationship: Collins is an outspoken evangelical Christian.<br />
<br />
What’s unlikely about a leading evangelical siding with an animal rights activist? Well, as Chuck Colson said years ago on this program, “When it comes to animal welfare today, Christians have allowed the secular world to take the lead and set the agenda.”<br />
<br />
And this, my friends, should not be!<br />
<br />
Earlier generations of Christians understood well that our stewardship of creation extends to living creatures. St. Francis of Assisi was famous for his passionate concern for animals. And William Wilberforce, the great abolitionist, took a public stand against cruelty to animals and helped found the Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals. And in his book “The Problem of Pain,” C. S. Lewis calls the suffering of animals “appalling.” “Animal pain,” he wrote, is “begun by Satan's malice and perpetrated by man's desertion of his post.”<br />
<br />
Now, in one sense, it’s understandable that Christians have in large measure avoided the animal welfare movement—mostly because its most vocal activists espouse a worldview that is actively hostile to Christianity: namely naturalism. That’s the idea that all that is the result of chance, and that all living things are morally equivalent, which is why the founder of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals famously said, “A rat is a pig is a dog is a boy.”<br />
<br />
Nonetheless, by ignoring the issue of animal welfare, Christians are not being the good stewards we’re called to be. So as Chuck once said, “we need to get involved in shaping laws that determine animal treatment. We must make it our business to find out how the fish of the sea, the birds of the air, and the cattle of the earth are treated on factory farms, in research labs, and by commercial fishermen.”<br />
<br />
And while I wouldn’t advocate working hand in hand with radical groups such as PETA, when Newsletter_Gen_180x180_B we can advocate for just reforms or take action to better the treatment of animals, we absolutely should.<br />
<br />
In other words, Francis Collins did the right thing. Now, Collins admitted in the New York Times that freeing chimpanzees is one thing. He says, after all, they are “special creatures” possessing similarities to humans “that are quite breathtaking.” But don’t expect NIH to stop experimenting on rats and mice anytime soon—or animal rights groups to stop lobbying on their behalf.<br />
<br />
To quote Dutch theologian Abraham Kuyper, as Chuck Colson so often did, “There is not a square inch in the whole domain of our human existence over which Christ, who is Sovereign over all, does not cry, "Mine!”<br />
<br />
And “His” extends to all of creation, including the animals He made. And wherever and whenever we do good out of love for God, we are witnesses of Christ.<br />
Further Reading and Information<br />
<br />
BP-Takeaction_71913Christians and God’s Creatures: Caring about Animals - Next Steps<br />
<br />
God’s love and concern extends not only to us, but to all His creation. We are to be stewards of the wondrous environment and the creatures that inhabit it. In doing so we demonstrate Christ’s love.<br />
<br />
Take advantage of opportunities to promote improved treatment for animals, not for naturalistic reasons, but because animals are part of God’s amazing creation.<br />
~<br />
Articles:<br />
<br />
Unlikely Partners, Freeing Chimps from the Lab<br />
James Gorman | New York Times | July 8, 2013<br />
http://www.nytimes.com/2013/07/09/science/unlikely-partners-freeing-chimps-from-the-lab.html?pagewanted=all&_r=1&<br />
<br />
Abusing Our Power: Do Christians Sanction Animal Cruelty?<br />
Chuck Colson | BreakPoint.org | May 7, 2003<br />
http://www.breakpoint.org/bpcommentaries/breakpoint-commentaries-search/entry/13/11328<br />
<br />
Exploring “Dominion”<br />
Matthew Scully | National Review Online | December 3, 2002<br />
http://old.nationalreview.com/interrogatory/interrogatory120602.asp<br />
~<br />
Websites:<br />
<br />
Mercy Springs Ranch<br />
http://www.mercyspringranch.org/<br />
~<br />
Copyright © 2013 Colson Center. All Rights Reserved<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Residents of Columbia County, Arkansas are represented in Congress by:<br />
~<br />
Senator John Boozman (R_ AR) <br />
1 Russell Courtyard<br />
Washington DC, 20510<br />
Phone: 202-224-4843<br />
http://boozman.senate.gov/<br />
~<br />
Senator Mark Pryor (D_ AR) <br />
Phone 202_224_2353 <br />
FAX 202_228_0908 <br />
http://pryor.senate.gov/<br />
~<br />
Representative Tom Cotton (R ) <br />
Phone 202_225_3772 <br />
FAX 202_225_1314 <br />
http://cotton.house.gov/<br />
<br />
Other states congresspersons can be found at: [http://www.visi.com/juan/congress/]<br />
~~~~~<br />
THOUGHT OF THE DAY:<br />
<br />
"Luck enters into every contingency. You are a fool if you forget it -- and a greater fool if you count upon it." - Phyllis Bottome<br />
<br />
"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It would be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron's cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval of their own conscience." - C. S. Lewis<br />
<br />
"In order to become the master, the politician poses as the servant." - Charles de Gaulle<br />
<br />
"The most valuable of all talents is that of never using two words when one will do." - Thomas Jefferson<br />
<br />
"What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others." - Pericles<br />
<br />
"The intellect of the wise is like glass; it admits the light of heaven and reflects it." - Augustus Hare<br />
<br />
"The art of love is largely the art of persistence." - Albert Ellis<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Breaking Christian News <br />
<br />
EU Turns Its Back on Israel; Implications Dire<br />
Teresa Neumann (July 19, 2013)<br />
<br />
"Israel's 'occupation' of these areas [beyond the 'Green Line'] is legal twice over – since it merely gained them in a war of self-defense in 1967, and is thus legally entitled to hold onto them until the belligerents stop waging war upon it. Which they still have not." -Melanie Phillips<br />
<br />
REPORTER'S NOTE: If you've found yourself scratching your head over the complexity of modern Israel's history and current political status, help is here today in the form of a short, simple message from a British Journalist. Entitled: The Baseless Hatred of the EU towards Israel, it's a sort of "Idiot's Guide to the Existence of Modern Israel." It explains how it all started after WWI when western powers indiscriminately carved up the Middle East. Then, of course, Hitler happened, the Jews were practically wiped off the face of the earth, and again politicians got involved. Meanwhile, the state of Israel fights for its manifest survival. -Teresa Neumann<br />
<br />
Yesha (Israel)—The European Union last week announced its new official policy of boycotting Jews and Israelis in areas of Israel liberated in the 1967 Six Day War, including Judea, Samaria and most of Jerusalem.<br />
<br />
Given the current state of affairs in the Middle East, this controversial move by the EU is poised to have devastating effects. Starting in 2014, contracts and agreements between EU businesses, institutions and individuals from those newly outlawed areas will no longer be legally recognized by EU courts.<br />
<br />
According to Israel National News, Israeli experts say the implications will have a major impact. Israeli MK Tzachi Hanegbi told Israel Radio that the new EU policy is far more radical that what the U.S., or even Europe itself, was accustomed to in the past.<br />
<br />
Yesha For those who are put off by the complexities of modern Israel history and politics, British reporter Melanie Phillips, writing for the U.K.'s Daily Mail, has provided a short, brilliant synopsis of the state of affairs. It's entitled, The Baseless Hatred of the EU Towards Israel.<br />
<br />
In excerpts from that article, Phillips writes:<br />
<br />
"Consternation in Israel over the EU's malicious decision to boycott individuals or institutions situated over the 'Green Line' between Israel and the disputed territories. This would presumably include boycotting, for example, the Hebrew University which is just over that line or, even more grotesquely, Jewish residents in Jerusalem's Old City—where ancient Jewish settlement far predated the arrival of a single Arab, dating as it does since King David who built it as the capital of the kingdom of the Jewish people.<br />
<br />
News of the EU's act of existential spite against Israel broke on the fast of Tisha b'Av, when Jews mourn the destruction of the Temple (you know, that Temple, the one that stood in Jerusalem all those centuries ago before any Arabs existed, let alone any Green Line) along with the seemingly never-ending list down through the ages of all those prosecuting their uniquely murderous and baseless hatred of the Jewish people.<br />
<br />
Some coincidence. To that list of infamy, the EU can now add its name. For shame."<br />
<br />
editor@breakingchristiannews.com <br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
GCF: Repent<br />
<br />
My neighbor, who has always been a very religious person, now believes the end of the world is near and preaches that people should repent and forego their earthly possessions.<br />
<br />
I am not a disbeliever or anything, but there's one thing I find completely incongruent with his belief: Why does he refuse to give me his Porsche?<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Gym Membership<br />
<br />
Everyone vows to join a gym and go three days a week. Yeah, right. A woman once called me at the health club where I used to work.<br />
<br />
"I got a note saying it was time for me to renew my membership," she said. "As much as I love to work out, I don't think I'll renew."<br />
<br />
"Fine," I said, "but you'll have to come down here to fill out cancellation forms."<br />
<br />
After a long pause - "Umm, where are you located?"<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Wedding Advice<br />
<br />
At a wedding, the DJ polled the guests to see who had been married longest. The bride's grandparents took the honors.<br />
<br />
The DJ asked them: "What advice would you give to the newly-married couple?"<br />
<br />
The grandmother said: "The three most important words in a marriage are, 'You're probably right.'"<br />
<br />
Everyone then looked at the grandfather for his answer.<br />
<br />
He, wisely, answered: "She's probably right."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Butcher Shop<br />
<br />
A woman walks into a butcher shop and asks the butcher about the price for a pound of tenderloin.<br />
<br />
"$12 per pound," replies the butcher.<br />
<br />
"Are you sure? That can't be," says the lady.<br />
<br />
"Look, madam, it says right here on the card that it's $12 per pound."<br />
<br />
"But that seems so high compared to other butchers in the area."<br />
<br />
"Lady, maybe they gave you the price for a poorer cut of beef."<br />
<br />
"No, the butcher across the street said it was $9 per pound," she says.<br />
<br />
"Well, then, why don't you go buy it there?" asks the butcher.<br />
<br />
"Because they are all out."<br />
<br />
"Well, when I'm all out, I sell it for $8 per pound," retorts the butcher.<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Replacement<br />
<br />
Duck decoys, fishing rods, boots -- outdoor gear of all kinds was piled high in the garage. One day I found my wife staring at the mess. "I hope I die first, so I don't have to get rid of all this," she sighed.<br />
<br />
"Look on the bright side," I suggested. "If I go first, you can put an ad in the paper. When all the men come by to check out the stuff, you can pick out a replacement for me."<br />
<br />
Still staring at the pile, she said, "Nah. Whoever would want all this stuff wouldn't be my type."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Lost Cell Phone<br />
<br />
My wife called me after driving to an appointment. She arrived and I could tell from her voice that she was getting frustrated. Finally she said, "I know I had my cell phone with me. And now I can't find it!"<br />
<br />
I replied, "Aren't you talking on it?"<br />
<br />
There was a solid period of stunned silence as the reality of the situation sank in, followed by, "You are NOT going to tell anybody about this!"<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Professional Photographer<br />
<br />
People don't like to look dumpy in their own photos, which is why a local professional photographer gets a lot of requests asking him to retouch photos. You know, erase the crow's-feet, lop off the 'love handles' -- that sort of thing.<br />
<br />
Therefore, he wasn't surprised when one woman, pointing to a family portrait, asked him, "Can you take thirty pounds off me?" until she added, "and put it on my sister?"<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Perfume<br />
<br />
The young man says to his date, "I really like the perfume you're wearing. What's it called?"<br />
<br />
The young lady looks puzzled for a minute then searches through her purse, finally dumping the contents on the table between them. She searches through the pile and finally finds a small spray bottle. She examines the label and announces, "Here it is ... 'Unforgettable'."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Clocks<br />
<br />
A man died and went to heaven, where he met St. Peter sitting at a desk in the middle of a great hall. On the walls were millions of clocks.<br />
<br />
"What are those used for?" he asked. St. Peter said, "There's one of them for every living person on Earth ticking out the days of their lives."<br />
<br />
The newcomer noticed that the hands of some of the clocks were moving faster than others. "Why do they move at different speeds," he asked. St. Peter said, "Every time you tell a lie you lose one hour of your life and your clock speeds up."<br />
<br />
The newcomer looked around and then asked, "Do you have one of these for my congressman?"<br />
<br />
St. Peter answered, "Sure! It's in the back room. We use it for a ceiling fan."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Lost the Car<br />
<br />
When out shopping at her local supermarket, an elderly woman forgot where she'd parked. A nearby police officer, noticing her agitation, asked, "Is something wrong?"<br />
<br />
"I can't find my car," she explained.<br />
<br />
"What kind is it?" he inquired sympathetically.<br />
<br />
The old lady gave him a quizzical look. "Name some"<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Case Closed<br />
<br />
Several women, each trying to one-up the other, appeared in court, each accusing the others of causing the trouble they were having in the apartment building where they lived.<br />
<br />
The judge, with Solomon-like wisdom decreed, "Okay, I'm ready to hear the evidence ... I'll hear the oldest first."<br />
<br />
The case was dismissed for lack of testimony.<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Kraft Dinner<br />
<br />
Before going off to a conference for work, a wife told her husband to give their kids Kraft Dinner for supper.<br />
<br />
When suppertime came, however, he didn't feel like cooking and instead took the kids out to a local fast-food restaurant. While they were eating he told them to tell their mother that they had Kraft Dinner for supper if she asked, or else Daddy would get into trouble.<br />
<br />
Later, at bedtime, the wife called to say goodnight to the kids and asked the five-year-old daughter what they had eaten for supper.<br />
<br />
"Kraft Dinner," was the reply. As the husband took a sigh of relief, she added brightly, "From Dairy Queen!"<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Elderly Romance<br />
<br />
Alex, a widower, went to a senior citizen's dance. There he met Ruth, a woman also advanced in years. Alex and Ruth danced every dance together.<br />
<br />
Afterward, they went out for coffee. As they walked home, Ruth said, "You remind me of my fourth husband."<br />
<br />
Alex said, "Really? How many times have you been married?"<br />
<br />
Ruth said, "Three."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: After Graduation<br />
<br />
The summer after college graduation, I was living at home, fishing in the daytime, spending nights with my friends ... generally just hanging out. One afternoon my grandfather, who never went to college, stopped by.<br />
<br />
Concerned with how I was spending my time, he asked about my future plans. I told him I was in no hurry to tie myself down to a career.<br />
<br />
"Well," he replied, "you better start thinking about it. You'll be thirty before you know it."<br />
<br />
"But I'm closer to twenty than to thirty," I protested. "I won't be thirty for eight more years."<br />
<br />
"I see," he said, smiling. "And when will you be 20 again?"<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( \<br />
/ / | tellswor@slonet.org | \ \<br />
_( (_ | http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor | _) )_<br />
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ _/ I am at one with my duality. \_ /
\ / How do you know when \ /
\ _/ it's time to tune your bagpipes? \_ /
\ / Cleaning with kids in \ /
\ _/ the house is like brushing \_ /
/ / your teeth while eating. \ \
\\\\ \_/ / Thought for today: \ \_/ ////
\ / As you make your way through \ /
\ _/ this hectic world of ours, \_ /
/ / set aside a few minutes each day \ \
At the end of the year,
you'll have a couple of days saved up.
\ / Why isn't "palindrome" \ /
\ _/ spelled the same way backwards? \_ /
\ / It rarely occurs to teenagers \ /
\ _/ that the day will come when \_ /
/ / they know as little as their parents. \ \
\ / Autocorrect: \ /
\ _/ It can be your worst enema. \_ /
\ / I am reading a very interesting \ /
\ _/ book about anti-gravity. \_ /
/ / I just can't put it down. \ \
\ / When cryptography is outlawed, \ /
\ _/ bayl bhgynjf jvyy unir cevinpl. \_ /
\\\\ \_/ / Little known facts... \ \_/ ////
\ / The full name of Los Angeles, \ /
\ _/ California is "El Pueblo de \_ /
/ / Nuestra Senora la Reina de los \ \
Angeles de Porciuncula."
\ / Death and taxes are inevitable; \ /
\ _/ at least death doesn't \_ /
/ / get worse every year. \ \
\ / It doesn't matter what \ /
\ _/ temperature a room is, \_ /
/ / it's always room temperature. \ \
\ / WWWDWOA? \ /
\ _/ (What would we do \_ /
/ / without acronyms?) \ \
_ _______________________________ _
/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( \
/ / | tellswor@slonet.org | \ \
_( (_ | http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor | _) )_
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Etch-A-Sketch Tech Support<br />
<br />
Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has a distorted display. What should I do?<br />
A: Pick it up and shake it.<br />
<br />
Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has these funny little lines all over the screen.<br />
A: Pick it up and shake it.<br />
<br />
Q: How do I turn my Etch-A-Sketch off?<br />
A: Pick it up and shake it. Set it down.<br />
<br />
Q: My Etch-A-Sketch has lines that prevent me from doing my art project.<br />
A: Pick it up and shake it.<br />
<br />
Q: How do I delete a document from my Etch-A-Sketch?<br />
A: Pick it up and shake it.<br />
<br />
Q: How do I keep from losing my Etch-A-Sketch document?<br />
A: Stop shaking it.<br />
<br />
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
The Biggest Lies in the World<br />
<br />
* I promise to pay you back on my next paycheck.<br />
<br />
* You made it yourself? I never would have guessed.<br />
<br />
* Your hair looks just fine.<br />
<br />
* Go ahead and tell me; I won't tell another soul.<br />
<br />
* The doctor will call you right back.<br />
<br />
* Your baby is just beautiful.<br />
<br />
* I gave at the office.<br />
<br />
* Put the map away. I know where we are.<br />
<br />
* Having a great time. Wish you were here.<br />
<br />
Received from Andychap.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
The Pig<br />
<br />
A man was driving down the road in the country. He looked over and saw a baby pig in the field. He stopped and picked up the pig.<br />
<br />
He was driving around town with the pig in the car and a cop sees him and pulls him over. Cop says "Hey! What are you doing with that pig in the car?"<br />
<br />
The driver says, "Well, I just found the pig beside the road in the field."<br />
<br />
The cop says, "I want you to take that pig to the zoo!" The driver agrees he will take the pig to the zoo.<br />
<br />
So the next day the cop sees the guy driving around again and pulls him over. "What are you doing? I thought I told you to take that pig to the zoo!"<br />
<br />
"Well I did take the pig to the zoo. We had such a good time we are going to the ball game now."<br />
<br />
Received from ArcaMax Jokes.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Tender, Loving Care<br />
<br />
Diagnosing my problem as water on the knee, the doctor prescribed complete bed rest. When we got home, my husband set me up in a lounge chair and brought my knitting and some books.<br />
<br />
As he packed ice around my knee, he said, "Now, honey, I don't want you to move until it's time to get dinner ready."<br />
<br />
Received from Leonard Olds.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
The Other Side<br />
<br />
A hiker stopped at the bank of a fast-flowing river. Spying a simple fellow standing on the opposite bank, he yelled to him, "How do I get to the other side?"<br />
<br />
The simpleton scratched his head. He looked up the river. He looked down the river. Then he yelled back to the hiker, "You're already ON the other side!"<br />
<br />
Received from Matt Clarke.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
A Complete Search<br />
<br />
A Scotchman with the romantic name of Bruce Wallace made history at London's famous Scotland Yard shortly before the war. He actually demanded an interview with the head of the Yard to report that he had lost a shilling on Old Bond Street and that he had been unable to find it.<br />
<br />
The Scotland Yard official fell into the spirit of the occasion and assured him that the entire London Police Force would be put on the job.<br />
<br />
That night, as fate would have it, something went wrong with one of the gas pipes under Old Bond Street and fifty workmen were dispatched to locate the source of the trouble. They dug a ditch six feet wide straight across Old Bond Street, stopping traffic completely, of course, and exposing all the underground pipes to the open air.<br />
<br />
Early in the morning, the bereaved Scotchman appeared on the scene, took one look at the repair work in progress, and shook his head with reluctant approval. "I must say one thing for the rascals," he admitted. "They're thorough."<br />
<br />
From Laughing Stock, Edited by Bennett Cerf, Grosset and Dunlap, NY, 1945.<br />
<br />
Received from Thorn Shunt.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Punny Thoughts<br />
<br />
I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.<br />
<br />
I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.<br />
<br />
What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing - but it let out a little whine.<br />
<br />
The primary responsibility for a child's education is apparent.<br />
<br />
For plumbers, a flush beats a full house.<br />
<br />
The best way to communicate with a fish is to drop it a line.<br />
<br />
Her company distributes gift-boxed cashews, and she has a delivery guy that drives her nuts.<br />
<br />
Received from Milton Freund.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Previous Employment<br />
<br />
I work in a personnel office with the government in Washington, DC, reviewing applications for federal employment.<br />
<br />
The standard form includes the question, "Why did you leave your previous employment?"<br />
<br />
One applicant, a former U.S. Congressman, responded, "The express wish of 116,000 voters."<br />
<br />
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Religious Horse<br />
<br />
It's 3:00 p.m. on a hot summer day in the middle of farm territory. A businessman is driving home from a vacation, racing back because he has an important meeting with his boss scheduled for the next day, when the car suddenly seized. It's been at least a half hour since he passed the last town, and he has about 100 miles to go before reaching home.<br />
<br />
He hasn't seen a car for quite some time, not since that town, anyway; so he decides to continue on foot down the highway in an effort to find a place where he could use a telephone.<br />
<br />
He sees no indication of civilization for two hours; then, appearing on the left side of the road is a sign next to an unpaved driveway. He reads as he walks to the sign: HORSE FOR SALE $35. So he walks up the driveway another two miles before finding a farmhouse.<br />
<br />
A knock on the front door is answered by a woman in her 30s.<br />
<br />
"Hello, ma'am. My car broke down a few miles down the highway. May I use your telephone to make arrangements to fix it and go back home? I need to be at an important meeting tomorrow."<br />
<br />
"I'm sorry, sir. We don't have a telephone here; in fact, there are no telephone lines at all in this area."<br />
<br />
"Sorry to hear that. What's this about a horse you have for sale?"<br />
<br />
"It's true, we do. Good-looking, strong horse, in fact. Would you like to take a look at him?"<br />
<br />
"Sure," the businessman said.<br />
<br />
In the stable is an alert yet placid horse, his eyes showing plenty of life. The horse shows no fear or aggression toward the stranger.<br />
<br />
"He looks healthy and seems pleasant enough. But only $35 -- what's wrong with him?" asks the man.<br />
<br />
"Nothing wrong at all. He's in the prime of his life; but he's my father's horse, and Dad's getting up there in years and can't take care of it anymore, and since I have my hands full with everything else here, we need to sell the horse to someone who appreciates it."<br />
<br />
"I see. Anything else?"<br />
<br />
"Wellllll, my father is a very religious person; so he trained him to obey just two commands. If you want the horse to go anywhere, you say, 'Praise the Lord,' and if you want him to stop, you say, 'Amen.' Other than that, he's a perfectly normal horse."<br />
<br />
"OK, you sold a horse," the businessman says to the woman, thinking that he'd be home in a few hours before calling the tow company to get the car -- he could then sell the horse for a huge profit!<br />
<br />
After paying the $35, he mounts the horse and commands, "Praise the Lord!" The horse trots across an expansive grassland at a leisurely pace.<br />
<br />
The man thinks to himself, "This is nice, but too slow. Let's see..." and commands again, "Praise the Lord!"<br />
<br />
Now the horse is going at a trot, still going across the grassland as the sun begins to set. "One more time -- PRAISE THE LORD!!"<br />
<br />
The horse is going at a full gallop, hurtling over four-foot-high fences and running full speed toward a wide, deep ravine.<br />
<br />
As the man sees what's ahead of him, he panics and forgets the command! So he starts saying everything he could think of as the horse continues running and hurtling toward possible doom. When he runs out of ideas, he starts saying a prayer in desperation: "Our Father..."<br />
<br />
The horse and panicked rider continue their flight toward the cliff. Three hundred yards, two hundred yards, one hundred yards, fifty... when he finished the prayer, "AMEN!"<br />
<br />
The horse slides to a stop, his front hooves less than ten feet from the ravine. The businessman wipes his brow, collapses, and heaves a huge sigh of relief.<br />
<br />
"PRAISE THE LORD!"<br />
<br />
Received from Big Mac Clean Joke Attack.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
New Teeth<br />
<br />
Did you hear about the guy who went to the dentist to get new dentures?<br />
<br />
His insurance was denied and he only had a dollar on him... so he wound up with buck teeth.<br />
<br />
Received from ArcaMax Jokes.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Simple as 1, 2 and 4<br />
<br />
At a high school, a group of students played a prank: they let three goats loose inside the school.<br />
<br />
But before turning them loose, they painted numbers on the sides of the goats: 1, 2, and 4.<br />
<br />
School administrators spent most of the day looking for No. 3.<br />
<br />
Received from TwoTimesAr.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Potato Family<br />
<br />
One night, the Potato family sat down to dinner - Mother Potato and her three daughters. Midway through the meal, the eldest daughter spoke up. "Mother Potato?" she said. "I have an announcement to make."<br />
<br />
"And what might that be?" asked Mother, seeing the obvious excitement in her eldest daughter's eyes.<br />
<br />
"Well," replied the daughter, with a proud but sheepish grin, "I'm getting married!"<br />
<br />
The other daughters squealed with surprise as Mother Potato exclaimed, "Married! That's wonderful! And who are you marrying, eldest daughter?"<br />
<br />
"I'm marrying a Russet!"<br />
<br />
"A Russet!" replied Mother Potato with pride. "Oh, a Russet is a fine tater, a fine tater indeed!"<br />
<br />
As the family shared in the eldest daughter's joy, the middle daughter spoke up. "Mother? I, too, have an announcement."<br />
<br />
"And what might that be?" encouraged Mother Potato.<br />
<br />
Not knowing quite how to begin, the middle daughter paused, then said with conviction, "I, too, am getting married!"<br />
<br />
"You, too!" Mother Potato said with joy. "That's wonderful! Twice the good news in one evening! And who are you marrying, middle daughter?"<br />
<br />
"I'm marrying an Idaho!" beamed the middle daughter.<br />
<br />
"An Idaho!" said Mother Potato with joy. "Oh, an Idaho is a fine tater, a fine tater indeed!"<br />
<br />
Once again, the room came alive with laughter and excited plan for the future, when the youngest Potato daughter interrupted. "Mother? Mother Potato? Um, I, too, have an announcement to make."<br />
<br />
"Yes?" said Mother Potato with great anticipation.<br />
<br />
"Well," began the youngest Potato daughter with the same sheepish grin as her eldest sister before her, "I hope this doesn't come as a shock to you, but I am getting married, as well!"<br />
<br />
"Really?" said Mother Potato with sincere excitement. "All of my lovely daughters married! What wonderful news! And who, pray tell, are you marrying, youngest daughter?"<br />
<br />
"I'm marrying Dan Rather!"<br />
<br />
"DAN RATHER?" Mother Potato scowled suddenly. "But he's just a common tater!"<br />
<br />
Received from ArcaMax Jokes.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Price Reduction<br />
<br />
Our minister announced that admission to a church social event would be six dollars per person. "However, if you're over 65," he said, " the price will be only $5.50."<br />
<br />
From the back of the congregation, a woman's voice rang out, "Do you really think I'd give you that information for only 50 cents?"<br />
<br />
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Vasectomy<br />
<br />
One day, after a man had his annual physical, the doctor came out and said, "You had a great check-up. Is there anything that you'd like to talk about or ask me?"<br />
<br />
"Well," he said, "I was thinking about getting a vasectomy."<br />
<br />
"That's a big decision! Have you talked it over with your family?"<br />
<br />
"Yeah, we took a vote... and they're in favor of it 15 to 2."<br />
<br />
Received from Leonard Olds.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Preacher and Cab Driver<br />
<br />
A preacher dies, and when he gets to heaven, he sees a New York cab driver who has more crowns. He says to an angel, "I don't get it. I devoted my whole life to my congregation."<br />
<br />
The angel says, "We reward results. Did your congregation always pay attention when you gave a sermon?"<br />
<br />
The preacher says, "Once in a while someone fell asleep."<br />
<br />
The angel says, "Right. And when people rode in this guy's taxi, they not only stayed awake, but they usually prayed!"<br />
<br />
Received from ArcaMax Jokes.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
(Terrible) Excuses Why Men Forget a Gift on Valentine's Day<br />
<br />
10. The florist couldn't find your house. Did you move?<br />
<br />
9. I sent a candy gram. Someone must have eaten it.<br />
<br />
8. The Hallmark store was closed, and I didn't want to send less than the best.<br />
<br />
7. I sent an e-mail card. You never got it? AOL must have messed up again!<br />
<br />
6. I left a voice message to meet me for dinner. Where were you?<br />
<br />
5. I didn't know you liked jewelry.<br />
<br />
4. I thought Saint Valentine's Day was a Catholic holy day.<br />
<br />
3. Your mailman must have been shot in a post office massacre.<br />
<br />
2. I thought we would do something different this year.<br />
<br />
1. I thought it would mean I was making a commitment.<br />
<br />
And The Plus One Excuse:<br />
<br />
+ 1. You didn't remind me.<br />
<br />
Received from FranCMT2.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Rate this funny at http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20120420<br />
<br />
Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a) Mail address: GCFL, Box 100, Harvest, AL 35749, USA<br />
<br />
To print or email this funny to others, go to<br />
http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20120420<br />
<br />
The latest GCFL funny can always be found on the web at http://www.gcfl.net/latest.php<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Column - - http://www.madkane.com/humor_blog/<br />
<br />
A Fungus You can Grow To Like (Limerick)<br />
July 19th, 2013<br />
<br />
According to a new study by Dr. David Johnson at the University of Aberdeen, plants communicate to each other through soil.<br />
<br />
The study shows that when vegetables are infected with certain diseases, they alert other nearby plants to activate genes to ward off the disease when it heads their way. The key to this communication is a soil fungus that acts as a messenger.<br />
<br />
Needless to say, plant-fungus symbiosis inspired this limerick:<br />
<br />
A Fungus You can Grow To Like (Limerick)<br />
By Madeleine Begun Kane<br />
<br />
Plants talk to each other through dirt:<br />
“You’re in danger!” through fungi, they blurt.<br />
“Use your genes to resist<br />
A disease in your midst,<br />
And render this danger inert.”<br />
<br />
© Madeleine Begun Kane. All Rights Reserved.<br />
http://www.madkane.com/<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." __ Franklin D. Roosevelt <br />
"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle." <br />
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. _ _ George Carlin <br />
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" _ _ Queen E. Watson<br />
“A political class of Republicans and Democrats that look after themselves, not the Nation. A media hostile to the very precepts of this nation. A generation of Americans who see morals as vices, and are ignorant of America's Actual History.”<br />
"The things that will destroy America are prosperity-at-any-price, peace-at-any-price, safety-first instead of duty-first, the love of soft living, and the get-rich-quick theory of life." - - Theodore Roosevelt <br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> <br />
Emergency Phone Number 911 <br />
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )<br />
Central Dispatch 234_5655<br />
(Non _ Emergency Number)<br />
Direct Numbers<br />
Ambulance _ 234_7371 (24 Hour)<br />
Jail _ 234_5331 (24 Hour)<br />
Poison Control _ 800_222_1222 (24 Hour)<br />
http://www. aapcc. org/<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Interested in getting in touch with the Banner_News through e_mail? editor@bannernews.net For the editor, news@bannernews.net For news and sports items, Coming Events, Diary, Church News, school and civic events. [http://www.bannernews.net/]<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." __ "Bug" <br />
"I read the end of the book. We win!" __ "Bug" <br />
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." __ "Bug"<br />
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." _ _ "Bug"<br />
"It's no big deal doing what God tells you to do. A big deal would be NOT doing what God tells you to do. Just ask Jonah." _ _ Paul Troquille <br />
“Nam et ipsa scientia potestas est.” Knowledge is power. _ Francis Bacon <br />
"The problem is here and now. The time for talk is past. The time for action is now." <br />
Comments on the first Earth Day _ James F. McClellan via John "Fuzzy" Thurman<br />
~~~~~<br />
Hope you enjoy the newsletter. <br />
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week. <br />
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" __"Bug" <br />
God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!! <br />
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT_I KC5HII <br />
<br />
P. S. If you'd like to be added to the distribution, just drop us E_mail at kc5hii@suddenlink.net<br />
. We offer "Da Bleat" as text, a "Blog" and as a newsletter with pictures in Word and PDF format. The latest issue is usually updated sometime Saturday. For the latest issue, go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com. We also have a site [http://bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com/] where we post photos that I like.<br />
We appreciate your encouragement. We also appreciate your communication when you desire to be taken off our mail list. If you are on this mail list by mistake or do not wish to receive "Da Bleat," please reply back and tell us to discontinue service to you. <br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>Bughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07270965849194883997noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9136923892168334329.post-26304245290766687402013-07-13T02:00:00.001-07:002013-07-13T02:00:53.576-07:00Bug's Bleat - - GCF: Term Paper <a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-6ymbfiYxLw8/UeEVpwlVLPI/AAAAAAAAG6I/QUBsz5R_NHs/s1600/04-2013-07-06_11-21-25_444.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-6ymbfiYxLw8/UeEVpwlVLPI/AAAAAAAAG6I/QUBsz5R_NHs/s320/04-2013-07-06_11-21-25_444.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
Some of Annette's "Backyard" posies<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-z99I7WxaUVs/UeEVqPU04fI/AAAAAAAAG6M/iNPYNUmwczA/s1600/05-2013-07-08_13-32-25_114.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-z99I7WxaUVs/UeEVqPU04fI/AAAAAAAAG6M/iNPYNUmwczA/s320/05-2013-07-08_13-32-25_114.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
Da Boys helping put up our neighbors trash cans<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-91a2kTwDwC8/UeEVqJZH6EI/AAAAAAAAG6Q/PHkYKiKu8z4/s1600/10-2013-07-08_15-33-02_49.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-91a2kTwDwC8/UeEVqJZH6EI/AAAAAAAAG6Q/PHkYKiKu8z4/s320/10-2013-07-08_15-33-02_49.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
Ethan with "play" tattoos and a strawberry sundae<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-L92fhRnSswg/UeEWmIsRJFI/AAAAAAAAG6k/-0tTMTLHIe0/s1600/02-2013-07-05_18-42-33_1.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-L92fhRnSswg/UeEWmIsRJFI/AAAAAAAAG6k/-0tTMTLHIe0/s320/02-2013-07-05_18-42-33_1.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
Annette enjoying her new lawn furniture<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-a29ravoylH8/UeEWmqMbdJI/AAAAAAAAG6s/qgQnw0JwQnE/s1600/09-2013-07-08_14-07-22_457.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-a29ravoylH8/UeEWmqMbdJI/AAAAAAAAG6s/qgQnw0JwQnE/s320/09-2013-07-08_14-07-22_457.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
Josiah "Chillin"<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-YBXVQVNk-Q0/UeEWmS40o1I/AAAAAAAAG6o/SKeI9eyWejQ/s1600/11-2013-07-09_12-53-23_229.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-YBXVQVNk-Q0/UeEWmS40o1I/AAAAAAAAG6o/SKeI9eyWejQ/s320/11-2013-07-09_12-53-23_229.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
our neighbors posies<br />
<br />
<br />
Volume 15, Issue 27 Friday, July 12, 2013<br />
<br />
Hello ALL,<br />
<br />
The “Incredible Wife Of My Youth” is a never ending fount of surprise. Thursday morning, I was eating breakfast while Annette did her “Walk About” (as she refers to her daily patrol of the neighborhood, picking up trash and debris in the yards, checking on the plants and trees and generally looking after our friends.) Suddenly, I saw Annette running through the yard, toward the front door.<br />
<br />
She burst into the house and shouted; “Is there water in the frig?” “No.” I replied. She ran past me and out the back door, returning momentarily with a bottle of water from storage in the garage. <br />
<br />
She again ran past me and got to the front door just as the mailman stepped up on the porch. She exchanged the bottle of water for our mail and he thanked her profusely, declaring; “You’re a life saver.”<br />
<br />
When she stepped back into the house, I gave her a questioning look and she told me; “I heard him coughing like he had something caught in his throat while he was putting the mail in our neighbor’s box. So I got him some water.” She said this as if I should have known what was happening without asking. <br />
~~~~~<br />
“A new species, Robo sapiens, are emerging,” one robots industry leader said.<br />
<br />
Wednesday, the navy successfully landed a drone fighter on the deck of an aircraft carrier for the first time. We are officially in the future of unmanned warfare. Up till now, drones required an air base on land to function. Now, they are shown to be able to attack from any ocean, expanding our coverage of drones hugely. <br />
~<br />
But the Navy isn’t just using Robots to fly. In a race against one another and the clock, robotic boats are battling it out at the 6th International RoboBoat Competition, which began 8 July and ends 14 July. The Office of Naval Research (ONR)-co-sponsored competition takes place on a pond at the Founder’s Inn and Spa in Virginia Beach, Virginia. The event features fifteen student teams racing their custom-designed and built boats.<br />
<br />
http://www.homelandsecuritynewswire.com/dr20130711-student-teams-compete-in-u-s-navy-s-roboboat-competition<br />
~<br />
Not to hold artificial intelligence to drone aircraft and ships, a Pentagon-financed humanoid robot named Atlas made its debut Thursday in Boston, where it was displayed publicly for the first time. Atlas is hydraulically powered, has stereo and laser vision systems, and dexterous hands. Made of aluminum and titanium and weighing 330 pounds, the robot will be able to learn until it has the approximate human functioning of a 2-year-old child. The robotics firm working on it says it could replace human rescuers in various hazardous disaster zones like the wildfire in Arizona that killed 19 firefighters. <br />
<br />
http://www.thedailybeast.com/cheats/2013/07/12/humanoid-robot-debuts.html?utm_medium=email&utm_source=newsletter&utm_campaign=cheatsheet_morning&cid=newsletter%3Bemail%3Bcheatsheet_morning&utm_term=Cheat%20Sheet<br />
~<br />
Anybody remember HAL? [http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0062622/?ref_=ttqt_qt_tt]<br />
~<br />
HAL: I am putting myself to the fullest possible use, which is all I think that any conscious entity can ever hope to do. <br />
<br />
[on Dave's return to the ship, after HAL has killed the rest of the crew]<br />
<br />
HAL: I know I've made some very poor decisions recently, but I can give you my complete assurance that my work will be back to normal. I've still got the greatest enthusiasm and confidence in the mission. And I want to help you.<br />
~<br />
Someday, I need to discuss my opinion of total reliance on programming and CPUs to protect a system against failure. Too many times the question; “What if ____ happens?” is answered by; “____’s protected by a failsafe computer system.” Or “_____ would be prevented by the programming.”<br />
~~~~~<br />
While we’re on the subject of misunderstood systems, I noticed today that Exxon concluded that the “Root Cause of a 150,000 gallon crude oil spill in Mayflower, AR was a manufacturing defect in the pipeline (specifically hook cracks near a seam.)”<br />
Hummm …<br />
So the “Root Cause” was that the pipe was incorrectly built and it WASN’T that the pipeline owner failed to properly inspect and certify the initial construction, much less failed to perform proper routine inspections and preventive maintenance? <br />
~~~~~<br />
Speaking of the government and how it helps or hurts us … The Plundering of NASA: an Exposé <br />
R.D. Boozer <br />
Available via kindle copy & Paperback. ASIN: B00CQQ3MQK<br />
<br />
At last, here is a book peering behind the veil of Congressional politics which force NASA to do the bidding of regional interests that cripple the nation’s capabilities in both exploring outer space and exploiting its enormous economic potential.<br />
<br />
America stopped doing ambitious human space exploration missions four decades ago. The general press and technical publications have yet to adequately publicize the political causes behind the lack of great spaceflight accomplishments that everyone once expected would occur by the Twenty-First Century.<br />
<br />
Presenting the opinions of astronauts, prominent “rocket scientists” and space policy analysts while also revealing unpublicized studies conducted by NASA, industry and universities, The Plundering of NASA: An Exposé combines into one book many of the facts the major media have either ignored or not discovered. Expert sources explain modern and economically practical solutions that can allow NASA to exceed its former Apollo glory within its current budget. In short, the book relates how honest misconceptions, greed, and an outdated faction within NASA itself cause our nation to get less for its space agency tax dollars than it could and should.<br />
~~~~~<br />
Rasmussen Reports<br />
<br />
56% Favor Delaying Individual Health Care Mandate, 26% Opposed <br />
Now that President Obama has delayed implementation of the employer mandate portion of his new national health care law, most voters think he also should delay the requirement that every American buy or obtain health insurance. <br />
<br />
Daily Presidential Tracking Poll: 48% Approve of Obama's Job Performance <br />
~<br />
Americans Want to Exercise Their Rights – Reasonably -- -- A Commentary By Scott Rasmussen<br />
<br />
As Americans, we tend to believe we have the right to do whatever we want, so long as it doesn't interfere with the rights of others. But sometimes the lines get a little blurry.<br />
<br />
For example, what happens if the owner of a bar in a college town wants to avoid some of the problems that come with college drinking? Should the bar owner be allowed to set a rule so that only those 25 and older are allowed in his bar? Or since 21-year-olds can legally drink, should the bar owner be forced to admit anyone who is 21 and older?<br />
<br />
Just over half (53 percent) of all Americans say the bar owner should be allowed to set a 25-year-old age limit. About one out of three disagree.<br />
<br />
This is consistent with a longstanding tradition in America that the owner of a house gets to write the house rules. It builds upon an old English attitude embraced in common law that a man's home is his castle.<br />
<br />
The same public attitudes prevail in a situation where the owner of a Brooklyn deli requires that its patrons dress modestly. Sixty-eight percent believe the owner has the right to impose such a rule, but New York City officials disagree. The owners are Orthodox Jews, and the city views their action as religious discrimination.<br />
<br />
Most Americans also think it's OK for real estate developers to restrict some properties to people 55 and above or to let bars offer half-price drinks to women during happy hour.<br />
<br />
Shifting gears, some colleges have rules requiring that leadership in campus organizations be open to anyone. But by a 2-to-1 margin, Americans disagree. A solid majority believes Christian campus organizations should be allowed to select only Christian leaders. A similar number believe that gay and lesbian groups should be allowed to select only leaders who support equal rights for gay and lesbian Americans.<br />
<br />
That sounds like common sense, but it's been the source of legal action in recent years.<br />
<br />
That's because in the cases mentioned, somebody's rights are technically being violated by the decisions of someone else. A 54-year-old who wants to buy a home in a restricted development is denied the opportunity. Those who don't want to dress modestly are denied the chance to patronize a deli. An atheist who wants to lead a Christian organization is banned from doing so.<br />
<br />
There are some who believe that the rights of the consumer must triumph absolutely over the rights of the business owner. The American Civil Liberties Union holds this view. It believes that if you open your doors to serve the public in any way, you forfeit all right to set terms and conditions on whom you will serve.<br />
<br />
There are others who hold that if someone owns a business, they can do whatever they want. While this sounds right to most Americans, it can lead to problems if carried to an extreme. Hardly anybody, for example, believes that a restaurant should be allowed to deny service to someone simply because they are black.<br />
<br />
At the end of the day, most Americans don't believe that either consumers or business owners have absolute rights. They believe business owners can establish reasonable restrictions on whom they will serve, and consumers always have the right to take their business elsewhere.<br />
<br />
To find out more about Scott Rasmussen, and read features by other Creators writers and cartoonists, visit www.creators.com.<br />
<br />
COPYRIGHT 2013 - - SCOTT RASMUSSEN - - DISTRIBUTED BY CREATORS.COM<br />
<br />
See Other Political Commentaries. http://www.rasmussenreports.com/public_content/political_commentary<br />
<br />
See Other Commentaries by Scott Rasmussen. http://www.rasmussenreports.com/public_content/political_commentary/commentary_by_scott_rasmussen <br />
~~~~~ <br />
Jeanne Robertson "Don't go to Vegas without a Baptist” is worth watching. [http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DWsuSRinUnIg&h=oAQHCJkxi&s=1]<br />
<br />
Thanks to Joe Mullins.<br />
~~~~~<br />
Three violin manufactures have all done business for years on the same block in the small town of Cremona, Italy. After years of peaceful co-existence, the Amati family decided to put a sign in their shop window saying: "We make the best violins in Italy."<br />
<br />
The Guarneri family soon followed suit and put a sign in their window proclaiming: "We make the best violins in the world."<br />
<br />
Finally, the Stradivarius family put a sign out at their shop saying: "We make the best violins on the block."<br />
<br />
Received from Doc's Daily Chuckle.<br />
~~~~~<br />
EarthSky News - - July 12, 2013 - Another Supermoon<br />
[http://earthsky.org/?utm_source=EarthSky+News&utm_campaign=c371672252-EarthSky_News&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_c643945d79-c371672252-393703501]<br />
<br />
Another supermoon coming up on July 22. It's the third full supermoon this year.<br />
[http://earthsky.org/tonight/supermoon-perigee-full-moon-july-22-2013?utm_source=EarthSky+News&utm_campaign=c371672252-EarthSky_News&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_c643945d79-c371672252-393703501]<br />
<br />
<br />
Washing your hair in space: Video: Astronaut Karen Nyberg – currently aboard the International Space Station – demonstrates.<br />
[http://earthsky.org/space/video-washing-your-hair-in-space?utm_source=EarthSky+News&utm_campaign=c371672252-EarthSky_News&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_c643945d79-c371672252-393703501]<br />
~~~~~<br />
dLife Foodstuff - - Diabetes Drug Dilemmas<br />
<br />
Weighing Diabetes Drugs - - Risk and Benefits<br />
By Ilene Raymond Rush<br />
<br />
June 2013 — I've written before about how I find type 2 diabetes the ultimate DIY, or do it yourself, disease.<br />
<br />
While most of us visit an endo every few months to check our weight, blood pressure, heart, and A1C readings, the hard work of taking care of diabetes really falls on daily care as you monitor sugars, take your medications, exercise, watch your carb and calorie intake, and stay alert to the latest diabetes news.<br />
<br />
[http://www.dlife.com/diabetes/oral_medications/ilene_rush/weighing_diabetes_drugs?utm_source=Update-20130712&utm_medium=eNewsletter&utm_content=Update-newsletter&utm_campaign=dLife-eNewsletter&]<br />
~~~~~<br />
BTW - - Although Juice Plus claims its products' efficacy is backed by research, critics have argued that there is no scientific proof that Juice Plus offers significant health benefits and that deceptive claims are used in the product's marketing information. Some marketing claims made about Juice Plus products have been disputed by consumer watchdog organizations and governmental agencies as misleading <br />
<br />
Sloan-Kettering Cancer Clinic referred to Juice Plus as a “pricey supplement” that is “distributed through a multi-tiered marketing scheme with exaggerated value and cost."<br />
~~~~~<br />
Favorite Quotes: <br />
<br />
"Words are timeless. You should utter them or write them with a knowledge of their timelessness." - Kahlil Gibran<br />
<br />
Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty. Anyone who keeps learning stays young. The greatest thing in life is to keep our mind young. ~ Henry Ford<br />
<br />
I used to wonder what it would be like to read other people's minds. Then I got a Face book account and I got over it. <br />
It is truly a decadent society when those with the most are those complaining the most.<br />
~~~~~<br />
The following wisdom is shared by our friends. <br />
~ <br />
Nancee Davis Law<br />
<br />
God never says "oops, didn't see that coming"<br />
<br />
God has transformed you into a new person. Live like it.<br />
<br />
The only limitations that we face in the pursuit of our goals are the ones that we place upon ourselves.<br />
<br />
another scorcher day but when I start to complain, I remember all those deployed uniformed military sporting all their necessary equipment in heat hotter than here.<br />
<br />
When you hear the birds singing or animals making their natural sounds throughout the day remember the scripture, Let everything that has breath Praise the Lord. I like to think that's what they are doing.<br />
<br />
I may have to rise but not sure about the shine part this early<br />
<br />
You can't wait until everything becomes better before you decide to have a good attitude. be the best you can be right where you are<br />
<br />
my job is like a box of chocolates...you never know what you gonna have from one day to the next. Lol<br />
<br />
No Weapon Formed Against me Shall Prosper!<br />
<br />
Being a mother means that your heart is no longer yours, it wanders wherever your children do<br />
~<br />
Robert Lyons<br />
<br />
"The First Amendment (Amendment I) to the United States Constitution prohibits the making of any law respecting an establishment of religion, impeding the free exercise of religion, abridging the freedom of speech, infringing on the freedom of the press, interfering with the right to peaceably assemble or prohibiting the petitioning for a governmental redress of grievances." I would say that a sort of "politically correct mob rule" is about to toss this amendment out the door. What happened to the saying that I will defend your right to say things that I don't agree with? We as a nation are on a dangerous precipice and most don't realize the danger.<br />
~<br />
Jimmy Malone<br />
<br />
Going to record The Mission Minute! It comes on at noon Mon-Fri FM 99.1 magnoliaradio.com <br />
~<br />
Norma Kay Rowe<br />
<br />
Beth Moore will be in Bossier City August 22-23 @Century Tel!!!! I want to go!!!!<br />
~~~~~<br />
1 John 3:18-20, Psa 14:1-2, Psa 17:6, Luke 10:40-42<br />
~~~~~<br />
AskBob - - Bob Rankin - - HOWTO: Clone Your Hard Drive <br />
<br />
To clone a hard drive means to make an exact copy of it. This is more than simply backing up data files; even hidden, protected operating system files are copied in a clone operation, and the exact position of every file on the original drive is preserved. Hard drive cloning (also called imaging) is useful for backup, disaster recovery, and other applications. <br />
[http://askbobrankin.com/howto_clone_your_hard_drive.html?awt_l=HZr.N&awt_m=IfhrMPXd78P6SL]<br />
~~~~~<br />
ACC SmartBrief - - The U.S. needs to support industry's growing energy advantage. Cheap shale natural gas production, compared with energy costs overseas, is a significant advantage for the U.S. chemical sector, said AC&S CEO Dean Cordle, who spoke at a House hearing last month. "We use energy inputs, mainly natural gas and natural gas liquids, as both our major fuel source and raw material, or feedstock," Cordle said. "U.S. crackers are producing ethylene for less than $400/ton compared to about $1,000/ton in Europe and even more in Asia," he added. Oil & Gas Journal (7/8) [http://www.ogj.com/articles/print/volume-111/issue-7a/general-interest/more-steps-needed-to-improve-us-energy.html]<br />
~~~~~<br />
DarynKagan.com - - http://darynkagan.com/Love_Stories.html<br />
<br />
Actor Zach Braff Helps Musician Propose--One of Sweetest Proposals Ever!<br />
<br />
How could she say anything but yes?<br />
Musician Matt Hulbert enlisted some A-list help to propose to his girlfriend Janice.<br />
In what appears to be an office, Hulbert asks Janice to push play on a computer – and that's when she gets a big surprise.<br />
That's when actor Zach Braff pops up on the screen on the screen and he's jamming out to Hulbert's song about how he's a regular guy and not a rock star.<br />
I just love this video!<br />
You can read more about this sweet proposal here.<br />
<br />
[http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20716090,00.html?xid=rss-topheadlines&utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed:+people/headlines+%28PEOPLE.com:+Top+Headlines%29]<br />
~~~~~<br />
5 Things New Veterans Expect From All Political Candidates<br />
<br />
<br />
1. Defend the New GI Bill<br />
<br />
2. Employ the New Greatest Generation<br />
<br />
3. Prevent suicide among troops and veterans<br />
<br />
4. Build a truly 21st Century VA<br />
<br />
5. Improve Care for Female Veterans<br />
<br />
<br />
http://iava.org/blog/5-things-new-veterans-expect-all-candidates-2012<br />
~~~~~ <br />
The latest from Michael Yon, the foremost “milnews” blogger on the web. <br />
~<br />
Greetings, <br />
<br />
Freelancing and Independence are two different things<br />
<br />
No species of reporter is as threatened as the independent war reporter, whom everyone wants at a dinner party, but nobody wants to pay. What will become of journalism, if misogyny and competition puts an end to good freelance war reporting?<br />
<br />
http://live.huffingtonpost.com/r/segment/war-reporters-on-the-brink-of-extinction/51ddbf9efe3444715c000255<br />
<br />
Very Respectfully,<br />
Michael Yon<br />
Your Writer, <br />
<br />
Please remember that this website accepts no advertisement and is dependent on your support. <br />
<br />
PS Please sign up for my Twitter.com updates at "Michael_Yon" [http://twitter.com/Michael_Yon] (not Michael Yon).<br />
<br />
http://www.facebook.com/#/MichaelYonFanPage?ref=sgm<br />
~<br />
www.michaelyon-online.com<br />
~<br />
Http://www.michaelyon_online.com/index.php<br />
~~~~~ <br />
If you would like to encourage US Troops overseas, but are not sure just how to begin, visit www.anysoldier.com for ideas. <br />
~~~~~ <br />
Please remember ... America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the MALL.<br />
~~~~~<br />
http://www.shelfari.com<br />
http://www.shelfari.com/bugsbleat/shelf <br />
~~~~~<br />
<br />
For the latest issue of "Da Bleat.", go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com. <br />
Our photos are posted at http://www.bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com.<br />
~~~~~<br />
Photos on the front of this week’s “Bleat” include - - Some of Annette's "Backyard" posies, Da Boys helping put up our neighbors trash cans, Ethan with "play" tattoos and a strawberry sundae, our neighbors posies, Josiah "Chillin", and ... Annette enjoying her new lawn furniture.<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it. <br />
~~~~~<br />
Break Point - - Lifted by Angels<br />
Understanding the Agents of God<br />
By: John Stonestreet<br />
<br />
What do you know about angels? I mean real angels, not the type our popular culture likes to imagine. <br />
<br />
Nearly seven in ten Americans believe in angels, while almost half believe they have their own guardian angel. And one in three say they have felt an angelic presence some time in their life. But before we break out the champagne and celebrate our culture’s return to a more spiritual worldview, let’s consider the fact that much of what we know—or think we know—about angels is probably wrong.<br />
<br />
Most Americans get their information about celestial spirits from movies and TV rather than from the Bible; we learn more from Michael Landon than from Ezekiel; more from Victoria’s Secret than from Revelation.<br />
<br />
Well, these popular descriptions of angels are nothing like the awe-inspiring reality. And if you’re interested in the real thing, I highly recommend the new book “Lifted by Angels: The Presence and Power of Our Heavenly Guides and Guardians” by my friend Joel Miller.<br />
<br />
Miller did his research: He pored through the Bible, ancient Jewish literature, and an impressive array of writings of the early Church fathers. And Miller paints a gloriously comprehensive, and even surprising, portrait of these heavenly beings.<br />
<br />
My first surprise was realizing just how much Scripture is filled with angelic encounters. Sure, I know the texts, but I’ve got to admit that I haven’t been on the lookout for angels through the pages of the Bible. But Miller does a great job of opening our eyes to the presence of angels in Scripture—and in daily life.<br />
<br />
Here’s how Miller describes angels: “Scripture says they are like wind and fire, winged, and in some cases many-eyed. They are spirits. In the language of the church they are ‘the honorable bodiless powers of heaven.’” I like that!<br />
<br />
Miller continues: “Because they lack physicality like our own, they are described as incorporeal, rational, and noetic. Gregory Nazianzen called them ‘nimble intelligences’ . . . Sometimes the ancient writers spoke of them as fiery, as did Basil [the Great,] who identified their substance as ‘an ethereal spirit . . . an immaterial fire’ … The psalmist spoke of angels as winds and flames.”<br />
<br />
Yet Miller says believers actually have a lot in common with angels—at least the unfallen kind! Augustine thought we should consider them very much a part of our own world, even as our own neighbors.<br />
<br />
Though we do not normally see angels, they are nearer than we think, intensely interested in what is going on here on Earth, charged by the Lord with helping Christians when we’re tempted, when we face opposition to our faith, when we share the hope of the gospel, and—perhaps most encouragingly—when we die.<br />
<br />
Amazingly, “Lifted by Angels” makes clear that the Lord uses angels to bring our prayers before his throne (Rev 5:8 and 8:3-4) and to send us messages. Angels aid us in worship, protect us from dangers, and help us cultivate holiness in our lives. “Let us,” said John Chrysostom, “exemplify the life of angels, the virtue of angels, the conversation of angels.”<br />
<br />
And, yes, according to Miller and many of the Church fathers, we actually do have guardian angels. But Miller also warns against an unhealthy fixation on angels, knowing that they exist not to bring attention to themselves, but to God.<br />
<br />
Friends, we’ve recently talked about the fact that the devil is real, and that he’s an active agent of evil in God’s world. Part of being equipped as Christians is to take note of his schemes so we can pray with alertness, since he goes around like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.<br />
<br />
But shouldn’t we also take note of the fact that there are active agents of good, too, given by the Lord so that we can know and serve Him better? I think so, and that’s why “Lifted by Angels” by Joel Miller is a great summer read. Come to the online store at BreakPoint.org and we’ll tell you how to get one.<br />
<br />
And be sure to check out my recent conversation on BreakPoint This Week with Dr. Cornelius Plantinga and Joel Miller to discuss angels, demons and the unseen world. It’s a great show.<br />
Further Reading and Information<br />
<br />
BP-Takeaction_71213Lifted by Angels: Understanding the Agents of God - Next Steps<br />
<br />
Pick up a copy of Joel Miller’s Lifted By Angels. It is an informative read and will provide helpful insight and answers to questions you might have pertaining to angels.<br />
<br />
Another great resource is John Stonestreet’s discussion on angels, demons, and the unseen world with Joel Miller and Dr. Cornelius Plantinga on BreakPoint This Week.<br />
~<br />
Books:<br />
<br />
Lifted by Angels: The Presence and Power of Our Heavenly Guides and Guardians<br />
Joel Miller | Thomas Nelson Publishers | October 2012<br />
http://www.colsoncenterstore.org/product.asp?sku=9781400204229<br />
~<br />
Articles:<br />
<br />
Yes, Christians, There Is a Devil<br />
John Stonestreet | BreakPoint.org | June 4, 2013<br />
http://www.breakpoint.org/bpcommentaries/entry/13/22400<br />
<br />
Angels Among Us<br />
Nancy Gibbs | Time Magazine | December 27, 1993<br />
http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,979893-9,00.html#ixzz0gavW9pJj<br />
~<br />
Other Resources:<br />
<br />
The Unseen World<br />
John Stonestreet, Dr. Cornelius Plantinga, Joel Miller | BreakPoint This Week | June 7, 2013<br />
http://www.breakpoint.org/features-columns/discourse/entry/15/22460<br />
~<br />
Copyright © 2013 Colson Center. All Rights Reserved<br />
~~~~~ <br />
<br />
Residents of Columbia County, Arkansas are represented in Congress by:<br />
~<br />
<br />
Senator John Boozman (R_ AR) <br />
1 Russell Courtyard<br />
Washington DC, 20510<br />
Phone: 202-224-4843<br />
http://boozman.senate.gov/<br />
~<br />
Senator Mark Pryor (D_ AR) <br />
Phone 202_224_2353 <br />
FAX 202_228_0908 <br />
http://pryor.senate.gov/<br />
~<br />
Representative Tom Cotton (R ) <br />
Phone 202_225_3772 <br />
FAX 202_225_1314 <br />
http://cotton.house.gov/<br />
<br />
Other states congresspersons can be found at: [http://www.visi.com/juan/congress/]<br />
~~~~~<br />
THOUGHT OF THE DAY:<br />
<br />
"Beware the fury of a patient man." - John Dryden<br />
<br />
"Words are timeless. You should utter them or write them with a knowledge of their timelessness." - Kahlil Gibran<br />
<br />
"Divide and rule, a sound motto. Unite and lead, a better one." - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe<br />
<br />
"If money be not thy servant, it will be thy master. The covetous man cannot so properly be said to possess wealth, as that may be said to possess him." - Francis Bacon<br />
<br />
"One good teacher in a lifetime may sometimes change a delinquent into a solid citizen." - Philip Wylie<br />
<br />
"Humor is emotional chaos remembered in tranquility." - James Thurber<br />
<br />
"It is wise to keep in mind that neither success nor failure is ever final." - Roger Babson<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Breaking Christian News <br />
<br />
Malala's Bravery: "Taliban will not silence me"<br />
Aimee Herd (July 12, 2013)<br />
<br />
"This frail young girl who was seriously injured has become such a powerful symbol not just for the girls' right to education, but for the demand that we do something about it immediately." –UN Special Envoy for Global Education, Gordon Brown.<br />
<br />
Malala UN(New York, NY)—Marking her 16th birthday, Malala Yousafzai, the Pakistani teen who was shot by members of the Taliban last year and survived, addressed the United Nations on Friday.<br />
<br />
She told a UN Youth Assembly, "They thought that the bullet would silence us, but they failed."<br />
<br />
Malala, a student in Pakistan who had been known for speaking out for children and women's educational rights, was shot in the head by a Taliban member while she was in a vehicle on her way to school.<br />
<br />
Amazingly, after extensive surgery in the UK, she recovered; today was Malala's first public speech since the attack.<br />
<br />
Malala hospital Addressing the audience of young people from some 80 different countries, Malala said, "Today is for every woman, boy and girl raising their voice for human rights."<br />
<br />
The courageous young woman presented UN Secretary General Ban Ki Moon with a petition signed by 3 million people, calling for support from the UN for educational rights of children around the world.<br />
<br />
Click [https://secure.aworldatschool.org/page/s/stand-with-malala?source=20130708bravestgirltw&utm_medium=social&utm_source=twitter&utm_campaign=20130708bravestgirltw] to read the petition.<br />
<br />
Malala is also reportedly writing a book about her life and the attempt to end it a year ago by the Taliban.<br />
<br />
editor@breakingchristiannews.com <br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
<br />
GCF: Term Paper<br />
<br />
One of my classmates struggled to complete a major term paper on time. He had selected a topic that required considerable background research, and he was running out of time to present the results in a polished form.<br />
<br />
When he finally turned his paper in, past the deadline, it was diffuse and longer than the number of pages assigned.<br />
<br />
"Why did you write such a long paper?" asked the professor.<br />
<br />
"Because I didn't have enough time to write a short one," the student replied.<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
When the pastor of a conservative small-town congregation received the gift of a white suit from a friend, he was a bit reluctant to wear it. But since it was so attractive and a perfect fit, he decided to put it on one warm Sunday.<br />
<br />
As he was leaving for church, he asked his wife, "What do you think of this suit?"<br />
<br />
After giving him the once-over, she replied, "It depends. Are you going to preach or sell chicken?"<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
While I was working in the men's section of a department store, a woman asked me to help her choose a white dress shirt for her husband.<br />
<br />
When I asked about his size, the woman looked stumped at first, then her face brightened. She held up her hands, forming a circle with her forefingers and thumbs.<br />
<br />
"I don't know his size," she said, "but my hands fit perfectly around his neck."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
A motorist, after being bogged down in a muddy road, paid a passing farmer five dollars to pull the car out with his tractor. After he was back on dry ground, he said to the farmer, "At those prices, I should think you would be pulling people out of the mud day and night."<br />
<br />
"Can't," replied the farmer. "At night I haul water for the hole."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
Purely by coincidence, I ran into my husband in our local grocery store.<br />
<br />
He was carrying a beautiful pink azalea, and I joked, "That better be for me."<br />
<br />
From behind, a woman's voice: "It is now."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
From halfway across the store, I could hear a mother calling for her son: "Jimmy, Jimmy!"<br />
<br />
I turned a corner into another aisle and found a six-year-old by himself playing with some umbrellas. "Are you Jimmy?" I asked.<br />
<br />
"Yes, I am."<br />
<br />
"Didn't you hear your mother call?"<br />
<br />
"Yes."<br />
<br />
"Aren't you going to go to her?"<br />
<br />
He shook his head. "No, she's not hysterical yet."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
Members of the Methodist Women's Church Circle in one Wisconsin town some years ago were disturbed because a widowed church member and her three small daughters were staying away from services. Finding the reason to be a lack of suitable clothes, the ladies' group corrected the situation in a generous manner.<br />
<br />
When the little girls still failed to appear at Sunday School, some of the ladies called to inquire about their absence.<br />
<br />
The mother thanked them sweetly for the clothing and explained, "The girls looked so nice, I sent them to the Presbyterian Church!"<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
Driving back from Vermont, I stopped at a vegetable stand. It was deserted except for a sleeping German Shepherd. I stepped over the dog, helped myself to some corn, then opened the cashbox to pay. Taped to the inside of the lid was this note: "The dog can count."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
For their retirement vacation, my mother and father decided to drive through Alaska. Dad, who loves to fish but never had the time, was especially looking forward to breaking in all the gear my brother and I had given him, including the graphite pole that came in its own leather case.<br />
<br />
After driving for a few days, they found a perfect spot where Mom could read in the shade and Dad could fish. After he had struggled down the bank with all his gear, Mom was surprised to see him lugging it back up a few minutes later. He had just discovered that what he had packed was his leather-encased pool cue.<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
The Manhattan Commuter train was packed. Suddenly there was a jingle on the floor. Most necks were craned. One elderly gentleman, however, bent down and picked something up.<br />
<br />
He then asked, "Did anyone drop a half dollar?"<br />
<br />
"I did," answered three men at once.<br />
<br />
"Well," said the elderly gent with a smile, "here's a dime of it."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
\ / Why isn't there \ /<br />
\ _/ mouse-flavored cat food? \_ /<br />
<br />
\ /I didn't believe in reincarnation\ /<br />
\ _/ the last time, either. \_ /<br />
<br />
\ / It's not an optical illusion. \ /<br />
\ _/ It just looks like one. \_ /<br />
<br />
\\\\ \_/ / When you open a new bag \ \_/ ////<br />
\ / of cotton balls, \ /<br />
\ _/ is the top one meant \_ /<br />
/ / to be thrown away? \ \<br />
<br />
\ / Little Known Fact: \ /<br />
\ _/ Mel Blanc, the voice of \_ /<br />
/ / Bugs Bunny, was allergic to carrots. \ \<br />
<br />
\\\\ \_/ / TV news people have \ \_/ ////<br />
\ / the hardest job in the world \ /<br />
\ _/ ...trying to cram 10 minutes \_ /<br />
/ / of news into a two-hour show. \ \<br />
<br />
\ _/ A good pun is its own reword. \_ /<br />
<br />
\ / How come wrong numbers \ /<br />
\ _/ are never busy? \_ /<br />
<br />
\ / Hospitality: \ /<br />
\ _/ Making your guests feel at home, \_ /<br />
/ / even though you wish they were. \ \<br />
<br />
\ / If knees were backwards, \ /<br />
\ _/ what would chairs look like? \_ /<br />
<br />
\ / If knees were backwards, \ /<br />
\ _/ what would chairs look like? \_ /<br />
<br />
/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( \<br />
/ / | tellswor@slonet.org | \ \<br />
_( (_ | http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor | _) )_<br />
<br />
If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.com<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Two Mischievous Brothers<br />
<br />
Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, were excessively mischievous.<br />
<br />
They were always getting into trouble, and their parents knew if any mischief occurred in their town, the two boys were probably involved.<br />
<br />
The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually.<br />
<br />
The mother sent the 8-year-old in the morning, and the older boy was to see the preacher in the afternoon. The preacher, a huge man with a deep booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Do you know where God is, son?"<br />
<br />
The boy made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open. So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God?" Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher then shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE is GOD?"<br />
<br />
The boy screamed, bolted from the room, ran directly home, and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"<br />
<br />
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time! GOD is missing, and they think WE did it!"<br />
<br />
Received from Dean Suhr.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
The Soccer Stars<br />
<br />
A teacher at a school for blind kids is taking his school's soccer team to an "away game." They stop for a rest break and to let the kids work off some energy with a little impromptu practice in a nearby pasture. The teacher is sitting in a nearby diner, explaining to another patron how it is that blind kids can play soccer.<br />
<br />
"We made a special ball with a bell in it, so the kids can keep track of where the ball is and what it's doing by listening for it. They're pretty good at it, too."<br />
<br />
"Very clever!" remarks the other patron.<br />
<br />
Just then they are interrupted as another patron, who is looking out the window, says, "Hey! Are you the guy with those darn blind kids from the bus?"<br />
<br />
"Yes," says the teacher, stung by the way "his" kids are being referred to. "What about it? You got something against blind kids?"<br />
<br />
"Nothing, ordinarily," says the guy, still scowling out the window, "but you better get them rounded up quick! They're kicking the heck out of my best milk cow!"<br />
<br />
Received from ArcaMax Jokes.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
The Return<br />
<br />
After fifty years of wondering why he didn't look like his younger sister or brother, the man finally got up the nerve to ask his mother if he was adopted.<br />
<br />
"Yes, you were, son," his mother said as she started to cry softly. "But it didn't work out and they brought you back."<br />
<br />
Received from Andychap.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
The Truth About Nutrition<br />
<br />
Here is the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting medical studies.<br />
<br />
The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than do the British or Americans.<br />
<br />
The French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.<br />
<br />
The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.<br />
<br />
The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.<br />
<br />
The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans.<br />
<br />
CONCLUSION<br />
<br />
Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.<br />
<br />
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
True Southerner<br />
<br />
Only a true Southerner knows the difference between a "hissie fit" and a "conniption," and that you don't "have" them, so much as you "pitch' them.<br />
<br />
Nobody but a true Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc. make up a mess.<br />
<br />
A true Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."<br />
<br />
A true Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, as in "Going to town, be back directly."<br />
<br />
Even true Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.<br />
<br />
All true Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.<br />
<br />
True Southerners know instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. (If the trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin'.)<br />
<br />
True Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far' piece." They know that "just down the road" can be one mile or twenty.<br />
<br />
True Southerners both know and understand the differences between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.<br />
<br />
No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.<br />
<br />
True Southerners know that "fixin" can be used both as a noun, verb, and adverb.<br />
<br />
A true Southerner knows how to understand Southern: a booger can be a resident of the nose, a descriptive ("That ol' booger!") or something that jumps out at you in the dark and scares you spitless.<br />
<br />
True Southerners make friends standing in lines. We don't do "queues," we do "lines." And when we're in line, we talk to everybody.<br />
<br />
Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, if only by marriage.<br />
<br />
True Southerners never refer to one person as "y'all."<br />
<br />
True Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.<br />
<br />
Every true Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon,<br />
grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that redeye gravy is also a breakfast food; that fried green tomatoes are not breakfast food.<br />
<br />
When you hear someone say, "Well, I called myself lookin'," you know you're in the presence of a genuine Southerner.<br />
<br />
Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it - we do not like our tea unsweetened; "sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.<br />
<br />
And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 on the freeway. You say, "Bless her heart" and go your way.<br />
<br />
Received from RevTonyAG.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
A Good Pun Is Its Own Reword<br />
<br />
Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.<br />
<br />
A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.<br />
<br />
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.<br />
<br />
I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.<br />
<br />
Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.<br />
<br />
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.<br />
<br />
Corduroy pillows are making headlines.<br />
<br />
Sea captains don't like crew cuts.<br />
<br />
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?<br />
<br />
A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.<br />
<br />
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.<br />
<br />
A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.<br />
<br />
Without geometry, life is pointless.<br />
<br />
When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.<br />
<br />
Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.<br />
<br />
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.<br />
<br />
Received from Lisa Fisch.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
The Economy is So Bad<br />
<br />
I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.<br />
<br />
CEO's are now playing miniature golf.<br />
<br />
Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.<br />
<br />
I saw a Mormon with only one wife.<br />
<br />
I bought a toaster oven and my free gift was a bank.<br />
<br />
Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.<br />
<br />
Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.<br />
<br />
A picture is now only worth 200 words.<br />
<br />
They renamed Wall Street " Wal-Mart Street."<br />
<br />
When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.<br />
<br />
The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.<br />
<br />
I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds,<br />
etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan , and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck...<br />
<br />
Received from Janice Beasley.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Shampoo<br />
<br />
After trying a new shampoo for the first time, a guy fired off an enthusiastic letter of approval to the manufacturer.<br />
<br />
Several weeks later, he came home from work to a large carton in the middle of the floor. Inside were free samples of the many products the company produced: soaps, detergents, toothpaste, and paper items.<br />
<br />
"Well, what do you think?" his wife asked, smiling.<br />
<br />
"Next time," he replied, "I'm writing to General Motors!"<br />
<br />
Received from Thorn Shunt.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Arguments to Jesus' Ethnicity<br />
<br />
My Cajun friend had 3 good arguments that Jesus was a Cajun:<br />
1. He liked to serve fish to his friends.<br />
2. He could make his own wine.<br />
3. He wasn't afraid of water.<br />
<br />
My Black friend had 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:<br />
1. He called everyone "brother."<br />
2. He liked Gospel.<br />
3. He couldn't get a fair trial.<br />
<br />
My Italian friend gave his 3 equally good arguments that<br />
Jesus was Italian:<br />
1. He talked with his hands.<br />
2. He had wine with every meal.<br />
3. He used olive oil.<br />
<br />
My California friend also had 3 equally good arguments that<br />
Jesus was a Californian:<br />
1. He had a beard.<br />
2. He walked around barefoot or in sandals all the time.<br />
3. He started a new religion.<br />
<br />
My Irish friend then gave his 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:<br />
1. He never got married.<br />
2. He was always telling stories.<br />
3. He loved green pastures.<br />
<br />
But, my women friends have the most compelling evidence that Jesus, though NOT a woman, certainly could relate to women:<br />
1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food.<br />
2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it.<br />
3. And, even when he was dead, he had to get up because there was more work to do. <br />
<br />
Pastor Ed Bowman<br />
First Presbyterian Church of Waskom<br />
Waskom, TX<br />
<br />
Received from Amy Palasz.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Silk Worms<br />
<br />
Did you hear about the two silk worms who were in a race?<br />
<br />
They both ended up in a tie.<br />
<br />
Received from C or R Gadway.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Redneck Lunch<br />
<br />
An Irishman, a Mexican, and a redneck were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."<br />
<br />
The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time, I'm going to jump off, too."<br />
<br />
The redneck opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again. If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping, too."<br />
<br />
The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death. The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped too. The redneck opened his lunch, saw the bologna, and jumped to his death also.<br />
<br />
At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!"<br />
<br />
The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much." Everyone turned and stared at the redneck's wife.<br />
<br />
"Hey, don't look at me," she said. "He made his own lunch!"<br />
<br />
Received from Big Mac Clean Joke Attack.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Almost Perfect Life<br />
<br />
An old man is sitting on a park bench crying his eyes out. A young jogger comes by and asks him what is the matter.<br />
<br />
The old man says, "I'm a multimillionaire. I have a great big house and the fastest car in the world, and I just married a beautiful blonde bombshell."<br />
<br />
The young jogger says, "Man, you have everything I have ever dreamed for in my life. What could be so wrong in your life that you are sitting here in the park crying?"<br />
<br />
The old man says, "I can't remember where I live."<br />
<br />
Received from ArcaMax Jokes.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Beautiful Woman<br />
<br />
Husband: I just saw a very beautiful woman.<br />
<br />
Wife: Really? Then what happened?<br />
<br />
Husband: I just kept on admiring her, on and on...<br />
<br />
Wife (getting irritated): WHAT happened then?<br />
<br />
Husband smiled and said: You're still here!<br />
<br />
Received from Doc's Daily Chuckle and edited beyond recognition by the GCFL editing staff.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Rate this funny at http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20120420<br />
<br />
Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a) Mail address: GCFL, Box 100, Harvest, AL 35749, USA<br />
<br />
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><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Column - - http://www.madkane.com/humor_blog/<br />
<br />
Congratulations to Jamie Hutchinson, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:<br />
<br />
You could plead, if you sat on the board<br />
Of GM or Chrysler or Ford,<br />
That they set as their bar<br />
A dependable car,<br />
But you never would reach an Accord.<br />
<br />
© Madeleine Begun Kane. All Rights Reserved.<br />
http://www.madkane.com/<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." __ Franklin D. Roosevelt <br />
"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle." <br />
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. _ _ George Carlin <br />
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" _ _ Queen E. Watson<br />
“A political class of Republicans and Democrats that look after themselves, not the Nation. A media hostile to the very precepts of this nation. A generation of Americans who see morals as vices, and are ignorant of America's Actual History.”<br />
"The things that will destroy America are prosperity-at-any-price, peace-at-any-price, safety-first instead of duty-first, the love of soft living, and the get-rich-quick theory of life." - - Theodore Roosevelt <br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> <br />
Emergency Phone Number 911 <br />
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )<br />
Central Dispatch 234_5655<br />
(Non _ Emergency Number)<br />
Direct Numbers<br />
Ambulance _ 234_7371 (24 Hour)<br />
Jail _ 234_5331 (24 Hour)<br />
Poison Control _ 800_222_1222 (24 Hour)<br />
http://www. aapcc. org/<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Interested in getting in touch with the Banner_News through e_mail? editor@bannernews.net For the editor, news@bannernews.net For news and sports items, Coming Events, Diary, Church News, school and civic events. [http://www.bannernews.net/]<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." __ "Bug" <br />
"I read the end of the book. We win!" __ "Bug" <br />
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." __ "Bug"<br />
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." _ _ "Bug"<br />
"It's no big deal doing what God tells you to do. A big deal would be NOT doing what God tells you to do. Just ask Jonah." _ _ Paul Troquille <br />
“Nam et ipsa scientia potestas est.” Knowledge is power. _ Francis Bacon <br />
"The problem is here and now. The time for talk is past. The time for action is now." <br />
Comments on the first Earth Day _ James F. McClellan via John "Fuzzy" Thurman<br />
~~~~~<br />
Hope you enjoy the newsletter. <br />
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week. <br />
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" __"Bug" <br />
God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!! <br />
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT_I KC5HII <br />
<br />
P. S. If you'd like to be added to the distribution, just drop us E_mail at kc5hii@suddenlink.net<br />
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We appreciate your encouragement. We also appreciate your communication when you desire to be taken off our mail list. If you are on this mail list by mistake or do not wish to receive "Da Bleat," please reply back and tell us to discontinue service to you. <br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>Bughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07270965849194883997noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9136923892168334329.post-70416671853716983352013-07-07T20:24:00.000-07:002013-07-07T20:24:26.101-07:00Bug's Bleat - - GCF: Marriage VowsPhotos of our July 4th gathering: <br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-O4oSq9AARyQ/Udotx6svZcI/AAAAAAAAG44/qqKSx6hnRo8/s1600/07-15-130704+(40).jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-O4oSq9AARyQ/Udotx6svZcI/AAAAAAAAG44/qqKSx6hnRo8/s320/07-15-130704+(40).jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
Jimmy looking over the desert.<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-vSj-SUpVYls/UdotyLizKzI/AAAAAAAAG48/VrqHtsUJFrI/s1600/13-33-130704+(61).jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-vSj-SUpVYls/UdotyLizKzI/AAAAAAAAG48/VrqHtsUJFrI/s320/13-33-130704+(61).jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
Annette with Zac, Bobbie, David and Dustin. <br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-bEyYOgVSg2M/UdotydijU-I/AAAAAAAAG5I/ECAKinWLjtY/s1600/24-10-130704+(71).jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-bEyYOgVSg2M/UdotydijU-I/AAAAAAAAG5I/ECAKinWLjtY/s320/24-10-130704+(71).jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
Annette and I, <br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ZcTYEEf1k34/UdouzrDRc5I/AAAAAAAAG5U/9jUR3m_c_HM/s1600/08-17-130704+(42).jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ZcTYEEf1k34/UdouzrDRc5I/AAAAAAAAG5U/9jUR3m_c_HM/s320/08-17-130704+(42).jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
Annette directing David in the kitchen. <br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-1Y_j1AEMxVY/UdouznSKogI/AAAAAAAAG5Y/Zff--EdVc1g/s1600/10-21-130704+(46).jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-1Y_j1AEMxVY/UdouznSKogI/AAAAAAAAG5Y/Zff--EdVc1g/s320/10-21-130704+(46).jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
The gang filling their plates.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-U_BBeKdVBWo/UdowJyQOkSI/AAAAAAAAG50/5WhkUp_tkB8/s1600/01-01-130704+(01).jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-U_BBeKdVBWo/UdowJyQOkSI/AAAAAAAAG50/5WhkUp_tkB8/s320/01-01-130704+(01).jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
Ethan discussing "Prizes" with Annette. <br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-j7DYSPtYx7o/UdovivCQ-TI/AAAAAAAAG5k/0UsCRlRcwXo/s1600/09-20-130704+(45).jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-j7DYSPtYx7o/UdovivCQ-TI/AAAAAAAAG5k/0UsCRlRcwXo/s320/09-20-130704+(45).jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
Dustin and Bobbie working on Annette's puzzle. <br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-gebOaJQE5tA/Udovig3u4JI/AAAAAAAAG5o/AWIXPhjuuag/s1600/21-06-130704+(87).jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-gebOaJQE5tA/Udovig3u4JI/AAAAAAAAG5o/AWIXPhjuuag/s320/21-06-130704+(87).jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
Josiah, Vanessa, Ethan and Jimmy.<br />
<br />
<br />
Volume 15, Issue 26 Friday, June 28, 2013<br />
<br />
Hello ALL,<br />
<br />
Our 9 year old grandson, Josiah, likes to take photos with his Grandmother Annette’s camera. And, sometimes he produces some pretty good shots (in between photos of his little brother’s wiggling rear end and such.)<br />
<br />
However, he occasionally gets distracted and lays the camera down, like the time I found it on the back yard bench the day after the boys had been to visit. We had a little talk about that incident.<br />
<br />
So, July 4th, as the family was enjoying food, fellowship and fun, I wasn’t too cooperative when he told me he couldn’t find the camera and wanted to use mine to take photos. <br />
<br />
I told him to find his MaMaw’s camera as he’d been using it last. <br />
<br />
He continued to look for the camera but it was his MaMaw who eventually found it in the front bedroom. Josiah was elated and immediately began snapping photos. <br />
<br />
When he paused a moment, I asked him how he thought the camera got into the front bedroom. He told me he didn’t have any idea. So I asked him; “Do you suppose it just got up and walked into the front bedroom?” “No.” Josiah said. “I believe it was transported through a black hole from the table by the back door (where it’s normally kept) to the bedroom.”<br />
<br />
I had to give him credit for originality. <br />
~~~~~<br />
Dear GCF: Independence Days (Serious, Not Humor)<br />
<br />
Those of you who have been around this list for awhile know that there are a few times during the year that I post something serious. 99% of what is sent to the Good Clean Fun mailing list is humor, however right now I need to be serious for a moment.<br />
<br />
Most of us, and by that I mean most of us in the United States, know that the Fourth of July is the "birthday" of the United States of America. It actually marks the anniversary of the adoption of the Declaration of Independence by the Second Continental Congress. Often marked by parades and community celebration, it is a symbolic time for American families to gather and reflect on their heritage.<br />
<br />
Most of us take for granted that this day and all the other U.S. holidays are "national" holidays. Did you know that the United States observes no national holidays? Specifically, that means holidays mandated by the Federal Government. The United States Congress and/or President can only legally establish an "official" holiday for the District of Columbia and for federal employees. In fact, it wasn't until the 20th Century that an order was issued giving federal employees a "day off" from work. A public holiday can only be established at the local level. Typically the observance of holidays happens at the state level with the enactment of a state law or by an executive proclamation by a state governor.<br />
<br />
I first started posting this piece in July 2000. After I posted it, I received an email from Jen in Alberta, Canada. She asked me why I only mentioned the U.S. holidays. She surmised that it was because I was from the U.S. and to that extent, she is right. The U.S. holidays, especially the ones dealing with independence, veterans, and those who died for this country, are special to me. And since Good Clean Fun is 99% humor, I certainly don't want to veer from that basic premise and turn this into a history site. But Jen did start me to thinking, so I did a bit of research about my neighbors: Canada and Mexico.<br />
<br />
Look back at the subject of this email. It is Independence "Days" - plural. So let me take a moment and briefly honor my neighbors:<br />
<br />
1. Canada celebrates its Independence on July 1st. The British North America Act created the Canadian federal government on July 1, 1867. This Act proclaimed "one Dominion under the name of Canada," hence the original title of the holiday as "Dominion Day." July 1st has also been known in Canada as "Confederation Day." On October 27, 1982, the Canadian Parliament officially renamed the holiday as "Canada Day."<br />
<br />
2. Mexico celebrates many national and religious holidays. I must admit that I always thought that Cinco de Mayo, the Fifth of May, was Mexico's Independence Day, but a bit of research proved me wrong. While Cinco de Mayo is a national holiday, it honors the Mexican defeat of the French army at Puebla in 1862. September 16th is Mexican Independence Day and it celebrates the day that Miguel Hidalgo delivered "El Grito de Dolores", and announced the Mexican revolt against Spanish rule.<br />
<br />
3. Let me add a third "neighbor" albeit one a bit farther away than just north or south of the US. A ways back, Michelle emailed me to tell of Australia Day which is celebrated down under on January 26th. That is the day Australia became a nation in its own right.<br />
<br />
So, let's all be proud of and reflect on our heritage.<br />
<br />
Have a great holiday,<br />
Tom<br />
<br />
PS: Don't forget to fly the flag!<br />
<br />
Many of you will not remember Red Skelton, one of the best comedians of all time. Occasionally he would veer from comedy to a more serious moment. My favorite piece of this serious/patriotic genre was done many, many years ago where he divided the Pledge of Allegiance into individual words and phrases in order to explain the meaning of each one. The piece can be found at:<br />
<br />
http://kcbx.net/~tellswor/redskel1.htm<br />
<br />
It also contains a link where you can hear Red's comments in his own voice. Or even view the piece as he presented it way back in 1969. I highly recommend it.<br />
<br />
Finally, let's remember that patriotism is NOT a sin, and the Fourth of July is more than beer, picnics, and baseball games.<br />
<br />
-Tom<br />
~~~~~<br />
Vanessa brought me “SIX FRIGATES - The Epic History of the Founding of the U.S. Navy” By Ian W. Toll. This is a GREAT read for anyone interested in history or politics.<br />
<br />
The New York Times says; "This first book by Toll, a former financial analyst and political speechwriter, is a fluent, intelligent history of American military policy from the early 1790s, through the War of 1812. But the book’s real value, and the pleasures it provides, lies in Toll’s grasp of the human dimension of his subject."<br />
<br />
I agree with the Times, but they failed to discuss what, for me, is the best of this book. It enlightens us as to the political climate and the attitudes of the new countries citizens. Attitudes such as displayed in the following quote from Thomas Jefferson which reinforces the adage, "The more things change, the more they stay the same."<br />
<br />
"Merchants have no country," ... "The mere spot they stand on does not constitute so strong an attachment as that from which they draw their gains."<br />
<br />
Does that sound a little like "Globalization" to y'all? <br />
~~~~~<br />
Rasmussen Reports - - What They Told Us: Reviewing Last Week’s Key Polls in Politics<br />
<br />
Americans still share the values enshrined in the Declaration of Independence 237 years ago and remain wary of too much government. It’s clear, too, that many aren’t happy with the government they’ve got.<br />
<br />
Eighty-one percent (81%) believe “all men are created equal.” Ninety-two percent (92%) agree that all men are “endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights, among them life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.” Seventy-two percent (72%) believe “governments derive their only just powers from the consent of the governed.”<br />
<br />
But just 25% of voters think the federal government today has that consent.<br />
<br />
More Americans than ever (63%) think a government that is too powerful is a bigger danger in the world today than one that is not powerful enough.<br />
<br />
Thirty-eight percent (38%) believe the U.S. Constitution doesn’t put enough restrictions on what government can do. Still, 56% think the foundational document shouldn’t be tampered with, and another 33% believe it needs only minor changing.<br />
<br />
Just 47% now believe the United States is a nation with liberty and justice for all, the lowest level measured in six years. Still, 77% say if they could live anywhere in the world, it would be the United States. <br />
~<br />
Americans Still Embrace the Spirit of '76<br />
A Commentary By Scott Rasmussen<br />
<br />
Friday, July 05, 2013<br />
<br />
Our nation's 237th birthday is being celebrated in many ways that have become familiar over the years. Fifteen percent of Americans will watch a parade; 29 percent will sing patriotic songs; 63 percent will enjoy a cookout with family and friends; 78 percent are likely to see fireworks.<br />
<br />
Sixty-one percent consider Independence Day one of our nation's most important holidays.<br />
<br />
We celebrate July 4 with the enthusiasm of a loved one's birthday because we love our country. Seventy-seven percent would live here even if they had the chance to live anywhere else on the planet.<br />
<br />
But despite our love for America, we recognize that it's not perfect. Only 47 percent believe ours is truly a land with liberty and justice for all. Fewer than half believe our economic system is fair to the middle class or fair to those willing to work hard. Only 34 percent believe our system of justice is fair to those who are poor.<br />
<br />
That's where the Declaration of Independence comes in. That document, one of the most cherished and important documents in the history of mankind, did more than found our nation. It defined our national ideals. Despite all the changes of the past two centuries, Americans still embrace those founding ideals.<br />
<br />
Seventy-two percent continue to believe governments derive their only just authority from the consent of the governed.<br />
<br />
Eighty-one percent believe all of us were created equal.<br />
<br />
Ninety-two percent believe we have all been endowed by our Creator with certain inalienable rights, including life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.<br />
<br />
Put it all together, and what the Declaration of Independence proposed was then a radical concept -- self-governance. Kings did not possess a divine right to rule. Individuals had divine rights, including the right to select their rulers. In fact, as our nation's founding document described it, the whole purpose of a government was to protect individual rights.<br />
<br />
What was radical then is deeply embedded in the cultural DNA of our nation today. We believe that we have the right to make our own decisions about our own lives so long as they don't infringe on the rights of others. We use our freedom to solve problems by working together in communities.<br />
<br />
This attitude was described by Thomas Jefferson and others as "the Spirit of '76." It continues to create problems for political elites today because 63 percent think there is more danger with a government that is too powerful than with one that is not powerful enough.<br />
<br />
This concern is amplified by the fact that most voters view the government today as a threat to individual rights rather than a protector of those rights. Most Americans also now believe the federal government has become a special interest group that looks out primarily for its own interests.<br />
<br />
Only one in four voters today thinks our government has the consent of the governed. That's a clear call for our government to change its ways and re-earn the trust of those it is supposed to serve. Those are the kind of attitudes that make the Political Class nervous. The fact that we expect more comes from the fact that we as a nation still embrace the Spirit of '76.<br />
<br />
To find out more about Scott Rasmussen, and read features by other Creators writers and cartoonists, visit www.creators.com.<br />
~ <br />
46% Approve of Obama's Job Performance<br />
<br />
71% Say Private Sector Employees Work Harder Than Government Employees<br />
<br />
COPYRIGHT 2013 - - SCOTT RASMUSSEN - - DISTRIBUTED BY CREATORS.COM<br />
<br />
See Other Political Commentaries. http://www.rasmussenreports.com/public_content/political_commentary<br />
<br />
See Other Commentaries by Scott Rasmussen. http://www.rasmussenreports.com/public_content/political_commentary/commentary_by_scott_rasmussen<br />
~~~~~<br />
<br />
Top Ten Fourth of July Jokes<br />
<br />
10) What's red, white, blue, and green?<br />
A patriotic turtle!<br />
From Jessica, age 7, Abilene, TX<br />
<br />
9) What did one flag say to the other flag?<br />
Nothing. It just waved!<br />
From Eloise, age 9, Charlottesville, VA<br />
<br />
8) Why did Paul Revere ride his horse from Boston to Lexington?<br />
Because the horse was too heavy to carry!<br />
From Betty, age 9, CT<br />
<br />
7) How is a healthy person like the United States?<br />
They both have good constitutions!<br />
From Tom P., age 8, KY<br />
<br />
6) What dance was very popular in 1776?<br />
Indepen-dance!<br />
From Rachel, age 8, Long Beach, CA<br />
<br />
5) What would you get if you crossed George Washington with cattle feed?<br />
The Fodder of Our Country!<br />
From Marie K., age 12, Dallas, TX<br />
<br />
4) Teacher: "Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?"<br />
Student: "On the bottom!"<br />
From Christy, age 14, Denver, CO<br />
<br />
3) Did you hear the one about the Liberty Bell?<br />
Yeah, it cracked me up!<br />
From Tom P., age 8, KY<br />
<br />
2) What did King George think of the American colonists?<br />
He thought they were revolting!<br />
From Scott, age 11, Colorado<br />
<br />
1) Do they have a 4th of July in England?<br />
Yes. That's how they get from the 3rd to the 5th.<br />
From Big Al, a grownup, Frankfort, KY.<br />
<br />
Received from Joe Earls. <br />
~~~~~ <br />
"Right Bite Cooking School"<br />
<br />
Columbia County Cooperative Extension Service 206 West Calhoun Street Magnolia, AR 71753<br />
<br />
People who want to reduce fat, sugar and salt in their food may want to consider the Right Bite Cooking School conducted by the Extension Service offices in Lafayette and Columbia counties.<br />
<br />
Participants will learn how much food from each food group they need each day and correct portion sizes; how to plan healthy menus; how to use food labels to make healthy choices; which fats and oils to use; how to reduce fat, sugar and sodium and increase fiber in the diet; and how to prepare tasty recipes that fit into a healthy diet.<br />
<br />
The Right Bite Cooking School offers hands-on cooking experiences for beginning cooks or experienced cooks who want to learn new techniques and healthy recipes.<br />
<br />
Session 1 will be held 5-7:30 p.m. Tuesday, July 9 at the Lafayette County Extension Service. Session 2 will be 5-7:30 p.m. Tuesday, July 16 at the Columbia County Extension Office.<br />
<br />
Space is limited. Call the Lafayette County Cooperative Extension Service office at 870-921-4744 or the Columbia County Extension service 870-235-3720 by Monday, July 8 to reserve a spot. There will be a $10 charge per session to cover the cost of food and supplies. Payment must be received in order for registration to be confirmed.<br />
<br />
Contact Shirlye Hopkins at 870-235-3720 for more information.<br />
~~~~~<br />
1. HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (Written by kids)<br />
<br />
-You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. -- Alan, age 10<br />
<br />
-No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with. -- Kristen, age 10<br />
<br />
2. WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?<br />
-Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. -- Camille, age 10<br />
<br />
3. HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?<br />
-You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. -- Derrick, age 8<br />
<br />
4. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?<br />
Both don't want any more kids. -- Lori, age 8<br />
<br />
5. WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?<br />
-Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. -- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)<br />
<br />
-On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. -- Martin, age 10<br />
<br />
6. WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?<br />
-When they're rich. -- Pam, age 7<br />
<br />
-The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that. - - Curt, age 7<br />
<br />
-The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do. - - Howard, age 8<br />
<br />
7. IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?<br />
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. -- Anita, age 9 (bless you child ) <br />
<br />
8. HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?<br />
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? -- Kelvin, age 8<br />
<br />
And the #1 Favorite is....... <br />
<br />
9. HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?<br />
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck. -- Ricky, age 10<br />
<br />
Thanks to Miss Corrine<br />
~~~~~<br />
EarthSky News - July 5, 2013 - Sun's Independence Day<br />
<br />
Earth farthest from sun for 2013 on July 5<br />
Astronomers call this point in our orbit "aphelion." Plus, on July 6, the waning crescent moon can help you find Jupiter and Mars.<br />
<br />
http://earthsky.org/tonight/earth-farthest-from-sun-for-year-in-early-july?utm_source=EarthSky+News&utm_campaign=f3e4134c5a-EarthSky_News&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_c643945d79-f3e4134c5a-393703501<br />
~~~~~<br />
dLife Foodstuff - - Weekly food & nutrition newsletter - - July 2, 2013 | Vol. 8 No. 27<br />
<br />
Spotlight — Nature's Perfect Food - - Great Greens!<br />
By Elizabeth Keyser<br />
They are anti-inflammatory, anti-cancer, bursting with vitamins, minerals, and disease-fighting phytochemicals. They're inexpensive, available year-round, and low in calories and carbs -- in other words, nature's perfect food, whether you have diabetes or not.<br />
<br />
Most greens grow in cooler, less humid weather. For this reason, you can find the freshest greens in farmer's markets (or your back yard!) during the spring and fall.<br />
These nutrient powerhouses are well worth getting to know and learning how to prepare.<br />
Try a new one this week. Your body will thank you.<br />
<br />
Taming Greens<br />
<br />
Today, of course, supermarkets carry greens year-round -- dandelion, chard, arugula, collards, kale, escarole, or use the tops of radishes (yes, radishes!), turnips, and beets.<br />
They're easy to prepare.<br />
The trick to making greens delicious is to tame them. Blanch in boiling salted water. And pair with contrasting, sweet or rich flavors and creamy or crunchy textures. http://www.dlife.com/dlife_media/diabetes_slideshows/natures-perfect-food?utm_source=Foodstuff-20130702&utm_medium=eNewsletter&utm_content=Foodstuff-newsletter&utm_term=Focused&utm_campaign=dLife-eNewsletter&<br />
~<br />
Expert Advice — “Ways to control BG during rigorous exercise?” <br />
<br />
http://www.dlife.com/diabetes/ask-an-expert?questionId=26218850&utm_source=Foodstuff-20130702&utm_medium=eNewsletter&utm_content=Foodstuff-newsletter&utm_term=Focused&utm_campaign=dLife-eNewsletter&<br />
~<br />
Weight — Helping Your Overweight Child<br />
<br />
Healthy eating and physical activity are habits worth developing as they are key to your child's well-being. Eating too much and exercising too little can lead to weight gain and related health problems that can follow children into their adult years. You can take an active role in helping your child — your whole family — develop healthy eating and physical activity habits that can last for a lifetime.<br />
<br />
http://www.dlife.com/diabetes-food-and-fitness/weight_management/tips_and_tools/helping_your_overweight_child?utm_source=Foodstuff-20130702&utm_medium=eNewsletter&utm_content=Foodstuff-newsletter&utm_term=Focused&utm_campaign=dLife-eNewsletter&<br />
~~~~~<br />
FYI – “Juice Plus”<br />
<br />
Although Juice Plus claims its products' efficacy is backed by research, critics have argued that there is no scientific proof that Juice Plus offers significant health benefits and that deceptive claims are used in the product's marketing information. Some marketing claims made about Juice Plus products have been disputed by consumer watchdog organizations and governmental agencies as misleading<br />
<br />
Sloan-Kettering Cancer Clinic referred to Juice Plus as a “pricey supplement” that is “distributed through a multi-tiered marketing scheme with exaggerated value and cost."<br />
~~~~~<br />
Favorite Quotes: <br />
<br />
A smile is happiness you'll find right under your nose.<br />
~ Tom Wilson via Ron Hazelton.<br />
~~~~~<br />
The following wisdom is shared by our friends. <br />
~ <br />
Nancee Davis Law<br />
<br />
As I look at each of my children, I know not a day of my life has been wasted<br />
<br />
Don't put your happiness in someone else's pocket<br />
<br />
The legacy of your life is not what you leave your children, it is what you leave IN your children<br />
~ <br />
Donah Dumas<br />
<br />
There is nothing more important than the salvation of our souls.<br />
<br />
The same fire that melts wax hardens clay.<br />
~<br />
Jimmy Malone<br />
<br />
Just heard on the radio that absent-mindedness is typical of brilliant thinkers. <br />
<br />
Jus sayin<br />
~<br />
"The most essential quality for leadership is not perfection but credibility. People must be able to trust you."<br />
<br />
Rick Warren via Rick Pavick<br />
~<br />
Michael Yon<br />
<br />
Many Americans, many veterans, are out here around the world today, wishing they were home tonight.<br />
<br />
I am one of them.<br />
~~~~~<br />
Today's Seed from E-MIN todaysseed.text@e-min.org via venturenet.net - July 5, 2013<br />
<br />
Today's message is an encore presentation of the Today's Seed message that was sent 14 years ago today, July 05, 1999.<br />
<br />
Please cover us in your prayers. Good news/updates coming next week.<br />
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _<br />
<br />
The end of all things is near. Therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray. Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power forever and ever. Amen. (1 Pet 4:7-11 NIV)<br />
<br />
Prayer: LORD, help me faithfully use all the talents, gifts, and abilities You have given me to minister Your love to others. I desire for my life to exemplify Your love and character in everything I do and say. Help me better understand the significance of my words and actions, and choose them carefully, for they are a message being "preached" to those around me. Thank You for the opportunity to proclaim Your message in so many ways every day. In Jesus' name, Amen.<br />
_________________________________<br />
<br />
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<br />
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<br />
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<br />
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<br />
"Today's Seed" from E-MIN July 5, 2013 plain text format<br />
~~~~~<br />
AskBob - - Bob Rankin - - Are You Being Fingerprinted Online? - July 5, 2013<br />
<br />
Are You Being Fingerprinted Online? <br />
<br />
Cookies are crumbling. Those bits of code that Web sites deposit on your hard drive are becoming less useful to marketers, and others wanting to track what you do online. But there's a new web tracking technology that can't be easily detected or blocked. Here's what you need to know about browser fingerprinting...<br />
http://askbobrankin.com/are_you_being_fingerprinted_online.html?awt_l=HZr.N&awt_m=JPkaCNg.78P6SL<br />
~~~~~<br />
ACC SmartBrief - - Science Writer Highlights How Recovering Energy from Waste Helps Fight Climate Change - - There are many demonstrated environmental and economic benefits associated with energy recovery…<br />
http://blog.americanchemistry.com/2013/07/science-writer-highlights-how-recovering-energy-from-waste-helps-fight-climate-change/<br />
~~~~~<br />
DarynKagan.com - - Marine Surprises Sister With Diploma - - Hanky Alert! You've been warned. :)<br />
<br />
I have for you today my interview on BetterTV [http://darynkagan.com/DarynKagan.com_Animals.html]. I talk my new TV show, getting married and becoming a mom. Plus the great stories below.<br />
<br />
Enjoy!<br />
-Daryn.<br />
<br />
Marine Surprises Sister With Diploma At Graduation #Hanky Alert [http://darynkagan.com/Love_Stories.html]<br />
<br />
Marathoning Mom Chases Down Bike Thief #You Go Girl! [http://darynkagan.com/Heroes.html]<br />
<br />
OwlMG! Your Parents Are HOW Old??? Owl Parents Set Record (We're talking centuries old!) [http://darynkagan.com/DarynKagan.com_Animals.html]<br />
<br />
Copyright © *|2013* *|Journeyist, Inc.|*, All rights reserved. <br />
~~~~~<br />
5 Things New Veterans Expect From All Candidates<br />
<br />
<br />
1. Defend the New GI Bill<br />
<br />
2. Employ the New Greatest Generation<br />
<br />
3. Prevent suicide among troops and veterans<br />
<br />
4. Build a truly 21st Century VA<br />
<br />
5. Improve Care for Female Veterans<br />
<br />
<br />
http://iava.org/blog/5-things-new-veterans-expect-all-candidates-2012<br />
~~~~~ <br />
The latest from Michael Yon, the foremost “milnews” blogger on the web. <br />
~<br />
Greetings, <br />
<br />
We have the new site up and working. This should stop the successful attacks, but who knows? Hackers also take down major corporations and government websites.<br />
<br />
I am also working on my book "The Bomb Boys." This has been a huge amount of research. Today, a documentary film company interviewed me about my work with "The Bomb Boys." <br />
<br />
Please check out this tribute to our troops. It was directed and produced by my close friend Karen Kraft, and another friend Alison Savitch. If/when I cover US issues, the team that made this video will be the team with me. They have been helping me for years. They just released this Monday and already have 4.6 million views:<br />
<br />
http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=Bs2zapJPWeY&feature=player_embedded&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Ffeature%3Dplayer_embedded%26v%3DBs2zapJPWeY<br />
~<br />
01 July 2013 - Gettysburg Anniversary -- The Largest Battle in American History<br />
<br />
http://www.michaelyon-online.com/gettysburg-anniversary-the-largest-battle-in-american-history.htm<br />
<br />
Very Respectfully,<br />
Michael Yon<br />
Your Writer, <br />
<br />
Please remember that this website accepts no advertisement and is dependent on your support. <br />
<br />
PS Please sign up for my Twitter.com updates at "Michael_Yon" [http://twitter.com/Michael_Yon] (not Michael Yon).<br />
<br />
http://www.facebook.com/#/MichaelYonFanPage?ref=sgm<br />
~<br />
www.michaelyon-online.com<br />
~<br />
Http://www.michaelyon_online.com/index.php<br />
~~~~~ <br />
If you would like to encourage US Troops overseas, but are not sure just how to begin, visit www.anysoldier.com for ideas. <br />
~~~~~ <br />
Please remember ... America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the MALL.<br />
~~~~~<br />
http://www.shelfari.com<br />
http://www.shelfari.com/bugsbleat/shelf <br />
~~~~~<br />
<br />
For the latest issue of "Da Bleat.", go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com. <br />
Our photos are posted at http://www.bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com.<br />
~~~~~<br />
Photos on the front of this week’s “Bleat” include - - Photos of our July 4th gathering, including: Annette with Zac, Bobbie, David and Dustin. Annette and I, Jimmy looking over the desert. Annette directing David in the kitchen. The gang filling their plates. Ethan discussing "Prizes" with Annette. Dustin and Bobbie working on Annette's puzzle. Josiah, Vanessa, Ethan and Jimmy.<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it. <br />
~~~~~<br />
Break Point - - We Hate to Say We Told You So<br />
Same-Sex Marriage & Polygamy<br />
By: John Stonestreet|Published: July 5, 2013 5:35 AM<br />
<br />
Claims that legalizing same-sex “marriage” is a slippery slope to polygamy have been met with scoffs. <br />
<br />
(This commentary is re-aired from April 25, 2013)<br />
<br />
In a scene from Jurassic Park, Ian Malcolm, the mathematician skeptical about whether the park is a good idea, watches the T-Rex burst out of its enclosure and says, “I hate being right all the time.”<br />
<br />
Princeton Professor Robert George and other defenders of traditional marriage understand these sentiments. For years, they’ve warned that redefining marriage beyond the union of one man and one woman wouldn’t—indeed couldn’t—stop with same-sex unions. The same reasoning that extends marriage to same-sex couples would easily be applied to polygamy and polyamory also.<br />
<br />
The standard response to these concerns was scoffing and accusations of fear mongering.<br />
<br />
Well, the fences are down and the beast is loose.<br />
<br />
On Valentines’s Day, the Scientific American published an article claiming that polyamorists could “teach us a thing or two about love,” and the only reason to oppose it was bigotry because of outdated views about love and sexuality. As I said on my Point commentary about the article, the flow of the argument sounded far too familiar.<br />
<br />
And now, as if on cue, Slate magazine published an article on April 15 by Jillian Keenan arguing that polygamy should be legalized. As Keenan notes, the arguments about gay marriage being a “slippery slope” that will lead to legalized polygamy is something “we’ve been hearing about for years.” To which she adds, “We can only hope.”<br />
<br />
She continues: “While the Supreme Court and the rest of us are all focused on the human right of marriage equality, let’s not forget that the fight doesn’t end with same-sex marriage. We need to legalize polygamy, too. Legalized polygamy in the United States is the constitutional, feminist, and sex-positive choice.”Daily_Commentary_4_25_13<br />
<br />
Keenan adds that legalizing polygamy would help to “protect, empower, and strengthen women, children, and families.” How? By ending the “isolation” where “crime and abuse can flourish unimpeded.” That is, if polygamy is legal, she says, victims of abuse would be more likely to report abuses to the authorities.<br />
<br />
Finally, she argues that respect for religious freedom requires legalizing polygamy. It isn’t only fundamentalist Mormons she’s concerned about: she cites “academics” who “suggest” that there may be between 50 and 100,000 Muslims in the U.S. who practice polygamy.<br />
<br />
What’s most significant here isn’t the quality of Keenan’s arguments. The quality is poor. The treatment of women in countries where polygamy is legal makes her optimism about the impact of legalizing it seem dangerously naive. And her appeal to religious freedom is—shall we say—selective. There are plenty of law-abiding Americans whose religious freedom is under genuine threat who could benefit from this kind of solicitude.<br />
<br />
No, the most significant thing about Keenan’s argument is not, to paraphrase Samuel Johnson, that it’s made well, but that it’s made openly.<br />
<br />
As Dr. George pointed out in “First Things,” when Christians pointed out the logical link between same-sex marriage and polygamy, proponents of same-sex marriage rejected the connection. They insisted that “no one is arguing for the legal recognition of polygamous or polyamorous relationships as marriages!”Newsletter_Gen_180x180_B<br />
<br />
George writes in response, “That was then; this is now.” The “then” he referred to was last week; the now is today.<br />
<br />
George predicts that Keenan’s article “will not produce a single serious critique by a major scholar or activist from the same-sex marriage movement.”<br />
<br />
Now he would love to be wrong. But defenders of traditional marriage know that the enclosures that kept marriage a “monogamous and exclusive union” are being dismantled. And no one should be surprised by what emerges, least of all those doing the dismantling.<br />
Further Reading and Information<br />
<br />
BP-Takeaction_70513We Hate to Say We Told You So: Same-Sex Marriage & Polygamy - Next Steps<br />
<br />
In light of the recent Supreme Court decisions on DOMA and Proposition 8, there is even more urgency to defending the traditional one man, one woman understanding of marriage. The debate is still alive, but it will take perseverance and courage, and it will also take knowledge. Start by reading Robert George’s article “Beyond Gay Marriage,” and get a copy of What is Marriage? Man and Woman: A Defense. Other great resources are listed below.<br />
Books:<br />
<br />
What is Marriage?: Man and Woman: A Defense [http://www.colsoncenterstore.org/product.asp?sku=9781594036224]<br />
Sherif Girgis, Ryan Anderson, Robert George | Encounter Books | December 2012<br />
Articles:<br />
<br />
Beyond Gay Marriage [http://www.firstthings.com/onthesquare/2006/08/robert-george-beyond-gay-marri]<br />
Robert George | First Things blog | August 2, 2006<br />
<br />
Polyamory: from Creepy to Normal [http://www.breakpoint.org/listen/broadcast-archive/entry/38/21655]<br />
John Stonestreet | The Point | March 6, 2013<br />
<br />
Calvin Klein Ad: Are they selling jeans or a polyamorous life-style? [http://www.breakpoint.org/tp-home/blog-archives/blog-archives/entry/4/7261]<br />
Kim Moreland | BreakPoint.org | July 7, 2009<br />
<br />
Domestic Disturbances: The Rising Polyamorous Culture Is Out to Get Your Children [http://www.touchstonemag.com/archives/article.php?id=23-01-042-c]<br />
Patrick F. Fagan | Touchstone | January/February 2010<br />
<br />
Polygamy Versus Democracy [http://www.weeklystandard.com/Content/Public/Articles/000/000/012/266jhfgd.asp]<br />
Stanley Kurtz | The Weekly Standard | June 5, 2006<br />
<br />
New Sexual Revolution: Polyamory May Be Good for You [http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=new-sexual-revolution-polyamory]<br />
Stephanie Pappas and LiveScience | Scientific American | February 14, 2013<br />
<br />
Legalize Polygamy! [http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/doublex/2013/04/legalize_polygamy_marriage_equality_for_all.html]<br />
Jillian Keenan | Slate.com | April 15, 2013<br />
~<br />
Copyright © 2013 Colson Center. All Rights Reserved<br />
~~~~~ <br />
<br />
Residents of Columbia County, Arkansas are represented in Congress by:<br />
~<br />
<br />
Senator John Boozman (R_ AR) <br />
1 Russell Courtyard<br />
Washington DC, 20510<br />
Phone: 202-224-4843<br />
http://boozman.senate.gov/<br />
~<br />
Senator Mark Pryor (D_ AR) <br />
Phone 202_224_2353 <br />
FAX 202_228_0908 <br />
http://pryor.senate.gov/<br />
~<br />
Representative Tom Cotton (R ) <br />
Phone 202_225_3772 <br />
FAX 202_225_1314 <br />
http://cotton.house.gov/<br />
<br />
Other states congresspersons can be found at: [http://www.visi.com/juan/congress/]<br />
~~~~~<br />
THOUGHT OF THE DAY:<br />
<br />
"The hottest places in hell are reserved for those who, in times of great moral crisis, maintain their neutrality." - Dante Alighieri<br />
<br />
"Talking much about oneself can also be a means to conceal oneself." - Friedrich Nietzsche <br />
<br />
"We are so vain that we even care for the opinion of those we don't care for." - Marie Ebner von Eschenbach<br />
<br />
"People who lean on logic and philosophy and rational exposition end by starving the best part of the mind." - William Butler Yeats<br />
<br />
"If all misfortunes were laid in one common heap whence everyone must take an equal portion, most people would be contented to take their own and depart." - Socrates<br />
<br />
"Freedom is the last, best hope of earth." - Abraham Lincoln<br />
<br />
"Well done is better than well said." - Benjamin Franklin<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Breaking Christian News <br />
<br />
1800 year old Roman Road discovered in Jerusalem<br />
Travelujah Staff (July 1, 2013)<br />
<br />
"…such a finely preserved section of the road has not been discovered in the city of Jerusalem until now."<br />
<br />
Roman Road An 1800 year old Roman era road was exposed this week during road work in Beit Hanina, a neighborhood in Jerusalem. The road is part an ancient Imperial road network leading from Jaffa to Jerusalem, dating to the Roman period (second-fourth centuries AD). The wide road (c. 8 m) was bounded on both sides by curbstones and is built of large flat stones fitted to each other so as to create a comfortable surface for walking. Some of the pavers were very... <br />
http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=11983<br />
-- <br />
Naghmeh Abedini's Faith Holds Strong despite Husband Saeed's Continued Imprisonment in Iran<br />
Aimee Herd (July 1, 2013)<br />
<br />
On their 9th Wedding Anniversary, Naghmeh writes to Saeed and the world.<br />
<br />
Naghmeh and SaeedNaghmeh, the wife of American pastor Saeed Abedini—imprisoned for his Christian faith in Iran for nearly a year now—wrote an article for FOX News detailing how what began as a short trip to Iran on behalf of a "non-sectarian orphanage" became a nightmare, when Saeed was arrested and charged with proselytizing.<br />
<br />
In the article, Naghmeh... <br />
http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=11982<br />
<br />
editor@breakingchristiannews.com <br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
<br />
GCF: Marriage Vows<br />
<br />
Ken and Marjorie finished their breakfast at the retirement home and were relaxing in the library.<br />
<br />
"You know," said Marjorie, "today, in most marriage ceremonies, they don't use the word 'obey' anymore."<br />
<br />
"Too bad, isn't it?" retorted Ken. "It used to lend a little humor to the occasion." <br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Better?<br />
<br />
A 3-year old girl was being watched by her Aunt while Mom and Dad went on a much-needed date.<br />
<br />
She was playing chase the dog around the house. She tripped over the dog and got an "owie" on her knee.<br />
<br />
Her aunt didn't see any real injury, but kissed it to make it "better."<br />
<br />
The little girl said it felt better, but two Oreo cookies would make it feel much better. <br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Respectable Judge<br />
<br />
A woman was being questioned in a court trial involving slander.<br />
<br />
"Please repeat the slanderous statements you heard, exactly as you heard them," instructed the lawyer.<br />
<br />
The witness hesitated. "But they are unfit for any respectable person to hear," she protested.<br />
<br />
"Then," said the attorney, "just whisper them to the judge."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Gaudiness, Godliness and Self-Control<br />
<br />
Many years ago, when my 9 year old daughter was 3, we went to our usual Sunday morning church service. We were seated and waiting for the service to begin, when this woman walked by us in a really bright, gaudy dress. My husband, who never says anything about anyone, even made a comment about how "loud" the dress was.<br />
<br />
After the service was over, we were standing outside the church chatting with another couple. I couldn't see my daughter and then I noticed her standing right next to (practically on top of) the woman with the dress. When I asked her what she was doing, she said "I'm trying to hear this dress mom. Dad said it was really loud, but I haven't heard it make a peep yet."<br />
<br />
Everyone within earshot, with the exception of my husband and the woman in the dress burst out laughing. My husband wanted to crawl in a hole, and I have to say I never saw that particular dress worn again. <br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Escaped Lion<br />
<br />
A man was walking along the street when he saw a crowd of people running toward him. He stopped one of the runners and asked, "What's happening?"<br />
<br />
The runner replied breathlessly, "A lion has escaped from the city zoo."<br />
<br />
"Oh no! Which way is it heading?"<br />
<br />
"Well, you don't think we're chasing it, do you?" <br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Who Are You?<br />
<br />
I recently moved from a large city to a small town. I went to retrieve some boxes that I had sent to myself in care of the local bus depot. And that first time I walked into the bus depot, I found out what small towns were like.<br />
<br />
"Your boxes are over there," the clerk said.<br />
<br />
"How do you know who I am?" I asked.<br />
<br />
"We all know who you are," he replied. <br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Plaster Man<br />
<br />
As a foreman for a construction company, my friend John was interviewing an applicant. He asked the plasterer to bring his tools in so he could see what he could do. The fellow returned with tools slung over his shoulder and hanging from his pockets, and in one hand he was holding an unidentifiable object covered in plaster. John asked what it was.<br />
<br />
"My radio," the chap answered.<br />
<br />
"All right," said John, "you can start tomorrow."<br />
<br />
The applicant looked surprised. "That's it? You don't want to see what I can do?"<br />
<br />
"Any plaster man who has a radio looking like that one," John said, "must have put in at least three years of work." <br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: New Boat<br />
<br />
Busy in the yard one afternoon, my father paused to admire our neighbor's new boat.<br />
<br />
"She sure is a beauty, Charlie," Dad said. Knowing that Charlie's wife was conservative when it came to spending money, my father asked, "Was it expensive?"<br />
<br />
"The boat itself wasn't so bad," Charlie replied. "But the extras really hurt."<br />
<br />
"You mean things like water skis, life jackets and trailer?" my father asked.<br />
<br />
"No," our neighbor said with a sigh. "I mean the new carpet, the kitchen cabinets and the living-room furniture."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Medical Student<br />
<br />
Due to his hectic schedule, I had seen little of the medical student who had moved next door to me two years earlier.<br />
<br />
I learned that he had graduated, and one day when I spotted him in his driveway, I went over and congratulated him.<br />
<br />
"Well," I said, "Now if I break my arm, you'll be able to fix it."<br />
<br />
He replied, "I've been able to fix your arm for some time. The important thing is that now I can bill for it." <br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Notre Dame Football<br />
<br />
On a Saturday afternoon when football fever was running high in South Bend, Indiana, a Notre Dame student was brought into the hospital, complaining of abdominal pain.<br />
<br />
He had acute appendicitis, and as the nurse prepared him for surgery, she asked if he wasn't terribly disappointed to miss the big game.<br />
<br />
"Oh, I won't miss it," he said. "The doctor is giving me a spinal anesthetic so I can listen to it during the operation." <br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
Thomas S. Ellsworth <br />
tellswor@slonet.org <br />
http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor <br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
TV news people have <br />
the hardest job in the world <br />
...trying to cram 10 minutes <br />
of news into a two-hour show.<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
OK, I'm weird, <br />
but I'm saving up to be eccentric.<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
All of me is beautiful and <br />
valuable, even the ugly, <br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
When I'm driving to work,<br />
and I see a sign that says:<br />
"CAUTION: SMALL CHILDREN PLAYING" <br />
I slow down, and then it occurs to me,<br />
I'm not afraid of small children.<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
If white wine goes with fish, <br />
do white grapes go with sushi?<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
The hardness of the butter <br />
is in direct proportion <br />
to the softness of the bread. <br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
Don't judge a book by its movie. <br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
It's hard to be nostalgic <br />
when you can't remember anything. <br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
Hard work never killed <br />
anybody . . . but why <br />
take chances? <br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
"Quidquid latine dictum <br />
sit, altum viditur." <br />
(Anything in Latin sounds profound.)<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.com<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
HOLY HUMOR<br />
<br />
A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I know what the Bible means!"<br />
His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means? The son replied, "I do know!"<br />
"Okay," said his father. "What does the Bible mean?"<br />
"That's easy, Daddy..." the young boy replied excitedly," It stands for 'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth..' (This one is my favorite)<br />
<br />
=======<br />
<br />
There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country.<br />
"Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk.<br />
"Only the Ten Commandments." answered the lady.<br />
<br />
========<br />
<br />
"Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world. There are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord," and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, it's morning."<br />
<br />
========<br />
<br />
A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter.<br />
Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses." When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation."<br />
<br />
========<br />
<br />
There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."<br />
<br />
========<br />
<br />
While driving in Pennsylvania , a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign... "Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust."<br />
<br />
========<br />
<br />
A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question, "Boys and girls, what do we know about God?"<br />
<br />
A hand shot up in the air. "He is an artist!" said the kindergarten boy.<br />
<br />
"Really? How do you know?" the teacher asked.<br />
<br />
"You know - Our Father, who does art in Heaven... "<br />
========<br />
<br />
A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump.<br />
"Reverend," said the young man, "I'm so sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip."<br />
The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business."<br />
<br />
========<br />
<br />
People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the center of attention.<br />
<br />
========<br />
<br />
Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about.<br />
The daughter answered, "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt."<br />
Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed. Later in the day, the pastor stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday school lesson was about.<br />
He said "Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming."<br />
<br />
========<br />
<br />
The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute.. The substitute wanted to know what to play.<br />
<br />
"Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. <br />
<br />
"But, you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances."<br />
<br />
During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up."<br />
<br />
At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star Spangled Banner."<br />
<br />
And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!<br />
<br />
Thanks to Waneta<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
I was at the bar the other night and overheard three very hefty women talking at the bar.<br />
<br />
Their accent appeared to be Scottish, so I approached and asked, "Hello, are you three lassies from Scotland?"<br />
<br />
One of them angrily screeched, "It's Wales, Wales you bloody idiot!"<br />
<br />
So I apologized and replied, "I am so sorry. Are you three whales from Scotland?"<br />
<br />
And that's the last thing I remember<br />
<br />
Thanks to Miss Corrine<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
HOSPITAL CHART BLOOPERS (Actual writings from hospital charts)<br />
<br />
1. The patient refused autopsy.<br />
<br />
2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.<br />
<br />
3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.<br />
<br />
4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.<br />
<br />
5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.<br />
<br />
6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.<br />
<br />
7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.<br />
<br />
8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.<br />
<br />
9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.<br />
<br />
10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.<br />
<br />
11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.<br />
<br />
12. She is numb from her toes down.<br />
<br />
13.. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.<br />
<br />
14. The skin was moist and dry.<br />
<br />
15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.<br />
<br />
16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.<br />
<br />
17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.(OMG! That is some examination) <br />
<br />
<br />
18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.<br />
<br />
19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our <br />
car for physical therapy.<br />
<br />
20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.<br />
<br />
21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.<br />
<br />
22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.<br />
<br />
23. Skin: somewhat pale but present.<br />
<br />
24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.<br />
<br />
25. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.<br />
<br />
Thanks To Waneta<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
The Parrot<br />
<br />
A guy has a parrot who's always squawking and making snide remarks. One day he goes too far and the man grabs him and puts him in the freezer. The bird flaps around for a while and then gets quiet. The man fears the worst and opens the door.<br />
<br />
"Let me out of here and I promise to be a better pet and never say anything like that again," the shivering parrot says. "By the way, what did that turkey do?"<br />
<br />
Received from Chief Anderson.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
The Incredible Jungle Bungle<br />
<br />
In 1873, a team of German explorers and their three dogs decided to penetrate the heart of the South American jungle. After twelve years, they had set up a fort in an Incan town, the centerpiece of which was a large idol with a huge ruby for an eye.<br />
<br />
The German church had sent out their best man, Friar Wilhelm Werks, three times to check on the progress of the fort, and each time the appearance of the idol had sent him into fits of screaming, complete with shouts, curses, and rending of garments. Each time, he screamed so loudly that he sent the dogs running for cover. And each time, he left with a warning that the next time he visited, the idol had better be torn down.<br />
<br />
The commander of the fort, Hans Brickner, received a message that Friar Werks would be coming to visit again in a fortnight. He quickly called a meeting with his top commanders. All five agreed that the friar would explode when he saw the idol still standing.<br />
<br />
"But," said Commander Brickner, "there's nothing to be done. If we take down the idol, we will anger the local tribe, and without their cooperation, we're dead."<br />
<br />
His second-in-command, Herr Kommandant Wagner, said, "In that case, we'd better make sure we put the dogs away."<br />
<br />
"Why?"<br />
<br />
"You know how scared the dogs get when Friar Werks goes off on the Fort of Jewel Eye."<br />
<br />
Received from Stan Kegel.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
What Do You See?<br />
<br />
Three people were visiting the Grand Canyon: a painter, a preacher, and a cowboy. Looking over the massive canyon, each one verbalized his observation:<br />
<br />
"Incredible!" the painter said. "I'd love to paint a picture of this!"<br />
<br />
The preacher waved his arms and cried, "Glory! Look what God has done!"<br />
<br />
The cowboy exclaimed, "I'd sure hate to lose a cow down there!"<br />
<br />
Received from Doc's Daily Chuckle.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Philosophy Exam<br />
<br />
An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one-question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics.<br />
<br />
The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk, and wrote on the board: "Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist."<br />
<br />
Fingers flew, erasers erased, and notebooks were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair. One member of the class, however, was up and finished in less than a minute.<br />
<br />
Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an "A" when he had barely written anything at all. His answer consisted of two words:<br />
<br />
"What chair?"<br />
<br />
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Senior Moment<br />
<br />
Several days ago as I left a meeting at our church, I desperately gave myself a personal TSA pat down. I was looking for my keys. They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing. Suddenly I realized that I must have left them in the car. Frantically I headed for the parking lot.<br />
<br />
My wife, Diane, has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition. My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them. Her theory is that the car will be stolen. As I burst through the doors of the church, I came to a terrifying conclusion: her theory was right. The parking lot was empty. I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessing that I had left my keys in the car and that it had been stolen.<br />
<br />
Then I made the most difficult call of all. "Honey," I stammered. I always call her "honey" in times like these. "I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen."<br />
<br />
There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard Diane's voice. "Ken," she barked, "I dropped you off!"<br />
<br />
Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, come and get me."<br />
<br />
Diane retorted, "I will, as soon as I convince this policeman I have not stolen your car!"<br />
<br />
Received from Sanderson, Steven C.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Punography<br />
<br />
I tried to catch some fog. I mist.<br />
<br />
When chemists die, they barium.<br />
<br />
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.<br />
<br />
A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.<br />
<br />
I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.<br />
<br />
How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it.<br />
<br />
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.<br />
<br />
The girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I never met herbivore.<br />
<br />
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.<br />
<br />
I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.<br />
<br />
They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type O.<br />
<br />
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.<br />
<br />
Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.<br />
<br />
Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.<br />
<br />
Energizer Bunny arrested: Charged with battery.<br />
<br />
I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.<br />
<br />
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.<br />
<br />
When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.<br />
<br />
What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.<br />
<br />
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!<br />
<br />
Broken pencils are pointless.<br />
<br />
Received from Cathy.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Hearing Problem<br />
<br />
"Doctor, I think my wife is getting hard of hearing."<br />
<br />
"I'll have my nurse make an appointment for her, but in the meantime, there's a simple, informal test you can run to give us an idea how bad the problem is. Here's what you do: start out about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone say something and see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response."<br />
<br />
That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he's in the living room. In a normal tone he asks, "Honey, what's for supper?"<br />
<br />
No response.<br />
<br />
So the husband moves to the other end of the room and repeats, "Honey, what's for supper?"<br />
<br />
Still no response.<br />
<br />
Next he moves into the dining room. "Honey, what's for supper?"<br />
<br />
No response, so he walks up to the kitchen door. "Honey, what's for supper?"<br />
<br />
Again there is no response, so he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for supper?"<br />
<br />
"For the fifth time, Harry, CHICKEN!"<br />
<br />
Received from FranCMT2.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Veteran<br />
<br />
When I worked as a medical intern in a local hospital, one of my patients was an elderly man with a thick accent.<br />
<br />
It took me some time to understand that he had no insurance coverage.<br />
<br />
One thing he had made clear was that he was a World War II veteran, so I had him transported to the Veteran's Administration hospital, where he'd be eligible for benefits.<br />
<br />
The next day my patient was back, with a note from the VA: "Right war, wrong side."<br />
<br />
- from Reader's Digest - - Received from Doc's Daily Chuckle.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
What the Customer Wanted<br />
<br />
A store manager overheard a clerk saying to a customer, "No, ma'am, we haven't had any for some weeks now, and it doesn't look as if we'll be getting any soon."<br />
<br />
Alarmed by what was being said, the manager rushed over to the customer, who was walking out the door, and said, "That isn't true, ma'am. Of course, we'll have some soon. In fact, we placed an order for it a couple of weeks ago."<br />
<br />
Then the manager drew the clerk aside and growled, "Never, never, never, never say we don't have something. If we don't have it, say we ordered it and it's on its way. Now, what was it she wanted?"<br />
<br />
"Rain."<br />
<br />
Received from Big Mac Clean Joke Attack.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
The Dying Irish Nun<br />
<br />
The wise old Mother Superior from County Tipperary was dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her comfortable. They gave her some warm milk to drink, but she refused it. Then one nun took the glass back to the kitchen. Remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey they had received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.<br />
<br />
When she walked back to Mother Superior's bed, she held the glass to her lips. Mother drank a little, then a little more. Before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop. "Mother," the nuns asked with earnest, "please give us some wisdom before you die."<br />
<br />
She raised herself up in bed with a pious look on her face and said, "Don't sell that cow."<br />
<br />
Received from ArcaMax Jokes.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Bag Boy<br />
<br />
This guy has been working as a bag boy in a supermarket for five years.<br />
<br />
One day the supermarket gets new orange juice machines, and the bag boy is really excited and asks the manager if he can work the juice machines.<br />
<br />
The manager says no.<br />
<br />
The bagger says, "But I've been working here for five years. Why can't I run the juice machines?"<br />
<br />
The manager answers, "I'm sorry, son, but baggers can't be juicers."<br />
<br />
Received from Daily Groaner.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
The Green Thing<br />
<br />
In the line at the store, the cashier told the older woman that plastic bags weren't good for the environment. The woman apologized to her and explained, "We didn't have the green thing back in my day."<br />
<br />
That's right, they didn't have the green thing in her day. Back then, they returned their milk bottles, Coke bottles, and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, using the same bottles over and over. So they really were recycled. But they didn't have the green thing back in her day.<br />
<br />
In her day, they walked up stairs, because they didn't have an escalator in every store and office building. They walked to the grocery store and didn't climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time they had to go two blocks. But she's right: they didn't have the green thing in her day.<br />
<br />
Back then, they washed the baby's diapers because they didn't have the throw-away kind. They dried clothes on a line, not in an energy-gobbling machine burning up 220 volts - wind and solar power really did dry the clothes. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing. But that old lady is right: they didn't have the green thing back in her day.<br />
<br />
Back then, they had one TV or radio in the house - not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a pizza dish, not a screen the size of the state of Montana. In the kitchen, they blended and stirred by hand because they didn't have electric machines to do everything for them. When they packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, they used wadded-up newspaper to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap.<br />
<br />
Back then, they didn't fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. They used a push mower that ran on human power. They exercised by working so they didn't need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity. But she's right: they didn't have the green thing back then.<br />
<br />
They drank from a fountain when they were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time they had a drink of water. They refilled pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and they replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull. But they didn't have the green thing back then.<br />
<br />
Back then, people took the streetcar and kids rode their bikes to school or rode the school bus instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service. They had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And they didn't need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 2,000 miles out in space just to find the nearest pizza joint.<br />
<br />
But that old lady is right: they didn't have the green thing back in her day.<br />
<br />
Received from Pam Clark.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Arkansas Farmers<br />
<br />
Billy and Bubba, two farmers from a small town outside of Little Rock, Arkansas, were walking home together after each had purchased a pig. Billy said to Bubba, "How are we going to tell them apart?"<br />
<br />
Bubba answered, "We'll cut the left ear off of your pig." And so they did.<br />
<br />
After a while, the pigs got into a fight and they had bitten off each other’s ears. Billy asked, "Now what are we going to do?"<br />
<br />
"Well, how about if we cut the tail off of my pig?" Bubba replied.<br />
<br />
"That sounds like a good plan to me," Billy agreed.<br />
<br />
A little while later, the pigs got into another fight, and when it was over, they were both missing their tails.<br />
<br />
"What will we do now?" Bubba asked Billy.<br />
<br />
After giving it some thought, Billy replied, "Well, we could cut the leg off of yours."<br />
<br />
"That's not humane!" Bubba cried.<br />
<br />
So after some more thought, Billy said, "Well, let's do this. We'll just call the white one yours and the black one mine."<br />
<br />
Received from Big Mac Clean Joke Attack.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Witness<br />
<br />
A witness to an automobile accident was testifying. The following exchange took place between the lawyer and the witness:<br />
<br />
Lawyer: "Did you actually see the accident?"<br />
<br />
Witness: "Yes, sir."<br />
<br />
Lawyer: "How far away were you when the accident happened?"<br />
<br />
Witness: "Thirty-one feet, six and one-quarter inches."<br />
<br />
Lawyer (thinking he'd trap the witness): "Well, sir, will you tell the jury how you knew it was exactly that distance?"<br />
<br />
Witness: "Because when the accident happened I took out a tape and measured it. I knew some stupid lawyer would ask me that question."<br />
<br />
Received from Big Mac Clean Joke Attack.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
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><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Column - - http://www.madkane.com/humor_blog/<br />
<br />
Limerick Bar By Madeleine Begun Kane<br />
<br />
A woman decided to bar<br />
Cigarette smoking folks from her car.<br />
“This must be a joke,”<br />
Said her husband. “I smoke,<br />
So our marriage ain’t going too far.”<br />
<br />
© Madeleine Begun Kane. All Rights Reserved.<br />
http://www.madkane.com/<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Norma Kay Rowe writes:<br />
<br />
Mike, you know I love you and you know I love that you love retirement so much, however, for your own health and safety, please don't take up golf!!!<br />
~ ADVICE FROM A RETIRED HUSBAND:<br />
<br />
It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.<br />
<br />
My name is Ron. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife. When I retired a few years ago, it became necessary for Kathy to get a full-time job, along with her part-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed.<br />
<br />
Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from the golf club about the same time she gets home from work. Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table.<br />
<br />
I generally have lunch in the Men's Grill at the club, so eating out is not reasonable. I'm ready for some home-cooked grub when I hit that door.<br />
<br />
She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now it's not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner. I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won't clean themselves. I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.<br />
<br />
Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example, she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. But, boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two, or even three days. That way, she won't have to rush so much.<br />
<br />
I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (if you know what I mean). I like to think tact is one of my strong points. <br />
<br />
When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She had to take a break when she was only half-finished mowing the yard. I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me, too.<br />
<br />
I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support my wife. I'm not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older.<br />
<br />
However, Guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile. After all, we are put on this earth to help each other.<br />
<br />
EDITOR'S NOTE: Ron died suddenly on January 31 of a perforated rectum. The police report says he was found with a Calloway extra-long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver II golf club jammed up his rear end, with barely 5 inches of grip showing, and a sledge hammer lying nearby. His wife was arrested and charged with murder. The all-woman jury took only 10 minutes to find her Not Guilty, accepting her defense that Ron, somehow without looking, accidentally sat down on his golf club.<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." __ Franklin D. Roosevelt <br />
"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle." <br />
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. _ _ George Carlin <br />
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" _ _ Queen E. Watson<br />
“A political class of Republicans and Democrats that look after themselves, not the Nation. A media hostile to the very precepts of this nation. A generation of Americans who see morals as vices, and are ignorant of America's Actual History.”<br />
"The things that will destroy America are prosperity-at-any-price, peace-at-any-price, safety-first instead of duty-first, the love of soft living, and the get-rich-quick theory of life." - - Theodore Roosevelt <br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> <br />
Emergency Phone Number 911 <br />
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )<br />
Central Dispatch 234_5655<br />
(Non _ Emergency Number)<br />
Direct Numbers<br />
Ambulance _ 234_7371 (24 Hour)<br />
Jail _ 234_5331 (24 Hour)<br />
Poison Control _ 800_222_1222 (24 Hour)<br />
http://www. aapcc. org/<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Interested in getting in touch with the Banner_News through e_mail? editor@bannernews.net For the editor, news@bannernews.net For news and sports items, Coming Events, Diary, Church News, school and civic events. [http://www.bannernews.net/]<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." __ "Bug" <br />
"I read the end of the book. We win!" __ "Bug" <br />
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." __ "Bug"<br />
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." _ _ "Bug"<br />
"It's no big deal doing what God tells you to do. A big deal would be NOT doing what God tells you to do. Just ask Jonah." _ _ Paul Troquille <br />
“Nam et ipsa scientia potestas est.” Knowledge is power. _ Francis Bacon <br />
"The problem is here and now. The time for talk is past. The time for action is now." <br />
Comments on the first Earth Day _ James F. McClellan via John "Fuzzy" Thurman<br />
~~~~~<br />
Hope you enjoy the newsletter. <br />
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week. <br />
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" __"Bug" <br />
God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!! <br />
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT_I KC5HII <br />
<br />
P. S. If you'd like to be added to the distribution, just drop us E_mail at kc5hii@suddenlink.net<br />
. We offer "Da Bleat" as text, a "Blog" and as a newsletter with pictures in Word and PDF format. The latest issue is usually updated sometime Saturday. For the latest issue, go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com. We also have a site [http://bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com/] where we post photos that I like.<br />
We appreciate your encouragement. We also appreciate your communication when you desire to be taken off our mail list. If you are on this mail list by mistake or do not wish to receive "Da Bleat," please reply back and tell us to discontinue service to you. <br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>Bughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07270965849194883997noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9136923892168334329.post-23438658826017742442013-06-30T14:20:00.001-07:002013-06-30T15:15:57.354-07:00Bugs Bleat - - GCF: Spelling WordsVolume 15, Issue 26 Friday, June 28, 2013<br />
<br />
Annette with her "Jimmy" Durante" eggplant from the Magnolia Farmer's Market<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-qR-kMoZMvcg/UdCa6GpIOlI/AAAAAAAAG1k/LK-7M2T9kPM/s1600/2013-06-25_14-28-29_292.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-qR-kMoZMvcg/UdCa6GpIOlI/AAAAAAAAG1k/LK-7M2T9kPM/s320/2013-06-25_14-28-29_292.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-x94eiHM-Ek8/UdCsNOelu6I/AAAAAAAAG4Q/EpDBn3IqsDI/s320/02-BB_130628_2013-06-24_14-28-45_271.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-x94eiHM-Ek8/UdCsNOelu6I/AAAAAAAAG4Q/EpDBn3IqsDI/s320/02-BB_130628_2013-06-24_14-28-45_271.jpg" /></a></div><br />
Josiah and Ethan enjoying an ice cream sandwich after toiling in the heat helping me set up a "soaker hose" to water these Lilies <br />
<br />
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<br />
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<br />
<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-pibiubb5K_I/UdCb1lySZxI/AAAAAAAAG10/en_MhiF97Fo/s1600/2013-06-25_14-27-42_975.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-pibiubb5K_I/UdCb1lySZxI/AAAAAAAAG10/en_MhiF97Fo/s320/2013-06-25_14-27-42_975.jpg" /></a></div><br />
(notice the rare double flower?), <br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-2zZ4Z40xtaU/UdCcoI0uUeI/AAAAAAAAG2A/UQEVQD3MvaU/s1600/2013-06-27_11-05-43_127.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-2zZ4Z40xtaU/UdCcoI0uUeI/AAAAAAAAG2A/UQEVQD3MvaU/s320/2013-06-27_11-05-43_127.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Annette helps the gang sell BBQ to raise funds for our kids and youth going to summer camp<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-yiCxfHwgD7c/UdCczxWQNoI/AAAAAAAAG2M/J--U1E6TCBQ/s1600/2013-06-25_14-27-50_84.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-yiCxfHwgD7c/UdCczxWQNoI/AAAAAAAAG2M/J--U1E6TCBQ/s320/2013-06-25_14-27-50_84.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">one of Annette's beautiful baskets of flowers<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-oY-wYu_QXdg/UdCc5Js-XMI/AAAAAAAAG2U/_xmGdJZH7Nc/s1600/2013-06-26_10-38-59_864.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-oY-wYu_QXdg/UdCc5Js-XMI/AAAAAAAAG2U/_xmGdJZH7Nc/s320/2013-06-26_10-38-59_864.jpg" /></a></div><br />
Josiah working to win free Angry Birds games.<br />
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<br />
Hello ALL,<br />
<br />
Annette and I saw our other favorite specialist last week, Dr. Donna Rushing, the world’s best endocrinologist. As usual, she heaped unending praise on Annette just because she’s lost weight, is exercising, her A1C’s are almost normal and she’s off almost all diabetic medications. Dr. Rushing uses Annette as a success “Poster Girl” for all her other patients. Then the Doctor turned to me and said that she was proud I was trying and that it was good that the skin on my toes is soft. It sort of reminded me of the way the teacher in my special “ed” class spoke to me when I was a senior in high school. <br />
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There’s always someone messing up the “curb” and setting the goal way up high for us normal folks … <br />
~~~~~<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-F0rAbF5S1AI/UdCdjle2mcI/AAAAAAAAG2c/1sIi2cMHu7Q/s1600/2013-06-25_15-03-19_751.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-F0rAbF5S1AI/UdCdjle2mcI/AAAAAAAAG2c/1sIi2cMHu7Q/s320/2013-06-25_15-03-19_751.jpg" /></a></div>Fresh Pinto Beans & Hot Water Bread<br />
~~~~~<br />
A friend shared this story with us; “… last week when I turned in my rental car, a Sheriff's Deputy was at the Avis office following up on a missing car report. I heard him tell the Avis clerk he would "pass by that address and see if the car was there." And he left.<br />
<br />
Yikes!! Who does that??<br />
<br />
Then, after I got home, Avis called ME to follow up on a missing car report - they wanted to know where the Kia Forte was that I had rented the week before!!<br />
<br />
(After some discussion with the Avis representative, it seems out that the mileage on the car I turned in was less than the recorded mileage out (man am I glad I kept copies of my paperwork.) The Avis guy and I are guessing that the lady at the desk decided to just add 100 miles to the mileage out and call it good. After more investigation, we finally concluded that she must have checked in the wrong car instead of the one I rented.)<br />
~<br />
Reminds me of the time I came in from the Brinefield and Mitzie told me that a deputy sheriff had been by looking for me. So I called the sheriff’s office and they told me to "never mind." ?????<br />
~<br />
So here's the "Rest Of The Story." After wondering what that visit from the deputy was about for a day or so, I called a friend at the Sheriff's Office and asked him if he knew what was going on. He laughed and told me what had happened that day.<br />
<br />
Seems that a woman (whom I didn't know) had filed a sexual harassment complaint against me. As the police chief knew where I worked (and that it was outside the city limits) he asked the Sheriff to send a Deputy out to question me. However while the deputy was looking for me, the woman decided to go ahead and file complaints against the Mayor, County Judge, Sheriff, Police Chief, the Fire Chief, the owner of the local Ambulance Service, all the policemen who were at the station that day, etc. etc. At that point, the investigating police officer decided to discard ALL the woman's complaints.<br />
<br />
The real mystery was how I got onto that exclusive list. That question became a little clearer when I found out that my daughter knew her. Vanessa told me; "Dad, she's the lady that walks through our neighborhood every day." I never did discover what I had done to warrant her complaint, besides living along her walking route. <br />
~~~~~<br />
A friend has suffered the pain of a kidney stone this week. I had one of them there kidney stones several years back and I can sure confirm that they hurt like the dickens. <br />
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After my screaming became truly annoying, Annette took me down to the E/R to let them deal with me. They quickly sent me to X-Ray where I continued to whine and cry. <br />
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The X-Ray tech told me; "You sure are being a big baby about this." I replied; "IT HURTS!" To which she countered; "Oh for goodness sake, I've had 11 of them and 5 required surgery to remove." <br />
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I screamed: "YOU CAN HAVE MORE THAN ONE KIDNEY STONE!" and passed out. <br />
~~~~~<br />
Before she retired Annette was our "CARE" pastor at Magnolia Christian Center. Her job was to work with people in need (sickness, finances, whatever) and help meet their needs.<br />
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She learned very early on that it's like Abe Lincoln said; "You can help some of the people all of the time. You can help all of the people some of the time. But you can't help all of the people all of the time."<br />
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Her main concern was the people but a close second was not squandering the finite resources she had to minister with. So it was a very very seldom thing that she ever gave anyone money. She'd go buy them food or medicine or pay their utilities or get them a motel room for the night or put gas in their vehicle or even find them a vehicle to drive to work, but ... unless she intimately knew them, cash was not normally an option (with the church's money.)<br />
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With that said, she still would fork over her own cash from time to time when someone’s plea touched her heart. And she has a soft heart.<br />
<br />
I learned just how soft her heart was years ago when I had a job working as a bill collector and made the mistake of taking Annette with me one day. At first I thought I was a GREAT bill collector. Almost everyone was paying on their bill when I visited them. I kept considering myself to be a GREAT bill collector until later that month, when I saw our checking account balance. While I had been trying to collect the bills, Annette was busy giving them money to pay those bills.<br />
~~~~~<br />
Magnolia Regional Medical Center made a great announcement this week. “We are excited to have our UAMS South Residents on campus for orientation. Beginning Monday, they will be here full time serving Magnolia.”<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-B3k_eLlutOw/UdCrYJDQMnI/AAAAAAAAG4I/t1vQ5L7EB1g/s320/10-BB_130628_UAMS-S+_735852796_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-B3k_eLlutOw/UdCrYJDQMnI/AAAAAAAAG4I/t1vQ5L7EB1g/s320/10-BB_130628_UAMS-S+_735852796_n.jpg" /></a></div>Just about the final step in adding another eight doctors to serve the Magnolia, Columbia County, South Arkansas area.<br />
<br />
KUDOS to UAMS, Margaret West and the MRMC staff for bringing this fine medical facility to our town.<br />
~~~~~<br />
My buddy Joe Tudor commented about forced diversity; “Whenever our churches try to assign people to small groups, the groups don't thrive. We seem to prefer to meet with "people like us" - no one likes to get out of their comfort zone.”<br />
~<br />
It’s normal to prefer to associate with your peers (people who share similarities such as age, background, etc.) That's why Promise Keepers strongly encouraged men to step out and make friends with someone out of their group. Otherwise, you will never really see the human side of folks outside your “group.”<br />
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This was brought home to me when an interracial couple began attending Magnolia Christian Center. At first, I saw them as “the interracial couple” but after getting to know them at church and in social settings for a few months, they were no longer “that couple” instead, they were Hover and Lois, my fellow Christians and friends. With that in mind, you can probably understand why I was encouraged when my youngest grandsons stopped the strange guy that roams Magnolia streets one day and introduced me to "Mr. Charles" who goes to their church. He still lives in his own world but you can tell he appreciates their friendship.<br />
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I don't think everyone has to have a "Rainbow" group of friends. But I have a problem with insulating our associations with our “peers” to the point that anyone we disagree with is shunned.<br />
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A fellow asked me why a particular person was my face book friend as he noticed their “posts” indicated them to be a "flaming" Liberal. I told him that I liked that person and appreciated their viewpoint, even if I seldom agreed with them. He couldn't understand that.<br />
~~~~~<br />
I saw an article titled "Are You Still Using A Microwave Oven?" This tome on the SUPPOSEDLY HORRIBLE dangers of using microwaves to cook is what I classify as a "Junk Science." It was poorly written with "conclusions" that were largely erroneous (i.e. "RADIATION steam in a milk bottle can cause it to explode." etc.) There may actually be some true facts about the dangers of cooking with microwave ovens that we should consider, but I didn't find them in this article.<br />
<br />
However, in my opinion, the microwave has been largely responsible for the general decline in restaurant food. "Nukin" food usually doesn't make it taste better.<br />
<br />
We microwave popcorn (and that probably is unhealthy due to the stuff they put in microwave popcorn to make it work.) We also heat left overs (single servings) and I like to cook my single slice of bacon on three layers of paper towels on a paper plate every morning. It’s the tool of choice to heat a cup of water for hot chocolate or green tea. <br />
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The microwave also does a GREAT job on frozen Zwolle Tamales. Wrap them individually in wax paper, nuke for a minute, rotate them on the plate, nuke for another minute, and rotate them on the plate, etc. until they are hot to the touch. This does a much better job than steaming.<br />
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http://www.lacrawfish.com/Zwolle-Tamales-P178.aspx<br />
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We can get Zwolle Tamales in the frozen food section at Sav-A-Lot here in Magnolia. <br />
~~~~~<br />
Data from Voyager 1, now more than 11 billion miles (18 billion kilometers) from the sun, suggest the spacecraft is close to becoming the first human-made object to reach interstellar space. <br />
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Long long ago, in a life far far away, David did his high school science fair project on Voyager. It included a very accurate model of the craft that was big enough to fill the allotted space at the science fair.<br />
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http://earthsky.org/science-wire/voyager-spacecraft-explores-final-frontier-of-our-solar-bubble<br />
~~~~~<br />
Car Talk - - You know you need a wheel alignment when you think a shopping cart has great handling...<br />
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Parents, you are busted! A new study says adults are 40% more likely to check their phones while driving than teens. - - http://bit.ly/19Jrwbs<br />
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Most new cars have 6 airbags... What has the most? … A 15-passenger van fully loaded with congressmen!<br />
~<br />
Prepare for your teen’s solo driving by understanding state laws, insurance requirements and driving risks, as well as steps you can take to stay involved. - - http://teendriving.aaa.com/AR/<br />
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Chuck Jackson<br />
~~~~~<br />
We’ve been getting more and more “Junk” phone calls since the “Do Not Call Registry” pretty much collapsed in failure. (Scammers Getting Around ‘Do Not Call’ List?<br />
http://video.foxbusiness.com/v/2484836548001/scammers-getting-around-do-not-call-list/?playlist_id=935446234001)<br />
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Yesterday it was a “helpful” fellow who left us a long message saying he’d “heard” that we were shopping for a better deal on health insurance. I continue to take the time to report these on the “Do Not Call Website” [https://complaints.donotcall.gov/complaint/complaintcheck.aspx?panel=2] but most sources I’ve checked say that the caller’s technology has far outpaced the ability of the feds to find, catch and prosecute them.<br />
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With all the stuff recently exposed about NSA listening to our phone calls, it would seem that they ought to be able to track down these junk phone callers and shut them off? We’re holding our breath for that to happen.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-cPvxGBvAo-M/UdCqjr-mwII/AAAAAAAAG4A/w-xZ4M_6G1A/s320/01-BB_130628_NSA+Captial+Dome+133289_600.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-cPvxGBvAo-M/UdCqjr-mwII/AAAAAAAAG4A/w-xZ4M_6G1A/s320/01-BB_130628_NSA+Captial+Dome+133289_600.jpg" /></a></div><br />
Meanwhile, fighting technology with technology, spam call blockers route calls, block uninvited calls, detour calls or require incoming calls to key in a code. Check out Command Communications Inc. or Digitone Communications Inc. for tele-guarding products. Digitone's "PrivacyCall Screener," for instance, is a sleek, $100 box that blocks certain caller numbers and requires unidentified callers to enter a privacy code to make your phone ring. It eliminates not only junk faxes but also telemarketers, political pollsters, charities, stalkers, creditors -- even ex-spouses, according to Digitone's promotions. www.digitone.com/<br />
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http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/11/28/AR2005112800642.html<br />
http://www.cagle.com/news/nsa-snooping/ <br />
~~~~~<br />
Here's to all you wonderful mothers without whom we wouldn't be dads... a trip down memory lane, from a list of questions my wife asked the doctor way back when. We wrote down the questions and answers and still have them.<br />
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Questions and Answers<br />
Q: Should I have a baby after 35?<br />
A: No, 35 is enough.<br />
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Q: I'm two months pregnant now, when will my baby move?<br />
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.<br />
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Q: What is the most reliable method to determine the baby's sex?<br />
A: childbirth<br />
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Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure, is she right?<br />
A: Yes, in the same way a tornado might be called an air current.<br />
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Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?<br />
A: Right after you find out your pregnant.<br />
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Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?<br />
A: Yes, pregnancy.<br />
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Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?<br />
A: Not if you change the baby's diapers quickly.<br />
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Thanks to Daryl Cox<br />
~~~~~<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-8wkGdQpBA-A/UdCqWuQ5xqI/AAAAAAAAG34/JRRGaHC4snc/s320/03-BB_130628_PurpleHull+Pea+_975069520_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-8wkGdQpBA-A/UdCqWuQ5xqI/AAAAAAAAG34/JRRGaHC4snc/s320/03-BB_130628_PurpleHull+Pea+_975069520_n.jpg" /></a></div>The World Famous PurpleHull Pea Festival & World Championship Rotary Tiller Race is this weekend. It’s certainly nice to see a ripening Emerson Purple Hull Pea crop. <br />
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This photo was taken June 24 at Emerson, Arkansas. <br />
~~~~~<br />
The U.S. accounts for 25% of all prison inmates in the world. Mandatory sentences account for much of this, especially long sentences for first time drug offenders classified as "dealers." <br />
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And, while potentially productive citizens languish in prison, the taxpayers pay for their room and board at an average cost of $30 per prisoner per day.<br />
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Surprise, surprise, the number one organization supporting longer mandatory sentences is the association of private prison companies.<br />
<br />
It's estimated that 75% of current US prisoners would be better handled via community programs at a tremendously lower cost to the taxpayers. The late Chuck Colson was a very strong advocate for restitution programs whereby the convicted "non violent" felon is required to make restitution to the person(s) they have wronged as well as performing community service in lieu of prison time. [http://www.pfi.org/about-us/history-of-pfi]<br />
<br />
Here in Columbia County, we've instituted a "Drug Court" to keep first offenders out of the prison system. They are required to get a job, get their high school diploma, etc. This program is very successful for those who stick with it and complete all the requirements. <br />
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This is a good way to help people change their lives as well as keeping them off the state "room and board" rolls. <br />
~~~~~ <br />
In a related story, Arkansas Governor Mike Beebe has requested a review of the state’s parole system, saying a fresh look is needed after a 2008 parolee was charged in a Little Rock murder.<br />
~~~~~<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-xT_9KCmzpQY/UdCqBv0gFtI/AAAAAAAAG3w/XmnyksLZ83o/s320/12-BB_130628_Monsters+University_133834_600.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-xT_9KCmzpQY/UdCqBv0gFtI/AAAAAAAAG3w/XmnyksLZ83o/s320/12-BB_130628_Monsters+University_133834_600.jpg" /></a></div>And, just what we needed to hear … SAU announced increases in tuition as well as room and board of 3.35%. <br />
~<br />
But the news isn’t all bad. The 82 employees of Arkansas' Scholarship lottery will receive 2 percent cost-of-living adjustments and merit pay raises and the director will receive two payments totaling $7,080 under a plan approved by the games' governing board.<br />
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The pay raises were approved after a legislative session where lawmakers voted to cut the scholarships funded by the games. The scholarships for new recipients will now have a tiered structure of scholarships for students - starting at $2,000 for a freshman at four year-colleges. It will increase by $1,000 each year, capping out at $5,000 for seniors.<br />
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Arkansas voters approved the lottery in 2008 to raise money for college scholarships, and the state began selling tickets the following year. <br />
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http://www.arkansasbusiness.com/article/93244/panel-approves-pay-raises-for-arkansas-lottery-employees<br />
~~~~~<br />
My cousin lost his cell phone while on a business trip, so he was in a panic when he arrived home thinking he'd left his BlackBerry at a restaurant. After a frantic search, he was relieved to hear it ringing in his desk. <br />
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His relief was short lived, however. <br />
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On the line was the restaurant, calling him to say he'd left his credit card there.<br />
~~~~~<br />
Favorite Quotes: <br />
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"Imagination will often carry us to worlds that never were. But, without it, we go nowhere ..."<br />
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- Carl Sagan via AETN - Arkansas Educational Television Network<br />
~<br />
"Don’t pray when you feel like it. Have an appointment with the Lord and keep it. A man is powerful on his knees"<br />
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Corrie Ten Boom<br />
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A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.<br />
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Winston Churchill<br />
~<br />
"Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame." - Benjamin Franklin<br />
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Tell me and I forget. Teach me and I remember. Involve me and I learn. ~ Benjamin Franklin via Ron Hazelton<br />
~<br />
You see, at the center of all religions is the idea of Karma. You know, what you put out comes back to you: an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, or in physics; in physical laws every action is met by an equal or an opposite one. It's clear to me that Karma is at the very heart of the universe. I'm absolutely sure of it. And yet, along comes this idea called Grace to upend all that "as you reap, so you will sow" stuff. Grace defies reason and logic. Love interrupts, if you like, the consequences of your actions, which in my case is very good news indeed, because I've done a lot of stupid stuff.<br />
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Bono Grace Quote<br />
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http://www.interfaith.org/forum/bono-u2-on-grace-and-10162.html - - http://www.thepoachedegg.net/the-poached-egg/2010/09/bono-interview-grace-over-karma.html - - BEST - http://christian-quotes.ochristian.com/Bono-Quotes/<br />
http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2005/augustweb-only/bono-0805.html<br />
~~~~~<br />
The following wisdom is shared by our friends. <br />
~<br />
Focus on individuals—avoid the herding. Jesus went searching for the one.<br />
We become focused on the BIG picture (the forest) and we lose sight of the trees (individuals). Ministry is not ONLY about the BIG picture, it is also – and most specifically – about the individual. Disciples are not created in herds. Disciples are created as individuals (Great Commission)<br />
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Taken from Brian Dollar's blog--Kid's minister via Mary Louise Brownlee Alexis<br />
~<br />
Don't worry about what others think ... Most people don't use their brain very often. <br />
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Venkat Desireddy via Daryl Cox.<br />
~<br />
I'm thinking of cleaning the house today- and then I think, but it's Wednesday and it might need it again by the weekend- and THEN I think, but I'm not working right now and Joe is retired, so really, everyday is the weekend so why does it matter when I clean it? I now declare this- the day before the weekend and I am cleaning my house- starting with getting those cupcakes off the counter.<br />
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Martha Chapman<br />
~<br />
I for one am tired of watching 1984 come to pass!<br />
<br />
Steve Ford <br />
~<br />
Jude 1:20-21 20 But you, beloved, building yourselves up in your most holy faith and praying in the Holy Spirit, 21 keep yourselves in the love of God, waiting for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ that leads to eternal life.<br />
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Amanda Bowen Franks<br />
~<br />
When you argue against Him you are arguing against the very power that makes you able to argue at all: it is like cutting off the branch you are sitting on. C. S. Lewis via Mikey Harwell<br />
~ <br />
Obama at Brandenburg Gate this week, "Our work is not yet done." Lord, have mercy on us all. <br />
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I used to think I was younger than I am now; years of experience make me think I was right.<br />
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Chuck Jackson<br />
~<br />
If you go through life intentionally making others miserable, the only person you destroy will be yourself.<br />
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Sometimes giving hints doesn't help, you just have to come right out and say what you want<br />
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Your journey will be much lighter & easier if you don't carry the past with you<br />
<br />
Before you complain about how hard you have it, look around...<br />
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God is closer than you think<br />
<br />
God has perfect timing; never early, never late<br />
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Be careful what you wish for<br />
<br />
Seeing so many situations through my job, my children may not realize how blessed they are to have parents that will help and support them whenever we can.<br />
<br />
God has a plan for you and He has heard your prayers; you may not realize how close you are to your breakthrough. Don't Give Up!!<br />
<br />
You may not end up where you thought you'd be, but you will always end up where you're meant to be . . .<br />
<br />
If things in your life are Not Going Right, turn Left<br />
<br />
Ansley learned a valuable lesson today, don't kick the cat or you will get scratched. :(<br />
<br />
Nancee Davis Law<br />
~<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-z2U34WR5vKg/UdCtdLNnX1I/AAAAAAAAG4g/52yYI7Tspv4/s320/11-BB_130628_cagle+end+of+the+world+133779_600.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-z2U34WR5vKg/UdCtdLNnX1I/AAAAAAAAG4g/52yYI7Tspv4/s320/11-BB_130628_cagle+end+of+the+world+133779_600.jpg" /></a></div>Between SB5, DOMA, Paula Deen, and Nelson Mandela..... *shew*...... <br />
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I need to pray. <br />
<br />
Jodi Wreyford McClellan<br />
~<br />
There aren't many things that warm your heart more than hearing a child laugh/giggle uncontrollably :-)<br />
<br />
Amanda Warren-Newton<br />
~<br />
This world still is full of wonderful people!!!!! <br />
<br />
Norma Kay Rowe <br />
~<br />
AMEN that all things are possible with GOD!!<br />
<br />
Tawana Robertson Staten<br />
~<br />
I'm quoting Helen Keller again...."Resolve to keep happy, and your joy and you shall form and invincible host against difficulties."<br />
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Debbie Troquille<br />
~<br />
People tend to be thin skinned and hard hearted...getting feelings hurt easily and showing little empathy for others. Our goal should be to become thick skinned and tender hearted. Don't be so easily offended, and genuinely care about others. Jesus can teach us everything we need to know, about living like that!<br />
<br />
Paul David Troquille<br />
~~~~~<br />
You can't put plastic in the dishwasher, metal in the microwave or utensils in the garbage disposal.<br />
<br />
There are so many rules in the kitchen that it's just safer to eat out.<br />
~~~~~<br />
AskBob - - Bob Rankin - - Locate a Stolen Laptop or Smartphone <br />
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A reader asks: 'I travel often with a smartphone and a laptop, so I'm looking for something to help me locate these gadgets if they are ever lost or stolen. What do you recommend?' Read on for my tips on recovering (and preventing) a lost or stolen laptop, tablet, or smartphone... [http://askbobrankin.com/locate_a_stolen_laptop_or_smartphone.html?awt_l=HZr.N&awt_m=Jo1GCRSDh8P6SL] <br />
~~~~~<br />
ACC SmartBrief - - Senate holds committee hearing in response to recent Texas, La. Incidents<br />
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Senate Environment and Public Works Committee Chair Barbara Boxer, D-Calif., is calling on the Environmental Protection Agency to enact a 2002 proposal from the U.S. Chemical Safety Board requiring risk-assessment plans for plants storing reactive chemicals. During a Senate committee hearing Thursday, Boxer criticized the EPA's "lack of urgency" in moving forward with such regulations. CSB Chairman Rafael Moure-Eraso told senators that "ammonium nitrate fertilizer storage falls under a patchwork of U.S. safety standards and guidances, a patchwork that has many large holes." <br />
<br />
Bloomberg Businessweek [http://www.businessweek.com/news/2013-06-27/boxer-demands-epa-adopt-2002-safety-proposals-after-texas-blast] (6/27), EENews.net (free content)/GreenWire [http://www.eenews.net/stories/1059983607] (6/27), Global Security Newswire [http://www.nti.org/gsn/article/citing-recent-tragedies-boxer-slams-epa-over-chemical-security-rules/] (6/27), The Hill/RegWatch blog [http://thehill.com/blogs/regwatch/energyenvironment/308203-safety-office-warns-qholesq-in-chemical-regulation-allowed-for-fertilizer-plant-explosion] (6/27)<br />
~~~~~<br />
DarynKagan.com - - It's a moment that will make dog lovers cry.<br />
<br />
I have for you today a special moment for dog lovers, a new super hero, & a company that gives big time.<br />
<br />
-Daryn.<br />
<br />
Long Lost Dog Reunited With Forever Family #made me cry [http://darynkagan.com/DarynKagan.com_Animals.html]<br />
<br />
Which Surprise Hero Stopped This Runaway City Bus? [http://darynkagan.com/Heroes.html]<br />
<br />
TOMS Shoes Finds New Way To Give #Gift of Sight [http://darynkagan.com/Charity.html]<br />
<br />
Know anyone who would love to get this newsletter and brighten their day? Sign them up here [http://darynkagan.us6.list-manage1.com/subscribe?u=8fc852c2879912f2f334bb010&id=54f94ca479].<br />
<br />
Copyright © *|2013* *|Journeyist, Inc.|*, All rights reserved. <br />
~~~~~<br />
Rasmussen Reports - - What They Told Us: Reviewing Last Week's Key Polls<br />
<br />
http://www.rasmussenreports.com/public_content/politics/weekly_updates/what_they_told_us_reviewing_last_week_s_key_polls2<br />
<br />
What They Told Us: Reviewing Last Week's Key Polls <br />
<br />
With the nation's 237th birthday just days away, it's good to remind ourselves that for most Americans, there's still no place like home. Read More <br />
<br />
35% Think Obama Doing Good or Excellent Job with Economy <br />
<br />
Daily Presidential Tracking Poll: 46% Approve of Obama's Job Performance<br />
<br />
24% Say Their Home is Worth Less Than When They Bought It <br />
<br />
70% Say Americans Have More Freedom Than People in Other Countries<br />
<br />
To find out more about Scott Rasmussen, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit www.creators.com. <br />
<br />
COPYRIGHT 2013 - - SCOTT RASMUSSEN - - DISTRIBUTED BY CREATORS.COM<br />
<br />
See Other Political Commentaries. http://www.rasmussenreports.com/public_content/political_commentary<br />
<br />
See Other Commentaries by Scott Rasmussen. http://www.rasmussenreports.com/public_content/political_commentary/commentary_by_scott_rasmussen<br />
~~~~~<br />
Car Talk - Parents, you are busted!<br />
<br />
A new study says adults are 40% more likely to check their phones while driving than teens.<br />
<br />
http://bit.ly/19Jrwbs<br />
~<br />
Introducing a new hire here at Car Talk Plaza. We're pleased to welcome our new Director of Off-Road Trials, Jocelyn M'bouti.<br />
<br />
Turns out hindsight is 20/15. Date for mandatory back-up cameras changes...<br />
~~~~~<br />
Diabetes Life - - www.dlife.com - - The Power of Plating<br />
By Elizabeth Keyser - Freelance Writer<br />
<br />
That old saying, "we eat with our eyes" isn't completely true. Enjoying a meal uses all our senses – smell, taste, and touch as well as sight. But first appearances are important. And it's fun, and surprisingly easy, to add some "top chef" style to make you and your family smile at the dinner table. Diabetes super foods provide a big, colorful palette of vegetables, grains, nuts, and fruit to play with.<br />
<br />
Plating techniques have a sneaky benefit: portion control. Beautiful plating is the opposite of heaping a lot of food on the plate. These are dishes that make you slow down and savor. Here's how to do it. [http://www.dlife.com/dlife_media/diabetes_slideshows/the-power-of-plating?utm_source=Foodstuff-20130625&utm_medium=eNewsletter&utm_content=Foodstuff-newsletter&utm_term=Focused&utm_campaign=dLife-eNewsletter&]<br />
~~~~~<br />
5 Things New Veterans Expect From All Candidates<br />
<br />
1. Defend the New GI Bill<br />
<br />
2. Employ the New Greatest Generation<br />
<br />
3. Prevent suicide among troops and veterans<br />
<br />
4. Build a truly 21st Century VA<br />
<br />
5. Improve Care for Female Veterans<br />
<br />
http://iava.org/blog/5-things-new-veterans-expect-all-candidates-2012<br />
~~~~~ <br />
The latest from Michael Yon, the foremost “milnews” blogger on the web. <br />
~<br />
Greetings, <br />
<br />
Please see this dispatch (http://www.michaelyon-online.com/decline-of-dustoff-a-symptom.htm) about Dustoff and sequestration. I wrote it this morning and it remains unedited though accurate. Please excuse any trivial errors. The details and substance all are on target.<br />
<br />
Very Respectfully,<br />
Michael Yon<br />
Your Writer, <br />
<br />
Please remember that this website accepts no advertisement and is dependent on your support. <br />
<br />
PS Please sign up for my Twitter.com updates at "Michael_Yon" [http://twitter.com/Michael_Yon] (not Michael Yon).<br />
<br />
http://www.facebook.com/#/MichaelYonFanPage?ref=sgm<br />
~<br />
www.michaelyon-online.com<br />
~<br />
Http://www.michaelyon_online.com/index.php<br />
~~~~~ <br />
If you would like to encourage US Troops overseas, but are not sure just how to begin, visit www.anysoldier.com for ideas. <br />
~~~~~ <br />
Please remember ... America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the MALL.<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Army to Cut 12 Brigade Combat Teams by 2017, Odierno Says<br />
<br />
By Claudette Roulo - - American Forces Press Service<br />
<br />
WASHINGTON, June 25, 2013 – As part of its force restructuring due to the Budget Control Act of 2011, by the end of fiscal year 2017 the Army will reduce its number of brigade combat teams from 45 to 33, the Army’s chief of staff announced today.<br />
<br />
In addition, Army Gen. Ray Odierno told reporters at a Pentagon news conference, the Army will shrink its active component end strength by 14 percent, or 80,000 soldiers, to 490,000, down from a wartime high of 570,000 troops.<br />
<br />
The Army National Guard will cut 8,000 soldiers, he said, without making any force structure changes. And the Army Reserve will skip a planned force increase and maintain its current size of 205,000.<br />
<br />
In all, 12 brigade combat teams will inactivate, the general said.<br />
<br />
http://www.defense.gov/news/newsarticle.aspx?id=120361<br />
~~~~~<br />
http://www.shelfari.com<br />
http://www.shelfari.com/bugsbleat/shelf <br />
~~~~~<br />
For the latest issue of "Da Bleat.", go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com. <br />
Our photos are posted at http://www.bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com.<br />
~~~~~<br />
Photos on the front of this week’s “Bleat” include - - Annette with her "Jimmy" Durante" eggplant from the Magnolia Farmer's Market, Josiah and Ethan enjoying an ice cream sandwich after toiling in the heat helping me set up a "soaker hose" to water these Lilies (notice the rare double flower?), Annette helps the gang sell BBQ to raise funds for our kids and youth going to summer camp, one of Annette's beautiful baskets of flowers, Josiah working to win free Angry Birds games.<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it. <br />
~~~~~<br />
1962 vs. 2012 (a span of only 50 YEARS) This should be sent only to those whose level of maturity qualifies them to relate to it...<br />
<br />
1962: Long hair<br />
2012: Longing for hair<br />
<br />
1962: KEG<br />
2012: EKG<br />
<br />
1962: Acid rock<br />
2012: Acid reflux<br />
<br />
1962: Moving to California because it's cool<br />
2012: Moving to Arizona because it's warm<br />
<br />
1962: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor<br />
2012: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor<br />
<br />
1962: Seeds and stems<br />
2012: Roughage<br />
<br />
1962: Hoping for a BMW<br />
2012: Hoping for a BM<br />
<br />
1962: Going to a new, hip joint<br />
2012: Receiving a new hip joint<br />
<br />
1962: Rolling Stones<br />
2012: Kidney Stones<br />
<br />
1962: Passing the drivers' test<br />
2012: Passing the vision test<br />
<br />
Thanks To Waneta<br />
~~~~~<br />
Break Point - - Marriage and Imagination - - After the Supreme Court<br />
By: John Stonestreet | Published: June 28, 2013<br />
<br />
Even after the Supreme Court’s rulings, can you imagine our culture returning to marriage as God designed it? I can.<br />
~<br />
On Wednesday, the Supreme Court overturned Section 3 of the Defense of Marriage Act, extending benefits to same-sex married couples.<br />
<br />
What you’ve heard from the media, which isn’t actually the case, is that the Supreme Court struck down DOMA altogether. It didn’t. Other than Section 3, it still stands. So it could have been worse.<br />
<br />
Still, the most troubling aspect of the DOMA case were the words chosen by Justice Kennedy in the majority opinion. Words like “disadvantage,” “stigma,” “degrade” and “humiliate” made his meaning plain. The only reason not to approve of same-sex marriage is hate or bigotry.<br />
<br />
However, Kennedy also wrote that the regulation of marriage “is an area that has long been regarded as a virtually exclusive province of the States.” And in its ruling on California’s Proposition 8, the Court rejected the opportunity to deliver a sweeping national Roe-like decision on marriage.<br />
<br />
So for now, the political definition of marriage is yet to be decided, as my guests on BreakPoint This Week from the Heritage Foundation and the Alliance Defending Freedom carefully explained. Come to BreakPoint.org to listen in.<br />
<br />
But what do these decisions mean for us? As we often say around here, politics is downstream of culture. Given what the current cultural definition of marriage is, the political one will soon follow, unless it is challenged and redeemed. This is where the battle must be waged.<br />
<br />
How we collectively imagine marriage as a culture is at the heart of this battle. As I wrote yesterday at National Review, Americans “cannot imagine marriage to be anything other than the government’s endorsement of romantic love. Even many opponents of same-sex marriage share this fundamentally wrong definition.”<br />
<br />
Since the dawn of human culture, marriage has been primarily about the procreating and raising of children and the continuation of the family and society, not romantic love.<br />
<br />
What’s more, I wrote, this re-definition of marriage “happened because of art, not arguments; because of imagination, not debate.” Ask someone, Christian or non-Christian, about what love is and their answer will largely be the product of what they’ve seen on television or in the movies. Boy meets girl, or other boy. They “fall in love” and what happens afterwards, whether marriage or cohabitation, is merely an expression of that “love.”<br />
<br />
Ironically, even as the movies tell us, that kind of “love” is fickle. People “fall out of love” all the time, often for reasons they can’t even explain. There’s no way this kind of “love” will hold up under the weighty foundational role marriage must play for a society.<br />
<br />
That’s why, as I wrote, I think “marriage in America has been on an unsustainable trajectory for quite some time.” The only way to correct that trajectory is to recapture the imaginations of our culture with a more robust and stable definition of the purpose and function of marriage. And folks, it’s not that we lack these arguments. It’s that they’re not being heard.<br />
<br />
The task of recapturing imaginations belongs primarily to the intermediate institutions that most fundamentally shape our imaginations: the family and the Church.<br />
<br />
Both must stop being squeezed out of territory that is rightfully theirs.<br />
<br />
Given the current trajectory of marriage, I’d suggest national same-sex marriage is likely, but I certainly do not think it’s inevitable. The Court left room for citizens to work at the state and local levels. And this is good news, and it reflects the potential for the best kind of change: from the ground up, not the top down.<br />
<br />
I’d love to hear your ideas on how to recapture the imagination of our culture, and how to re-build a culture of marriage. Come to BreakPoint.org, click on this commentary, and leave a comment. I’ll be looking forward to reading what you have to say.<br />
Further Reading and Information<br />
<br />
BP-Takeaction_62813Marriage and Imagination: After the Supreme Court - Next Steps<br />
<br />
The debate over whether same-sex marriage is permissible or not does not end in the political arena. It is at its heart a cultural dilemma. The challenge before the Church is to engage the imagination to capture the hearts and minds of people today. Just as Martin Luther King Jr. provided a vision for what a society free from racism looked like in his “I Have a Dream” speech, we must be creative in invoking a vision that outlines a world where marriage is working properly.<br />
<br />
French citizens have done just that, employing their artistic and intellectual creativity to stand for traditional marriage. American churches can do the same by participating in their own grassroots campaign. With that aim, BreakPoint would like to extend an invitation for you to contribute your ideas on how to engage the culture's imagination on this important issue. Share your comments and suggestions below. And click on the links for examples from history on engaging the imagination of a culture.<br />
~<br />
Articles:<br />
<br />
What's Next for Marriage: National Review Symposium with John Stonestreet and others<br />
National Review | June 27, 2013<br />
http://www.nationalreview.com/article/352158/whats-next-marriage-nro-symposium/page/0/5<br />
<br />
BreakPoint This Week: The Supremes and Marriage - What It All Means<br />
John Stonestreet, Jennifer Marshall, Austin Nimmocks | BreakPoint This Week | June 28, 2013<br />
http://www.breakpoint.org/features-columns/discourse/entry/15/22668<br />
<br />
Why Some French Feminists are Opposed to Same-Sex Marriage<br />
Ben Booker | BreakPoint blog | June 25, 2013<br />
http://thepoint.breakpoint.org/tp-home/blog-archives/blog-archives/entry/4/22617<br />
<br />
One for the 'Bet you didn't see that coming' file<br />
Gina Dalfonzo | BreakPoint blog | January 14, 2013<br />
http://www.breakpoint.org/tp-home/blog-archives/blog-archives/entry/4/21242<br />
<br />
Why Marriage Is (and Isn't) the Point<br />
Dale Keuhne | Qideas | June 27, 2013<br />
http://www.qideas.org/blog/why-marriage-is-and-isnt-the-point.aspx<br />
<br />
We are the Colorful Ones<br />
Alan Eason | BreakPoint Blog | June 28, 2013<br />
http://www.breakpoint.org/tp-home/blog-archives/blog-archives/entry/4/22669<br />
~<br />
Articles on historic examples:<br />
<br />
The Spirit of Collaboration: Wilberforce and Clapham<br />
Chuck Colson | BreakPoint.org | February 21, 2007<br />
http://www.breakpoint.org/bpcommentaries/breakpoint-commentaries-archive/entry/13/10781<br />
<br />
King's Dream: The Good Society and the Moral Law<br />
Chuck Colson | BreakPoint.org | January 15, 2007<br />
https://www.colsoncenter.org/commentaries/2762-kings-dream<br />
~<br />
Video-Song:<br />
<br />
Keith Green, "Stained Glass"<br />
Keith Green | "No Compromise" album | 1978<br />
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPhv6Ot4pJE<br />
~<br />
Copyright © 2013 Colson Center. All Rights Reserved<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Residents of Columbia County, Arkansas are represented in Congress by:<br />
~<br />
Senator John Boozman (R_ AR) <br />
1 Russell Courtyard<br />
Washington DC, 20510<br />
Phone: 202-224-4843<br />
http://boozman.senate.gov/<br />
~<br />
Senator Mark Pryor (D_ AR) <br />
Phone 202_224_2353 <br />
FAX 202_228_0908 <br />
http://pryor.senate.gov/<br />
~<br />
Representative Tom Cotton (R ) <br />
Phone 202_225_3772 <br />
FAX 202_225_1314 <br />
http://cotton.house.gov/<br />
<br />
Other states congresspersons can be found at: [http://www.visi.com/juan/congress/]<br />
<br />
Representative Tom Cotton had a news release this week inviting constituents visiting DC to contact hi office for a staff-led tour of the Capitol! https://cotton.house.gov/services/tours-and-tickets<br />
<br />
All tickets are provided to my constituents on a first-come, first-served basis. Due to the large number of visitors, please request them as early as possible in order to maximize your chances.<br />
~~~~~<br />
THOUGHT OF THE DAY:<br />
<br />
"There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it." - Oscar Wilde<br />
<br />
"Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame." - Benjamin Franklin<br />
<br />
"My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me." - Jim Valvano<br />
<br />
"Never mistake motion for action." - Ernest Hemingway<br />
<br />
"In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take." - Adlai Stevenson<br />
<br />
"Everything has been figured out, except how to live." - Jean-Paul Sartre<br />
<br />
"Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome." - Isaac Asimov<br />
<br />
"A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both." - Dwight D. Eisenhower<br />
<br />
"Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has no heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains." - Sir Winston Churchill<br />
<br />
"Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance." - Will Durant<br />
<br />
"Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right." - Henry Ford<br />
<br />
"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle." - Albert Einstein<br />
<br />
"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." - Thomas Alva Edison<br />
<br />
"The fundamental cause of trouble in the world is that the stupid are cocksure while the intelligent are full of doubt." - Bertrand Russell<br />
<br />
"A library outranks any other one thing a community can do to benefit its people. It is a never failing spring in the desert." - Andrew Carnegie<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Breaking Christian News <br />
<br />
Bono Speaks with Focus on the Family on his Faith in Jesus Christ and How it Motivates Him<br />
Aimee Herd (Jun 25, 2013)<br />
<br />
"Bono clearly accepts Jesus as Lord. I wasn't prepared for his quickness in inserting Scripture into the dialogue. I celebrate with [Bono and wife Ali] that they have four children and have been married 30 years. Not everyone in the Christian community can say that." -Jim Daly, Focus on the Family<br />
<br />
http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=11929<br />
~<br />
Nik Wallenda's Historic Skywire Walk across Grand Canyon Amazing on Several Levels<br />
Aimee Herd-Commentary (Jun 24, 2013)<br />
<br />
With nearly every step, Nik is fervently praying, live on TV beamed all around the world and online to millions hanging on every inch of progress.<br />
<br />
http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=11907<br />
<br />
editor@breakingchristiannews.com <br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
GCF: If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.com<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Spelling Words<br />
<br />
My husband and I often spell words so that our small children won't understand what we're saying. I didn't realize what a habit this had become until one day when my husband and I were in the grocery store at the soup aisle.<br />
<br />
An aggressive young woman banged into our cart, then nudged me over, blocking my access to the soup.<br />
<br />
Annoyed, I looked at my husband and said, "Boy, is she r-u-d-e!"<br />
<br />
"Yeah," he replied, "and I'll bet she can s-p-e-l-l." <br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Setting Goals<br />
<br />
During the last session of our teaching workshop, participants were asked to state their personal goals for the immediate future.<br />
<br />
One teacher vowed to update photo albums, another to lose weight. The goal that got the most response, however, was given by a slightly out-of-shape kindergarten teacher.<br />
<br />
"I resolve to exercise until I can complete a 20-minute workout in less than an hour," she said.<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Work Injury<br />
<br />
One of our regular patrons, a truck driver, entered the cafe where I worked and hobbled painfully over to a table.<br />
<br />
"What happened?" I asked.<br />
<br />
"I hurt my back at work," he explained with a grimace.<br />
<br />
"Gee, I thought those rigs were equipped with cushioned seats, air springs and swivel controls," I said.<br />
<br />
"The seats are great," he confirmed. "It's the ground that hurts ... I fell out of my truck."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Employment Form<br />
<br />
My sense of humor always gets me into trouble, but I just can't help it.<br />
<br />
Applying for a job one time, the employment form clearly said: "Age of Father, if living" and the same query for my Mother.<br />
<br />
I put down the figures 119 and 117 in the spaces provided, and the interviewer asked if my parents were truly that old.<br />
<br />
I replied, "No, but they would be if they were still living."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Legal Description<br />
<br />
I am a prosecuting attorney in a small Mississippi town and will admit to having a few extra pounds on me. Not long ago, I was questioning a witness in an armed robbery case.<br />
<br />
I asked, "Would you describe the person you saw?"<br />
<br />
The witness replied, "He was kind of short and stout."<br />
<br />
"You mean short and stout like me?" I asked.<br />
<br />
"Oh, no," the witness said. "He wasn't that fat."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Gas Mileage<br />
<br />
A man was asked about the gas mileage he got on his new car.<br />
<br />
He said he thought he got about four miles to the gallon, while his teenage son got the other thirty.<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: College<br />
<br />
One man was talking to another at the store.<br />
<br />
He asked, "So where is that boy of yours?"<br />
<br />
"Josh is in college," the second man replied.<br />
<br />
"What's he taking?"<br />
<br />
The second man grimaced, "Every cent I have."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: No Power<br />
<br />
A co-worker at my office called Tech Support with an improbable story: She said she dropped her mouse and her PC shut down.<br />
<br />
The tech made the trip to her desk. No question, her computer is off.<br />
And when he punches the PC's power switch to restart it, nothing happens.<br />
<br />
He asked her where she dropped her mouse. She replied, "Behind the desk."<br />
<br />
Sure enough, she had managed to hit the on/off switch on the power strip. The tech told her, "Good shot."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Crux of the Matter<br />
<br />
As a young lawyer working on my first big case, I was sitting in Federal District Court watching a prominent attorney question a witness. The attorney was trying, unsuccessfully, to elicit certain information.<br />
<br />
Finally the judge turned to the witness and asked a question that prompted the appropriate response.<br />
<br />
"Thank you, your honor," the attorney said. "How is it that you were able to get to the crux of the matter with one question after I had tried three times?"<br />
<br />
"Easy," replied the judge. "I'm not paid by the hour."<br />
<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Purchase<br />
<br />
One evening a teenage daughter and her mother were out shopping when they stopped to make a purchase.<br />
<br />
The young girl greeted the cashier with only a "Hi," then proceeded to dig nervously in her wallet. She was having obvious trouble counting out the correct bills and change. But rather than help, the cashier simply stood and watched while she fumbled and mumbled her way to the correct amount.<br />
<br />
Finally, the transaction was completed.<br />
<br />
As they were walking to the car, the teenager turned to her mother and said, "That was my math tutor."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Civilian Clothes<br />
<br />
My friend received a package from the Navy containing the civilian clothes her son was wearing when he left for boot camp. Not wanting to open the box, she put it away. This amused her husband, who accused her of being a sentimental old fool.<br />
<br />
"I'm not sentimental," she shot back. "I'm realistic. His shoes, socks and underwear have been inside that box for two weeks, and I'm not going to be the one to open it!"<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Company Policy<br />
<br />
Dress Code - It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.<br />
<br />
Sick Days - We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.<br />
<br />
Personal Days - Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year.<br />
They are called Saturday & Sunday.<br />
<br />
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation, and input should be directed elsewhere.<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Green Thumb<br />
<br />
I don't have much of a green thumb, but I like to have a few plants in my house.<br />
<br />
One day when my mother was over to babysit the children, I remarked that one of the plants in my window was looking poorly and asked if she could try to fix it while I was gone.<br />
<br />
When I returned, to my surprise, the plant looked beautiful and full.<br />
"What did you do?" I asked.<br />
<br />
Her reply: "I turned it around."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Vision<br />
<br />
A mother of two teenage boys was constantly being asked to look for things that they couldn't find. Most of the time these items were directly in front of them. Seeing her frustration over this when it happened yet again, one of her sons remarked: "It's not my fault, Mom. I don't have parental vision." <br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Lawyer and Witness<br />
<br />
A witness to an automobile accident was testifying. The lawyer asked him, "Did you actually see the accident?"<br />
<br />
The witness: "Yes, sir."<br />
<br />
The lawyer: "How far away were you when the accident happened?"<br />
<br />
The witness: "Thirty-one feet, six and one quarter inches."<br />
<br />
The lawyer (thinking he'd trap the witness): "Well, sir, will you tell the jury how you knew it was exactly that distance?"<br />
<br />
The witness: "Because when the accident happened I took out a tape and measured it. I knew some lawyer would ask me that question."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Washing Machine Repair<br />
<br />
The husband was constantly working on their defective washing machine, and his language was often colorful. One day the daughter returned home from a movie, and the parents asked if she had learned anything from it.<br />
<br />
"Only a lot of four-letter words," she told them, "that until now I always thought were parts of the washing machine."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / \ /
\ _/ We put the "k" in "kwality." \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Blinking lights are the \ /
\ _/ essence of technology. \_ /
/ / Everything else is just fluff. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Why do fat chance and \ /
\ _/ slim chance mean the same thing? \_ /
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Be nice to your kids. \ /
\ _/ They'll choose your nursing home. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Growing old is mandatory, \ /
\ _/ but growing up is optional. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Some common elements: \ /
\ _/ hydrogen, oxygen, stupidity... \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / A person who is nice to you, \ /
\ _/ but rude to the waiter, \_ /
/ / is NOT a nice person. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ /My mother said, "You won't amount\ /
\ _/ to anything because you \_ /
/ / procrastinate." \ \
I said, "Just wait."
