v1.jpg)
Annette with her "Jimmy" Durante" eggplant from the Magnolia Farmer's Market
Josiah and Ethan enjoying an ice cream sandwich after toiling in the heat helping me set up a "soaker hose" to water these Lilies
(notice the rare double flower?),
Annette helps the gang sell BBQ to raise funds for our kids and youth going to summer camp
one of Annette's beautiful baskets of flowers
Josiah working to win free Angry Birds games.
Hello ALL,
Annette and I saw our other favorite specialist last week, Dr. Donna Rushing, the world’s best endocrinologist. As usual, she heaped unending praise on Annette just because she’s lost weight, is exercising, her A1C’s are almost normal and she’s off almost all diabetic medications. Dr. Rushing uses Annette as a success “Poster Girl” for all her other patients. Then the Doctor turned to me and said that she was proud I was trying and that it was good that the skin on my toes is soft. It sort of reminded me of the way the teacher in my special “ed” class spoke to me when I was a senior in high school.
There’s always someone messing up the “curb” and setting the goal way up high for us normal folks …
~~~~~
~~~~~
A friend shared this story with us; “… last week when I turned in my rental car, a Sheriff's Deputy was at the Avis office following up on a missing car report. I heard him tell the Avis clerk he would "pass by that address and see if the car was there." And he left.
Yikes!! Who does that??
Then, after I got home, Avis called ME to follow up on a missing car report - they wanted to know where the Kia Forte was that I had rented the week before!!
(After some discussion with the Avis representative, it seems out that the mileage on the car I turned in was less than the recorded mileage out (man am I glad I kept copies of my paperwork.) The Avis guy and I are guessing that the lady at the desk decided to just add 100 miles to the mileage out and call it good. After more investigation, we finally concluded that she must have checked in the wrong car instead of the one I rented.)
~
Reminds me of the time I came in from the Brinefield and Mitzie told me that a deputy sheriff had been by looking for me. So I called the sheriff’s office and they told me to "never mind." ?????
~
So here's the "Rest Of The Story." After wondering what that visit from the deputy was about for a day or so, I called a friend at the Sheriff's Office and asked him if he knew what was going on. He laughed and told me what had happened that day.
Seems that a woman (whom I didn't know) had filed a sexual harassment complaint against me. As the police chief knew where I worked (and that it was outside the city limits) he asked the Sheriff to send a Deputy out to question me. However while the deputy was looking for me, the woman decided to go ahead and file complaints against the Mayor, County Judge, Sheriff, Police Chief, the Fire Chief, the owner of the local Ambulance Service, all the policemen who were at the station that day, etc. etc. At that point, the investigating police officer decided to discard ALL the woman's complaints.
The real mystery was how I got onto that exclusive list. That question became a little clearer when I found out that my daughter knew her. Vanessa told me; "Dad, she's the lady that walks through our neighborhood every day." I never did discover what I had done to warrant her complaint, besides living along her walking route.
~~~~~
A friend has suffered the pain of a kidney stone this week. I had one of them there kidney stones several years back and I can sure confirm that they hurt like the dickens.
After my screaming became truly annoying, Annette took me down to the E/R to let them deal with me. They quickly sent me to X-Ray where I continued to whine and cry.
The X-Ray tech told me; "You sure are being a big baby about this." I replied; "IT HURTS!" To which she countered; "Oh for goodness sake, I've had 11 of them and 5 required surgery to remove."
I screamed: "YOU CAN HAVE MORE THAN ONE KIDNEY STONE!" and passed out.
~~~~~
Before she retired Annette was our "CARE" pastor at Magnolia Christian Center. Her job was to work with people in need (sickness, finances, whatever) and help meet their needs.
She learned very early on that it's like Abe Lincoln said; "You can help some of the people all of the time. You can help all of the people some of the time. But you can't help all of the people all of the time."
Her main concern was the people but a close second was not squandering the finite resources she had to minister with. So it was a very very seldom thing that she ever gave anyone money. She'd go buy them food or medicine or pay their utilities or get them a motel room for the night or put gas in their vehicle or even find them a vehicle to drive to work, but ... unless she intimately knew them, cash was not normally an option (with the church's money.)
With that said, she still would fork over her own cash from time to time when someone’s plea touched her heart. And she has a soft heart.
I learned just how soft her heart was years ago when I had a job working as a bill collector and made the mistake of taking Annette with me one day. At first I thought I was a GREAT bill collector. Almost everyone was paying on their bill when I visited them. I kept considering myself to be a GREAT bill collector until later that month, when I saw our checking account balance. While I had been trying to collect the bills, Annette was busy giving them money to pay those bills.
~~~~~
Magnolia Regional Medical Center made a great announcement this week. “We are excited to have our UAMS South Residents on campus for orientation. Beginning Monday, they will be here full time serving Magnolia.”
KUDOS to UAMS, Margaret West and the MRMC staff for bringing this fine medical facility to our town.
~~~~~
My buddy Joe Tudor commented about forced diversity; “Whenever our churches try to assign people to small groups, the groups don't thrive. We seem to prefer to meet with "people like us" - no one likes to get out of their comfort zone.”
~
It’s normal to prefer to associate with your peers (people who share similarities such as age, background, etc.) That's why Promise Keepers strongly encouraged men to step out and make friends with someone out of their group. Otherwise, you will never really see the human side of folks outside your “group.”
This was brought home to me when an interracial couple began attending Magnolia Christian Center. At first, I saw them as “the interracial couple” but after getting to know them at church and in social settings for a few months, they were no longer “that couple” instead, they were Hover and Lois, my fellow Christians and friends. With that in mind, you can probably understand why I was encouraged when my youngest grandsons stopped the strange guy that roams Magnolia streets one day and introduced me to "Mr. Charles" who goes to their church. He still lives in his own world but you can tell he appreciates their friendship.
I don't think everyone has to have a "Rainbow" group of friends. But I have a problem with insulating our associations with our “peers” to the point that anyone we disagree with is shunned.
A fellow asked me why a particular person was my face book friend as he noticed their “posts” indicated them to be a "flaming" Liberal. I told him that I liked that person and appreciated their viewpoint, even if I seldom agreed with them. He couldn't understand that.
~~~~~
I saw an article titled "Are You Still Using A Microwave Oven?" This tome on the SUPPOSEDLY HORRIBLE dangers of using microwaves to cook is what I classify as a "Junk Science." It was poorly written with "conclusions" that were largely erroneous (i.e. "RADIATION steam in a milk bottle can cause it to explode." etc.) There may actually be some true facts about the dangers of cooking with microwave ovens that we should consider, but I didn't find them in this article.
