Bug's Bleat - - GCF: Marriage Vows

Photos of our July 4th gathering:




Jimmy looking over the desert.




Annette with Zac, Bobbie, David and Dustin.




Annette and I,




Annette directing David in the kitchen.




The gang filling their plates.



Ethan discussing "Prizes" with Annette.




Dustin and Bobbie working on Annette's puzzle.




Josiah, Vanessa, Ethan and Jimmy.


Volume 15, Issue 26 Friday, June 28, 2013

Hello ALL,

Our 9 year old grandson, Josiah, likes to take photos with his Grandmother Annette’s camera. And, sometimes he produces some pretty good shots (in between photos of his little brother’s wiggling rear end and such.)

However, he occasionally gets distracted and lays the camera down, like the time I found it on the back yard bench the day after the boys had been to visit. We had a little talk about that incident.

So, July 4th, as the family was enjoying food, fellowship and fun, I wasn’t too cooperative when he told me he couldn’t find the camera and wanted to use mine to take photos.

I told him to find his MaMaw’s camera as he’d been using it last.

He continued to look for the camera but it was his MaMaw who eventually found it in the front bedroom. Josiah was elated and immediately began snapping photos.

When he paused a moment, I asked him how he thought the camera got into the front bedroom. He told me he didn’t have any idea. So I asked him; “Do you suppose it just got up and walked into the front bedroom?” “No.” Josiah said. “I believe it was transported through a black hole from the table by the back door (where it’s normally kept) to the bedroom.”

I had to give him credit for originality.
~~~~~
Dear GCF: Independence Days (Serious, Not Humor)

Those of you who have been around this list for awhile know that there are a few times during the year that I post something serious. 99% of what is sent to the Good Clean Fun mailing list is humor, however right now I need to be serious for a moment.

Most of us, and by that I mean most of us in the United States, know that the Fourth of July is the "birthday" of the United States of America. It actually marks the anniversary of the adoption of the Declaration of Independence by the Second Continental Congress. Often marked by parades and community celebration, it is a symbolic time for American families to gather and reflect on their heritage.

Most of us take for granted that this day and all the other U.S. holidays are "national" holidays. Did you know that the United States observes no national holidays? Specifically, that means holidays mandated by the Federal Government. The United States Congress and/or President can only legally establish an "official" holiday for the District of Columbia and for federal employees. In fact, it wasn't until the 20th Century that an order was issued giving federal employees a "day off" from work. A public holiday can only be established at the local level. Typically the observance of holidays happens at the state level with the enactment of a state law or by an executive proclamation by a state governor.

I first started posting this piece in July 2000. After I posted it, I received an email from Jen in Alberta, Canada. She asked me why I only mentioned the U.S. holidays. She surmised that it was because I was from the U.S. and to that extent, she is right. The U.S. holidays, especially the ones dealing with independence, veterans, and those who died for this country, are special to me. And since Good Clean Fun is 99% humor, I certainly don't want to veer from that basic premise and turn this into a history site. But Jen did start me to thinking, so I did a bit of research about my neighbors: Canada and Mexico.

Look back at the subject of this email. It is Independence "Days" - plural. So let me take a moment and briefly honor my neighbors:

1. Canada celebrates its Independence on July 1st. The British North America Act created the Canadian federal government on July 1, 1867. This Act proclaimed "one Dominion under the name of Canada," hence the original title of the holiday as "Dominion Day." July 1st has also been known in Canada as "Confederation Day." On October 27, 1982, the Canadian Parliament officially renamed the holiday as "Canada Day."

2. Mexico celebrates many national and religious holidays. I must admit that I always thought that Cinco de Mayo, the Fifth of May, was Mexico's Independence Day, but a bit of research proved me wrong. While Cinco de Mayo is a national holiday, it honors the Mexican defeat of the French army at Puebla in 1862. September 16th is Mexican Independence Day and it celebrates the day that Miguel Hidalgo delivered "El Grito de Dolores", and announced the Mexican revolt against Spanish rule.

3. Let me add a third "neighbor" albeit one a bit farther away than just north or south of the US. A ways back, Michelle emailed me to tell of Australia Day which is celebrated down under on January 26th. That is the day Australia became a nation in its own right.

So, let's all be proud of and reflect on our heritage.

Have a great holiday,
Tom

PS: Don't forget to fly the flag!

Many of you will not remember Red Skelton, one of the best comedians of all time. Occasionally he would veer from comedy to a more serious moment. My favorite piece of this serious/patriotic genre was done many, many years ago where he divided the Pledge of Allegiance into individual words and phrases in order to explain the meaning of each one. The piece can be found at:

http://kcbx.net/~tellswor/redskel1.htm

It also contains a link where you can hear Red's comments in his own voice. Or even view the piece as he presented it way back in 1969. I highly recommend it.

Finally, let's remember that patriotism is NOT a sin, and the Fourth of July is more than beer, picnics, and baseball games.

-Tom
~~~~~
Vanessa brought me “SIX FRIGATES - The Epic History of the Founding of the U.S. Navy” By Ian W. Toll. This is a GREAT read for anyone interested in history or politics.

The New York Times says; "This first book by Toll, a former financial analyst and political speechwriter, is a fluent, intelligent history of American military policy from the early 1790s, through the War of 1812. But the book’s real value, and the pleasures it provides, lies in Toll’s grasp of the human dimension of his subject."

I agree with the Times, but they failed to discuss what, for me, is the best of this book. It enlightens us as to the political climate and the attitudes of the new countries citizens. Attitudes such as displayed in the following quote from Thomas Jefferson which reinforces the adage, "The more things change, the more they stay the same."

"Merchants have no country," ... "The mere spot they stand on does not constitute so strong an attachment as that from which they draw their gains."