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / I never repeat gossip, \ /
\ _/ so please listen carefully \_ /
/ / the first time. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Hard work never killed anybody, \ /
\ _/ but why take a chance? \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Originality is the art of \ /
\ _/ concealing your source. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Dilbert is not a comic strip, \ /
\ _/ it's a documentary. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / If the shoe fits, \ /
\ _/ it's ugly. \_ /
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / A journey of a thousand miles \ /
\ _/ begins with a cash advance. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / A journey of a thousand miles \ /
\ _/ begins with a cash advance. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / I tried to drown my problems, \ /
\ _/ but they can swim! \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / Character Density: \ \_/ ////
\ / The number of very weird people \ /
\ _/ in the office, \_ /
/ / divided by the floor space. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Any moron can write Haiku. \ /
\ _/ Just stop at the \_ /
/ / seventeenth syllab. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Someone who thinks logically \ /
\ _/ is a nice contrast \_ /
/ / to the real world. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / All that glitters \ /
\ _/ has a high refractive index. \_ /
/ / \ \
_ _______________________________ _
/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( \
/ / | tellswor@slonet.org | \ \
_( (_ | http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor | _) )_
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Doctors at a hospital in Brooklyn, New York have gone on strike. Hospital officials say they will find out what the doctors' demands are as soon as they can get a pharmacist over there to read the picket signs!<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Each year the staff at Beloit College in Wisconsin puts together a list to try to give the faculty a sense of the mindset of this year's incoming freshmen. Here's this year's list:<br />
<br />
The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were born in 1993!<br />
<br />
They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up.<br />
<br />
Their lifetime has always included AIDS.<br />
<br />
Bottle caps have always been childproof and plastic.<br />
<br />
The CD was introduced 3 years before they were born.<br />
<br />
They have always had an answering machine..<br />
<br />
They have always had cable.<br />
<br />
They cannot fathom not having a remote control.<br />
<br />
Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.<br />
<br />
Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.<br />
<br />
They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.<br />
<br />
They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are.<br />
<br />
They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.<br />
<br />
They never heard:<br />
<br />
"Where's the Beef?",<br />
<br />
"I'd walk a mile for a Camel", or<br />
<br />
"De plane, Boss, de plane.."<br />
<br />
They do not care who shot J.R. nor do they have any idea who J. R. even is.<br />
<br />
Mc Donald's never came in Styrofoam containers.<br />
<br />
They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.<br />
<br />
Thanks to Waneta<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
A pastor goes to the dentist for a new set of false teeth.<br />
<br />
The first Sunday after he gets these teeth, he talks for only eight minutes. The second Sunday, he talks for only ten minutes. The following Sunday, he talks for 2 hours and 48 minutes.<br />
<br />
The Deacons have to mob him to get him down from the pulpit, and they ask him what happened.<br />
<br />
Once he quit preaching, the pastor explained:<br />
<br />
The first Sunday his gums hurt so bad he couldn't talk for more than 8 minutes.<br />
<br />
The second Sunday his gums hurt too much to talk for more than 10 minutes.<br />
<br />
But, the third Sunday, he accidentally put his wife's teeth in … instead of his own. <br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
I resemble this one.<br />
~<br />
The husband had an annoying habit of searching through the refrigerator for a snack, usually while his wife was preparing a meal.<br />
<br />
Once, after he had gone through this routine for the third time in as many minutes, she snapped, "Nothing's any different than it was a minute ago."<br />
<br />
"I know that," he assured her. "It's just that this time I've lowered my standards."<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Two medical residents were invited to a costume party after their shift ended. They stopped at the Army/Navy store to see if they could find costumes but only had enough money to buy one pair of fatigues.<br />
<br />
But that was okay. One wore the top half and one wore the bottom half ... they went as an upper and lower GI.<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
The six-year-old son begged his parents for a pet, and they told him he could have a goldfish. They noticed that the local pet shop was having a sale on goldfish kits, which included the fish, fishbowl, food and colored stones for the bowl's bottom.<br />
<br />
When the mother said that they would be buying him a goldfish kit, he looked surprised.<br />
<br />
"You mean," he said, "I have to put together my own fish?"<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
True Boat Name Story<br />
<br />
My father-in-law bought a new boat and asked his wife what he should name it. She said, "Name it after me." The next time she saw the boat, it had "After Me" on the back of it.<br />
<br />
Received from Perce Cox. <br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Estate Planning<br />
<br />
Tom was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune once his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune.<br />
<br />
One evening at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.<br />
<br />
"I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."<br />
<br />
Impressed, the woman obtained his business card.<br />
<br />
Three days later, she became his stepmother.<br />
<br />
Women are so much better at estate planning than men.<br />
<br />
Received from Doc's Daily Chuckle.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
A man is lying on the operating table, about to be operated on by his son, the surgeon.<br />
<br />
The father says, "Son, think of it this way: If anything happens to me, your mother is coming to live with you."<br />
<br />
Received from Irene A. Mystery.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Bungee Jumping<br />
<br />
Alice and Frank are bungee-jumping one day. Alice says to Frank, "You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico."<br />
<br />
Frank thinks this is a great idea. So they pool their money and buy everything they'll need: a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc.<br />
<br />
They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on a square in a small town.<br />
<br />
As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work.<br />
<br />
When they finish, there's such a crowd they think it would be a good idea to give a demonstration.<br />
<br />
So, Alice jumps. She bounces at the end of the cord, but when she comes back up, Frank notices that she has a few cuts and scratches.<br />
<br />
Unfortunately, Frank isn't able to catch her and she falls again, bounces, and comes back up again. This time, she is bruised and bleeding.<br />
<br />
Again, Frank misses her. Alice falls again and bounces back up. This time she comes back pretty messed up; she has a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious.<br />
<br />
Luckily, Frank finally catches her this time and says, "What happened? Was the cord too long?"<br />
<br />
Barely able to speak, Alice gasps, "No, the bungee cord was fine; it was the crowd. What in the world is a piñata?"<br />
<br />
Received from Bob Lewis.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
The Lecture<br />
<br />
An elderly man is stopped by the police around 1 a.m. and is asked where he is going at that time of night.<br />
<br />
The man replies, "I am going to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body."<br />
<br />
The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?"<br />
<br />
The man replies, "My wife."<br />
<br />
Received from TwoTimesAr.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Taxes Defined<br />
<br />
A fine is a tax for doing something wrong.<br />
<br />
A tax is a fine for doing something right.<br />
<br />
Received from ArcaMax Jokes.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Paying Taxes<br />
<br />
A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the IRS auditor who had come to review his records. At one point the auditor exclaimed, "We feel it is a great privilege to be allowed to live and work in the USA. As a citizen you have an obligation to pay taxes, and we expect you to eagerly pay them with a smile."<br />
<br />
"Thank God," returned the taxpayer. "I thought you were going to want cash."<br />
<br />
Received from Doc's Daily Chuckle.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Threatening Letters<br />
<br />
The fellow stormed into the postmaster's office in a fury. "I've been getting threatening letters in the mail for months and I want them stopped."<br />
<br />
"Of course," said the postmaster. "Sending threatening letters through the mail is a federal offense. Do you know who's sending them?"<br />
<br />
"Yes," shouted the man. "It's those idiots down at the Internal Revenue Service."<br />
<br />
Received from FranCMT2.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Groaner: The Cocktail<br />
<br />
A man goes into a bar very thirsty. He sits down waiting for the bartender to see him. The man next to him calls for the bartender saying, "I'll have another Waterloo."<br />
<br />
The bartender gives him a tall ice cold drink, then asks the newcomer what he would like to drink. Wanting to try this new drink he says, "I'll have a Waterloo, too."<br />
<br />
The bartender gives him a tall ice-cold drink.<br />
<br />
He takes a big drink and says, "HEY! This isn't any good. It tastes just like water!"<br />
<br />
The man next to him looks at the bartender and says, "Well, it is water ... right, Lou?<br />
<br />
(from Terry Galan)<br />
<br />
Received from Stan Kegel.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Rabbits<br />
<br />
The first grade teacher. Miss Figpot asked Little Johnnie, "Johnnie if I gave you two rabbits and then two more rabbits and then two more rabbits, how many would you have?"<br />
<br />
Johnnie replied, "Seven rabbits, Miss Figpot."<br />
<br />
The teacher asked again, "Listen Johnnie, If I gave you two rabbits, plus two more rabbits, plus two more rabbits, how many rabbits would you have altogether?"<br />
<br />
Johnnie smiled, "That's easy, Teacher, I would have seven."<br />
<br />
"Ok Johnnie," Miss Figpot said. "Let's try it a different way. If I gave you two cans of Pepsi, plus two more cans of Pepsi, plus two more cans of Pepsi. How many cans of Pepsi would you have?"<br />
<br />
"Six cans." Johnnie answered.<br />
<br />
"OK," said the teacher. "Now think of that with this<br />
question. If I gave you two rabbits, then two more rabbits, then two more rabbits how many would you have?"<br />
<br />
"Seven, Teacher." Johnnie replied.<br />
<br />
Exasperated, Miss Figpot asked, "Why seven?"<br />
<br />
Johnnie replied, "Because I already have one rabbit at home!"<br />
<br />
Received from Leonard Olds.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Military<br />
<br />
One reason the Military Services have trouble operating jointly is that they don't speak the same language. For example, if you told Navy personnel to "secure a building," they would turn off the lights and lock the doors. The Army would occupy the building so no one could enter. Marines would assault the building, capture it, and defend it with suppressive fire and close combat. The Air Force, on the other hand, would take out a three year lease with an option to buy.<br />
<br />
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Instructor: "Isn't it remarkable how quickly the kids learn to drive the car?"<br />
<br />
Parent: "Yes, especially considering how slowly they catch on to running the lawnmower and vacuum cleaner."<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Fishing<br />
<br />
MacAndrews was visiting his Irish cousin, O'Bannon. While there he decided to do a bit of fishing. As he sat there one afternoon, his cousin walked by.<br />
<br />
"What are ye doing?" asked O'Bannon.<br />
<br />
"Fishin'," said MacAndrews.<br />
<br />
"Caught anything?"<br />
<br />
"Ach, nae a bite,"<br />
<br />
"What are ye usin' fer bait?"<br />
<br />
"Worms."<br />
<br />
"Let me see it," said O'Bannon.<br />
<br />
MacAndrews lifted the line from the water and handed it to his cousin.<br />
<br />
O'Bannon took out his flask of potcheen and dipped the worm in it. He handed it back to MacAndrews, who cast his line once more. As soon as the worm hit the water, his rod bent over double, the line screaming out.<br />
<br />
"Have ye got a bite?" asked O'Bannon.<br />
<br />
"No!" shouted MacAndrews, fighting with the rod, "The worm's got a salmon by the throat!"<br />
<br />
Received from Leonard Olds.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Groaner: The Census<br />
<br />
The census taker knocked on the lady's door. She answered all his questions except one: she refused to tell him her age.<br />
<br />
"But everyone tells their age to the census taker," he said.<br />
<br />
"Did Miss Maisy Hill and Miss Daisy Hill tell you their ages?" she asked.<br />
<br />
"Certainly," he replied.<br />
<br />
"Well, I'm the same age as they are," she snapped.<br />
<br />
The census taker simply wrote on the form, "As old as the Hills."<br />
<br />
Received from Stan Kegel.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Explanations of Instructions<br />
<br />
What it says: "Batteries not included"<br />
<br />
What it means: "Batteries do not come with this product, and you're going to have to buy them yourself. Moreover, it uses unique batteries that you won't find anywhere but a specialty store, where you'll pay twice as much for them." <br />
_____________________________<br />
<br />
What it says: "Some restrictions apply"<br />
<br />
What it means: "Somehow, some way, we'll find a way to exclude you." <br />
_____________________________<br />
<br />
What it says: "May cause drowsiness"<br />
<br />
What it means: "Expect a sudden bout with narcolepsy while you're driving to work." <br />
_____________________________<br />
<br />
What it says: "Some assembly required"<br />
<br />
What it means: "Take the day off and borrow your neighbor's 2,000-piece tool kit. Don't make any other plans for the day."<br />
<br />
Received from FranCMT2.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
The Golfing Preacher<br />
<br />
There was this preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance he could get, he could be found on the golf course swinging away. It was an obsession.<br />
<br />
One Sunday was a picture perfect day for golfing. The sun was shining, no clouds in the sky, and the temperature was just right. The preacher was in a quandary as to what to do ... play golf or give the Sunday service. Shortly, the urge to play golf overcame him. He called an assistant, told him he was sick and asked the assistant to take care of the Sunday church service for him. He packed the car up and drove three hours to a golf course where no one would recognize him. Happily, he began to play the course.<br />
<br />
An angel up above was watching the preacher and was quite perturbed.<br />
<br />
He went to God and said, "Look at the preacher. He should be punished for what he is doing." God nodded in agreement.<br />
<br />
The preacher teed up on the first hole. He swung at the ball and hit a perfect drive, straight as an arrow, four-hundred yards right to the green, where it gently rolled into the cup (as they say in basketball, "nothing but net"). A picture perfect hole-in-one. He was amazed and excited.<br />
<br />
The angel was a little shocked. He turned to God and said, "Begging Your pardon, but I thought you were going to punish him."<br />
<br />
God smiled. "I did. Think about it -- who can he tell?"<br />
<br />
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
--<br />
Rate this funny at http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20120420<br />
<br />
Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a) Mail address: GCFL, Box 100, Harvest, AL 35749, USA<br />
<br />
To print or email this funny to others, go to<br />
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><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Column - - http://www.madkane.com/humor_blog/<br />
Taking The Plunge (Limerick)<br />
June 20th, 2013 <br />
Today on Facebook, someone posted a photo of a short, female subway rider using a plunger on the train ceiling, so she could remain standing without losing her balance. Since I too am a short, subway-challenged woman, I was inspired to write this limerick:<br />
Taking The Plunge (Limerick)<br />
By Madeleine Begun Kane<br />
I am thinking of taking the plunge:<br />
Subway plungers might help prevent lunge<br />
And thusly forestall<br />
A terrible fall.<br />
But I need one not covered in grunge.<br />
© Madeleine Begun Kane. All Rights Reserved.<br />
http://www.madkane.com/<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
At one Army base, the annual trip to the rifle range had been canceled for the second year in a row, but the semi-annual physical fitness test was still on as planned.<br />
<br />
One soldier mused, "Does it bother anyone else that the Army doesn't seem to care how well we can shoot, but they are extremely interested in how fast we can run?"<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." __ Franklin D. Roosevelt <br />
"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle." <br />
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. _ _ George Carlin <br />
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" _ _ Queen E. Watson<br />
“A political class of Republicans and Democrats that look after themselves, not the Nation. A media hostile to the very precepts of this nation. A generation of Americans who see morals as vices, and are ignorant of America's Actual History.”<br />
"The things that will destroy America are prosperity-at-any-price, peace-at-any-price, safety-first instead of duty-first, the love of soft living, and the get-rich-quick theory of life." - - Theodore Roosevelt <br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> <br />
Emergency Phone Number 911 <br />
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )<br />
Central Dispatch 234_5655<br />
(Non _ Emergency Number)<br />
Direct Numbers<br />
Ambulance _ 234_7371 (24 Hour)<br />
Jail _ 234_5331 (24 Hour)<br />
Poison Control _ 800_222_1222 (24 Hour)<br />
http://www. aapcc. org/<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Interested in getting in touch with the Banner_News through e_mail? editor@bannernews.net For the editor, news@bannernews.net For news and sports items, Coming Events, Diary, Church News, school and civic events. [http://www.bannernews.net/]<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." __ "Bug" <br />
"I read the end of the book. We win!" __ "Bug" <br />
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." __ "Bug"<br />
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." _ _ "Bug"<br />
"It's no big deal doing what God tells you to do. A big deal would be NOT doing what God tells you to do. Just ask Jonah." _ _ Paul Troquille <br />
“Nam et ipsa scientia potestas est.” Knowledge is power. _ Francis Bacon <br />
"The problem is here and now. The time for talk is past. The time for action is now." <br />
Comments on the first Earth Day _ James F. McClellan via John "Fuzzy" Thurman<br />
~~~~~<br />
Hope you enjoy the newsletter. <br />
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week. <br />
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" __"Bug" <br />
God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!! <br />
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT_I KC5HII <br />
<br />
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. We offer "Da Bleat" as text, a "Blog" and as a newsletter with pictures in Word and PDF format. The latest issue is usually updated sometime Saturday. For the latest issue, go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com. We also have a site [http://bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com/] where we post photos that I like.<br />
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><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>Bughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07270965849194883997noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9136923892168334329.post-35723431265075327342013-06-15T20:50:00.000-07:002013-06-15T21:00:09.032-07:00Bug's Bleat - - GCF: American Idol<br />
My dad, James Curtis McClellan about 1949. <br />
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"Bug Eaters" Da Boys ate Crickets and Mealy Worms at LoGoLy Day Camp. <br />
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LifeNet preparing to transport a patient from MRMC. <br />
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This years "Flower Bed" in the Magnolia Gardens.<br />
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Annette studying for her sermon at Wade Prison Monday. <br />
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Shelling fresh Pinto Beans. <br />
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Volume 15, Issue 24 Friday, June 14, 2013<br />
<br />
Hello ALL,<br />
<br />
It’s been a GREAT week with our two youngest grandsons here to attend LoGoLy State Park Day Camp [http://www.arkansasstateparks.com/events/discovery-day-camp-session-ii-85759/#.UbuKr9jp-BI]. It’s a change of our routine (i.e. Up at the crack of mid morning, preparing breakfast for two little locust (well, having McDonald’s prepare it when we oversleep.) Getting them to McNeil with their lunches and binoculars and “Willies” (to wear in the mud), etc.) But, it’s worth it having two fantastic kids around the house.<br />
Now, if we can just survive until their dad gets here to pick them up … then it will be nap time till about Sunday morning.<br />
~~~~~<br />
Earlier I referred to Da Boys as being locust. Knowing this description to be relatively accurate, we prepared for their visit by stocking extra food for them. We brought in enough food to feed the four of us for the entire week and not require that we eat out (except when we overslept and had to go by McDonalds for breakfast.)<br />
<br />
As it turned out, we had a Drs Appointment in Little Rock Monday so Jimmy took them to LoGoLy that day and dropped them off again at the park Tuesday morning. We picked them up from the park that afternoon, so they didn’t come over till Tuesday afternoon. As a consequence we didn’t have them eating at our home as many days as we’d planned for.<br />
<br />
Grandparent will completely understand the following true statement. <br />
<br />
We had to go back to the grocery store after the boys left for the Park Wednesday morning, because our cupboards were bare. <br />
~~~~~<br />
When Annette and I got married, I was surprised that “our” grocery bill was about 400% higher than “my” grocery bill had been. This was especially puzzling since we were in that first phase of marriage where you don’t want to be caught using the bathroom, much less eating a lot. In fact, Annette would let me eat as much as I desired each evening. (At least she did until she realized that she was facing death by starvation unless she started getting some food before I cleaned out every food container on the table.)<br />
<br />
So, I couldn’t figure out why we were spending so much money on groceries since we were basically eating the same types of meals that I had been preparing as a bachelor (with the exception that Annette did cook “cleaner” than I did. For instance, she didn’t throw spaghetti on the wall to see if it was done.) Finally, we started spending less at the grocery store every two weeks. And I got up the courage to ask Annette why we’d been spending so much previously. She explained that her mother had never let her cook and the only way she knew to learn was “trial and error.” Her method consisted of cooking meals until she had one that was eatable. The previous attempts each day ended up in the apartment trash bin. <br />
<br />
Hindsight being 20/20, maybe it would have been cheaper to enroll her in cooking school. On the other hand, I doubt any regular school I could have afforded could have turned out a cook as accomplished as her trial and error method did. <br />
~~~~~<br />
Speaking of seeing the doctor Monday, got a pretty good report from Dr. Mendelsohn. My "weird" blood seems to be moving toward more normal readings for the first time since he started treating me in 1987. It's still weird, just not as much so. He thinks I may be growing a replacement spleen. It's unusual but he's seen it in a few cases and he told me; "you're just weird enough to be doing it." Also ... since I'm no longer having to take EPO, I'm no longer ineligible for the Olympics (because I was taking a banned performance enhancing drug.) :-) God Is Good. <br />
~~~~~<br />
Cheap Chinese Cocoanuts - - This week we decided to expand our pantry with some Coconut Milk. Annette picked up a couple of cans at Sam’s and “we” tried some. Annette went first and experimented with a little Coconut milk “straight up.” She commented that it wasn’t exactly a pleasant experience. So, I decided to put a little in my coffee. … The result was, well, less than satisfying. <br />
<br />
So, the coconut milk sat in the frig for a day or so when Jimmy dropped the boys off for a visit. We were having a good time when Vanessa came by to pick them up. But first, she went into the “office” to visit with her mother. While there, she called for the boys to please bring her a glass of milk.<br />
<br />
Now Vanessa loves Dairy and usually has a Big Tea Glass full of cold milk when she partakes.<br />
<br />
A light went off in the prank section of my brain and I told Josiah and Ethan that we had some “special” milk for their mom. I got out the jar of coconut milk, filled up a glass and gave it to Josiah for delivery to his mom.<br />
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By this time, both boys had tumbled to the fact that a prank of some type was in the works. Josiah did a magnificent job of delivering the glass to his mom with a straight face while Ethan and I huddled in the kitchen, waiting.<br />
<br />
We didn’t have to wait long. Vanessa took a very healthy drink of what she thought was regular skim milk and had swallowed a significant amount before realizing that something was wrong, very wrong. Her exclamations, sputtering and general distress resulted in loud laughs from the boys who immediately ratted me out as the creator of this prank.<br />
~<br />
When I related this story to Keith Burton, I also commented that it was a mystery to me how folks could brag about Coconut milk when it’s taste was so far from what we classified as good. He told me that fresh coconut milk was good and the problem with this product was probably due to it being from “Cheap Chinese Coconuts.” He’s probably right.<br />
~~~~~<br />
This week I heard that it’s everyone’s “right” to have dental and health insurance. I wish we’d known that when we were first married. That was back in the day that we had to save up for a year to go to the drive-in movie on “Dollar Night.”<br />
<br />
When Annette found out she was pregnant with Vanessa (though in those days you didn’t know the sex or much else about the baby until they were born,) we had insurance but it didn’t cover pregnancy (such coverage would have more than doubled our monthly premiums.) So … she cut a deal with Dr. Ruff to “Lay Away” this pregnancy. In exchange for regular weekly payments to the doctor and hospital we got Annette’s regular “Prenatal” exams as well as the hospital delivery. <br />
<br />
Of course, her “deal” only covered routine pregnancy costs. Any complications or extras would be billed to us separately.<br />
<br />
So you can understand how nervous I was getting after she’d been in hard labor, at the hospital for over 20 hours. If she went over a day in the labor room, we’d be billed for the second day.<br />
<br />
Fortunately, in spite of our new baby being a “breech” delivery, she delivered Vanessa Anne McClellan 23 hours and 45 minutes after being admitted. At least that’s what they told me. I had passed out at about the 23 hour and 35 minute mark, as they were moving her into the delivery room.<br />
~~~~~<br />
I was fortunate to have a father, a step father, numerous uncles (and cousins) and our Heavenly Father to raise me. My father, James Curtis McClellan, worked in the oil field seven days a week but still found time to show his love to me. Even though he died when I was only four, I have several memories:<br />
Sitting on the friendly bar counter eating peanuts while my dad had a beer (and had the riot act read to him when my mom found out he’d taken her son to a “den of inequity.”)<br />
Standing on a hill east of where big green earth movers were building the earthen dam to form Lake Earling.<br />
Playing in the cab of a road grader that was parked in a field (the current location of the Taylor Post office) across the street from our house in Taylor.<br />
Waiting in the car with my mom for my dad to shut the rig down so I could scurry up the tall stair case to get my reward (a dollar) for daring to challenge the big noisy beast that was a hard working oil drilling rig.<br />
Sitting in my dad’s lap, watching the late movie on Chanel 12 (one of the two channels we got at that time.)<br />
Waking up in my bed in Taylor after going to sleep on a pallet at my Aunt Jerry and Uncle Paul’s house. My dad had missed me and driven to Bussey to get me in the middle of the night.<br />
~<br />
My stepdad, James Watson Duke” also worked seven days a week, in the Chatterbox restaurant where he fed many of the oil field workers.<br />
His generosity to me began when my mother was working for him and we still lived with my grandmother in Taylor.<br />
He made a sizable donation to the Boys Club so I could become a charter member even though I didn’t live in Magnolia.<br />
He also got me a library card at the Magnolia Library so I could get books there instead of waiting on the red and white bookmobile to come to Taylor.<br />
He taught me to cook a hamburger (don’t squeeze the meat and only flip it once and, of course, toast the bun on the grill. Take the meat and the bun off at the same time and put the cheese on the meat to let it melt “naturally.”)<br />
He taught me to serve the public efficiently with a smile and without complaint unless their sin was too great and to then prosecute them to the fullest extent of the law.<br />
He introduced me to the Texas Eagle, the Missouri Pacific passenger train running from San Antonio to Chicago which we rode to St. Louis every year to see the Cardinals play and to Chicago and New York to National Restaurant Shows when he was a vice-president of that association.<br />
While traveling, he took us to the best restaurants (where we all had to order something different so we could all taste a wide range of recipes and that’s the reason to this day I break out in a cold sweat if any two people in my party order the same thing.)<br />
He took us to Broadway shows (i.e. Destry Rides Again, Camelot, Sound of Music, South Pacific, The Music Man, etc.)<br />
And, when Annette and I married, he included my family in his care for me.<br />
~~~~~<br />
In spite of what we think, we are really never truly alone. Most of us have family, friends, co workers, neighbors, etc. who actually do care about us. I know it’s not “in vogue” but it truly does take a village to raise a child. And it takes a village to maintain a life, even after we’re grown. We’re human and American and that means that we instinctively look out for each other.<br />
<br />
Of course, I don’t have any empirical facts for this. Just my own observations and experiences. A couple stand out; <br />
<br />
After my dad passed away, my mother became the “Do Gooder” of Taylor, Arkansas. If someone needed to be taken to the hospital, she loaded them up and we took them. If someone didn’t come home, we went to Springhill, found them, sobered them up (she held the coffee and I held the tomato juice) and brought them home. <br />
<br />
And growing up on Hearn Street in Taylor, my cousins and I were cared for by our parents, Aunts, Uncles, neighbors, the local shop keepers, police, etc. In fact, years later my cousin Polly would share just how secure she felt growing up cared for by the community. Some coworkers were discussing how emotionally hard and psychologically scarring their child hoods had been. When they looked to Polly to commensurate with them she had to say that growing up on Hearn Street in Taylor, AR she never knew of abuse or fear.<br />
<br />
We were watching an Anthology “Garrison Keillor: The Man on the Radio in the Red Shoes” today. I really like “A Prairie Home Companion” and I like Garrison Keillor. Even though he’s what us fundamentalist conservatives call a “Flaming Liberal.” I wanted to share a bit of one of his monologs that I believe explains why most of us have more in common than we have in difference. <br />
~<br />
“… the public school was one of those places. In Anoka, Minnesota some children wound up going to Dartmouth or Stanford or Carlton or Princeton but they spent their formative years in the public schools with the children of farmers, and carpenters and cops and firemen. They all rode together on the big yellow school bus and they cheered for the teams and ate macaroni and cheese in the lunchroom, a valuable experience that gives you a tribal feeling.<br />
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Minnesota is a place where if you ask an audience to stand up and sing, they’re gonna do it. They were brought up to. Like the Star Spangled Banner, which like our system of government, is much maligned and badly abused but if you put it in the right key, which is the key of G, it works pretty well and it’s very moving.<br />
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People get so much of their politics listening to other people rant and rave on the radio, sitting alone in their car or reading somebody’s blog, and the Star Spangled Banner is one of those rare moments when we sing a song together, which means more for all of us joining in. We share a common tongue and a fondness for jokes, a love of American landscape and we are a union.” <br />
~~~~~ <br />
A friend of ours asked; “Somebody answer my question, please....Why would Edward Snowden have to stand trial for exposing "illegal" acts done to American citizens, by our government?”<br />
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I have VERY strong mixed feelings. On the one hand, I'm glad that this program (which we all assumed the NSA was doing) was publicly "called out." On the other hand, this man set himself up as judge, jury, etc. and opened up our intelligence operations to the world. What really disturbs me is that he "fled" to China to escape prosecution. Do the Chinese now have everything he had about our intelligence capabilities? They say not. Who believes that?????<br />
<br />
HWP commented: “I can agree with you James, this is a very questionable area and We The People need a long discussion and debate regarding this issue. (We actually should've had it a long time ago. In our gut we've known it had to be going on, just didn't want to believe it!)”<br />
<br />
I think Benjamin Franklin said it best: "Those who would give up Essential Liberty to purchase a little Temporary Safety deserve neither Liberty nor Safety." <br />
~ <br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-QKoIdVTTtxY/Ub002YNBG-I/AAAAAAAAGz8/ERpcYR05eDA/s1600/PA+133011_600.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-QKoIdVTTtxY/Ub002YNBG-I/AAAAAAAAGz8/ERpcYR05eDA/s320/PA+133011_600.jpg" /></a></div>I've felt this way since the Uniting (and) Strengthening America (by) Providing Appropriate Tools Required (to) Intercept (and) Obstruct Terrorism Act of 2001 was passed.<br />
~~~~~<br />
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Listen to the oppressed crowd.<br />
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Enjoy their joy.<br />
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Those were the days before that Tuesday morning.<br />
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Those were the days before those neocon lies.<br />
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Those were the days before Barack Obama droned civilians to death with his Terror Tuesday meetings.<br />
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Those were the days when drones were male honey bees.<br />
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Listen to the crowd.<br />
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"Born in the U.S.A."<br />
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Behind the Berlin Wall.<br />
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Victims challenging the communist security police officers spying on their prey.<br />
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"Born in the U.S.A!"<br />
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Back then, America was the spiritual beacon of hope, instead of the marauding crusader of change she is in our post-9/11 world.<br />
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Those were the days.<br />
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And, now, somewhere out there, a Russian, French, Indian, Japanese, South Korea, Latin American, Australian, or maybe even a North Korean young artist, is composing the next "Born in the U.S.A."<br />
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But will he or she be as welcome in America to perform as Bruce Springsteen was welcome behind the Berlin Wall in 1988? ...<br />
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[http://open.salon.com/blog/danielkronlid/2013/06/14/does_that_star-spangled_banner_still_wave]<br />
~~~~~ <br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-kZBdnMuUKVQ/Ub01H_B8srI/AAAAAAAAG0E/g4YtyVhjcg8/s1600/Da+Bleat+HBS+943603_10151647885462389_408331598_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-kZBdnMuUKVQ/Ub01H_B8srI/AAAAAAAAG0E/g4YtyVhjcg8/s320/Da+Bleat+HBS+943603_10151647885462389_408331598_n.jpg" /></a></div>“When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you until it seems that you cannot hold on for a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time when the tide will turn.” - Harriet Beecher Stowe, born June 14, 1811<br />
~<br />
Today in History, Jun 14, <br />
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1642 - 1st compulsory education law in America passed by Massachusetts<br />
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1775 - US Army founded<br />
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1777: Congress adopts the Stars and Stripes replacing Grand Union flag<br />
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1917 – 1st German air attack on England, 100+ killed in East-London<br />
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1940 - Auschwitz concentration camp opens (3 million killed there)<br />
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1942 - Anne Frank begins her diary<br />
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1944 - 1st B-29 raid against mainland Japan<br />
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1951 - 1st commercial computer, UNIVAC 1, enters service at Census Bureau<br />
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1954 - Pres Eisenhower signs order adding words "under God" to the Pledge<br />
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1959 – Disneyland Monorail System, the first daily operating monorail system in the Western Hemisphere, opens to the public in Anaheim, California.<br />
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1963 - Valery Bykovsky in Vostok 5 orbits earth 81 times in 5 days<br />
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1984 - Southern Baptist convention decide on no women clergy members<br />
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2012 - The world's first stem-cell assisted vein transplant is undertaken by Swedish doctors on a 10 year old girl<br />
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~~~~~<br />
Arkansas Governor Mike Beebe has ordered that the United States and Arkansas flags be flown at half-staff Saturday, June 15, to honor United States Army Specialist Robert Allan Pierce of Huntington, who died June 3, while serving his country in Afghanistan.<br />
~~~~~<br />
My young classmate, Martha Chapman, shared this with us. Her comment; “This is so true- what to do- what to do-” <br />
~<br />
The Terrible Tragedy of the Healthy Eater - - August 1, 2012 by Erica • <br />
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“I know you. We have a lot in common. You have been doing some reading and now you are pretty sure everything in the grocery store and your kitchen cupboards is going to kill you. …”<br />
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For the rest of the EXCELLENT article, go to; 1http://www.nwedible.com/2012/08/tragedy-healthy-eater.html<br />
~~~~~<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-pOcVsa0012Q/Ub01V3NVUtI/AAAAAAAAG0M/xq90ItXsBFE/s1600/Da+Bleat+Night+Trains+1947.1173412800.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-pOcVsa0012Q/Ub01V3NVUtI/AAAAAAAAG0M/xq90ItXsBFE/s320/Da+Bleat+Night+Trains+1947.1173412800.jpg" /></a></div>As a big fan of photography and trains, I was excited to learn of the work of Gary Knapp on "Tracks Ahead" this week. He's doing incredible work with trains in iconic settings at night. [http://www.ourherald.com/news/2010-11-18/Front_Page/f05.html] To see more Gary Knapp work just Google “gary knapp night trains”. [http://www.railpictures.net/showphotos.php?userid=7962]<br />
~~~~~<br />
The news of fatal explosions at two south Louisiana Manufacturing Plants this week could cause us to conclude that working in a chemical plant is a dangerous occupation, but statistics say otherwise. <br />
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There were 25 fatalities in chemical manufacturing plants nationwide in 2011, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics. That's a fatality rate of 1.9 per 100,000 full-time workers, barely half the rate among all workers.<br />
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Nationwide, 3.8 of every 100 full-time workers was injured in 2011, according to the U.S. Occupational Safety and Health Administration. The injury rate was 2.4 in the overall chemical manufacturing sector, and 0.6 in the area of chemical manufacturing including the Williams plant. That's among the very lowest injury rate of any manufacturing sector. <br />
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Don’t get me wrong, any fatalities are way way too many ... but the fact that two explosions resulted in such a low number of fatal injuries is a testament to the plant and community emergency plans and teams. The reports from these incidents reveal a great deal of planning for and a professional job of responding to these incidents <br />
~~~~~<br />
Latest Posting in "Praying For Melinda"<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-LpfUvnf2gFE/Ub01nLatG2I/AAAAAAAAG0U/ZE6Dteij9ic/s1600/Melinda_1575728125_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-LpfUvnf2gFE/Ub01nLatG2I/AAAAAAAAG0U/ZE6Dteij9ic/s320/Melinda_1575728125_n.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-uoMatTXKhSY/Ub01nQnS3WI/AAAAAAAAG0Y/jDqZplFGKY0/s1600/Melinda_1720587893_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-uoMatTXKhSY/Ub01nQnS3WI/AAAAAAAAG0Y/jDqZplFGKY0/s320/Melinda_1720587893_n.jpg" /></a></div>Jodi is at family camp this week so I will do my own updating. She will straighten me out if she thinks I didn't do it right I am sure. Wayne and I just got in from Houston. I didn't show out this time. lol. Everything went well. Now that I am not eligible for the trial anymore (since I reacted to one of the drugs-cetuximab) the plan is still to continue on with the other two, Avastin and Torisel (this is the one that has to be paid for out of pocket).I will have two more weeks of treatment then they will do scans to see if the treatment is doing any good without the third drug. We are on Plan B now, I don't know how many more plans the doctors can come up with but I still have faith God has a plan of His own. I appreciate all the prayers, support, and donations <br />
(https://www.giveforward.com/fundraiser/jcf2/healing-for-melinda?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=fb_share_stream.share&utm_campaign=vanity_page_T1&og_action=hug&t=3&fb_ref=1052547) <br />
<br />
Words are just not enough but that is all I have. God bless you all.<br />
~~~~~<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-CRTFZHtEBK8/Ub018Q8rvzI/AAAAAAAAG0k/1tWdmoiyiFM/s1600/Brittons+1626.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-CRTFZHtEBK8/Ub018Q8rvzI/AAAAAAAAG0k/1tWdmoiyiFM/s320/Brittons+1626.jpg" /></a></div>John and Teresa Britton are Chi Alpha Campus Ministries Missionaries in Stillwater, OK. If you have a giving heart, I recommend supporting this Mission. They do a great job spiritually feeding college students and ... they also do a great job helping college students with their physical needs.<br />
<br />
When they were at SAU in Magnolia I often saw them inviting students to their home, and helping students with just about any problem you can imagine college students encounter. John and Teresa also are very hard workers in the local church. We're really missing them in Magnolia since they moved to OK.<br />
<br />
John Britton - - Check out our page at AG U.S. Missions web site: http://usmissions.ag.org/resources/locator_02.cfm?Display=Yes&churchdetail=AGHM4015<br />
~~~~~<br />
Every New Christian (and most older ones) should attend a Discipleship school like "In Christ" Bible School that MCC used to sponsor.<br />
This is a GREAT way for young Christians who they are "In Christ." The curriculum is simple but very very deep.<br />
<br />
1. Someone to be responsible (notice I didn't say subservient) to.<br />
2. An education in who we are In Christ.<br />
<br />
We graduated many folks from MCCs "In Christ" Bible school over the years. I wish it was still holding classes. <br />
~~~~~<br />
Magnolia's Farmers Market. Opens at 7:00 am. Usually sold out by 8 to 8:30 am. Tuesdays and Thursdays And Saturday<br />
<br />
Emerson Farmers Market at the Emerson United Methodist Church. Is open Tuesdays and Fridays. 7 am till... (usually 8 or 8:30)<br />
~~~~~<br />
Favorite Quotes: <br />
<br />
A lot of people criticize the primaries, but I think they are absolutely essential to the education of the President of the United States.<br />
<br />
I've had at least my share of tragedy, but I have had far more than my share of happiness.<br />
<br />
Believe me, as one who has seen a number of international crises firsthand, they cannot be handled without an understanding of history.<br />
<br />
A lot of people criticize the primaries, but I think they are absolutely essential to the education of the President of the United States.<br />
<br />
Pierre Salinger<br />
~<br />
You don't have to hit bottom for God to show you His way. But it's easier to see what's really going on when you have no where to look but up.<br />
<br />
James F. McClellan<br />
~~~~~<br />
The following wisdom is shared by our friends. <br />
~<br />
Focus on individuals—avoid the herding. Jesus went searching for the one.<br />
We become focused on the BIG picture (the forest) and we lose sight of the trees (individuals). Ministry is not ONLY about the BIG picture, it is also – and most specifically – about the individual. Disciples are not created in herds. Disciples are created as individuals (Great Commission)<br />
Taken from Brian Dollar's blog--Kid's minister <br />
<br />
Mary Louise Brownlee Alexis<br />
~<br />
Be prepared when you pull your refrigerator out from the wall- you will NOT like what you see! <br />
<br />
Martha Chapman<br />
~<br />
The moon smiling down on me tonight doesn't affect me that much. It's when it points at me and laughs that I get mad.<br />
<br />
If your job is to tell me how to do my job, you should at least know how to do my job.<br />
<br />
The Obama administration would NEVER use the NSA's electronic intelligence schemes to garner information for political gain. I mean, it's not like the NSA is the State Department, the Justice Department, the FBI, or the IRS for Pete's sake.<br />
<br />
Chuck Jackson<br />
~<br />
Don't escape from your long preparation, see!! we what easy and fast, pop out like popcorn what if it will take 30 years for preparation will You stay In? , "Preaching to myself".<br />
<br />
Titus Kasomo<br />
~<br />
I think the heat has zapped all my energy today<br />
<br />
Today, take the time to look around you, and recognize what you have to be thankful for. Now do you really think YOU did all that by yourself?<br />
<br />
Never let a day go by without telling your loved ones how important they are to you. None of us are promised tomorrow.<br />
<br />
Nancee Davis Law<br />
~<br />
The presence of outstanding strengths presupposes that energy needed in other areas has been channeled away from them. -Allen Shawn<br />
<br />
Why is it that missionaries are applauded for speaking the language of and using the best of their host culture to express the Gospel, but if an American church does the same thing we are "watering down the gospel"? Jesus is coming. Let's win this generation!<br />
<br />
Jimmy Malone<br />
~<br />
The best part about being over 40 is we did most of our stupid stuff before the internet!<br />
<br />
Bobbie McClellan<br />
~<br />
Wake up Wake Up America! .... Cause it's gonna be a great day!!!!<br />
<br />
Anita Heath McNatt<br />
~<br />
You know how when your parents would leave, they'd give 1000 instructions? I Thess. 5 reminds me of that. Here's a few of those instructions. Live in peace with each other, encourage the disheartened, help the weak, be patient, do good, rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks...the list goes on. You know, focusing on these each day, and making it our business to be about the Father's business, we'd be too busy to mind other folks' business...just a happy "Friday" thought!<br />
<br />
Debbie Troquille<br />
~<br />
"One ship sails East, And another West, by the self-same winds that blow.’Tis the set of the sails And not the gales, that tells the way we go. Like the winds of the sea are the waves of time, as we journey along through life. 'Tis the set of the soul, that determines the goal, and not the calm or the strife." Shared from Richard Remington<br />
<br />
Paul David Troquille<br />
~<br />
If you've left a voice mail on my cell phone in the last two weeks, and I didn't call back, sorry about that. I got ALL those messages at once - today.<br />
<br />
Joe Tudor<br />
~<br />
Great day in Honduras today--last day of OBS with EIM. Many lives were changed, including mine! God showed out once again!<br />
<br />
Tim Wooley<br />
~~~~~<br />
AskBob - - Bob Rankin - - Geekly Update - 12 June 2013 <br />
<br />
Is the Verizon 'Share Everything' plan really a secret deal to let the Feds snoop into your phone records? Is Motorola's new wearable tech a digital convenience, or the Mark of the Beast? And how many calories are in that avocado, anyway? Get answers to these burning questions, and the scoop on the latest tech news, in this edition of the Geekly Update. It's guaranteed to make you 146% smarter, read on...http://askbobrankin.com/geekly_update_12_june_2013.html?awt_l=HZr.N&awt_m=IzrcKtl.Z8P6SL<br />
~~~~~<br />
ACC SmartBrief - - Sen. Murkowski sees Senate taking up energy-efficiency bill soon<br />
<br />
The Senate could begin tackling the Shaheen-Portman energy-efficiency bill after wrapping up debates on immigration policy, said Sen. Lisa Murkowski, R-Alaska. "What we need to do is nail down the universe of amendments that we can present [and] basically have a game plan to go forward," Murkowski said. "Call me optimistic, because A, it's good legislation, B, it's bipartisan, and C, it's just the right thing to do to advance energy legislation. It's long overdue." FuelFix.com (6/12) http://fuelfix.com/blog/2013/06/12/murkowski-energy-efficiency-bill-will-advance-on-capitol-hill/<br />
~~~~~<br />
DarynKagan.com - - I have for you today empowered actresses, a lesson in love, & kids getting perspective on what's important.<br />
<br />
Enjoy!<br />
-Daryn.<br />
<br />
Over-40 Actresses Getting Some Sweet Revenge In Hollywood #Rewriting The Rules!<br />
http://darynkagan.com/Celebs___Artists.html<br />
<br />
Unusual Place For Marriage Proposal #Motion Approved!<br />
http://darynkagan.com/Love_Stories.html<br />
<br />
Dad Fights Spoiled Kids; Teens Make 33,000 Burritos!<br />
http://darynkagan.com/Charity.html<br />
<br />
Know anyone who would love to get this newsletter and brighten their day? Sign them up http://darynkagan.us6.list-manage1.com/subscribe?u=8fc852c2879912f2f334bb010&id=54f94ca479.<br />
~~~~~<br />
Diabetes Life - - www.dlife.com - - Weight Loss Surgery Series: Before, During, and After<br />
<br />
Beginning the journey to bariatric surgery - - kalimah bioBy Kalimah Johnson<br />
<br />
I have had a weight problem all of my life. Actually, my horrible eating habits — which contributed to my overall weight gain — http://www.dlife.com/diabetes-food-and-fitness/weight_management/weight_loss_surgery/kalimah_johnson/bariatric_surgery_part1?utm_source=Update-20130614&utm_medium=eNewsletter&utm_content=Update-newsletter&utm_campaign=dLife-eNewsletter&<br />
~~~~~<br />
5 Things New Veterans Expect From All Candidates<br />
<br />
<br />
1. Defend the New GI Bill<br />
<br />
2. Employ the New Greatest Generation<br />
<br />
3. Prevent suicide among troops and veterans<br />
<br />
4. Build a truly 21st Century VA<br />
<br />
5. Improve Care for Female Veterans<br />
<br />
<br />
http://iava.org/blog/5-things-new-veterans-expect-all-candidates-2012<br />
~~~~~ <br />
The latest from Michael Yon, the foremost “milnews” blogger on the web. <br />
~<br />
Greetings, <br />
<br />
Of interest on China and Okinawa. <br />
<br />
Sentiment Builds in China to Press Claim for Okinawa<br />
<br />
http://www.nytimes.com/2013/06/14/world/asia/sentiment-builds-in-china-to-press-claim-for-okinawa.html?ref=world&_r=0<br />
<br />
Very Respectfully,<br />
Michael Yon<br />
Your Writer, <br />
<br />
Please remember that this website accepts no advertisement and is dependent on your support. <br />
<br />
PS Please sign up for my Twitter.com updates at "Michael_Yon" [http://twitter.com/Michael_Yon] (not Michael Yon).<br />
<br />
http://www.facebook.com/#/MichaelYonFanPage?ref=sgm<br />
~<br />
www.michaelyon-online.com<br />
~<br />
Http://www.michaelyon_online.com/index.php<br />
~~~~~ <br />
If you would like to encourage US Troops overseas, but are not sure just how to begin, visit www.anysoldier.com for ideas. <br />
~~~~~ <br />
Please remember ... America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the MALL.<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Rasmussin Reports - - June 14, 2013 - - Issue: 56<br />
<br />
Distrust of Government Is What It's All About - - A Commentary By Scott Rasmussen <br />
<br />
Another week, another controversy in official Washington.<br />
<br />
At the moment, 35 percent of voters consider recently exposed National Security Agency surveillance efforts as the most serious. The Internal Revenue Service's targeting of conservatives is No. 2 on the list, followed by concerns about the Obama administration's handling of the incident in Benghazi last fall in which the U.S. ambassador to Libya was murdered. The Justice Department's secret probe of reporters' phone and email records is seen as the top concern by only 9 percent.<br />
<br />
Competing for attention with the controversies are ongoing policy disputes over immigration, gun control and full implementation of the national health care law.<br />
<br />
While each of these stories has its own cast of characters and internal dynamics, it is now possible to identify a unifying theme.<br />
<br />
President Obama, whose deeply held faith in government is unwavering, unintentionally provided that moment of clarity last week. In attempting to dismiss concerns about the NSA disclosures, he said, "If people can't trust not only the executive branch but also don't trust Congress and don't trust federal judges to make sure that we're abiding by the Constitution with due process and rule of law, then we're going to have some problems here."<br />
<br />
We have a problem.<br />
<br />
Just 30 percent of voters nationwide have that much trust in government officials when it comes to these surveillance efforts.<br />
<br />
Only 24 percent now are confident that the federal government does the right thing most of the time.<br />
<br />
This popular distrust of government is the theme that ties all the recent news stories together. It's driving all the current policy debates.<br />
<br />
On immigration, there is broad popular support for comprehensive immigration reform. Most Americans believe legal immigration is good for the country, but most do not trust the government to enforce any provisions in the new law that would improve border security and reduce illegal immigration. Only 7 percent believe that enforcement is "very likely" to happen.<br />
<br />
This is not just Republicans grumbling about Barack Obama in the White House. The same skepticism was there when George W. Bush was president. Unless the government does something to address the border problem, it will be there for the next president, as well. Because of that distrust, prospects for passing serious immigration reform this year are slim indeed.<br />
<br />
Similarly with gun control, Americans overwhelmingly like the idea of requiring background checks for those who want to purchase a gun, but they are very suspicious of where the president and New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg want to go from there. If voters were convinced their plan was for background checks and nothing more, it would have enjoyed broad popular support.<br />
<br />
The president's health care law is facing the same challenge. New mandates will soon force people to buy more expensive insurance plans. Advocates say they're not really more expensive because they provide more coverage. But most Americans are uncomfortable with trusting the government to decide an appropriate level of coverage. They're also suspicious of all government cost estimates.<br />
<br />
Many in Washington are frustrated by the public distrust. They dream of public relations programs to overcome it. What is needed, though, is for the government to change its behavior, so that it can earn the trust of the people it serves.<br />
<br />
To find out more about Scott Rasmussen, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit www.creators.com. <br />
<br />
COPYRIGHT 2013 - - SCOTT RASMUSSEN - - DISTRIBUTED BY CREATORS.COM<br />
<br />
See Other Political Commentaries. http://www.rasmussenreports.com/public_content/political_commentary<br />
<br />
See Other Commentaries by Scott Rasmussen. http://www.rasmussenreports.com/public_content/political_commentary/commentary_by_scott_rasmussen<br />
~~~~~<br />
"Today's Seed" from E-MIN - June 14, 2013<br />
<br />
<br />
Today's message is an encore presentation of the Today's Seed message that was sent 14 years ago today, June 14, 1999.<br />
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _<br />
<br />
Jesus said to the people who believed in him, "You are truly my disciples if you keep obeying my teachings. And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." "But we are descendants of Abraham," they said. "We have never been slaves to anyone on earth.<br />
What do you mean, 'set free'?" Jesus replied, "I assure you that everyone who sins is a slave of sin. A slave is not a permanent member of the family, but a son is part of the family forever. So if the Son sets you free, you will indeed be free. (John 8:31-36 NLT)<br />
<br />
Prayer: LORD, I am grateful that I have a place in the family of God that will not be taken away from me. No other person or creature can take it from me and You will not: You have made me Your child forever. I no longer have to be a slave to sin or anything else, but I am free in You. Thank You for making this freedom possible. Help me learn more of the Truth and what this means as I grow in You. In Jesus' name. Amen.<br />
________________________________<br />
<br />
Today's Seed is reader-supported. Please help us grow. Donate by check, card, & PayPal: www.e-min.org/give2.htm (Tax deductible)<br />
<br />
Sign up to receive your own Today's Seed: www.e-min.org/msg.htm - -Share Today's Seed with family & friends: www.e-min.org/rects.htm Connect with Randall: www.facebook.com/RandallVaughnBooks or www.twitter.com/randallvaughn Get Randall's new book: My Lyrics, My Life https://www.createspace.com/4092337<br />
<br />
Today's Seed by Randall Vaughn is published daily (M-F) by E-MIN Global Ministries, P O Box 220, Warrior, AL 35180 (USA) www.e-min.org Copyright Terms/Permissions/List Privacy www.e-min.org/tp.htm Today's Seed(TM) (c) 2012 Randall Vaughn All Rights Reserved Worldwide. <br />
~~~~~<br />
http://www.shelfari.com<br />
http://www.shelfari.com/bugsbleat/shelf <br />
~~~~~<br />
Photos on the front of this week’s “Bleat” include - - My dad, James Curtis McClellan about 1949. "Bug Eaters" Da Boys ate Crickets and Mealy Worms at LoGoLy Day Camp. LifeNet preparing to transport a patient from MRMC. This year’s "Flower Bed" in the Magnolia Gardens. Annette studying for her sermon at Wade Prison Monday. Shelling fresh Pinto Beans. James Watson (Tamey) Duke with David on the steam engine that once set in the park east of Lewisville.<br />
~~~~~<br />
<br />
For the latest issue of "Da Bleat.", go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com. <br />
Our photos are posted at http://www.bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com.<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.<br />
~~~~~<br />
Thank You, Dad<br />
Reflections on my Father<br />
By: Chuck Colson<br />
<br />
Hi, I’m John Stonestreet. As we get ready to buy our dads a tie for Father’s Day, let’s hear from our old friend Chuck Colson, who in this 2008 broadcast reflected on his dad.<br />
<br />
<br />
As this Father’s Day approaches, I’ve been thinking a lot about my own dad, and how blessed I was to have him in my life. I was born during the Depression; by today’s standards, I guess you’d say we grew up in fairly deprived circumstances. I just didn’t know it.<br />
<br />
I remember that Dad wasn't around much when I was growing up. He had to drop out of high school when he was a young man to support his family after his father died. So by the time I arrived, he was working full-time at a job, and going to accounting school—and later law school—at night—12 years in total.<br />
<br />
One of my earliest childhood memories was my parents taking food to neighbors who had less than we did; and my mother taking me on the subway to meet my dad coming out of law school at nine o’clock at night. Then we’d accompany him home, but not before stopping for an ice cream.<br />
<br />
As I reflect on it, I think I developed my work ethic during those days. When I got out of the Marine Corps, I thought nothing about working full-time and going to school four years at night to get my law degree. After all, my dad had set the example. Maybe one of the best days for my dad, and for me, was when I was admitted to the bar in Massachusetts and made a copy of the certificate, mailing it to my dad with a note on it saying, “Without you I could never have done this.”<br />
<br />
My dad worked so hard that I was accustomed to only spending time with him on Sunday afternoons. We'd sit on the back porch, and there was never any wasted time. My dad would drill lessons into my head: Always do an honest day’s work for an honest day’s pay; be willing to do anything you’re required to do (that came in handy, by the way, when I had to clean toilets in Marine training); and always tell the truth. Well, I testified 44 times under oath during Watergate, and was never once accused of perjury.<br />
<br />
But if anybody accused me of self-righteousness, I would have to stand convicted. When I got to the White House, I was meticulous about avoiding conflicts of interest: I’d put everything I owned in trusts. I wouldn't see former clients. But I ended up in prison. Self-righteousness is a form of pride.<br />
<br />
One of the toughest things I ever experienced was stopping by my dad’s hospital room on my way to prison. It was an emotional time, but at least I was able to witness to him about Christ. I won’t know until I get to heaven what came of it. And my worst day followed that, when I learned, in prison, that my dad had died. I had to attend the funeral under armed guard.<br />
<br />
But one thing I knew for sure—and I knew it even as I grieved at my father’s funeral: Dad had poured everything he had into me—and into his grandkids, who became the joy of his life. And he lived his life with great honor and dignity.<br />
<br />
All I can hope is that the same will be said of me some day by my children and grandchildren. I knew every minute my dad was proud of me—and I was proud of him.<br />
<br />
I told him how I felt many times when he was alive. But on reflection, I wish I’d told him more often. So, don’t miss the opportunity this Father’s Day to tell your father how much you love him and appreciate him. Or, if he's gone, as my father is, at least give a prayer of thanks to God that you had the dad you did.<br />
<br />
(This commentary is re-aired from June 13, 2008).<br />
<br />
Further Reading and Information<br />
<br />
Take action Thank You, Dad: Reflections on my Father - Next Steps<br />
<br />
On this Father’s Day, pick up the phone, mail a card, thank your dad for the time he devoted to you. In instances where relationships are strained, take the first step to reconcile with your father even in small ways like simply sending a quick note and breaking the silence. Where communication is completely cut off, pray for your father.<br />
If you get a chance, check out the book The Blessing by Gary Smalley and John Trent about how to improve broken family relationships and heal any past wounds with your father. Find other great books on fatherhood listed below.<br />
<br />
<br />
Books:<br />
<br />
The Blessing<br />
Gary Smalley | Pocket Books | November 1990<br />
http://www.colsoncenterstore.org/product.asp?sku=0671737430<br />
<br />
First Time Dad: The Stuff You Really Need to Know<br />
John Fuller | Moody Publishers | May 2011<br />
http://www.colsoncenterstore.org/product.asp?sku=9780802487506<br />
<br />
You Have What It Takes: What Every Father Needs to Know<br />
John Eldredge | Nelson Books | March 2007<br />
http://www.colsoncenterstore.org/product.asp?sku=0785288767<br />
<br />
Point Man: How a Man Can Lead His Family<br />
Steve Farrar | Multnomah Publishers | April 2003<br />
http://www.colsoncenterstore.org/product.asp?sku=1590521269<br />
<br />
Quiet Strength: The Principles, Practices, and Priorities of a Winning Life<br />
Tony Dungy | Tyndale House | May 2008<br />
http://www.colsoncenterstore.org/product.asp?sku=1414318022<br />
<br />
Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters: 10 Secrets Every Father Should Know<br />
Meg Meeker |Regnery Publishing | September 2006<br />
http://www.colsoncenterstore.org/product.asp?sku=1596980125<br />
<br />
Tales from the Dad Side: Misadventures in Fatherhood<br />
Steve Doocy | Harper Paperback | 2008<br />
http://www.colsoncenterstore.org/product.asp?sku=9780061441639<br />
<br />
What Every Man Wishes His Father Had Told Him<br />
Byron Forrest Yawn | Harvest House Publishers | February 2012<br />
http://www.colsoncenterstore.org/product.asp?sku=9780736946384<br />
<br />
[http://www.breakpoint.org/bpcommentaries]<br />
Copyright © 2013 Colson Center. All Rights Reserved<br />
<br />
~~~~~<br />
Residents of Columbia County, Arkansas are represented in Congress by:<br />
~<br />
<br />
Senator John Boozman (R_ AR) <br />
1 Russell Courtyard<br />
Washington DC, 20510<br />
Phone: 202-224-4843<br />
http://boozman.senate.gov/<br />
~<br />
Senator Mark Pryor (D_ AR) <br />
Phone 202_224_2353 <br />
FAX 202_228_0908 <br />
http://pryor.senate.gov/<br />
~<br />
Representative Tom Cotton (R ) <br />
Phone 202_225_3772 <br />
FAX 202_225_1314 <br />
http://cotton.house.gov/<br />
<br />
Other states congresspersons can be found at: [http://www.visi.com/juan/congress/]<br />
~~~~~<br />
THOUGHT OF THE DAY:<br />
<br />
"Live a balanced life. Learn some and think some, and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some." - Robert Fulghum<br />
<br />
"If I'd known I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of myself!" - Eubie Blake<br />
<br />
"How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives." - Annie Dillard<br />
<br />
"Fair winds and following seas and long may your big jib draw!" - Naval Blessing<br />
<br />
"Anger as soon as fed is dead / 'Tis starving makes it fat." - Emily Dickinson<br />
<br />
"The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them." - Mark Twain<br />
<br />
"There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it." - Oscar Wilde<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Breaking Christian News <br />
<br />
Patriots' Owner: Tebow Was Signed on Because of His "Spirituality"<br />
News Staff (Jun 13, 2013)<br />
<br />
Patriots' owner Robert Kraft announced that Tim Tebow was signed on recently, in part, because Kraft was concerned about a lack of spirituality on his football team.<br />
<br />
http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=11797<br />
<br />
~<br />
<br />
30th Abortion Clinic CLOSED in 2013, after Botched Abortions, Patient Death<br />
Operation Rescue News Staff (Jun 10, 2013)<br />
<br />
"Nova will be closing due to the dogged determination of a core of local activists who pursued every available opportunity—from prayer to public protest—to expose this heinous abortion mill and protect the public from its dangerous practices." –Troy Newman<br />
<br />
http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=11755<br />
<br />
editor@breakingchristiannews.com <br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
<br />
GCF: If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.com<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: American Idol<br />
<br />
My wife left me a note saying I should try out for "American Idle."<br />
<br />
But the joke is on her because she spelled it wr--- hey, wait a minute!<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: New Boyfriend<br />
<br />
The teenage girl brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. He has a baseball cap on backwards, torn low-rider jeans and numerous tattoos and body piercings.<br />
<br />
The mother pulls her daughter aside. "Dear, you know your father and I love you and we only want the best for you. This boy, he just doesn't seem very ... nice."<br />
<br />
"Oh please, Mom! If he wasn't nice, why would he be doing five hundred hours of community service?"<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Job Requirement<br />
<br />
The personnel manager was impressing the applicant with the prospective job.<br />
<br />
"We make parts for microscopes. You'll be required to work with lenses that are ten-thousandths of an inch thick."<br />
<br />
"I can handle it," the applicant said, "I used to slice meat in a delicatessen."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Workaholic<br />
<br />
As an attorney in a major law firm, I have many colleagues who work long hours. However, the reputation of one of my partners' workaholic ways even extended beyond the office. He not only had to leave work early one day because of a medical problem, but was also told by his doctor to stay home until the end of the week. My colleague grudgingly agreed to comply.<br />
<br />
In the middle of the week, our receptionist received a call for him. She announced that the partner was out of the office until Friday.<br />
<br />
"Good," the caller said. "That's all I wanted to know." It was the partner's doctor.<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: How Many Children?<br />
<br />
I was blessed with three beautiful, intelligent and terrific children. When they were seven, six and five, my youngest daughter who was always asking questions, came home from kindergarten one day and asked, "Daddy, how many children did you want?"<br />
<br />
Thinking for a minute, I looked at her and said, "Two."<br />
<br />
She thought about this for a moment and then asked, "Me, and who else?"<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Delivery Suspicion<br />
<br />
There was an unexpected knock on my door, and like I always do I first opened the peephole and asked, "Who's there?"<br />
<br />
"Parcel Post, ma'am. I have a package that needs a signature."<br />
<br />
"Where's the package?" I asked suspiciously. The deliveryman held it up.<br />
<br />
"Could I see some ID?" I said, still not convinced.<br />
<br />
"Lady," he replied wearily, "if I wanted to break into your house, I'd probably just use these." And he pulled out the keys I had left in the door.<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Better Living Through Chemistry<br />
<br />
Table of Elements:<br />
C = carbon<br />
Ho = holmium<br />
Co = cobalt<br />
La = lanthanum<br />
Te = tellurium<br />
<br />
CHoCoLaTe - Better living through chemistry!<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Nasty Virus<br />
<br />
One week of suffering through a nasty stomach virus left me wiped out. But I found a silver lining the very first day I could crawl out of bed.<br />
<br />
Throwing on a pair of pants, I called out to my husband, "Look! These jeans fit, they finally fit!"<br />
<br />
"Great," he said. "But those are mine."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: What's Wrong, Officer?<br />
<br />
"What's wrong, Officer?"<br />
<br />
I asked the cop those three dreaded words seconds after he'd pulled me over.<br />
<br />
"Didn't you notice that you were driving the wrong way down a one-way street?" he asked.<br />
<br />
"No" I said. "I'd turned on from Maple, which didn't have any signs indicating that this street was one-way."<br />
<br />
"That's because you were going the wrong way down Maple too."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Black Friday Shopping<br />
<br />
My wife got mad at me when I told her I was "NOT" going shopping with her at midnight on Black Friday. She went by herself, and she informed me in the morning that she had purchased eight new dresses.<br />
<br />
"Eight dresses!" I hollered, "What could any woman want with eight new dresses?"<br />
<br />
She calmly replied, "Eight new pairs of shoes."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Oregon Trail<br />
<br />
On a family vacation one summer, we crossed Wyoming and noted several historical points of interest. The children were especially interested because they enjoyed the computer game "Oregon Trail," which gives players a taste of the hardships the pioneers endured.<br />
<br />
We stopped at the famous South Pass to look at the wagon tracks still visible in the dirt.<br />
<br />
Squinting out over the desolate, wind-swept landscape, my daughter nodded and said grimly, "This is where my oxen always die."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Soccer Carpool<br />
<br />
For the second time in a row, I was forced to impose on the woman with whom I carpooled to our children's soccer practices. I phoned and explained that my husband had the car again, so I wouldn't be able to take my turn. A few minutes before she was due to pick up my son, my husband showed up.<br />
<br />
Since it was too late for me to call and say I could drive after all, I asked my husband to hide the car in the garage and to stay inside. I also explained to my son that he shouldn't mention anything about his father's whereabouts.<br />
<br />
Unfortunately, my husband forgot and was in front of our house chatting with a friend when my carpool partner arrived. When my son returned from practice, I asked him if she had noticed.<br />
<br />
"Yes," he replied, "she asked me which of the two men in front of the house was my father. But don't worry. I told her I didn't know."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Heimlich Maneuver<br />
<br />
During a CPR training class, we were paired up to practice the Heimlich Maneuver. The instructor set the scene by saying, "Imagine you're at a dinner party with your spouse and he or she starts choking."<br />
<br />
He then reminded us not to do anything to people who were coughing, because they'd probably dislodge the obstruction on their own. We were to calm such victims with quiet talk and encourage them to continue coughing.<br />
<br />
When the role playing began, one woman moved close to her coughing "husband." She placed a hand on his shoulder and whispered, "Honey, did you remember to mail your life insurance premium check last week?"<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Eating Habits<br />
<br />
The mother had become very cholesterol-conscious and was trying to change the family's eating habits. They were now consuming lots of oat bran, and she had substituted turkey for most of the meats they used to enjoy. She used ground turkey in spaghetti sauce and she served turkey hot dogs.<br />
<br />
The 18-year-old daughter was getting tired of all the turkey and cholesterol talk. One day she came home from school and asked the usual, "What's for dinner?"<br />
<br />
"Chicken," the mom replied.<br />
<br />
With a tired sigh she inquired, "Real chicken or turkey chicken?"<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Ice Capades<br />
<br />
A mother's four-year-old daughter was attending her first performance of the Ice Capades. She was so mesmerized that she wouldn't budge from her seat even during intermission, watching the activity while the ice was cleaned.<br />
<br />
At the end of the show, she exclaimed, "I know what I want to be when I grow up!"<br />
<br />
The mother envisioned her on the ice in another 15 years, starring in the Ice Capades.<br />
<br />
She was brought back to earth when the daughter continued, "I want to be a zamboni driver!"<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Birthday Cake<br />
<br />
The mother was having difficulty gulping down the birthday cake her young son had made for her as a surprise.<br />
<br />
When she was finished, he happily exclaimed, "I'm so glad you like it, Mommy. There should have been 32 candles on the cake, but they were all gone when I took it out of the oven."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Chain Necklace<br />
<br />
When a thief snatched a chain necklace that a friend of mine was wearing, she grabbed at his collar, trying unsuccessfully to stop his getaway. Asked for the thief's description later, she said,"Don't bother looking for him. He only got a costume-jewelry chain of mine. But when I grabbed him by the collar, I got his chain, and it's real gold!"<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Need to Relax<br />
<br />
Jill wanted to convince Susan, a continually harried friend, that she needed to find ways to relax. She invited her to dinner and, while she was busy cooking, Susan agreed to watch her old videotape on stress management and relaxation techniques.<br />
<br />
Fifteen minutes later, she came into the kitchen and handed Jill the tape. "It was good," she said, "but I don't need it."<br />
<br />
"But it's a 70-minute video," Jill replied. "You couldn't have watched the whole thing."<br />
<br />
"Yes, I did," Susan assured her. "I put it on fast-forward."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Missing Purse<br />
<br />
One Saturday night some friends came to our house to play cards. As they were driving away at the end of the evening, I discovered that one of the women had left her purse in a corner next to the dining-room hutch. I was about to call her house, intending to leave a message on the answering machine, when my son reminded me that they had a cell phone.<br />
<br />
As I dialed the number, I marveled at the technology that would alert them before they had driven all the way home. A few seconds later the purse began to ring.<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Traffic Court<br />
<br />
Recently in Traffic Court, a man who received an expensive parking ticket, testified that a uniformed Policeman had given his OK for the man to park there.<br />
<br />
The Judge asked the man if he would recognize the Officer if he ever saw him again, and the man replied that he would.<br />
<br />
The Judge then said, "Good. When you see the Officer again, tell him he owes you 257 dollars. Next..."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Tickets<br />
<br />
A police officer friend of ours had stopped at the local cafe for coffee and was getting ready to leave when I spotted him.<br />
<br />
"Go out and get'em!" I said. "I suppose everyone gets a ticket today?"<br />
<br />
"I don't really give out many tickets," he said seriously.<br />
<br />
"Oh come on," I teased, "you'd give your own mother a ticket."<br />
<br />
"No, my mother never drove a car," he said, still serious.<br />
<br />
Then a grin spread over his face. "I did catch her jaywalking once." he said, "and I issued her a warning. But that's all."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Diet Tips<br />
<br />
My sisters and I have weight problems and are always sharing diet tips. One day my oldest sister was showing us a low-fat cookbook and pointed out a chicken dish she had tried the night before.<br />
<br />
Reading the ingredients, I commented, "It looks like it would taste really bland."<br />
<br />
"It did," she replied, "until I added cheese and sour cream."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( \<br />
/ / | tellswor@slonet.org | \ \<br />
_( (_ | http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor | _) )_<br />
(((\ \>|_/ )_____________________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Xylophataquieopiaphobia: \ /
\ _/ the fear of not pronouncing \_ /
/ / words correctly. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )_____________________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / Does the Alphabet Song and \ \_/ ////
\ / Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star \ /
\ _/ have the same tune? \_ /
/ / Why did you just try singing the two \ \
songs above? (They are the same tune,
and it was written by Mozart)
(((\ \>|_/ )_____________________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / Yogurt is one of only three \ \_/ ////
\ / foods that taste \ /
\ _/ the way they sound. \_ /
/ / The other two are goulash and squid. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )_____________________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Some days you are the bug. \ /
\ _/ Some days you are the windshield. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / There's a fine line between \ /
\ _/ fishing and standing on \_ /
/ / the shore looking like an idiot. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Your cat does love you! \ /
\ _/ It's just hidden beneath \_ /
/ / a veil of contempt. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / Some people can tell what \ \_/ ////
\ / time it is by looking at the \ /
\ _/ sun, but I have never been \_ /
/ / able to make out the numbers. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / For every action, there is an \ /
\ _/ equal and opposite criticism. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / What do you do when \ \_/ ////
\ / you see an endangered \ /
\ _/ animal that is eating an \_ /
/ / endangered plant? \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / When someone annoys you, it \ \_/ ////
\ / takes 42 muscles to frown, but \ /
\ _/ it only takes 4 muscles to extend \_ /
/ / your arm and whack them in the head. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Junk: stuff we throw away. \ /
\ _/ \_ /
/ / Stuff: junk we keep. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / If a parsley farmer is sued, \ /
\ _/ can they garnish his wages? \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Someday, we may discover how \ /
\ _/ to make a magnet that \_ /
/ / can point in all directions. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / If a book about failures \ /
\ _/ doesn't sell, \_ /
/ / is it a success? \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Why do they lock gas station \ /
\ _/ bathrooms? Are they afraid \_ /
/ / someone may clean them? \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Why does flammable and \ /
\ _/ inflammable mean the same thing? \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / I assume full responsibility \ /
\ _/ for my actions, except the ones \_ /
/ / that are someone else's fault. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Sometimes when you cast your \ /
\ _/ bread upon the waters \_ /
/ / all you get back is wet bread. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Back up my hard drive? \ /
\ _/ How do I put it in reverse? \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / I'm not into working out. \ /
\ _/ My philosophy is \_ /
/ / "No pain, no pain." \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / With Congress, every time they \ /
\ _/ make a joke it's a law, \_ /
/ / and every time they \ \
make a law it's a joke.
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Don't take life too seriously...\ /
\ _/ it's not permanent. \_ /
/ / \ \\
_ _______________________________ _
/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( \
/ / | tellswor@slonet.org | \ \
_( (_ | http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor | _) )_
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
On the way back from a cub scout meeting, my grandson innocently said to my son, "Dad, I know babies come from mommies' tummies, but how do they get there in the first place?"<br />
<br />
After my son hemmed and hawed a while, my grandson finally spoke up in disgust, "You don't have to make up something, Dad. It's okay if you don't know the answer."<br />
<br />
Received from Penny Bartnicki.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Where's My Smith And Wesson<br />
<br />
You may have heard on the news about a southern California man put under 72-hour psychiatric observation when it was found he owned 100 guns and allegedly had (by rough estimate) 1-million rounds of ammunition stored in his home. The house also featured a secret escape tunnel.<br />
<br />
My favorite quote from the dimwit television reporter: "Wow! He has about a million machine gun bullets." The headline referred to it as a "massive weapons cache."<br />
<br />
By southern California standards someone even owning 100,000 rounds would be called "mentally unstable." Just imagine if he lived elsewhere:<br />
<br />
In Arizona, he'd be called "an avid gun collector."<br />
<br />
In Arkansas, he'd be called "a novice gun collector."<br />
<br />
In Utah, he'd be called "moderately well prepared," but they'd probably reserve judgment until they made sure that he had a corresponding quantity of stored food.<br />
<br />
In Montana, he'd be called "The neighborhood 'Go-To' guy."<br />
<br />
In Idaho, he'd be called "a likely gubernatorial candidate."<br />
<br />
In Wyoming, he'd be called "an eligible bachelor."<br />
<br />
And, in Texas, he'd be called "a deer hunting buddy."<br />
<br />
Received from dadiodio.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
An older man, not in the best physical condition, asked the trainer in the gym, "I want to impress a beautiful young girl. Which machine should I use?"<br />
<br />
The trainer replied, "Use the ATM machine outside!"<br />
<br />
Received from george kotalis.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Which Came First?<br />
<br />
A computer scientist, a surgeon, and a civil engineer were gathered at the pub. The surgeon boasts, "Surgery is the oldest technology in the world. It's in the Bible. God removed Adam's rib while he slept. This is clear evidence that surgery pre-dates all other technological endevors."<br />
<br />
Without so much as a beat, the civil engineer says, "Before that, God formed the earth, the stars, and everything from nothing but chaos. He created rivers, mountians and oceans. This was clear evidence that civil engineering pre-dates all other technological endeavors."<br />
<br />
No to be outdone, the computer scientist points out, "Yes, but where do you think the chaos came from?"<br />
<br />
Received from ArcaMax Jokes.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
The congregation of a small stone church decided that the stone which formed the step up to the front door had become too worn by its years of use, and would have to be replaced. As a sign of the faithfulness of members over the years, the stone had a pronounced dip in the middle, well-worn by parishioners entering and leaving the chapel.<br />
<br />
Unfortunately, there were hardly any funds available for the replacement. Then someone came up with the bright idea that the replacement could be postponed for many years by simply turning the block of stone over.<br />
<br />
They discovered that their great-grandparents had beaten them to it.<br />
<br />
Received from Da Mouse Tracks.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
My husband and I had just finished tucking our five young ones into bed one evening when we heard sobbing coming from three-year-old Billy's room. Rushing to his side, we found him crying hysterically. He had accidentally swallowed a penny and was sure he was going to die. No amount of talking could change his mind.<br />
<br />
Desperate to calm him, my husband palmed a penny that he happened to have in his pocket and pretended to pull it from Billy's ear. Billy was delighted. In a flash, he snatched it from my husband's hand, swallowed it and demanded cheerfully, "Do it again, Dad!"<br />
<br />
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Company B of the 11th Airborne Division stationed in Germany was sent on a two-day march. The weather was cold and rainy, and the roads soon turned to mud. The battalion commander, a colonel, marched with the troops, first with one group and then another.<br />
<br />
On this moonless night, most of the men didn't recognize the colonel with his rain gear on and military insignia covered up. One miserable private leaned toward him and said, "Can you believe some idiots actually make a career out of this?"<br />
<br />
From Reader's Digest, "Humor in Uniform"<br />
<br />
Received from Ed.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Ann Landers challenged her readers to come up with the world's third biggest lie -- right after "The check is in the mail" and "I'm from the government, and I'm here to help you." Here is a sampling from the thousands she received:<br />
<br />
- "It's a good thing you came in today. We only have two more in stock."<br />
<br />
- "Five pounds is nothing on a person of your height."<br />
<br />
- "You made it yourself? I never would have guessed."<br />
<br />
- "You don't look a day over 40."<br />
<br />
- "Dad, I need to move out of the dorm into an apartment of my own so I can have some peace and quiet when I study."<br />
<br />
- "It's delicious, but I can't eat another bite."<br />
<br />
- "The new ownership won't affect you. The company will remain the same."<br />
<br />
- "The puppy won't be any trouble, Mom. I promise I'll take care of it myself."<br />
<br />
- "Your hair looks just fine."<br />
<br />
- "Put away the map. I know exactly how to get there."<br />
<br />
- "You don't need it in writing. You have my personal guarantee."<br />
<br />
Received from Ed.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
A woman went into a hardware store to purchase a bale of peat moss.<br />
<br />
She gave a personal check in payment and said to the clerk, "I suppose you will want some identification."<br />
<br />
He replied, without hesitation, "No ma'am, that won't be necessary."<br />
<br />
"How come?" asked the woman.<br />
<br />
"Crooks don't buy peat moss," answered the clerk.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
A friend was lecturing in Latin America. He was going to use a translator, but to identify with his audience, he wanted to begin his talk by saying in Spanish, "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen." He arrived at the auditorium a little early and realized he did not know the Spanish words for ladies and gentlemen. Being rather resourceful, he went to the part of the building where the restrooms were, looked at the signs on the two doors, and memorized those two words.<br />
<br />
When the audience arrived and he was introduced, he stood up and said in Spanish, "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen."<br />
<br />
The audience was shocked. He didn't know whether he had offended them or perhaps they hadn't heard him or understood him. So he decided to repeat it. Again in Spanish he said, "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen."<br />
<br />
One person in the audience began to snicker. Pretty soon the entire audience was laughing. Finally, someone told him that he had said, "Good evening, bathrooms and broom closets!"<br />
<br />
Received from Clean Laffs.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
After spending 3-1/2 hours enduring the long lines, surly clerks and insane regulations at the Department of Motor Vehicles, I stopped at a toy store to pick up a gift for my son.<br />
<br />
I brought my selection - a baseball bat - to the cash register.<br />
<br />
"Cash or charge?" the clerk asked.<br />
<br />
"Cash," I snapped. Then apologizing for my rudeness, I explained, "I've spent the afternoon at the motor-vehicle bureau."<br />
<br />
"Shall I giftwrap the bat?" the clerk asked sweetly. "Or are you going back there?"<br />
<br />
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
--<br />
Rate this funny at http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20120420<br />
<br />
Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a) Mail address: GCFL, Box 100, Harvest, AL 35749, USA<br />
<br />
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><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Column - - <br />
http://www.madkane.com/humor_blog/<br />
<br />
Facebook Faces The Hashtag Music<br />
<br />
June 14th, 2013<br />
<br />
Facebook Faces The #Hashtag Music (Limerick)<br />
By Madeleine Begun Kane<br />
<br />
Facebook honchos have fin’ly said “yes”<br />
To #hashtags, but under duress:<br />
All the cool kids at Twitter<br />
Treat hashtags like glitter,<br />
A trend Facebook dares not transgress.<br />
<br />
#Facebookhashtag #Facebookhashtags #hashtagsfacebook #hashtagfacebook<br />
<br />
© Madeleine Begun Kane. All Rights Reserved.<br />
http://www.madkane.com/<br />
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Once upon a time a powerful Emperor of the Rising Sun advertised for a new Chief Samurai.<br />
<br />
After a year, only three applied for the job:<br />
A Japanese,<br />
A Chinese, and<br />
A Jewish Samurai.<br />
<br />
"Demonstrate your skills!" commanded the Emperor.<br />
<br />
The Japanese samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box and released a fly. He drew his samurai sword and *Swish!* the fly fell to the floor, neatly divided in two!<br />
<br />
"What a feat!" said the Emperor. “Number Two Samurai, show me what you do."<br />
<br />
The Chinese samurai smiled confidently, stepped forward and opened a tiny box, releasing a fly. He drew his samurai sword and * Swish! * Swish! * The fly fell to the floor neatly quartered.<br />
<br />
"That is skill!" nodded the Emperor. "How are you going to top that, Number three Samurai?"<br />
<br />
The Jewish samurai, Obi-wan Cohen, stepped forward and opened a tiny box releasing one fly, drew his samurai sword and *Swoooooosh! * flourished his sword so mightily that a gust of wind blew through the room. But the fly was still buzzing around!<br />
<br />
In disappointment, the Emperor said, "What kind of skill is that? The fly isn't even dead."<br />
<br />
"Dead?" replied the Jewish Samurai... "Dead is easy. Circumcision... Now THAT takes skill!"<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." __ Franklin D. Roosevelt <br />
"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle." <br />
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. _ _ George Carlin <br />
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" _ _ Queen E. Watson<br />
“A political class of Republicans and Democrats that look after themselves, not the Nation. A media hostile to the very precepts of this nation. A generation of Americans who see morals as vices, and are ignorant of America's Actual History.”<br />
"The things that will destroy America are prosperity-at-any-price, peace-at-any-price, safety-first instead of duty-first, the love of soft living, and the get-rich-quick theory of life." - - Theodore Roosevelt <br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> <br />
Emergency Phone Number 911 <br />
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )<br />
Central Dispatch 234_5655<br />
(Non _ Emergency Number)<br />
Direct Numbers<br />
Ambulance _ 234_7371 (24 Hour)<br />
Jail _ 234_5331 (24 Hour)<br />
Poison Control _ 800_222_1222 (24 Hour)<br />
http://www. aapcc. org/<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Interested in getting in touch with the Banner_News through e_mail? editor@bannernews.net For the editor, news@bannernews.net For news and sports items, Coming Events, Diary, Church News, school and civic events. [http://www.bannernews.net/]<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." __ "Bug" <br />
"I read the end of the book. We win!" __ "Bug" <br />
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." __ "Bug"<br />
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." _ _ "Bug"<br />
"It's no big deal doing what God tells you to do. A big deal would be NOT doing what God tells you to do. Just ask Jonah." _ _ Paul Troquille <br />
“Nam et ipsa scientia potestas est.” Knowledge is power. _ Francis Bacon <br />
"The problem is here and now. The time for talk is past. The time for action is now." <br />
Comments on the first Earth Day _ James F. McClellan via John "Fuzzy" Thurman<br />
~~~~~<br />
Hope you enjoy the newsletter. <br />
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week. <br />
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" __"Bug" <br />
God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!! <br />
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT_I KC5HII <br />
<br />
P. S. If you'd like to be added to the distribution, just drop us E_mail at kc5hii@suddenlink.net<br />
. We offer "Da Bleat" as text, a "Blog" and as a newsletter with pictures in Word and PDF format. The latest issue is usually updated sometime Saturday. For the latest issue, go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com. We also have a site [http://bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com/] where we post photos that I like.<br />
We appreciate your encouragement. We also appreciate your communication when you desire to be taken off our mail list. If you are on this mail list by mistake or do not wish to receive "Da Bleat," please reply back and tell us to discontinue service to you. <br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>Bughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07270965849194883997noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9136923892168334329.post-7769139956839325252013-06-09T21:16:00.001-07:002013-06-09T21:16:30.185-07:00Bug's Bleat - - GCF: Geology DegreeVolume 15, Issue 23 Friday, June 07, 2013<br />
<br />
Josiah & Ethan help put up the sign after MCCs Spaghetti supper.<br />
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-JtIGXOSyFw8/UbVOzW7zgSI/AAAAAAAAGws/kU_ADr_LCWU/s1600/1-2013-06-05_18-32-39_355.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-JtIGXOSyFw8/UbVOzW7zgSI/AAAAAAAAGws/kU_ADr_LCWU/s320/1-2013-06-05_18-32-39_355.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
<br />
Debra took this photo of me at the AR-1 DMAT meeting June 1 in Little Rock.<br />
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-rGa5u7ImGCs/UbVOzkd4nlI/AAAAAAAAGw0/FNzhSBbXbq0/s1600/1-P6010020.JPG" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-rGa5u7ImGCs/UbVOzkd4nlI/AAAAAAAAGw0/FNzhSBbXbq0/s320/1-P6010020.JPG" /></a><br />
<br />
<br />
Annette's Lilies still look good after the storm.<br />
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-OrWcM00xXxo/UbVO0YxrY3I/AAAAAAAAGw8/b7KfqSbjad8/s1600/4-2013-06-06_15-41-35_51.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-OrWcM00xXxo/UbVO0YxrY3I/AAAAAAAAGw8/b7KfqSbjad8/s320/4-2013-06-06_15-41-35_51.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
<br />
I'm not sure exactly what's planted here but it reminds me of the "Invasion Of The Body Snatchers" movie.<br />
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-I4j7XoPOQE0/UbVPoq1UvCI/AAAAAAAAGxI/rJ1BVTt8mvE/s1600/5-2013-06-06_15-42-28_440.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-I4j7XoPOQE0/UbVPoq1UvCI/AAAAAAAAGxI/rJ1BVTt8mvE/s320/5-2013-06-06_15-42-28_440.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
<br />
Her baskets and wall plantings make an easy photograph.<br />
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-7QfR_VN1Me8/UbVPtcdIryI/AAAAAAAAGxQ/XHVEcJAXn_0/s1600/3-2013-06-06_15-41-11_891.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-7QfR_VN1Me8/UbVPtcdIryI/AAAAAAAAGxQ/XHVEcJAXn_0/s320/3-2013-06-06_15-41-11_891.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
<br />
This afternoon, the view from our eastern neighbor's home toward our northern neighbor's home was very relaxing.<br />
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-eFRohYD-ELU/UbVPvnHx-II/AAAAAAAAGxY/Ph-nBHgB4X4/s1600/6-2013-06-07_16-28-07_134.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-eFRohYD-ELU/UbVPvnHx-II/AAAAAAAAGxY/Ph-nBHgB4X4/s320/6-2013-06-07_16-28-07_134.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Hello ALL,<br />
<br />
School’s out and we’re getting more time with our youngest grandsons. Some kids might be a problem on a rainy, stormy day but Josiah and Ethan kept busy, playing (or playing with) dominos, reading (Ethan’s working on setting the Springhill Library record for number of books read. Josiah has moved away from “that kid stuff” to reading Tolkien, etc.) doing crafts (Mamaw always keeps a few craft kits handy for just such a day.) And, if we really get desperate, they can dip into the DVD vault for some TV time (but we prefer they use their time more constructively whenever possible.) <a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-82G59sK1xg4/UbVQGXnUg7I/AAAAAAAAGxg/uLHVq5OxUL0/s1600/2-2013-06-06_12-22-35_391.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-82G59sK1xg4/UbVQGXnUg7I/AAAAAAAAGxg/uLHVq5OxUL0/s320/2-2013-06-06_12-22-35_391.jpg" /></a><br />
~~~~~<br />
While Da Boys were working on their crafts Thursday, Ethan looked over at me and said; "Why don't you and mamaw ever argue when we're here?" <br />
<br />
Annette immediately replied; “Well, there's nothing to get angry about when y'all are here and besides, we've already pretty much argued about everything there is to argue about."<br />
<br />
He thought a moment and then said; "Makes sense. Anyone as old as y'all probably ran out of things to get mad about a long time ago."<br />
~~~~~<br />
What's the worst thing that can happen to a book addict? Having your daughter take a summer job at the Springhill, LA library.<br />
<br />
She came by and made a list of my favorite authors and now she stops at the house weekly with a pile of books for me to read. I can't refuse them so I have to work hard reading every spare moment in order to be ready when the next shipment arrives.<br />
<br />
I think I've overdosed and it's only a couple of weeks into summer.<br />
~~~~~<br />
Since I’ve been battling Congestive Heart Failure, Annette has become the “Salt Sheriff” of our home. Now, we cut way back on salt usage years ago. A box of salt lasts us years and one of our biggest complaints on eating out is that they often use too much salt in the cooking. We don’t even have a salt shaker on the table (which dinner guests often notice before anything else.)<br />
<br />
But, we still get plenty of salt from processed foods and the meals we eat out. In fact, those two sources probably exceed the recommended daily sodium limits for most adults. So Annette has begun a rigorous review of all foods in the home as well as any that may be brought in from “afar.”<br />
<br />
We’ve both learned to look at Fat, Fiber, Carb and Sodium content on any prepared foods we purchase. And the numbers will surprise you. So called “health” foods are often packed with Sodium and Carbs.<br />
<br />
So today she was looking at my shopping list and I had “dried” chicken noodle soup on it (Lipton Soup Secrets, Noodle Soup with “Real” Chicken Broth). She was not pleased, just because one serving contains a measly 670 mg of sodium. I mean, this is less than half of the recommended daily sodium intake of 1,500 mg. and not even a third of the “Tolerable Upper Intake Level of 2,300 mg. as set by the Centers of Disease Control. Besides, I told her, “I only use this soup when I have an upset stomach.” <a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-PGmHl1llLwQ/UbVQigW3WEI/AAAAAAAAGxo/6uq1C7-NMkM/s1600/lipton_chicken_noodle_soup.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-PGmHl1llLwQ/UbVQigW3WEI/AAAAAAAAGxo/6uq1C7-NMkM/s320/lipton_chicken_noodle_soup.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
To which she replied; “We have fresh chicken broth in the freezer you can use for that.”<br />
<br />
“Chicken Broth!” “That’s not going to keep my blood sugar from bottoming out!”<br />
<br />
“O.K.” she said. “I’ll throw a noodle in it.”<br />
<br />
There’s enough “Heart” in her for both of us.<br />
~~~~~ <br />
My Classmate Chuck Jackson is the absolute King of Dry Wit. As you can see below.<br />
~<br />
Must have been a mite peckish seeing as I just finished off a plate of cold fries with no salt, no catsup, and absolutely no qualms. Running at more than forty dollars a dozen here in Santiago, I can seldom afford having qualms when I eat anyway, and never at home. Say we go to mass, though - without a couple of qualms to cut my appetite, so to speak, why, I'd like as not drain the communion cup. Worse at protestant communion services as I have a tremendous weakness for concord grape juice. Near fell in love under a concord grape arbor once. 'Course that was just puppy stuff - stepped in lots of it over the years. If you're wearing work shoes, you have to have a pocket knife and a water hose to get it out of the treads. Even so, two times out of five you get it on your finger. Once on the finger, it finds it way to your ear, and you just end up with a big mess.<br />
~<br />
You'd be hard put to find anyone over twelve who didn't know the words to at least seventy or eighty songs. Me? My rote memory is so bad that I know the first verse to two (2), Happy Birthday to You and the Star Spangled Banner. But that never stopped me from singing; I've always made up any lines I couldn't rightly remember. When I go to church and there's no hymnal nearby on the pew, I just sing right out anyway. After that first hymn, there'll be three or four people handing me their hymnals and the preacher and choir looking on to make sure I get one.<br />
~~~~~<br />
If we didn't have enough things to terrify us (i.e. Susan Rice being appointed National Security Adviser, Samantha Power stepping up to U.S. ambassador to the United Nations, over 300 drone killings to date, seizing news media emails, NSA monitoring ALL our phone calls, etc. etc.) now clowns are hiding in the woods!<br />
Russell Brasel writes; "I've run across various sorts of snakes, gators, and seen fresh evidence of bears while hiking, but this might be the only thing that would cause me to drop my pack and run." <a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-iyJzAEN9mRI/UbVQzYkJjkI/AAAAAAAAGxw/1h3YLreTnVs/s1600/Clown_FJQXaqO1.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-iyJzAEN9mRI/UbVQzYkJjkI/AAAAAAAAGxw/1h3YLreTnVs/s320/Clown_FJQXaqO1.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
This clown mannequin was reportedly placed on a hiking trail deep in the Oleta River in Aventura, Florida by a park employee who got it from the Enchanted Forest Elaine Gordon Park in North Miami. <br />
<br />
If you went hiking through Oleta River in Aventura Florida last year, you probably had to change your pants a couple miles in. (imgur.com)<br />
~~~~~<br />
I guess there are only so many events folks can remember. But Thursday (June 6) there was nothing in the paper, nothing that I saw on the evening news. ... It's a crying shame. Especially since most everyone knows of someone who took part in the battle. For instance, a few years ago, while visiting a grave at the Shiloh Cemetery outside of Lamartine, I noticed a head stone that read; <br />
<br />
"Lloyd J. Burchfield<br />
Arkansas<br />
Pvt 456 PRCHT FA BN<br />
82 ABN Div<br />
World War II <br />
Sep. 15, 1921 - Jun. 6, 1944"<br />
<br />
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-4WFMA-u6oZI/UbVRMU5nV1I/AAAAAAAAGx4/PqgiijJIVVM/s1600/D+Day+LJB_27183532_121209582433.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-4WFMA-u6oZI/UbVRMU5nV1I/AAAAAAAAGx4/PqgiijJIVVM/s320/D+Day+LJB_27183532_121209582433.jpg" /></a><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-rwXudj7_eR4/UbVROMqfobI/AAAAAAAAGyA/yT87b4nApmA/s1600/D+Day+456_patch.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-rwXudj7_eR4/UbVROMqfobI/AAAAAAAAGyA/yT87b4nApmA/s320/D+Day+456_patch.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
That's the 456th Parachute Field Artillery Battalion whose first combat jump was in Sicily on the evening of July 9, 1943, in support of the 82nd Airborne Division's 505th Parachute Infantry Regiment. The battalion's primary mission was to fire at enemy troops and tanks utilizing a high arc, or indirect fire. During the intense Battle of Biazza Ridge, however, the battery had scored its first victory against enemy tanks using direct fire. <br />
Following the Sicilian campaign, Batteries C and D remained with the 82nd Airborne Division and transferred to England to prepare for the invasion of France transferring the 456th PFAB designation to the European Theater. <br />
<br />
The mission of the 82d Airborne Division on D-Day was to: "Land by parachute and glider before and after dawn astride the MERDERET River, seize, clear and secure the general area: CR (261938) - CR (265958) - CR (269975) - RJ (274982) - RJ (283992) - Bridge (308987) - NEUVILLE AU PLAIN (340985) - BANDIENVILLE (360987) within its zone; capture ST. MERE EGLISE (349965); seize and secure the crossings of the MERDERET River at (315957) and (321930), and a bridgehead covering them, with MLR along the general line: CR (261938) - CR (265953) - CR (269975) - RJ (274982) - RJ (283992); seize and destroy the crossing of the DOUVE River at BEUZEVILLE LA BASTILLE (309911) and ETIENVILLE (also known as PONT L'ABBE) (269927); protect the northwest flank of VII Corps within the Division zone; and be prepared to advance west on Corps order to the line of the DOUVE north of its junction with the PRAIRIES MARECAGEUSES."<br />
<br />
This Force was commanded by Brigadier General JAMES M. GAVIN, assistant Division Commander, and was to be committed before dawn of D-Day with the gliders containing the 456th artillery, following the main body of paratroopers and began landing at 0404 hours. The gliders encountered fog and flak and they were scattered, and many of them were damaged upon crashing into the small fields and high hedgerows.<br />
<br />
Enemy reaction to the landing of the 82d Airborne Division in the NORMANDY area was prompt and severe. Pvt Burchfield is listed on the Battalion's "Role Of Honor" as being killed in action June 6, 1944 in Normandy.<br />
<br />
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JkrqLoQXbpo<br />
~~~~~<br />
The U.S. Space Launch System, or SLS, will provide an entirely new capability for human exploration beyond Earth orbit. It also will back up commercial and international partner transportation services to the International Space Station. Designed to be flexible for crew or cargo missions, the SLS will be safe, affordable, and sustainable, to continue America's journey of discovery from the unique vantage point of space. The SLS will take astronauts farther into space than ever before, while engaging the U.S. aerospace workforce here at home. <br />
<br />
The Initial 70-metric-ton SLS will stand 321 feet tall, provide 8.4 million pounds of thrust at liftoff, weigh 5.5 million pounds and carry 154,000 pounds of payload.<br />
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-EhqOoWA5XMI/UbVRpwFXh_I/AAAAAAAAGyI/vxCnZcjQrco/s1600/NASA+SLS+011311_rockets.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-EhqOoWA5XMI/UbVRpwFXh_I/AAAAAAAAGyI/vxCnZcjQrco/s320/NASA+SLS+011311_rockets.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
<br />
The massive 130-Metric-Ton Evolved Rocket Development configuration will be the most capable, powerful launch vehicle in history. Towering a staggering 384 feet tall, it will provide 9.2 million pounds of thrust at liftoff and weigh 6.5 million pounds. It will be able to carry payloads weighing 286,000 pounds to orbit. This configuration will use the same core stage, with four RS-25 engines, as the 70-metric-ton SLS. <br />
<br />
http://www.nasa.gov/exploration/systems/sls/<br />
http://www.nasa.gov/pdf/664158main_sls_fs_master.pdf<br />
~~~~~<br />
Also from Waneta [NOTE: I’ve edited out the name of the murder and victim in this story]<br />
~<br />
An “animal” shot and killed an innocent person in Georgia last March.<br />
<br />
The killer is not a member of the NRA.<br />
<br />
He did not use an assault rifle.<br />
<br />
He did not get his stolen pistol from a gun show.<br />
<br />
He did not attend Christian school, nor was he home schooled.<br />
<br />
He did attend multicultural public education, and was not instructed in the Ten Commandments.<br />
<br />
He already has a record for violent crimes.<br />
<br />
He is gang member.<br />
<br />
He never earned his hunter safety card, nor did he shoot CMP, Junior NRA, or 4H Air Rifle Competitions.<br />
<br />
He was never instructed in gun safety from his father or grandfather.<br />
<br />
He smokes weed.<br />
<br />
While he has no job, nor was he looking for one, he is well fed, and does not need a job. He has no skills outside of crime.<br />
<br />
He is not capable of doing a professional job interview, even though he spent 11 years in public education.<br />
<br />
And as a side note...........<br />
<br />
Today I swung my front door wide open and placed my Remington 870 right in the doorway.<br />
<br />
I gave it 5 shells, then left it alone and went about my business.<br />
<br />
While I was gone, the mailman delivered my mail, the neighbor boy across the street mowed the yard, a girl walked her dog down the street, and quite a few cars stopped at the stop sign just down from my house.<br />
<br />
After about an hour, I checked on the gun. It was still sitting there, right where I had left it. It hadn't moved itself outside. It certainly hadn't killed anyone, even with the numerous opportunities it had been presented to do so. In fact, it hadn't even loaded itself.<br />
<br />
Well you can imagine my surprise, with all the media hype about how dangerous guns are and how they kill people.<br />
<br />
Either the media is wrong, and it's the misuse of guns by PEOPLE that kills people, or I'm in possession of the laziest gun in the world.<br />
<br />
Alright, well I'm off to check on my spoons. I hear they're making people fat.<br />
~~~~~<br />
I remember my grandmother (Mrs. Mary Taylor) and my “mammy” (Mrs. Ida Mustifield) washing clothes this way using the wash pot in the back yard.<br />
~<br />
"Warshing" Clothes Recipe -- Imagine having a recipe for this! Years ago, an Alabama grandmother gave the new bride the following recipe exactly as written and found in an old scrapbook with spelling errors and all. (NOTE: For non-Southerners - wrench means rinse.)<br />
<br />
WARSHING CLOTHES<br />
<br />
Build fire in backyard to heat kettle of rain water.<br />
<br />
Set tubs so smoke won’t blow in eyes if wind is pert.<br />
<br />
Shave one hole cake of lie soap in boilin water.<br />
<br />
Sort things, make 3 piles -- 1 pile white, 1 pile colored, 1 pile work britches and rags.<br />
<br />
To make starch, stir flour in cool water to smooth, then thin down with boiling water.<br />
<br />
Take white things, rub dirty spots on board, scrub hard, and boil, then rub colored don't boil just wrench and starch.<br />
<br />
Take things out of kettle with broom stick handle, then wrench, and starch.<br />
<br />
Hang old rags on fence.<br />
<br />
Spread tea towels on grass.<br />
<br />
Pore wrench water in flower bed.<br />
<br />
Scrub porch with hot soapy water.<br />
<br />
Turn tubs upside down.<br />
<br />
Go put on clean dress, smooth hair with hair combs.<br />
<br />
Brew cup of tea, sit, rock a spell, and count yore blessings. <br />
~~~~~<br />
Thanks to our friend Waneta Reardon for sharing this video with us. [http://puttinguptheflag.com/]<br />
~~~~~<br />
“Obama’s Arrogant Appointment”<br />
<br />
You've got to hand it to him: President Obama's appointment of his U.N. ambassador, Susan Rice, to be his new national security advisor shows chutzpah! <br />
<br />
Obama's administration is mired in accumulating scandals – from the Internal Revenue Service targeting his political enemies in the two years between a humiliating mid-term election drubbing and a successful re-election bid, to his attorney general's wholesale seizure of Associated Press phone records and fingering of Fox News correspondent James Rosen as a potential violator of the Espionage Act, to the public dissembling over the Benghazi attack and its fatal consequences for an American ambassador and three others. <br />
<br />
For Obama to appoint to a White House post, exempt from Senate confirmation, a figure at the heart of one of these scandals -- the Benghazi attack – is a bold stroke. It's tempting to say that if Obama were as willing to take on America's implacable enemies overseas, like North Korea's Kim Jong Un or Iran's Islamic theocracy, as he is Congressional Republicans; perhaps we'd be having a bit more luck containing the looming nuclear-weapons-in-the-hands-of-lunatics menace that we face. ... G. Philip Hughes, U.S. News and World Report<br />
http://www.usnews.com/opinion/blogs/g-philip-hughes/2013/06/06/obama-promoting-susan-rice-to-national-security-adviser-shows-extent-of-his-arrogance<br />
~<br />
While I agree with Mr. Hughes, in all fairness I have to remind my readers of a time when a Republican President did a similar thing. Ken Starr was initially appointed to investigate the suicide death of deputy White House counsel Vince Foster and the Whitewater real estate investments of Bill Clinton. The three-judge panel charged with administering the Independent Counsel Act later expanded the inquiry into numerous areas including an extramarital affair that Bill Clinton had with Monica Lewinsky. After several years of investigation (and untold millions of dollars) Starr filed the Starr Report which alleged that Bill Clinton had lied about existence of the affair during a sworn deposition. <br />
The allegation that the President had lied (pshaw!), opened the door for the impeachment of Bill Clinton. And, after another expenditure of untold millions of dollars and who knows how many man-hours, the President was acquitted by the Senate on February 12, 1999.<br />
<br />
What was Ken Starr’s punishment for wasting our money and time? He was appointed United States Solicitor General and served from 1989 to 1993 under President George H. W. Bush. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ken_Starr<br />
<br />
Why do I care so much about Mr. Starr’s activities? Especially since I was no supporter of President Clinton? During Starr’s investigation, he epitomized the attitude of a Czar, using his subpoena powers to punish anyone who refused to lie for him (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Susan_McDougal) And for this, he was rewarded just as Susan Rice is being rewarded for lying to the public about the Benghazi incident so it wouldn’t adversely affect BO’s reelection bid.<br />
<br />
Funny isn’t it. Clinton was impeached for lying and McDougal was imprisoned for not lying but the folks who really hurt the nation then and now get rewarded.<br />
~~~~~<br />
Rasmussin reports national polling results: 64% Say Most Members of Congress Don't Care What They Think <br />
<br />
Voters remain convinced that Congress doesn't care what they think, and that includes the representative from their home district<br />
~<br />
Odds Grow Longer for Immigration Reform - - A Commentary By Scott Rasmussen<br />
<br />
Many pundits assumed that this would be the year that comprehensive immigration reform became law. The conventional wisdom was that President Obama's re-election and his strong showing among Hispanic voters would force Republicans to go along.<br />
<br />
Now, halfway through the year, the prospects for immigration reform have dimmed significantly.<br />
<br />
Americans overwhelmingly feel that legal immigration is good for the country and think highly of immigrants. Seventy-six percent have a favorable view of immigrants who work hard, support their families and pursue the American Dream. Most (55 percent) still support the concept of comprehensive reform that will secure the border and legalize the status of many of those currently in the country illegally.<br />
<br />
But they also want the system to work so that the border will be secure enough to prevent future illegal immigration. <br />
<br />
http://www.rasmussenreports.com/public_content/political_commentary/commentary_by_scott_rasmussen/odds_grow_longer_for_immigration_reform<br />
~~~~~<br />
The Chicago Sun-Times laid off its entire full-time photography staff last week, including a Pulitzer Prize winner, in a move that the newspaper’s management said resulted from a need to shift toward more online video.<br />
<br />
When questioned about the decision, the paper's management replied that they would rely on individual reporters taking photos for their stories.<br />
<br />
I think they mistake the "Million Monkey" method of taking photos with a way to generate images that will be remembered for many decades.<br />
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-SYIahqLh3oM/UbVSD9_m10I/AAAAAAAAGyQ/4TJ9U47YsPQ/s1600/pulitizer+wwwimage-1-babe-bows-out-pulitzer-photo-300.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-SYIahqLh3oM/UbVSD9_m10I/AAAAAAAAGyQ/4TJ9U47YsPQ/s320/pulitizer+wwwimage-1-babe-bows-out-pulitzer-photo-300.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
<br />
Yes, with today’s proliferation of cameras on cell phones, tablets, etc. just about anyone can take a picture. But there's a big difference in taking a snapshot and knowing what to photograph, when to photograph it, how to photograph it and which photograph will work for the story.<br />
<br />
http://www.newseum.org/exhibits-and-theaters/permanent-exhibits/pulitzer/<br />
<br />
http://www.newseum.org/exhibits-and-theaters/permanent-exhibits/pulitzer/videos/pulitzer-prize-photos.html<br />
~~~~~<br />
Our classmate Chuck Jackson writes; “The U.S. Government is collecting millions of pieces of electronic data on us from telephone companies and internet services FOR OUR OWN GOOD. Trust the government. The government is our friend interested only in our safety and welfare. Trust the Justice Department, the IRS, and the State Department. These are our friends. (Our enemies must be in stitches by now.)”<br />
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-iCVdNy_ux_Q/UbVSXcW7lpI/AAAAAAAAGyY/y07xwLGqQJ4/s1600/1984-book-cover.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-iCVdNy_ux_Q/UbVSXcW7lpI/AAAAAAAAGyY/y07xwLGqQJ4/s320/1984-book-cover.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
<br />
Was I the only person who was disturbed by the passage of the USA PATRIOT (Uniting and Strengthening America by Providing Appropriate Tools Required to Intercept and Obstruct Terrorism) Act? <br />
<br />
The Act dramatically reduced restrictions on law enforcement agencies' ability to search telephone, e-mail communications, medical, financial, and other records; eased restrictions on foreign intelligence gathering within the United States; expanded the Secretary of the Treasury’s authority to regulate financial transactions, particularly those involving foreign individuals and entities; and broadened the discretion of law enforcement.<br />
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-SeUcQXlMOlI/UbVSieIUEpI/AAAAAAAAGyg/RrPjOORYY38/s1600/1984-cartoon+132853_600.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-SeUcQXlMOlI/UbVSieIUEpI/AAAAAAAAGyg/RrPjOORYY38/s320/1984-cartoon+132853_600.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
<br />
Opponents of the law have criticized its authorization of indefinite detentions of immigrants; searches through which law enforcement officers search a home or business without the owner’s or the occupant’s permission or knowledge; the expanded use of National Security Letters, which allows the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) to search telephone, e-mail, and financial records without a court order; and the expanded access of law enforcement agencies to business records, including library and financial records. Since its passage, several legal challenges have been brought against the act, and Federal courts have ruled that a number of provisions are unconstitutional. With the latest excesses of the NSA and DOJ, I believe there will be many more court challenges. I hope they are successful in reigning in these liberty killing edicts.<br />
<br />
I think Benjamin Franklin said it best: "Those who would give up Essential Liberty to purchase a little Temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety."<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Photos on the front of this week’s “Bleat” include - - Josiah & Ethan help put up the sign after MCCs Spaghetti supper. Debra took this photo of me at the AR-1 DMAT meeting June 1 in Little Rock. Annette's Lilies still look good after the storm. I'm not sure exactly what's planted here but it reminds me of the "Invasion Of The Body Snatchers" movie. Her baskets and wall plantings make an easy photograph. This afternoon, the view from our eastern neighbor's home toward our northern neighbor's home was very relaxing.<br />
~~~~~ <br />
ACC SmartBrief - - acc@smartbrief.com - - Senate bill seeks easier loan qualifications for energy-efficient houses<br />
<br />
06/7/2013 | New York Times (http://www.nytimes.com/2013/06/07/business/senate-bill-sweetens-loans-for-energy-efficient-homes.html?_r=1&), The<br />
<br />
A reintroduced Senate bill seeks to boost the buying power of people purchasing energy-efficient homes. Under the bill from Sens. Johnny Isakson, R-Ga., and Michael Bennet, D-Colo., homebuyers would qualify for larger mortgages than they normally would, provided they are using the mortgage to purchase an energy-efficient house. The bill will help promote energy-efficient home-building materials, which are usually "out of sight and out of mind and are not valued," Isakson said.<br />
~~~~~<br />
DarynKagan.com - - Where's Daryn?<br />
<br />
So what up with the lack of new content? Why no daily newsletter from me?<br />
I have a great excuse--I'm on a belated honeymoon with my new husband. We got married back in September, but with schedules, kids, and jobs and such, now seemed the best time to go.<br />
I never was one to invest in order, anyway.<br />
The Husband has whisked me away to a far away land and the most gorgeous beaches I've ever seen.<br />
We're back next week and I promise pictures and of course, lots more uplifting and positive news!<br />
<br />
So stay tuned!<br />
~~~~~<br />
Pea-Shirt artist Elizabeth Birchfield, a recent SAU graduate in Graphic Design (left) and festival chairman Ellie Baker show the 2013 PurpleHull Pea Festival Pea-Shirt. You can see Elizabeth's portfolio at: http://www.behance.net/elizabeth_birchfield<br />
— with Ellie Mullins Baker at Emerson, Arkansas.<br />
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-NrAG7BIySEw/UbVS2uA656I/AAAAAAAAGyo/x7_U2cNfkBc/s1600/Pea-Shirt_497922814_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-NrAG7BIySEw/UbVS2uA656I/AAAAAAAAGyo/x7_U2cNfkBc/s320/Pea-Shirt_497922814_n.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
<br />
Supplemental to the Pea-Shirt. The "Small Town, Big Tillers" tank, and the "Peas Please Me" shirt, are available at Emerson Food Mart and Emerson Farmers Market. — at Emerson, Arkansas.<br />
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-0Bg-sB90n8s/UbVS5sqiAsI/AAAAAAAAGyw/-hrNJ_WEBeI/s1600/Pea-Shirt_828411448_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-0Bg-sB90n8s/UbVS5sqiAsI/AAAAAAAAGyw/-hrNJ_WEBeI/s320/Pea-Shirt_828411448_n.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
<br />
The Emerson PurpleHull Pea Festival “Million Tiller Parade” starts at 1 p.m. Saturday, June 29. The World Championship Rotary Tiller Race that evening. There are two classes, stock and modified but it's the modified class that most folks come to see. (PurpleHull.com)<br />
<br />
Most tillers are powered by 5–10hp, gasoline engines. The tillers used in the Modified class are nothing like these stock machines. They must be based on a production tiller and retain the original gearbox and chassis. Beyond that, anything goes. The engine, throttle, and tines can be modified any way you choose, as long as the engine doesn't produce more than 50 hp.<br />
<br />
Running behind a 50hp tiller--blades a spinnin'--is, well, nuts. A race begins with the machines idling, one competitor in each lane, with referees at the opposite end of the track working a stopwatch. A starter waves a flag, and the racers go for it. They must keep their feet on the ground and hands on the bars during the race. A three-second penalty is assessed for being dragged across the finish line or exiting the lane. YouTube has some nutty videos of racers who can't keep up with their machines and eat dirt. Search "rototiller racing" and be entertained.<br />
<br />
Read more:<br />
http://www.hotrod.com/feature_stories/hrdp_1211_hot_rod_anything_rocket_rototiller/#ixzz2VeHvxnCH<br />
~~~~~<br />
Favorite Quotes: <br />
<br />
"Discernment is God's call to intercession, never to faultfinding." <br />
Corrie Ten Boom<br />
~<br />
Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured. ~ Mark Twain - - Thanks to Ron Hazelton<br />
~<br />
The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets.<br />
Will Rogers<br />
<br />
This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.<br />
Will Rogers<br />
<br />
If I studied all my life, I couldn't think up half the number of funny things passed in one session of congress.<br />
Will Rogers <br />
~<br />
Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.<br />
Mark Twain<br />
<br />
It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native criminal class except Congress.<br />
Mark Twain<br />
~~~~~<br />
The following wisdom is shared by our friends. <br />
~<br />
Chuck Jackson<br />
<br />
Who told? C´mon, fess up. My little secret about leaving twenty minutes before rush hour to beat the traffic is OUT! I think half of Santiago is on to it now.<br />
<br />
Just because you're offended, doesn't mean you're right.<br />
~<br />
Nancee Davis Law<br />
<br />
When God shows up, He shows out.<br />
<br />
Life without music is like cookies without milk<br />
<br />
God is faithful even if we are faithless.<br />
<br />
Before you complain about how GOD treats you, you should think of how you treat GOD<br />
<br />
God isn’t against you having nice things. He’s against nice things having you<br />
<br />
Prayer is an open channel to God's heart.<br />
<br />
I could definitely become a morning person...if it started later in the day.<br />
<br />
I had a thought that I need to clean today but hopefully that thought will pass.<br />
<br />
Your tongue can be a powerful weapon. be careful what you say.<br />
~<br />
Dustin McClellan<br />
<br />
I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue are the colors of freedom until they are flashing behind you.<br />
~<br />
Quinton Riggins<br />
<br />
Does the US government approve of what you have posted on FB today?<br />
<br />
Still thinking about being a storm chaser? I'm not.<br />
<br />
Warning!!! Men: please do not tell your wife the truth if she asks you if her clothes are looking too tight. I'll be okay. The bruises should clear up in a week or two.<br />
~<br />
Norma Kay Rowe<br />
<br />
Joyce Meyer Ministries<br />
It's our duty as Christians to forgive. God teaches us that. He did it first!<br />
<br />
what if we woke up this morning with only the things we thanked God for yesterday. I would be in trouble for sure!!<br />
<br />
If you want peace, then you need to be willing to make the changes required to obtain it!!!!! Joyce Meyer<br />
~<br />
Dalicia Torrence<br />
<br />
" Never let another person define how you feel about you. "<br />
-T.D. Jakes<br />
~~~~~<br />
AskBob - - Bob Rankin - - HELP... My Email Was Hijacked!<br />
Category: Email<br />
<br />
A reader asks: 'Can you please help, somehow my email account got hijacked, and now all my friends are getting spam, from me! I am always careful with my password. How could this have happened, and what should I do?'<br />
<br />
Read more: http://askbobrankin.com/help_my_email_was_hijacked.html#ixzz2VeMkO9kH<br />
~<br />
Is Someone Stealing My WiFi?<br />
Category: Wireless<br />
<br />
Is your wireless Internet connection sometimes mysteriously slow? It's possible that you're sharing it with a stranger. But how can you know for sure if a neighbor or a malicious hacker has tapped into your wifi? Read on to learn how you can detect bandwidth bandits, and give them the boot...<br />
<br />
Read more: http://askbobrankin.com/is_someone_stealing_my_wifi.html#ixzz2VeN89Utu<br />
~~~~~<br />
Diabetes Life - - www.dlife.com<br />
<br />
Blueberry Cheese "Danish" - - Super healthy, low carb version of a decadent breakfast treat.<br />
<br />
Prep Time: 10 minutes<br />
Cook Time: 5 minutes<br />
Difficulty: Easy<br />
<br />
Nutrition Facts<br />
Makes 2 servings<br />
Amount Per Serving<br />
Calories 138.7<br />
Total Carbs 9.4 g<br />
Dietary Fiber 2.4 g<br />
Sugars 3.7 g<br />
Total Fat 10.6 g<br />
Saturated Fat 6.0 g<br />
Unsaturated Fat 0.4 g<br />
Potassium 54.9 mg<br />
Protein 4.4 g<br />
Sodium 65.0 mg<br />
Dietary Exchanges<br />
10.5989 Fat, 0.3515 Fruits,<br />
<br />
Ingredients<br />
1 tsp unsalted butter<br />
3 tbsp cream cheese<br />
0 1/2 cup fresh blueberries<br />
1 piece lavash (flax, oat bran, whole wheat) <br />
<br />
Directions<br />
<br />
Preheat oven or toaster oven to 325°F. Wrap lavash in foil. Place on center oven rack for 10 minutes.<br />
Remove from foil.<br />
On warmed lavash, spread, butter, cream cheese, and top with mashed blueberries.<br />
Slice in half, and roll into two portions. Secure with toothpicks.<br />
Replace on foil, heat 5 minutes in oven.<br />
<br />
http://www.dlife.com/diabetes/diabetic-recipes/reciperesults.html?recipeId=10383440&utm_source=Foodstuff-20130604&utm_medium=eNewsletter&utm_content=Foodstuff-newsletter&utm_term=Focused&utm_campaign=dLife-eNewsletter&<br />
~~~~~<br />
The latest from Michael Yon, the foremost “milnews” blogger on the web. <br />
~<br />
Greetings, <br />
<br />
Verizon secretly ordered to turn over phone records. This has been breaking news in the UK.<br />
Remember the Cold War when we were fighting against these things? Now we are these things. <br />
[http://www.michaelyon-online.com/verizon-ordered-to-turn-over-records.htm]<br />
<br />
Very Respectfully,<br />
Michael Yon<br />
Your Writer, <br />
<br />
Please remember that this website accepts no advertisement and is dependent on your support. <br />
<br />
PS Please sign up for my Twitter.com updates at "Michael_Yon" [http://twitter.com/Michael_Yon] (not Michael Yon).<br />
<br />
http://www.facebook.com/#/MichaelYonFanPage?ref=sgm<br />
~<br />
www.michaelyon-online.com<br />
~<br />
Http://www.michaelyon_online.com/index.php<br />
~~~~~ <br />
If you would like to encourage US Troops overseas, but are not sure just how to begin, visit www.anysoldier.com for ideas. <br />
~~~~~ <br />
5 Things New Veterans Expect From All Candidates<br />
<br />
1. Defend the New GI Bill<br />
<br />
2. Employ the New Greatest Generation<br />
<br />
3. Prevent suicide among troops and veterans<br />
<br />
4. Build a truly 21st Century VA<br />
<br />
5. Improve Care for Female Veterans<br />
<br />
http://iava.org/blog/5-things-new-veterans-expect-all-candidates-2012<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Please remember ... America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the MALL.<br />
~~~~~ <br />
"Today's Seed" from E-MIN <br />
<br />
You brought me more happiness than a rich harvest of grain and grapes. I can lie down and sleep soundly because you, LORD, will keep me safe. (Psa 4:7-8 CEV)<br />
<br />
Sign up to receive your own Today's Seed: www.e-min.org/msg.htm - -Share Today's Seed with family & friends: www.e-min.org/rects.htm Connect with Randall: www.facebook.com/RandallVaughnBooks or www.twitter.com/randallvaughn Get Randall's new book: My Lyrics, My Life https://www.createspace.com/4092337<br />
<br />
Today's Seed by Randall Vaughn is published daily (M-F) by E-MIN Global Ministries, P O Box 220, Warrior, AL 35180 (USA) www.e-min.org Copyright Terms/Permissions/List Privacy www.e-min.org/tp.htm Today's Seed(TM) (c) 2012 Randall Vaughn All Rights Reserved Worldwide.<br />
~~~~~<br />
http://www.shelfari.com<br />
http://www.shelfari.com/bugsbleat/shelf <br />
~~~~~<br />
For the latest issue of "Da Bleat.", go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com. <br />
Our photos are posted at http://www.bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com.<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.<br />
~~~~~<br />
“… Christians we can’t be blind-sided by the accelerating speed at which the culture is jettisoning traditional views of sexuality. Nor should we be intimidated by the hostility we’ll face for our beliefs.”<br />
<br />
BreakPoint - - Not that There's Anything Wrong with That - - What Is -- or Isn’t -- Homophobic<br />
By: Eric Metaxas| <br />
<br />
Cultural views on homosexuality are changing so rapidly, it’s hard to keep track of what is or isn’t homophobic anymore. <br />
<br />
Eric Metaxas<br />
<br />
In a classic episode of “Seinfeld” entitled “The Outing,” a student reporter is convinced that Jerry and George Costanza are gay. They strenuously deny being gay, while adding “not that there's anything wrong with that.”<br />
<br />
The phrase almost immediately became part of the way Americans talk about homosexuality.<br />
<br />
The “Seinfeld” episode came to mind while reading recently about the brouhaha concerning Roy Hibbert of the NBA’s Indiana Pacers. During a press conference, Hibbert used profanity and commented about being “stretched out” on the basketball court. And then he used the phrase “no homo.”<br />
<br />
If you’re unfamiliar with that phrase, you’re not alone. It’s an expression from rap music asserting that “the speaker of such does not have any homosexual intent.”<br />
<br />
If that sounds like Wikipedia, that’s because it is. I didn’t know what it meant, and I strongly suspect that 99 percent of the people in the room didn’t either. That didn’t stop news of Hibbert’s “gay slur” from becoming the biggest sports story of the weekend.<br />
<br />
The NBA fined Hibbert $75,000, saying it was necessary to demonstrate that “such offensive comments will not be tolerated.” I think that comes out to $25,000 per syllable.<br />
<br />
I’m not going to defend Hibbert. His profanity alone warranted a fine, and absent his “no homo” comment, I doubt that anyone would have read anything sexual into what he said.<br />
<br />
But I can’t help but notice that what constitutes a “gay slur” is a moving target. LeBron James used the same phrase a few years back and nobody cared.<br />
<br />
Again, I’m not defending anyone—I’m simply noting how fast the definitions of “homophobia” and “bigotry” are changing.<br />
<br />
Take the issue of same-sex marriage. A few weeks ago, Michael Kinsley of the New Republic, commenting on the furor over Dr. Ben Carson’s opposition to same-sex marriage, rightly noted that Carson “has views on gay rights somewhat more progressive than those of the average Democratic senator ten years ago.”<br />
<br />
In fact, Carson’s position is about the same as President Obama’s position just two years ago! Yet, Carson’s opinion is considered beyond-the-pale in many circles today.<br />
<br />
All of this has me wondering whether a Seinfeld episode like “The Outing” could even be produced today. The phrase “not that there's anything wrong with that” was a classic because it captured the audience’s ambivalence about homosexuality: While people aspired to be “tolerant” and “open-minded,” they certainly didn’t want others thinking that they engaged in same-sex relations.<br />
<br />
Some commentators are displaying the same ambivalence in reaction to the new HBO film on Liberace. They confess to being put off by the homosexual content—all the while feeling guilty about being put off.<br />
<br />
If such ambivalence isn’t already branded as “homophobia,” it will be soon. The mere suggestion that there might be something wrong with same-sex relationships will be considered “homophobia.”<br />
<br />
So why bring this up on BreakPoint? Well, as Christians we can’t be blind-sided by the accelerating speed at which the culture is jettisoning traditional views of sexuality. Nor should we be intimidated by the hostility we’ll face for our beliefs.<br />
<br />
It may be that the culture will soon be beyond repair—that traditional views will not be tolerated. Or maybe not. But one thing’s for certain, we must, by God’s grace, hold fast to His plan for human sexuality: marriage between one man and one woman, one time, for the couple’s mutual joy and the procreation of children.<br />
<br />
Only then will we be able to preserve—or perhaps create anew—a culture of life, goodness, health, and beauty.<br />
<br />
And nothing is wrong with that.<br />
~<br />
Takeaction - Next Steps<br />
<br />
It seems everything has become a battleground for ideology. Be aware of this when engaging in today’s cultural setting. It's important to stand up for the truth, even though conversations may be difficult and costly in this sometimes hostile environment.<br />
<br />
Promote the culture of life, goodness, health, and beauty as Eric discussed, doing it winsomely and with grace.<br />
<br />
Articles:<br />
<br />
Shutting Down Free Speech [http://www.breakpoint.org/commentaries/2629-shutting-down-free-speech]<br />
Chuck Colson | BreakPoint.org | July 25, 2007<br />
<br />
The Coming Persecution [http://www.breakpoint.org/commentaries/2398-the-coming-persecution]<br />
Chuck Colson | BreakPoint.org | July 1, 2008<br />
<br />
The Thought Police [http://www.breakpoint.org/bpcommentaries/breakpoint-commentaries-search/entry/13/10733]<br />
Chuck Colson | BreakPoint.org | May 1, 2007<br />
<br />
When Two So-Called “Married” Women (or Men) Repent<br />
John Piper | desiringgod.org | June 4, 2013 [http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/when-two-so-called-married-women-or-men-repent]<br />
<br />
[http://www.breakpoint.org/bpcommentaries]<br />
Copyright © 2013 Colson Center. All Rights Reserved<br />
<br />
~~~~~<br />
Residents of Columbia County, Arkansas are represented in Congress by:<br />
~ <br />
Senator John Boozman (R_ AR) <br />
1 Russell Courtyard<br />
Washington DC, 20510<br />
Phone: 202-224-4843<br />
http://boozman.senate.gov/<br />
~<br />
Senator Mark Pryor (D_ AR) <br />
Phone 202_224_2353 <br />
FAX 202_228_0908 <br />
http://pryor.senate.gov/<br />
~<br />
Representative Tom Cotton (R ) <br />
Phone 202_225_3772 <br />
FAX 202_225_1314 <br />
http://cotton.house.gov/<br />
<br />
Other states congresspersons can be found at: [http://www.visi.com/juan/congress/]<br />
~~~~~<br />
THOUGHT OF THE DAY:<br />
<br />
"One ought, every day at least, to hear a little song, read a good poem, see a fine picture and, if it were possible, speak a few reasonable words." - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe<br />
<br />
"Everything should be kept as simple as possible, but no simpler." - Albert Einstein<br />
<br />
"The reading of all good books is like a conversation with the finest men of past centuries." - Rene Descartes<br />
<br />
"Action is the antidote to despair." - Joan Baez<br />
<br />
"To be without some of the things you want is an indispensable part of happiness." - Bertrand Russell<br />
<br />
"No man for any considerable period can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the true." - Nathaniel Hawthorne<br />
<br />
"Live a balanced life. Learn some and think some, and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some." - Robert Fulghum <br />
~~~~~ <br />
Breaking Christian News <br />
<br />
Author Stephen King has revealed he believes in God, saying those that don't are ignoring creation.<br />
http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=11691<br />
<br />
Huge Breakthrough for Multiple Sclerosis Treatment “Our approach leaves the function of the normal immune system intact. That's the holy grail." -Stephen Miller<br />
http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=11736<br />
<br />
editor@breakingchristiannews.com <br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> <br />
GCF: If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.com<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Geology Degree<br />
<br />
My parents scoffed, but I knew my college degree in geology would come in handy one day. It was during Army Basic Training in Texas and I was pulling KP duty.<br />
<br />
When the sergeant asked me what I did in civilian life, I proudly said that I was a geologist.<br />
<br />
"Good. I'm looking for someone with your background," he said, while dropping a bulging sack onto the table. "You've got just the right qualifications to pick the rocks out of these potatoes before you peel them."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Emergency Call<br />
<br />
Shopping one afternoon, I was paged to come to the mall office. I rushed over and an office clerk said that I was to call home right away.<br />
<br />
Fearing the worst, I found a pay phone. When my teenage daughter answered, I immediately asked what was wrong. "Everything's fine, Mom," she said. "But I have a date in an hour and I want to wear the shoes you have on."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
My four-year-old likes to say the blessing at mealtimes, usually repeating the same short prayer: "Thank you, God, for this gracious food. Amen."<br />
<br />
One evening, however, he offered thanks for the birds, the trees, each of his friends, and asked God to watch over his family and help them to be good.<br />
<br />
I was thrilled that he was finally praying from the heart.<br />
<br />
But after the "Amen," he took a spoonful of stew, gasped, then dropped his spoon into the bowl. "I should have said a longer prayer, my food is still too hot!"<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
We baby boomers know that our daughters don't share the same need to iron that we do.<br />
<br />
This became very apparent while visiting our daughter on our way home from an extended trip. After doing my laundry, I asked my daughter for her iron and ironing board, which she retrieved from the far reaches of her storage room.<br />
<br />
I was about to plug the iron into the outlet when my grandson walked by and said, "Gramma, is that going to be noisy?" <br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
A co-worker was telling us about her sister who was coming to visit her. Someone asked how old her sister was, at which she paused, thought for a bit, and then answered, "She's half as old as I am, that's how I always remember."<br />
<br />
So someone else (okay, it was me) said, "That's neat ... so every year that you age, she only ages half a year?"<br />
<br />
My co-worker thought about that, and then said, "Oh, yeah, I guess it only works on even years."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: 12-Hour Shifts<br />
<br />
A nurse had been doing twelve-hour shifts on a medical/surgical unit. One evening she finally got to enjoy an action movie with her husband.<br />
<br />
They were sitting in the theater holding hands. During the exciting chase scene, he turned to her and said. "Look, if you wanna hold hands, fine. But quit taking my pulse, okay?"<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Sanctuary Lamp<br />
<br />
A little boy was listening to a long and excessively boring sermon in church. Suddenly the red sanctuary lamp caught his eye.<br />
<br />
Tugging his father's sleeve, he said, "When the light turns green, can we go?"<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Headlights On<br />
<br />
As I pulled into the parking lot at the department store, I noticed a car with its headlights on. I jotted down the make, color and license number. Inside the store I joined the line at the information desk.<br />
<br />
When the clerk reached me, I told her a white Ford in the parking lot had its lights on and gave her the number.<br />
<br />
"Thank you," she replied, and went on to another customer.<br />
<br />
The lady next to me asked her indignantly, "Aren't you going to announce it?"<br />
<br />
"There's no need," she replied sheepishly. "That car belongs to me."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Marinate?<br />
<br />
One evening a man was very impressed with the meat entree his wife had served. "What did you marinate this in?" he asked. <br />
<br />