However, in my opinion, the microwave has been largely responsible for the general decline in restaurant food. "Nukin" food usually doesn't make it taste better.
We microwave popcorn (and that probably is unhealthy due to the stuff they put in microwave popcorn to make it work.) We also heat left overs (single servings) and I like to cook my single slice of bacon on three layers of paper towels on a paper plate every morning. It’s the tool of choice to heat a cup of water for hot chocolate or green tea.
The microwave also does a GREAT job on frozen Zwolle Tamales. Wrap them individually in wax paper, nuke for a minute, rotate them on the plate, nuke for another minute, and rotate them on the plate, etc. until they are hot to the touch. This does a much better job than steaming.
http://www.lacrawfish.com/Zwolle-Tamales-P178.aspx
We can get Zwolle Tamales in the frozen food section at Sav-A-Lot here in Magnolia.
~~~~~
Data from Voyager 1, now more than 11 billion miles (18 billion kilometers) from the sun, suggest the spacecraft is close to becoming the first human-made object to reach interstellar space.
Long long ago, in a life far far away, David did his high school science fair project on Voyager. It included a very accurate model of the craft that was big enough to fill the allotted space at the science fair.
http://earthsky.org/science-wire/voyager-spacecraft-explores-final-frontier-of-our-solar-bubble
~~~~~
Car Talk - - You know you need a wheel alignment when you think a shopping cart has great handling...
Parents, you are busted! A new study says adults are 40% more likely to check their phones while driving than teens. - - http://bit.ly/19Jrwbs
Most new cars have 6 airbags... What has the most? … A 15-passenger van fully loaded with congressmen!
~
Prepare for your teen’s solo driving by understanding state laws, insurance requirements and driving risks, as well as steps you can take to stay involved. - - http://teendriving.aaa.com/AR/
Chuck Jackson
~~~~~
We’ve been getting more and more “Junk” phone calls since the “Do Not Call Registry” pretty much collapsed in failure. (Scammers Getting Around ‘Do Not Call’ List?
http://video.foxbusiness.com/v/2484836548001/scammers-getting-around-do-not-call-list/?playlist_id=935446234001)
Yesterday it was a “helpful” fellow who left us a long message saying he’d “heard” that we were shopping for a better deal on health insurance. I continue to take the time to report these on the “Do Not Call Website” [https://complaints.donotcall.gov/complaint/complaintcheck.aspx?panel=2] but most sources I’ve checked say that the caller’s technology has far outpaced the ability of the feds to find, catch and prosecute them.
With all the stuff recently exposed about NSA listening to our phone calls, it would seem that they ought to be able to track down these junk phone callers and shut them off? We’re holding our breath for that to happen.
Meanwhile, fighting technology with technology, spam call blockers route calls, block uninvited calls, detour calls or require incoming calls to key in a code. Check out Command Communications Inc. or Digitone Communications Inc. for tele-guarding products. Digitone's "PrivacyCall Screener," for instance, is a sleek, $100 box that blocks certain caller numbers and requires unidentified callers to enter a privacy code to make your phone ring. It eliminates not only junk faxes but also telemarketers, political pollsters, charities, stalkers, creditors -- even ex-spouses, according to Digitone's promotions. www.digitone.com/
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2005/11/28/AR2005112800642.html
http://www.cagle.com/news/nsa-snooping/
~~~~~
Here's to all you wonderful mothers without whom we wouldn't be dads... a trip down memory lane, from a list of questions my wife asked the doctor way back when. We wrote down the questions and answers and still have them.
Questions and Answers
Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 is enough.
Q: I'm two months pregnant now, when will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q: What is the most reliable method to determine the baby's sex?
A: childbirth
Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure, is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way a tornado might be called an air current.
Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out your pregnant.
Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.
Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diapers quickly.
Thanks to Daryl Cox
~~~~~
This photo was taken June 24 at Emerson, Arkansas.
~~~~~
The U.S. accounts for 25% of all prison inmates in the world. Mandatory sentences account for much of this, especially long sentences for first time drug offenders classified as "dealers."
And, while potentially productive citizens languish in prison, the taxpayers pay for their room and board at an average cost of $30 per prisoner per day.
Surprise, surprise, the number one organization supporting longer mandatory sentences is the association of private prison companies.
It's estimated that 75% of current US prisoners would be better handled via community programs at a tremendously lower cost to the taxpayers. The late Chuck Colson was a very strong advocate for restitution programs whereby the convicted "non violent" felon is required to make restitution to the person(s) they have wronged as well as performing community service in lieu of prison time. [http://www.pfi.org/about-us/history-of-pfi]
Here in Columbia County, we've instituted a "Drug Court" to keep first offenders out of the prison system. They are required to get a job, get their high school diploma, etc. This program is very successful for those who stick with it and complete all the requirements.
This is a good way to help people change their lives as well as keeping them off the state "room and board" rolls.
~~~~~
In a related story, Arkansas Governor Mike Beebe has requested a review of the state’s parole system, saying a fresh look is needed after a 2008 parolee was charged in a Little Rock murder.
~~~~~
~
But the news isn’t all bad. The 82 employees of Arkansas' Scholarship lottery will receive 2 percent cost-of-living adjustments and merit pay raises and the director will receive two payments totaling $7,080 under a plan approved by the games' governing board.
The pay raises were approved after a legislative session where lawmakers voted to cut the scholarships funded by the games. The scholarships for new recipients will now have a tiered structure of scholarships for students - starting at $2,000 for a freshman at four year-colleges. It will increase by $1,000 each year, capping out at $5,000 for seniors.
Arkansas voters approved the lottery in 2008 to raise money for college scholarships, and the state began selling tickets the following year.
http://www.arkansasbusiness.com/article/93244/panel-approves-pay-raises-for-arkansas-lottery-employees
~~~~~
My cousin lost his cell phone while on a business trip, so he was in a panic when he arrived home thinking he'd left his BlackBerry at a restaurant. After a frantic search, he was relieved to hear it ringing in his desk.
His relief was short lived, however.
On the line was the restaurant, calling him to say he'd left his credit card there.
~~~~~
Favorite Quotes:
"Imagination will often carry us to worlds that never were. But, without it, we go nowhere ..."
- Carl Sagan via AETN - Arkansas Educational Television Network
~
"Don’t pray when you feel like it. Have an appointment with the Lord and keep it. A man is powerful on his knees"
Corrie Ten Boom
~
A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.