Does that sound a little like "Globalization" to y'all?
~~~~~
Rasmussen Reports - - What They Told Us: Reviewing Last Week’s Key Polls in Politics

Americans still share the values enshrined in the Declaration of Independence 237 years ago and remain wary of too much government. It’s clear, too, that many aren’t happy with the government they’ve got.

Eighty-one percent (81%) believe “all men are created equal.” Ninety-two percent (92%) agree that all men are “endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights, among them life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.” Seventy-two percent (72%) believe “governments derive their only just powers from the consent of the governed.”

But just 25% of voters think the federal government today has that consent.

More Americans than ever (63%) think a government that is too powerful is a bigger danger in the world today than one that is not powerful enough.

Thirty-eight percent (38%) believe the U.S. Constitution doesn’t put enough restrictions on what government can do. Still, 56% think the foundational document shouldn’t be tampered with, and another 33% believe it needs only minor changing.

Just 47% now believe the United States is a nation with liberty and justice for all, the lowest level measured in six years. Still, 77% say if they could live anywhere in the world, it would be the United States.
~
Americans Still Embrace the Spirit of '76
A Commentary By Scott Rasmussen

Friday, July 05, 2013

Our nation's 237th birthday is being celebrated in many ways that have become familiar over the years. Fifteen percent of Americans will watch a parade; 29 percent will sing patriotic songs; 63 percent will enjoy a cookout with family and friends; 78 percent are likely to see fireworks.

Sixty-one percent consider Independence Day one of our nation's most important holidays.

We celebrate July 4 with the enthusiasm of a loved one's birthday because we love our country. Seventy-seven percent would live here even if they had the chance to live anywhere else on the planet.

But despite our love for America, we recognize that it's not perfect. Only 47 percent believe ours is truly a land with liberty and justice for all. Fewer than half believe our economic system is fair to the middle class or fair to those willing to work hard. Only 34 percent believe our system of justice is fair to those who are poor.

That's where the Declaration of Independence comes in. That document, one of the most cherished and important documents in the history of mankind, did more than found our nation. It defined our national ideals. Despite all the changes of the past two centuries, Americans still embrace those founding ideals.

Seventy-two percent continue to believe governments derive their only just authority from the consent of the governed.

Eighty-one percent believe all of us were created equal.

Ninety-two percent believe we have all been endowed by our Creator with certain inalienable rights, including life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

Put it all together, and what the Declaration of Independence proposed was then a radical concept -- self-governance. Kings did not possess a divine right to rule. Individuals had divine rights, including the right to select their rulers. In fact, as our nation's founding document described it, the whole purpose of a government was to protect individual rights.

What was radical then is deeply embedded in the cultural DNA of our nation today. We believe that we have the right to make our own decisions about our own lives so long as they don't infringe on the rights of others. We use our freedom to solve problems by working together in communities.

This attitude was described by Thomas Jefferson and others as "the Spirit of '76." It continues to create problems for political elites today because 63 percent think there is more danger with a government that is too powerful than with one that is not powerful enough.

This concern is amplified by the fact that most voters view the government today as a threat to individual rights rather than a protector of those rights. Most Americans also now believe the federal government has become a special interest group that looks out primarily for its own interests.

Only one in four voters today thinks our government has the consent of the governed. That's a clear call for our government to change its ways and re-earn the trust of those it is supposed to serve. Those are the kind of attitudes that make the Political Class nervous. The fact that we expect more comes from the fact that we as a nation still embrace the Spirit of '76.

To find out more about Scott Rasmussen, and read features by other Creators writers and cartoonists, visit www.creators.com.
~
46% Approve of Obama's Job Performance

71% Say Private Sector Employees Work Harder Than Government Employees

COPYRIGHT 2013 - - SCOTT RASMUSSEN - - DISTRIBUTED BY CREATORS.COM

See Other Political Commentaries. http://www.rasmussenreports.com/public_content/political_commentary

See Other Commentaries by Scott Rasmussen. http://www.rasmussenreports.com/public_content/political_commentary/commentary_by_scott_rasmussen
~~~~~

Top Ten Fourth of July Jokes

10) What's red, white, blue, and green?
A patriotic turtle!
From Jessica, age 7, Abilene, TX

9) What did one flag say to the other flag?
Nothing. It just waved!
From Eloise, age 9, Charlottesville, VA

8) Why did Paul Revere ride his horse from Boston to Lexington?
Because the horse was too heavy to carry!
From Betty, age 9, CT

7) How is a healthy person like the United States?
They both have good constitutions!
From Tom P., age 8, KY

6) What dance was very popular in 1776?
Indepen-dance!
From Rachel, age 8, Long Beach, CA

5) What would you get if you crossed George Washington with cattle feed?
The Fodder of Our Country!
From Marie K., age 12, Dallas, TX

4) Teacher: "Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?"
Student: "On the bottom!"
From Christy, age 14, Denver, CO

3) Did you hear the one about the Liberty Bell?
Yeah, it cracked me up!
From Tom P., age 8, KY

2) What did King George think of the American colonists?
He thought they were revolting!
From Scott, age 11, Colorado

1) Do they have a 4th of July in England?
Yes. That's how they get from the 3rd to the 5th.
From Big Al, a grownup, Frankfort, KY.

Received from Joe Earls.
~~~~~
"Right Bite Cooking School"

Columbia County Cooperative Extension Service 206 West Calhoun Street Magnolia, AR 71753

People who want to reduce fat, sugar and salt in their food may want to consider the Right Bite Cooking School conducted by the Extension Service offices in Lafayette and Columbia counties.

Participants will learn how much food from each food group they need each day and correct portion sizes; how to plan healthy menus; how to use food labels to make healthy choices; which fats and oils to use; how to reduce fat, sugar and sodium and increase fiber in the diet; and how to prepare tasty recipes that fit into a healthy diet.

The Right Bite Cooking School offers hands-on cooking experiences for beginning cooks or experienced cooks who want to learn new techniques and healthy recipes.

Session 1 will be held 5-7:30 p.m. Tuesday, July 9 at the Lafayette County Extension Service. Session 2 will be 5-7:30 p.m. Tuesday, July 16 at the Columbia County Extension Office.

Space is limited. Call the Lafayette County Cooperative Extension Service office at 870-921-4744 or the Columbia County Extension service 870-235-3720 by Monday, July 8 to reserve a spot. There will be a $10 charge per session to cover the cost of food and supplies. Payment must be received in order for registration to be confirmed.

Contact Shirlye Hopkins at 870-235-3720 for more information.
~~~~~
1. HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY? (Written by kids)

-You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. -- Alan, age 10

-No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with. -- Kristen, age 10

2. WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
-Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. -- Camille, age 10

3. HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
-You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. -- Derrick, age 8

4. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids. -- Lori, age 8

5. WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
-Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. -- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)

-On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. -- Martin, age 10

6. WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
-When they're rich. -- Pam, age 7

-The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that. - - Curt, age 7

-The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do. - - Howard, age 8

7. IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. -- Anita, age 9 (bless you child )

8. HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? -- Kelvin, age 8

And the #1 Favorite is.......

9. HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck. -- Ricky, age 10

Thanks to Miss Corrine
~~~~~
EarthSky News - July 5, 2013 - Sun's Independence Day

Earth farthest from sun for 2013 on July 5
Astronomers call this point in our orbit "aphelion." Plus, on July 6, the waning crescent moon can help you find Jupiter and Mars.

http://earthsky.org/tonight/earth-farthest-from-sun-for-year-in-early-july?utm_source=EarthSky+News&utm_campaign=f3e4134c5a-EarthSky_News&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_c643945d79-f3e4134c5a-393703501
~~~~~
dLife Foodstuff - - Weekly food & nutrition newsletter - - July 2, 2013 | Vol. 8 No. 27

Spotlight — Nature's Perfect Food - - Great Greens!
By Elizabeth Keyser
They are anti-inflammatory, anti-cancer, bursting with vitamins, minerals, and disease-fighting phytochemicals. They're inexpensive, available year-round, and low in calories and carbs -- in other words, nature's perfect food, whether you have diabetes or not.

Most greens grow in cooler, less humid weather. For this reason, you can find the freshest greens in farmer's markets (or your back yard!) during the spring and fall.
These nutrient powerhouses are well worth getting to know and learning how to prepare.
Try a new one this week. Your body will thank you.

Taming Greens

Today, of course, supermarkets carry greens year-round -- dandelion, chard, arugula, collards, kale, escarole, or use the tops of radishes (yes, radishes!), turnips, and beets.
They're easy to prepare.
The trick to making greens delicious is to tame them. Blanch in boiling salted water. And pair with contrasting, sweet or rich flavors and creamy or crunchy textures. http://www.dlife.com/dlife_media/diabetes_slideshows/natures-perfect-food?utm_source=Foodstuff-20130702&utm_medium=eNewsletter&utm_content=Foodstuff-newsletter&utm_term=Focused&utm_campaign=dLife-eNewsletter&
~
Expert Advice — “Ways to control BG during rigorous exercise?”

http://www.dlife.com/diabetes/ask-an-expert?questionId=26218850&utm_source=Foodstuff-20130702&utm_medium=eNewsletter&utm_content=Foodstuff-newsletter&utm_term=Focused&utm_campaign=dLife-eNewsletter&
~
Weight — Helping Your Overweight Child

Healthy eating and physical activity are habits worth developing as they are key to your child's well-being. Eating too much and exercising too little can lead to weight gain and related health problems that can follow children into their adult years. You can take an active role in helping your child — your whole family — develop healthy eating and physical activity habits that can last for a lifetime.

http://www.dlife.com/diabetes-food-and-fitness/weight_management/tips_and_tools/helping_your_overweight_child?utm_source=Foodstuff-20130702&utm_medium=eNewsletter&utm_content=Foodstuff-newsletter&utm_term=Focused&utm_campaign=dLife-eNewsletter&
~~~~~
FYI – “Juice Plus”

Although Juice Plus claims its products' efficacy is backed by research, critics have argued that there is no scientific proof that Juice Plus offers significant health benefits and that deceptive claims are used in the product's marketing information. Some marketing claims made about Juice Plus products have been disputed by consumer watchdog organizations and governmental agencies as misleading

Sloan-Kettering Cancer Clinic referred to Juice Plus as a “pricey supplement” that is “distributed through a multi-tiered marketing scheme with exaggerated value and cost."
~~~~~
Favorite Quotes:

A smile is happiness you'll find right under your nose.
~ Tom Wilson via Ron Hazelton.
~~~~~
The following wisdom is shared by our friends.
~
Nancee Davis Law

As I look at each of my children, I know not a day of my life has been wasted

Don't put your happiness in someone else's pocket

The legacy of your life is not what you leave your children, it is what you leave IN your children
~
Donah Dumas

There is nothing more important than the salvation of our souls.

The same fire that melts wax hardens clay.
~
Jimmy Malone

Just heard on the radio that absent-mindedness is typical of brilliant thinkers.

Jus sayin
~
"The most essential quality for leadership is not perfection but credibility. People must be able to trust you."

Rick Warren via Rick Pavick
~
Michael Yon

Many Americans, many veterans, are out here around the world today, wishing they were home tonight.

I am one of them.
~~~~~
Today's Seed from E-MIN todaysseed.text@e-min.org via venturenet.net - July 5, 2013

Today's message is an encore presentation of the Today's Seed message that was sent 14 years ago today, July 05, 1999.

Please cover us in your prayers. Good news/updates coming next week.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

The end of all things is near. Therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray. Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power forever and ever. Amen. (1 Pet 4:7-11 NIV)

Prayer: LORD, help me faithfully use all the talents, gifts, and abilities You have given me to minister Your love to others. I desire for my life to exemplify Your love and character in everything I do and say. Help me better understand the significance of my words and actions, and choose them carefully, for they are a message being "preached" to those around me. Thank You for the opportunity to proclaim Your message in so many ways every day. In Jesus' name, Amen.
_________________________________

Today's Seed is reader-supported. Please help us grow. Donate by check, card, & PayPal: www.e-min.org/give2.htm (Tax deductible)
_________________________________

Sign up to receive your own Today's Seed: www.e-min.org/msg.htm
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Connect with Randall: www.facebook.com/RandallVaughnBooks or www.twitter.com/randallvaughn

Get Randall's new book My Lyrics, My Life now on Amazon.com and Kindle
Keywords to search: randall vaughn my lyrics
____________________________________

Today's Seed by Randall Vaughn is published daily (M-F) by E-MIN
Global Ministries, P O Box 220, Warrior, AL 35180 (USA) www.e-min.org
Copyright Terms/Permissions/List Privacy www.e-min.org/tp.htm
Today's Seed(TM) (c) 2013 Randall Vaughn All Rights Reserved Worldwide.
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Sign up for your own Today's Seed, at www.e-min.org/msg.htm.

Help: www.e-min.org/stophelp.htm
___________________________

Internet services provided exclusively by www.VentureNet.net

Scripture quotations marked "NIV" are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version, NIV. Copyright (c) 1973, 1978, 1984 by Biblica, Inc.(tm) Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved worldwide.