His wife immediately went into a long explanation about how much she loved him and how life wouldn't be the same without him, etc.<br />
<br />
Eventually, his puzzled expression made her interrupt her answer with a question of her own, "What did you ask me?"<br />
<br />
She chuckled at his answer and explained, "I thought you asked me if I would marry you again!"<br />
<br />
As she left the room, he called out, "Well, would you marry me again?"<br />
<br />
Without hesitation, she said, "Vinegar and barbecue sauce."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Fishing with Mom<br />
<br />
I took my mother on a fishing excursion yesterday. Nobody was having any luck. After drifting for hours without so much as a nibble, who should hook into one but my Mom. Everyone on the boat was excited, cheering the old woman on and telling her to take her time.<br />
<br />
Finally she lifted the fish into the boat, picked it up, removed the hook, looked at it up and down, and then tossed it back into the water.<br />
<br />
I was stunned. I said, "Mom, why did you throw that fish back into the water?"<br />
<br />
"I don't know. To me it just didn't look fresh."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Cup of Coffee?<br />
<br />
In our home we tend to get the children to help out. One day our youngest son came in to the living room and asked, "Does anyone want a cup of coffee?"<br />
<br />
"Yes please!" we said.<br />
<br />
He replied, "What kind of coffee do you want? Capitated or decapitated?"<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Oven Mitt<br />
<br />
At day care, a four-year-old watched as a teacher pulled something hot from the oven.<br />
<br />
"What's that on your hand?" he asked.<br />
<br />
"An oven mitt," she said. "It keeps me from getting burned. Doesn't your mother use them?<br />
<br />
"No, my mom's just really careful when she opens the pizza box."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Grading the Fall<br />
<br />
John was a construction foreman. One day he tumbled from a scaffold, managing to break his fall by grabbing on to parts of the scaffold on the way down. He received only minor scratches.<br />
<br />
Embarrassed by the fall, he climbed back up to continue working. Then he noticed his co-workers holding up hastily-made signs reading, 9.6, 9.8, and 9.4.<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Back to School<br />
<br />
After raising 4 children, and losing my husband, I decided to return to college and get the degree I had started, but never finished. And so, on my first day of college, eager with anticipation, and more than a little nervous, I took a front row seat in my first class in over 40 years, a literature course.<br />
<br />
The professor told us we would be responsible for reading five books over the course of the semester, and that he would provide us with a list of authors from which we could choose.<br />
<br />
He ambled over to the lectern, took out his class book, and began "Baker, Black, Brooks, Carter, Cook..."<br />
<br />
I was working feverishly to get down all the names, when I felt a tap on my shoulder.<br />
<br />
The student behind me whispered, "Slow down! He's just taking attendance!"<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Kitchen<br />
<br />
I heard recently about a stay-at-home Mom. One<br />
evening she went to a PTA meeting and her husband and her oldest daughter got together and decided they would clean up the kitchen for her.<br />
<br />
They put away all the food, wiped all the counters, washed all the pots and put them away, put the dishes in the dishwasher and ran it. They swept and mopped the floors and then sat down, awaiting her arrival.<br />
<br />
Two hours later she returned from the meeting, took off her coat, hung it up, walked through the kitchen into the den, grabbed the remote control, and began watching television. They followed her over to her chair and stood by her side.<br />
<br />
Finally she felt them looking over her shoulder and looked up at them and said, "What?"<br />
<br />
Her husband said, "The kitchen."<br />
<br />
"The kitchen. What?"<br />
<br />
"The kitchen. We cleaned up the kitchen. Didn't you notice? It's sparkling clean. We cleaned it for you."<br />
<br />
The woman replied, "Yes, I noticed. Thankless job, isn't it?<br />
<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( \<br />
/ / | tellswor@slonet.org | \ \<br />
_( (_ | http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor | _) )_<br />
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / A Zen master once said to me, \ /
\ _/ "Do the opposite of whatever \_ /
/ / I tell you." So I didn't. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Fun fact: They have square \ /
\ _/ watermelons in Japan ... \_ /
/ / they stack better. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / The government cannot give to \ \_/ ////
\ / anybody anything that the \ /
\ _/ government does not first take \_ /
/ / from somebody else. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / "Silence is Golden" \ /
\ _/ unless you have a toddler. \_ /
/ / Then, silence is just suspicious. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Never argue with a fool. \ /
\ _/ People might not \_ /
/ / know the difference. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / Good things come in small \ \_/ ////
\ / packages because big things \ /
\ _/ can't, unless they're inflatable \_ /
/ / or require some assembly. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / The man who can smile \ \_/ ////
\ / when things go wrong \ /
\ _/ has thought of someone \_ /
/ / to blame it on. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / "The thing about quotes on the \ /
\ _/ Internet is you cannot \_ /
/ / confirm their validity." \ \
- Abraham Lincoln
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ /If a turtle doesn't have a shell,\ /
\ _/ is he homeless or naked? \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / If pro is the opposite of con, \ /
\ _/ is progress the opposite \_ /
/ / of congress? \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Practice courtesy. \ /
\ _/ You never know when it \_ /
/ / might become popular again. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / I don't feel like doing \ /
\ _/ anything today. I think I've got \_ /
/ / an enlarged procrastinate. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / A grown-up is someone \ /
\ _/ who suffers from responsibility. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / Ballerinas are always \ \_/ ////
\ / on their toes. \ /
\ _/ Why don't they just get \_ /
/ / taller ballerinas? \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Everyone has a \ /
\ _/ photographic memory. \_ /
/ / Some people just don't have film. \ \
_ _______________________________ _
/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( \
/ / | tellswor@slonet.org | \ \
_( (_ | http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor | _) )_
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation. "He's a funeral director," she answered. "Interesting," the newsman thought...<br />
<br />
He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living. She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, and a preacher when in her 60's, and now - in her 80's - a funeral director.<br />
<br />
The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.<br />
<br />
She smiled and explained,<br />
<br />
"I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."<br />
<br />
Thanks to Waneta<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
WHERE TO RETIRE<br />
<br />
You can retire to Phoenix, Arizona where...<br />
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.<br />
2. You've experienced condensation on your hiney from the hot water in the toilet bowl.<br />
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.<br />
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.<br />
5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.<br />
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!<br />
<br />
OR<br />
<br />
You can retire to California where...<br />
1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.<br />
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.<br />
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.<br />
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.<br />
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.<br />
6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.<br />
<br />
OR<br />
<br />
You can retire to New York City where...<br />
1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan .<br />
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.<br />
3. You think Central Park is "nature."<br />
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.<br />
5. You've worn out a car horn. (if you have a car).<br />
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.<br />
<br />
OR<br />
<br />
You can retire to Minnesota where...<br />
1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco .<br />
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.<br />
3. You have more than one recipe for casserole.<br />
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.<br />
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.<br />
<br />
OR<br />
<br />
You can retire to the Deep South where...<br />
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.<br />
2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.<br />
3. "He needed killin" is a valid defense.<br />
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Ellen, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc etc.<br />
5. Everything is either "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder." It's important to know the difference, too.<br />
<br />
OR<br />
<br />
You can retire to Colorado where...<br />
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.<br />
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and so he stops at the day care center.<br />
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.<br />
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.<br />
<br />
OR<br />
<br />
You can retire to the Midwest where...<br />
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.<br />
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.<br />
3. You have had to switch from "Heat" to "A/C" on the same day.<br />
4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"<br />
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"<br />
<br />
OR<br />
<br />
FINALLY You can retire to Florida where...<br />
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.<br />
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.<br />
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.<br />
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.<br />
5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.<br />
<br />
Thanks to Waneta<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
WISDOM FROM MILITARY TRAINING MANUALS<br />
<br />
'If the enemy is in range, so are you.' <br />
- Infantry Journal - <br />
___________________________________<br />
<br />
'It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.' <br />
- US. Air Force Manual - <br />
___________________________________<br />
<br />
'Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword, obviously never encountered automatic weapons.' <br />
- General Douglas MacArthur - <br />
___________________________________<br />
<br />
'Tracers work both ways.' <br />
- Army Ordnance Manual- <br />
___________________________________<br />
<br />
'Five-second fuses last about three seconds.' <br />
- Infantry Journal - <br />
___________________________________<br />
<br />
'Any ship can be a minesweeper. Once.' <br />
- Naval Ops Manual - <br />
___________________________________<br />
<br />
'Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.' <br />
- Unknown Infantry Recruit- <br />
___________________________________<br />
<br />
'If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up to him.' <br />
- Infantry Journal- <br />
___________________________________<br />
<br />
'Yea, Though I Fly Through the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I Shall Fear No Evil. For I am at 50,000 Feet and Climbing.' <br />
- Sign over SR71 Wing Ops- <br />
___________________________________<br />
<br />
'You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3.' <br />
- Paul F. Crickmore (SR71 test pilot)- <br />
___________________________________<br />
<br />
'The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.' <br />
- Unknown Author- <br />
___________________________________<br />
<br />
'If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage it has to be a helicopter -- and therefore, unsafe.' <br />
- Fixed Wing Pilot- <br />
___________________________________<br />
<br />
'When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.' <br />
-Multi-Engine Training Manual- <br />
___________________________________<br />
<br />
'Without ammunition, the Air Force is just an expensive flying club.' <br />
-Unknown Author- <br />
___________________________________<br />
<br />
'If you hear me yell; "Eject, Eject, Eject!", the last two will be echos.' <br />
If you stop to ask "Why?", you'll be talking to yourself, because by then you'll be the pilot.'<br />
-Pre-flight Briefing from a Canadian F104 Pilot- <br />
___________________________________<br />
<br />
'What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? <br />
If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; but If ATC screws up, .... the pilot dies.' <br />
-Sign over Control Tower Door- <br />
___________________________________<br />
<br />
'Never trade luck for skill.' <br />
-Author Unknown- <br />
___________________________________<br />
<br />
The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in military aviation are:' Did you feel that?' 'What's that noise?' and 'Oh S...!' <br />
-Authors Unknown- <br />
___________________________________<br />
<br />
'Airspeed, altitude and brains . Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.' <br />
-Basic Flight Training Manual- <br />
___________________________________<br />
<br />
'Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it..' <br />
- Emergency Checklist- <br />
___________________________________<br />
<br />
'The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you.' <br />
- Attributed to Max Stanley ( Northrop test pilot) - <br />
___________________________________<br />
<br />
'There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime.' <br />
-Sign over Squadron Ops Desk at Davis-Montham AFB , AZ- <br />
___________________________________<br />
<br />
'You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal.'<br />
- Lead-in Fighter Training Manual -<br />
___________________________________<br />
<br />
As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives.<br />
<br />
The rescuer sees the bloodied pilot and asks, 'What happened?' <br />
<br />
The pilot's reply: 'I don't know, I just got here myself!'<br />
<br />
Thanks to Joe Mullins<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Globalization?<br />
<br />
This is probably the easiest rational explanation <br />
of globalization that I can understand:<br />
<br />
What is the truest definition of Globalization? Princess Diana's death.<br />
<br />
An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a French tunnel, riding in a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian who was drunk on Scottish whisky, (check the bottle before you change the spelling), followed closely by Italian Paparazzi, on Japanese motorcycles, treated by an American doctor, using Brazilian medicines.<br />
<br />
This is sent to you by a Canadian, using American Bill Gates' technology, and you're probably reading this on your computer, that uses Taiwanese chips, and a Korean monitor, assembled by Bangladeshi workers in a Singapore plant, transported by Indian truck drivers, hijacked by Indonesians, unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen, and trucked to you by Mexican illegals.....<br />
<br />
That, my friends, is Globalization !<br />
<br />
Thanks to Corrine Reagan<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Would You Like Dinner?<br />
<br />
On an airplane, the flight attendant asked a man, "Would you like dinner?"<br />
<br />
The man responded, "What are my choices?"<br />
<br />
The flight attendant answered, "Yes, or no."<br />
<br />
Received from dadiodio.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Can Cold Water Clean Dishes?<br />
<br />
John went to visit his 90-year-old grandfather in a very secluded rural area of Saskatchewan. After spending a great evening chatting the night away, the next morning John's grandfather prepared a breakfast of bacon, eggs, and toast.<br />
<br />
However, John noticed a film-like substance on his plate. He questioned his grandfather, "Are these plates clean?"<br />
<br />
His grandfather replied, "They're as clean as cold water can get 'em. Just you go ahead and finish your meal, Sonny!"<br />
<br />
For lunch the old man made hamburgers.<br />
<br />
Again, John was concerned about the plates, as his appeared to have tiny specks around the edge that looked like dried egg. He asked, "Are you sure these plates are clean?"<br />
<br />
Without looking up, the old man said, "I told you before, Sonny, those dishes are as clean as cold water can get them. Now don't you fret. I don't want to hear another word about it!"<br />
<br />
Later that afternoon, John was on his way to a nearby town, and as he was leaving, his grandfather's dog started to growl and wouldn't let him pass.<br />
<br />
John yelled and said, "Grandfather, your dog won't let me get to my car!"<br />
<br />
Without diverting his attention from the football game he was watching on TV, the old man shouted, "Coldwater, go lay down now, yah hear me!"<br />
<br />
Received from Reed Remington.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
The homeowner was delighted with the way the painter had done all the work on his house. "You did a great job," he said as he handed the man a check. "Also, in order to thank you, here's an extra $80 to take the missus out to dinner and a movie."<br />
<br />
Later that night, the doorbell rang and it was the painter. Thinking the man had forgotten something, he asked, "What's the matter? Did you forget something?"<br />
<br />
"Nope," replied the painter. "I'm just here to take your missus out to dinner and a movie like you asked."<br />
<br />
Received from Clean-Laffs.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Eileen's two-year-old great-grandson was excited about having his birthday in a few days. When asked how old he would be, he always said he would be four and held up four fingers.<br />
<br />
His mother tried to explain that he would be three, that three came after two, but he wasn't convinced.<br />
<br />
He told her that he had to be four because when he tried to hold up three fingers, the fourth came up too.<br />
<br />
Received from Doc's Daily Chuckle.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
What Would Look Sillier?<br />
<br />
A salesman was trying to talk a farmer into buying a bicycle, but was meeting with considerable sales resistance.<br />
<br />
"Shucks, I'd sooner spend my money on a cow," said the farmer.<br />
<br />
"Ah," replied the salesman, "but think how silly you'd look riding around on a cow."<br />
<br />
"Humph!" retorted the farmer. "Not near as silly as I'd look trying to milk a bicycle!"<br />
<br />
Received from Andychap.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
The Gorilla<br />
<br />
There was a man who owned a giant gorilla and he'd never left it on its own. But eventually he had to take a trip, so he left his gorilla in the care of his next-door neighbor. He explained to his neighbor that all he had to do was feed his gorilla three bananas a day at three, six, and nine o'clock. But he was never ever to touch its fur.<br />
<br />
So the next day the man came and gave the gorilla a banana and looked at it for a while thinking, "Why can't I touch its fur? Nothing seems to be wrong with it."<br />
<br />
Every day he came in and sized up the gorilla for a little while longer as he still couldn't understand. About a week later, he'd worked himself into a frenzy and decided that he was going to touch the gorilla. He passed it the banana and very gently brushed the back of his hand against its fur.<br />
<br />
Suddenly the gorilla went "ape" and started to violently jump around. Then it turned and began to running towards the man who, in turn, ran through the front door, over the lawn, across the street, into a sports car, and drove off.<br />
<br />
In the rear-view mirror, he could see the gorilla in another sports car, driving right behind him and motioning for him to pull over. He drove for two hours until the engine began to splutter and the car just stopped. He jumped out and began to run down the street, over a brick wall, into someone's front garden, and up an apple tree. He turned around to find the gorilla right behind him beating its chest.<br />
<br />
The man jumped down and ran back into the street screaming, until it became dark and he thought he'd lost the gorilla. The man ran into an alleyway then, suddenly, he saw a giant shadow coming down the street ahead. It was the gorilla!<br />
<br />
This time there was no escape. As the gorilla neared him, the man began to feel faint. The giant beast came face to face with him, slowly raised its mighty hand and said, "Tag! You're it!"<br />
<br />
Received from Mikala.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Top Ten Things You Don't Want to Hear During Surgery<br />
<br />
10. Whoops! Somebody grab that ... we may need to put it back in later.<br />
<br />
9. Spike! Spike! Come back with that! Bad dog! Bad, bad dog!<br />
<br />
8. Is that supposed to be there? The book said it should be on the other side.<br />
<br />
7. Sterile, schmerile.<br />
<br />
6. That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?<br />
<br />
5. Gosh, if this works, I hope they name the procedure after me!<br />
<br />
4. Okay, we're ready for the transplant, wheel in the pig.<br />
<br />
3. Don't worry, I think it's sharp enough.<br />
<br />
2. No, don't throw that away, we'll probably need it for the autopsy.<br />
<br />
AND THE NUMBER ONE THING YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR DURING SURGERY?<br />
<br />
1. Can you stop that thing from beating? It's throwing my concentration off.<br />
<br />
Received from Doc's Daily Chuckle.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Magnet<br />
<br />
A teacher gave her class of second graders a lesson on the magnet and what it does.<br />
<br />
The next day in a written test, she included this question: "My full name has six letters. The first one is M. I am strong and attractive. I pick up things. What am I?"<br />
<br />
When the test papers were turned in, the teacher was astonished to find that almost 50 percent of the students answered the question with the word "Mother."<br />
<br />
Received from Doc's Daily Chuckle.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
To Mothers<br />
<br />
This is for the mothers who have sat up all night with sick toddlers in their arms, wiping up barf laced with Oscar Mayer wieners and cherry Kool-Aid saying, "It's okay, honey, Mommy's here."<br />
<br />
Who have sat in rocking chairs for hours on end soothing crying babies who can't be comforted.<br />
<br />
This is for all the mothers who show up at work with spit-up in their hair and milk stains on their blouses and diapers in their purses.<br />
<br />
For all the mothers who run carpools and make cookies and sew Halloween costumes. And all the mothers who DON'T.<br />
<br />
This is for the mothers who gave birth to babies they'll never see. And the mothers who took those babies and gave them homes.<br />
<br />
This is for the mothers whose priceless art collections are hanging on their refrigerator doors.<br />
<br />
And for all the mothers who froze their buns on metal bleachers at football or soccer games instead of watching from the warmth of their cars.<br />
<br />
And that when their kids asked, "Did you see me, Mom?" they could say, "Of course, I wouldn't have missed it for the world," and meant it.<br />
<br />
This is for all the mothers who yell at their kids in the grocery store and swat them in despair when they stomp their feet and scream for ice cream before dinner. And for all the mothers who count to ten instead, but realize how child abuse happens.<br />
<br />
This is for all the mothers who sat down with their children and explained all about making babies. And for all the (grand)mothers who wanted to, but just couldn't find the words.<br />
<br />
This is for all the mothers who go hungry, so their children can eat.<br />
<br />
For all the mothers who read "Goodnight, Moon" twice a night for a year. And then read it again. "Just one more time."<br />
<br />
This is for all the mothers who taught their children to tie their shoelaces before they started school. And for all the mothers who opted for Velcro instead.<br />
<br />
This is for all the mothers who teach their sons to cook and their daughters to sink a jump shot.<br />
<br />
This is for every mother whose head turns automatically when a little voice calls "Mom?" in a crowd, even though they know their own offspring are at home -- or even away at college or have their own families.<br />
<br />
This is for all the mothers who sent their kids to school with stomach aches, assuring them they'd be just FINE once they got there, only to get calls from the school nurse an hour later asking them to please pick them up. Right away.<br />
<br />
This is for mothers whose children have gone astray, who can't find the words to reach them.<br />
<br />
For all the mothers who bite their lips until they bleed when their 14-year-olds dye their hair green.<br />
<br />
For all the mothers of the victims of recent school shootings, and the mothers of those who did the shootings.<br />
<br />
For the mothers of the survivors, and the mothers who sat in front of their TVs in horror, hugging their children who just came home from school safely.<br />
<br />
This is for all the mothers who taught their children to be peaceful, and now pray they come home safely from a war.<br />
<br />
What makes a good mother anyway? Is it patience? Compassion? Broad hips? The ability to nurse a baby, cook dinner, and sew a button on a shirt, all at the same time?<br />
<br />
Or is it in her heart?<br />
<br />
Is it the ache you feel when you watch your son or daughter disappear down the street, walking to school alone for the very first time?<br />
<br />
The jolt that takes you from sleep to dread, from bed to crib at 2 A.M. to put your hand on the back of a sleeping baby?<br />
<br />
The panic, years later, that comes again at 2 A.M. when you just want to hear their key in the door and know they are safe again in your home?<br />
<br />
Or the need to flee from wherever you are and hug your child when you hear news of a fire, a car accident, a child dying?<br />
<br />
The emotions of motherhood are universal and so our thoughts are for young mothers stumbling through diaper changes and sleep deprivation... And mature mothers learning to let go.<br />
<br />
For working mothers and stay-at-home mothers.<br />
<br />
Single mothers and married mothers.<br />
<br />
Mothers with money, mothers without.<br />
<br />
This is for you all. For all of us...<br />
<br />
Hang in there. In the end we can only do the best we can.<br />
Tell them every day that we love them. And pray and never stop being a mom.<br />
<br />
Please pass along to all the moms in your life.<br />
<br />
"Home is what catches you when you fall - and we all fall."<br />
<br />
Please pass this to a wonderful mother you know. (I just did!)<br />
<br />
Received from FranCMT2.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Peace and Quiet<br />
<br />
Aunt Karen is the mother of two high-spirited young girls.<br />
When I called her one morning, our conversation was constantly interrupted by the din of kids screaming and chasing each other. "Could you hold on for a moment?" my aunt finally asked, putting down the phone.<br />
<br />
Within ten seconds all I could hear was absolute silence.<br />
Then, "Okay, I'm back."<br />
<br />
"But it's so quiet!" I exclaimed. "You must have complete control over those two."<br />
<br />
"Not really," my aunt confessed wearily. "I'm in the<br />
closet."<br />
<br />
Received from Steve Brundage, Reader's Digest.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
The Chief<br />
<br />
"Next," the conference emcee announced, "we have the chief of the Minnesota State Patrol, Roger Ledding, who is here with his lovely wife, Beverly."<br />
<br />
The chief took his place at the lectern. "I'm a little nervous," he began, "getting up before this distinguished audience and speaking today. But not nearly as nervous as I will be tonight when I must go home with my wife, Audrey, and explain Beverly to her!"<br />
<br />
Received from Steve Sanderson.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Uncle Ted<br />
<br />
Billy's homework assignment is to think of a true story with a moral so he goes home and thinks about it all night and finally has one.<br />
<br />
The following day, Suzy raises her hand first and says, "My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road."<br />
<br />
The teacher asks for the moral to the story. Suzy replies, "Don't put all your eggs in one basket."<br />
<br />
Next is Lucy. "Well, my dad owns a farm, too, and every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only 8 of the 12 eggs hatched. The moral is, don't count your chicks before they are hatched.''<br />
<br />
Billy is last to speak. He says, ''My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam War. His plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed, with only a parachute, a bottle of bourbon, a machine gun, and a machete. As he floated down he drank the bottle of bourbon. Unfortunately, he landed right in the middle of 100 North Vietnamese soldiers. He shot 70 with his machine gun, but ran out of bullets so he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more. The blade broke on his machete, so he killed the last 10 with his bare hands.''<br />
<br />
The teacher looks in shock at Billy and asks if there is possibly any moral to his story.<br />
<br />
Billy replies, "Don't mess with my Uncle Ted when he's been drinking.''<br />
<br />
Received from Mikala.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Elk Hunting<br />
<br />
Bubba and Jake chartered a plane with a pilot to drop them off in the wilds of Alaska for a week of elk hunting, just the same as they did the year before.<br />
<br />
When the pilot returned with the plane, Bubba exclaimed joyfully to the pilot, "We had a great hunting trip! We bagged four elk!"<br />
<br />
The pilot regretfully explained, "Unfortunately, our plane can only fly with the weight of two elk. You'll have to leave the other two behind."<br />
<br />
Bubba and Jake were both infuriated and insistent. "We won't allow you to fly this plane out without all four elk," Jake demanded.<br />
<br />
The eager-to-please pilot relented and the plane took off with the three of them and their four elk. About fifteen minutes into the flight, the engine started to sputter, and within seconds they were hurtling to the ground.<br />
<br />
Wearily arising from the wreckage, Bubba looked at Jake and wheezed, "Do you have any idea where we are?"<br />
<br />
Jake, quite pleased with himself, replied, "Yes! We're about a mile from where we crashed last year."<br />
<br />
Received from ArcaMax Jokes.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
--<br />
Rate this funny at<br />
http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20120420<br />
<br />
Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a) Mail address: GCFL, Box 100, Harvest, AL 35749, USA<br />
<br />
To print or email this funny to others, go to<br />
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<br />
The latest GCFL funny can always be found on the web at http://www.gcfl.net/latest.php<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Column - - <br />
http://www.madkane.com/humor_blog/<br />
<br />
Limerick Rose<br />
By Madeleine Begun Kane<br />
<br />
A woman quite often arose<br />
From a difficult yoga-like pose<br />
And, groaning, would claim:<br />
“That position might maim,<br />
But while in it, I manage to doze.”<br />
<br />
© Madeleine Begun Kane. All Rights Reserved.<br />
http://www.madkane.com/<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Candy joke:<br />
Q: what country did candy come from?<br />
A: sweeten<br />
<br />
Cooking joke:<br />
Q: why are cooks so cruel?<br />
A: because they beat the eggs and whip the cream.<br />
<br />
Vegetable joke:<br />
Q: how do you fix a broken pizza?<br />
A: with tomato paste.<br />
<br />
Chocolate joke:<br />
Q: how can you keep from getting a sharp pain in your eye when you drink chocolate milk?<br />
A: take the spoon out of the glass.<br />
<br />
Dieting joke:<br />
Q: what do seven day of dieting do?<br />
A: they make one weak (week). <br />
<br />
http://foodanddrinkhumor.freeservers.com/whats_new.html<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." __ Franklin D. Roosevelt <br />
"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle." <br />
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. _ _ George Carlin <br />
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" _ _ Queen E. Watson<br />
“A political class of Republicans and Democrats that look after themselves, not the Nation. A media hostile to the very precepts of this nation. A generation of Americans who see morals as vices, and are ignorant of America's Actual History.”<br />
"The things that will destroy America are prosperity-at-any-price, peace-at-any-price, safety-first instead of duty-first, the love of soft living, and the get-rich-quick theory of life." - - Theodore Roosevelt <br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> <br />
Emergency Phone Number 911 <br />
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )<br />
Central Dispatch 234_5655<br />
(Non _ Emergency Number)<br />
Direct Numbers<br />
Ambulance _ 234_7371 (24 Hour)<br />
Jail _ 234_5331 (24 Hour)<br />
Poison Control _ 800_222_1222 (24 Hour)<br />
http://www. aapcc. org/<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Interested in getting in touch with the Banner_News through e_mail? editor@bannernews.net For the editor, news@bannernews.net For news and sports items, Coming Events, Diary, Church News, school and civic events. [http://www.bannernews.net/]<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." __ "Bug" <br />
"I read the end of the book. We win!" __ "Bug" <br />
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." __ "Bug"<br />
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." _ _ "Bug"<br />
"It's no big deal doing what God tells you to do. A big deal would be NOT doing what God tells you to do. Just ask Jonah." _ _ Paul Troquille <br />
“Nam et ipsa scientia potestas est.” Knowledge is power. _ Francis Bacon <br />
"The problem is here and now. The time for talk is past. The time for action is now." <br />
Comments on the first Earth Day _ James F. McClellan via John "Fuzzy" Thurman<br />
~~~~~<br />
Hope you enjoy the newsletter. <br />
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week. <br />
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" __"Bug" <br />
God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!! <br />
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT_I KC5HII <br />
<br />
P. S. If you'd like to be added to the distribution, just drop us E_mail at kc5hii@suddenlink.net<br />
. We offer "Da Bleat" as text, a "Blog" and as a newsletter with pictures in Word and PDF format. The latest issue is usually updated sometime Saturday. For the latest issue, go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com. We also have a site [http://bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com/] where we post photos that I like.<br />
We appreciate your encouragement. We also appreciate your communication when you desire to be taken off our mail list. If you are on this mail list by mistake or do not wish to receive "Da Bleat," please reply back and tell us to discontinue service to you. Bughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07270965849194883997noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9136923892168334329.post-49505168470551087742013-06-02T20:21:00.000-07:002013-06-02T20:24:01.065-07:00Bug's Bleat - - GCF: CruiseVolume 15, Issue 22 Friday, May 31, 2013<br />
<br />
<br />
MCC Kids enjoying the Men's Crawfish Boil<br />
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-fVwRLCgtRX0/UawF9vXjaoI/AAAAAAAAGss/SGXX7KuCTKc/s1600/19-2013-05-28_18-22-05_599.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-fVwRLCgtRX0/UawF9vXjaoI/AAAAAAAAGss/SGXX7KuCTKc/s320/19-2013-05-28_18-22-05_599.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
<br />
Annette enjoying a Lamb Kabob Platter at Greek Corner in Bossier City<br />
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-LVLPqpG7tjg/UawGIDXe1pI/AAAAAAAAGs0/FFYycfHIs-k/s1600/23-2013-05-29_21-13-00_890.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-LVLPqpG7tjg/UawGIDXe1pI/AAAAAAAAGs0/FFYycfHIs-k/s320/23-2013-05-29_21-13-00_890.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
<br />
Jim McWilliams working on his share of "MudBugs"<br />
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-IrvmwoehYEc/UawGRbaZqhI/AAAAAAAAGs8/Jqni4tuqy1U/s1600/15-P5280029.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-IrvmwoehYEc/UawGRbaZqhI/AAAAAAAAGs8/Jqni4tuqy1U/s320/15-P5280029.jpg" /></a>, <br />
<br />
<br />
Annette at Pei Wei's in Little Rock <br />
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ZLss1rOZGs0/UawG7iwEaqI/AAAAAAAAGtE/E910fCS9cRU/s1600/02-2013-05-13_11-14-26_964.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ZLss1rOZGs0/UawG7iwEaqI/AAAAAAAAGtE/E910fCS9cRU/s320/02-2013-05-13_11-14-26_964.jpg" /><br />
<br />
<br />
Titus and I after his graduation ceremony<br />
</a><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-klwd3voafBU/UawHHMeTbZI/AAAAAAAAGtM/_tEm9AvH1IA/s1600/22-2013-05-29_20-30-24_530.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-klwd3voafBU/UawHHMeTbZI/AAAAAAAAGtM/_tEm9AvH1IA/s320/22-2013-05-29_20-30-24_530.jpg" /><br />
<br />
<br />
Annette's Hibiscus<br />
</a><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-wj-mNwpunZM/UawHR29Y_UI/AAAAAAAAGtU/igGPkuZO5nM/s1600/08-2013-05-21_11-04-33_937.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-wj-mNwpunZM/UawHR29Y_UI/AAAAAAAAGtU/igGPkuZO5nM/s320/08-2013-05-21_11-04-33_937.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
<br />
Da Boys after enjoying the kids playland at the Blossom Festival<br />
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-JGnDzaAVVAc/UawHxgt2YhI/AAAAAAAAGtc/iuJKAJ0tn7g/s1600/04-2013-05-18_11-22-22_392.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-JGnDzaAVVAc/UawHxgt2YhI/AAAAAAAAGtc/iuJKAJ0tn7g/s320/04-2013-05-18_11-22-22_392.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
<br />
Hello ALL,<br />
<br />
I’m really trying to post more often. I just keep getting more to say than I have time to say … :0)<br />
~~~~~<br />
Annette and I have slightly differing ideas on “Health” food. Annette likes fresh fruits and vegetables. I like those too (just a smaller number) but I also like items like fat free and “natural” and “whole grain.” She’s just not enamored with those items.<br />
<br />
For instance, we used to like those devils food cookies that are sold 12 to a box in the grocery store. But when they started labeling them “Fat Free” she quit eating them. We do compromise a little. I eat apples and oranges and pineapple when she gives them to me and we use wheat pasta.<br />
<br />
But otherwise, we stay in our corners of food prejudice. So the other evening I wasn’t surprised at her reaction when I brought in some “natural” peanut butter. I said; “Come on, try just a little.” She pushed the jar back toward me and replied; “Go ahead big boy.”<br />
<br />
But this week I got to return the favor. I love Broccoli but not the big fibrous stem. So when I was cleaning a large head of Broccoli and Annette asked me why I didn’t eat the stem, I replied that I didn’t like it. She said; “It’s good for you with lots of vitamins and minerals, you ought to eat it. There was my chance. I pushed the stem toward her and said; “Go ahead big girl.”<br />
~<br />
She promised I won’t have to sleep on the couch forever.<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Melinda Wreyford is a wonderful woman and dear friend of ours who has been battling cancer for several years. She’s fought back several times and enjoyed remission but the battle is now joined again and this time she’s not only doing battle with cancer, now she’s also battling for finances since her insurance will not cover all of the cost of the latest treatment.<br />
<br />
We’re asking all our friends to visit Help Support Healing for Melinda at [https://www.giveforward.com/fundraiser/jcf2/healing-for-melinda?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=fb_share_stream.share&utm_campaign=dashboard_overview_T1&og_action=hug&t=3&fb_ref=1049307]<br />
<br />
Family, friends, and complete strangers to Melinda are uniting for one cause: To help her win her battle against cancer. She has been battling Stage IV Tonsillar cancer for 7 years and has undergone 33 rounds of radiation, 20+ rounds of chemotherapy, and numerous surgeries... <br />
You can read Melinda’s complete story and learn more at [https://www.facebook.com/groups/532515333456900/]<br />
~~~~~<br />
The WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP ROTARY TILLER RACES are coming to Emerson, Arkansas again June 29. No better place to see real redneck men and women compete and enjoy a heapin helpin plate of Purple Hull Peas and Cornbread. Be there or be square. [https://www.facebook.com/purplehull]<br />
~~~~~<br />
Speaking of Emerson, the Emerson Farmers Market opened its 2013 season on Tuesday, May 28.<br />
<br />
Just as last year, it will take place on the grounds of the Emerson United Methodist Church, but this year it will be on two days of the week. The market will start at 7 a.m. each Tuesday and Friday. People are encouraged to come if they produce to sell. There is no fee to set up and sell.<br />
~<br />
Magnolia's Farmer's Market opened at 7 am June 1.<br />
~~~~~<br />
My dad bought a lot on Partee circle back in the '40s. Sold it as soon as he learned the neighborhood covenants decreed how often he had to mow his lawn. However, my mother wanted a home (they'd been renting their whole marriage) and didn’t accept that “mowing” should interfere with her dreams. My dad had been on a business trip to Oklahoma City and called to ask that she to pick him up at the McAlester Oil Company Equipment Yard in Village, AR. He was waiting by the gate when she drove up and noticed that she was in a friend’s car. He asked: "Where's our car?"<br />
She replied: "We don't have a car."<br />
"We did when I left." He said.<br />
"I sold it." She replied.<br />
"Why?" He asked.<br />
"You told me we were going to buy a house. I gave you time and you didn't buy a house nor land to build one on, so I sold the car and used that money for a down payment. You want to see your new home?" <br />
~~~~~<br />
<br />
O.K. All the grandparents out there can be jealous of this note from Ethan’s teacher. ... .<br />
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-n3d5c-P31Qs/UawJs-kmF2I/AAAAAAAAGto/6lIkPPQvucU/s1600/Ethan+Witness_1015132655_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-n3d5c-P31Qs/UawJs-kmF2I/AAAAAAAAGto/6lIkPPQvucU/s320/Ethan+Witness_1015132655_n.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
<br />
I'm sorry but this was just too good to pass up.<br />
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Lguttt4clYo/UawJwq8iwsI/AAAAAAAAGtw/E4WZv3bKazE/s1600/Smart+Car_1788656303_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Lguttt4clYo/UawJwq8iwsI/AAAAAAAAGtw/E4WZv3bKazE/s320/Smart+Car_1788656303_n.jpg" /></a> <br />
~~~~~<br />
Keith Burton posted this on Face Book recently • I thought y'all might appreciate it. :0)<br />
~<br />
KB - - I hate it when you are mowing the yard and your pants fall down ,, Just saying ..<br />
<br />
CMR - - LOL!!! Me too!!! That is too funny, Keith!!!<br />
<br />
KJ - - Oh know.! Hope you were mowing the back yard!!!<br />
<br />
DD - - Maybe time for us to invest in a pair of suspenders<br />
<br />
JFM - - Oh! The Humanity!<br />
<br />
KB - - My dilemma was the mower was so hard to start and I would have to let go of the safety bar ( which would kill it ) to hitch em up ..It took me a few minutes do decide ..<br />
<br />
EP - - Gotta poke my mind's eye out now.<br />
~~~~~<br />
I'm so tired of exercising. I think five thousand sit-ups or jumping jacks should be pretty much permanent. You should be at home, you're on your last and final jumping jack, and you get that phone call, "Congratulations! You have completed the exercise portion of your life. Welcome to the incessant eating section." <br />
~~~~~<br />
OKLAHOMA KID'S FIRST BOW AND ARROW SET. Don’t know who wrote this but he has a way with words that makes one visualize being right there beside him. Good read of life as a child growing up in Oklahoma...<br />
<br />
Around age 10 my dad got me one of those little compound bow beginner kits. Of course, the first month I went around our land sticking arrows in anything that could get stuck by an arrow. Did you know that a 1955 40 horse Farm all tractor tire will take 6 rounds before it goes down? Tough tire.<br />
<br />
That got boring, so being the 10 yr. old Dukes of Hazard fan that I was, I quickly advanced to taking strips of cut up T-shirt doused in chainsaw gas tied around the end and was sending flaming arrows all over the place.<br />
<br />
One summer afternoon, I was shooting flaming arrows into a large rotten oak stump in our backyard. I looked over under the carport and see a shiny brand new can of starting fluid (Ether). A light bulb went off in my head. I grabbed the can and set it on the stump. I thought that it would probably just spray out in a disappointing manner. Let’s face it, to a 10 yr old mouth-breather like myself, (Ether), really doesn't "sound" flammable.<br />
<br />
So, I went back into the house and got a 1 pound can of Pyrodex (black powder for muzzle loader rifles). At this point, I set the can of ether on the stump and opened up the can of black powder. <br />
My intentions were to sprinkle a little bit around the (Ether) can but it all sorta dumped out on me. No biggie, a 1 lb. pyrodex and 16 oz (Ether) should make a loud pop, kinda like a firecracker you know?<br />
<br />
You know what? I'm going back in the house for the other can, so I got a second can of Pyrodex and dumped it too. Now we're cookin'.<br />
<br />
I stepped back about 15 ft and lit the 2 stroke arrow. I drew the noch to my cheek and took aim. As I released I heard a clunk as the arrow launched from my bow. In a slow motion time frame, I turned to see my dad getting out of the truck... OH SHOOT! He just got home from work.<br />
<br />
So help me it seemed like it took 10 minutes for that arrow to go from my bow to the can. My dad was walking towards me in slow motion with a puzzled look in his eyes.<br />
<br />
I turned back towards my target just in time to see the arrow pierce the starting fluid can right at the bottom. Right through the main pile of Pyrodex and into the can.<br />
<br />
When the shock wave hit it knocked me off my feet. I don't know if it was the actual compression wave that threw me back or just reflex jerk back from 235 decibels of sound. I caught a half a millisecond glimpse of the violence during the initial explosion and I will tell you there was dust, grass, and bugs all hovering 1 ft above the ground as far as I could see. It was like a little low to the ground layer of dust fog full of grasshoppers, spiders, and a worm or two. The daylight turned purple. Let me repeat this... THE COTTON PICKING DAYLIGHT TURNED PURPLE.<br />
<br />
There was a big sweet gum tree out by the gate going into the pasture. Notice I said "was". That sucker got up and ran off.<br />
<br />
So here I am, on the ground blown completely out of my shoes with my Thundercats T-Shirt shredded, my dad is on the other side of the carport, having what I can only assume is, a Vietnam flashback: ECHO BRAVO CHARLIE YOU'RE BRINGIN' EM IN TOO CLOSE!! CEASE FIRE. DANG IT CEASE FIRE!!!!!<br />
<br />
His hat has blown off and is 30 ft behind him in the driveway. All windows on the north side of the house are blown out and there is a slow rolling mushroom cloud about 2000 ft. over our backyard.<br />
<br />
There is a Honda 185 3 wheeler parked on the other side of the yard and the fenders are drooped down and are now touching the tires. I wish I knew what I said to my dad at this moment. I don’t know - I know I said something. I couldn't hear. I couldn't hear inside my own head.<br />
<br />
I don't think he heard me either... not that it would really matter. I don’t remember much from this point on. I said something, felt a sharp pain, and then woke up later. I felt a sharp pain, blacked out, woke later....repeat this process for an hour or so and you get the idea.<br />
<br />
I remember at one point my mom had to give me CPR and Dad screaming "Bring him back to life so I can kill him again".<br />
<br />
Thanks Mom.<br />
<br />
One thing is for sure... I never had to mow around that stump again. Mom had been bitching about that thing for years and dad never did anything about it. I stepped up to the plate and handled business.<br />
<br />
Dad sold his muzzle loader a week or so later. I still have some sort of bone growth abnormality, either from the blast or the beating, or both.<br />
<br />
I guess what I'm trying to say is, get your kids into archery. It's good discipline and will teach them skills they can use later on in life.<br />
<br />
Thanks to jeanette ford<br />
~~~~~<br />
"Good friends are like stars...You don't always see them, but you know they are always there." <br />
~~~~~<br />
At the root of every grey hair, there is a dead brain cell. <br />
~~~~~<br />
AND THE MOST IMPORTANT THING to remember about growing older: <br />
Never, NEVER, NEVER ,Under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill, and a laxative on the same night! <br />
~~~~~<br />
We are truly "Strangers In A Strange Land." The majority of Americans (even young "church" kids) don't think like us.<br />
The real shame is that many of our "throwback" mores are Biblically based and actually result in us having happier, more productive and satisfying lives.<br />
But the majority has bought into modern society’s misguided attempt to counterfeit the peace of God.<br />
<br />
For Instance: Sallie Denton Siratt writes; "<br />
Well I was checking our movie theatre to see if anything worth seeing. Wow 12 movies are R rated. What ? We don't see R rated movies and this is just so disappointing."<br />
<br />
The funny? thing is that R rated movies traditionally gross less than PG rated. So they are losing money to produce this stuff!<br />
~~~~~<br />
Thanks to my classmate George Ingram for these thoughts.<br />
<br />
With the Holiday weekend coming up, can we all just give thanks to the men and women that gave their life for all of us.<br />
We need to have a good thought and quit hating; we will never fix the country until we calm down and talk to each other. Just remember that we are all Americans and should be proud of our country and people. Happy Memorial Weekend. g=man<br />
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-IhhQs7LKQd8/UawKcTtiM_I/AAAAAAAAGt4/nnRlADqq1xQ/s1600/Memorial+Day+_130040935_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-IhhQs7LKQd8/UawKcTtiM_I/AAAAAAAAGt4/nnRlADqq1xQ/s320/Memorial+Day+_130040935_n.jpg" /></a><br />
~~~~~<br />
In Memory of my dad, James Curtis McClellan 1904 – 1955<br />
<br />
My dad had a defense critical job during WWII, producing oil for the Allies. He and my mom were newlyweds when the war started (having married in 1940) and they lived all over the southern states while he worked as a Tool Pusher on rigs for McAlester Fuel Company.<br />
One of my favorite stories of their wartime life was how the wives were able to occasionally get back home to visit family. Since rubber was rationed, it was almost impossible to get new tires for family vehicles. So whenever one of the women wanted to go home for a visit, the men would take the spares out of four cars and put them on the car that would be traveling back to the Magnolia area. With four good tires, they had an excellent chance of getting home without problems. Of course, everyone also had to pool their gas ration cards to get them the fuel to travel.<br />
~~~~~<br />
And, In Memory of my step-dad, James Watson (Tamey) Duke 1916 - 1992<br />
<br />
My Stepfather was a truly remarkable man. His dad lost his sight to diabetes when Tamey was just 10 years old. The young boy borrowed $10 and set up a hamburger stand in a lean to off the blacksmith shop that was located where Wilson Bearden Pharmacy is today. After a week, he'd paid off the original loan, bought another weeks supplies and put money in the bank.<br />
By WWII he had opened the Chatterbox Cafe on East Main and had a thriving business. He left the business in the hands of a manager when he was drafted.<br />
He served as mess Sergeant for the officer's mess in Paton's Western Task Force in North Africa. His service took him to the Seventh Army landings in Sicily (where he helped save the life of a young man named Long from Louisiana when he fell from a boarding ladder into the sea. This fellow later became a US Senator.) After Sicily, his troops went on to Italy (Tamey was in the same field hospital when Patton famously slapped a soldier he accused of cowardice).<br />
While in Italy, Tamey used some of his kitchen funds and supplies to feed a group of nuns at a local monastery. They rewarded him with a painting that is currently displayed in our home.<br />
After the war, Tamey returned to Magnolia and to the Chatterbox. He also finished a degree at Magnolia A&M. When the Chatterbox was lost in a Christmas Day explosion in 1951, Tamey bought a diner and put it on the lot to the south of Wilson Bearden. He served his patrons there until the restaurant was rebuilt.<br />
In 1966, he married Mary Iris Taylor McClellan and took on the raising of her immature teenage son. That was quite a feat for a lifelong bachelor. <br />
~~~~~<br />
The joke for today has been sent.<br />
<br />
What follows wasn't sent to me by another person or list, nor was it found posted elsewhere. It's just a few thoughts about a holiday which is special to me. It's one of those few times when I share something serious instead of humorous. -Tom<br />
<br />
Memorial Day is on the last Monday in May and honors those men and women who lost their lives serving their country. What we celebrate as Memorial Day today, began at the end of the Civil War. Family members of the many soldiers slain in battle would visit the grave sites of their fallen relatives or friends and decorate the graves with flowers.<br />
<br />
On May 5, 1868, General John Logan proclaimed this day a holiday through his General Order No. 11. The day was entitled Decoration Day and was first observed on May 30, 1868. The northern states celebrated this day every year, but the southern states celebrated a day similar to this on a different day until sometime after World War I.<br />
<br />
In 1882, the name Decoration day was changed to Memorial Day, and in 1971, Memorial Day was declared a national holiday to be held on the last Monday of May every year. Over the years it has come to serve as a day to remember all U.S. men and women killed or missing in action in all wars.<br />
<br />
I am truly grateful for the freedoms which we enjoy today. Too often, we take these gifts for granted, little realizing the sacrifice which was involved in ensuring that these freedoms continue to be a part of all our lives. Be honest, how many of us think of Memorial Day as just another chance for a three-day weekend? A chance to go the lakes or beaches or mountains? A trip to Disneyland or Six Flags or some other amusement park?<br />
<br />
If you are here in the United States, please remember to display the flag, not just for the day but for the whole weekend. Let's not forget the real reason for having this holiday. The quote below says it all. Please take the time to read it.<br />
<br />
Take care everyone.<br />
<br />
Tom<br />
(HM2, USN 65-69)<br />
<br />
"It is, in a way, an odd thing to honor those who died in defense of our country in wars far away. The imagination plays a trick. We see these soldiers in our mind as old and wise. We see them as something like the Founding Fathers, grave and gray-haired. But most of them were boys when they died, they gave up two lives -- the one they were living and the one they would have lived. When they died, they gave up their chance to be husbands and fathers and grandfathers. They gave up their chance to be revered old men. They gave up everything for their county, for us. All we can do is remember."<br />
<br />
-- Ronald Wilson Reagan<br />
Remarks at Veteran's Day ceremony, Arlington National Cemetery<br />
Arlington, Virginia, November 11, 1985<br />
---------------- <br />
Let's all pause and take a minute to REMEMBER.<br />
<br />
Pearl Harbor 1941 ... Normandy 1944 ... Pork Chop Hill Korea 1953 ...<br />
Tet Offensive Vietnam 1968 ... Desert Storm Kuwait 1991 ...<br />
The World Trade Center 9/11 2001 ... Shock and Awe Iraq 2003 ...<br />
Iraq War Surge 2007 ... Afghanistan TODAY.<br />
<br />
After having taken a minute to REMEMBER Let's take one more minute to say THANK YOU for all that was given, all that was lost and all that was gained for us to enjoy our Hot-Dogs, Soft Ball, Picnics, Swimming Pools, Beaches, Iced Tea and Kids in Peace in the Greatest Country on God's Green Earth.<br />
---------------- <br />
A final thought and addition to the words above.....<br />
<br />
Over the years the meaning of Memorial Day has faded too much from the public consciousness. From a solemn day of mourning, remembrance, and honor to the men and women who died in providing the freedoms we enjoy, it has been reduced to a weekend of BBQ's, shopping bargains and beaches where only token nods toward our honored dead is given, if at all. Too many don't know what the day stands for.<br />
<br />
So, let's not forget those who made the ultimate sacrifice. They are remembered in all our prayers. Also, let's not forget a prayer for the safety of all service men and women, whether they serve at home or overseas. Finally, a heartfelt Semper Fi from this Hospital Corpsman is sent to all the Marines I knew. -Tom<br />
~~~~~<br />
I guess everybody reads for different reasons. I've got two; I read for enjoyment/escape (mostly fiction) and I read to educate myself (mostly nonfiction.) <br />
Sometimes the two get confused a little, like David Douglas Duncan's "I Protest" photo essay book about the battle of Khe Sanh during the Vietnam War.<br />
On one level, I enjoy looking at the quality and superior story telling of his photos. On another level, the book educates us about a war many of us grew up with as well as decisions that continue in our current times.<br />
But no matter why you read, I encourage you to find a copy of this out of print book. The text will bring you back to a time of great upheaval in our nation. But the photos will touch you deeply, especially the portraits at the end. These "Old" young men served us with distinction. And they were changed forever by their service. As we were changed forever by that war.<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Tornadoes are serious hazards in our area as well. I'm once again posting the FEMA [http://www.fema.gov/safe-rooms ] and ADEM [www.adem.arkansas.gov ] sites where you can get information about Safe Rooms.<br />
<br />
These can be installed in existing construction (such as converting a walk in closet or in a garage) or they can be the in ground type. Of course, it's much preferable to build them into new home construction.<br />
<br />
In any case, FEMA offers up to $1,000 rebate on installation of a storm safe room. Another thing I would encourage you to do is STRONGLY support construction of true, FEMA approved, safe rooms in schools in your area. <br />
<br />
A LOWELL, AR storm shelter company has seen an influx of calls from families looking to install shelters. "We have more severe weather coming right now... People just want them done as fast as they can get them done, because they want that peace of mind for them and their family," says Colten Wiles with Signature Shelters [http://www.signatureshelters.com/] http://arkansasmatters.com/fulltext?nxd_id=667532<br />
~~~~~<br />
Annette and I have been watching Constitution USA on PBS with Peter Sagal.<br />
<br />
We strongly recommend that our friends (of all political persuasions) watch this show. We've both learned much that we didn't know about the constitution as well as having things we did know explained more clearly.<br />
<br />
Don't be afraid of the subject. Peter and his team do a FANTASTIC job of keeping it interesting and timely.<br />
<br />
You can watch episodes at: [http://video.pbs.org/program/constitution-usa-peter-sagal/<br />
] or just tune in to PBS in your area.<br />
~~~~~<br />
Humm ... A look from the other side.<br />
[http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2013/05/29/a-bad-relationship-how-the-press-came-to-love-obama-more-than-itself.html]<br />
~~~~~<br />
The Federal Aviation Administration says there will be around 30,000 commercial and government drones flying over the United States in the next ten years. The business of selling and servicing domestic drones is projected to grow into a $90 billion industry. Lawmakers at the federal and state level say that to prevent these drone from encroaching on citizens’ privacy, it is time to define what they can do, where, and when.<br />
<br />
Did you think Arnold's famous "Terminator" movies were fiction. Silly person. Robots are for killing.<br />
[http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2013/05/30/the-pros-and-cons-of-killer-robots.html]<br />
~~~~~<br />
I'm familiar with the callousness that Chinese companies display when addressing product safety issues (much less quality issues) but part of this serious problem may be due to producer/supplier ignorance.<br />
[http://www.businessweek.com/articles/2013-05-02/chinas-parents-crave-illegally-imported-baby-formula]<br />
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-_inJfo45jJg/UawK5h99NUI/AAAAAAAAGuA/1SwgbnSckzA/s1600/Chinia+Hackers+132381_600.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-_inJfo45jJg/UawK5h99NUI/AAAAAAAAGuA/1SwgbnSckzA/s320/Chinia+Hackers+132381_600.jpg" /></a><br />
~~~~~<br />
(Annette and I spent an interesting day at Tennessee Eastman in 1982, repairing a leak on a bromine tank car. It was interesting that no outside vehicles were allowed into the plant. I had to pull up to a gate and transfer my equipment to an Eastman vehicle which took me to the tank car. While there, I called for a water hose to be running on the catwalk next to me because there was no safety shower adjacent to where I would be working. Even though the hose was at the bottom of the stairs, about 12’ from me, I couldn’t get it and neither could any of the loading employees. It was a “Union Shop” and we had to wait for a utilities worker to pull the hose to the top of the stairs and turn on the water. And … the next day on our way home, we stopped in at the Knoxville World’s Fair [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1982_World%27s_Fair] where our main attention was drawn to the Chinese Pavilion which drew the largest crowds. It housed fantastic exhibits of Chinese culture and art, including intricate Ivory and Jade sculptures.) - - Besides the Flying Tigers and Christian Missionaries that were martyred there in the 40s, the beautiful art was about all we knew of China in those days. Now? Well let's see, putting lead in our kids toys paint, selling soap dispensers that squirt on your shirt, antifreeze in baby formula, and ... oh yeah, pretty much rendering our technology and defense systems "public domain."<br />
~~~~~<br />
ACC: Eastman plans $1.6 billion expansion project for Tenn. Facility Eastman Chemical is investing $1.6 billion to expand its Kingsport, Tenn., site and create 300 additional jobs for the facility. The expansion, called Project Inspire, will focus on environmental and safety initiatives, corporate campus expansion and renovations for the complex. Chattanooga Times Free Press (Tenn.) /The Associated Press (5/30) [http://www.timesfreepress.com/news/2013/may/30/eastman-adding-300-jobs-spending-16-billion/?businesstnvalley], IndustryWeek [http://www.industryweek.com/expansion-management/eastman-chemical-investing-16-billion-tennessee-plant] (5/29) <br />
~~~~~<br />
DarynKagan.com - - I have for you today a happy teen, a grateful sister, and rescued fuzzballs. Also, a look at who will be with me on my TV show, Bookmark, tonight.<br />
Enjoy! -Daryn.<br />
<br />
High School Senior Scores Celebrity Prom Date #pretty good for his second choice. #Who is he going with? [http://omg.yahoo.com/blogs/celeb-news/teen-invited-kate-upton-prom-gets-best-consolation-190927741.html]<br />
<br />
Born 20 Yrs Ago To Be Bone Marrow Donor For Big Sister; What's Marrissa Ayala Up To Now? [http://www.nbcnews.com/video/nightly-news/51972598/#51972598]<br />
<br />
5 Of The Best Animal Rescue Photos From Oklahoma [http://www.peoplepets.com/people/pets/article/0,,20702818,00.html]<br />
~~~~~<br />
See Amber at Columbia County Library for free access to Ancestory.com<br />
~~~~~<br />
Favorite Quotes: <br />
<br />
Concentrate all your thoughts upon the work at hand. The sun's rays do not burn until brought to a focus. ~ Alexander Graham Bell<br />
<br />
An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her. ~ Agatha Christie<br />
<br />
We really teach ourselves. If we want to learn, we will always find someone to learn from, be they dead or alive, great or unknown. We learn from everything we see and hear around us - if we are willing to pay attention. ~ Alexander Volkov <br />
<br />
If we are going to doubt something, let us doubt our limits. ~ Don Ward<br />
<br />
People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they're not on our road doesn't mean they've gotten lost. ~ H.Jackson Brown. Jr.<br />
<br />
Character is like a tree and reputation like its shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing. ~ Abraham Lincoln<br />
<br />
Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.~ Barack Obama<br />
<br />
Trust your hunches. They're usually based on facts filed away just below the conscious level. ~ Joyce Brothers<br />
<br />
Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” ~Carl Jung <br />
<br />
Appreciation is a wonderful thing. It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well. ~ Voltaire<br />
<br />
In the end, it's not going to matter how many breaths we took, but how many moments took our breath away. ~ shing xiong <br />
<br />
The majority of us meet with failure because of our lack of persistence in creating new plans to take the place of those which fail. ~ Napoleon Hill<br />
<br />
There are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory. ~ Josh Billings <br />
<br />
As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.~ Buddy Hackett <br />
<br />
Everybody is ignorant. Only on different subjects. ~ Will Rogers<br />
<br />
"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." ~ Aristotle<br />
<br />
Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them. ~ James Arthur Baldwin <br />
<br />
We cannot teach people anything; we can only help them discover it within themselves ~ Galileo Galilei <br />
<br />
“The more attached we are to a vision of the future, the less present we are to what is actually trying to emerge here and now.” ~ Peter Merry<br />
<br />
Thanks to Ron Hazelton [ronhazelton.com] for these quotes.<br />
~~~~~<br />
The following wisdom is shared by our friends. <br />
~<br />
Martha Chapman<br />
<br />
I need to remember when Joe says "I have more blue jeans than I've ever owned in my life" that he probably has at least one pair of mine in his closet.<br />
~<br />
Julian Cracchiolo<br />
<br />
"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” <br />
~<br />
Wendall Franks<br />
<br />
If you're pronounced dead when your heart stops beating ... ... Why aren't you pronounced alive when your heart starts beating. (Fetal heartbeat 18 days after conception.)<br />
~<br />
Nancee Davis Law<br />
<br />
Before you complain about how hard you have it, look around...<br />
<br />
Being a mother means that your heart is no longer yours, it wanders wherever your children do<br />
<br />
Fear and Faith cannot occupy the same space<br />
<br />
If your arms are of full of yesterday's grudges, you will never be able to embrace today, or reach for tomorrow's dreams<br />
<br />
If God is not as close to you as He used to be, Who moved?<br />
<br />
I cleaned today therefore I deserve a Klondike Bar.<br />
<br />
Never put a limit on what God can do.<br />
<br />
Nobody is in charge of your happiness except you.<br />
<br />
Nothing you have done is a surprise to God<br />
<br />
When the storms of life knock you down, get back up and look for the rainbow<br />
<br />
When you focus too much on what you want, you might pass right by the things you are meant to have<br />
<br />
Whenever you are going through a bad time in your life and wonder "Where is God?" just remember the teacher is ALWAYS quiet during a Test<br />
<br />
When you start depending on yourself and quit depending on God, that's when you are gonna fall from Grace--Creflo Dollar<br />
<br />
We should always listen to our heart ... because even though it's on our left, it'll always be right<br />
<br />
You know summer is coming when the kids are already contemplating being bored. lol<br />
~<br />
Jodi Wreyford McClellan<br />
<br />
"Bring me your doubts, your fear. My Jesus can handle it all and then some. He is all of our dreams come true. If you don’t believe me, start in Matthew and read until the end of John. Jesus is a hero, a brother, a Savior in every since of the word. He is everything good and gracious. His love for us is embarrassing, boundless, without standards at all." -Oh Jen Hatmaker... we are soul sisters, whether you realize it or not! (you're obviously the more eloquent of us two)<br />
~<br />
Jimmy Malone<br />
<br />
Three boys, two Bassets, and a BB gun. Yep, we're going on a bear hunt.<br />
<br />
What does it mean to be human? I cannot help but believe that it means that we are spiritual--that we are responsible and that we are free. That we are responsible to be free. -Rich Mullins<br />
<br />
Truly innovative ministry models should look more like the New Testament church, not less.<br />
<br />
This day will never come again. Make it count.<br />
<br />
In the last five years, Africa became more than 50% Christian and America became over 50% "no religious affiliation". Time for the American Church to think like a missionary.<br />
<br />
Dear Jesus, I pray that Christians all over the world will feel free to preach about you and the people who believe will multiply and tell their cousins and everybody. -Josiah Malone, age 9<br />
~<br />
Norma Kay Rowe<br />
<br />
The sole purpose of a child's middle name, is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.<br />
~<br />
Debbie Troquille<br />
<br />
I woke up thinking about how faith works by love, and that means walking in love towards others, is vital to a successful prayer life. No wonder the devil works non-stop, to keep people offended. Faith can't work in that. Every day, I can and will love everybody, so that my prayers can be answered! Enjoy this beautiful day, people!<br />
<br />
I woke up, with a little song going over and over in my head. It's from Ps.103:5, and says, "He satisfies my mouth with good things, so my youth like the Eagle's is renewed. He holds my life and hand; He'll never suffer my foot to be moved." Read that whole chap. today, it's awesome, and remember all the benefits, we have, in God!<br />
~<br />
Lisa Ivey Wooten<br />
<br />
Churches, our relationship with each other should be one of care not criticism.. There is no perfect church... May our words always speak life, not death. Lets reach our hands across denominations and join together in glorifying God and spreading the gospel of Jesus Christ... The enemy wants to divide us.. We must refuse to allow a critical spirit to consume us.. Our words are so powerful. The eternal destiny of people are at stake.<br />
~~~~~<br />
AskBob - - Bob Rankin - - Google Search Alternatives - - Although Google is often used as a verb that's interchangeable with search, it's not the only search engine. Comscore's April 2013 report shows Google with a market share of 67 percent, but you should know who's giving Google competition. Here are some other web search tools that you should keep handy... [http://askbobrankin.com/google_search_alternatives.html?awt_l=HZr.N&awt_m=J5MUxBfZE8P6SL]<br />
~~~~~<br />
“Making A Sweet Out Of Nothing”<br />
<br />
1 can crescent dinner rolls.<br />
Butter<br />
Crushed Pecans<br />
Diet Sweetener (Annette uses a couple of packs of Splenda.)<br />
<br />
Icing<br />
½ Cup powdered Sugar<br />
Squeeze ¼ cup of orange juice.<br />
~<br />
Unroll rolls.<br />
Spread with butter (amount is up to you.)<br />
Spread crushed pecans (amount is up to you.)<br />
Roll up and lay edge up in cake pan (spray pan with olive oil cooking spray.)<br />
<br />
Mix Sugar and Orange Juice (watch for seeds.)<br />
<br />
Spread Icing on top of rolls.<br />
<br />
Bake 10 to 12 minutes at 350 F. <br />
~~~~~<br />
The latest from Michael Yon, the foremost “milnews” blogger on the web. <br />
~<br />
Greetings,<br />
<br />
Afghanistan: Excellent Documentary Piece, Sums up part of why I lost interest in Afghanistan.<br />
<br />
Footnote: This is filmed at FOB Jackson, in Sangin. Same place the Kopp-Etchells photographs were created.<br />
<br />
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=BKHPTHx0ScQ]<br />
~<br />
Afghanistan: An important Film to watch - Afghanistan: This is what winning looks like (2 of 3)<br />
<br />
This film depicts part of why I lost interest in covering combat in Afghanistan. That and the increasingly ill-disciplined US Army.<br />
<br />
By the way, this was filmed in Sangin. I was there with the British several years before this, and it was nothing but fighting. Sangin is just a small area. You can find Sangin on Google Earth. No mountains. No jungles. No extreme weather other than that it does get hot.<br />
<br />
Please go to Google Earth, type in Sangin, and look how easy that terrain is.<br />
<br />
The major support base, Camp Bastion (where we lost most of a Marine Harrier squadron last year), is just a hop away. Yet convoys to resupply Sangin were bloody events, and every day was combat.<br />
<br />
Militarily, that is nearly the easiest terrain imaginable, and we have uncontested air and heavy weapons superiority, yet our "brilliant" strategy leaves it still unconquered, and little more than an opium factory. There are areas like Sangin in many parts of Afghanistan.<br />
<br />
Interestingly, this is also were I made the Kopp-Etchells photographs that were in Ripley's Believe it or Not, Smithsonian, and all over the world. At least amid the blood and insanity was some beauty.<br />
<br />
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S77dCAZzcLM]<br />
~<br />
This is 3 of 3. This film breaks my heart because it is true. Not an hour goes by that I do not think about what happened. Major Steuber is the type of officer, or NCO, who was/were such an honor to write about.<br />
<br />
Note: if you watch this film, and are going to Afghanistan, be careful of the Taliban white flag trick. Taliban put that out to bait you up.<br />
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C8rRqRoCUsg]<br />
<br />
Very Respectfully,<br />
Michael Yon<br />
Your Writer,<br />
<br />
Please remember that this website accepts no advertisement and is dependent on your support. <br />
<br />
PS Please sign up for my Twitter.com updates at "Michael_Yon" [http://twitter.com/Michael_Yon] (not Michael Yon).<br />
<br />
http://www.facebook.com/#/MichaelYonFanPage?ref=sgm<br />
~<br />
www.michaelyon-online.com<br />
~<br />
Http://www.michaelyon_online.com/index.php<br />
~~~~~ <br />
If you would like to encourage US Troops overseas, but are not sure just how to begin, visit www.anysoldier.com for ideas. <br />
~~~~~ <br />
5 Things New Veterans Expect From All Candidates<br />
<br />
1. Defend the New GI Bill<br />
<br />
2. Employ the New Greatest Generation<br />
<br />
3. Prevent suicide among troops and veterans<br />
<br />
4. Build a truly 21st Century VA<br />
<br />
5. Improve Care for Female Veterans<br />
<br />
http://iava.org/blog/5-things-new-veterans-expect-all-candidates-2012<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Please remember ... America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the MALL.<br />
~~~~~ <br />
DarynKagan.com - - I have for you today a happy teen, a grateful sister, and rescued fuzzballs. Also, a look at who will be with me on my TV show, Bookmark, tonight.<br />
Enjoy! -Daryn.<br />
<br />
High School Senior Scores Celebrity Prom Date #pretty good for his second choice. #Who is he going with? [http://omg.yahoo.com/blogs/celeb-news/teen-invited-kate-upton-prom-gets-best-consolation-190927741.html]<br />
<br />
Born 20 Yrs Ago To Be Bone Marrow Donor For Big Sister; What's Marrissa Ayala Up To Now? [http://www.nbcnews.com/video/nightly-news/51972598/#51972598]<br />
<br />
5 Of The Best Animal Rescue Photos From Oklahoma [http://www.peoplepets.com/people/pets/article/0,,20702818,00.html]<br />
~~~~~<br />
http://www.shelfari.com<br />
http://www.shelfari.com/bugsbleat/shelf<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Photos on the front of this week’s “Bleat” include - - MCC Kids enjoying the Men's Crawfish Boil, Annette enjoying a Lamb Kabob Platter at Greek Corner in Bossier City, Jim McWilliams working on his share of "MudBugs", Annette at Pei Wei's in Little Rock, Titus and I after his graduation ceremony, Annette's Hybiscus, Da Boys after enjoying the kids playland at the Blossom Festival.<br />
~~~~~<br />
For the latest issue of "Da Bleat.", go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com. <br />
Our photos are posted at http://www.bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com.<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.<br />
~~~~~<br />
BreakPoint - - Creating Life to Destroy It? Cloning Embryos for Stem Cells<br />
By: John Stonestreet<br />
<br />
A new breakthrough in embryonic stem cell research? I don’t think so. Just more of the same old story. <br />
<br />
Earlier this month, a group of scientists at Oregon Health Sciences University surprised many of their colleagues when they announced that they had obtained embryonic stem cells from cloned embryos.<br />
<br />
The surprise was not so much at the fact that they had succeeded as it was at the fact that they had followed this avenue of research. As one scientist put it, their “achievement” has “no clinical relevance.”<br />
<br />
But it has a great deal of moral relevance, which is how their actions should be understood.<br />
<br />
The announcement appeared in the journal Cell. The scientists used a process known as “somatic cell nuclear transfer.” In this case, “the nucleus of a mature cell is transplanted into a human [egg] whose own nucleus has been removed.” “After the right stimulation, this new hybrid cell starts to divide and develop just as a sperm-fertilized egg would.”<br />
<br />
Now all of this is much easier said than done. As one researcher told the Washington Post, “many labs attempted it, and no one had ever been able to achieve it.”<br />
<br />
But that still leaves the question “to what end?” As the Post put it, “few experts think that production of stem cells through cloning is likely to be medically useful soon, or possibly ever.” In other words, don’t buy all the promises about miracle cures resulting from the use of embryonic stem cells. We’ve heard these before.<br />
<br />
Furthermore, there’s been success in what the Post calls “a far less controversial way” of getting stem cells: adult stem cells. These can be reprogrammed to return to “what amounts to a second childhood from which they can grow into a new and different adulthood.”<br />
<br />
A recent conference at the Vatican highlighted the many uses and medical cures that have already come as a result of working with adult stem cells. No such claims can be made for embryonic stem cells.<br />
<br />
All of this reiterates the question, “Why were the scientists creating cloned embryos?”<br />
<br />
This is especially important given the moral landmines surrounding the procedure. For starters, the announcement brings us one step closer to what is called “reproductive” cloning. Now let’s be clear – cloning of any sort, whether the embryo is implanted in a uterus or not is, strictly speaking “reproductive.” Still, this shows that there are people still interested in pursuing the research that will lead to “the production of one-parent duplicate humans.”<br />
<br />
And there’s little to stop them: only fifteen states ban human cloning, and there’s no federal prohibition on the practice.<br />
<br />
While “one-parent duplicate humans” may still be the stuff of science-fiction, the destruction of human life is the stuff of science fact. The unvarnished truth is these researchers created human life for the express purpose of destroying it and harvesting what they regarded as the most useful bits: embryonic stem cells.<br />
<br />
That their “achievement” has “no clinical relevance” and is unlikely to ever make a difference in alleviating human suffering only underscores the perversity of their actions.<br />
<br />
In effect, their answer to the question “to what end?” is “because we can.” This is a clear example of the pitfalls when science operates autonomously, answerable only to its own ideas about what should or should not be done.<br />
<br />
The historical irony is that science is the product of Christianity. What we know as the “scientific method” was the result of Christian ideas about God’s creation and human reason’s ability to understand it. Science was never intended to operate autonomously from theological or moral concerns.Newsletter_Gen_180x180_B<br />
<br />
And yet that’s what has happened. And that’s why we must be vigilant in defending the sanctity of human life.<br />
<br />
Our friends at the Center for Bioethics and Human Dignity do a terrific job of staying on top of new ethical challenges that Christians need to know about. And our friends at the Christian Medical and Dental Associations inform, connect and activate the Christian professionals working in fields of medicine and research. Come to BreakPoint.org and we’ll connect you with these terrific partner organizations.<br />
Further Reading and Information<br />
<br />
BP-Takeaction_53113Creating Life to Destroy It? Cloning Embryos for Stem Cells - Next Steps<br />
For a Christian view of bioethics and medical ethics, check out the suggested websites and books below. The information from these resources will help you understand the successful results coming from research done with adult stem cells.<br />
<br />
Get informed, then share the information with others.<br />
~~~<br />
Articles:<br />
<br />
Oregon scientists get stem cells from cloned human embryos - David Brown | Washington Post | May 15, 2013 [http://www.washingtonpost.com/national/health-science/oregon-scientists-get-stem-cells-from-cloned-human-embryos/2013/05/15/dc011cbc-bdac-11e2-9b09-1638acc3942e_story.html]<br />
<br />
Another Day, Another Adult Stem Cell Success - Wesley J. Smith | National Review Online | May 1, 2013 [http://www.nationalreview.com/human-exceptionalism/347079/another-day-another-adult-stem-cell-success]<br />
~~~<br />
Books:<br />
<br />
The Soul of Science<br />
Nancy Pearcey, Charles Thaxton | Crossway Books | August 1994<br />
<br />
The Victory of Reason<br />
Rodney Stark | Random House Trade | October 2006<br />
~~~<br />
Websites:<br />
<br />
The Center for Bioethics and Human Dignity [http://cbhd.org/]<br />
<br />
Christian Medical & Dental Associations [http://www.cmda.org/wcm/CMDA/HOME/CMDA/Default.aspx?hkey=79ed4e17-070b-4b6d-b8d4-6b8bc1506b1c]<br />
<br />
[http://www.breakpoint.org/bpcommentaries]<br />
Copyright © 2013 Colson Center. All Rights Reserved<br />
<br />
~~~~~<br />
Residents of Columbia County, Arkansas are represented in Congress by:<br />
~<br />
<br />
Senator John Boozman (R_ AR) <br />
1 Russell Courtyard<br />
Washington DC, 20510<br />
Phone: 202-224-4843<br />
http://boozman.senate.gov/<br />
~<br />
Senator Mark Pryor (D_ AR) <br />
Phone 202_224_2353 <br />
FAX 202_228_0908 <br />
http://pryor.senate.gov/<br />
~<br />
Representative Tom Cotton (R ) <br />
Phone 202_225_3772 <br />
FAX 202_225_1314 <br />
http://cotton.house.gov/<br />
<br />
Other states congresspersons can be found at: [http://www.visi.com/juan/congress/]<br />
~~~~~<br />
THOUGHT OF THE DAY:<br />
<br />
"The importance of money flows from it being a link between the present and the future." - John Maynard Keynes<br />
<br />
"Too often man handles life as he does the bad weather. He whiles away the time as he waits for it to stop." - Alfred Polgar<br />
<br />
"Sometimes we stare so long at a door that is closing that we seek too late the one that is open." - Alexander Graham Bell<br />
<br />
"Deliberation is the function of many; action is the function of one." - Charles de Gaulle<br />
<br />
"Be great in act, as you have been in thought." - William Shakespeare<br />
<br />
"Thinking is the enemy of creativity. It's self-conscious, and anything self-conscious is lousy. You can't try to do things. You simply must do things." - Ray Bradbury<br />
<br />
"The music that can deepest reach, and cure all ill, is cordial speech." - Ralph Waldo Emerson<br />
<br />
"Whoever is winning at the moment will always seem to be invincible." - George Orwell<br />
<br />
"Life is an adventure in forgiveness." - Norman Cousins<br />
<br />
"For the person for whom small things do not exist, the great is not great." - Jose Ortega y Gasset<br />
<br />
"The only sin passion can commit is to be joyless." - Dorothy L. Sayers<br />
<br />
"Have the courage to act instead of react." - Earlene Larson Jenks<br />
<br />
"Nothing is so firmly believed as what we least know." - Michel de Montaigne<br />
<br />
"Adapt or perish, now as ever, is nature's inexorable imperative." - H. G. Wells<br />
<br />
"Keep your fears to yourself but share your courage with others." - Robert Louis Stevenson<br />
<br />
"What is the recipe for successful achievement? To my mind there are just four essential ingredients: Choose a career you love, give it the best there is in you, seize your opportunities, and be a member of the team." - Benjamin F. Fairless<br />
<br />
"Nothing is too small to know, and nothing is too big to attempt." - William Cornelius Van Horne<br />
<br />
"If the only prayer you said in your whole life was 'thank you,' that would suffice." - Meister Eckhart<br />
<br />
"Courtesies of a small and trivial character are the ones, which strike deepest in the grateful and appreciating heart." - Henry Clay<br />
<br />
"Wishes cost nothing unless you want them to come true." - Frank Tyger<br />
<br />
"Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences." - Robert Louis Stevenson<br />
<br />
"The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance; the wise grows it under his feet." - James Oppenheim<br />
<br />
"The robbed that smiles, steals something from the thief." - William Shakespeare<br />
<br />
"It is astonishing what force, purity and wisdom it requires for a human being to keep clear of falsehoods." - Margaret Fuller<br />
<br />
"Try and penetrate with our limited means the secrets of nature and you will find that, behind all the discernible concatenations, there remains something subtle, intangible and inexplicable. Veneration for this force beyond anything that we can comprehend is my religion. To that extent I am, in point of fact, religious." - Albert Einstein<br />
<br />
"The forceps of our minds are clumsy things and crush the truth a little in the course of taking hold of it." - H.G. Wells<br />
<br />
"As America celebrates Memorial Day, we pay tribute to those who have given their lives in our nation's wars." - John M. McHugh<br />
<br />
"You will never find time for anything. If you want time you must make it." - Charles Buxton<br />
<br />
"Writing is like driving a car at night. You can only see as far as the headlights, but you make the whole trip that way. - E.L. Doctorow<br />
<br />
"Alas for those that never sing, But die with all their music in them." - Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr.<br />
<br />
"Forgiveness is a funny thing. It warms the heart and cools the sting." - William Arthur Ward<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Breaking Christian News <br />
<br />
California Senate Bill Passes Attacking Religious Liberties [http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=11647]<br />
<br />
BCN Commentary: High School Hero—The Courage of One [http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=11645]<br />
<br />
Fire for God Spreading From Pennsylvania High School [http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=11644]<br />
<br />
editor@breakingchristiannews.com<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
GCF: If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.com<br />
-------------------------------------------<br />
GCF: Cruise<br />
<br />
Miriam had never been on a cruise before. One day, she meets her friend Lucy and they stop for a chat.<br />
<br />
"So where are you and Sam going for your holidays this year?" asks Lucy.<br />
<br />
"I'd like to try out a cruise," replies Miriam, "but I'm not sure whether Sam and I would enjoy ourselves. We're almost 80 now and Sam thinks cruising is for younger people."<br />
<br />
"No, you're wrong in thinking that, Miriam," replies Lucy. "Most cruise ships have special design features just for senior citizens."<br />
<br />
"So give me an example, please," says Miriam.<br />
<br />
"Well ... OK," replies Lucy, "They have bifocal portholes."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Cruise<br />
<br />
Miriam had never been on a cruise before. One day, she meets her friend Lucy and they stop for a chat.<br />
<br />
"So where are you and Sam going for your holidays this year?" asks Lucy.<br />
<br />
"I'd like to try out a cruise," replies Miriam, "but I'm not sure whether Sam and I would enjoy ourselves. We're almost 80 now and Sam thinks cruising is for younger people."<br />
<br />
"No, you're wrong in thinking that, Miriam," replies Lucy. "Most cruise ships have special design features just for senior citizens."<br />
<br />
"So give me an example, please," says Miriam.<br />
<br />
"Well ... OK," replies Lucy, "They have bifocal portholes."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Sunroom<br />
<br />
A husband and wife were building a sunroom to accommodate their new hot tub. The project soon turned into a money pit.<br />
<br />
During one of their numerous trips to the hardware store, the husband inquired about exhaust fans. The store clerk looked them up on the computer and praised one fan in particular because it was exceptionally quiet.<br />
<br />
The husband asked for the price. After receiving the answer, he sighed and asked, "Do you have anything louder?"<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Horseshoe<br />
<br />
One day a cowboy walked into a blacksmith shop and picked up a horseshoe, not realizing that it had recently come out of the forge.<br />
<br />
He immediately dropped it and jammed his hand into his pocket, trying to act as if nothing had happened.<br />
<br />
The blacksmith noticed and asked with a grin, "Kind of hot, wasn't it?"<br />
<br />
"Nope," answered the cowboy through clenched teeth, "it just doesn't take me long to look at a horseshoe."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Anniversary<br />
<br />
Both of my parents work and lead very hectic lives. So my father was bound to forget their wedding anniversary.<br />
<br />
Remembering at the last minute, he sped to the stationery store, flew through the door, and breathlessly asked the salesclerk, "Where are the anniversary cards?"<br />
<br />
To his surprise, he heard my mother call out, "Over here, Bill."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Beeping<br />
<br />
Our power went out during a severe windstorm and the smoke alarm started to beep. The noise was so annoying I just couldn't stand it.<br />
Home alone, I climbed up on a chair and using a kitchen knife, I took the alarm apart. Very pleased with myself, I was puzzled to hear the annoying beeping again. When my husband came home, I explained this strange situation. He looked at the wall, then back to me and said,<br />
"Well, I don't know about the smoke alarm, but you've managed to take the doorbell apart." <br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Conditioned Response<br />
<br />
When my daughter-in-law and I caught only one perch on our fishing trip ... not enough for even a modest lunch ... we decided to feed it to her two cats.<br />
<br />
She put our catch in their dish and watched as the two pampered pets sniffed at the fish but refused to eat it.<br />
<br />
Thinking quickly, my daughter-in-law then picked up the dish, walked over to the electric can opener, ran it for a few seconds, and then put the fish back down.<br />
<br />
The cats dug right in.<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Child-proof Gate<br />
<br />
To keep their active two-year-old from roaming onto the busy street in front of their home, my sister and brother-in-law decided to put a gate across the driveway.<br />
<br />
After working over two weekends on the project, the dad was ready to attach the lock to complete the job. He was working on the yard side of the gate, with his daughter nearby, when he dropped the screwdriver he was using and it rolled under the gate, out of his reach.<br />
<br />
"I'll get it, Daddy," the little girl called, nimbly crawling under the newly erected barrier.<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Freelance Writer<br />
<br />
Freelance newspaper writers don't get nearly as much attention as writers with regular bylines. So I was delighted when I finally got some notice. It was at the bank, and I was depositing a stack of checks.<br />
<br />
"Wow," said the teller, reading off the names of publishers from the tops of the checks. "You must deliver a lot of papers."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Bad Habit<br />
<br />
Most of us have a bad habit we are constantly trying to break. For me, it's biting my fingernails. One day I told my husband about my latest solution: press-on nails.<br />
<br />
"Great idea, Honey," he smiled. "Now you can eat them straight out of the box."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: History Buff<br />
<br />
As a history buff, I was looking forward to staying in a hotel in Salisbury, England. This hotel dated back to the 13th century.<br />
<br />
When I arrived, the hotel clerk gave me some bad news -- my room was in the new section.<br />
<br />
Disappointed, I asked when the "new" section had been built.<br />
<br />
"In the 1600's," she replied apologetically.<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Ranch Loan<br />
<br />
My father's method of accounting for the hundreds of cattle on his ranch was very unique.<br />
<br />
Every spring, he would move the herd down a long ramp, through a wooden gate and into a holding pen for inspection. As each animal entered the pen, he marked the count on the gate.<br />
<br />
One summer, he went to the bank to apply for a loan, using his cattle for collateral. The bank officer asked to see his records.<br />
<br />
"No problem," replied Dad. He went back to the ranch, took the gate off its hinges and brought it to the bank. He got the loan.<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Dresses<br />
<br />
A woman was shopping for outfits for her 50th high-school reunion when a group of teenage girls came in the same shop to try on prom dresses.<br />
<br />
"This dress makes me look forty years old," one girl remarked.<br />
<br />
The woman called out, "May I have it? That's just what I'm looking for."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Sharp Knives<br />
<br />
A man's newly married daughter complained that she didn't have any sharp knives. He bought her some and phoned later and asked how she liked them.<br />
<br />
"They're terrific!" she replied enthusiastically. "I've already cut myself five times!"<br />
_ _____________________________________ _<br />
/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( \<br />
/ / | tellswor@slonet.org | \ \<br />
_( (_ | http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor | _) )_<br />
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
/)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / \ /
\ _/Where are Preparations A through G?\_ /
/ / \ \_) )_
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
/)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / \ /
\ _/ "Some drink at the fountain of \_ /
/ / knowledge ... others just gargle." \ \
_) )_
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
/)))
\\\\ \_/ / If you line up all the cars \ \_/ ////
\ / in the world end to end, \ /
\ _/ someone would be stupid enough \_ /
/ / to try and pass them. \ \
_) )_
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
/)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Budget: A method for \ /
\ _/ going broke methodically. \_ /
/ / \ \_) )_
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
/)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / There is nothing more permanent \ /
\ _/ than a temporary tax. \_ /
/ / \ \_) )_
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
/)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / If a man speaks in a forest \ /
\ _/ and no one hears him, \_ /
/ / is h_) )_
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
/)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / I would give my right arm \ /
\ _/ to be ambidextrous! \_ /
/ / \ \_) )_
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
/)))
\\\\ \_/ / My memory's not as sharp \ \_/ ////
\ / as it used to be. \ /
\ _/ Also, my memory's not as sharp \_ /
/ / as it used to be. \ \
_) )_
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
/)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Wisdom has two parts: \ /
\ _/ 1) Having a lot to say. \_ /
/ / 2) Not saying it. \ \
_) )_
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
/)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / VENI, VEDI, VISA: \ /
\ _/ I came, I saw, \_ /
/ / I did a little shopping. \ \
_) )_
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
/)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Hard work has a future payoff. \ /
\ _/ Laziness pays off now. \_ /
/ / \ \_) )_
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
/)))
\\\\ \_/ / Strength is the capacity \ \_/ ////
\ / to break a chocolate bar into \ /
\ _/ four pieces with your bare hands \_ /
/ / and then eat just one piece. \ \
_) )_
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
/)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Thesaurus: ancient reptile \ /
\ _/ with excellent vocabulary. \_ /
/ / \ \_) )_
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
/)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Thesaurus: ancient reptile \ /
\ _/ with excellent vocabulary. \_ /
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( \
/ / | tellswor@slonet.org | \ \
_( (_ | http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor | _) )_
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
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><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
"What I Want in a Man," Original List<br />
<br />
1. Handsome<br />
2. Charming<br />
3. Financially Successful<br />
4. A Caring Listener<br />
5. Witty<br />
6. In Good Shape<br />
7. Dresses with Style<br />
8. Appreciates the Finer Things<br />
9. Full of Thoughtful Surprises<br />
10. Very Romantic<br />
<br />
================<br />
<br />
"What I Want in a Man," Revised List<br />
<br />
1. Not too ugly<br />
2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public<br />
3. Works steady<br />
4. Doesn't nod off while I'm emoting<br />
5. Usually remembers the punch lines of jokes<br />
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture<br />
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear<br />
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids<br />
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat lid down<br />
10. Shaves on weekends<br />
<br />
Received from Joke du Jour.<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
A mother was anxiously awaiting her daughter's plane. She had just come back from a far away land where she was trying to find love and adventure.<br />
<br />
As the daughter was exiting the plane, the mother noticed a man directly behind her. He was dressed in feathers with exotic markings all over his body and was carrying a shrunken head. The daughter introduced this man as her new husband.<br />
<br />
The mother gasped in disbelief and disappointment and screamed, "I said for you to marry a RICH doctor! A RICH doctor!"<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done, there were three finalists, two men and a woman.<br />
<br />
For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her!" The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife." The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job."<br />
<br />
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."<br />
<br />
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another.<br />
They heard screaming, crashing, and banging on the walls.<br />
After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, "You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair."<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
I had a dream the other night. I was in the Old West riding in a stagecoach. Suddenly, a man riding a horse pulled up to the left side of the stagecoach, and a riderless horse pulled up on the right.<br />
<br />
The man leaned down, pulled open the door, and jumped off his horse into the stagecoach. Then he opened the other door and jumped onto the other horse.<br />
<br />
Just before he rode off, I yelled out, "What was all that about?"<br />
<br />
He replied, "Nothing. It's just a stage I'm going through."<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
A newsboy was standing on the corner with a stack of papers, yelling, "Read all about it. Fifty people swindled! Fifty people swindled!"<br />
<br />
Curious, a man walked over, bought a paper, and checked the front page. What he saw was yesterday's paper.<br />
<br />
The man said, "Hey, this is an old paper. Where's the story about the big swindle?"<br />
<br />
The newsboy ignored him and went on calling out, "Read all about it. Fifty-one people swindled!"<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
GOD HAS SUCH A SENSE OF HUMOR<br />
<br />
A woman was at work when she received a phone call that her small daughter was very sick with a fever.<br />
<br />
She left work and stopped by the pharmacy to get some medication.<br />
She got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys in the car.<br />
<br />
She didn't know what to do.<br />
<br />
She called home and told the baby sitter what had happened.<br />
<br />
The baby sitter told her that the fever was getting worse. She said: "You might find a coat hanger and use that to open the door."<br />
<br />
The woman looked around and found an old rusty coat hanger that had been left on the ground,<br />
<br />
Possibly by someone else who at some time had locked their keys in their car.<br />
<br />
She looked at the hanger and said "I don't know how to use this."<br />
<br />
She bowed her head and asked God to send her HELP.<br />
<br />
Within five minutes a beat up old motorcycle pulled up with a bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag on his head sitting astride it.<br />
<br />
The woman thought: "This is what you sent to help me?"<br />
<br />
However, she was desperate. She was also very thankful!<br />
<br />
The man got off of his cycle and asked if he could help.<br />
<br />
She said: "Yes, my daughter is very sick. I stopped to get her some medication and I’ve locked my keys in my car.<br />
<br />
I must get home to her. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?"<br />
<br />
He said "Sure." He walked over to the car, and in less than a minute the car was opened.<br />
<br />
She hugged the man and through her tears she said "Thank You SO Much! You are a very nice man."<br />
<br />
The man replied "Lady, I am NOT a nice man. I just got out of PRISON yesterday, I was in prison for car theft."<br />
<br />
The woman hugged the man again and with sobbing tears cried out loud "Oh, thank you God!<br />
<br />
You even sent me a Professional!!"<br />
<br />
Is GOD Good or What?<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Perks of reaching 50 Or being over 60 And heading towards 70 or beyond!<br />
<br />
1. Kidnappers are not very Interested in you.<br />
<br />
2. In a hostage situation, You are likely to be released first.<br />
<br />
3. No one expects you to run -- Anywhere.<br />
<br />
4. People call at 9 PM (or 9 AM) and ask, 'Did I wake you?'<br />
<br />
5. People no longer view you as a Hypochondriac.<br />
<br />
6. There is nothing left To learn the hard way.<br />
<br />
7. Things you buy now Won't wear out.<br />
<br />
8. You can eat Supper at 4 PM.<br />
<br />
9.. You can live without sex But not your glasses.<br />
<br />
10. You get into heated arguments About pension plans.<br />
<br />
11. You no longer think of speed limits As a challenge.<br />
<br />
12. You quit trying to hold Your stomach in no matter who walks Into the room.<br />
<br />
13. You sing along With elevator music.<br />
<br />
14. Your eyes won't get Much worse.<br />
<br />
15 . Your investment in health insurance Is finally beginning to pay off.<br />
<br />
16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists Than the national weather service.<br />
<br />
17. Your secrets are safe with your friends Because they can't remember them either.<br />
<br />
18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to A manageable size.<br />
<br />
19. You can't remember Who sent you this list.<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
I was visiting my son last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.<br />
<br />
"Dad, it's the 21st century," he said.<br />
<br />
"We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, you can use my iPad."<br />
<br />
I can tell you this that darn fly never knew what hit it . . .<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Do Las Vegas churches accept gambling chips? I did not know this about Las Vegas.<br />
<br />
This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las Vegas, but there are more catholic churches than casinos.<br />
<br />
Not surprisingly, some worshipers at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed.<br />
<br />
Since they get chips from many different casinos, the churches have devised a method to collect the offerings.<br />
<br />
The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan monastery for sorting and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in.<br />
<br />
This is done by the chip monks.<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
I KNOW MANY OF YOU (LIKE ME) ARE LOOKING FORWARD TO FOOTBALL SEASON. WELL, HERE'S A LITTLE RECAP OF LAST YEAR.........<br />
<br />
Coincidence?? Just wondering!<br />
<br />
Alabama beat Arkansas<br />
and Arkansas fired the coach.<br />
<br />
Alabama beat Tennessee<br />
and Tennessee fired the coach.<br />
<br />
Alabama beat Auburn<br />
and Auburn fired the coach.<br />
<br />
Then Alabama beat Notre Dame and the Pope resigns...<br />
<br />
Wow, I wish the White House had a team.<br />
~<br />
Calm Down. It's only a joke.<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
There was a man who owned a giant gorilla and he'd never left it on its own. But eventually he had to take a trip, so he left his gorilla in the care of his next-door neighbor.<br />
He explained to his neighbor that all he had to do was feed his gorilla three bananas a day at three, six, and nine o'clock. But he was never ever to touch its fur.<br />
<br />
So the next day the man came and gave the gorilla a banana and looked at it for a while thinking, "Why can't I touch its fur? Nothing seems to be wrong with it."<br />
<br />
Every day he came in and sized up the gorilla for a little while longer as he still couldn't understand. About a week later, he'd worked himself into a frenzy and decided that he was going to touch the gorilla. He passed it the banana and very gently brushed the back of his hand against its fur.<br />
<br />
Suddenly the gorilla went "ape" and started to violently jump around. Then it turned and began to running towards the man who, in turn, ran through the front door, over the lawn, across the street, into a sports car, and drove off.<br />
<br />
In the rear-view mirror, he could see the gorilla in another sports car, driving right behind him and motioning for him to pull over. He drove for two hours until the engine began to splutter and the car just stopped. He jumped out and began to run down the street, over a brick wall, into someone's front garden, and up an apple tree. He turned around to find the gorilla right behind him beating its chest.<br />
<br />
The man jumped down and ran back into the street screaming, until it became dark and he thought he'd lost the gorilla.<br />
The man ran into an alleyway then, suddenly, he saw a giant shadow coming down the street ahead. It was the gorilla!<br />
<br />
This time there was no escape. As the gorilla neared him, the man began to feel faint. The giant beast came face to face with him, slowly raised its mighty hand and said,<br />
<br />
"Tag! You're it!"<br />
<br />
Received from Mikala.<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
I'm "Seasoning" Annette's new Wok today. And it looks like it's gonna take all day. In the meantime, here's a true chuckle for y'all.<br />
~<br />
How to Bake a Cake<br />
<br />
1. Preheat oven, get out utensils and ingredients.<br />
<br />
2. Remove blocks and toy cars from table.<br />
<br />
3. Grease pan, crack nuts.<br />
<br />
4. Measure two cups flour.<br />
<br />
5. Remove baby's hands from flour, wash flour off baby.<br />
<br />
6. Remeasure flour.<br />
<br />
7. Put flour, baking powder, salt in sifter.<br />
<br />
8. Get dustpan and brush up pieces of bowl baby knocked on floor.<br />
<br />
9. Get another bowl.<br />
<br />
10. Answer doorbell.<br />
<br />
11. Return to kitchen.<br />
<br />
12. Remove baby's hands from bowl.<br />
<br />
13. Wash baby.<br />
<br />
14. Answer phone.<br />
<br />
15. Return.<br />
<br />
16. Remove 1/4 inches of salt from greased pan.<br />
<br />
17. Look for baby.<br />
<br />
18. Grease another pan.<br />
<br />
19. Answer telephone.<br />
<br />
20. Return to kitchen and find baby.<br />
<br />
21. Remove baby's hands from bowl.<br />
<br />
22. Take up greased pan, find layer of nutshells in it.<br />
<br />
23. Head for baby, who flees, knocking bowl off table.<br />
<br />
24. Wash kitchen floor, table, wall, dishes.<br />
<br />
25. Call baker.<br />
<br />
26. Lie down.<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
A man had two of the best tickets for the Augusta Masters.<br />
As he sits down, another man comes along and asks if anyone is sitting in the<br />
seat next to him.<br />
"No", he says, "the seat is empty."<br />
"This is incredible!" said the man, "who in their right mind would have a seat<br />
like this, the biggest golfing event of the whole world, and not use it?"<br />
He says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife was supposed to come<br />
with me, but she passed away. This is the first Masters we haven't been together<br />
since we got married."<br />
"Oh... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. I guess you couldn't find<br />
someone else ... a friend or relative or even a neighbor to take the seat?"<br />
The man shakes his head... ...."No, they're all at the funeral".<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Sign in a veterinarian's office:<br />
<br />
"All unattended children will be given a free kitten."<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
One evening Mom went to a PTA meeting and her husband and her oldest daughter got together and decided they would clean up the kitchen for her.<br />
<br />
They put away all the food, wiped all the counters, washed all the pots and put them away, put the dishes in the dishwasher and ran it. They swept and mopped the floors and then sat down, awaiting her arrival.<br />
<br />
Two hours later she returned from the meeting, took off her coat, hung it up, walked through the kitchen into the den, grabbed the remote control, and began watching television. They followed her<br />
over to her chair and stood by her side.<br />
<br />
Finally she felt them looking over her shoulder and looked up at them and said, "What?"<br />
<br />
Her husband said, "The kitchen."<br />
<br />
"The kitchen. What?"<br />
<br />
"The kitchen. We cleaned up the kitchen. Didn't you notice? It's sparkling clean. We cleaned it for you."<br />
<br />
The woman replied, "Yes, I noticed. Thankless job, isn't it?<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Practice What You Preach<br />
<br />
After receiving a lecture from my boss about paying attention to details, I decided to see if he practiced what he preached. When I prepared the payroll checks for the next pay period, I added two extra zeros to mine. Then I brought the batch in for his signature. I stood at his desk as time and again he wrote his name with a flourish - "Tom A. Grandel."<br />
<br />
When he finished, he gave me the checks to distribute. Soon afterward, I opened mine. On the signature line, in my boss's elegant handwriting, was "Try And Getit."<br />
<br />
Received from Andychap.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
You Might Be from a Small Town If ...<br />
<br />
1. You can name everyone you graduated with.<br />
<br />
2. You know what 4-H is.<br />
<br />
3. You ever went to a party at a pasture or barn or in the middle of a dirt road.<br />
<br />
4. You used to drag "Main."<br />
<br />
5. You said a swear word and your parents knew within the hour.<br />
<br />
6. You ever went cow-tipping or snipe hunting.<br />
<br />
7. It was cool to date someone from the neighboring town.<br />
<br />
8. The whole school went to the same party after graduation.<br />
<br />
9. You don't give directions by street names but by references (turn by Nelson's house, go two blocks east of Anderson's, and it's four houses left of the track field).<br />
<br />
10. Your car stays filthy because of the dirt roads, and you will never own a dark vehicle for this reason.<br />
<br />
11. The town next to you is considered "trashy” or "snooty," but is actually just like your town.<br />
<br />
12. You refer to anyone with a house newer than 1950 as the "rich people."<br />
<br />
13. The people in the city dress funny, and then you pick up on the trend two years later.<br />
<br />
14. You bragged to your friends because you got pipes on your truck for your birthday.<br />
<br />
15. Anyone you want can be found at either the Dairy Queen or the feed store.<br />
<br />
16. You see at least one friend a week driving a tractor through town.<br />
<br />
17. Football coaches suggest that you haul hay for the summer to get stronger.<br />
<br />
18. Directions are given using "the" stop light as a reference.<br />
<br />
19. The city council meets at the coffee shop.<br />
<br />
20. You have ever taken a trailer or dog to school on a daily basis.<br />
<br />
21. Weekend excitement involves a trip to a Wal-Mart.<br />
<br />
22. You decide to walk somewhere for exercise and five people pull over and ask if you need a ride.<br />
<br />
23. Your teachers call you by your older siblings' names.<br />
<br />
24. Your teachers remember when they taught your parents.<br />
<br />
25. The closest McDonald's is 45 miles away.<br />
<br />
26. So is the closest mall.<br />
<br />
27. It is normal to see an old man riding through town on a riding lawn mower.<br />
<br />
Received from FranCMT2.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Things You Never Say to a Cop<br />
<br />
1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.<br />
<br />
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.<br />
<br />
3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?<br />
<br />
4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me! Good job!<br />
<br />
5. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?<br />
<br />
6. I pay your salary!<br />
<br />
7. So, uh, you on the take, or what?<br />
<br />
8. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!<br />
<br />
9. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.<br />
<br />
Received from Doc's Daily Chuckle.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Snake's New Glasses<br />
<br />
A old snake goes to see his doctor. "Doc, I need something for my eyes. Can't see well these days." The doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in two weeks.<br />
<br />
The snake comes back two weeks later and tells the doctor he's very depressed.<br />
<br />
Doc says, "What's the problem -- didn't the glasses help you?"<br />
<br />
"The glasses are fine, Doc. I just discovered I've been living with a water hose the past two years!"<br />
<br />
Received from ArcaMax Jokes.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
The Directions<br />
<br />
A friend was thinking about buying a new house in the country and asked me to come out and look at it. We found the town, but we couldn't locate the road. We drove over to city hall, where a community get-together was going on, and asked around, but no one had heard of the road. Even the policemen and fire personnel were stumped.<br />
<br />
We went in to city hall and consulted a map, with no luck, until finally one young man came to our aid. He pointed to the map, showing us exactly how to get there. I thanked the young man and asked if he was with the police or fire department.<br />
<br />
"Neither," he replied. "I deliver pizzas."<br />
<br />
Received from You Make Me Laugh.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Top Ten Reasons Why It's Great to Be a Dog<br />
<br />
1. If it itches, you can reach it. And no matter where it itches, no one will be offended if you scratch it in public.<br />
<br />
2. No one notices if you have hair growing in weird places as you get older.<br />
<br />
3. Personal hygiene is a blast: No one expects you to take a bath every day, and you don't even have to comb your own hair.<br />
<br />
4. Having a wet nose is considered a sign of good health.<br />
<br />
5. No one thinks less of you for passing gas. Some people might actually think you're cute.<br />
<br />
6. Who needs a big home entertainment system? A bone or an old shoe can entertain you for hours.<br />
<br />
7. You can spend hours just smelling stuff.<br />
<br />
8. No one ever expects you to pay for lunch or dinner. You never have to worry about table manners, and if you gain weight, it's someone else's fault.<br />
<br />
9. It doesn't take much to make you happy. You're always excited to see the same old people. All they have to do is leave the room for five minutes and come back.<br />
<br />
10. Every garbage can looks like a cold buffet to you.<br />
<br />
Received from Linda A Russell.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Three Bears<br />
<br />
The three bears had been having some trouble recently and ended up in family court. Mama and Papa Bear were splitting up, and Baby Bear had to decide who he was going to live with. So, the judge wanted to talk to Baby Bear to see what he thought about living with either of his parents.<br />
<br />
When he asked Baby Bear about living with his father, Baby Bear said, "No, I can't live with Papa Bear. He beats me terribly."<br />
<br />
"OK," said the judge, "then you want to live with your mother, right?"<br />
<br />
"No way!" replied Baby Bear. "She beats me worse than Papa Bear does."<br />
<br />
The judge was a bit confused by this and didn't quite know what to do. "Well, you have to live with someone, so is there another relative you would like to stay with?" asked the judge.<br />
<br />
"Yes," answered Baby Bear, "my aunt Bertha Bear, who lives in Chicago."<br />
<br />
"You're sure she will treat you well and won't beat you?" asked the judge.<br />
<br />
"Oh, definitely," said Baby Bear. "The Chicago Bears don't beat anybody."<br />
<br />
Received from William Brabant.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Three Questions<br />
<br />
A new client had just come in to see a famous lawyer.<br />
<br />
"Can you tell me how much you charge?" asked the client.<br />
<br />
"Of course," the lawyer replied. "I charge $200 to answer three questions."<br />
<br />
"Well, that's a bit steep, isn't it?"<br />
<br />
"Yes, it is," said the lawyer. "And what's your third<br />
question?"<br />
<br />
Received from ArcaMax Jokes.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
--<br />
Rate this funny at<br />
http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20120420<br />
<br />
Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a) Mail address: GCFL, Box 100, Harvest, AL 35749, USA<br />
<br />
To print or email this funny to others, go to<br />
http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20120420<br />
<br />
The latest GCFL funny can always be found on the web at http://www.gcfl.net/latest.php<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Column - - <br />
http://www.madkane.com/humor_blog/<br />
<br />
Here’s a limerick to celebrate World No Tobacco Day. (May 31st)<br />
<br />
Stop Smoking, Already!<br />
By Madeleine Begun Kane<br />
<br />
Please stop smoking already. Don’t dicker.<br />
Tobacco will end your life quicker.<br />
Have a heart, as I air<br />
This advice, cuz I care:<br />
Be kind to your lungs and your ticker.<br />
<br />
© Madeleine Begun Kane. All Rights Reserved.<br />
http://www.madkane.com/<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Katie McWilliams - - Dr. Alexis Carrel: “Those who do not know how to fight worry die young.”<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." __ Franklin D. Roosevelt <br />
"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle." <br />
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. _ _ George Carlin <br />
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" _ _ Queen E. Watson<br />
“A political class of Republicans and Democrats that look after themselves, not the Nation. A media hostile to the very precepts of this nation. A generation of Americans who see morals as vices, and are ignorant of America's Actual History.”<br />
"The things that will destroy America are prosperity-at-any-price, peace-at-any-price, safety-first instead of duty-first, the love of soft living, and the get-rich-quick theory of life." - - Theodore Roosevelt <br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> <br />
Emergency Phone Number 911 <br />
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )<br />
Central Dispatch 234_5655<br />
(Non _ Emergency Number)<br />
Direct Numbers<br />
Ambulance _ 234_7371 (24 Hour)<br />
Jail _ 234_5331 (24 Hour)<br />
Poison Control _ 800_222_1222 (24 Hour)<br />
http://www. aapcc. org/<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Interested in getting in touch with the Banner_News through e_mail? editor@bannernews.net For the editor, news@bannernews.net For news and sports items, Coming Events, Diary, Church News, school and civic events. [http://www.bannernews.net/]<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." __ "Bug" <br />
"I read the end of the book. We win!" __ "Bug" <br />
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." __ "Bug"<br />
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." _ _ "Bug"<br />
"It's no big deal doing what God tells you to do. A big deal would be NOT doing what God tells you to do. Just ask Jonah." _ _ Paul Troquille <br />
“Nam et ipsa scientia potestas est.” Knowledge is power. _ Francis Bacon <br />
"The problem is here and now. The time for talk is past. The time for action is now." <br />
Comments on the first Earth Day _ James F. McClellan via John "Fuzzy" Thurman<br />
~~~~~<br />
Hope you enjoy the newsletter. <br />
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week. <br />
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" __"Bug" <br />
God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!! <br />
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT_I KC5HII <br />
<br />
P. S. If you'd like to be added to the distribution, just drop us E_mail at kc5hii@suddenlink.net<br />
. We offer "Da Bleat" as text, a "Blog" and as a newsletter with pictures in Word and PDF format. The latest issue is usually updated sometime Saturday. For the latest issue, go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com. We also have a site [http://bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com/] where we post photos that I like.<br />
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><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>Bughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07270965849194883997noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9136923892168334329.post-8023110661779228282013-05-08T00:56:00.001-07:002013-05-08T00:56:13.946-07:00Bug's Bleat - - GCF: Defensive Driving CourseVolume 15, Special Earth Day Issue Friday, April 22, 2013<br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ZnSAVkBbSXw/UYoBHqsykHI/AAAAAAAAGpY/gb3ILHLKaEE/s1600/05-Earth+Day+nelson_157-10_env_teach-in_nyt_ad_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ZnSAVkBbSXw/UYoBHqsykHI/AAAAAAAAGpY/gb3ILHLKaEE/s320/05-Earth+Day+nelson_157-10_env_teach-in_nyt_ad_500.jpg" /></a><br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-q9Qs3EerNEk/UYoBNEeSwbI/AAAAAAAAGpg/Tb_lijCmaRw/s1600/03-Earth+Day+Pogo+250px-pogoearthdayposter1970.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-q9Qs3EerNEk/UYoBNEeSwbI/AAAAAAAAGpg/Tb_lijCmaRw/s320/03-Earth+Day+Pogo+250px-pogoearthdayposter1970.jpg" /></a><br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-YkUD439TWg4/UYoBPlVpkKI/AAAAAAAAGpo/sCCQNCSpvjs/s1600/02-earth_day_1970_EarthDay1970_DenisHayes_JudyMoody.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-YkUD439TWg4/UYoBPlVpkKI/AAAAAAAAGpo/sCCQNCSpvjs/s320/02-earth_day_1970_EarthDay1970_DenisHayes_JudyMoody.jpg" /></a><br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-I_upJeSVOLs/UYoBdp2PENI/AAAAAAAAGp4/H3z6mg8CmIQ/s1600/04-earth_day_celebrated_in_1970_earth-day-environmental-heroes1.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-I_upJeSVOLs/UYoBdp2PENI/AAAAAAAAGp4/H3z6mg8CmIQ/s320/04-earth_day_celebrated_in_1970_earth-day-environmental-heroes1.jpg" /></a><br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-xKpq9qBtKZ8/UYoBgDpfi7I/AAAAAAAAGqE/P1A2eOPe33M/s1600/07-earth-day+IWS.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-xKpq9qBtKZ8/UYoBgDpfi7I/AAAAAAAAGqE/P1A2eOPe33M/s320/07-earth-day+IWS.jpg" /></a><br />
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<br />
<br />
Hello ALL,<br />
<br />
Thirty Three Years ago, 20 million Americans participated in the first Earth Day on April 22, 1970. Fifth Avenue in New York City was closed to automobiles as 100,000 people joined in concerts, lectures, and street theater. More than 2,000 colleges and universities across America paused their anti-war protests to rally instead against pollution and population growth. Even Congress recessed, acknowledging that the environment was now on a political par with motherhood.<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-nBHkgWxxvRQ/UYoDARKF8eI/AAAAAAAAGqQ/9nAOsRpl9_A/s1600/09-earth+day+apollo8.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-nBHkgWxxvRQ/UYoDARKF8eI/AAAAAAAAGqQ/9nAOsRpl9_A/s320/09-earth+day+apollo8.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
<br />
Southern State College in Magnolia also acknowledged that first Earth Day with a symposium in Overstreet Hall. And “Fuzzy” Thurman created a quote for me that was copied on the AP and UPI wires and published in the New York Times and Washington Post. Fuzzy, writing for his Bray Article of the week, quoted me as saying; “The problem is here and now. The time for talk is past. The time for action is now!”<br />
<br />
So, what’s happened to the environmental movement over the last 33 years? <br />
<br />
Earth Day 1970 was cited as irrefutable evidence that the American people understood the environmental threat and wanted action to resolve it. At the time, the major problems were air and water pollution and the major cause identified was over population.<br />
<br />
<br />
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-G5S5MJ1rg0o/UYoDJbQAEkI/AAAAAAAAGqY/SRkPSPsrTf8/s1600/01-7fc1e_predictions_from_first_earth_day_First-Earth-Day-solutionpollution1.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-G5S5MJ1rg0o/UYoDJbQAEkI/AAAAAAAAGqY/SRkPSPsrTf8/s320/01-7fc1e_predictions_from_first_earth_day_First-Earth-Day-solutionpollution1.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
<br />
The solution back then was to regulate the discharge of hazardous and/or unwanted substances into our air and water and to encourage zero population growth. Laws such as the Clean Water and Clean Air acts did make a significant difference in the level of pollution.<br />
<br />
Due to those early regulatory efforts as well as the demands of the public for business to be more “Green” (remember McDonalds old foam packaging?) our air and water is much much cleaner than it was at the time of the first earth day. But I wonder what happened to the goal of controlling population. It seems to have fallen off the radar.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-R1S6OvmDe5Y/UYoDMd8DqVI/AAAAAAAAGqg/TEY8P0-GB-E/s1600/08-Earth+Day+liveearthcelebrityjet.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-R1S6OvmDe5Y/UYoDMd8DqVI/AAAAAAAAGqg/TEY8P0-GB-E/s320/08-Earth+Day+liveearthcelebrityjet.jpg" /></a><br />
<br />
<br />
Our national environmental policy evolved into federal action to regulate activities that have an environmental impact in the United States. The stated goal of this policy is to protect the environment for future generations while interfering as little as possible with the efficiency of commerce or the liberty of the people and to limit inequity in who is burdened with environmental costs. <br />
<br />
This policy grew mainly out of the environmental movement in the United States in the 1960s and 1970s during which several environmental laws were passed, regulating air and water pollution and forming the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA). Partially due to the high costs associated with these regulations, there has been a backlash from business and politically conservative interests, limiting increases to environmental regulatory budgets and slowing efforts to protect the environment. Since the 1970s, despite frequent legislative gridlock, there have been significant environmental regulations, including increases in air and water quality and, to a lesser degree, control of hazardous waste.<br />
<br />
<br />
Major Environmental Legislation includes: <br />
<br />
1899 Refuse Act<br />
1918 Migratory Bird Treaty Act of 1918<br />
1948 Federal Water Pollution Control Act<br />
1955 Air Pollution Control Act<br />
1963 Clean Air Act (1963)<br />
1965 Solid Waste Disposal Act<br />
1965 Water Quality Act<br />
1967 Air Quality Act<br />
1969 National Environmental Policy Act<br />
1970 Clean Air Act (1970)<br />
1970 Occupational Safety and Health Act<br />
1972 Consumer Product Safety Act<br />
1972 Federal Insecticide, Fungicide, and Rodenticide Act<br />
1972 Clean Water Act<br />
1972 Noise Control Act<br />
1973 Endangered Species Act<br />
1974 Safe Drinking Water Act<br />
1975 Hazardous Materials Transportation Act<br />
1976 Resource Conservation and Recovery Act<br />
1976 Solid Waste Disposal Act<br />
1976 Toxic Substances Control Act<br />
1977 Clean Air Act Amendments<br />
1977 Clean Water Act Amendments<br />
1980 CERCLA (Superfund)<br />
1984 Resource Conservation and Recovery Act Amendments<br />
1986 Safe Drinking Water Act Amendments<br />
1986 Superfund Amendments and Reauthorization Act<br />
1986 Emergency Wetlands Resources Act<br />
1987 Clean Water Act Reauthorization<br />
1990 Oil Pollution Act<br />
1990 Clean Air Act (1990)<br />
1993 North American Free Trade Agreement<br />
2003 Healthy Forests Initiative<br />
<br />
<br />
In my opinion, this movement has gone the way of most such efforts. It has accomplished some worthy goals, but, in an effort to regulate our way to environmental sustainability, they have created a morass of laws that not only stifle commerce but don’t really protect the environment.<br />
<br />
Like Chuck Van Meter once told a class at SAU; “We can protect the environment or we can obey the law. But … we can’t do both.”<br />
<br />
[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Environmental_policy_of_the_United_States]<br />
[http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Environmental_policy_of_the_United_States] <br />
~~~~~<br />
This is my first post since December. I just had more to say than I had time to write. In the future I’ll try to write less … more often.<br />
~~~~~<br />
Annette and our youngest grandsons were “out and about” one day and she thought to ask them if they were properly dressed (it was a little cool). She asked if they had on proper shoes, not just flip flops (their preferred footwear.)<br />
<br />
The first grader (names with held to protect the parents) replied; “Yes MamMaw. We’ve got real shoes, socks, long pants, and a long sleeve shirt.” He paused a moment and then concluded; “And, even underwear.” The third grader, as usual, corrected the facts of the situation and pointed out that he had on a short sleeve shirt and didn’t even have a jacket, but he went on to say; “MamMaw, you’re warmer than us because you’ve got on more clothes.”<br />
<br />
Upon hearing that, Annette suffered a synapse leap and commented; “Hey guys why do women have to wear bras and men don’t?”<br />
<br />
The first grader replied; “Well … because their chests stick out and jiggle a lot.”<br />
<br />
At this point, the third grader spoke up and concluded the conversation by dramatically saying; “How did we wonder into this topic?” <br />
~~~~~<br />
We’ve had some “challenges” over the last few months, the kind that try to pull you down. You know, illness and other such passing trifles. But I’m reminded that even though I'm often found griping that we don't sing the old Hymns enough, this is one occasion that a worship song seem to say it best.<br />
...<br />
Your Love Never Fails<br />
<br />
<br />
Higher than the mountains that I face<br />
Stronger than the power of the grave<br />
Constant in the trial and the change<br />
One thing remains<br />
One thing remains<br />
(Your love Your Love Your Love will never change)<br />
<br />
Your love never fails<br />
It never gives up <br />
Never Runs Out On Me.<br />
<br />
Your Love Your Love Your Love<br />
<br />
Your love never fails<br />
It never gives up <br />
Never Runs Out On Me.<br />
<br />
Your love oh Lord<br />
<br />
On and on and on it goes<br />
It overwhelms and satisfies my soul<br />
And I never have to be afraid<br />
One thing remains<br />
One thing remains<br />
<br />
Your Love Your Love Your Love<br />
<br />
Your love never fails<br />
It never gives up <br />
Never Runs Out On Me.<br />
<br />
Your love Your perfect love oh Lord<br />
<br />
Your love never fails<br />
It never gives up <br />
Never Runs Out On Me.<br />
<br />
Your love oh Lord<br />
<br />
In death in life I'm confident and <br />
Cover'd by the power of Your great love<br />
My debt is paid there's nothing that<br />
Can separate my heart from Your great love<br />
<br />
Your love never fails<br />
It never gives up <br />
Never Runs Out On Me.<br />
<br />
Your Love Your Love Your Love<br />
<br />
Your love never fails<br />
It never gives up <br />
Never Runs Out On Me.<br />
<br />
Your love we can feel Your love oh Lord<br />
Your love burning in our hearts (oh God)<br />
<br />
Your Love<br />
<br />
Brian Johnson<br />
~~~~~<br />
Lessons learned from reading “Dear Abby”:<br />
<br />
1. Don’t blame the server for bad food.<br />
2. Always be polite and send compliments to the chef when applicable.<br />
3. It’s YOUR wedding.<br />
4. It’s never too late to change bad habits.<br />
5. Kindness is always important.<br />
6. Being the “other woman” is a dead end job.<br />
7. Workplace romances are usually doomed.<br />
8. Counseling is a good thing.<br />
9. Reconcile and forgive estranged parents IF YOU CAN.<br />
10. Pursue your dreams NOW.<br />
11. You deserve to be loved.<br />
12. It’s never too late to say “Thank You.”<br />
<br />
~~~~~<br />
I’m sometimes asked what my thoughts are on workplace safety. I usually give them my; "Plastic Banana Story." I was on a panel at a safety conference when a member of the audience asked; "But how do you make employees follow safety rules? I can't get our fork truck drivers to wear seat belts."<br />
<br />
It was hard for me not to wave my hand and yell; "Let me answer. Let me answer." The moderator wisely turned to me and asked if I'd like to respond. This is my response to the question.<br />
~<br />
When I was a young father, we had a bowl of plastic fruit on the coffee table. One day my two year old son toddled in and grabbed one of the plastic bananas. I gently took it away from him and placed it back in the bowl. He didn't cry, he just said "Want nanner."<br />
<br />
In response, I gently explained that this wasn't really a banana, it was just to look at.<br />
His response? "Want nanner."<br />
<br />
At that point, I picked up the plastic fruit and banged it on the coffee table, again explaining it wasn't a real banana.<br />
His response? "Want nanner."<br />
<br />
This little give and take continued for a couple of more minutes until I just looked at him and said very firmly. "NO! You can't have this 'banana'!"<br />
To which he replied; "OK." And wandered off to do something else.<br />
<br />
When we're endeavoring to improve safety, one of the first things we have to do is get "buy in." Employees should be educated on the hazards and ways to mitigate same. <br />
This education should be followed with active inspections to ensure the safety rules are being followed and protocols / equipment properly used.<br />
<br />
If we find deficiencies, we should attempt to again try to get "buy in." <br />
<br />
But ... if after all your efforts to educate and train fail to ensure compliance with sound safety practice … you have to fall back to being the parent and firmly enforcing the rules. NO EXCEPTIONS!<br />
<br />
If you can't do that ... you have no business being a safety person ... or a parent. <br />
~~~~~<br />
I was listening to NPR and guess what? They were talking about “GUNS” and how to solve the Gun violence problem in this country. One caller suggested that most Americans were concerned about the current proposals and feared these new edicts would infringe on their constitutional rights. The caller went on to ask; “since US Citizens own about 3 million firearms, what are you gonna do? Confiscate all of them?” The NPR host paused and then said; “Are we going to have to live under the threat of so many millions of guns out there?” I thought for a moment and realized that I too was concerned about a large store of dangerous stuff in our nation … alcohol. After all, in 2010 there was 3.3 DUI fatalities for every 100,000 citizens. If we’re considering restricting the use and ownership of guns, shouldn’t we do the same for alcohol?<br />
<br />
But wait you say? We already restrict the ownership and use of alcohol via local, state and federal law. And those restrictions are doing such a great job that we only kill 10,000 folks a year in alcohol impaired driving accidents.<br />
<br />
Amazingly, Drunk Driving Control efforts have actually shown some progress over the past 20 years. Without banning alcohol, they have used stricter laws, more emphasis on mental health, and public education to reduce DUI fatalities by 48%.<br />
~~~~~<br />
No matter what our intent, there are some words, symbols, etc. that offend folks and depending on the severity of their offense, we may need to modify our words, (etc.) just to be polite.<br />
<br />
A good example is the term "boy." Upon entering college, I quickly learned that my "Afro-American" classmates were deeply offended when I called them "boy." It didn't matter that I was in the habit of calling all males my age or younger, "boy."<br />
<br />
Another example is the "Stars and Bars" flag. My great-granddad fought for the south at Vicksburg and I'm still proud of the heritage while not in support of the history of slavery and racism in the USA (and the rest of the world.) So I don't display a confederate flag.<br />
<br />
I learned that lesson as a youngster when I took a trip to Galveston and came back with a "Maltese Surfers Cross." The beach movies were all the rage and every guy I knew wanted a surfers cross.<br />
<br />
Imagine my dismay when I showed it to my dad (a European Theater WWII vet) and he snatched it away from me and said "No son of mine is going to wear a swastika!" After I got over my shock and not a little anger, I realized that he was a product of "where he was when." Any Germanic looking symbol was offensive to a man who had fought Hitler's Armies. So I sacrificed a little and complied with his desires. It didn't matter that he was wrong about what the surfers cross meant. What mattered was that it offended him and I didn't want to do that ... intentionally or not.<br />
~~~~~<br />
In Liberian universities, female students are expected to comply with "Sex 101," a reference to the expectation that female students will have sex with their male lecturers to get good grades or pass their degree courses. Some call the practice "transactional sex, and it is common not only in Liberian universities but also throughout sub-Saharan Africa. Now, Liberian students have decided to do something about it.<br />
http://www.homelandsecuritynewswire.com/seworld20130304-liberian-female-students-protest-sexforgrade-practice<br />
~~~~~<br />
There is absolutely no end to the ignorance spread by “the encyclopedia of Google” as well as "Shoddy journalism" both of which are to blame for poor public understanding of chemicals in our society.<br />
<br />
A blogger's promotion of a story that ran on "Dateline NBC" claiming health dangers from trace levels of Bisphenol A and phthalates is an example of "shoddy journalism," writes Jon Entine of the George Mason Genetic Literacy Project. The show, the blogger and the National Resources Defense Council are misleading the public on the science behind the claims, Entine argues. <br />
"[H]ere we have a problematic study hyped erroneously by science-challenged activists only to be picked up by science-absent television journalists only to be recycled back to the public by anti-chemical activists," he writes. Forbes (4/18) <br />
[http://www.forbes.com/sites/jonentine/2013/04/18/national-resources-defense-council-nrdc-champions-shoddy-journalism-on-endocrine-active-chemicals/]<br />
<br />
Believe it or not, our world is made of chemicals, elements and mixtures. Many, if not most, of which are toxic in some way. You can actually kill a person by giving them too much water [http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=strange-but-true-drinking-too-much-water-can-kill].<br />
<br />
But we shouldn’t live in fear; our bodies were actually made to defend us from harmful substances. For instance, our respiratory system filters out many particulates (i.e. dust, mold, etc.) before they reach the lungs. Substances that do make it into the lungs and are absorbed into the blood stream are filtered out by the liver, kidneys, spleen, etc. and excreted to prevent harm to us.<br />
<br />
Of course, our bodies can’t protect us from any and all assault, if we are exposed to too much of a substance or for too long a time, it can overwhelm the bodies defenses. Chlorine is a good example. A small amount of Chlorine in our water protects us from severe and deadly organisms. But it doesn’t take too much to turn the water acidic and cause damage to our internal structures. And airborne Chlorine can quickly overcome the bodies’ defenses and cause severe harm, even death.<br />
<br />
To judge harm, you have to know the actual toxicity of a substance, the time of exposure and the amount of exposure. Here lies the rub. The best way of judging toxicity is case studies. But it’s unethical to expose humans to a substance to see what happens, so we use animals, especially rats to conduct many studies. And rat data isn’t always directly extrapolate able to humans. Additionally, they often have to give the animals major overdoses to see a response, further skewing the study results.<br />
<br />
I’ve personally been involved in two studies that I would judge as failed. <br />
The first, was a safety study of the effects of exposure to 1,2 Di-Bromo Chloro Propane to humans. The study concluded that humans could be exposed to PPM concentrations of DBCP without ill effects. The authors, however, overlooked one series of tests that showed decreased sperm production in bulls. Turns out that human exposure to DBCP at the recommended levels caused temporary sterility in males. <br />
<br />
Oops. <br />
<br />
The second Study involved exposure of Rats to Ethylene Di-Bromide and the study extrapolated that humans exposed to PPM concentrations would develop cancer. I learned of this study when some government contractors showed up at my workplace and told us that basically we were all “dead men walking.” At this time we had been working for several years to decrease exposure levels in the plant and I was confident that our actual exposures were very low. Additionally, I knew of several workers from the original EDB plants in Michigan that were old retired guys and the levels of exposure they had endured were MAGNATUDES greater than we worked in. Those old original plants first manufactured the substance using open brick caldrons of bromine and bubbling ethylene into them until it converted to EDB. All this inside a closed building.<br />
<br />
What am I getting at? I’m saying that we need to limit our exposure to potentially toxic substances without falling prey to “junk science” fear tactics that, to me, seek to move us back into the middle ages where life span was measured in 3 or 4 decades, not up to a century as at present.<br />
<br />
To sum it up ... here we have a problematic study of the dangers of Bisphenol A and phthalates, hyped erroneously by science-challenged activists only to be picked up by science-absent television journalists only to be recycled back to the public by anti-chemical activists. At the center of this fiasco: the NRDC.<br />
<br />
Any wonder we have a science education crisis in our country? Lets’ hope that the relentless anti-science drumbeat doesn’t result in a chemical regulatory crisis as well. <br />
~~~~~<br />
When my generation was growing up we were taught that Nathan Hale’s biggest sacrifice was accepting an assignment that required him to lie. Such behavior was not accepted by responsible men of that time. Then we learned of Abraham Lincoln’s honesty in walking several miles to return a few cents that a customer had inadvertently over paid him.<br />
<br />
Compare that with today’s cheating scandals, politicians living off bribes, employers who encourage workers to deny customers claims of overcharges, employees who pad expense accounts and overstate time worked, etc. etc. etc.<br />
<br />
Is it any wonder that many corporations freely contract with companies who care little or nothing for their employee’s safety and health?<br />
<br />
Would that Corporations would rigorously adhere to Michael Josephson’s “12 Ethical Principles for Business Executives.” [http://josephsoninstitute.org/business/blog/2010/12/12-ethical-principles-for-business-executives/]<br />
~~~~~<br />
It’s Time For the US to Go Metric - Jamie Condliffe <br />
<br />
The US has a love affair with imperial units: height in inches, milk in quarts, weight in pounds. You name it, and it's measured in imperial. The only problem? Imperial is dumb. So let's cast of those shackles and join the rest of the world by embracing units that make sense. Let's go metric, once and for all.<br />
<br />
http://gizmodo.com/5972438/its-time-for-the-us-to-go-metric?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=linkedin<br />
~~~~~<br />
It's so tragic for our country and our kids ... we just have to laugh. Years ago, when we lived in Dallas, I thought that political action committees would be the answer. The "small" people could band together and push for change via monetary support for politicians. But that too was taken over by the "big money." Now I advocate a groundswell of reaching out to voters and educating them on the facts. Just call me Don Quixote.<br />
~~~~~ <br />
HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2029<br />
<br />
Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia, formerly known as California.<br />
<br />
White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language. <br />
<br />
Iran still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.<br />
<br />
Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking..<br />
<br />
George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.<br />
<br />
Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only..<br />
<br />
85-year $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.<br />
<br />
Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.<br />
<br />
Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Mexifornia and Floruba.<br />
<br />
Senate still blocking drilling in ANWAR even though gas is selling for 4532 Pesos per liter and gas stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays.<br />
<br />
Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.<br />
<br />
Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.<br />
<br />
New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2030.<br />