Winston Churchill
~
"Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame." - Benjamin Franklin
Tell me and I forget. Teach me and I remember. Involve me and I learn. ~ Benjamin Franklin via Ron Hazelton
~
You see, at the center of all religions is the idea of Karma. You know, what you put out comes back to you: an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, or in physics; in physical laws every action is met by an equal or an opposite one. It's clear to me that Karma is at the very heart of the universe. I'm absolutely sure of it. And yet, along comes this idea called Grace to upend all that "as you reap, so you will sow" stuff. Grace defies reason and logic. Love interrupts, if you like, the consequences of your actions, which in my case is very good news indeed, because I've done a lot of stupid stuff.
Bono Grace Quote
http://www.interfaith.org/forum/bono-u2-on-grace-and-10162.html - - http://www.thepoachedegg.net/the-poached-egg/2010/09/bono-interview-grace-over-karma.html - - BEST - http://christian-quotes.ochristian.com/Bono-Quotes/
http://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2005/augustweb-only/bono-0805.html
~~~~~
The following wisdom is shared by our friends.
~
Focus on individuals—avoid the herding. Jesus went searching for the one.
We become focused on the BIG picture (the forest) and we lose sight of the trees (individuals). Ministry is not ONLY about the BIG picture, it is also – and most specifically – about the individual. Disciples are not created in herds. Disciples are created as individuals (Great Commission)
Taken from Brian Dollar's blog--Kid's minister via Mary Louise Brownlee Alexis
~
Don't worry about what others think ... Most people don't use their brain very often.
Venkat Desireddy via Daryl Cox.
~
I'm thinking of cleaning the house today- and then I think, but it's Wednesday and it might need it again by the weekend- and THEN I think, but I'm not working right now and Joe is retired, so really, everyday is the weekend so why does it matter when I clean it? I now declare this- the day before the weekend and I am cleaning my house- starting with getting those cupcakes off the counter.
Martha Chapman
~
I for one am tired of watching 1984 come to pass!
Steve Ford
~
Jude 1:20-21 20 But you, beloved, building yourselves up in your most holy faith and praying in the Holy Spirit, 21 keep yourselves in the love of God, waiting for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ that leads to eternal life.
Amanda Bowen Franks
~
When you argue against Him you are arguing against the very power that makes you able to argue at all: it is like cutting off the branch you are sitting on. C. S. Lewis via Mikey Harwell
~
Obama at Brandenburg Gate this week, "Our work is not yet done." Lord, have mercy on us all.
I used to think I was younger than I am now; years of experience make me think I was right.
Chuck Jackson
~
If you go through life intentionally making others miserable, the only person you destroy will be yourself.
Sometimes giving hints doesn't help, you just have to come right out and say what you want
Your journey will be much lighter & easier if you don't carry the past with you
Before you complain about how hard you have it, look around...
God is closer than you think
God has perfect timing; never early, never late
Be careful what you wish for
Seeing so many situations through my job, my children may not realize how blessed they are to have parents that will help and support them whenever we can.
God has a plan for you and He has heard your prayers; you may not realize how close you are to your breakthrough. Don't Give Up!!
You may not end up where you thought you'd be, but you will always end up where you're meant to be . . .
If things in your life are Not Going Right, turn Left
Ansley learned a valuable lesson today, don't kick the cat or you will get scratched. :(
Nancee Davis Law
~
I need to pray.
Jodi Wreyford McClellan
~
There aren't many things that warm your heart more than hearing a child laugh/giggle uncontrollably :-)
Amanda Warren-Newton
~
This world still is full of wonderful people!!!!!
Norma Kay Rowe
~
AMEN that all things are possible with GOD!!
Tawana Robertson Staten
~
I'm quoting Helen Keller again...."Resolve to keep happy, and your joy and you shall form and invincible host against difficulties."
Debbie Troquille
~
People tend to be thin skinned and hard hearted...getting feelings hurt easily and showing little empathy for others. Our goal should be to become thick skinned and tender hearted. Don't be so easily offended, and genuinely care about others. Jesus can teach us everything we need to know, about living like that!
Paul David Troquille
~~~~~
You can't put plastic in the dishwasher, metal in the microwave or utensils in the garbage disposal.
There are so many rules in the kitchen that it's just safer to eat out.
~~~~~
AskBob - - Bob Rankin - - Locate a Stolen Laptop or Smartphone
A reader asks: 'I travel often with a smartphone and a laptop, so I'm looking for something to help me locate these gadgets if they are ever lost or stolen. What do you recommend?' Read on for my tips on recovering (and preventing) a lost or stolen laptop, tablet, or smartphone... [http://askbobrankin.com/locate_a_stolen_laptop_or_smartphone.html?awt_l=HZr.N&awt_m=Jo1GCRSDh8P6SL]
~~~~~
ACC SmartBrief - - Senate holds committee hearing in response to recent Texas, La. Incidents
Senate Environment and Public Works Committee Chair Barbara Boxer, D-Calif., is calling on the Environmental Protection Agency to enact a 2002 proposal from the U.S. Chemical Safety Board requiring risk-assessment plans for plants storing reactive chemicals. During a Senate committee hearing Thursday, Boxer criticized the EPA's "lack of urgency" in moving forward with such regulations. CSB Chairman Rafael Moure-Eraso told senators that "ammonium nitrate fertilizer storage falls under a patchwork of U.S. safety standards and guidances, a patchwork that has many large holes."
Bloomberg Businessweek [http://www.businessweek.com/news/2013-06-27/boxer-demands-epa-adopt-2002-safety-proposals-after-texas-blast] (6/27), EENews.net (free content)/GreenWire [http://www.eenews.net/stories/1059983607] (6/27), Global Security Newswire [http://www.nti.org/gsn/article/citing-recent-tragedies-boxer-slams-epa-over-chemical-security-rules/] (6/27), The Hill/RegWatch blog [http://thehill.com/blogs/regwatch/energyenvironment/308203-safety-office-warns-qholesq-in-chemical-regulation-allowed-for-fertilizer-plant-explosion] (6/27)
~~~~~
DarynKagan.com - - It's a moment that will make dog lovers cry.
I have for you today a special moment for dog lovers, a new super hero, & a company that gives big time.
-Daryn.
Long Lost Dog Reunited With Forever Family #made me cry [http://darynkagan.com/DarynKagan.com_Animals.html]
Which Surprise Hero Stopped This Runaway City Bus? [http://darynkagan.com/Heroes.html]
TOMS Shoes Finds New Way To Give #Gift of Sight [http://darynkagan.com/Charity.html]
Know anyone who would love to get this newsletter and brighten their day? Sign them up here [http://darynkagan.us6.list-manage1.com/subscribe?u=8fc852c2879912f2f334bb010&id=54f94ca479].
Copyright © *|2013* *|Journeyist, Inc.|*, All rights reserved.