"Today's Seed" from E-MIN July 5, 2013 plain text format
~~~~~
AskBob - - Bob Rankin - - Are You Being Fingerprinted Online? - July 5, 2013

Are You Being Fingerprinted Online?

Cookies are crumbling. Those bits of code that Web sites deposit on your hard drive are becoming less useful to marketers, and others wanting to track what you do online. But there's a new web tracking technology that can't be easily detected or blocked. Here's what you need to know about browser fingerprinting...
http://askbobrankin.com/are_you_being_fingerprinted_online.html?awt_l=HZr.N&awt_m=JPkaCNg.78P6SL
~~~~~
ACC SmartBrief - - Science Writer Highlights How Recovering Energy from Waste Helps Fight Climate Change - - There are many demonstrated environmental and economic benefits associated with energy recovery…
http://blog.americanchemistry.com/2013/07/science-writer-highlights-how-recovering-energy-from-waste-helps-fight-climate-change/
~~~~~
DarynKagan.com - - Marine Surprises Sister With Diploma - - Hanky Alert! You've been warned. :)

I have for you today my interview on BetterTV [http://darynkagan.com/DarynKagan.com_Animals.html]. I talk my new TV show, getting married and becoming a mom. Plus the great stories below.

Enjoy!
-Daryn.

Marine Surprises Sister With Diploma At Graduation #Hanky Alert [http://darynkagan.com/Love_Stories.html]

Marathoning Mom Chases Down Bike Thief #You Go Girl! [http://darynkagan.com/Heroes.html]

OwlMG! Your Parents Are HOW Old??? Owl Parents Set Record (We're talking centuries old!) [http://darynkagan.com/DarynKagan.com_Animals.html]

Copyright © *|2013* *|Journeyist, Inc.|*, All rights reserved.
~~~~~
5 Things New Veterans Expect From All Candidates


1. Defend the New GI Bill

2. Employ the New Greatest Generation

3. Prevent suicide among troops and veterans

4. Build a truly 21st Century VA

5. Improve Care for Female Veterans


http://iava.org/blog/5-things-new-veterans-expect-all-candidates-2012
~~~~~
The latest from Michael Yon, the foremost “milnews” blogger on the web.
~
Greetings,

We have the new site up and working. This should stop the successful attacks, but who knows? Hackers also take down major corporations and government websites.

I am also working on my book "The Bomb Boys." This has been a huge amount of research. Today, a documentary film company interviewed me about my work with "The Bomb Boys."

Please check out this tribute to our troops. It was directed and produced by my close friend Karen Kraft, and another friend Alison Savitch. If/when I cover US issues, the team that made this video will be the team with me. They have been helping me for years. They just released this Monday and already have 4.6 million views:

http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=Bs2zapJPWeY&feature=player_embedded&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Ffeature%3Dplayer_embedded%26v%3DBs2zapJPWeY
~
01 July 2013 - Gettysburg Anniversary -- The Largest Battle in American History

http://www.michaelyon-online.com/gettysburg-anniversary-the-largest-battle-in-american-history.htm

Very Respectfully,
Michael Yon
Your Writer,

Please remember that this website accepts no advertisement and is dependent on your support.

PS Please sign up for my Twitter.com updates at "Michael_Yon" [http://twitter.com/Michael_Yon] (not Michael Yon).

http://www.facebook.com/#/MichaelYonFanPage?ref=sgm
~
www.michaelyon-online.com
~
Http://www.michaelyon_online.com/index.php
~~~~~
If you would like to encourage US Troops overseas, but are not sure just how to begin, visit www.anysoldier.com for ideas.
~~~~~
Please remember ... America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the MALL.
~~~~~
http://www.shelfari.com
http://www.shelfari.com/bugsbleat/shelf
~~~~~

For the latest issue of "Da Bleat.", go to http://www.bugsbleat.blogspot.com.
Our photos are posted at http://www.bugsbleatphotos.blogspot.com.
~~~~~
Photos on the front of this week’s “Bleat” include - - Photos of our July 4th gathering, including: Annette with Zac, Bobbie, David and Dustin. Annette and I, Jimmy looking over the desert. Annette directing David in the kitchen. The gang filling their plates. Ethan discussing "Prizes" with Annette. Dustin and Bobbie working on Annette's puzzle. Josiah, Vanessa, Ethan and Jimmy.
~~~~~
Feel free to share the "Bleat" with any and all. That's why we publish it.
~~~~~
Break Point - - We Hate to Say We Told You So
Same-Sex Marriage & Polygamy
By: John Stonestreet|Published: July 5, 2013 5:35 AM

Claims that legalizing same-sex “marriage” is a slippery slope to polygamy have been met with scoffs.

(This commentary is re-aired from April 25, 2013)

In a scene from Jurassic Park, Ian Malcolm, the mathematician skeptical about whether the park is a good idea, watches the T-Rex burst out of its enclosure and says, “I hate being right all the time.”

Princeton Professor Robert George and other defenders of traditional marriage understand these sentiments. For years, they’ve warned that redefining marriage beyond the union of one man and one woman wouldn’t—indeed couldn’t—stop with same-sex unions. The same reasoning that extends marriage to same-sex couples would easily be applied to polygamy and polyamory also.

The standard response to these concerns was scoffing and accusations of fear mongering.

Well, the fences are down and the beast is loose.

On Valentines’s Day, the Scientific American published an article claiming that polyamorists could “teach us a thing or two about love,” and the only reason to oppose it was bigotry because of outdated views about love and sexuality. As I said on my Point commentary about the article, the flow of the argument sounded far too familiar.

And now, as if on cue, Slate magazine published an article on April 15 by Jillian Keenan arguing that polygamy should be legalized. As Keenan notes, the arguments about gay marriage being a “slippery slope” that will lead to legalized polygamy is something “we’ve been hearing about for years.” To which she adds, “We can only hope.”

She continues: “While the Supreme Court and the rest of us are all focused on the human right of marriage equality, let’s not forget that the fight doesn’t end with same-sex marriage. We need to legalize polygamy, too. Legalized polygamy in the United States is the constitutional, feminist, and sex-positive choice.”Daily_Commentary_4_25_13

Keenan adds that legalizing polygamy would help to “protect, empower, and strengthen women, children, and families.” How? By ending the “isolation” where “crime and abuse can flourish unimpeded.” That is, if polygamy is legal, she says, victims of abuse would be more likely to report abuses to the authorities.

Finally, she argues that respect for religious freedom requires legalizing polygamy. It isn’t only fundamentalist Mormons she’s concerned about: she cites “academics” who “suggest” that there may be between 50 and 100,000 Muslims in the U.S. who practice polygamy.

What’s most significant here isn’t the quality of Keenan’s arguments. The quality is poor. The treatment of women in countries where polygamy is legal makes her optimism about the impact of legalizing it seem dangerously naive. And her appeal to religious freedom is—shall we say—selective. There are plenty of law-abiding Americans whose religious freedom is under genuine threat who could benefit from this kind of solicitude.

No, the most significant thing about Keenan’s argument is not, to paraphrase Samuel Johnson, that it’s made well, but that it’s made openly.