<br />
IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.<br />
<br />
Floruba voters still having trouble with voting machines.<br />
~~~~~<br />
THE REMARKABLE BRAIN functions from a period inside the womb 24 hours a day 365 days a year to a period just before you decide to vote Democrat. Thanks To Chuck Jackson (It’s a joke folks.)<br />
~~~~~<br />
Punny Thoughts<br />
<br />
I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.<br />
<br />
I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.<br />
<br />
What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing – but it let out a little whine.<br />
<br />
The primary responsibility for a child's education is apparent.<br />
<br />
For plumbers, a flush beats a full house.<br />
<br />
The best way to communicate with a fish is to drop it a line.<br />
<br />
Her company distributes gift-boxed cashews, and she has a delivery guy that drives her nuts.<br />
<br />
Received from Milton Freund.<br />
~~~~~<br />
One day, after a man had his annual physical, the doctor came out and said, "You had a great check-up. Is there anything that you'd like to talk about or ask me?"<br />
<br />
"Well," he said, "I was thinking about getting a vasectomy."<br />
<br />
"That's a big decision! Have you talked it over with your family?"<br />
<br />
"Yeah, we took a vote... and they're in favor of it 15 to 2."<br />
~~~~~<br />
LAWS<br />
<br />
1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.<br />
<br />
2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.<br />
<br />
3. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.<br />
<br />
4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal - someone always answers.<br />
<br />
6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).<br />
<br />
7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.<br />
<br />
8. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.<br />
<br />
9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, IT WILL!!!<br />
<br />
10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.<br />
<br />
11. Law of the Theater & Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.<br />
<br />
12. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.<br />
<br />
13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.<br />
<br />
14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.<br />
<br />
15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible IF you don't know what you are talking about.<br />
<br />
16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they 're ugly.<br />
<br />
17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking--A CLOSED MOUTH GATHERS NO FEET!!!<br />
<br />
18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.<br />
<br />
19. Doctors ' Law - If you don 't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better.. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.<br />
~~~~~<br />
MAN RULES<br />
<br />
THESE ARE OUR RULES!<br />
<br />
PLEASE NOTE. THESE ARE ALL NUMBERED #1 ON PURPOSE!<br />
<br />
1. MEN ARE NOT MIND READERS.<br />
<br />
1. CRYING IS BLACKMAIL.<br />
<br />
1. ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT. LET US BE CLEAR ON THIS ONE:<br />
<br />
SUBTLE HINTS DO NOT WORK!<br />
STRONG HINTS DO NOT WORK!<br />
OBVIOUS HINTS DO NOT WORK!<br />
JUST SAY IT!<br />
<br />
1. YES AND NO ARE PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE ANSWERS TO ALMOST EVERY QUESTION.<br />
<br />
1.. COME TO US WITH A PROBLEM ONLY IF YOU WANT HELP SOLVING IT. THAT'S WHAT WE DO. SYMPATHY IS WHAT YOUR GIRLFRIENDS ARE FOR.<br />
<br />
1. ANYTHING WE SAID 6 MONTHS AGO IS INADMISSIBLE IN AN ARGUMENT. IN FACT, ALL COMMENTS BECOME NULL AND VOID AFTER 7 DAYS.<br />
<br />
1. IF YOU THINK YOU'RE FAT, DON'T ASK US.<br />
<br />
1. IF SOMETHING WE SAID CAN BE INTERPRETED TWO WAYS AND ONE OF THE WAYS MAKES YOU SAD OR ANGRY, WE MEANT THE OTHER ONE.<br />
<br />
1. YOU CAN EITHER ASK US TO DO SOMETHING OR TELL US HOW YOU WANT IT DONE. NOT BOTH.<br />
IF YOU ALREADY KNOW BEST HOW TO DO IT, JUST DO IT YOURSELF.<br />
<br />
1. WHENEVER POSSIBLE, PLEASE SAY WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO SAY DURING COMMERCIALS.<br />
<br />
1. CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS DID NOT NEED DIRECTIONS AND NEITHER DO WE...<br />
<br />
1. ALL MEN SEE IN ONLY 16 COLORS, LIKE WINDOWS DEFAULT SETTINGS..<br />
PEACH, FOR EXAMPLE, IS A FRUIT, NOT A COLOR. PUMPKIN IS ALSO A FRUIT. WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MAUVE IS.<br />
<br />
1. IF WE ASK WHAT IS WRONG AND YOU SAY 'NOTHING,' WE WILL ACT LIKE NOTHING'S WRONG. WE KNOW YOU ARE LYING, BUT IT IS JUST NOT WORTH THE HASSLE.<br />
<br />
1. IF YOU ASK A QUESTION YOU DON'T WANT AN ANSWER TO, EXPECT AN ANSWER YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR..<br />
<br />
1. WHEN WE HAVE TO GO SOMEWHERE, ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING YOU WEAR IS FINE...REALLY.<br />
<br />
1. DON'T ASK US WHAT WE'RE THINKING ABOUT UNLESS YOU ARE PREPARED TO DISCUSS SUCH TOPICS AS FOOTBALL OR MOTOR SPORTS.<br />
<br />
1. I AM IN SHAPE. ROUND IS A SHAPE! <br />
~~~~~<br />
For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on.<br />
<br />
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If Ford had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."<br />
<br />
In response to Bill's comments, Ford issued a press release stating:<br />
<br />
If Ford had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics (and I just love this part):<br />
<br />
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash.........twice a day.<br />
<br />
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.<br />
<br />
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.<br />
<br />
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.<br />
<br />
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.<br />
<br />
6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.<br />
<br />
I love the next one!!!<br />
<br />
7. The airbag system would ask, "Are you sure?" before deploying.<br />
<br />
8.. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.<br />
<br />
9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.<br />
<br />
10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.<br />
<br />
Thanks To Waneta<br />
~~~~~<br />
Favorite Quotes: <br />
<br />
The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin. -- Mark Twain<br />
~<br />
“We are moons, not suns. The moon only reflects the light of the sun. We need only to reflect His light, then we live to His glory.” - - Corrie Ten Boom<br />
~<br />
As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.~ Buddy Hackett<br />
~<br />
"Don’t worry - lay your hand in His hand. You will be safe even if life today feels like crossing a bridge without parapets over wild rushing water." Corrie Ten Boom<br />
<br />
To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable, because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you. C. S. Lewis <br />
~~~~~<br />
The following wisdom is shared by our friends.<br />
~<br />
Lynn Cloud Barnhart<br />
"Setbacks"are just "setups"for God to show what He is able to do.....God is Always Faithful!<br />
~<br />
Stephen Burton - It's a shame when we let people/things rob our spouse and children by convincing us they need our time and attention more than our family does.<br />
~<br />
Amanda Bowen Franks - May our minds not be double minded! Nobody knows what we are for, only what we are against.....<br />
~<br />
Martha Chapman - The day by day calendar my daughter gave me for Christmas has this quote: "In mothering, if you do it right, you work yourself out of a job."<br />
~<br />
Nancee Davis Law<br />
<br />
Grudges are like bricks we carry around in our pockets while we wonder why we're so tired all the time.<br />
<br />
When life pours rain on you, learn to dance in the puddles.<br />
<br />
is it ever too cold for ice cream? I think Not.<br />
<br />
If you're too busy for God, then it's time to change your schedule<br />
<br />
Through your trials and troubles, in your victories and triumphs, Bless the Lord at All Times!<br />
<br />
You really don't know what your fruit looks like until those you disciple are making disciples. #2Timothy2vs2<br />
<br />
"The word 'listen' contains the same letters as the word 'silent.' " - Alfred Brendel <br />
<br />
If God be for us, Who cares who is against us.<br />
<br />
As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend<br />
<br />
Whenever the devil reminds you of your past, remind him of his future<br />
<br />
The best things in life have no price tag because there is no amount of money that can replace the things you have in your heart<br />
<br />
When you go through storms in your life, you can either be pitiful or powerful, your attitude determines your victory...<br />
<br />
A positive attitude gives you power over your circumstances instead of your circumstances having power over you.<br />
<br />
I need to buy a new alarm clock. The one I have keeps going off while I'm asleep.<br />
<br />
Rise and Shine! It's the first day of the rest of your life<br />
<br />
In the cookies of life, sisters are the chocolate chips.<br />
<br />
God will not lead you where He cannot help you.<br />
Merely thinking about forgiving someone does no good. Forgiveness requires action.<br />
~<br />
Jimmy Malone<br />
<br />
Let the other men do the talking and the criticizing, and we will stick to the work that God has given us to do. #DLMoody<br />
<br />
The Cockroach Principle: Whatever multiplies takes over. #churchplanting<br />
<br />
A boy at Taylor Elementary, upon inspecting my Bassets Hounds, remarked, "Those are some mighty fine dogs you got there, mister." #manners #smalltown<br />
<br />
"Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night." #Edgar Allen Poe<br />
<br />
You know how to kill time? Work it to death. -Bud Alexis #oldmarines<br />
~<br />
Katie McWilliams - “Our main business is not to see what lies dimly at a distance, but to do what lies clearly at hand.” - Thomas Carlyle<br />
~<br />
Debbie Troquille - I read this and thought it was good. "One half the trouble, in life, can be traced to saying yes too quickly, and not saying no soon enough!" Sounds like a stop and think, before you speak, kind of lesson. I "think" I'll do that! Have a super day, friends!<br />
~~~~~<br />
This was posted on the "All Who Love Books!" Facebook page. "if you could only select 5 books to be stranded on a desert island with, which ones would it be?" I Wondered what y'all's answer would be? Also, how many of us will have many of the same?<br />
<br />
Mine are:<br />
<br />
The Bible (New King James Version)<br />
<br />
The Complete Sherlock Holmes by Arthur Conan Doyle<br />
<br />
Stranger In a Strange Land by Robert A. Heinlein<br />
<br />
The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis<br />
<br />
All Quiet on the Western Front by Erich Maria Remarque<br />
<br />
Now, if I were starting a library on that island I'd like to have:<br />
<br />
Cannery Row by John Steinbeck<br />
<br />
A Walk Across America By Peter Jenkins <br />
<br />
Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card<br />
<br />
The Grapes Of Wrath by John Steinbeck<br />
<br />
Watership Down by Richard Adams<br />
<br />
Catch-22 by Joseph Heller<br />
<br />
The Diary of a Young Girl by Anne Frank <br />
<br />
The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn by Mark Twain<br />
<br />
Flight of the Intruder by Stephen Coonts <br />
<br />
Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes <br />
<br />
The Old Man and the Sea by Ernest Hemingway<br />
<br />
Into Thin Air: A Personal Account of the Mt. Everest Disaster by Jon Krakauer <br />
<br />
The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis<br />
<br />
The Shack: Where Tragedy Confronts Eternity by Wm. Paul Young<br />
<br />
Flags of Our Fathers James Bradley (Author), Ron Powers (Author) <br />
<br />
Citizen Soldiers: The U. S. Army from the Normandy Beaches to the Bulge to the Surrender of Germany Stephen E. Ambrose (Author) <br />
<br />
The Wild Blue : The Men and Boys Who Flew the B-24s Over Germany 1944-45 by Stephen E. Ambrose <br />
<br />
One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich and THE GULAG ARCHIPELAGO 1918-1956 by ALEXANDER SOLZHENITSYN<br />
~~~~~<br />
AskBob - - Bob Rankin - - Windows XP: The End is Near [http://askbobrankin.com/windows_xp_the_end_is_near.html?awt_l=HZr.N&awt_m=J9iljjpO68P6SL]<br />
<br />
If you are still clinging to Windows XP, it’s time to get serious about upgrading to another operating system. Microsoft will end all support for XP on April 8, 2014 -- one year from today. That may seem far off, and to some users it may seem trivial. But neither assumption is true. If you're still using XP, here's what you need to know now... <br />
~~~~~<br />
Want to know something about your ancestors? See Amber at the Columbia County Library for free access to Ancestory.com.<br />
~~~~~<br />
The latest from Michael Yon, the foremost “milnews” blogger on the web. <br />
~<br />
Greetings,<br />
<br />
Good news from Free Burma Rangers in Thailand.<br />
<br />
13 April, 2013<br />
Karenni State, Burma<br />
Written By: Free Burma Rangers<br />
<br />
Dear friends,<br />
<br />
On Friday afternoon, 22 March, a fire devastated the Mae Surin Refugee Camp, home to more than 3,605 people. The deadly fire killed 39 people and left 2300 homeless. The response of people wanting to help has been swift. Thank you for part in this and for the help for these Karenni families. Here is an update and photos of the situation and a thank you for all who helped. This report is written by the team we sent to help.<br />
<br />
[http://www.michaelyon-online.com/fbr-report-the-burning-of-karenni-camp-2-and-relief-efforts.htm]<br />
<br />
Very Respectfully,<br />
Michael Yon<br />
Your Writer,<br />
<br />
Please remember that this website accepts no advertisement and is dependent on your support. <br />
<br />
PS Please sign up for my Twitter.com updates at "Michael_Yon" [http://twitter.com/Michael_Yon] (not Michael Yon).<br />
<br />
http://www.facebook.com/#/MichaelYonFanPage?ref=sgm<br />
~<br />
www.michaelyon-online.com<br />
~<br />
Http://www.michaelyon_online.com/index.php<br />
~~~~~ <br />
If you would like to encourage US Troops overseas, but are not sure just how to begin, visit www.anysoldier.com for ideas. <br />
~~~~~ <br />
5 Things New Veterans Expect From All Candidates<br />
<br />
1. Defend the New GI Bill<br />
<br />
2. Employ the New Greatest Generation<br />
<br />
3. Prevent suicide among troops and veterans<br />
<br />
4. Build a truly 21st Century VA<br />
<br />
5. Improve Care for Female Veterans<br />
<br />
http://iava.org/blog/5-things-new-veterans-expect-all-candidates-2012<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Please remember ... America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the MALL.<br />
~~~~~ <br />
DarynKagan.com - - I have for you today an amazingly generous athlete, incredible dogs saving our lives, & a kitchen trick that really works!<br />
<br />
Enjoy!<br />
<br />
-Daryn<br />
<br />
Star Athlete Giving Up Career To Become Bone Marrow Donor For A Stranger [http://darynkagan.com/Sports.html]<br />
<br />
America's Most Elite Dogs Saving Lives Around The Word #Amazing Behind The Scenes Look<br />
http://darynkagan.com/DarynKagan.com_Animals.html<br />
<br />
Crazy Simple Trick For Separating Eggs #You Know You'll Have To Try It!<br />
http://darynkagan.com/Overcoming_Obstacles.html<br />
~~~~~<br />
<br />
ACC: "Shoddy journalism" is to blame for poor public understanding of chemicals<br />
A blogger's promotion of a story that ran on "Dateline NBC" claiming health dangers from trace levels of bisphenol A and phthalates is an example of "shoddy journalism," writes Jon Entine of the George Mason Genetic Literacy Project. The show, the blogger and the National Resources Defense Council are misleading the public on the science behind the claims, Entine argues. "[H]ere we have a problematic study hyped erroneously by science-challenged activists only to be picked up by science-absent television journalists only to be recycled back to the public by anti-chemical activists," he writes. Forbes (4/18) [http://www.forbes.com/sites/jonentine/2013/04/18/national-resources-defense-council-nrdc-champions-shoddy-journalism-on-endocrine-active-chemicals/]<br />
~~~~~<br />
http://www.shelfari.com<br />
http://www.shelfari.com/bugsbleat/shelf<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Photos on the front of this week’s “Bleat” include - - Earthday photos.<br />
~~~~~<br />
For the latest issue of "Da Bleat.", go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com. <br />
Our photos are posted at http://www.bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com.<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.<br />
~~~~~<br />
BreakPoint - - 'A Grand and Holy Scheme'<br />
Charles W. Colson<br />
By: Eric Metaxas - Published: April 22, 2013 <br />
<br />
Most of us have sat, head in hands asking, “What in the world is God doing with my life?” <br />
<br />
Eric Metaxas<br />
<br />
As you may know, yesterday was the one-year anniversary of the death of BreakPoint’s founder, Chuck Colson.<br />
<br />
Chuck was and is a tremendous inspiration to me for many reasons, but above all, because he taught me that when you give everything to God, only then are you truly free.<br />
<br />
Most BreakPoint listeners are probably familiar with the story of how Chuck became involved in the 1968 presidential campaign, working hard to get Richard Nixon elected. Nixon then appointed him as his special counsel and gave him the office next to his own.<br />
<br />
Later, as the storm clouds of Watergate gathered, Chuck, who for some time had felt an emptiness inside, visited his old friend Tom Phillips. Phillips spoke to Chuck about Christ, prayed for him, and gave him a copy of C.S. Lewis' book, “Mere Christianity.” A few minutes later, in Tom’s driveway, Chuck began to weep. Sitting alone in his car in the darkness, Chuck Colson gave his heart to God.<br />
<br />
Meanwhile, Watergate Special Prosecutor Leon Jaworski wanted Chuck to plead guilty to a misdemeanor charge of conspiring to break into the offices of Daniel Ellsberg’s psychiatrist. Now Chuck had engaged in many dirty tricks during his years in politics, but this was not one of them. At the same time, in his heart, Chuck knew he had contributed to the deeply immoral atmosphere in the White House. Before God, he knew he was terribly guilty.<br />
<br />
And so over the objections of his attorney, Chuck decided he had no alternative than to voluntarily confess to a crime he had committed and trust God with the outcome.<br />
<br />
So he pled guilty to “disseminating derogatory information to the press about Daniel Ellsberg while he was a criminal defendant.” The result was a shockingly harsh sentence of one-to-three years.<br />
<br />
In prison, the man who’d once had an office next to the president’s spent his days mopping floors and doing laundry. He also undertook serious Bible study. And he began to realize that he was in prison for a purpose.<br />
<br />
As I write in my new book, “7 Men and the Secret of their Greatness,” Chuck “saw that God had brought him to [prison] to teach him not only that his fellow prisoners were his brothers in Christ but also so that he could identify with them and see the world from their perspective.” He also “saw that his prison sentence and his suffering were part of a grand and holy scheme. God humbled him and brought him to prison precisely so that Chuck could help these men.”<br />
<br />
When Chuck was released after serving seven months, he started Prison Fellowship Ministries, Newsletter_Gen_180x180_Bkeeping his promise to the prisoners he’d left behind. He later started BreakPoint and other ministries. And he became a William Wilberforce for his times, righting wrongs and teaching people to think.<br />
<br />
Many people consider Chuck a great man because he spent nearly half his life bringing Christ to prisoners. But I think Chuck’s greatest act was voluntarily confessing to a crime that nobody knew about. The one-time White House “hatchet man” was willing, for the sake of justice and his Christian witness, to go to prison when he could have avoided it. And it was that sacrifice that led to all the other achievements in Chuck’s long and busy life. He was a great witness to the divine teaching that when we honor God, He will honor us.<br />
<br />
If you know young men who could benefit from examples of heroic manhood like Chuck Colson’s, I hope you’ll consider giving them copies of my book, 7 Men and the Secret of their Greatness. You can find out how to get it at BreakPoint.org.<br />
<br />
Through the lives of Chuck Colson and others they’ll learn that God holds for each of us “a grand and holy scheme.”<br />
Further Reading and Information<br />
<br />
BP-Takeaction_42213"A Grand and Holy Scheme": Charles W. Colson - Next Steps<br />
One of the questions which nags at every young person, but at young men especially, is "What's God going to do with my life?"<br />
<br />
Amidst the many ways God used Chuck, in prison ministry, exploring and spreading the Christian worldview, and bringing the Church together around the vital issues of our day, most people would select some outstanding achievement as the moment when God most powerfully worked through him.<br />
<br />
But as you've just heard, Chuck himself considered the strength God gave him to admit to a crime no one knew he'd committed as perhaps the greatest turning point in his life. The moral courage and humility required to do what's right and allow Christ to seize your life changes everything -- and inevitably leads to true greatness.<br />
<br />
As we head toward the end of our series on Eric Metaxas' new book, "7 Men," we hope you'll join us in reflecting on the life of one of our heroes. We also hope you'll take the time to use this book and teach a young man in your life the meaning of true greatness, and how God's plan for him means doing the right thing right where he is.<br />
<br />
Books:<br />
<br />
7 Men and the Secret of Their Greatness<br />
[http://www.colsoncenterstore.org/product.asp?sku=2191_7MEN]<br />
Eric Metaxas | Thomas Nelson Publishers | April 2013<br />
<br />
Mere Christianity<br />
[http://www.colsoncenterstore.org/product.asp?sku=0060652888]<br />
C. S. Lewis | HarperOne | March 2001<br />
Websites: <br />
William Wilberforce conference registration<br />
[http://www.colsoncenter.org/wilberforce-weekend-2013]<br />
<br />
ColsonCenter.org<br />
<br />
[http://www.breakpoint.org/bpcommentaries]<br />
<br />
Copyright © 2013 Colson Center. All Rights Reserved<br />
<br />
~~~~~<br />
Residents of Columbia County, Arkansas are represented in Congress by:<br />
~<br />
<br />
Senator John Boozman (R_ AR) <br />
1 Russell Courtyard<br />
Washington DC, 20510<br />
Phone: 202-224-4843<br />
http://boozman.senate.gov/<br />
~<br />
Senator Mark Pryor (D_ AR) <br />
Phone 202_224_2353 <br />
FAX 202_228_0908 <br />
http://pryor.senate.gov/<br />
~<br />
Representative Tom Cotton (R ) <br />
Phone 202_225_3772 <br />
FAX 202_225_1314 <br />
http://cotton.house.gov/<br />
<br />
Other states congresspersons can be found at: [http://www.visi.com/juan/congress/]<br />
~~~~~<br />
THOUGHT OF THE DAY:<br />
<br />
"The ability to deal with people is as purchasable a commodity as sugar or coffee and I will pay more for that ability than for any other under the sun." - John D. Rockefeller<br />
<br />
"If it's very painful for you to criticize your friends -- you're safe in doing it. But if you take the slightest pleasure in it, that's the time to hold your tongue." - Alice Duer Miller<br />
<br />
"It is only in sorrow bad weather masters us; in joy we face the storm and defy it." - Amelia Barr<br />
<br />
"Democracy is the art and science of running the circus from the monkey cage." - H. L. Mencken<br />
<br />
"Action may not always bring happiness; but there is no happiness without action." - Benjamin Disraeli<br />
<br />
"Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them." - James Baldwin<br />
<br />
"Rudeness is the weak man's imitation of strength." - Eric Hoffer <br />
~~~~~ <br />
Breaking Christian News <br />
<br />
George Beverly Shea Goes Home To Jesus - - Dan Wooding (Apr 17, 2013)<br />
He died Tuesday evening following a brief illness.<br />
http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=11282<br />
<br />
"Trial of the Century" Exposes Gosnell's Heinous Practices - - Aimee Herd (Apr 17, 2013)<br />
"Gosnell trained his staff to do ultrasounds a certain way to make fetuses look smaller, but some were breathing and moving when delivered, staff testified. One recalled that after Gosnell snipped the neck of one born at 30 weeks, he joked that it was big enough to 'walk to the bus stop.'" -NBC Report<br />
http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=11279<br />
<br />
editor@breakingchristiannews.com<br />
<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
<br />
GCF: Defensive Driving Course<br />
<br />
One of my co-workers got a speeding ticket and was attending a defensive-driving course to have points erased from her license. The instructor, a police officer, emphasized that being on time was crucial and that the classroom doors would be locked when each session began.<br />
<br />
Just after one class started, someone knocked on the locked door. The officer opened it and asked, "Why are you late?"<br />
<br />
The student replied, "I was trying not to get another ticket."<br />
<br />
The officer let him in.<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Traveling Tip<br />
<br />
Here's a little tip from me to you as an experienced traveler. Wake-up calls are the worst way to wake up. The phone rings, it's loud and you can't turn it down.<br />
<br />
I leave the number of the room next to me.<br />
<br />
It just rings very quietly and you hear the person next door yell, "Why are you calling me?"<br />
<br />
Then you get up and take a shower.<br />
<br />
It's great.<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
The nine-year-old daughter walked in while her mother was getting ready for work.<br />
<br />
"What are you doing?" she asked.<br />
<br />
"Putting on my wrinkle cream," mom answered.<br />
<br />
"Oh," she said, walking away. "I thought they were natural."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Exercise<br />
<br />
I'm so tired of exercising. I think five thousand sit-ups or jumping jacks should be pretty much permanent. You should be at home, you're on your last and final jumping jack, and you get that phone call, "Congratulations! You have completed the exercise portion of your life. Welcome to the incessant eating section."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Yeah, That'll Work<br />
<br />
This technician's company uses satellite communications to send and receive messages from tugboats moving barges up and down major rivers. Each day, by 2 p.m., the tugboats send data on the day's activities to the company's traffic department.<br />
<br />
At least that's how it's supposed to work.<br />
<br />
"I got a call from our traffic department saying they only got data from about half the boats, and would I check on it?" technician says.<br />
<br />
He calls the satellite company, but the technician there says there's no problem on his end.<br />
<br />
Meanwhile, the traffic department calls again -- they're still not getting messages from the missing boats.<br />
<br />
"So I called the boats and got them to re-send the messages, and they came through," says our tech. "The problem apparently cleared itself up."<br />
<br />
But he isn't quite satisfied. "I called the satellite company back to see what happened, and what we could do if the problem recurred."<br />
<br />
Satellite company's technician doesn't know what happened and doesn't have any way of finding out. "In order to track the messages, we would need an identification number from the message," he tells our tech.<br />
<br />
We could find out those numbers eventually, he figures.<br />
<br />
"Also, the identification numbers are recycled every half hour," tech continues.<br />
<br />
"So I need to get you the identification number within that time?" he asks.<br />
<br />
"Right", says the satellite tech.<br />
<br />
"So to summarize," says our tech glumly, "we need to give you the identification numbers of the messages we haven't received, within half an hour of not receiving them?"<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////<br />
\ / Teamwork is essential. \ /<br />
\ _/ It allows you to blame \_ /<br />
/ / someone else. \ \<br />
_) )_<br />
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / The two most common elements \ /
\ _/ in the universe are \_ /
/ / hydrogen and stupidity. \ \
_) )_
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Why is it so hard to \ /
\ _/ remember how to spell MNEMONIC? \_ /
/ / \ \
_) )_
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Why is there only ONE \ /
\ _/ Monopolies Commission? \_ /
/ / \ \
_) )_
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Why doesn't glue stick to \ /
\ _/ the inside of the bottle? \_ /
/ / \ \
_ _______________________________ _
/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( \
/ / | tellswor@slonet.org | \ \
_( (_ | http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor | _) )_
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
IF WOMEN TRUSTED THEIR HUSBANDS !<br />
<br />
Integrity is doing the right thing whether or not someone's watching.<br />
<br />
There comes a time when a woman just has to trust her husband...<br />
<br />
A wife comes home late at night, and quietly opens the door to her bedroom.<br />
<br />
From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two.<br />
<br />
She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can.<br />
<br />
Leaving the covered bodies groaning, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.<br />
<br />
As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.<br />
<br />
"Hi Darling", he says, "Your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say "hello"?<br />
<br />
Thanks To Joe Mullins<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
The Snow Plow<br />
<br />
On a bitterly cold winter's morning a husband and wife who had moved from College Station Texas to Ohio were listening to the radio during breakfast.<br />
<br />
They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so Snowplows can get through conveniently".<br />
<br />
So the good wife went out and moved her car as instructed.<br />
<br />
A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snowplows can get through." The good wife went out and moved her car again.<br />
<br />
The next week they are again having breakfast when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park ..." then the power went off.<br />
<br />
The good wife was very upset and with a worried look on her face she said, "I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snowplows can get through?"<br />
<br />
Then, with all the love and understanding in his voice that men who are married to blondes always exhibit, the husband replied, "Why don't you just leave the car in the garage this time?"<br />
<br />
Thanks to Joe Mullins<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Not Right<br />
<br />
"Johnny," said the teacher, "if coal is selling at $6 a ton and you pay your dealer $24, how many tons will he bring you?"<br />
<br />
"A little over three tons, ma'am," said Johnny.<br />
<br />
"Why, Johnny, that isn't right," said the teacher.<br />
<br />
"No, ma'am, I know it isn't," said Johnny, "but they all do it."<br />
<br />
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Groaner: Endangered Species<br />
<br />
An exciting new development in marine biology promised to extend the lifespan of an endangered species of porpoise. In fact, the data suggested that if a specific kind of African seagull, freshly out of the egg, was fed to the porpoises every day without fail, they would actually live forever!<br />
<br />
The big challenge was to gather this food supply, this equivalent of chicken dinners for oceanic mammals, on a regular basis. There were many problems, including the fact that it could be dangerous, as these seagulls were found near water holes where all sorts of large game animals congregated.<br />
<br />
But this was an important ecological breakthrough, so teams were sent out right away. They worked diligently to supply the necessary small fowl.<br />
<br />
One afternoon, an intrepid gull-gatherer on his way back to base from the water hole encountered a pride of lions taking their afternoon nap.<br />
<br />
As they were blocking his way, and his day's catch of seagull hatchlings was needed right away, he carefully stepped over the lions that were directly in his path.<br />
<br />
That spelled the end of the experiment. The porpoises, deprived of their special diet, not only did not live forever, but they also became extinct.<br />
<br />
That was because an alert game control officer had spotted the team member, arrested him, confiscated his equipment and baggage, and charged him with ... transporting young gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.<br />
<br />
Received from Stan Kegel.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Sky Diving<br />
<br />
A man finally summons the courage to go sky diving for the very first time. The preparation and plane flight go smoothly, but immediately after jumping from the plane, he is unable to get his parachute to deploy. As he hurtles towards the earth, he is shocked to see a man rocketing upwards toward him. As they pass in the air, the skydiver yells, "Do you know anything about parachutes?"<br />
<br />
The second man responds, "No. Do you know anything about gas grills?"<br />
<br />
Received from Mark McEathron.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Modern Tools<br />
<br />
Hammer - In ancient times a hammer was used to inflict pain on one's enemies. Modern hammers are used to inflict pain on oneself.<br />
<br />
Screwdriver - The drink ordered at the local bar after you call in a professional repairman to undo the $500 in damage you did while trying to change out a light socket with your handy screwdriver.<br />
<br />
Phillips Screwdriver - The bar drink that you order when the damage estimate is over $1,000. Contains twice the vodka.<br />
<br />
Pliers - A device used to extend your reach the necessary few inches when you drop a one-of-a-kind screw down behind the new wall it took you two weeks to install.<br />
<br />
Electronic Stud Finder - An annoying device that never goes off when you point it at yourself.<br />
<br />
Halogen Light - A worklight that lights up your backyard with the incandescence of a football stadium, causing you to cast a heavy shadow over the area you're working on so that you need to use a flashlight anyway.<br />
<br />
Cordless Drill - A device that lessens your chance of electrocution 90% over a standard plug-in tool.<br />
<br />
Cordless Telephone - The handyman's 911.<br />
<br />
Air Compressor - A mechanical device similar in principle to harnessing the power of your mother-in-law's nagging complaints and using the resulting airflow to blast old paint off the side of the house.<br />
<br />
Chain Saw - Allows you to cut your way out of the shed that you accidentally built completely around yourself.<br />
<br />
Vise Grips - A pair of helping hands that doesn't critique the job you're doing or offer advice.<br />
<br />
Received from Ed.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
--<br />
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><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Column - - <br />
<br />
Limerick of the Week - - May 5th, 2013<br />
<br />
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.<br />
<br />
Congratulations to Tim James, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:<br />
<br />
The party was starting to hum<br />
On a fishing boat well-stocked with rum,<br />
Till the captain’s friend, drunk,<br />
With the sharks took a dunk.<br />
Now he’s known as the skipper’s best chum.<br />
<br />
Congratulations to Steve Whitred and Will T. Laughlin, who jointly win a special Limerick Puzzle/Repartee Award for this limerick exchange, which begins with Steve’s puzzle in multi-verse limerick form and ends with Will’s solution, also in multi-verse limerick form:<br />
<br />
Steve Whitred:<br />
<br />
So this week when the rhyme word is hum<br />
And I’ve o’er used … ‘dum’, ‘thumb’, and ‘bum’.<br />
A conundrum I’ll pose.<br />
Will you solve it, who knows?<br />
I suspect though, it’s too tough for some.<br />
<br />
Now the gears in my head start to hum,<br />
As the clues for this puzzle forth come.<br />
You’ve got 12 coins of gold,<br />
But there’s one that is old.<br />
It’s weight’s off from the rest, by a crumb.<br />
<br />
You’ve a scale (not of music to hum).<br />
It’s two pans on a chain, and it’s plumb.<br />
With this scale weigh the gold<br />
‘Till at last you behold<br />
The coin others are different from.<br />
<br />
If at this point you’re all thinking hummm…,<br />
Here’s a clue to begin, don’t be glum.<br />
Place some coins in each pan.<br />
If they balance you can<br />
Safely say that it’s not in that scrum.<br />
<br />
Since you now see this isn’t ho-hum,<br />
One more thing, please don’t think I’m a bum.<br />
The odd coin may be light<br />
Or just overweight, slight.<br />
And three weighing’s the goal. Good luck chum. <br />
<br />
Will T. Laughlin:<br />
<br />
Here’s the method that I would employ:<br />
Choose *any* two coins, Steve my boy…<br />
Take one coin (your choice),<br />
Weigh it avoirdupois,<br />
And then measure the other in troy.<br />
<br />
No, no: please don’t give me a beating.<br />
I know that this method is cheating.<br />
If you’d rather instead,<br />
I’ll try using my head…<br />
(Quite a change from my usual bleating).<br />
<br />
– ahem –<br />
<br />
Put six and six pieces of eight<br />
On the scales, and determine their weight.<br />
You’ll notice one side<br />
Slightly higher will ride:<br />
That’s the side we’ll be working with. Great:<br />
<br />
Take the coins from the light side, and see<br />
How they measure up, weighed three and three.<br />
Once again you’ll behold<br />
That there’s one tray of gold<br />
Slightly lighter, comparatively.<br />
<br />
Now the answer’s so clear it could bite one:<br />
The lighter half must have the right one.<br />
So compare one and one.<br />
If they’re equal, you’re done;<br />
If they’re not, then you just choose the light one.<br />
<br />
(You can read Steve’s solution to his own puzzle here in prose form.)<br />
<br />
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Jane Shelton Hoffman, Colleen Murphy, Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, Johanna Richmond, Sue Dulley, and Robert Schechter. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:<br />
<br />
Jane Shelton Hoffman:<br />
<br />
Beethoven first started to hum<br />
As a child when he still sucked his thumb.<br />
As he crawled on the floor,<br />
He’d come up with a score.<br />
His FIRST tune was “Dot dot dot dum.” <br />
<br />
Phyllis Sterling Smith:<br />
<br />
Just as things were beginning to hum,<br />
Along came a fellow so dumb:<br />
He chose a fine cello<br />
With tone sweet and mellow.<br />
With pick he then started to strum. <br />
<br />
David Lefkovits:<br />
<br />
A fellow would constantly hum<br />
The chorus from “Under My Thumb.”<br />
He said, with a swagger,<br />
“My moves are like Jagger;<br />
Just see how I’m shaking my bum.”<br />
<br />
Johanna Richmond:<br />
<br />
To the dentist who’d constantly hum<br />
While poking and prodding her gum:<br />
She cried, “Hate to sound sore<br />
But just how much more<br />
Anesthesia would make my ears numb?” <br />
<br />
Sue Dulley:<br />
<br />
The lobby was starting to hum.<br />
Reporters closed in for the scrum.<br />
But soon all were vexed<br />
When “No comment” and “Next?”<br />
Were the closest to answers they’d come.<br />
<br />
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.<br />
<br />
© Madeleine Begun Kane. All Rights Reserved.<br />
http://www.madkane.com/<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
What Love means to a 4-8 year old... <br />
<br />
Touching words from the mouth of babes.. <br />
<br />
A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, <br />
<br />
'What does love mean?' <br />
<br />
The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined <br />
<br />
See what you think:<br />
<br />
'When my grandmother got arthritis , she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore.. So my grandfather does it for her all the time , even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.' Rebecca- age 8 <br />
<br />
'When someone loves you , the way they say your name is different. <br />
You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.' Billy - age 4 <br />
<br />
'Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.' Karl - age 5 <br />
<br />
'Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.' Chrissy - age 6 <br />
<br />
'Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.' <br />
Terri - age 4 <br />
<br />
'Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him , to make sure the taste is OK.' Danny - age 7 <br />
<br />
'Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing , you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mom and Daddy are like that. <br />
They look gross when they kiss' <br />
Emily - age 8 <br />
<br />
'Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents <br />
and listen.' <br />
Bobby - age 7 (Wow!) <br />
<br />
'If you want to learn to love better , you should start with a friend who you hate , ' <br />
Nikka - age 6 <br />
(we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet) <br />
<br />
'Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt , then he wears it every day.' <br />
Noelle - age 7 <br />
<br />
'Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.' <br />
Tommy - age 6 <br />
<br />
'During my piano recital , I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. <br />
He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore.' <br />
Cindy - age 8 <br />
<br />
'My mommy loves me more than anybody <br />
You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.' <br />
Clare - age 6 <br />
<br />
'Love is when Mom gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.' <br />
Elaine-age 5 <br />
<br />
'Love is when Mom sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.' Chris - age 7 <br />
<br />
'Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.' <br />
Mary Ann - age 4 <br />
<br />
'I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.' <br />
Lauren - age 4 <br />
<br />
'When you love somebody , your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.' (what an image) <br />
Karen - age 7 <br />
<br />
'Love is when Mom sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross..' <br />
Mark - age 6 <br />
<br />
'You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it , you should say it a lot. People forget.' <br />
Jessica - age 8 <br />
<br />
And the final one <br />
<br />
The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. <br />
Upon seeing the man cry , the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard , climbed onto his lap , and just sat there. <br />
When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor , the little boy said , 'Nothing , I just helped him cry'. <br />
<br />
When there is nothing left but God, that is when you find out that God is all you need. <br />
<br />
Thanks To Waneta<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." __ Franklin D. Roosevelt <br />
"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle." <br />
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. _ _ George Carlin <br />
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" _ _ Queen E. Watson<br />
“A political class of Republicans and Democrats that look after themselves, not the Nation. A media hostile to the very precepts of this nation. A generation of Americans who see morals as vices, and are ignorant of America's Actual History.”<br />
"The things that will destroy America are prosperity-at-any-price, peace-at-any-price, safety-first instead of duty-first, the love of soft living, and the get-rich-quick theory of life." - - Theodore Roosevelt <br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> <br />
Emergency Phone Number 911 <br />
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )<br />
Central Dispatch 234_5655<br />
(Non _ Emergency Number)<br />
Direct Numbers<br />
Ambulance _ 234_7371 (24 Hour)<br />
Jail _ 234_5331 (24 Hour)<br />
Poison Control _ 800_222_1222 (24 Hour)<br />
http://www. aapcc. org/<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Interested in getting in touch with the Banner_News through e_mail? editor@bannernews.net For the editor, news@bannernews.net For news and sports items, Coming Events, Diary, Church News, school and civic events. [http://www.bannernews.net/]<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." __ "Bug" <br />
"I read the end of the book. We win!" __ "Bug" <br />
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." __ "Bug"<br />
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." _ _ "Bug"<br />
"It's no big deal doing what God tells you to do. A big deal would be NOT doing what God tells you to do. Just ask Jonah." _ _ Paul Troquille <br />
“Nam et ipsa scientia potestas est.” Knowledge is power. _ Francis Bacon <br />
"The problem is here and now. The time for talk is past. The time for action is now." <br />
Comments on the first Earth Day _ James F. McClellan via John "Fuzzy" Thurman<br />
~~~~~<br />
Hope you enjoy the newsletter. <br />
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week. <br />
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" __"Bug" <br />
God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!! <br />
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT_I KC5HII <br />
<br />
P. S. If you'd like to be added to the distribution, just drop us E_mail at kc5hii@suddenlink.net<br />
. We offer "Da Bleat" as text, a "Blog" and as a newsletter with pictures in Word and PDF format. The latest issue is usually updated sometime Saturday. For the latest issue, go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com. We also have a site [http://bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com/] where we post photos that I like.<br />
We appreciate your encouragement. We also appreciate your communication when you desire to be taken off our mail list. If you are on this mail list by mistake or do not wish to receive "Da Bleat," please reply back and tell us to discontinue service to you. Bughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07270965849194883997noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9136923892168334329.post-57521289857170865652012-12-31T18:30:00.000-08:002012-12-31T18:44:02.268-08:00Bug's Bleat - - GCF: New Year's Dinner<br />
Here are some of our favorite photos from 2012<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-1M_zcVsbxME/UOJJxdBOOaI/AAAAAAAAGjo/5UqBr4veqAI/s1600/04-120117%2B%252812%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="239" width="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-1M_zcVsbxME/UOJJxdBOOaI/AAAAAAAAGjo/5UqBr4veqAI/s320/04-120117%2B%252812%2529.JPG" /></a></div><br />
MCC Hamburger Supper<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-8JApE6kDtDA/UOJJvvVdBDI/AAAAAAAAGjE/h7mEpNNVrwE/s1600/01-P6270001.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="240" width="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-8JApE6kDtDA/UOJJvvVdBDI/AAAAAAAAGjE/h7mEpNNVrwE/s320/01-P6270001.JPG" /></a></div><br />
Dusty polishes his boots.<br />
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Ethan pulls out the train set.<br />
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Annette meets a new friend.<br />
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Our favorite "Bed" in the community garden.<br />
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Randy and Scott learn to disect an eyeball.<br />
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Do Boys enjoyed the "Boxing For Books" program.<br />
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You can't play the Wii without some body english.<br />
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"Da Boys" enjoy chalk drawing.<br />
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At the swimming pool.<br />
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4th of July Fire Works.<br />
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Participating in the Chick Fil A "Eat In"<br />
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Ethan opens a model of a P-51 that looks like a real winner.<br />
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Zac enjoys the Christmas Spirit.<br />
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Annette took this photo of me after I was released from MRMC on the 26th.<br />
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Dusty and the boys watch over the present distribution.<br />
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<br />
Volume 14, Issue 52 Monday, December 31, 2012<br />
<br />
Hello ALL,<br />
<br />
Words of Wisdom from a smart woman, Debbie Troquille; "Kind of weary, on this wonderful day, of hearing news reports of how awful this "fiscal year cliff" will be! We can all make it....no matter what, AND it may mean less take home money, but less spending wouldn't hurt any of us either! Don't like bullying....from government!"<br />
~~~~~<br />
Speaking of Wisdom, all of us want our kids to be educated. School was never a pleasure for me. I was an only child, used to having life my way and the teachers weren’t really interested in catering to my every whim. It was a big shock to my system.<br />
<br />
It was the same for our kids. When David returned from his first day of school, we asked him how it went. He answered; “Well I don’t know how to read yet and the teacher won’t let me talk.”<br />
<br />
Vanessa’s teacher contacted us to report that Vanessa never said anything in class. Annette asked her why she wasn’t talking and Vanessa replied; “They told us to be quiet.”<br />
<br />
Of course, teachers have more on their minds than the “three Rs” Aunt Jerry’s teacher opened her desk one morning to find a man’s arm lying in the drawer. There had been an accident on the railroad and some school kids had dug up the arm behind the doctor’s house and placed it in the teacher’s desk.<br />
<br />
Speaking of School at Taylor . . . Hattie Lee Whaley was in my mother’s class. One day in study hall, she asked to go to the bathroom and the teacher replied; “you girls just want to go visit, you can’t go to the bathroom when you’re in study hall.” Hattie Lee was furious but politely sat still for the rest of the period.<br />
<br />
The next day, Hattie Lee brought a “tow sac” with her to study hall and hung it on a nail by her desk. After a few minutes, she asked to go to the bath room. Again the teacher denied her request. So Hattie Lee got up from her desk holding a tin syrup can (like many kids used to carry their lunch), pulled the “tow sac” off the nail, stepped into it and pulled it back up. She then reached down to the bottom of the sac, opened the syrup can and removed a mason jar of water she had in it (of course, none of this could be seen by anyone else in the study hall.) She opened the mason jar and, squatting in the sac, slowly poured the water into the syrup can.<br />
<br />
You can imagine the sound.<br />
<br />
Then she sealed the jar back up. Put it back in the can and sealed the can back up. Stepped out of the “tow sac,” hung it back on the wall and set back down at her desk.<br />
<br />
She was never denied permission to use the bath room again.<br />
<br />
In the second grade, one of my classmates called me pumpkin man. So I started chasing her down the hall. She fled out the south door of the school with me in hot pursuit. I didn’t slow down to open the door, just hit it with my right hand. It was a traditional “French style” multipane door. My right arm went through one of the panes. My first concern wasn’t the blood, it was the broken glass that I was gonna get punished for. So I hid in the boy’s bathroom, holding my bleeding wrist over the toilet. Fortunately, the basketball coach followed the blood trail into the bathroom and put a pressure bandage on my wrist. Then he drove me to Magnolia where Dr. Wilson only took 28 stitches to close the wounds.<br />
<br />
Uncle Fort hid his report card in a bale of cotton one day on his way home from school. He told his mother he’d lost the report card. Unfortunately (for him) his dad was looking to buy a bale of cotton and reached in that particular bale to sample the product. Out he came with Fort’s report card.<br />
<br />
Annette, true to form, was a straight A student. Except for that one “F” in conduct in the seventh grade. Coach Henry warned her; “one more word out of you and you’ll get an “F” in conduct.” To which Annette responded; “But Coach Henry!” The grade went into the book.<br />
<br />
Amazing that any of us got educated isn’t it.<br />
~~~~~<br />
Before I forget, Happy New Year y’all.<br />
~~~~~<br />
I’ve read approximately 120 books in 2012. Here are some of my favorites:<br />
<br />
The homecoming of Samuel Lake / by Jenny Wingfield.<br />
<br />
Dead Men Flying : / Patrick Henry Brady.<br />
<br />
Fearless : the undaunted courage and ultimate sacrifice of Navy SEAL Team Six operator Adam Brown / Eric Blehm.<br />
<br />
Into the fire : a first-hand account of the most extraordinary battle in the Afghan War / Dakota Meyer and Bing West.<br />
<br />
Farm city : the education of an urban farmer / Novella Carpenter.<br />
<br />
The Long Walk / Brian Castner.<br />
<br />
Sealab : America's forgotten quest to live and work on the ocean floor / Ben Hellwarth.<br />
<br />
All in : the education of General David Petraeus / Paula Broadwell with Vernon Loeb.<br />
~~~~~<br />
Some good folks passed in 2012 [http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3032619/#50307800] including:<br />
<br />
Neil Armstrong<br />
Ernest Borgnine<br />
Robert Bork<br />
Ray Bradbury<br />
Dick Clark<br />
Charles Colson<br />
Phyllis Diller<br />
Michael Clarke Duncan<br />
Andy Griffith<br />
Whitney Houston<br />
Daniel Inouye<br />
Etta James<br />
Davy Jones<br />
Alex Karras<br />
Rodney King<br />
George McGovern<br />
Russell Means<br />
Joe Paterno<br />
Sally Ride<br />
Gen. Norman Schwarzkopf<br />
Christopher Stevens<br />
Kitty Wells<br />
Andy Williams<br />
Mike Wallace<br />
<br />
<br />
Locally, we lost: <br />
<br />
Tony Wilson<br />
Sterling Lacy<br />
Dianne Groves Payne<br />
Bob Gantt, III<br />
Gary Foreman<br />
Michael Kelley<br />
Henry Pletcher<br />
Sue Shinn<br />
Edith Woolsey Nalls<br />
Sammie Albright <br />
Billy Glynn Cozart<br />
"Pete" Schmidt<br />
MargRyn Kinard Schomburg<br />
Donnie Bowhunter Griffin<br />
Giles G. Gillespie<br />
Diane Burdine Dyson<br />
Jimmy Otwell<br />
Harold H. Fincher<br />
Col. James (Jim) Hughes<br />
Eddie Ray Epperson<br />
Tony Ray Scott<br />
Mike Telford <br />
Sherry Puckett <br />
David Pesses<br />
Elizabeth Gordon<br />
<br />
<br />
God Speed Y’all<br />
~~~~~<br />
Joe Tudor and Chuck Jackson shared this “SCIENCE FACT:” If you took all of the veins from your body and laid them end to end, you would die.<br />
~~~~~<br />
Are you sick of making the same resolutions year after year that you never keep? Why not promise to do something you can ACTUALLY accomplish? Here are some resolutions that you can use as a starting point:<br />
<br />
~ Gain weight. At least 30 pounds.<br />
~ Stop exercising. Waste of time.<br />
~ Read less. Makes you think.<br />
~ Watch more TV. I've been missing some good stuff.<br />
~ Procrastinate more. Starting tomorrow.<br />
~ Spend more time at work, surfing the web.<br />
~ Take a vacation to someplace important, like to see the world's largest ball of twine.<br />
~ Don't jump off a cliff just because everyone else did.<br />
~ Stop bringing lunch from home--eat out more.<br />
~ Don't have eight children at once.<br />
~ Get in a whole NEW rut!<br />
~ Personal goal: Don't bring back disco.<br />
~ Speak in a monotone voice and only use monosyllabic words.<br />
~ Spend my summer vacation in cyberspace.<br />
~ Create loose ends.<br />
~ Get more toys.<br />
~ Get further in debt.<br />
~ Don't believe politicians.<br />
~ Break at least one traffic law.<br />
~ Don't drive a motorized vehicle across thin ice.<br />
~ Don't swim with piranhas or sharks.<br />
~ Spread out priorities beyond the ability to keep track of them.<br />
~ Wait for opportunity to knock.<br />
~ Focus on the faults of others.<br />
~ Never make New Year's resolutions again.<br />
~~~~~<br />
Favorite Quotes: <br />
John Harden shared Lee Brewer's status update. A C.S. Lewis quote<br />
<br />
“You don't have a soul. You are a Soul. You have a body.”<br />
~~~~~<br />
The following wisdom is shared by our friends.<br />
~<br />
Barbara Grafton Daniels<br />
Before You Speak ... THINK!<br />
T - Is it true?<br />
H - Is it helpful?<br />
I - Is it inspiring?<br />
N - Is it necessary?<br />
K - Is it kind?<br />
~<br />
Nancee Davis Law<br />
everyone thinks they have it harder then the next, but if we all put our problems in a hat to pick from, I'm sure we'd take our own back.<br />
<br />
Me and my family - we may not have it all together...But together we have it all.<br />
<br />
Someday you will wake up and the house will be clean, BUT your babies will be all grown up and on their own.<br />
<br />
Sometimes, the right thing to do and the hardest thing to do are the same.<br />
~<br />
Jimmy Malone<br />
What we call "living on what we have" the U S Government calls a Fiscal Cliff... #justsayin<br />
<br />
You can't train your children to be exceptional and ask why they aren't normal.<br />
~~~~~<br />
As my last opinion piece of 2012, I’ve got to say that the "War On Drugs" is an immoral failure. Very much like the failure of prohibition 80 years ago. We're spending BILLIONS housing drug offenders and building more prisons every day. [http://www.drugwarfacts.org/cms/Prisons_and_Drugs]<br />
<br />
In 2011 50% of federal inmates were there on drug charges. A friend whose opinion I value told me that probably 75% of the federal inmates were just costing the taxpayers money while learning to be better, more dedicated criminals. In fact, we spend about $40,000 a year per inmate and $5,000 a year each educating our kids. Something is wrong here.<br />
<br />
Chuck Colson's Prison Fellowship Ministry advocates Restitution in lieu of imprisonment for non violent offenders. We've used a similar program locally to reduce prison overcrowding. The offender is required to provide restitution as well as completing a high school equivalency, doing community service and having a job. It's been very successful.<br />
<br />
I won't even discuss the profit motive for longer prison terms (see the explosive growth of private prisons who strongly lobby for stricter laws and longer terms.)<br />
<br />
Legalizing drugs such as Pot and Coke and treating them as we treat alcohol would greatly reduce illegal profits and reduce the prison population. Don’t get me wrong, not every crime should be legalized. Not every drug should be legalized. <br />
<br />
I'm not a Libertarian. I call the drug war immoral because so many have suffered for the enrichment of so few. Like alcohol prohibition, legalizing activities that the public has shown a propensity to engage in would save the taxpayers huge amounts of resources. Resources which are currently wasted in trying to stop an activity that too large a percentage of the public support. Our law enforcement would be better used to control this trade after it's legalized.<br />
<br />
I wish that everyone didn't use drugs (alcohol, pot, coke, etc.) But that's not really realistic. Our current policy enriches the Drug Cartels and US prison builders and private operators. The public pays both the Cartels and the Prison Industry. They pay the Prison Industry directly via taxes and the Cartels indirectly through thefts, etc. by drug users.<br />
<br />
Legalization isn't going to be simple. Colorado is already finding that out. For instance, current "drug" tests "fail" the employee tested with a certain relatively low amount of Pot or Coke in their system. Should industry keep the current standard for all employees or just those in certain occupations (i.e. Law enforcement, Nuclear plant workers or airline pilots) and allow a higher level of "residue" in other employees. For instance, the current industry standard for alcohol (via breathalyzer) is 30% lower than that allowed by most states for driving ... and probably rightly so.<br />
<br />
My bottom line is that our current "War on Drugs" policy has failed miserably and will continue to fail as long as we refuse to acknowledge that it's based on a huge demand for the product by many citizens.<br />
<br />
The Mexican Cartels wouldn't be planting pot in our National Forests if there was not a substantial profit involved. Legalization would remove the profit from most of the crooks. Or is the Mafia still heavily involved in bootlegging?<br />
<br />
Some call drug use a "victimless crime." I disagree. I’ve seen the results of drug and alcohol abuse. But these are really illnesses not crimes.<br />
<br />
Many folks will disagree, and I understand that, but if you look at the record, we have done a pathetic job in fighting these crimes while greatly enriching the nations and crime cartels involved in supplying the public with the "commodities" it so desperately wants. Decriminalizing may be starting us down a slippery slope morally, but I don't see that our efforts are appreciated by the majority of Americans and we pay a king's ransom for what we are doing poorly. If you have exhausted yourself paddling upstream and find you have made no progress, perhaps it is time you reverse course and manage your tour of the sites downstream. Remember what Einstein said about insanity.<br />
<br />
When speaking of immorality of imprisonment, I'm not talking about actual drug dealers but the small users I've seen who ended up serving long sentences for "relatively" minor infractions. It doesn't make sense to me that we pay for their incarceration and lose what they could contribute to society at the same time. I’d rather see alternative sentencing for almost all non violent offenders. Again, my main reason for this stand is the billions that we spend housing these low level offenders. To me that money would be much better spent ensuring that they make FULL restitution to those they wronged and performing community service. <br />
<br />
As for investing in tobacco, alcohol or gambling ... I'm out. I have no interest in profiting from such activities. In fact, I watch my investments fairly closely and I'm not shy in requesting that my brokers divest any such companies from my portfolio. Like Jerry Clower said; "The Bible don't say don't drink. I wish it did."<br />
~~~~~<br />
AskBob - - Bob Rankin - - The AskBob website was a busy place in 2012 -- over 240 new articles were published this year, and readers streamed in from all over the world. Since I'm a numbers guy, I scanned the logs to find the most popular articles, based on your views, clicks, and recommendations. Here are ten of the top articles for you to review. I hope you'll read each one and leave your own comments...<br />
<br />
http://askbobrankin.com/askbobs_best_of_2012_part_one.html?awt_l=HZr.N&awt_m=JhM42KmF08P6SL<br />
<br />
http://askbobrankin.com/askbobs_best_of_2012_part_two.html?awt_l=HZr.N&awt_m=JehLf9bCW8P6SL<br />
~~~~~<br />
The latest from Michael Yon, the foremost “milnews” blogger on the web. <br />
~<br />
Greetings,<br />
<br />
Please see this important dispatch. [http://www.michaelyon-online.com/some-thoughts-about-kingdom-of-thailand.htm]<br />
<br />
Happy New Year!<br />
<br />
Very Respectfully,<br />
Michael Yon<br />
Your Writer,<br />
<br />
Please remember that this website accepts no advertisement and is dependent on your support. <br />
<br />
PS Please sign up for my Twitter.com updates at "Michael_Yon" [http://twitter.com/Michael_Yon] (not Michael Yon).<br />
<br />
http://www.facebook.com/#/MichaelYonFanPage?ref=sgm<br />
~<br />
www.michaelyon-online.com<br />
~<br />
Http://www.michaelyon_online.com/index.php<br />
~~~~~ <br />
If you would like to encourage US Troops overseas, but are not sure just how to begin, visit www.anysoldier.com for ideas. <br />
~~~~~ <br />
Please remember ... America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the MALL.<br />
~~~~~ <br />
DarynKagan.com - - Strangers Give Man Best Seat At Blake Shelton Concert<br />
http://darynkagan.com/heroism/2012/he_120905_blake_shelton_concert.html<br />
~~~~~<br />
<br />
ACC: Policy priorities are a major part of the job for American Chemistry Council President and CEO Cal Dooley, a former congressman. "Our industry, like any industry, advocates for a balanced approach" to regulation, Dooley said in an interview. "We try to operate in a very bipartisan manner. We have to manage our issues in a manner that's consistent with a very contentious and polarized political environment," he added. The Fresno Bee (Calif.) (http://www.fresnobee.com/2012/12/22/3111315/ex-rep-dooley-sees-a-more-polarized.html)<br />
~~~~~<br />
http://www.shelfari.com<br />
http://www.shelfari.com/bugsbleat/shelf<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Photos on the front of this week’s “Bleat” include - -.Shots of opening presents on Christmas Eve. And, my “flu mask” when I was discharged from MRMC on the 26th.<br />
~~~~~<br />
For the latest issue of "Da Bleat.", go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com. <br />
Our photos are posted at http://www.bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com.<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.<br />
~~~~~<br />
BreakPoint - - Live to Serve<br />
What Matters Most (Part 4)<br />
By: Chuck Colson | Published: December 31, 2012 <br />
<br />
I'm John Stonestreet. Chuck Colson vowed to serve God til his last breath. Today, we re-publish Chuck's BreakPoint broadcast from New Year's Eve 2010 called "Live to Serve." <br />
<br />
Ever since I was a boy, I was driven to serve my country. As a 10-year-old at the outbreak of World War II, I could only dream that one day I could put on a uniform and fight the enemy. But I did what I could. I organized a neighborhood drive to collect scrap metal for the war effort. Before I had reached 40 years of age, I had served as a captain in the Marines and as special counsel to President Nixon.<br />
<br />
But beside my country, there was another cause I served wholeheartedly. That cause was me. Power, a great career, money, they were all mine. But then I lost them in the aftermath of Watergate.<br />
<br />
And for that, I am profoundly grateful to God.<br />
<br />
You see, with my world collapsing around me, I received Christ as Lord and Savior. And it was in the crucible of prison that God took my desire to serve myself and transformed it into something much greater. He gave me a desire to serve others—-particularly those who are abandoned by society, prisoners. I take no credit for this. None. Zero. I might as well take credit for the color of my eyes. It was God working His will in me, a great sinner.<br />
<br />
I know all too well that since my release from prison more than 30 years ago, people have been watching me, to see if the old White House hatchet-man- turned-prison-evangelist would prove to be a phony.It puts a lot of pressure on me.<br />
<br />
But I’ve got news for you. People are watching you, too! A weary world is watching with great skepticism all who profess Christ.<br />
<br />
And that's one reason that we who “by grace have been saved through faith” must be about doing the “good works which God prepared in advance for us to do” (Read Ephesians 2:8-10). For it is through Christian acts of loving service—-especially to the more needy among us—-that the world will see the power and love of Christ, just as they see it in the prisons that we work in in our ministry.<br />
<br />
History is full of examples. As plagues swept through ancient Rome, the wealthy pagans—even doctors—fled for their lives. But the Christians stayed behind to care for the sick and dying. That witness fueled the growth of the Church. Why was Mother Teresa beloved by religious and non-religious alike? Because she cared for the utterly destitute. It’s why, even in this, the most secular age ever, the Salvation Army is held in such high respect.<br />
<br />
It’s that kind of selfless service that can bring even the most powerful man on earth to the verge of tears.<br />
<br />
Let me explain.<br />
<br />
In 2008 I received the Presidential Citizens Medal from President Bush. I did so on behalf of Prison Fellowship and the thousands of men and women, volunteers and staff, who make up this movement.<br />
<br />
At the ceremony in the Oval Office, the President talked about what true redemption was. He told my family how he was with me when he met a prisoner—a convicted murderer—back in 1997 at our InnerChange Freedom Initiative in Texas. Then, five years later, the President received that very same man, Robert Sutton, in the Roosevelt Room of the White House. I had brought him there with two other IFI graduates. Sutton told the President how the love of Christ, displayed through caring Christian volunteers, had transformed him. And at that point the President embraced him.<br />
<br />
As the President told that story, tears came to his eyes, and tears to mine as well. That, my friends, is why we live to serve others. So the world may know that Christ is Lord.<br />
<br />
Today's BreakPoint Offer<br />
<br />
Please give a generous donation today to help Prison Fellowship and BreakPoint continue strong in the new year. Donate online or call 1-877-322-5527. Thank you!<br />
<br />
For Further Reading and Information<br />
<br />
“Human Dignity: What Matters Most, Part 1,” BreakPoint Commentary, 26 December 2008.<br />
<br />
“Marriage and Family: What Matters Most, Part 2,” BreakPoint Commentary, 29 December 2008.<br />
<br />
“Pray for the Church: What Matters Most, Part 3,” BreakPoint Commentary, 30 December 2008.<br />
<br />
[http://www.breakpoint.org/bpcommentaries]<br />
<br />
Copyright © 2012 Prison Fellowship. All Rights Reserved <br />
<br />
~~~~~<br />
Residents of Columbia County, Arkansas are represented in Congress by:<br />
~<br />
<br />
Senator John Boozman (R_ AR) <br />
1 Russell Courtyard<br />
Washington DC, 20510<br />
Phone: 202-224-4843<br />
http://boozman.senate.gov/<br />
~<br />
Senator Mark Pryor (D_ AR) <br />
Phone 202_224_2353 <br />
FAX 202_228_0908 <br />
http://pryor.senate.gov/<br />
~<br />
Representative Tom Cotton (D _ 04) <br />
Phone <br />
FAX <br />
http://www.cnn.com/2012/12/03/politics/freshman-office-search/index.html <br />
Other states congresspersons can be found at: [http://www.visi.com/juan/congress/]<br />
~~~~~<br />
THOUGHT OF THE DAY:<br />
<br />
"Whoever is out of patience is out of possession of his soul." - Francis Bacon<br />
<br />
"Never give in. Never give in. Never, never, never, never - in nothing, great or small, large or petty - never give in, except to convictions of honor and good sense. Never yield to force. Never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy. " - Winston Churchill<br />
<br />
"You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club."- Jack London<br />
<br />
"I have always thought of Christmas time, when it has come round, as a good time; a kind, forgiving, charitable time; the only time I know of, in the long calendar of the year, when men and women seem by one consent to open their shut-up hearts freely, and to think of people below them as if they really were fellow passengers to the grave, and not another race of creatures bound on other journeys." - Charles Dickens<br />
<br />
"If you lose the power to laugh, you lose the power to think." - Clarence Darrow<br />
<br />
"My love is as a fever, longing still." - William Shakespeare<br />
<br />
"I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all the friends I want to see." - John Burroughs<br />
<br />
"Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other." - Abraham Lincoln<br />
<br />
"Have the courage to act instead of react." - Earlene Larson Jenks<br />
<br />
"Never tell your resolution beforehand, or it's twice as onerous a duty." - John Selden <br />
~~~~~ <br />
Breaking Christian News <br />
<br />
150 Girls Rescued from Slavery - - Colette Bercu (Dec 23, 2012) - - "The results are significantly better than what we had expected for 2011. Needless to say, we are thrilled about this. Even if just one girl had been rescued and spared the trauma of being a sex slave the stations would have been a great victory." -Colette Bercu, CEO Free for Life<br />
[http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=10877]<br />
<br />
The Cross in Belfast - - Michael Ireland (Dec 26, 2012) - - "The purpose of the Cross Walk is to lift the Cross in and above the Centre of Belfast; to lift it above politics and political institutions; to lift it above violence and the threat of violence; to cause people to focus on the cross as a symbol of peace and reconciliation; to call for an end to the violence and the threat on violence on our streets." -Pastor Jack McKee<br />
[http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=10891]<br />
<br />
editor@breakingchristiannews.com<br />
<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
<br />
GCF: New Year's Dinner<br />
<br />
If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.com<br />
----------------------------------------------------<br />
<br />
As in many homes on New Year's Day, my wife and I faced the annual conflict of which was more important - the football games on television, or the dinner itself. To keep peace, I ate dinner with the rest of the family, and even lingered for some pleasant after-dinner conversation before retiring to the family room to turn on the game.<br />
<br />
Several minutes later, my wife came downstairs and graciously even bought a cold drink for me. She smiled, kissed me on the cheek and asked what the score was. I told her it was the end of the third quarter and that the score was still nothing to nothing.<br />
<br />
"See?" she said, continuing to smile, "You didn't miss a thing." <br />
_ _____________________________________ _<br />
GCF: Santa's Reindeer<br />
<br />
According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year (which are the only members of the deer family, Cervidae, to have females do so). Male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December.<br />
<br />
Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring.<br />
<br />
Therefore, according to every historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, every single one of them, from Rudolf to Blitzen........had to be a female.<br />
<br />
We should have known this when they were able to find their way.<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Holiday Eating Tips<br />
<br />
I hate aspects of this time of year. Not for its crass commercialism and forced frivolity, but because it's the season when the food police come out with their wagging fingers and annual tips on how to get through the holidays without gaining 10 pounds.<br />
<br />
1. About those carrot sticks. Avoid them. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.<br />
<br />
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnogaholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later then you think. It's Christmas!<br />
<br />
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.<br />
<br />
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.<br />
<br />
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other peoples food for free. Lots of it. Hello? Remember college?<br />
<br />
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Years, You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.<br />
<br />
7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them, and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. You can't leave them behind. You're not going to see them again.<br />
<br />
8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?<br />
<br />
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean have some standards, mate.<br />
<br />
10. And one final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips. Start over. But hurry! Cookieless January is just around the corner.<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Fruitcake Recipe #2<br />
<br />
(In case you read yesterday's post and want to make another fruitcake)<br />
<br />
Items Needed:<br />
4 Oz. Fruit Bits<br />
4 Oz Dried Raisins<br />
1 Railroad Tie<br />
Wood Saw<br />
Large Rubber Mallet<br />
Safety Goggles<br />
<br />
WEAR YOUR SAFETY GOGGLES. (Children: Get help from an adult!)<br />
<br />
1. Cut a one-foot section from the middle of your railroad tie. The resulting block of wood should be the size and shape of a loaf of bread.<br />
<br />
2. Take the fruit bits and raisins (five-year-old dried raisins are preferred) and pound them into the block with your rubber mallet. Spread the colors around, or you might wind up with an ugly fruitcake. Don't be afraid to throw some elbow grease into that mallet! Good fruit bits and dried raisins should be much harder than the railroad tie, so you can't break anything.<br />
<br />
3. For best result, you should pretreat the fruit bits by setting them on top of your garage for a year (or by microwaving them on HIGH for 30 minutes). <br />
4. Finally, cover it tightly in plastic wrap, and decorative paper with a lovely bow on top and give your loved ones the timeless and enduring gift of fruitcake!<br />
<br />
WHO EVER EATS FRUITCAKE ANYWAY?<br />
<br />
(Please don't send me email about this ... my wife loves fruitcake. But then, she's fond of me, too. Hmmmm.......)<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Fruitcake Recipe #1<br />
<br />
1. Go to the crafts store.<br />
<br />
2. Purchase one or more bags of dried fruit, some plaster of paris, brown paint and a disposable cake pan.<br />
<br />
3. Return home.<br />
<br />
4. Unwrap the dried fruit, carefully folding the wrapper inside-out and placing it at the bottom of your trash can. Better yet, send it through your personal paper shredder and use it for insulation in the attic.<br />
<br />
5. Mix the plaster of paris with water and pour into the disposable cake pan. Place dried fruit on top, gently pushing in so it looks "baked" in the "batter." Let dry.<br />
<br />
6. Take your "fruitcake" out of the disposable cake pan.<br />
<br />
7. Cover the top, bottom and sides with brown paint, avoiding the fruit.<br />
<br />
8. Wrap your "fruitcake" in festive, colored saran wrap and finish with a bow. I like using red wrap because it gives a warm glow to the "fruitcake."<br />
<br />
9. Give your "fruitcake" to someone you want to impress. When they lift it, they'll say, "Wow! You must have made a really rich fruitcake!" Don't forget to smile and say, "Oh, its Paris-style fruitcake."<br />
<br />
10. Don't worry about someone trying to eat your fruitcake. Nobody actually eats fruitcake ... that's just a rumor. Just so you know, the dried fruit won't go "bad" because it has the same preservatives as Twinkies, which have a shelf-life of about 237 years.<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Airport Mistletoe<br />
<br />
It was the beginning of December. The trip had gone reasonably well, and he was ready to go home. The airport on the other hand had turned a tacky red and green with loudspeakers blared annoying elevator renditions of cherished Christmas carols.<br />
<br />
Being someone who took Christmas very seriously, and being slightly tired, he was not in a particularly good mood.<br />
<br />
Going to check in his luggage, he saw hanging mistletoe. Not real mistletoe, but very cheap plastic with red paint on some of the rounder parts and green paint on some of the flatter and "pointier" parts, that could be taken for mistletoe only in a very Picasso sort of way.<br />
<br />
With a considerable degree of irritation and nowhere else to vent it, he said to the lady attendant, "Even if I were not married, I would not want to kiss you under such a ghastly mockery of mistletoe."<br />
<br />
"Sir, look more closely at where the mistletoe is."<br />
<br />
(pause)<br />
<br />
"Ok, I see that it's above the luggage scale, which is the place you'd have to step forward for a kiss."<br />
<br />
"That's not why it's there."<br />
<br />
(pause)<br />
<br />
"Ok, I give up. Why is it there?"<br />
<br />
"It's there so you can kiss your luggage goodbye."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / One of the advantages of a \ /
\ _/ clean life is that you can \_ /
/ / distinguish between \ \
the flu and a hangover.
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / I don't repeat gossip, \ /
\ _/ so listen carefully. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / How is it that we put man on \ \_/ ////
\ / the moon before we figured out \ /
\ _/ it would be a good idea \_ /
/ / to put wheels on luggage? \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / There are people so addicted \ /
\ _/ to exaggeration that they can't \_ /
/ / tell the truth without lying. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / Genius unexerted is no \ \_/ ////
\ / more genius than a bushel \ /
\ _/ of acorns is a forest \_ /
/ / of oaks. -- Beecher \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Is it just me or does \ /
\ _/ the word "skeptical" \_ /
/ / look like it's spelled wrong? \ \
_ _______________________________ _
/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( \
/ / | tellswor@kcbx.net | \ \
_( (_ | http://www.kcbx.net/~tellswor | _) )
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
New Years Resolutions You Can Keep<br />
<br />
Are you sick of making the same resolutions year after year that you never keep? Why not promise to do something you can ACTUALLY accomplish?<br />
<br />
Here are some resolutions that you can use as a starting point:<br />
<br />
~ Gain weight. At least 30 pounds.<br />
~ Stop exercising. Waste of time.<br />
~ Read less. Makes you think.<br />
~ Watch more TV. I've been missing some good stuff.<br />
~ Procrastinate more. Starting tomorrow.<br />
~ Spend more time at work, surfing the web.<br />
~ Take a vacation to someplace important, like to see the world's largest ball of twine.<br />
~ Don't jump off a cliff just because everyone else did.<br />
~ Stop bringing lunch from home--eat out more.<br />
~ Don't have eight children at once.<br />
~ Get in a whole NEW rut!<br />
~ Start being superstitious.<br />
~ Personal goal: Don't bring back disco.<br />
~ Speak in a monotone voice and only use monosyllabic words.<br />
~ Only wear jeans that are 2 sizes too small and use a chain or rope for a belt.<br />
~ Spend my summer vacation in cyberspace.<br />
~ Create loose ends.<br />
~ Get more toys.<br />
~ Get further in debt.<br />
~ Don't believe politicians.<br />
~ Break at least one traffic law.<br />
~ Don't drive a motorized vehicle across thin ice.<br />
~ Don't swim with piranhas or sharks.<br />
~ Spread out priorities beyond the ability to keep track of them.<br />
~ Wait for opportunity to knock.<br />
~ Focus on the faults of others.<br />
~ Mope about faults.<br />
~ Never make New Year's resolutions again.<br />
<br />
Received from Mikey's Funnies.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
The "BE" Attitudes<br />
<br />
Be understanding to your enemies.<br />
<br />
Be loyal to your friends.<br />
<br />
Be strong enough to face the world each day.<br />
<br />
Be weak enough to know you cannot do everything alone.<br />
<br />
Be generous to those who need your help.<br />
<br />
Be frugal with that you need yourself.<br />
<br />
Be wise enough to know that you do not know everything.<br />
<br />
Be foolish enough to believe in miracles.<br />
<br />
Be willing to share your joys.<br />
<br />
Be willing to share the sorrows of others.<br />
<br />
Be a leader when you see a path others have missed.<br />
<br />
Be a follower when you are shrouded by the mists of uncertainty.<br />
<br />
Be first to congratulate an opponent who succeeds.<br />
<br />
Be last to criticize a colleague who fails.<br />
<br />
Be sure where your next step will fall, so that you will not tumble.<br />
<br />
Be sure of your final destination, in case you are going the wrong way.<br />
<br />
Be loving to those who love you.<br />
<br />
Be loving to those who do not love you; they may change.<br />
<br />
Above all, be yourself.<br />
<br />
Received from Joke du Jour.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Suspicious<br />
<br />
Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands.<br />
<br />
When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset. "You're running around with other women," she charged.<br />
<br />
"You're being unreasonable," Adam responded. "You're the only woman on earth." The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest.<br />
<br />
It was Eve. "What do you think you're doing?" Adam demanded.<br />
<br />
"Counting your ribs," said Eve.<br />
<br />
Received from Scott Neville.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Best Uses for Fruitcake<br />
<br />
1. Bury it in the back yard for future archaeologists to discover.<br />
<br />
2. Give it to your child for a science project.<br />
<br />
3. Hang on to it to find out if there REALLY is more than one fruitcake that's making its rounds every year!<br />
<br />
4. Use it to hold up a broken table or chair leg.<br />
<br />
5. Mash several of them down and use for mortar when building a log cabin.<br />
<br />
6. Use it as an exercise stepping block for step aerobics.<br />
<br />
7. Donate to the Road Kill Cafe for a wonderful dessert.<br />
<br />
8. Use them to pave freeways. Just place them on the road and run a steamroller over them.<br />
<br />
9. Use them as fillers to repair the river levees. They last indefinitely and are so dense, water can never penetrate them.<br />
<br />
10. Last and probably least - try eating it. That's one way to get rid of it!<br />
<br />
Received from Joke du Jour.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Christmas One Liners<br />
<br />
/* Merry Christmas! */<br />
<br />
Q. What do you get if you cross mistletoe and a duck?<br />
A. A Christmas Quacker.<br />
<br />
Q. What do call Santa when he stops moving?<br />
A. Santa Pause!<br />
<br />
Q. Where does a snowman keep his money?<br />
A. In a snow bank.<br />
<br />
Q. Why do mummies like Christmas so much?<br />
A. Because of all the wrapping!<br />
<br />
Q. What goes in a chimney red and comes out of it black?<br />
A. Santa Claus.<br />
<br />
Q. What's white and red and goes up and down and up and<br />
down?<br />
A. Santa Claus in an elevator!<br />
<br />
Q. How do you scare a snowman?<br />
A. You get a hairdryer!<br />
<br />
Q. What do they sing under the ocean during the winter?<br />
A. Christmas Corals!<br />
<br />
Q. How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?<br />
A. Nothing, it was on the house!<br />
<br />
Q. What is invisible and smells like milk and cookies?<br />
A. Santa's burps!<br />
<br />
Q. What do snowmen do on Christmas?<br />
A. Play with the snow angels.<br />
<br />
Q. Who says "Oh, Oh, Oh!"?<br />
A. Santa walking backwards!<br />
<br />
Q. What nationality is Santa Claus?<br />
A. North Polish.<br />
<br />
Q. How did the sheep say Merry Christmas?<br />
A. "Fleece Avoided."<br />
<br />
Q. What do you call a Santa that sleeps all the time?<br />
A. Santa snores!<br />
<br />
Q. Why was Santa's helper depressed?<br />
A. He had low ELF-esteem.<br />
<br />
Q. What's a good holiday tip?<br />
A. Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the<br />
birds have gone south for the winter.<br />
<br />
Q. What Christmas carol is a favorite of parents?<br />
A. Silent Night.<br />
<br />
Q. What do you call a snowman in the summer?<br />
A. A puddle!<br />
<br />
Q. What do snowmen eat for breakfast?<br />
A. Frosted Flakes.<br />
<br />
Q. Why does Santa have three gardens ?<br />
A. So he can go HOE HOE HOE.<br />
<br />
Q. Why did Sponge Bob have a great Christmas?<br />
A. Because he kissed a Krabby Patty.<br />
<br />
Q. What does Santa clean his sleigh with?<br />
A. Comet.<br />
<br />
Q. What do you get when you deep fry Santa Claus?<br />
A. Crisp Kringle.<br />
<br />
Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?<br />
A. Frostbite.<br />
<br />
Received from Shawnda Walker-Price.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Top Things Overheard on the Wise Men's Journey to Bethlehem<br />
<br />
- "OK, we got gold. We got the frankincense. We got the myrrh. Think we should get something more practical, like diapers, maybe?"<br />
<br />
- "I thought this was SUPPOSED to be a WEEKEND road trip. <br />
Boy, is my wife ever gonna be ticked when I get home."<br />
<br />
- "All this gazing at a star while riding a camel is making me woozy."<br />
<br />
- "I still say it wouldn't hurt to drop by Balthazar's place for another visit on the way back. That was SOME buffet!"<br />
<br />
- "16 hours a day on a camel. Are you sure this beats walking?"<br />
<br />
- "Why should I always have to be in the rear? It's somebody else's turn to get sand in his face."<br />
<br />
- "You guys have any idea how to treat saddle sores?"<br />
<br />
- "Man, I'm starting to get a rush from this frankincense!"<br />
<br />
- "You guys ever eat camel meat? I hear it tastes like chicken."<br />
<br />
- "You know, I used to go to school with a girl name Beth Lehem."<br />
<br />
- "What kind of name is Balthazar anyhow? Phoenician?"<br />
<br />
- "Hey, do you either of you know why 'MYRRH' is spelled with a 'Y' instead of a 'U'?"<br />
<br />
- "Okay, who forgot to give his camel a bath before we left?"<br />
<br />
- "Whaddya mean we'll be part of history? A year from now, nobody will have a clue why we did this."<br />
<br />
And the top thing overheard on the Wise Men's Journey to Bethlehem:<br />
<br />
- "I can't wait to see and bow down before the Messiah who has long been foretold!"<br />
<br />
Received from Laugh & Lift.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
--<br />
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><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Column - - <br />
<br />
Happy New Year Limerick<br />
By Madeleine Begun Kane<br />
<br />
A fellow was making a list<br />
Of items he’d try to resist<br />
In the upcoming year.<br />
But he lost it, I fear:<br />
Both the list and his will to desist.<br />
<br />
© Madeleine Begun Kane. All Rights Reserved.<br />
http://www.madkane.com/ <br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." __ Franklin D. Roosevelt <br />
"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle." <br />
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. _ _ George Carlin <br />
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" _ _ Queen E. Watson<br />
“A political class of Republicans and Democrats that look after themselves, not the Nation. A media hostile to the very precepts of this nation. A generation of Americans who see morals as vices, and are ignorant of America's Actual History.”<br />
"The things that will destroy America are prosperity-at-any-price, peace-at-any-price, safety-first instead of duty-first, the love of soft living, and the get-rich-quick theory of life." - - Theodore Roosevelt <br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> <br />
Emergency Phone Number 911 <br />
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )<br />
Central Dispatch 234_5655<br />
(Non _ Emergency Number)<br />
Direct Numbers<br />
Ambulance _ 234_7371 (24 Hour)<br />
Jail _ 234_5331 (24 Hour)<br />
Poison Control _ 800_222_1222 (24 Hour)<br />
http://www. aapcc. org/<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Interested in getting in touch with the Banner_News through e_mail? editor@bannernews.net For the editor, news@bannernews.net For news and sports items, Coming Events, Diary, Church News, school and civic events. [http://www.bannernews.net/]<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." __ "Bug" <br />
"I read the end of the book. We win!" __ "Bug" <br />
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." __ "Bug"<br />
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." _ _ "Bug"<br />
"It's no big deal doing what God tells you to do. A big deal would be NOT doing what God tells you to do. Just ask Jonah." _ _ Paul Troquille <br />
“Nam et ipsa scientia potestas est.” Knowledge is power. _ Francis Bacon <br />
"The problem is here and now. The time for talk is past. The time for action is now." <br />
Comments on the first Earth Day _ James F. McClellan via John "Fuzzy" Thurman<br />
~~~~~<br />
Hope you enjoy the newsletter. <br />
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week. <br />
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" __"Bug" <br />
God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!! <br />
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT_I KC5HII <br />
<br />
P. S. If you'd like to be added to the distribution, just drop us E_mail at kc5hii@suddenlink.net<br />
. We offer "Da Bleat" as text, a "Blog" and as a newsletter with pictures in Word and PDF format. The latest issue is usually updated sometime Saturday. For the latest issue, go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com. We also have a site [http://bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com/] where we post photos that I like.<br />
We appreciate your encouragement. We also appreciate your communication when you desire to be taken off our mail list. If you are on this mail list by mistake or do not wish to receive "Da Bleat," please reply back and tell us to discontinue service to you. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus 2012 before it was sent.<br />
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<br />
James F. McClellan<br />
Editor/Publisher "Bug's Bleat"<br />
NREMT_I, CSP, KC5HII<br />
418 North Jefferson Street<br />
Magnolia, Arkansas 71753<br />
(Phone) 870_234_7028<br />
KC5HII@Suddenlink.net<br />
<br />
=================<br />
"The problem is here and now. The time for talk is past. The time for action is now." <br />
Comments on the first Earth Day _ James F. McClellan via "Fuzzy" Thurman<br />
================================================<br />
<br />
Remember McClellan's Rules<br />
<br />
1. Rejoice in that this is the will of the Lord concerning you.<br />
If that doesn't seem to be working, remember;<br />
2. All things work together for the good of them who love the Lord.<br />
If that doesn't seem to be working, remember;<br />
3. All things are subject to change.<br />
And finally;<br />
4. Don't let the son of a guns get you down! <br />
____________________________________________________Bughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07270965849194883997noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9136923892168334329.post-52840697740638108642012-12-22T22:26:00.000-08:002012-12-22T22:28:55.824-08:00Bug's Bleat - - GCF: Used Car<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-eUL1MxYNuTk/UNajXDizF6I/AAAAAAAAGhM/6AjeLU2-i40/s1600/07-2012-12-16_16-02-02_329.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="180" width="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-eUL1MxYNuTk/UNajXDizF6I/AAAAAAAAGhM/6AjeLU2-i40/s320/07-2012-12-16_16-02-02_329.jpg" /></a></div><br />
A view of the paint job on Dusty's Jeep, <br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-BG31co3sVjs/UNajWc8BTLI/AAAAAAAAGg0/gHXybM5fEUo/s1600/04-2012-12-14_13-31-45_30.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="320" width="180" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-BG31co3sVjs/UNajWc8BTLI/AAAAAAAAGg0/gHXybM5fEUo/s320/04-2012-12-14_13-31-45_30.jpg" /></a></div><br />
More of Annette's Christmas Decorations,<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Hx9PXQm-RZo/UNajWnME4mI/AAAAAAAAGhA/XFr4QB0zyEE/s1600/06-2012-12-16_16-01-38_76.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="180" width="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Hx9PXQm-RZo/UNajWnME4mI/AAAAAAAAGhA/XFr4QB0zyEE/s320/06-2012-12-16_16-01-38_76.jpg" /></a></div><br />
Dusty and David working on Dusty's Jeep. <br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-2mq7c-c8LMQ/UNaih9zyavI/AAAAAAAAGgo/9pUXvTvK68U/s1600/8-PC180008.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="298" width="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-2mq7c-c8LMQ/UNaih9zyavI/AAAAAAAAGgo/9pUXvTvK68U/s320/8-PC180008.JPG" /></a></div><br />
Jimmy and Annette leaving to join Robert and Sim for the annual Wade Prison Christmas Party.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-oC3WUx_yVuQ/UNaiglAX1AI/AAAAAAAAGgQ/Q9mxLYjsG04/s1600/12-2012-12-17_14-06-03_662.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="180" width="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-oC3WUx_yVuQ/UNaiglAX1AI/AAAAAAAAGgQ/Q9mxLYjsG04/s320/12-2012-12-17_14-06-03_662.jpg" /></a></div><br />
The Christmas Train Layout at the Library.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-zV8IatnjSTk/UNaihVILNFI/AAAAAAAAGgc/zOgr3-rNl1k/s1600/03-2012-12-14_13-30-35_549.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="180" width="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-zV8IatnjSTk/UNaihVILNFI/AAAAAAAAGgc/zOgr3-rNl1k/s320/03-2012-12-14_13-30-35_549.jpg" /></a></div><br />
Annette's "card tree." <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Volume 14, Issue 50 Friday, December 21, 2012<br />
<br />
Hello ALL,<br />
<br />
Sometimes the simplest things can result in the most embarrassing situations. But to explain that incident, I first have to discuss one of the irritating things about aging; how my eyesight has deteriorated. At age 40 I needed glasses to enable me to see how to mount the Kadee couplers on my N Scale train cars. Up to that time I could have painted Leonardo Da Vinci‘s “The Last Supper” on the head of a pin without a magnifying glass. <br />
<br />
I blame my ancestors for my poor eyesight. My grandmother was ¼ Cherokee and didn’t need glasses until she was in her ‘60s. My mom had to have glasses to read in her ‘50s. As the Indian blood diluted out, I had to start wearing glasses in my ‘40s. If they hadn’t let that “White Man’s” blood into the line, we could have done without glasses for many more years.<br />
<br />
Besides needing glasses, we find that our night vision has degraded significantly. As a 17 year old idiot, I once drove home from a party in El Dorado with the vehicle lights off. It was a “blast” barreling along in the dark at 60 miles an hour. Since several folks had attended the party, we were able to overtake their cars and suddenly flip on our lights and honk the horn as we drew alongside them. This was great fun. The kind of fun that I would have beaten my son for if he’d dared to pull such a stunt.<br />
<br />
These days I prefer to have my vehicle lights on bright when driving down Magnolia Streets at night. We need every lumen we can gather to see the street and the obstacles such as trash cans and mailboxes that folks carelessly leave along the edge of the street. And even with street lights and vehicle lights occasionally one of those mailboxes or trash cans still jumps out in our way. I’ve got the bill for replacing passenger side rear view mirrors to prove it.<br />
<br />
We also have problems with the dim interiors of most homes and stores. I have purchased a multi thousand candle power “miners” lamp that I wear on my head when working around the house. This enables me to see things like the numbers on my glucometer or locating screws in the grandkids toys battery compartments or trimming my toe nails (it’s really important to be able to distinguish between nail and flesh when wielding those Old Man heavy duty nail trimmers. Those things can sever a 16 penny nail in two even though they occasionally have trouble clipping through my thick toe nails.)<br />
<br />
And, the reason for my embarrassing moment this week, our vision is slow adjusting from sunlight to building interiors. It often takes 10 to 15 minutes for my vision to open up enough for me to see details inside buildings after I’ve been outside in daylight.<br />
<br />
Normally that’s not a problem, but Thursday, we were headed to Shreveport for our quarterly visit with the best endocrinologist in the nation, Dr. Donna Rushing. As my former Albemarle fire brigade team mates will testify, the Lasix (Furosemide) and other “water pills” I take require that I take relatively frequent “pit stops” when traveling. Depending on the time of day, I usually have to stop in Springhill and Dixie Inn when making the trip from Magnolia to Shreveport. <br />
<br />
On this day I made it to Dixie Inn before having to make my first stop. I left Annette “napping” in the car and hurried into the store to use the facilities. The bathrooms in this particular store are located down a short hall. And the only light down that hall is reflected from the main store area.<br />
<br />
Now we add one of my pet peeves. I hate for folks to rattle the bathroom door while I’m using the facility, much less pound on it. I have corrected “Da Boys” for banging on the bathroom door while someone is using it. It doesn’t help the person inside hurry and it is very rude.<br />
<br />
The bathroom doors in this particular facility are equipped with the little “occupied” indicators when a user has locked the door from inside. So it’s easy to see if the room is open for use without rattling the door.<br />
<br />
Well it’s easy if you can read the “occupied” indicator. But if you’re a Crabby Old Guy who just came in from the bright sunlight, it’s not immediately obvious wither the indicator reads “Occupied” or “Open.”<br />
<br />
I couldn’t read the indicator. So I bent over in order to get a closer look at the lettering. Viola, I could see it said “Occupied.” Or I could see it for about a half second before it rotated to “Open” and the door swung back to reveal a gentleman looking at me, wondering why I was bent over staring at the door, like I was looking through the keyhole. <br />
~~~~~<br />
Stolen from a friend, who stole it from a friend, who stole it from a friend ... :) So the world was supposed to end today huh? That would have been bad, but even worse ... I never found out: <br />
<br />
Who let the dogs out? <br />
<br />
The way to get to Sesame Street, <br />
<br />
Why Dora doesn't just use Google maps, <br />
<br />
Why we don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery", <br />
<br />
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed, <br />
<br />
Why "abbreviated" is such a long word, <br />
<br />
Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor yet dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons, <br />
<br />
Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections, <br />
<br />
Why do you have to "put your two cents in" but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to? <br />
<br />
Why did Joanie love Chachi? <br />
<br />
If a deaf person has to go to court is it still called a hearing? <br />
<br />
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane? <br />
<br />
Does the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star have the same tune? Why did you just try to sing those two previous songs? <br />
<br />
And just what is Victoria's secret? <br />
<br />
You see, the world just has to keep going. I have too many questions.<br />
<br />
Thanks to Norma Kay Rowe <br />
~~~~~<br />
We weren’t completely unprepared. We’d already studied the “Mayan Apocalypse Safety Training” site at <br />
blog.convergencetraining.com http://blog.convergencetraining.com/2012/12/just-in-time-safety-training-for-mayan.html?goback=.gde_85824_member_197117328<br />
~~~~~<br />
I just finished reading “Dead Men Flying: Victory in Viet Nam The Legend of Dust off: America's Battlefield Angels” by Major General Patrick Henry Brady, and Meghan Brady Smith<br />
<br />
In the book, General Brady writes; "... the greatest adversity in my professional career -- being kicked out of Intelligence School -- was a blessing. If that had not happened I would not have gone to flight school, saved those (5,000) lives and earned those medals with the blessing they brought on me and my family.... I cannot emphasize enough the role my faith played in any success I have had. It was the source of whatever courage I had a constant source of comfort, of calm and of the confidence that allowed me to do things that for me would have otherwise been impossible. For reasons that escape me, the Good Lord has seen fit to bless my life in so many ways not the least of which was saving lives. There is not greater joy.<br />
<br />
Gerard J. St John (Philadelphia, PA) writes: <br />
This 301-page book is an autobiography of Brady's two tours in Vietnam. It reads like a diary. Brady spells out his concerns about his career in the army, and his convictions about how a medical helicopter unit should operate. His major concern is the welfare of the "patient," i.e., the wounded victim (sometimes a civilian, sometimes an enemy, most often an American soldier). The author puts you in the pilot's seat of the helicopter as it negotiates deltas, jungles and mountains in fog and at night; invariably braving hostile gunfire. <br />
<br />
Finally, the book addresses the status of helicopter operations in present day Iraq and Afghanistan, and sounds a warning that we are straying from the high standards of the Dust Off units.<br />
<br />
This is an excellent book. <br />
~~~~~<br />
Rasmussen Reports - - Boehner's "Plan B" Doesn't Help the GOP - - A Commentary By Scott Rasmussen <br />
<br />
President Obama and congressional Democrats are still winning the messaging battle in the debate over the impending "fiscal cliff."<br />
<br />
Republican House Speaker John Boehner tried to change that with a fallback position extending tax cuts for everyone except those making more than a million dollars a year and letting the scheduled spending cuts go through. As I write this, the vote on Boehner's "Plan B" has not been taken, but it doesn't really matter. Either way, Republicans will end up as losers in the court of public opinion.<br />
<br />
That's true even though raising taxes on millionaires is supported by 62 percent of voters nationwide. Boehner's plan fails to accomplish the speaker's goal of showing that Republicans are willing to raise taxes on the rich, however.<br />
<br />
Why? Because 59 percent of voters also want to see taxes raised on those who earn more than $250,000 a year. In other words, the president can continue his rhetoric unchanged, and people still will side with Obama over Boehner.<br />
<br />
Most significantly, Boehner's plan doesn't gain Republicans any support from unaffiliated voters. Sixty-three percent of these voters like the idea of raising taxes for those who earn more than a million dollars a year. But the exact same number (63 percent) want to raise taxes on those who earn between $250,000 and a million dollars a year, too.<br />
<br />
So by agreeing to raise taxes on anyone, Boehner has antagonized his base. By refusing to raise taxes on enough upper-income Americans, Boehner has antagonized those in the middle. Most Americans consider $50,000 a middle-class income, and the speaker is seen as trying to protect those who make five times that amount.<br />
<br />
Republicans are losing the debate because the fiscal cliff talks are about fairness rather than about taxes and deficit reduction. Most voters (56 percent) believe the U.S. economy is unfair to the middle class. That's the issue Obama is talking about and Republicans are ignoring.<br />
<br />
With Republicans avoiding the topic, the president defined the terms by saying those who earn more than $250,000 a year should pay more in taxes. It's true that $250,000 a year doesn't make someone rich, but the overwhelming majority of Americans defines such affluent citizens as "upper-income."<br />
<br />
Republicans have a choice to make. They can continue opposing all tax hikes and attempt to make the case that it's the fair thing to do. If they take that approach, voters in the middle will tune out all other GOP talking points about the need for spending cuts and entitlement reform. Or they can let taxes go up on the president's terms and earn a chance to make the case for spending cuts and entitlement reform from a stronger position.<br />
<br />
Both approaches are risky. That's what happens when you have a bad hand to play. But Boehner's plan is worse than either option because it further erodes support from the party's base without gaining any ground in the middle.<br />
<br />
The only good news in all of this for the House Republicans is that the messaging over the fiscal cliff will not determine how they fare on Election Day in 2014. At that point, the president's popularity and his party's prospects will be judged by the state of the economy.<br />
<br />
To find out more about Scott Rasmussen, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit www.creators.com. <br />
<br />
COPYRIGHT 2012 SCOTT RASMUSSEN - - DISTRIBUTED BY CREATORS.COM<br />
~~~~~<br />
Rasmussin reports national polling results:<br />
<br />
Following the Newtown School Shooting, 86% Want More Action to Identify and Treat Mental Illness and 71% Think Mentally Ill Should Be Under Stricter Observation. Americans want something done following the horrific news from Sandy Hook Elementary School last week, and a plurality believes a greater emphasis on mental health issues will be the most effective way to prevent such tragedies. Most Americans think the mentally ill should be monitored more closely. Additionally, a majority doesn't think government officials should be allowed to ban movies and games that feature excessive violence.<br />
<br />
55% of Americans favor taking semi-automatic and assault-type weapons off the market But 62% Oppose Complete Gun Ban and are wary of a society in which only the government has guns. Very few would opt for a neighborhood where they couldn't own a gun.<br />
<br />
59% Believe Tougher Gun Control Laws Are Coming <br />
~<br />
Republican congressional leaders have given ground in the "fiscal cliff" negotiations and proposed raising taxes on those who make more than a million dollars a year, but 59% Think Tax Hikes on Millionaires is Not Enough. Boehner Is Now Less Popular Than Pelosi<br />
~<br />
46% of Americans Consider the Holiday Season Joyous, 42% Consider it Stressful.<br />
~~~~~<br />
I dare you to read this and not write your congressperson. "It's the Spending, Stupid!"<br />
<br />
A Commentary by John Stossel<br />
<br />
http://www.rasmussenreports.com/public_content/political_commentary/commentary_by_john_stossel/it_s_the_spending_stupid<br />
...<br />
Ludicrous, irresponsible spending is why we're in trouble. As columnist Ron Hart points out, Bill Clinton's balanced budget spent $1.7 trillion. "Adjusted for inflation," he writes, "our federal government would (have) a $200 billion surplus.<br />
<br />
But instead of increasing government spending in line with normal inflation, under Bush and Obama we are spending $3.8 trillion today.<br />
<br />
Folks, who believe we have a 'revenue' problem instead of a 'spending' problem, must also think they have a bartender problem, not a drinking problem."<br />
...<br />
~~~~~<br />
"Today's Seed" from E-MIN Luke 12:29-32 1 Cor 15:35-38 Psa 49:16-20 <br />
Sign up to receive your own Today's Seed: www.e-min.org/msg.htm<br />
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__________________________________<br />
Today's Seed by Randall Vaughn is published daily (M-F) by E-MIN<br />
Global Ministries, P O Box 220, Warrior, AL 35180 (USA) www.e-min.org<br />
Copyright Terms/Permissions/List Privacy www.e-min.org/tp.htm<br />
Today's Seed(TM) (c) 2012 Randall Vaughn All Rights Reserved Worldwide.<br />
~~~~~<br />
Favorite Quotes: <br />
<br />
I’m not suggesting by any stretch that if we had prayer in schools regularly as we once did that this wouldn’t have happened. But, we’ve created an atmosphere in this country where they only time you want to invoke God’s name is after the tragedy. — Mike Huckabee<br />
<br />
“She hates our biggest industry, which is coal. So I say good luck bringing the ‘I hate coal’ message to Kentucky.” — Sen. Rand Paul, R-Ky., after reports that actress Ashley Judd may be interested in running for the Senate from the state<br />
~~~~~<br />
The following wisdom is shared by our friends.<br />
~<br />
Jimmy Baugh<br />
What is better? A truth that draws a tear or a lie that draws a smile?<br />
~<br />
Barbara Grafton Daniels<br />
If you ever feel like you are in a whiney mood, try doing something for someone who can't possibly return the deed. It will make you feel so much better and thankful.<br />
~<br />
Michael E. Dunn<br />
"These are the times that try men's souls. The summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of his country; but he that stands it now, deserves the love and thanks of man and woman." -- Thomas Paine (The American Crisis, No. 1, 19 December 1776) OK, so I missed its publication by one day. Big deal. Still relevant, if not more so, today.<br />
~<br />
Wendell Franks<br />
"We are exactly where our first president George Washington warned us not to go, where members of Congress would put the interest of their party or political faction, as Washington described it, higher than the interest of our country." -- Sen. Joe Lieberman (I-CT), in an interview with ABC News.<br />
<br />
If you quit school, just remember these 2 things ...<br />
1. You tried your best.<br />
2. I don't like pickles on my Big Mac.<br />
~<br />
Norma Kay Rowe<br />
Spend a moment to pray for someone you are fighting with.<br />
~<br />
Nancee Davis Law<br />
Don't Give up on the things God has put in your heart. keep pushing, keep praying and believing. Don't ever give up!<br />
<br />
when you allow hurts to simmer in your heart, they turn into hates and create bitterness, and you are the one who suffers.<br />
<br />
No one can drive you crazy unless you give them the keys!<br />
~~~~~<br />
Diabetes Life - - www.dlife.com<br />
<br />
Solutions to Winter Woes<br />
What do you do about dry skin, cracked feet, or even storing your insulin in cold weather? Put on your favorite fuzzy slippers, grab a cup of tea, and check out solutions to some common winter weather problems.<br />
<br />
Dry Skin<br />
The harshness of winter weather can be a factor in dry skin, but it's not always the sole reason. High blood glucose can contribute as well. High blood glucose levels not only cause you to lose much-needed hydrating fluids, but they affect your nerves and circulation, which also involves your skin integrity and healing.<br />
What to do?<br />
• Eat well and drink plenty of water.<br />
• While you can't add moisture to your skin, you can prevent the loss of moisture so use moisturizers and creams that lock it in.<br />
• Moisturizing is good. Wet is not. Skin exposed to too much moisture from soaking in water, or body fluids such as urine, feces, or wound drainage, can cause maceration and breakdown. Keep skin clean, dry, and protected with moisture barriers.<br />
• Pressure and friction relieving devices should be used for people who are immobile or have lost some of their feeling.<br />
• Wear sun protection. Choose a product with a Sun Protective Factor (SPF) of 15 or higher. Some of your medication may make you more sensitive to the sun.<br />
• Protect your skin from extremes of temperature. Avoid use of heating pads, hot water bottles, electric blankets, hot baths, or soaks. Use your elbow to check water temperature before showering or bathing. You can also use a bath thermometer to make sure the water temperature is no more than 92 degrees F. In the cold weather, wear warm clothes to match the weather; including gloves and warm socks that fit.<br />
Cracked Feet<br />
Dry skin can lead to cracked skin, especially on your feet, which usually go unseen therefore neglected. Cracked skin literally opens the door to wounds and infections and that can result in higher blood glucose levels, at best, amputation, at worst.<br />
What to do? Follow the previously listed advice for dry skin and in addition, remember to:<br />
• Inspect your feet often for any signs of potential problems. Use a mirror if you have difficulty seeing them well.• Visit your podiatrist regularly. He/she is a valued member of the diabetes health care team as they can sometimes spot an issue developing even before you do.<br />
They can also cut toenails and remedy calluses, if needed.<br />
• Wash your feet in warm water daily but don't soak them. Dry well between your toes but leave the lotion on the surface of your feet. Moisture between your toes invites conditions such as athlete's foot and that can introduce a whole new round of cracked feet • Wear protective socks and shoes that fit well. And before putting on your shoes, be sure to inspect them for foreign objects that could injure your feet.<br />
~~~~~<br />
AskBob - - Bob Rankin - - Twelve Online Tools for Savvy Consumers <br />
<br />
The Internet is a fantastic resource for consumers, because an abundance of information helps to level the playing field for buyers and foster competition among the sellers. Here are a dozen online tools to help you save money on financial services and consumer products... [http://askbobrankin.com/twelve_online_tools_for_savvy_consumers.html?awt_l=HZr.N&awt_m=JqQXZ9a1q8P6SL]<br />
~~~~~<br />
Regional Legislative Update: Congressman Mike Ross reflects on his Congressional Career.<br />
<br />
Dear Friends:<br />
<br />
As I complete my tenure in the United States House of Representatives, I have spent a great deal of time reflecting on my time here in our nation’s capitol.<br />
<br />
Serving in “the people’s house” and being a part of the greatest democracy in the world has been the highest professional honor of my life. It has been an experience of a lifetime and I just hope I did some good along the way.<br />
<br />
It seems like just yesterday when I took the oath of office to serve in the Arkansas State Senate, but it has been 22 years. I would have never had the privilege and honor to serve as the voice for the people of Arkansas in the Arkansas State Senate, and for the past twelve years in the United States Congress, had it not been for those very people that I have been so proud to represent, for the people choose their leaders in our democracy.<br />
<br />
This has been a historic time to serve in the Congress. Just a little over eight months after I arrived, the 9-11 attacks on America occurred, followed by wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, the health care debate and the worst economic recession since World War II.<br />
<br />
I have done my best to represent the people of my home state. I never stopped going home every weekend, traveling the very large rural district and listening to the people who sent me to Washington to be their voice. I know I have not always gotten it right, but I have done my best to be faithful to the people of Arkansas throughout my time in public service.<br />
<br />
I could have never served for the past twelve years in the U.S. Congress without the support from my family. It was difficult spending much of each week more than a thousand miles away from Holly, Sydney and Alex. I will always be grateful to them for their love and understanding as I did my best to represent the people of Arkansas, addressing policy issues to improve the quality of life for all people.<br />
<br />
I also want to thank my parents, Gene and Frances Ross, who taught me right from wrong, raised me in a Christian home, encouraged me to chase my dreams, and provided me with a moral compass that helped me navigate politics and public life for the past 22 years.<br />
<br />
I also want to say a word about my congressional staff who has worked tirelessly over the years to help me help the people of Arkansas’s Fourth Congressional District. They have worked long hours, at home in Arkansas and here in our nation’s capitol, on everything from helping a senior or veteran cut through government red tape to assisting a community with a grant application to drafting and reviewing legislation that impacts the more than 300 million of us who live in America. I could have never done this job without them. And I will always be grateful to them for their loyal and dedicated service to the people of Arkansas and this country.<br />
<br />
I never believed my service in our nation’s capitol should become a permanent career. That’s why I didn’t seek a seventh term to the U.S. Congress this year.<br />
<br />
There are a lot of people that do a lot of good without putting their name on the ballot. As my time in elected office comes to a close, I look forward to becoming one of them.<br />
<br />
To the people of Arkansas’ Fourth Congressional District, thank you for believing in me and for giving me the opportunity to be your voice in the United States House of Representatives for the past 12 years. May God Bless You All.<br />
<br />
Sincerely,<br />
<br />
Mike Ross<br />
~~~~~<br />
McCormick Kitchens <mccormickkitchens@email.mccormick.com> <br />
<br />
Festive Holiday Brunch<br />
<br />
A casual brunch is a leisurely way to entertain over the holidays. This mostly make-ahead menu gives you plenty of time to mingle with friends and family. The crab cakes, brunch casserole and gingerbread trifle can all be assembled the night before. Add a festive beverage for toasting and you're all set for a rousing mid-morning celebration.<br />
<br />
Cheesy Bacon & Egg Brunch Casserole <br />
<br />
This one-dish brunch casserole is ideal for a crowd. Add a fruit salad and you can sit back and enjoy your company. <br />
<br />
Makes 12 servings. Prep Time: 25 minutes Cook Time: 50 minutes<br />
<br />
ingredients<br />
<br />
8 slices bacon<br />
<br />
1 medium onion, chopped (1 cup)<br />
<br />
1 loaf (8 ounces) Italian bread, cut into 1-inch cubes (5 cups)<br />
<br />
2 cups (8 ounces) shredded Cheddar cheese<br />
<br />
1 cup shredded mozzarella cheese<br />
<br />
1 cup cottage cheese<br />
<br />
5 eggs<br />
<br />
1 1/2 cups milk<br />
<br />
1/2 teaspoon McCormick® Mustard, Ground<br />
<br />
1/2 teaspoon McCormick® Nutmeg, Ground<br />
<br />
1/4 teaspoon McCormick® Black Pepper, Ground<br />
directions<br />
<br />
1. Preheat oven to 350°F. Cook bacon in large skillet until crisp. Reserve 2 tablespoons of the drippings. Drain bacon on paper towels; crumble and set aside. Add onion to drippings in skillet; cook and stir 3 minutes or until softened.<br />
<br />
2. Spread 1/2 of the bread cubes in 13x9-inch baking dish. Layer with 1/2 each of the onion, bacon, Cheddar cheese and mozzarella cheese. Spread evenly with cottage cheese. Top with remaining bread cubes, onion, bacon, Cheddar cheese and mozzarella cheese.<br />
<br />
3. Beat eggs in medium bowl until foamy. Add milk, mustard, nutmeg and pepper; beat until well blended. Pour evenly over top. Press bread cubes lightly into egg mixture until completely covered. Let stand 10 minutes.<br />
<br />
4. Bake 40 to 50 minutes or until center is set and top is golden brown.<br />
Tips<br />
<br />
Make Ahead: Casserole can be assembled 1 day ahead. Prepare as directed, increasing milk to 2 cups. Cover and store in refrigerator. Remove cover and bake as directed.<br />
<br />
Test Kitchen Tip: For a meatless alternative, try Southwest Brunch Casserole.<br />
nutritional information<br />
<br />
per serving<br />
Calories: 260<br />
Fat: 16 g<br />
Carbohydrates: 14 g<br />
Cholesterol: 128 mg<br />
Sodium: 492 mg<br />
Fiber: 1 g<br />
Protein: 15 g <br />
<br />
Copyright © 2008 McCormick & Company, Inc. All Rights Reserved. | www.mccormick.com<br />
~~~~~<br />
The latest from Michael Yon, the foremost “milnews” blogger on the web. <br />
~<br />
Greetings,<br />
<br />
The Wolfpack series was fun to research and write, but it will not pay the bills!<br />
<br />
Please see Wolfpack 105. [http://www.michaelyon-online.com/wolfpack-105-%E2%80%93-start-point.htm]<br />
~<br />
I got hands on the unclassified Benghazi report <br />
<br />
Please see. [http://www.michaelyon-online.com/benghazi-report.htm]<br />
<br />
Very Respectfully,<br />
Michael Yon<br />
Your Writer,<br />
<br />
Please remember that this website accepts no advertisement and is dependent on your support. <br />
<br />
PS Please sign up for my Twitter.com updates at "Michael_Yon" [http://twitter.com/Michael_Yon] (not Michael Yon).<br />
<br />
http://www.facebook.com/#/MichaelYonFanPage?ref=sgm<br />
~<br />
www.michaelyon-online.com<br />
~<br />
Http://www.michaelyon_online.com/index.php<br />
~~~~~ <br />
If you would like to encourage US Troops overseas, but are not sure just how to begin, visit www.anysoldier.com for ideas. <br />
~~~~~ <br />
Please remember ... America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the MALL.<br />
~~~~~ <br />
DarynKagan.com - - Sometimes big business and its leaders can do pretty incredible things.<br />
<br />
Jet Blue Flies Boy's Goodbye Letter [http://darynkagan.demo.nimbussoftware.com/business/2012/bu_121220_jet_blue_flies_letter.html]<br />
A story about one company's kindness and the power of social media to make an important wish come true in the wake of unspeakable tragedy. <br />
<br />
Mark Zuckerberg Giving $500 Million to Charity [http://darynkagan.demo.nimbussoftware.com/business/2012/bu_121220_mark_zuckerberg_charity.html]<br />
The Facebook founder is making a big move to make the world a better place.<br />
~~~~~<br />
ACC SmartBrief - - acc@smartbrief.com<br />
<br />
The American Chemistry Council will issue updated product and process-safety codes for Responsible Care next year, said Sven Royall, chairman of the Responsible Care board committee. "Instead of waiting for the government to act, we are taking affirmative action through our new product safety code to manage chemicals throughout their life cycles," Royall said. "The entire industry faces enhanced scrutiny whenever a single concern arises. <br />
<br />
"The threat of the fiscal cliff is an obvious concern, leading many companies to focus on improving business effectiveness and maintaining a strong balance sheet," said Mike Shannon, head of chemicals and performance technologies at KPMG.<br />
~~~~~<br />
http://www.shelfari.com<br />
http://www.shelfari.com/bugsbleat/shelf<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Photos on the front of this week’s “Bleat” include - - Dusty and David working on Dusty's Jeep. More Christmas Decorations, A view of the jeep paint job, Annette's "card tree." Jimmy and Annette leaving to join Robert and Sim for the annual Wade Prison Christmas Party. The Christmas Train Layout at the Library.<br />
~~~~~<br />
For the latest issue of "Da Bleat.", go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com. <br />
Our photos are posted at http://www.bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com.<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.<br />
~~~~~<br />
BreakPoint - - Jim Daly’s New Focus - - The Heart of Our Message - - By: Eric Metaxas<br />
<br />
We tell kids it’s not whether you win or lose but how you play the game -- but we’re not practicing what we preach! <br />
<br />
Jim Daly, who heads Focus on the Family, was dragging his feet. He knew the Lord wanted him to meet with a prominent homosexual activist, but it never seemed to be the right time. Finally, Daly picked up the phone and agreed to meet his political adversary for coffee. Around the table the two men discussed their differences—which were considerable—as well as some areas of common ground. Daly began to see this man not simply as an activist, but as a fellow human being for whom Christ died.<br />
<br />
Daly tells what happened next in his absolutely outstanding new book, ReFocus: Living a Life That Reflects God’s Heart. “As our initial conversation drew to a close,” Daly says, “I had felt the Holy Spirit prompting me to share a thought with my new friend. ‘You know’—I addressed him by name—‘God loves you just as much as He loves me. Do you know that?’ There was silence across the table as this man dropped his head and looked off to the side. He wasn’t able to say a word in response. But he didn’t have to say anything. I saw tears in his eyes.”<br />
<br />
Daly counted this as one of the best moments he had ever experienced in his many years of ministry, and he was on cloud nine as he returned to the Focus offices in Colorado Springs. But a trusted colleague met him and expressed suspicion about the activist, afraid that Daly might be compromising his principles. Daly was stunned. “I experienced more of a clash with my Christian brother,” he says in wonderment, “than I did with the homosexual activist!”<br />
<br />
Daly’s book, ReFocus, takes a clear-eyed look at the problems facing our society, but it takes an even harder look at our attitudes and actions in response to those challenges. Without giving up his commitment to speak the truth about the key moral issues of our time, Daly says we especially need to focus, if you will, on our hearts. In this important book he reminds us in clear, winsome language what it really means to be a Christian—which is vital for us to be able to keep our spiritual balance amid all the nastiness that threatens to drag us—and our gospel witness—down.<br />
<br />
“When I examine my life,” Daly says, “I’m often struck by the fact that I’m all too often more in love with the heartbeat of the culture than I am with the heart of God Himself. If I truly cared more about God’s ways than the world’s ways, I wouldn’t grow anxious or despondent when my candidate of choice doesn’t win an election or when someone or something infringes on my religious liberties.”<br />
<br />
Does that describe you? It certainly does me, at least sometimes!<br />
<br />
We need to remember that character matters, especially during hard or perplexing times. Back during the early months of the Revolutionary War, as a bitterly cold winter was setting in, Washington’s army was being routed from New York by British troops, who had superior numbers and supplies. Many of the American soldiers lacked shoes and adequate winter clothing, and desertions were common. American patriot Thomas Paine, who was traveling with the rag-tag American soldiers, said famously, “These are the times that try men’s souls.”<br />
<br />
Daly’s fantastic book, ReFocus, is a terrific reminder that the Lord tests our souls, too. You can get a copy of ReFocus at the Colson Center Bookstore. Please visit BreakPoint.org or visit ColsonCenter.org.<br />
<br />
And by the way, my BreakPoint colleague John Stontestreet lives in Colorado Springs and he talked with Jim Daly about ReFocus on “BreakPoint This Week.” Come to BreakPoint.org, click on this commentary, and I’ll link you to John’s conversation with Jim Daly. You don’t want to miss it.<br />
Further Reading and Information<br />
<br />
Refocus: Living a Life That Reflects God's Heart [http://www.colsoncenterstore.org/product.asp?sku=9780310331766]<br />
James Daly | Zondervan | April 2012<br />
<br />
BP This Week: Stepping Out of the Boat [http://www.breakpoint.org/features-columns/discourse/discourse-archive/entry/15/20922]<br />
John Stonestreet | BreakPoint This Week | December 7, 2012<br />
<br />
[http://www.breakpoint.org/bpcommentaries]<br />
<br />
Copyright © 2012 Prison Fellowship. All Rights Reserved <br />
~~~~~<br />
Residents of Columbia County, Arkansas are represented in Congress by:<br />
~<br />
Senator John Boozman (R_ AR) <br />
1 Russell Courtyard<br />
Washington DC, 20510<br />
Phone: 202-224-4843<br />
http://boozman.senate.gov/<br />
~<br />
Senator Mark Pryor (D_ AR) <br />
Phone 202_224_2353 <br />
FAX 202_228_0908 <br />
http://pryor.senate.gov/<br />
~<br />
Representative Michael A. Ross (D _ 04) <br />
Phone 202_225_3772 <br />
FAX 202_225_1314 <br />
http://ross.house.gov/<br />
<br />
Other states congresspersons can be found at: [http://www.visi.com/juan/congress/]<br />
~~~~~<br />
THOUGHT OF THE DAY:<br />
<br />
"Do not seek to follow in the footsteps of the men of old; seek what they sought." - Matsuo Basho<br />
<br />
"In questions of science, the authority of a thousand is not worth the humble reasoning of a single individual. " - Galileo Galilei<br />
<br />
"Men must live and create. Live to the point of tears." - Albert Camus<br />
<br />
"I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it." - Pablo Picasso<br />
<br />
"It is characteristic of all deep human problems that they are not to be approached without some humor and some bewilderment."- Freeman Dyson<br />
<br />
"Always desire to learn something useful." - Sophocles<br />
<br />
"Whoever is out of patience is out of possession of his soul." - Francis Bacon <br />
~~~~~ <br />
Breaking Christian News <br />
<br />
Survivor of Nazi Experiments Who Forgave Repentant Doctor<br />
<br />
"This act of forgiveness is an act of self-healing. I believe forgiveness is a modern miracle of medicine." -Eva Kor Read Full Story [http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=10860]<br />
<br />
University Settles With Christian Student it Wrongly Dismissed <br />
"A university cannot compel a student to alter or violate her belief systems based on a phantom policy as the price for obtaining a degree. Tolerance is a two-way street. Otherwise, the rule mandates orthodoxy, not anti-discrimination." -Ruling from Sixth Circuit Court of Appeals - - Read Full Story [http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=10859]<br />
<br />
editor@breakingchristiannews.com<br />
<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
<br />
GCF: Used Car<br />
<br />
If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.com<br />
----------------------------------------------------------<br />
<br />
My wife had just bought a five-year-old car. The first time I drove it, I told her something seemed to be wrong with the suspension.<br />
<br />
I parked the car and then proceeded to give it a "shock test." I clasped one hand over the other, squared my shoulders, pushed down with all my weight on one corner and quickly released it to see if it bounced more than once. I repeated this several times.<br />
<br />
A pedestrian standing behind me observed, "I doubt that even CPR could start that car." <br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Jury Questions<br />
<br />
When my 88-year-old mother was called for jury duty, she had to submit to questioning by the opposing lawyers.<br />
<br />
"Have you ever dealt with an attorney?" asked the plaintiff's lawyer.<br />
<br />
"Yes. I had an attorney write my living trust," she responded.<br />
<br />
"And how did that turn out?"<br />
<br />
"I don't know," she said. "Ask me when I'm dead."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: High Cost of Free<br />
<br />
Outraged by the high charges that the computer service wanted for repair work, one employee asked her co-worker which service she used.<br />
<br />
"My sons," was the reply. "They both have degrees in Computer Science."<br />
<br />
"So you get that kind of work done for nothing," the friend marveled.<br />
<br />
The co-worker smiled. "Actually, I figured that it cost me about $140,000 for my kids to fix my computer for free." <br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Puppies<br />
<br />
A client brought a litter of golden retriever puppies to my veterinary clinic for inoculations and worming. As the look-alike pups squirmed over and under one another in their box, I realized it would be difficult to tell the treated ones from the rest. So, I turned on the water faucet, wet my fingers, and moistened each dog's head when I had finished. After the fourth puppy, I noticed my talkative client had grown silent. As I sprinkled the last pup's head, the woman leaned forward and whispered, "I didn't know they needed be baptized, too."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: New Father<br />
<br />
"Just relax," the hospital staff kept telling the young father-to-be, but it was to no avail. His wife was in labor and he was a nervous wreck.<br />
<br />
After what seemed like a week, a nurse came out with the happy news, "It's a girl!" she announced.<br />
<br />
"A girl! Thank God!" said the new dad. "She'll never have to go through what I just went through!" <br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Manicurist<br />
<br />
My friend was at the beauty parlor when she overheard another woman rattle on to the manicurist about the sad state of her marriage. "Things have gotten so bad," she said, "I think I might ask for a divorce. What do you think?"<br />
<br />
"That's a serious matter," came the reply. "I think you should consult another manicurist." <br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Break Up<br />
<br />
There was a pretty nurse named Carol who broke her engagement to a doctor. She was explaining everything to a friend. <br />
"Do you mean to say," exclaimed Cindy, "that the bum asked you to give back the ring AND all his presents ?"<br />
<br />
"Not only that," said Carol, "he sent me a bill for 37 visits." <br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Waitress Date<br />
<br />
A customer wanted to ask his attractive waitress for a date, but couldn't get her attention. When he was able to catch her eye, she quickly looked away. Finally he followed her into the kitchen and blurted out his invitation. To his amazement, she readily consented.<br />
<br />
He said, "Why have you been avoiding me all this time? You wouldn't even make eye contact."<br />
<br />
"Oh," said the waitress, "I thought you wanted more coffee." <br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: I Am Thankful.....<br />
<br />
...for the taxes that I pay because it means that I am employed.<br />
<br />
...for the mess to clean after a party because it means I have been surrounded by friends.<br />
<br />
...for the clothes that fit a little too snug because it means I have enough to eat.<br />
<br />
...for my shadow who watches me work because it means I am out in the sunshine.<br />
<br />
...for a lawn that needs mowing, windows that need cleaning and gutters that need fixing because it means I have a home.<br />
<br />
...for all the complaining I hear about the government because it means we have freedom of speech.<br />
<br />
...for the spot I find at the far end of the parking lot because it<br />
means I am capable of walking.<br />
<br />
...for the lady behind me in church who sings off key because it means that I can hear.<br />
<br />
...for the piles of laundry and ironing because it means I have clothes to wear.<br />
<br />
...for weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day because it means I have been productive.<br />
<br />
...for the alarm that goes off in the early morning hours because it means that I am alive.<br />
<br />
...for getting too much e-mail because it lets me know I have friends who are thinking of me. <br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Late for Sunday School<br />
<br />
The little boy was late for Sunday school and the superintendent, seeing him slip in, detained him and asked him the reason. The boy shuffled his feet uncertainly for a moment, then blurted out, "I started out to go fishing instead, but my dad wouldn't let me."<br />
<br />
The superintendent beamed broadly. "A wise father," he said. "He was quite right not to let you go fishing on a Sunday. Did he explain why?"<br />
<br />
The little boy nodded. "Oh, yes sir. He said there wasn't enough bait for the two of us." <br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Air Conditioning<br />
<br />
A customer was continually bothering the waiter in a restaurant; first, he'd asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour.<br />
<br />
Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, walking back and forth and never once getting angry. So finally, a second customer asked why didn't they just throw out the pest.<br />
<br />
"Oh I don't care." said the waiter with a smile. "We don't even have an air conditioner." <br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Banana Bread<br />
<br />
The banana loaf I was making was in the oven when my 16-year-old came into the kitchen where the family had gathered.<br />
<br />
"That bread smells about done don't you think, Mom?" he asked.<br />
<br />
I told him I had set the timer and it was fine.<br />
<br />
A little later he repeated his suggestion. "Mom, I really think that loaf is done. Maybe you should check it."<br />
<br />
Always quick to come to my defence, my 13-year-old son said, "Eddie, Mom's been burning that banana bread for years now. I think she knows when to take it out." <br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Flowers from Hubby<br />
<br />
When she got flowers from her husband on Valentine's Day, my daughter's friend quickly opened the card. All it said was "No." What did that mean?<br />
<br />
She called her husband, who said, "I didn't attach any message. The florist asked if I had a message and I said, 'No.'" <br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: At the Toy Store<br />
<br />
Even with a thousand games, dolls and crafts to choose from, my customer at the toy store still couldn't find a thing for her grandson.<br />
<br />
"Maybe a video or something educational?" I asked.<br />
<br />
"No, that's not it," she said.<br />
<br />
We wandered the aisles until something caught her eye: a<br />
laser gun with flashing lights and 15 different high-pitched sounds.<br />
<br />
"This is perfect," she said, beaming. "My daughter-in-law will hate it."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Prison Sign Fail<br />
<br />
Seen on a sign outside the Clinton Correctional Facility, a maximum security prison in Dannemora, New York:<br />
<br />
"The Dannemora Fire Department reminds you it's fire prevention week. Practice your escape plan." <br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Garage Sale<br />
<br />
I took four tires to a friend's garage sale and was asking $30 apiece. I needed to leave for a few minutes, so I asked him to watch them for me.<br />
<br />
"Sure," he said, "but if someone offers less, how low are you willing to go?"<br />
<br />
"Try for more, but I will accept $15," I said, and left. <br />
<br />
When I returned, my tires were gone. "How much did you get for them?" I asked excitedly.<br />
<br />
"Fifteen dollars each."<br />
<br />
"Who bought them?"<br />
<br />
"I did!" <br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Calling Who?<br />
<br />
A telephone rang. "Hello! Is your phone number 444-4444?"<br />
<br />
"Yes, it is," came the reply.<br />
<br />
"Thank Goodness! Could you call 911 for me? I super-glued my finger to the phone."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Sugar Packets Announcement<br />
<br />
The Building Committee has been informed that opened sugar packets are being found in the nursery area.<br />
<br />
We have had some serious problems with ants in the past and would like to avoid any recurrences if possible.<br />
<br />
Coffee drinkers, please dispose of these packets properly.<br />
<br />
If you are a coffee drinker but can't read yet, please have your parents explain this to you. <br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Research Assistant<br />
<br />
An acquaintance of mine was hired as a research assistant by the physics department of a West Coast university to investigate the thermodynamic properties of wood. Two weeks after starting work he was approached by an encyclopedia salesman who explained that purchase of the encyclopedia entitled the buyer to have any three special questions answered completely. To save himself a great deal of work, the researcher bought the encyclopedia, stipulating for his first free question a full dissertation on the thermodynamic properties of wood.<br />
<br />
Three weeks later the head of the physics department called the research assistant into his office and said, "We have a request from an encyclopedia company. One of their customers has asked for a report on the thermodynamic properties of wood. Please prepare the report for them." <br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Old Maserati<br />
<br />
I was living in the mountains above Denver when my college buddy,<br />
Gary, arrived in his ancient Maserati sports car. He had just driven it from Ohio, and as he pulled into my driveway, the car broke down.<br />
<br />
Calls to auto-supply houses and garages in search of replacement parts proved futile. The 1962 model was simply too rare. Responses ranged from "Mas-a-what?" to "You've got to be kidding." One guy just laughed.<br />
<br />
I was at the end of the listings in the Yellow Pages when I dialed Victor's Garage. "Vic," I said, "you're my last hope. Do you carry any parts for a 1962 Maserati?"<br />
<br />
There was a long pause. Finally, Victor cleared his throat. "Yes," he replied. "Oil." <br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Childbirth<br />
<br />
After learning the Lamaze method of natural childbirth, I was admitted to the delivery room with my wife.<br />
<br />
It seemed like an eternity before the doctor finally announced, "I've got the head now; just a few more minutes."<br />
<br />
"Is it a girl or boy?" I asked excitedly.<br />
<br />
The doctor replied, "I don't know. It's hard to tell by the ears."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF In Other Words...<br />
<br />
"Insofar as manifestations of functional deficiencies are agreed by any and all concerned parties to be imperceptible and are so stipulated, it is incumbent upon said heretofore mentioned parties to exercise the deferment of otherwise pertinent maintenance procedures."<br />
<br />
In other words, "If it ain't broke, don't fix it." <br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Quaint Little Inn<br />
<br />
When my wife and I went up to New England a couple of years ago we decided to stay in one of those quaint little inns. The clerk at the inn asked me if we wanted a room with a shower or a tub.<br />
<br />
"What's the difference?" I asked.<br />
<br />
"Well, sir, in a tub, you can sit down." <br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: New Greeting<br />
<br />
I hadn't recorded a greeting yet on my new answering machine, so when my mother came to visit, I asked her to record one for me. "This is Marcia's mother," my machine announces. "Marcia is an only child; she never writes, she never calls. So why not give me a buzz? I'd be happy to talk to you. My number is..."<br />
<br />
Everyone started calling my mother. She loved the<br />
attention. <br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Broken Scale<br />
<br />
There was a nice bathroom scale in our ship's cabin on our recent cruise. Since the sign in front of the fitness center claimed that the average cruiser gained 7 to 10 pounds during a cruise, I figured the scale was a way to help the cruiser avoid the weight gain.<br />
<br />
I stepped on the scale.<br />
<br />
It was 10 pounds too low.<br />
<br />
I asked my wife to try it. She said that it was registering about 10 pounds too low.<br />
<br />
The thing was broken.<br />
<br />
The ship had excellent service and I was super impressed with the cabin steward. I didn't mention it to him, but he must have known that our scale was out of whack and not measuring correctly. When I stepped on the scale on the last day of the cruise my weight was reading perfectly.<br />
<br />
Excellent cruise service!<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Big City Worr<br />
<br />
A friend and I stayed at a Chicago hotel while attending a convention. Since we weren't used to the big city, we were overly concerned about security.<br />
<br />
The first night we placed a chair against the door and stacked our luggage on it. To complete the barricade, we put the trash can on top. If an intruder tried to break in, we'd be sure to hear him.<br />
<br />
Around 1 a.m. there was a knock on the door.<br />
<br />
"Who is it?" my friend asked nervously.<br />
<br />
"Honey," a woman on the other side yelled, "you left your key in the door." <br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( \<br />
/ / | tellswor@kcbx.net | \ \<br />
_( (_ | http://www.kcbx.net/~tellswor | _) )_<br />
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / My wife and I had words, \ /
\ _/ but I didn't get to use mine. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / "Johnny, name the Ten \ /
\ _/ Commandments, in any order." \_ /
/ / "3, 6, 1, 8, 4, 5, 9, 2, 10 and 7." \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / The irony of life is that, by \ /
\ _/ the time you're old enough to \_ /
/ / know your way around, \ \
you're not going anywhere.
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / I try to take one day at a time,\ /
\ _/ but sometimes several days \_ /
/ / attack me at once. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / I wondered why the baseball \ /
\ _/ was getting bigger. \_ /
/ / Then it hit me. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / I have to exercise early \ \_/ ////
\ / in the morning before my \ /
\ _/ brain figures out what I'm doing \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / All of us could take a lesson \ \_/ ////
\ / from the weather. It pays no \ /
\ _/ attention to criticism. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / "For all the advances in \ /
\ _/ medicine, there is still no cure \_ /
/ / for the common birthday." \ \
- Senator John Glenn
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Seat belts are not as \ /
\ _/ confining as wheelchairs. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / Why do croutons come in \ \_/ ////
\ / airtight packages? \ /
\ _/ Aren't they just \_ /
/ / stale bread to begin with? \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / The aging process could \ \_/ ////
\ / be slowed down if it had \ /
\ _/ to work its way through Congress. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ /If you had to identify, in one \ \_/ ////
\ / word, the reason why the human \ /
\ _/ race has not achieved and never. \_ /
/ / will achieve its full potential, \ \
that word would be "meetings."
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / If you don't have a sense of \ /
\ _/ humor, you probably don't. \_ /
/ / have any sense at all. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Blessed are those who can \ /
\ _/ give without remembering \_ /
/ / and take without forgetting. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Growing older is mandatory. \ /
\ _/ Growing up is optional. \_ /
/ / Laughing at yourself is therapeutic. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / It rarely occurs to teenagers \ /
\ _/ that the day will come when \_ /
/ / they'll know as little as \ \
their parents.