~~~~~
Rasmussen Reports - - What They Told Us: Reviewing Last Week's Key Polls
http://www.rasmussenreports.com/public_content/politics/weekly_updates/what_they_told_us_reviewing_last_week_s_key_polls2
What They Told Us: Reviewing Last Week's Key Polls
With the nation's 237th birthday just days away, it's good to remind ourselves that for most Americans, there's still no place like home. Read More
35% Think Obama Doing Good or Excellent Job with Economy
Daily Presidential Tracking Poll: 46% Approve of Obama's Job Performance
24% Say Their Home is Worth Less Than When They Bought It
70% Say Americans Have More Freedom Than People in Other Countries
To find out more about Scott Rasmussen, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit www.creators.com.
COPYRIGHT 2013 - - SCOTT RASMUSSEN - - DISTRIBUTED BY CREATORS.COM
See Other Political Commentaries. http://www.rasmussenreports.com/public_content/political_commentary
See Other Commentaries by Scott Rasmussen. http://www.rasmussenreports.com/public_content/political_commentary/commentary_by_scott_rasmussen
~~~~~
Car Talk - Parents, you are busted!
A new study says adults are 40% more likely to check their phones while driving than teens.
http://bit.ly/19Jrwbs
~
Introducing a new hire here at Car Talk Plaza. We're pleased to welcome our new Director of Off-Road Trials, Jocelyn M'bouti.
Turns out hindsight is 20/15. Date for mandatory back-up cameras changes...
~~~~~
Diabetes Life - - www.dlife.com - - The Power of Plating
By Elizabeth Keyser - Freelance Writer
That old saying, "we eat with our eyes" isn't completely true. Enjoying a meal uses all our senses – smell, taste, and touch as well as sight. But first appearances are important. And it's fun, and surprisingly easy, to add some "top chef" style to make you and your family smile at the dinner table. Diabetes super foods provide a big, colorful palette of vegetables, grains, nuts, and fruit to play with.
Plating techniques have a sneaky benefit: portion control. Beautiful plating is the opposite of heaping a lot of food on the plate. These are dishes that make you slow down and savor. Here's how to do it. [http://www.dlife.com/dlife_media/diabetes_slideshows/the-power-of-plating?utm_source=Foodstuff-20130625&utm_medium=eNewsletter&utm_content=Foodstuff-newsletter&utm_term=Focused&utm_campaign=dLife-eNewsletter&]
~~~~~
5 Things New Veterans Expect From All Candidates
1. Defend the New GI Bill
2. Employ the New Greatest Generation
3. Prevent suicide among troops and veterans
4. Build a truly 21st Century VA
5. Improve Care for Female Veterans
http://iava.org/blog/5-things-new-veterans-expect-all-candidates-2012
~~~~~
The latest from Michael Yon, the foremost “milnews” blogger on the web.
~
Greetings,
Please see this dispatch (http://www.michaelyon-online.com/decline-of-dustoff-a-symptom.htm) about Dustoff and sequestration. I wrote it this morning and it remains unedited though accurate. Please excuse any trivial errors. The details and substance all are on target.
Very Respectfully,
Michael Yon
Your Writer,
Please remember that this website accepts no advertisement and is dependent on your support.
PS Please sign up for my Twitter.com updates at "Michael_Yon" [http://twitter.com/Michael_Yon] (not Michael Yon).
http://www.facebook.com/#/MichaelYonFanPage?ref=sgm
~
www.michaelyon-online.com
~
Http://www.michaelyon_online.com/index.php
~~~~~
If you would like to encourage US Troops overseas, but are not sure just how to begin, visit www.anysoldier.com for ideas.
~~~~~
Please remember ... America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the MALL.
~~~~~
Army to Cut 12 Brigade Combat Teams by 2017, Odierno Says
By Claudette Roulo - - American Forces Press Service
WASHINGTON, June 25, 2013 – As part of its force restructuring due to the Budget Control Act of 2011, by the end of fiscal year 2017 the Army will reduce its number of brigade combat teams from 45 to 33, the Army’s chief of staff announced today.
In addition, Army Gen. Ray Odierno told reporters at a Pentagon news conference, the Army will shrink its active component end strength by 14 percent, or 80,000 soldiers, to 490,000, down from a wartime high of 570,000 troops.
The Army National Guard will cut 8,000 soldiers, he said, without making any force structure changes. And the Army Reserve will skip a planned force increase and maintain its current size of 205,000.
In all, 12 brigade combat teams will inactivate, the general said.
http://www.defense.gov/news/newsarticle.aspx?id=120361
~~~~~
http://www.shelfari.com
http://www.shelfari.com/bugsbleat/shelf
~~~~~
For the latest issue of "Da Bleat.", go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com.
Our photos are posted at http://www.bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com.
~~~~~
Photos on the front of this week’s “Bleat” include - - Annette with her "Jimmy" Durante" eggplant from the Magnolia Farmer's Market, Josiah and Ethan enjoying an ice cream sandwich after toiling in the heat helping me set up a "soaker hose" to water these Lilies (notice the rare double flower?), Annette helps the gang sell BBQ to raise funds for our kids and youth going to summer camp, one of Annette's beautiful baskets of flowers, Josiah working to win free Angry Birds games.
~~~~~
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.
~~~~~
1962 vs. 2012 (a span of only 50 YEARS) This should be sent only to those whose level of maturity qualifies them to relate to it...
1962: Long hair
2012: Longing for hair
1962: KEG
2012: EKG
1962: Acid rock
2012: Acid reflux
1962: Moving to California because it's cool
2012: Moving to Arizona because it's warm
1962: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
2012: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
1962: Seeds and stems
2012: Roughage
1962: Hoping for a BMW
2012: Hoping for a BM
1962: Going to a new, hip joint
2012: Receiving a new hip joint
1962: Rolling Stones
2012: Kidney Stones
1962: Passing the drivers' test
2012: Passing the vision test
Thanks To Waneta
~~~~~
Break Point - - Marriage and Imagination - - After the Supreme Court
By: John Stonestreet | Published: June 28, 2013
Even after the Supreme Court’s rulings, can you imagine our culture returning to marriage as God designed it? I can.
~
On Wednesday, the Supreme Court overturned Section 3 of the Defense of Marriage Act, extending benefits to same-sex married couples.
What you’ve heard from the media, which isn’t actually the case, is that the Supreme Court struck down DOMA altogether. It didn’t. Other than Section 3, it still stands. So it could have been worse.
Still, the most troubling aspect of the DOMA case were the words chosen by Justice Kennedy in the majority opinion. Words like “disadvantage,” “stigma,” “degrade” and “humiliate” made his meaning plain. The only reason not to approve of same-sex marriage is hate or bigotry.