As Dr. George pointed out in “First Things,” when Christians pointed out the logical link between same-sex marriage and polygamy, proponents of same-sex marriage rejected the connection. They insisted that “no one is arguing for the legal recognition of polygamous or polyamorous relationships as marriages!”Newsletter_Gen_180x180_B

George writes in response, “That was then; this is now.” The “then” he referred to was last week; the now is today.

George predicts that Keenan’s article “will not produce a single serious critique by a major scholar or activist from the same-sex marriage movement.”

Now he would love to be wrong. But defenders of traditional marriage know that the enclosures that kept marriage a “monogamous and exclusive union” are being dismantled. And no one should be surprised by what emerges, least of all those doing the dismantling.
Further Reading and Information

BP-Takeaction_70513We Hate to Say We Told You So: Same-Sex Marriage & Polygamy - Next Steps

In light of the recent Supreme Court decisions on DOMA and Proposition 8, there is even more urgency to defending the traditional one man, one woman understanding of marriage. The debate is still alive, but it will take perseverance and courage, and it will also take knowledge. Start by reading Robert George’s article “Beyond Gay Marriage,” and get a copy of What is Marriage? Man and Woman: A Defense. Other great resources are listed below.
Books:

What is Marriage?: Man and Woman: A Defense [http://www.colsoncenterstore.org/product.asp?sku=9781594036224]
Sherif Girgis, Ryan Anderson, Robert George | Encounter Books | December 2012
Articles:

Beyond Gay Marriage [http://www.firstthings.com/onthesquare/2006/08/robert-george-beyond-gay-marri]
Robert George | First Things blog | August 2, 2006

Polyamory: from Creepy to Normal [http://www.breakpoint.org/listen/broadcast-archive/entry/38/21655]
John Stonestreet | The Point | March 6, 2013

Calvin Klein Ad: Are they selling jeans or a polyamorous life-style? [http://www.breakpoint.org/tp-home/blog-archives/blog-archives/entry/4/7261]
Kim Moreland | BreakPoint.org | July 7, 2009

Domestic Disturbances: The Rising Polyamorous Culture Is Out to Get Your Children [http://www.touchstonemag.com/archives/article.php?id=23-01-042-c]
Patrick F. Fagan | Touchstone | January/February 2010

Polygamy Versus Democracy [http://www.weeklystandard.com/Content/Public/Articles/000/000/012/266jhfgd.asp]
Stanley Kurtz | The Weekly Standard | June 5, 2006

New Sexual Revolution: Polyamory May Be Good for You [http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=new-sexual-revolution-polyamory]
Stephanie Pappas and LiveScience | Scientific American | February 14, 2013

Legalize Polygamy! [http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/doublex/2013/04/legalize_polygamy_marriage_equality_for_all.html]
Jillian Keenan | Slate.com | April 15, 2013
~
Copyright © 2013 Colson Center. All Rights Reserved
~~~~~

Residents of Columbia County, Arkansas are represented in Congress by:
~

Senator John Boozman (R_ AR)
1 Russell Courtyard
Washington DC, 20510
Phone: 202-224-4843
http://boozman.senate.gov/
~
Senator Mark Pryor (D_ AR)
Phone 202_224_2353
FAX 202_228_0908
http://pryor.senate.gov/
~
Representative Tom Cotton (R )
Phone 202_225_3772
FAX 202_225_1314
http://cotton.house.gov/

Other states congresspersons can be found at: [http://www.visi.com/juan/congress/]
~~~~~
THOUGHT OF THE DAY:

"The hottest places in hell are reserved for those who, in times of great moral crisis, maintain their neutrality." - Dante Alighieri

"Talking much about oneself can also be a means to conceal oneself." - Friedrich Nietzsche

"We are so vain that we even care for the opinion of those we don't care for." - Marie Ebner von Eschenbach

"People who lean on logic and philosophy and rational exposition end by starving the best part of the mind." - William Butler Yeats

"If all misfortunes were laid in one common heap whence everyone must take an equal portion, most people would be contented to take their own and depart." - Socrates