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / There are no stupid questions, \ /
\ _/ but there are a lot \_ /
/ / of inquisitive idiots. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / \ /
\ _/ Never buy a car you can't push. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / Business conventions are \ \_/ ////
\ / important because they \ /
\ _/ demonstrate how many people \_ /
/ / a company can operate without. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / I've tried to find a suitable \ \_/ ////
\ / exercise video for men my age, \ /
\ _/ but they haven't made one called \_ /
/ / "Abs of Putty." \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ /Never, under any circumstances,\ \_/ ////
\ / take a sleeping pill and \ /
\ _/ a laxative on the same night. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Have you ever noticed? \ /
\ _/ Anybody driving slower than you \_ /
/ / is an idiot, and anyone going faster \ \
than you is a moron. -George Carlin
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / I'm not aging, \ /
\ _/ I just need re-potting. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Why do they put \ /
\ _/ expiration dates on sour cream? \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Hookt on Fonix \ /
\ _/ Reely Wurkt Fer Mee! \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / \ /
\ _/ "Intelligence may be artificial, \_ /
/ / but stupidity is real." \ \
_ _______________________________ _
/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( \
/ / | tellswor@kcbx.net | \ \
_( (_ | http://www.kcbx.net/~tellswor | _) )
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
CHURCH SERVICES IN FUTURE<br />
(Lets hope not.) <br />
<br />
PASTOR: Praise the Lord. <br />
<br />
CONGREGATION: Hallelujah! <br />
<br />
PASTOR: Can we please turn our tablet PC, iPad, cellphone, kindle Bibles to 1 Cor. 13:13. And please switch on your Bluetooth to download the sermon..<br />
<br />
PASTOR: Let us pray, committing this week into God's hands. Open your Apps, BBM, Twitter and Facebook and chat with God. <br />
<br />
PASTOR: Please have your credit and debit cards ready as we shall now take tithes and offerings. You can log on to the church Wi-If using the password Lord909887. <br />
<br />
Ushers circulate mobile card swipe machines among the worshipers. Those who prefer to make electronic funds transfers are directed to computers and laptops at the rear of the church and those who prefer to use iPads are allowed to flip them open. Those who prefer telephone banking are allowed to take out their cellphones to transfer their contributions to the church bank account. <br />
<br />
(The holy atmosphere is truly electric as the cellphones, iPads, PCs and laptops beep and flicker!) <br />
<br />
[Announcement] <br />
<br />
SECRETARY: This week's cell meetings shall be held on the various Facebook group pages where the usual group chatting takes place. Please don't miss out. Thursday's bible teachings will be held live on Skype at 1900hrs GMT. Please don't miss out. You can follow your Pastor on Twitter this weekend for counseling and prayers. God bless you and have a wonderful week !<br />
<br />
Thanks to Waneta<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
O.K. Don’t have a hissy fit. It’s only a joke. And a funny one.<br />
~<br />
A union shop foreman walks into a bar next door<br />
to the factory and is about to order a drink to celebrate Obama’s victory when he sees a guy<br />
close by wearing a Romney for President button<br />
and two beers in front of him.<br />
He doesn't have to be an Einstein to know that this guy is a Republican.<br />
So, he shouts over to the bartender so loudly that<br />
everyone can hear, "Drinks for everyone in here,<br />
bartender, but not for the Republican."<br />
<br />
Soon after the drinks have been handed out, the<br />
Republican gives him a big smile, waves at him,<br />
then says, "Thank you!" in an equally loud<br />
voice. This infuriates the union official.<br />
<br />
The union captain once again loudly orders drinks<br />
for everyone except the Republican. As before,<br />
this does not seem to bother the Republican.<br />
He continues to smile, and again yells, "Thank you!"<br />
<br />
The union thug once again loudly orders drinks<br />
for everyone except the Republican.<br />
<br />
As before, this does not seem to bother the Republican.<br />
<br />
He continues to smile, and again yells, "Thank you!"<br />
<br />
The union guy asks the bartender,<br />
"What the hell is the matter with that Republican?<br />
I've ordered three rounds of drinks for everyone in<br />
the bar but him, and all the silly idiot does is smile<br />
and thanks me.<br />
<br />
Is he nuts?"<br />
<br />
"Nope," replies the bartender. "He owns the place."<br />
<br />
Thanks to Waneta<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Nervous Flyer<br />
<br />
During a trip from California to Indiana, it didn't help that my connecting flight from Denver was delayed twice because of mechanical problems. Then, after we were aloft, I noticed the lights began flickering. I mentioned this to a flight attendant. "I'll take care of it," she said. Moments later the lights went out. Clearly she had solved the problem by turning off all the lights.<br />
<br />
A passenger across the aisle who had been watching me leaned over and said, "Whatever you do, please don't ask about the engines."<br />
<br />
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
New Waitress<br />
<br />
A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order.<br />
He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights, and pair of running boards."<br />
<br />
The brand-new waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights, and a pair of running boards. What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?"<br />
<br />
"No," the cook said. "Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are two slices of crisp bacon."<br />
<br />
"Oh, OK!" said the waitress. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.<br />
<br />
The trucker asked, "What are the beans for?"<br />
<br />
She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!"<br />
<br />
Received from Kenny Robinson.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
New Mom<br />
<br />
A new mom took her baby daughter to the supermarket for the first time. She dressed her in pink from head to toe. At the store, she placed her in the shopping cart and put her purchases around her.<br />
<br />
At the checkout line, a small boy and his mother were ahead of them. The child was crying and begging for some special treat.<br />
<br />
"He wants some candy or gum and his mother won't let him have any," she thought.<br />
<br />
Then she heard his mother's reply.<br />
<br />
"No!" she said, looking in her direction. "You may not have a baby sister today. That lady got the last one!"<br />
<br />
Received from Big Mac Clean Joke Attack.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
New Friend Sincerity<br />
<br />
Last summer my wife and I met a couple at a restaurant. After lunch, the women decided to go shopping and I invited the man to go sailing.<br />
<br />
While we were out on the water, a storm blew up. The tide had gone out, and we were down wind trying to work our way back through a narrow channel. At one point the boat grounded and we had to climb overboard and shove with all our might to get it back into deeper water.<br />
<br />
As my new friend stood there, ankle deep in muck, the wind blowing his hair wildly, rain streaming down his face, he grinned at me. With unmistakable sincerity, he said, "Sure beats shopping."<br />
<br />
Received from Pastor Tim.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
National Guard Pilot<br />
<br />
As a C-130 pilot in the Air National Guard, I drive to my base several times a month for practice flights, wearing my flight suit. On the way home late one night, my car's engine quit, and I coasted to a stop within sight of an isolated farmhouse.<br />
<br />
When I knocked on the door, a young woman answered. "I was on my way home from the Guard air base, but ran out of gas," I explained, holding up a one-gallon gas can to make my predicament clear. "May I use your telephone?"<br />
<br />
The woman stared at my flight suit and stammered, "But where did you land?"<br />
<br />
-- Contributed to Reader's Digest, "Humor In Uniform," by Maj. Stephen K. Robison<br />
<br />
Received from Ed.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Little Johnny<br />
<br />
Little Johnny's mother was having difficulty gulping down the birthday cake he had made for her as a surprise. When she was finished, Little Johnny happily exclaimed,<br />
<br />
"I'm so glad you like it, Mommy. There should have been 32 candles on the cake, but they were all gone when I took it out of the oven."<br />
<br />
Received from Doc's Daily Chuckle.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Illegal Turn<br />
<br />
A man, in a hurry taking his eight-year-old son to school, made a turn at a red light where it was prohibited.<br />
<br />
"Uh-oh, I just made an illegal turn!" the man said.<br />
<br />
"Aw, Dad, it's okay," the son said. "The police car right behind us did the same thing."<br />
<br />
Received from Clean-Laffs.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Ancient Chinese Proverb<br />
<br />
An organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels. Some monkeys are climbing up, some down.<br />
<br />
The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces.<br />
<br />
The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but monkey hindquarters.<br />
<br />
Received from ArcaMax Jokes.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Jury Duty<br />
<br />
I was on a panel for prospective jury duty. The first lawyer questioning us began right off as an intimidating showman.<br />
<br />
After several questions, he asked, "Do any of you here today dislike lawyers?" There was an awkward silence.<br />
<br />
Before the pause became too long, the judge announced, "I do."<br />
<br />
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Turkey Poem<br />
<br />
After Dinner Delight<br />
(Author Unknown)<br />
<br />
I ate too much turkey, I ate too much corn,<br />
I ate too much pudding and pie.<br />
I'm stuffed up with muffins and much too much stuffin' I'm probably going to die.<br />
<br />
I piled up my plate and I ate and I ate. But I wish I had known when to stop, For I'm so crammed with yams, sauces, gravies, and jams That my buttons are starting to pop!<br />
<br />
I'm full of tomatoes and french fried potatoes My stomach is swollen and sore,<br />
But there's still some dessert so I guess it won't hurt if I eat just a little bit more!<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Turkey Riddles<br />
<br />
So bad, they're good...<br />
<br />
What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children?<br />
If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!<br />
<br />
Why do Pilgrims have trouble keeping their pants up? 'Cause they wear their belts on their hats!<br />
<br />
What is the difference between a chicken and a turkey? Chickens celebrate Thanksgiving!<br />
<br />
What is the turkey's favorite black-tie celebration? The Butter Ball.<br />
<br />
What do you get when you cross a turkey, the beach, and Broomhilda? A turkey sand-witch.<br />
<br />
What kind of music did Pilgrims listen to? Plymouth Rock.<br />
<br />
Why do turkeys eat so little? Because they are always stuffed.<br />
<br />
What key has legs and can't open doors? Tur-key.<br />
<br />
What sound does a space turkey make? Hubble, hubble, hubble.<br />
<br />
How do you keep a turkey in suspense? I'll tell you at Christmas.<br />
<br />
Received from Mikey's Funnies.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Lobster Fisher<br />
<br />
After a day fishing in the ocean, a fisherman is walking from the pier carrying two lobsters in a bucket. He is approached by the game warden, who asks him for his fishing license.<br />
<br />
The fisherman says to the warden, "I did not catch these lobsters; they are my pets. Every day I come down to the water and whistle, and these lobster jump out and I take them for a walk, only to return them at the end of the day."<br />
<br />
The warden, not believing him, reminds him that it is illegal to fish without a license. The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "If you don't believe me, then watch." He then throws the lobsters back into the water.<br />
<br />
The warden says, "Now whistle to your lobsters and show me that they will come out of the water."<br />
<br />
The fisherman turns to the warden and says, "What lobsters?"<br />
<br />
Received from Big Mac Clean Joke Attack.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Location, Location, Location<br />
<br />
An aching back sent me stumbling to the drugstore for some kind of relief. After a search, I found what I was looking for: a selection of heating pads designed for people with back pain -- all on the bottom shelf.<br />
<br />
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Viewpoints<br />
<br />
A Brit, a Frenchman, and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden.<br />
<br />
"Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British."<br />
<br />
"Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French."<br />
<br />
"No clothes, no shelter," the Russian points out. "They have only an apple to eat, and they're being told this is paradise. They are Russian."<br />
<br />
Received from Doc's Daily Chuckle.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Unemployed<br />
<br />
Sven and Ole worked together and both were laid off, so off they went to the unemployment office.<br />
<br />
Asked his occupation, Ole said, "Panty stitcher; I sew the elastic onto cotton panties." The clerk looked up panty stitcher. Finding it classified as unskilled labor, she gave him $300 a week in unemployment pay.<br />
<br />
Sven was asked his occupation. "Diesel fitter," he replied. Since diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Sven $600 a week. When Ole found out, he was furious. He stormed back into the unemployment office to find out why his friend and coworker was collecting double his pay.<br />
<br />
The clerk explained that panty stitchers were unskilled and diesel fitters were skilled labor.<br />
<br />
"What skill?" yelled Ole. "I sew the elastic on, and Sven pulls on it and says, 'Yep, diesel fitter.'"<br />
<br />
Received from BROOKSBY1.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Groaner: Clones<br />
<br />
A blonde I know decided to have twelve clones made of herself. When she went to the clinic, she found it was a bleak brick house without any windows. When she asked the clone arranger why there were no windows, she was told that people in glass houses shouldn't grow clones.<br />
<br />
As the clones were growing up, she would never be allowed to take them out for a walk, as you'll never walk a clone.<br />
<br />
What disturbed her the most was that every time she would visit them, they all would be yelling at the top of their lungs. When she asked why they yelled so much, she was told that this was to be expected, as she had ordered a dozen I scream clones.<br />
<br />
Received from Stan Kegel.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Tofu Recipies<br />
<br />
A well-dressed man approached a woman at a health food store and in a clipped British accent asked her exactly what she did with the tofu in her basket.<br />
<br />
She said she normally puts it in the refrigerator, looks at it for several weeks and then throws it away.<br />
<br />
The man replied, "That's exactly what my wife does with it. I was hoping you had a better recipe."<br />
<br />
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Two Fish<br />
<br />
Two men were in a restaurant and ordered fish. The waiter brought a dish with two fish, one larger than the other. One of the men said to the other, "Please help yourself."<br />
<br />
The other one said "Okay," and helped himself to the larger fish.<br />
<br />
After a tense silence, the first one said, "Really, now, if you had offered me the first choice, I would have taken the smaller fish!"<br />
<br />
The other one replied, "What are you complaining for; you have it, don't you?"<br />
<br />
Received from ArcaMax Jokes.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Combat for Dummies<br />
<br />
Advice and instructions taken from actual military sources.<br />
<br />
"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend." --U.S. Marine Corps<br />
<br />
"Aim towards the enemy." --Instruction printed on U.S. Rocket Launcher<br />
<br />
"If the enemy is in range, so are you." --Infantry Journal<br />
<br />
"A slipping gear could let your m203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit." --Army's magazine of prevention maintenance<br />
<br />
"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed." --U.S. Air Force manual<br />
<br />
"Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo."<br />
--Infantry Journal<br />
<br />
"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground." --USAF Ammo Troop<br />
<br />
"Tracers work both ways." --U.S. Army Ordnance<br />
<br />
"Five-second fuses only last three seconds." --Infantry Journal<br />
<br />
"If your attack is going too well, you're walking into an ambush." --Infantry Journal<br />
<br />
"No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection." --Joe Gay<br />
<br />
"Any ship can be a minesweeper....once." --Anon<br />
<br />
"If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him." --USAF Ammo Troop<br />
<br />
"Never tell the platoon sergeant you have nothing to do." --Unknown Marine Recruit<br />
<br />
"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you."<br />
--Infantry Journal<br />
<br />
"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid." --David Hackworth<br />
<br />
Received from Aloysius Pendergast.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Time Is Relative<br />
<br />
A fellow went to the doctor, who told him that he had a bad illness and only a year to live. So the fellow decided to talk to his pastor. After the man explained his situation, he asked his pastor if there was anything he could do.<br />
<br />
"What you should do is go out and buy a late 70's or early 80's model Dodge pickup," said the pastor. "Then go get married to the meanest woman you can find, and buy yourselves an old trailer house in the panhandle of Oklahoma."<br />
<br />
The fellow asked, "Will this help me live longer?"<br />
<br />
"No," said the pastor, "but it will make what time you do have seem like forever."<br />
<br />
Received from ArcaMax Jokes.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Training<br />
<br />
"Where did you receive your training?"<br />
<br />
"Yale."<br />
<br />
"Good. And what's your name?"<br />
<br />
"Yim Yohnson."<br />
<br />
Received from ArcaMax Jokes.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Tip<br />
<br />
My sister-in-law had worked as a waitress at an Atlanta restaurant. One day, a large family came in to eat.<br />
<br />
In accordance with the restaurant's policy of serving large parties, the tip was automatically added to the bill.<br />
<br />
After she presented the bill to the father, she heard him bellow, "Gratuity? Who ordered the gratuity? I told you kids that we weren't going to order dessert!"<br />
<br />
Received from Doc's Daily Chuckle.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Timberrr!!!!!<br />
<br />
While working as a radiology technician in a hospital emergency room, I took x-rays of a trauma patient. I brought the films to our radiologist, who studied the multiple fractures of the femurs and pelvis.<br />
<br />
"What happened to this patient?" he asked in astonishment.<br />
<br />
"He fell out of a tree," I reported.<br />
<br />
The radiologist wanted to know what the patient was doing up a tree.<br />
<br />
"I'm not sure, but his paperwork states he works for Bob's Expert Tree Service."<br />
<br />
Gazing intently at the x-rays, the radiologist blinked and said, "Cross out 'Expert.'"<br />
<br />
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Pay Day<br />
<br />
A regular customer walks into the bar and says, "Bartender, one round for everyone, on me!"<br />
<br />
The bartender says, "Well, seems you're in a really good mood tonight."<br />
<br />
The man replies, "I sure am! Yesterday I was hired by the city to go around and collect money from the parking meters!"<br />
<br />
The bartender congratulates the man and proceeds to pour the round.<br />
<br />
The next night the same man walks back in, "Bartender, TWO rounds for everyone, on me!"<br />
<br />
The bartender says, "If you're so happy just over having this new job, I can just imagine how happy you'll be when you get your first paycheck!"<br />
<br />
With a wondrous look on his face, the man pulls out a handful of quarters from his pocket and says, "You mean they're gonna PAY me too?"<br />
<br />
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Groaners: Three Prayers<br />
<br />
1. Here's one direct from my son who at four years old had started attending a Christian daycare. The evening of his third day there, he insisted on saying "grace" at dinner. This was his prayer:<br />
<br />
"Gone is great! Gone is good!<br />
Let us spank him for our food.<br />
Amen."<br />
<br />
(By Kas Healy)<br />
<br />
2. One particular four-year-old prayed:<br />
<br />
"And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets."<br />
<br />
3. A teacher was drilling his young students on the Westminster Confession of Faith. The first question in the catechism is "What is the chief end of man?" The answer: "To glorify God and enjoy Him forever."<br />
<br />
One youngster seemed quite sure of himself as he anxiously waved his hand for recognition.<br />
<br />
When the teacher called his name, he proudly blurted out, "The chief end of man is to glorify God and annoy Him forever!"<br />
<br />
He was possibly more right than we'd care to admit!<br />
<br />
(By Bobbie L. Ross)<br />
<br />
Received from Stan Kegel.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Texting for Seniors<br />
<br />
Since more seniors are texting and tweeting, here are some STC (Senior Texting Codes). If you qualify for the senior discount, this is for you. Please pass this along to your children and grandchildren so they can understand you.<br />
<br />
ATD: At The Doctor's<br />
<br />
BTW: Bring The Wheelchair<br />
<br />
BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth<br />
<br />
CBM: Covered By Medicare<br />
<br />
CGU: Can't Get Up<br />
<br />
CUATSC: See You At The Senior Center<br />
<br />
DWI: Driving While Incontinent<br />
<br />
FWB: Friend With Betablockers<br />
<br />
FWIW: Forgot Where I Was<br />
<br />
FYI: Found Your Insulin<br />
<br />
GGLKI: Gotta Go! (Laxative Kicking In)<br />
<br />
GGPBL: Gotta Go! (Pacemaker Battery Low)<br />
<br />
GHA: Got Heartburn Again<br />
<br />
IMHO: Is My Hearing-Aid On?<br />
<br />
LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out<br />
<br />
LOL: Living On Lipitor<br />
<br />
LWO: Lawrence Welk's On<br />
<br />
OMMR: On My Massage Recliner<br />
<br />
OMSG: Oh, My! Sorry -- Gas.<br />
<br />
ROFL & CGU: Rolling On the Floor Laughing And Can't Get Up<br />
<br />
TTYL: Talk To You Louder<br />
<br />
WAITT: Who Am I Talking To?<br />
<br />
WTP: Where's The Prunes?<br />
<br />
WWNO: Walker Wheels Need Oil<br />
<br />
Received from Andrea Janzen.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
--<br />
Rate this funny at<br />
http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20120420<br />
<br />
Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a) Mail address: GCFL, Box 100, Harvest, AL 35749, USA<br />
<br />
To print or email this funny to others, go to<br />
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<br />
The latest GCFL funny can always be found on the web at http://www.gcfl.net/latest.php<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Column - - Mayan Musings (Limerick) - - December 20th, 2012<br />
<br />
It’s December 21st in some parts of the world, and we’re still here … I think.<br />
<br />
Mayan Musings (Limerick)<br />
By Madeleine Begun Kane<br />
<br />
The end of the world hasn’t come.<br />
Some are bummed, I suppose. Some are numb.<br />
Or perhaps the prediction<br />
Came true — isn’t fiction,<br />
But to notice, we’re just too damn dumb.<br />
<br />
© Madeleine Begun Kane. All Rights Reserved.<br />
http://www.madkane.com/<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
SGT. STUBBY - - WAR DOG HERO! <br />
<br />
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/2012/stubby2.jpg<br />
<br />
Meet America's first war dog, a stray Pit Bull/Terrier mix, named Stubby. He became Sgt. Stubby, was the most decorated war dog of World War I and the only dog to be promoted to sergeant through combat.<br />
<br />
One day he appeared at Yale Field in New Haven, Connecticut; while a group of soldiers were training, stopping to make friends with soldiers as they drilled. One soldier, Corporal Robert Conroy, developed a fondness for the dog. He named him Stubby because of his short legs. When it became time for the outfit to ship out, Conroy hid Stubby on board the troop ship. In order to keep the dog, the private taught him to salute his commanding officers warming their hearts to him.<br />
<br />
Stubby served with the 102nd Infantry, 26th (Yankee) Division in the trenches in France for 18 months and participated in four offensives and 18 battles. The loud noise of the bombs and gun fire did not bother him. He was never content to stay in the trenches but went out and found wounded soldiers.<br />
<br />
Stubby entered combat on February 5, 1918 at Chemin Des Dames, north of Soissons, and was under constant fire, day and night for over a month. In April 1918, during a raid to take Schieprey, Stubby was wounded in the foreleg by the retreating Germans throwing hand grenades. He was sent to the rear for convalescence, and as he had done on the front was able to improve morale. When he recovered from his wounds, Stubby returned to the trenches.<br />
<br />
After being gassed and nearly dying himself, Stubby learned to warn his unit of poison gas attacks, continued to locate wounded soldiers in no man's land, and since he could hear the whine of incoming artillery shells before humans could, became very adept at letting his unit know when to duck for cover.<br />
<br />
He was solely responsible for capturing a German spy in the Argonne. The spy made the mistake of speaking German to him when they were alone. Stubby knew he was no ally and attacked him biting and holding on to him by the seat of his pants until his comrades could secure him.<br />
<br />
Following the retaking of Chateau-Thierry by the US, the thankful women of the town made Stubby a chamois coat on which were pinned his many medals. There is also a legend that while in Paris with Corporal Conroy, Stubby saved a young girl from being hit by a car. At the end of the war, Conroy smuggled Stubby home.<br />
<br />
After returning home, Stubby became a celebrity and marched in, and normally led, many parades across the country. He met Presidents Woodrow Wilson, Calvin Coolidge, and Warren G. Harding. Starting in 1921, he attended Georgetown University Law Center with Conroy, and became the Georgetown Hoyas' team mascot. He would be given the football at halftime and would nudge the ball around the field to the amusement of the fans.<br />
<br />
Stubby was made a life member of the American Legion, the Red Cross, and the YMCA. In 1921, the Humane Education Society awarded him a special gold medal for service to his country. It was presented by General John Pershing.<br />
<br />
In 1926, Stubby died in Conroy's arms. His remains are featured in The Price of Freedom: Americans at War exhibit at the Smithsonian. Stubby was honored with a brick in the Walk of Honor at the United States World War I monument, Liberty Memorial, in Kansas City at a ceremony held on Armistice Day, November 11, 2006. <br />
<br />
Thanks to Waneta<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." __ Franklin D. Roosevelt <br />
"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle." <br />
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. _ _ George Carlin <br />
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" _ _ Queen E. Watson<br />
“A political class of Republicans and Democrats that look after themselves, not the Nation. A media hostile to the very precepts of this nation. A generation of Americans who see morals as vices, and are ignorant of America's Actual History.”<br />
"The things that will destroy America are prosperity-at-any-price, peace-at-any-price, safety-first instead of duty-first, the love of soft living, and the get-rich-quick theory of life." - - Theodore Roosevelt <br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> <br />
Emergency Phone Number 911 <br />
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )<br />
Central Dispatch 234_5655<br />
(Non _ Emergency Number)<br />
Direct Numbers<br />
Ambulance _ 234_7371 (24 Hour)<br />
Jail _ 234_5331 (24 Hour)<br />
Poison Control _ 800_222_1222 (24 Hour)<br />
http://www. aapcc. org/<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Interested in getting in touch with the Banner_News through e_mail? editor@bannernews.net For the editor, news@bannernews.net For news and sports items, Coming Events, Diary, Church News, school and civic events. [http://www.bannernews.net/]<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." __ "Bug" <br />
"I read the end of the book. We win!" __ "Bug" <br />
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." __ "Bug"<br />
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." _ _ "Bug"<br />
"It's no big deal doing what God tells you to do. A big deal would be NOT doing what God tells you to do. Just ask Jonah." _ _ Paul Troquille <br />
“Nam et ipsa scientia potestas est.” Knowledge is power. _ Francis Bacon <br />
"The problem is here and now. The time for talk is past. The time for action is now." <br />
Comments on the first Earth Day _ James F. McClellan via John "Fuzzy" Thurman<br />
~~~~~<br />
Hope you enjoy the newsletter. <br />
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week. <br />
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" __"Bug" <br />
God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!! <br />
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT_I KC5HII <br />
<br />
P. S. If you'd like to be added to the distribution, just drop us E_mail at kc5hii@suddenlink.net<br />
. We offer "Da Bleat" as text, a "Blog" and as a newsletter with pictures in Word and PDF format. The latest issue is usually updated sometime Saturday. For the latest issue, go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com. We also have a site [http://bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com/] where we post photos that I like.<br />
We appreciate your encouragement. We also appreciate your communication when you desire to be taken off our mail list. If you are on this mail list by mistake or do not wish to receive "Da Bleat," please reply back and tell us to discontinue service to you. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus 2012 before it was sent.<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
James F. McClellan<br />
Editor/Publisher "Bug's Bleat"<br />
NREMT_I, CSP, KC5HII<br />
418 North Jefferson Street<br />
Magnolia, Arkansas 71753<br />
(Phone) 870_234_7028<br />
KC5HII@Suddenlink.net<br />
=================<br />
"The problem is here and now. The time for talk is past. The time for action is now." <br />
Comments on the first Earth Day _ James F. McClellan via "Fuzzy" Thurman<br />
================================================<br />
<br />
Remember McClellan's Rules<br />
<br />
1. Rejoice in that this is the will of the Lord concerning you.<br />
If that doesn't seem to be working, remember;<br />
2. All things work together for the good of them who love the Lord.<br />
If that doesn't seem to be working, remember;<br />
3. All things are subject to change.<br />
And finally;<br />
4. Don't let the son of a guns get you down! Bughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07270965849194883997noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9136923892168334329.post-71627944854095506592012-12-15T17:42:00.001-08:002012-12-15T17:47:04.555-08:00Bug's Bleat - - GCF: Dog Bowl<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Tkk3ZTT2PUw/UM0mb5wcnxI/AAAAAAAAGfs/Dtz1_UYdRQ4/s1600/01-04-2012-12-09_20-10-45_34.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="180" width="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Tkk3ZTT2PUw/UM0mb5wcnxI/AAAAAAAAGfs/Dtz1_UYdRQ4/s320/01-04-2012-12-09_20-10-45_34.JPG" /></a></div><br />
Main Street Magnolia looking west toward the courthouse square. <br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-VsPkTjysmq8/UM0mZ9qvoPI/AAAAAAAAGfI/tvm7pw4vc-k/s1600/05-10-PC110020.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="193" width="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-VsPkTjysmq8/UM0mZ9qvoPI/AAAAAAAAGfI/tvm7pw4vc-k/s320/05-10-PC110020.JPG" /></a></div><br />
SAU’s new watertower Christmas colors. I like the old colors better.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-GFFRzOLFnao/UM0maa7UjiI/AAAAAAAAGfU/lbcKEAGGUhc/s1600/20-30-PC130037.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="320" width="263" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-GFFRzOLFnao/UM0maa7UjiI/AAAAAAAAGfU/lbcKEAGGUhc/s320/20-30-PC130037.JPG" /></a></div><br />
Annette’s lights on our porch.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-JNP88WimTxk/UM0max3eLjI/AAAAAAAAGfg/-qtIFjTLfvo/s1600/06-11-2012-12-11_19-02-37_478.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="91" width="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-JNP88WimTxk/UM0max3eLjI/AAAAAAAAGfg/-qtIFjTLfvo/s320/06-11-2012-12-11_19-02-37_478.JPG" /></a></div><br />
Trees around the courthouse. <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Volume 14, Issue 49 Friday, December 14, 2012<br />
<br />
Hello ALL,<br />
<br />
It’s gonna be a short “Bleat” this week. The tragedy in Connecticut is weighing on my mind and my heart.<br />
~~~~~<br />
Thoughts from friends;<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-fOsNsBmC3gI/UM0lt2BF7cI/AAAAAAAAGe8/URGFUK7aydg/s1600/Shooting%2B123988_600.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="261" width="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-fOsNsBmC3gI/UM0lt2BF7cI/AAAAAAAAGe8/URGFUK7aydg/s320/Shooting%2B123988_600.jpg" /></a></div>About this time yesterday, I was sitting in this chair worrying about the "problems" of everyday life and reminding myself to stay positive, work hard, and never give up...<br />
Today, I sit here in this chair, while my precious daughter is singing and playing in her room, and I am completely unable to validate yesterday's "problems" as real things deserving of thought. - - JR Bunner<br />
<br />
"A great disaster had befallen Russia: men have forgotten God; that's why all this has happened."<br />
Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn - - Donah Dumas<br />
<br />
Your kids are a loan from God, so love them while you can. - - Nancee Davis Law<br />
<br />
Praying for these school kids and their families. - - Jimmy Malone<br />
<br />
Praying for all involved & affected by the demonic murders in Conn. - - Terry Maris<br />
<br />
A day to be prayerful. - - Joe Tudor<br />
~~~~~<br />
Our nation (and much of the civilized world) took a “gut punch” yesterday with the news that 20 children had been slaughtered by a madman. Any death of a child is horrible but to have them taken in such a senseless, demonic way is almost unbearable.<br />
<br />
My class of ’69 mate, Mindy Phillips Lawrence quoted from the Fairfax Review: “Our thoughts and prayers go out to all those affected by the tragedy in Connecticut today.”May we not succumb to thoughts of violence and revenge today, but rather to thoughts of mercy and compassion. We are to love our enemies that they might be returned to their right minds." (Marianne Williamson)”<br />
<br />
That reminds me of the incredible Amish response to an elementary school shooting; “Forgive, Pray And Mourn” [http://www.cbsnews.com/2100-201_162-2059816.html]<br />
<br />
I agree with that sentiment, but the question remains … why? Why do things like this happen? If there is a God, why does he allow such evil? If we are truly a “modern” society, why do people commit such evil acts?<br />
<br />
Well, let me give you the short answer. This world ain’t perfect. We ain’t perfect. Our society ain’t perfect. God is perfect, but he’s not the ruler of this planet. When Adam and Eve “fell” they turned authority for this world over to another fallen being … Satan. As Larry Norman sang on his Iconic "Only Visiting This Planet" album, “This world is not my home/ I’m just…. passin’…. through….”<br />
<br />
So, is there no hope? We have more than hope. We have the promise of Matthew 18:18 "I tell you the truth, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.” So God has given us authority over the ruler of this planet.<br />
<br />
We should be using that authority and pray for our leaders, our neighbors, our friends and our family. When we hear of someone who is a threat to our peace, our first response should be prayer. In fact, our first response to most any situation should be prayer.<br />
<br />
Luke 6:28 ... bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.<br />
~~~~~<br />
Besides praying and sharing God’s hope, we should also encourage a greater effort to address mental illness in our nation (as well as the world.) Medically, we’re seeing great strides in Cancer, Heart and Lung research as well as many other medical problems. And, we’re spending large sums on Alzheimer's research. All of these programs are worthy of our support. But I get the feeling that research in treatments for schizophrenia and other serious mental ailments is lagging behind.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-MxISiQg35Wc/UM0j6_a9ynI/AAAAAAAAGew/Oy0Y90g7PgQ/s1600/Health%2BAccess%2B262641_10200259141224346_1991752076_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="235" width="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-MxISiQg35Wc/UM0j6_a9ynI/AAAAAAAAGew/Oy0Y90g7PgQ/s320/Health%2BAccess%2B262641_10200259141224346_1991752076_n.jpg" /></a></div>Regan cut funding for many mental health treatment facilities (here in Arkansas, many of those who had been housed at the state mental hospital in Benton were farmed out to Nursing Homes across the state. You can imagine the difference in treatment for their disease between the two places.)<br />
And, most insurance doesn’t pay for much mental health treatment. The normal coverage is for three to six months and then the patient is no longer covered. It doesn’t matter if they are well or not.<br />
<br />
Mental Illness is treatable. But it’s much more difficult to diagnose and the course of treatment for many mental problems is not standardized. We need a “War on Mental Illness” to address the diagnosis, cause and treatment for severe illness such as obviously affected the shooter in Connecticut. <br />
~~~~~<br />
I’ve seen this posted several times over the last few hours. It’s being attributed to Morgan Freeman but I can find no proof that he issued this statement. However, I do consider this a thoughtful take on what happened in Connecticut:<br />
~<br />
"You want to know why this happened. This may sound cynical, but here's why I believe these suicide mass killings keep happening.<br />
<br />
It's because of the way the media reports it. Flip on the news and watch how we treat the Batman theater shooter and the Oregon mall shooter like celebrities. The Columbine shooters are household names, but do you know the name of a single *victim* of Columbine? Disturbed people who would otherwise just off themselves in their basements see the news and want to top it by doing something worse, and going out in a memorable way. <br />
<br />
Why a grade school? Why children? Because he'll be remembered as a horrible monster, instead of a sad nobody.<br />
<br />
CNN's article says that if the body count "holds up", this will rank as the second deadliest shooting behind Virginia Tech, as if statistics somehow make one shooting worse than another. Then they post a video interview of third-graders for all the details of what they saw and heard while the shootings were happening. Fox News has plastered the killer's face on all their reports for hours. Any articles or news stories yet that focus on the victims and ignore the killer's identity? None that I've seen yet. Because they don't sell. So congratulations, sensationalist media, you've just lit the fire for someone to top this and knock off a day care center or a maternity ward next.<br />
<br />
You can help by forgetting you ever read this man's name, and remembering the name of at least one victim. You can help by donating to mental health research instead of pointing to gun control as the problem. You can help by turning off the news." <br />
~~~~~<br />
Thank to Gena Risher Hammock for sharing that Conn. Chief Medical Examiner Dr. Wayne Carver has released the list of victims from the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting on Saturday. The students killed were all in the 1st grade: <br />
<br />
Charlotte Bacon, 6<br />
<br />
Daniel Barden, 7<br />
<br />
Rachel Davino, 29<br />
<br />
Olivia Engel, 6<br />
<br />
Josephine Gay, 7<br />
<br />
Ana Marquez-Greene, 6<br />
<br />
Dylan Hockley, 6<br />
<br />
Dawn Hochsprung, 47<br />
<br />
Madeleine Hsu, 6<br />
<br />
Catherine Hubbard, 6<br />
<br />
Chase Kowalski, 7<br />
<br />
Jesse Lewis, 6<br />
<br />
James Mattioli, 6<br />
<br />
Grace McDonnell, 7<br />
<br />
Anne Marie Murphy, 52<br />
<br />
Emilie Parker, 6<br />
<br />
Jack Pinto, 6<br />
<br />
Noah Pozner, 6<br />
<br />
Caroline Previdi, 6<br />
<br />
Jessica Rekos, 6<br />
<br />
Avielle Richman, 6<br />
<br />
Lauren Rousseau, 30<br />
<br />
Mary Sherlach, 56<br />
<br />
Victoria Soto,27<br />
<br />
Benjamin Wheeler, 6<br />
<br />
Allison Wyatt, 6<br />
~~~~~<br />
And, while we’re talking about loss and heartache, let me comment on the “Word Wars” I see from time to time play out on Face book.<br />
~<br />
Let me try to put this into perspective. I got a post from Larry Lyons, a fellow safety man I worked with at Lion Oil in 2009. Larry is one of the best. What he shared hits me right in the gut.<br />
<br />
"Thoughts and prayers sent out to the two families that were affected by the accident this morning. If you love someone, tell them. It may be your last chance." Two workers were killed on the job in south Texas.<br />
<br />
And those of us on this list have experienced loss over the years we've been visiting digitally.<br />
<br />
I'm just saying life is too short to spend time in strife. I'm not asking anyone to change their beliefs, just to do three things;<br />
<br />
1. Try to remember that God made us all different. We don't march in lock step and Thank God for it. You can disagree without being disagreeable.<br />
<br />
2. If someone says something that offends you, consider cutting them a little slack. I for one could fill a large volume with the words I wish I'd never spoken or written.<br />
<br />
3. In all cases pursue peace. I will respect whatever you have to do to maintain your peace. <br />
<br />
With that said, All of you are important to me. I value your thoughts and comments (even though I sure don't agree with all of them all the time.) And I deeply value y'all.<br />
~~~~~<br />
On a lighter note, Our Favorite Christmas Movies:<br />
<br />
Christmas in Connecticut 1945<br />
We’re No Angels 1945<br />
Die Hard 1988 <br />
The Santa Clause 1994 <br />
Last Holiday 2006<br />
The Holiday 2006 <br />
Holiday Inn 1942 <br />
It's a Wonderful Life 1946 <br />
Miracle on 34th Street 1947 <br />
White Christmas 1954 <br />
The Shop Around the Corner 1940<br />
The Bishop's Wife 1947 <br />
Holiday Affair 1949 <br />
I'll Be Seeing You 1944<br />
~~~~~<br />
my classmate, Chuck Jackson, shares a little humor with us.<br />
~<br />
CURIOUS LITTLE FELLOW by Chuck Jackson (Originally posted on Tuesday, June 12, 2012)<br />
<br />
The little anecdotes I write come during idle reflection when I´ve nothing to worry me. Oh, I can write under stress, but that´s too much like college, which I never did enjoy. Politics aside, this was still a very trying year, and I wrote little. The following is one of the few exceptions, and the one I liked best. If you haven´t read it before, merry Christmas!<br />
<br />
MY WAR RECORD I went to work on Monday and found Roberto, the five-year-old nephew of one of our secretaries, in the teacher´s lounge at my institute. He was spending the day with us as his normal haunt was having some kind of internal school holiday, and there was no one available to keep him incarcerated at home. <br />
<br />
With a plastic tub of crayon bits and a stack of Xeroxed pictures from an assortment of coloring books, he was employing an imaginative sense of hue to enliven otherwise mundane drawings of animals, trees, houses, airplanes, etc. <br />
<br />
He noted my envy and grudgingly allotted me two drawings to color myself. Both were of zebras. <br />
<br />
I granted him a soul-withering thanks and set to coloring. <br />
<br />
Criticizing my work, he remarked as how my zebras looked much the same. I admitted that one was the common black-and-white-striped variety but that the other was the rare white-and-black-striped zebra previously found only in the jungles of the Sahara. <br />
<br />
He told me the Sahara was a desert. I reminded him of the great droughts in Africa which had not only destroyed the jungles of the Sahara but also killed millions of the now rare white-and-black-striped zebras, the Sahara having been their only native habitat and all. <br />
<br />
He asked was the white-and-black-striped zebra extinct? I plead ignorance but told him of the one I had seen at the zoo in Barcelona way back in ´76. Mention of that year produced an astounding change in his countenance. His eyes rounded up like solid quarters in a flash, and he asked had I fought in the U.S. Revolutionary War after returning home from Barcelona in ´76. I regretfully informed him I was too young to have fought in that war. <br />
<br />
Noting his disappointment, I quickly added that they had let me beat the drum when they were marching though. My not having actually shot anyone (Hispanics are real big on shooting historical Englishmen) didn´t impress him. To return to his good graces, I bragged as how my cousin, George Washington, HAD let me sign the Declaration of Independence. <br />
<br />
He ripped open his schoolbag, jerked out a large U.S. Revolutionary War picture book, and opened it to the centerfold. What lay before us was a two-page spread of the Declaration. He asked which signature on the bottom was mine. I pointed it out, but he complained as how it was illegible. <br />
<br />
I explained how I had been forced to sign with a feather having never written with one before. He sympathized and said how he had the same problem with biros. (I can see y´all now thumbing through the Wikipedia for ´biro.´ I assure you it´s a perfectly good word though usually capitalized.) <br />
<br />
He asked me to be his show and tell in kindergarten as I was probably the only U.S. Revolutionary War veteran in Chile who had signed the Declaration. I declined stating I was embarrassed calling myself a veteran in public not having actually shot anyone. <br />
<br />
Sighing, he returned to my zebras and asked which was the rare white-and-black-striped one. Well, . . . I was stumped.<br />
~~~~~<br />
The Babe in the Manger<br />
<br />
For unto us a Child is born, Unto us a Son is given; And the government will be upon His shoulder. And His name will be called Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. (Isa 9:6)<br />
<br />
<br />
1) Do you worship the babe in the manger<br />
But reject the Christ of the cross?<br />
Your redemption comes not by the manger<br />
But the death of Christ on the cross.<br />
<br />
2) If you worship the babe in the manger<br />
But ignore the blood of God's Son<br />
To you Christ is only a stranger<br />
'Til you trust the work He has done.<br />
<br />
3) Will you look past the babe in the manger?<br />
Will you look to Calvary<br />
Oh my friend can you not see the danger<br />
Of a lost eternity?<br />
<br />
Chorus:<br />
The Babe in the manger was God's only Son<br />
Who came to the world to die<br />
The Babe in the manger could never have done<br />
The work of His God on high.<br />
The Babe left the manger and went to the cross<br />
To pay the wages of sin<br />
Your way of forgiveness is not by the babe<br />
But the Christ Who died for your sin.<br />
<br />
<br />
Christ...made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant, and coming in the likeness of men. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross. Therefore God also has highly exalted Him and given Him the name which is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of those in heaven, and of those on earth, and of those under the earth, and that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. (Phil 2:7-11) (VW)<br />
~~~~~<br />
United States Department of Education, also referred to as ED or the ED for (the) Education Department, is a Cabinet-level department of the United States government. Created by the Department of Education Organization Act (Public Law 96-88) and signed into law by President Jimmy Carter on October 17, 1979, it began operating on May 4, 1980.[2]<br />
<br />
For 2006, the ED discretionary budget was $56 billion and the mandatory budget contained $23.4 billion. As of 2011, the discretionary budget is $69.9 billion.<br />
<br />
Student achievement has stagnated or fallen in most subjects since 1970, with the largest and most thoroughly established decline occurring in basic literacy. That is the verdict of the five most reliable sources of evidence: the National Assessment of Education Progress (NAEP), the International Evaluation of Education Achievement (IEA), the Young Adult Literacy Survey (YALS), the National Adult Literacy Survey (NALS), and the International Adult Literacy Survey (IALS). <br />
<br />
In 1992, education scholar Harold Stevenson published the results of a decade’s worth of international studies comparing not only educational performance, but attitudes as well. In his studies, he looked at hundreds of classrooms and families in the U.S., China, Taiwan, and Japan. What he found was that American parents were by far the most satisfied with their local schools, while their children had the worst performance overall. Though in the first grade they were only slightly behind their Asian counterparts in mathematics, by the fifth grade the best American schools had lower scores than the worst schools from all three other nations. Unaware of this fact, the American parents reported being quite pleased with the performance of their schools and their children.<br />
<br />
http://www.heritage.org/research/reports/2008/09/does-spending-more-on-education-improve-academic-achievement<br />
<br />
Looking at the above facts, I conclude that the billions we’re spending via the Department of Education are a waste since our kids school performance has remained static or declined in spite of the DOE’s money.<br />
<br />
However, the study also shows that parents are no judge of the quality or ability of their local schools.<br />
<br />
I believe that our hope relies in local school boards who are dedicated to the quality education of students and supported by the public.<br />
<br />
Fortunately or unfortunately, I know of no Federal program which will provide quality local school boards. That’s the job of the community. <br />
~~~~~<br />
Here’s how Finland handles education.<br />
~<br />
26 Amazing Facts About Finland's Unorthodox Education System by Adam Taylor<br />
<br />
Finland Helsinki<br />
<br />
Since it implemented huge education reforms 40 years ago, Finland's school system has consistently come at the top for the international rankings for education systems.<br />
<br />
So how do they do it?<br />
<br />
It's simple — by going against the evaluation-driven, centralized model that much of the Western world uses.<br />
<br />
Finnish children don't start school until they are 7.<br />
<br />
They rarely take exams or do homework until they are well into their teens.<br />
<br />
The children are not measured at all for the first six years of their education.<br />
<br />
There is only one mandatory standardized test in Finland, taken when children are 16.<br />
<br />
All children, clever or not, are taught in the same classrooms.<br />
<br />
Finland spends around 30 percent less per student than the United States.<br />
<br />
30 percent of children receive extra help during their first nine years of school.<br />
<br />
66 percent of students go to college. The highest rate in Europe.<br />
<br />
The difference between weakest and strongest students is the smallest in the World.<br />
<br />
Science classes are capped at 16 students so that they may perform practical experiments every class.<br />
<br />
93 percent of Finns graduate from high school.<br />
<br />
17.5 percent higher than the US.<br />
<br />
43 percent of Finnish high-school students go to vocational schools.<br />
<br />
Elementary school students get 75 minutes of recess a day in Finnish versus an average of 27 minutes in the US.<br />
<br />
Teachers only spend 4 hours a day in the classroom, and take 2 hours a week for "professional development".<br />
<br />
Finland has the same amount of teachers as New York City, but far fewer students. 600,000 students compared to 1.1 million in NYC.<br />
<br />
The school system is 100% state funded.<br />
<br />
All teachers in Finland must have a Masters degree, which is fully subsidized.<br />
<br />
The national curriculum is only broad guidelines.<br />
<br />
Teachers are selected from the top 10% of graduates.<br />
<br />
In 2010, 6,600 applicants vied for 660 primary school training slots<br />
<br />
The average starting salary for a Finnish teacher was $29,000 in 2008. Compared with $36,000 in the United States. However, high school teachers with 15 years of experience make 102 percent of what other college graduates make. In the US, this figure is 62%.<br />
<br />
There is no merit pay for teachers but Teachers are given the same status as doctors and lawyers<br />
<br />
In an international standardized measurement in 2001, Finnish children came top or very close to the top for science, reading and mathematics. It's consistently come top or very near every time since.<br />
<br />
And despite the differences between Finland and the US, it easily beats countries with a similar demographic<br />
<br />
Neighbor Norway, of a similar size and featuring a similar homogeneous culture, follows the same strategies as the USA and achieves similar rankings in international studies.<br />
~~~~~<br />
Recent Rasmussen Reports<br />
<br />
Most Still Think Government Workers Better Off - - As they have for years, Americans still generally believe that those employed by the government don't work as hard as those in the private sector but get more in return. Read More [http://www.rasmussenreports.com/public_content/business/jobs_employment/december_2012/most_still_think_government_workers_better_off] <br />
<br />
76% Think Christmas Should Be About Jesus, Not Santa - - Should Christmas be more about Jesus Christ or Santa Claus? It may seem hard to tell looking at the popular culture, but Americans overwhelmingly think the emphasis should be on Jesus. Read More [http://www.rasmussenreports.com/public_content/lifestyle/holidays/december_2012/76_think_christmas_should_be_about_jesus_not_santa]<br />
<br />
New High: 73% Say Government Should Cut Spending to Help Economy <br />
Half of all Americans want more government action to deal with the economy. But the action they are looking for is to cut government spending. . Read More http://www.rasmussenreports.com/public_content/business/general_business/december_2012/new_high_73_say_government_should_cut_spending_to_help_economy<br />
~~~~~<br />
Health Care Law Is Still Fighting For Its Life <br />
A Commentary By Scott Rasmussen <br />
<br />
Having survived the Supreme Court and the November elections, President Obama's health care law now faces an even bigger hurdle: the reality of making it work.<br />
<br />
Implementation of any massive new program requires cooperation, something the health care law can't count on. Overall, just 46 percent of voters nationwide have a favorable opinion of the law, while 49 percent offer a negative view. The reasons are pretty much the same as they've been all along. Just 22 percent believe the law will reduce the cost of health care. Forty-eight percent believe costs will go up. By similar margins, voters expect the law to hurt the quality of care and drive up the federal budget deficit.<br />
<br />
Overall, just 28 percent believe the health care system will get better over the coming years, while 50 percent expect the opposite. Most Democrats believe things will get better, but few Republicans or unaffiliated voters agree.<br />
<br />
This skepticism might not matter except for the fact that the law counts on the cooperation of states to implement the federal plan. States were called upon to set up so-called health insurance exchanges that the president envisioned as a one-stop shopping place for health insurance products. However, the Dec. 14 deadline for states to sign up showed that fewer than half the states are willing to go along.<br />
<br />
The federal government will have to run the exchanges in those states, a task few believe it is prepared to handle. The timetable is challenging, to say the least. These exchanges must be ready to accept patients by Oct. 1, 2013, and be fully operational by Jan. 1, 2014. If that's not enough, the federal exchanges will need to rely on cooperation from state agencies in places that have officially refused to cooperate.<br />
<br />
If the president's health care law were popular, this kind of state-by-state resistance would provoke outrage and be dangerous to the politicians involved. But it has not. Only a third of voters nationwide even know whether their state has decided to open an exchange.<br />
<br />
Fewer than half (46 percent) of the nation's voters want their state to set up an exchange, and voters are evenly divided between whether they want their governor to support or oppose implementation. Generally speaking, Democrats want their governors to be supportive; Republicans want their governors to resist; and unaffiliated voters are divided.<br />
<br />
Last March, I wrote that the health care law was doomed regardless of what the Supreme Court decided. That still appears to be the case. With the re-election of the president and a Democratic Senate, formal repeal is not going to happen. However, the realities of implementation will provide many avenues for ongoing resistance. Some will be financial, as businesses and others evaluate their options. Some will be legal, as a number of cases continue to work their way through the courts.<br />
<br />
But the biggest challenge is more basic. Voters want more control over their own health care choices than either the status quo or the president's law allows. Voters are OK with the requirement in Obama's plan forcing insurance companies to offer comprehensive coverage, but 74 percent think everyone should also have the right to choose between expensive plans that cover just about every imaginable medical procedure and lower-cost plans that cover a smaller number of procedures.<br />
<br />
Giving consumers that kind of choice would be a popular reform. Giving them that kind of control over insurance companies would do more to reign in the cost of medical care than anything else.<br />
<br />
To find out more about Scott Rasmussen, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit www.creators.com. <br />
<br />
COPYRIGHT 2012 SCOTT RASMUSSEN<br />
Rasmussen Reports | 625 Cookman Avenue | Asbury Park | NJ | 07712<br />
~~~~~<br />
2Th 2:16-17 Phil 4:4-7 Titus 3:4-5 Gen 1:29-31 <br />
<br />
Today's Seed from E-MIN todaysseed.text@e-min.org<br />
Sign up for Today's Seed: www.e-min.org/msg.htm (Your info is safe!)<br />
Today's Seed by Randall Vaughn is published daily (M-F) by E-MIN<br />
Global Ministries, P O Box 220, Warrior, AL 35180 (USA) www.e-min.org<br />
Copyright Terms/Permissions/List Privacy www.e-min.org/tp.htm<br />
Today's Seed(TM) (c) 2012 Randall Vaughn All Rights Reserved Worldwide. <br />
~~~~~<br />
Favorite Quotes: <br />
<br />
What do you call Santa's elves? Subordinate Clauses. - - Thanks to Martha Chapman.<br />
<br />
Christmas is the time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell government what they want and their kids pay for it. ~ Richard Lamm Thanks to Ron Hazelton<br />
<br />
Mediocrity - Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them. (Catch-22) - - Joseph Heller<br />
***<br />
Great innovators and original thinkers and artists attract the wrath of mediocrities as lightning rods draw the flashes. - - Theodor Reik<br />
~~~~~<br />
The following wisdom is shared by our friends.<br />
~<br />
We often miss out on blessings simply because they aren't packaged the way we expect<br />
<br />
When you are down to nothing, God is up to something<br />
<br />
Just because I had my morning cup of coffee doesn't mean I'm fully functional.<br />
<br />
Nancee Davis Law<br />
~~~~~<br />
Cinnamon Ornaments<br />
<br />
Making Cinnamon Ornaments are a perfect holiday fun activity for kids. The ornaments are easy to make and their aroma lasts long after the holidays are over.<br />
<br />
<br />
Makes 12 to 15 ornaments.<br />
Prep Time: 30 minutes<br />
Cook Time: 2 1/2 hours or 1 to 2 days drying time<br />
<br />
ingredients<br />
<br />
3/4 cup applesauce<br />
1 bottle (4.12 ounces) McCormick® Cinnamon, Ground<br />
<br />
Supplies needed:<br />
<br />
Cookie cutters<br />
Drinking straw<br />
Colorful ribbon<br />
<br />
<br />
directions<br />
<br />
1. Preheat oven to 200°F. Mix applesauce and cinnamon in small bowl until a smooth ball of dough is formed. (You may need use your hands to incorporate all of the cinnamon.) Using about 1/4 of the dough at a time, roll dough to 1/4-inch to 1/3-inch thickness between two sheets of plastic wrap. Peel off top sheet of plastic wrap. Cut dough into desired shapes with 2- to 3-inch cookie cutters. Make a hole at top of ornament with drinking straw or skewer. Place ornaments on baking sheet.<br />
<br />
2. Bake 2 1/2 hours. Cool ornaments on wire rack. (Or, to dry ornaments at room temperature, carefully place them on wire rack. Let stand 1 to 2 days or until thoroughly dry, turning occasionally.)<br />
<br />
3. Insert ribbon through holes and tie to hang. Decorate with opaque paint markers, found in arts and crafts stores, if desired.<br />
<br />
Tips<br />
<br />
Test Kitchen Tip: If a different size bottle of cinnamon is used, measure 1 cup plus 2 tablespoons cinnamon.<br />
<br />
Nutritional Information: DO NOT EAT<br />
<br />
Copyright © 2008 McCormick & Company, Inc. All Rights Reserved. | www.mccormick.com<br />
http://www.mccormick.com/Recipes/Other/Cinnamon-Ornaments.aspx<br />
~~~~~<br />
AskBob - - Bob Rankin - - Securing Your Laptop <br />
<br />
The mobility and convenience that laptop computers provide has made it imperative for users to take steps to secure their laptops, and the data stored on them. There are several simple things that you can do to keep your laptop safe. Read on to learn how to protect your laptop from theft, snooping and data loss... [http://askbobrankin.com/securing_your_laptop.html?awt_l=HZr.N&awt_m=Jcq9ukPNe8P6SL]<br />
~~~~~<br />
The latest from Michael Yon, the foremost “milnews” blogger on the web. <br />
~<br />
Greetings,<br />
<br />
This dispatch is special [http://www.michaelyon-online.com/wolf-pack-103-sole-mates.htm]. Wait until you see what the Dutch Marine discovered.<br />
~<br />
Shadows are key in tracking. [http://www.michaelyon-online.com/wolfpack-104-%E2%80%93jungle-man-art-vs.-gi-science.htm]<br />
~<br />
All I want for Christmas<br />
<br />
This song is popular in Thailand tonight.<br />
<br />
A few years ago, I was Hanoi, Vietnam, on research, and in short order also hit Singapore (love it!) and also Jakarta, Indonesia (heavy Muslim), and all were celebrating Christmas.<br />
<br />
Singapore welcomes Christmas massively with decorations. I love the safety of Singapore, but I love the wildness of America even more.<br />
<br />
In Afghanistan, I remember Soldiers listening to this song during a break in combat operations, off the back of a Stryker.<br />
<br />
Thank you, Mariah and band, for this great worldwide song.<br />
<br />
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K5bo4VDEH-U<br />
<br />
Very Respectfully,<br />
Michael Yon<br />
Your Writer,<br />
<br />
Please remember that this website accepts no advertisement and is dependent on your support. <br />
<br />
PS Please sign up for my Twitter.com updates at "Michael_Yon" [http://twitter.com/Michael_Yon] (not Michael Yon).<br />
<br />
http://www.facebook.com/#/MichaelYonFanPage?ref=sgm<br />
~<br />
www.michaelyon-online.com<br />
~<br />
Http://www.michaelyon_online.com/index.php<br />
~~~~~ <br />
If you would like to encourage US Troops overseas, but are not sure just how to begin, visit www.anysoldier.com for ideas. <br />
~~~~~ <br />
Please remember ... America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the MALL.<br />
~~~~~ <br />
DarynKagan.com - - Here's hoping your week is going great!<br />
<br />
Brilliant Response To Neighbor's Holiday Lights<br />
What to do when you can't begin to match your neighbor's over the top holiday light display? One woman has the perfect answer.<br />
http://darynkagan.demo.nimbussoftware.com/heroism/2012/he_121212_brilliant_light_response.html<br />
<br />
Hero Saves Lives In Portland Mall Shooting<br />
A store employee at the Portland mall used his knowledge of the shopping complex to hustle a customer out of the building during Tuesday's shooting rampage and then twice went back inside to guide other shoppers to exits and safety.<br />
http://darynkagan.demo.nimbussoftware.com/heroism/2012/he_121212_portland_shooting_hero.html<br />
~~~~~<br />
<br />
ACC: Interior Dept. delays issuance of fracking rules<br />
The Department of the Interior has delayed the implementation of rules covering hydraulic fracturing. Interior earlier planned to finalize the rules by year's end, but it now "expects action on the [hydraulic fracturing] proposal in the new year," said Blake Androff, a spokesman for the department. "[A]s we continue to offer millions of acres of America's public lands for oil and gas development, it is important that the public have full confidence that the right safety and environmental protections are in place." The Hill/E2 Wire blog (http://thehill.com/blogs/e2-wire/e2-wire/272307-interior-pushes-back-fracking-rule-timeline)<br />
<br />
The Interior Department no longer plans to finalize rules this year that will impose new controls on the controversial oil-and-gas development method called hydraulic fracturing, a spokesman said. …<br />
~~~~~<br />
http://www.shelfari.com<br />
http://www.shelfari.com/bugsbleat/shelf<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Photos on the front of this week’s “Bleat” include - -.Main Street Magnolia looking west toward the courthouse square. Trees around the courthouse. Annette’s lights on our porch and SAU’s new watertower colors.<br />
~~~~~<br />
For the latest issue of "Da Bleat.", go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com. <br />
Our photos are posted at http://www.bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com.<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.<br />
~~~~~<br />
BreakPoint - - The Court of Public Opinion, Why We Must Win<br />
By: John Stonestreet: December 14, 2012 6:35 AM<br />
<br />
Legal victories are critical to protecting constitutional rights. But there’s a far more important court we need to win, or our freedom as Christians will be in serious trouble. <br />
<br />
If there’s one thing Chuck Colson was adamant about, it was that politics is downstream from culture. While he was careful to remind us that this doesn’t mean politics is pointless (far from it, in fact) he took exception when Christians looked to Congress, the president, or the Supreme Court to do the work that only can be done in other spheres: work that leads to the transforming of hearts and minds, building personal and cultural ethics, reforming education and business, among other spheres of human existence.<br />
<br />
He thought and taught this approach because he knew the ultimate source of our government’s policies is the will of the people.<br />
<br />
As our second president, John Adams, once wrote in a letter to a relative, “Statesmen…may plan and speculate for Liberty, but it is Religion and Morality alone, which can establish the Principles upon which Freedom can securely stand.”<br />
<br />
One of these principles—the most important, in fact—is our freedom to be moral and religious. That means permission not only to privately believe as we choose, but to live out our beliefs in every area of life.<br />
<br />
Well, here’s some bad news: New data from LifeWay Research shows a majority of Americans favor requiring religious employers to provide contraceptives to their employees—which is the primary component of the HHS mandate we’ve kept you up to speed on this year.<br />
<br />
According to the poll, which LifeWay released earlier this month, six out of ten Americans favor the mandate. Perhaps more surprisingly, over half said they thought Catholic employers, specifically, should have to comply—despite the church’s well-known teaching against artificial contraceptives.<br />
<br />
Though many of these respondents may not have thought their answers through completely, this means that most of the country currently agrees with the administration that Christians ought to be required to relinquish their religious freedom when they go into business, and that anyone who disagrees should have to shut their doors.<br />
<br />
This news comes on the heels of a spate of mixed messages from the courts. Late last month, a federal appeals court granted an injunction on behalf of O’Brien Industrial Holdings, a small, for-profit, Catholic-owned business. This reinforced the precedent of an earlier decision out of Chicago to grant an injunction to Tyndale House Publishers.<br />
<br />
But the real story here is that the O’Brien ruling helps counter Federal Judge Joe Heaton’s reason for denying Hobby Lobby’s request for an injunction just a few weeks earlier on the grounds that they could not cite “any case concluding that secular, for-profit corporations…have a constitutional right to the free exercise of religion.”<br />
<br />
Well, thanks to O’Brien, we now have a very strong indication that such a precedent might be set. Tyndale House is not a “secular, for-profit corporation.” O’Brien Industrial Holdings is.<br />
<br />
The decision on the HHS mandate, ultimately, could be up to the Supreme Court. But until then, the HHS’s reasoning that private companies have no religious freedom doesn’t seem to be holding up.<br />
<br />
Here’s where we come in: as I mentioned just a moment ago, courts aren’t enough to protect our liberties long-term. Even if the Supreme Court decides in favor of our right of conscience, the battle will not be over—not when a majority of Americans see no problem with forcing Christians to violate their most basic beliefs as a condition for going into business. As my colleague, Eric Metaxas said last month, “we must wage the battle for religious freedom on the airwaves, in the court of public opinion, and in the halls of Congress.”<br />
<br />
So what can you do?<br />
<br />
First, visit our special HHS Mandate section at ColsonCenter.org. We’ve collected all kinds of resources and talking points for you.<br />
<br />
Second, make sure you add your name to one of Chuck Colson’s most significant projects—the Manhattan Declaration. The website at ManhattanDeclaration.org, has just been updated and offers next steps for people interested in defending life, marriage, and religious liberty.<br />
Further Reading and Information<br />
<br />
HHS Mandate<br />
ColsonCenter.org<br />
<br />
Most Americans Disagree with Exempting Religious Employers from Contraception Mandate<br />
Melissa Steffan | ChristianityToday.com | December 4, 2012 [http://www.colsoncenter.org/issues/hhs]<br />
<br />
Federal court issues injunction against HHS implementation of Obamacare contraception mandate<br />
The Daily Caller | November 29, 2012 [http://dailycaller.com/2012/11/29/federal-court-issues-injunction-against-hhs-implementation-of-obamacare-contraception-mandate/]<br />
<br />
Whence Comes Our Deliverance? [http://www.breakpoint.org/bpcommentaries/entry/13/20889]<br />
Eric Metaxas | BreakPoint.org | November 28, 2012<br />
<br />
[http://www.breakpoint.org/bpcommentaries]<br />
<br />
Copyright © 2012 Prison Fellowship. All Rights Reserved <br />
<br />
~~~~~<br />
Residents of Columbia County, Arkansas are represented in Congress by:<br />
~<br />
<br />
Senator John Boozman (R_ AR) <br />
1 Russell Courtyard<br />
Washington DC, 20510<br />
Phone: 202-224-4843<br />
http://boozman.senate.gov/<br />
~<br />
Senator Mark Pryor (D_ AR) <br />
Phone 202_224_2353 <br />
FAX 202_228_0908 <br />
http://pryor.senate.gov/<br />
~<br />
Representative Michael A. Ross (D _ 04) <br />
Phone 202_225_3772 <br />
FAX 202_225_1314 <br />
http://ross.house.gov/<br />
<br />
Other states congresspersons can be found at: [http://www.visi.com/juan/congress/]<br />
~~~~~<br />
THOUGHT OF THE DAY:<br />
<br />
"Success is blocked by concentrating on it and planning for it. ... Success is shy -- it won't come out while you're watching." - Tennessee Williams<br />
<br />
"Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self-confidence." - Robert Frost<br />
<br />
"One thing you will probably remember well is any time you forgive and forget." - Franklin P. Jones<br />
<br />
"Truth, like gold, is to be obtained not by its growth, but by washing away from it all that is not gold." - Leo Tolstoy<br />
<br />
"An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last." - Winston Churchill<br />
<br />
"One will rarely err if extreme actions be ascribed to vanity, ordinary actions to habit, and mean actions to fear." - Friedrich Nietzsche<br />
<br />
"Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age 18." - Albert Einstein <br />
~~~~~ <br />
Breaking Christian News <br />
<br />
Olympian Gabby Douglas Talks Faith - - Teresa Neumann (Dec 10, 2012)<br />
"Before the all-around competition, I was just praying to God and saying, 'Thank you for all, God. No matter what happens tomorrow I'm still going to be with you. Win or lose, I'm still going to bless you and I'm still going to give you all the glory." Read Full Story [http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=10836]<br />
<br />
Surgeon Talks In-depth about Heavenly Experience - - Teresa Neumann (Dec 11, 2012)<br />
"I was also absolutely overcome by the sense of being home, of being where I truly belonged. . . I love my husband dearly. I love my children more than I could ever imagine loving something on earth. But in comparison to God's love, the love I feel here is pale. I mean, I was home." -Dr. Mary Neal<br />
Read Full Story [http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=10843]<br />
<br />
editor@breakingchristiannews.com<br />
<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
<br />
GCF: Dog Bowl<br />
<br />
If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.com<br />
----------------------------------------------------------<br />
<br />
A woman went to the counter to purchase a drinking bowl for her dog.<br />
<br />
The clerk asked, "Would you like it inscribed 'For The Dog'?"<br />
<br />
"It doesn't really matter," she replied. "My husband doesn't drink water and the dog can't read."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Long Trip<br />
<br />
Before leaving home with our family for the drive from Maine to Disney World in Florida, the children were warned that it was a long trip and no one was to ask, "How much farther is it?" or "When will we arrive?" The journey was remarkably question-free until 9 a.m. on the third day, when the youngest of the children sighed, "Will I still be five when we get there?"<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Lost Dog<br />
<br />
The front door was accidentally left open and our dog was gone. After unsuccessfully whistling and calling, my husband got in the car and went looking for him.<br />
<br />
He drove around the neighborhood for some time with no luck. Finally he stopped beside a couple out for a walk and asked if they had seen our dog.<br />
<br />
"You mean the one following your car?" they asked.<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Guest Speaker<br />
<br />
We recently had a guest speaker at our church. He is from India, part of an organization that our church supports.<br />
<br />
Before he started his sermon, he asked if anyone had called any customer support numbers recently.<br />
<br />
When several people in the congregation raised their hands, he said, "That's good. That means you won't have too much trouble understanding my accent."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Division of Labor<br />
<br />
Newly married, my husband and I had several heated discussions concerning the division of household chores. I complained that I was doing the lion's share.<br />
<br />
Not long after, I returned home and found every second room vacuumed, the dishes washed and the laundry done and folded. I was even more touched to find "I love you" drawn in the dust on every second shelf of the bookcases. <br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / There are 10 types of people \ /
\ _/in the world. Those who understand \_ /
/ / binary and those who don't. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Always kiss your children \ /
\ _/ goodnight. Even if they are \_ /
/ / already asleep. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / "Be nice to your kids. \ /
\ _/ They'll choose \_ /
/ / your nursing home." \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / This sentence have \ /
\ _/ three things rong with it. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / A seminar on time travel \ /
\ _/ will be held two weeks ago. \_ /
/ / \ \
_ _______________________________ _
/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( \
/ / | tellswor@kcbx.net | \ \
_( (_ | http://www.kcbx.net/~tellswor | _) )
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Pun intended <br />
<br />
How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.<br />
<br />
Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!<br />
<br />
A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.<br />
<br />
I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.<br />
<br />
Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.<br />
<br />
England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .<br />
<br />
I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.<br />
<br />
They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.<br />
<br />
I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.<br />
<br />
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.<br />
<br />
I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.<br />
<br />
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.<br />
<br />
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.<br />
<br />
When chemists die, they barium.<br />
<br />
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.<br />
<br />
I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.<br />
<br />
PMS jokes aren't funny; period...<br />
<br />
Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.<br />
<br />
We're going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.<br />
<br />
I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.<br />
<br />
Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?<br />
<br />
When you get a bladder infection. urine trouble.<br />
<br />
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.<br />
<br />
I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.<br />
<br />
All the toilets in New York 's police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.<br />
<br />
I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.<br />
<br />
Velcro - what a rip off!<br />
<br />
Thanks to Waneta<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
A little levity <br />
<br />
A Soldier, a Sailor, an Airman and a Marine got into an argument about which branch of the service was "The Best." The arguing became so heated the four servicemen failed to see an oncoming truck as they crossed the street.<br />
<br />
They were hit by the truck and killed instantly.<br />
<br />
Soon, the four servicemen found themselves at the Pearly gates of Heaven.<br />
<br />
There, they met Saint Peter and decided that only he could be the ultimate source of truth and honesty. So, the four servicemen asked him, "Saint Peter, which branch of the United States Armed Forces is the best?"<br />
<br />
Saint Peter replied, "I can't answer that. However, I will ask God what He thinks the next time I see Him. Meanwhile, thank you for your service on Earth and welcome to Heaven."<br />
<br />
Sometime later the four servicemen see Saint Peter and remind him of the question they had asked when first entering Heaven and asked Saint Peter if he was able to ask God for the answer to their answer.<br />
<br />
Suddenly, a sparkling white dove lands on Saint Peter's shoulder. In the dove's beak is a note glistening with gold dust. Saint Peter opens the note, trumpets blare, gold dust drifts into the air, harps play crescendos and Saint Peter begins to read the note aloud to the four servicemen:<br />
<br />
MEMORANDUM FROM THE DESK OF THE ALMIGHTY<br />
TO: All Former Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen, and Marines<br />
SUBJECT: Which Military Service Is the Best<br />
<br />
1. All branches of the United States Armed Forces are honorable and noble.<br />
<br />
2. Each serves America well and with distinction.<br />
<br />
3. Serving in the United States military represents a great honor warranting special respect, tribute, and dedication from your fellow man.<br />
<br />
4. Always be proud of that.<br />
<br />
Signed,<br />
GOD, US Navy, Retired<br />
<br />
Thanks to Waneta<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Mimi<br />
<br />
When my neighbor's granddaughter introduced me to her young son, Brian, I said to him, "My grandchildren call me Mimi. Why don't you call me that, too?"<br />
<br />
"I don't think so," he retorted, and ran off after his<br />
mother.<br />
<br />
Later I was asked to babysit for Brian, and we hit it off wonderfully. As he snuggled up to me, he said, "I don't care what your grandchildren say. I love you, Meanie."<br />
<br />
- from Marilyn Hayden (via Reader's Digest)<br />
<br />
Received from Doc's Daily Chuckle.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Nervous Patient<br />
<br />
"I'm so worried," the nervous patient said as the nurse plumped up his pillows. "Last week, I read about a man who was in the hospital because of heart trouble, and he died of malaria."<br />
<br />
"Relax," the nurse said smiling. "This is a first-rate hospital. When we treat someone for heart trouble, he dies of heart trouble."<br />
<br />
Received from Clean-Laffs.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Music Saved My Life<br />
<br />
Little Noah came into the house with a new harmonica. "Grandpa, do you mind if I play this in here?"<br />
<br />
"Of course not, Noah. I love music. In fact, when your grandma and I were young, music saved my life."<br />
<br />
"What happened?"<br />
<br />
"Well, it was during the famous Johnstown flood. The dam broke, and when the water hit our house, it knocked it right off the foundation. Grandma got on the dining room table and floated out safely."<br />
<br />
"How about you?"<br />
<br />
"Me? I accompanied her on the piano!"<br />
<br />
Received from Clean-Laffs.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Mother of Six<br />
<br />
Joe was proud of his family of six children. He frequently referred to his wife as "Mother of Six," much to her annoyance. Finally, she cured him of his habit. At the end of a big party, Joe called out loud enough for everyone to hear: "Ready to go, Mother of Six?"<br />
<br />
"Any time you are," she replied, "Father of Four."<br />
<br />
Received from Keith Sullivan.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Magic Lamp<br />
<br />
A programmer was walking along the beach when he found a lamp. Upon rubbing the lamp, a genie appeared who stated, "I am the most powerful genie in the world. I can grant you any wish you want, but only one wish."<br />
<br />
The programmer pulled out a map of the Mediterranean area and said, "I'd like there to be a just and lasting peace among the people in the Middle East."<br />
<br />
The genie responded, "Gee, I don't know. Those people have been fighting since the beginning of time. I can do just about anything, but this is beyond my limits."<br />
<br />
The programmer then said, "Well, I am a programmer and my programs have a lot of users. Please make all the users satisfied with my programs, let them ask for sensible changes before I start writing the programs and no changes after I start."<br />
<br />
Genie: "Uh, let me see that map again."<br />
<br />
Received from ArcaMax Jokes.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
--<br />
Rate this funny at<br />
http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20120420<br />
<br />
Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List<br />
A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a)<br />
Mail address: GCFL, Box 100, Harvest, AL 35749, USA<br />
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To email this funny to others, go to<br />
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The latest GCFL funny can always be found on the web at http://www.gcfl.net/latest.php<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Column - - When Readings Go From Verse To Worse<br />
<br />
I was asked to read several limericks at the third annual Los Angeles Limerick Fest Wednesday night, held at the Altadena Ale House. Since I live in New York City, arrangements were made for me to read them via phone.<br />
<br />
As you can tell from this limerick, my reading went awry:<br />
<br />
When Readings Go From Verse To Worse<br />
By Madeleine Begun Kane<br />
<br />
Reading limerick verse from afar<br />
Via phone to a mike in a bar<br />
Is a risky affair:<br />
Noise and feedback will blare.<br />
Pass the sidecar. I’m still below par.<br />
<br />
© Madeleine Begun Kane. All Rights Reserved.<br />
http://www.madkane.com/<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." __ Franklin D. Roosevelt <br />
"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle." <br />
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. _ _ George Carlin <br />
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" _ _ Queen E. Watson<br />
“A political class of Republicans and Democrats that look after themselves, not the Nation. A media hostile to the very precepts of this nation. A generation of Americans who see morals as vices, and are ignorant of America's Actual History.”<br />
"The things that will destroy America are prosperity-at-any-price, peace-at-any-price, safety-first instead of duty-first, the love of soft living, and the get-rich-quick theory of life." - - Theodore Roosevelt <br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> <br />
Emergency Phone Number 911 <br />
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )<br />
Central Dispatch 234_5655<br />
(Non _ Emergency Number)<br />
Direct Numbers<br />
Ambulance _ 234_7371 (24 Hour)<br />
Jail _ 234_5331 (24 Hour)<br />
Poison Control _ 800_222_1222 (24 Hour)<br />
http://www. aapcc. org/<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Interested in getting in touch with the Banner_News through e_mail? editor@bannernews.net For the editor, news@bannernews.net For news and sports items, Coming Events, Diary, Church News, school and civic events. [http://www.bannernews.net/]<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." __ "Bug" <br />
"I read the end of the book. We win!" __ "Bug" <br />
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." __ "Bug"<br />
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." _ _ "Bug"<br />
"It's no big deal doing what God tells you to do. A big deal would be NOT doing what God tells you to do. Just ask Jonah." _ _ Paul Troquille <br />
“Nam et ipsa scientia potestas est.” Knowledge is power. _ Francis Bacon <br />
"The problem is here and now. The time for talk is past. The time for action is now." <br />
Comments on the first Earth Day _ James F. McClellan via John "Fuzzy" Thurman<br />
~~~~~<br />
Hope you enjoy the newsletter. <br />
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week. <br />
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" __"Bug" <br />
God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!! <br />
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT_I KC5HII <br />
<br />
P. S. If you'd like to be added to the distribution, just drop us E_mail at kc5hii@suddenlink.net<br />
. We offer "Da Bleat" as text, a "Blog" and as a newsletter with pictures in Word and PDF format. The latest issue is usually updated sometime Saturday. For the latest issue, go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com. We also have a site [http://bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com/] where we post photos that I like.<br />
We appreciate your encouragement. We also appreciate your communication when you desire to be taken off our mail list. If you are on this mail list by mistake or do not wish to receive "Da Bleat," please reply back and tell us to discontinue service to you. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus 2012 before it was sent.<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
James F. McClellan<br />
Editor/Publisher "Bug's Bleat"<br />
NREMT_I, CSP, KC5HII<br />
418 North Jefferson Street<br />
Magnolia, Arkansas 71753<br />
(Phone) 870_234_7028<br />
KC5HII@Suddenlink.net<br />
<br />
=================<br />
"The problem is here and now. The time for talk is past. The time for action is now." <br />
Comments on the first Earth Day _ James F. McClellan via "Fuzzy" Thurman<br />
================================================<br />
<br />
Remember McClellan's Rules<br />
<br />
1. Rejoice in that this is the will of the Lord concerning you.<br />
If that doesn't seem to be working, remember;<br />
2. All things work together for the good of them who love the Lord.<br />
If that doesn't seem to be working, remember;<br />
3. All things are subject to change.<br />
And finally;<br />
4. Don't let the son of a guns get you down!<br />
____________________________________________________<br />
Bughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07270965849194883997noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9136923892168334329.post-50478771908353994472012-12-08T15:42:00.000-08:002012-12-08T15:47:55.233-08:00Bug’s Bleat - - GCF: Offering Plates<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CxYUgbiwqO4/UMPPPQzenyI/AAAAAAAAGd0/nh0_J3x3kI8/s1600/11-wwII%2Bpearl-harbor-newspaper.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="218" width="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CxYUgbiwqO4/UMPPPQzenyI/AAAAAAAAGd0/nh0_J3x3kI8/s320/11-wwII%2Bpearl-harbor-newspaper.jpg" /></a></div><br />
New York World-Telegram Pearl Harbor Headline<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-PT14QarzMqE/UMPPOnjVrbI/AAAAAAAAGdo/-lwRKS-CwBw/s1600/09-2012-12-05_12-50-36_392.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="260" width="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-PT14QarzMqE/UMPPOnjVrbI/AAAAAAAAGdo/-lwRKS-CwBw/s320/09-2012-12-05_12-50-36_392.jpg" /></a></div><br />
My latest "Light Wheat" bread. I concentrated on minimum handling of this batch of dough with very good results. <br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-fvBuCcCWS-o/UMPPOPhLuFI/AAAAAAAAGdc/SYp_BQ6AhHM/s1600/03-michael%2Byon%2BRTXO1SC_1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="237" width="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-fvBuCcCWS-o/UMPPOPhLuFI/AAAAAAAAGdc/SYp_BQ6AhHM/s320/03-michael%2Byon%2BRTXO1SC_1.jpg" /></a></div><br />
Our sons and daughters, brothers and sisters and loved ones are still fighting and dying in Afghanistan<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-NXp_BYe3xqc/UMPQJX4tryI/AAAAAAAAGeM/MAR6HiROqRM/s1600/10-2012-12-05_18-30-08_565.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="180" width="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-NXp_BYe3xqc/UMPQJX4tryI/AAAAAAAAGeM/MAR6HiROqRM/s320/10-2012-12-05_18-30-08_565.jpg" /></a></div><br />
Fried cabbage, mixed veggies and Tuna patties, <br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-qJjaRYAniQM/UMPQIfuuaDI/AAAAAAAAGeA/W_v1R1MhqQk/s1600/05-2012-12-04_17-34-24_998.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="219" width="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-qJjaRYAniQM/UMPQIfuuaDI/AAAAAAAAGeA/W_v1R1MhqQk/s320/05-2012-12-04_17-34-24_998.jpg" /></a></div><br />
Josiah and Ethan helped Annette fill 150 bags with cookies for the Wade Prison Ministry Christmas Party.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Volume 14, Issue 48 Friday, December 07, 2012<br />
<br />
Hello ALL,<br />
<br />
News reports say the Great Passion Play in Eureka Springs has closed permanently due to financial problems. Falling attendance figures in recent years are believed to be the main cause of the closure. Our family enjoyed attending the GPP when the kids were small. It was an impressive spectacle and probably the first live stage performance many of the tourists had seen.<br />
~~~~~<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-5tXFoV7Ontg/UMPNg079IvI/AAAAAAAAGdE/jIO4x7Qngic/s1600/Ethan%2B%2526%2BDogs%2B255192_10151358272661214_1421426789_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="239" width="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-5tXFoV7Ontg/UMPNg079IvI/AAAAAAAAGdE/jIO4x7Qngic/s320/Ethan%2B%2526%2BDogs%2B255192_10151358272661214_1421426789_n.jpg" /></a></div><br />
Jimmy took this photo of Ethan, Daisy and Peggy. He titled it; “Barbarians At The Gate.” <br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-2ycfBogv66A/UMPNhQjS86I/AAAAAAAAGdQ/vtZwf_uG5zQ/s1600/2012-12-01_12-05-30_847.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="180" width="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-2ycfBogv66A/UMPNhQjS86I/AAAAAAAAGdQ/vtZwf_uG5zQ/s320/2012-12-01_12-05-30_847.jpg" /></a></div><br />
Annette has spent quite a bit of time and energy decorating for the holiday and, even though she’d had a rough week with multiple doctor visits in El Dorado and Texarkana, she wanted to show the boys the giant snowman outside the garage. <br />
<br />
This snowman brings back memories of the 7’ snowman she bought one year to “grace” our yard display. It was also inflatable but didn’t require a fan to keep it blown up. And, as we discovered, the base was suitable for indoor or outdoor use. For several years, that snowman was the bane of our kids and a source of significant psychological trauma. Some unknown person would sneak it into the house after everyone had gone to bed and place it right outside a bedroom door. Then it was just a matter of waiting for the “victim” to stumble sleepily out their door and run into a 7’ “monster” in the hallway. :0)<br />
~~~~~<br />
An old friend, Virginia Jackson wrote us; “I remember the house on Calhoun with the monkey that lived in the trees in the yard :)”<br />
<br />
Virginia is talking about my parent’s home on Calhoun Street in Magnolia. The property actually reached from Calhoun Street, across the block to Pine Street. We lived in a 12’ x 60’ mobile home on the Pine Street side. The lot was wooded and also filled with plants and young trees that Annette and my mother had planted. When the kids were in elementary school, we had a Spider Monkey that Lester Lancaster gave to David and Vanessa. It wasn’t long before the monkey got loose and took up residence in the trees between my parent’s home and ours on Pine Street. He enjoyed the bounty of the partially wooded lot as well as stealing food from anyone foolish enough to eat outside. Lunches on the porch and kids walking up the path eating ice cream were his favorite sources of nourishment.<br />
<br />
The "Rest of The Monkey Story" <br />
<br />
My kids like showing visitors how Squeaky would swoop down from the trees and grab food from folks who were outside. However, we didn’t advertise his existence to the world at large and this caused some angst for one of our neighbors.<br />
<br />
Mrs. Bob Vinson came over one day and asked; "Do y'all have a monkey?" When I replied; "yes." she exclaimed; "Oh Thank God. My family thought I was going crazy." <br />
<br />
She lived on the north side of our property and had seen Squeaky moving through the trees out her kitchen window. But she was the only one in her family who had seen him. Her kids and husband were beginning to think she was cracking up, claiming to see a monkey in Magnolia.<br />
<br />
On another occasion, Annette invited the new AG Pastor and his wife to lunch. She served them on the screened in porch she'd built on our trailer. The porch was full of plants and quite comfortable on temperate days. <br />
<br />
She'd just served the food when Mrs. Barton pointed out a beautiful lizard on one of the plants beside the table. <br />
<br />
Within seconds, Squeaky had found his way onto the porch through a crack between the roof and the trailer and had jumped down, grabbed the lizard and bit its head off.<br />
<br />
The visitors were shocked speechless as were we. Finally, Annette said; "I don't believe you've met our Monkey, Squeaky."<br />
<br />
The Banner News got wind of Squeaky and sent a reporter out to do a story. He got a great photo of Squeaky sitting on David's shoulder eating an ice cream cone that he'd just stolen from our son.<br />
<br />
The story was published the next day and the day after, Squeaky disappeared.<br />
<br />
We always assumed that someone read the story, lured the Monkey with an ice cream cone and stole him.<br />
<br />
Years later, when the old smoke house behind my parent’s home was torn down, we found Squeaky's bones. <br />
For some reason, he'd died in the attic of that old building. <br />
~~~~~<br />
Tamey Duke never turned away a hungry person. If they didn't have money, he'd feed them anyway.<br />
But he didn't offer them "humming bird tongues under glass." They'd be served whatever food was available.<br />
<br />
I wasn't homeless or destitute but the rule still applied when I stopped by to eat at my dad's Cafe. I'd be served what was left from the lunch rush or some other simple food. <br />
<br />
So Tamey wasn't too happy when a fellow came up the register one day after finishing a meal of the most expensive thing on the menu, a seafood platter and told Tamey; "I don't have any money but if you have a guitar, I can sing for you."<br />
<br />
Tamey didn't hesitate, he'd just fed me a left over cutlet and mashed potatoes off the lunch table and this guy had waltzed in and stolen food from him. He called the police and they came and arrested the fellow. <br />
<br />
A while later, the police called the Chatterbox and told Tamey that the guy was a drifter with no money.<br />
<br />
Tamey asked them when they fed supper at the jail. The police replied "five o’clock." Tamey told them; "Well let him go before five. I don't want to feed him twice."<br />
~~~~~<br />
Attack on Pearl Harbor - - [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attack_on_Pearl_Harbor] - - Censored Account of Pearl Harbor Attack Published - - By Bill Hoffmann<br />
<br />
A gripping and poignant reporter’s account of the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor — deemed too graphic for publication — has finally been printed 71 years later.<br />
<br />
“I felt that numb terror that all of London has known for months. It is the terror of not being able to do anything but fall on your stomach and hope the bomb won’t land on you,’’ wrote Elizabeth McIntosh, a reporter for the Honolulu Star-Bulletin.<br />
<br />
[http://www.newsmax.com/US/pearl-harbor-censored-account/2012/12/06/id/466797]<br />
<br />
A gripping and poignant reporter’s account of the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor — deemed too graphic for publication — has finally been printed 71 years later.<br />
<br />
“I felt that numb terror that all of London has known for months. It is the terror of not being able to do anything but fall on your stomach and hope the bomb won’t land on you,’’ wrote Elizabeth McIntosh, a reporter for the Honolulu Star-Bulletin.<br />
<br />
“It’s the helplessness and terror of sudden visions of a ripping sensation in your back, shrapnel coursing through your chest, total blackness, maybe death.’’<br />
<br />
McIntosh, now 97, tells the Washington Post — which Thursday published her account of the Dec. 7, 1941 barrage that killed 2,402 Americans — that she had geared the piece towards Hawaii’s women to “help prepare them for what lay head.<br />
<br />
But her editors spiked the story because of its graphic content they feared would be “too upsetting’’ for the daily paper’s readers.<br />
<br />
In her article, McIntosh tells of seeing “a formation of black planes diving straight into the ocean off Pearl Harbor’’ and then “a rooftop fly into the air like a pasteboard movie set.<br />
<br />
As bombs relentlessly dropped, “ambulances screamed off into the heart of the destruction,’’ McIntosh wrote. “The drivers were blood-sodden when they returned, with stories of streets ripped up, houses burned, twisted shrapnel and charred bodies of children.’’<br />
<br />
She said her office was barraged with calls from women knowing how they could help out in the aftermath.<br />
<br />
“It was then that I realized how important women can be in a war-torn world,’’ McIntosh wrote.<br />
<br />
What McIntosh witnessed would affect her profoundly. She quit the newspaper business two years later to join the Office of Strategic Services and was in charge of running morale operations against the Japanese in Burma and China.<br />
<br />
She later went on to become a longtime employee of the CIA and in 1998, at the age of 83, published a well-received book, “Sisterhood of Spies: The Women of the OSS.’’<br />
<br />
© 2012 Newsmax. All rights reserved.<br />
~<br />
Pearl Harbor Facts<br />
<br />
The attack took place on December 7, 1941.<br />
Although the aerial attack was very successful, the submarines failed to finish off any wounded ship inside the harbor.<br />
The attack’s success surprised the Japanese as much as the Americans.<br />
The last part of the decoded Japanese message stated that U.S. relations were to be severed.<br />
The Japanese attack force was under the command of Admiral Nagumo.<br />
Japanese force consisted of six carriers with 423 planes.<br />
At 6 a.m. the first Japanese attack wave of 83 planes took off.<br />
Nickname for Pearl Harbor is “Gibraltar of the Pacific.”<br />
Eighteen U.S. ships were hit.<br />
President Franklin D. Roosevelt said, “December 7, 1941, a date which will live in infamy,” in reference to the attack.<br />
Three prime targets escaped damage, the U.S. Pacific Fleet aircraft carriers, the Lexington, Enterprise and Saratoga. They were not in the port when the attack took place.<br />
Another target, the base fuel tanks also escaped damage.<br />
Casualties included 2,335 servicemen and 68 civilians.<br />
1178 people were wounded.<br />
<br />
The day after the attack the U.S. and Britain declared war on Japan.<br />
Pearl Harbor is the Naval Base for the U.S. Pacific Fleet.<br />
Pearl Harbor is the headquarters of the U.S. Pacific Fleet.<br />
Pearl Harbor has 10 square miles of navigable water.<br />
The harbor is on the southern coast of Oahu.<br />
The harbor is artificially improved.<br />
The attack was the climax of a decade of worsening relations between the U.S. and militaristic Japan.<br />
A U.S. embargo on necessary supplies for war prompted the attack on Pearl Harbor.<br />
The Japanese Admiral Yamamoto Isoroku planned the attack with great care.<br />
All of the planes on the Japanese ships were fully fueled and armed.<br />
The Japanese planes took off about 90 minutes from Pearl Harbor.<br />
The president at the time of the attack was Franklin D. Roosevelt.<br />
The attack brought the United States into World War II.<br />
The Japanese fleet had 30 ships.<br />
<br />
The Japanese were interested in the Hawaiian islands since the islands were annexed by the U.S. in 1898.<br />
An admiral said, “leaving aside the unspeakable treachery of it, the Japanese did a fine job.”<br />
Japanese suffered just small losses.<br />
The attack crippled the United States fleet.<br />
The Japanese deceived the U.S. by saying false statements and expressed interest in continued peace.<br />
Americans think of the attack as very dishonorable.<br />
The attack was planned weeks in advance.<br />
The main reason for the attack was over economic issues.<br />
Because of the unpreparedness of the U.S. military, Admiral Husband Kimmel and General Walter Short were relieved of duty.<br />
The attack severely crippled the U.S. naval and air strength in the Pacific.<br />
Of the eight battleships, all but the Arizona and Oklahoma were eventually repaired and returned to service.<br />
<br />
Once the fleet was out of action, Japan would be able to conquest a great area.<br />
A U.S. Army private who noticed the large flight of planes on his radar screen was told to ignore them because a flight of B-17s from the continental U.S. was expected at the time.<br />
More than 180 U.S. aircraft were destroyed.<br />
During the attack the USS Arizona sank with a loss of more than 1,100 men.<br />
A white concrete and steel structure now spans the hull of the sunken ship as a memorial.<br />
The memorial was dedicated on May 30, 1962.<br />
U.S. officials had been aware that an attack by Japan was probable, but did not know the time or place it would occur.<br />
Pearl Harbor was not in the state of high alert when the attack started, Anti-Aircraft guns were left unmanned.<br />
The Americans were taken completely by surprise.<br />
<br />
The second wave targets were other ships and shipyard facilities.<br />
The air raid lasted until about 9:45 a.m.<br />
~~~~~<br />
I find much of the news both accurate and disheartening. It's true that we are headed for rougher times. As an example, I looked through Amazon's top 20 DVDs of 2012, looking to see if there was a movie we might enjoy. 18 of the 20 “Top” movies were "R" rated. It seems daily that we feel more and more estranged from the rest of society. I'm just not interested in listening to two hours of profane language. Or other objectionable material. I know that GREAT movies can be made without making them objectionable. <br />
<br />
Another point is that the Republicans are woefully unprepared to meet the media. It's almost like the opposition has voodoo dolls that enable them to make the Republican candidates do and say dumb things.<br />
<br />
The fiscal cliff looks better to me every day. Maybe it will wake some folks up.<br />
~~~~~<br />
Our friend Quinton Riggins wrote the following letter to Bob Costa.<br />
~<br />
I said I was going to post my thoughts about Bob Costas’s antigun rant on the halftime show of an NFL game last Sunday evening. I am tired of those that are continually trying to erode our constitutional rights, freedoms, and liberties. I wrote an open letter to Mr. Costas and chose to post it here. I also made and audio version, but had to put it in video form in order for it to post, so the link is attached also. There is a link at the bottom of the letter. I warn you that there are a couple of graphic photos towards the end of the video, so you might need to monitor who watches it if you feel the need to do so. Please feel free to comment and/or share.<br />
<br />
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=viP4EN67SDM<br />
<br />
Dear Bob Costas:<br />
<br />
I would like to tell you that I think you have been brainwashed by the liberal media that you are a part of into believing that guns kill people. It is true that guns are used in murders, but there is no evidence that banning guns has or ever will stop people from killing each other. In fact, gun sales tripled in the five years from 2005 to 2010 in the United States, while gun related violence decreased by nearly 14%. I am sure you do not want to hear such facts or deal with them because it might just mess up your ideology.<br />
<br />
Mr. Costas, I would submit to you that if the Kansas City Chiefs football player’s girlfriend had been legally carrying a firearm, she would probably be alive, her children would still have a mother, and the only one dead would be the cowardly football player who chose to kill her and his self. If he were determined to kill himself and did not have a firearm, then he would have found one of countless ways to do so. Murderers are less concerned about how they kill and more concerned about not getting caught, unless they plan a murder-suicide, then they would probably give great consideration as to how they prefer to end their own life. Such cowards are selfish and would prefer to get it over as quickly and painlessly as possible. All that being said, I will not be surprised when the mainstream media finds a way to make Belcher the victim in this tragedy.<br />
<br />
Mr. Costas, I am not sure what Cain used to kill Abel when he attacked him, but I am certain it was not a 357 semiautomatic pistol or an AK-47. More than likely it was his bare hands or a rod or a rock or something of that nature. In fact, if you think about it, Abel would probably have lived another day if he had had a firearm with laser sights on it pointed between Cain’s eyes at the time. Cain may have gotten Abel later, but I suspect Abel would have lived longer than he did.<br />
<br />
I ask, Mr. Costas, what about OJ Simpson? He used a knife. Shouldn’t we ban knives? If so, then we really should ban anything metal, hard plastic, or wood, etc. that can be shaped and sharpened into a deadly weapon. If we don’t band metal, then we should at the very least ban all metal grinders that could be used to shape and sharpen the metal into deadly weapons. Only registered machine workers could operate these grinders, and they would have to go through security clearance to obtain their position and go through metal detectors entering and departing from work. Ordinary citizens would have to take their lawn mower blades to certified machinists to get their mower blades sharpened. But wait, mower blades could be removed and themselves be used as deadly weapons (remember the movie “Slingblade?”), so what do we do about that issue? We could ban wrenches so people cannot remove the mower blades, and we all know that many murders have been committed by people with wrenches, so we would be, pardon the pun, killing two birds with one stone.<br />
<br />
This is really getting complicated Mr. Costas because I remember hearing of cases where people also use such things as hammers, metal pipes, lamps, screw drivers, bottles, fire pokers, and all sorts of objects to murder people with.<br />
<br />
If I recall correctly, Ted Bundy never shot any of the 100 women he supposedly murdered. He used blunt objects including a log in one case. If we ban logs, do we cut all the trees down and burn them? If we do not get rid of the trees, then surely someone, somewhere, will see them and be tempted to use them as murder weapons.<br />
<br />
What about Jeffrey Dahmer Mr. Costas? He used everything from a dumbbell to an electric drill and pouring hydrochloric acid into the drill holes to kill his 17 victims. What would you have banned to prevent the deaths of these 17 young boys and men? Would they still be alive if Dahmer did not have dumbbells, drills, or acid?<br />
<br />
Mr. Costas, do you remember the story that was the rage of the national media a few years back about a young mother by the name of Susan Smith who drove her car into a lake. Sadly, the mother just happened to leave her young children strapped into the back seat of the car and sent them to their drowning deaths. Mr. Costas, I submit to you that if that mother had not owned an automobile, those children would still be alive and well today. Do you not also want to ban automobiles Mr. Costas?<br />
<br />
Who could forget Charlie Manson and his merry clan? They preferred stabbing as their method of choice. They used knives, bayonets, and carving forks to finish off their victims. On a personal note Mr. Costas, if my murder was imminent, I think I would prefer to take a 357 magnum or .45 ACP between the eyes than to be stabbed 17 times and left to suffer and bleed to death. But that’s just me. So, which of the Manson weapons would you prefer to do away with Mr. Costas? If it were my choice, I would try to ban carving forks first.<br />
<br />
This one is really tricky Mr. Costas. I have even heard of accounts in which people were beaten or choked to death by someone’s bare hands, or used their feet to kick someone to death. In fact, in 2009, the last year the FBI released murder statistics in the US, there were over 800 murders committed with bare hands, and only a miniscule number of murders committed with assault weapons that you and the rest of the liberal left are so fond of demonizing. So, how do you ban hands and feet Mr. Costas?<br />
<br />
Why, I have even heard of pillows being used to suffocate victims and there are cases where some have been murdered by electrocution. Please do not ban electricity and pillows Mr. Costas. I have become very accustomed to lights, heat, and air conditioning in my home and workplace, and I love the three pillows that nurture me to sleep each night.<br />
<br />
So, where does this all end? What can we logically ban and not ban because there seems no end to the creativity of people when it comes to finding ways to murder someone else. I could go on and on about potential murder weapons. Look around the environment that you are in at this very moment, and see if you cannot observe many potential murder weapons.<br />
<br />
Perhaps, Mr. Costas, the problem is not the weapons. Perhaps the problem is the culture we currently live in. Perhaps, it is a culture that has devalued life to the point that we can casually discard over a million unborn children in this country every year and justify these deaths by calling these atrocities against children a woman’s health issue. Perhaps it is a culture that has devalued the traditional family unit. Perhaps, it is a culture that has progressively become more and more immoral. Compare the relationship of our increasing immorality to the banning of God from our schools and the current desire by some to ban any mention of God or Jesus in any public place or public forum, and I think you would be surprised at the findings. Perhaps, Mr. Costas, America just needs to get on her collective knees and ask forgiveness for our sins against God, each other, and our friends abroad. There is a spiritual side to this issue Mr. Costas. I have no idea whether you believe in God or not, but I would like to offer the following scripture from the Bible as a solution to the ills in this country. “ if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.” 2 Chronicles 14<br />
<br />
Mr. Costas, I know you will never read this letter, but if you did, I am sure it would not change your mind. I respect your right to form your own opinion, but I certainly do not agree with your opinion. I also submit that the halftime show of a football game is no place for the promotion of gun control. I know that in the days since you presented your ideology to the American sports world, you have tried to backtrack and soften your stance, but if I could somehow get inside your mind and heart, I believe I would find someone that would truly like to get rid of all private gun ownership if you possibly could. I personally do not care if you own or carry a gun Mr. Costas, but I do care that you and those like you do not want me to own and legally carry guns despite the fact that our country’s founding fathers assured me that I have that a constitutional right to do so.<br />
<br />
In all seriousness Mr. Costas, I pray that you are never confronted with a person armed with a weapon of any type that could do you and/or your family harm, and you are helplessly unarmed and left defenseless. That would be a preventable tragedy that we would all lament.<br />
<br />
Mr. Costas, I am sure you have many times heard the saying that “Guns don’t kill people, people do.” This has stood true from the days of Cain and Abel to the present and will continue as long as man inhabits this earthly realm.<br />
<br />
Good day and God bless Mr. Costas.<br />
~~~~~<br />
Apollo 17 [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apollo_17] was the eleventh and final mission of the United States' Apollo program, the sixth mission to land humans on the Moon. Launched at 12:33 a.m. Eastern Standard Time (EST) on 7 December 1972, with a three-member crew consisting of Commander Eugene Cernan, Command Module Pilot Ronald Evans, and Lunar Module Pilot Harrison Schmitt, Apollo 17 remains the most recent manned Moon landing and the most recent crewed flight beyond low Earth orbit. After Apollo 17, extra Apollo spacecraft were used in the Skylab and Apollo-Soyuz Test Project programs.<br />
<br />
The lunar landing site was the Taurus-Littrow highlands and valley area. This site was picked for Apollo 17 as a location where rocks both older and younger than those previously returned from other Apollo missions, as well as from Luna 16 and 20 missions, might be found.<br />
<br />
The mission was the final in a series of three J-type missions planned for the Apollo Program. These J-type missions can be distinguished from previous G- and H-series missions by extended hardware capability, larger scientific payload capacity and by the use of the battery-powered Lunar Roving Vehicle, or LRV. <br />
<br />
Apollo 17 hosted the first scientist-astronaut to land on moon: Harrison Schmitt. The sixth automated research station was set up. The lunar rover vehicle traversed a total of 30.5 kilometers. Lunar surface-stay time was 75 hours, and lunar orbit time 17 hours. Astronauts gathered 110.4 kilograms, or 243 pounds, of material. <br />
~<br />
What's little known is that there were several planned moon flights after Apollo 17. They never happened. <br />
<br />
The real story of the lost missions of Apollo flights 18, 19, and 20, is a sad blank chapter in American space history. It has eerie parallels with the predicament NASA is now facing.<br />
<br />
If the Apollo 18-20 flights were realized, school kids today could be looking at stunning photographs taken from the mountain-rimmed floors of the young impact craters Copernicus or Tycho, or the terrain on the far side of the moon, or the frozen volcanic lava flows from billions of years ago.<br />
<br />
But the tumultuous political climate of the early 1970s pulled these aspirations down to Earth like the tug of gravity. Why were the final three missions canceled? Of course, there are many reasons given including a public no longer really interested and other priorities (like the Vietnam War) competing for funds.<br />
<br />
But the final reason is that President Richard Nixon was no fan of former President John F. Kennedy’s Apollo moon project -- though Nixon was in office and got all the glory when we actually landed on the moon in 1969.<br />
<br />
Nixon could have easily one-upped the Kennedy vision by proclaiming Mars as our next target. In fact, his Vice President Spiro Agnew touted the idea. The mighty Saturn V booster could have gotten us to Mars by the mid 1980s using nuclear engines that were under development.<br />
<br />
There was also a "less than Right Stuff" fear of losing an Apollo crew. The Apollo 13 mishap was a very close call. The Apollo flights were the space age equivalent of seat-of-pants barnstorming.<br />
<br />
The total savings of canceling the Apollo missions was a paltry $42 million -- all the rockets and spacecraft had been built for the ambitious expeditions. Today, they are now rusting away as some of the most expensive museum pieces ever constructed.<br />
<br />
What is especially sad is that most potentially scientifically rewarding, dramatic, and risk-taking sites were planned for Apollo 18-20 missions.<br />
<br />
Possible landing sites were the young and large impact craters Copernicus, Gassendi and Tycho. Their craggy central peaks were thrust upward at the time of impacts, bringing material from deep within the lunar crust to the surface (Tycho's central peaks are shown in the leading image).<br />
<br />
[http://news.discovery.com/space/the-lost-apollo-missions-110902.html] <br />
~~~~~<br />
December 7, 2012 - - Rasmussen Reports - - A Commentary By Scott Rasmussen <br />
<br />
Republicans Miss the Point on 'Fiscal Cliff' Debate <br />
<br />
President Obama is winning the messaging wars in the "fiscal cliff" debate largely because Republicans aren't even in the game.<br />
<br />
The GOP leadership in Washington keeps talking as if the issue is deficit reduction, while the president is talking about fairness.<br />
<br />
Consider the numbers. Sixty-one percent of voters want to see a deal reached to avoid the big Jan. 1 tax hikes and across-the-board spending cuts, and 68 percent want the deal to include a combination of both tax hikes and spending cuts. By a 2-to-1 margin, voters would like to see more spending cuts than tax hikes.<br />
<br />
Instead, the president's proposal includes $4 of tax hikes for every dollar of spending cuts, and the spending cuts are nothing more than a promise to work something out next year.<br />
<br />
If the issue was really deficit reduction, the president's proposal would leave the GOP in fine shape. But the president has the upper hand politically, and voters see him as more willing to negotiate in good faith.<br />
<br />
To understand why, start with the fact that 57 percent of voters favor raising taxes on people who earn more than $250,000 a year. Republicans complain that this isn't enough to make a dent in the deficit. Voters understand that already: Just 19 percent of voters think it is possible to balance the federal budget primarily by raising taxes on upper-income Americans.<br />
<br />
Add to that the fact that voters don't expect much substance to emerge from the fiscal cliff debate. If no deal is reached, taxes will go up on just about everyone, and there will be modest reductions in proposed spending growth. If a deal is reached, six out of 10 expect the deal to lead to higher middle-class taxes, and only one out of three thinks spending will go down. In other words, most people expect pretty much the same result whether or not a deal is reached.<br />
<br />
In this environment, the president has proposed a policy that addresses a perceived level of unfairness in the nation's economic arrangements. Whether it's the best approach doesn't even matter because Republicans in Washington haven't even tried to address the fairness issue. They keep arguing about economic theories.<br />
<br />
As a result, 52 percent of voters now prefer a candidate who promises to raise taxes on the wealthy, while just 34 percent favor a candidate who opposes all tax hikes.<br />
<br />
This highlights a larger problem faced by the Republican establishment. While most voters see Democrats as the party of big government, Republicans spend more time talking about government. They complain that it's too big, imposes too many regulations and has unsustainable deficits.<br />
<br />
Under Obama, Democrats talk less about government and more about how their policies will affect life in America. It's the end result that a pragmatic nation cares about, not the policies.<br />
<br />
For Republicans to succeed, they need to recognize that most voters don't care about limited government. But voters care deeply about the type of society a limited government makes possible.<br />
<br />
Applying that logic to the current debate over the fiscal cliff, Republicans in Washington need to recognize that few voters believe this is a serious debate about deficit reduction. The president has made it instead a debate about fairness, and they need to respond on that level.<br />
<br />
To find out more about Scott Rasmussen, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit www.creators.com. <br />
<br />
COPYRIGHT 2012 SCOTT RASMUSSEN<br />
~~~~~<br />
Favorite Quotes: <br />
<br />
Phil Robertson told his grandson, "Get you a woman who cooks good and carries her bible. That's the secret of a good life and a good marriage." I scored 100% with Annette.<br />
~<br />
With Great Power, comes great electricity bill.<br />
~~~~~<br />
The following wisdom is shared by our friends.<br />
~<br />
Please take the time to read. [http://townhall.com/columnists/laurahollis/2012/11/08/postmortem] - - Mary Louise Brownlee Alexis<br />
~<br />
I see no point in arguing with you. You do a fine job of proving your complete ignorance on your own. - - Martha Chapman<br />
~<br />
Life without God is like an unsharpened pencil... there is no Point. --Donah Dumas<br />
~<br />
Killing skeeters on December 3rd.....got to love it!!!!! - - Jim Ford<br />
~<br />
I'm not saying let's go kill all the stupid people...I'm just saying let's remove all the warning labels and let the problem sort itself out. - - Wendell Franks.<br />
~<br />
I have to stop saying "How stupid can you be?" I think people are starting to take it as a challenge. - - Chuck Jackson<br />
~<br />
Jealousy arises from counting other people's blessings instead of your own. <br />
<br />
Worrying is a waste of time, it doesn't change anything; it just messes with your mind and steals your happiness. <br />
<br />
We cannot control what others say or do to us but we can control how we react and let it affect our lives<br />
<br />
Smile and say kind, happy words, even when you don't feel like it, you may lift the spirit of someone having an even worse day than you<br />
<br />
Trust your instincts. They are God-given<br />
<br />
No matter what you are going through, God already knows<br />
<br />
yes! there is light at the end of this tunnel.<br />
<br />
in the quiet moments is when God speaks, you just have to be willing to listen<br />
<br />
a little humor......After spending millions in research scientists still do not know exactly how long a cotton picking minute is.<br />
<br />
You can't see the rainbow if you're looking at the puddle<br />
<br />
If you want to get over a problem, stop talking about it. Your mind affects your mouth, and your mouth affects your mind - - Nancy Davis Law<br />
~<br />
"When have we forgotten that the church doesn't exist for us? We are the church and we exist for the world"- Erwin McManus - - Mallory Ruark<br />
~<br />
We are practiced in pleading inadequacy in order to avoid living at the best that God calls us to!!! (Gregory Douglas) - - Joe Tudor<br />
~~~~~<br />
Roasted Brussels Sprouts With Pomegranate and Hazelnuts - - Recipe courtesy Bobby Flay for Food Network Magazine<br />
<br />
Prep Time: 20 min <br />
Cook Time: 45 min<br />
Level: Easy<br />
Serves: 4 to 6 servings<br />
<br />
<br />
Ingredients<br />
<br />
1 1/4 pounds Brussels sprouts, trimmed and halved<br />
2 tablespoons canola oil<br />
Kosher salt and freshly ground pepper<br />
3 tablespoons pomegranate molasses<br />
Seeds from 1 pomegranate<br />
1/2 cup coarsely chopped toasted hazelnuts<br />
Finely grated zest of 1 lime<br />
1 tablespoon finely grated orange zest<br />
<br />
<br />
Directions<br />
<br />
Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F.<br />
<br />
Put the Brussels sprouts in a medium roasting pan; toss with the canola oil and season with salt and pepper. Roast in the oven until light golden brown and a knife inserted into the centers goes in without any resistance, about 45 minutes.<br />
<br />
Transfer the sprouts to a large bowl and add the pomegranate molasses, pomegranate seeds, hazelnuts, and lime and orange zests. Season with salt as needed.<br />
<br />
SERVES: 4 (Side); Calories: 295; Total Fat 17 grams; Saturated Fat: 1 grams; Protein: 8 grams; Total carbohydrates: 35 grams; Sugar: 18 grams Fiber: 9 grams; Cholesterol: 0 milligrams; Sodium: 162 milligrams<br />
<br />
http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/cda/recipe_print/0,1946,FOOD_9936_579530_RECIPE-PRINT-FULL-PAGE-FORMATTER,00.html<br />
<br />
Copyright 2012 Television Food Network G.P. - - All Rights Reserved<br />
~~~~~<br />
AskBob - - Bob Rankin - - Eleven Great Gifts for Geeks <br />
<br />
It’s the most wonderful time of the year, when you ponder what to give the geek in your life. An iPad is too obvious; besides, every geek already has one. But I'm taking the stress out of selecting a Christmas or Hanukkah gift for the geeky guy or gal on your list. Here are some thoroughly geeky gift ideas that are sure to please... [http://askbobrankin.com/eleven_great_gifts_for_geeks.html?awt_l=HZr.N&awt_m=J.wchdXby8P6SL]<br />
~~~~~<br />
Want to see why the Germans have a positive trade balance, in spite of paying workers some of the highest wages in the world? Watch this: It is truly incredible... [http://www.youtube.com/embed/nd5WGLWNllA?rel=0]<br />
<br />
Thanks to Gary Foreman<br />
~~~~~<br />
Space Shuttle Discovery - 360VR Images<br />
[http://360vr.com/2011/06/22-discovery-flight-deck-opf_6236/index.html]<br />
<br />
Thanks to Joe Mullins<br />
~~~~~<br />
DRINK, STEAL, SWEAR & LIE<br />
I met this guy while I was in Albuquerque and he has a motto he lives by every day. He said listen carefully and live by these 4 rules: Drink, Steal, Swear, & Lie. I was shaking my head 'no', but he then told me to listen while he explained his four rules. So here they are: <br />
<br />
1… "Drink" from the "everlasting cup" every day.<br />
2… "Steal" a moment to help someone that is in worse shape than you are.<br />
3… "Swear" that you will be a better person today than yesterday.<br />
4… And last, but not least, when you "lie" down at night thank God you live in America and have freedom.<br />
<br />
I am not as good as I should be; I am not as good as I could be. but THANK GOD I am better than I used to be! <br />
<br />
Thanks to Gary Foreman<br />
~~~~~<br />
VITAMIN F<br />
<br />
Why do I have a variety of friends who are all so different in character? How can I get along with them all? I think that each one helps to bring out a "different" part of me.<br />
<br />
With one of them I am polite. I joke with another friend. I sit down and talk about serious matters with one. With another I laugh a lot. I listen to one friend's problems. Then I listen to another one's advice for me.<br />
<br />
My friends are all like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. When completed, they form a treasure box. A treasure of friends! They are my friends who understand me better than myself, who support me through good days and bad days.<br />
<br />
Real Age doctors tell us that friends are good for our health. Dr. Oz calls them Vitamins F (for Friends) and counts the benefits of friends as essential to our well being. Research shows that people in strong social circles have less risk of depression and terminal strokes. If you enjoy Vitamins F constantly you can be up to 30 years younger than your real age. The warmth of friendship stops stress, and even in your most intense moments it decreases the chance of a cardiac arrest or stroke by 50%. I'm so happy that I have a stock of Vitamins F!<br />
<br />
In summary, we should value our friends and keep in touch with them. We should try to see the funny side of things and laugh together, and pray for each other in the tough moments. Be thankful for all of them...<br />
<br />
Thanks to Waneta<br />
~~~~~<br />
The latest from Michael Yon, the foremost “milnews” blogger on the web. <br />
~<br />
Greetings,<br />
<br />
This is typical Afghanistan combat. [http://www.michaelyon-online.com/video-firefight-while-waiting-for-medevac.htm]<br />
~<br />
Navy gives away aircraft carrier position with photos on Flickr. Make sure to see this. I liked the photos, but I also enjoyed the accidental position report. The Iranians probably did, too.<br />
<br />
I hate to be the one to tell the Navy, but better I than the Iranians. [http://www.michaelyon-online.com/caution-to-military-public-affairs.htm]<br />
<br />
Very Respectfully,<br />
Michael Yon<br />
Your Writer,<br />
<br />
Please remember that this website accepts no advertisement and is dependent on your support. <br />
<br />
PS Please sign up for my Twitter.com updates at "Michael_Yon" [http://twitter.com/Michael_Yon] (not Michael Yon).<br />
<br />
http://www.facebook.com/#/MichaelYonFanPage?ref=sgm<br />
~<br />
www.michaelyon-online.com<br />
~<br />
Http://www.michaelyon_online.com/index.php<br />
~~~~~ <br />
If you would like to encourage US Troops overseas, but are not sure just how to begin, visit www.anysoldier.com for ideas. <br />
~~~~~ <br />
Please remember ... America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the MALL.<br />
~~~~~ <br />
DarynKagan.com - - Here's to showing the world What's Possible!<br />
<br />
Flash Mob For Cancer Patient<br />
Ellen McGuirk is one popular lady. So many people wanted to visit her in the hospital, her husband organized a flash mob outside her room. [http://darynkagan.demo.nimbussoftware.com/love/2012/lv_121205_flash_mob_cancer_patient.html]<br />
<br />
Teaching Dogs To Drive [http://darynkagan.demo.nimbussoftware.com/animals/2012/an_121205_teaching_dogs_to_drive.html]<br />
Can a dog be trained to drive a car? New Zealand's Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals proved it could be done.<br />
~~~~~<br />
<br />
ACC: U.S. energy imports to plunge by 2040, EIA report says<br />
Oil and natural gas production, along with renewable energy, will help the U.S. reduce outside energy dependence by 2040, according to the Energy Information Administration. Shale natural gas production enabled by hydraulic fracturing technology will account for 30% of U.S. energy production by then, according to EIA. USA Today (12/5) [http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2012/12/05/usa-energy-independence-renewable/1749073/], Los Angeles Times/PolitiCal blog<br />
~~~~~<br />
http://www.shelfari.com<br />
http://www.shelfari.com/bugsbleat/shelf<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Photos on the front of this week’s “Bleat” include - - New York World-Telegram Pearl Harbor Headline, My latest "Light Wheat" bread, Our sons and daughters, brothers and sisters and loved ones are still fighting and dying in Afghanistan, Fried cabbage, mixed veggies and Tuna patties, Josiah and Ethan help fill bags with cookies for the Wade Prison Ministry Christmas Party.<br />
~~~~~<br />
For the latest issue of "Da Bleat.", go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com. <br />
Our photos are posted at http://www.bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com.<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.<br />
~~~~~<br />
BreakPoint - - Consumerism and the Lottery, What They Can’t Get You<br />
By: John Stonestreet|Published: <br />
<br />
If money can’t buy happiness, why do we pretend winning the lottery can? Stay tuned for BreakPoint.<br />
Listen Now | Download<br />
<br />
Did you see the YouTube video of a Maryland man discovering that he won over a quarter of a billion dollars in the recent Powerball lottery? That man, wearing a yellow work coat, excitedly checks his numbers at a convenience store and then basically goes berserk. The title of the video clip is, “Video reveals life-changing Powerball moment.”<br />
<br />
Now I don’t want to throw cold water on his celebration. I mean, who wouldn’t want to be a quarter of a billion dollars richer? But I question how life-changing winning a gigantic jackpot really is. More money—even a lot more money—doesn’t make us happier deep down inside. Rather, it reveals the trajectory our lives are already on with respect to material things.<br />
<br />
I learned this during the year I spent in Jamaica right out of college. Jamaica is an incredibly poor country dependent heavily on tourism, and I saw there two approaches to money. Many tourists, especially the annual spring-breakers, saw debauchery and excess as a way of really living it up.<br />
<br />
Many Jamaicans, on the other hand, viewed these tourists, even as they served them, with anger and resentment. Why? Because they could never have the so-called “good life” they believed was only available to those with lots of cash. In both cases, however, money was viewed as the ticket to happiness.<br />
<br />
This is exactly what our consumer culture, especially at this time of year, tries to tell us: that we have this “Lexus-shaped hole” in our heart that only a new IS 250 can fill. This is more than materialism--the worldview that says only material things matter. It’s consumerism--a view of life that says everything is to be evaluated on whether it satisfies my desires and makes me whole.<br />
<br />
As Skye Jethani, author of The Divine Commodity: Discerning a Faith Beyond Consumer Christianity notes, consumerism is not really a worship of stuff. At root, it’s a worship of self at any cost.<br />
<br />
Skye is my guest this weekend on BreakPoint This Week. I hope you’ll tune in or click on “This Week” at BreakPoint.org. Skye says that consumerism encompasses far more than our shopping and spending habits. The consumerist belief that the essence of existence is the fulfillment of our desires touches everything, from our relationships to our choice of churches. If our husband or wife doesn’t “meet our needs,” we get a divorce. If we don’t “get anything” from our local congregation’s music, ministry, or preaching, we go “church shopping.”<br />
<br />
It becomes very tempting to approach all of life as a consumer, where Christ becomes just one option among many, rather than the One who redeems and transforms the broken self and the broken world.<br />
<br />
In The Divine Commodity, Skye tells of the famous artist Vincent Van Gogh’s love-hate relationship with the church. Actually, we have good evidence that Van Gogh was deeply committed to Christ but couldn’t stand the church, which he saw as captive to the culture of the day—as many of our own churches today are.<br />
<br />
In Van Gogh’s amazing painting, Starry Night, all the world under the pulsating night sky reflects the brilliance and glory of the Creator—all, that is, except for one little church, which remains dark and without the divine presence. It is a damning indictment, and a warning worth heeding today.<br />
<br />
On “BreakPoint This Week,” Skye admits that it is impossible for us Christians to separate ourselves from the consumer culture, which is, after all, the very air we breathe as 21st century Westerners. But the good news is we don’t have to retreat from the world, but we need to find new ways of seeing it so that we can begin to live differently.<br />
<br />
It’s a tall order, but Skye’s excellent book, The Divine Commodity, which we have for you at the BreakPoint online bookstore, offers spiritual practices that will help you escape cultural captivity. And in our interview he gives ideas about how to live intentionally against consumerism this Christmas.<br />
While money might change our lives and buy us a little bit of worldly happiness, especially if we beat the odds and win the lottery, it comes at a cost that none of us would ever want to pay.<br />
<br />
Further Reading and Information<br />
<br />
The Divine Commodity [http://www.colsoncenterstore.org/product.asp?sku=9780310283751]<br />
Skye Jethani | Zondervan | March 2009<br />
<br />
Can winning the lottery buy happiness? Far from a sure bet, history shows [http://usnews.nbcnews.com/_news/2012/04/18/11270542-can-winning-the-lottery-buy-happiness-far-from-a-sure-bet-history-shows?lite]<br />
James Eng | NBC News | April 18, 2012<br />
<br />
Do We Need $75,000 a Year to Be Happy? [http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,2019628,00.html]<br />
Belinda Luscombe | Time | September 6, 2010<br />
<br />
[http://www.breakpoint.org/bpcommentaries]<br />
<br />
Copyright © 2012 Prison Fellowship. All Rights Reserved <br />
<br />
~~~~~<br />
Residents of Columbia County, Arkansas are represented in Congress by:<br />
~<br />
<br />
Senator John Boozman (R_ AR) <br />
1 Russell Courtyard<br />
Washington DC, 20510<br />
Phone: 202-224-4843<br />
http://boozman.senate.gov/<br />
~<br />
Senator Mark Pryor (D_ AR) <br />
Phone 202_224_2353 <br />
FAX 202_228_0908 <br />
http://pryor.senate.gov/<br />
~<br />
Representative Michael A. Ross (D _ 04) <br />
Phone 202_225_3772 <br />
FAX 202_225_1314 <br />
http://ross.house.gov/<br />
<br />
Other states congresspersons can be found at: [http://www.visi.com/juan/congress/]<br />
~~~~~<br />
THOUGHT OF THE DAY:<br />
<br />
"He only profits from praise who values criticism." - Heinrich Heine<br />
<br />
"People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone." - Audrey Hepburn<br />
<br />
"The robbed that smiles, steals something from the thief." - William Shakespeare<br />
<br />
"Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you." - Ralph Waldo Emerson<br />
<br />
"Genius ... means little more than the faculty of perceiving in an unhabitual way." - William James<br />
<br />
"When we try to pick out anything by itself, we find it hitched to everything else in the Universe." - John Muir<br />
<br />
"Let no man pull you low enough to hate him." - Martin Luther King Jr.<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Breaking Christian News <br />
<br />
Creative Victory for Christians in Santa Monica: Nativity Tradition Will Continue in Palisades Park<br />
Aimee Herd : Dec 6, 2012 : The Nativity Project [http://www.nativityproject.org/aboutus.sc]<br />
<br />
"We are so thankful that a Nativity Display will be seen in Palisades Park for a 60th Consecutive year." -Rev. Patrick Mahoney<br />
<br />
EDITOR'S NOTE: In addition to the "Live" Nativity victory, the usual display of "life-size figurines" which are set in several booths depicting the birth of Jesus, has been moved to private property within Santa Monica, so that they too will be available for viewing beginning on Sunday, Dec. 9th. –Aimee Herd, BCN. <br />
<br />
http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=10825<br />
<br />
editor@breakingchristiannews.com<br />
<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
<br />
GCF: Offering Plates<br />
<br />
If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.com<br />
----------------------------------------------------------<br />
<br />
The church where I serve has a summer ministry at a chapel. At our first service last summer, the chairman of the board of deacons met me at the door with the information that there were no offering plates to be found. None of the men wore hats, and he thought it undignified to pass a shoe. He had tried to borrow something suitable from a house nearby, but no one was home. When I went to the chancel to begin the service, the problem was still unsolved.<br />
<br />
Time came for the offering, and two ushers walked down the aisle wearing broad grins and carrying shiny receptacles. The deacon had resourcefully borrowed two hubcaps from a parishioner's car. <br />
_ _____________________________________ _<br />
GCF: Garden Walkway<br />
<br />
The plan: To build a garden walkway made up of dozens of wooden squares. I decided I'd slice railroad ties into two-inch-thick pieces for the sections. That's what I told the clerk at the lumberyard.<br />
<br />
"Do you have a power saw?" he asked.<br />
<br />
"No," I said. "Can't I just use my hand saw?"<br />
<br />
He nodded slowly. "You could. But I just have one question. How old do you want to be when you finish?" <br />
_ _____________________________________ _<br />
GCF: Cleaning Day<br />
<br />
Saturday had always been "cleaning day" in at our house, and my mother still adhered to the ritual even after all her children had left the nest. When I stopped by to visit her one Saturday, I was surprised to find her relaxing in a favorite chair.<br />
<br />
"Aren't you feeling well?" I asked.<br />
<br />
"I feel fine."<br />
<br />
"But you're not cleaning."<br />
<br />
"After all these years I've finally figured out how to get it done in half the time," Mom told me. "I simply take off my glasses." <br />
_ _____________________________________ _<br />
GCF: Pain and Mishap<br />
<br />
My wife, a registered nurse, once fussed over every pain or mishap that came my way. Recently, however, I got an indication that the honeymoon is over. I was about to fix the attic fan, and as I lifted myself from the ladder into the attic, I scratched my forehead on a crossbeam. Crawling along, I picked up splinters in both hands, and I cut one hand replacing the fan belt. On the way down the ladder, I missed the last two rungs and turned my ankle. When I limped into the kitchen, my wife took one look and said, "Are those your good pants?" <br />
_ _____________________________________ _<br />
GCF: Geriatric Cat<br />
<br />
The vet prescribed daily tablets for our geriatric cat and after several battles my husband devised a way to give her the medication. It involved wrapping the cat in a towel, trapping her between his knees, forcing her mouth open and the positioning the pill on the back of her tongue. He was proud of his resourcefulness until one hectic session when he lost control of both cat and the medicine.<br />
The cat leaped out of his grasp, paused to inspect the tablet, which had rolled across the floor, and then ate it. <br />
_ _____________________________________ _<br />
/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( \<br />
/ / | tellswor@kcbx.net | \ \<br />
_( (_ | http://www.kcbx.net/~tellswor | _) )<br />
(((\ \>|_/ )_____________________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / "Politics is the gentle art \ \_/ ////
\ / of getting votes from the poor \ /
\ _/ and campaign funds from the rich, \_ /
/ / by promising to protect each from \ \
the other." - Oscar Ameringer
(((\ \>|_/ )_____________________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / "Warning: Dates in Calendar \ /
\ _/ are closer than they appear." \_ /
/ / \ \(((\ \>|_/ )_____________________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / There is a thin person \ /
\ _/ inside me screaming to get out. \_ /
/ / Fortunately I keep him sedated \ \
with chocolate.
(((\ \>|_/ )_____________________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Repetition is always \ /
\ _/ better the second time. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )_____________________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ /The word "aerobics" came about \ \_/ ////
\ / when the gym instructors got \ /
\ _/ together and said: If we're going \_ /
/ / to charge $40 an hour, we can't \ \
call it Jumping Up and Down.
_ _______________________________ _
/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( \
/ / | tellswor@kcbx.net | \ \
_( (_ | http://www.kcbx.net/~tellswor | _) )
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Wife texts her husband at work on a cold winter morning:<br />
<br />
"Windows frozen."<br />
<br />
Husband texts back: "pour some luke warm water over it."<br />
<br />
Wife texts back: "computer completely screwed up now."<br />
<br />
Thanks to Waneta<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services: <br />
<br />
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. <br />
-------------------------- <br />
The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.' <br />
-------------------------- <br />
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.<br />
-------------------------- <br />
Remember in prayer the many that are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.<br />
-------------------------- <br />
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help. <br />
-------------------------- <br />
Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.<br />
-------------------------- <br />
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.<br />
-------------------------- <br />
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get. <br />
-------------------------- <br />
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.<br />
-------------------------- <br />
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.. <br />
-------------------------- <br />
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.<br />
--------------------------<br />
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.<br />
--------------------------<br />
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.<br />
--------------------------<br />
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered...<br />
-------------------------- <br />
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility. <br />
-------------------------- <br />
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.<br />
------------------------- <br />
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.<br />
-------------------------- <br />
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.<br />
-------------------------- <br />
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM . All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done. <br />
-------------------------- <br />
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday. <br />
-------------------------- <br />
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM . Please use the back door.<br />
-------------------------- <br />
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM . The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.<br />
-------------------------- <br />
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.<br />
-----------------------------<br />
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.<br />
<br />
Thanks to Joe Mullins<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
A while ago a new supermarket opened in Kingsport, TN.<br />
<br />
It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh.<br />
Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.<br />
<br />
When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh mown hay.<br />
<br />
In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal-grilled steaks with onions.<br />
<br />
When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.<br />
<br />
The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh-baked bread and cookies.<br />
<br />
I don't buy toilet paper there anymore.<br />
<br />
Thanks to Gary Foreman<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
RETIRED HEALTH MESSAGE<br />
<br />
As I was lying in bed pondering the problems of the world, I rapidly realized that it's the tortoise life for me!<br />
<br />
1.. If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.<br />
<br />
2.. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, and is fat.<br />
<br />
3.. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years.<br />
<br />
4.. A tortoise doesn't run and does nothing, yet it lives for 150 years.<br />
<br />
And they tell us to exercise?? I don't think so.<br />
<br />
I'm retired. Go around me.<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Now that I'm older here's what I've discovered:<br />
<br />
1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.<br />
<br />
2. My wild oats have turned into prunes and all-bran.<br />
<br />
3. I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.<br />
<br />
4. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.<br />
<br />
5. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.<br />
<br />
6. If all is not lost, where is it?<br />
<br />
7. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.<br />
<br />
8. Some days, you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.<br />
<br />
9. I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few.<br />
<br />
10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.<br />
<br />
11. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.<br />
<br />
12. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.<br />
<br />
13. The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom.<br />
<br />
14. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he'd have put them on my knees.<br />
<br />
15. When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone want to play chess?<br />
<br />
16. It’s not hard to meet expenses . . . they're everywhere.<br />
<br />
17. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.<br />
<br />
18. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter … I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm hereafter,<br />
<br />
Thanks to Waneta<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
As we progress through to the end of 2012, I want to thank you for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have no chance of recovery.<br />
<br />
I can no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, nor let the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.<br />
<br />
I can't sit down on a hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.<br />
<br />
I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one's nose.<br />
<br />
Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have consumed over the years.<br />
<br />
I can't touch any woman's handbag for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public toilet.<br />
<br />
I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS for the email about rat poo in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.<br />
<br />
ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.<br />
<br />
I can't have a drink in a bar because I fear I'll wake up in a bathtub full of ice with my kidneys gone.<br />
<br />
I can't eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.<br />
<br />
I can't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.<br />
<br />
THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.<br />
<br />
BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.<br />
<br />
I no longer buy gas without taking someone along to watch the car, so a serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.<br />
<br />
I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer.<br />
<br />
AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face, disfiguring me for life.<br />
<br />
I no longer go to the cinema because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS when I sit down.<br />
<br />
I no longer go to shopping centers because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.<br />
<br />
And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a huge phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan.<br />
<br />
THANKS TO YOU I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant death when it bites my butt.<br />
<br />
AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE I <br />
can't do any gardening because I'm afraid I'll get bitten by the Violin Spider and my hand will fall off.<br />
<br />
If you don't forward this to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor’s ex mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's best friend's beautician . .<br />
<br />
Oh, and by the way.....<br />
<br />
A German scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse.<br />
<br />
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.<br />
<br />
P. S. I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet.<br />
<br />
NOW YOU HAVE YOURSELF A VERY GOOD DAY… <br />
<br />
Thanks to Joe Mullins<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Why I Like Retirement !!! <br />
<br />
Question: How many days in a week? <br />
Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday <br />
<br />
Question: When is a retiree's bedtime? <br />
Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch. <br />
<br />
Question: How many retirees to change a light<br />
bulb? <br />
Answer: Only one, but it might take all day. <br />
<br />
Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees? <br />
Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done. <br />
<br />
Question: Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors? <br />
Answer: The term comes with a 10% discount. <br />
<br />
Question: Among retirees what is considered formal attire? <br />
Answer: Tied shoes. <br />
<br />
Question: Why do retirees count pennies? <br />
Answer: They are the only ones who have the time. <br />
<br />
Question: What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire? <br />
Answer: NUTS! <br />
<br />
Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage? <br />
Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.<br />
<br />
Question: What do retirees call a long lunch? <br />
Answer: Normal . <br />
<br />
Question: What is the best way to describe retirement? <br />
Answer: The never ending Coffee Break. <br />
<br />
Question: What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree? <br />
Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents. (And in Arkansas, they are FREE! <br />
<br />
Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he used to work with? <br />
Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth. <br />
<br />
And, my very favorite.... <br />
QUESTION: What do you do all week? <br />
Answer: Monday through Friday, NOTHING..... Saturday & Sunday, I rest. <br />
<br />
Joe Mullins<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet: The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time but nobody could do it.<br />
<br />
One day this scrawny little man came into the bar, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet."<br />
<br />
After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man. The crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass.<br />
<br />
As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight-lifter, or what?"<br />
<br />
The man replied, "I work for the IRS."<br />
<br />
Joe Mullins<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
For all of you with any money left, be aware of the next expected mergers so that you can get in on the ground floor and make some BIG bucks.<br />
<br />
Watch for these consolidations in 2012:<br />
<br />
1. Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W. R. Grace Co. will merge and become: Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace.<br />
<br />
2. Polygram Records, Warner Bros., and Zesta Crackers join forces and become: Poly, Warner Cracker.<br />
<br />
3. 3M will merge with Goodyear and become: MMMGood.<br />
<br />
4. Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining will merge and become: ZipAudiDoDa.<br />
<br />
5. FedEx is expected to join its competitor, UPS, and become: FedUP.<br />
<br />
6. Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will become: Fairwell Honeychild.<br />
<br />
7. Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to become: PouponPants.<br />
<br />
8. Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women will become: Knott NOW!<br />
<br />
Thanks to Gary Foreman<br />
<> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
UNIVERSAL LAWS<br />
<br />
1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to scratch.<br />
<br />
2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.<br />
<br />
3. Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.<br />
<br />
4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.<br />
<br />
5. Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.<br />
<br />
6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).<br />
<br />
7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.<br />
<br />
8. Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.<br />
<br />
9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.<br />
<br />
10. The Coffee Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.<br />
<br />
11. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.<br />
<br />
12. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.<br />
<br />
13. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. But don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.<br />
<br />
Joe Mullins<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Q: How many women with MENOPAUSE does it take to change a light bulb? <br />
<br />
Woman's Answer: One! <br />
ONLY ONE!!!! And do you know WHY? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb! They don't even know that the bulb is BURNED OUT!! They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out. And, once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to find the stupid light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CABINET for the past 17 YEARS!<br />
<br />
But if they did, by some miracle of God, actually find them, 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE STUPID LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!!! BECAUSE NO ONE EVER PICKS UP OR CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE A FOOT DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS PLACE! AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON WHO CHANGES THE TOILET PAPER ROLL !! <br />
<br />
I'm sorry. What was the question?<br />
<br />
Thanks to Gary Foreman<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Made Bed<br />
<br />
My wife and I are teachers, and our jobs often spill over into our family life. One morning as our eight-year-old Maggie was getting ready for school, I peeked into her room to be sure she had tidied it up.<br />
<br />
"You call THAT a made bed?" I asked.<br />
<br />
"No, Dad," Maggie replied. "It's just a rough draft."<br />
<br />
Received from Andychap.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Lost in Thought<br />
<br />
Arriving back at the dorm late one evening, my roommate explained that she had gotten lost in the school library. No one was surprised since the library is large and has a confusing layout. <br />
<br />
When I asked her how long it took her to find an exit, she admitted she hadn't actually found the exit herself. She'd used an emergency phone to call for help.<br />
<br />
Puzzled, I asked, "How did your rescuers find you if you didn't know where you were?"<br />
<br />
"Easy," she said. "I started reading titles of books around me, and they located my position from the card catalogue."<br />
<br />
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Missed the Point<br />
<br />
During my shift as a customer-service agent at Detroit Metro Airport, I was approached by a weeping woman who was so upset that I thought maybe she'd missed a connection or lost a child.<br />
<br />
"I left my book on the plane!" she said frantically.<br />
<br />
I assumed this had to be a rare first edition of some kind. "Okay," I said. "Just tell me the title of the book."<br />
<br />
"It's called 'Don't Sweat the Small Stuff ... and It's All Small Stuff,'" she replied through her tears.<br />
<br />
Received from Ed.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Meditation<br />
<br />
I got so excited when my husband expressed interest in my meditation sessions.<br />
<br />
"You don't have to close your eyes," I explained. "You can keep them open and focus on something like a candle or a spot in front of you."<br />
<br />
He nodded thoughtfully. "Could it be a TV?"<br />
<br />
- from Tracey McCaughey (via Reader's Digest)<br />
<br />
Received from Doc's Daily Chuckle.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Look Different<br />
<br />
As a 30-year-old kindergarten teacher was talking to the children seated on the floor around her, she absentmindedly removed her glasses to clean them.<br />
<br />
"Wow, Miss Collins!" one child exclaimed. "You look really different without your glasses on!"<br />
<br />
Another child piped up, "I bet she looks different when she takes her teeth out, too!"<br />
<br />
Received from ArcaMax Jokes.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
--<br />
Rate this funny at<br />
http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20120420<br />
<br />
Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a) Mail address: GCFL, Box 100, Harvest, AL 35749, USA<br />
<br />
To print or email this funny to others, go to<br />
http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20120420<br />
<br />
The latest GCFL funny can always be found on the web at http://www.gcfl.net/latest.php<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Column - - Nobby Limerick<br />
<br />
I learned a new word today: Nobby, which means elegant and stylish. Please don’t dress me down for using it in a limerick:<br />
<br />
Nobby Limerick<br />
By Madeleine Begun Kane<br />
<br />
A chic woman arrived in the lobby<br />
Of a shop that was known to be snobby.<br />
But its nobby couture<br />
Held for her no allure:<br />
Sky-high hems don’t suit knees that are knobby.<br />
[http://www.madkane.com/humor_blog/]<br />
<br />
© Madeleine Begun Kane. All Rights Reserved.<br />
http://www.madkane.com/<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> <br />
The Pump Handle<br />
[http://scienceblogs.com/thepumphandle/]<br />
<br />
First-of-its-kind survey compiles the experience of domestic workers, highlights the grim nature of an unregulated industry<br />
<br />
Posted by The Pump Handle on December 7, 2012<br />
<br />
The collective experience of domestic workers — house cleaners, nannies and caregivers — often remains hidden from view. But a new survey has pulled back the curtain on the conditions and experiences domestic workers face, documenting issues such as wage exploitation, preventable on-the-job injuries and the little — if any — power domestic workers have in improving their work environments.<br />
Read the whole post [http://scienceblogs.com/thepumphandle/2012/12/07/first-of-its-kind-survey-compiles-the-experience-of-domestic-workers-highlights-the-grim-nature-of-an-unregulated-industry/]<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." __ Franklin D. Roosevelt <br />
"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle." <br />
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. _ _ George Carlin <br />
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" _ _ Queen E. Watson<br />
“A political class of Republicans and Democrats that look after themselves, not the Nation. A media hostile to the very precepts of this nation. A generation of Americans who see morals as vices, and are ignorant of America's Actual History.”<br />
"The things that will destroy America are prosperity-at-any-price, peace-at-any-price, safety-first instead of duty-first, the love of soft living, and the get-rich-quick theory of life." - - Theodore Roosevelt <br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> <br />
Emergency Phone Number 911 <br />
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )<br />
Central Dispatch 234_5655<br />
(Non _ Emergency Number)<br />
Direct Numbers<br />
Ambulance _ 234_7371 (24 Hour)<br />
Jail _ 234_5331 (24 Hour)<br />
Poison Control _ 800_222_1222 (24 Hour)<br />
http://www. aapcc. org/<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Interested in getting in touch with the Banner_News through e_mail? editor@bannernews.net For the editor, news@bannernews.net For news and sports items, Coming Events, Diary, Church News, school and civic events. [http://www.bannernews.net/]<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." __ "Bug" <br />
"I read the end of the book. We win!" __ "Bug" <br />
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." __ "Bug"<br />
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." _ _ "Bug"<br />
"It's no big deal doing what God tells you to do. A big deal would be NOT doing what God tells you to do. Just ask Jonah." _ _ Paul Troquille <br />
“Nam et ipsa scientia potestas est.” Knowledge is power. _ Francis Bacon <br />
"The problem is here and now. The time for talk is past. The time for action is now." <br />
Comments on the first Earth Day _ James F. McClellan via John "Fuzzy" Thurman<br />
~~~~~<br />
Hope you enjoy the newsletter. <br />
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week. <br />
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" __"Bug" <br />
God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!! <br />
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT_I KC5HII <br />
<br />
P. S. If you'd like to be added to the distribution, just drop us E_mail at kc5hii@suddenlink.net<br />
. We offer "Da Bleat" as text, a "Blog" and as a newsletter with pictures in Word and PDF format. The latest issue is usually updated sometime Saturday. For the latest issue, go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com. We also have a site [http://bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com/] where we post photos that I like.<br />
We appreciate your encouragement. We also appreciate your communication when you desire to be taken off our mail list. If you are on this mail list by mistake or do not wish to receive "Da Bleat," please reply back and tell us to discontinue service to you. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus 2012 before it was sent.<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
<br />
James F. McClellan<br />
Editor/Publisher "Bug's Bleat"<br />
NREMT_I, CSP, KC5HII<br />
418 North Jefferson Street<br />
Magnolia, Arkansas 71753<br />
(Phone) 870_234_7028<br />
KC5HII@Suddenlink.net<br />
<br />
=================<br />
"The problem is here and now. The time for talk is past. The time for action is now." <br />
Comments on the first Earth Day _ James F. McClellan via "Fuzzy" Thurman<br />
================================================<br />
<br />
Remember McClellan's Rules<br />
<br />
1. Rejoice in that this is the will of the Lord concerning you.<br />
If that doesn't seem to be working, remember;<br />
2. All things work together for the good of them who love the Lord.<br />
If that doesn't seem to be working, remember;<br />
3. All things are subject to change.<br />
And finally;<br />
4. Don't let the son of a guns get you down!Bughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07270965849194883997noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9136923892168334329.post-19630553687230565482012-12-02T12:15:00.000-08:002012-12-02T12:16:27.578-08:00Bug’s Bleat - - GCF: Funeral Arrangements<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-VWUn1wmwk38/ULu05ePglzI/AAAAAAAAGbs/nD8d_fTSwm0/s1600/10-2012-11-28_13-55-41_567.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="140" width="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-VWUn1wmwk38/ULu05ePglzI/AAAAAAAAGbs/nD8d_fTSwm0/s320/10-2012-11-28_13-55-41_567.jpg" /></a></div><br />
A view of our leaf covered lawn. We love the trees and the leaves when they are "on" the trees. <br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Ka3NVcnRjb8/ULu1RnKf4cI/AAAAAAAAGb4/wLcL3nl9Cck/s1600/04-2012-11-26_17-21-44_597.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="219" width="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Ka3NVcnRjb8/ULu1RnKf4cI/AAAAAAAAGb4/wLcL3nl9Cck/s320/04-2012-11-26_17-21-44_597.jpg" /></a></div><br />
The courthouse newly "relit". <br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-pbyAAs6j3Dw/ULu1fu8wb3I/AAAAAAAAGcE/73wjjmZwIdM/s1600/09-2012-11-28_11-25-54_849.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="320" width="180" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-pbyAAs6j3Dw/ULu1fu8wb3I/AAAAAAAAGcE/73wjjmZwIdM/s320/09-2012-11-28_11-25-54_849.jpg" /></a></div><br />
Annette's Christmas boot, <br />
<br />
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Our kitchen window decorations. <br />
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And our yard after another leaf cleaning.<br />
<br />
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"Da Boys" Check out the present distribution under the living room tree (Annette has six trees up around the house.)<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Volume 14, Issue 47 Friday, November 30, 2012<br />
<br />
Hello ALL,<br />
<br />
My family is important to me. Especially since they are the source of many stories and I am a story teller.<br />
<br />
So I want to start today with a story about my Uncle Paul Durwood (Hoot) Taylor. Uncle Hoot was one of two of my uncles who saw combat in WWII. If you ever asked him about his war experience he would only say that he was in Patton’s Army and went to Berlin. <br />
<br />
Historians will tell you that “Patton’s Army” saw serious combat in their march across Europe. My mother told me that Uncle Hoot would wake up screaming in the night for several months after he came home from the war. But he never told us about his experiences.<br />
<br />
When he came home, he went back to his former job of steel working. He drove down to the iron workers union hall in Marshall, TX and got a job. However, after the war, he no longer felt compelled to work full time. He told my mother that life was too short to not enjoy so he developed a system that worked for him.<br />
He would work until he had $300 and then he would “drag up” and go home. He’d stay at home, enjoying himself until he had $25 left and then he would go back to Marshall and get a job.<br />
<br />
He continued this system until he met a beautiful young farm girl from Lafayette County, Margie Colvin. They got married and moved into a small duplex in Tyler, TX where he was building a power plant.<br />
<br />
Not long after they were married, my mother and I drove down to visit. When we knocked on the door we were greeted by a crying Aunt Margie.<br />
<br />
“What’ wrong?” my mother asked. “Hoot and I had a fight.” Margie replied. She went on to explain that she’d cooked cornbread and beans for supper and when Hoot came home from work and saw that meal he’d asked where the meat was. Margie had explained that she’d made them a budget and they would buy some more meat in a couple of days which would be the first of the month.<br />
<br />
She said; “Hoot just up and walked out the door. He didn’t eat or say anything.” My mother consoled her and said; “You know Hoot, he’s a little different. I’m sure he’ll be back shortly.”<br />
<br />
Just then there was a knock at the door. Margie opened the door and a man asked if this was the Durwood Taylor residence. “Yes it is.” Aunt Margie told him. “Well, I have a delivery for him.” The man said. Aunt Margie told him; “I didn’t order anything.” To which the man replied; “Mr. Taylor did.” And he began unloading meat. Not just a pound of pork chops but whole beef quarters, hams, pork loins, sausage, ground beef, etc. There were probably 200 or 300 pounds of meat being unloaded into the small living room of that duplex. Now keep in mind that Aunt Margie didn’t even have a freezer.<br />
<br />
Suddenly, we looked up and Uncle Hoot had stepped into the living room.<br />
<br />
Aunt Margie, who was about Mickey Rooney’s size immediately hit 6’ and some tall Uncle Hoot like the Tasmanian Devil. She was giving him what for. I caught some of the words such as; “Why would you buy all this meat? We don’t even have a place to keep it. This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard of and how are we going to afford this? Etc. etc. etc.” <br />
<br />
The whole time, Uncle Hoot just stood there. <br />
<br />
After a couple of minutes Aunt Margie sort of wound down and stopped to catch her breath. When this happened, Uncle Hoot looked down at her and quietly said; “Do you want to know what time it is?”<br />
<br />
That strange statement started her off again and she proceeded to again tell him how unwise it was to buy items that weren’t on the budget and it was totally crazy to buy so much meat that they had no way of using or storing. Etc. Etc. Etc. She again continued until she began to tire while Uncle Hoot stood stoically listening to her.<br />
<br />
When she again “wound down” Uncle Hoot again asked; “Do you want to know what time it is?”<br />
<br />
This time, a puzzled Aunt Margie replied; “Why would I want to know what time it is?”<br />
<br />
Uncle Hoot then told her; “We are not poor. I make good money, and we can spend it however we want. The only thing I could think of I didn’t need was another watch.” At this point he pulled up both his sleeves and he was sporting a watch on each wrist. <br />
~~~~~<br />
Speaking of money, my Uncle Paul was also an Iron Worker. And, as was common and still probably is, from time to time he would get laid off from a job. On this occasion, the family was gathered on grandmother’s front porch, visiting in the evening cool when Paul announced that he’d been laid off. He went on to commensurate that he didn’t know how he was going to feed his family. Then, as everyone was quietly trying to come to terms with the problems of a family member, he got up and walked back down the street to his home.<br />
<br />
It only took grandmother a moment to rally the kids and tell them no members of this family were going to go hungry. She told them to get up some money and take it to Paul.<br />
<br />
So our Aunts and Uncles got together and went to see Uncle Paul and Aunt Gerry. When Paul opened the door, my mother handed him an envelope with enough money to feed them for more than a week or two.<br />
<br />
He was thunder struck and actually started tearing up at the generosity of his family. He finally got control of himself and said; “You don’t know what this means. I was afraid I was going to have to write a check.”<br />
<br />
…<br />
<br />
You see, Uncle Paul, like his in-laws and siblings, had grown up during the great depression and valued savings above all other financial principals. His method was to support his family directly out of his pay envelope and put the rest into the bank where it would stay, earning interest unless he needed to make a capital purchase such as a car, a home, cattle or land. <br />
<br />
Otherwise, once money went in the bank, it never came out again.<br />
~~~~~<br />
The Arkansas Scholarship lottery is running short of money. Next year they will be 22 million short in the funds needed to provide scholarships for all that qualify for them.<br />
<br />
This isn’t a surprise to me. This was an ill conceived plan from the beginning. And it’s problems were compounded by bringing in grossly overpaid folks to “manage” it which resulted in students not getting their scholarship payments on time, a federal fine to the program as well as the administrator leaving when he was unable to account for the funds as well as having oodles of unsubstantiated “travel” expenses.<br />
<br />
I’m sure that Governor Beebe is glad that he kept a 100% “hands off” approach to the lottery and its organization when it was approved by the voters of Arkansas.<br />
<br />
But, even though there are major problems with the lottery as a source of scholarship funds, a simple “fix” now would be to allocate more than 25% of lottery proceeds to the scholarships. I know of no charity which would be considered successful if they only spent 25% of proceeds on the charitable cause.<br />
<br />
What is our lottery doing with the other 75% of the money? I don’t think anyone really knows at this time. But right now, allocating 50% of funds to administration and winner payouts and 50% to support the students should solve the problem in the short term.<br />
~~~~~<br />
As congress and BO prepare to raise taxes and make NO significant budget cuts (to their spending. Our budgets, on the other hand, will be cut from the bone to the marrow.) I thought it would be appropriate to visit little Johnny.<br />
~<br />
Little Johnny was talking to a couple of boys in the school yard. Each was bragging about how great his father was.<br />
<br />
The first one said, "Well, my father runs the fastest. He can fire an arrow and start to run. I tell you, he gets there before the arrow!"<br />
<br />
The second one said, "Ha! You think that's fast! My father is a hunter. He can shoot his gun and be there before the bullet!"<br />
<br />
Little Johnny listened to the other two boys and shook his head. He then said: "Sorry, dudes, but MY DAD is the fastest. He's a civil servant. He stops working at 4:30, and he's home by 3:45!"<br />
~<br />
As I understand it, our fine civil servants are coming to a consciences on ... reducing or eliminating the mortgage interest deduction, the charitable giving deduction (after all, when we give, we can specify who gets our money. Can't have that. Uncle Sam should have that money and decide who can get them elected and give them the money.) and other such things that all us "RICH" folks (who have homes and give to charity) do.<br />
<br />
When we have a tax exemption, such as mortgage interest or charitable giving, did you know we are TAKING money from the government? At least that’s the “spin” I’m hearing from our fine civil servants.<br />
<br />
And, the word is that they have a MANDATE to raise taxes on the rich. Hummm…. That 50.00000001% the administration won by is a MANDATE?<br />
<br />
The problem I have with all this is that it really does little or nothing to solve the core problem … our national government spends more than it takes in. And increasing tax revenues aren’t going to solve that as they will see those funds as yet another pot of money to spend, not a source to be used to reduce the deficit.<br />
<br />
Don’t misunderstand me. I’m not talking about one party or the other. They’re both guilty. The Democrats traditionally practice “Tax And Spend” while the Republicans traditionally practice “Borrow and Spend.” Neither group has ever practiced “Live within your means.”<br />
<br />
And that cry to “Tax The Rich” that you hear from the administration, many in congress and our national news media? Better bend over and get ready. Anytime they come up with a solution to a problem that involves getting “THEM” you can bet that, ultimately, you will be “THEM.” <br />
<br />
Time and time again, we’ve seen the final “problem solution” strangely involved taking from every American, not just the supposed group that was going to be the whipping boy.<br />
<br />
The original income tax was just going to be levied on those making $200,000 or more.<br />
<br />
The “Windfall Profits” tax was going to punish the oil companies for the shortages during the Arab Oil Embargo of the ‘70s. Instead, all of us saw our fuel bills go up and small royalty owners like my mother (who was getting a $15 a month check) saw their income cut by 50% to 75%.<br />
<br />
Etc. Etc.<br />
<br />
The real solution is to control government spending by requiring them to balance the budget. <br />
<br />
And since current annual federal “expenditures” (we haven’t had a national budget in years) for “Entitlements” (Social Security, Medicare, & Medicaid payments, plus any other programs which are promised to people over many years) exceeds the basic tax revenue of the nation even before you include defense, education, environment, transportation, etc., balancing the budget is going to be painful.<br />
<br />
And that’s just what our government is not equipped to do. So, instead they bandy statements like we are “TAKING” money from them when we use the exemptions they’ve put in the tax structure. Or the “Rich” aren’t paying their share. Anything to generate more funds to enable them to spend more money. Not to actually balance the budget.<br />
<br />
I guess we need a constitutional amendment to require them to only spend what’s brought in. Period. Then we can argue about how much to bring into the government and how much to leave us to actually solve the problems in our area.<br />
~~~~~<br />
US Federal Spending 2011<br />
<br />
<br />
General Government 1%<br />
Protection 2%<br />
Transportation 3%<br />
Other Spending 3%<br />
Education 4%<br />
Interest 7%<br />
Welfare 11%<br />
Pensions 23%<br />
Defense 24%<br />
Health Care 24%<br />
<br />
<br />
[http://www.usgovernmentspending.com/piechart_2013_US_fed]<br />
~~~~~<br />
Latest Commentary by Scott Rasmussen<br />
President's First-term Gamble Will Determine Success of Second Term <br />
...<br />
<br />
Fifty-nine percent of Democrats have a favorable opinion of the federal government. That stands in stark contrast to America's historic skepticism about powerful central governments. It also stands in stark contrast to the views of other voters. Republicans overwhelmingly have an unfavorable view of the federal government, and the numbers aren't much stronger among unaffiliated voters.<br />
<br />
If the health care law is successfully implemented and working well in 2016, the president may have convinced a majority of Americans that the federal government is the solution and not the problem. If the health care law is perceived as a failure, most Americans are likely to conclude that Bill Clinton had it right when he declared that "the era of big government is over."<br />
<br />
To find out more about Scott Rasmussen, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit www.creators.com.<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Favorite Quotes: <br />
<br />
Strange, isn't it? Each man's life touches so many other lives. When he isn't around he leaves an awful hole, doesn't he? - - Clarence in “It's a Wonderful Life”<br />
~<br />
I am thankful that His grace is sufficient for all my needs (2 Cor 12:9), and that He offers peace to me (John 14:27). “Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful.” - - Thanks to Joe Tudor<br />
~<br />
"Even though our Thankful month has come to a close, we should always be thankful every day for all we have and been blessed with. I know I am." - - Thanks to Nancee Davis Law<br />
~~~~~<br />
The following wisdom is shared by our friends.<br />
~<br />
So, if we lie to the government, it's a felony. But if they lie to us its politics? - - Wendell Franks<br />
~<br />
"I don’t have any time to stay up all night worrying about what someone who doesn’t love me has to say about me." - - Gena Risher Hammock<br />
~<br />
God doesn't just want your leftovers at the end of the day. He wants to be included in every meal.<br />
<br />
When there is no light at the end of the tunnel remember that not all tunnels are straight and the light is around the corner, just keep going. - - Nancee Davis Law<br />
~~~~~<br />
dLife - Decoding Your Lab Report<br />
[http://www.dlife.com/diabetes/doctor_and_you/healthcare_team/lab-report-format?utm_source=Update-20121130&utm_medium=eNewsletter&utm_content=Update-newsletter&utm_campaign=dLife-eNewsletter] <br />
<br />
Lab reports are a routine but mysterious part of medical visits. Whether you are being diagnosed with diabetes for the first time or getting your A1C test for the hundredth time, you are likely going to need to undergo some kind of testing so that your doctor will know what’s going on and recommend the proper course of treatment, if necessary. But when you see your test results, will you know what it means?<br />
<br />
For diabetes, there are several panels of tests a doctor may order for either diagnosis or maintenance of the disease.<br />
<br />
A1C<br />
The most feared/revered of all the tests, the A1C measures blood glucose control over a 2- to 3-month period. This is the standard test used to determine blood glucose control in people with diabetes.<br />
<br />
Lipid Panel<br />
The lipid profile tests blood fats and are used to determine the risk of heart disease or stroke. High triglyceride and cholesterol levels can be caused by diabetes. Some tests are:<br />
• HDL-C – HDL cholesterol is good cholesterol and contains the highest amount of protein. It should be greater than 40 mg/dl (2.2 mmol/l) in men and greater than 50 mg/dl (2.7 mmol/l) in women.<br />
• LDL-C – LDL cholesterol, which contains the highest amount of cholesterol, is also called bad cholesterol because LDL deposits can build up on the walls of arteries, should be below 100 mg/dl (5.5 mmol/l). The target for high-risk level patients, including those with diabetes, is less than 70 mg/dl (3.9 mmol/l).<br />
• Triglycerides – levels should be less than 150 mg/dl (8.3 mmol/l).<br />
• VLDL-C – Very low-density lipoprotein cholesterol is part of an extended profile your doctor may order. It is the third of the major lipoprotein particles (the other two being HDL and LDL). VLDL contains the highest amount of triglyceride.<br />
• Non-HDL-C – also part of the extended profile, Non-HDL-cholesterol can build up in the arteries, form plaques, and cause narrowing of the vessels and blockages. Related tests: Direct LDL-C; Homocysteine; Lp-PLA2 (Lipoprotein-associated phospholipase A2); hs-CRP (High-sensitivity C-reactive protein); Apo A (Apolipoprotein A-I); Apo B (Apolipoprotein B-100); Lp(a) (Lipoprotein (a))<br />
<br />
Glucose<br />
Glucose tests are generally used to diagnose all forms of diabetes. They are:<br />
• FPG – The Fasting Plasma Glucose test is the primary indicator of diabetes, but it is also used to evaluate the effectiveness of medication or dietary therapy in those already diagnosed with diabetes.<br />
• OGTT – The Oral Glucose Tolerance Test can diagnose prediabetes, diabetes, and gestational diabetes. Women not considered part of the high-risk group for developing gestational diabetes may first be given a screening test called the glucose challenge test or GCT. If a problem is identified in the GCT, the OGTT is then performed for further information.<br />
• Random Plasma Glucose – This test is a screening test for diabetes when a patient has had food or drink and therefore can't do the FPG or OGTT.<br />
<br />
Hormone Panel<br />
• Insulin – this test helps evaluate insulin production; diagnose an insulinoma (a tumor of the insulin-producing islet cells in the pancreas, causing low blood glucose levels); and helps determine the cause of hypoglycemia<br />
• C-Peptide – also known as Insulin C-peptide, this test monitors insulin production by the beta cells in the pancreas and helps determine the cause of hypoglycemia<br />
• TSH – thyroid disorders are common in people with diabetes, especially women, because one autoimmune disease (diabetes) often begets another (thyroid disorders). TSH screen and helps diagnose these disorders.<br />
• T4 – When TSH is abnormal, a T4 test may be ordered to help evaluate thyroid gland function; help diagnose hypothyroidism or hyperthyroidism; and screen for hypothyroidism in newborns. Related tests: T3; Thyroid Antibodies<br />
<br />
Kidney Function<br />
• Microalbumin – Often ordered as a microalbumin/creatinine ratio, this is a test that measures very small amounts of protein in the urine (microalbuminuria). It is a symptom of the very early stages of kidney disease. Microalbumin is usually measured annually.<br />
• Creatinine Clearance – helps detect and evaluate kidney dysfunction or decreased blood flow to the kidneys.<br />
• eGFR – Estimated Glomerular Filtration Rate assesses kidney function.<br />
• CMP – Comprehensive Metabolic Panel is a frequently ordered panel of tests that gives your doctor important information about the current status of your kidneys, liver, and electrolyte and acid/base balance as well as of your blood sugar and blood proteins.<br />
• BUN – evaluates kidney function or monitors the effectiveness of dialysis and other treatments related to kidney disease or damage.<br />
• Creatinine – determine if your kidneys are functioning normally and monitors treatment for kidney disease.<br />