However, Kennedy also wrote that the regulation of marriage “is an area that has long been regarded as a virtually exclusive province of the States.” And in its ruling on California’s Proposition 8, the Court rejected the opportunity to deliver a sweeping national Roe-like decision on marriage.
So for now, the political definition of marriage is yet to be decided, as my guests on BreakPoint This Week from the Heritage Foundation and the Alliance Defending Freedom carefully explained. Come to BreakPoint.org to listen in.
But what do these decisions mean for us? As we often say around here, politics is downstream of culture. Given what the current cultural definition of marriage is, the political one will soon follow, unless it is challenged and redeemed. This is where the battle must be waged.
How we collectively imagine marriage as a culture is at the heart of this battle. As I wrote yesterday at National Review, Americans “cannot imagine marriage to be anything other than the government’s endorsement of romantic love. Even many opponents of same-sex marriage share this fundamentally wrong definition.”
Since the dawn of human culture, marriage has been primarily about the procreating and raising of children and the continuation of the family and society, not romantic love.
What’s more, I wrote, this re-definition of marriage “happened because of art, not arguments; because of imagination, not debate.” Ask someone, Christian or non-Christian, about what love is and their answer will largely be the product of what they’ve seen on television or in the movies. Boy meets girl, or other boy. They “fall in love” and what happens afterwards, whether marriage or cohabitation, is merely an expression of that “love.”
Ironically, even as the movies tell us, that kind of “love” is fickle. People “fall out of love” all the time, often for reasons they can’t even explain. There’s no way this kind of “love” will hold up under the weighty foundational role marriage must play for a society.
That’s why, as I wrote, I think “marriage in America has been on an unsustainable trajectory for quite some time.” The only way to correct that trajectory is to recapture the imaginations of our culture with a more robust and stable definition of the purpose and function of marriage. And folks, it’s not that we lack these arguments. It’s that they’re not being heard.
The task of recapturing imaginations belongs primarily to the intermediate institutions that most fundamentally shape our imaginations: the family and the Church.
Both must stop being squeezed out of territory that is rightfully theirs.
Given the current trajectory of marriage, I’d suggest national same-sex marriage is likely, but I certainly do not think it’s inevitable. The Court left room for citizens to work at the state and local levels. And this is good news, and it reflects the potential for the best kind of change: from the ground up, not the top down.
I’d love to hear your ideas on how to recapture the imagination of our culture, and how to re-build a culture of marriage. Come to BreakPoint.org, click on this commentary, and leave a comment. I’ll be looking forward to reading what you have to say.
Further Reading and Information
BP-Takeaction_62813Marriage and Imagination: After the Supreme Court - Next Steps
The debate over whether same-sex marriage is permissible or not does not end in the political arena. It is at its heart a cultural dilemma. The challenge before the Church is to engage the imagination to capture the hearts and minds of people today. Just as Martin Luther King Jr. provided a vision for what a society free from racism looked like in his “I Have a Dream” speech, we must be creative in invoking a vision that outlines a world where marriage is working properly.
French citizens have done just that, employing their artistic and intellectual creativity to stand for traditional marriage. American churches can do the same by participating in their own grassroots campaign. With that aim, BreakPoint would like to extend an invitation for you to contribute your ideas on how to engage the culture's imagination on this important issue. Share your comments and suggestions below. And click on the links for examples from history on engaging the imagination of a culture.
~
Articles:
What's Next for Marriage: National Review Symposium with John Stonestreet and others
National Review | June 27, 2013
http://www.nationalreview.com/article/352158/whats-next-marriage-nro-symposium/page/0/5
BreakPoint This Week: The Supremes and Marriage - What It All Means
John Stonestreet, Jennifer Marshall, Austin Nimmocks | BreakPoint This Week | June 28, 2013
http://www.breakpoint.org/features-columns/discourse/entry/15/22668
Why Some French Feminists are Opposed to Same-Sex Marriage
Ben Booker | BreakPoint blog | June 25, 2013
http://thepoint.breakpoint.org/tp-home/blog-archives/blog-archives/entry/4/22617
One for the 'Bet you didn't see that coming' file
Gina Dalfonzo | BreakPoint blog | January 14, 2013
http://www.breakpoint.org/tp-home/blog-archives/blog-archives/entry/4/21242
Why Marriage Is (and Isn't) the Point
Dale Keuhne | Qideas | June 27, 2013
http://www.qideas.org/blog/why-marriage-is-and-isnt-the-point.aspx
We are the Colorful Ones
Alan Eason | BreakPoint Blog | June 28, 2013
http://www.breakpoint.org/tp-home/blog-archives/blog-archives/entry/4/22669
~
Articles on historic examples:
The Spirit of Collaboration: Wilberforce and Clapham
Chuck Colson | BreakPoint.org | February 21, 2007
http://www.breakpoint.org/bpcommentaries/breakpoint-commentaries-archive/entry/13/10781
King's Dream: The Good Society and the Moral Law
Chuck Colson | BreakPoint.org | January 15, 2007
https://www.colsoncenter.org/commentaries/2762-kings-dream
~
Video-Song:
Keith Green, "Stained Glass"
Keith Green | "No Compromise" album | 1978
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qPhv6Ot4pJE
~
Copyright © 2013 Colson Center. All Rights Reserved
~~~~~
Residents of Columbia County, Arkansas are represented in Congress by:
~
Senator John Boozman (R_ AR)
1 Russell Courtyard
Washington DC, 20510
Phone: 202-224-4843
http://boozman.senate.gov/
~
Senator Mark Pryor (D_ AR)
Phone 202_224_2353
FAX 202_228_0908
http://pryor.senate.gov/
~
Representative Tom Cotton (R )
Phone 202_225_3772
FAX 202_225_1314
http://cotton.house.gov/
Other states congresspersons can be found at: [http://www.visi.com/juan/congress/]
Representative Tom Cotton had a news release this week inviting constituents visiting DC to contact hi office for a staff-led tour of the Capitol! https://cotton.house.gov/services/tours-and-tickets
All tickets are provided to my constituents on a first-come, first-served basis. Due to the large number of visitors, please request them as early as possible in order to maximize your chances.