"Freedom is the last, best hope of earth." - Abraham Lincoln

"Well done is better than well said." - Benjamin Franklin
~~~~~
Breaking Christian News

1800 year old Roman Road discovered in Jerusalem
Travelujah Staff (July 1, 2013)

"…such a finely preserved section of the road has not been discovered in the city of Jerusalem until now."

Roman Road An 1800 year old Roman era road was exposed this week during road work in Beit Hanina, a neighborhood in Jerusalem. The road is part an ancient Imperial road network leading from Jaffa to Jerusalem, dating to the Roman period (second-fourth centuries AD). The wide road (c. 8 m) was bounded on both sides by curbstones and is built of large flat stones fitted to each other so as to create a comfortable surface for walking. Some of the pavers were very...
http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=11983
--
Naghmeh Abedini's Faith Holds Strong despite Husband Saeed's Continued Imprisonment in Iran
Aimee Herd (July 1, 2013)

On their 9th Wedding Anniversary, Naghmeh writes to Saeed and the world.

Naghmeh and SaeedNaghmeh, the wife of American pastor Saeed Abedini—imprisoned for his Christian faith in Iran for nearly a year now—wrote an article for FOX News detailing how what began as a short trip to Iran on behalf of a "non-sectarian orphanage" became a nightmare, when Saeed was arrested and charged with proselytizing.

In the article, Naghmeh...
http://www.breakingchristiannews.com/articles/display_art.html?ID=11982

editor@breakingchristiannews.com
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GCF: Marriage Vows

Ken and Marjorie finished their breakfast at the retirement home and were relaxing in the library.

"You know," said Marjorie, "today, in most marriage ceremonies, they don't use the word 'obey' anymore."

"Too bad, isn't it?" retorted Ken. "It used to lend a little humor to the occasion."
_ _______________________________ _

GCF: Better?

A 3-year old girl was being watched by her Aunt while Mom and Dad went on a much-needed date.

She was playing chase the dog around the house. She tripped over the dog and got an "owie" on her knee.

Her aunt didn't see any real injury, but kissed it to make it "better."

The little girl said it felt better, but two Oreo cookies would make it feel much better.
_ _______________________________ _

GCF: Respectable Judge

A woman was being questioned in a court trial involving slander.

"Please repeat the slanderous statements you heard, exactly as you heard them," instructed the lawyer.

The witness hesitated. "But they are unfit for any respectable person to hear," she protested.

"Then," said the attorney, "just whisper them to the judge."
_ _______________________________ _

GCF: Gaudiness, Godliness and Self-Control

Many years ago, when my 9 year old daughter was 3, we went to our usual Sunday morning church service. We were seated and waiting for the service to begin, when this woman walked by us in a really bright, gaudy dress. My husband, who never says anything about anyone, even made a comment about how "loud" the dress was.

After the service was over, we were standing outside the church chatting with another couple. I couldn't see my daughter and then I noticed her standing right next to (practically on top of) the woman with the dress. When I asked her what she was doing, she said "I'm trying to hear this dress mom. Dad said it was really loud, but I haven't heard it make a peep yet."

Everyone within earshot, with the exception of my husband and the woman in the dress burst out laughing. My husband wanted to crawl in a hole, and I have to say I never saw that particular dress worn again.
_ _______________________________ _

GCF: Escaped Lion

A man was walking along the street when he saw a crowd of people running toward him. He stopped one of the runners and asked, "What's happening?"

The runner replied breathlessly, "A lion has escaped from the city zoo."

"Oh no! Which way is it heading?"

"Well, you don't think we're chasing it, do you?"
_ _______________________________ _

GCF: Who Are You?

I recently moved from a large city to a small town. I went to retrieve some boxes that I had sent to myself in care of the local bus depot. And that first time I walked into the bus depot, I found out what small towns were like.

"Your boxes are over there," the clerk said.

"How do you know who I am?" I asked.

"We all know who you are," he replied.
_ _______________________________ _

GCF: Plaster Man

As a foreman for a construction company, my friend John was interviewing an applicant. He asked the plasterer to bring his tools in so he could see what he could do. The fellow returned with tools slung over his shoulder and hanging from his pockets, and in one hand he was holding an unidentifiable object covered in plaster. John asked what it was.

"My radio," the chap answered.

"All right," said John, "you can start tomorrow."

The applicant looked surprised. "That's it? You don't want to see what I can do?"

"Any plaster man who has a radio looking like that one," John said, "must have put in at least three years of work."
_ _______________________________ _

GCF: New Boat

Busy in the yard one afternoon, my father paused to admire our neighbor's new boat.

"She sure is a beauty, Charlie," Dad said. Knowing that Charlie's wife was conservative when it came to spending money, my father asked, "Was it expensive?"

"The boat itself wasn't so bad," Charlie replied. "But the extras really hurt."

"You mean things like water skis, life jackets and trailer?" my father asked.

"No," our neighbor said with a sigh. "I mean the new carpet, the kitchen cabinets and the living-room furniture."
_ _______________________________ _

GCF: Medical Student

Due to his hectic schedule, I had seen little of the medical student who had moved next door to me two years earlier.

I learned that he had graduated, and one day when I spotted him in his driveway, I went over and congratulated him.

"Well," I said, "Now if I break my arm, you'll be able to fix it."

He replied, "I've been able to fix your arm for some time. The important thing is that now I can bill for it."
_ _______________________________ _

GCF: Notre Dame Football

On a Saturday afternoon when football fever was running high in South Bend, Indiana, a Notre Dame student was brought into the hospital, complaining of abdominal pain.

He had acute appendicitis, and as the nurse prepared him for surgery, she asked if he wasn't terribly disappointed to miss the big game.

"Oh, I won't miss it," he said. "The doctor is giving me a spinal anesthetic so I can listen to it during the operation."
_ _______________________________ _

Thomas S. Ellsworth
tellswor@slonet.org
http://www.slonet.org/~tellswor
_ _______________________________ _

TV news people have
the hardest job in the world
...trying to cram 10 minutes
of news into a two-hour show.
_ _______________________________ _

OK, I'm weird,
but I'm saving up to be eccentric.
_ _______________________________ _

All of me is beautiful and
valuable, even the ugly,
_ _______________________________ _

When I'm driving to work,
and I see a sign that says:
"CAUTION: SMALL CHILDREN PLAYING"
I slow down, and then it occurs to me,
I'm not afraid of small children.
_ _______________________________ _

If white wine goes with fish,
do white grapes go with sushi?
_ _______________________________ _

The hardness of the butter
is in direct proportion
to the softness of the bread.
_ _______________________________ _

Don't judge a book by its movie.
_ _______________________________ _

It's hard to be nostalgic
when you can't remember anything.
_ _______________________________ _

Hard work never killed
anybody . . . but why
take chances?
_ _______________________________ _

"Quidquid latine dictum
sit, altum viditur."
(Anything in Latin sounds profound.)
_ _______________________________ _

If this was forwarded to you, please consider your own subscription to Good Clean Fun. It's free! Just send an email to: good-clean-fun-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
HOLY HUMOR

A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I know what the Bible means!"
His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means? The son replied, "I do know!"
"Okay," said his father. "What does the Bible mean?"
"That's easy, Daddy..." the young boy replied excitedly," It stands for 'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth..' (This one is my favorite)

=======

There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country.
"Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk.
"Only the Ten Commandments." answered the lady.

========

"Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world. There are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord," and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, it's morning."

========

A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter.
Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses." When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation."

========

There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."

========

While driving in Pennsylvania , a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign... "Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust."

========

A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question, "Boys and girls, what do we know about God?"

A hand shot up in the air. "He is an artist!" said the kindergarten boy.

"Really? How do you know?" the teacher asked.

"You know - Our Father, who does art in Heaven... "
========

A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump.
"Reverend," said the young man, "I'm so sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip."
The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business."

========

People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the center of attention.

========

Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about.
The daughter answered, "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt."
Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed. Later in the day, the pastor stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what that morning's Sunday school lesson was about.
He said "Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming."

========

The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute.. The substitute wanted to know what to play.

"Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently.

"But, you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances."

During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up."

At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star Spangled Banner."

And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!

Thanks to Waneta
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
I was at the bar the other night and overheard three very hefty women talking at the bar.

Their accent appeared to be Scottish, so I approached and asked, "Hello, are you three lassies from Scotland?"

One of them angrily screeched, "It's Wales, Wales you bloody idiot!"

So I apologized and replied, "I am so sorry. Are you three whales from Scotland?"

And that's the last thing I remember

Thanks to Miss Corrine
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
HOSPITAL CHART BLOOPERS (Actual writings from hospital charts)

1. The patient refused autopsy.

2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.

7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

12. She is numb from her toes down.

13.. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

14. The skin was moist and dry.

15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.(OMG! That is some examination)


18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our
car for physical therapy.

20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

23. Skin: somewhat pale but present.

24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

25. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

Thanks To Waneta
><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><> ><>
The Parrot

A guy has a parrot who's always squawking and making snide remarks. One day he goes too far and the man grabs him and puts him in the freezer. The bird flaps around for a while and then gets quiet. The man fears the worst and opens the door.

"Let me out of here and I promise to be a better pet and never say anything like that again," the shivering parrot says. "By the way, what did that turkey do?"

Received from Chief Anderson.

(_:][:_)

The Incredible Jungle Bungle

In 1873, a team of German explorers and their three dogs decided to penetrate the heart of the South American jungle. After twelve years, they had set up a fort in an Incan town, the centerpiece of which was a large idol with a huge ruby for an eye.

The German church had sent out their best man, Friar Wilhelm Werks, three times to check on the progress of the fort, and each time the appearance of the idol had sent him into fits of screaming, complete with shouts, curses, and rending of garments. Each time, he screamed so loudly that he sent the dogs running for cover. And each time, he left with a warning that the next time he visited, the idol had better be torn down.

The commander of the fort, Hans Brickner, received a message that Friar Werks would be coming to visit again in a fortnight. He quickly called a meeting with his top commanders. All five agreed that the friar would explode when he saw the idol still standing.

"But," said Commander Brickner, "there's nothing to be done. If we take down the idol, we will anger the local tribe, and without their cooperation, we're dead."

His second-in-command, Herr Kommandant Wagner, said, "In that case, we'd better make sure we put the dogs away."

"Why?"

"You know how scared the dogs get when Friar Werks goes off on the Fort of Jewel Eye."

Received from Stan Kegel.

(_:][:_)

What Do You See?

Three people were visiting the Grand Canyon: a painter, a preacher, and a cowboy. Looking over the massive canyon, each one verbalized his observation:

"Incredible!" the painter said. "I'd love to paint a picture of this!"

The preacher waved his arms and cried, "Glory! Look what God has done!"

The cowboy exclaimed, "I'd sure hate to lose a cow down there!"

Received from Doc's Daily Chuckle.

(_:][:_)

Philosophy Exam

An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one-question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics.

The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk, and wrote on the board: "Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist."

Fingers flew, erasers erased, and notebooks were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair. One member of the class, however, was up and finished in less than a minute.

Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an "A" when he had barely written anything at all. His answer consisted of two words:

"What chair?"

Received from Thomas Ellsworth.

(_:][:_)

Senior Moment

Several days ago as I left a meeting at our church, I desperately gave myself a personal TSA pat down. I was looking for my keys. They were not in my pockets. A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing. Suddenly I realized that I must have left them in the car. Frantically I headed for the parking lot.

My wife, Diane, has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition. My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them. Her theory is that the car will be stolen. As I burst through the doors of the church, I came to a terrifying conclusion: her theory was right. The parking lot was empty. I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessing that I had left my keys in the car and that it had been stolen.

Then I made the most difficult call of all. "Honey," I stammered. I always call her "honey" in times like these. "I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen."

There was a period of silence. I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard Diane's voice. "Ken," she barked, "I dropped you off!"

Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, come and get me."

Diane retorted, "I will, as soon as I convince this policeman I have not stolen your car!"

Received from Sanderson, Steven C.

(_:][:_)

Punography

I tried to catch some fog. I mist.

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

The girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I never met herbivore.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type O.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.

Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.

Energizer Bunny arrested: Charged with battery.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!

Broken pencils are pointless.

Received from Cathy.

(_:][:_)

Hearing Problem

"Doctor, I think my wife is getting hard of hearing."

"I'll have my nurse make an appointment for her, but in the meantime, there's a simple, informal test you can run to give us an idea how bad the problem is. Here's what you do: start out about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone say something and see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response."

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he's in the living room. In a normal tone he asks, "Honey, what's for supper?"

No response.

So the husband moves to the other end of the room and repeats, "Honey, what's for supper?"

Still no response.

Next he moves into the dining room. "Honey, what's for supper?"

No response, so he walks up to the kitchen door. "Honey, what's for supper?"

Again there is no response, so he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for supper?"

"For the fifth time, Harry, CHICKEN!"

Received from FranCMT2.

(_:][:_)

Veteran

When I worked as a medical intern in a local hospital, one of my patients was an elderly man with a thick accent.

It took me some time to understand that he had no insurance coverage.

One thing he had made clear was that he was a World War II veteran, so I had him transported to the Veteran's Administration hospital, where he'd be eligible for benefits.

The next day my patient was back, with a note from the VA: "Right war, wrong side."

- from Reader's Digest - - Received from Doc's Daily Chuckle.

(_:][:_)

What the Customer Wanted

A store manager overheard a clerk saying to a customer, "No, ma'am, we haven't had any for some weeks now, and it doesn't look as if we'll be getting any soon."

Alarmed by what was being said, the manager rushed over to the customer, who was walking out the door, and said, "That isn't true, ma'am. Of course, we'll have some soon. In fact, we placed an order for it a couple of weeks ago."

Then the manager drew the clerk aside and growled, "Never, never, never, never say we don't have something. If we don't have it, say we ordered it and it's on its way. Now, what was it she wanted?"

"Rain."

Received from Big Mac Clean Joke Attack.

(_:][:_)

The Dying Irish Nun

The wise old Mother Superior from County Tipperary was dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her comfortable. They gave her some warm milk to drink, but she refused it. Then one nun took the glass back to the kitchen. Remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey they had received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.

When she walked back to Mother Superior's bed, she held the glass to her lips. Mother drank a little, then a little more. Before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop. "Mother," the nuns asked with earnest, "please give us some wisdom before you die."

She raised herself up in bed with a pious look on her face and said, "Don't sell that cow."

Received from ArcaMax Jokes.

(_:][:_)

Bag Boy

This guy has been working as a bag boy in a supermarket for five years.