• Cystatin C – helps detect and monitor acute and chronic kidney dysfunction Related tests: BUN/creatinine ratio; BMP<br />
<br />
Urine<br />
Random urine samples are tested for glucose, protein, and ketones during a physical.<br />
However, this is not a good test for blood sugars slightly above normal because glucose is only found in the urine when the kidney is not able to filter the excess sugar. Also, urine can stay in the bladder for hours so it is not a good indicator of current blood plasma glucose levels.<br />
• Ketones – not normally found in the urine, the presence of ketones can indicate insufficient insulin.<br />
• Urinalysis – screens for metabolic and kidney disorders and for urinary tract infections.<br />
Urinalysis<br />
• Urine Specific Gravity: measure of how concentrated the urine is to help the physician evaluate if the sample is the best one to detect a particular sample.<br />
Urine is usually most concentrated in the morning.<br />
• Urine glucose: Glucose is normally not present in urine. When glucose is present, the condition is called glucosuria and it results from high blood glucose levels, such as may be seen in people with diabetes.<br />
• Ketones: Ketones are not normally found in urine. Ketones in urine can give an early indication of insufficient insulin.<br />
• Blood: This test is used to detect hemoglobin in the urine, which indicates blood in the urine. Increased levels of blood in the urine can be due to numerous diseases of the kidney and urinary tract.<br />
• Protein: Measures the amount of albumin in the urine. Albumin is an early indicator of kidney dysfunction. If blood sugar levels are high, it taxes the kidneys, and the increased pressure results in protein spilling into the urine.<br />
• Bilirubin: Bilirubin is not present in the urine of normal, healthy individuals.<br />
Presence of bilirubin in urine is an early indicator of liver disease.<br />
• Urobilinogen: Urobilinogen is normally present in urine in low concentrations.<br />
This test helps detect liver diseases as well as biliary obstructions.<br />
• Nitrite: Normally the urinary tract and urine are free of bacteria. When bacteria are present, they can convert nitrate to nitrite in your urine. A positive nitrite test can indicate a urinary tract infection.<br />
• Microscopic Examination: After urine has been centrifuged, the concentrated urine sediment is examined to count and identify substances:<br />
o RBC microscopic: Normally, a few RBC’s are present in urine sediment. Inflammation, injury, or disease in the kidneys can cause increased levels of RBC’s.<br />
o WBC microscopic: The number of WBC’s in urine is normally low. When the number is high, it indicates infection or inflammation in the urinary tract.<br />
<br />
CBC with differential platelet<br />
The Complete Blood Count (CBC) is a panel of broad screening tests to check for disorders such as diabetes, anemia, and infection. This panel test examines different parts of the blood and includes the following:<br />
• Red Blood Cells:<br />
o RBC count: a count of the actual number of red blood cells per volume of blood.<br />
o Hematocrit: measures the percentage of red blood cells in a given volume of whole blood.<br />
o MCV: Mean corpuscular volume is a measurement of the average size of your RBC’s. Larger or smaller than normal RBC’s indicate health issues.<br />
o RDW: Red cell distribution width is a calculation of the variation in the size of your RBCs.<br />
• White Blood Cells:<br />
o WBC count and differential: a count of the actual number of white blood cells per volume of blood, as well as the different types of white blood cells present. WBC’s fight infections and diseases. Increased levels indicate infections. There are five types of WBC’s:<br />
Basophil: Type of white blood cell (leukocyte) that normally constitutes 1% or less of the total WBC count. Increased or decreased levels indicate disease.<br />
Eosinophil: Type of WBC (leukocyte) that normally constitutes about 1-3% of the total WBC count. Function in resisting infections and allergic reactions.<br />
Neutrophil: Normally the most abundant type of white blood cell in healthy adults.<br />
Lymphocyte: normally makes up 25% of total white blood cell count but can vary widely. Occur in two forms: B cells, which produce antibodies, and T cells, which recognize foreign substances and process them for removal.<br />
Monocyte: normally makes up 5-10% of the total WBC count.<br />
Functions in the ingestion of bacteria and other foreign particles.<br />
• Hemoglobin:<br />
o Hemoglobin: measures the amount of oxygen-carrying protein in the blood. If you have diabetes, excess glucose in your blood can attach to hemoglobin and raise the level of hemoglobin A1c.<br />
o MCH: Mean corpuscular hemoglobin is a calculation of the average amount of oxygen-carrying hemoglobin inside a red blood cell.<br />
o MCHC: Mean corpuscular hemoglobin concentration is a calculation of the average concentration of hemoglobin inside a RBC.<br />
• Platelets:<br />
o Platelet count: Number of platelets in a given volume of blood.<br />
o MPV: Mean platelet volume calculates the average size of your platelets, giving your doctor information about your platelet production.<br />
<br />
CMP<br />
The Comprehensive Metabolic Panel is a series of 14 tests that is used as a broad screening tool to evaluate organ function of your kidneys and liver. This frequently ordered panel gives your doctor information about your current glucose and protein levels, as well as your electrolyte and acid/base balance. Abnormal glucose levels in your blood may be a sign of diabetes.<br />
Tests to Distinguish Between Types<br />
Once diabetes has been diagnosed, there are tests to help determine if it is type 1 or type 2. Antibody tests – Glutamic Acid Decarboxylases (GADA); insulin-associated tyrosine phosphatase antibody (IA2A); insulin autoantibody (IAA); and islet cell antibody (ICA) – can provide evidence of autoimmune activity, which is specific to type 1. Type 2 is not an autoimmune disease.<br />
<br />
This is just the beginning. Your lab report may have more or different acronyms depending upon the conditions your doctor is seeking to diagnose or monitor. Your lab report format may also include sections not listed here. That is why it is important to be in communication with your doctor and if you do not understand something, never be afraid to ask.<br />
<br />
Sources<br />
1 - U.S Department of Health and Human Services. Clinical Laboratory Improvement<br />
Amendments. http://www.cms.hhs.gov/clia/. (Accessed 01/10)<br />
2 – Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Current CLIA Regulations.<br />
http://wwwn.cdc.gov/clia/regs/subpart_k.aspx#493.1291 (Accessed 01/10)<br />
3 – Lab Tests Online. Deciphering Your Lab Report.<br />
http://www.labtestsonline.org/understanding/features/lab_report.html (Accessed 01/10<br />
~~~~~<br />
"Hot Chocolate" Banana-Nut Oatmeal - FoodNetwork.com - - Recipe courtesy Food Network Kitchens<br />
<br />
<br />
Prep Time: 10 min<br />
Inactive Prep Time: 5 min<br />
Cook Time: 15 min<br />
Level: Easy<br />
Serves: 4 servings<br />
<br />
<br />
This isn't just any old oatmeal. It's like having dessert for breakfast. This recipe has got toasty nuts, sweet banana, rich cocoa and just enough chocolate chips to give you both healthy and sweet fix at the same time.<br />
Ingredients<br />
<br />
<br />
2 cups plain almond milk<br />
2 fully-ripened large bananas (1 1/2 diced and 1/2 thinly sliced crosswise)<br />
1/4 teaspoon pure almond extract<br />
1/4 teaspoon pure vanilla extract<br />
Kosher salt<br />
2 cups old-fashioned rolled oats<br />
2 tablespoons unsweetened cocoa powder<br />
2 tablespoons honey or agave nectar<br />
1/3 cup toasted and chopped walnuts<br />
Pinch ground cinnamon<br />
2 tablespoons semisweet chocolate chips<br />
<br />
<br />
Directions<br />
<br />
Bring the almond milk, 1 3/4 cups water, the diced bananas, almond and vanilla extracts and pinch of salt to a boil in a large saucepan over high heat.<br />
<br />
Stir in the oats, cocoa powder and 1 tablespoon of the honey and reduce the heat to medium. Cook, stirring frequently, until the oats are fully cooked to desired consistency, 6 to 7 minutes.<br />
<br />
Transfer to 4 bowls, top with the sliced bananas, walnuts, the remaining 1 tablespoon honey, cinnamon and chocolate chips and serve.<br />
<br />
Per Serving: Calories: 382; Total Fat: 12 grams; Saturated Fat: 1.5 grams; Protein: 11 grams; Total carbohydrates: 61 grams; Sugar: 24 grams; Fiber: 7.5 grams; Cholesterol: 0 milligrams; Sodium: 135 milligrams<br />
<br />
[http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/cda/recipe_print/0,1946,FOOD_9936_656484_RECIPE-PRINT-FULL-PAGE-FORMATTER,00.html] Copyright 2012 Television Food Network, G.P. All rights reserved.<br />
<br />
Notes: Cook's Note: Soy milk, rice milk, hemp milk or oat milk are also good substitutes.<br />
Copyright 2012 Television Food Network G.P. All Rights Reserved<br />
~~~~~<br />
Mat 14:28-33, James 2:16, John 4:16-19, Rom 7:22-8:2 <br />
~~~~~<br />
http://scienceblogs.com/thepumphandle/<br />
~~~~~<br />
Charles Jacobs’s new book "Get Back In The Game" has come out and can be ordered on his web page at http://www.charlesjacobsministries.com<br />
~~~~~<br />
Home Tips for the Holidays - - Danny LIpford, Today's Homeowner<br />
[http://us2.campaign-archive2.com/?u=751936620a38008241b4c0636&id=bb33a330c1&e=6455a9af62]<br />
~~~~~<br />
AskBob - - Bob Rankin - - Seven Tips for Online Holiday Shopping <br />
<br />
Shopping online for the holidays is easy and convenient, but when you use the right tools, you can also save a lot of cash. Here are some money-saving tips for the smart online holiday shopper...<br />
Continue reading Seven Tips for Online Holiday Shopping [http://askbobrankin.com/seven_tips_for_online_holiday_shopping.html?awt_l=HZr.N&awt_m=IpVCEhdui8P6SL]<br />
~~~~~<br />
The latest from Michael Yon, the foremost “milnews” blogger on the web. <br />
~<br />
Greetings,<br />
<br />
Please see [http://www.michaelyon-online.com/mysterious-blood-trails-at-my-home.htm].<br />
<br />
Introduction to combat tracking [http://www.michaelyon-online.com/wolf-pack-101-introduction-to-combat-tracking.htm]. Please read, and please support my work [https://www.michaelyon-online.com/index.php?option=com_dtdonate&task=pre_paypal&Itemid=142].<br />
<br />
Please don't miss it. [http://www.michaelyon-online.com/wolfpack-102-sensors.htm]<br />
<br />
Very Respectfully,<br />
Michael Yon<br />
Your Writer,<br />
<br />
Please remember that this website accepts no advertisement and is dependent on your support. <br />
<br />
PS Please sign up for my Twitter.com updates at "Michael_Yon" [http://twitter.com/Michael_Yon] (not Michael Yon).<br />
<br />
http://www.facebook.com/#/MichaelYonFanPage?ref=sgm<br />
~<br />
www.michaelyon-online.com<br />
~<br />
Http://www.michaelyon_online.com/index.php<br />
~~~~~ <br />
If you would like to encourage US Troops overseas, but are not sure just how to begin, visit www.anysoldier.com for ideas. <br />
~~~~~ <br />
Please remember ... America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the MALL.<br />
~~~~~ <br />
DarynKagan.com - - Want to feel good about giving? I think today's stories will do the trick.<br />
<br />
Businessman Giving His Company To Employees [http://darynkagan.demo.nimbussoftware.com/business/2012/bu_121128_company_to_employees.html]<br />
Joe Lueken could have sold his grocery chain to the highest bidder. Instead, he is turning over the reins to the employees he treasures.<br />
<br />
Retired Teacher Finds Gifts For Hundreds Of Kids [http://darynkagan.demo.nimbussoftware.com/charity/2012/ch_121128_teacher_gifts_hundreds_kids.html]<br />
Ever wonder how good it would feel to be Santa Claus? Mary Sauter spends her entire year finding out.<br />
~~~~~<br />
<br />
ACC: Report: Create national council to direct federal energy strategy<br />
The U.S. should direct national energy strategy and coordinate federal agencies through a council created by Congress and the White House, says a report from a division of the Bipartisan Policy Center. Currently, "no single entity is in a position to implement, coordinate, and assess all of the federal government's energy-related activities and initiatives," says the report, whose contributors and backers include public and private officials and Honeywell International. Politico (Washington, D.C.) (11/28) [http://www.politico.com/news/stories/1112/84290.html]<br />
~~~~~<br />
http://www.shelfari.com<br />
http://www.shelfari.com/bugsbleat/shelf<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Photos on the front of this week’s “Bleat” include - -.A view of our leaf covered lawn. We love the trees and the leaves when they are "on" the trees. The courthouse newly "relit". Annette's boot, Her kitchen window decorations. And our yard after another leaf cleaning.<br />
~~~~~<br />
For the latest issue of "Da Bleat.", go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com. <br />
Our photos are posted at http://www.bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com.<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.<br />
~~~~~<br />
BreakPoint - - Christians on Campus - Our Right to Exist<br />
By: John Stonestreet<br />
<br />
Religious freedom on many of our college campuses is in serious trouble. And Christians are the target. <br />
<br />
Our nation’s universities have long prided themselves on serving as forums for open and free exchange of ideas. But a growing trend in schools throughout our nation is threatening to put an end to that legacy, at least for evangelical Christians. Let me explain.<br />
<br />
Earlier this year, Chuck Colson and my co-host, Eric Metaxas, told you about events at Vanderbilt University, where they recently adopted “anti-discrimination” regulations. These would require student groups to allow anyone—regardless of beliefs or behavior—to obtain group membership and seek leadership positions. As Eric pointed out in April, this amounts to an attack on these groups’ right to exist.<br />
<br />
To borrow his example, such regulations would theoretically force a university chapter of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA), to allow steak connoisseurs and fur enthusiasts into their ranks and leadership. This may not sound like such a big deal, until you realize that even a small cohort of these “fur-draped carnivores” could tip the membership scales and vote the group into extinction.<br />
<br />
Well, PETA likely doesn’t have much to fear from these regulations—but Christian groups do. Increasingly, they’re being singled out with policies which David French, senior counsel for the American Center for Law and Justice, calls “absurd.”<br />
<br />
“[This] level of mandated openness…actually diminishes diversity,” he says. “It’s utterly antithetical to free expression.”<br />
<br />
And it’s not just happening at Vanderbilt. Schools nationwide like Brown, Colby, Amherst, Williams, Bowdoin, and the Universities of Maine and North Carolina have all pursued similar policies.<br />
<br />
Now the latest, Tufts University in Massachusetts, is getting national press coverage as a kind of epicenter for the controversy.<br />
<br />
Tufts’ chapter of InterVarsity Christian Fellowship is 120 members strong, and has been a model of Christian openness and tolerance for years, welcoming members with a variety of beliefs, including some from the LGBT community.<br />
<br />
But a recent ruling by the Tufts student judiciary revoked InterVarsity Fellowship’s status as a university group on the grounds that its constitution requires leaders to celebrate “the basic truths of Christianity,” as well as to practice sexual chastity.<br />
<br />
The university’s decision implements the logic of one of the worst Supreme Court rulings in years. In the 2010 case Christian Legal Society v. Martinez the court essentially held that religious groups must place no stipulation on the beliefs of members. In other words, they’re not allowed to define themselves according to their defining beliefs.<br />
<br />
Greg Jao, national field director of InterVarsity Christian Fellowship, called this reasoning in the case of Tufts “illogical, and a little bizarre.”<br />
<br />
“Groups can only exist,” he says, “if their leaders can affirm the reason for that group’s existence.”<br />
<br />
As we’ve pointed out before on BreakPoint, atheist groups on campus would not appreciate the university forcing them to allow Christians into leadership positions. Gay and Lesbian clubs would not take kindly to opponents of same-sex “marriage” filling their seats and running for president. By the same token, Christians must have a right to exercise our beliefs in public and tangible ways. And yes—that means being able to police both membership and leadership according to the group’s beliefs.<br />
<br />
Otherwise, as Jao noted, there’s little point in having the group at all.<br />
<br />
Folks, this is political correctness run amok. And as French noted, it actually ends up destroying, not preserving, diversity. But that may be exactly what some school and student officials at Tufts and elsewhere have in mind.<br />
This is why we must defend the real meaning of religious freedom on all fronts against redefinition. True freedom does not end when we leave church, and that’s not what America’s founders had in mind when they wrote the First Amendment. We must be free to gather together and express our faith in the statehouse, the marketplace, and especially the halls of academia.<br />
<br />
Further Reading and Information<br />
<br />
Tufts Christian Fellowship controversy highlights importance of religious diversity<br />
Boston Globe editorial | November 17, 2012 [http://www.bostonglobe.com/opinion/editorials/2012/11/17/tufts-christian-fellowship-controversy-highlights-importance-religious-diversity/2wARYH9lvaW0DxPbyDqzcI/story.html]<br />
<br />
Campus Crackdown<br />
Chuck Colson | BreakPoint.org | March 15, 2012 [http://www.breakpoint.org/bpcommentaries/breakpoint-commentaries-archive/entry/13/18969]<br />
<br />
Unmasking Discrimination<br />
Eric Metaxas | BreakPoint.org | April 19, 2012 [http://www.breakpoint.org/bpcommentaries/breakpoint-commentaries-archive/entry/13/19217]<br />
<br />
[http://www.breakpoint.org/bpcommentaries]<br />
<br />
Copyright © 2012 Prison Fellowship. All Rights Reserved <br />
<br />
~~~~~<br />
Residents of Columbia County, Arkansas are represented in Congress by:<br />
~<br />
<br />
Senator John Boozman (R_ AR) <br />
1 Russell Courtyard<br />
Washington DC, 20510<br />
Phone: 202-224-4843<br />
http://boozman.senate.gov/<br />
~<br />
Senator Mark Pryor (D_ AR) <br />
Phone 202_224_2353 <br />
FAX 202_228_0908 <br />
http://pryor.senate.gov/<br />
~<br />
Representative Michael A. Ross (D _ 04) <br />
Phone 202_225_3772 <br />
FAX 202_225_1314 <br />
http://ross.house.gov/<br />
<br />
Other states congresspersons can be found at: [http://www.visi.com/juan/congress/]<br />
~~~~~<br />
THOUGHT OF THE DAY:<br />
<br />
"You can stand tall without standing on someone. You can be a victor without having victims." - Harriet Woods<br />
<br />
"Courtesies of a small and trivial character are the ones, which strike deepest in the grateful and appreciating heart." - Henry Clay<br />
<br />
"Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom." - Aristotle<br />
<br />
"If at first the idea is not absurd, then there is no hope for it." - Albert Einstein<br />
<br />
"Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life." - Mark Twain<br />
<br />
"Lasting change is a series of compromises. And compromise is all right, as long as your values don't change. - Jane Goodall<br />
<br />
"Do one thing every day that scares you." - Eleanor Roosevelt <br />
~~~~~ <br />
Breaking Christian News <br />
<br />
Jesus Speaks to Syrian Widow - - Teresa Neumann (Nov 26, 2012)<br />
"Tomorrow, I will send you someone who will tell you about Me. Listen to him." -God to Syrian Widow<br />
Read Full Story [http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=10787]<br />
<br />
Uganda's President Publicly Repents - - Teresa Neumann (Nov 27, 2012)<br />
"We want to dedicate this nation to You so that You will be our God and guide. We want Uganda to be known as a nation that fears God and as a nation whose foundations are firmly rooted in righteousness and justice to fulfill what the Bible says in Psalm 33:12: 'Blessed is the nation, whose God is the Lord. A people You have chosen as Your own' . . . And I hereby covenant Uganda to You, to walk in Your ways and experience all Your blessings forever." -President Yoweri Museveni<br />
Read Full Story [http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=10791]<br />
<br />
editor@breakingchristiannews.com<br />
<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
GCF: Funeral Arrangements<br />
<br />
If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own<br />
subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! Just send an<br />
email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.com<br />
----------------------------------------------------------<br />
<br />
While my parents were making pre-planning funeral arrangements, the cemetery salesman pointed out a plot that he thought they would like.<br />
<br />
"You'll have a beautiful view of the swan pond," he assured them.<br />
<br />
Dad wasn't sold: "Unless you're including a periscope with my casket, I don't know how I'm going to enjoy it."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
Because of my fluency in American Sign Language, I was hired to be a Santa Claus at the mall. My employer wanted to provide hearing impaired children with a Santa who could communicate with them.<br />
<br />
I sat for hours, performing for the children who came to visit. But none of them was deaf. Then, two girls approached shyly. One explained that her sister was deaf and could not speak.<br />
<br />
"What is your name?" I signed slowly.<br />
<br />
"J-A-S-M-I-N-E," she replied with her fingers, grinning from ear to ear.<br />
<br />
I was bubbling over with pride when I absent-mindedly signed,<br />
"My name is H-E-N-R-Y, nice to meet you."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
I decided to grab a burger at a drive-thru. There were no cars in sight, so I rolled right up to the pay window.<br />
<br />
"We're still serving breakfast. And you have to order at the speaker," the clerk scolded.<br />
<br />
I drove all the way around the building to the squawk box and ordered a breakfast sandwich. "I'm sorry," she said, "we are now serving lunch."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Meaningful Gift<br />
<br />
Every year on my birthday, I looked forward to my aunt's gift ... a scarf, hat, gloves or sweater knitted by hand.<br />
<br />
One year, she must have had better things to do because I received a ball of yarn, knitting needles, and a how-to-knit book.<br />
<br />
Her card read: "Hat, some assembly required."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Delivery Nurse<br />
<br />
When the patient was wheeled into the delivery room, she told me, "I remember you from the last time I gave birth."<br />
<br />
I was thrilled, especially since it had been a few years. "Do you really remember me?" I asked, milking it.<br />
<br />
"Yes. You're the nurse who ate all my candy."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( \<br />
/ / | tellswor@kcbx.net | \ \<br />
_( (_ | http://www.kcbx.net/~tellswor | _) )<br />
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / The second day of a diet is \ /
\ _/ always easier than the first. \_ /
/ / By the second day you're off it. \ \
-Jackie Gleason
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / You can train a cat to do \ /
\ _/ anything it wants to do. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Is it possible to separate \ /
\ _/ the cheese from the whiz? \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / A man with one watch \ \_/ ////
\ / knows what time it is. \ /
\ _/ A man with two watches \_ /
/ / is never sure. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Dogs come when called. \ /
\ _/ Cats take a message \_ /
/ / and get back to you. \ \
_ _______________________________ _
/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( \
/ / | tellswor@kcbx.net | \ \
_( (_ | http://www.kcbx.net/~tellswor | _) )
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
This ought to make you feel better about your computer skills<br />
<br />
Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?<br />
<br />
Customer: A white one.<br />
******************************<br />
Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.<br />
<br />
Customer: Your left or my left?<br />
****************************<br />
Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says, 'Can't find printer.' I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it.<br />
****************************<br />
Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?<br />
<br />
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.<br />
****************************<br />
Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.<br />
<br />
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?<br />
<br />
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.<br />
<br />
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.<br />
<br />
Customer: OK!<br />
<br />
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?<br />
<br />
Customer: Yes.<br />
<br />
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in.<br />
****************************<br />
Customer: I can't get on the Internet.<br />
<br />
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?<br />
<br />
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.<br />
<br />
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?<br />
<br />
Customer: Five dots.<br />
****************************<br />
Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?<br />
<br />
Customer: Netscape.<br />
<br />
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.<br />
<br />
Customer: Oh, sorry... Internet Explorer...<br />
****************************<br />
Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.<br />
****************************<br />
Tech support: How may I help you?<br />
<br />
Customer: I'm writing my first email.<br />
<br />
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?<br />
<br />
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the little circle around it?<br />
**************************** <br />
This one and the next are our personal favorites!<br />
<br />
A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.<br />
<br />
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?<br />
<br />
Customer: 'No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle<br />
<br />
next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.'<br />
****************************<br />
And last but not least!<br />
<br />
Tech support: 'Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time.<br />
<br />
That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen..<br />
<br />
Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager.'<br />
<br />
Customer: I don't have a P.<br />
<br />
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.<br />
<br />
Customer: What do you mean?<br />
<br />
Tech support: 'P'......on your keyboard, Bob.<br />
<br />
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!<br />
<br />
Thanks to Waneta<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
RETIRED HEALTH MESSAGE<br />
<br />
As I was lying in bed pondering the problems of the world,I rapidly realized<br />
that it's the tortoise life for me!<br />
<br />
1.. If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.<br />
<br />
2.. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, and is fat.<br />
<br />
3.. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years.<br />
<br />
4.. A tortoise doesn't run and does nothing, yet it lives for 150 years.<br />
<br />
And they tell us to exercise?? I don't think so.<br />
<br />
I'm retired. Go around me. <br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Now that I'm older here's what I've discovered:<br />
<br />
1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.<br />
<br />
2. My wild oats have turned into prunes and all-bran.<br />
<br />
3. I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.<br />
<br />
4. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.<br />
<br />
5. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.<br />
<br />
6. If all is not lost, where is it?<br />
<br />
7. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.<br />
<br />
8. Some days, you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.<br />
<br />
9. I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few.<br />
<br />
10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.<br />
<br />
11. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.<br />
<br />
12. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.<br />
<br />
13. The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom.<br />
<br />
14. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he'd have put them on my knees.<br />
<br />
15. When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone want to play chess?<br />
<br />
16. Its not hard to meet expenses . . . they're everywhere.<br />
<br />
17. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.<br />
<br />
18. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter . . .I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm hereafter,<br />
<br />
19. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Larger Bills<br />
<br />
I do the water and sewer billing for a small city in Washington state. Customers complained about our postcard-sized bills -- which they said looked too much like junk mail. So we decided to start sending full-sized bills in envelopes. The month before the switch, I had a note printed on the cards, announcing the change.<br />
<br />
Two days later, I heard someone yelling at our receptionist, "Is this some kind of joke?" When the customer threw his bill upon the desk, I saw his point. The note was, "Coming Soon! New Larger Bills!"<br />
<br />
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Little Johnny's Pappa<br />
<br />
Little Johnny was talking to a couple of boys in the school yard. Each was bragging about how great his father was.<br />
<br />
The first one said, "Well, my father runs the fastest. He can fire an arrow and start to run. I tell you, he gets there before the arrow!"<br />
<br />
The second one said, "Ha! You think that's fast! My father is a hunter. He can shoot his gun and be there before the bullet!"<br />
<br />
Little Johnny listened to the other two boys and shook his head. He then said: "Sorry, dudes, but MY DAD is the fastest. He's a civil servant. He stops working at 4:30, and he's home by 3:45!"<br />
<br />
Received from Irene A. Mystery.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Hereafter<br />
<br />
The preacher came to call the other day. He said at my age I should be thinking of the hereafter.<br />
<br />
I told him, "Oh, I do it all the time. No matter where I am -- in the parlor, upstairs, in the kitchen, or down in the basement -- I ask myself, 'Now, what am I here after?'"<br />
<br />
Received from Doc's Daily Chuckle.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Lab Lawyers<br />
<br />
At a convention of biological scientists, one prominant researcher remarked to another, "Did you know that in our lab we have switched from mice to lawyers for our experiments?"<br />
<br />
"Really?" the other researcher replied. "Why did you switch?"<br />
<br />
"Well, for three reasons. First, we found that lawyers are far more plentiful. Second, the lab assistants don't get so attached to them. And third, there are some things even a rat won't do."<br />
<br />
Received from ArcaMax Jokes.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Job Impressions<br />
<br />
I had always talked about my job a lot at home, and my young daughter had always expressed great interest. So I thought it would be a treat for her to spend the day with me at the office. Since I wanted it to be a surprise, I didn't tell her where we were going, just that it would be fun. Although usually a bit shy, she seemed excited to meet each colleague I introduced. On the way home, however, she seemed somewhat down.<br />
<br />
"Didn't you have a nice time?" I asked.<br />
<br />
"Well, it was okay," she responded. "But I thought it would be more like a circus."<br />
<br />
Confused, I asked, "Whatever do you mean?"<br />
<br />
She said, "Well, you said you work with a bunch of clowns, and I never got to see them!"<br />
<br />
Received from Doc's Daily Chuckle.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
--<br />
Rate this funny at<br />
http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20120420<br />
<br />
Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a) Mail address: GCFL, Box 100, Harvest, AL 35749, USA<br />
<br />
To print or email this funny to others, go to http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20120420<br />
<br />
The latest GCFL funny can always be found on the web at http://www.gcfl.net/latest.php<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Column - - Remorseful Limerick<br />
By Madeleine Begun Kane<br />
<br />
A fellow was feeling remorse<br />
About taking an ill-advised course:<br />
He’d married a gal<br />
Who was also his pal,<br />
Before he’d secured a divorce.<br />
<br />
http://www.madkane.com/humor_blog/<br />
<br />
© Madeleine Begun Kane. All Rights Reserved.<br />
http://www.madkane.com/<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." __ Franklin D. Roosevelt <br />
"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle." <br />
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. _ _ George Carlin <br />
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" _ _ Queen E. Watson<br />
“A political class of Republicans and Democrats that look after themselves, not the Nation. A media hostile to the very precepts of this nation. A generation of Americans who see morals as vices, and are ignorant of America's Actual History.”<br />
"The things that will destroy America are prosperity-at-any-price, peace-at-any-price, safety-first instead of duty-first, the love of soft living, and the get-rich-quick theory of life." - - Theodore Roosevelt <br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> <br />
Emergency Phone Number 911 <br />
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )<br />
Central Dispatch 234_5655<br />
(Non _ Emergency Number)<br />
Direct Numbers<br />
Ambulance _ 234_7371 (24 Hour)<br />
Jail _ 234_5331 (24 Hour)<br />
Poison Control _ 800_222_1222 (24 Hour)<br />
http://www. aapcc. org/<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Interested in getting in touch with the Banner_News through e_mail? editor@bannernews.net For the editor, news@bannernews.net For news and sports items, Coming Events, Diary, Church News, school and civic events. [http://www.bannernews.net/]<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." __ "Bug" <br />
"I read the end of the book. We win!" __ "Bug" <br />
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." __ "Bug"<br />
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." _ _ "Bug"<br />
"It's no big deal doing what God tells you to do. A big deal would be NOT doing what God tells you to do. Just ask Jonah." _ _ Paul Troquille <br />
“Nam et ipsa scientia potestas est.” Knowledge is power. _ Francis Bacon <br />
"The problem is here and now. The time for talk is past. The time for action is now." <br />
Comments on the first Earth Day _ James F. McClellan via John "Fuzzy" Thurman<br />
~~~~~<br />
Hope you enjoy the newsletter. <br />
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week. <br />
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" __"Bug" <br />
God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!! <br />
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT_I KC5HII <br />
<br />
P. S. If you'd like to be added to the distribution, just drop us E_mail at kc5hii@suddenlink.net<br />
. We offer "Da Bleat" as text, a "Blog" and as a newsletter with pictures in Word and PDF format. The latest issue is usually updated sometime Saturday. For the latest issue, go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com. We also have a site [http://bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com/] where we post photos that I like.<br />
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><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>Bughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07270965849194883997noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9136923892168334329.post-71816282560627888232012-11-24T17:31:00.000-08:002012-11-24T17:31:02.191-08:00Bug’s Bleat - - GCF: An Irish Toast<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-DViaLSmYRVY/ULFzQ_40J4I/AAAAAAAAGaI/wfz21lLqi3k/s1600/10-2012-11-21_18-25-58_907.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="320" width="170" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-DViaLSmYRVY/ULFzQ_40J4I/AAAAAAAAGaI/wfz21lLqi3k/s320/10-2012-11-21_18-25-58_907.jpg" /></a></div><br />
Ethan tasting the fruits of his labor (why did he choose to eat the one he'd decorated to look like "PaPaw"?)<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-LkcZo2V8RSk/ULFzereBc7I/AAAAAAAAGaU/sXv9FyLXH1g/s1600/09-2012-11-21_18-23-31_87.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="223" width="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-LkcZo2V8RSk/ULFzereBc7I/AAAAAAAAGaU/sXv9FyLXH1g/s320/09-2012-11-21_18-23-31_87.jpg" /></a></div><br />
Josiah shows off his artwork <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-JmGT5AAFK-I/ULFzp0aAwaI/AAAAAAAAGag/FkaDxyoTWzY/s1600/01-2012-11-17_09-32-35_778.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="320" width="180" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-JmGT5AAFK-I/ULFzp0aAwaI/AAAAAAAAGag/FkaDxyoTWzY/s320/01-2012-11-17_09-32-35_778.jpg" /></a></div><br />
One of Annette's plants slowly starts taking over the living room<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_EjkSFVDBpg/ULFz3Zo8J0I/AAAAAAAAGas/0wZkeRgA9AU/s1600/02-2012-11-19_17-05-27_379.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="180" width="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_EjkSFVDBpg/ULFz3Zo8J0I/AAAAAAAAGas/0wZkeRgA9AU/s320/02-2012-11-19_17-05-27_379.jpg" /></a></div><br />
MCC's Prison Ministry Team (Annette, Sim Baily, Robert Davison and Jimmy Malone) leave for their monthly Wade Prison service<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-LehjbYXOtDA/ULF0MwkBSSI/AAAAAAAAGbE/axTXgLMCP5g/s1600/07-2012-11-21_18-23-00_358.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="180" width="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-LehjbYXOtDA/ULF0MwkBSSI/AAAAAAAAGbE/axTXgLMCP5g/s320/07-2012-11-21_18-23-00_358.jpg" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-fIf3xjeDMIk/ULF0MY_I4WI/AAAAAAAAGa4/j8dzUDFg9zE/s1600/08-2012-11-21_18-23-16_817.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="307" width="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-fIf3xjeDMIk/ULF0MY_I4WI/AAAAAAAAGa4/j8dzUDFg9zE/s320/08-2012-11-21_18-23-16_817.jpg" /></a></div><br />
Ethan and Josiah decorating gingerbread men. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-kAhFhUTpmqc/ULF0dtWRtmI/AAAAAAAAGbQ/YbH5G_WhQ34/s1600/06-2012-11-21_18-16-41_57.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="180" width="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-kAhFhUTpmqc/ULF0dtWRtmI/AAAAAAAAGbQ/YbH5G_WhQ34/s320/06-2012-11-21_18-16-41_57.jpg" /></a></div><br />
<br />
And last, What is It?<br />
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<br />
Volume 14, Issue 46 Friday, November 23, 2012<br />
<br />
Hello ALL,<br />
<br />
Did you remember to set your scales back 10 pounds Thanksgiving night?<br />
~~~~~<br />
In times like these, it is helpful to remember that there have always been times like these. - - Paul Harvey<br />
-- <br />
Thanks to Joe Tudor <br />
~~~~~<br />
Speaking of trying times, Stephen Whalen shared the following with us.<br />
<br />
NEWS FLASH!!! To all you Twinkie lovers out there, "Don't give up just yet!" It was reported on the news that most likely, our favorite cream filled delight is being bought out by a company in Mexico! Isn't that exciting??? Just think, Jalapeño filled Twinkies! And just maybe, not real sure at this point, but it's possible a new idea that will take the country by storm; "Spicy Twinkies with Guacamole Dipping Sauce" Now if that doesn't get your ole' taste buds a tingling, I don't know what will!!!!! LOL!!!!! ( I think I'll pass on this idea)<br />
~~~~~<br />
Annette is always one of the first people to read “Da Bleat”. She told me that she likes to see what she supposedly said or did the previous week. <br />
~~~~~<br />
Here’s a story from our cousin Shannon to kick off the Christmas Season; <br />
<br />
“When I read this I thought it would be great for your newsletter. Hope you and your family have a great Christmas.” Shannon<br />
~ <br />
The "W" in Christmas<br />
<br />
Each December, I vowed to make Christmas a calm and peaceful experience. I had cut back on nonessential obligations extensive card writing, endless baking, decorating, and even overspending. Yet still, I found myself exhausted, unable to appreciate the precious family moments, and of course, the true meaning of Christmas.<br />
My son, Nicholas, was in kindergarten that year. It was an exciting season for a six year old. For weeks, he'd been memorizing songs for his school's "Winter Pageant." I didn't have the heart to tell him I'd be working the night of the production. Unwilling to miss his shining moment, I spoke with his teacher. She assured me there‘d be a dress rehearsal the morning of the presentation. All parents unable to attend that evening were welcome to come then. Fortunately, Nicholas seemed happy with the compromise.<br />
So, the morning of the dress rehearsal, I filed in ten minutes early, found a spot on the cafeteria floor and sat down. Around the room, I saw several other parents quietly scampering to their seats. As I waited, the students were led into the room. Each class, accompanied by their teacher, sat cross legged on the floor. Then, each group, one by one, rose to perform their song.<br />
Because the public school system had long stopped referring to the holiday as "Christmas," I didn't expect anything other than fun, commercial entertainment songs of reindeer, Santa Claus, snowflakes and good cheer. So, when my son's class rose to sing, “Christmas Love," I was slightly taken aback by its bold title.<br />
Nicholas was aglow, as were all of his classmates, adorned in fuzzy mittens, red sweaters, and bright snowcaps upon their heads. Those in the front row center stage held up large letters, one by one, to spell out the title of the song. As the class would sing "C is for Christmas," a child would hold up the letter C. Then, "H is for Happy," and on and on, until each child holding up his portion had presented the complete message, "Christmas Love."<br />
The performance was going smoothly, until suddenly, we noticed her; a small, quiet, girl in the front row holding the letter "M” upside down totally unaware her letter "M" appeared as a "W". The audience of 1st through 6th graders snickered at this little one’s mistake. But she had no idea they were laughing at her, so she stood tall, proudly holding her "W".<br />
Although many teachers tried to shush the children, the laughter continued until the last letter was raised, and we all saw it together. A hush came over the audience and eyes began to widen. In that instant, we understood the reason we were there, why we celebrated the holiday in the first place, why even in the chaos, there was a purpose for our festivities. For when the last letter was held high, the message read loud and clear: "CHRISTWAS LOVE" And, I believe, He still is.<br />
~~~~~<br />
Have you noticed the difference between men and women when it comes to handling money? Guys will arrange the bills in order of denomination and even make sure they’re all facing the same way.<br />
<br />
Women will hand you a “wad” of bills out of the bottom of their purse.<br />
<br />
I can’t help but feel that there’s some deeper meaning here, but Annette is reading this and I can’t comment any more.<br />
~~~~~<br />
Annette usually spends the first part of holiday weeks cleaning and decorating the house in preparation for our Holiday activities. By Tuesday, she’ll have the kitchen spic and span and the table set with her holiday dishes. <br />
<br />
This presents a bit of a dilemma, since I still get hungry but there was no way she’s going to let me cook in the kitchen or eat off her decorated table before the family gets here. I feel like a guy dying of thirst in the middle of Lake Columbia.<br />
~~~~~<br />
Speaking of family, Vanessa was supposed to be named “Merry Ann.” A play on my mother and grandmother’s names (Mary) and Annette’s. But at the hospital, both of us came to the misunderstanding that the other had changed their mind and wanted to name her Vanessa.<br />
<br />
It wasn’t till three or four days later that Annette asked me why I’d decided to name our daughter Vanessa. I replied; “I didn’t decide to name her Vanessa. I just went along with you when you wanted to name her Vanessa.” Annette said; “Well I didn’t want her named Vanessa. I thought that’s what you wanted.”<br />
<br />
It seems like most of our lives have been like that. ... Mostly random chance in appearance but obviously God’s hand is there. Anyway, here are Vanessa’s comments on her name;<br />
~~<br />
“Mom and Dad, I have been very curious about the meaning of my name. I have heard that Vanessa's meaning is "butterfly", but I didn't believe it. I found a website on the history and origins of names. I compared some of the definitions with Jimmy's men of the Bible book, and found it to be reliable. <br />
This website stated: author Jonathan Swift invented the name, Vanessa. He arrived at it by rearranging the initial syllable of the first name and surname of Esther Vanhomrigh, his close friend. Vanessa was later used as the name of a genus of butterfly. (So that's why the baby name books decided to say the name meant "butterfly".) <br />
<br />
At Books A Million, I found a butterfly guide that listed about six different types of butterfly in the genus Vanessa. My favorite is the 'Vanessa virginiensis.' It's very colorful with soft hues of blue, yellow, pink, brown, and gray. <br />
<br />
On a website about Jonathan Swift, I read this: Jonathan Swift met Esther Vanhomrigh in 1708. She was 22 years younger than Swift, who nicknamed her Vanessa. In the poem 'Cadenus and Vanessa' from 1713, Swift wrote about her. In the poem, Swift said that the "graces" who served the goddess Venus, created Vanessa.” <br />
~~~~~<br />
Years ago when my old “B” Shift PL, Mike, was driving around the Magnolia Square, pulling a brine field “flare” trailer. When he veered left to clear the Courthouse, the trailer came off the hitch and headed south on Washington Street.<br />
<br />
Mike hit the brakes, however there was nothing he could do but watch the trailer as it traveled on south. There was a car coming north, and when they saw the trailer wobbling down the street, they stopped and started honking their horn, presumably to warn the unmanned trailer.<br />
<br />
I don’t know if the trailer didn’t hear the honking or if it attracted the trailer, but in any case, the trailer rolled straight into the car. After the impact, the driver finally stopped honking.<br />
~~~~~<br />
A friend told Vanessa; <br />
<br />
“My husband refused to learn how to operate a computer. I tried to get him to realize how important it is, since all our financial records are stored on disks.<br />
<br />
What if something happens to me? I asked him. You wouldn't know what our assets are.<br />
<br />
Honey, he replied, if something happens to you, I wouldn't need any money.”<br />
~~~~~<br />
Chances are you will overeat and have indigestion during the holiday season. A new study shows you are not alone. In a study of 1000 American adults it was determined that 66% had heartburn most often on Thanksgiving and Christmas. These holidays seem to be a 24-hour food fest. The more you eat the more acid your stomach produces, increasing your chances of heartburn. It's not just how much you eat, but also the food choices you make, that increase your risk. Rich foods such as pecan pie, creamed vegetables, cookies, etc. tend to loosen the valve that keeps acid where it belongs. Chocolate, alcohol and citrus can also affect the valve that keeps acid out of your esophagus. If you do over indulge don't recline right away or bend over a lot. Avoid the couch and recliner. Gravity is your friend! Staying upright helps keep stomach acid where it belongs. Try helping with the clean up or taking a walk, just stay on your feet. Holidays are stressful. Stress unsettles your GI tract and may contribute to heartburn. Keep your holiday expectations realistic.<br />
~~~~~<br />
Favorite Quotes: <br />
<br />
"When the almighty made women, he made a strange creature. They have to cry to be happy and they all have to go to the bathroom together." - Phil Robertson<br />
~~~~~<br />
The following wisdom is shared by our friends.<br />
~<br />
Jesus loves you. For real, though. ~ Sim Bailey<br />
~<br />
Nancee Davis Law<br />
If you invite trouble, don't complain when it accepts.<br />
<br />
The best place to look for someone to make you happy is in the mirror! Accept who you are and be content. God made you who you are.<br />
<br />
We have two choices in life; we can complain about things we don't have or be thankful for things we do have.<br />
~<br />
Jimmy Malone<br />
Josiah prayed tonight that he would not have another bad day like when he cried because Alabama beat LSU. Even so, Lord Jesus...<br />
~<br />
River Jordan Rice<br />
OK, I’m not saying I'm Batman...all I'm saying is no one has ever seen me and Batman in the same room together!<br />
~<br />
Lisa Ivey Wooten<br />
Thankful for a God who has always patiently worked in my life, sometimes without my cooperation. <br />
~~~~~<br />
MCC's prison ministry hosted a total of 60 people Monday night, November 19. Sim Bailey spoke on “Not Leaving Your First Love” and the prisoner praise and worship team was AWSOME. Brother Jimmy Malone greeted the men and read the night’s scripture. <br />
At the end of Brother Sim’s teaching, eight men came forward for prayer to come back to their first Love of The Lord.<br />
The MCC Prison Ministry team includes Brother Robert Davison, Sister Annette McClellan, and Sister Verna Carter. Brother Sim Bailey, and Pastor Jimmy Malone of the Mission Church are also vital team members.<br />
MCC’s meetings at Wade prison regularly have 2 to 4 times as many inmates attending as the other groups. This is probably due to their use of humor, love, and WORD based teaching. <br />
We’re very appreciative of the guard who stays after her 12 hour shift to enable us to have these meetings. Without her sacrifice, MCC’s team would be hard pressed to have successful meetings. <br />
Please don’t forget to pray for this team and their work. God is making a difference through them. <br />
Also this season, as every Christmas, the team welcomes donations to help defray the costs of the annual Christmas party, scheduled for Monday, December 17. Last year 125 men out of a possible 150 attended the Christmas Party.<br />
~~~~~<br />
Mustard Seed Financial - - Do Bi-Weekly Mortgage Payments Add Up?<br />
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You might have heard about this idea before. Assume you borrow $150,000 at 4 percent for a 30 year period. Your monthly mortgage payment comes out to be $716. However, instead of making the regular $716 mortgage payment each month, you make payments of $358, half that amount, every two weeks. This means you make a total of 26 payments a year, which equates to 13 monthly payments or one extra payment per year. Does this make any difference in the long run? Yes, actually, it does. The bi-weekly payment pattern can result in the mortgage note getting paid off 6 to 8 years earlier, depending on the interest rate! So if you bought a house at age 25, instead of having the note paid off at age 55, you might have the debt gone at age 47 or so. That’s that many years sooner that you could redirect payments to a retirement account or some other resource. Plus, by paying the note off early, you saved thousands in interest payments.<br />
<br />
So why does the bi-weekly mortgage work? Besides the extra payment each year, by paying every two weeks the mortgage company gets the funds quicker, so not as much interest has accrued and more of your payment goes to principal. While this may save you only a few bucks a month in interest initially, over time those differences add up to significant savings in total interest payments made.<br />
<br />
A bi-weekly mortgage payment works well for employees who get paid every two weeks, resulting in more level budgeting. What if you are paid semi-monthly and make a payment twice a month. That still works but in this case you aren’t making an extra payment as in the bi-weekly payment system. So the effects are not as dramatic. But semi-monthly payments can still knock a few years off a 30 year mortgage.<br />
<br />
What if neither system fits your schedule because you are paid on a monthly basis? There’s still an opportunity for you to shave time off the mortgage by simply making an extra payment that gets applied to the principal. Returning to the earlier case of the $150,000 mortgage at 4 percent, if you tack an extra $25 on to the payment each month, the payoff goes from 30 years down to 28 years. An extra $50 would reduce it to 26.5 years. You can examine different scenarios yourself by using an online mortgage calculator such as the one found at Bankrate.com.<br />
<br />
Are there any downsides to prepaying your mortgage? There can be. First, mortgage interest on your home is generally tax deductible, within limits, if you itemize deductions. If your income tax rate is 25 percent, that means a 4 percent mortgage has an effective after tax cost to you of only 3 percent (75 percent of 4 percent). That’s pretty cheap money by most standards. If you can invest funds in other sources and earn a better return, you may want to consider that rather than paying extra on the mortgage. If paying extra on a mortgage keeps you from funding a Roth IRA account, consider that alternative carefully. It’s nice to get the mortgage paid off early but it’s also nice to have a basket of tax free funds available in retirement.<br />
<br />
Mortgage service units may also charge fees for enrolling and processing the extra payments. Bankrate.com author Dana Dratch reports that four of the five largest mortgage servicers do charge such fees, which eat away at the assumed savings. So be sure to check the fees that may apply to your situation.<br />
<br />
If you are in the process of getting a new mortgage in the near future, either because of a purchase or a refinance, consider a 15 year mortgage instead of a 30 year mortgage. Rates on 30 year mortgages at Bankrate.com are averaging 3.43 percent this week. But the rate on a 15 year mortgage is only 2.82 percent. There is normally about a one half percent spread between 15 and 30 year mortgages. With the shorter mortgage, you get the benefit of a lower interest rate and you are effectively paying down the mortgage quickly anyway, without using the bi-weekly payment option. Again, you can use an on-line calculator to see if you can stomach the higher payments.<br />
<br />
Even in today’s world of cheap interest rates, there is money to be saved with a disciplined prepayment plan and its worth your time to investigate the options. <br />
<br />
Published in the Texarkana Gazette on November 11, 2012.<br />
~~~~~<br />
AskBob - - Bob Rankin - - Which AntiVirus Has the Best (and Worst) Protection? <br />
<br />
Internet security suites have become exceedingly complex over recent years. That’s partly due to the ever-increasing number of vectors via which hackers and malware attack. It’s also due to feature-bloat, as anti-virus vendors add new bells and whistles to differentiate their products. But one bedrock feature of a security suite remains the same: how well does it detect virus-infected files? Here are some real-world test results you won't want to miss...<br />
<br />
Continue reading Which AntiVirus Has the Best (and Worst) Protection? // Got Computer Questions? Ask Bob Rankin for Free Tech Support. [http://askbobrankin.com/which_antivirus_has_the_best_and_worst_protection.html?awt_l=HZr.N&awt_m=JIVmg1MF48P6SL]<br />
~~~~~<br />
Job 8:5-7, Matthew 5:43-47, Matthew 27:12-14<br />
~~~~~<br />
We didn’t produce our annual “Party Mix” last year due to moving into our new home. This year production is still up in the air. Maybe we will and maybe we won’t. But, if you'd like to make your own, here's our version of the recipe.<br />
<br />
Ingredients:<br />
<br />
6 to 8 tablespoons butter (I use 1 stick)<br />
(at least) 2 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce<br />
1 ½ (or more) teaspoons seasoned salt<br />
3/4 teaspoon garlic powder<br />
½ teaspoon onion powder<br />
½ (or more) teaspoon chili powder<br />
2 or 3 cups Corn Chex® cereal<br />
2 or 3 cups Rice Chex® cereal<br />
1 to 3 cups Wheat Chex® cereal<br />
1 or 2 cups mixed nuts<br />
1 or 2 cup bite-size pretzels<br />
1 to 3 cups "Bugles" funnel shaped snack chips<br />
<br />
[As you note above, I vary the amount of the ingredients. Just make sure that your total amount of cereal, nuts, pretzels, chips, etc is around 12 cups. That will match up your spices and other ingredients.]<br />
<br />
Preparation Directions:<br />
1. Heat oven to 250̊F. In ungreased large roasting pan (I use a large “turkey” roasting pan), melt butter in oven. Stir in seasonings (including the Worcestershire sauce.) Gradually stir in remaining ingredients until evenly coated.<br />
2. Bake 1 hour, stirring every 15 minutes. Spread on paper towels to cool, about 15 minutes. Store in an airtight container.<br />
<br />
If you want the official recipe without my changes, you can find it at [http://www.chex.com/Recipes/RecipeView.aspx?RecipeId=6709&CategoryId=343&t=1]<br />
~~~~~<br />
The latest from Michael Yon, the foremost “milnews” blogger on the web. <br />
~<br />
Greetings,<br />
<br />
[Re: Gaza and Israel] From a distance, it can be hard to know who is wrong or right, or if all parties are wrong/right, etc., etc. But from up close, you know you can travel in Israel without problems, or concern for being kidnapped by Israelis. And their freedom of speech and to travel is pretty doggone broad. Can that be said for the neighbors?<br />
<br />
Interesting technology to link bullet with target.<br />
[http://www.michaelyon-online.com/now-everyone-can-be-a-sniper-if-this-works.htm]<br />
<br />
Very Respectfully,<br />
Michael Yon<br />
Your Writer,<br />
<br />
Please remember that this website accepts no advertisement and is dependent on your support. <br />
<br />
PS Please sign up for my Twitter.com updates at "Michael_Yon" [http://twitter.com/Michael_Yon] (not Michael Yon).<br />
<br />
http://www.facebook.com/#/MichaelYonFanPage?ref=sgm<br />
~<br />
www.michaelyon-online.com<br />
~<br />
Http://www.michaelyon_online.com/index.php<br />
~~~~~ <br />
If you would like to encourage US Troops overseas, but are not sure just how to begin, visit www.anysoldier.com for ideas. <br />
~~~~~ <br />
Please remember ... America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the MALL.<br />
~~~~~ <br />
DarynKagan.com - - Barbara Bush and Her "Angel Daughter" in Heaven - - Teresa Neumann (Nov 23, 2012)<br />
<br />
"Robin to me is a joy. She's like an angel to me. She's not a sadness or a sorrow. Those little fat arms around my neck … She's still with us. We need her and yet we have her. We can't touch her, and yet we can feel her." -Former First Lady, Barbara Bush<br />
<br />
Barbara Bush and Robin (New York, NY)—Former first lady Barbara Bush was recently interviewed by her granddaughter Jenna Hager on the Today Show. In the interview, she spoke candidly about losing her little daughter Robin to leukemia decades ago. (Photo: Robin and Barbara Bush)<br />
<br />
Mrs. Bush shared of the horror she and her husband, former president George H. W. Bush (called "Gampy" by their grandchildren), experienced when the doctor first told them in 1949 that 3-year-old Robin only had a few weeks to live.<br />
<br />
Actually, Robin died seven months later, so peacefully that Mrs. Bush said: "[Robin] was quiet and gentle, and she had lovely little blond curls. I was combing her hair and holding her hand [and] I saw . . . her spirit go."<br />
<br />
The former first lady also noted that her husband said recently that when he passes away it will be his daughter Robin who he will see first.<br />
<br />
GW Bush and Robin St. Jude's Children's Research Hospital was founded about ten years after Robin Bush's death, and advances since then have given children today with the disease a 90 per cent survival rate. (Photo: Robin Bush and George W./Today Show)<br />
<br />
Said Mrs. Bush: "What on earth could be better in the eyes of God than a hospital that saves children's lives? George and I do talk about it. Maybe more recently in the last two or three years than before. We're getting older and . . . and Robin to me is a joy. She's like an angel to me. She's not a sadness or a sorrow. Those little fat arms around my neck."<br />
<br />
"She's still with us," she added. "We need her and yet we have her. We can't touch her, and yet we can feel her."<br />
<br />
Source: Today Show<br />
~~~~~<br />
<br />
ACC: Natural gas to be world's leading fuel by 2030, IEA report says<br />
The U.S. is expected to begin exports of natural gas by 2018, while the fuel will overtake oil as the world's most-produced fossil fuel by 2030, the International Energy Agency said in a report. "Before we get too excited about the report, it's worth remembering that IEA's numbers have long been suspect," writes Loren Steffy. Bloomberg (11/12) [http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2012-11-12/natural-gas-to-become-largest-fuel-in-u-s-by-2030-iea-says.html], Los Angeles Times (tiered subscription model) (11/13), Houston Chronicle/Loren Steffy blog (11/12), Business Insider (11/12)<br />
~~~~~<br />
http://www.shelfari.com<br />
http://www.shelfari.com/bugsbleat/shelf<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Photos on the front of this week’s “Bleat” include - - Ethan tasting the fruits of his labor (why did he choose to eat the one he'd decorated to look like "PaPaw"?), Josiah shows off his artwork, One of Annette's plants slowly starts taking over the living room, MCC's Prison Ministry Team (Annette, Sim Baily, Robert Davison and Jimmy Malone) leave for their monthly Wade Prison service, Ethan and Josiah decorating gingerbread men. And last, What is It?<br />
~~~~~<br />
For the latest issue of "Da Bleat.", go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com. <br />
Our photos are posted at http://www.bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com.<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.<br />
~~~~~<br />
BreakPoint - - BreakPoint's Youth Reads Book List<br />
Find the Perfect Gift<br />
By: John Stonestreet|Published: November 23, 2012 7:00 AM<br />
Topics: Books, Colson_Links, Stonestreet_Links, Youth Issues<br />
<br />
Right now, many of us are in the throes of buying Christmas gifts for our loved ones. And I say “throes” advisedly. It’s become a cliché to say that Christmas has become too commercialized. And just reading the newspaper about the near riots on Black Friday over things like waffle irons and electronic games, it’s enough to make me want to skip buying presents all together.<br />
<br />
But, I’ve got to admit, I’ve always had a soft spot for the grandkids. When they were young, I didn’t want them thinking Grandpa was a scrooge, but at the same time I didn’t want to spoil them either. Once they were grown, however, we started giving them meaningful gifts—like donations to Angel Tree in their names.<br />
<br />
So if your younger children or grandchildren or teenagers are expecting Christmas gifts from you, what are you going to do? Sure, the newest gadget or toy will titillate them for a little while. And they will also soak up otherwise valuable hours and, in most cases, leave them with little of lasting value.<br />
<br />
Wouldn’t you rather give kids a gift that will reflect what you want them to become? Gifts that will shape their minds, their hearts, and their character?<br />
<br />
That’s why I've always liked giving good books as Christmas gifts.<br />
<br />
But when buying books for younger children and teens nowadays, adults can quickly run into some big problems. You may not even know what to look for—or what to avoid.<br />
<br />
As I’ve said before, the Young Adult section of your local bookstore can be a pretty daunting place these days. Most people want their kids to read, but an increasing number of us are worried about the dark themes and messages and the generally inappropriate content that permeate so many teen books.<br />
<br />
Well, I’ve got good news for you. The book reviewers at our Youth Reads page here at BreakPoint.org have produced a new list of “books to buy your kids for Christmas.”<br />
<br />
If there’s a young person in your life aged anywhere from 9 years to 18 years, you’re going to want to go to the website, BreakPoint.org, and take a look at our list. It’s full of books that our reviewers have read, enjoyed, and judged appropriate for young people.<br />
<br />
There are plenty of books on this list that will interest both boys and girls, and there’s something for those at different reading levels. There are lots of classics, including "The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes," "The Screwtape Letters," "To Kill a Mockingbird," and "Oliver Twist."<br />
<br />
And there are also several contemporary books and series as well. Some of the books are explicitly Christian, some are not; but all of them are good books that will fortify your child’s mind and worldview while providing entertainment at the same time.<br />
<br />
With the knowledge you have of your kids’ tastes and what they are old enough to handle, you ought to have no trouble picking just the right gift from this list. And we’ve got links to help you buy them online, either from our own BreakPoint Store or from Amazon. And there’s nothing wrong with going out and supporting your local Christian bookstore either; that’s a good idea!<br />
<br />
When you find the right book—a book that may even end up changing a kid’s life—it’s more than worth the effort. Which is why we’re here to help. So go today to BreakPoint.org and click on Youth Reads Christmas book list.<br />
<br />
I hope you enjoyed hearing from Chuck Colson again. And he’s so right; what could be better than giving the important young people in your life a good book for Christmas—a gift for the mind and the soul? Our Youth Reads Christmas list for 2012 is ready and available at BreakPoint.org.<br />
<br />
Another great gift to help your family see through the glitz and the schmaltz of the shopping mall this Christmas is BreakPoint’s “He Has Come” DVD and audio CD teaching series. It’s all about the great hymns of Advent, and how they can help us to prepare spiritually and prayerfully to celebrate the birth of Jesus. That too, is available at BreakPoint.org.<br />
Further Reading and Information<br />
<br />
Books to buy your kids for Christmas 2012 [http://www.breakpoint.org/features-columns/youth-reads/entry/40/20842]<br />
BreakPoint.org | November 2012<br />
<br />
He Has Come: The Worldview of Advent DVD [http://www.colsoncenterstore.org/product.asp?sku=2191_HHCAdvent]<br />
John Stonestreet | the Chuck Colson Center for Christian Worldview | December 2012<br />
<br />
The Promise: A Celebration of Christ's Birth CD [http://www.colsoncenterstore.org/product.asp?sku=2191_TPCARD]<br />
Michael Card<br />
<br />
The Promise of Advent Special Gift Set [http://www.colsoncenterstore.org/product.asp?sku=2191_ADVENTGIFT]<br />
John Stonestreet, Michael Card | the Chuck Colson Center for Christian Worldview | December 2012<br />
<br />
[http://www.breakpoint.org/bpcommentaries]<br />
<br />
Copyright © 2012 Prison Fellowship. All Rights Reserved <br />
<br />
~~~~~<br />
Residents of Columbia County, Arkansas are represented in Congress by:<br />
~<br />
<br />
Senator John Boozman (R_ AR) <br />
1 Russell Courtyard<br />
Washington DC, 20510<br />
Phone: 202-224-4843<br />
http://boozman.senate.gov/<br />
~<br />
Senator Mark Pryor (D_ AR) <br />
Phone 202_224_2353 <br />
FAX 202_228_0908 <br />
http://pryor.senate.gov/<br />
~<br />
Representative Michael A. Ross (D _ 04) <br />
Phone 202_225_3772 <br />
FAX 202_225_1314 <br />
http://ross.house.gov/<br />
<br />
Other states congresspersons can be found at: [http://www.visi.com/juan/congress/]<br />
~~~~~<br />
THOUGHT OF THE DAY:<br />
<br />
"Vitality shows in not only the ability to persist but the ability to start over." - F. Scott Fitzgerald<br />
<br />
"He who is afraid to ask is ashamed of learning." - Danish proverb<br />
<br />
"Adapt or perish, now as ever, is nature's inexorable imperative." - H. G. Wells<br />
<br />
"To be persuasive we must be believable; to be believable we must be credible; to be credible we must be truthful." - Edward R. Murrow<br />
<br />
"Discussion is an exchange of knowledge; an argument an exchange of ignorance." - Robert Quillen<br />
<br />
"If the only prayer you said in your whole life was 'thank you,' that would suffice." - Meister Eckhart<br />
<br />
"The purpose of life is not to be happy --- but to matter, to be productive, to be useful, to have it make some difference that you have lived at all." - Leo Rosten <br />
~~~~~ <br />
Breaking Christian News <br />
<br />
Dying Man Finds Life in Dying Church - - Teresa Neumann <br />
<br />
"There's been a lot of tears shed on these [church] steps, and they've been tears of joy, tears of pain, but tears of blessings too." -Greg Thomas<br />
<br />
(Montgomery, MN)—When Greg Thomas was diagnosed with advanced Stage 4 cancer, his doctor told his family to start planning his funeral. That was three years ago.<br />
<br />
What happened?<br />
<br />
During the "dark nights of the soul" that Thomas experienced after his diagnosis, he began taking long walks in the country. One day, a sort of spiritual serendipity led him to a little church which had been built in 1868 by Czech settlers, but abandoned for the last 100 years. (Photo: KARE 11 News)<br />
<br />
As reported on KARE 11 News, "the foundation [of the church] was crumbling, the paint peeling, but it was there on the church steps, a man crumbling himself came to pray."<br />
<br />
Subsequently, Thomas contacted the foundation responsible for the upkeep of the church cemetery and told them he wanted to repair the church. The foundation called Thomas' offer "a godsend."<br />
<br />
Today, as Thomas works, he also prays inside the church. "There's been a lot of tears shed on these [church] steps, and they've been tears of joy, tears of pain, but tears of blessings too." (Photo: KARE 11 News)<br />
<br />
Miraculously, as the tiny church's exterior was restored, it seemed Greg's body was being restored as well.<br />
<br />
"The old church is newly clothed in white," narrates KARE 11 News' Boyd Huppert in a video report, "And Greg's cancer is now in remission."<br />
<br />
"It's what He's done for me," Greg explains, referring to the Lord Jesus, "and this is my way of saying thank you."<br />
<br />
Source: Boyd Huppert - Kare 11 News<br />
<br />
editor@breakingchristiannews.com<br />
<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
<br />
GCF: An Irish Toast<br />
<br />
If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.com<br />
----------------------------------------------------------<br />
<br />
A guy raises his glass and toasts his girlfriend. "May you be in Heaven a half-hour before the devil knows you're dead!"<br />
<br />
"What's that mean?"<br />
<br />
"That is an authentic Irish toast."<br />
<br />
"Oh. In that case, here's to bread, eggs and cinnamon."<br />
<br />
"Bread, eggs and cinnamon? What's that?"<br />
<br />
"That's French toast."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: How to Cook a Thanksgiving Turkey<br />
<br />
Step 1: Go buy a turkey<br />
Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey (scotch)<br />
Step 3: Put turkey in the oven<br />
Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whiskey<br />
Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens<br />
Step 6: Take 3 more whiskeys of drink<br />
Step 7: Turn oven the on<br />
Step 8: Take 4 whisks of drinky<br />
Step 9: Turk the bastey<br />
Step 10: Whiskey another bottle of get<br />
Step 11: Stick a turkey in the thermometer<br />
Step 12: Glass yourself a pour of whiskey<br />
Step 13: Bake the whiskey for 4 hours<br />
Step 14: Take the oven out of the turkey<br />
Step 15: Take the oven out of the turkey<br />
Step 16: Floor the turkey up off of the pick<br />
Step 17: Turk the carvey<br />
Step 18: Get yourself another scottle of botch<br />
Step 19: Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey<br />
Step 20: Bless the saying, pass and eat out<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Martha Stewart Thanksgiving (NOT!)<br />
<br />
Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving. I'm telling you in advance, so don't act surprised. Since Ms. Stewart won't be coming, I've made a few small changes:<br />
<br />
1. Our sidewalk will not be lined with homemade, paper bag luminaries. After a trial run, it was decided that no matter how cleverly done, rows of flaming lunch sacks do not have the desired welcoming effect.<br />
<br />
2. Once inside, our guests will note that the entry hall is not decorated with the swags of Indian corn and fall foliage I had planned to make. Instead, I've gotten the kids involved in the decorating by having them track in colorful autumn leaves from the front yard. The mud was their idea. <br />
3. The dining table will not be covered with expensive linens, fancy china, or crystal goblets. If possible, we will use dishes that match and everyone will get a fork. Since this IS Thanksgiving, we will refrain from using the plastic Peter Rabbit plate and the Santa napkins from last Christmas.<br />
<br />
4. Our centerpiece will not be the tower of fresh fruit and flowers that I promised. Instead we will be displaying a hedgehog-like decoration hand-crafted from the finest construction paper. The artist assures me it is a turkey.<br />
<br />
5. We will be dining fashionably late. The children will entertain you while you wait. I'm sure they will be happy to share every choice comment I have made regarding Thanksgiving, pilgrims and the turkey hotline. Please remember that most of these comments were made at 5:00 a.m. upon discovering that the turkey was still hard enough to cut diamonds. As accompaniment to the children's recital, I will play a recording of tribal drumming. If the children should mention that I don't own a recording of tribal drumming, or that tribal drumming sounds suspiciously like a frozen turkey in a clothes dryer, ignore them. They are lying.<br />
<br />
6. We toyed with the idea of ringing a dainty silver bell to announce the start of our feast. In the end, we chose to keep our traditional method. We've also decided against a formal seating arrangement. When the smoke alarm sounds, please gather around the table and sit where you like. In the spirit of harmony, we will ask the children to sit at a separate table ... in a separate room ... next door.<br />
<br />
7. Now, I know you have all seen pictures of one person carving a turkey in front of a crowd of appreciative onlookers. This will not be happening at our dinner. For safety reasons, the turkey will be carved in a private ceremony. I stress "private" meaning: Do not, under any circumstances, enter the kitchen to laugh at me. Do not send small, unsuspecting children to check on my progress. I have an electric knife. The turkey is unarmed. It stands to reason that I will eventually win. When I do, we will eat.<br />
<br />
8. I would like to take this opportunity to remind my young diners that "passing the rolls" is not a football play. Nor is it a request to bean your sister in the head with warm tasty bread. <br />
<br />
9. Oh, and one reminder for the adults: For the duration of the meal, and especially while in the presence of you diners, we will refer to the giblet gravy by its lesser-known name: Cheese Sauce. If a young diner questions you regarding the origins or type of Cheese Sauce, plead ignorance. Cheese Sauce stains.<br />
<br />
10. Before I forget, there is one last change. Instead of offering a choice among 12 different scrumptious desserts, we will be serving the traditional pumpkin pie, garnished with whipped cream and small fingerprints. You will still have a choice; take it or leave it.<br />
<br />
Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving. She probably won't come next year either. I am thankful.<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Frozen Turkeys<br />
<br />
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"<br />
<br />
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Shades of Tanning<br />
<br />
Before going on vacation, I went to a tanning salon. I was under the lights so long that the protective goggles I wore left a big white circle around each eye.<br />
<br />
Gazing at myself in the mirror the next day, I thought, "Man, I look like a clown."<br />
<br />
I had almost convinced myself that I was over-reacting until I got in line at the grocery store. I felt a tug at my shirt and looked down to see a toddler staring up at me.<br />
<br />
He asked, "Are you giving out balloons?"<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Professional Animal Trainer<br />
<br />
As a professional animal trainer, I was disturbed when my own dog developed a bad habit. Every time I hung my wash out on the clothesline, she would yank it down.<br />
<br />
Drastic action was called for.<br />
<br />
I put a white kitchen towel on the line and waited. Each time she pulled it off, I scolded her. After two weeks the towel was untouched. Then I hung out a large wash and left to do some errands.<br />
<br />
When I came home, my clean clothes were scattered all over the yard. On the line was the white kitchen towel.<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Lawyer Fees<br />
<br />
A lawyer had successfully handled a difficult law case for a wealthy friend. Following the happy outcome of the case, the friend and client called on the lawyer, expressed his appreciation of his work and handed him a handsome Moroccan leather wallet.<br />
<br />
The lawyer looked at the wallet in astonishment and handed it back with a sharp reminder that a wallet could not possible compensate him for his services. "My fee for that work, " acidly snapped the attorney, "is five hundred dollars." The client opened the wallet, removed a one-thousand dollar bill,<br />
replaced it with a five-hundred dollar bill and handed it back to the lawyer with a smile.<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: My Cat<br />
<br />
My cat sleeps about 20 hours a day. She has her food prepared for her. She can eat whenever she wants, 24x7x365. Her meals are provided at no cost to her. She visits the doctor once a year for a check-up, and during the year whenever any medical needs arise. For all this she pays nothing, and nothing is required of her. She lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than she needs, but she is not required to do any upkeep. If she makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. She has her choice of luxurious places to sleep. She is living like a queen, and has absolutely no expenses or responsibilities whatsoever. All of her costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.<br />
<br />
I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me: My cat is a Congressman!!<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Visiting Grandchildren<br />
<br />
There was a grandmother who was so tickled to learn that her grandchildren were coming for a week-long visit that she put a $10.00 bill into the collection plate at church. When they went home at the end of the week, her joy must have been double because that Sunday she put a $20.00 bill into the plate.<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: The Folded Napkin - A Truck Stop Story<br />
<br />
I try not to be biased, but I had my doubts about hiring Stevie. His placement counselor assured me that he would be a good, reliable busboy. But I had never had a mentally handicapped employee and wasn't sure I wanted one. I wasn't sure how my customers would react to Stevie.<br />
<br />
He was short, a little dumpy with the smooth facial features and thick-tongued speech of Downs Syndrome. I wasn't worried about most of my trucker customers because truckers don't generally care who buses tables as long as the meatloaf platter is good and the pies are homemade.<br />
<br />
The ones who concerned me were the mouthy college kids traveling to school; the yuppie snobs who secretly polish their silverware with their napkins for fear of catching some dreaded "truck stop germ"; the pairs of white-shirted business men on expense accounts who think every truck stop waitress wants to be flirted with. I knew those people would be uncomfortable around Stevie so I closely watched him for the first few weeks...<br />
<br />
I shouldn't have worried. After the first week, Stevie had my staff wrapped around his stubby little finger, and within a month my truck regulars had adopted him as their official truck stop mascot.<br />
<br />
After that, I really didn't care what the rest of the customers thought of him. He was like a 21-year-old in blue jeans and Nikes, eager to laugh and eager to please, but fierce in his attention to his duties. Every salt and pepper shaker was exactly in its place, not a breadcrumb or coffee spill was visible when Stevie got done with the table.<br />
<br />
Our only problem was persuading him to wait to clean a table until after the customers were finished. He would hover in the background, shifting his weight from one foot to the other, scanning the dining room until a table was empty. Then he would scurry to the empty table and carefully bus dishes and glasses onto his cart and meticulously wipe the table up with a practiced flourish of his rag.<br />
<br />
If he thought a customer was watching, his brow would pucker with added concentration. He took pride in doing his job exactly right, and you had to love how hard he tried to please each and every person he met. <br />
<br />
Over time, we learned that he lived with his mother, a widow who was disabled after repeated surgeries for cancer. They lived on their Social Security benefits in public housing two miles from the truck stop. Their social worker, who stopped to check on him every so often, admitted they had fallen between the cracks. Money was tight, and what I paid him was probably the difference between them being able to live together and Stevie being sent to a group home. That's why the restaurant was a gloomy place that morning last August, the first morning in three years that Stevie missed work.<br />
<br />
He was at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester getting a new valve or something put in his heart. His social worker said that people with Downs Syndrome often have heart problems at an early age so this wasn't unexpected, and there was a good chance he would come through the surgery in good shape and be back at work in a few months.<br />
<br />
A ripple of excitement ran through the staff later that morning when word came that he was out of surgery, in recovery, and doing fine.<br />
<br />
Frannie, the head waitress, let out a war hoop and did a little dance in the aisle when she heard the good news.<br />
<br />
Bell Ringer, one of our regular trucker customers, stared at the sight of this 50-year-old grandmother of four doing a victory shimmy beside his table.<br />
<br />
Frannie blushed, smoothed her apron and shot Bell Ringer a withering look.<br />
<br />
He grinned. "OK, Frannie, what was that all about?" he asked.<br />
<br />
"We just got word that Stevie is out of surgery and going to be okay."<br />
<br />
"I was wondering where he was. I had a new joke to tell him. What was the surgery about?"<br />
<br />
Frannie quickly told Bell Ringer and the other two drivers sitting at his booth about Stevie's surgery then sighed: "Yeah, I'm glad he is going to be OK," she said. "But I don't know how he and his Mom are going to handle all the bills. From what I hear, they're barely getting by as it is."<br />
<br />
Bell Ringer nodded thoughtfully, and Frannie hurried off to wait on the rest of her tables. Since I hadn't had time to round up a busboy to replace Stevie and really didn't want to replace him, the girls were busing their own tables that day until we decided what to do. <br />
<br />
After the morning rush, Frannie walked into my office. She had a couple of paper napkins in her hand and a funny look on her face.<br />
<br />
What's up?" I asked.<br />
<br />
"I didn't get that table where Bell Ringer and his friends were sitting cleared off after they left, and Pony Pete and Tony Tipper were sitting there when I got back to clean it off," she said. "This was folded and tucked under a coffee cup."<br />
<br />
She handed the napkin to me, and three $20 bills fell onto my desk when I opened it. On the outside, in big, bold letters, was printed "Something For Stevie."<br />
<br />
"Pony Pete asked me what that was all about," she said, "so I told him about Stevie and his Mom and everything, and Pete looked at Tony and Tony looked at Pete, and they ended up giving me this."<br />
<br />
She handed me another paper napkin that had "'Something For Stevie"' scrawled on its outside. Two $50 bills were tucked within its folds. Frannie looked at me with wet, shiny eyes, shook her head and said simply: "Truckers!!"<br />
<br />
That was three months ago. Today is Thanksgiving, the first day Stevie is supposed to be back to work. <br />
<br />
His placement worker said he's been counting the days until the doctor said he could work, and it didn't matter at all that it was a holiday. He called ten times in the past week, making sure we knew he was coming, fearful that we had forgotten him or that his job was in jeopardy.<br />
<br />
I arranged to have his mother bring him to work. I then met them in the parking lot and invited them both to celebrate his day back.<br />
<br />
Stevie was thinner and paler, but couldn't stop grinning as he pushed through the doors and headed for the back room where his apron and busing cart were waiting.<br />
<br />
"Hold up there, Stevie, not so fast," I said. I took him and his mother by their arms. "Work can wait for a minute. To celebrate you coming back, breakfast for you and your mother is on me!"<br />
<br />
I led them toward a large corner booth at the rear of the room.<br />
<br />
I could feel and hear the rest of the staff following behind as we marched through the dining room. Glancing over my shoulder, I saw booth after booth of grinning truckers empty and join the procession. We stopped in front of the big table. Its surface was covered with coffee cups, saucers and dinner plates, all sitting slightly crooked on dozens of folded paper napkins.<br />
<br />
"First thing you have to do, Stevie, is clean up this mess," I said. I tried to sound stern.<br />
<br />
Stevie looked at me, and then at his mother, then pulled out one of the napkins. It had "Something for Stevie" printed on the outside. As he picked it up, two $10 bills fell onto the table.<br />
<br />
Stevie stared at the money, then at all the napkins peeking from beneath the tableware, each with his name printed or scrawled on it. I turned to his mother. "There's more than $10,000 in cash and checks on that table, all from truckers and trucking companies that heard about your problems. Happy Thanksgiving."<br />
<br />
Well, it got real noisy about that time, with everybody hollering and shouting, and there were a few tears, as well.<br />
<br />
But you know what's funny? While everybody else was busy shaking hands and hugging each other, Stevie, with a big, big smile on his face, was busy clearing all the cups and dishes from the table....<br />
<br />
Best worker I ever hired.<br />
<br />
Plant a seed and watch it grow.<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Airport Mistletoe<br />
<br />
It was the beginning of December. The trip had gone reasonably well, and he was ready to go back. The airport on the other hand had turned a tacky red and green with loudspeakers blared annoying elevator renditions of cherished Christmas carols.<br />
<br />
Being someone who took Christmas very seriously, and being slightly tired, he was not in a particularly good mood.<br />
<br />
Going to check in his luggage, he saw hanging mistletoe. Not real mistletoe, but very cheap plastic with red paint on some of the rounder parts and green paint on some of the flatter and "pointier" parts, that could be taken for mistletoe only in a very Picasso sort of way.<br />
<br />
With a considerable degree of irritation and nowhere else to vent it, he said to the lady attendant, "Even if I were not married, I would not want to kiss you under such a ghastly mockery of mistletoe."<br />
<br />
"Sir, look more closely at where the mistletoe is."<br />
<br />
(pause)<br />
<br />
"Ok, I see that it's above the luggage scale, which is the place you'd have to step forward for a kiss."<br />
<br />
"That's not why it's there."<br />
<br />
(pause)<br />
<br />
"Ok, I give up. Why is it there?"<br />
<br />
"It's there so you can kiss your luggage goodbye."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Christmas Turkey<br />
<br />
One year at Christmas, Mom went to my sister's house for the traditional feast. Knowing how gullible my sister is, Mom decided to play a trick. She told my sister that she needed something from the store.<br />
<br />
When my sister left, Mom took the turkey out of the oven, removed the stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen, and inserted it into the turkey, then re-stuffed the turkey. She placed the bird(s) back in the oven.<br />
<br />
When it was time for dinner, my sister pulled the turkey out of the oven and proceeded to remove the stuffing. When her serving spoon hit something, she reached in and pulled out the little bird. With a look of total shock on her face, Mother exclaimed, "Patricia, you've cooked a pregnant bird!"<br />
<br />
At the reality of this horrifying news, my sister started to cry. It took the family two hours to convince her that turkeys lay eggs.<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Liturgical Response<br />
<br />
In our Anglican church, each service begins with a greeting. The officiating clergyman says, "The Lord be with you." The congregation used to respond by saying, "And with thy spirit."<br />
<br />
But, with the modernizing of the liturgy, the minister now says, "The Lord be with you," and everyone responds with, "And also with you."<br />
<br />
One Sunday a visiting bishop went to a church where the sound system was known to be old and unreliable. As he approached the microphone, he tapped it several times and finally said, "There's something wrong with this!"<br />
<br />
Without hesitation, the whole congregation answered faithfully, "And also with you."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Living Large<br />
<br />
We were four frugal young teachers. But a couple times a year we treated ourselves to the best Manhattan had to offer. As we approached the famous restaurant Lutece, we questioned whether we were dressed perfectly. Could we pass as urban sophisticates?<br />
<br />
The maitre d' met us at the door, all smiles and bows. When he took my raincoat, I began to look over the cozy little bar and anticipate the charming basket of pastry that was our appetizer. Then the maitre d' returned to our group, gingerly holding a fabric softener sheet that had fallen from my coat sleeve.<br />
<br />
"Madam," he said, "Your Bounce."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Earth Science Class<br />
<br />
The teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading.<br />
<br />
After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked, "Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude...?"<br />
<br />
After a confused silence, a voice volunteered, "I guess you'd be eating alone."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Carrier Landings<br />
<br />
Flying into a Middle East airport, my co-pilot and I reviewed our flight plan for the trip back to the USS Enterprise. We were to pick up a Navy captain, and experience had taught me that even seasoned vets turn white-knuckled during carrier landings.<br />
<br />
Once the captain was strapped in, I turned around to welcome him aboard. "Sir," I asked, "will this be your first carrier landing?"<br />
<br />
Looking at me with disdain, he opened his inflatable vest to display gold wings above five rows of ribbons. "Son," he said, "I have over 500 carrier landings in jet fighters."<br />
<br />
"That's good to hear," my co-pilot said, winking at me, "because this will be our first."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Seatmate Choice<br />
<br />
The plane was only half-full. When an attractive young woman asked if the seat next to mine was free, my male ego soared. Soon we were chatting pleasantly, and she told me it was her first flight.<br />
<br />
"Mom said to sit next to someone I thought I could trust," she confessed nervously. "And you look just like my dad."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Pet Bills<br />
<br />
While waiting at the veterinarian's office, I overheard two women chatting about their dogs.<br />
<br />
"What's your dog's name?" asked the first woman.<br />
<br />
"Well, we used to call her Pork Chop," answered the second lady. "But after the vet bills we've had for her, we now call her Filet Mignon."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Christmas Carol (A true story)<br />
<br />
I recently got out the boxes of Christmas decorations and I told the children (ages 10, 8 and 5) that they could start setting them out. They were very excited and each got to pick out favorite ornaments or figurines. Maria, the youngest, wanted to set up the Nativity scene and happily set to her task. As she concentrated on carefully unwrapping Mary, Joseph and the Baby Jesus, I overhead Maria singing this:<br />
<br />
"Angels We Have Heard Online".....<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Under the Bed<br />
<br />
Because of back problems, each night I lie on the floor and do exercises.<br />
<br />
Once when we stopped at a motel, as I started my exercise, something under the bed caught my eye.<br />
<br />
It was a card, on which was written, "Yes, we do clean under here, too."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Old Shotgun<br />
<br />
Rummaging through her attic one day, my friend Carol found an old shotgun. Unsure how to dispose of it, she called her parents.<br />
<br />
"Take it to the police station," her mother suggested. My friend was about to hang up when her mom added....<br />
<br />
"And, Carol?"<br />
<br />
"Yes, mom?"<br />
<br />
"Call them first and let them know you're coming."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Rattlesnakes<br />
<br />
Felix was playing golf with our town's fire chief when he hit a ball into the rough. As Felix headed for the brush to find his ball, the chief warned him, "Be careful, the rattlesnakes are out."<br />
<br />
The chief explained that calls had been coming in all week requesting assistance with removing the snakes.<br />
<br />
"You've got to be kidding," Felix replied in astonishment. "People actually call the fire department to help them with rattlesnakes? What do you say to them?"<br />
<br />
"Well," said the chief, "the first thing I ask is, 'Is it on fire?'"<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: DUI Checkpoint<br />
<br />
One snowy evening my brother, a regional police officer, stopped a car at a roadside check for drunk drivers. "Good evening, ma'am," he greeted the lady. "How are you this evening?"<br />
<br />
"Fine, thank you," she replied.<br />
<br />
My brother continued, "Anything to drink this evening?"<br />
<br />
Surprised, the lady answered, "No, thank you."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Discount Shopping<br />
<br />
A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him.<br />
<br />
"Pardon me," she said, "I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son, who just died recently."<br />
<br />
"I'm very sorry," replied the young man, "is there anything I can do for you?"<br />
<br />
"Yes," she said, "As I'm leaving, can you say 'Good bye, Mother'? It would make me feel so much better."<br />
<br />
"Sure," answered the young man.<br />
<br />
As the old woman was leaving, he called out, "Goodbye, Mother!"<br />
<br />
As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $127.50.<br />
<br />
"How can that be?" He asked, "I only purchased a few things!"<br />
<br />
"Your mother said that you would pay for her," said the clerk.<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Grandmother's Drink<br />
<br />
At a family party, my sister's date asked if he could bring our grandmother a drink. "Yes, a Manhattan," Grandmother said.<br />
<br />
"Okay, but you can't be our designated driver," the young man joked.<br />
<br />
"Oh, I don't drive. Never did."<br />
<br />
"Why is that?"<br />
<br />
"I knew that if you drink, you shouldn't drive. So I made the only sensible choice."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Pulled Over<br />
<br />
Returning from a trip to visit my grandmother in California, I was stopped by a state trooper in Kansas for exceeding the speed limit. Grateful to have received a warning instead of a ticket, I gave him a small bag of my grandmother's delicious chocolate-chip cookies and proceeded on my way.<br />
<br />
Later, I was stopped by another trooper. "What have I done?" I asked.<br />
<br />
"Nothing," the trooper said, smiling. "I heard you were passing out great chocolate-chip cookies."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Not My Boots<br />
<br />
The nursery school teacher had spent half an hour dressing her charges for outdoor playtime, pulling on boots, zipping and unbuttoning coats, matching mittens and gloves. As she finished struggling with Jennifer's boots, she let out a sigh of relief. Then Jennifer tugged on her arm. "These boots aren't mine, teacher."<br />
<br />
With a groan the teacher knelt down and pulled off the boots. "Do you know whose boots these are, Jennifer?"<br />
<br />
"Sure. They're my sister's. Mom makes me wear them anyway."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / I'm going to live forever, \ /
\ _/ or die trying! \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / A computer lets you make more \ \_/ ////
\ / mistakes faster than any \ /
\ _/ any invention in human history \_ /
/ / - with the possible \ \
exception of tequila.
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / \ /
\ _/ Dyslexics have more nuf. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / \ /
\ _/ Never buy a car you can't push. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / There is no distinctly \ /
\ _/ native American criminal class \_ /
/ / ...except Congress. \ \
-Mark Twain
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / People who want to share \ \_/ ////
\ / their religious views with you \ /
\ _/ almost never want you to \_ /
/ / share yours with them. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / The one thing that unites \ \_/ ////
\ / all human beings, regardless of \ /
\ _/ age, gender, religion, economic \_ /
/ / status or ethnic background, is that \ \
deep down inside, we ALL believe that
we are above-average drivers.
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / When the reward is great, \ \_/ ////
\ / the effort to succeed is great, \ /
\ _/ but when government takes \_ /
/ / all the reward away, \ \
no one will try or want to succeed.
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / When the reward is great, \ \_/ ////
\ / the effort to succeed is great, \ /
\ _/ but when government takes \_ /
/ / all the reward away, \ \
no one will try or want to succeed.
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Laugh every day. \ /
\ _/ It's like inner jogging. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / Pay attention to \ \_/ ////
\ / two-year-olds and puppies. \ /
\ _/ They know what's important. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / The cardiologist's diet: \ /
\ _/ \_ /
/ / If it tastes good, spit it out. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Be nice to prunes. \ /
\ _/ You may be one someday. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Work smarder and not harder \ /
\ _/ and be careful of yor speling. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / Since bad golf shots \ \_/ ////
\ / come in groups of three, \ /
\ _/ a fourth bad shot is actually the \_ /
/ / beginning of the next group of three. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Any attempt to print \ /
\ _/ Murphy's Laws \_ /
/ / will jam the printer. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Logic is a systematic \ /
\ _/ method of coming to the \_ /
/ / wrong conclusion with confidence. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ /If you think dogs can't count, \ \_/ ////
\ / try putting three dog biscuits \ /
\ _/ in your pocket and then giving \_ /
/ / your dog only two of them. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / Only one thing is certain, \ \_/ ////
\ / that is, nothing is certain. \ /
\ _/ If this statement is true, \_ /
/ / it is also false. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / Disregard all \ \_/ ////
\ / nonessential numbers. \ /
\ _/ These include age, \_ /
/ / weight and height. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / A meeting is an event \ /
\ _/ at which the minutes are kept \_ /
/ / and the hours are lost. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / "I don't make jokes. \ \_/ ////
\ / I just watch the government \ /
\ _/ and report the facts." \_ /
/ / - Will Rogers \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / I'm on a 30 day diet. \ /
\ _/ So far, I've lost \_ /
/ / 15 days. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Answer: A, B, C, D, E, F, & G. \ /
\ _/ Question: Name the early \_ /
/ / versions of Preparation H. \ \
- Carnac
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Good government. \ /
\ _/ Good government. \_ /
/ / Sit. Stay. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Sometimes I wake up grumpy. \ /
\ _/ Other times I let her sleep. \_ /
/ / \ \
_ _______________________________ _
/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( \
/ / | tellswor@kcbx.net | \ \
_( (_ | http://www.kcbx.net/~tellswor | _) )
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
OMG, I’m older than dirt.<br />
<br />
Definitely a trip down Memory Lane.<br />
<br />
Some of you may remember all of these....some may remember most....some may remember only some. But this is the way it was "back then in the olden days".<br />
<br />
'Someone asked the other day, 'What was your favorite fast food when you were growing up?'<br />
<br />
'We didn't have fast food when I was growing up,' I informed him.<br />
<br />
'All the food was slow.'<br />
<br />
'C'mon, seriously. Where did you eat?'<br />
<br />
'It was a place called 'at home,'' I explained. !<br />
<br />
'Mom cooked every day and when Dad got home from work, we sat down together at the dining room table, and if I didn't like what she put on my plate I was allowed to sit there until I did like it.'<br />
<br />
By this time, the kid was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to suffer serious internal damage, so I didn't tell him the part about how I had to have permission to leave the table.<br />
<br />
But here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood if I figured his system could have handled it :<br />
<br />
Some parents NEVER owned their own house, never wore Levis, never set foot on a golf course, never traveled out of the country or had a credit card.<br />
<br />
In their later years they had something called a revolving charge card. The card was good only at Sears Roebuck. Or maybe it was Sears &Roebuck. Either way, there is no Roebuck anymore. Maybe he died.<br />
<br />
My parents never drove me to soccer practice. This was mostly because we never had heard of soccer.<br />
<br />
I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds, and only had one speed, (slow)<br />
<br />
We didn't have a television in our house until I was 4. It was, of course, black and white, and the station went off the air at midnight, after playing the national anthem; it came back on the air at about 6 a..m. and there was usually a locally produced news and farm show on, featuring local people.<br />
<br />
I was 18 before I tasted my first pizza, it was called 'pizza pie' and came from the “Pizza Q.” When I bit into it, I burned the roof of my mouth and the cheese slid off, swung down, plastered itself against my chin and burned that, too. It's still the best pizza I ever had. A small Pizza was $1 and a dime for delivery to our dorm room.<br />
<br />
I never had a telephone in my room until I was in high school. The only phone in most houses was in the living room or the hallway. Many folks were on a party line. Before you could dial, you had to listen and make sure some people you didn't know weren't already using the line.<br />
<br />
Pizzas were not delivered to our home But milk was.<br />
<br />
All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers -- my brother delivered a newspaper, six days a week.. It cost 7 cents a paper, of which he got to keep 2 cents. He had to get up at 6AM every morning.<br />
<br />
On Saturday, he had to collect the 42 cents from his customers. His favorite customers were the ones who gave him 50 cents and told him to keep the change. His least favorite customers were the ones who seemed to never be home on collection day.<br />
<br />
Movie stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the movies. There were no movie ratings because all movies were responsibly produced for everyone to enjoy viewing, without profanity or violence or most anything offensive.<br />
<br />
Growing up isn't what it used to be, is it?<br />
~<br />
MEMORIES from a friend :<br />
<br />
A friend was cleaning out an old house and he brought me an old Royal Crown Cola bottle. In the bottle top was a stopper with a bunch of holes in it.. I knew immediately what it was, but my daughter had no idea. She thought they had tried to make it a salt shaker or something. I knew it as the bottle that sat on the end of the ironing board to 'sprinkle' clothes with because we didn't have steam irons.<br />
~<br />
How many do you remember?<br />
<br />
Head lights dimmer switches on the floor.<br />
<br />
Real ice boxes.<br />
<br />
Pant leg clips for bicycles without chain guards.<br />
<br />
Soldering irons you heat on a gas burner.<br />
<br />
Using hand signals for cars without turn signals.<br />
~<br />
Older Than Dirt Quiz :<br />
<br />
Count all the ones that you remember not the ones you were told about. Ratings at the bottom.<br />
<br />
1. Blackjack chewing gum<br />
<br />
2.Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water<br />
<br />
3. Candy cigarettes<br />
<br />
4. Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles<br />
<br />
5. Coffee shops or diners with tableside juke boxes<br />
<br />
6 . Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers<br />
<br />
7. Party lines on the telephone<br />
<br />
8 Newsreels before the movie<br />
<br />
9. P.F. Flyers<br />
<br />
10. Butch wax<br />
<br />
11.. TV test patterns that came on at night after the last show and were there until TV shows started again in the morning. (there were only 3 channels.. )<br />
<br />
12. Peashooters<br />
<br />
13. Howdy Doody<br />
<br />
14. 45 RPM records<br />
<br />
15. S& H greenstamps<br />
<br />
16. Hi-fi's<br />
<br />
17. Metal ice trays with lever<br />
<br />
18. Mimeograph paper<br />
<br />
19. Blue flashbulb<br />
<br />
20. Packards<br />
<br />
21. Roller skate keys<br />
<br />
22. Cork popguns<br />
<br />
23. Drive-ins<br />
<br />
24. Studebakers<br />
<br />
25. Wash tub wringers<br />
<br />
<br />
If you remembered 0-5 = You're still young<br />
If you remembered 6-10 = You are getting older<br />
If you remembered 11-15 = Don't tell your age,<br />
If you remembered 16-25 = You' re older than dirt!<br />
<br />
I might be older than dirt but those memories are some of the best parts of my life.<br />
<br />
Thanks to Waneta<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks? <br />
<br />
2. Why is the third hand On the watch Called the second hand? <br />
<br />
3. If a word is misspelled In the dictionary, How would we ever know? <br />
<br />
4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, Where did he find the words? <br />
<br />
5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?<br />
<br />
6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing? <br />
<br />
7. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" Mean the same thing? <br />
<br />
8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?<br />
<br />
9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" When we are already there? <br />
<br />
10. Why are they called " stands" When they are made for sitting? <br />
<br />
11. Why is it called "after dark" When it really is "after light"? <br />
<br />
12. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" Make the unexpected expected? <br />
<br />
13. Why are a "wise man" and A "wise guy" opposites?<br />
<br />
14. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" Mean opposite things? <br />
<br />
15. Why is "phonics" Not spelled The way it sounds? <br />
<br />
16. If work is so terrific, Why do they have to pay you to do it? <br />
<br />
17. If all the world is a stage, Where is the audience sitting? <br />
<br />
18. If love is blind, Why is lingerie so popular? <br />
<br />
19. If you are cross-eyed And have dyslexia, Can you read all right? <br />
<br />
21. Why do you press harder On the buttons of a remote control When you know the batteries are dead?<br />
<br />
22. Why do we put suits in garment bags And garments in a suitcase? <br />
<br />
23. How come abbreviated Is such a long word? <br />
<br />
24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them? <br />
<br />
25. Why doesn't glue Stick to the inside of the bottle? <br />
<br />
26. Why do they call it a TV set When you only have one? <br />
<br />
27. Christmas - What other time of the year Do you sit in front of a dead tree And eat candy out of your socks? <br />
<br />
28. Why do we drive on a parkway And park on a driveway? <br />
<br />
Thanks To Waneta<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Face Lift<br />
<br />
A 75-year-old woman went into life or death surgery, and she wasn't sure she would make it through. During the surgery, she had a vision. She saw and spoke to God. She asked him,<br />
"How much time do I have to live?"<br />
<br />
He said, "You have 35 years left."<br />
<br />
So that following year she had all kinds of cosmetic surgery. She a face lift, a tummy tuck, her nose reshaped, liposuction -- she completely did herself over. She figured as long as she was going to live another 35 years, she was going to look young again. After all this was done and she was discharged from the hospital, she was hit by a cab and was killed instantly.<br />
<br />
When she entered eternity she walked over to God and said, "What happened? I thought you said I had another 35 years. Why did you let that cab hit me?"<br />
<br />
God replied, "I didn't recognize you!"<br />
<br />
Received from otchurch.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Redneck Thanksgiving<br />
<br />
/* Happy Thanksgiving! */<br />
<br />
You might be a redneck if ....<br />
<br />
You've ever had Thanksgiving dinner on a ping-pong table.<br />
<br />
Thanksgiving dinner is squirrel and dumplings.<br />
<br />
You've ever re-used a paper plate.<br />
<br />
You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Cool Whip on the side.<br />
<br />
You've ever used your ironing board as a buffet table.<br />
<br />
Your turkey platter is an old hub cap.<br />
<br />
Your best dishes have Dixie printed on them.<br />
<br />
Your stuffing's secret ingredient comes from the bait shop.<br />
<br />
Your only condiment on the dining room table is ketchup.<br />
<br />
Side dishes include beef jerky and Moon Pies.<br />
<br />
You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.<br />
<br />
The directions to your house include "turn off the paved road."<br />
<br />
You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.<br />
<br />
You have an Elvis Jell-o mold.<br />
<br />
Your secret family recipe is illegal.<br />
<br />
You serve Vienna sausage as an appetizer.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Thanksgiving Forecast<br />
<br />
THANKSGIVING OUTLOOK by Elliot Abrams, excerpted from the book, "Weather Prognosticators and the Media: Fallacies, Facts, and Fun in Forecasting," by Norm MacDonald<br />
<br />
Turkeys will thaw in the morning, then warm in the oven to an afternoon high near 190 F. The kitchen will turn hot and humid, and if you bother the cook, be ready for a severe squall or cold shoulder.<br />
<br />
During the late afternoon and evening, the cold front of a knife will slice through the turkey, causing an accumulation of one to two inches on plates. Mashed potatoes will drift across one side while cranberry sauce creates slippery spots on the other. Please pass the gravy.<br />
<br />
A weight watch and indigestion warning have been issued for the entire area, with increased stuffiness around the beltway. During the evening, the turkey will diminish and taper off to leftovers, dropping to a low of 34 F in the refrigerator.<br />
<br />
Looking ahead to Friday and Saturday, high pressure to eat sandwiches will be established. Flurries of leftovers can be expected both days with a 50 percent chance of scattered soup late in the day. We expect a warming trend where soup develops. By early next week, eating pressure will be low as the only wish left will be the bone.<br />
<br />
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Fired<br />
<br />
One day, Uncle Joe got fired from his construction job. His nephew asked him what happened.<br />
<br />
"You know what a foreman is?" Uncle Joe asked.<br />
<br />
"The one who stands around and watches the other men work?" the nephew asked. "What's that got to do with it?"<br />
<br />
"Well, he just got jealous of me," Uncle Joe explained. "Everyone thought I was the foreman."<br />
<br />
Received from Big Mac Clean Joke Attack.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Fishing Bait<br />
<br />
My sister-in-law and nephew Eddy were digging for fishing bait in my mother-in-law's garden. Uncovering a many-legged creature, Eddy proudly dangled it before his mother.<br />
<br />
"No, honey, he won't do for bait," his mother said. "He's not an earthworm."<br />
<br />
"He's not?" Eddy asked, his eyes wide. "What planet is he from?"<br />
<br />
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Easy New Year's Resolutions<br />
<br />
Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day in my nightdress. Instead, I will move my computer into the bedroom.<br />
<br />
I will not bore my boss by with the same excuse for taking leaves. I will think of some more excuses.<br />
<br />
I will do less laundry and use more deodorant.<br />
<br />
I will avoid taking a bath whenever possible and conserve more water.<br />
<br />
I will give up chocolates totally. 100%. Completely. Honestly....<br />
<br />
I will try to figure out why I *really* need nine e-mail addresses.<br />
<br />
I will stop sending e-mails to my wife (husband).<br />
<br />
I resolve to work with neglected children -- my own.<br />
<br />
I will stop sending e-mail, ICQ, and Instant Messages while on the phone at the same time with the same person.<br />
<br />
I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet. This, of course, will be hard to estimate since I'm not a clock watcher.<br />
<br />
I will read the manual ... just as soon as I can find it.<br />
<br />
I will think of a password other than "password."<br />
<br />
I will not tell the same story at every get together.<br />
<br />
I won't worry so much.<br />
<br />
I will cut my hair.<br />
<br />
I will grow my hair.<br />
<br />
I will be more imaginative.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Three Mice<br />
<br />
Three mice are sitting at a table in a pretty rough neighborhood late at night trying to impress each other about how tough they are.<br />
<br />
The first mouse turns to the second mouse and says, "When I see a mousetrap, I lie on my back and set it off with my foot. When the bar comes down, I catch it in my teeth, bench press it twenty times to work up an appetite, and then make off with the cheese."<br />
<br />
The second mouse replies, "Yeah, well, when I see rat poison, I collect as much as I can, take it home, grind it up to a powder, and add it to my coffee each morning so I can get going for the rest of the day."<br />
<br />
The first mouse and the second mouse then turn to the third mouse.<br />
<br />
The third mouse lets out a long sigh and says to the first two, "I don't have time for this. I've got a date with the cat."<br />
<br />
Received from HAND!.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Why Chemical Engineers Don't Write Recipe Books<br />
<br />
CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES<br />
<br />
532.35 cm3 gluten<br />
<br />
4.9 cm3 NaHCO3<br />
<br />
4.9 cm3 refined halite<br />
<br />
236.6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride<br />
<br />
177.45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O11<br />
<br />
177.45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O11<br />
<br />
4.9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde<br />
<br />
Two calcium carbonate-encapsulated avian albumen-coated protein<br />
<br />
473.2 cm3 theobroma cacao 236.6 cm3 de-encapsulated legume meats (sieve size #10)<br />
<br />
To a 2-L jacketed round reactor vessel (reactor #1) with an overall heat transfer coefficient of about 100 BTU/F-ft2-hr, add ingredients one, two, and three with constant agitation.<br />
<br />
In a second 2-L reactor vessel with a radial flow impeller operating at 100 rpm, add ingredients four, five, six, and seven until the mixture is homogenous.<br />
<br />
To reactor #2, add ingredient eight, followed by three equal volumes of the homogenous mixture in reactor #1. Additionally, add ingredient nine and ten slowly, with constant agitation. Care must be taken at this point in the reaction to control any temperature rise that may be the result of an exothermic reaction.<br />
<br />
Using a screw extrude attached to a #4 nodulizer, place the mixture piece-meal on a 316SS sheet (300 x 600 mm). Heat in a 460K oven for a period of time that is in agreement with Frank & Johnston's first order rate expression (see JACOS, 21, 55), or until golden brown.<br />
<br />
Once the reaction is complete, place the sheet on a 25C heat-transfer table, allowing the product to come to equilibrium.<br />
<br />
~Author Unknown<br />
<br />
Received from Julie DiCarlo.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
A Visit to the Doctor<br />
<br />
Last week when I went to the doctor, the kindly gentleman asked the question I knew he was going to ask: "Now, what are we planning to do about that excess weight you're carrying around?"<br />
<br />
"I don't know, doc. You want to haul it around for a while?"<br />
<br />
"Be serious."<br />
<br />
"I am serious. Look, it just must be an overactive thyroid."<br />
<br />
"No, your thyroid's perfectly normal. If there's anything overactive, it's your fork!"<br />
<br />
Received from Steve Sanderson.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Charitable Contribution<br />
<br />
Father O'Malley answers the phone...<br />
<br />
"Hello, is this Father O'Malley?"<br />
<br />
"It is."<br />
<br />
"This is the IRS. Can you help us?"<br />
<br />
"I can."<br />
<br />
"Do you know a Ted Houlihan?"<br />
<br />
"I do."<br />
<br />
"Is he a member of your congregation?"<br />
<br />
"He is."<br />
<br />
"Did he donate $10,000.00?"<br />
<br />
(pause)<br />
<br />
"He will."<br />
<br />
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
A Few Nights Before Christmas<br />
<br />
/* Merry Christmas from GCFL! */<br />
<br />
A few nights before Christmas<br />
When all through the house<br />
Not a creature was stirring,<br />
Just me and my mouse.<br />
<br />
My shopping not done,<br />
I had flown to my chair.<br />
I'd get on the Internet,<br />
And buy my gifts there!<br />
<br />
"On Visa! On MasterCard,<br />
Amex! Discover!..."<br />
Double click here!<br />
Buy one or the other!<br />
<br />
Load up your shopping cart,<br />
Away with the mall!<br />
Now click away, click away,<br />
Click away, all!<br />
<br />
I had finished my list,<br />
"That was easy," I thought,<br />
"But how do I get all this<br />
Stuff I just bought?"<br />
<br />
I must have dozed off,<br />
When I heard such a clatter.<br />
I arose with a start<br />
To see what was the matter.<br />
<br />
I threw open the door...<br />
Is this some sort of trick?<br />
The guy on the porch-<br />
"You must be St. Nick!"<br />
<br />
"You wish," said the guy,<br />
"It's the Fed Ex, you old coot.<br />
Who else do you think<br />
Could schlep all this loot?"<br />
<br />
I thanked him again<br />
As he drove out of sight,<br />
"Merry Christmas to all,<br />
And to all a good night!"<br />
<br />
[From the comic strip "Shoe"]<br />
<br />
Received from Timothy Anger.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Murphy's Laws on Work<br />
<br />
Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous."<br />
<br />
Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail (same applies to emails, especially global emails).<br />
<br />
There is never enough time to do it right the first time, but there is always enough time to do it over.<br />
<br />
At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.<br />
<br />
No one gets sick on Wednesdays.<br />
<br />
The longer the title, the less important the job.<br />
<br />
Machines that have broken down will work perfectly when the repairman arrives.<br />
<br />
Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it makes it worse.<br />
<br />
Success is just a matter of luck; just ask any failure.<br />
<br />
Received from Andychap.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Walkin' in a Doggie Wonderland<br />
<br />
Dog tags ring, are you listenin'?<br />
In the lane, snow is glistenin'.<br />
It's yellow, NOT white, I've been there tonight,<br />
Marking up my winter wonderland.<br />
<br />
Smell that tree? That's my fragrance.<br />
It's a sign for wandering vagrants;<br />
"Avoid where I pee, it's MY pro-per-ty!<br />
Marked up as my winter wonderland."<br />
<br />
In the meadow dad will build a snowman,<br />
Following the classical design.<br />
Then I'll lift my leg and let it go, man,<br />
So all the world will know that it's<br />
Mine-mine-mine!<br />
<br />
Straight from me to the fence post,<br />
Flows my natural incense boast;<br />
"Stay off my turf, this small piece of earth,<br />
I marked it as my winter wonderland."<br />
<br />
Received from BENNETnKIM.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
<br />
Why Jesus Is Better than Santa Claus<br />
<br />
Santa lives at the North Pole ...<br />
JESUS is everywhere.<br />
<br />
Santa rides in a sleigh ...<br />
JESUS rides on the wind and walks on the water.<br />
<br />
Santa comes but once a year ...<br />
JESUS is an ever-present help.<br />
<br />
Santa fills your stockings with goodies ...<br />
JESUS supplies all your needs.<br />
<br />
Santa comes down your chimney uninvited ...<br />
JESUS stands at your door and knocks, and then enters your heart when invited.<br />
<br />
You have to wait in line to see Santa ...<br />
JESUS is as close as the mention of His name.<br />
<br />
Santa lets you sit on his lap ...<br />
JESUS lets you rest in His arms.<br />
<br />
Santa doesn't know your name; all he can say to the little boy or girl is, "What's your name?" ...<br />
JESUS knew your name before you did. Not only does He know your name, He also knows your address. He knows your history and future and He even knows how many hairs are on your head.<br />
<br />
Santa has a belly like a bowl full of jelly ...<br />
JESUS has a heart full of love.<br />
<br />
All Santa can offer is HO HO HO ...<br />
JESUS offers health, help, and hope.<br />
<br />
Santa says, "You better not cry" ...<br />
JESUS says, "Cast all your cares on me, for I care for you."<br />
<br />
Santa's little helpers make toys ...<br />
JESUS makes new life, mends wounded hearts, repairs broken homes, and builds mansions.<br />
<br />
Santa may make you chuckle, but ...<br />
JESUS gives you joy that is your strength.<br />
<br />
While Santa puts gifts under your tree ...<br />
JESUS became our gift and died on a tree.<br />
<br />
It's obvious there is really no comparison. We need to remember WHO Christmas is all about. We need to put Christ back in CHRISTmas. Jesus is still the reason for the season.<br />
<br />
Yes, Jesus is better, he is even better than Santa Claus >><br />
<br />
Received from DGJPARSONS.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Musical Instrument<br />
<br />
My wife and I were browsing in a crafts store when I noticed a display of country-style musical instruments. After looking over the flutes, dulcimers and recorders, I picked up a shiny, one-stringed instrument I took to be a mouth harp. I put it to my lips and, much to the amusement of other shoppers, twanged a few notes on it.<br />
<br />
After watching from a distance, my wife came up and whispered in my ear, "I hate to tell you this, honey, but you're trying to play a cheese slicer."<br />
<br />
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Name Your Benefits<br />
<br />
Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources person asked a young engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"<br />
<br />
The engineer said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."<br />
<br />
The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks' vacation, fourteen paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years - say, a red Corvette?"<br />
<br />
The engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"<br />
<br />
And the interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."<br />
<br />
Received from Timothy Anger.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Mortgage Payment<br />
<br />
Finally, our last mortgage payment. To make a ceremony of it, we went to the bank and paid in person.<br />
<br />
The teller processed everything and handed me the closing papers.<br />
<br />
Heading for the door, I suddenly remembered a rebate check I'd brought along to cash.<br />
<br />
I went back to the same teller. "Sorry, we can't do that," she explained. "You don't have an account here."<br />
<br />
- from William Tamalis (via Reader's Digest)<br />
<br />
Received from Doc's Daily Chuckle.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Name Change Needed<br />
<br />
Little Benjamin came running into the kitchen where is mother was working.<br />
<br />
"Mom, can I please change my name right now?" he asked.<br />
<br />
"But why would you want to do that?" replied his mom.<br />
<br />
"Because Dad said he's going to spank me as sure as my name's Benjamin!"<br />
<br />
Received from Ed.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Fire Department<br />
<br />
A woman frantically calls the fire department to report a fire in the neighborhood.<br />
<br />
The dispatcher asks, "Well, lady how do we get there?"<br />
<br />
Confused she replies, "Don't you still have those big red fire trucks?"<br />
<br />
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Flight School<br />
<br />
I was taking a ground school class for private pilots. During the session on weather, the instructor wanted to discuss the concept of sublimation (when a material changes directly from a solid to a gas without becoming liquid). He gave as an example water vapor in the air condensing on a plane's windshield to form ice.<br />
<br />
Wanting to see if the class had understood the concept, the instructor asked if anyone could provide an example of something that went straight from a solid to a gas. He was expecting "dry ice" as the answer.<br />
<br />
One of the students blurted out, "Burritos."<br />
<br />
Received from Nick.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Growing Boy<br />
<br />
Like all growing boys, my teenage grandson was constantly hungry. I went to the refrigerator to find something he might like. After poking around a bit and moving the milk and juice cartons, I spotted a bowl of leftover chili.<br />
<br />
I called out to him excitedly. He came running into the kitchen. "Look! I found some chili."<br />
<br />
Struggling to be polite, he said, "If you're that surprised, I'm not really sure I want it."<br />
<br />
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Faults<br />
<br />
Just think: If it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.<br />
<br />
Received from ArcaMax Jokes.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Live and Learn<br />
<br />
Psychiatry students were in their Emotional Extremes class. "Let's set some parameters," the professor said. "What's the opposite of joy?" he asked one student.<br />
<br />
"Sadness," he replied.<br />
<br />
"The opposite of depression?" he asked another student.<br />
<br />
"Elation," he replied.<br />
<br />
"The opposite of woe?" the prof asked a young woman from Texas.<br />
<br />
The Texan replied, "Sir, I believe that would be giddyup."<br />
<br />
Received from ArcaMax Jokes.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Intelligence<br />
<br />
Two goobers were digging a ditch on a very hot day. One said to the other, "Why are we down in this hole digging a ditch when our boss is standing up there in the shade of a tree?"<br />
<br />
"I don't know," responded the other. "I'll ask him."<br />
<br />
He climbed out of the hole and went to his boss. "Why are we digging in the hot sun and you're standing in the shade?"<br />
<br />
"Intelligence," the boss said.<br />
<br />
"What do you mean, 'intelligence'?"<br />
<br />
The boss said, "Well, I'll show you. I'll put my hand on this tree and I want you to hit it with your fist as hard as you can."<br />
<br />
The goober took a mighty swing and tried to hit the boss's hand. At the last second, the boss removed his hand and the goober hit the tree. The boss said, "That's intelligence!"<br />
<br />
The goober went back to his hole. His friend asked, "What did he say?"<br />
<br />
"He said we are down here because of intelligence."<br />
<br />
"What's intelligence?" said the friend.<br />
<br />
The goober put his hand on his face and said, "Take your shovel and hit my hand."<br />
<br />
Received from Pastor Tim.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
International Rules of Manhood<br />
<br />
- Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.<br />
<br />
- It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances: (a) when a heroic dog dies to save its master; (b) after wrecking his boss's car; or (c) one hour, twelve minutes, thirty-seven seconds into "The Crying Game."<br />
<br />
- Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.<br />
<br />
- Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within twelve hours.<br />
<br />
- If you've known a guy for more than twenty-four hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.<br />
<br />
- Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However, complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.<br />
<br />
- No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering his buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, he must celebrate at a bar of the birthday boy's choice.<br />
<br />
- On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.<br />
<br />
- When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.<br />
<br />
- It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach, it's delivered by a gorgeous woman, and it's free.<br />
<br />
- Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy.<br />
<br />
- Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.<br />
<br />
- If a man's fly is down, that's his problem; you didn't see anything.<br />
<br />
- Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.<br />
<br />
- A man in the company of an extremely attractive woman must remain sober enough to fight.<br />
<br />
- Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That's just greedy.<br />
<br />
- Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours.<br />
<br />
- It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.<br />
<br />
- Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange, or sky blue.<br />
<br />
- The woman who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets a PS3. End of story.<br />
<br />
- There is no reason for guys to watch ice skating or men's gymnastics. Ever.<br />
<br />
Received from ArcaMax Jokes.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
--<br />
Rate this funny at http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20120420<br />
<br />
Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a) Mail address: GCFL, Box 100, Harvest, AL 35749, USA<br />
<br />
To print or email this funny to others, go to http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20120420<br />
<br />
The latest GCFL funny can always be found on the web at http://www.gcfl.net/latest.php<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Column - - Limerick Ode To Espresso & Cappuccino - - November 23rd, 2012<br />
<br />
I was alarmed to learn that I missed National Cappuccino Day on November 8th. Then again, every day is Cappuccino Day in my house. (If I didn’t have my own machine, I could never afford my cappuccino habit.)<br />
<br />
But all is not lost: Today, November 23rd, is National Espresso Day.<br />
<br />
Close enough.<br />
<br />
Limerick Ode To Espresso & Cappuccino<br />
By Madeleine Begun Kane<br />
<br />
Espresso alone doesn’t please me.<br />
You must add something more to appease me:<br />
Steamed milk, lots of foam,<br />
And you’re just about home.<br />
Just make sure it’s not bitter. Don’t tease me!<br />
<br />
[http://www.madkane.com/humor_blog/]<br />
© Madeleine Begun Kane. All Rights Reserved.<br />
http://www.madkane.com/ <br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." __ Franklin D. Roosevelt <br />
"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle." <br />
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. _ _ George Carlin <br />
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" _ _ Queen E. Watson<br />
“A political class of Republicans and Democrats that look after themselves, not the Nation. A media hostile to the very precepts of this nation. A generation of Americans who see morals as vices, and are ignorant of America's Actual History.”<br />
"The things that will destroy America are prosperity-at-any-price, peace-at-any-price, safety-first instead of duty-first, the love of soft living, and the get-rich-quick theory of life." - - Theodore Roosevelt <br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> <br />
Emergency Phone Number 911 <br />
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )<br />
Central Dispatch 234_5655<br />
(Non _ Emergency Number)<br />
Direct Numbers<br />
Ambulance _ 234_7371 (24 Hour)<br />
Jail _ 234_5331 (24 Hour)<br />
Poison Control _ 800_222_1222 (24 Hour)<br />
http://www. aapcc. org/<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Interested in getting in touch with the Banner_News through e_mail? editor@bannernews.net For the editor, news@bannernews.net For news and sports items, Coming Events, Diary, Church News, school and civic events. [http://www.bannernews.net/]<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." __ "Bug" <br />
"I read the end of the book. We win!" __ "Bug" <br />
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." __ "Bug"<br />
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." _ _ "Bug"<br />
"It's no big deal doing what God tells you to do. A big deal would be NOT doing what God tells you to do. Just ask Jonah." _ _ Paul Troquille <br />
“Nam et ipsa scientia potestas est.” Knowledge is power. _ Francis Bacon <br />
"The problem is here and now. The time for talk is past. The time for action is now." <br />
Comments on the first Earth Day _ James F. McClellan via John "Fuzzy" Thurman<br />
~~~~~<br />
Hope you enjoy the newsletter. <br />
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week. <br />
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" __"Bug" <br />
God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!! <br />
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT_I KC5HII <br />
<br />
P. S. If you'd like to be added to the distribution, just drop us E_mail at kc5hii@suddenlink.net<br />
. We offer "Da Bleat" as text, a "Blog" and as a newsletter with pictures in Word and PDF format. The latest issue is usually updated sometime Saturday. For the latest issue, go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com. We also have a site [http://bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com/] where we post photos that I like.<br />
We appreciate your encouragement. We also appreciate your communication when you desire to be taken off our mail list. If you are on this mail list by mistake or do not wish to receive "Da Bleat," please reply back and tell us to discontinue service to you. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus 2012 before it was sent.<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
James F. McClellan<br />
Editor/Publisher "Bug's Bleat"<br />
NREMT_I, CSP, KC5HII <br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
"The problem is here and now. The time for talk is past. The time for action is now." <br />
Comments on the first Earth Day _ James F. McClellan via "Fuzzy" Thurman<br />
<br />
================================================<br />
Remember McClellan's Rules<br />
<br />
1. Rejoice in that this is the will of the Lord concerning you.<br />
If that doesn't seem to be working, remember;<br />
2. All things work together for the good of them who love the Lord.<br />
If that doesn't seem to be working, remember;<br />
3. All things are subject to change.<br />
And finally;<br />
4. Don't let the son of a guns get you down!<br />
Bughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07270965849194883997noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9136923892168334329.post-74423124308761580352012-11-17T23:07:00.001-08:002012-11-17T23:09:08.884-08:00Bug's Bleat - - GCF: Traffic Violation<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-et6kUkbhGCY/UKiHglEnLtI/AAAAAAAAGZI/JzMSwfbTpTM/s1600/02-2012-11-10_19-19-31_159.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="296" width="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-et6kUkbhGCY/UKiHglEnLtI/AAAAAAAAGZI/JzMSwfbTpTM/s320/02-2012-11-10_19-19-31_159.jpg" /></a></div><br />
Sim Baily, enjoying the conversation at the last JOY fellowship. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-33ONxGhLYzs/UKiHe_EVB-I/AAAAAAAAGYk/7rmsESnm9Jk/s1600/07-2012-11-16_13-00-15_602.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="165" width="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-33ONxGhLYzs/UKiHe_EVB-I/AAAAAAAAGYk/7rmsESnm9Jk/s320/07-2012-11-16_13-00-15_602.jpg" /></a></div><br />
The Pecan Orchard west of Garland has opened their store. We bought 10 Lbs of cracked Pecans for $24.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-fIlGlPgejjA/UKiHfv4fm5I/AAAAAAAAGYw/C1x5pQUrgs0/s1600/05-2012-11-12_14-33-27_807.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="320" width="183" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-fIlGlPgejjA/UKiHfv4fm5I/AAAAAAAAGYw/C1x5pQUrgs0/s320/05-2012-11-12_14-33-27_807.jpg" /></a></div><br />
Gas prices are down. The lowest since July. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-lJ680nMAMN4/UKiHgJZiZ_I/AAAAAAAAGY8/zdbAI5IAdGk/s1600/04-2012-11-12_10-09-17_856.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="123" width="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-lJ680nMAMN4/UKiHgJZiZ_I/AAAAAAAAGY8/zdbAI5IAdGk/s320/04-2012-11-12_10-09-17_856.jpg" /></a></div><br />
There were several truck convoys moving north on I-30 this week. <br />
<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-HpYYQueQSNQ/UKiIufbwDMI/AAAAAAAAGZs/dpX_CqhObBk/s1600/03-2012-11-10_19-19-54_974.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="182" width="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-HpYYQueQSNQ/UKiIufbwDMI/AAAAAAAAGZs/dpX_CqhObBk/s320/03-2012-11-10_19-19-54_974.jpg" /></a></div><br />
Verna, Gary, Kelly and Annette at JOY (Just Older Youth) fellowship.<br />
<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ePTaNlgNPsM/UKiItCEUEzI/AAAAAAAAGZU/6ZsGZ5tFfj0/s1600/10-2012-11-16_15-48-38_142.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="320" width="249" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ePTaNlgNPsM/UKiItCEUEzI/AAAAAAAAGZU/6ZsGZ5tFfj0/s320/10-2012-11-16_15-48-38_142.jpg" /></a></div><br />
Annette's posies along the back fence are still hanging in there. <br />
<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-XNN3bMrN-rU/UKiItrw0ZVI/AAAAAAAAGZg/ws6Yv5lUZ6c/s1600/09-2012-11-16_15-48-21_300.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="320" width="181" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-XNN3bMrN-rU/UKiItrw0ZVI/AAAAAAAAGZg/ws6Yv5lUZ6c/s320/09-2012-11-16_15-48-21_300.jpg" /></a></div><br />
It's fall and the trees in our neighborhood are showing off before dumping tons of leaves on our yards. <br />
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Volume 14, Issue 45 Friday, November 16, 2012<br />
<br />
Hello ALL, <br />
<br />
Annette and I attended the Arkansas Heart Hospital “Diabetes BootCamp” at Magnolia Regional Medical Center last Saturday. <br />
<br />
It was the best education on diabetes issues we’ve ever experienced. The topics included: Carbohydrate Counting, Blood Glucose Monitoring, Meal Planning, Healthy snacks, Exercise, Medications and Diabetic Complications.<br />
<br />
I encourage you to attend one of these when they come to your area. Or, you can contact the Arkansas Heart Hospital for information on the next class. <br />
~~~~~<br />
Our Favorite Missionary Family, Brandt, Pam, Austin, Tyler, Ben and Julianna Prince, is headed back to Zambia. It’s been great to have them back in the states but their work is in Africa.<br />
~~~~~<br />
Lynn Barnhart reminds us that Duck season has opened on Lake Columbia! <br />
~~~~~<br />
The Pecan Orchard west of Garland has opened their store. Pecans in the shell and cracked for sale again this fall. A 5 Lb bag of cracked pecans is $12.<br />
~~~~~<br />
Annette isn’t going to be happy that I’m sharing this, but we all need to smile.<br />
~<br />
You know how folks our age have sounds? I mean our body makes noises that younger folks aren’t familiar with. Our bones creak and crack. Our flesh flaps against our bodies. We snore and wheeze and burp. And our internal organs can sometimes be heard.<br />
<br />
Annette and I were lying in bed, watching TV when suddenly my stomach “grumbled.” Then, a few seconds later, Annette’s stomach “grumbled” too. Within a few minutes both of our stomachs had made this same type of sound several times.<br />
<br />
Finally, Annette asked; “What do you suppose they’re saying to each other?”<br />
~~~~~<br />
The cooler weather has reminded me of an incident that happened on the way to church one Sunday. I was driving Annette’s blue Yukon when she suddenly said; “It’s cold this morning, don’t roll down the window.” Now I didn’t ever remember rolling the window down when headed to church, I hadn’t said anything about the window and didn’t have any intention of rolling it down, but her words peeked my curiosity and I said “What do you mean?” She replied. “Don’t roll down the window.”<br />
I racked my brain for anytime I’d ever just rolled down the window on the way to church but I couldn’t come up with one. So I asked again; “What do you mean?” She said more empathetically; “Don’t roll down the window!” <br />
<br />
So I rolled her window down.<br />
<br />
She said; “Not mine, yours!” So I rolled the driver’s window down. Boy, it was cold. So I quickly rolled it back up. Or ... I tried to roll it back up. It wouldn’t budge.<br />
<br />
And Annette said; “See. I told you not to roll the window down. It won’t roll up when it’s below 50F.”<br />
~<br />
When will I ever learn?<br />
~~~~~<br />
Stephen Whalen commented on the failure of Hostess Bakery. "What's that you say?" NO TWINKIES!!!!!! Oh Jesus help us all, the world is collapsing as I write this! what will I ever do without Twinkies???? I'm doomed from here on out! Life as we know it will never be it's sweet self again without the Twinkie!!!!!!<br />
<br />
Everyone is pointing the finger on this deal. The facts are probably that both the Unions and Company Management and The Investors all share the blame. The Unions because they decided to let 17,000 jobs go away instead of further compromise. Company Management because they were unable to address a changing market. And The Investors because they were unable to deal with both sides of the issue.<br />
<br />
Like many many issues this day, it ain’t all black and white.<br />
<br />
[http://finance.yahoo.com/news/hostess-failed-hedge-funds-vs-164815209.html] <br />
~~~~~<br />
As for the Petraeus Affair / FBI investigation. This has become an endless witch hunt. Everything I've seen says that NO security breaches by either Allen or Petraeus were found. But they're still digging. On the other hand, I worry about the innate intelligence of General Staff who apparently didn't realize their unsecured emails would probably be published to the world.<br />
~~~~~<br />
Since we had aunts, grandmother and Miss Ida at our mercy on West Hearn Street, we often involved them in our "adventures." One day we found a dead snake on the gravel street and someone (couldn't have been me) decided it would be funny to "plant" it in aunt Gertrude's house.<br />
<br />
She was the first choice due to her guaranteed reaction. Aunt Gertrude was one of those folks who always screamed when surprised. Sometimes she'd even leap and run.<br />
<br />
So, we casually came in the house and laid the deceased snake (a small one) on the stove in the kitchen. Then it was just a process of asking aunt Gertrude for a glass of water so she'd go into the kitchen.<br />
<br />
Charles asked for water and she got it for him. Rats! She didn't look at the stove. So, I asked for one. She again returned with the water without looking at the stove.<br />
<br />
We were getting desperate. If she didn't see the snake soon, we'd have to eventually leave and would miss the fireworks. Dinah Sue was our last chance. She asked for a big glass of water, knowing that aunt Gertrude kept the large drinking glasses in the cupboard above the stove.<br />
<br />
We held our breath as she went back into the kitchen. ... Then, we heard the blood curdling scream. It was great.<br />
<br />
Charles ran into the kitchen and "saved" aunt Gertrude by grabbing the snake and throwing it out the back door.<br />
<br />
We'd originally planned on using the snake for more than one prank, but the reaction of aunt Gertrude was so GRAND that we decided to lay low for a while and go onto other pursuits. However, the next day, our snake prank almost resulted in injury to grandmother.<br />
<br />
We were playing in grandmother's yard when we heard and angry call and then a scream. Grandmother yelled; "JAMES FORT ... IIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"<br />
<br />
Between her kitchen and dining room was a long dark hall. She'd headed down the hall when she saw a snake lying on the floor. Assuming it was the same snake we'd used to scare aunt Gertrude (our antics were obviously discussed up and down the street) she hollered for me and bent over to pick it up. But this wasn't our dead snake. It was a live ground rattler and it started rattling when she bent toward it. That's when we heard the scream.<br />
<br />
By the time we got into the house, grandmother had recovered and managed to kill the snake by pummeling it with the wooden broom handle. Fortunately she hadn't been bitten. <br />
~~~~~<br />
Age, diabetes and Anemia have left me prone to falling. (That didn't sound as funny as I meant it to.) I’ve managed to avoid most of them by grabbing nearby objects and people but a couple have resulted in injury. <br />
<br />
At the end of ’09, I tripped and fell, resulting in an injury that required a doctor to fix.<br />
<br />
In ’07 we were having a GIANT crawfish fry at the church and, as everybody was preparing to leave, I decided to start cleaning up the equipment. I tripped on something (my son said it was the line on the sidewalk) and started to fall. In an effort to avoid the inevitable, I lurched, hopped, skipped and finally came down like a great sequoia in the forest. My son said that I actually stumbled for about 25 yards before hitting the concrete. He also concluded that my attempts to avoid the fall just resulted in my body picking up speed and a resulting greater force of impact.<br />
<br />
As I finally realized that I was going down I remember thinking “this is gonna hurt.” Then I was amazed at how flimsy the “spaghetti noodles” that I called arms were. They just folded up with little or no resistance at all as my face bounced off the concrete.<br />
<br />
Immediately, I noticed blood spraying all over the place. Fortunately, my son thought quickly and grabbed one of the tow sacks that the crawfish had come in. Since we’d used these sacks to cover the crawfish with seasoning, they were “pre-medicated”. The peppers and other spices seemed to have a coagulant effect and dramatically slowed the bleeding as David applied them to my face. And the pain from the spices also partially took my mind off of the injury.<br />
<br />
David drove me to the hospital where Annette met us. Seeing the blood and smelling the crawfish, the triage nurse immediately put us in a room where we were quickly forgotten.<br />
<br />
Annette gently picked away the pieces of sack from my wounds and used the antiseptics and dressings in the ER room to begin cleaning my face up. It seems that the worst actual injury was where my glasses had been driven down my nose, slicing it apart. Of course this didn’t prevent me from complaining about the numerous abrasions to my hands, arms, knees, etc. which she also cleaned up and dressed.<br />
<br />
Then, with me whining, crying and protesting, Annette proceeded to put my nose back together while attempting to calm me down.<br />
<br />
After an hour or two, the ER doc came in to see me. He said that normally he would stitch up a laceration like that on my nose but since the “nurses” had done such a good job cleaning it up and since I was a diabetic he thought he would leave well enough alone. So he sent me home.<br />
<br />
I looked like WC Fields for a few weeks but there were no lasting ill effects except the abuse I suffered at the hands of my fellow church members who continue to share the story of the “Great Fall” at the crawfish boil. And the "rest of the story?" When Annette brought me back to the church, bandaged and sort of groggy, Brandon DuPont declared "It ain't a real Cajun Crawfish Boil until someone gets a bloody nose."<br />
~~~~~<br />
When I was seven years old, I spent several months in Little Rock at St. Vincent's Hospital. (In fact, I spent most of the first grade there.) They thought I had leukemia (this was before they discovered that I had McClellan’s Disease.)<br />
<br />
To this day, I’ve got a warm spot in my heart for the nuns there. But no matter how well your treated (and we were cared for by the finest humans on the earth) there's just so much a kid can stand. One morning, they came in to take more blood, check my vitals, etc. When they put the thermometer in my mouth, I ate it.<br />
<br />
Now, this isn't considered proper food for a growing boy and the nurse jerked me out of the bed and started cleaning out my mouth all the while yelling for help. After they got all the glass out of my mouth and (hopefully) all the mercury, Sister Maria came in and asked me why I’d done that. I told her I was tired of the whole “hospital” thing and wanted to go home.<br />
<br />
I didn’t get to go home, but the next day, they let me sneak out to the Zoo, located just south east of the hospital.<br />
~<br />
Another time, all the kids on the eighth floor were visited by their Fairy Godmother. We were down in the common area, playing when they told us to go back to our rooms. <br />
<br />
Wow! We all had presents. <br />
<br />
Len had a fire truck. Russell had Lincoln Logs. Jamey had a doll and I got a new shirt. … A SHIRT! I’m in the hospital. Where’ am I going to wear a shirt?<br />
<br />
To this day, don’t you let me catch you giving any of my kids or grand kid’s cloths for Christmas or their Birthday. Clothes are not a toy and kids ought to get toys for presents. <br />
~~~~~<br />
My grand dad was a farmer and a trader. The trading part involved buying or trading for things, and then selling or trading them for items of greater value. He was also called a “Mule Trader.”<br />
<br />
The farm part, involved raising food and cotton. With seven kids, it was expected that everyone would share the work. No watching cartoons on Saturday mornings. A farm is work. But work can be fun.<br />
<br />
My mother often told stories of her brothers and sisters. Like the time they decided to build a fire. This was no easy task since they were forbidden to play with matches. The solution seemed to be to hide the fire from prying adult eyes. They thought for a few days and then decided that the one place the adults never went was under the house. So, they built their fire under the house. They just forgot to consider what the adult’s reaction would be when smoke started coming through the floor.<br />
<br />
Some of her favorite stories featured her brother Fort. For instance;<br />
<br />
There was the time that Fort suggested they have a cussing contest. All the kids agreed and he suggested my mother go first. She looked around and then saw a fly. She whispered “Look at that D___ Fly.” Whereupon Fort went running to my grandmother shouting “Iris said a bad word, Iris said a bad word.”<br />
<br />
My grandmother, being a fair-minded lady, didn’t immediately take the strap to my mother. First, she held an investigation. She called all the kids together and asked; “Is this true? Did Iris say a word?”<br />
<br />
Nobody, except Fort, said anything. She asked again, and my mother started trying to explain. Grandmother stopped her and said; “Did you say D___?” My mother said “yes, but…” That’s all she got out. The rest of that tale involved the wood shed.<br />
<br />
Another time, She thought she could get Fort’s Saturday evening money away from him. She challenged him to a dare. He agreed and they bet their allowance over it. She thought she had the perfect dare and told him; “I dare you to eat a worm.” He took the dare. Walked over to the kitchen porch and selected an apple off the table. He cut the apple open, picked a worm off a nearby leaf, put it in the apple and then, ate the apple. She had to hand over her money.<br />
<br />
Like I said at the beginning, the kids were expected to share the farm work. However, Fort had devised a plan that resulted in his share, of work, being less than the others.<br />
<br />
On the farm, they ate breakfast before daylight, and then were in the fields at sunrise. You worked in the fields until noon, when dinner was served, then returned to the fields until sundown.<br />
<br />
Not a lot of fun for kids. Then Fort had the brainstorm. There was a well between the house and the barn. Located behind a large hedge on the west side of the house, at the edge of the fields. One day at lunch, Fort lagged behind the others as they filed out of the field. He paused at the well and poured a bucket of water over his head. Then he “drug” around the hedge and up to the back door where his mother was waiting for the kids to come in to eat.<br />
She took one look at Fort, obviously exhausted and drenched in sweat and told him to take the rest of the day off.<br />
<br />
My mother and the other kids were incised. But how could they expose him? The unwritten rule that none of them would ever break was; Never Rat on Family.<br />
<br />
So, they didn’t tell. However, they did jump him when they had a chance. It was a fair fight. But my mother always claimed that she made up for the extra work as well as the swearing contest.<br />
~~~~~<br />
Favorite Quotes: <br />
<br />
Corrie Ten Boom - - “Are you afraid to die? Remember that for a child of God, death is only a passing through to a wonderful new world...”<br />
~~~~~<br />
The following wisdom is shared by our friends.<br />
~<br />
Nancee Davis Law<br />
<br />
definition of Character: Doing what’s right when no one is watching<br />
<br />
My life isn't perfect, but it does have perfect moments.<br />
<br />
Look at the good in life and every day you can find something to smile about. :)<br />
<br />
when you wonder how in the world you're surviving, simply take a look at who's by your side<br />
~~~~~<br />
Save money, energy and water<br />
<br />
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<br />
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<br />
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<br />
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<br />
Visit CenterPointEnergy.com/ARLowFlow or<br />
call 877-815-9176.<br />
<br />
This offer is available to only CenterPoint Energy residential natural gas customers with natural gas hot water heating.<br />
~~~~~<br />
AskBob - - Bob Rankin - - The Five Most Common Internet Security Mistakes <br />
<br />
A reader says: 'I have anti-virus protection but somehow I got a virus anyway. How did this happen?' That's hard to say without knowing more, but chances are, this person made one of the five Internet security mistakes on my list. Any one of them can lead to malware infection or even identity theft. Are YOU vulnerable? See the list now...<br />
[http://askbobrankin.com/the_five_most_common_internet_security_mistakes.html?awt_l=HZr.N&awt_m=JdWgOsA9q8P6SL]<br />
~~~~~<br />
Americans Favor a New Approach to War on Drugs<br />
A Commentary By Scott Rasmussen <br />
<br />
More than 40 years ago, the federal government launched a war on drugs. Over the past decade, the nation has spent hundreds of billions of dollars fighting that war, a figure that does not even include the high costs of prosecuting and jailing drug law offenders. It's hard to put a price on that aspect of the drug war since half of all inmates in federal prison today were busted for drugs.<br />
<br />
Despite the enormous expense and growth of the prison population, only 7 percent of American adults now think the United States is winning the War on Drugs. Eighty-two percent disagree. The latest statistics on drug usage support that conclusion.<br />
<br />
[http://campaign.r20.constantcontact.com/render?llr=zmzggocab&v=001iXIUy3Vz-XwMzSeFhHIV_7cPMijpGeV1xiiU5mT-l_TmD9QLzKjizF6LL2DGAjnUBOOPbFo-JUGr9z5tOpLF7FvOqBrn7VjC1qDYIpOASqSaKOfdjXAr7Q%3D%3D]<br />
~~~~~<br />
dLife dBrief (dlifenews@dlife.com)<br />
Diagnosed with Diabetes. Now What?<br />
<br />
Top Tips for the Newly Diagnosed<br />
It’s important to take control of your diabetes as soon as you’re diagnosed, and that begins with<br />
early detection. Symptoms of both type 1 and type 2 may include:<br />
• Excessive thirst and frequent urination<br />
• Extreme hunger<br />
• Fatigue, or a feeling of being "run down" and tired<br />
• Blurred vision<br />
• Dry, itchy skin<br />
• Tingling or burning pain in the feet, legs, hands, or other body parts<br />
• High blood pressure<br />
• Mood swings or depression<br />
• Frequent infections, such as urinary tract infections, yeast infections, and skin infections<br />
• Slow healing of cuts and bruises<br />
While these symptoms usually develop over time in individuals with type 2, they can set in<br />
very rapidly in individuals with type 1.<br />
<br />
[http://www.dlife.com/diabetes/information/slide_show_pdf_files/new_pdfs/Top_Tips_for_the_Newly_Diagnosed.pdf]<br />
~~~~~<br />
SpecialFork What to Cook Now!<br />
<br />
A Simple Fall Salad<br />
By Marilyn Hunter<br />
<br />
With Thanksgiving around the corner, it’s time to indulge in our favorite comfort foods. And with a large, decadent meal like Thanksgiving, a simple salad makes the perfect accompaniment.<br />
<br />
This salad is simplicity defined. It was inspired by our friend, Vicki, who’s a pro at tossing a little of “this and that” together to make a healthy, delicious dinner in a snap.<br />
<br />
Since there’s very little vinegar in the dressing, it also makes a wonderful companion to wine. Use caution when seasoning with salt as different brands of pecorino cheese have varying degrees of saltiness.<br />
<br />
Pomegranate, Pecan and Pecorino Salad<br />
<br />
1/4 cup walnut oil<br />
1 tablespoon balsamic vinegar<br />
Kosher salt, to taste<br />
Freshly ground black pepper, to taste<br />
2 heads butter lettuce<br />
2 cups mâche<br />
1/2 cup pecan halves, toasted<br />
4 ounces Pecorino Romano cheese, thinly sliced<br />
1 cup pomegranate seeds<br />
<br />
Whisk together the walnut oil, balsamic vinegar, salt, and pepper and set aside.<br />
<br />
Cut the bottom core from each butter lettuce head and separate into leaves. Gently rinse and dry them. Place the lettuce in a large salad bowl, keeping as many of the leaves whole as possible. Add the mâche, pecans, Pecorino cheese and pomegranate seeds and toss together. Dress with the vinaigrette.<br />
<br />
Makes 6 to 8 servings<br />
<br />
[http://about.specialfork.com/blog/2012/11/15/a-simple-fall-salad.html?utm_source=Special+Fork+account&utm_campaign=55fdbbd13c-Special_Fork_Blog_Digest_wk_4_8_124_12_2012&utm_medium=email]<br />
~~~~~<br />
Psa 9:9-11, Exo 23:1-3, Neh 8:18-9:1-2, Job 38:1, Psa 116:17-18<br />
~~~~~<br />
The latest from Michael Yon, the foremost “milnews” blogger on the web. <br />
~<br />
Greetings,<br />
<br />
This is an interesting guest post about an Iraqi war veteran I knew from the 2007 Surge. As with many veterans (and people in general), he has had employment challenges [http://www.michaelyon-online.com/keeping-promises.htm].<br />
~<br />
In 2007, during heaviest fighting in Iraq, I wrote this dispatch called SECOND CHANCES.<br />
Please read this story. [http://www.michaelyon-online.com/second-chances.htm]<br />
~<br />
The recent revelations were disappointing. Some personal thoughts on the matter. [http://www.michaelyon-online.com/petraeus-a-sad-day-for-the-united-states.htm]<br />
<br />
Very Respectfully,<br />
Michael Yon<br />
Your Writer,<br />
<br />
Please remember that this website accepts no advertisement and is dependent on your support. <br />
<br />
PS Please sign up for my Twitter.com updates at "Michael_Yon" [http://twitter.com/Michael_Yon] (not Michael Yon).<br />
<br />
http://www.facebook.com/#/MichaelYonFanPage?ref=sgm<br />
~<br />
www.michaelyon-online.com<br />
~<br />
Http://www.michaelyon_online.com/index.php<br />
~~~~~ <br />
If you would like to encourage US Troops overseas, but are not sure just how to begin, visit www.anysoldier.com for ideas. <br />
~~~~~ <br />
Please remember ... America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the MALL.<br />
~~~~~ <br />
DarynKagan.com - - Here's to the inspiring things young people are doing. Have a great Monday!<br />
<br />
Two Sisters Lead Volunteer Sandy Relief Effort<br />
Jaime and Jillian Jordan, born and bred in the Rockaways, organized volunteers to help reclaim their Sandy-ravaged community. Their spirit has spread like wildfire.<br />
[http://darynkagan.demo.nimbussoftware.com/heroism/2012/he_121112_sisters_lead_sandy_relief.html]<br />
<br />
Harvard Students Send Burger Into Space<br />
A group of five bored Harvard University students put their $40,000-a-year Ivy League education to good use by launching the first ever hamburger into the upper reaches of the atmosphere.<br />
[http://darynkagan.demo.nimbussoftware.com/heroism/2012/he_121112_burger_in_space.html]<br />
~~~~~<br />
<br />
ACC: Regulatory efforts must support U.S. innovation and growth<br />
The American Chemistry Council expressed uneasiness about the potential effects of a tighter regulatory landscape in President Barack Obama's second term. "We of course remain concerned about overaggressive and unbalanced regulatory efforts that could stifle U.S. innovation and growth in the chemical sector, whether those be chemical regulations, environmental regulations, such as pending air and ozone rules, or federal regulatory encroachment into hydraulic fracturing practices," said ACC spokeswoman Anne Kolton. Royal Society of Chemistry [http://www.rsc.org/chemistryworld/2012/11/barack-obama-election-chemical-industry]<br />
~~~~~<br />
http://www.shelfari.com<br />
http://www.shelfari.com/bugsbleat/shelf<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Photos on the front of this week’s “Bleat” include - - The Pecan Orchard west of Garland has opened their store. Gas prices are down. The lowest since July. There were several truck convoys moving north on I-30 this week. Sim Baily at the last JOY fellowship. Annette's posies are still hanging in there. It's fall. Verna, Gary, Kelly and Annette at JOY (Just Older Youth) fellowship.<br />
~~~~~<br />
For the latest issue of "Da Bleat.", go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com. <br />
Our photos are posted at http://www.bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com.<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.<br />
~~~~~<br />
BreakPoint - - Yearning for His Coming<br />
Advent Is Soon upon Us<br />
By: Eric Metaxas<br />
<br />
You’ve no doubt heard of “Black Friday,” the day after Thanksgiving that features, along with countless sales, the more-than-occasional trampling of shoppers by their frenzied peers.<br />
<br />
In many ways, “Black Friday” has become a bigger deal than Thanksgiving. So much so that many major retailers have announced that they are opening their doors on Thursday.<br />
<br />
The hope is that the possibility of buying something you don’t really need for a little less than you would pay a few weeks later will help people work off the turkey and pumpkin pie and get down to some serious Christmas shopping.<br />
<br />
The problem is that it isn’t Christmas yet—at least not for Christians.<br />
<br />
The weeks leading up to Christmas day are properly called Advent in Western Christianity, from the Latin word adventus, meaning “coming.”[i]<br />
<br />
Adventus was the Latin translation of the Greek word parousia, which the New Testament most often used to refer to Jesus’ second coming. In antiquity, parousia was usually associated with the arrival of royalty: the leaders of a city went outside the city gates to meet the Emperor and escort him back into the city.<br />
<br />
Thus, for the Christian, Advent is about preparing to greet our King. And it is a time for both looking back to Jesus’ first coming and looking forward to His second coming in glory.<br />
<br />
Like Lent, Advent is a penitential season, a time for reflection and repentance. If we’re honest with ourselves, what Titus 2 calls “our blessed hope—the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ,”—should provoke both joy and a bit of dread. It’s a time for asking ourselves whether we truly are “a people that are [Christ’s] very own, eager to do what is good.”<br />
<br />
If this doesn’t put you in the mood for shopping, well, congratulations! You are starting to “get” Advent.<br />
<br />
The other emotion associated with Advent is yearning. Specifically, yearning for God to fulfill His promises to His people and to set right what has gone terribly wrong.<br />
<br />
This yearning permeates perhaps the greatest of all Advent hymns, “O Come, O Come Emmanuel.” It’s a paraphrase of parts of the liturgy dating back to at least the Middle Ages. Each verse invokes biblical titles for Christ—Emmanuel, Root of Jesse, Day Spring, etc.—and then rehearses why His people yearn for His presence among them.<br />
<br />
Another Advent hymn, “Creator of the Stars of Night,” which dates from the seventh century, captures the season’s emphasis on both Christ’s first and second comings. After expressing the yearning at the heart of the season, it proclaims “Thou, grieving that the ancient curse, should doom to death a universe, hast found the medicine, full of grace, to save and heal a ruined race.”<br />
<br />
It then goes on to say, “At whose dread Name, majestic now, all knees must bend, all hearts must bow; and things celestial Thee shall own, and things terrestrial Lord alone.”<br />
<br />
There’s a lot going on in these hymns, which is why my colleague John Stonestreet has produced a marvelous DVD and CD teaching series on the hymns of Advent. It’s called “He Has Come,” and contains John’s “Two-Minute Warning” videos, study guide by T. M. Moore, “BreakPoint” commentaries by Chuck Colson on Advent, and a bonus CD with some of the great Advent hymns. We have it for you at BreakPoint.org. I hope you get a copy for you and your family.<br />
<br />
This year, Advent begins on Sunday, December 2. Embrace the season! But whatever you do, do not let the culture define this most Christian of times for you. That would be a truly black Friday.<br />
<br />
[i] In Orthodox Christianity, the equivalent of Advent is called the “Nativity Fast.” It runs for six weeks instead of four.<br />
~<br />
Further Reading and Information<br />
<br />
He Has Come: The Worldview of Advent DVD<br />
John Stonestreet | the Chuck Colson Center for Christian Worldview | December 2012<br />
[http://www.colsoncenterstore.org/product.asp?sku=2191_HHCAdvent]<br />
<br />
The Promise: A Celebration of Christ's Birth CD<br />
Michael Card<br />
[http://www.colsoncenterstore.org/product.asp?sku=2191_TPCARD]<br />
<br />
The Promise of Advent Special Gift Set<br />
John Stonestreet, Michael Card | the Chuck Colson Center for Christian Worldview | December 2012<br />
[http://www.colsoncenterstore.org/product.asp?sku=2191_ADVENTGIFT]<br />
<br />
[http://www.breakpoint.org/bpcommentaries]<br />
<br />
Copyright © 2012 Prison Fellowship. All Rights Reserved <br />
<br />
~~~~~<br />
Residents of Columbia County, Arkansas are represented in Congress by:<br />
~<br />
<br />
Senator John Boozman (R_ AR) <br />
1 Russell Courtyard<br />
Washington DC, 20510<br />
Phone: 202-224-4843<br />
http://boozman.senate.gov/<br />
~<br />
Senator Mark Pryor (D_ AR) <br />
Phone 202_224_2353 <br />
FAX 202_228_0908 <br />
http://pryor.senate.gov/<br />
~<br />
Representative Michael A. Ross (D _ 04) <br />
Phone 202_225_3772 <br />
FAX 202_225_1314 <br />
http://ross.house.gov/<br />
<br />
Other states congresspersons can be found at: [http://www.visi.com/juan/congress/]<br />
~~~~~<br />
THOUGHT OF THE DAY:<br />
<br />
"Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity." - George S. Patton<br />
<br />
"We often take for granted the very things that most deserve our gratitude." - Cynthia Ozick<br />
<br />
"How important it is for us to recognize and celebrate our heroes and she-roes!" -Maya Angelou<br />
<br />
"A great deal of talent is lost to the world for want of a little courage." - Sydney Smith<br />
<br />
"If you want to make enemies, try to change something." - Woodrow Wilson<br />
<br />
"A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary." - Fred Allen<br />
<br />
"If you wish to make an apple pie truly from scratch, you must first invent the universe." - Carl Sagan <br />
~~~~~ <br />
Breaking Christian News <br />
<br />
Calling Forth Revival on "God Day": 12-12-12<br />
Aimee Herd (Nov 12, 2012) - - "This gathering is a movement of people that are looking to restore honor to God and to father the fatherless. I received this mandate long ago from the Lord and we are seeing it through to its fruition. We want show our love for Him and to throw God a God-sized party." -Joshua Fowler<br />
Read Full Story [http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=10737]<br />
<br />
Fighting Human Trafficking with Lemonade<br />
Aimee Herd (Nov 14, 2012) - - "I believe that compassion is not compassion without action, that's why I am MAKING A STAND every day." –Vivienne Harr<br />
Read Full Story [http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=10749]<br />
<br />
editor@breakingchristiannews.com<br />
<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
<br />
GCF: Traffic Violation<br />
<br />
If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.com<br />
----------------------------------------------------------<br />
<br />
A police car pulled me over near the high school where I teach. As the officer asked for my license and registration, my students began to drive past. Some honked their horns, others hooted, and still others stopped to admonish me for speeding.<br />
<br />
Finally the officer asked me if I was a teacher at the school, and I told him I was.<br />
<br />
"I think you've paid your debt to society," he said with a smile, and left without giving me a ticket.<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: PA Announcement<br />
<br />
Heard over a public address system:<br />
<br />
"Will the person who lost the roll of $100 bills tied with a rubber band please come to the office. We've found the rubber band."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Never Forget<br />
<br />
One day in school.....<br />
<br />
How do you spell elephant?<br />
E-l-l-e-e-f-a-n-t<br />
That's not how the dictionary spells it.<br />
You didn't ask me how the dictionary spells it!<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Wired for Sound<br />
<br />
(Note: This is set before wireless was popular)<br />
<br />
The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went. Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again.<br />
<br />
After several more turns and jerks, a little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, "If he gets loose, will he hurt us?"<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Octogenarian Golfer<br />
<br />
An Octogenarian moved to a new town and joined the local Country Club. He went to the Club for the first time to play but was told everyone scheduled to play was already out on the course. He was so disappointed, the Assistant Pro said he would play with him and would give him a 12 stroke handicap.<br />
<br />
The 80 year old said " I really don't need a handicap. The only real problem I have is getting out of sand traps."<br />
<br />
They both played well. Coming into the par three 18th they were even. The pro had a nice drive to mid-fairway and would be able to get on the green with the next stroke and then putt for a par with the following play.<br />
<br />
The old man hit a long drive, and the ball landed in one of the two sand traps around the hole. Shooting from the sand trap on his second stroke, he hit a high ball which landed on the green and rolled right into the hole!<br />
<br />
The Assistant Pro was stunned. "Nice shot, but I thought you said you have a problem getting out of sand traps."<br />
<br />
"I do, replied the octogenarian. "Give me a hand."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Prospective Juror<br />
<br />
Judge to prospective juror: "And why do you wish to be excused from serving on this jury?"<br />
<br />
"Your honor, it's because I don't believe in capital punishment and I don't want my personal thoughts to prevent the trial from running its proper course."<br />
<br />
"Madam, this is not a murder trial. It's a civil lawsuit. A wife is bringing this case against her husband because he gambled away the $25,000 he had promised to use to remodel the kitchen for her birthday."<br />
<br />
"Well, okay. I'll serve. I guess I could be wrong about capital punishment after all."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Truck Driver<br />
<br />
There was a man driving down the road behind an 18 wheeler, at every stoplight the trucker would get out of the cab, run back and bang on the trailer door. After seeing this at several intersections in a row the motorist followed him until he pulled into a parking lot.<br />
<br />
When they both had come to a stop the truck driver once again jumped out and started banging on the trailer door. The motorist went up to him and said, "I don't mean to be nosey but why do you keep banging on that door?"<br />
<br />
To which the trucker replied, "Sorry, can't talk now, I have 20 tons of canaries and a 10 ton limit, I have to keep half of them in the air all the time!"<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Airline Safety Talk<br />
<br />
An airline stewardess was giving the standard safety briefing to the passengers. She had just finished saying "In the event of a water landing, your seat cushion may be used as a flotation device," when a man remarked, "Hey! If the plane can't fly, why should I believe the seat can float?"<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Sometimes I Wonder.....<br />
<br />
Several days ago as I left a meeting at our church, I desperately gave myself a personal TSA pat down. I was looking for my keys. They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing. Suddenly I realized, I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot.<br />
<br />
My wife, Diane, has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition. My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them. Her theory is that the car will be stolen. As I burst through the doors of the church, I came to a terrifying conclusion. Her theory was right. The parking lot was empty.<br />
<br />
I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen. Then I made the most difficult call of all.<br />
<br />
"Honey," I stammered. I always call her "honey" in times like these. "I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen."<br />
<br />
There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard Diane's voice.<br />
<br />
"Ken," she barked, "I dropped you off!"<br />
<br />
Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, would you come and get me?"<br />
<br />
Diane retorted, "I will, as soon as I convince this policeman I have not stolen your car."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Clean Bathroom?<br />
<br />
Constant nagging didn't seem to provide any relief from having to clean up the bathroom after each of my three teenage children. After I cleaned it one day, I resorted to posting a sign that read: "Please leave the bathroom as you found it."<br />
<br />
I noticed the bathroom was in the usual mess after my son used it, so I called, "Brian, how did you find the bathroom?"<br />
<br />
After a brief pause, he replied, "Straight down the hall, first door on the right."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Caught in the Act<br />
<br />
Catching her in the act, I confronted our 3-year-old granddaughter.<br />
<br />
"Are you eating your little sister's grapes?" I demanded.<br />
<br />
"No," she innocently replied, "I'm helping her share."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: At the Clothing Store<br />
<br />
A man was sitting next to me in one of the two "husband chairs" in a ladies' clothing store.<br />
<br />
After 30 minutes and five outfits, the fellow's wife came out of the changing room again.<br />
<br />
He looked at her and immediately said: "That looks good on you. Get that one."<br />
<br />
"Honey," she replied, "this is what I was wearing when we came in."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Weighing In<br />
<br />
Whenever my aunt went to the doctor, she would complain to me about the long delay she always endured.<br />
<br />
One day, when my aunt's name was finally called, she was asked to step on the scale. "I need to get your weight today," said the nurse.<br />
<br />
Without a moment's hesitation, my aunt replied, "One hour and 45 minutes!"<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Razor Request<br />
<br />
Ronnie goes down to the barber shop. He gets his hair cut and then he is getting a shave. After being nicked by the barber several times Ronnie says, "Hey buddy, have you got an extra razor?"<br />
<br />
The barber replies, "Well, yes sir, I do. Would you prefer shaving yourself?"<br />
<br />
Ronnie said, "Well not exactly but I thought I could defend myself."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Personalized Plate<br />
<br />
One of my customers at the Department of Motor Vehicles wanted a personalized license plate with his wedding anniversary on it. As we completed the paperwork he explained, "This way I can't forget the date."<br />
<br />
A few hours later, I recognized the same young man waiting in my line. When his turn came, he said somewhat sheepishly, "I need to change the numbers on that plate application." _ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: About Two Miles<br />
<br />
A unit of soldiers was on a long dusty march across the rolling prairie. It was a hot blistering day and the men, longing for water and rest, were impatient to reach the next town.<br />
<br />
A rancher rode past.<br />
<br />
"Say, friend", called out one of the men, "how far is it to the next town?"<br />
<br />
"Oh, a matter of two miles or so, I reckon," called back the rancher. Another long hour dragged by, and another rancher was encountered.<br />
<br />
"How far to the next town?" the men asked him eagerly.<br />
<br />
"Oh, a good two miles."<br />
<br />
A nearly half hour longer of marching, and then a third rancher. "Hey, how far's the next town?"<br />
<br />
"Not far," was the encouraging answer, "only about two miles."<br />
<br />
"Well," sighed the optimistic sergeant, "as least we're holding our own!"<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Shhhh...<br />
<br />
A woman, employed as a telemarketer, was making phone calls to different households.<br />
<br />
A little boy answered and whispered, "Hello". The woman asked if his mother was there. The little boy whispered, "Yes". The woman asked if she could speak with her. The little boy whispered, "No, she's busy."<br />
<br />
The woman asked if his father was there. The little boy whispered, "Yes". The woman asked if she could speak with him. The little boy whispered, "No, he's busy too." The woman asked if anyone else was there and the little boy whispered, "Yes, the fire department is here". The woman said, "May I speak with one of them?" The little boy whispered, "No, they're all busy."<br />
<br />
The woman asked if anyone else was there, the little boy whispered, "Yes, the police department ". The woman said, "May I speak with one of them?" The little boy whispered, "No, they're all busy too." The woman said, "May I ask what they're all doing?" The little boy whispered, "They're all looking for me."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: The Physical<br />
<br />
During my physical yesterday, my doctor asked me about my daily activity level, and so I described a typical day this way:<br />
<br />
"Well, yesterday morning, I waded along the edge of a lake, escaped from wild dogs in the heavy brush, marched up and down several rocky hills, stood in a patch of poison ivy, crawled out of quicksand, and jumped away from an aggressive rattlesnake."<br />
<br />
Inspired by my story, the doctor said, "You must be some outdoors man!"<br />
<br />
"No," I replied, "I'm just a lousy golfer."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Contingency<br />
<br />
An indigent client who had been injured in an accident went looking for a lawyer to represent him without cost. One lawyer told him that he would take the case on contingency.<br />
<br />
When the client asked what "contingency" was, the lawyer replied, "If I don't win your lawsuit, I don't get anything. If I do win your lawsuit, you don't get anything."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Lesson in Marketing<br />
<br />
I learned a lesson in marketing from a man who bought an old boat, a trailer and a motor from me. "Thanks," he said as he loaded them up. "I'm planning to resell them."<br />
<br />
Good luck, I thought. I had been trying to get rid of them for months. But when I ran into him a few weeks later, he'd sold everything.<br />
<br />
"How did you manage that?" I marveled.<br />
<br />
"I took out an ad: 'Heavy-duty boat trailer with free boat.' When the buyer came to get it, I asked if he had a motor. He said no. I told him I happened to have one in my garage. He bought that, too."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Quality Assurance<br />
<br />
A toothpaste factory had a problem: they sometimes shipped empty boxes, without the tube inside. This was due to the way the production line was set up, and people with experience in designing production lines will tell you how difficult it is to have everything happen with timings so precise that every single unit coming out of it is perfect 100% of the time. Small variations in the environment (which can't be controlled in a cost-effective fashion) mean you must have quality assurance checks smartly distributed across the line so that customers all the way down to the supermarket don't get mad and buy another brand instead.<br />
<br />
Understanding how important that was, the CEO of the toothpaste factory got the top people in the company together and they decided to start a new project, in which they would hire an external engineering company to solve their empty boxes problem, as their engineering department was already too stretched to take on any extra effort. <br />
The project followed the usual process: budget and project sponsor allocated, RFP, third-parties selected, and six months (and $8 million) later they had a fantastic solution on time, on budget, high quality and everyone in the project had a great time. They solved the problem by using high-tech precision scales that would sound a bell and flash lights whenever a toothpaste box would weigh less than it should. The line would stop, and someone had to walk over and yank the defective box out of it, pressing another button when done to re-start the line.<br />
<br />
A while later, the CEO decides to have a look at the ROI of the project: amazing results! No empty boxes ever shipped out of the factory after the scales were put in place. Very few customer complaints and they were gaining market share. "That's some money well spent!" he says, before looking closely at the other statistics in the report.<br />
<br />
It turns out the number of defects picked up by the scales was zero after three weeks of production use. It should've been picking up at least a dozen a day, so maybe there was something wrong with the report. He filed a bug against it, and after some investigation, the engineers come back saying the report was actually correct. The scales really weren't picking up any defects, because all boxes that got to that point in the conveyor belt were good.<br />
<br />
Puzzled, the CEO travels down to the factory, and walks up to the part of the line where the precision scales were installed. A few feet before the scale, there was a $20 desk fan, blowing the empty boxes out of the belt and into a bin.<br />
<br />
"Oh, that," says one of the workers. "One of the guys put it there because he was tired of walking over every time the bell rang."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Mixed Signals<br />
<br />
My father's hearing aid occasionally emits a brief high-pitched squeal that can be heard by anyone near him.<br />
<br />
One day my little niece was sitting on his lap when the device started to beep. Surprised, my niece looked up at him.<br />
<br />
"Grandpa," she said, "you've got mail."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: You Look Tired<br />
<br />
A coworker told me that I looked tired.<br />
<br />
"I am," I said. "I just finished 100 push-ups."<br />
<br />
"Oh really? When did you start doing push-ups?"<br />
<br />
"Well, I did the first one in 1986."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: The Amateur Photographer<br />
<br />
An amateur photographer was invited to dinner with friends and took along a few pictures to show the hostess. She looked at the photos and commented "These are very good! You must have a good camera."<br />
<br />
He didn't make any comment, but, as he was leaving to go home he said "That was a really delicious meal! You must have some very good pots."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Finding the Tea<br />
<br />
My poor wife was sick in bed with the flu. Being a dutiful husband, I offered to fix her some of her favorite herbal tea. I couldn't find the tea though and went back upstairs to ask where it was.<br />
<br />
She said, "I don't know how it could be any easier to see. It's in the pantry, third shelf down, in a cocoa tin marked "matches."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Pre-Flight Announcement<br />
<br />
I think the pilot on my last trip was pretty new to his job. I base that on his pre-flight announcement, which was:<br />
<br />
"We're going to be taking off in a few ... Whoa, here we go!"<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Crocodile<br />
<br />
TEACHER: John, how do you spell "crocodile?"<br />
<br />
JOHN: K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"<br />
<br />
TEACHER: No, that's wrong<br />
<br />
JOHN: Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Problem in New York<br />
<br />
Two trucks loaded with a thousand copies of Roget's Thesaurus collided as they left a New York publishing house last Thursday, according to the Associated Press.<br />
<br />
Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied.<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
<br />
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / A modern pioneer is a person \ \_/ ////
\ / who can get through a rainy \ /
\ _/ Saturday with a television \_ /
/ / on the blink. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / I used to eat a lot of \ \_/ ////
\ / natural foods until I learned \ /
\ _/ that most people die \_ /
/ / of natural causes. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / Eat a live toad in the \ \_/ ////
\ / morning and nothing worse \ /
\ _/ will happen to you \_ /
/ / for
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / The only time the world \ /
\ _/ beats a path to your door \_ /
/ / is if you're in the bathroom. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ /Why do people constantly return\ \_/ ////
\ / to the refrigerator with hopes \ /
\ _/ that something new to eat \_ /
/ / will have materialized? \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / I've reached the age \ /