~~~~~
THOUGHT OF THE DAY:
"There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it." - Oscar Wilde
"Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame." - Benjamin Franklin
"My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me." - Jim Valvano
"Never mistake motion for action." - Ernest Hemingway
"In America, anybody can be president. That's one of the risks you take." - Adlai Stevenson
"Everything has been figured out, except how to live." - Jean-Paul Sartre
"Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome." - Isaac Asimov
"A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both." - Dwight D. Eisenhower
"Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has no heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains." - Sir Winston Churchill
"Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance." - Will Durant
"Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right." - Henry Ford
"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle." - Albert Einstein
"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." - Thomas Alva Edison
"The fundamental cause of trouble in the world is that the stupid are cocksure while the intelligent are full of doubt." - Bertrand Russell
"A library outranks any other one thing a community can do to benefit its people. It is a never failing spring in the desert." - Andrew Carnegie
~~~~~
Breaking Christian News
Bono Speaks with Focus on the Family on his Faith in Jesus Christ and How it Motivates Him
Aimee Herd (Jun 25, 2013)
"Bono clearly accepts Jesus as Lord. I wasn't prepared for his quickness in inserting Scripture into the dialogue. I celebrate with [Bono and wife Ali] that they have four children and have been married 30 years. Not everyone in the Christian community can say that." -Jim Daly, Focus on the Family
http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=11929
~
Nik Wallenda's Historic Skywire Walk across Grand Canyon Amazing on Several Levels
Aimee Herd-Commentary (Jun 24, 2013)
With nearly every step, Nik is fervently praying, live on TV beamed all around the world and online to millions hanging on every inch of progress.
http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=11907
editor@breakingchristiannews.com
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GCF: If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
_ _______________________________ _
GCF: Spelling Words
My husband and I often spell words so that our small children won't understand what we're saying. I didn't realize what a habit this had become until one day when my husband and I were in the grocery store at the soup aisle.
An aggressive young woman banged into our cart, then nudged me over, blocking my access to the soup.
Annoyed, I looked at my husband and said, "Boy, is she r-u-d-e!"
"Yeah," he replied, "and I'll bet she can s-p-e-l-l."
_ _______________________________ _
GCF: Setting Goals
During the last session of our teaching workshop, participants were asked to state their personal goals for the immediate future.
One teacher vowed to update photo albums, another to lose weight. The goal that got the most response, however, was given by a slightly out-of-shape kindergarten teacher.
"I resolve to exercise until I can complete a 20-minute workout in less than an hour," she said.
_ _______________________________ _
GCF: Work Injury
One of our regular patrons, a truck driver, entered the cafe where I worked and hobbled painfully over to a table.
"What happened?" I asked.
"I hurt my back at work," he explained with a grimace.
"Gee, I thought those rigs were equipped with cushioned seats, air springs and swivel controls," I said.
"The seats are great," he confirmed. "It's the ground that hurts ... I fell out of my truck."
_ _______________________________ _
GCF: Employment Form
My sense of humor always gets me into trouble, but I just can't help it.
Applying for a job one time, the employment form clearly said: "Age of Father, if living" and the same query for my Mother.
I put down the figures 119 and 117 in the spaces provided, and the interviewer asked if my parents were truly that old.
I replied, "No, but they would be if they were still living."
_ _______________________________ _
GCF: Legal Description
I am a prosecuting attorney in a small Mississippi town and will admit to having a few extra pounds on me. Not long ago, I was questioning a witness in an armed robbery case.
I asked, "Would you describe the person you saw?"
The witness replied, "He was kind of short and stout."
"You mean short and stout like me?" I asked.
"Oh, no," the witness said. "He wasn't that fat."
_ _______________________________ _
GCF: Gas Mileage
A man was asked about the gas mileage he got on his new car.
He said he thought he got about four miles to the gallon, while his teenage son got the other thirty.
_ _______________________________ _
GCF: College
One man was talking to another at the store.
He asked, "So where is that boy of yours?"
"Josh is in college," the second man replied.
"What's he taking?"
The second man grimaced, "Every cent I have."
_ _______________________________ _
GCF: No Power
A co-worker at my office called Tech Support with an improbable story: She said she dropped her mouse and her PC shut down.
The tech made the trip to her desk. No question, her computer is off.
And when he punches the PC's power switch to restart it, nothing happens.
He asked her where she dropped her mouse. She replied, "Behind the desk."
Sure enough, she had managed to hit the on/off switch on the power strip. The tech told her, "Good shot."
_ _______________________________ _
GCF: Crux of the Matter
As a young lawyer working on my first big case, I was sitting in Federal District Court watching a prominent attorney question a witness. The attorney was trying, unsuccessfully, to elicit certain information.
Finally the judge turned to the witness and asked a question that prompted the appropriate response.
"Thank you, your honor," the attorney said. "How is it that you were able to get to the crux of the matter with one question after I had tried three times?"
"Easy," replied the judge. "I'm not paid by the hour."
_ _______________________________ _
GCF: Purchase
One evening a teenage daughter and her mother were out shopping when they stopped to make a purchase.
The young girl greeted the cashier with only a "Hi," then proceeded to dig nervously in her wallet. She was having obvious trouble counting out the correct bills and change. But rather than help, the cashier simply stood and watched while she fumbled and mumbled her way to the correct amount.
Finally, the transaction was completed.
As they were walking to the car, the teenager turned to her mother and said, "That was my math tutor."
_ _______________________________ _
GCF: Civilian Clothes
My friend received a package from the Navy containing the civilian clothes her son was wearing when he left for boot camp. Not wanting to open the box, she put it away. This amused her husband, who accused her of being a sentimental old fool.
"I'm not sentimental," she shot back. "I'm realistic. His shoes, socks and underwear have been inside that box for two weeks, and I'm not going to be the one to open it!"
_ _______________________________ _
GCF: Company Policy
Dress Code - It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
Sick Days - We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Personal Days - Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year.
They are called Saturday & Sunday.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation, and input should be directed elsewhere.
_ _______________________________ _
GCF: Green Thumb
I don't have much of a green thumb, but I like to have a few plants in my house.
One day when my mother was over to babysit the children, I remarked that one of the plants in my window was looking poorly and asked if she could try to fix it while I was gone.
When I returned, to my surprise, the plant looked beautiful and full.
"What did you do?" I asked.
Her reply: "I turned it around."
_ _______________________________ _
GCF: Vision
A mother of two teenage boys was constantly being asked to look for things that they couldn't find. Most of the time these items were directly in front of them. Seeing her frustration over this when it happened yet again, one of her sons remarked: "It's not my fault, Mom. I don't have parental vision."
_ _______________________________ _
GCF: Lawyer and Witness
A witness to an automobile accident was testifying. The lawyer asked him, "Did you actually see the accident?"
The witness: "Yes, sir."
The lawyer: "How far away were you when the accident happened?"
The witness: "Thirty-one feet, six and one quarter inches."
The lawyer (thinking he'd trap the witness): "Well, sir, will you tell the jury how you knew it was exactly that distance?"
The witness: "Because when the accident happened I took out a tape and measured it. I knew some lawyer would ask me that question."
_ _______________________________ _
GCF: Washing Machine Repair
The husband was constantly working on their defective washing machine, and his language was often colorful. One day the daughter returned home from a movie, and the parents asked if she had learned anything from it.