One day the supermarket gets new orange juice machines, and the bag boy is really excited and asks the manager if he can work the juice machines.

The manager says no.

The bagger says, "But I've been working here for five years. Why can't I run the juice machines?"

The manager answers, "I'm sorry, son, but baggers can't be juicers."

Received from Daily Groaner.

(_:][:_)

The Green Thing

In the line at the store, the cashier told the older woman that plastic bags weren't good for the environment. The woman apologized to her and explained, "We didn't have the green thing back in my day."

That's right, they didn't have the green thing in her day. Back then, they returned their milk bottles, Coke bottles, and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, using the same bottles over and over. So they really were recycled. But they didn't have the green thing back in her day.

In her day, they walked up stairs, because they didn't have an escalator in every store and office building. They walked to the grocery store and didn't climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time they had to go two blocks. But she's right: they didn't have the green thing in her day.

Back then, they washed the baby's diapers because they didn't have the throw-away kind. They dried clothes on a line, not in an energy-gobbling machine burning up 220 volts - wind and solar power really did dry the clothes. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing. But that old lady is right: they didn't have the green thing back in her day.

Back then, they had one TV or radio in the house - not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a pizza dish, not a screen the size of the state of Montana. In the kitchen, they blended and stirred by hand because they didn't have electric machines to do everything for them. When they packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, they used wadded-up newspaper to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap.

Back then, they didn't fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. They used a push mower that ran on human power. They exercised by working so they didn't need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity. But she's right: they didn't have the green thing back then.

They drank from a fountain when they were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time they had a drink of water. They refilled pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and they replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull. But they didn't have the green thing back then.

Back then, people took the streetcar and kids rode their bikes to school or rode the school bus instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service. They had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And they didn't need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 2,000 miles out in space just to find the nearest pizza joint.

But that old lady is right: they didn't have the green thing back in her day.

Received from Pam Clark.

(_:][:_)

Arkansas Farmers

Billy and Bubba, two farmers from a small town outside of Little Rock, Arkansas, were walking home together after each had purchased a pig. Billy said to Bubba, "How are we going to tell them apart?"

Bubba answered, "We'll cut the left ear off of your pig." And so they did.

After a while, the pigs got into a fight and they had bitten off each other’s ears. Billy asked, "Now what are we going to do?"

"Well, how about if we cut the tail off of my pig?" Bubba replied.

"That sounds like a good plan to me," Billy agreed.

A little while later, the pigs got into another fight, and when it was over, they were both missing their tails.

"What will we do now?" Bubba asked Billy.

After giving it some thought, Billy replied, "Well, we could cut the leg off of yours."

"That's not humane!" Bubba cried.

So after some more thought, Billy said, "Well, let's do this. We'll just call the white one yours and the black one mine."

Received from Big Mac Clean Joke Attack.

(_:][:_)

Witness

A witness to an automobile accident was testifying. The following exchange took place between the lawyer and the witness:

Lawyer: "Did you actually see the accident?"

Witness: "Yes, sir."

Lawyer: "How far away were you when the accident happened?"

Witness: "Thirty-one feet, six and one-quarter inches."

Lawyer (thinking he'd trap the witness): "Well, sir, will you tell the jury how you knew it was exactly that distance?"

Witness: "Because when the accident happened I took out a tape and measured it. I knew some stupid lawyer would ask me that question."

Received from Big Mac Clean Joke Attack.

(_:][:_)

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Madeleine Begun Kane Latest Column - - http://www.madkane.com/humor_blog/

Limerick Bar By Madeleine Begun Kane

A woman decided to bar
Cigarette smoking folks from her car.
“This must be a joke,”
Said her husband. “I smoke,
So our marriage ain’t going too far.”

© Madeleine Begun Kane. All Rights Reserved.
http://www.madkane.com/
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Norma Kay Rowe writes:

Mike, you know I love you and you know I love that you love retirement so much, however, for your own health and safety, please don't take up golf!!!
~ ADVICE FROM A RETIRED HUSBAND:

It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.

My name is Ron. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife. When I retired a few years ago, it became necessary for Kathy to get a full-time job, along with her part-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed.

Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from the golf club about the same time she gets home from work. Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table.

I generally have lunch in the Men's Grill at the club, so eating out is not reasonable. I'm ready for some home-cooked grub when I hit that door.

She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now it's not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner. I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won't clean themselves. I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.

Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example, she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. But, boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two, or even three days. That way, she won't have to rush so much.

I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (if you know what I mean). I like to think tact is one of my strong points.

When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She had to take a break when she was only half-finished mowing the yard. I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me, too.

I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support my wife. I'm not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older.

However, Guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile. After all, we are put on this earth to help each other.

EDITOR'S NOTE: Ron died suddenly on January 31 of a perforated rectum. The police report says he was found with a Calloway extra-long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver II golf club jammed up his rear end, with barely 5 inches of grip showing, and a sledge hammer lying nearby. His wife was arrested and charged with murder. The all-woman jury took only 10 minutes to find her Not Guilty, accepting her defense that Ron, somehow without looking, accidentally sat down on his golf club.
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"We have nothing to fear but fear itself." __ Franklin D. Roosevelt
"There is not enough darkness in the world to put out the light of one candle."
Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity. _ _ George Carlin
"Stop telling God how big your storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is!" _ _ Queen E. Watson
“A political class of Republicans and Democrats that look after themselves, not the Nation. A media hostile to the very precepts of this nation. A generation of Americans who see morals as vices, and are ignorant of America's Actual History.”
"The things that will destroy America are prosperity-at-any-price, peace-at-any-price, safety-first instead of duty-first, the love of soft living, and the get-rich-quick theory of life." - - Theodore Roosevelt
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Emergency Phone Number 911
(Fire, Police, Ambulance, Sheriff, etc. )
Central Dispatch 234_5655
(Non _ Emergency Number)
Direct Numbers
Ambulance _ 234_7371 (24 Hour)
Jail _ 234_5331 (24 Hour)
Poison Control _ 800_222_1222 (24 Hour)
http://www. aapcc. org/
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Interested in getting in touch with the Banner_News through e_mail? editor@bannernews.net For the editor, news@bannernews.net For news and sports items, Coming Events, Diary, Church News, school and civic events. [http://www.bannernews.net/]
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"Laugh whenever you can and cry if you need to." __ "Bug"
"I read the end of the book. We win!" __ "Bug"
"We may not be able to cure the world, but we don't have to make it sicker." __ "Bug"
"There just ain't enough fingers for all the holes in the dike." _ _ "Bug"
"It's no big deal doing what God tells you to do. A big deal would be NOT doing what God tells you to do. Just ask Jonah." _ _ Paul Troquille
“Nam et ipsa scientia potestas est.” Knowledge is power. _ Francis Bacon
"The problem is here and now. The time for talk is past. The time for action is now."
Comments on the first Earth Day _ James F. McClellan via John "Fuzzy" Thurman
~~~~~
Hope you enjoy the newsletter.
Again, thanks to all our contributors this week.
"Remember Pearl Harbor? Remember 9/11!" __"Bug"
God bless and GOD BLESS AMERICA!!!
God is Good and Faithful CU 73 IC JFM CSP NREMT_I KC5HII

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