\ _/ where happy hour is a nap. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / If you can't keep a secret, \ /
\ _/ you don't need to know it. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / Nearly all men can stand \ \_/ ////
\ / adversity, but if you want, \ /
\ _/ to test a man's character, \_ /
/ / give him power. \ \
-Abraham Lincoln
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ /The healthiest part of a donut \ \_/ ////
\ / is the hole. Unfortunately, \ /
\ _/ you have to eat through the \_ /
/ / rest of the donut to get there. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Pride is what we have. \ /
\ _/ Vanity is what others have. \_ /
/ / \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / A thought about aging: \ \_/ ////
\ / It's scary when you start \ /
\ _/ making the same noises \_ /
/ / as your coffeemaker. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Some people are like blisters. \ /
\ _/ They don't show up \_ /
/ / until the work is done. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Why don't tomb, comb, \ /
\ _/ and bomb sound alike? \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / The pessimist may be right \ \_/ ////
\ / in the long run, \ /
\ _/ but the optimist has a \_ /
/ / better time during the trip. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / How to become immortal: \ /
\ _/ Read this tomorrow \_ /
/ / and follow its advice. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / \ /
\ _/ Never lick a steak knife. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Real generosity is doing \ /
\ _/ something nice for someone \_ /
/ / who will never find out. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Never give yourself a haircut \ /
\ _/ after three margaritas. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Laugh often and long. \ /
\ _/ It really does help. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ /Smile when picking up the phone. \ /
\ _/ The caller will hear it \_ /
/ / in your voice. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / \ /
\ _/ The only perfect science \_ /
/ / is hind-sight. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / "Procrastination gives you \ /
\ _/ something to look forward to." \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ /A Consultant is someone who takes\ /
\ _/ the watch off your wrist \_ /
/ / then tells you the time. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Something that cost $25 to buy \ /
\ _/ several years ago \_ /
/ / now costs $50 just to repair. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Something that cost $25 to buy \ /
\ _/ several years ago \_ /
/ / now costs $50 just to repair. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / I can handle pain \ /
\ _/ ... until it hurts. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Experience: What you get \ /
\ _/ when you don't \_ /
/ / get what you want. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / "As long as there are tests, \ /
\ _/ there will be prayer \_ /
/ / in public schools." \ \
_ _______________________________ _
/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( \
/ / | tellswor@kcbx.net | \ \
_( (_ | http://www.kcbx.net/~tellswor | _) )
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
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Wife's Diary / Husband's Diary<br />
<br />
Wife's Diary:<br />
<br />
Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much.<br />
<br />
I asked him what was wrong; He said, "Nothing." I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving.<br />
<br />
I can't explain his behavior I don't know why he didn't say, "I love you, too." When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep -- I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.<br />
<br />
Husband's Diary:<br />
<br />
Boat wouldn't start, can't figure it out.<br />
<br />
Received from Elvis.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Church Bulleting Bloopers<br />
<br />
Everyone is asked to bring a jar of peanut butter which will be forwarded to Potter's House for distribution as part of the Food Baskets for greedy families during the month of June.<br />
<br />
The new parking area looks great. Thanks to the men who turned out Saturday to help with the groveling.<br />
<br />
A special thank you is extended to the members of the congregation who supported the dinner at the Community Outreach Center on Friday, May 11. Thank you for the generous amounts of food and to the shavers who came.<br />
<br />
We "raised the roof" both in monetary donations and excitement to help get started on construction effort. Thank you to the over 100 people who filled the Community Center to help us with our destruction fund for the new fellowship hall.<br />
<br />
Are you ready for this? Invite some neighbors and come along for the Vacation Bible School picnic! Please register so we will have enough food on the clipboard in the fellowship hall.<br />
<br />
The new landscaping looks wonderful. Special thanks to the ladies who have been working in beds around the church grounds.<br />
<br />
Received from otchurch.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Career Change<br />
<br />
When Ruth's grandson Jordan was 5, he always told everyone he wanted to be a doctor when he grew up. One day he was running through the house and into the corner of a chair and hurt his eye. He cried for a while and kept saying, "Oh no, oh no, now I can't be a doctor when I grow up."<br />
<br />
Ruth assured him he could still be a doctor and Jordan kept telling her he couldn't. Finally she asked, "Why can't you be a doctor?"<br />
<br />
Holding one hand over his eye, Jordan said, "Because now I will have to be a pirate!"<br />
<br />
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Encyclopaedia Britannica<br />
<br />
Seen in my local paper's "readers sales" section.<br />
<br />
FOR SALE BY OWNER<br />
<br />
Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica. 45 Volumes. Excellent condition. $500 or best offer.<br />
<br />
Reason for sale: No longer required. Son turned fourteen last week. Now knows everything.<br />
<br />
Received from ArcaMax Jokes.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
The Silent Ranks<br />
<br />
I wear no uniforms, no blues or army greens. But I am in the military in the ranks rarely seen. I have no rank upon my shoulders. Salutes I do not give. But the military world is the place where I live.<br />
<br />
I'm not in the chain of command, orders I do not get. But my husband is the one who does, this I can not forget. I'm not the one who fires the weapon, who puts my life on the line. But my job is just as tough. I'm the one that's left behind.<br />
<br />
My husband is a patriot, a brave and prideful man, and the call to serve his country not all can understand. Behind the lines I see the things needed to keep this country free. My husband makes the sacrifice, but so do our kids and me.<br />
<br />
I love the man I married. Soldiering is his life. But I stand among the silent ranks known as the Military Wife.<br />
<br />
--Author Unknown<br />
<br />
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Big Fish<br />
<br />
A class was taken on a fishing boat for a field trip, and the teacher, in an attempt to lessen fears of big fish, stated, "There are no fish big enough to swallow people."<br />
<br />
"But how about the fish that swallowed Jonah I learned about in Sunday school?" asked one little boy.<br />
<br />
"You can't believe everything you're told," responded the teacher.<br />
<br />
"I'll ask Jonah when I get to heaven," he replied.<br />
<br />
"What if Jonah didn't go to heaven?" prodded his teacher.<br />
<br />
"Then you ask him," was the reply.<br />
<br />
Received from jonathan.skinner.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Braving the Falls<br />
<br />
The Niagara Falls tour group crowded into the large elevator, and as the elevator doors closed, I turned to the group and introduced myself. "Hi, I'm Ellie, your guide. Generally we sing a song going down. What would you like to sing?"<br />
<br />
A gentleman suggested a familiar song, and the entire group was soon belting it out.<br />
<br />
The doors opened and I stepped out leading the group. In moments I turned and smiled at the sightseers. "People, I'm not really your tour guide, but have a great day!"<br />
<br />
There followed three seconds of silence, then laughter and light applause. With the ice broken and a shared sense of adventure, we went to see the Falls.<br />
<br />
by Ellie Braun-Haley<br />
<br />
Received from Doc's Daily Chuckle.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Coupon Heaven<br />
<br />
While handing a 25 cents-off coupon to the supermarket clerk at the checkout counter, a woman inadvertently missed her hand, and the coupon slipped beneath the scale and was gone.<br />
<br />
The checker looked distressed so the woman said, "That's OK - it's in coupon heaven now."<br />
<br />
"Coupon heaven?" the checker said.<br />
<br />
"Yes," the woman said. "That's where coupons go when they die."<br />
<br />
"Only the redeemed ones!" said the checker.<br />
<br />
Received from Pastor Tim.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Army Nurse Corps<br />
<br />
During basic training for the Army Nurse Corps, we were required to spend one week in the field roughing it. It rained the entire week. We arose daily in our swampy tent, took a cold-water beauty bath from our helmets, donned our pistol belts and ponchos, and trudged through the mud to set up field hospitals. Obviously, our personal appearance frequently left much to be desired.<br />
<br />
The final blow to our feminine pride occurred while we waited in the mess line in the mud and rain. A young private came by with a camera and asked to take our picture. "It will prove to my girl," he said, "that she has NO reason to be jealous!"<br />
<br />
Received from Clean-Laffs.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Animal Crackers<br />
<br />
A mother walks into the kitchen and sees her daughter with the whole box of animal crackers spread on the counter top.<br />
<br />
Mother: "Why did you pour out the whole box?"<br />
<br />
Daughter: "The box says, 'Do not eat if the seal is broken.' I'm looking for the seal."<br />
<br />
Received from Earl Ashworth.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Cute Baby<br />
<br />
When we brought our new-born son to the pediatrician for his first checkup, the doctor said, "You have a cute baby."<br />
<br />
Smiling, I said, "I'll bet you say that to all the new parents."<br />
<br />
"No," he replied, "just to those whose babies are really good-looking."<br />
<br />
"So what do you say to the others?" I asked.<br />
<br />
"He looks just like you."<br />
<br />
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Irish Taxi Driver<br />
<br />
A British passenger in a taxi in Dublin leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from the edge of the bridge over the Liffey River.<br />
<br />
For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still-shaking driver said, "I'm sorry, but you scared the devil out of me."<br />
<br />
The frightened Brit apologized to the driver and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten an Irishman so much.<br />
<br />
The driver replied, "Will the saints in Heaven forgive me -- it's entirely my fault. Today is my first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."<br />
<br />
Received from Tory Bennett.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Life's Truths for Adults<br />
<br />
1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.<br />
<br />
2. There is nothing worse than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.<br />
<br />
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.<br />
<br />
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.<br />
<br />
5. Really, how ARE you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?<br />
<br />
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?<br />
<br />
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.<br />
<br />
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.<br />
<br />
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.<br />
<br />
10. Bad decisions make good stories.<br />
<br />
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.<br />
<br />
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection ... again.<br />
<br />
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.<br />
<br />
14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this - ever.<br />
<br />
15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Shoot!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?<br />
<br />
16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.<br />
<br />
17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.<br />
<br />
18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.<br />
<br />
19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given<br />
Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.<br />
<br />
20. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.<br />
<br />
21. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what was going on when I first saw it.<br />
<br />
22. I would rather try to carry ten over-loaded plastic bags in each hand than take two trips to bring my groceries in.<br />
<br />
23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.<br />
<br />
24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.<br />
<br />
25. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?<br />
<br />
26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!<br />
<br />
27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.<br />
<br />
28. Is it just me, or do high school kids get dumber and dumber every year?<br />
<br />
29. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.<br />
<br />
30. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch three consecutive times and still not know what time it is.<br />
<br />
31. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'll bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from three feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!<br />
<br />
Received from dadiodio.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Phrases of Wisdom<br />
<br />
Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.<br />
<br />
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.<br />
<br />
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.<br />
<br />
My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.<br />
<br />
Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.<br />
<br />
It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.<br />
<br />
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.<br />
<br />
Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.<br />
<br />
There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.<br />
<br />
Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.<br />
<br />
Received from Andy Chap.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Places I've Been and Haven't Been<br />
<br />
I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.<br />
<br />
I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.<br />
<br />
I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my friends, family, and work.<br />
<br />
I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore.<br />
<br />
I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often.<br />
<br />
I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.<br />
<br />
Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.<br />
<br />
One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!<br />
<br />
I may have been in Continent, but I don't remember what country I was in. It's an age thing.<br />
<br />
Received from Marvn Barnes.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Photo<br />
<br />
When my husband visited our son, Michael, at boot camp, he found him marching smartly with his unit.<br />
<br />
Michael's father proudly approached the soldiers and began to snap photo after photo. Embarrassed and worried about getting into trouble, Michael looked straight ahead and didn't change his expression.<br />
<br />
Suddenly his drill sergeant barked, "Comito, give me 25 push-ups. And the next time your daddy wants your picture, you smile!"<br />
<br />
- from Edythe Comito (via Reader's Digest)<br />
<br />
Received from Doc's Daily Chuckle.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Thunderstorm<br />
<br />
When a mother saw a thunderstorm forming in mid-afternoon, she worried about her seven-year-old daughter who would be walking three blocks from school to home. Deciding to meet her, the mother saw her walking nonchalantly along, stopping to smile whenever lightning flashed.<br />
<br />
Glimpsing her mother, the little girl ran to her, explaining enthusiastically, "All the way home, God's been taking my picture!"<br />
<br />
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Piano Tuner<br />
<br />
The doorbell rang and the lady of the house discovered a workman, complete with tool chest, on the front porch.<br />
<br />
"Madam," he announced, "I'm the piano tuner."<br />
<br />
The lady exclaimed, "Why, I didn't send for a piano tuner."<br />
<br />
The man replied, "I know you didn't, but your neighbors did."<br />
<br />
Received from Doc's Daily Chuckle.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Tipping the Dealer<br />
<br />
A blackjack dealer and a player with a thirteen count in his hand were arguing about whether or not it was appropriate to tip the dealer.<br />
<br />
The player said, "When I get bad cards, it's not the dealer's fault. And, when I get good cards, the dealer obviously has nothing to do with it. So, why should I tip him?"<br />
<br />
The dealer replied, "When you eat out, do you tip the waiter?"<br />
<br />
"Yes, sure I do," responded the player.<br />
<br />
"Well then, he serves you food, and I'm serving you cards. So you see, you should tip me."<br />
<br />
"Okay, I see your point," agreed the player. "But, the waiter gives me what I ask for ... I'll take an eight."<br />
<br />
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Walking on Water<br />
<br />
Two preachers and a deacon decided to go fishing. The deacon looked up to these men of God, thinking that they were so holy that they could walk on water. They gathered at the lake and shoved off from the shore in the boat.<br />
<br />
When they arrived at the middle of the lake, one pastor asked the other, "Where's the bait?" The other pastor said that he didn't bring any, and the deacon replied the same. "That's okay," the first pastor said, "I'll just walk over there to the bait shop and buy some worms." He then stepped out of the boat and walked across the lake to the little store, bought some worms, and returned, walking on the lake.<br />
<br />
"Wow," thought the deacon, "he really can walk on water. I hope to have faith like that some day." Later the other pastor asked if anyone was thirsty. They both replied with a yes. "I'll be right back with something to drink for us all." He stepped out of the boat and walked across the water to the store and returned with drinks for everyone.<br />
<br />
The deacon again thought, "Wow, I hope to have faith like that some day." As he fished, the deacon thought much about his faith. He then jumped to his feet, informing the two pastors that he was going for some snacks and he'd be right back. He stepped over the boat and sunk to the bottom.<br />
<br />
As he came up gasping for air, the one pastor said to the other, "Should we tell him where the rocks are?"<br />
<br />
Received from Jimmy.<br />
<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Useful Work Culture<br />
<br />
Never walk down the hall without a document in your hands.<br />
<br />
People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings.<br />
<br />
People with nothing in their hands look like they're heading for the cafeteria.<br />
<br />
People with a newspaper in their hands look like they're heading for the bathroom.<br />
<br />
Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you do.<br />
<br />
Received from Andychap.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Ten Years<br />
<br />
An applicant was being interviewed for admission to a prominent medical school. "Tell me," inquired the interviewer, "where do you expect to be ten years from now?"<br />
<br />
"Well, let's see," replied the student. "It's Wednesday afternoon. I guess I'll be on the golf course by now."<br />
<br />
Received from Doc's Daily Chuckle.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
This World Is Full of Complete Idiots<br />
<br />
1. Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old man at an airport hotel after he tried to pass two (counterfeit) $16 bills.<br />
<br />
2. A man in Johannesburg, South Africa, shot his 49-year-old friend in the face, seriously wounding him, while the two practiced shooting beer cans off each other's head.<br />
<br />
3. A company trying to continue its five-year perfect safety record showed its workers a film aimed at encouraging the use of safety goggles on the job. According to Industrial Machinery News, the film's depiction of gory industrial accidents was so graphic that twenty-five workers suffered minor injuries in their rush to leave the screening room. Thirteen others fainted, and one man required seven stitches after he cut his head falling off a chair while watching the film.<br />
<br />
4. The Chico, California, City Council enacted a ban on nuclear weapons, setting a $500 fine for anyone detonating one within city limits.<br />
<br />
5. A bus carrying five passengers was hit by a car in St. Louis, but by the time police arrived on the scene, fourteen pedestrians had boarded the bus and had begun to complain of whiplash injuries and back pain. <br />
<br />
6. Swedish business consultant Ulf af Trolle labored 13 years on a book about Swedish economic solutions. He took the 250-page manuscript to be copied, only to have it reduced to 50,000 strips of paper in seconds when a worker confused the copier with the shredder.<br />
<br />
7. A convict broke out of jail in Washington, DC, and then a few days later accompanied his girlfriend to her trial for robbery. At lunch, he went out for a sandwich. She needed to see him and thus had him paged. Police officers recognized his name and arrested him as he returned to the courthouse in a car he had stolen over the lunch hour.<br />
<br />
8. When two service station attendants in Ionia, Michigan, refused to hand over the cash to an intoxicated robber, the man threatened to call the police. They still refused, so the robber called the police and was arrested.<br />
<br />
9. A Los Angeles man, who later said he was "tired of walking," stole a steam roller and led police on a 5-mph chase until an officer stepped aboard and brought the vehicle to a stop.<br />
<br />
Received from Shannon H. Williams.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
They're Using Flashlights<br />
<br />
When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in.<br />
<br />
Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use, Grandpa. The mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights."<br />
<br />
Received from Ed.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Two Hearts<br />
<br />
A man has a heart attack and is brought to the hospital ER. The doctor tells him that he will not live unless he has a heart transplant right away. Another doctor runs into the room and says, "You're in luck -- two hearts just became available, so you will get to choose which one you want. One belongs to an attorney and the other to a social worker."<br />
<br />
The man quickly responds, "The attorney's."<br />
<br />
The doctor says, "Wait! Don't you want to know a little about them before you make your decision?"<br />
<br />
The man says, "I already know enough. We all know that social workers are bleeding hearts and the attorney probably never used his. So I'll take the attorney's heart!"<br />
<br />
Received from ArcaMax Jokes.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Three Texans<br />
<br />
Three Texans go down to Mexico one night, get drunk, and wake up in jail only to find out that they are to be executed in the morning, though none of them can remember what they did the night before.<br />
<br />
The first one is strapped into the electric chair and is asked if he has any last words.<br />
<br />
He says, "I am from the Baylor School of Divinity, and I believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on behalf of the innocent."<br />
<br />
They throw the switch and nothing happens, so they figure God must not want this guy to die and they let him go.<br />
<br />
The second one is strapped in and gives his last words: "I am from the University of Texas School of Law, and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent."<br />
<br />
They throw the switch and again nothing happens. They figure that the law is on this guy's side, so they let him go too.<br />
<br />
The last one is strapped in and says, "Well, I'm a Texas Aggie Electrical Engineer, and I'll tell you right now you ain't gonna electrocute nobody if you don't connect them two wires."<br />
<br />
Received from Big Mac Clean Joke Attack.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Three-legged Chicken<br />
<br />
Bernard was driving along a country road when he realized he had to make a phone call. He was miles from a pay phone, so he decided to stop in at the next farmhouse he found. As he was approaching a house, he noticed a three-legged chicken racing along the road. He followed the chicken and clocked it at 40 MPH.<br />
<br />
Well, when Bernie got to the farmhouse, he asked the farmer about this wonderful chicken. The farmer replied, "Well, now, when I was at the college, I took up a'studyin' at there gee-netics. 'Round here we love chicken, and we're all mighty partial to the drumstick, so I thought I'd see if I could make me a three-legged chicken. So, there 'tis."<br />
<br />
Now Bernie was quite impressed. He asked, "How does it taste?"<br />
<br />
The farmer replied, "Well, that's the durndest thing. Ah don't know. Ain't none of us been able to ketch one a the varmints yet."<br />
<br />
Received from shawn.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
--<br />
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http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20120420<br />
<br />
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><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Column - - http://www.madkane.com/humor_blog/<br />
<br />
Limerick Ode To “World Kindness Day”<br />
November 13th, 2012<br />
<br />
Happy “World Kindness Day,” which is celebrated on November 13th.<br />
<br />
Limerick Ode To “World Kindness Day”<br />
By Madeleine Begun Kane<br />
<br />
It’s “World Kindness Day.” Try to be nice.<br />
Put your mean inclinations on ice.<br />
Be pleasant and sweet—<br />
A warm smile would be neat.<br />
Please don’t hurt me — it’s only advice.<br />
<br />
(Linked at DVerse Poets.)<br />
© Madeleine Begun Kane. All Rights Reserved.<br />
http://www.madkane.com/<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." __ Franklin D. Roosevelt <br />
"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle." <br />
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. _ _ George Carlin <br />
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" _ _ Queen E. Watson<br />
“A political class of Republicans and Democrats that look after themselves, not the Nation. A media hostile to the very precepts of this nation. A generation of Americans who see morals as vices, and are ignorant of America's Actual History.”<br />
"The things that will destroy America are prosperity-at-any-price, peace-at-any-price, safety-first instead of duty-first, the love of soft living, and the get-rich-quick theory of life." - - Theodore Roosevelt <br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> <br />
Emergency Phone Number 911 <br />
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )<br />
Central Dispatch 234_5655<br />
(Non _ Emergency Number)<br />
Direct Numbers<br />
Ambulance _ 234_7371 (24 Hour)<br />
Jail _ 234_5331 (24 Hour)<br />
Poison Control _ 800_222_1222 (24 Hour)<br />
http://www. aapcc. org/<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Interested in getting in touch with the Banner_News through e_mail? editor@bannernews.net For the editor, news@bannernews.net For news and sports items, Coming Events, Diary, Church News, school and civic events. [http://www.bannernews.net/]<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." __ "Bug" <br />
"I read the end of the book. We win!" __ "Bug" <br />
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." __ "Bug"<br />
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." _ _ "Bug"<br />
"It's no big deal doing what God tells you to do. A big deal would be NOT doing what God tells you to do. Just ask Jonah." _ _ Paul Troquille <br />
“Nam et ipsa scientia potestas est.” Knowledge is power. _ Francis Bacon <br />
"The problem is here and now. The time for talk is past. The time for action is now." <br />
Comments on the first Earth Day _ James F. McClellan via John "Fuzzy" Thurman<br />
~~~~~<br />
Hope you enjoy the newsletter. <br />
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week. <br />
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" __"Bug" <br />
God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!! <br />
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT_I KC5HII <br />
<br />
P. S. If you'd like to be added to the distribution, just drop us E_mail at kc5hii@suddenlink.net<br />
. We offer "Da Bleat" as text, a "Blog" and as a newsletter with pictures in Word and PDF format. The latest issue is usually updated sometime Saturday. For the latest issue, go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com. We also have a site [http://bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com/] where we post photos that I like.<br />
We appreciate your encouragement. We also appreciate your communication when you desire to be taken off our mail list. If you are on this mail list by mistake or do not wish to receive "Da Bleat," please reply back and tell us to discontinue service to you. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus 2012 before it was sent.<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>Bughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07270965849194883997noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9136923892168334329.post-75360646693721998812012-11-11T19:56:00.001-08:002012-11-11T19:56:31.878-08:00Bug's Bleat - - GCF: Advice<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-xxIBtrrWkls/UKBw5sUd7AI/AAAAAAAAGXw/Mk7zfjqP1Jc/s1600/2-2012-11-06_07-15-50_249.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="180" width="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-xxIBtrrWkls/UKBw5sUd7AI/AAAAAAAAGXw/Mk7zfjqP1Jc/s320/2-2012-11-06_07-15-50_249.jpg" /></a></div><br />
Weekend breakfast – two eggs sunny side up on homemade wheat bread with a slice of bacon.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-qkPF_dvyLt8/UKBw4OxzNaI/AAAAAAAAGXA/O7NbT-9Q2uQ/s1600/3-2012-11-09_07-39-35_272.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="320" width="180" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-qkPF_dvyLt8/UKBw4OxzNaI/AAAAAAAAGXA/O7NbT-9Q2uQ/s320/3-2012-11-09_07-39-35_272.jpg" /></a></div><br />
Annette’s Hybiscus blooming again inside our home.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-P2rNPSh97KU/UKBw4ZqqWRI/AAAAAAAAGXM/umlFzN8ITlo/s1600/6-1352501155806.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="238" width="252" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-P2rNPSh97KU/UKBw4ZqqWRI/AAAAAAAAGXM/umlFzN8ITlo/s320/6-1352501155806.jpg" /></a></div><br />
Josiah was named "Student Of The Week"<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-LbQvRxQ4xvI/UKBw454bjtI/AAAAAAAAGXY/rhhn_zJQ06g/s1600/4-2012-11-09_07-40-59_786.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="287" width="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-LbQvRxQ4xvI/UKBw454bjtI/AAAAAAAAGXY/rhhn_zJQ06g/s320/4-2012-11-09_07-40-59_786.jpg" /></a></div><br />
Meanwhile, outside, her potato plant is also blooming.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ijcS9E0YMbo/UKBw5Fmv7cI/AAAAAAAAGXk/MiVUb2r8Qa0/s1600/1-2012-11-03_14-32-58_367.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="172" width="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ijcS9E0YMbo/UKBw5Fmv7cI/AAAAAAAAGXk/MiVUb2r8Qa0/s320/1-2012-11-03_14-32-58_367.jpg" /></a></div><br />
Annette’s new Pansies in the front of the house.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-aVRg6t3Yq1E/UKBy_KCBCdI/AAAAAAAAGYI/al55nwb6BNo/s1600/Pinto.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="320" width="262" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-aVRg6t3Yq1E/UKBy_KCBCdI/AAAAAAAAGYI/al55nwb6BNo/s320/Pinto.jpg" /></a></div><br />
From the '70s, the rear of our “famous” ’74 Pinto Wagon, beside the steps at our 12’ x 60’ trailer on South Pine Street. <br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/--qsRYo0tV-8/UKBy-n7-7iI/AAAAAAAAGX8/9A9HBdDjs3s/s1600/5-2012-11-09_07-41-13_486.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="320" width="180" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/--qsRYo0tV-8/UKBy-n7-7iI/AAAAAAAAGX8/9A9HBdDjs3s/s320/5-2012-11-09_07-41-13_486.jpg" /></a></div><br />
My new “DO” after Annette got tired of reminding me to comb my hair. (Annette’s been cutting my hair since we were so poor we had to save up for a year to go to the drive-in on dollar night.)<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Volume 14, Issue 44 Friday, November 09, 2012<br />
<br />
Hello ALL,<br />
<br />
Is there a holiday in November? Seems I remember one. Hummmmmmmmm Oh yeah, … THANKSGIVING! Or did we just do away with that one? We must have because I don’t see any turkey or pilgrim displays. On November 1 all the Halloween decorations were whisked away and … viola! Thanks … er I mean Christmas displays filled the streets, byways and store displays.<br />
<br />
Does anyone else miss Thanksgiving?<br />
~~~~~<br />
We had a Presidential election this week? Wednesday morning at 1 am (CST) all the excitement evaporated and it was all over except the crying. I was surprised that the electoral college count was so one sided but what really surprised me was the reaction of many Christian Conservatives.<br />
<br />
I heard several folks declare that this was the end of the world as we knew it.<br />
<br />
Did I somehow miss the announcement that God was no longer on his Throne? <br />
~~~~~<br />
While we’re on the subject of the election - - Luke 6:28 - - Bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you.<br />
1 Timothy 2:1-4 - - I urge, then, first of all, that petitions, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for all people— 2 for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. 3 This is good, and pleases God our Savior, 4 who wants all people to be saved and to come to a knowledge of the truth.<br />
~<br />
Daryl Cox - - Hebrews 13:17<br />
~~~~~<br />
Speaking of Government;<br />
<br />
Joe Tudor shared this with us a few (11) years ago and it bears sharing again; <br />
~<br />
James, I think you need to introduce the readers of the Bleat to INATPROBU. Founded by <br />
Jim Boren, who also founded the International School of Applied Ignorance, the International Association of Professional Politicians and Bureaucrat's purpose includes "...recognizing individuals or organizations that have demonstrated bureaucratic excellence in dynamic inaction, orbital dialoguing, communicative fuzzification, and creative nonresponsiveness. <br />
<br />
The Boren Guidelines serve as the rudder for the bureaucratic ship of state:<br />
When in charge, ponder.<br />
When in trouble, delegate.<br />
When in doubt, mumble."<br />
<br />
You can read more about Jim Boren at: http://www.illinoisriver.org/384041.aspx<br />
<br />
The Boren Plan for reorganization of the government rivals any of the many McClellan Plans I've heard thus far.<br />
~~~~~<br />
[http://www.vetfriends.com/memorial/mem_alphab.cfm?war_id=0&states_ID=5&page_id=1&state=state]<br />
~<br />
GCF: Veteran's Day 2012 (Serious, not humor)<br />
<br />
In the United States, the Veteran's Day holiday is celebrated Sunday, November 11th (this is also Remembrance Day in Canada). In the early 1970's, Veteran's Day became a "movable" holiday -- the fourth Monday of October. In 1978, at the urging of veteran's groups who realized the sanctity of the date, Congress returned Veteran's Day to November 11th (if on a weekend, it moves to the closest Friday or Monday). Please remember that this day is not to honor war, but rather to honor the sacrifice made by others for our freedom.<br />
<br />
What we call Veteran's Day is the anniversary of the signing of the Armistice in the Forest of Campiegne by the Allies and the Germans in 1918 (the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month). This signified the end of World War I and was originally known as Armistice Day. President Woodrow Wilson signed the Congressional Resolution on Nov. 11, 1919, the first Armistice Day.<br />
<br />
However, after World War II, the day began to lose meaning and since there were many other veterans to consider, the decision was made to change November 11th to honor all those who fought in American wars. The United States Congress passed an act to change the name to Veteran's Day and in 1954 President Dwight Eisenhower signed the act.<br />
<br />
With that in mind, I would like to say "thank you" to all the men and women with whom I served, and to especially remember those who aren't with us anymore. As a former Hospital Corpsman, I wish a heartfelt "Semper Fi" to all my Marine friends.<br />
<br />
- Tom Ellsworth<br />
(HM2 USN 1965-69)<br />
<br />
----------------------------------------------------------<br />
<br />
This year I want to share one item. It is simply called "The Old Gentleman"<br />
<br />
As I came out of the supermarket that sunny day, pushing my cart of groceries towards my car, I saw an old man with the hood of his car up and a lady sitting inside the car with the door open. The old man was looking at the engine. I put my groceries away in my car and continued to watch the old gentleman from about twenty-five feet away. I saw a young man in his early twenties with a grocery bag in his arm, walking towards the old man.<br />
<br />
The old gentleman saw him coming too, and took a few steps towards him. I saw the old gentleman point to his open hood and say something. The young man put his grocery bag into what looked like a brand new Cadillac Escalade and then turned back to the old man and I heard him yell at the old gentleman saying, "You shouldn't even be allowed to drive a car at your age." And then with a wave of his hand, he got into his car and peeled rubber out of the parking lot.<br />
<br />
I saw the old gentleman pull out his handkerchief and mop his brow as he went back to his car and again looked at the engine. He then went to his wife and spoke with her and appeared to tell her it would be okay. I had seen enough and I approached the old man. He saw me coming and stood straight and as I got near him, I said, "Looks like you're having a problem."<br />
<br />
He smiled sheepishly and quietly nodded his head. I looked under the hood myself and knew that whatever the problem was, it was beyond me. Looking around, I saw a gas station up the road and told the old gentleman that I would be right back. I drove to the station and went inside and saw three attendants working on cars.<br />
<br />
I approached one of them and related the problem the old man had with his car and offered to pay them if they could follow me back down and help him. The old man had pushed the heavy car under the shade of a tree and appeared to be comforting his wife. When he saw us, he straightened up and thanked me for my help.<br />
<br />
As the mechanics diagnosed the problem (overheated engine), I spoke with the old gentleman. When I shook hands with him earlier, he had noticed my Marine Corps ring and had commented about it telling me that he had been a Marine, too. I nodded and asked the usual question: "What outfit did you serve with?"<br />
<br />
He told me that he had served with the First Marine Division at Tarawa, Saipan, Iwo Jima, and Guadalcanal. He had hit all the big ones and retired from the Corps after the war was over. As we talked, we heard the car engine come on and saw the mechanics lower the hood. They came over to us as the old man reached for his wallet, but was stopped by me. I told him I would just put the bill on my AAA card. He still reached for the wallet and handed me a card that I assumed had his name and address on it. I stuck it in my pocket. We shook hands all around again and I said my goodbyes to his wife.<br />
<br />
I then told the two mechanics that I would follow them back to the station. Once at the station, I told them that I had interrupted their own jobs to come along with me and help the old man. I said I wanted to pay for their help, but they refused to charge me. One of them pulled out a card from his pocket looking exactly like the card the old man had given to me. Both of the men told me then, that they were Marine Corps Reservists. Once again, we shook hands all around. As I was leaving, one of them told me I should look at the card the old man had given to me. I said I would and drove off.<br />
<br />
For some reason, I had gone about two blocks when I pulled over and took the card out of my pocket and looked at it for a long, long time. The name of the old gentleman was on the card in gold leaf and under his name, it said ...<br />
<br />
"Congressional Medal of Honor Society."<br />
<br />
I sat there motionless, looking at the card and reading it over and over. I looked up from the card and smiled to no one but myself and marveled that on this day, four Marines had all come together because one of us needed help. He was an old man, all right, but it felt good to have stood next to greatness and courage and it was an honor to have been in his presence.<br />
<br />
Please remember ... America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the MALL.<br />
<br />
----------------------------------------------------------<br />
<br />
As a final thought on my part, let me share a favorite prayer:<br />
<br />
"Lord, keep our servicemen and women safe, whether they serve at home or overseas. Hold them in Your loving hands and protect them as they protect us."<br />
<br />
Let's all keep those currently serving and those who have gone before in our thoughts. They are the reason for the many freedoms we enjoy.<br />
<br />
Remember, we live in the land of the free because of the brave.<br />
<br />
Thomas S. Ellsworth | tellswor@kcbx.net | http://www.kcbx.net/~tellswor<br />
~~~~~<br />
Favorite Quotes: <br />
<br />
The Mission Church - - Success in the Mission Church is not measured by how many we seat, but by how many we send. "As You sent Me into the world, I also have sent them into the world." (John 17:18 NKJV)<br />
~~~~~<br />
The following wisdom is shared by our friends.<br />
~<br />
Jimmy Baugh - - Remember, we’re not promised tomorrow, so why waste a single moment living life defeated and depressed?<br />
~<br />
Russell G. Brasel - - "Consider again that dot. That's here. That's home. That's us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every "superstar," every "supreme leader," every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there – on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam." -- Carl Sagan, born November 9, 1934<br />
~<br />
Jim Ford<br />
Before you assume, learn the facts! Before you judge, understand why! Before you hurt someone, feel! Before you speak, think!<br />
<br />
The best way to save face is to keep the lower half shut....<br />
<br />
A vote is like a rifle; its usefulness depends on the character of the user. - Theodore Roosevelt<br />
<br />
"We Should Measure Welfare's Success By How Many Leave Welfare, Not By How Many Are Added" - - Ronald Reagan<br />
~<br />
Wendell Franks - - Everything happens for a reason. But sometimes the reason is that you're stupid and make bad decisions...<br />
~<br />
Kristen Hightower - - "Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough." <br />
~<br />
Nancee Davis Law<br />
It's not about how many times you fall but about how many times you pick yourself back up.<br />
<br />
You may never get a second chance to make a FIRST impression...make it count.<br />
<br />
it's not what you have in your life, but whom you have in your life that counts.<br />
~<br />
Jimmy Malone - - In a world gone crazy, sanity is a radical stand.<br />
~<br />
Gavin Morgan - - Fyi. FBI agents do NOT have a sense of humor<br />
~~~~~<br />
Psa 40:5-8<br />
~~~~~<br />
Creating Your Own Best-Case Scenario - - What to keep in your first aid diabetes kit in case of emergency<br />
By Wil Dubois<br />
<br />
I hadn't planned on running out of gas. Who does? When the alert tone went off in my Jeep, I started playing the device Macarena: I checked my CGM, my phone, my iPod. Nothing. Then the yellow light on the dashboard finally caught my eye. Oh crap. I had just driven my way into what I call an Emergency Poquito — Spanish for small, or tiny, emergency.<br />
<br />
How does running out of gas qualify as an emergency? For most people it doesn't. For most people it rates, at best, as a major annoyance. But for people with diabetes, running out of gas in the middle of nowhere can quickly escalate from an annoyance to a life-threatening event. A bona fide emergency. [http://www.dlife.com/diabetes/lifestyle/weather/wil_dubois/first_aid_diabetes_kit?utm_source=Update-20121109&utm_medium=eNewsletter&utm_content=Update-newsletter&utm_campaign=dLife-eNewsletter]<br />
~~~~~<br />
Recipe of the week: Smart Starts: 7 Days of Healthy Low Carb Breakfasts<br />
<br />
Breakfast is the most challenging meal for people living with diabetes. In this country, standard breakfast fare is usually very high in carbohydrates. Cereal, toast, bagels, muffins, danish, scones, pancakes, waffles, and even fruit are among the foods most likely to spike your blood sugar. Bacon and eggs are carb-free, but bacon comes with other downsides and even the most devoted of egg lovers can't have eggs every day.<br />
With the help of the folks in dLife's Food Talk forum, we've gathered up some great ideas and created easy, healthy breakfast meal plans for a week.<br />
<br />
MONDAY<br />
Back-to-work Monday is a good day to go for simple toast and toppings. But a slice of whole grain toast with a tablespoon of jam on it will cost you 26 grams of carbs. And it's unlikely that one piece of toast will satisfy you. Try this:<br />
<br />
Blueberry Danish Roll-Up<br />
1. Spread 1 teaspoon of butter, 2 tablespoons of cream cheese and 1/4 cup of gently mashed blueberries on one half of a piece of low carb lavash bread.*<br />
2. Roll up, using toothpicks if necessary to hold it together, and heat in toaster oven or microwave until warm throughout.<br />
3. Have a hard-boiled egg to complete your meal. <br />
<br />
Total carbs: 14g<br />
<br />
*Try Joseph's Middle East Bakery Lavash, with flax, oat bran, and whole wheat (or any<br />
whole grain, low carb tortilla or wrap). Variations: almond, macadamia, or peanut butter with finely diced apple; no-salt-added cottage cheese and cinnamon; or this dLife recipe for Raspberry Cheese Spread. If you<br />
don't have lavash, make any of these open-faced on whole grain, low carb bread or waffles.<br />
<br />
Click Here [http://www.dlife.com/diabetes/information/slide_show_pdf_files/new_pdfs/Smart_Starts.pdf] To see the other six days recipes.<br />
<br />
dLife Copyright © 2012 LifeMed Media, Inc. <br />
~~~~~<br />
AskBob - - Bob Rankin - - I Need Help With My Mac! <br />
<br />
Believe it or not, Apple's Mac computers do not run on magic and fairy dust. I often get requests for help with Mac-related problems. When I can answer, I do. But when I need a Mac expert, or I want to get the latest Mac news and rumors, I turn to my list of Mac websites for trustworthy advice and answers. If you have a Mac, you'll want to bookmark them all. If you have a friend with a Mac, you'll want to share this with them. Read on! [http://askbobrankin.com/i_need_help_with_my_mac.html?awt_l=HZr.N&awt_m=Icg8pLo4e8P6SL]<br />
~~~~~<br />
The latest from Michael Yon, the foremost “milnews” blogger on the web. <br />
~<br />
Greetings,<br />
<br />
Michael Yon<br />
Petraeus setback<br />
<br />
I know Paula, too. Sad all around. She is physically tough, very smart, and equally pretty. We talked sometimes in Afghanistan while she was writing the book and sometimes communicated since. There were rumors back then. Very saddening and I hope Petraeus stays in the fight in some capacity. It should not be forgotten what he accomplished. Taken in context, this fits in a small box.<br />
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/11/10/us/linked-to-petraeus-paula-broadwell-is-lifelong-high-achiever.html?_r=1&<br />
<br />
GOBAR GAS: If the US Economy implodes, it's back to basics [http://www.michaelyon-online.com/gobar-gas.htm]<br />
<br />
This is nothing major, but it is short and interesting. Given that this takes only a few minutes, I think it is worth the time to watch [http://www.michaelyon-online.com/medevac-issues-video.htm]<br />
<br />
Very Respectfully,<br />
Michael Yon<br />
Your Writer,<br />
<br />
Please remember that this website accepts no advertisement and is dependent on your support. <br />
<br />
PS Please sign up for my Twitter.com updates at "Michael_Yon" [http://twitter.com/Michael_Yon] (not Michael Yon).<br />
<br />
http://www.facebook.com/#/MichaelYonFanPage?ref=sgm<br />
~<br />
www.michaelyon-online.com<br />
~<br />
Http://www.michaelyon_online.com/index.php<br />
~~~~~ <br />
If you would like to encourage US Troops overseas, but are not sure just how to begin, visit www.anysoldier.com for ideas. <br />
~~~~~ <br />
Please remember ... America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the MALL.<br />
~~~~~ <br />
DarynKagan.com - - Adorable babies to make you go, "ahhhh!" today. Enjoy!<br />
<br />
New Gerber Baby Is Revealed - - Ann Turner Cook, the original Gerber baby is now 85 years old and ready to reveal the next little tot to wear the title [http://darynkagan.demo.nimbussoftware.com/kids/2012/ki_121107_new_gerber_baby.html]<br />
<br />
Dad Turns A Baby Into Action Hero - - Self-taught movie director and dad turns his toddler into "Dragon Baby" ready to take evil stuffed animal. So cute. No wonder it already has more than 5,000,000 hits online. [http://darynkagan.demo.nimbussoftware.com/kids/2012/ki_121107_baby_action_hero.html]<br />
~~~~~<br />
<br />
ACC SmartBrief - - What will Obama's second term mean for the chemical industry? The chemical and energy sectors may see additional, tougher environmental regulations during President Barack Obama's second term, according to Reuters. The administration is expected to advance long-withheld greenhouse-gas regulations for industrial emissions, including the Boiler MACT rule, while the Environmental Protection Agency is preparing two reports on hydraulic fracturing regulations. Reuters [http://www.reuters.com/article/2012/11/07/usa-campaign-energy-companies-obama-idUSL1E8M1DXK20121107]<br />
~<br />
Experts say misinformation about flame retardants threatens safety. Fire-science experts are questioning possible changes to California's fire-safety regulations for upholstered furniture, saying it could be dangerous and unprecedented to relax existing standards. "What's the evidence that flame-retardant chemicals don't work? ... Flame-retardant materials work when properly used," says Gordon L. Nelson, an author and past president of the American Chemical Society. A revision could be "the first time in the U.S. that the law lowers safety. That never happens. We always go in the opposite direction," says Marcelo M. Hirschler, a chemist and fire-safety consultant. Chemical & Engineering News (10/29) [http://cen.acs.org/articles/90/i44/Ablaze-Over-Furniture-Fires.html]<br />
~<br />
ACC President and CEO Cal Dooley congratulates President Barack Obama on re-election, reiterates industry commitment to work with Obama and Congress to advance science-based regulation and promotion of sound energy policy <br />
~~~~~ <br />
http://www.shelfari.com<br />
http://www.shelfari.com/bugsbleat/shelf<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Photos on the front of this week’s “Bleat” include - - Annette’s Hybiscus blooming again inside our home. Meanwhile, outside, her potato plant is also blooming. The rear of our “famous” ’74 Pinto Wagon, beside the steps at our 12’ x 60’ trailer on South Pine Street. Annette’s new Pansies in the front of the house. Weekend breakfast – two eggs sunny side up on homemade wheat bread with a slice of bacon. My new “DO” after Annette got tired of reminding me to comb my hair. (Annette’s been cutting my hair since we were so poor we had to save up for a year to go to the drive-in on dollar night.)<br />
~~~~~<br />
For the latest issue of "Da Bleat.", go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com. <br />
Our photos are posted at http://www.bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com.<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.<br />
~~~~~<br />
BreakPoint - - Rights Talk Run Amok<br />
The Supremacy of the Individual<br />
By: John Stonestreet | Published: November 9, 2012<br />
<br />
How far has the drive for LGBT “rights” gone? Well just about over the cliff of sanity. <br />
<br />
Colleen Francis made himself right at home in the locker room at Evergreen College in Olympia, Washington. The forty-five year-old student showered, used the sauna and walked around naked in front of the other people using those facilities.<br />
<br />
Now if you’re having trouble squaring the name “Colleen” with the male pronoun “himself,” you’re not the only one. Those present in the locker room also had trouble with the combination that the locker room in question was the women’s room and “Colleen” is anatomically a male.<br />
<br />
Thus when he showers, sits in the sauna, and walks around naked, Francis is exposing himself not only to his fellow students but students from local high schools and families who also use the college’s swimming pool and locker room. Thus, among the females he has exposed himself to are minors, some as young as six.<br />
<br />
If you’re wondering, “Why doesn’t someone stop Francis,” well, they tried to, and that’s when the story became surreal. The swimming coach from the local high school and the mother of one of the team members called the police. When the police arrived Francis informed them that he was a transsexual and that, under Washington State law, he was entitled to use the women’s locker room.<br />
<br />
If that sounds ridiculous to you, well, it worked. The coach apologized and the college informed parents that state law, which prohibits discrimination on the basis of “gender expression or identity,” tied their hands. The best they could do was to provide screens for those made “uncomfortable” by Francis’ presence.<br />
<br />
The Alliance Defending Freedom is representing the parents of the children and has promised to take action if any of the girls is harmed, but absent a change in the law, it may not make a difference.<br />
<br />
That’s because what’s happening in Olympia is the logical outcome of two very potent and destructive trends in American society.<br />
<br />
The first is what Harvard professor Mary Ann Glendon famously called “rights talk.” This “talk” is characterized by “its legalistic character . . . exaggerated absoluteness . . . hyper-individualism . . . and its silence with respect to personal, civic, and collective responsibilities.”<br />
<br />
Despite these deficiencies, it’s the “language” Americans, more than anyone else, speak when they discuss important issues, especially social ones driven by a culture increasingly marked by a sexual free-for-all camouflaged as sexual “freedom.”<br />
<br />
The second trend is the transition from talking about the sexes to talking about gender. Until very recently a person was either male or female and the determination was based on objective physical criteria. While it isn’t always as simple as I just made it sound, the rule generally held.<br />
<br />
Today, we speak in terms of “gender identity,” which “refers to a person’s private sense . . . and subjective experience.” It doesn’t matter if Francis has had sex-reassignment surgery or not—all that matters is his self-identification as “transsexual.”<br />
<br />
It’s not an exaggeration to say that there are potentially as many gender identities as there are people. And under Washington law, each of these is protected from “discrimination” by state agencies such as Evergreen College.<br />
<br />
When Francis walked into the women’s locker room, he was a rights-bearing individual whose “right” to use the facility trumped any other interest. Even the mental and sexual health interest of six-year-old girls.<br />
<br />
Obviously this is absurd, but it didn’t come out of nowhere—it is where American law and culture have been headed for some time. And there aren’t enough screens to cover this damage.<br />
Further Reading and Information<br />
<br />
College Allows Transgender Man to Expose Himself to Young Girls<br />
Todd Starnes | Fox News | November 1, 2012 [http://radio.foxnews.com/toddstarnes/top-stories/college-allows-transgender-man-to-expose-himself-to-young-girls.html]<br />
<br />
Rights Talk: The Impoverishment of Political Discourse<br />
Mary Ann Glendon | Free Press | July 1993 [http://www.amazon.com/Rights-Talk-Impoverishment-Political-Discourse/dp/0029118239/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1352146927&sr=1-1&keywords=rights+talk]<br />
<br />
[http://www.breakpoint.org/bpcommentaries]<br />
<br />
Copyright © 2012 Prison Fellowship. All Rights Reserved <br />
<br />
~~~~~<br />
Residents of Columbia County, Arkansas are represented in Congress by:<br />
~<br />
<br />
Senator John Boozman (R_ AR) <br />
1 Russell Courtyard<br />
Washington DC, 20510<br />
Phone: 202-224-4843<br />
http://boozman.senate.gov/<br />
~<br />
Senator Mark Pryor (D_ AR) <br />
Phone 202_224_2353 <br />
FAX 202_228_0908 <br />
http://pryor.senate.gov/<br />
~<br />
Representative Michael A. Ross (D _ 04) <br />
Phone 202_225_3772 <br />
FAX 202_225_1314 <br />
http://ross.house.gov/<br />
<br />
Other states congresspersons can be found at: [http://www.visi.com/juan/congress/]<br />
~~~~~<br />
THOUGHT OF THE DAY:<br />
<br />
"Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today." - Groucho Marx<br />
<br />
"The music that can deepest reach, and cure all ill, is cordial speech." - Ralph Waldo Emerson<br />
<br />
"Whoever is winning at the moment will always seem to be invincible." - George Orwell<br />
<br />
"We are always complaining that our days are few, and acting as though there would be no end of them." - Seneca<br />
<br />
"Experience is a good teacher, but she sends in terrific bills." - Minna Antrim<br />
<br />
"There may be times when we are powerless to prevent injustice, but there must never be a time when we fail to protest." - Elie Wiesel<br />
<br />
"Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity." - George S. Patton <br />
~~~~~ <br />
BREAKING CHRISTIAN NEWS <br />
http://breakingchristiannews.com/<br />
<br />
Messianic Jews, Arab Christians Pray Together - - David Lazarus (Nov 5, 2012)<br />
<br />
In the shade of the dense eucalyptus forest an estimated 1,500 participants began with a time of personal repentance. Pastors from a variety of congregations across the land explained the need to come before God with "clean hands and a right spirit." Tears were evident as local Believers asked God's forgiveness for sins of jealousy, pride and critical attitudes.<br />
Read Full Story [http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=10715]<br />
~ <br />
Update on Christian Rally in Egyptian Desert: Estimated 25,000 Come to Jesus - - Jerry Dykstra (Nov 5, 2012)<br />
<br />
"We are overwhelmed by His goodness and His heart of mercy towards Egypt, and are expecting more and more signs of revival in the coming days."<br />
Read Full Story [http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=10714]<br />
<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
<br />
GCF: Advice<br />
<br />
If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.com<br />
----------------------------------------------------------<br />
<br />
A young boy gave some serious advice to his little sister. He told her, "When you need help from our parents, don't ever tell them you made a mistake. Instead, say you want to talk to them about a recent learning experience. You get into much less trouble that way!" <br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Retirement<br />
<br />
Two officers pulled their police cruiser up behind a car stopped on the shoulder of the highway. They got out and asked the driver if they could help. No, he replied, there was no trouble; he had just stopped to look at a map. When we turned back, they noticed that his German Shepherd had jumped in the open passenger-side front window of the police car.<br />
<br />
"You may think there's no trouble," the first officer smiled, "but your dog obviously thinks he's done something wrong. He's in our patrol car."<br />
<br />
The motorist laughed. "He probably thinks you've come to take him to work," he replied. "He's a retired police dog."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Too Helpful<br />
<br />
Working for a judge in a common pleas court, I saw many criminal defendants. One man facing drug charges proved unusually helpful.<br />
<br />
To determine the exact quantity of the illegal substance allegedly sold, the judge asked the prosecutor how many grams there are in an ounce.<br />
<br />
As both attorneys checked their notes, the defendant, who had not yet entered his plea, proudly announced, "There are 28.3 grams in an ounce, your honor."<br />
<br />
His attorney advised him to plead guilty. <br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Directions<br />
<br />
A friend of ours from another city was on her way to our house when suddenly she realized she had made a wrong turn.<br />
<br />
She stopped and asked a lady for directions.<br />
<br />
"Go back down this road through a couple of traffic lights," she was instructed, "then stop and ask someone else." <br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Doorbell<br />
<br />
I was accompanying my eight-year-old daughter who was selling cookies door-to-door for the Girl Scouts. After visiting several homes, she commented on the different styles of doorbells: some buzzed, some rang, some warbled.<br />
<br />
We made a game of guessing what the next bell would sound like.<br />
<br />
At the precise moment she touched the doorbell at one house, the church tower down the street began to chime.<br />
<br />
She wheeled around with a look of amazement on her face.<br />
<br />
"Now that's a doorbell!" <br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: With the Trainer<br />
<br />
I was working out the other day when I spotted a very attractive young lady entering the gym. I asked the trainer, "What machine should I use to impress that gorgeous girl over there?"<br />
<br />
The trainer looked me up and down and said, "For you, I'd recommend using the ATM in the lobby." <br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( \<br />
/ / | tellswor@kcbx.net | \ \<br />
_( (_ | http://www.kcbx.net/~tellswor | _) )<br />
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / I wasn't sleeping! \ /
\ _/ I was temporarily \_ /
/ / attention deficient. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / A Freudian slip is when \ /
\ _/ you say one thing \_ /
/ / but mean your mother. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Bigamy is having \ /
\ _/ one wife too many. \_ /
/ / Monogamy is the same. \ \
-- Oscar Wilde
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / If your knees were \ /
\ _/ bent the other way, \_ /
/ / what would chairs look like? \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / \ /
\ _/ "Brevity is ... wit." \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / "When you do a good deed, \ /
\ _/ get a receipt, \_ /
/ / in case heaven is like the IRS." \ \
_ _______________________________ _
/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( \
/ / | tellswor@kcbx.net | \ \
_( (_ | http://www.kcbx.net/~tellswor | _) )
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
America's Real Military Might<br />
<br />
/* GCFL wants to thank all US Veterans and their families for their service to our great country! Thank you! */<br />
<br />
The Pentagon once did a study on why so many American servicemen marry women in the countries where they're stationed.<br />
<br />
Contrary to popular belief, loneliness had nothing to do with it.<br />
<br />
Once the men rotated back to the U.S., all their in-laws were thousands of miles away.<br />
<br />
Received from Thorn Shunt.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Sleeping in the Barn<br />
<br />
A lawyer and two friends, a rabbi and a Hindu holy man, had car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer.<br />
<br />
The farmer said, "There might be a problem; you see, I only have room for two to sleep, so one of you must sleep in the barn."<br />
<br />
"No problem," chimed the rabbi. "My people wandered in the desert for forty years. I am humble enough to sleep in the barn for an evening."<br />
<br />
With that, he departed to the barn and the others bedded down for the night.<br />
<br />
Moments later, a knock was heard at the door, and the farmer opened it. There stood the rabbi from the barn.<br />
<br />
"What's wrong?" asked the farmer.<br />
<br />
He replied, "I'm grateful to you, but I can't sleep in the barn. There is a pig in the barn, and my faith believes that is an unclean animal."<br />
<br />
His Hindu friend agreed to swap places with him. But a few minutes later, the same scene recurred. There was a knock on the door.<br />
<br />
"What's wrong now?" the farmer asked.<br />
<br />
The Hindu holy man replied, "I too am grateful for your helping us out, but there is a cow in the barn, and in my country cows are considered sacred. I can't sleep on holy ground!"<br />
<br />
Well, that left only the lawyer to make the change. He grumbled and complained, but he went out to the barn.<br />
<br />
Moments later, there was another knock on the farmer's door.<br />
<br />
Frustrated and tired, the farmer opened the door, and there stood ... the pig and the cow.<br />
<br />
Received from Big Mac Clean Joke Attack.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Bad Hair Day<br />
<br />
"What happened to you?" asked the bystander of the man lying on the sidewalk outside of the beauty parlor.<br />
<br />
The man shook his head groggily and rubbed his bruised chin. "Well, the last thing I remember was my wife coming out of the beauty salon. I took one look at her and said, 'Well, honey ... at least you tried.'"<br />
<br />
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Slim Jim Tool<br />
<br />
First I had to work late. Then I discovered that I'd locked my keys in the car. But the last straw was learning that roadside service couldn't get a locksmith to me for at least two hours.<br />
<br />
Finally the guy showed, looking exhausted.<br />
<br />
As he struggled with my door, I joked, "Do those Slim Jim tools come in purse-size?"<br />
<br />
"Yeah," he muttered. "They're called keys."<br />
<br />
- from Jessica Zamadics (via Reader's Digest)<br />
<br />
Received from Doc's Daily Chuckle.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Speedy Chicken<br />
<br />
I was driving down the interstate in a rural area when a chicken passed me doing 65 mph. I sped up and passed the chicken. A few minutes later, the same bird passed me again;<br />
this time he was doing 75 mph. Startled, I floored the accelerator, got my car up to 85, and blew by the bird, for good I thought. But sure enough, five minutes later he went by me again. This time he passed me at 95 mph and made a right turn off the freeway onto a farm next to the interstate.<br />
<br />
I immediately exited and drove up to the farmhouse and knocked on the door. When the farmer opened the door, I told the farmer of my experience with his speedy poultry and he told me, "Oh, that must be one of my three-legged chickens!"<br />
<br />
I asked, "How did you end up with three-legged chickens?"<br />
<br />
He responded, "I have nine children. They all love drumsticks, so I bred three-legged chickens to keep my kids satisfied."<br />
<br />
It sounded logical to me, so I curiously asked, "How do they taste?"<br />
<br />
The farmer answered, "Don't know -- can't catch 'em!"<br />
<br />
Received from Peter Puleo.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
--<br />
Rate this funny at http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20120420<br />
<br />
Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a) Mail address: GCFL, Box 100, Harvest, AL 35749, USA<br />
<br />
To print or email this funny to others, go to<br />
http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20120420<br />
<br />
The latest GCFL funny can always be found on the web at http://www.gcfl.net/latest.php<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Humor - - http://www.madkane.com/humor_blog/<br />
<br />
Limerick Riddle<br />
November 9th, 2012<br />
<br />
Can you guess the last line (or last word) of this limerick? I’ve left empty spaces between lines 4 and 5, so you can guess before reaching the end. (If Wait, Wait, Don’t Tell Me! can do this, why can’t I?)<br />
<br />
Limerick Riddle<br />
By Madeleine Begun Kane<br />
<br />
It’s often left after a flood.<br />
When you throw it, I might say, “Oh, crud!”<br />
I’m beginning to fear<br />
That my meaning’s unclear…<br />
<br />
The word that I’m slinging is “mud.”<br />
<br />
(Thanks to Sunday Scribblings for the inspiration.)<br />
<br />
http://www.madkane.com/humor_blog/<br />
© Madeleine Begun Kane. All Rights Reserved.<br />
http://www.madkane.com/<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Inquiring Minds Want To Know<br />
<br />
Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?<br />
<br />
Why is the third hand On the watch Called the second hand?<br />
<br />
3. If a word is misspelled In the dictionary, How would we ever know?<br />
<br />
4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, Where did he find the words?<br />
<br />
5.Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?<br />
<br />
6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?<br />
<br />
7. Why do "fat chance" and "slim chance" Mean the same thing?<br />
<br />
8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?<br />
<br />
9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" When we are already there?<br />
<br />
10. Why are they called "stands" When they are made for sitting?<br />
<br />
11. Why is it called "after dark" When it really is "after light"?<br />
<br />
12.. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" Make the unexpected expected?<br />
<br />
13.. Why are a "wise man" and A "wise guy" opposites?<br />
<br />
14. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" Mean opposite things?<br />
<br />
15. Why is "phonics" Not spelled The way it sounds?<br />
<br />
16. If work is so terrific, Why do they have to pay you to do it?<br />
<br />
17.. If all the world is a stage, Where is the audience sitting?<br />
<br />
18.. If love is blind, Why is lingerie so popular?<br />
<br />
19. If you are cross-eyed And have dyslexia, Can you read all right?<br />
<br />
21.. Why do you press harder On the buttons of a remote control When you know the batteries are dead?<br />
<br />
22. Why do we put suits in garment bags And garments in a suitcase?<br />
<br />
23. How come abbreviated Is such a long word?<br />
<br />
24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?<br />
<br />
25.. Why doesn't glue Stick to the inside of the bottle?<br />
<br />
26. Why do they call it a TV set When you only have one?<br />
<br />
27. Christmas - What other time of the year Do you sit in front of a dead tree And eat candy out of your socks?<br />
<br />
28. Why do we drive on a parkway And park on a driveway?<br />
<br />
Thanks to Waneta<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." __ Franklin D. Roosevelt <br />
"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle." <br />
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. _ _ George Carlin <br />
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" _ _ Queen E. Watson<br />
“A political class of Republicans and Democrats that look after themselves, not the Nation. A media hostile to the very precepts of this nation. A generation of Americans who see morals as vices, and are ignorant of America's Actual History.”<br />
"The things that will destroy America are prosperity-at-any-price, peace-at-any-price, safety-first instead of duty-first, the love of soft living, and the get-rich-quick theory of life." - - Theodore Roosevelt <br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> <br />
Emergency Phone Number 911 <br />
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )<br />
Central Dispatch 234_5655<br />
(Non _ Emergency Number)<br />
Direct Numbers<br />
Ambulance _ 234_7371 (24 Hour)<br />
Jail _ 234_5331 (24 Hour)<br />
Poison Control _ 800_222_1222 (24 Hour)<br />
http://www. aapcc. org/<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Interested in getting in touch with the Banner_News through e_mail? editor@bannernews.net For the editor, news@bannernews.net For news and sports items, Coming Events, Diary, Church News, school and civic events. [http://www.bannernews.net/]<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." __ "Bug" <br />
"I read the end of the book. We win!" __ "Bug" <br />
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." __ "Bug"<br />
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." _ _ "Bug"<br />
"It's no big deal doing what God tells you to do. A big deal would be NOT doing what God tells you to do. Just ask Jonah." _ _ Paul Troquille <br />
“Nam et ipsa scientia potestas est.” Knowledge is power. _ Francis Bacon <br />
"The problem is here and now. The time for talk is past. The time for action is now." <br />
Comments on the first Earth Day _ James F. McClellan via John "Fuzzy" Thurman<br />
~~~~~<br />
Hope you enjoy the newsletter. <br />
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week. <br />
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" __"Bug" <br />
God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!! <br />
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT_I KC5HII <br />
<br />
P. S. If you'd like to be added to the distribution, just drop us E_mail at kc5hii@suddenlink.net<br />
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><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>Bughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07270965849194883997noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9136923892168334329.post-56414978223880022812012-11-03T18:49:00.000-07:002012-11-03T19:04:56.893-07:00Bug's Bleat - - GCF: School Math vs. Household (Reality) MathVolume 14, Issue 43 Friday, November 02, 2012<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-QXElJRZbKoE/UJXI8iZt2jI/AAAAAAAAGV0/ZAX0no9EI20/s1600/05-2012-11-01_15-48-09_67.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="320" width="164" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-QXElJRZbKoE/UJXI8iZt2jI/AAAAAAAAGV0/ZAX0no9EI20/s320/05-2012-11-01_15-48-09_67.jpg" /></a></div><br />
Annette preparing our yard for Tevin who is was coming to work in the yard. Yes, she also cleans before Brenda comes to clean house. <br />
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Ethan and Josiah find a better way to spend the afternoon (than staring at an electronic screen) <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-gnI3vDjgFIM/UJXI7ckK_oI/AAAAAAAAGVQ/Tz7pB0xp5Rw/s1600/03-2012-10-31_14-42-13_381.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="320" width="277" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-gnI3vDjgFIM/UJXI7ckK_oI/AAAAAAAAGVQ/Tz7pB0xp5Rw/s320/03-2012-10-31_14-42-13_381.jpg" /></a></div><br />
The Yucca plant Annette brought in from the cold. Now gracing our foyer.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-OCylALSTPjs/UJXI7wljOrI/AAAAAAAAGVc/Iindd3SEN-c/s1600/09-2012-11-02_15-29-26_604.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="180" width="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-OCylALSTPjs/UJXI7wljOrI/AAAAAAAAGVc/Iindd3SEN-c/s320/09-2012-11-02_15-29-26_604.jpg" /></a></div><br />
Annette won this Mum at our last couples party. Verna and Gary Carter are truly gracious hosts.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-_YR8vbhnCtg/UJXI8ISvKDI/AAAAAAAAGVo/ro3tXuguIGY/s1600/10-2012-11-03_09-38-23_521.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="219" width="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-_YR8vbhnCtg/UJXI8ISvKDI/AAAAAAAAGVo/ro3tXuguIGY/s320/10-2012-11-03_09-38-23_521.jpg" /></a></div><br />
Annette's Fall Porch Decorations. She's worked hard to use the small corner of our small porch.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-C-VDjYmaJ4c/UJXJigihm_I/AAAAAAAAGWY/PL4ulo65dlk/s1600/01-2012-10-30_10-12-18_777.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="320" width="280" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-C-VDjYmaJ4c/UJXJigihm_I/AAAAAAAAGWY/PL4ulo65dlk/s320/01-2012-10-30_10-12-18_777.jpg" /></a></div><br />
Centerpoint personnel repair the path between our homes (under Annette's direction.) They had installed a new meter and left the path in poor condition. Annette got them back to fix the work.<br />
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Since the weather has started to cool, many of Annette's plants have moved in from the patio.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ICuWpSDLmUc/UJXJiFqwO7I/AAAAAAAAGWM/6U12PFyB8W4/s1600/06-2012-11-01_17-40-55_669.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="205" width="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ICuWpSDLmUc/UJXJiFqwO7I/AAAAAAAAGWM/6U12PFyB8W4/s320/06-2012-11-01_17-40-55_669.jpg" /></a></div><br />
Tevin planting Annette's New Pansies.<br />
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<br />
Hello ALL,<br />
<br />
What is joy? Well, for me today, it’s sitting at the dining room table, sipping a strong cup of Community coffee with “This Old House” playing in the background on the living room flat screen while I watch Annette put out the flag, check on her plants and straighten up her porch display of pumpkins, sweet potatoes and corn stalks.<br />
<br />
We’ve had a few rough weeks (months?) We lost Mike, and both of us have had health issues. But, we’re both feeling better (both Annette’s back, my heart and my foot are much improved.) It’s nice to take a breather and just watch my beloved enjoy herself.<br />
~~~~~<br />
On the other hand there is no joy in the areas devastated by hurricane Sandy. The news is full of people angered by what they perceive as slow response by emergency management and the politicians. And there are many areas that have not yet been reached by basic supplies.<br />
<br />
A major issue with the survivors is lack of contact from FEMA or misdirection. They have been told to go to the FEMA folks to get forms to file for help. But they can’t find the FEMA folks. Then they were told to monitor Twitter or the online website for up to date information. These folks don’t have a way to charge their cell phones, much less have cell coverage in their area. And without power or cell service it’s awful hard to monitor the FEMA web site. <br />
<br />
I’m left to wonder; where are the FEMITES? I worked as a FEMITE after the major tornado devastation in central Arkansas years ago. We were charged with going into the devastated areas; personally contacting the survivors and helping them apply for aid. Do they still have FEMITES? Are they shorthanded?<br />
<br />
Of course, I worked under the James Lee Witt FEMA administration. James Lee was probably one of the best if not the best FEMA director this country has ever had. He fostered an atmosphere of family among workers and believed in getting the job done for the folks in need. He made sure we did the paperwork, but didn’t object if sometimes we completed the paperwork after we helped the people.<br />
<br />
And, I know that you probably haven’t seen any reporting about the National Disaster Medical Teams [http://ndms.fhpr.osd.mil/] on scene, but those folks are there and working long long hours to help those in need. They don’t ask for recognition, just the chance to run toward the disaster, helping those who desperately need a hand. [http://www.ar-1dmat.com/]<br />
<br />
I strongly encourage you to pray for the Sandy victims as well as the emergency response personnel striving to help them. <br />
~~~~~<br />
It’s also been a tough this year as I’ve seen the loss of several former coworkers. J P Clark, Bill Cozart, Henry Fletcher, Gary Foreman, Rex Thompson, and Ed Woods all passed away this year. <br />
<br />
Gary’s funeral is scheduled for 10 am Monday at First Baptist. His visitation will be from 6 to 8 pm at Lewis Funeral Home. His obituary is now up at Magnolia Reporter [http://www.magnoliareporter.com/obituaries/article_8debf904-2511-11e2-a632-0019bb2963f4.html]. His death hit me pretty strong just because Gary was a great friend and a person you always liked to be around.<br />
<br />
Gary was a very smart, hard working electrician who loved his family and loved his off time activities such as hunting, sports, reloading, etc. He had a great sense of humor which enabled him to withstand those at work or elsewhere who exhibited the need to have their own personal sign (thanks Bill Engdall.) <br />
<br />
Gary also invested a considerable amount of his free time doing work for his church as well as others who needed his expertise. After retirement, you could usually find him having lunch or coffee with friends or hanging out at Olson’s Gun Shop if he wasn’t at home taking care of Mrs. Barbara’s Honey Do List.<br />
<br />
God Speed Gary Foreman.<br />
~~~~~<br />
Annette has hinted that I need to concentrate on stories about someone else if I want to stay on her “good side.” I’ve learned to listen when this woman speaks so this week we’re sharing stories of the three Taylor musketeers.<br />
~<br />
Our free time was spent roaming the streets of the town as well as the adjoining fields and woodland. Required summer attire was shorts. That’s it. No shoes. No shirt. In the fall, we donned long pants, shirts and shoes but continued to play after school and on weekends. <br />
<br />
The North West corner of grandmother’s home lot was graced by a HUGE pecan tree that we often played around. Being dedicated kids we also enjoyed walking to town (about a block) and getting a coke, some ice cream or candy. However, those items each cost a nickel and money wasn’t free as our parents often told us. <br />
<br />
So, one fall day, after discussing several semi legal schemes to raise some candy and coke funds, we decided to harvest the pecans from around grandmother’s tree and sell them to the neighbors.<br />
<br />
But our plan had one problem; few of the neighbors had any money to buy pecans. However, Miss Nobie, who lived on the corner by the highway. Had a fine home that had rooms you couldn’t even go in. We’d all been invited in her kitchen from time to time for a cold drink but none of us had ever been past that portal into the riches of her living room or dining room. We’d seen them through the door, fine furniture with a cloth on the dining table and dollies on the chair arms. But we knew better than to ask to go in there, much less actually go in. Surely anyone that could afford all that could afford a sac of pecans.<br />
<br />
As we started to gather the pecans, we realized that the pecan tree in Miss Nobie’s yard was much more prolific than ours (or her pecans were still largely on the ground because there wasn’t a herd of kids there to keep them thinned.) So we decided to pick up Miss Nobie’s pecans and sell them to her.<br />
<br />
We gathered a full sac (one of those little sacs they put penny candy in at Pickler’s store) and marched up to Miss Nobie’s back door to make our sales pitch. To our delight, she gave us a whole dollar for the sac of pecans and we headed to town. All of us got a coke and a cup of ice cream and a candy bar and headed home to sit on grandmother’s front porch and enjoy the warm fall afternoon and the fruit of our labor.<br />
<br />
We were just digging into our bounty when grandmother stepped out and asked where we got the money for our “sugar feast.” We explained that we’d sold Miss Nobie a sac of pecans. “And where did you get the pecans?” grandmother asked? “From her yard.” We replied. <br />
<br />
Wrong answer.<br />
<br />
It seemed that it wasn’t polite nor Christian to pick up someone’s pecans and sell them to them. Dinah Sue pointed out that you could look at it as payment for our labor of picking up Miss Nobie’s pecans for her instead of selling them to her. This was soundly rejected by grandmother when she asked if Miss Nobie had asked us to pick up the pecans? We had to agree that she hadn’t asked.<br />
<br />
Grandmother pulled a dollar out of her pocket and traded it to us for the change from Miss Nobie's dollar. Then she pointed us across the street and told us to head on over there and give Miss Nobie her dollar back. <br />
<br />
On the way across the street, Charlie pointed out that if Miss Nobie refused to take the dollar back; we’d be home free and have our dollar and our sweets too.<br />
<br />
Alas, it wasn’t to be so. Miss Nobie smiled when we explained that grandmother wanted us to give her money back. Then she took the dollar from us and put it in her apron pocket. Thus ended our first business. But we did get to finish eating the fruits of our scheme.<br />
~~~~~<br />
My thirty three years as a professional Safety Man didn’t just start in 1977. It began long long ago in a small town. I just always felt it was my duty to protect people. When we were building tree houses, I was the one pounding the nails flat so they didn’t stick out of the boards.<br />
<br />
Why, once I noticed a stone sticking out of the ground at the base of the steps on the front of my Grandmother’s house. Now these steps led from the wide front porch to the front yard where everyone parked and I saw immediately that someone coming down the steps might trip over that stone and be injured. So, I got Grandmother’s giant silver serving spoon and dug the stone up and moved it around to the side of the steps where no one would trip on it.<br />
<br />
Of course, being only five years old, I hadn’t totally thought the whole operation through from start to finish. I didn’t think of filling in the hole until my mom stepped into it and broke her ankle. Shesh! You’d have thought they would have given me credit for trying?<br />
~~~~~<br />
This week, Annette and I enjoyed "The Magic Of Belle Isle" with Morgan Freeman and Virginia Madsen. It’s a quiet little film that will leave you with a smile.<br />
~~~~~<br />
Favorite Quotes: <br />
<br />
Men have feelings too.<br />
For example,<br />
We feel hungry. <br />
~~~~~<br />
The following wisdom is shared by our friends.<br />
~<br />
Lynn Cloud Barnhart - - Believing a Lie is more dangerous than a loaded Gun!<br />
~<br />
Sherrie Rogers Carter - - Whatever thoughts or words that are in your heart, at some time, they will eventually make it to your mouth.<br />
~<br />
Jim Ford - - In any moment of decision the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing - Theodore Roosevelt<br />
<br />
Those who want to reap the benefits of this great nation must bear the fatigue of supporting it - Thomas Paine<br />
~<br />
Nancee Davis Law - - People only do to you what you let them...<br />
<br />
The measure of a person is not on how well they prepare for everything to go right: but how gracefully they stand up and move on when everything goes wrong.<br />
~<br />
Jimmy Malone - - Every step out of love is a step into sin. ~ Kenneth E. Hagin<br />
~~~~~<br />
David Ashby's Article: "Stock Market Returns in Election Years" - - Mustard Seed Financial - - Nov 2 <br />
Does it matter who wins the election? At least 90 percent of us by now probably have a strong opinion on that. We’ve certainly been presented with two polar opposites on the choice of candidates. Let’s narrow the question down a bit: will the stock market be affected according to who wins? You may be convinced for, example, that if your candidate wins, it will be good for the market and if the other candidate wins there will be a severe correction.<br />
<br />
Certainly, this is a pivotal election and the closeness of the race creates uncertainty. Investors prefer certainty to uncertainty and this tight race makes investors nervous to say the least. Not only is there uncertainty about the presidential race, but also about tax law. As of now, late October, we don’t know what the rates will be for income taxes, payroll taxes, or estate and gift taxes come January 1. But heck, it’s only late October. Surely employers can turn on a dime and adjust their payroll withholding tables at the last minute. After all, they had to do it last year so they’ve had practice.<br />
<br />
So back to the stock market and how it behaves in election years. What does the historical data show? Let’s look at results using the S&P 500. We have good data here going back to 1927, or an 84 year period. Taking all those years under consideration, it turns out that 24 years saw negative returns in the S&P 500. That’s slightly less than 30 percent. But what about election years? Election year returns seem to fare much better. 1928 was an election year and from that point forward we have had 21 elections, not counting this year. Only four of the 21 had negative returns, roughly 19 percent of the years. So election years appear more likely to be positive return years than all years in general.<br />
<br />
Furthermore, election years also average higher returns. Election year returns average 11 percent while the long run average for the S&P 500 over the same period is 9.9 percent. One might speculate as to why this is. It could be that investors become somewhat exuberant over the promises made by candidates and bid up the prices of stocks. As Will Rogers once said, “If we got one tenth of what was promised to us in acceptance speeches, there would be little inducement to go to heaven.” We could modify that statement to campaign speeches instead of acceptance speeches based on what we’ve been hearing.<br />
<br />
What about differences in Democrats versus Republicans? Of 20 completed presidential terms in the period, 10 are Democrat and 10 are Republican. Only 4 of the 20 presidential terms saw negative stock market returns over the 4 year period and three of those are owned by Republicans. That leaves 16 terms with positive returns, 9 being Democrat and 7 being Republican. So the incidence of positive return terms slightly leans toward the Democrats. What about the magnitude of returns? Is there any significant difference here between Republicans and Democrats? It turns out there is, though the results will surprise some of you. The average positive return for Democrat terms in office is 16 percent while the average positive return for Republican terms is 12 percent. Keep in mind that these return numbers are so high because we excluded the four negative presidential term periods.<br />
<br />
The largest positive return occurred in the first term of the Great Depression, where stocks had been depressed to extremely low values. In FDR’s first term, the market was up 32 percent. If we throw out that term as an unusual occurrence, the Democrats still average 14 percent to the Republicans 12 percent.<br />
<br />
You’ve probably heard it said that this is the most important election of our lifetime. And I really believe that to be the case. We’ve never had a $16 trillion debt before and it will catch up with us. Just ask Greece. Somebody has to deal with that situation. But in case your candidate doesn’t win, life will go on and so will the markets.<br />
<br />
As we near the end of an intense campaign, I’m reminded of Reagan’s quote: “Politics is supposed to be the second-oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.” I hope you are thankful you have the right to vote and that you exercise that right next week.<br />
<br />
Published in the Texarkana Gazette on October 28, 2012.<br />
~~~~~<br />
Psa 7:17, 2 Cor 8:1-3, Mat 26:52-56, Acts 20:34-35<br />
~~~~~<br />
Recipe of the week: Lighter Chicken and Dumplings<br />
From America's Test Kitchen Season 11: Dutch Oven Classics <br />
<br />
Why this recipe works:<br />
<br />
Chicken and dumplings make chicken pot pie look easy. There’s no disguising a leaden dumpling. One goal was to develop a dumpling that was light yet substantial, and tender yet durable. The other was to develop a well-rounded recipe that, like chicken pot pie, included vegetables, therein supplying the cook with a complete meal in one dish. Dumplings can contain myriad ingredients, and there are just as many different ways to mix them. We tried them all—with disastrous results. But when we stumbled on a unique method of adding warm liquid rather than cold to the flour and fat, our dumplings were great—firm but light and fluffy. The reason? The heat expands and sets the flour so that the dumplings don’t absorb liquid in the stew. The best-tasting dumplings were made with all-purpose flour, whole milk, and the chicken fat left from browning the chicken.<br />
A stew as thick and heavy as pot-pie filling was fine for our forebears, but we wanted a lighter broth and dumplings that wouldn’t sink to the bottom of the pot.<br />
<br />
Serves 6<br />
<br />
We strongly recommend buttermilk for the dumplings, but it’s acceptable to substitute ½ cup plain yogurt thinned with ¼ cup milk. If you want to include white meat (and don’t mind losing a bit of flavor in the process), replace 2 chicken thighs with 2 boneless, skinless chicken breast halves (about 8 ounces each). Brown the chicken breasts along with the thighs and remove them from the stew once they reach an internal temperature of 160 degrees, 20 to 30 minutes. The collagen in the wings helps thicken the stew; do not omit or substitute. Since the wings yield only about 1 cup of meat, using their meat is optional. The stew can be prepared through step 3 up to 2 days in advance; bring the stew back to a simmer before proceeding with the recipe.<br />
Ingredients<br />
Stew<br />
<br />
6 bone-in, skin-on chicken thighs (about 2 1/2 pounds), trimmed of excess fat (see note)<br />
Table salt and ground black pepper<br />
2teaspoons vegetable oil<br />
2 small onions, chopped fine (about 1 1/2 cups)<br />
2 medium carrots, peeled and cut into 3/4-inch pieces (about 2 cups)<br />
1 celery rib, medium, chopped fine (about 1/2 cup)<br />
1/4cup dry sherry<br />
6cups low-sodium chicken broth<br />
1teaspoon minced fresh thyme leaves<br />
1pound chicken wings (see note)<br />
1/4cup chopped fresh parsley leaves<br />
<br />
Dumplings<br />
<br />
2cups unbleached all-purpose flour (10 ounces)<br />
1/2teaspoon baking soda<br />
1teaspoon sugar<br />
1teaspoon table salt<br />
3/4cup buttermilk, cold (see note)<br />
4tablespoons (1/2 stick) unsalted butter, melted and cooled about 5 minutes<br />
1 large egg white<br />
<br />
Instructions<br />
<br />
1. FOR THE STEW Pat chicken thighs dry with paper towels and season with 1 teaspoon salt and ¼ teaspoon pepper. Heat oil in large Dutch oven over medium-high heat until shimmering. Add chicken thighs, skin-side down, and cook until skin is crisp and well browned, 5 to 7 minutes. Using tongs, turn chicken pieces and brown on second side, 5 to 7 minutes longer; transfer to large plate. Discard all but 1 teaspoon fat from pot.<br />
<br />
2. Add onions, carrots, and celery to now-empty pot; cook, stirring occasionally, until caramelized, 7 to 9 minutes. Stir in sherry, scraping up any browned bits. Stir in broth and thyme. Return chicken thighs, with any accumulated juices, to pot and add chicken wings. Bring to simmer, cover, and cook until thigh meat offers no resistance when poked with tip of paring knife but still clings to bones, 45 to 55 minutes.<br />
<br />
3. Remove pot from heat and transfer chicken to cutting board. Allow broth to settle 5 minutes, then skim fat from surface using wide spoon or ladle. When cool enough to handle, remove and discard skin from chicken. Using fingers or fork, pull meat from chicken thighs (and wings, if desired) and cut into 1-inch pieces. Return meat to pot.<br />
<br />
4. FOR THE DUMPLINGS Whisk flour, baking soda, sugar, and salt in large bowl. Combine buttermilk and melted butter in medium bowl, stirring until butter forms small clumps; whisk in egg white. Add buttermilk mixture to dry ingredients and stir with rubber spatula until just incorporated and batter pulls away from sides of bowl.<br />
<br />
5. Return stew to simmer; stir in parsley and season with salt and pepper to taste. Using greased tablespoon measure (or #60 portion scoop), scoop level amount of batter and drop over top of stew, spacing about ¼ inch apart (you should have about 24 dumplings). Wrap lid of Dutch oven with clean kitchen towel (keeping towel away from heat source) and cover pot. Simmer gently until dumplings have doubled in size and toothpick inserted into center comes out clean, 13 to 16 minutes. Serve immediately.<br />
<br />
Technique Tips - - No More Broken Sinkers. Here's how we lightened up our dumplings and kept them intact.<br />
<br />
ADD AN EGG WHITE - Adding an egg white helps develop light-as-air dumplings that don't disintegrate.<br />
<br />
LET LIQUID SIMMER - Waiting to add the dumplings until the broth is simmering sets their bottoms and keeps them whole.<br />
<br />
CATCH CONDENSATION - Wrapping the lid with a towel absorbs excess moisture that can turn dumplings soggy.<br />
<br />
Technique - - Best Parts for Broth<br />
<br />
NATURAL THICKENER - The multiple joints in chicken wings contain lots of collagen that converts into gelatin during cooking—a better broth thickener than flour, which masks chicken flavor.<br />
<br />
FULL O' FLAVOR - Pound for pound, chicken thighs impart richer flavor to broth than any other part of the bird. Plus, they require far less cooking time than eking the flavor out of a whole bird or carcass.<br />
<br />
© 2012 America’s Test Kitchen. All rights reserved.<br />
[http://www.americastestkitchen.com/recipes/detail.php?docid=20282]<br />
~~~~~<br />
AskBob - Free Remote Access and Screen Sharing Tools - November 2, 2012<br />
<br />
If you need to access your own computer or someone else's from a remote location, you probably already know about GoToMyPC, which is often advertised on radio and TV. GotoMyPC's remote access service costs $20/month. But did you know that you can do the same thing for free? Here's how...[http://askbobrankin.com/free_remote_access_and_screen_sharing_tools.html?awt_l=HZr.N&awt_m=J6GS7HfaC8P6SL]<br />
~~~~~<br />
The latest from Michael Yon, the foremost “milnews” blogger on the web. <br />
~<br />
Greetings,<br />
<br />
Painting the Target [http://www.michaelyon-online.com/painting-the-target.htm].<br />
~<br />
We have lost more than fifty people to insider attacks this year, with no end in sight.<br />
Afghanistan: Green-on-Blue Attacks in Context [http://www.michaelyon-online.com/afghanistan-green-on-blue-attacks-in-context.htm]<br />
~<br />
President Obama Fumbled Afghanistan - Please see why.[http://www.michaelyon-online.com/president-obama-fumbled-afghanistan.htm]<br />
~<br />
5 Smart Ways to Respond To a Blackout - This man always has something interesting.[http://www.michaelyon-online.com/5-smart-ways-to-respond-to-a-blackout.htm]<br />
<br />
Very Respectfully,<br />
Michael Yon<br />
Your Writer,<br />
<br />
Please remember that this website accepts no advertisement and is dependent on your support. <br />
<br />
PS Please sign up for my Twitter.com updates at "Michael_Yon" [http://twitter.com/Michael_Yon] (not Michael Yon).<br />
<br />
http://www.facebook.com/#/MichaelYonFanPage?ref=sgm<br />
~<br />
www.michaelyon-online.com<br />
~<br />
Http://www.michaelyon_online.com/index.php<br />
~~~~~ <br />
If you would like to encourage US Troops overseas, but are not sure just how to begin, visit www.anysoldier.com for ideas. <br />
~~~~~ <br />
DarynKagan.com - - How about some love stories to brighten your day!<br />
<br />
Teen Sweethearts During Holocaust Reunited 70 Yrs Later - Imagine their surprise as they find each other living close by each other. Happiness at last. [http://darynkagan.demo.nimbussoftware.com/love/2012/lv_121031_holocaust_sweethearts_reuited.html]<br />
<br />
Broken Back Can't Stop Wedding - When Chad Dennis suffered a broken back the day before his wedding, doctors told him the big day would have to be postponed. He and his bride had other plans. [http://darynkagan.demo.nimbussoftware.com/love/2012/lv_121030_broken_back_wedding.html]<br />
~~~~~ <br />
ACC SmartBrief - - Misinformation about flame retardants threatens safety, experts say<br />
Fire-science experts are questioning possible changes to California's fire-safety regulations for upholstered furniture, saying it could be dangerous and unprecedented to relax existing standards. "What's the evidence that flame-retardant chemicals don't work? ... Flame-retardant materials work when properly used," says Gordon L. Nelson, an author and past president of the American Chemical Society. A revision could be "the first time in the U.S. that the law lowers safety. That never happens. We always go in the opposite direction," says Marcelo M. Hirschler, a chemist and fire-safety consultant. Chemical & Engineering News (10/29) [http://cen.acs.org/articles/90/i44/Ablaze-Over-Furniture-Fires.html] <br />
~~~~~ <br />
http://www.shelfari.com<br />
http://www.shelfari.com/bugsbleat/shelf<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Photos on the front of this week’s “Bleat” include - - Ethan and Josiah enjoying their ability to "play" without electronic enhancements, Annette's fall porch display, Her plants now residing in our foyer, and the mum Annette won at our last couples party. Verna and Gary Carter are truly gracious hosts.<br />
~~~~~<br />
For the latest issue of "Da Bleat.", go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com. <br />
Our photos are posted at http://www.bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com.<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.<br />
~~~~~<br />
BreakPoint - - Get Your Church Involved - Volunteer for Angel Tree<br />
By: John Stonestreet|Published: November 2, 2012 <br />
<br />
Chuck Colson always said that the Church’s task was to make the invisible kingdom visible. And your church can do that this Christmas. <br />
<br />
How do people know when the Kingdom of God is in their midst? Most often, it’s when they see love in action. But how we do this needs careful thought.<br />
<br />
I remember as a kid going with my family to deliver Thanksgiving turkeys to needy families. The families were genuinely grateful, but in so many homes, the dad either wasn’t at home or refused to come out of the back room. I figured, and it’s probably true, that the dad felt ashamed that the family had been given what he couldn’t provide.<br />
<br />
Now these families needed the food and a reason to be thankful at Thanksgiving. But I always walked away a little sad, and even uncomfortable.<br />
<br />
I thank God churches around the country step out of their comfort zone to do works of charity like food delivery. And I hope your church will be involved somehow this holiday season. But let’s be sure our good intentions don’t have unintended consequences of dividing family relationships, or even enabling destructive behaviors.<br />
<br />
The Gospel offers a framework for helping others by clearly identifying the human condition and our deepest needs. In fact, the Apostle Paul described the Gospel and its impact most often by using “re” words like repentance, renewal, restoration, redemption, and my favorite: reconciliation.<br />
<br />
Reconciliation has to do with repairing relationships that have been broken—both with God and with others. This Christmas, you and your church can make the invisible kingdom visible for families of the incarcerated through Prison Fellowship’s Angel Tree program. Angel Tree is about so much more than providing gifts. It’s about reconciling the families of prisoners, and we need your help badly this year.<br />
<br />
Angel Tree is simple: Incarcerated parents sign up their children to receive Christmas gifts. Church volunteers in the name of Jesus, and on behalf of the parents, deliver these gifts. What makes Angel Tree so distinct is not only that children, many of whom would have no Christmas otherwise, receive a basketball or a doll. It’s because the gift they receive is from daddy or mommy. These kids know that even though mom or dad is behind bars, they are loved and not forgotten.<br />
<br />
And for many men and women in prison, Angel Tree is their one shot to show love to their kids in a tangible way at Christmas. It’s no wonder so many of them begin attending Bible studies or worship services. They see what the Kingdom looks like, and they want to see more.<br />
<br />
Chuck Colson loved to tell how hardened prisoners, moved by the love and generosity of Angel Tree volunteers for their kids, repented and embraced Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior.<br />
<br />
And the benefit for churches? If your church signs up to deliver Angel Tree gifts, you will see first-hand the fruits of the Kingdom: restoration, renewal, and reconciliation. You’ll see transformed lives.<br />
<br />
To sign up your church or to volunteer, call 1-800-55-ANGEL. Or go to AngelTree.org. My wife and I just signed up our own church for Angel Tree this Christmas.<br />
<br />
And I want you to hear more about the Kingdom work of Angel Tree. This weekend, listen to “BreakPoint This Week.” I talk with Prison Fellowship President Garland Hunt about the power of reconciliation. And I talk with the former bank robber who started Angel Tree almost 40 years ago, Mary Kay Beard. She’s an absolute trip, and she once decorated the FBI most wanted posters. Thanks to her vision, some nine million children of prisoners have received a Christmas gift through Angel Tree.<br />
<br />
That’s on “BreakPoint This Week.” Come to BreakPoint.org, click on the “This Week” tab, and listen in.<br />
<br />
But most of all, please, sign up your church for Angel Tree. Call 1-800-55-Angel.<br />
Further Reading and Information [http://www.angeltree.org/angeltreehome]<br />
<br />
[http://www.breakpoint.org/bpcommentaries]<br />
<br />
Copyright © 2012 Prison Fellowship. All Rights Reserved <br />
~~~~~<br />
Residents of Columbia County, Arkansas are represented in Congress by:<br />
~ <br />
Senator John Boozman (R_ AR) <br />
1 Russell Courtyard<br />
Washington DC, 20510<br />
Phone: 202-224-4843<br />
http://boozman.senate.gov/<br />
~<br />
Senator Mark Pryor (D_ AR) <br />
Phone 202_224_2353 <br />
FAX 202_228_0908 <br />
http://pryor.senate.gov/<br />
~<br />
Representative Michael A. Ross (D _ 04) <br />
Phone 202_225_3772 <br />
FAX 202_225_1314 <br />
http://ross.house.gov/<br />
<br />
Other states congresspersons can be found at: [http://www.visi.com/juan/congress/]<br />
~~~~~<br />
THOUGHT OF THE DAY:<br />
<br />
"Anger makes dull men witty, but it keeps them poor." - Francis Bacon<br />
<br />
"To be capable of embarrassment is the beginning of moral consciousness. Honor grows from qualms." - John Leonard <br />
<br />
"It is a fair, even-handed, noble adjustment of things, that while there is infection in disease and sorrow, there is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good-humor." - Charles Dickens<br />
<br />
"Guard well within yourself that treasure, kindness. Know how to give without hesitation, how to lose without regret, how to acquire without meanness." - George Sand<br />
<br />
"You don't lead by pointing and telling people some place to go. You lead by going to that place and making a case." - Ken Kesey<br />
<br />
"Little progress can be made by merely attempting to repress what is evil. Our great hope lies in developing what is good." - President Calvin Coolidge<br />
<br />
"Creativity can solve almost any problem. The creative act, the defeat of habit by originality, overcomes everything." - George Lois<br />
~~~~~ <br />
BREAKING CHRISTIAN NEWS <br />
http://breakingchristiannews.com/<br />
<br />
Egyptian Christian Evangelist Packs Out Westminster - Peter Wooding (Oct 29, 2012)<br />
<br />
"I believe that if the Believers unite together in prayer and commitment we could see a great revival. We need to stop running to the hills in white robes, but do everything we can to tell the world about Christ before He returns." -Dr. Michael Youssef<br />
<br />
Read Full Story [http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=10689]<br />
~ <br />
Huge Victory for Canadian Pastor's Freedom of Speech - Thaddeus Baklinski (Oct 29, 2012)<br />
<br />
"This was a watershed case. Very important, in terms of freedom of expression and religious liberty. Going forward, it will be extremely difficult, if not impossible, for religious or political debate to be found in breach of Alberta's current human rights laws." -Gerald Chipeur, ADF lawyer<br />
http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=10687 <br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> <br />
GCF: School Math vs. Household (Reality) Math<br />
<br />
We all learned School Math, and we know that the results never change. For instance, 2 + 2 will always equal 4, and 10 X 10 will always equal 100.<br />
<br />
While School Math is very useful, it doesn't always apply to real life situations because the world actually runs according to what you might call Household, or Reality, Math. Below are a few examples of story problems, with the answer according to School Math (what you would write to pass a test in school) and Household, or Reality, Math (what you need to know in order to function in the real world, and usually find out the hard way).<br />
<br />
COOKING:<br />
You volunteered to bring 6 dozen cookies to the school carnival. If the cookie recipe states "makes 5 dozen medium size cookies", will you have enough cookies if you double the batch?<br />
<br />
SCHOOL MATH: Yes - doubling the batch will make 10 dozen cookies, you'll have plenty to take and some to eat at home.<br />
<br />
HOUSEHOLD MATH: No. A cookie recipe that states "makes 5 dozen medium size cookies" actually makes 2 dozen very small cookies. You will need to triple the batch. Better yet, just pick up 5 dozen chocolate chip cookies from a bakery or your local warehouse store. No one will care whether you baked them, and chocolate chip cookies are always appreciated.<br />
<br />
LAUNDRY:<br />
You have 4 people in your family, who each wear one pair of socks per day. When you do the weekly laundry, how many socks are you washing?<br />
<br />
SCHOOL MATH: 2 socks per person X 4 people X 7 days = 56 socks in the hamper.<br />
<br />
HOUSEHOLD (REALITY) MATH: 2 socks per person X 4 people X 7 days = 160 socks in the hamper.<br />
<br />
If you ask the family, no one changed socks more than once per day; in fact, it takes vigilance to make sure your eight-year old son doesn't try to wear the same pair every day.<br />
<br />
What’s puzzling about laundry is that the answer can change several times, depending on the stage in the laundry process. For instance:<br />
<br />
Removed from the washer:<br />
HOUSEHOLD MATH: 159 socks come out of the washer.<br />
<br />
Removed from the dryer:<br />
HOUSEHOLD MATH: 157 socks, which you fold and put in each person’s sock drawer.<br />
<br />
In any given family member’s sock drawer on Monday morning:<br />
HOUSEHOLD MATH: 3 socks, none of which match, one with a hole<br />
<br />
NATURAL LAWS:<br />
It’s also interesting that what we consider to be natural "laws" can be very different in the world of Household (Reality) Math. For instance:<br />
<br />
QUANTITY:<br />
You clear the breakfast table and place the dishes in the sink. You ate a container of yogurt and an apple, your husband had only a mug of coffee and toast; your two children each had a glass of milk, one had a bowl of cold cereal and the other requested chicken nuggets with ketchup. You decide that since there are so few dishes, you'll do them by hand when you get home. Everyone leaves the house for work or school. How many dishes will be in the sink when you get home?<br />
<br />
SCHOOL MATH: 2 spoons, 1 butter knife, 2 milk glasses, 1 cereal bowl, 1 Tinkerbell plate and 1 coffee mug = 8 dishes to wash up, no problem.<br />
<br />
HOUSEHOLD (REALITY) MATH: 7 spoons, 3 butter knives, 2 milk glasses, 3 bowls, 1 Tinkerbell plate, 5 water glasses, 1 coffee mug, 11 forks, 4 saucers, 1 of your “best” china dinner plates that no one admits to using, 1 sippy cup and 2 plastic dinosaurs = 39 dishes to wash up and 2 dinosaurs to remove and ask a child to put away; Or, better yet, 39 dishes to put in the dishwasher and give up the idea of doing them by hand.<br />
<br />
VOLUME:<br />
Your 12 lb. puppy uses piddle pads that state they absorb up to 16 oz. of liquid. According to the Vet Answerman website, a normal dog drinks 1 oz. of water per pound per 24 hour day. You’re leaving for work and will return in 9 hours; will one piddle pad be enough?<br />
<br />
SCHOOL MATH: Yes, one will be enough. Even if the dog piddled out every ounce of water she drank, she could not create more than 12 oz. of piddle in a 24 hour day. You can expect her to produce around 4-6 oz. of piddle while you’re at work, and the pad absorbs twice that.<br />
<br />
HOUSEHOLD MATH: You will need at least 4 piddle pads, placed in several strategic locations. Though the puppy drinks 12 oz. of water, she will seem to produce several gallons of piddle. Some of it will hopefully be on the piddle pads, but she will also piddle on the carpet, the new rug in the family room, the mail including the latest issue of your favorite magazine and a letter from the IRS stamped URGENT, and in the center of your bed.<br />
<br />
FORCE:<br />
Your husband proudly informs you that he can press 100 lbs. at the gym. Will he be able to remove his 30 lb. 3-year old from the neighbor’s newly poured cement driveway?<br />
<br />
SCHOOL MATH: Yes, if he can lift 100 lbs., he<br />
should be able to lift 30 lbs. quite easily.<br />
<br />
HOUSEHOLD MATH: Well, yes, eventually, after the child has run up and down the driveway, sat down in the wet cement, covered his father’s pants and shirt with it and screamed till the neighbor comes out to see what’s going on. As any parent knows, a 30 lb. child who has gone limp with resistance weighs a lot more than any 100 lb. barbell.<br />
<br />
PROBABILITY:<br />
A 1" x 1" Lego is lying in the center of a 10' x 10' room. What are the chances of you stepping on the Lego in your bare feet in the dark?<br />
<br />
SCHOOL MATH: 1:14,400 chance = .006944% probability of stepping on the Lego.<br />
<br />
HOUSEHOLD MATH: 99.9% probability, which is about the same chance you have of tripping over the cat who is able to see you stepping on the Lego in the dark and so can calculate the best strategic moment to dash in front of you in order to cause maximum chaos, the most entertaining language and the greatest damage to surrounding furniture, before retiring to the laundry room to calmly lick the underside of its hind leg.<br />
<br />
TIME:<br />
Suppose you are the mother of 9 month old twins. You are dressed nicely and ready to go to a special event. It takes you 10 minutes to diaper and dress one baby. You are due to be there in 40 minutes and your destination is only 10 minutes away. Will you be on time?<br />
<br />
SCHOOL MATH: Yes. (10 min X 2 babies) + 10 min drive = 30 minutes, you may even be a few minutes early.<br />
<br />
HOUSEHOLD (REALITY) MATH: Not a chance. (10 min X Baby 1) + (10 min X Baby 2) + (20 min to find another clean outfit and re-change Baby 1) + (10 min to change your own clothes again) + (15 min to calm screaming meltdown and stuff resisting Baby 2 into carseat2) + (10 min to stuff wriggling Baby 1 who is determined to grab Baby 2’s pacifier into carseat 1) + (20 min to pack all the baby paraphernalia into the back of the car) + ( . . . You'll be late. Or, consider whether the trip is really worth it. If not, change into sweats, give each baby a cracker and start a batch of laundry.<br />
<br />
So, do study your school math you'll need it in the workplace, and you can also use it to add up groceries, subtract medical co-pays from your checkbook, count each child’s M&M’s so they won't fight over the extra one, etc. etc.<br />
<br />
But keep in mind that the real world doesn't always follow the rules of math or science we learned in school.<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Senior Safety<br />
<br />
I failed a Health and Safety course at the Senior Center today.<br />
<br />
One of the questions was: "In the event of a fire, what steps would you take?"<br />
<br />
Apparently, "Big Ones" was the wrong answer.<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Basic Training<br />
<br />
I was a new Army basic trainee at Fort McClellan, and one requirement was a demanding 12-mile march.<br />
<br />
We got started at 6 a.m. and were pumped up for the trek.<br />
<br />
An hour later, feeling the heavy load of our packs, we wondered if the end would ever come. "Men," our sergeant yelled, "you're doing a fine job. We've already covered four miles!"<br />
<br />
Revitalized, we picked up the pace. "And," he continued, "we should reach the starting point any minute now."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Children's Sermon<br />
<br />
Yesterday at church, a lady from the congregation was presenting the children's sermon. She walked up to the front of the church and said, "May I have all of the children?"<br />
<br />
As the children walked forward, several parents responded, "Yes."<br />
<br />
One quick-witted father asked, "For how long?"<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: On Company Time<br />
<br />
Boss: You got your hair cut on company time.<br />
<br />
Worker: It grew on company time.<br />
<br />
Boss: Not all that hair.<br />
<br />
Worker: I didn't get it all cut.<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Parking Space Sign Language<br />
<br />
After driving up and down several lanes, I finally found a parking spot at the shopping mall. I noticed another man driving very slowly in the same direction, and, since he was closer, I gave him the "Are you going to park there?" look.<br />
<br />
His responding gestures were very complicated. First he shook his head. Next he pointed at me, then at the parking space and then at himself, his watch and the mall. Finishing off, he frowned, raised his palms upward and shrugged. Once I parked, I walked over to the driver to make sure he didn't want the space.<br />
<br />
"You must be single," he replied. "If you were married, you would've known that was the universal sign for 'Go ahead and take the spot. I'm waiting for my wife.'"<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Car Ads, Translated<br />
<br />
Two tone paint -- Original color and rust.<br />
<br />
One careful owner -- But the other nine were clumsy as anything.<br />
<br />
10,000 trouble-free miles -- Crashed in the last 20 feet.<br />
<br />
Heated rear window -- So you won't get cold hands when push-starting the thing in winter.<br />
<br />
Very clean -- Only washed when it rains.<br />
<br />
Clean interior -- All the rubbish is under the floor mats.<br />
<br />
Immobilizer -- The gear shift comes off in your hand.<br />
<br />
Anti-theft device -- I can let you have a Rottweiler cheap.<br />
<br />
Drives beautifully -- in a straight line; the steering is all over the place.<br />
<br />
Low mileage -- The odometer is on its third time around.<br />
<br />
Full service history -- Charlie in the garage around the corner checked it over last week.<br />
<br />
Economical -- Doesn't use much fuel, as it can't go any faster than 30 mph.<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Dining Out<br />
<br />
The restaurant where I took my two sons for a meal was crowded with fans watching a sporting event on television. The harried waitress took our order, but more than half an hour passed with no sign of her return.<br />
<br />
I was trying to keep my kids from becoming restless when suddenly shouts of victory came from the bar.<br />
<br />
"Hey," commented my 11-year-old, "it sounds as if someone just got his food."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: St. Peter's Basilica<br />
<br />
On a spring break trip to Italy, my friends and I were standing just inside St. Peter's Basilica, one of the largest Christian churches in the world. The tour guide explained, "This church is so large that no man on earth could hit a baseball from one end to the other, not Babe Ruth, Hank Aaron or even Mark McGuire."<br />
<br />
My group stared in silence at the beautiful marble sculptures, intricate paintings, and glorious mosaics all around the enormous building.<br />
<br />
Then one tour member interrupted the silence with an astonished question: "You mean, they actually let them hit baseballs in here?"<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Home Early<br />
<br />
Little Dewey burst through the front door with a smile on his face. Surprised, his mother asked, "Why are you home from school so early?"<br />
<br />
Dewey said, "They let me go early because I was the only one who could answer a tough question."<br />
<br />
"Oh, really? What was the question?" his mother asked.<br />
<br />
"Who threw the eraser at the teacher?"<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Falling Fossils<br />
<br />
Fresh out of high school, I found a job cleaning the elegant home of an older couple. Among other duties, I had to dust their many imported carvings and petrified collectibles, as well as pick up after their pets.<br />
<br />
One day, I was astonished to find two ivory fossils lying on the floor beside the bookcase. I quickly picked them up, and put them back on the shelf. The next week, the same thing happened.<br />
<br />
That afternoon, my employer came into the parlor, her faithful dog behind her. Looking around, she eyed the bookcase. "Nya," she asked the dog, "how in the world do you keep getting your bones up there?"<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Bass Fishing<br />
<br />
Doug was describing a 30 pound bass he'd caught recently after fighting it for three hours.<br />
<br />
Bill interrupted the story saying, "I saw the picture you took of that fish. You're lucky if it even weighed 10 pounds."<br />
<br />
Doug replied, "Well ... a fish can lose an awful lot of weight during three hours of fighting."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Drawbacks to Working in a Cubicle<br />
<br />
* Not being able to check E-mail attachments without first seeing who's behind you.<br />
<br />
* The walls are too close together for the hammock to work right.<br />
<br />
* Prison cells are not only bigger, they have beds.<br />
<br />
* When you quit and walk out, there's no door to slam.<br />
<br />
* Being told to "think outside the box" when you're in a freakin' box all day long.<br />
<br />
* 23 power cords - 1 outlet.<br />
<br />
* The carpet has been there since 1976 (or older) and shows more signs of life than your coworkers.<br />
<br />
* If you talk to yourself it causes all the surrounding cubicle inhabitants to pop their heads over the wall and say, "What? I didn't hear you."<br />
<br />
* You always have the feeling that someone is watching you, but by the time you turn to look they're gone.<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Caught Stealing<br />
<br />
A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from an exclusive jewelry store. "Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch, and we forget about this?"<br />
<br />
The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend. Can you show me something less expensive?"<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Little Brother?<br />
<br />
A mother asked her small son what he would like for his birthday. "I'd like a little brother," the boy said.<br />
<br />
"Oh my, that's such a big wish," said the mother. "Why do you want a little brother?"<br />
<br />
"Well," said the boy, "there's only so much I can blame on the dog."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: First Breakfast<br />
<br />
The new bride had spent two hours preparing her first breakfast. She sat down at the table, eagerly watching as her husband slowly savored each forkful.<br />
<br />
"How was it, Honey?" she asked when he'd finished.<br />
<br />
"Well," he began thoughtfully, wiping his lips, "you probably could have beaten the eggshells a little longer. But on the whole, it was a good start."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Broken Ribs<br />
<br />
Scene: Patient laying on a gurney with the doctor standing next to<br />
him holding up an x-ray.<br />
<br />
Doctor: Do you want the good news or the bad news first?<br />
<br />
Patient: Give me the bad news I guess.<br />
<br />
Doctor: The bad news is your x-ray shows that you have three broken ribs. The good news is we fixed it with Photoshop.<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Water Leak<br />
<br />
A flight attendant was on the red-eye to Manila when a water leak developed in the galley, which eventually soaked the carpet throughout the cabin of the 747.<br />
<br />
A very sleepy passenger who had become aware of the dampness asked the attendant, "Has it been raining?"<br />
<br />
Keeping a straight face, the attendant replied, "Yes, but we put the top up."<br />
<br />
With a sigh of relief, the passenger went back to sleep.<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: The Wedding Dress<br />
<br />
When my sister got married, she asked to wear our mother's wedding dress. The day she tried it on for the first time, I was sitting with Mother in the living room as Andrea descended the stairs. The gown was a perfect fit on her petite frame.<br />
<br />
Mother's eyes welled with tears. I put my arm around her. "Don't cry, remember you're not losing a daughter, you're gaining a son."<br />
<br />
"That's not why I'm crying. I used to fit into that dress!"<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Cuisine<br />
<br />
Stationed with the Army near Tokyo, I taught a conversational English class to a group of Japanese businessmen.<br />
<br />
Wishing to acquaint me with their cuisine, my class took me to dinner at a local restaurant. I've never enjoyed seafood, and my hosts noticed my lack of enthusiasm when the odd assortment of raw and cooked fish was served.<br />
<br />
Intent on saving the evening, one man asked if I'd like a pizza. I accepted with delight.<br />
<br />
Soon a smiling waitress came to our table and placed before me a large, hot pizza - piled high with squid.<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Sales Pitch<br />
<br />
An eager salesman was trying to have a country storekeeper carry his product, and finally tried to bribe the fellow with a bottle of champagne.<br />
<br />
"Oh, my conscience wouldn't let me take such a gift," the business owner protested.<br />
<br />
"What if I sell it to you for a dime?" asked the salesman.<br />
<br />
"In that case," replied the man, "I'll take two."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Missteps<br />
<br />
I recall a time when my son was about 18 months old. I had him strapped into a backpack and was rushing to catch the bus. Apparently I misstepped and fell down an entire flight of stairs (13 to be exact). I was bruised and bleeding and had torn my jeans ... but my main concern was, naturally, for my child.<br />
<br />
My fears were alleviated, though, when from behind me I heard a gleeful giggle followed by, "Again!"<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Bank Loan<br />
<br />
Wanting to borrow some money to make a six-month tour of Europe, a man went to the bank where he had done business for years. The bank refused the loan.<br />
<br />
He went to another bank and obtained the loan without any difficulty. Then he bought a five pound fish, had it wrapped, and put it in his safe deposit box at the first bank as he joyfully left for his six month vacation.<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Job Perks<br />
<br />
A woman, searching for a job, inquired about the benefits. The Personnel Manager informed her they had group health and life insurance, but the costs were deducted from the employee's pay.<br />
<br />
She said, "My last employer had full health coverage, as well as five years salary for life insurance and a month's sick leave AND they paid the full premiums."<br />
<br />
"I can't help but asking why you would leave a job with such benefits," the interviewer replied.<br />
<br />
The woman shrugged her shoulders and said, "The company went bankrupt."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Car Problems<br />
<br />
Sandra was out driving her car and while stopped at a red light, the car just died. It was a busy intersection, and the traffic behind her starting growing.<br />
<br />
The guy in the car directly behind her started honking his horn continuously as Sandra continued to try getting the car to start up again.<br />
<br />
Finally Sandra got out of her car and approached the guy in the car behind her.<br />
<br />
"I can't seem to get my car started," Sandra said, smiling. "Would you be a sweetheart and go and see if you can get it started for me. I'll stay here in your car and lean on the horn for you."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( \<br />
/ / | tellswor@kcbx.net | \ \<br />
_( (_ | http://www.kcbx.net/~tellswor | _) )_<br />
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / Can we all just agree to \ \_/ ////
\ / ignore whatever comes after \ /
\ _/ Blue Ray? I don't want to have \_ /
/ / to restart my collection...again. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / I keep some people's phone \ \_/ ////
\ / numbers in my phone just so \ /
\ _/ I know not to answer \_ /
/ / when they call. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ /I love the sense of camaraderie\ \_/ ////
\ / when an entire line of cars \ /
\ _/ team up to prevent a jerk from \_ /
/ / cutting in at the front. \ \
Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / When it comes to giving, \ /
\ _/ some people stop at nothing. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / If you took all of the people \ \_/ ////
\ / who fell asleep in church and \ /
\ _/ laid them end-to-end, \_ /
/ / they would be more comfortable. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / "The only thing to fear \ /
\ _/ is fear itself... \_ /
/ / and spiders." \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / "The short memories of the \ /
\ _/ American voters is what \_ /
/ / keeps our politicians in office." \ \
-Will Rogers
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / "Life has become so complex \ /
\ _/ that not even teenagers \_ /
/ / have all the answers anymore." \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / The aging process could be \ /
\ _/ slowed down if it had to work \_ /
/ / its way through Congress. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / When tempted to fight fire \ /
\ _/ with fire, remember that the \_ /
/ / Fire Department usually uses water. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Life isn't tied with \ /
\ _/ a bow . . . . \_ /
/ / but it's still a gift. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / "It is easier to get older \ /
\ _/ than it is to get wiser." \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / "If you think education \ /
\ _/ is expensive, try ignorance." \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / "Why do people who know \ /
\ _/ the least know it the loudest?" \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / "Compromise: an agreement \ /
\ _/ whereby both parties get what \_ /
/ / neither of them wanted." \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / In America, anyone can \ /
\ _/ be president. That's one \_ /
/ / of the risks you take. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Never underestimate the power \ /
\ _/ of stupid people in large groups. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Flatulence: An emergency vehicle\ /
\ _/ that picks you up after you've. \_ /
/ / been run over by a steamroller. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / I always take life with a \ /
\ _/ grain of salt ... plus a slice \_ /
/ / of lime, and a shot of tequila. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / The more you go through \ \_/ ////
\ / parenting, the more you realize \ /
\ _/ that you owe your mother and \_ /
/ / father an apology. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / Calories (noun): \ \_/ ////
\ / Tiny creatures that live in \ /
\ _/ your closet and sew your clothes \_ /
/ / a little bit tighter every night. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / Did you ever notice: \ \_/ ////
\ / If you put the 2 words "THE" \ /
\ _/ and "IRS" together \_ /
/ / it spells "THEIRS"? \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / If it weren't for electricity \ /
\ _/ we'd all be watching \_ /
/ / television by candlelight. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Q: Are birth control \ /
\ _/ pills tax deductible? \_ /
/ / A: Only if they don't work. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / \ /
\ _/ Few women admit their age. \_ /
/ / Few men act theirs. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / \ /
_ _______________________________ _
/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( \
/ / | tellswor@kcbx.net | \ \
_( (_ | http://www.kcbx.net/~tellswor | _) )
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
----------------------------------------------------------
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Stuffed Pockets<br />
<br />
A small boy stunned his parents after church one Sunday when he began to empty his pockets of nickels, dimes, and quarters.<br />
<br />
Finally his mother asked the obvious question: "Where did you get all that money?"<br />
<br />
"At Sunday school," the boy replied nonchalantly. "They have bowls of it."<br />
<br />
Received from Crosswalk.com.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Perfect Pet<br />
<br />
A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he wants to buy a pet that can do everything. The shop owner suggests a faithful dog.<br />
<br />
The man replies, "Come on, a dog?"<br />
<br />
The owner says, "How about a cat?"<br />
<br />
The man replies, "No way! A cat certainly can't do everything. I want a pet that can do everything!"<br />
<br />
The shop owner thinks for a minute, then says, "I've got it! A centipede!"<br />
<br />
The man says, "A centipede? I can't imagine a centipede doing everything, but okay. I'll try a centipede."<br />
<br />
He gets the centipede home and says to the centipede, "Clean the kitchen."<br />
<br />
Thirty minutes later, he walks into the kitchen and it's immaculate! All the dishes and silverware have been washed, dried, and put away; the counter tops cleaned; the appliances sparkling; the floor waxed. He's absolutely amazed.<br />
<br />
He says to the centipede, "Go clean the living room."<br />
<br />
Twenty minutes later, he walks into the living room. The carpet has been vacuumed; the furniture cleaned and dusted; the pillows on the sofa plumped; and the plants watered. The man thinks to himself, "This is the most amazing thing I've ever seen. This really is a pet that can do everything!"<br />
<br />
Next he says to the centipede, "Run down to the corner and get me a newspaper."<br />
<br />
The centipede walks out the door. Ten minutes later, no centipede. Twenty minutes later, no centipede. Thirty minutes later, no centipede.<br />
<br />
By this point, the man is wondering what's going on. So he goes to the front door, opens it, and there's the centipede sitting right outside.<br />
<br />
The man says, "Hey! I sent you down to the corner store 45 minutes ago to get me a newspaper. What's the matter?"<br />
<br />
The centipede says, "I'm going! I'm going! I'm just putting on my shoes!"<br />
<br />
Received from Crosswalk.com.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
A Halloween Fairy Tale<br />
<br />
There lived a man who was very unhappy because he was deeply in love with a girl who didn't know he was alive. In desperation, he visited a coven of witches who lived nearby and presented his case before them.<br />
<br />
Touched by his tale of woe, and impressed with the young man's appearance, manner, and bearing, they decided to help him. They worked their magic and eventually presented the young man with several small objects that looked like capsules. "Bury these under the window of your beloved under a full moon and she will love you," they instructed.<br />
<br />
Doubtful, the young man resolved nevertheless to do as the witches instructed. On the very next full moon, he stealthily made his way over to his beloved's house and carefully buried the capsules in the rich loam beneath her window. Nothing happened right away, but, trusting the wisdom of the old ladies, he went home to see what the next day would bring.<br />
<br />
The next morning, he walked hopefully over to the girl's house and rang her doorbell. She opened the door, saw it was him, and grabbed him. She hugged him, kissed him, and invited him in for lunch. Their courtship was short but passionate, and within a month they were happily married.<br />
<br />
Late one night after they had been married, the young man visited the coven again. "I just want to thank you ladies for your help. My life is everything I could have desired."<br />
<br />
"No problem, dearie," said one of the old ladies. "After all, nothing says lovin' like something from the coven, and pills buried says it best."<br />
<br />
Received from C Addy.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Smart Lad<br />
<br />
My nursing colleague was preparing an intravenous line for a 15-year-old male patient. The bedside phone rang, and the boy's mother reached over to pick it up. After talking for a few minutes, the mother held the phone aside, turned to her son and said, "Your dad is asking if you've got any cute nurses."<br />
<br />
The boy gazed at the nurse, who had the needle poised above his arm, ready for insertion. "Tell him," he replied, "they're gorgeous."<br />
<br />
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Successful Ice Fishing<br />
<br />
Two men have been sitting out on a lake all day long ice fishing. One has been having no luck at all, while the other has been pulling fish after fish out of his hole in the ice. The man having no luck finally leans over and asks the other what his secret is.<br />
<br />
"Mmmmm mmm mm mmm mmmm mmm mmm," is the reply.<br />
<br />
"I'm sorry, what did you say?"<br />
<br />
"Mmmmm mmm mm mmm mmmm mmm mmm," the successful fisherman repeats.<br />
<br />
"I'm sorry, I still didn't understand you."<br />
<br />
The man spits something into his hand and says very clearly, "You've got to keep your worms warm."<br />
<br />
Received from Crosswalk.com.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Economist School<br />
<br />
An economist returns to visit his old school. He's interested in the current exam questions and asks his old professor to show him. To his surprise, they are exactly the same ones he had answered 10 years before!<br />
<br />
When he asks about this, the professor answers, "The questions are always the same; only the answers change!"<br />
<br />
Received from ArcaMax Jokes.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Cleaning Instructions<br />
<br />
I bought a great new toilet seat recently.<br />
<br />
On the label was a suggestion on how to clean it.<br />
<br />
Although nice to have the option, I doubt I'll take advantage of it.<br />
<br />
My toilet seat, it seems, is "Dishwasher Safe."<br />
<br />
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Children's Sermon<br />
<br />
During his children's sermon, our assistant pastor asked the kids, "What is gray, has a bushy tail, and gathers nuts in the fall?"<br />
<br />
One five-year-old raised his hand. "I know the answer should be Jesus," he began, "but it sounds like a squirrel to me."<br />
<br />
- from Rev. Richard E. O'Hara (via Reader's Digest)<br />
<br />
Received from Doc's Daily Chuckle.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Son, Time to Get Up<br />
<br />
About 8 o'clock one cold February morning, the young man was still in bed, sound asleep. His mother came into the room.<br />
<br />
"Son, it's time to get up. You gotta get ready for church," she implored.<br />
<br />
"I'm too tired. Leave me alone," he said.<br />
<br />
"Son, you gotta get up and get ready for church."<br />
<br />
"I'm not going to church. It's no fun! I don't want to go," he protested.<br />
<br />
"Son, you gotta get up and get ready for church."<br />
<br />
"The people stare at me! They talk about me behind my back! I don't wanna go to church," he protested.<br />
<br />
"Son, you gotta get up and get ready for church."<br />
<br />
"I'm not going to church. Give me one good reason why I have to go to church," he protested.<br />
<br />
"I'll give you three good reasons: One -- it's Sunday. Two -- I'm your mother, and you'll do as I say! Three, you're the pastor -- it's your job!"<br />
<br />
Received from Andychap.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Preposition<br />
<br />
A gentleman wandered around the campus of a college looking for the library. He approached a student and asked, "Excuse me, young man. Would you be good enough to tell me where the library is at?"<br />
<br />
The student, in a very arrogant and belittling tone, replied, "I'm sorry, sir, but at this school, we are taught never to end a sentence with a preposition!"<br />
<br />
The gentleman smiled, and in a very apologetic tone, he replied, "I beg your pardon. Please allow me to rephrase my question. Would you be good enough to tell me where the library is at, dummy?"<br />
<br />
Received from ArcaMax Jokes.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Praying Boy<br />
<br />
Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents' house. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers.<br />
<br />
The youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs, "I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE. I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO. I PRAY FOR A NEW DVD PLAYER..."<br />
<br />
The older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."<br />
<br />
To which the little brother replied, "No, but Gramma is!"<br />
<br />
Received from Big Mac Clean Joke Attack.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Which Landing?<br />
<br />
As the passengers settled in on a West Coast commuter flight, a flight attendant announced, "We'd like you folks to help us welcome our new co-pilot. He'll be performing his first commercial landing for us today, so be sure to give him a big round of applause when we come to a stop."<br />
<br />
The plane made an extremely bumpy landing, bouncing hard two or three times before taxiing to a stop. Still, the passengers applauded. Then the attendant's voice came over the intercom, "Thanks for flying with us. And don't forget to let our co-pilot know which landing you liked best."<br />
<br />
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Old Records<br />
<br />
My friend's husband, responsible for the overall closing of a military base, was reviewing voluminous files. He found some old records that were of no possible value and sent a letter to Washington requesting permission to destroy them.<br />
<br />
The reply he received read as follows: "Permission is given to destroy the records, but please make triplicate copies of them first."<br />
<br />
- from Jeanie L. Sorensen (via Reader's Digest)<br />
<br />
Received from Doc's Daily Chuckle.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Nursing Baby<br />
<br />
As I was nursing my baby, my cousin's six-year-old daughter, Krissy, came into the room. Never having seen anyone breastfeed before, she was intrigued and full of all kinds of questions about what I was doing.<br />
<br />
After mulling over my answers, she remarked, "My mom has some of those, but I don't think she knows how to use them."<br />
<br />
Received from Penny Bartnicki.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Olives<br />
<br />
A fellow came into a bar and ordered a martini. Before drinking it, he removed the olive and carefully put it into a glass jar. Then he ordered another martini and did the same thing. After an hour, when he was full of martinis and the jar was full of olives, he staggered out.<br />
<br />
"Well," said a customer, "I never saw anything as peculiar as that!"<br />
<br />
"What's so peculiar about it?" the bartender said. "His wife sent him out for a jar of olives."<br />
<br />
Received from ArcaMax Jokes.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
She Don't Look So Good!<br />
<br />
After examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, the doctor took the woman's husband aside and said, "I don't like the looks of your wife at all."<br />
<br />
"Me neither, doc," said the husband. "But she's a great cook, and she's really good with the kids."<br />
<br />
Received from Doc's Daily Chuckle.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Old Man<br />
<br />
A ninety-year-old man is sitting on a park bench, sobbing, when a young man walks by and asks him what's wrong.<br />
<br />
Through his tears the old man answers, "I'm just so in love with my twenty-five-year-old wife."<br />
<br />
"What's wrong with that?" asks the young man.<br />
<br />
Between the sobs and sniffles, he answers, "You can't understand. Every morning before she goes to work, she cooks me breakfast and kisses me and tells me she loves me. At lunchtime she comes home and embraces me warmly, and then she makes my favorite meal. In the afternoon when she gets a break, she rushes home with ice cream, the best an old man could want. And then after a gourmet supper, she gives ma a warm bath, and she cuddles up with me all night." He breaks down, no longer able to speak.<br />
<br />
The young man puts his arm around him. "Oh, I think I see. I bet you just found out she's with you for your money?"<br />
<br />
"No," the old man answers through his sobbing and tears, "I forgot where I live."<br />
<br />
Received from Big Mac Clean Joke Attack.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Old Age Is NOT For Sissies<br />
<br />
A little girl was sitting on her grandfather's lap as he<br />
read her a bedtime story. From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again. Finally she spoke up, "Grandpa, did God make you?"<br />
<br />
"Yes, sweetheart," he answered. "God made me a long time ago."<br />
<br />
"Oh," she paused. "Grandpa, did God make me too?"<br />
<br />
"Yes, indeed, honey," he said. "God made you just a little while ago."<br />
<br />
Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "God's getting better at it, isn't he?"<br />
<br />
Received from Andychap.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Robbery<br />
<br />
Two accountants are in a bank when armed robbers burst in. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the accountants, up against a wall and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc.<br />
<br />
While this is going on, the first accountant jams something in the second accountant's hand. Without looking down, the second accountant whispers, "What is this?"<br />
<br />
To which the first accountant replies, "It's the $50 I owe you."<br />
<br />
Received from ArcaMax Jokes.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Nurse Pin<br />
<br />
While visiting a friend who was in the hospital, I noticed several of nurses were wearing a pin designed to look like an apple. I asked one nurse what the pin signified.<br />
<br />
"Nothing," she said with a smile. "It's just to keep the doctors away."<br />
<br />
Received from Sally Budack.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Salesman<br />
<br />
One day a salesman stopped by the Jammer Jones farm and knocked. Jammer's wife Frannie came to the door. "Is your husband home, ma'am?" he asked.<br />
<br />
"Sure is. He's over to the cow barn."<br />
<br />
"Well, I've got something to show him, ma'am. Will I have any difficulty finding him?"<br />
<br />
"Shouldn't have any difficulties. He's the one with the beard and mustache."<br />
<br />
Received from Bestofhumor.com.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Road Closed<br />
<br />
They've closed a road near where I live in order to repair a collapsed sewer-pipe. The construction workers have put up a sign saying:<br />
<br />
ROAD CLOSED<br />
<br />
But, since the actual road closure is not apparent until you go around a bend, a lot of drivers go just to see if the road is *really* closed.<br />
<br />
After they see that the road really is closed, they start making their way back. Their embarrassment is made worse by another sign right behind the ROAD CLOSED sign, but facing them on their return. The new sign reads:<br />
<br />
TOLD YOU SO!<br />
<br />
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Best Friend<br />
<br />
Joe, the governor's most trusted assistant, died in his sleep one night. The governor had depended on Joe for advice on every subject, from pending bills to wardrobe decisions. In addition, Joe had been his closest friend. So, it was understandable that the governor didn't take kindly to the droves of ambitious office seekers who wanted Joe's job.<br />
<br />
"They don't even have the decency to wait until the man is buried," the governor muttered.<br />
<br />
At the funeral, one eager beaver made his way to the governor's side. "Governor," the man said, "is there a chance that I could take Joe's place?"<br />
<br />
"Certainly," the governor replied. "But you'd better hurry. I think the undertaker is almost finished."<br />
<br />
Received from Steve Sanderson.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
A Talking Horse<br />
<br />
A jogger running down a country road is startled as a horse yells at him, "Hey! Come over here, buddy!"<br />
<br />
The jogger is stunned but runs over to the fence where the horse is standing and asks, "Were you talking to me?"<br />
<br />
The horse replies, "Sure was. Man, I've got a problem. I won the Kentucky Derby a few years ago and this stupid farmer bought me. Now all I do is pull a plow, and I'm sick of it. Why don't you run up to the house and offer him $5,000 to buy me. I'll make you some money 'cause I can still run."<br />
<br />
The jogger thinks to himself, "Boy, a talking horse!" Dollar signs start appearing in his head. So he runs to the house and finds the old farmer sitting on the porch. The jogger yells to the farmer, "Hey, old man, I'll give you $5,000 for that broken-down old nag you've got in the field."<br />
<br />
The farmer replies, "Son, this has happened before. You can't believe anything that horse says. He's never even been to Kentucky."<br />
<br />
Received from Andychap.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
--<br />
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><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Humor - - <br />
<br />
Halloween Haiku (2012)<br />
October 31st, 2012<br />
<br />
Though schools remain closed,<br />
trick-or-treat stash is untouched:<br />
Halloween Sandy.<br />
<br />
*****<br />
Hurricane Sandy<br />
sure outpaces Halloween<br />
in sheer spookiness.<br />
http://www.madkane.com/humor_blog/<br />
© Madeleine Begun Kane. All Rights Reserved.<br />
http://www.madkane.com/<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Two blonds were sipping their Starbucks when a truck went past loaded up with rolls of sod.<br />
<br />
"I'm going to do that when I win the lottery," announced Blond #1.<br />
<br />
"Do what?", asked Blond #2.<br />
<br />
"Send my lawn out to be mowed."<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." __ Franklin D. Roosevelt <br />
"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle." <br />
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. _ _ George Carlin <br />
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" _ _ Queen E. Watson<br />
“A political class of Republicans and Democrats that look after themselves, not the Nation. A media hostile to the very precepts of this nation. A generation of Americans who see morals as vices, and are ignorant of America's Actual History.”<br />
"The things that will destroy America are prosperity-at-any-price, peace-at-any-price, safety-first instead of duty-first, the love of soft living, and the get-rich-quick theory of life." - - Theodore Roosevelt <br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> <br />
Emergency Phone Number 911 <br />
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )<br />
Central Dispatch 234_5655<br />
(Non _ Emergency Number)<br />
Direct Numbers<br />
Ambulance _ 234_7371 (24 Hour)<br />
Jail _ 234_5331 (24 Hour)<br />
Poison Control _ 800_222_1222 (24 Hour)<br />
http://www. aapcc. org/<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Interested in getting in touch with the Banner_News through e_mail? editor@bannernews.net For the editor, news@bannernews.net For news and sports items, Coming Events, Diary, Church News, school and civic events. [http://www.bannernews.net/]<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." __ "Bug" <br />
"I read the end of the book. We win!" __ "Bug" <br />
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." __ "Bug"<br />
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." _ _ "Bug"<br />
"It's no big deal doing what God tells you to do. A big deal would be NOT doing what God tells you to do. Just ask Jonah." _ _ Paul Troquille <br />
“Nam et ipsa scientia potestas est.” Knowledge is power. _ Francis Bacon <br />
"The problem is here and now. The time for talk is past. The time for action is now." <br />
Comments on the first Earth Day _ James F. McClellan via John "Fuzzy" Thurman<br />
~~~~~<br />
Hope you enjoy the newsletter. <br />
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week. <br />
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" __"Bug" <br />
God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!! <br />
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT_I KC5HII <br />
<br />
P. S. If you'd like to be added to the distribution, just drop us E_mail at kc5hii@suddenlink.net<br />
. We offer "Da Bleat" as text, a "Blog" and as a newsletter with pictures in Word and PDF format. The latest issue is usually updated sometime Saturday. For the latest issue, go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com. We also have a site [http://bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com/] where we post photos that I like.<br />
We appreciate your encouragement. We also appreciate your communication when you desire to be taken off our mail list. If you are on this mail list by mistake or do not wish to receive "Da Bleat," please reply back and tell us to discontinue service to you. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus 2012 before it was sent.<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>Bughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07270965849194883997noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9136923892168334329.post-36605038684053344752012-10-27T17:32:00.002-07:002012-10-27T17:36:01.172-07:00Bug's Bleat - - GCF: Required CoursePhotos on the front of this week’s “Bleat” include:<br />
<br />
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Air Life MedEvac Crew moves Mike to the Helipad at Magnolia Regional Medical Center. Annette and Lou Murphy are in the background.<br />
<br />
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Pall Bearers (Robert Davison, Brandon Clark, Mark Simon, Sim Baily, David McClellan and Undre Ellis) carry Mike's flag draped casket.<br />
<br />
<br />
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Rev. Jimmy Malone delivers the message.<br />
<br />
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Local American Legion members present the flag to Dorothy.<br />
<br />
<br />
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American Legon members salute the casket as it's brought into the graveyard.<br />
<br />
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Josiah at the graveyard (checking on "Bug" who was watching from the car.)<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Volume 14, Issue 42 Friday, October 19, 2012<br />
<br />
Hello ALL,<br />
<br />
MICHAEL KELLEY<br />
<br />
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Dorothy, Mike, Jackie and JoAnn A happy dad with his girls.<br />
<br />
<br />
Michael Kelley, 61, of Magnolia, passed away Monday, Oct. 22, 2012, at Dubuis Health System in Texarkana, Texas. He was born Feb. 9, 1951, in Magnolia. Mike served 21 years and retired as a chief gunners mate in the United States Navy. While serving in the Navy he received several Naval awards and was known as the “go to guy” for the repair of large caliber guns. He served on several ships during his career and was stationed around the world with Greece, the Philippines and Hawaii being his favorite duty stations.<br />
<br />
His last duty post was the Battleship “New Jersey” which was decommissioned on Feb. 8, 1991 in Long Beach, Calif. Mike’s youngest daughter, Jackie, has the distinction of being the last child born to an active duty crewmember of the “New Jersey”. After his military discharge Mike worked as a truck driver until his full retirement. He then spent his time with his children and grandchildren, playing chess with his friend Jim and helping his neighbors and most anyone else who needed a hand.<br />
<br />
He was preceded in death by his father, Harry W. Kelley of McNeil, and his mother, Dorothy Jean Green Kelley Montgomery of Magnolia.<br />
<br />
Mike is survived by his three daughters, Dorothy Kelley of Springdale, JoAnn Clark and husband Brandon of Rogers, and Jackie Simon and husband Mark of Rogers; two sisters, Beth Waller and husband Gary of Byron, Ga., and Annette McClellan and husband James of Magnolia; three brothers, Wendell Kelley and wife Donna of Santee, Calif., Shawn Kelley and wife Jan of San Diego, Calif., and Danny Kelley ; two grandsons, Trey and Undre Ellis of Springdale; one granddaughter, Lila Shea Ellis of Springdale; step-son, Rey Quiosay and his wife Alex of Moore, Okla.; mother of children, Abelita Williams of Camden; his chess friend, Jim Williams of Camden; and numerous nieces, nephews and friends.<br />
<br />
Graveside services were held at Lydesdale Cemetery with Bro. Jimmy Malone officiating, under the direction of Lewis Funeral Home, Inc. of Magnolia. Music was be provided by the family.<br />
~~~~~<br />
We were fortunate to have Mike move in a couple of blocks from us this spring. It enabled us to enjoy his company and share our lives in what turned out to be his final months of life.<br />
He enjoyed visiting with us, with the gang at Farmers Insurance and playing chess with his friend Jim in Camden.<br />
He suffered a “minor” stroke on September 14 and, as his condition worsened, was flown to St. Michaels in Texarkana on the 18th of September. He was basically unconscious from that point on, though there were periods where he “woke up” somewhat.<br />
When he was “awake” he did recognize us and even mouth things like “Hi.” But it was tough seeing him in a hospital bed that long. After a few weeks, he was transferred to the Dubuis Long Term Care unit at Wadley. We really appreciate the care they gave him. It was reassuring to us.<br />
His daughters live in northwest Arkansas and visited him as they were able. Up until the last few days, we were all expecting him to eventually recover. When his condition worsened, the girls came down and were with him when he passed.<br />
~<br />
God Speed Mike Kelley. <br />
~~~~~<br />
Mike loved to “pick” at folks. No visit to the doctor, insurance agent, car dealer, etc. would be complete unless he could playfully poke fun at folks. And his sister was no exception. For instance, he’d say; “You know that Moma loved me most.” Then he and Annette would compare Dorothy stories to prove who she loved the most.<br />
He also liked my “Annette Stories” so here’s one more for Mikey.<br />
~<br />
Among the games Annette likes to play with me was the “Find the A&W” game. She loves A&W root beer and is ever vigilant to find an open A&W root beer stand. One afternoon, while we had been to Texarkana, visiting Mike, we were both a little sad as he had not been awake that day. As we were leaving Texarkana, Annette said; “A root beer would be nice, let’s stop at the A&W on the way out.” I was more than willing to get a root beer … but I didn’t know of any A&W root beer stands in Texarkana and said so. Annette replied; “We pass it every day when we’re coming into town.”<br />
Now I admit that I’m sometimes unaware of things like A&W stands. But I had no earthly idea what she was talking about. So she started directing me to the location. For those who don’t know, Texarkana is full of one way streets and it takes some maneuvering to cover all the streets you can travel on coming into town.<br />
So we wove back and forth through town looking for the A&W, after a while, I had to admit that they must have moved the stand because it wasn’t where “we” thought it was. Annette was a little put out that I couldn’t find something as simple as that root beer stand but she agreed that we needed to go on back to Magnolia.<br />
And then we pick up the next Annette game. Having me order things from Sonic that aren’t on the menu.<br />
As we drove into Stamps, she said, “We could stop at Sonic and get a root beer.” So, I stopped at Sonic and asked her what size root beer she wanted. This is where it got interesting. She told me; “Since we’re not at A&W, I’d prefer a diet root beer shake instead of just a root beer.” So I looked on the menu and didn’t see any kind of root beer shake, much less a diet one. But Annette explained; “It doesn’t have to be on the menu, just tell them we want a Diet Root Beer shake.”<br />
Have any of y’all ever tried to order items not on the menu at Sonic or Burger King or McDonalds, etc.? It usually doesn’t work too well, but, as I had the “unstoppable force” sitting next to me, I pushed the button and ordered a diet root beer shake.<br />
There was a pause on the speaker and then the lady explained; “We don’t have a root beer shake. Do you want a root beer float?”<br />
Annette leaned over and said; “No. We want a shake.” The lady paused again and then, to my surprise replied; “Would you like me to mix the root beer float into a shake?” “Yes.” Annette replied.<br />
So, no problem. If you want something off the menu, just bring Annette with you and it will get done.<br />
~<br />
She has the same effect on Wal-Mart folks when she’s returning an item. I can buy and item, keep it for a day or so before discovering it isn’t what I wanted or it doesn’t work properly and then attempt to return it. I’ll have the receipt, the item in the original packaging and certified witness affidavits and still be tied up for hours with the service desk before they “may” accept the return.<br />
Annette will find an item laying on the closet floor, beat up and scratched up and carry its remains into Wal-Mart, with no packaging or receipt. The service desk staff will leap all over each other giving her a refund or exchange.<br />
She does operate outside the normal laws of physics and WallyWorld.<br />
~~~~~<br />
A classmate of mine, Larry Joe Kingsbury, commented: … This election can't be over soon enough, but I fear the tone and tenor set by some in the campaigns will last long, long after the results are in. I think we are more divided, as a nation, today, than we were even during the Viet Nam War. …<br />
~<br />
Larry, I agree and Gerrymandering is one reason for our extreme political divisions.<br />
~<br />
Halen Allison has commented on “ Gerrymandering: The Radicalization of Politics and the Stifling of Democracy” <br />
<br />
He writes: … the radicalization of politicians, is somewhat more nuanced, but it can be explained in part by asking a simple question. What incentive does a politician have to be politically moderate and appeal to a wide-range of voters if his entire constituency is ideologically homogeneous? The answer, of course, is that he has no incentive; he doesn’t need to appeal to voters ideologically different or even independent voters. He has a reliable base which will reelect him for as long as he seeks reelection. But at the same time, this politician may be forced to prove his ideological bona fides in order to appease the hard-line members of his constituency and so must drift further from the center. Project this across the entire nation and you can see why there are so few ideologically moderate politicians. You can also begin to understand why hot-button issues like abortion and gun control are the primary topics in any given election. Conservatives must be pro-life and pro-gun (and unequivocally religious; preferably Christian); liberals must be pro-choice and pro-gun control (and appearing religious doesn’t hurt). Most other issues, many pertaining to your freedoms, are relegated to secondary status….<br />
You can read the whole article at: http://www.steubencourier.com/community/blogs/steuben_courier_town_square_blog/x1132447120/Gerrymandering-The-Radicalization-of-Politics-and-the-Stifling-of-Democracy<br />
~<br />
Thus, Gerrymandering over the years has resulted in a storm of hardliners in the Senate and House. As each party has further refined their voting districts, it becomes harder to elect anyone who is not a rabid party hack.<br />
<br />
And, even if elected, such hardliners have no use for cooperating in budgeting or other lawmaker functions. It’s not known how many billions of dollars it costs us for the incoming party to totally cancel the other parties’ projects and institute their own. We’ve seen this here for years as competing politicians took the Arkansas Fire Training Academy and moved its functions around the state to satisfy their constituents.<br />
On a national scale, NASA is a great example of what’s wrong with not cooperating. Programs are started, funded then canceled and restarted in other districts. Even the Apollo moon missions were affected when Nixon canceled the last three missions, primarily because he didn’t want the democrats to bask in the light of a successful program that they started and sponsored.<br />
<br />
I’d like to see a push to move election districts to the control of non partisan committees.<br />
<br />
Hope springs eternal.<br />
~~~~~<br />
All the activity this week left me sort of short on humor so I decided to bring back a “Blast From The Past.” These items are from the December 28, 2001 issue of “Da Bleat.”<br />
~<br />
Few things are better at bringing a smile to folks than a visit to the Spud Nut shop here in Magnolia. Over the years I’ve had the privilege of going by there many morning to pick up spuddies, pigs and cinnamon rolls for safety and emergency team meetings. I also occasionally stop by to pick up a half dozen to share with the “Vampire” at Doc Murphy’s office. Always be nice to folks with needles.<br />
<br />
The Spud nut shop is one Magnolia's prime town meeting places. You'll usually see a fine group of Magnolian's in there every morning, drinking coffee and discussing the world's problems. I've often wondered how it would work if the White House had a conference with those in the Spud Nut Shop every morning before the cabinet meetings in Washington.<br />
~~~~~<br />
I thought it would be a good time to remember an incident from the last century. This incident involves the<br />
infamous "Taylor Boy" gang and their experience in;<br />
<br />
"How to Wreck a Train"<br />
<br />
Growing up in Taylor, I can remember sitting in Grandmother's yard and watching the "Arkansas and Louisiana" passenger train roll north through Taylor. My mother told about catching this train in Taylor and riding it to Shreveport on Saturdays to go shopping. Then, riding it back home that evening.<br />
One day when I was about four years old, my mother bought tickets for me to ride this train from Springhill to Taylor. At that time, the train was pulled by a shining "F" unit engine. However, I was afraid of the big noisy contraption and Ricky Barnard ended up taking the ride in my place.<br />
On other occasions, Dinah Sue, Charlie and I would play in the Cotton Gin down by the railroad (an activity strictly prohibited by our parents.) On many afternoons, we'd walk down the tracks looking for animals, loose spikes and anything else of interest to young children.<br />
[My mother, in an attempt to dissuade us from playing on the tracks, used to tell a story of "Ollie", the guy who lost his head when hit by a train he didn't hear while walking on the tracks. We thought that was a "neat' story and retold it with relish to other kids, along with the story about the drunk hobo who fell asleep on the tracks and had his arms cut off.]<br />
Another thrill for us kids was watching the men come through on their little inspection car. It was about 5' square, powered by a little lawnmower sized engine and had a bench across the front for the men to sit on. They'd travel up and down the tracks, inspecting the roadbed and making minor repairs.<br />
When I was young, they stored the inspection car in a little shed on the south side of Taylor. The shed doors were secured with a big padlock on a large chain. I always assumed (or maybe I hoped) that the railroad men were better at repairing the rails than they were at building sheds. The doors didn't really fit together and we could squeeze between them and explore inside the shed.<br />
I guess my uncles were just as enthralled with the train as I was. My mother told several stories about the railroad when she was young.<br />
There was the story of the escaped convict that had a shoot out with the Taylor Marshall and County Deputies. One of the bullets from that exchange made a hole in the Norwood house down by the railroad tracks. <br />
Then there was the story of how uncle Bob fell in a gondola car parked on the "Tram" siding and his brothers ran home afraid they'd get a whipping for playing around the railroad. By the time they got up the nerve to go back and see about him, the train had picked up the car and headed north. So they all when home and behaved themselves the rest of the day.<br />
When Mrs. Mary asked them where Bob was, they all denied any knowledge of his whereabouts. Meanwhile, the train continued north with "hobo" Bob aboard. He was discovered by a railroad worker at Hope and taken out of the car.<br />
He knew he was already in trouble so he started walking home, catching a ride every so often. It was late at night by the time he drug up into the yard.<br />
Mrs. Mary asked him where he'd been all evening and he explained that he'd been playing on some railroad cars and fell in one and ended up being taken to Hope before he could get anyone's attention and then he had to walk back from there.<br />
She whipped him for lying and told him he could go to bed without supper since he didn't want to tell where he'd really been.<br />
<br />
On another occasion, the boys decided to wreck a train. So they piled up rocks on the track and took up positions in the field between the Masonic lodge and Mrs. Mable's house to watch the show.<br />
Luckily(?) The inspection car came along before the train. It hit the pile of rocks while traveling at its full speed of five or ten miles per hour. The inspection car was derailed and the men were thrown off, into the ditch.<br />
It was at this point that the boys decided that this hadn't been such a good idea after all and they all jumped up and ran home. The sight of four boys running full blast from the "scene of the crime" helped the railroad men recover from their shock quickly enough to note which house the kids ran into.<br />
After they cleared the rocks off the rack and rerailed the inspection car, they paid a visit to my grandparents. Mrs. Mary was able to "persuade" the boys to never try to derail a train again. Of course, they had a constant reminder of their sin each time they tried to sit down for the next several days.<br />
~~~~~<br />
At last, an explanation: Ever walk into a room with some purpose in mind, only to completely forget what that purpose was? Turns out, doors themselves are to blame for these strange memory lapses.<br />
<br />
Psychologists at the University of Notre Dame have discovered that passing through a doorway triggers what's known as an event boundary in the mind, separating one set of thoughts and memories from the next. Your brain files away the thoughts you had in the previous room and prepares a blank slate for the new locale.<br />
<br />
It's not aging, it's the door!<br />
<br />
Thanks to Waneta<br />
~~~~~<br />
ALL PUNS INTENDED<br />
<br />
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.<br />
<br />
A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything."<br />
<br />
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says, "A beer please, and one for the road."<br />
<br />
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, "Does this taste funny to you?"<br />
<br />
"Doc, I can’t stop singing “The Green, Green Grass of Home.” " That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" "Well, ………..It’s Not Unusual."<br />
<br />
An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.<br />
<br />
Déjà-Moo: The feeling that you’ve heard this bull before.<br />
<br />
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn’t find any<br />
<br />
I went to a seafood disco Last week...and pulled a mussel.<br />
<br />
What do you call a fish With no eyes? A fsh.<br />
<br />
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."<br />
<br />
A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt, and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him “Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of<br />
himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, She tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of her other son. Her husband responds, "They’re twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen<br />
Ahmal." <br />
<br />
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail. And with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.<br />
This made him a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.<br />
<br />
Thanks to Waneta<br />
~~~~~<br />
Three Rednecks were working on a cell phone tower, Cooter, Dale and K.C.<br />
<br />
As they start their descent Cooter slips, falls off the tower and is killed<br />
instantly.<br />
<br />
As the ambulance takes the body away, Dale says, "Well, someone should go and tell Cooter's wife."<br />
<br />
KC says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it."<br />
<br />
Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Budweiser.<br />
<br />
Dale says, "Where did you get that beer, KC?"<br />
<br />
"Cooter's wife gave it to me," KC replies.<br />
<br />
"That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you beer?"<br />
<br />
Well, not exactly", KC says. "When she answered the door, I said to her, "You must be Cooter's widow'."<br />
<br />
She said, "You must be mistaken, I'm not a widow.".... Then I said "I'll bet you a case of Budweiser you are."<br />
<br />
Rednecks are good at that sensitive stuff.<br />
<br />
Thanks to Gary Foreman<br />
~~~~~<br />
The following wisdom is shared by our friends.<br />
~<br />
Jim Ford - - There are two ways to capture and enslave a country. One is by the sword and the other is by debt. - John Adams<br />
~<br />
Nancee Davis Law<br />
<br />
When you're down and troubled and you need a helping hand, Jesus will be your friend.<br />
<br />
You can't have a positive future, looking at a negative past<br />
<br />
you can't change the past so don't live in it. It's a new Day!!<br />
<br />
Be the umbrella in someone's storm.<br />
<br />
God will become more in us when we become less in ourselves.<br />
<br />
It's not what you do for your children but what you have taught them to do for themselves, that will make them successful human beings. Ann Landers<br />
<br />
A balanced breakfast is very important - therefore we should have a cup of coffee in BOTH hands!!<br />
<br />
God doesn't owe us anything which makes the fact that He gives us everything even more awesome.<br />
<br />
"Latte" (noun) Italian for "You paid too much for that coffee."<br />
~<br />
Jimmy Malone - - What if smart phones make people dumber?<br />
~~~~~<br />
Wendell Franks - - Although it felt like opening Christmas presents on Dec. 23, I just joined all of you who voted early. I'm quite proud to say that, for the first time I remember, I was careful to split my ticket, voting both for R and D. In the days of George McGovern (R.I.P.) and J. William Fulbright, I voted Democrat. In my middle age, I voted Republican. At 60, I've finally realized that politicians of neither party give a (kindly insert your favorite pejorative or simply default to "darn") about this great nation or its citizens, and neither deserve loyalty. Democracy is, by nature, a process of negotiation and compromise, and the slash-and-burn extremists of both fringes are equally a threat to our nation. End of speech. I'm through now. Okay, really, that's it. For a printed transcript, visit www.juniorsamplesusedcars.com<br />
~~~~~<br />
<br />
~~~~~<br />
Recipe of the week: Recipe — Lemon Mustard Lamb Chops<br />
<br />
Broiled lamb chops with lemon juice and a parsley, mustard, garlic, lemon zest, and rosemary sauce.<br />
<br />
<br />
Prep Time: 5 minutes <br />
Cook Time: 8 minutes <br />
<br />
Ingredients<br />
2 parsley sprigs<br />
2 tbsp Dijon mustard<br />
1 cup garlic cloves, chopped , minced<br />
1 tsp fresh lemon peel , grated<br />
1/2 tsp dried rosemary , crushed<br />
1 lb lean lamb loin chops , trimmed (4 - 4oz. pieces)<br />
2 tbsp fresh lemon juice<br />
1 cooking spray<br />
1 medium lemons , quartered<br />
<br />
<br />
Directions<br />
1 In small bowl, blend parsley, mustard, garlic, lemon zest, and rosemary.<br />
2 Place lamb chops in shallow baking dish.<br />
3 Spoon lemon juice over chops, and let stand for 15 minutes.<br />
4 Preheat broiler. Coat broiler pan and rack with cooking spray.<br />
5 Place lamb chops on the prepared rack. Spread half of mustard mixture evenly over chops.<br />
6 Broil chops 4" from the heat for 4 minutes. Turn and spread remaining mustard mixture evenly over the chops.<br />
7 Broil for 4 to 5 minutes, until slightly pink in the center.<br />
8 Garnish with lemon wedges.<br />
<br />
Copyright http://www.dlife.com/diabetes/diabetic-recipes/recipeDetailPrint.html?id=3688<br />
~~~~~<br />
Bob Rankin - - AskBob - - Geekly Update - 26 October 2012 - - Are those stories about alien abductions really true? Can spending an entire day without your Smartphone make you dumb? And if you thought the Internet was made of wires, you need to see this shocking newly-discovered evidence to the contrary. Get answers to these burning questions, and the scoop on the latest tech news, in this edition of the Geekly Update. It's guaranteed to make you 146% smarter, read on...<br />
http://askbobrankin.com/geekly_update_26_october_2012.html?awt_l=HZr.N&awt_m=IcY1P2KEC8P6SL<br />
~~~~~<br />
The latest from Michael Yon, the foremost “milnews” blogger on the web. <br />
~<br />
Greetings,<br />
<br />
Please see this Excellent Article by Bing West on the Libya Debacle. [http://www.michaelyon-online.com/first-aid-the-living.htm]<br />
<br />
Please see the latest Army Story From Afghanistan. [http://www.michaelyon-online.com/medevac-at-fob-pasab-afghanistan.htm]<br />
<br />
Very Respectfully,<br />
Michael Yon<br />
Your Writer,<br />
<br />
Please remember that this website accepts no advertisement and is dependent on your support. <br />
<br />
PS Please sign up for my Twitter.com updates at "Michael_Yon" [http://twitter.com/Michael_Yon] (not Michael Yon).<br />
<br />
http://www.facebook.com/#/MichaelYonFanPage?ref=sgm<br />
~<br />
www.michaelyon-online.com<br />
~<br />
Http://www.michaelyon_online.com/index.php<br />
~~~~~ <br />
If you would like to encourage US Troops overseas, but are not sure just how to begin, visit www.anysoldier.com for ideas. <br />
~~~~~ <br />
DarynKagan.com - - Friendly is the theme of today's featured stories. Enjoy!<br />
<br />
And The World's Friendliest Country Is...? [http://darynkagan.demo.nimbussoftware.com/world/2012/jw_121025_friendliest_country.html]<br />
Forbes Magazine ranks the countries where it is easiest to befriend locals, learn the local language, and fit into a new culture. Where does the USA rank?<br />
<br />
Gorgeous Injured Owl Appreciates Rescuer [http://darynkagan.demo.nimbussoftware.com/animals/2012/an_121026_owl_appreciates_rescuer.html]<br />
You have to see this gorgeous owl and how he lets a man pet him and get him the help he needs.<br />
~~~~~<br />
<br />
ACC SmartBrief - - U.S. will continue to hold competitive advantage from shale gas - - The U.S. chemical sector is taking advantage of the cheap natural gas supply from shale formations through $40 billion in planned petrochemical investments in the next few years, said Owen Kean, senior energy-policy director with the American Chemistry Council, at an energy forum Thursday. Natural gas and natural gas liquids from shale are key building blocks for a lot of products. The U.S. "will continue to enjoy a decisive competitive advantage" as long as it continues production of shale-derived gas and NGLs, Kean said. FuelFix.com (10/25)<br />
~~~~~ <br />
http://www.shelfari.com<br />
http://www.shelfari.com/bugsbleat/shelf<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Photos on the front of this week’s “Bleat” include - - Pall Bearers (Robert Davison, Brandon Clark, Mark Simon, Sim Baily, David McClellan and Undre Ellis) carry Mike's flag draped casket. Rev. Jimmy Malone delivers the message. Local American Legion members present the flag to Dorothy and members salute the casket as it's brought into the graveyard.<br />
~~~~~<br />
For the latest issue of "Da Bleat.", go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com. <br />
Our photos are posted at http://www.bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com.<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.<br />
~~~~~<br />
BreakPoint - - Better Microbes - - Nature Abhors Promiscuity<br />
By: John Stonestreet | Published: October 26, 2012 <br />
<br />
Since the sexual revolution, the “enlightened” have viewed chastity and monogamy as “unnatural.” But, what’s really unnatural is promiscuity. <br />
<br />
My colleague Eric Metaxas recently told BreakPoint listeners about a new strain of gonorrhea “that is resistant to the only class of drugs that can ‘reliably treat’ the disease.”<br />
<br />
What’s true of bacteria like Neisseria gonorrhoeae is also true of virtually every other microbe: They are very adaptable and they change faster than our ability to develop treatments that will kill them.<br />
<br />
But in order to adapt, they often need—and get—a helping hand from humans.<br />
<br />
Let me explain. As Laurie Garrett chronicled in her book, “The Coming Plague: Newly Emerging Diseases in a World Out of Balance,” the four decades between Alexander Flemings’ discovery of penicillin and the mid-1960s were the most optimistic time in the history of medicine.<br />
<br />
The development of more-effective antibiotics and breakthroughs in genetics and cancer research led many in the medical profession to look forward to the day when even old killers like cancer would be considered chronic, but not fatal, conditions.<br />
<br />
Nowhere was this optimism more keenly felt than in the area of sexually-transmitted diseases. The incidence of STDs had dropped precipitously, and cases were easily treated with antibiotics. Resources previously devoted to keeping STDs in check were being shifted elsewhere.<br />
<br />
But in less than a decade, this optimism was gone. Why? The Sexual Revolution. As Garrett tells us, changing sexual mores during the 60s and 70s acted as a kind of growth medium for STDs like gonorrhea to evolve into the “superbugs” that have public health officials worried today.<br />
<br />
The combination of promiscuity, drug use, and the overuse of antibiotics as a kind of “backup plan” didn’t create the better world some promised: What it created were “better” microbes, or as in the case of HIV/AIDS, the transformation of a previously-unheard of virus into the source of a global pandemic.<br />
<br />
The drug-resistant gonorrhea is only the latest chapter in a story that began with the Sexual Revolution.<br />
<br />
The connection between “lifestyle” and adaptable microbes is well-documented. Equally well-documented is the unwillingness on the part of public health officials to admit it.<br />
<br />
I’m not talking about “blaming the victim” here. I’m referring to what, in other contexts, has been called “the soft bigotry of low expectations.” In virtually every book or article about the emergence of antibiotic-resistant STDs, the inability of people to modify or even moderate their sexual practices, even in the face of life-threatening illnesses, is a given.<br />
<br />
Somehow New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg’s restriction on soft drink sizes is hailed as social justice, but pointing out the dangers to public health posed by promiscuity is a big no-no.<br />
<br />
Look, nature is obviously indifferent to our ideas about “freedom.” As the philosopher Joseph John Rickaby wrote a century ago, “nature abhors promiscuity.” He called promiscuity “suicidal” and added that a society where it was acceptable would be plagued by infertility and disease.<br />
<br />
Time has proven him right, even if those entrusted with public health refuse to say so.<br />
<br />
And it’s not just our physical health that’s at stake. Our mental and societal health is being decimated by the visual promiscuity that is pornography—something I discuss with Josh and Sean McDowell on this weekend’s BreakPoint this Week. This is easily one of the most stunning interviews I’ve ever conducted, and if you’re a parent, you simply must take a look at Josh’s new website: just1clickaway.org. That’s "just," the number 1, click away.org. And come to BreakPoint.org to listen to the broadcast.<br />
Further Reading and Information<br />
<br />
Moral Philosophy<br />
Joseph Rickaby | Echo Library | March 2007 [http://books.google.com/books?id=qIVdU8XvPkQC&pg=PA142&lpg=PA142&dq=nature+abhors+promiscuity&source=bl&ots=yGgVNbRC41&sig=lNR46S3nOB6GxyFRUBt43E6xpR8&hl=en&sa=X&ei=iN2GUP6RC4nE2gXUnIDgBg&ved=0CCQQ6AEwAQ#v=onepage&q=nature%20abhors%20promiscuity&f=false]<br />
<br />
Just 1 Click Away<br />
A resource of Josh McDowell Ministries [http://www.just1clickaway.org/]<br />
<br />
Sean McDowell Worldview Porn for Vimeo Preview<br />
| Summit Lecture Series [http://vimeo.com/50145841]<br />
<br />
[http://www.breakpoint.org/bpcommentaries]<br />
<br />
Copyright © 2012 Prison Fellowship. All Rights Reserved <br />
<br />
~~~~~<br />
Residents of Columbia County, Arkansas are represented in Congress by:<br />
~<br />
<br />
Senator John Boozman (R_ AR) <br />
1 Russell Courtyard<br />
Washington DC, 20510<br />
Phone: 202-224-4843<br />
http://boozman.senate.gov/<br />
~<br />
Senator Mark Pryor (D_ AR) <br />
Phone 202_224_2353 <br />
FAX 202_228_0908 <br />
http://pryor.senate.gov/<br />
~<br />
Representative Michael A. Ross (D _ 04) <br />
Phone 202_225_3772 <br />
FAX 202_225_1314 <br />
http://ross.house.gov/<br />
<br />
Other states congresspersons can be found at: [http://www.visi.com/juan/congress/]<br />
~~~~~<br />
THOUGHT OF THE DAY:<br />
<br />
"Every great mistake has a halfway moment, a split second when it can be recalled and perhaps remedied." - Pearl S. Buck<br />
<br />
"The most costly of all follies is to believe passionately in the palpably not true. It is the chief occupation of mankind." - H. L. Mencken<br />
<br />
"You'll never plow a field by turning it over in your mind." - Irish proverb<br />
<br />
"Give me the liberty to know, to utter and to argue freely according to conscience, above all liberties." - John Milton<br />
<br />
"Has fortune dealt you some bad cards. Then let wisdom make you a good gamester." - Francis Quarles<br />
<br />
"Things don't turn up in this world unless somebody turns them up." - James A. Garfield<br />
<br />
"It is a fair, even-handed, noble adjustment of things, that while there is infection in disease and sorrow, there is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good-humor." - Charles Dickens<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Today's Seed from E-MIN todaysseed.text@e-min.org via venturenet.net <br />
<br />
Oct 26 - - Acts 12:7,9,11 <br />
<br />
Donate by check, card, & PayPal: www.e-min.org/give2.htm (Tax deductible)<br />
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________________________________<br />
Today's Seed by Randall Vaughn is published daily (M-F) by E-MIN<br />
Global Ministries, P O Box 220, Warrior, AL 35180 (USA) www.e-min.org<br />
Copyright Terms/Permissions/List Privacy www.e-min.org/tp.htm<br />
Today's Seed(TM) (c) 2012 Randall Vaughn All Rights Reserved Worldwide.<br />
~~~~~ <br />
BREAKING CHRISTIAN NEWS <br />
http://breakingchristiannews.com/<br />
<br />
10,000 Egyptian Youth Gather in Desert to Worship<br />
Jerry Dykstra (Oct 22, 2012)<br />
<br />
"To sit among over 10,000 young people, worship with them in a roaring holy noise, listen to powerful and challenging messages and pray for God's powerful presence in our lives; really, it is hard to describe in words."<br />
<br />
Read Full Story [http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=10662]<br />
<br />
40 Days for Life: 341 Babies Saved So Far<br />
Shawn Carney (Oct 23, 2012)<br />
<br />
A second woman walked up to vigil participants to thank them for their witness. She said that a few days earlier, she was driving to the facility to have an abortion. She prayed for a sign to convince her not to go through with it. When she saw the 40 Days for Life prayer team on the sidewalk, she recognized the sign she had prayed for.<br />
<br />
Read Full Story [http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=10669]<br />
<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
<br />
GCF: Required Course<br />
<br />
If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.com<br />
----------------------------------------------------------<br />
In my senior year I reluctantly took a required psychology course.<br />
The first day, the professor commented on each student's major, trying to provoke a response. It was working - some students were becoming defensive. When it was my turn, I told him I was a music major.<br />
<br />
"So," asked my professor, "what does your father think of you wasting your education to study music?"<br />
<br />
"He's just thankful," I shot back, "that I didn't go into psychology." <br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Menu Commands<br />
<br />