"Only a lot of four-letter words," she told them, "that until now I always thought were parts of the washing machine."
_ _______________________________ _
(((\ \>|_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_||_/ )___________________( \_|<> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
Doctors at a hospital in Brooklyn, New York have gone on strike. Hospital officials say they will find out what the doctors' demands are as soon as they can get a pharmacist over there to read the picket signs!
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Each year the staff at Beloit College in Wisconsin puts together a list to try to give the faculty a sense of the mindset of this year's incoming freshmen. Here's this year's list:
The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were born in 1993!
They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up.
Their lifetime has always included AIDS.
Bottle caps have always been childproof and plastic.
The CD was introduced 3 years before they were born.
They have always had an answering machine..
They have always had cable.
They cannot fathom not having a remote control.
Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.
Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.
They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.
They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are.
They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.
They never heard:
"Where's the Beef?",
"I'd walk a mile for a Camel", or
"De plane, Boss, de plane.."
They do not care who shot J.R. nor do they have any idea who J. R. even is.
Mc Donald's never came in Styrofoam containers.
They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.
Thanks to Waneta
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A pastor goes to the dentist for a new set of false teeth.
The first Sunday after he gets these teeth, he talks for only eight minutes. The second Sunday, he talks for only ten minutes. The following Sunday, he talks for 2 hours and 48 minutes.
The Deacons have to mob him to get him down from the pulpit, and they ask him what happened.
Once he quit preaching, the pastor explained:
The first Sunday his gums hurt so bad he couldn't talk for more than 8 minutes.
The second Sunday his gums hurt too much to talk for more than 10 minutes.
But, the third Sunday, he accidentally put his wife's teeth in … instead of his own.
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I resemble this one.
~
The husband had an annoying habit of searching through the refrigerator for a snack, usually while his wife was preparing a meal.
Once, after he had gone through this routine for the third time in as many minutes, she snapped, "Nothing's any different than it was a minute ago."
"I know that," he assured her. "It's just that this time I've lowered my standards."
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Two medical residents were invited to a costume party after their shift ended. They stopped at the Army/Navy store to see if they could find costumes but only had enough money to buy one pair of fatigues.
But that was okay. One wore the top half and one wore the bottom half ... they went as an upper and lower GI.
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The six-year-old son begged his parents for a pet, and they told him he could have a goldfish. They noticed that the local pet shop was having a sale on goldfish kits, which included the fish, fishbowl, food and colored stones for the bowl's bottom.
When the mother said that they would be buying him a goldfish kit, he looked surprised.
"You mean," he said, "I have to put together my own fish?"
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True Boat Name Story
My father-in-law bought a new boat and asked his wife what he should name it. She said, "Name it after me." The next time she saw the boat, it had "After Me" on the back of it.
Received from Perce Cox.
(_:][:_)
Estate Planning
Tom was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune once his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune.
One evening at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.
"I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."
Impressed, the woman obtained his business card.
Three days later, she became his stepmother.
Women are so much better at estate planning than men.
Received from Doc's Daily Chuckle.
(_:][:_)
A man is lying on the operating table, about to be operated on by his son, the surgeon.
The father says, "Son, think of it this way: If anything happens to me, your mother is coming to live with you."
Received from Irene A. Mystery.
(_:][:_)
Bungee Jumping
Alice and Frank are bungee-jumping one day. Alice says to Frank, "You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico."
Frank thinks this is a great idea. So they pool their money and buy everything they'll need: a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc.
They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on a square in a small town.
As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work.
When they finish, there's such a crowd they think it would be a good idea to give a demonstration.
So, Alice jumps. She bounces at the end of the cord, but when she comes back up, Frank notices that she has a few cuts and scratches.
Unfortunately, Frank isn't able to catch her and she falls again, bounces, and comes back up again. This time, she is bruised and bleeding.
Again, Frank misses her. Alice falls again and bounces back up. This time she comes back pretty messed up; she has a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious.
Luckily, Frank finally catches her this time and says, "What happened? Was the cord too long?"
Barely able to speak, Alice gasps, "No, the bungee cord was fine; it was the crowd. What in the world is a piñata?"
Received from Bob Lewis.
(_:][:_)
The Lecture
An elderly man is stopped by the police around 1 a.m. and is asked where he is going at that time of night.
The man replies, "I am going to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body."
The officer then asks, "Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?"
The man replies, "My wife."
Received from TwoTimesAr.
(_:][:_)
Taxes Defined
A fine is a tax for doing something wrong.
A tax is a fine for doing something right.
Received from ArcaMax Jokes.
(_:][:_)
Paying Taxes
A nervous taxpayer was unhappily conversing with the IRS auditor who had come to review his records. At one point the auditor exclaimed, "We feel it is a great privilege to be allowed to live and work in the USA. As a citizen you have an obligation to pay taxes, and we expect you to eagerly pay them with a smile."
"Thank God," returned the taxpayer. "I thought you were going to want cash."
Received from Doc's Daily Chuckle.
(_:][:_)
Threatening Letters
The fellow stormed into the postmaster's office in a fury. "I've been getting threatening letters in the mail for months and I want them stopped."
"Of course," said the postmaster. "Sending threatening letters through the mail is a federal offense. Do you know who's sending them?"
"Yes," shouted the man. "It's those idiots down at the Internal Revenue Service."
Received from FranCMT2.
(_:][:_)
Groaner: The Cocktail
A man goes into a bar very thirsty. He sits down waiting for the bartender to see him. The man next to him calls for the bartender saying, "I'll have another Waterloo."
The bartender gives him a tall ice cold drink, then asks the newcomer what he would like to drink. Wanting to try this new drink he says, "I'll have a Waterloo, too."
The bartender gives him a tall ice-cold drink.
He takes a big drink and says, "HEY! This isn't any good. It tastes just like water!"
The man next to him looks at the bartender and says, "Well, it is water ... right, Lou?
(from Terry Galan)
Received from Stan Kegel.
(_:][:_)
Rabbits
The first grade teacher. Miss Figpot asked Little Johnnie, "Johnnie if I gave you two rabbits and then two more rabbits and then two more rabbits, how many would you have?"
Johnnie replied, "Seven rabbits, Miss Figpot."
The teacher asked again, "Listen Johnnie, If I gave you two rabbits, plus two more rabbits, plus two more rabbits, how many rabbits would you have altogether?"
Johnnie smiled, "That's easy, Teacher, I would have seven."
"Ok Johnnie," Miss Figpot said. "Let's try it a different way. If I gave you two cans of Pepsi, plus two more cans of Pepsi, plus two more cans of Pepsi. How many cans of Pepsi would you have?"