A Canadian customer was calling to find out if there was a faster way to trigger menu commands than mousing up to the menus.<br />
<br />
Agent: Certainly, sir. There are keyboard shortcuts for many of those commands. For example, suppose you want to trigger the Select All command...<br />
<br />
Caller: Yes, I use that one all the time! How do I do it?<br />
<br />
Agent: Well, you just press Control-A.<br />
<br />
Caller (after a pause): Well, that's not working for me.<br />
<br />
Agent: Do you have a text document open in front of you?<br />
<br />
Caller: Yes, I sure do.<br />
<br />
Agent: OK, now press Control-A.<br />
<br />
Caller: I am, but nothing happens.<br />
<br />
Agent: The text isn't highlighted?<br />
<br />
Caller: No, there's no change at all.<br />
<br />
Agent: That's odd. If you press Control-A the whole document should be highlighted. Try it again. Press Control-A. Tell me exactly what's happening.<br />
<br />
Caller (nearing his Canadian breaking point): Listen. I'm pressing Control, eh? And nothing's happening, eh? <br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Shopping Bags<br />
<br />
My mother-in-law recently moved to a seniors' residence where they ask everyone to double-bag their garbage so it doesn't spill or break on the way down the garbage chute.<br />
<br />
Since she does little shopping herself, she's asked us to bring her our used bags.<br />
<br />
Living fifteen miles out of town, however, it isn't always convenient for us to boost her supply. So the next time we took her shopping, I explained the situation to the cashier, who kindly gave us a handful of extra bags.<br />
<br />
The next day, my mother-in-law called. "Robert, can you please bring over some plastic shopping bags?"<br />
<br />
"But, Mother," I said, puzzled, "you got 30 extra bags yesterday."<br />
<br />
"Oh, no, dear," she replied. "I can't use those for garbage. They're brand new!"<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Darn Cat<br />
<br />
A couple was going out for the evening. They'd gotten ready, all dolled up, cat put out, etc. The taxi arrives, and as the couple got out, the cat shoots back in. They don't want the cat shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the cat out. The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty explains to the taxi driver, "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother."<br />
<br />
A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab, "Sorry I took so long," he says. "Stupid old thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!"<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Prayer Request<br />
<br />
Our minister usually conducts an expanded altar call at the end of his sermon. He asks those with prayers or other requests, to come forward.<br />
<br />
To the surprise and delight of the congregation, his three-year-old daughter, without a word to the mother, got up and made her way forward. She waited patiently while the others ahead of her made a request.<br />
<br />
When her turn came, the minister leaned down to ask for her request. <br />
She whispered, "Can we go to the restaurant after church?"<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Magic Car<br />
<br />
A mother gave her teenage daughter a car for her sixteenth birthday.<br />
As she handed over the keys, she explained that it was a magic car.<br />
<br />
The girl, of course, was very excited, and asked what it did.<br />
<br />
"Well," said Mom, "Just get one ticket and you'll see how quickly it will disappear."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Officer Shortcut<br />
<br />
A Navy officer, serving on an aircraft carrier, was cutting through the crew's quarters of his ship one day and happened upon a sailor reading a magazine with his feet up on the small table in front of him.<br />
<br />
"Sailor! Do you put your feet up on the furniture at home?" the officer demanded.<br />
<br />
"No, sir, but we don't land airplanes on the roof either."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: DC Cabs<br />
<br />
Anyone who's ever ridden in a cab in Washington DC knows they're some of the world's most brazen drivers. Oddly enough though, their current accident rate isn't all that bad. One day I asked one of the drivers the reason for that.<br />
<br />
"Easy," he said. "all the really bad drivers are dead now."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Self-Employed<br />
<br />
Many years ago, my friend worked for a large business. It was his lifetime employment, but he wasn't happy there. He wanted to go into business for himself. He saved his money and finally had enough so that he could quit and start his own business.<br />
<br />
A few years later, I was on vacation passing through the town where my friend's business was located. I stopped by for a visit. I said to him, "I heard that the first year is the hardest for a new business."<br />
<br />
"Yeah, the first year was pretty rough, but we're doing pretty well now. In fact, I'm getting to where I only have to work half a day."<br />
<br />
"Wow! That's pretty nice! Maybe I should think about going into business for myself."<br />
<br />
"Yeah, and the nicest part of it is that it doesn't matter which twelve hours you work." <br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Dollar<br />
<br />
Rachel asked her mother for a dollar to give to a little old lady in the park.<br />
<br />
Kathy, impressed by her daughters's kindness, gave her the dollar.<br />
"There you are Rachel," said Kathy. "But, tell me, isn't the little old lady able to work any more?"<br />
<br />
"Oh she works!" was Rachel's reply, "She sells candy!"<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Trix Are For Kids<br />
<br />
Woman: "No, I'm telling you, I'm right! He couldn't eat the Trix because he was an adult rabbit, and Trix were only supposed to be for kids."<br />
<br />
Man: "Well, I always thought it was just because he was a rabbit and not a person."<br />
<br />
[A period of silence -- the woman looks down at her food.]<br />
<br />
Man: "What's wrong?"<br />
<br />
Woman: "I'm just really getting tired of you always being wrong."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Jury Duty<br />
<br />
As a court clerk, I am well-versed in the jury selection process.<br />
First a computer randomly selects a few hundred citizens from the entire county to report for jury duty on a particular day. Then another computer assigns 40 of those present to a courtroom. Then the 40 names are placed into a drum, and a dozen names are pulled.<br />
<br />
During jury selection for one trial, the judge asked potential Juror No. 12 if there was any reason he could not be a fair and impartial juror.<br />
<br />
"There may be," he replied. "Juror No. 1 is my ex-wife, and if we were on the same jury, I guarantee we would not be able to agree on anything."<br />
<br />
Both were excused. <br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Rose<br />
<br />
One morning I found a beautiful long-stemmed rose lying by the kitchen sink. Even though the flower was plastic, I was thinking how, after all the years we had been married, my husband could still make such a wonderful romantic gesture.<br />
<br />
Then I noticed a love note lying next to it.<br />
<br />
"Dear Sue," it read. "Don't touch the rose, I'm using the stem to unclog the drain."<br />
<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Preposition<br />
<br />
A gentleman wandered around the campus of a college looking for the library. He approached a student and asked, "Excuse me, young man. Would you be good enough to tell me where the library is at?"<br />
<br />
The student, in a very arrogant and belittling tone, replied, "I'm sorry, sir, but at this school, we are taught never to end a sentence with a preposition!"<br />
<br />
The gentleman smiled, and in a very apologetic tone, he replied, "I beg your pardon. Please allow me to rephrase my question. Would you be good enough to tell me where the library is at, dummy?"<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Baby Cry?<br />
<br />
At 3 AM in the morning, a young wife shook her husband awake.<br />
<br />
Groggily he asked "What is it?"<br />
<br />
"The baby," she reminded him.<br />
<br />
The husband sat up and listened intently.<br />
<br />
"But I don't hear her crying," he protested.<br />
<br />
"I know, and it's your turn to see why not!"<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Check Your Bill<br />
<br />
A corporate executive received a monthly bill from the law firm that was handling a big case for his company. It included hourly billing for conferences, research, phone calls, fax, photocopying, and everything but lunch hours.<br />
<br />
Unhappy as he was, the executive knew that the company would have to pay for each of these services.<br />
<br />
Then he noticed one item buried in the middle of the list:<br />
<br />
"For crossing the street to talk to you, then discovering it wasn't you at all - $125." <br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Empty Cage<br />
<br />
Staring at an empty cage, a zoo visitor asks, "Where are all the monkeys?"<br />
<br />
"It's mating season," the keeper replies. "They're inside."<br />
<br />
"Do you think they'd come out for peanuts?"<br />
<br />
"Probably not," answers the keeper.<br />
<br />
"Why not?" persists the visitor.<br />
<br />
"Would you?" <br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Old Home<br />
<br />
We purchased an old home in northern New York State from two elderly sisters. Winter was fast approaching and I was concerned about the house's lack of insulation.<br />
<br />
"If they could live here all those years, so can we," my husband confidently declared.<br />
<br />
One November night, the temperature plunged to below zero and we woke up to find our interior walls covered with frost. My husband called the sisters to ask how they had kept the house warm.<br />
<br />
After a rather brief conversation, he hung up. "For the past 30 years," he announced, "they've gone to Florida for the winter." <br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Fishing<br />
<br />
A wife returning from a fishing trip with her husband was telling her troubles to a neighbor.<br />
<br />
"I did everything all wrong again today," she said. "I talked too loud, I used the wrong bait, I reeled in too soon, and I caught more fish than he did." <br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Knowledge and Wisdom<br />
<br />
The difference between Knowledge and Wisdom:<br />
<br />
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit.<br />
<br />
Wisdom is not putting tomatoes in a fruit salad. <br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Small Town<br />
<br />
Traveling through New England, a motorist stopped for gas in a tiny village. "What's this place called?" he asked the station attendant.<br />
<br />
"All depends," the native drawled. "Do you mean by them that has to live in this dad-blamed, moth-eaten, dust-covered dump, or by them that's merely enjoying its quaint and picturesque rustic charms for a short spell." <br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Freedom Peppers<br />
<br />
A man walks up to a cashier in a grocery store.<br />
He says, "Hey, how much for these jalapeño peppers?" He pronounces it "joe-la-pen-oh," not "ho-lo-peen-yo."<br />
<br />
The cashier says, "Sir, that's not what those peppers are called."<br />
<br />
The man replies, "Listen, buddy, this is America, and I can pronounce any word the way I please."<br />
<br />
The cashier responds, "That may be, sir, but those are green peppers."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Screwdriver<br />
<br />
While assembling furniture for a friend, I asked her five-year-old son to bring me a screwdriver.<br />
<br />
He said, "Do you want a Daddy screwdriver or a Mommy screwdriver?"<br />
<br />
"Which one can you get faster?"<br />
<br />
"The Mommy screwdriver."<br />
<br />
"Okay. Bring me a Mommy screwdriver."<br />
<br />
The child came back and handed me a butter knife.<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: The Rules of Bureaucracy<br />
<br />
1. Preserve thyself.<br />
<br />
2. It is easier to fix the blame than to fix the problem.<br />
<br />
3. A penny saved is an oversight.<br />
<br />
4. Information deteriorates upward.<br />
<br />
5. The first 90% of the task takes 90% of the time; the last 10% takes the other 90%.<br />
<br />
6. Experience is what you get just after you need it.<br />
<br />
7. For any given large, complex, hard to understand, expensive problem, there exists at least one short, simple, easy, cheap wrong answer.<br />
<br />
8. Anything that can be changed will be, until time runs out.<br />
<br />
9. To err is human; to shrug is service.<br />
<br />
10. There's never enough time to do it right, but there's always enough time to do it over. <br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Glass of Water<br />
<br />
A father stayed home one night to watch his son while his wife went to a PTA meeting. Later in the evening he settled down to watch TV.<br />
<br />
But his son repeatedly kept coming in and asking for a glass of water.<br />
<br />
After the fifth glass,the dad lost his patience and yelled, "I'm trying to watch the TV. Go to Bed."<br />
<br />
"But Dad", the boy wined,"my room is still on fire!" <br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Checking Out<br />
<br />
I was checking out at a busy supermarket and the cashier was having problems. The register ran out of paper, the scanner malfunctioned, and then the cashier spilled a handful of coins.<br />
<br />
When she totaled my order, it came to exactly $22. Trying to soothe her nerves, I said, "That's a nice round figure."<br />
<br />
Still frazzled, she glared at me and said, "You're no bean pole yourself!" <br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Mexican Restaurant<br />
<br />
A Mexican restaurant I pulled up to looked great. Only one problem - it wasn't open. So I jotted down the name for another day. Just then, a man came out of the restaurant and took a peek at what I'd written.<br />
<br />
"That's not the name of the restaurant," he said, pointing to the sign over the door. "That's Spanish for 'Closed on Mondays.'"<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( \<br />
/ / | tellswor@kcbx.net | \ \<br />
_( (_ | http://www.kcbx.net/~tellswor | _) )_<br />
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / No one ever says \ /
\ _/ "It's only a game" \_ /
/ / when their team is winning. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / The colder the x-ray table, \ /
\ _/ the more of your body \_ /
/ / is required to be on it. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / "I dream of a better tomorrow \ \_/ ////
\ / where chickens can cross the \ /
\ _/ road and not have their \_ /
/ / motives questioned." \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / Teach a child to be polite \ \_/ ////
\ / and courteous in the home and, \ /
\ _/ when he grows up, he'll never be \_ /
/ /able to merge his car onto the freeway.\ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / Why is it that people say \ \_/ ////
\ / they "slept like a baby" \ /
\ _/ when babies wake up \_ /
/ / like every two hours? \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / There will always be death and \ /
\ _/ taxes; however, death doesn't \_ /
/ / get worse every year. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / "If we don't make some changes, \ /
\ _/ the status quo will \_ /
/ / remain the same." \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Perseverance is not a long race;\ /
\ _/ it is many short races \_ /
/ / one after another. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / It's the job you never start \ /
\ _/ that takes longest to finish. \_ /
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / You're never too old \ /
\ _/ to learn something stupid. \_ /
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Nothing is really work \ /
\ _/ unless you would rather be \_ /
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Work is fine if it doesn't \ /
\ _/ take too much of your time. \_ /
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / The good Lord didn't create \ /
\ _/ anything without a purpose, \_ /
/ / but mosquitoes come close. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Inflation: What used to cost \ /
\ _/ five dollars to buy \_ /
/ / now costs ten dollars to repair. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / The good Lord didn't create \ /
\ _/ anything without a purpose, \_ /
/ / but mosquitoes come close. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Be especially kind to all \ /
\ _/ you meet. Each of us carries \_ /
/ / a burden that others can't see. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / "I childproofed my house, \ /
\ _/ but they still get in." \_ /
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / "I childproofed my house, \ /
\ _/ but they still get in." \_ /
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / If you've never jumped from \ \_/ ////
\ / one couch to the other to \ /
\ _/ avoid the lava, \_ /
/ / you've never had a childhood. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Life isn't fair, \ /
\ _/ but it's still good. \_ /
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Respect your parents. \ /
\ _/ They did high school \_ /
/ / without Google or Wikipedia. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Even if the voices aren't real, \ /
\ _/ they have some pretty good ideas.\_ /
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / AIBOHPHOBIA: \ /
\ _/ (n.) the fear of palindromes. \_ /
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Time may be a great healer, \ /
\ _/ but it's also \_ /
/ / a lousy beautician. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / The speed of time is \ /
\ _/ one-second per second. \_ /
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Asking dumb questions is easier \ /
\ _/ than correcting dumb mistakes. \_ /
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / It is not what teenagers know \ /
\ _/ that bothers parents. \_ /
/ / It's how they found out. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Life is wonderful. \ /
\ _/ Without it you'd be dead. \_ /
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
_ _______________________________ _
/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( \
/ / | tellswor@kcbx.net | \ \
_( (_ | http://www.kcbx.net/~tellswor | _) )
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
-------------------------------------------------------
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Ot Yet?<br />
<br />
I did my nurse's training at a hospital in Liverpool, England. My fellow students and I had little money for meals, so we ate the awful food provided at the hospital complex.<br />
<br />
We often took our breaks in the kitchen and sometimes kindly visitors would give us some of the treats they had brought for patients who had not wanted to eat them.<br />
<br />
One night a woman brought a pie to the kitchen and said to me, "Would you eat this up, love?"<br />
<br />
Another student and I devoured every delicious crumb!<br />
<br />
Soon our benefactor returned, however, and asked, "Is me 'usband's pie 'ot yet, dearie?" (hot yet?)<br />
<br />
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Penny for Your Thoughts<br />
<br />
One morning Grandma was over at the doctor's house when her daughter called, who was sort of frantic because her son had swallowed a penny. The daughter wanted Grandma to ask the doctor if she should bring the boy in to be seen.<br />
<br />
When she asked the doc, he calmly replied, "I don't think it's necessary. Just watch him closely for any change."<br />
<br />
Received from Timothy Anger.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
One-Armed Consultant<br />
<br />
The classified ad said, "Wanted: CEO needs a one-armed consultant with a social sciences degree and five years of experience."<br />
<br />
The man who won the job asked, "I understand most of the qualifications you required, but why 'one armed'?"<br />
<br />
The CEO answered, "I have had many consultants, and I am tired of hearing with each advice the phrase 'on the other hand.'"<br />
<br />
Received from ArcaMax Jokes.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Oneliners Part 2<br />
<br />
Before the '60s, most teenagers used self-control.<br />
<br />
Money talks, but credit has an echo.<br />
<br />
Practice courtesy. You never know when it might become popular again.<br />
<br />
One man's wage rise is another man's price increase.<br />
<br />
The most enjoyable form of sex education is the Braille method.<br />
<br />
What a wonderful life I've had! I only wish I'd realized it sooner.<br />
<br />
The reward of a thing well done, is to have done it.<br />
<br />
When you're at school, you wish you were old enough to work.<br />
<br />
Night falls . . . but . . . Day breaks.<br />
<br />
If you think you have it tough, read history books.<br />
<br />
It's a new year, do you know where your credit cards are?<br />
<br />
I try to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.<br />
<br />
You have a lifetime to work, but children are only young once.<br />
<br />
A hundred men may make an encampment, but it takes a woman to make a home.<br />
<br />
A healthy male adult bore, consumes each year, one and a half times his weight, in other people's patience.<br />
<br />
Whenever buying a gift for a couple celebrating their 60th anniversary, buy them something they will use right away.<br />
<br />
I told my teenage son to enjoy this part of his life, that he would never again feel so secure in his ignorance.<br />
<br />
I know that you're nobody's fool, but maybe someone will adopt you.<br />
<br />
Received from Irene A. Mystery.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Hotel Pets?<br />
<br />
A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a Midwest town he planned to visit on his vacation. He wrote:<br />
<br />
I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?<br />
<br />
An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware, or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too."<br />
<br />
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
The Recession<br />
<br />
The recession has hit everybody really hard...<br />
<br />
* My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.<br />
<br />
* CEOs are now playing miniature golf.<br />
<br />
* Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.<br />
<br />
* I saw a Mormon with only one wife.<br />
<br />
* If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.<br />
<br />
* Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.<br />
<br />
* My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her!<br />
<br />
* A picture is now only worth 200 words.<br />
<br />
* McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.<br />
<br />
* The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.<br />
<br />
* When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.<br />
<br />
* A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.<br />
<br />
Received from LeoDaVinci.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Grandfathers<br />
<br />
Three elderly gents were talking about what their grandchildren would be saying about them fifty years from now.<br />
<br />
"I would like my grandchildren to say, 'He was successful in business,'" declared the first man.<br />
<br />
"Fifty years from now," said the second, "I want them to say, 'He was a loyal family man.'"<br />
<br />
Turning to the third gent, he asked, "So what do you want them to say about you in fifty years?"<br />
<br />
"Me?" the third one replied. "I want them to say, 'He certainly looks good for his age.'"<br />
<br />
Received from Big Mac Clean Joke Attack.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Groaner: Endangered Species<br />
<br />
My wife and I were flipping through TV channels the other night, and we settled for a while on one of those wildlife programs -- this one was about the cheetah.<br />
<br />
A thought occurred to me. "You know why they're endangered, don't you?" I said.<br />
<br />
She nodded. "It's that old saying, 'Cheetahs never prosper.'"<br />
<br />
(from Joel Rosenberg)<br />
<br />
Received from Stan Kegel.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Church Nevers<br />
<br />
6. Never ask an usher to break a $20.<br />
<br />
5. Never do a cannonball in the baptismal tank.<br />
<br />
4. Never hold a church business meeting on Super Bowl Sunday.<br />
<br />
3. Never tell the pastor, "We love your church, and we might even come back next Easter."<br />
<br />
2. During youth group activities, never bungee jump off the church steeple or play chicken with the church buses.<br />
<br />
1. After a soloist of impressive size sings "Love Lifted Me," don't follow with the hymn "It Took a Miracle."<br />
<br />
From "Bible Humor Top Seven Lists" by Dave Veerman and Rich Anderson<br />
<br />
Received from Mikey's Funnies.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Famous Last Words<br />
<br />
What could possibly go wrong?<br />
<br />
Don't worry, I've done it a million times!<br />
<br />
Watch this.<br />
<br />
Don't turn it on yet, it's not quite ready.<br />
<br />
Don't worry, it's not used any more.<br />
<br />
Step back a bit, I can't get you in the picture.<br />
<br />
Listen, I'm taking a course in chemistry, I know what I'm doing.<br />
<br />
Yes of course the elastic is strong enough.<br />
<br />
I wonder what happens if these two wires touch.<br />
<br />
I thought it tasted rather strange.<br />
<br />
Well "I've" never seen one that big.<br />
<br />
Go for it! What's the worst that can happen?<br />
<br />
You have driven this before, haven't you?<br />
<br />
And that one over there, the red flashing one, what does that mean?<br />
<br />
I've never had one of these fail to open before.<br />
<br />
Are you sure they don't mind you taking their honey?<br />
<br />
It's ok, I saw them do it on TV.<br />
<br />
Let's see what this baby can do.<br />
<br />
My mom's at the mall, go ahead.<br />
<br />
That was our turn back there...<br />
<br />
It's peacetime, let's enlist.<br />
<br />
How much worse could it get?<br />
<br />
Received from George "I just sent GCFL a donation" Brown.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Buying Shoes<br />
<br />
Each day when I came home from work, I would drop to my knees and ask my four-year-old son if he wanted to box. I wanted him to learn how to protect himself. We would spar around for a few minutes before supper.<br />
<br />
One day my wife and I took our son to get new shoes. The shoe salesman was friendly and allowed my son to try on several pairs of shoes before we decided on a particular pair that he liked. We asked if he wanted to wear them home, and he replied, "Yes."<br />
<br />
The salesman, who was kneeling on the floor in front of our son, held the old shoes in his hands and asked, "Do you want a box?"<br />
<br />
Our son stood up and punched him right on the nose. After grabbing our son, we had to spend the next several minutes explaining why this happened. Luckily, our salesman was also the father of a four-year-old.<br />
<br />
Received from Stan Kegel.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Birthday Party<br />
<br />
A lady threw a party for her granddaughter. She had gone all out with a caterer, a band, and even a clown. Just before the party started, two bums showed up looking for a handout. Feeling sorry for the bums, the woman told them that she would give them a meal if they would chop some wood for her out back. Gratefully, they headed to the rear of the house.<br />
<br />
The guests arrived, and all was going well with the children having a wonderful time. But the clown hadn't shown up. After a half an hour, the clown finally called to report that he was stuck in traffic, and he would probably not make the party at all.<br />
<br />
The woman was very disappointed and unsuccessfully tried to entertain the children herself. She happened to look out the window and saw one of the bums doing cartwheels across the lawn. She watched in awe as he swung from tree branches, did midair flips, and leaped high into the air.<br />
<br />
She spoke to the other bum and said, "What your friend is doing is absolutely marvelous. I've never seen such a thing. Do you think your friend would consider repeating this performance for the children at the party? I would pay him $100!"<br />
<br />
The other bum said, "Well, I dunno. Let me ask him. HEY WILLIE! FOR $100, WOULD YOU CHOP OFF ANOTHER TOE?"<br />
<br />
Received from Big Mac Clean Joke Attack.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Give Bubba a Chance<br />
<br />
It was graduation night at Cox High School. They were about halfway through the ceremony when the principal said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we have a problem. Bubba is a few credits short and won't be able to graduate tonight."<br />
<br />
Bubba was the starting right guard for Cox's football team. When the student body heard that he wasn't going to graduate, they all jumped up and started to chant, "Give Bubba another chance! Give Bubba another chance!"<br />
<br />
The football coach and the principal had a quick conference. Afterward, the principal announced that they decided to give Bubba another chance. Bubba was told that he will be given a "One Question" math test, and if he passed, he could graduate.<br />
<br />
The question was, "What is 2 plus 3?" Bubba thought for a couple of minutes and finally said, "I have it! The answer is 5!"<br />
<br />
There was complete silence in the auditorium for a couple of seconds, and then the entire Cox High School football team jumped up and began to chant, "Give Bubba one more chance! Give Bubba one more chance!"<br />
<br />
Received from ArcaMax Jokes.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Psychology Course<br />
<br />
In my senior year I reluctantly took a required psychology course. The first day, the professor commented on each student's major, trying to provoke a response. It was working - some students were becoming defensive. When it was my turn, I told him I was a music major.<br />
<br />
"So," asked my professor, "what does your father think of you wasting your education to study music?"<br />
<br />
"He's just thankful," I shot back, "that I didn't go into psychology."<br />
<br />
Received from Clean-Laffs.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Petty Argument<br />
<br />
A husband and wife were involved in a petty argument, both of them unwilling to admit they might be in error.<br />
<br />
"I'll admit I'm wrong," the wife told her husband in a conciliatory attempt, "if you'll admit I'm right."<br />
<br />
He agreed and, like a gentleman, insisted she go first.<br />
<br />
"I'm wrong," she said.<br />
<br />
With a twinkle in his eye, he responded, "You're right!"<br />
<br />
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Gladly the Bear<br />
<br />
A young boy attended his first Sunday school class, and he was relating the events of the day to his mother. "We sang a song about a bear," he proudly said.<br />
<br />
"You sang a song about a bear?" his mother asked.<br />
<br />
"Yes," he piped up. "We sang a song about a bear that was cross-eyed."<br />
<br />
His mother blinked. "You sang a song about a bear that was cross-eyed?" she asked, wondering what this had to do with Sunday school.<br />
<br />
"Uh-huh. We sang a song about a bear that was cross-eyed, and his name was Gladly," her son explained.<br />
<br />
His mother pressed. "What do you mean?"<br />
<br />
With a big smile, he said, "We sang 'Gladly, the Cross-eyed Bear.'"<br />
<br />
/* For those that don't know, this is a mondegreen (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mondegreen) of the church hymn "Keep Thou My Way" by Fanny Crosby. */<br />
<br />
Received from Big Mac Clean Joke Attack.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
C-130 Versus F-16<br />
<br />
The C-130 was lumbering along when a cocky F-16 flashed by. The jet jockey decided to show off.<br />
<br />
The fighter jock told the C-130 pilot, "Watch this!" and promptly went into a barrel roll followed by a steep climb. He then finished with a sonic boom as he broke the sound barrier.<br />
<br />
The F-16 pilot asked the C-130 pilot what he thought of that.<br />
<br />
The C-130 pilot said, "That was impressive, but watch this!"<br />
<br />
The C-130 droned along for about five minutes and then the C-130 pilot came back on and said, "What did you think of that?"<br />
<br />
Puzzled, the F-16 pilot asked, "What did you do?"<br />
<br />
The C-130 pilot chuckled. "I stood up, stretched my legs, went to the bathroom, then got a cup of coffee and a cinnamon bun."<br />
<br />
When you are young, speed and flash may be great. When you get older and smarter, comfortable and dull are not so bad!<br />
<br />
Received from Doc's Daily Chuckle.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Camping Trip<br />
<br />
/* Happy Pi Day! http://www.piday.org */<br />
<br />
The loaded mini-van pulled into a campsite. Four children leaped from the vehicle and began feverishly unloading gear and setting up the tent. The boys rushed to gather firewood, while the girls and their mother set up the camp stove and cooking utensils.<br />
<br />
A nearby camper marveled to the youngsters' father, "That, sir, is some display of teamwork."<br />
<br />
The father replied, "I have a system: no one goes to the bathroom until the camp is set up."<br />
<br />
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Blind Animals<br />
<br />
Two animals meet in the woods, both blind since birth. Neither one knows what kind of animal it is, so they decide to feel each other to try to figure it out.<br />
<br />
"What do I feel like?" the first animal asked.<br />
<br />
"You have soft fur all over you, strong back legs, big back feet, a puffy little cotton tail, two long ears, and a twitchy little nose."<br />
<br />
The first animal, full of joy, exclaimed, "I know what I am! I'm a bunny rabbit."<br />
<br />
"Now it's my turn," said the second animal.<br />
<br />
The bunny felt him, describing, "You're very long, narrow, and low to the ground. You're cold and slimy. You have long, sharp fangs and a little forked tongue that keeps darting out of your mouth."<br />
<br />
"Darn," sobbed the second animal. "I'm a lawyer."<br />
<br />
Received from ArcaMax Jokes.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Beautiful Ego<br />
<br />
Before Linda became engaged, she was quite the beauty, and she didn't mind letting her boyfriend know it, too:<br />
<br />
"A lot of men are gonna be totally miserable when I marry," she told him.<br />
<br />
"Really?" asked the boyfriend. "And just how many men are you planning to marry?"<br />
<br />
Received from Andychap.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
40-Year Difference<br />
<br />
When I was a 20-something college student, I became quite friendly with my study partner, a 64-year-old man, who had returned to school to finish his degree. He confessed, with a wink, that he had once thought more than friendship might be a possibility between us.<br />
<br />
"So what changed your mind?" I asked him.<br />
<br />
"I went to my doctor and asked if he thought a 40-year age difference between a man and woman was insurmountable. He looked at my chart and said, 'You're interested in someone who's 104?'"<br />
<br />
Received from You Make Me Laugh.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Announcement<br />
<br />
Heard over a public address system:<br />
<br />
Will the person who lost the roll of $100 bills tied with a rubber band please come to the office. We've found the rubber band.<br />
<br />
Received from Alden P Lewis.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Doorbell<br />
<br />
Pastor Jim was driving along one day and saw a little boy trying to reach a doorbell. He stopped the car and got out to help the boy. He pressed the doorbell for him and said, "Now what do we do?"<br />
<br />
"Now," the boy said, "we run!"<br />
<br />
Received from Kellen Pechacek.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Experience<br />
<br />
"Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to<br />
recognize a mistake when you make it again." - Anonymous<br />
<br />
Received from Clean-Laffs.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Department of Lowered Expectations<br />
<br />
During a road trip, I stopped in a small town to grab a bite to eat. I walked into a local pizza place and the first thing I noticed was a sign on the wall advising: "Price. Quality. Service. Pick Any Two."<br />
<br />
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Doorbell<br />
<br />
I was accompanying my eight-year-old daughter who was selling cookies door-to-door for the Girl Scouts.<br />
<br />
After visiting several homes, she commented on the different styles of doorbells: some buzzed, some rang, some warbled. We made a game of guessing what the next bell would sound like.<br />
<br />
At the precise moment she touched the doorbell at one house, the church tower began to chime. She wheeled around with a look of amazement on her face. "Now that's a doorbell!"<br />
<br />
Received from Doc's Daily Chuckle.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Cherry Brandy<br />
<br />
Knowing that the minister was very fond of cherry brandy, one of the church elders offered to present him with a bottle on one consideration: that the pastor acknowledge receipt of the gift in the church paper.<br />
<br />
"Gladly," responded the good man.<br />
<br />
When the church magazine came out a few days later, the elder turned at once to the "Appreciation" column. There he read: "The minister extends his thanks to Elder Brown for his gift of fruit and for the spirit in which it was given."<br />
<br />
Received from Clean-Laffs.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
--<br />
Rate this funny at<br />
http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20120420<br />
<br />
Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List<br />
A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a)<br />
Mail address: GCFL, Box 100, Harvest, AL 35749, USA<br />
<br />
To print or email this funny to others, go to<br />
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<br />
The latest GCFL funny can always be found on the web at http://www.gcfl.net/latest.php<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Humor - - A Limerick For National Chocolate Day<br />
<br />
October 28th, is National Chocolate Day. (Okay, every day is chocolate day in my house. But still…)<br />
<br />
A Limerick for National Chocolate Day<br />
By Madeleine Begun Kane<br />
<br />
Oh, no! Did I make a mistake<br />
While baking that chocolate cake?<br />
An ingredient doubled?<br />
Or tripled? I’m troubled!<br />
I should have bought something from Drake.<br />
<br />
http://www.madkane.com/humor_blog/<br />
© Madeleine Begun Kane. All Rights Reserved.<br />
http://www.madkane.com/<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." __ Franklin D. Roosevelt <br />
"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle." <br />
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. _ _ George Carlin <br />
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" _ _ Queen E. Watson<br />
“A political class of Republicans and Democrats that look after themselves, not the Nation. A media hostile to the very precepts of this nation. A generation of Americans who see morals as vices, and are ignorant of America's Actual History.”<br />
"The things that will destroy America are prosperity-at-any-price, peace-at-any-price, safety-first instead of duty-first, the love of soft living, and the get-rich-quick theory of life." - - Theodore Roosevelt <br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> <br />
Emergency Phone Number 911 <br />
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )<br />
Central Dispatch 234_5655<br />
(Non _ Emergency Number)<br />
Direct Numbers<br />
Ambulance _ 234_7371 (24 Hour)<br />
Jail _ 234_5331 (24 Hour)<br />
Poison Control _ 800_222_1222 (24 Hour)<br />
http://www. aapcc. org/<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Interested in getting in touch with the Banner_News through e_mail? editor@bannernews.net For the editor, news@bannernews.net For news and sports items, Coming Events, Diary, Church News, school and civic events. [http://www.bannernews.net/]<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." __ "Bug" <br />
"I read the end of the book. We win!" __ "Bug" <br />
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." __ "Bug"<br />
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." _ _ "Bug"<br />
"It's no big deal doing what God tells you to do. A big deal would be NOT doing what God tells you to do. Just ask Jonah." _ _ Paul Troquille <br />
“Nam et ipsa scientia potestas est.” Knowledge is power. _ Francis Bacon <br />
"The problem is here and now. The time for talk is past. The time for action is now." <br />
Comments on the first Earth Day _ James F. McClellan via John "Fuzzy" Thurman<br />
~~~~~<br />
Hope you enjoy the newsletter. <br />
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week. <br />
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" __"Bug" <br />
God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!! <br />
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT_I KC5HII <br />
<br />
P. S. If you'd like to be added to the distribution, just drop us E_mail at kc5hii@suddenlink.net<br />
. We offer "Da Bleat" as text, a "Blog" and as a newsletter with pictures in Word and PDF format. The latest issue is usually updated sometime Saturday. For the latest issue, go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com. We also have a site [http://bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com/] where we post photos that I like.<br />
We appreciate your encouragement. We also appreciate your communication when you desire to be taken off our mail list. If you are on this mail list by mistake or do not wish to receive "Da Bleat," please reply back and tell us to discontinue service to you. This email was scanned by Norton AntiVirus 2012 before it was sent.<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
James F. McClellan<br />
Editor/Publisher "Bug's Bleat"<br />
NREMT_I, CSP, KC5HII<br />
418 North Jefferson Street<br />
Magnolia, Arkansas 71753<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
"The problem is here and now. The time for talk is past. The time for action is now." <br />
Comments on the first Earth Day _ James F. McClellan via "Fuzzy" Thurman<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Remember McClellan's Rules<br />
<br />
1. Rejoice in that this is the will of the Lord concerning you.<br />
If that doesn't seem to be working, remember;<br />
2. All things work together for the good of them who love the Lord.<br />
If that doesn't seem to be working, remember;<br />
3. All things are subject to change.<br />
And finally;<br />
4. Don't let the son of a guns get you down!<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>Bughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07270965849194883997noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9136923892168334329.post-79899881846566375432012-10-21T20:13:00.003-07:002012-10-21T20:17:31.441-07:00Bug's Bleat - - Signs You Might Be From New York CityPhotos on the front of this week’s “Bleat” include Scenes from this week's County Wide Emergency Drill; <br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-pFB0Qmm7eEM/UIS3VEwuTlI/AAAAAAAAGSc/k6uchYfoldU/s1600/08-OEM121016%2B%2528116%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="320" width="250" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-pFB0Qmm7eEM/UIS3VEwuTlI/AAAAAAAAGSc/k6uchYfoldU/s320/08-OEM121016%2B%2528116%2529.JPG" /></a></div><br />
Lisa Whittemore documented the drill<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Hm5AN35ZnPg/UIS3SjwiLUI/AAAAAAAAGRs/Vk84W6oekwM/s1600/10-JFM_554142_3881924603426_563723951_n.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="317" width="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Hm5AN35ZnPg/UIS3SjwiLUI/AAAAAAAAGRs/Vk84W6oekwM/s320/10-JFM_554142_3881924603426_563723951_n.JPG" /></a></div><br />
"Bug" directing the scenario<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Ezgh6w1Fr4Q/UIS3TEtmE5I/AAAAAAAAGR4/_Al1eDtvbrA/s1600/04-OEM121016%2B%252884%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="320" width="243" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Ezgh6w1Fr4Q/UIS3TEtmE5I/AAAAAAAAGR4/_Al1eDtvbrA/s320/04-OEM121016%2B%252884%2529.JPG" /></a></div><br />
Albemarle Emergency Coordinator Kenny Kendrick, Fire Chief Greg Pinner, and Incident Commander Glenn Proctor confer.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-inlfQio9-qw/UIS3T2HMHwI/AAAAAAAAGSE/mrsEG1eWnLk/s1600/01-OEM121016%2B%25284%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="136" width="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-inlfQio9-qw/UIS3T2HMHwI/AAAAAAAAGSE/mrsEG1eWnLk/s320/01-OEM121016%2B%25284%2529.JPG" /></a></div><br />
The scene showing the rail cars,cl2 dome and a victim<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-QwCDMTjN9dE/UIS3UsgCkZI/AAAAAAAAGSQ/LTgj5lCLozM/s1600/03-OEM121016%2B%252870%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="320" width="245" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-QwCDMTjN9dE/UIS3UsgCkZI/AAAAAAAAGSQ/LTgj5lCLozM/s320/03-OEM121016%2B%252870%2529.JPG" /></a></div><br />
CCAS CEO Amanda Warren directs the EMS response<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-GWL3DH1Yucw/UIS310Z1zKI/AAAAAAAAGTA/CsLclRo2F4c/s1600/05-OEM121016%2B%252894%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="320" width="299" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-GWL3DH1Yucw/UIS310Z1zKI/AAAAAAAAGTA/CsLclRo2F4c/s320/05-OEM121016%2B%252894%2529.JPG" /></a></div><br />
Ricky Shepherd, Albemarle EMS/Rescue/Fire Brigade confers with Kenny Kendrick<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-6ex3hDMNvQI/UIS30kZpHgI/AAAAAAAAGSo/6VtE2eZBEaA/s1600/02-OEM121016%2B%25289%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="320" width="303" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-6ex3hDMNvQI/UIS30kZpHgI/AAAAAAAAGSo/6VtE2eZBEaA/s320/02-OEM121016%2B%25289%2529.JPG" /></a></div><br />
Chief Pinner assembles resources<br />
<br />
<br />
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Albemarle HazMat team "suits Up"<br />
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<br />
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<br />
Volume 14, Issue 41 Friday, October 19, 2012<br />
<br />
Hello ALL,<br />
<br />
Annette’s brother Mike squeezed Annette’s hand today and mouthed “Hi” to her. He continues battling pneumonia, infections, kidney problems and other effects of the stroke. <br />
~~~~~<br />
I have two “Pet” names for Annette; “The Wife Of My Youth” and “The Unstoppable Force.” This week, “The Unstoppable Force” was in full play.<br />
<br />
On Wednesday, as we were driving to Texarkana to check on Mike, I mentioned that we ought to consider closing out Mike’s apartment. He’s been semi conscious or totally sedated for a month and it’s predicted that he will be in long term care or rehab for most of the next year, if not longer.<br />
<br />
It makes sense to get his belongings out of that apartment and into storage and save that rent. <br />
<br />
It was a rough visit for us as Mike’s condition had worsened and things were looking grim. Upon our return home, Annette called Mike’s girls and discussed closing out the apartment. They agreed that it was a good idea and I was glad we’d discussed this mid month as there was no rush and we had a couple of weeks to make the move.<br />
<br />
Foolish boy that I am, I forgot who I was married to. The next morning, Annette contacted the land lord and left the house to “look for boxes” to pack with. I was working on stuff at home and didn’t think much of it till Jimmy called.<br />
<br />
He asked if Annette was there as she wanted to borrow his truck. Wanted to borrow his truck? Why? He went on to say that she told him she needed it to move Mike’s stuff.<br />
<br />
MOVE? Today? I tried to call Annette but could hear her cell phone ringing in the foyer. Since we only have one vehicle, I could only continue with my jobs and wait to see what was happening.<br />
<br />
Jimmy called back to tell me that he’d dropped his truck off at Mike’s apartment and picked up Mike’s car to drive. He went on to say that Annette had three fellows moving Mike’s stuff out.<br />
<br />
“Where did she get the help?” I asked. He told me that he’d asked one of the guys how he got “roped” into this project and the guy told him; “I was standing in front of the hospital when this lady came by and asked me if I wanted to earn some money. So I said yes and the next thing I knew, I was here moving this furniture.”<br />
<br />
Realizing that “The Unstoppable Force” was in action, I just went back to my duties and, sure enough, it wasn’t too long before I heard her in the garage. She had a young man with her and he was unloading some of Mike’s things in our garage.<br />
<br />
She came in, told me to call Jimmy to come swap out Mike’s car for his truck and said; “We’re finished. I rented a storage locker and all of Mike’s furniture and belongings, except the few things I brought over here are in storage. The apartment is cleaned and the keys have been returned to the land lord.”<br />
<br />
The only questions I had were; “Where did you get the help?” And “How did you call Jimmy when your phone is here?” She replied; “Well, I saw two young men walking down the street in front of Mike’s and enlisted them, then, as I headed toward the storage locker the first time, I found another young man standing in front of the hospital so I hired all three.” “Then I borrowed one of their phones and called Jimmy to swap vehicles.”<br />
<br />
I assume she paid them like the owner of the vineyard in Matthew 20:1-16. <br />
~~~~~<br />
After Annette cleaned out Mike’s apartment, she contacted the utility companies to have them disconnect service and have the final bill sent to us. First she went by the water department, no problem; they would cut off the water, read the meter and send us a final bill. We love Magnolia people.<br />
<br />
Then she called Entergy, the electric company, who told her it was against Arkansas utility rules for anyone but the original user to approve disconnecting power. She explained that the “original user” was in a Coma and unable to contact the company.<br />
<br />
Entergy replied that the rules required the User or someone with the User’s power of attorney verify that they wanted the power cut off.<br />
<br />
Now, get this picture. It’s a rent house. We’ve moved Mikes stuff out and returned the keys to the land lord. Mike’s in a coma. And, since he had a stroke, there’s no way to get him to give us power of attorney unless we spend much much more than his monthly electric bill would be (especially since the home is vacant and no electricity is being used.)<br />
<br />
I asked to speak with a supervisor who was much more helpful. She confirmed that the rules did require either the User or proof of power of attorney but that the land lord could call and request that service be discontinued. So we gave the land lord the number to Entergy and requested that she call them.<br />
<br />
Problem solved … not! <br />
<br />
When the Land Lord called Entergy, they told her that she would have to have power of attorney!!!!!<br />
<br />
So I called again. Asked to speak to a supervisor again. Using all the control I was able to muster, I explained the situation once again and asked if there was any way to resolve this issue without involving an attorney.<br />
<br />
This fellow said that the new renters could just apply for service to be connected and that Entergy would remove Mike from the billing location and put the new folks in his place. So I asked the Entergy representative; “Why should they apply for service to be connected? There’s already service to the apartment and it won’t cost them a cent.”<br />
<br />
That caused him to pause for a moment and ask me to hold on. He came back on the line and told me that he would call me back shortly. Finally, after three day of calling, he did call back and tell us that they would disconnect service and send us a final bill.<br />
<br />
So, Friday afternoon, I contacted the gas company to get service discontinued to Mike’s apartment. There was no problem. The service person told me that they would issue a disconnect notice and the utility man would read the meter and send a final bill to my new address. He finished up by saying; “Is there anything else we can do for you Mr. Kelly?” <br />
~~~~~<br />
Our daughter, Vanessa, is a Gourmet cook. Jimmy says that Vanessa can turn one of Rachel Ray’s “30 Minute Meals” into a “$30 Dollar Meal” before you and say fresh market. She does like having all the correct ingredients when she cooks. She also likes to have the correct utensils. I’ve got to talk to Rachel about how many utensils she uses on her show. She’s got a staff to clean up after her. We don’t.<br />
<br />
Vanessa came over and cooked us “prepackaged” South West Salad (Wal-Mart) and sautéed Asparagus for lunch this week. She did add chicken to the salad but still … How do you get 12 dirty pots and pans from cooking one vegetable and some chicken?<br />
<br />
Oh well, it was really really good.<br />
~<br />
Vanessa has always enjoyed the kitchen and the pantry. I remember when she was a young girl, helping me open cans while Annette was cooking one time. As I opened a jar of green beans, it “popped.”<br />
<br />
She was sort of surprised and I took the opportunity to explain to her that foods “canned” in glass jars should make that popping sound when opened to tell you that the seal is intact and the food is fresh.<br />
<br />
She got a serious look on her young face and I knew that I’d taught my child another important fact in life.<br />
<br />
At least I thought I’d explained it properly.<br />
<br />
A few weeks later Annette got a jar out of the pantry and noticed it had mold in it. She checked and sure enough, the lid didn’t “pop” when she opened it. On closer inspection she discovered that all our canned goods had been opened.<br />
<br />
Further investigation revealed that, after my “lesson” Vanessa had “checked” every jar in the pantry to be sure they were properly sealed. <br />
~~~~~<br />
Unconventional gas and oil drilling has turned out to be a boon for water-treatment firms. <br />
<br />
Much of the public concern about this process, also known as fracking, has focused on the mixture of water and chemicals that is injected into the ground to fracture open rock and unlock the gas. But experts point out that the most critical risk of pollution from fracking lies in how operators handle the water that comes back out of the ground.<br />
<br />
The highly saline wastewater generated by hydraulic fracturing is expected to create demand for water treatment in the Marcellus Shale region. That demand is set to increase between 10% and 20% across North America each year through 2025 -- and there's room for creativity among water treatment companies. "It's a great industry for a water-treatment chemist and for a consultant -- everyone is still figuring things out," said desalination expert Tom Pankratz. Chemical & Engineering News (10/15)<br />
<br />
http://cen.acs.org/articles/90/i42/Treating-Water-Hydraulic-Fracturing.html<br />
~~~~~<br />
My name is “Bug” and I’m a “Duck Dynasty” [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Duck_Dynasty] addict.<br />
~<br />
Favorite “Duck Dynasty” Quotes:<br />
<br />
“Parenting is a constant struggle between making your kids life better and ruining your own.” – Willie Robertson<br />
<br />
“My parents were hoarders before hoarding was cool.” – Jase Robertson<br />
<br />
“This would be like giving me the birds and the bees speech for the 20th anniversary of my marriage. I got that. I’ve got three kids. I’ve figured it out.” – Jase Robertson<br />
<br />
“The last thing the world needs is another tall-tale telling, tea-toting, narcoleptic redneck.” – Jase Robertson<br />
<br />
“It’s time to get swampy again.” – Phil Robertson<br />
~~~~~<br />
Favorite Si Robertson quotes.<br />
<br />
“I’m like Aretha Franklin. I don’t get any R-S-P-E-C-T round this joint.”<br />
<br />
“I’m down like a rodeo clown.”<br />
<br />
“I’m outta here like a Texas Tornado.”<br />
<br />
“Si Robertson…OUT.”<br />
<br />
“I want a raise, an assistant….and a 2 hour nap.”<br />
~~~~~<br />
Favorite Quotes: <br />
<br />
"In reference to the "University of Google" we don't live in the information age so much as the disinformation age." - Bug<br />
<br />
I have never understood why it is "greed" to want to keep the money you've earned, but not greed to want to take somebody else's money. - - Thomas Sowell<br />
<br />
We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any in the world; and its efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding twelve men every day who don't know anything and can't read. - Mark Twain - 4th of July speech 1873 <br />
~~~~~<br />
The following wisdom is shared by our friends.<br />
~<br />
Mary Louise Brownlee Alexis - - Just stop talking. I'm sure whatever you want to say can wait until you're smarter.<br />
~<br />
Jim Ford - - If you want total security, go to prison. There you are fed, clothed, given medical care, and so on. The only thing lacking is freedom. - Dwight D. Eisenhower<br />
<br />
A vote is like a rifle; its usefulness depends on the character of the user. - Theodore Roosevelt <br />
~<br />
Wendell Franks - - Abortion cannot be made safe. It always ends in someone dying.<br />
<br />
Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life.<br />
~<br />
Kristen Hightower - - "Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight." - - Benjamin Franklin. Kristen’s “Franklin” quote reminds me of what My momma said about worrying; She said “Worrying works, because 99% of the stuff I’ve worried about never happened.” - - James F. McClellan<br />
~<br />
Chuck Jackson - - Do you know what really just burns me up no end? No, really: someone remind me - I done forgot.<br />
~<br />
Brenda Kyle - - Vegetarian is an old indian word for "Bad Hunter"<br />
~<br />
Nancee Davis Law - - God doesn't owe us anything which makes the fact that He gives us everything even more awesome.<br />
<br />
A balanced breakfast is very important - therefore we should have a cup of coffee in BOTH hands!!<br />
~<br />
Waneta Reardon - - Of Course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.<br />
~~~~~<br />
Heating and Cooling: The Cost of Dirty Air Filters [Source: http://www.energy.gov/ Furnace Filter]<br />
<br />
Regularly replacing the air filter in your heating and cooling system is often recommended as an energy-saving strategy, but how do dirty air filters actually increase your energy costs? A dirty filter will slow down air flow, making your heating or cooling system work harder to maintain a comfortable temperature. This wastes energy and increases your utility bill.<br />
<br />
Air filters also protect heating and cooling system components from accumulating dirt. If the filter becomes too dirty, air will go around the filtration section and deposit dirt directly on system components; this can reduce equipment performance and indoor air quality. This will increase maintenance significantly because more time and expertise will be required to clean system components than what is needed to change filters.<br />
<br />
The U.S. Department of Energy (DOE) recommends that you check filters once per month, especially during periods of heavy use, such as winter and summer. The DOE estimates that a properly maintained filter will provide energy savings of 5% to 15%. If the filter is dirty, change it. At a minimum, conventional filters should be changed every three months.<br />
~~~~~<br />
Ask Bob Rankin - - Every move you make... Every step you take... I'll be watching you. You remember that song by Sting. But has Apple adopted this as their new iPhone advertising strategy? Read on to find out what you should know about a new feature on your iPhone that lets advertisers track and target you online...<br />
[http://askbobrankin.com/is_your_iphone_tracking_every_move.html?awt_l=HZr.N&awt_m=I_lZKeH9W8P6SL]<br />
~~~~~<br />
If you have diabetes, look for heart-healthy protein sources that are low in saturated fat, cholesterol and sodium.<br />
<br />
Fish is a good source of protein for those with diabetes. Fish contains high-quality protein and is low in saturated fat. Fatty fish provide primarily heart-healthy polyunsaturated fat. The ADA and American Heart Association recommend that you include two or more servings weekly of cold-water fish. A serving size is 3.5 oz. cooked or ¾ cup flaked fish.<br />
<br />
Poultry is also a high-quality protein. Choose white meat chicken or turkey<br />
<br />
Soy protein is naturally low in fat and cholesterol-free. The Dietary Guidelines Advisory Committee reports that 25 g soy protein daily has been shown to lower total and LDL cholesterol.<br />
<br />
Milk is another high-quality protein. It provides calcium, potassium, magnesium and vitamins A and D, as well. The DGAC reports that intake of milk products can reduce your risk of heart attack, heart disease and stroke. Examples include milk, sugar-free yogurt, cottage cheese or cheese.<br />
<br />
Egg Whites - Eggs are one of the best-quality proteins. The egg yolk, however, has a high amount of cholesterol; the AHA recommends that you limit egg yolks to two per week. Egg whites are cholesterol- and fat-free.<br />
<br />
Read more: http://www.livestrong.com/article/373899-what-are-good-sources-of-protein-for-diabetics/#ixzz29mxafUQu<br />
~~~~~<br />
The Diabetes and Cancer Link - - What you need to know.<br />
By Theresa Garnero, APRN, BC-ADM, MSN, CDE<br />
<br />
One more thing to add to the “forewarned is forearmed" list: researchers have found several connections between diabetes and cancer.<br />
<br />
Although that may come as frightening news, some of the evidence may come as a surprise: some types of cancer rates are higher while rates of other types are lower in people with diabetes, a common medicine for type 2 may prevent cancer, and a cancer drug may help prevent type 1 diabetes. [http://www.dlife.com/diabetes/associated_conditions/theresa_garnero/diabetes-and-cancer?utm_source=Update-20121019&utm_medium=eNewsletter&utm_content=Update-newsletter&utm_campaign=dLife-eNewsletter]<br />
~~~~~<br />
Recipe of the week: Tomato-Tortilla Soup - - 2007 Ellie Krieger, All Rights Reserved<br />
<br />
Prep Time: 25 min<br />
Cook Time: 28 min<br />
Serves: 4 servings, serving size: 2 cups<br />
<br />
Ingredients<br />
<br />
2 (6-inch) corn tortillas<br />
1 tablespoon plus 1 teaspoon canola oil<br />
1/4 teaspoon salt<br />
1 small onion, chopped (about 1 cup)<br />
3 cloves garlic, minced (about 1 tablespoon)<br />
1 small jalapeno pepper, seeded and finely chopped<br />
1 teaspoon ground cumin<br />
3/4 teaspoon dried oregano<br />
4 cups low-sodium chicken broth<br />
2 (14.5-ounce) cans no salt added diced tomatoes. with juice<br />
1/4 cup fresh lime juice<br />
1/4 cup reduced-fat sour cream<br />
2 tablespoons chopped fresh cilantro leaves<br />
<br />
Directions<br />
<br />
Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F.<br />
<br />
Brush both sides of each tortilla with oil, using 1 tablespoon of the oil. Cut the tortillas in half, then cut each half into 1/4-inch wide strips. Arrange the strips on a baking sheet, sprinkle with the salt, and bake until crisp and golden, about 12 minutes. Remove from oven and set aside.<br />
<br />
Heat the remaining 1 teaspoons of oil in a large heavy skillet over medium heat. Add the onion and cook for 5 minutes, stirring occasionally, until onion is soft and translucent. Add the garlic, jalapeno, cumin, and oregano and cook for 1 minute more. Add the broth and tomatoes, bring to a boil, then reduce the heat to low and simmer for about 10 minutes. Stir in lime juice.<br />
<br />
Remove the pan from the heat and puree with an immersion blender or in 2 batches in a regular blender until the soup lightens in color but chunks of tomato remain, about 30 seconds. Serve the soup topped with the tortilla strips, a dollop of sour cream, and a sprinkle of cilantro.<br />
<br />
Per Serving:<br />
<br />
Calories 270; Total Fat 10g (Sat Fat 2g, Mono Fat 3.5g, Poly Fat 2g); Protein 9g; Carb 36g; Fiber 4g; Cholesterol 8mg; Sodium 335mg<br />
<br />
Excellent Source of: Vitamin A, Vitamin C - Good Source of: Fiber, Niacin, Phosphorus, Iron, Vitamin K, Protein<br />
<br />
Copyright 2012 Television Food Network G.P.<br />
All Rights Reserved [http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/cda/recipe_print/0,1946,FOOD_9936_217309_RECIPE-PRINT-FULL-PAGE-FORMATTER,00.html]<br />
~~~~~<br />
Family Circle - - [http://momster.familycircle.com/blog/how-to-convert-recipes-for-the-slow-cooker?sssdmh=dm17.624853&esrc=nwfc101712] Since I don’t have a new recipe to share today, I decided to post the answer to a question that comes up in almost all our weekly Facebook slow cooker chats: How do you convert recipes for the slow cooker?<br />
<br />
Here’s the secret:<br />
<br />
Since liquid doesn’t evaporate, you need a lot less than you would if you were making a conventional recipe. So cut the amount by at least half—you want just enough to cover the bottom, to ensure even heating. Also, reduce dried herbs by half, as the flavors become more concentrated while under cover. But the big difference is timing. Generally speaking, 1 hour conventional cook time equals 3 hours on HIGH or 6 hours on LOW. The first time you try a recipe, check for doneness halfway through and near the end of the estimated cook time. Jot down your notes for future reference.<br />
<br />
I’ve also found that if you’re cooking with veggies that have a tendency to get mushy (e.g. broccoli, spinach and the like), that it’s best to add them near the end of the cook time. And as our slow cooker expert and associate food editor Michael Tyrrell often shares in our chats, reinforcing the seasoning at the end gives the dish an extra punch.<br />
<br />
And here’s some slow cooking inspiration:<br />
<br />
Slow Cooker Beef Recipes [http://www.familycircle.com/recipes/slow-cooker/slow-cooker-beef/]<br />
<br />
Slow Cooker Soups and Stews [http://www.familycircle.com/recipes/slow-cooker/slow-cooker-soup-stew/]<br />
<br />
Slow Cooker Chicken Recipes [http://www.familycircle.com/recipes/slow-cooker/slow-cooker-chicken/] <br />
~~~~~<br />
The latest from Michael Yon, the foremost “milnews” blogger on the web. <br />
~<br />
Greetings,<br />
<br />
This is significant. Major General (ret.) Patrick Brady is famous in the DUSTOFF world. He has come out swinging, saying the DUSTOFF system is broken.<br />
<br />
This is also terrible news for all those milblogs who stood against this simply because it came from me. [http://www.michaelyon-online.com/dustoff-medevac-general-medal-of-honor-recipient-slams-army.htm]<br />
<br />
Very Respectfully,<br />
Michael Yon<br />
Your Writer,<br />
<br />
Please remember that this website accepts no advertisement and is dependent on your support. <br />
<br />
PS Please sign up for my Twitter.com updates at "Michael_Yon" [http://twitter.com/Michael_Yon] (not Michael Yon).<br />
<br />
http://www.facebook.com/#/MichaelYonFanPage?ref=sgm<br />
~<br />
www.michaelyon-online.com<br />
~<br />
Http://www.michaelyon_online.com/index.php<br />
~~~~~ <br />
If you would like to encourage US Troops overseas, but are not sure just how to begin, visit www.anysoldier.com for ideas. <br />
~~~~~ <br />
DarynKagan.com - - Passenger Jet Helps Find Lost Sailor At Sea<br />
[http://darynkagan.demo.nimbussoftware.com/heroism/2012/he_121018_found_lost_sailor.html]<br />
Passengers aboard a recent Air Canada flight to Sydney, Australia heard this announcement, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've received a call from search and rescue teams in Australia saying that there was a yacht that was sinking off the shore of Sydney. We're the closest aircraft in the vicinity, and they've asked us to identify the location of the boat. It's going to mean a slight detour."<br />
~~~~~<br />
<br />
ACC SmartBrief - - CHEMTREC expands global emergency-response services <br />
[http://smartblogs.com/leadership/2012/10/17/acc-chemtrec-interview/]<br />
CHEMTREC, a division of the American Chemistry Council, recently executed an agreement of mutual assistance with China's National Registration Center for Chemicals. The result, says CHEMTREC's G.R. "Randy" Speight, will be improved safety and response, allowing all parties to "more seamlessly optimize the mitigation of incidents involving dangerous goods -- whether the incident occurs within China, or on its way to or from China, as with imported and exported goods." SmartBrief/SmartBlog on Leadership<br />
~~~~~ <br />
http://www.shelfari.com<br />
http://www.shelfari.com/bugsbleat/shelf<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Photos on the front of this week’s “Bleat” include - - Scenes from this week's County Wide Emergency Drill; "Bug" directing the scenario, HazMat Chief Kenny Kendrick, Fire Chief Greg Pinner, and Incident Commander Glenn Proctor confer, The scene showing the rail cars,cl2 dome and a victim, CCAS CEO Amanda Warren directs the EMS response. Lisa Whittemore documented the drill. Chief Pinner assembles resources. Albemarle HazMat team "suits Up."<br />
~~~~~<br />
For the latest issue of "Da Bleat.", go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com. <br />
Our photos are posted at http://www.bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com.<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.<br />
~~~~~<br />
BreakPoint - - Is That a Fact? Biden on the HHS Mandate<br />
By: John Stonestreet | Published: October 19, 2012 <br />
<br />
It’s bad enough when the government threatens religious freedom. But when the Vice President of the United States tells us it’s all in our imaginations . . . <br />
<br />
We’ve been keeping you posted for months now on the HHS mandate—a component of the Affordable Care Act that would require religious employers to provide contraceptives, abortion-inducing drugs and sterilization in their insurance plans—no matter their religious convictions. Chuck Colson called it the most serious attack on Americans’ religious liberty in a generation, and so far, Christian institutions ranging from schools and hospitals to a publishing house, an air conditioning company and a craft store have filed some 35 lawsuits against the administration, seeking a broad exemption based on the right to freely exercise their religion.<br />
<br />
In other words, they’re fighting for the right not to participate in actions they believe are sinful.<br />
<br />
As we’ve reported here on BreakPoint, these suits have met with mixed results. At least one succeeded a few months ago in securing an injunction against the mandate, but federal judges have also ruled against others, as happened earlier this month in the Eastern District of Missouri.<br />
<br />
The Alliance Defending Freedom (ADF) is representing several other plaintiffs, including businesses and schools in what it calls “a large cross-section of Protestants and Catholics who object to the mandate,” in hopes of salvaging the First Amendment rights the policy endangers.<br />
<br />
So what’s the bottom line? This is an ongoing fight, and—if the mandate isn’t modified or abandoned—we might see a Supreme Court ruling before it’s all said and done.<br />
<br />
So imagine what went through the minds of everyone involved in this legal battle when, during the course of the vice presidential debate, Vice President Biden denied point-blank that the HHS mandate even includes religious employers!<br />
<br />
“[L]et me make it absolutely clear,” he told debate moderator, Martha Raddatz. “[L]et me make it absolutely clear. No religious institution—Catholic or otherwise . . . has to either refer contraception, none has to pay for contraception, none has to be a vehicle to get contraception in any insurance policy they provide. That is a fact."<br />
<br />
Well, as the Catholic bishops said in a statement issued last Friday: “That is not a fact.” The bishops went on: “[Religious employers] will have to serve as a vehicle [for birth control coverage], because they will still be forced to provide their employees health coverage, and that coverage will still have to include sterilization, contraception, and abortifacients.”<br />
<br />
Matt Bowman, senior legal counsel at the Alliance Defending Freedom, said, “It’s embarrassing to claim that something doesn’t exist while you’re defending it in court . . . The abortion pill mandate’s very existence and the Obama administration’s ongoing defense of it demonstrate how amazingly false the Vice President’s claims are.”<br />
<br />
And as soon as the debate ended, the head of the Pro-Life group, The Susan B. Anthony List, joined the chorus, commenting that Biden had “grossly misled the viewers and brushed over legitimate objections,” and that “[his] response…demonstrated a shocking disregard for our first freedom.”<br />
<br />
Folks, this isn’t about a candidate or even an election. This is about the willingness of a public official to deny a provable threat to religious liberty in one of the most televised debates of the year.<br />
<br />
But what’s important now is that we, the Church, make it clear to our elected leaders that we will not stand idly by while religious freedoms are dismantled—and that yes, the HHS mandate is still a big problem.<br />
And with neither foot in my mouth, I can promise you, that is a fact.<br />
<br />
<br />
Further Reading and Information<br />
<br />
Judge Issues Preliminary Injunction on Behalf of Business Owner in HHS Mandate Fight<br />
Jennifer Marshall and Dominique Ludvigson | Heritage.org | July 29, 2012 [http://blog.heritage.org/2012/07/29/judge-issues-preliminary-injunction-on-behalf-of-business-owner-in-hhs-mandate-fight/]<br />
<br />
Sterilizing Religious Freedom [http://www.breakpoint.org/bpcommentaries/entry/13/20225]<br />
John Stonestreet | BreakPoint.org | September 6, 2012<br />
<br />
Debunked: Biden Claims HHS Mandate Not an Assault on Religious Liberty<br />
Sarah Torre | Heritage.org | October 12, 2012 [http://blog.heritage.org/2012/10/12/debunked-biden-claims-hhs-mandate-not-an-assault-on-religious-liberty/]<br />
<br />
Hobby Lobby's Request to Halt Contraception Mandate Gets Hearing Date<br />
Katherine T. Phan | Christian Post | October 8, 2012 [http://www.christianpost.com/news/hobby-lobbys-request-to-halt-contraception-mandate-gets-hearing-date-82911/]<br />
<br />
Aggressive Decision Against Religious Liberty [http://www.nationalreview.com/bench-memos/329043/aggressive-decision-against-religious-liberty-ed-whelan]<br />
Ed Whelan | National Review Online | October 2, 2012<br />
<br />
A Small Victory [http://www.breakpoint.org/bpcommentaries/breakpoint-commentaries-archive/entry/13/20046]<br />
Eric Metaxas | BreakPoint.org | August 9, 2012<br />
<br />
‘This is not a fact’: U.S. bishops rip Biden’s defense of HHS Mandate<br />
John Jalsevac | LifeSiteNews.com | October 12, 2012 [http://www.lifesitenews.com/news/u.s.-bishops-rip-bidens-defense-of-hhs-mandate-this-is-not-a-fact]<br />
<br />
Biden dishonest about abortion pill mandate [http://www.adfmedia.org/News/PRDetail/7689]<br />
Matt Bowman | Alliance Defending Freedom | October 12, 2012<br />
<br />
Post Vice Presidential Debate: Biden Grossly Misleads on Religious Liberty<br />
Susan B. Anthony List [http://www.sba-list.org/newsroom/press-releases/post-vice-presidential-debate-biden-grossly-misleads-religious-liberty]<br />
<br />
Is that a fact? (Biden on the HHS Mandate) [http://www.breakpoint.org/tp-home/blog-archives/recent-point-posts/entry/4/20526]<br />
Shane Morris | BreakPoint.org | October 12, 2012<br />
<br />
[http://www.breakpoint.org/bpcommentaries]<br />
<br />
Copyright © 2012 Prison Fellowship. All Rights Reserved <br />
<br />
~~~~~<br />
Residents of Columbia County, Arkansas are represented in Congress by:<br />
~<br />
<br />
Senator John Boozman (R_ AR) <br />
1 Russell Courtyard<br />
Washington DC, 20510<br />
Phone: 202-224-4843<br />
http://boozman.senate.gov/<br />
~<br />
Senator Mark Pryor (D_ AR) <br />
Phone 202_224_2353 <br />
FAX 202_228_0908 <br />
http://pryor.senate.gov/<br />
~<br />
Representative Michael A. Ross (D _ 04) <br />
Phone 202_225_3772 <br />
FAX 202_225_1314 <br />
http://ross.house.gov/<br />
<br />
Other states congresspersons can be found at: [http://www.visi.com/juan/congress/]<br />
~~~~~<br />
THOUGHT OF THE DAY:<br />
<br />
"Technique without ideals is a menace; Ideals without technique is a mess." - Karl Llewellyn<br />
<br />
"An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field." - Niels Bohr<br />
<br />
"Rudeness is the weak man's imitation of strength." - Eric Hoffer<br />
<br />
"If a wise man has an argument with a fool, the fool only rages and laughs, and there is no quiet." - Proverbs 29:9<br />
<br />
"Fortunately for serious minds, a bias recognized is a bias sterilized." - Benjamin Haydon<br />
<br />
"Ability will never catch up with the demand for it." - Confucius<br />
<br />
"Act boldly and unseen forces will come to your aid." - Dorothea Brande<br />
~~~~~ <br />
BREAKING CHRISTIAN NEWS <br />
http://breakingchristiannews.com/<br />
<br />
Space Jump: the Beauty of Earth and the Grace of God - - Aimee Herd (Oct 16, 2012)<br />
<br />
"Trust me, when you stand up there on top of the world, you become so humble." –Felix Baumgartner<br />
<br />
Read Full Story [http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=10646]<br />
~<br />
Mineral Water to Prevent Alzheimer's Disease? - - Teresa Neumann (Oct 17, 2012)<br />
<br />
It's all about getting rid of aluminum in the brain and early indications are that in individuals with Alzheimer's Disease the lowering of the body burden of aluminum may benefit cognitive function.<br />
<br />
Read Full Story [http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=10653] <br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
<br />
GCF: "Signs You Might Be From New York City"<br />
Recently I posted the list of "Signs You Might Be From New York City". I asked the "Empire State" folks to help me out and provide some insight into some of the terms and other things particular to NYC. What follows was culled from the comments of the 2 readers who responded (Thank you both, you speak for the whole of NYC!).<br />
<br />
Each of the original statements is immediately followed by any needed translation and comments by my NYC friends.<br />
<br />
===================================<br />
1. You're 35 years old and don't have a driver's license.<br />
--------------------------------------------------<br />
Yep, more or less, did not learn until age 27.<br />
--------------------------------------------------<br />
A lifelong New Yorker, I'm a bit more than 35 years old, and yes, I don't have a driver's license.<br />
<br />
===================================<br />
<br />
2.You ride in a subway car with no air conditioning just because there are seats available.<br />
--------------------------------------------------<br />
I no longer ride subway trains; I bus everywhere, but when I did take the train, I'd do without air conditioning to get a seat.<br />
--------------------------------------------------<br />
Depends on what you needed more: a seat or a blast of coolish air--sometimes one wins over the other.<br />
<br />
===================================<br />
3. You take the train home and you know exactly where on the platform the doors will open that will leave you right in front of the exit stairway.<br />
----------------------------------------------<br />
Of course I knew exactly where on the platform the doors opened that would leave me right in front of the exit stairway.<br />
-----------------------------------------------<br />
Always, since a young age!<br />
<br />
===================================<br />
4. You know what a "regular" coffee is.<br />
-----------------------------------------------<br />
Yes, but no one outside of NYC seems to understand this.<br />
-----------------------------------------------<br />
(Tom's note: I did a bit of research and the best I can find as a definition of "coffee regulah" is unflavored, caffeinated coffee with lots of cream and sugar. This is compounded by using size to define how much cream and sugar (small regular is 2 creams and 2 sugars, medium regular is 3 creams and 3 sugars, large regular is 4 creams and 4 sugars ... also dark is 1 less cream based on the size and light is 1 more cream based on size). I suspect this might not be "universal" in all of NYC. Personally, I learned to drink coffee black, just like it comes out of the pot).<br />
<br />
===================================<br />
5. It's not Manhattan...... It's the "city".<br />
-----------------------------------------------<br />
Yes, most frustrating. I would assign my Brooklyn students to visit a museum in the "city" and they would all moan like I was sending them to Venice!<br />
<br />
===================================<br />
6. There is no north and south. It's "uptown" or "downtown." If you're really from New York you have absolutely no concept of where north and south are. And east or west is "crosstown."<br />
-----------------------------------------------<br />
Actually, I was always pretty good at compass points, phases of the moon, other "natural" things, maybe cause I was born in the wilds of Queens and lived mostly in the outback in Brooklyn?<br />
<br />
===================================<br />
7. You cross the street anywhere but on the corners and you yell at cars for not respecting your right to do it.<br />
-----------------------------------------------<br />
Don't you realize that it's so much safer to cross the street in the middle of the block?<br />
-----------------------------------------------<br />
Nope, I learned early on you take your life in your life in your hands whenever you cross a street, so your insurance settlement will be higher if you do it legally, at corners--really. My father taught me to get hit by a Yellow cab, if I had a choice, as their insurance was better... And I always yelled at cars when they were wrong--Dustin Hoffman had it right in "Midnight Cowboy"--bang on their hoods and yell "Yo, I'm walking here!"<br />
<br />
===================================<br />
8. You move 3,000 miles away, spend 10 years learning the local language and people still know you're from Brooklyn the minute you open your mouth.<br />
-----------------------------------------------<br />
True. When I started college in the ancient times --1969--we had to take a speech course that was designed to cure us of this malady. Don't think it worked for many, but I can fake "non-Brooklyn" occasionally.<br />
<br />
===================================<br />
9. You return after 10 years and the first foods you want are a "real" pizza and a "real" bagel. You know the differences between all the varieties Ray's pizzas. And you wouldn't bother ordering pizza in any other city.<br />
-----------------------------------------------<br />
Yes! (Mostly)<br />
-----------------------------------------------<br />
It just happens that I had pizza for lunch yesterday. It wasn't Ray's Pizza, but it was real enough. Today, it was a different food group: Chinese take-out.<br />
<br />
===================================<br />
10. You get ready to order dinner every night and must choose from the major food groups which are: Chinese, Italian, Mexican or Indian.<br />
-----------------------------------------------<br />
(Tom's note: see #9 above)<br />
<br />
===================================<br />
11. A 500 square foot apartment is large.<br />
-----------------------------------------------<br />
My apartment is 200 square feet, and believe me, it ain't easy.<br />
-----------------------------------------------<br />
True. I now live in a 2700 sq.ft. house on 11 acres in Maine that we bought from the sale of a "large" 900 sq.ft. apartment in Brooklyn.<br />
<br />
===================================<br />
12. You are not under the mistaken impression that any human being would be able to actually understand a P.A. Announcement on the subway.<br />
-----------------------------------------------<br />
No, I am not under the mistaken impression... and hated that side of my city--it did not take that much effort to be clear as a subway conductor--it was a major part of their job, after all. Now it is prerecorded, voice by a woman who lives near me!<br />
<br />
===================================<br />
13. You're not the least bit interested in going to Times Square on New Year's Eve.<br />
-----------------------------------------------<br />
I've been to Times Square on New Year's Eve. I didn't know any better - I was 18 years old.<br />
-----------------------------------------------<br />
Never did go, in 55 years, nor to Empire State building. Got to the Statue of Liberty as a kid of 12 by accident--went to meet an uncle who worked on the Staten Island ferry, who had to do a double-shift, and he gave me the money to go over there, up into the crown.<br />
<br />
===================================<br />
14. Your internal clock is permanently set to know when alternate side of the street parking regulations are in effect.<br />
-----------------------------------------------<br />
It was only important once I got a car--age 35 or so?--and yes, my "clock" was set to the sound of the street sweepers.<br />
<br />
===================================<br />
15. Someone bumps into you, and you check for your wallet.<br />
-----------------------------------------------<br />
Wouldn't you?<br />
-----------------------------------------------<br />
And, you need to!<br />
<br />
===================================<br />
16. You pay "only" $230 a month to park your car.<br />
-----------------------------------------------<br />
That had to be in the ice age.<br />
-----------------------------------------------<br />
I never "paid for it"--as a matter of pride as a Brooklynite. But then, almost never took a vehicle into Manhattan either.<br />
<br />
===================================<br />
17. A presidential visit is a major traffic jam, not an honor.<br />
-----------------------------------------------<br />
Sad, but true.<br />
-----------------------------------------------<br />
TRUE!<br />
<br />
===================================<br />
18. You can nap on the subway and never miss your stop.<br />
-----------------------------------------------<br />
Absolutely!<br />
-----------------------------------------------<br />
With a bit of practice, you can learn how to nap on the subway and never miss your stop.<br />
<br />
===================================<br />
19. The deli guy gives you a straw with any beverage you buy, even if it's a beer.<br />
-----------------------------------------------<br />
That's a beer, a straw, and then all you need is a glass filled with ice cubes.<br />
-----------------------------------------------<br />
And a small paper bag, so you can walk around with the beer in summer, and not get a ticket for carrying an open alcoholic beverage...smarter folks get it in cans, so it is even less noticeable.<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Overstaffed<br />
<br />
A young man was applying for a job in a big company.<br />
<br />
"I'm sorry," said the personnel manager, "but the firm is overstaffed; we have more employees now than we really need."<br />
<br />
"That's all right," replied the young man, undiscouraged, "the little bit of work I do won't be noticed anyway."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
On her 40th birthday a wife waltzed out of the bedroom dressed in an old outfit that she dug out of the back of the closet.<br />
<br />
"I wore this on my 30th birthday! I guess that means my wardrobe is ten years old," she said to her husband, hoping he'd take the hint and buy her some new clothes as a present.<br />
<br />
"Or," he offered instead, "it means when you were 30 you had the body of a 40-year-old."<br />
<br />
(He is expected to be discharged from the hospital next week but he will always walk with a limp).<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Who's That?<br />
<br />
While working at the Magic Kingdom in Walt Disney World, I was responsible for emptying the trash cans in front of the castle.<br />
<br />
One afternoon as I was changing out the trash bag in one of the refuse bins, I saw a small girl point at me and overheard her ask her mother, "Who's that lady?"<br />
<br />
"Why, honey," her mother replied, "that must be Cinderella, before she met her fairy godmother!"<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Babysitting<br />
<br />
I was not thrilled with the idea of letting my clueless 13-year-old son babysit his younger brothers, even though he begged me to.<br />
<br />
"What about a fire?" I asked, referring to my No. 1 concern.<br />
<br />
"Mom," he said, rolling his eyes, "I'm a Boy Scout. I know how to start a fire."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Audio Book<br />
<br />
After an enthusiastic recommendation from my wife, I began listening to the audio-book version of a novel.<br />
<br />
"I love it, but his writing style is so disjointed," I complained. "He refers to characters I don't know and introduces them a half hour later."<br />
<br />
My wife was as confused as I was, but I soldiered on, disoriented by the jumpy story line. It wasn't until the end of the book that my dilemma was explained: I had my iPod set on "Shuffle."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Hors D'oeuvre<br />
<br />
As two children watched their mothers prepare party food, one of them asked the other, "What's an hors d'oeuvre?"<br />
<br />
The second child replied, "I think it's part of a ham sandwich that's been cut into about seventy pieces."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Two Good Questions<br />
<br />
A surgeon examined a new patient most carefully. After studying the x-rays, he turned to the man and said, "Could you pay for an operation if I told you it was necessary?"<br />
<br />
The patient thought for a moment, then said to the doctor, "Would you find one necessary if I told you I couldn't pay for it?"<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: At the Office?<br />
<br />
My boss phoned me today. He said, "Is everything okay at the office?"<br />
<br />
I said, "Yes, it's all under control. It's been a very busy day, I haven't stopped for a minute."<br />
<br />
"Can you do me a favor?" he asked.<br />
<br />
I said, "Of course, anything, what is it?"<br />
<br />
He said, "Hurry up and take your shot, I'm right behind you on the 7th hole."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Obvious Relationship<br />
<br />
Science has a language of its own which sometimes puzzles laymen. The word "obvious" is a case in point.<br />
<br />
A professor of physics, deriving some profound point of theory for the class, scribbled an equation on the board and said, "From this,<br />
it is obvious that we can proceed to write the following<br />
relationship..." and he scribbled a second and equally long equation on the board.<br />
<br />
Then he paused. He stared hard at the two equations and said, "Wait a minute, I may be wrong..."<br />
<br />
He sat down and began to write at his desk furiously, crossing out and rewriting for five minutes while the class sat in absolute silence waiting for the verdict.<br />
<br />
Finally, the professor rose with an air of satisfaction and said, "Yes, I was right in the first place. It *IS* obvious that the second equation follows from the first."<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
GCF: Growing Up<br />
<br />
Mary and Joan were having lunch when Mary said, "My son is really growing up."<br />
<br />
Joan asked, "How do you know that?"<br />
<br />
Mary replied, "Instead of asking me where he came from, now he refuses to tell me where he is going!"<br />
_ _______________________________ _<br />
/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( \<br />
/ / | tellswor@kcbx.net | \ \<br />
_( (_ | http://www.kcbx.net/~tellswor | _) )_<br />
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / I base most of my fashion \ /
\ _/ taste on what doesn't itch. \_ /
/ / -- Gilda Radner \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / If you say "gullible" slowly, \ /
\ _/ it sounds likes "orange." \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / There is always one more \ /
\ _/ imbecile than you counted on. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Someone who thinks logically \ /
\ _/ provides a nice contrast \_ /
/ / to the real world. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / "I'm super lazy. That's just \ /
\ _/ like normal lazy, \_ /
/ / but I wear a cape." \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / We never really grow up; \ /
\ _/ we only learn how \_ /
/ / to act in public. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / When it comes to giving, \ /
\ _/ some people stop at nothing. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Some mornings, it's just \ /
\ _/ not worth chewing through \_ /
/ / the leather straps. \ \
-- Emo Phillips
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Artificial Intelligence is no \ /
\ _/ match for Natural Stupidity. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Look out for #1. \ /
\ _/ Don't step in #2 either. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Help Wanted: Telepath. \ /
\ _/ You know where to apply. \_ /
/ / \ \
_ _______________________________ _
/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( \
/ / | tellswor@kcbx.net | \ \
_( (_ | http://www.kcbx.net/~tellswor | _) )
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own
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><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Oneliners Part 1<br />
<br />
A perfect example of minority rule is a baby in the house.<br />
<br />
I lost twenty pounds. Unfortunately, I was in England at the time.<br />
<br />
Success is getting what you like, happiness is liking what you get.<br />
<br />
A husband is living proof that a wife can take a joke.<br />
<br />
The trouble with a three-day weekend is that it turns Tuesday into Monday.<br />
<br />
You think this is a free country until you move into a subdivision with a homeowners' association.<br />
<br />
The world is full of willing people, some willing to work, the rest willing to let them.<br />
<br />
Isn't it a shame that future generations can't be here to see all the wonderful things we're doing with their money?<br />
<br />
It never occurs to some people that there is a big difference between giving advice and lending a hand.<br />
<br />
Elections should be held on Christmas. That way, if we don't like who we elect, we can exchange them.<br />
<br />
If something goes without saying, let it!<br />
<br />
Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.<br />
<br />
If you want a new idea, read an old book.<br />
<br />
Quick!! Act as if nothing has happened!<br />
<br />
If your plan is having no plan, do you have a plan?<br />
<br />
I have not yet begun to procrastinate.<br />
<br />
You can't make your candle burn brighter by blowing out the other fellow's.<br />
<br />
I was stopped once for going 53 in a 35 mile zone, but I told them I was dyslexic.<br />
<br />
I figured out a way to slow down inflation. Turn it over to a government worker!<br />
<br />
The only one of your children who does not grow up and move away is your husband.<br />
<br />
The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.<br />
<br />
Received from Irene A. Mystery.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Passport Processing<br />
<br />
I needed a passport, and I needed it quickly. Luckily, a sign in the passport office told me exactly how long I could expect to wait: "Allow 10 minutes for regular processing and 15 minutes for expedited processing."<br />
<br />
-- Contributed to Reader's Digest, "All in a Day's Work," by Peter Vogen<br />
<br />
Received from Ed.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
r: The Monk<br />
<br />
IBM has been trying to increase market share by recruiting to more obscure markets for Internet access. They've even attempted to get monasteries connected to the Internet. At one small monastery in France, the monsignor, Father Jean-Paul, was not interested in getting access to the Internet, but one monk, Brother William, tried to persuade him. As an additional incentive, IBM even offered to give them free access for one year. The Father finally agreed but only under strict conditions that the monk would only use the Internet for biblical research.<br />
<br />
Brother William started using the Internet and became amazed at the amount of information available. He downloaded texts of the Dead Sea Scrolls and biblical commentaries, and he talked with people who studied the ancient Greek and Hebrew languages. Father Jean-Paul was impressed with the research done and the amount of information available, but he continued to warn Brother William about the temptations of the Internet.<br />
<br />
Well, Brother William continued his research, and soon he became a bit of an authority himself on biblical matters. Soon, people were e-mailing him for information on the Bible and spiritual matters. He would answer their questions and even set up his own "Dear Monk" Web site. He even started sending out weekly heartwarming stories about how God was working in people's lives. Eventually he noticed that many people kept asking the same questions over and over, so he created a little booklet of frequently asked questions about God. But now Brother William had a dilemma. He knew that according to human nature, people value information more if they have to pay for it, but he had taken a vow of poverty and did not want any money. So, he decided to set up charity fund for widows and orphans, and all proceeds from his booklets would go to charity. So Brother William set up an Internet business where people would order one of his booklets, and he would send it to them after they sent a small amount of money to the charity fund.<br />
<br />
When Father Jean-Paul discovered what Brother William had done, he discharged him immediately from the monastery. It seemed that the Father did not like his monk e-business.<br />
<br />
(By Walter Ries)<br />
<br />
Received from Stan Kegel. <br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Nothing<br />
<br />
Kathryn's 5-year-old developed a strong interest in spelling once she learned to spell STOP. After that, she tried to figure out her own words. From the back seat of the car she'd ask, "Mom, what does FGRPL spell?"<br />
<br />
"Nothing," Kathryn said.<br />
<br />
Sitting at breakfast she'd suddenly ask, "Mom, what does DOEB spell?"<br />
<br />
"Nothing," Kathryn answered.<br />
<br />
This went on for several weeks. Then one afternoon as they sat coloring in her room she asked, "Mom, what does LMDZ spell?"<br />
<br />
Kathryn smiled at her and said, "Nothing, sweetheart."<br />
<br />
The 5-year-old carefully set down her crayon, sighed and said, "Boy, there sure are a lot of ways to spell Nothing!"<br />
<br />
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Jumping Up and Down<br />
<br />
A pharmacist looks out the front of the store and sees a woman holding a bottle while jumping up and down in the parking lot. The pharmacist walks out to the parking lot and asks the woman, "What's the matter?"<br />
<br />
She replies, "I didn't notice until after I took the medicine that it said, 'Shake Well.'"<br />
<br />
Received from ArcaMax Jokes.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Hotel Pets?<br />
<br />
A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a Midwest town he planned to visit on his vacation. He wrote:<br />
<br />
I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?<br />
<br />
An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware, or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too."<br />
<br />
Received from Thomas Ellsworth. <br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Webster<br />
<br />
Like a lot of husbands throughout history, Webster would sit down and try to talk to his wife. But as soon as he would start to say something, his wife would say, "And what's that supposed to mean?"<br />
<br />
Thus, Webster's Dictionary was born.<br />
<br />
Received from Laugh & Lift.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Holding a Job<br />
<br />
A young man was a slow worker and found it difficult to hold down a job.<br />
<br />
After a visit to the employment office, he was offered work at the local zoo.<br />
<br />
When he arrived for his first day, the keeper, aware of his reputation, told him to take care of the tortoise section.<br />
<br />
Later, the keeper dropped by to see how the young man was doing and found him standing by an empty enclosure with the gate open.<br />
<br />
"Where are the tortoises?" he asked.<br />
<br />
"I can't believe it," said the new employee. "I just opened the door and whooooosh, they were gone!"<br />
<br />
Received from Crosswalk. <br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Hot Shot Pilot<br />
<br />
A young guy in a two-engine fighter was flying escort for a B-52 and generally being a nuisance, acting like a hotdog, flying rolls around the lumbering old bomber. The hotdog said over the air, "Anything you can do, I can do better."<br />
<br />
The veteran bomber pilot answered, "Try this, hot-shot."<br />
<br />
The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level.<br />
<br />
Perplexed, the hotdog asked, "So? What did you do?"<br />
<br />
"I just shut down two engines, kid."<br />
<br />
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Hot Day<br />
<br />
It was a really hot day at the office due to a malfunction with the air conditioning system. There were about twenty people in close quarters and everyone was sweating, even with a fan on.<br />
<br />
All of a sudden, people started to wrinkle their noses at an odor passing through the air. It was the most hideous smell anyone had ever smelled.<br />
<br />
One man, popping his head out of his cubicle, said, "Oh, man! Someone's deodorant isn't working."<br />
<br />
A man in the corner replied, "It can't be me. I'm not wearing any."<br />
<br />
Received from ArcaMax Jokes. <br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Honeymooners<br />
<br />
You may have heard about a new bride who was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner.<br />
<br />
So when she and her husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time.<br />
<br />
He responded, "Sure. You carry the suitcases!"<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
--<br />
Rate this funny at<br />
http://www.gcfl.net/archive.php?funny=20120420<br />
<br />
Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List<br />
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<br />
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><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Humor - - Time Flies (Limerick)<br />
<br />
“Time flies” is a popular phrase.<br />
So it does, and in frightening ways.<br />
Where’s it go? I don’t know.<br />
And there’s no way to slow<br />
It all down. Simply relish the days.<br />
<br />
http://www.madkane.com/humor_blog/<br />
© Madeleine Begun Kane. All Rights Reserved.<br />
http://www.madkane.com/<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and pulling a male buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter: "Want coffee."<br />
<br />
The waiter says, "Sure Chief. Coming right up."<br />
He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee.....<br />
<br />
The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere and then just walks out.<br />
<br />
The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling another male buffalo with the other.<br />
He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter:<br />
<br />
"Want coffee."<br />
<br />
The waiter says, "Whoa, Tonto!<br />
We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday.<br />
What was all that about, anyway?"<br />
<br />
The Indian smiles and proudly says,<br />
<br />
"Training for position in United States Congress. Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for others to clean up.<br />
Disappear for rest of day."<br />
<br />
NOVEMBER 2012 VOTE WISELY!<br />
<br />
Thanks to Joe Mullins<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." __ Franklin D. Roosevelt <br />
"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle." <br />
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. _ _ George Carlin <br />
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" _ _ Queen E. Watson<br />
“A political class of Republicans and Democrats that look after themselves, not the Nation. A media hostile to the very precepts of this nation. A generation of Americans who see morals as vices, and are ignorant of America's Actual History.”<br />
"The things that will destroy America are prosperity-at-any-price, peace-at-any-price, safety-first instead of duty-first, the love of soft living, and the get-rich-quick theory of life." - - Theodore Roosevelt <br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> <br />
Emergency Phone Number 911 <br />
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )<br />
Central Dispatch 234_5655<br />
(Non _ Emergency Number)<br />
Direct Numbers<br />
Ambulance _ 234_7371 (24 Hour)<br />
Jail _ 234_5331 (24 Hour)<br />
Poison Control _ 800_222_1222 (24 Hour)<br />
http://www. aapcc. org/<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Interested in getting in touch with the Banner_News through e_mail? editor@bannernews.net For the editor, news@bannernews.net For news and sports items, Coming Events, Diary, Church News, school and civic events. [http://www.bannernews.net/]<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." __ "Bug" <br />
"I read the end of the book. We win!" __ "Bug" <br />
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." __ "Bug"<br />
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." _ _ "Bug"<br />
"It's no big deal doing what God tells you to do. A big deal would be NOT doing what God tells you to do. Just ask Jonah." _ _ Paul Troquille <br />
“Nam et ipsa scientia potestas est.” Knowledge is power. _ Francis Bacon <br />
"The problem is here and now. The time for talk is past. The time for action is now." <br />
Comments on the first Earth Day _ James F. McClellan via John "Fuzzy" Thurman<br />
~~~~~<br />
Hope you enjoy the newsletter. <br />
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week. <br />
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" __"Bug" <br />
God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!! <br />
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT_I KC5HII <br />
<br />
P. S. If you'd like to be added to the distribution, just drop us E_mail at kc5hii@suddenlink.net<br />
. We offer "Da Bleat" as text, a "Blog" and as a newsletter with pictures in Word and PDF format. The latest issue is usually updated sometime Saturday. For the latest issue, go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com. We also have a site [http://bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com/] where we post photos that I like.<br />
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><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
James F. McClellan<br />
Editor/Publisher "Bug's Bleat"<br />
NREMT_I, CSP, KC5HII<br />
418 North Jefferson Street<br />
Magnolia, Arkansas 71753<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>Bughttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07270965849194883997noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9136923892168334329.post-85878057732524665042012-10-12T20:56:00.000-07:002012-10-12T20:57:09.600-07:00Bug's Bleat - - GCF: Magna CartaVolume 14, Issue 40 Friday, October 12 2012<br />
<br />
Photos on the front of this week’s “Bleat” <br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-A6zI7W-iCBc/UHjjj6cXbyI/AAAAAAAAGRI/hqsfcSseRgo/s1600/2012-10-06_13-53-11_609.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="180" width="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-A6zI7W-iCBc/UHjjj6cXbyI/AAAAAAAAGRI/hqsfcSseRgo/s320/2012-10-06_13-53-11_609.jpg" /></a></div><br />
Annette's plants, now (thanks to Brenda and Verna) inside our living room.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-VhVyJeoEzms/UHjjgw7GpZI/AAAAAAAAGQY/0Y0GhWoiswI/s1600/2012-10-03_10-56-12_142.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="180" width="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-VhVyJeoEzms/UHjjgw7GpZI/AAAAAAAAGQY/0Y0GhWoiswI/s320/2012-10-03_10-56-12_142.jpg" /></a></div><br />
Center Point Digging to replace our gas line. Annette is still dealing with them to properly fix the area between our homes. They left it rough and sunken in places and this is Annette's path on her morning gardening rounds. I don't think these folks appreciate that they are dealing with "The Unstoppable Force" here. They've promised to fix the excavation all week and haven't yet done it. I pity the next company representative she talks to. <br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-4MIzAlyklpQ/UHjjhpgi9QI/AAAAAAAAGQk/h1Xgkxrn0Dc/s1600/2012-10-04_08-43-15_556.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="180" width="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-4MIzAlyklpQ/UHjjhpgi9QI/AAAAAAAAGQk/h1Xgkxrn0Dc/s320/2012-10-04_08-43-15_556.jpg" /></a></div><br />
Our street, showing a large, dead tree that our neighbors had to have removed this week. <br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-MZwhCqFwxM0/UHjjii4KC8I/AAAAAAAAGQw/NYQpfor_qQ4/s1600/2012-10-05_16-03-35_655.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="180" width="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-MZwhCqFwxM0/UHjjii4KC8I/AAAAAAAAGQw/NYQpfor_qQ4/s320/2012-10-05_16-03-35_655.jpg" /></a></div><br />
Annette's favorite flower, <br />
<br />
and ... <br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-O3rSGyaTc3Q/UHjjjZa902I/AAAAAAAAGQ8/k078GKLLNvw/s1600/2012-09-27_17-03-37_919.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear:left; float:left;margin-right:1em; margin-bottom:1em"><img border="0" height="180" width="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-O3rSGyaTc3Q/UHjjjZa902I/AAAAAAAAGQ8/k078GKLLNvw/s320/2012-09-27_17-03-37_919.jpg" /></a></div><br />
Ethan looking over his new room<br />
<br />
<br />
Hello ALL,<br />
<br />
It’s been a mixed week. Annette’s brother Mike is still mostly sedated though they did move him to “Long Term Care” at Wadley in Texarkana. He’s battling pneumonia and the effects of the stroke. We’re making the trip over there every other day.<br />
~<br />
Dusty had his right elbow dislocated at football practice but is expected to be fine. They put it back in place that evening and now he just needs to let it heal.<br />
~<br />
Our special niece, Dorothy had her third child Thursday, a 9 lb 2 oz little tike named Trey.<br />
~<br />
Annette’s back is responding to steroid injections, though she’s moving carefully. <br />
~<br />
My Sugar and Heart doctors have changed my medications again, seeking a balance that benefits my kidneys and heart. It’s frustrating but I appreciate their attention.<br />
One of the drugs they took me off of was my arthritis medication. But so far the pain hasn’t been a big thing.<br />
~<br />
And …. I started using a CPAP machine. Now we both have our own mask on either side of the bed. And I have to admit, after avoiding this for years, I’m sleeping better than I can ever remember.<br />
~~~~~<br />
<br />
Did you ever play a game as a child where you offered a playmate something and then jerked it away at the last moment? This game could be played over and over F O R E V E R.<br />
<br />
One of the secrets of a long and happy marriage is keeping the “games” going in your lives. One of Annette’s favorites is the same sort of “offer and snatch” game that she likes to play with me at bedtime.<br />
<br />
She pretends that she’s gonna let me go to sleep, and then she stops me from sleeping. You see, I’m one of those folks that (except for naps) need to prepare for sleep. I have a little routine that ends in me laying my head on the pillow and drifting off into that great dream sleep, you know the kind I’m talking about when the Oakridge boys are in the living room but it’s o.k. because you have the spatula?<br />
<br />
Annette complains that I practically order her to go to sleep and then I stay up “puttering” around. The truth is, I’ve learned to make sure she’s asleep before starting my bedtime routine. Otherwise, she’ll usually interrupt my ritual and, as a result of the interruption, I don’t get to sleep when I wanted (or needed) to.<br />
<br />
For instance, last night, I thought she was asleep so I prepared for bed, then, just as I was laying my head down, she popped awake and asked me if the crock pot had enough liquid in it to cook through the night. So I got back up, put on my house shoes (diabetics are not allowed to walk around barefoot) and went into the kitchen. The crock pot was fine but now I was reawakened and ended up tossing and turning, waiting for her to ask me something else before finally drifting off to sleep.<br />
<br />
Another version of this involves her asking me questions about things we’re planning so I’m kept awake trying to remember if I did whatever I was supposed to. For instance, I’ll be drifting off when she suddenly asks; “Did you pay the water bill?” Of course I paid the water bill. … Didn’t I? It usually takes me a while to realize that I’m gonna have to get up and check to see if I did pay the bill or not before I can get to sleep.<br />
<br />
Another favorite of hers is the appliance / fixture gambit. This includes asking if that’s the front bathroom toilet she hears “running”? (I don’t hear anything but she claims that she does, in spite of the fact that she is almost deaf to most spoken language. I know this because she’s always asking me to repeat my mumbles.) Eventually I’ll have to give in and go check that toilet.<br />
Or she’s convinced that she left the stove on or the iron plugged in or any of hundreds of other reasons that I need to get up and go check.<br />
<br />
As I explained, my defense is to get her to sleep first. Which is actually easier said than done. Though I have developed a method for turning her brain “off.” <br />
I have a set of wireless head phones connected to the living room TV. At bedtime, I put on one of her favorite old movies and give her the phones. The dialogue of a movie that she knows by heart gently leads her to peaceful sleep. Of course “Pride and Prejudice” works better for this than her other favorite romantic movie … “The Terminator.” What, you didn’t know that “The Terminator” was a love story? <br />
~~~~~<br />
This week’s “Blast From The Past” is a "Bud" story titled "The Graveyard."<br />
<br />
My mother had a favorite story that she loved to tell to youth groups and young people in general. It was the story of Uncle Joe who had passed away<br />
before WWII.<br />
Supposedly you could visit his grave on the night of a full moon and ask him questions. You could ask him; "What you doing Uncle Joe?" and he'd say nothing. You could ask him; "What you got to eat Uncle Joe?" and he'd say nothing, etc.<br />
<br />
The joke was perpetrated by telling the kids the story, then taking them to Uncle Joe's grave on a moonlit night and standing there asking the questions. Of course, he'd say nothing, literally. He wouldn't say anything. This was considered a real knee slapper.<br />
<br />
During the late 40s, she had a girl scout group and one evening they had a sleep over at our home. My dad knew that mom intended to tell them the story of Uncle Joe and to take them to the graveyard for the payoff.<br />
<br />
My dad's best friend was Howard Pierce. He called Howard and arranged to pick him up that evening. Bud told my mom that he was going over to Howard's (the truth) and left her with the girl scouts.<br />
<br />
At the appointed hour, she took the girl scouts to the grave yard, stood at the foot of Uncle Joe's grave and said; "What you doing Uncle Joe?" Whereupon, Howard Pierce, who was hiding behind a gravestone, answered in a gravely, haunting voice; "NOTHING."<br />
<br />
Bud and Howard had to take the girl scouts back to town. My mother had left them in the graveyard when she fled.<br />
~~~~~<br />
Speaking of the Graveyard, here's a link to one of my favorite poems, The Cremation of Sam McGee by Robert W. Service: http://www.ude.net/verse/cremation.html<br />
I first read this poem when Jolly Higdon and Dinah Sue were studying it for their 9th grade literature class. Dr. Jerri Nielsen mentioned the poem in her biography; "Ice Bound.". <br />
~~~~~<br />
Favorite Quotes: <br />
2001: A Space Odyssey<br />
"I know I've made some very poor decisions recently, but I can give you my complete assurance that my work will be back to normal. I've still got the greatest enthusiasm and confidence in the mission. And I want to help you." -HAL<br />
~<br />
And … a quote from my Son-In-Love, a pastor, "God takes care of the impossible, all we have to do is the possible. God parted the Red Sea, all Moses had to do was pick up a stick." <br />
~~~~~<br />
The following wisdom is shared by our friends.<br />
~<br />
Sandra Blanchard<br />
Watching America's Test Kitchen - Classic line: "Vegetarian dishes are better with bacon!" <br />
~<br />
John Britton<br />
Pray like it's up to God, work like it's up to you. M.Batterson (the Circle Maker)<br />
~<br />
Michael Caldwell<br />
“Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway.” <br />
~<br />
Jim Ford<br />
Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We didn't pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on to them to do the same - Ronald Reagan<br />
~<br />
Chuck Jackson<br />
Some (I ain´ naming names) see government as a series of courtroom battles: I win, or I lose; to keep my post, I have to show my constituency a winning record or convincingly demonize the opposition. Others see government as a series of business negotiations: I hope to get most of what I want in any one negotiation at not too high a cost; to keep my post, I have to convince those in my constituency I´m making the best deals possible for them. Neither model is perfect, but the latter leads to greater accord and results more palatable to both sides. Our Constitution is one such result. <br />
<br />
Not doing too good. Forgot my underwear this morning and have felt out of shorts all day. :0)<br />
~<br />
Nancee Davis Law<br />
When Satan comes knocking tell him to hold on while you go get your Father and see how quickly he leaves.<br />
<br />
You can respect someone you do not like but you will never like someone you do not respect<br />
<br />
I would never want to be without my family. They make my life worth living.<br />
<br />
God created you on purpose for a purpose.<br />
<br />
Every day might not be a good day, but you can always find something good in every day! :)<br />
<br />
Worrying does not take the stress out of tomorrow, it takes the strength out of today.<br />
<br />
I'm starting this morning off on a positive note. I'm positive that I hate mornings. lol<br />
<br />
we should always listen to our heart ... because even though it's on our left, it'll always be right<br />
<br />
It's not WHAT we are handed in life, but how we handle it that makes a difference. <br />
~<br />
Jimmy Malone<br />
The world has lost the power to blush over it's vice; the Church has lost her power to weep over it. ~ Leonard Ravenhill<br />
<br />
When Jesus hits you where you live, it's gonna leave a mark. #neverthesame<br />
<br />
Small boy, upon seeing my LSU hat:"Are you from Louisiana?"<br />
<br />
"Yes"<br />
<br />
"I don't watch that show, but I've seen it."<br />
~<br />
Beth Anne Rankin<br />
QUOTE OF THE DAY -- "The supreme quality for leadership is unquestionably integrity. Without it, no real success is possible, no matter whether it is on a football field, in an army, or in an office." -- President Dwight D. Eisenhower<br />
~<br />
Waneta Reardon<br />
If I had 10 cookies and you took half, do you know what you would have?<br />
That's right, a black eye and broken hand. <br />
~<br />
Norma Kay Rowe<br />
When a wise man has a controversy with a foolish man, the foolish man either rages or laughs, and there is no rest. Proverbs 29:9 <br />
~~~~~<br />
A good old semi accurate story - - When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent years and almost $100,000 to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C.<br />
<br />
The Russians used a pencil.<br />
~<br />
NOTE: This is substantially true, however, the Russians eventually switched over to the NASA pen because using pencils resulted in tiny pieces of pencil lead floating in the cabin air.<br />
~~~~~<br />
Ask Bob Rankin - - Is a Paperless Office Really Possible? <br />
<br />
The year was 1984. I was a newly-hired programmer at IBM, listening to a lecture on the future of technology. At the end, someone asked the presenter about the notion of the paperless office. I'll always remember his reply: 'We will sooner see a paperless bathroom than a paperless office.' Almost 30 years later, have we made any progress toward the goal of going paper free?<br />
<br />
[http://askbobrankin.com/is_a_paperless_office_really_possible.html?awt_l=HZr.N&awt_m=IoA_7gWCK8P6SL]<br />
~~~~~<br />
LADA Awareness Week - - October 15-22, 2012 - - To help increase understanding and reduce misdiagnosis of latent autoimmune diabetes in adults (LADA), Diabetes Hands Foundation (DHF) and dLife united to create LADA Awareness Week to be recognized each year starting on the third Monday in October.<br />
<br />
[http://www.dlife.com/diabetes/type-1/about/lada_awareness_week?utm_source=Update-20121012&utm_medium=eNewsletter&utm_content=Update-newsletter&utm_campaign=dLife-eNewsletter]<br />
~~~~~<br />
Recipe of the week: Quick Chicken Fricassee - - From America's Test Kitchen Season 12: Simply Chicken <br />
Why this recipe works:<br />
<br />
In search of a streamlined technique that would give this classic French braise weeknight potential and a brighter, more complex sauce, we replaced the bone-in chicken parts with convenient boneless, skinless breasts and thighs. We found two ways to add back the richness that we’d lost when we opted for boneless chicken: We browned the meat in a combination of butter and oil, and we browned the vegetables until they developed their own fond to serve as the base of the sauce. Increasing the amount of glutamate-rich mushrooms boosted the fricassee’s meaty flavor. As a final step, we finished the sauce with sour cream, which added body and a pleasant tang. Whisking an egg yolk into the sour cream thickened the sauce and made it incredibly silky.<br />
~<br />
This classic French dish of poached chicken in cream sauce would have a lot going for it, if we could streamline the recipe and punch up the flavors.<br />
<br />
Serves 4 to 6<br />
<br />
Two tablespoons of chopped fresh parsley leaves may be substituted for the tarragon in this recipe.<br />
Ingredients<br />
<br />
2 pounds boneless, skinless chicken breasts, thighs, or a combination<br />
Table salt and ground black pepper<br />
1tablespoon unsalted butter<br />
1tablespoon olive oil<br />
1 pound cremini mushrooms, stems trimmed, caps wiped clean and cut into 1/4-inch slices<br />
1 medium onion, chopped fine (about 1 cup)<br />
¼ cup dry white wine<br />
1 tablespoon unbleached all-purpose flour<br />
1 medium garlic clove, minced or pressed through garlic press (about 1 teaspoon)<br />
1 ½ cups low-sodium chicken broth<br />
1/3 cup sour cream<br />
1 egg yolk<br />
½ teaspoon freshly grated nutmeg<br />
2 teaspoons juice from 1 lemon<br />
2 teaspoons minced fresh tarragon (see note)<br />
<br />
Instructions<br />
<br />
1. Pat chicken dry with paper towels and season with 1 teaspoon salt and ½ teaspoon pepper. Heat butter and oil in 12-inch skillet over medium-high heat. When foaming subsides, place chicken in skillet and cook until browned, about 4 minutes. Flip chicken and continue to cook until browned on second side, about 4 minutes longer. Transfer chicken to large plate.<br />
<br />
2. Add mushrooms, onion, and wine to now-empty skillet and cook, stirring occasionally, until liquid has evaporated and mushrooms are browned, 8 to 10 minutes. Add flour and garlic; cook, stirring constantly, 1 minute. Add broth and bring mixture to boil, scraping bottom of pan with wooden spoon to loosen browned bits. Add chicken and any accumulated juices to skillet. Reduce heat to medium-low, cover, and simmer until instant-read thermometer registers 160 degrees when inserted in breasts and 175 degrees when inserted in thighs, 5 to 10 minutes.<br />
<br />
3. Transfer chicken to clean platter and tent loosely with foil. Whisk sour cream and egg yolk together in medium bowl. Whisking constantly, slowly stir ½ cup sauce into sour cream mixture. Stirring constantly, slowly pour sour cream mixture into simmering sauce. Stir in nutmeg, lemon juice, and tarragon; return to simmer. Season to taste with salt and pepper. Pour sauce over chicken and serve.<br />
<br />
[http://www.americastestkitchen.com/recipes/detail.php?docid=26295]<br />
~~~~~<br />
Maximize your savings this season!<br />
<br />
Fall is the perfect time to start saving energy by upgrading to an affordable, reliable, high-efficiency natural gas heating system. And when you do, you'll be eligible for a rebate up to $600 and you may also qualify for manufacturer incentives available this season. By planning now, you'll enjoy the benefits of lower energy bills all winter. <br />
<br />
Natural gas forced-air furnace 90% to 94.9% AFUE $400<br />
<br />
Natural gas forced-air furnace 95% or higher AFUE $600 <br />
<br />
Hydronic heating system 82% or higher AFUE $400<br />
<br />
[http://mk2.netatlantic.com/read/archive?id=1131589&mid=57484341&e=kc5hii%40suddenlink.net&x=3b73f8d3]<br />
~~~~~<br />
Family Circle - - 10 Favorite Macaroni and Cheese Recipes<br />
<br />
Try one of our delicious takes on the classic dish.<br />
By Julie Miltenberger and Melissa Knific<br />
<br />
[http://www.familycircle.com/recipes/comfortfood/favorite-macaroni-and-cheese-recipes/?sssdmh=dm17.621874&esrc=nwfc100312]<br />
~~~~~<br />
Local “Ham” Radio News - - Here's the preliminary results of our efforts in putting K5PEA on the air September 08 in the Arkansas QSO Party:<br />
<br />
In the 12 hours of the contest, we made 259 QSOs (probably a few dupes in there, though). Worked 39 states (including Hawaii), three Canadian provinces and Cuba.<br />
<br />
Don't know if that's enough win, but that should put us up there in the top five in the estimation of K5MUO.<br />
<br />
As usual with these things, Murphy struck. But fortunately he struck on setup day, Friday. After years of faithful service, both my TS-680s and my Kenwood 30A power supply just died. Joe came through and we used his TS-450 for the entire contest, and Tommy retrieved a power supply. Fortunately, I had another power supply, too, so we were good there.<br />
<br />
We had three antennas up in the oak trees behind the church: a fan dipole for 10, 15 and 20; an inverted vee combo for 75 and 40; and a 20 meter dipole angled in a different direction from the fan dipole.<br />
<br />
All contacts were either on 20 or 40.<br />
<br />
Thanks to everyone who came out. It was fun. Anxious to see how we did compared to everyone else.<br />
<br />
73,<br />
<br />
WB5FKG<br />
~~~~~<br />
I think Gov Beebe has done some good things for the state by cutting through the political nonsense and just doing the right thing. Here is an editorial about him from the Hot Springs Sentinel-Record.<br />
<br />
‘Well said, Gov. Beebe’<br />
<br />
By Melinda Gassaway, Executive editor of the Hot Springs Sentinel-Record<br />
<br />
There are times when a public official’s display of ire might seem disingenuous or all for show.<br />
<br />
But, Gov. Mike Beebe’s obvious pique on Wednesday at televised advertisements he feels are “trashing Arkansas with absolutely false information” appeared absolutely a matter of personal conviction.<br />
<br />
We say that because Beebe, like any other politician in such a high-profile position, is scrutinized to the maximum on a daily basis. Yet seldom, if ever, do we hear that the head of our state government is playing to the media or attempting to bring undue attention to himself.<br />
<br />
So when Beebe showed his anger at the $1 million negative ad campaign before and during his address to the Arkansas Rural Education Association’s fall conference in Hot Springs, we feel he spoke for many of the state’s citizens, who, at some time or another, have been denigrated by outdated stereotypical views of our and other small states in the South.<br />
<br />
According to a Washington Post report, Americans for Prosperity, an out-of-state conservative political action group funded by billionaires Charles and David Koch, seeks a conservative Republican takeover in both houses of the Arkansas Legislature in the Nov. 6 general election.<br />
<br />
To that end, the Americans for Prosperity advertisements assail Arkansas’ educational system, tax rates, business opportunities and lack of jobs, which they claim has sent “thousands fleeing from the state.”Beebe on Wednesday countered these assertions by noting that Arkansas is one of only four states that “never had a budget shortfall throughout the recession; that Arkansas ranks fifth in the nation in education — a “top priority in state government” — and that Arkansas, during his term as governor, has cut more taxes (a net of $730 million) than anybody in the state’s history.<br />
<br />
He candidly acknowledged that Arkansas, like “the rest of the country,” experienced considerable job loss due to the recession, but he also pointed out that as of June 30, “there were 27,000 more civilian labor force jobs than there were when the recession hit us in 2009.”<br />
<br />
Hot Springs and Garland County residents can attest to the fact that between 2009 and today, and unlike many other areas in the region, this community added several new small businesses to the commercial mix, passed a public safety tax to fund a larger detention center, continued to attract retirees from all across the country, saw increasing enrollment at National Park Community College, and ongoing academic progress in Garland County schools.<br />
<br />
It was apparent from the tenor of Beebe’s remarks that he finds the attack ads especially galling and patently unfair to the people of Arkansas. He said, “They’re trashing our teachers, our superintendents, our firemen, our policemen, our state employees, our large businessmen, our farmers, our ranchers — all the folks who have caused Arkansas to stand out in the midst of the worst recession in my lifetime, (a recession) caused by a bunch of greedy folks on Wall Street...”The governor’s comments drew applause from attendees at the AREA meeting and we give him a tip of the hat for standing up for all Arkansans and for their hard work, persistence, and their continuing efforts to improve the economic outlook of our state.<br />
~~~~~<br />
Once again, I see folks are sharing vaccine rumors. This is face: CDC says to assume 1 in every 100,000 vaccine recipients will suffer serious side effects, and the death rate from the disease itself is 1 in 100,000.<br />
<br />
However, 22 in every 100,000 persons who get the flu will end up being hospitalized. So, your chance of serious side effects from the vaccine may be the same as your chance of death from the disease. But your chance of being hospitalized due to the disease are 22 times higher than your risk of side effects.<br />
<br />
Experts estimated that H1N1 killed 294,500 people and the WHO said that the death toll may actually have been much higher.<br />
<br />
http://www.sciencenews.org/view/generic/id/49017/title/Science_%2B_the_Public__H1N1_vaccine_Counting_side_effects<br />
<br />
As before, I strongly encourage you to discuss vaccines with your medical provider. Medical School and experience really do trump rumor.<br />
~~~~~<br />
Another “soapbox” of mine: if you have water heater problems, please consider replacing it with a tankless or mini tank version. If you are "green" and / or you like saving utility bill money, a tank type water heater is a HUGE waste of your money and natural resources.<br />
A tankless water heater comes with electronic ignition so there is ZERO gas used until you actually need hot water. This normally results in a savings of 75% to 90% of the cost of operating a normal water heater. A normal tank type heater runs ALL the time, keeping that tank of water hot for you. And you probably use it less than 90 minutes a day. Maybe only 30 minutes or less. But it sits there 24x7x52 burning gas to keep that water hot. It's like never shutting your car off, just pull in the garage and leave it idling until you’re ready to use it again. What do you think your cost of motor vehicle fuel would be if you did that?<br />
But the bigger advantage of tankless is endless hot water. You never run out. It just keeps producing hot water on demand. That was the only problem we saw when we went tankless, our water bill went up because we'd hang out in the shower, letting that hot water massage all our muscles.<br />
So, if it looks like you may need to replace that old heater, please don't replace it with an old wasteful model, use one of the new tankless or mini tank versions. I'll bet your state will pay you to do it in addition to the federal tax credit you can get for saving gas and money. <br />
~~~~~<br />
The latest from Michael Yon, the foremost “milnews” blogger on the web. <br />
~<br />
Greetings,<br />
<br />
It must among the most important letters to come out of the Afghanistan war. It is worth the time to read.[http://www.michaelyon-online.com/stunning-letter-infantry-colonel-communique-to-secretary-of-the-army.htm]<br />
<br />
Very Respectfully,<br />
Michael Yon<br />
Your Writer,<br />
<br />
Please remember that this website accepts no advertisement and is dependent on your support. <br />
<br />
PS Please sign up for my Twitter.com updates at "Michael_Yon" [http://twitter.com/Michael_Yon] (not Michael Yon).<br />
<br />
http://www.facebook.com/#/MichaelYonFanPage?ref=sgm<br />
~<br />
www.michaelyon-online.com<br />
~<br />
Http://www.michaelyon_online.com/index.php<br />
~~~~~ <br />
If you would like to encourage US Troops overseas, but are not sure just how to begin, visit www.anysoldier.com for ideas. <br />
~~~~~ <br />
DarynKagan.com <br />
<br />
Uplifting with a twist of the bittersweet tie today's stories together.<br />
<br />
Cancer Patient Gives Birth To Quadruplets [http://darynkagan.demo.nimbussoftware.com/overcoming/2012/ov_121012_cancer_patient_quadruplets.html]<br />
Ashley Adams and her husband, Andy, were shocked to discover they were expecting quadruplets in March. 4 months into the pregnancy they also found out she had cancer. How do you fight for your life and deliver 4 healthy babies? This young mom shows how.<br />
<br />
Nightly Taps Makes Neighbor Take Notice [http://darynkagan.demo.nimbussoftware.com/overcoming/2012/ov_121012_nightly_taps.html]<br />
Residents of a quiet little neighborhood in Tacoma have been hearing something wonderful for the past couple of years just as the sun begins to set over Puget Sound. That something is the song, "Taps." Here's why.<br />
~~~~~<br />
<br />
ACC SmartBrief<br />
<br />
Shale-driven chemical activity is fueling related economic growth<br />
Active and planned expansion in chemical manufacturing is also generating benefits for boutique chemical companies, the metals sector and other industries, according to multiple analyses, including an American Chemistry Council study. "This is a big part of a bigger story," says Bob McCutcheon, a lead contributor to a PricewaterhouseCooper study examining shale gas and U.S. manufacturing. "It is a major contributing factor to a competitive environment that could lead to a resurgence of manufacturing." Kevin Swift, ACC's chief economist, agrees, stating that the effect across industries may lead to "a whole manufacturing renaissance in this country." <br />
<br />
Area Development magazine (Fall 2012), [http://www.areadevelopment.com/EnergyEnvironment/Fall2012/natural-gas-technologies--fuel-economic-boom-2223461.shtml]<br />
<br />
Pittsburgh Tribune-Review (9/26), [http://triblive.com/home/2661745-74/companies-chemical-industry-company-business-hart-pittsburgh-raw-rebirth-western#axzz27a4S5VGn]<br />
<br />
San Antonio Express-News [http://www.mysanantonio.com/business/article/Shale-plays-move-the-U-S-from-energy-couch-3893612.php]<br />
~~~~~ <br />
http://www.shelfari.com<br />
http://www.shelfari.com/bugsbleat/shelf<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Photos on the front of this week’s “Bleat” include - - Center Point Digging to replace our gas line. Our neighbors large, dead tree, Annette's flower, Ethan looking over his new room and Annette's plants now inside our living room.<br />
~~~~~<br />
For the latest issue of "Da Bleat.", go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com. <br />
Our photos are posted at http://www.bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com.<br />
~~~~~ <br />
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.<br />
~~~~~<br />
BreakPoint - - Restraining Leviathan - - What to Make of the HHS Mandate<br />
By: John Stonestreet|<br />
<br />
How in the name of “freedom” does the government restrict religious liberty? <br />
<br />
John Stonestreet - A recent episode of the “Diane Rhem Show,” one of the most listened-to public radio programs in the country, featured a conversation with Sandra Fluke. Fluke, as you may recall, is the former Georgetown Law School student who testified before Congress in favor of the HHS mandate. She was then turned into a kind of “martyr” when Rush Limbaugh made outrageous comments about her personal life.<br />
<br />
Not surprisingly, Fluke defended the HHS mandate on the “Diane Rehm Show” as well. Nothing especially noteworthy here.<br />
<br />
What is noteworthy, although not surprising, is the grounds on which Fluke justified the infringement of religious freedom: the right of women to bodily autonomy and the benefits to society from universal, subsidized contraception.<br />
<br />
It’s noteworthy not because it represents something new, but on the contrary, it represents something as old as the modern state itself.<br />
<br />
This is the conclusion of a fascinating and important article on the "First Things" website written by Patrick Deneen, a professor of Political Science at Notre Dame.<br />
<br />
The title of the article, “President Obama’s Campaign for Leviathan,” a reference to philosopher Thomas Hobbes’ book of that name, does the piece a disservice by suggesting that the problem is of recent vintage. That’s not at all the case.<br />
<br />
As Deneen tells us, “the origin of the [HHS] mandate lies in an impulse that can be dated back to the beginnings of the modern era and the rise of the state.” If your history is a bit rusty, the beginnings of the modern era date back to the early-to-middle seventeenth century.<br />
<br />
The “impulse” Deneen is referring to is the way that the modern state, as described by Hobbes, poses as a kind of “liberator.” In this case, the one being “liberated” is the individual. What he—or in this case, she—is being liberated from is interference, or even the fear of interference, from other individuals. The “liberation” offered by the modern state is the freedom to “pursue his or her own ends” as he or she sees fit.<br />
<br />
In other words, personal autonomy.<br />
<br />
Of course, there’s a catch: in exchange for being liberated, individuals must pledge their primary allegiance to the state. Every other traditional allegiance—to family, church and community—is seen as secondary and voluntary. They have no authority over us apart from what we choose to let them have, which, practically-speaking, means none at all, since we can always change our minds.<br />
<br />
In this telling, religion is less than a private matter—it’s an individual one. Religious teachings about, well, anything, can bind the individual’s conscience, but any larger applicability is dependent on whether it meets the state’s interests.<br />
<br />
It was this vision of the modern state that set in motion the forces that, over time, led to what the late Richard John Neuhaus called the “naked public square.” I say “over time,” because the kind of secularization Deneen wrote about unfolded gradually. But while the American founders, for the most part, viewed religion and religious freedom as vital for the maintenance of self-government, the seeds of secularization were present at the birth of the republic.<br />
<br />
Those seeds have sprouted in full. Fluke’s justification for the HHS mandate is, consciously or not, straight out of Hobbes’ playbook: religious freedom sacrificed in the name of personal autonomy and allegiance to the state.<br />
<br />
What should our response be? Well, that’s the subject of Monday’s broadcast. And this weekend please listen to BreakPoint this Week, where my guests and I tackle American education, another area where Leviathan can be seen.<br />
<br />
In the meantime, please come to BreakPoint.org, click on this commentary, and read Professor Deneen’s insightful "First Things" article.<br />
Further Reading and Information<br />
<br />
President Obama’s Campaign for Leviathan [http://www.firstthings.com/onthesquare/2012/10/president-obamarsquos-campaign-for-leviathan/patrick-j-deneen]<br />
Patrick J. Deneen | On the Square, "First Things" | October 3, 2012<br />
<br />
BreakPoint This Week [http://www.breakpoint.org/features-columns/discourse]<br />
<br />
[http://www.breakpoint.org/bpcommentaries]<br />
<br />
Copyright © 2012 Prison Fellowship. All Rights Reserved <br />
<br />
~~~~~<br />
Residents of Columbia County, Arkansas are represented in Congress by:<br />
~<br />
<br />
Senator John Boozman (R_ AR) <br />
1 Russell Courtyard<br />
Washington DC, 20510<br />
Phone: 202-224-4843<br />
http://boozman.senate.gov/<br />
~<br />
Senator Mark Pryor (D_ AR) <br />
Phone 202_224_2353 <br />
FAX 202_228_0908 <br />
http://pryor.senate.gov/<br />
~<br />
Representative Michael A. Ross (D _ 04) <br />
Phone 202_225_3772 <br />
FAX 202_225_1314 <br />
http://ross.house.gov/<br />
<br />
Other states congresspersons can be found at: [http://www.visi.com/juan/congress/]<br />
~~~~~<br />
THOUGHT OF THE DAY:<br />
<br />
"Believe in those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it." - Andre Gide<br />
<br />
"Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself." - Leo Tolstoy<br />
<br />
"In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity." - Albert Einstein <br />
<br />
"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music he hears, however measured or far away." - Henry David Thoreau<br />
<br />
"Democracy is being allowed to vote for the candidate you dislike least." - Robert Byrne<br />
<br />
"In all debates, let truth be thy aim, not victory, or an unjust interest." - William Penn<br />
<br />
"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I took the one less traveled by. And that has made all the difference." - Robert Frost<br />
<br />
"When every day seems the same, it is because we have stopped noticing the good things that appear in our lives." - Paulo Coelho<br />
<br />
"Choose a profession you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life." - Confucius<br />
<br />
"I am not a liberal, not a conservative, not a gradualist, not a monk, not an indifferentist, . . . I have no partiality either for gendarmes, or butchers, or scholars, or writers, or young people. I regard trade-marks and labels as a kind of prejudice. My holy of holies is the human body, health, intelligence, talent, inspiration, love, and absolute freedom - freedom from violence and falsehood, no matter how the last two manifest themselves." - Anton Chekhov<br />
<br />
"A good traveler has no fixed plans and is not intent upon arriving." - Tao Te Ching<br />
<br />
"The quality of a person's life is in direct proportion to their commitment to excellence, regardless of their chosen field of endeavor." - Vince Lombardi<br />
<br />
"Know your enemy and know yourself; in a hundred battles, you will never be defeated. When you are ignorant of the enemy but know yourself, your chances of winning or losing are equal. If ignorant of your enemy and yourself, you are sure to be defeated in every battle." - Sun-Tzu, The Art of War<br />
<br />
"Life must be lived forwards, but can only be understood backwards." - Kierkegaard<br />
<br />
"For every complex problem, there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong." - H. L. Mencken<br />
~~~~~ <br />
BREAKING CHRISTIAN NEWS <br />
http://breakingchristiannews.com/<br />
<br />
Christian Broadcasters Preparing for Jesus' Return<br />
Aimee Herd (Oct 11, 2012)<br />
<br />
"In that day His feet will stand on the Mount of Olives, which is in front of Jerusalem on the east . . . Then the LORD, my God, will come, and all the holy ones with Him!" –Zech. 14:4-5<br />
<br />
TBN Webcam (Jerusalem, Israel)—According to news reports, America's two biggest Christian broadcasters have positioned themselves to catch any Messianic action on the Mount of Olives, such as is described in the Bible of Jesus' return. (Edmund Sanders, Los Angeles Times / October 1, 2012)<br />
<br />
Daystar Television Network—based in Texas—already had a live webcam in place, fixed on the Mount of Olives, and broadcasting a continuous live stream from the terrace of its Jerusalem studios.<br />
<br />
Last month, Trinity Broadcasting Network (TBN)—based in Costa Mesa—purchased the building next door, and has set up their own continuous live feed webcam trained on the same spot.<br />
<br />
Both of the networks have targeted a portion of their programming toward those living in Israel, with the ultimate goal of supporting Messianic Jews, and bringing the Gospel to Orthodox Jews who will receive it.<br />
<br />
According to the L.A. Times report, Christian Evangelical groups—such as TBN and Daystar—have "quietly and steadily expanded their footprint in Jerusalem."<br />
<br />
Source: Edmund Sanders – L.A. Times<br />
<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
<br />
GCF: Magna Carta<br />
<br />
A bus full of noisy tourists arrives at Runnymede, England.<br />
<br />
They gather around the guide who says, "This is the spot where the barons forced King John to sign the Magna Carta."<br />
<br />
A man pushing his way to the front of the crowd asks, "When did that happen?"<br />
<br />
"1215," answers the guide.<br />
<br />
The man looks at his watch and says, "Darn! Just missed it by a half hour!"<br />
_ ___________________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Day's Catch<br />
<br />
A fisherman accidentally left his day's catch under the seat of a bus.<br />
<br />
The next evening, the newspaper carried an ad:<br />
<br />
"If the person who left a bucket of fish on the No. 47 bus would care to come to the garage, he can have the bus."<br />
_ ___________________________________ _<br />
GCF: Speeding Ticket<br />
<br />
A woman out driving with her husband was speeding along at about 60 MPH in a 50 MPH zone. A motorcycle cop appeared alongside and pulled her over. Deciding to give her a break, the cop said, "I'm going to put you down for fifty-five."<br />
<br />
The woman turned to her husband. "See! I told you this dress makes me look old."<br />
_ ___________________________________ _<br />
GCF: Crazy News Tidbit<br />
<br />
Anxious to "include" as many minorities, religions and disabilities as possible, the human resources department of the University of (name removed to protect the innocent) has put up a Braille poster outside its main office. The poster has been placed inside a display case with a glass front.<br />
<br />
[This is brought to you by the same geniuses who put Braille instructions on the drive up window at the bank.]<br />
_ ___________________________________ _<br />
GCF: Not Hanging Around<br />
<br />
O'Reilly was in a bit of a fix. He was filling in an insurance form and was asked to state how his parents had died. His mother was not a problem, she had died of a coronary at the age of 71, but his father had been hanged for murder at the age of 46.<br />
<br />
He did not want to say this, though, so after a bit of thought came up with a solution and filled in the form:<br />
<br />
"My father died at the age of 46 when a platform collapsed at a public occasion."<br />
_ ___________________________________ _<br />
GCF: Feeding the Animals<br />
<br />
At a small zoo, visitors often ignored the many large signs that said, "Don't feed the animals!"<br />
<br />
The zookeeper did not want to impose fines so he tried a different approach.<br />
<br />
He posted signs saying, "Feed the animals for only twenty dollars!" and suddenly no one wanted to.<br />
_ ___________________________________ _<br />
GCF: Personalized Plate<br />
<br />
One of my customers at the Department of Motor Vehicles wanted a personalized license plate with his wedding anniversary on it. As we completed the paperwork he explained, "This way I can't forget the date."<br />
<br />
A few hours later, I recognized the same young man waiting in my line. When his turn came, he said somewhat sheepishly, "I need to change the numbers on that plate application."<br />
_ ___________________________________ _<br />
GCF: Foreign Pizza<br />
<br />
An American businessman goes to Japan on a business trip, but he doesn't care for Japanese food, so he asks the concierge at his hotel if there's any place around where he can get American food.<br />
<br />
The concierge tells him he's in luck, there's a pizza place that just opened, and they deliver. The concierge gives the businessman the phone number, and he goes back to his room and orders a pizza.<br />
<br />
Thirty minutes later, the delivery guy shows up to the door with the pizza.<br />
<br />
The businessman takes the pizza, and starts sneezing uncontrollably. He asks the delivery man, "What on earth did you put on this pizza?"<br />
<br />
The delivery man bows deeply and says, "We put on the pizza what you ordered, pepper only."<br />
_ ___________________________________ _<br />
GCF: Hooks<br />
<br />
"What did you do this weekend?"<br />
<br />
"I dropped some hooks into the water."<br />
<br />
"How was the fishing?"<br />
<br />
"I wasn't fishing; I was golfing."<br />
_ ___________________________________ _<br />
GCF: Flying United<br />
<br />
A flight attendant on a United Airlines cross-country flight, about 30 minutes outbound from LA, nervously announced: "I don't know how this happened, but we have 103 passengers aboard and only 40 dinners."<br />
<br />
When the passenger's muttering had died down, she continued, "Anyone who is kind enough to give up his meal so someone else can eat will receive free drinks for the length of the flight."<br />
<br />
Her next announcement came an hour later. "If anyone wants to change their mind, we still have 29 dinners available!"<br />
_ ___________________________________ _<br />
GCF: The ABC Song<br />
<br />
Customer in bookstore: Hey, can you help me find this book?<br />
<br />
Clerk: Sure.<br />
<br />
(He holds up a piece of paper with the title and author of a book on it. I find it on the shelves and hand it to him.)<br />
<br />
Customer: Thanks! How'd you do that so fast?<br />
<br />
Clerk: Well, I've worked here awhile, and the books are all in alphabetical order by author's name.<br />
<br />
Customer: What do you mean?<br />
<br />
Clerk: Alphabetical order. Like the alphabet song? You know, A's before B's?<br />
<br />
(He looks confused, but then widens his eyes.)<br />
<br />
Customer: The letters actually go in that order? I thought that song was just to remember them all.<br />
_ ___________________________________ _<br />
<br />
GCF: Semi-Pro Baseball<br />
<br />
John was never shy about reminding people that he played semi-pro baseball.<br />
<br />
"My teammates used to call me James Bond," he was telling his friends. "I had all sorts of tricks to confuse the opposition."<br />
<br />
"That and he batted .007," his wife added.<br />
_ ___________________________________ _<br />
GCF: Mortgage Payment<br />
<br />
Finally, our last mortgage payment came due. To make a ceremony of it, we went to the bank and paid in person.<br />
<br />
The teller processed everything and handed me the closing papers.<br />
<br />
Heading for the door, I suddenly remembered a rebate check I'd brought along to cash.<br />
<br />
I went back to the same teller. "Sorry, we can't do that," she explained. "You don't have an account here."<br />
_ ___________________________________ _<br />
GCF: Iams Pet Food Hotline<br />
<br />
The IAMS Pet Professionals, a team of 30 trained customer service representatives at The Iams Company, handle more than 300,000 inquiries a year from pet owners across the country.<br />
<br />
Although the majority of calls to the toll-free number are straightforward pet care and nutrition questions, some can be quite unconventional. Here are some of the team's favorite calls this year:<br />
<br />
"My cat just came in from the garage and I was wondering how many calories are in a mouse?"<br />
<br />
"I have a neutered male cat. How old should he be before I can breed him?"<br />
<br />
"Does your dog food help with emancipation?"<br />
<br />
"What should I feed a borderline collie?"<br />
<br />
"What size litter box do I need to keep my cat comfy?"<br />
<br />
"How can I keep my cat from stealing my husband's toothbrush?"<br />
<br />
"My cat passed a stool on the indoor rug and it's stuck in the vacuum cleaner. Any suggestions?"<br />
<br />
"How can I get the secret recipe for your Iams Chunks dog food?"<br />
<br />
"How do I stop my cat from giving food to the dog?"<br />
<br />
"Do you know how to toilet train a cat?"<br />
<br />
"Will chewing pop cans remove enamel from my puppy's teeth?"<br />
<br />
"Where can I get a six-toed cat?"<br />
_ ___________________________________ _<br />
GCF: Second Notice<br />
<br />
A taxpayer received a strongly worded "second notice" that his taxes were overdue. Hastening to the collector's office, he paid his bill, saying apologetically that he had overlooked the first notice.<br />
<br />
"Oh," confided the collector with a smile, "we don't send out first notices. We have found that the second notices are more effective."<br />
_ ___________________________________ _<br />
GCF: Driving Test<br />
<br />
I'm a driving examiner for the Department of Motor Vehicles and while I was giving a road test to a young man, he went through a red light without stopping. I told him that he had automatically failed the test. We met up with his mother back at the office, and I explained what had happened. At first she was speechless. Then she asked incredulously, "He ran a red light?"<br />
<br />
"Yes," I replied.<br />
<br />
"Well," persisted the mom, "how red was the light?"<br />
_ ___________________________________ _<br />
GCF: Second Try<br />
<br />
Arriving home from work at my usual hour of 5 p.m., I discovered that it had not been one of my wife's better days. Nothing I said or did seemed to be right.<br />
<br />
By 7 p.m. things had not changed, so I suggested I go outside, pretend I had just got home, and start all over again. My wife agreed.<br />
<br />
I went outside, came back in and, with a big smile, announced, "Honey, I'm home!"<br />
<br />
"And just where have you been?" she replied sharply. "It's after seven o'clock!"<br />
_ ___________________________________ _<br />
GCF: Dog Grooming<br />
<br />
A lady took her dog to the groomer at pet store for a haircut and asked what it would cost.<br />
<br />
The receptionist looked at her from behind the counter and told her that a bath and haircut started at around fifty dollars, but there were many options, so the price could vary.<br />
<br />
Holding on to her dog's leash, the potential customer was visibly outraged.<br />
<br />
"I only pay $25 for my own haircut!" said the woman indignantly.<br />
<br />
The groomer replied, "That may be true, but then you don't bite, do you?"<br />
_ ___________________________________ _<br />
GCF: First Aid<br />
<br />
After an accident, a woman stepped forward and prepared to help the victim. She was asked to step aside by a man who announced, "Step back please! I've had a course in first aid and I'm trained in CPR."<br />
<br />
The woman watched his procedures for a few moments, then tapped him on the shoulder.<br />
<br />
"When you get to the part about calling a doctor," she said, "I'm already here!"<br />
_ ___________________________________ _<br />
GCF: Camping Tips<br />
<br />
Q. What equipment will I need to go camping?<br />
<br />
A. You need a tent. Tent sizes are measured in units of men, as in "a three-man tent"; this tells you how many men are required to erect the tent if they are all professional tent engineers. Even then, the tent will collapse under unusual weather conditions, such as nightfall. You will also need a hatchet, for the spiders, and a credit card, for the motel.<br />
<br />
Q. Where should I go camping?<br />
<br />
A. The United States has a spectacular national park system with millions of unspoiled acres where wildlife is protected by federal laws. Avoid these places. You want a commercial facility with a name like "The Stop 'n' Squat Kountry Kamp-ground," where large animals cannot fit through the 6-inch gaps between the Winnebagos.<br />
<br />
Q. How much food should I take?<br />
<br />
A. A lot. You'll be providing food not only for your family, but also for the entire raccoon community. When I was a boy in rural Armonk, our garbage cans were regularly terrorized by a gang of brilliant criminal raccoons. I recall being awakened at 3 a.m. by loud noises and looking out the window to see, by moonlight, my father, a peace-loving Presbyterian minister, charging around in the bushes, wildly swinging a baseball bat and saying non-Presbyterian words.<br />
<br />
Of course, he did not get the raccoons; you NEVER get the raccoons.<br />
_ ___________________________________ _<br />
GCF: Helpful Mechanic<br />
<br />
Taking my car to the mechanic, I was fearful that any needed repair might be too expensive. I was relieved when he told me all I needed was blinker fluid.<br />
_ ___________________________________ _<br />
GCF: Eggplants<br />
<br />
A grocer put up a sign that read "Eggplants, 25 cents each -- three for a dollar."<br />
<br />
All day long, customers came in exclaiming: "Don't be ridiculous! I should get four for a dollar!"<br />
<br />
Meekly the grocer capitulated and packaged four eggplants. The tailor next door had been watching these antics and finally asked the grocer, "Aren't you going to fix the mistake on your sign?"<br />
<br />
"What mistake?" the grocer asked. "Before I put up that sign no one ever bought more than one eggplant."<br />
_ ___________________________________ _<br />
GCF: Expensive Operation<br />
<br />
A woman was having a medical problem - her husband's snoring. So she called the doctor one morning and asked him if there was anything he could do to relieve her "suffering."<br />
<br />
"Well, there is one operation I can perform that will cure your husband, but it is really rather expensive. It will cost $1000 down and payments of $450 for 24 months, plus payments for extras."<br />
<br />
"My goodness!" the woman exclaimed, "it sounds like leasing a new sports car!"<br />
<br />
"Hmmm," the doctor murmured, "too obvious, huh?"<br />
_ ___________________________________ _<br />
GCF: Luggage Check In<br />
<br />
Busily checking in luggage for the large airline where I work, I have to ask every traveler, "Is this your suitcase?" At the peak of the afternoon rush one day, a man hesitated after my inquiry and then replied, "No, it's my brother-in-law's ... but he said I could use it."<br />
_ ___________________________________ _<br />
/ )| Thomas S. Ellsworth |( \<br />
/ / | tellswor@kcbx.net | \ \<br />
_( (_ | http://www.kcbx.net/~tellswor | _) )_<br />
(((\ \>|_/ )_____________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / An expert is one who knows \ \_/ ////
\ / more and more about less \ /
\ _/ and less until he knows \_ /
/ / absolutely everything about nothing. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )_____________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / Having a child fall asleep \ \_/ ////
\ / in your arms is one of \ /
\ _/ the most peaceful \_ /
/ / feelings in the world. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )_____________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / Having a child fall asleep \ \_/ ////
\ / in your arms is one of \ /
\ _/ the most peaceful \_ /
/ / feelings in the world. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )_____________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / The nice part about living \ \_/ ////
\ / in a small town is that when \ /
\ _/ you don't know what you're doing, \_ /
/ / someone else does. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )_____________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / If just one person says to me, \ /
\ _/ "You've made my day!" \_ /
/ / that makes my day. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )_____________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Being young is beautiful, \ /
\ _/ but being old is comfortable. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )_____________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Amazing! You hang something \ /
\ _/ in your closet for awhile \_ /
/ / and it shrinks two sizes! \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )_____________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / "The best thing about \ /
\ _/ telepathy is........ \_ /
/ / I know, right?" \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )_____________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / You should never say no \ /
\ _/ to a gift from a child. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )_____________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / To steal ideas from one \ /
\ _/ person is plagiarism. \_ /
/ / To steal from many is research. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )_____________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Cats regard people \ /
\ _/ as warm-blooded furniture. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )_____________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / If a telemarketer calls, \ /
\ _/ give the phone to your 3-year old \_ /
/ / and tell her it's Santa, \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )_____________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / The easiest way to find \ /
\ _/ something lost around the house \_ /
/ / is to buy a replacement. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )_____________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / "I enjoy your company most \ /
\ _/ when I am by myself." \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )_____________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Better mince your words... \ /
\ _/ makes them easier to eat. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )_____________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Why is it that rain drops \ /
\ _/ but snow falls? \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )_____________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / All those who believe in \ /
\ _/ telekinesis, raise my hand. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )_____________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / You DO know what a \ /
\ _/ leading question is, don't you? \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )_____________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / Rejection: \ /
\ _/ When your imaginary friends \_ /
/ / won't talk to you. \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )_____________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / This sentence no verb. \ /
\ _/ \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )_____________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / All people smile \ /
\ _/ in the same language. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )_____________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / The other day I broke 70. \ /
\ _/ Now that's a lot of golf clubs. \_ /
/ / \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )_____________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / Do you realize that in about \ \_/ ////
\ / 40 years, we'll have thousands \ /
\ _/ of old ladies running around with \_ /
/ / tattoos and belly button rings? \ \
(((\ \>|_/ )_____________________( \_|</ /)))
\\\\ \_/ / \ \_/ ////
\ / My next house will \ /
\ _/ have no kitchen --- \_ /
/ / just vending machines. \ \
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
WHY OUR HEALTH CARE COSTS ARE SO HIGH!!!<br />
<br />
Kevin had shingles.<br />
<br />
Those of us who spend much time in a doctor's office should appreciate this!<br />
Doesn't it seem more and more that physicians are running their practices like an assembly line?<br />
Here's what happened to Kevin: <br />
<br />
Kevin walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Kevin said: 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat. <br />
<br />
Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Kevin what he had....<br />
Kevin said, 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Kevin to wait in the examining room. <br />
<br />
A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Kevin what he had. Kevin said, 'Shingles..' So the nurse gave Kevin a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Kevin to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.<br />
<br />
An hour later the doctor came in and found Kevin sitting patiently in the nude and asked Kevin what he had.<br />
<br />
Kevin said, 'Shingles.' The doctor asked, 'Where?'<br />
Kevin said, 'Outside on the truck. Where do you want me to unload 'em??'<br />
<br />
Thanks to Corrine Reagan<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in an old age home?"<br />
"Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub."<br />
"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup."<br />
<br />
"No" he said. "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"<br />
<br />
Thanks to Buzzy Landry<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Reverend Boudreaux was the part-time pastor of the local Cajun Baptist Church<br />
and Pastor Thibodeaux was the minister of the Covenant Church across the road.<br />
<br />
They were both standing by the road, pounding a sign into the ground that read:<br />
<br />
'Da End is Near<br />
Turn Yo Sef 'Roun<br />
Now Afore It Be Too Late!'<br />
<br />
As a car sped past them, the driver leaned out his window, shook his fist and yelled,<br />
'You religious nuts!'<br />
<br />
From the curve, they heard screeching tires, and a big splash...<br />
<br />
Boudreaux turns to Tibodeaux and asks: "Do ya tink maybe da sign should jussay....'Bridge Out'??"<br />
<br />
Thanks to Joe Mullins<br />
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><><br />
Louisiana Story<br />
<br />
Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a Lafayette Street tavern. After last call, the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man stumbled around the street for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five vehicles, the man managed to find his car, which he fell into. He was there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.<br />
<br />
Finally the man started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a fine dry night), flicked the blinkers on and off, honked the horn, and then switched on the lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little, and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more vehicles left. At last he pulled out of the parking lot and started to drive slowly down the road.<br />
<br />
The police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over, and carried out a breathalyzer test. To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence of the man having consumed alcohol at all! Dumbfounded, the officer said, "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken."<br />
<br />
"I doubt it," said the man. "Tonight I'm the designated decoy."<br />
<br />
Received from Seymore Smyles & May Q. Chuckle.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Real Resume and Cover Letter Excerpts<br />
<br />
These are taken from real resumes and cover letters and were printed in Fortune Magazine:<br />
<br />
I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.<br />
<br />
I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheet progroms.<br />
<br />
Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.<br />
<br />
Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.<br />
<br />
Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.<br />
<br />
Its best for employers that I not work with people.<br />
<br />
You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.<br />
<br />
Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.<br />
<br />
Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.<br />
<br />
Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No Commitments.<br />
<br />
As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments.<br />
<br />
Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far. <br />
<br />
Note: Please don't miscontrue my 14 jobs as job-hopping. I have never quit a job.<br />
<br />
Marital status: often. Children: various.<br />
<br />
Finished eighth in my class of ten.<br />
<br />
Lets meet, so you can ooh and aah over my experience.<br />
<br />
Received from bestofhumor.com.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Groaner: The Squaws<br />
<br />
Three pregnant squaws go to the medicine man when their time comes to give birth.<br />
<br />
He brings out an antelope skin and asks the first one to lie down on it.<br />
<br />
Then he brings out a buffalo hide and asks the second one to lie on it.<br />
<br />
The third one is the chief's wife, so he brings out an expensive imported hippopotamus skin and has her lie down on it.<br />
<br />
The first one has a beautiful baby boy.<br />
<br />
The second also has a beautiful baby boy.<br />
<br />
The chief's wife has twin baby boys.<br />
<br />
Which goes to prove that the squaw of the hippopotamus equals the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.<br />
<br />
Received from Stan Kegel.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Judge's Announcement<br />
<br />
A judge enters the courtroom, strikes the gavel, and says, "Before I begin this trial, I have an announcement to make. <br />
"The lawyer for the defense has paid me $15,000 to swing the case his way. The lawyer for the plaintiff has paid me $10,000 to swing the case her way.<br />
<br />
"In order to make this a fair trial, I am returning $5,000 to the defense."<br />
<br />
Received from ArcaMax Jokes.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Recruiter<br />
<br />
While in the Marine Corps, my husband, Greg, was a recruiter in Chicago. One morning he went to pick up a candidate at a crime-ridden high-rise building. He got into the elevator, and to his dismay, was joined by two tough-looking characters who demanded money.<br />
<br />
My husband's training came to the rescue. Looking them in the eye, he began his recruiter's pitch. "This might be your lucky day," he told them enthusiastically. "We can use determined, forceful individuals like you in the Marines.<br />
How would you like to serve your country?"<br />
<br />
By the time he finished, the elevator had stopped at the candidate's floor, and the bewildered thugs quickly disappeared.<br />
<br />
- from Reader's Digest, "Humor in Uniform"<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Johnny and Math<br />
<br />
Little Johnny was going to a public school and he was doing very badly in math. So his mother decided to put him into a Catholic school. When she got his report card at the end of the term, his marks in math had improved tremendously.<br />
<br />
So she asked him why. He replied, "When I saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they meant business!"<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Real Answers on Tests<br />
<br />
These test answers were allegedly submitted by grammar school teachers around the country:<br />
<br />
* One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one second.<br />
<br />
* Many dead animals of the past changed to fossils, others preferred to be oil.<br />
<br />
* Rain is saved up in cloud banks.<br />
<br />
* Cyanide is so poisonous that one drop of it on a dog's tongue will kill the strongest man.<br />
<br />
* It is so hot in some parts of the world that the people there have to live in other places.<br />
<br />
* Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name.<br />
<br />
* The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the West.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Groaner: Peas<br />
<br />
Botanist Roy Noble had always dreamt of ending world hunger.<br />
After years of research, his hard work paid off. He developed a strain of peas that would grow virtually anywhere. It grew fast, kept long without spoiling, and was more nutritious than even soybeans. He was an instant hero, world wide.<br />
<br />
There were awards and parades, and naturally the new strain of peas was named Noble. After enjoying the fame and fortune for a while, Roy decided he wanted to do more, so he established a fund to award a monetary prize each year to botanists and horticulturists who were making significant contributions to their fields.<br />
<br />
Thus was born the famous Noble Peas Prize.<br />
<br />
(By Perfect Tommy)<br />
<br />
Received from Stan Kegel.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Gray Hair<br />
<br />
When I discovered my first gray hair, I immediately wrote to my parents:<br />
<br />
"Dear Dad and Mom, You saw my first steps. You might want to experience this with me too."<br />
<br />
I taped the offending hair to the paper and mailed it.<br />
<br />
My father's response was in the form of a poem:<br />
<br />
It's a trustworthy observation<br />
That nothing can compare<br />
In the process of aging<br />
With finding the first gray hair.<br />
<br />
He signed off with this observation:<br />
<br />
"That gray hair you sent is not the first one you gave us!"<br />
<br />
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Charity Better than Expected<br />
<br />
Members of the Methodist women's church circle in one Wisconsin town some years ago were disturbed because a widowed church member and her three small daughters were staying away from services. Finding the reason to be a lack of suitable clothes, the ladies' group corrected the situation in a generous manner.<br />
<br />
When the little girls still failed to appear at Sunday school, some of the ladies called to inquire about their absence.<br />
<br />
The mother thanked them sweetly for the clothing and explained, "The girls looked so nice, I sent them to the Presbyterian church!"<br />
<br />
Received from Steve Sanderson.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Government Office Rules<br />
<br />
1) If it rings, put it on hold.<br />
<br />
2) If it clanks, call the repairman.<br />
<br />
3) If it whistles, ignore it.<br />
<br />
4) If it's a friend, take a break.<br />
<br />
5) If it's the boss, look busy.<br />
<br />
6) If it talks, take notes.<br />
<br />
7) If it's handwritten, type it.<br />
<br />
8) If it's typed, copy it.<br />
<br />
9) If it's copied, file it.<br />
<br />
10) If it's Friday, forget it!<br />
<br />
Received from Andychap.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Manservant Wanted<br />
<br />
Because of a shortage of maids, the minister's wife advertised for a manservant. The next morning a nicely dressed young man came to the front door.<br />
<br />
"Can you start the breakfast by seven o'clock?" asked the minister.<br />
<br />
"I guess so," answered the man.<br />
<br />
"Can you polish all the silver, wash all the dishes, do the laundry, take care of the lawn, wash windows, iron clothes and keep the house neat and tidy?"<br />
<br />
"Say, preacher," said the young fellow rather meekly, "I came here to see about getting married - but if it's going to be as much work as all that, you can count me out right now."<br />
<br />
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
French Fries<br />
<br />
I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like some fries."<br />
<br />
The girl at the counter said, "Would you like some fries with that?"<br />
<br />
Received from ArcaMax Jokes.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Long Live The Cowboy<br />
<br />
A tough old cowboy from South Texas counseled his grandson that if he wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gun powder on his oatmeal every morning.<br />
<br />
The grandson did this religiously to the age of 103 when he died.<br />
<br />
He left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 45 great-grandchildren, 25 great-great-grandchildren, and a 15-foot crater where the crematorium used to be.<br />
<br />
Received from dadiodio.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Hike<br />
<br />
We were proud that no one had fallen out on our company's first long hike.<br />
<br />
Completely exhausted, we sprawled on our bunks, too tired to move -- except for one private. He showered and was ready to go out on the town.<br />
<br />
We asked him why he wasn't knocked out like the rest of us.<br />
<br />
"You know the truck that was with us in case anyone fell out?" he replied. "Well, somebody had to drive it."<br />
<br />
- from Reader's Digest, "Humor In Uniform"<br />
<br />
Received from Doc's Daily Chuckle.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Get Well Quick<br />
<br />
A little boy sent a "get well quick" card to his grandfather in the hospital. Inside the card he wrote:<br />
<br />
Dear Grandpa,<br />
<br />
Mama tells me that you went to the hospital for some tests. I hope you get an "A"!<br />
<br />
Love, Billy<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Going to Iraq<br />
<br />
Just before I was deployed to Iraq, I sat my eight-year-old son down and broke the news to him. "I'm going to be away for a long time," I told him. "I'm going to Iraq."<br />
<br />
"Why?" he asked. "Don't you know there's a war going on over there?"<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Bagpiper<br />
<br />
/* Follow GCFL on twitter @gcfl or on Facebook at<br />
http://facebook.com/gcfl.net */<br />
<br />
As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently, I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Kentucky back country.<br />
<br />
As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost; and being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight.<br />
<br />
There were only the diggers and crew left, and they were eating lunch. I felt bad and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down, and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play.<br />
<br />
The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless man. And as I played "Amazing Grace," the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished, I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.<br />
<br />
As I was opening the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, "I never seen nothin' like that before, and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."<br />
<br />
Why can't men just ask for directions?<br />
<br />
Received from dadiodio.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Breaker, Breaker Dog Buddy<br />
<br />
My son Ward owns a shiny green four-wheel-drive truck. He also owns a 110-pound black labrador named Tony.<br />
<br />
On trips, the dog generally sits on a platform behind the driver's seat, resting his huge head on Ward's shoulder as they travel cheek-to-cheek. Ward did not give this cozy arrangement a second thought until the day he took Tony with him on a trip to Montana.<br />
<br />
While listening to his CB radio, Ward overheard one trucker remark to another, "See the little green four-wheeler you're about to pass? When you go by him, take a good look -- see if that's really a dog driving."<br />
<br />
Received from Pastor Tim.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Baby Sister<br />
<br />
Used to being the center of attention, Robbie was a little more than jealous of his new baby sister. The parents sat him down and said that now that she was getting older, the house was too small and they'd have to move.<br />
<br />
"It's no use," Robbie said. "She's crawling good now and she'd probably just follow us."<br />
<br />
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Newly Rich<br />
<br />
The nouveau-riche real-estate developer splurged on a Rolls-Royce Silver Shadow and couldn't wait to show it off. So after a meeting with the bank, he offered one of the senior officers a ride home.<br />
<br />
"Whaddaya think?" he couldn't resist asking his passenger after a mile or two. "Pretty classy, eh? I bet you've never ridden in one of these before."<br />
<br />
"Actually, I have," replied the banker graciously, "but this is the first time in the front seat."<br />
<br />
Received from Joke du Jour.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
News Bulletin<br />
<br />
An opinion poll was taken recently among citizens in local high-rise retirement condos. The questions were direct and simple. The poll produced few surprises. The questions and answers follow...<br />
<br />
What's the most important right guaranteed us by the Constitution? The senior citizen discount.<br />
<br />
What is the greatest invention of the century?<br />
The plastic in my new knees, hips, and heart valve.<br />
<br />
What is the surest sign society is in decline?<br />
Those neighbors carousing after 8 PM.<br />
<br />
What is your favorite dinner entree?<br />
Early birds.<br />
<br />
Do you have trouble eating steak or corn on the cob?<br />
Only when I misplace my teeth.<br />
<br />
What's the cheapest way to lower winter heating bills?<br />
Hot flashes.<br />
<br />
What are your most bothersome medical problems?<br />
Those not covered by Medicare.<br />
<br />
What's the best substitute for a hard drug trip?<br />
Bending down, then standing up real fast.<br />
<br />
What are the hardest-to-find fashion accessories?<br />
White shoes and belts.<br />
<br />
Received from Bob Neff.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Parking Confusion<br />
<br />
After driving up and down several lanes, I finally found a parking spot at the shopping mall. I noticed another man driving very slowly in the same direction, and, since he was closer, I gave him the "Are you going to park there?" look.<br />
<br />
His responding gestures were very confusing. First he shook his head. Next he pointed at me, then at the parking space and then at himself, his watch and the mall. Finishing off, he frowned, raised his palms upward and shrugged. Once I parked, I walked over to the driver to make sure he didn't want the space.<br />
<br />
"You must be single," he replied. "If you were married, you would've known that was the universal sign for 'Go ahead and take the spot. I'm waiting for my wife.'"<br />
<br />
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Hotel Pets?<br />
<br />
A man wrote a letter to a small hotel in a Midwest town he planned to visit on his vacation. He wrote: <br />
I would very much like to bring my dog with me. He is well-groomed and very well behaved. Would you be willing to permit me to keep him in my room with me at night?<br />
<br />
An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware, or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too."<br />
<br />
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Webster<br />
<br />
Like a lot of husbands throughout history, Webster would sit down and try to talk to his wife. But as soon as he would start to say something, his wife would say, "And what's that supposed to mean?"<br />
<br />
Thus, Webster's Dictionary was born.<br />
<br />
Received from Laugh & Lift.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Holding a Job<br />
<br />
A young man was a slow worker and found it difficult to hold down a job.<br />
<br />
After a visit to the employment office, he was offered work at the local zoo.<br />
<br />
When he arrived for his first day, the keeper, aware of his reputation, told him to take care of the tortoise section.<br />
<br />
Later, the keeper dropped by to see how the young man was doing and found him standing by an empty enclosure with the gate open.<br />
<br />
"Where are the tortoises?" he asked.<br />
<br />
"I can't believe it," said the new employee. "I just opened the door and whooooosh, they were gone!"<br />
<br />
Received from Crosswalk.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Hot Shot Pilot<br />
<br />
A young guy in a two-engine fighter was flying escort for a B-52 and generally being a nuisance, acting like a hotdog, flying rolls around the lumbering old bomber. The hotdog said over the air, "Anything you can do, I can do better."<br />
<br />
The veteran bomber pilot answered, "Try this, hot-shot."<br />
<br />
The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level.<br />
<br />
Perplexed, the hotdog asked, "So? What did you do?"<br />
<br />
"I just shut down two engines, kid."<br />
<br />
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Hot Day<br />
<br />
It was a really hot day at the office due to a malfunction with the air conditioning system. There were about twenty people in close quarters and everyone was sweating, even with a fan on.<br />
<br />
All of a sudden, people started to wrinkle their noses at an odor passing through the air. It was the most hideous smell anyone had ever smelled.<br />
<br />
One man, popping his head out of his cubicle, said, "Oh, man! Someone's deodorant isn't working."<br />
<br />
A man in the corner replied, "It can't be me. I'm not wearing any."<br />
<br />
Received from ArcaMax Jokes.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Honeymooners<br />
<br />
You may have heard about a new bride who was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner.<br />
<br />
So when she and her husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time.<br />
<br />
He responded, "Sure. You carry the suitcases!"<br />
<br />
Received from Clean-Laffs.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Breaker, Breaker Dog Buddy<br />
<br />
My son Ward owns a shiny green four-wheel-drive truck. He also owns a 110-pound black labrador named Tony.<br />
<br />
On trips, the dog generally sits on a platform behind the driver's seat, resting his huge head on Ward's shoulder as they travel cheek-to-cheek. Ward did not give this cozy arrangement a second thought until the day he took Tony with him on a trip to Montana.<br />
<br />
While listening to his CB radio, Ward overheard one trucker remark to another, "See the little green four-wheeler you're about to pass? When you go by him, take a good look -- see if that's really a dog driving."<br />
<br />
Received from Pastor Tim.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
Baby Sister<br />
<br />
Used to being the center of attention, Robbie was a little more than jealous of his new baby sister. The parents sat him down and said that now that she was getting older, the house was too small and they'd have to move.<br />
<br />
"It's no use," Robbie said. "She's crawling good now and she'd probably just follow us."<br />
<br />
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
<br />
News Bulletin<br />
<br />
An opinion poll was taken recently among citizens in local high-rise retirement condos. The questions were direct and simple. The poll produced few surprises. The questions and answers follow...<br />
<br />
What's the most important right guaranteed us by the Constitution?<br />
The senior citizen discount.<br />
<br />
What is the greatest invention of the century?<br />
The plastic in my new knees, hips, and heart valve.<br />
<br />
What is the surest sign society is in decline?<br />
Those neighbors carousing after 8 PM.<br />
<br />
What is your favorite dinner entree?<br />
Early birds.<br />
<br />
Do you have trouble eating steak or corn on the cob?<br />
Only when I misplace my teeth.<br />
<br />
What's the cheapest way to lower winter heating bills?<br />
Hot flashes.<br />
<br />
What are your most bothersome medical problems?<br />
Those not covered by Medicare.<br />
<br />
What's the best substitute for a hard drug trip?<br />
Bending down, then standing up real fast.<br />
<br />
What are the hardest-to-find fashion accessories?<br />
White shoes and belts.<br />
<br />
Received from Bob Neff.<br />
<br />
(_:][:_) <br />
--<br />
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Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Column - - <br />
Just what we all need — yet another reason to eat chocolate!<br />
<br />
Eat chocolate, win a Nobel Prize?<br />
<br />
It may sound far-fetched, but a new study suggests it might not be bad advice.<br />
<br />
The results show countries that eat the most chocolate also have the highest number of Nobel laureates per capita.<br />
<br />
Yet Another Excuse To Eat Chocolate (Limerick)<br />
By Madeleine Begun Kane<br />
<br />
If you want yet another excuse<br />
To engage in some chocolate abuse,<br />
It seems eating those sweets<br />
Will create smart elites<br />
And can Nobel Prize winners produce.<br />
<br />
© Madeleine Begun Kane. All Rights Reserved.<br />
http://www.madkane.com/<br />
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"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." __ Franklin D. Roosevelt <br />
"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle." <br />
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. _ _ George Carlin <br />
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" _ _ Queen E. Watson<br />
“A political class of Republicans and Democrats that look after themselves, not the Nation. A media hostile to the very precepts of this nation. A generation of Americans who see morals as vices, and are ignorant of America's Actual History.”<br />
"The things that will destroy America are prosperity-at-any-price, peace-at-any-price, safety-first instead of duty-first, the love of soft living, and the get-rich-quick theory of life." - - Theodore Roosevelt <br />
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"It's no big deal doing what God tells you to do. A big deal would be NOT doing what God tells you to do. Just ask Jonah." _ _ Paul Troquille <br />
“Nam et ipsa scientia potestas est.” Knowledge is power. _ Francis Bacon <br />
"The problem is here and now. The time for talk is past. The time for action is now." <br />
Comments on the first Earth Day _ James F. McClellan via John "Fuzzy" Thurman<br />
~~~~~<br />
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Again, thanks to all our contributors this week. <br />
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" __"Bug" <br />
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