"Six cans." Johnnie answered.
"OK," said the teacher. "Now think of that with this
question. If I gave you two rabbits, then two more rabbits, then two more rabbits how many would you have?"
"Seven, Teacher." Johnnie replied.
Exasperated, Miss Figpot asked, "Why seven?"
Johnnie replied, "Because I already have one rabbit at home!"
Received from Leonard Olds.
(_:][:_)
Military
One reason the Military Services have trouble operating jointly is that they don't speak the same language. For example, if you told Navy personnel to "secure a building," they would turn off the lights and lock the doors. The Army would occupy the building so no one could enter. Marines would assault the building, capture it, and defend it with suppressive fire and close combat. The Air Force, on the other hand, would take out a three year lease with an option to buy.
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.
(_:][:_)
Instructor: "Isn't it remarkable how quickly the kids learn to drive the car?"
Parent: "Yes, especially considering how slowly they catch on to running the lawnmower and vacuum cleaner."
(_:][:_)
Fishing
MacAndrews was visiting his Irish cousin, O'Bannon. While there he decided to do a bit of fishing. As he sat there one afternoon, his cousin walked by.
"What are ye doing?" asked O'Bannon.
"Fishin'," said MacAndrews.
"Caught anything?"
"Ach, nae a bite,"
"What are ye usin' fer bait?"
"Worms."
"Let me see it," said O'Bannon.
MacAndrews lifted the line from the water and handed it to his cousin.
O'Bannon took out his flask of potcheen and dipped the worm in it. He handed it back to MacAndrews, who cast his line once more. As soon as the worm hit the water, his rod bent over double, the line screaming out.
"Have ye got a bite?" asked O'Bannon.
"No!" shouted MacAndrews, fighting with the rod, "The worm's got a salmon by the throat!"
Received from Leonard Olds.
(_:][:_)
Groaner: The Census
The census taker knocked on the lady's door. She answered all his questions except one: she refused to tell him her age.
"But everyone tells their age to the census taker," he said.
"Did Miss Maisy Hill and Miss Daisy Hill tell you their ages?" she asked.
"Certainly," he replied.
"Well, I'm the same age as they are," she snapped.
The census taker simply wrote on the form, "As old as the Hills."
Received from Stan Kegel.
(_:][:_)
Explanations of Instructions
What it says: "Batteries not included"
What it means: "Batteries do not come with this product, and you're going to have to buy them yourself. Moreover, it uses unique batteries that you won't find anywhere but a specialty store, where you'll pay twice as much for them."
_____________________________
What it says: "Some restrictions apply"
What it means: "Somehow, some way, we'll find a way to exclude you."
_____________________________
What it says: "May cause drowsiness"
What it means: "Expect a sudden bout with narcolepsy while you're driving to work."
_____________________________
What it says: "Some assembly required"
What it means: "Take the day off and borrow your neighbor's 2,000-piece tool kit. Don't make any other plans for the day."
Received from FranCMT2.
(_:][:_)
The Golfing Preacher
There was this preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance he could get, he could be found on the golf course swinging away. It was an obsession.
One Sunday was a picture perfect day for golfing. The sun was shining, no clouds in the sky, and the temperature was just right. The preacher was in a quandary as to what to do ... play golf or give the Sunday service. Shortly, the urge to play golf overcame him. He called an assistant, told him he was sick and asked the assistant to take care of the Sunday church service for him. He packed the car up and drove three hours to a golf course where no one would recognize him. Happily, he began to play the course.
An angel up above was watching the preacher and was quite perturbed.
He went to God and said, "Look at the preacher. He should be punished for what he is doing." God nodded in agreement.
The preacher teed up on the first hole. He swung at the ball and hit a perfect drive, straight as an arrow, four-hundred yards right to the green, where it gently rolled into the cup (as they say in basketball, "nothing but net"). A picture perfect hole-in-one. He was amazed and excited.
The angel was a little shocked. He turned to God and said, "Begging Your pardon, but I thought you were going to punish him."
God smiled. "I did. Think about it -- who can he tell?"
Received from Thomas Ellsworth.
(_:][:_)
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The latest GCFL funny can always be found on the web at http://www.gcfl.net/latest.php
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Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Column - - http://www.madkane.com/humor_blog/
Taking The Plunge (Limerick)
June 20th, 2013
Today on Facebook, someone posted a photo of a short, female subway rider using a plunger on the train ceiling, so she could remain standing without losing her balance. Since I too am a short, subway-challenged woman, I was inspired to write this limerick:
Taking The Plunge (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I am thinking of taking the plunge:
Subway plungers might help prevent lunge
And thusly forestall
A terrible fall.
But I need one not covered in grunge.
© Madeleine Begun Kane. All Rights Reserved.
http://www.madkane.com/
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At one Army base, the annual trip to the rifle range had been canceled for the second year in a row, but the semi-annual physical fitness test was still on as planned.
One soldier mused, "Does it bother anyone else that the Army doesn't seem to care how well we can shoot, but they are extremely interested in how fast we can run?"
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"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." __ Franklin D. Roosevelt
"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle."
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. _ _ George Carlin
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" _ _ Queen E. Watson
“A political class of Republicans and Democrats that look after themselves, not the Nation. A media hostile to the very precepts of this nation. A generation of Americans who see morals as vices, and are ignorant of America's Actual History.”
"The things that will destroy America are prosperity-at-any-price, peace-at-any-price, safety-first instead of duty-first, the love of soft living, and the get-rich-quick theory of life." - - Theodore Roosevelt
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Emergency Phone Number 911
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )
Central Dispatch 234_5655
(Non _ Emergency Number)
Direct Numbers
Ambulance _ 234_7371 (24 Hour)
Jail _ 234_5331 (24 Hour)
Poison Control _ 800_222_1222 (24 Hour)
http://www. aapcc. org/
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Interested in getting in touch with the Banner_News through e_mail? editor@bannernews.net For the editor, news@bannernews.net For news and sports items, Coming Events, Diary, Church News, school and civic events. [http://www.bannernews.net/]
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"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." __ "Bug"
"I read the end of the book. We win!" __ "Bug"
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." __ "Bug"
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." _ _ "Bug"
"It's no big deal doing what God tells you to do. A big deal would be NOT doing what God tells you to do. Just ask Jonah." _ _ Paul Troquille
“Nam et ipsa scientia potestas est.” Knowledge is power. _ Francis Bacon
"The problem is here and now. The time for talk is past. The time for action is now."
Comments on the first Earth Day _ James F. McClellan via John "Fuzzy" Thurman
~~~~~
Hope you enjoy the newsletter.
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week.
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" __"Bug"
God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT_I KC5HII
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